1
00:00:02,202 --> 00:00:03,602
♪ Men. ♪
2
00:00:03,604 --> 00:00:05,270
Charlie lived life
to its fullest
3
00:00:05,272 --> 00:00:07,106
And-and gave it
everything he had.
4
00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:08,674
Gave me herpes.
5
00:00:09,442 --> 00:00:10,676
Vaginal warts.
6
00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:13,178
He used my panties to make tea.
7
00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:18,884
My point is, um, that charlie
lived life on his own terms.
8
00:00:18,886 --> 00:00:21,620
Blah, blah, blah.
Why can't we see the body?
9
00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:24,957
Charlie harper
was the love of my life
10
00:00:24,959 --> 00:00:27,526
And a wonderful, wonderful man.
11
00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:28,894
He slipped on the metro platform
12
00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:30,796
And fell in front
of an oncoming train.
13
00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:34,933
His body just exploded
like a balloon full of meat.
14
00:00:36,136 --> 00:00:39,038
I know what you said
you wanted, but...
15
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:41,340
I really don't think
pamela anderson will agree
16
00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:43,709
To swallow your ashes.
17
00:00:45,311 --> 00:00:47,713
(screams)
18
00:00:57,323 --> 00:00:59,258
I ain't cleaning him up.
19
00:01:00,827 --> 00:01:02,394
♪ Men. ♪
20
00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:05,230
♪ Imagine me and you, I do
21
00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:07,599
♪ I think about you
day and night ♪
22
00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:09,334
♪ It's only right
23
00:01:09,336 --> 00:01:11,537
♪ to think about
the boy you love ♪
24
00:01:11,539 --> 00:01:13,172
♪ And hold him tight
25
00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:16,341
♪ so happy together
26
00:01:16,343 --> 00:01:19,678
♪ so how is the weather?
27
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:21,513
♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba
28
00:01:21,515 --> 00:01:24,183
♪ ba, ba-ba-ba, ba-ba, ba
29
00:01:24,185 --> 00:01:25,584
♪ ba-ba, ba, ba.
30
00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:27,352
Lunchtime.
31
00:01:28,855 --> 00:01:30,522
Here you go.
32
00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:32,691
Tuna on toast...
33
00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:34,259
With vodka.
34
00:01:36,262 --> 00:01:38,897
Oh, don't give me that look.
35
00:01:38,899 --> 00:01:41,100
It needs to eat.
36
00:01:42,035 --> 00:01:43,869
Oh, is it sulking?
37
00:01:43,871 --> 00:01:46,371
Well, if it doesn't eat,
38
00:01:46,373 --> 00:01:48,640
It gets the hose.
39
00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:51,376
That's better.
40
00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:54,113
And pick up the napkin.
41
00:01:54,115 --> 00:01:55,547
Just because it lives in a pit,
42
00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:58,083
It doesn't have to live
like an animal.
43
00:01:58,085 --> 00:02:00,886
Thank you.
44
00:02:00,888 --> 00:02:03,655
And after it eats,
45
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:06,492
It changes its clothes.
46
00:02:09,729 --> 00:02:12,664
♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪
47
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:15,367
♪ Ah. ♪ men. ♪ men.
48
00:02:19,672 --> 00:02:21,240
♪ Men. ♪
Got any good mail?
49
00:02:21,242 --> 00:02:22,808
Uh, let's see.
Uh, electric bill,
50
00:02:22,810 --> 00:02:25,878
Cable bill, water bill.
Here you go.
51
00:02:26,846 --> 00:02:29,114
Do you ever experience shame?
52
00:02:29,116 --> 00:02:31,083
Uh, shame is
a rich man's emotion.
53
00:02:31,085 --> 00:02:34,019
I can barely afford
embarrassment.
54
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:36,622
Oh, wow.
55
00:02:36,624 --> 00:02:38,190
Something for charlie.
56
00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:40,626
I-I told you to cancel
his subscription
57
00:02:40,628 --> 00:02:43,595
To the sex toy
of the month club.
58
00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:46,165
Oh, can't.
He paid for life.
59
00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:48,901
And, uh, January
was butt plug month.
60
00:02:51,304 --> 00:02:54,873
Oh. Oh, it's, uh...
It's from his music publisher.
61
00:02:58,611 --> 00:03:00,279
(whimpers)
62
00:03:00,281 --> 00:03:01,780
You okay?
63
00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:03,482
I'm-I'm... I'm not sure.
64
00:03:03,484 --> 00:03:04,917
Look.
65
00:03:06,619 --> 00:03:08,353
"Dear mr. Harper:
66
00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:10,956
"we are holding unclaimed
music royalties for you
67
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:13,992
In the amount of $2.5 million."
68
00:03:13,994 --> 00:03:16,962
(whimpers)
69
00:03:16,964 --> 00:03:18,664
Looks like those
children's records he made
70
00:03:18,666 --> 00:03:19,898
Are still making money.
71
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,466
Uh, say the number again.
72
00:03:21,468 --> 00:03:22,634
$2.5 million.
73
00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:25,137
(whimpers)
74
00:03:25,139 --> 00:03:28,140
Apparently, it's been
stacking up since he died.
