1 00:00:01,780 --> 00:00:02,170 Okay. 2 00:00:02,170 --> 00:00:07,480 So coming up now, we're going to go ahead and write the specific comparisons. 3 00:00:07,480 --> 00:00:09,850 We're going to write a specific comparison paragraph. 4 00:00:11,900 --> 00:00:14,690 We're going to talk about construction and analysis. 5 00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:22,430 So what must you do to write a proper comparison paragraph or to write proper, proper comparison paragraphs? 6 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:27,320 And then we're going to write one of them under time conditions. 7 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:35,120 So now we're going to use the data. 8 00:00:35,130 --> 00:00:36,750 Now we're going to use the numbers. 9 00:00:36,750 --> 00:00:38,300 We're going to use the percentages. 10 00:00:38,310 --> 00:00:39,990 We're going to compare them directly. 11 00:00:40,590 --> 00:00:43,200 We're going to note the numbers that stand out. 12 00:00:44,250 --> 00:00:51,270 If you were doing a diagram or a process, you would note the specific similarities or specific specific 13 00:00:51,870 --> 00:00:54,930 similarities, the specific differences. 14 00:00:56,130 --> 00:01:00,540 You have to be able to use logic and rational thought to separate. 15 00:01:01,580 --> 00:01:07,340 To separate the information into two specific comparison paragraphs. 16 00:01:08,170 --> 00:01:13,990 And like I said, with the process or a diagram, you might look at the new items versus the old items 17 00:01:13,990 --> 00:01:14,800 on a map. 18 00:01:15,250 --> 00:01:18,610 What is happening at each specific stage? 19 00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:21,040 What are the different materials used? 20 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:29,290 These paragraphs, this is where you get really, really specific in terms of your comparison of the 21 00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:30,160 information. 22 00:01:32,980 --> 00:01:33,640 Okay. 23 00:01:33,850 --> 00:01:36,430 So now we have 5 minutes. 24 00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:41,050 You're going to write the first specific comparison paragraph for this bar chart. 25 00:01:42,310 --> 00:01:50,470 The way that I'm doing it is I'm comparing and contrasting the categories against their own performance. 26 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:53,140 Like, for me, you can do it how you want. 27 00:01:53,620 --> 00:02:02,920 But for me, for my first paragraph, the first specific paragraph I'm talking, I'm comparing international 28 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:10,600 tourism in terms of how it's how it's performed, dairy against itself and meat products against itself. 29 00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:13,690 In terms of how I perform, I'm doing that in one paragraph. 30 00:02:14,980 --> 00:02:19,990 And then in my next paragraph, I will probably I would I would do it where I'm looking at it year by 31 00:02:19,990 --> 00:02:20,500 year. 32 00:02:21,430 --> 00:02:24,100 So that's how I would be separating. 33 00:02:24,700 --> 00:02:27,340 But you can you can separate out how you want to separate it. 34 00:02:27,370 --> 00:02:27,970 Okay. 35 00:02:28,090 --> 00:02:35,380 You have 5 minutes to finish this up to write one just one just one specific paragraph, everybody. 36 00:02:35,380 --> 00:02:38,320 Just one not to write one in 5 minutes. 37 00:07:58,570 --> 00:07:59,110 Okay. 38 00:07:59,110 --> 00:08:05,440 So now we're going to look at some of the examples of a specific comparison paragraph. 39 00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:11,200 I'm going to pause for a moment and take a look at some of the examples. 40 00:08:16,550 --> 00:08:16,900 Okay. 41 00:08:16,910 --> 00:08:23,960 So now let's go ahead and take a look at some of the specific comparison paragraphs. 42 00:08:25,930 --> 00:08:30,880 As we see in this bar chart in international tourism, the market has written over over the period from 43 00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:31,840 1 billion. 44 00:08:33,470 --> 00:08:34,580 And if we. 45 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:35,600 Well, this is. 46 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:36,290 I don't. 47 00:08:37,940 --> 00:08:45,050 When I read this first sentence is is is risen from 1 billion. 48 00:08:46,970 --> 00:08:48,920 Again, accuracy, accuracy. 49 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:50,870 And your information is really important. 50 00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:59,060 Like when I when I read from as to the word product, I have no idea what category you're talking about. 51 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:01,170 I'm sorry. 52 00:09:01,190 --> 00:09:04,490 International tourism has risen from 1 billion. 53 00:09:06,450 --> 00:09:07,470 It didn't rise from one. 54 00:09:07,470 --> 00:09:08,940 1 billion is here. 55 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:15,750 You know, so that's not accurate. 56 00:09:16,230 --> 00:09:20,280 I don't know if you're trying to say by 1 billion, but that's not an accurate statement. 57 00:09:22,750 --> 00:09:24,940 Has a low selling has compare. 58 00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:31,060 Again, I think I can see that you I can look at this and see that you see the comparisons. 59 00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:38,230 But the writing, whoever did this, the grammar, the grammar and the sentence structure is a big, 60 00:09:38,230 --> 00:09:39,250 big problem. 61 00:09:40,290 --> 00:09:42,780 This is all one long sentence. 62 00:09:42,780 --> 00:09:44,130 There's one period. 63 00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:51,060 If a person is writing this way and an examiner is looking at it and I'm sorry, whoever this is, I'm 64 00:09:51,060 --> 00:09:51,240 sorry. 65 00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:52,710 I'm just I'm being honest. 66 00:09:53,540 --> 00:10:00,480 If if they see this one, this this this sentence is one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, 67 00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:02,520 eight lines long for one sentence. 68 00:10:03,420 --> 00:10:03,950 Right. 69 00:10:04,110 --> 00:10:06,060 It might be different, of course, if I stretch it out. 70 00:10:06,060 --> 00:10:09,450 So I'm not going to say that, but is too long. 71 00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:12,880 Right is too long and it's confusing. 72 00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:20,740 Moving on to international tourism, we can see that it consistently earns mistake, the highest revenue 73 00:10:20,740 --> 00:10:22,630 as compared to the dairy products. 74 00:10:23,020 --> 00:10:28,120 Again, you're talking about whoever this is, you're talking about in general. 75 00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:30,270 Right. 76 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:33,990 This whole first sentence, there's no there are no numbers. 77 00:10:35,810 --> 00:10:38,210 You're talking about the highest and the lowest. 78 00:10:38,450 --> 00:10:42,080 That that is that that's information for a general overview. 79 00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:43,930 Right. 80 00:10:43,940 --> 00:10:45,680 That's information for a general overview. 81 00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:51,020 In this second one, there's no there's no specific comparisons of the numbers really in that first 82 00:10:51,020 --> 00:10:51,800 sentence. 83 00:10:53,330 --> 00:10:54,200 As a final point. 84 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:57,890 The meat products maintain their earnings by 6 billion and below. 85 00:10:58,310 --> 00:10:59,750 I don't know what that means. 86 00:11:02,810 --> 00:11:05,000 They they maintain their earnings by six. 87 00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:12,800 Again, this is this is what you call a collocation mistake when want examiner reads is maintain their 88 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:16,640 earnings by $6 billion and below that doesn't mean anything. 89 00:11:20,820 --> 00:11:25,290 I get the idea of what it means, but the wording of it is not correct. 90 00:11:25,830 --> 00:11:28,080 But again, we're comparing the numbers. 91 00:11:28,470 --> 00:11:30,150 Comparing the numbers, everybody. 92 00:11:32,700 --> 00:11:34,140 These first two. 93 00:11:34,270 --> 00:11:35,320 You know, you have to. 94 00:11:35,340 --> 00:11:37,770 There's a lot of work that has to be done in terms of grammar. 95 00:11:38,950 --> 00:11:43,090 The export income in international tourism is increasing by almost. 96 00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:47,840 3 billion. 97 00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:51,750 Over the three periods. 98 00:11:54,010 --> 00:11:54,880 For. 99 00:11:57,810 --> 00:12:00,210 I wouldn't say is increasing again. 100 00:12:00,330 --> 00:12:02,160 This is this is what we're talking about. 101 00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:11,700 The difference between a score of a seven and a score of eight or a score of a 6.5 and a 7.5, it wouldn't 102 00:12:11,700 --> 00:12:15,000 be is increasing because we're talking about 2025. 103 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:16,410 So you'll be predicted. 104 00:12:17,190 --> 00:12:18,840 Predicted to increase. 105 00:12:20,310 --> 00:12:21,780 Predicted to increase. 106 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:26,910 But those kind of small differences are what separate when you when you're talking about separating 107 00:12:27,300 --> 00:12:29,370 7/8 and nines. 108 00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:38,280 But the information is correct for dairy products, export increases by £3 billion from 2002 to 2020 109 00:12:38,490 --> 00:12:41,970 and then decreases by almost a half billion pounds in 2025. 110 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:44,340 Good sentence meat products. 111 00:12:44,340 --> 00:12:48,540 Export is always less than £6 billion over the three periods. 112 00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:50,660 No. 113 00:12:52,310 --> 00:12:52,790 Yeah. 114 00:12:52,790 --> 00:12:54,140 I would love to see that. 115 00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:54,910 Always. 116 00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:57,680 I think this is what the previous person was trying to say. 117 00:12:58,710 --> 00:13:03,630 And in that in that previous one that I showed you, I think this is what they were trying to say. 118 00:13:04,730 --> 00:13:07,010 But this is how you would correctly say that. 119 00:13:09,540 --> 00:13:13,020 In 2000, global tourism is worth 8 billion. 120 00:13:14,370 --> 00:13:18,330 Conversely, dairy product, which had a slight fall by 1 billion. 121 00:13:19,370 --> 00:13:21,350 In addition, the meat products is six. 122 00:13:23,650 --> 00:13:29,800 In 2020, the dairy has significantly reduced by 10 billion, as appears a slight drop by 1 billion. 123 00:13:31,180 --> 00:13:34,480 However, meat has a great decrease 5.5. 124 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:41,200 Okay, so this person has good information, but again, we're looking at the level of writing. 125 00:13:43,100 --> 00:13:47,540 So this is an example of a person having really good information. 126 00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:50,530 And this one right here, this second one. 127 00:13:52,300 --> 00:13:59,410 But the writing is probably only around a 6.5 because they have a lot of simple sentences. 128 00:13:59,890 --> 00:14:02,560 They have too many sentences to say this information. 129 00:14:04,330 --> 00:14:04,820 Right. 130 00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:06,160 Too many sentences. 131 00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:08,800 One, two, three. 132 00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:17,200 For five sentences, you should be able to say this information you have here in about three sentences, 133 00:14:17,530 --> 00:14:19,180 but you have a lot of the good information. 134 00:14:19,180 --> 00:14:24,490 But, you know, you don't you want to combine your sentences together and write more concisely, and 135 00:14:24,490 --> 00:14:25,930 that will increase your score. 136 00:14:27,530 --> 00:14:31,820 Dairy products have the most complicated dynamics for the period periods shown. 137 00:14:32,270 --> 00:14:33,380 That's a mistake. 138 00:14:35,530 --> 00:14:42,520 First, the export is growing rapidly from 6 to 10, from 7 to 10 billion, and becoming the leading 139 00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:43,870 export product. 140 00:14:45,340 --> 00:14:47,320 Then the category experiences. 141 00:14:48,660 --> 00:14:52,110 Yeah, but whoever wrote this, you only talked about dairy products. 142 00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:56,900 You only talked about dairy products. 143 00:14:57,010 --> 00:14:58,470 Okay, so let's see what you're doing. 144 00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:05,550 That means you're going to have that means that what this person this last person is planning on doing 145 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:12,180 is they're going to have one whole paragraph about dairy, another whole paragraph about international, 146 00:15:12,270 --> 00:15:15,240 and another whole paragraph about meat products. 147 00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:18,680 That's what they're going to do. 148 00:15:19,610 --> 00:15:21,110 That's one way to do it. 149 00:15:21,140 --> 00:15:27,680 I don't I think that would be that would fall under the category of sufficiently describing the information. 150 00:15:28,490 --> 00:15:34,760 But I think whenever you whenever I'm looking at a bar chart and I say I see different categories. 151 00:15:35,810 --> 00:15:40,100 At some point I think is really good to be able to compare the categories. 152 00:15:40,900 --> 00:15:42,400 Compare the information. 153 00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:44,010 All right. 154 00:15:44,220 --> 00:15:46,950 But that is a well written paragraph. 155 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:56,460 On a specific note, the income generated from global tourism is consistently rising as and has risen 156 00:15:57,480 --> 00:16:01,170 by approximately €2 million from the year 2000. 157 00:16:02,140 --> 00:16:03,700 Two, 22 and five. 158 00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:05,630 Again. 159 00:16:06,030 --> 00:16:08,300 Again, be careful with your language. 160 00:16:09,940 --> 00:16:12,880 2020, 2025 is not here yet. 161 00:16:13,270 --> 00:16:18,130 So you have to have the language about prediction or prognostication or something there. 162 00:16:23,220 --> 00:16:23,670 Again. 163 00:16:23,910 --> 00:16:28,110 Again, be careful with your language in terms of how you're talking about 2025. 164 00:16:29,130 --> 00:16:33,000 The way you're writing it is if it already happened. 165 00:16:37,230 --> 00:16:42,660 The revenue incurred for international tourism has seen a steady rise from 8 billion to £10 billion. 166 00:16:43,380 --> 00:16:48,810 The income from meat products, on the other hand, has steadily declined from £6 million to £5 billion. 167 00:16:49,380 --> 00:16:51,690 Lastly, there's been a mild fluctuation. 168 00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:53,100 Oh. 169 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,900 There's been a mild fluctuation. 170 00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:01,820 Dairy products in saying that it was the. 171 00:17:02,150 --> 00:17:03,530 That's very wordy. 172 00:17:04,820 --> 00:17:10,130 There's this you don't have to like in saying that it was the. 173 00:17:11,270 --> 00:17:12,590 That's not necessary. 174 00:17:15,070 --> 00:17:15,850 They should just be. 175 00:17:15,850 --> 00:17:23,860 There was a mild fluctuation of dairy products with all of this in saying that it was the word with. 176 00:17:25,570 --> 00:17:27,970 With the highest at £10 billion. 177 00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:31,720 Comma declining to £10.5 billion. 178 00:17:31,750 --> 00:17:32,770 Very wordy. 179 00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:34,240 All right. 180 00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:35,510 Let me let me give you a quick example. 181 00:17:35,530 --> 00:17:36,690 What I mean by wordy writing. 182 00:17:36,700 --> 00:17:39,910 You've heard me say that before, and I want to show you what I mean. 183 00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:44,950 All of this is unnecessary. 184 00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:47,650 Oh, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 185 00:17:47,950 --> 00:17:49,510 All of that is just wordy. 186 00:18:15,780 --> 00:18:16,020 Right. 187 00:18:16,020 --> 00:18:22,770 When you hear me say things about wordy writing, you can look that up that I probably eliminated about 188 00:18:22,890 --> 00:18:25,440 about 4 to 5 words from this sentence. 189 00:18:26,740 --> 00:18:26,980 Right. 190 00:18:27,010 --> 00:18:28,630 When you talk about when I say the word. 191 00:18:28,630 --> 00:18:30,310 When I say wordy writing. 192 00:18:31,120 --> 00:18:37,690 When I say wordy writing, what I'm talking about is I'm talking about having too many functional words, 193 00:18:38,350 --> 00:18:40,510 too many functional words in your writing. 194 00:18:40,810 --> 00:18:43,210 You don't want to have a lot of functional words in your writing. 195 00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:52,400 Okay. 196 00:18:53,210 --> 00:18:53,990 All right. 197 00:18:55,950 --> 00:18:59,850 Now what we're going to do to wrap things up. 198 00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:03,280 Is this is okay. 199 00:19:03,290 --> 00:19:04,580 This is my example. 200 00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:14,880 Analyzing these specific categories first reveals that international tourism garnered roughly £8 billion. 201 00:19:16,780 --> 00:19:23,380 And after a 2020 slight bump futurist project, approximately 10 billion revenue in 2025. 202 00:19:24,510 --> 00:19:25,370 With dairy profit. 203 00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:33,270 With dairy exports between 2000 and 2020, the profits rose by almost 3 million, and predictions suggest 204 00:19:33,270 --> 00:19:36,900 a slight fall by a few million in 2025. 205 00:19:37,380 --> 00:19:46,110 Next of note, the meat product revenue forecast £1,000,000 decrease from 2000 to 2025. 206 00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:51,750 I want you to notice how I'm talking about the year 2025. 207 00:19:52,110 --> 00:19:57,690 You heard me telling another student previously that in their writing they were not talking about the 208 00:19:57,690 --> 00:19:59,610 year 2025 correctly. 209 00:20:00,510 --> 00:20:07,860 When you see me use language like futurist project, predictions suggest revenue forecast. 210 00:20:09,580 --> 00:20:09,860 Right. 211 00:20:09,970 --> 00:20:12,250 That's a difference. 212 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:19,990 A difference in getting a 6.5 and a 7.5 is your proper use of grammatical structure. 213 00:20:21,190 --> 00:20:23,110 Your proper use of grammatical structure. 214 00:20:23,110 --> 00:20:24,670 That's really, really important. 215 00:20:26,690 --> 00:20:27,320 Okay. 216 00:20:33,890 --> 00:20:39,470 And then in my next example, what I would be doing is that would be in this one, I looked at the specific 217 00:20:39,470 --> 00:20:40,580 categories. 218 00:20:41,890 --> 00:20:47,950 And then in my next paragraph, I would be looking at the specific time periods.