75
00:03:28,142 --> 00:03:29,474
Like the butt plugs.
76
00:03:32,845 --> 00:03:36,248
Alan, you do realize that money
will go to his next of kin.
77
00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:37,916
Uh, yeah. That's me.
78
00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:40,485
Why do think I keep going...
(whimpers)
79
00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:42,321
What about your mother
and his daughter?
80
00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:44,690
(laughing)
81
00:03:44,692 --> 00:03:46,658
Oh, you're serious.
82
00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:49,828
Alan, you can't keep that kind
of money secret from them.
83
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:51,163
Why not? I kept from you
84
00:03:51,165 --> 00:03:53,398
That I used your tesla
to drive for uber.
85
00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:58,237
Hello.
Yes, I-I just received a notice
86
00:03:58,239 --> 00:04:00,906
Of unclaimed royalties
for charlie harper
87
00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:03,175
That I would like to claim.
88
00:04:03,177 --> 00:04:05,043
Oh, oh, yeah, sure, I'll hold.
89
00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:07,246
What are you doing?
Uh, claiming.
90
00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:09,581
Uh, yes, yes. Hi.
91
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:10,849
Uh, I am, uh, alan harper.
92
00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:12,751
Uh, I'm charlie harper's
next of kin.
93
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:16,421
Yes, uh, uh, sadly, he-he
passed away four years ago.
94
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:18,056
Yes, I-I am sorry, too.
95
00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:20,325
Uh, he's irreplaceable.
96
00:04:25,531 --> 00:04:27,532
Uh, anyway, um...
97
00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:31,536
I guess you can just, you know,
send me the check and...
98
00:04:31,538 --> 00:04:33,939
Uh, death certificate?
99
00:04:35,241 --> 00:04:36,708
Uh, o-okay, uh, is that...
100
00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:39,645
Is that necessary
to get the money?
101
00:04:39,647 --> 00:04:42,314
Okay. Uh, how about, uh,
you send me the check,
102
00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:44,483
I'll send you
the death certificate?
103
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:49,054
Or we can do it your way.
104
00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:50,922
Uh, uh, oh, oh,
105
00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:53,392
And by the way, um, uh,
when you give me the money,
106
00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:56,728
Do you notify the irs,
or is that my responsibility?
107
00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:58,597
Mine! Perfect.
108
00:04:58,599 --> 00:05:00,799
Uh, bye-bye.
109
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,034
Our divorce is final, right?
110
00:05:03,403 --> 00:05:06,238
Alan, I neither want
nor need your money.
111
00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:07,506
Oh, I know that, uh,
112
00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:09,408
But could you say that
again on camera?
113
00:05:09,410 --> 00:05:11,443
O-okay, okay.
114
00:05:11,445 --> 00:05:13,512
You don't have
the death certificate, do you?
115
00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:14,680
No, but I'm sure my mom does.
116
00:05:14,682 --> 00:05:16,448
How are you
going to get it from her
117
00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:17,649
Without telling her
about the money?
118
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:18,850
Uh, remember four years ago
119
00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:21,086
How I told you I'd only
be here for a few days?
120
00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:22,421
I think I can figure it out.
121
00:05:26,259 --> 00:05:28,560
I can't wait for this
to be over.
122
00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:31,596
♪ Men. ♪
123
00:05:31,598 --> 00:05:33,332
Well, this is a surprise.
124
00:05:33,334 --> 00:05:35,100
You visit so seldom.
125
00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:36,368
I know. I know.
126
00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:37,669
I need to do it more.
127
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:40,339
I wasn't complaining.
128
00:05:41,374 --> 00:05:44,343
So, how have you been?
129
00:05:44,345 --> 00:05:46,111
Well, uh, uh, it's
funny you should ask.
130
00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:48,113
Um, I've been doing a
lot of thinking lately.
131
00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:50,449
I'm not giving you a penny.
132
00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:52,284
I, uh... I didn't
come for money.
133
00:05:52,286 --> 00:05:54,186
Or a place to live or a car.
134
00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:56,455
Or affection or
nurturing. I get it.
135
00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:57,789
Uh, uh, I was thinking.
136
00:05:57,791 --> 00:06:00,125
You know, um, well, maybe
it's my age, but, uh,
137
00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:02,294
I'm starting to reflect
on the big questions.
138
00:06:02,296 --> 00:06:03,795
You know, what's...
What's it all about?
139
00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:05,130
Uh, why are we here?
140
00:06:05,132 --> 00:06:06,531
What happens when we die?
141
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,133
I know what happens when I die.
142
00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:10,035
You get nothing.
143
00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:12,537
Mom, I-I told you,
I did not come here...
144
00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:13,805
Really? Nothing?
145
00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:15,974
It's not because
I don't love you.
146
00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:19,044
I just don't want to give you
a reason to kill me.
147
00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:21,913
You mean another reason.
148
00:06:28,488 --> 00:06:31,490
Where are all these
morbid thoughts coming from?
149
00:06:31,492 --> 00:06:32,824
As long as I've known you,
150
00:06:32,826 --> 00:06:34,693
You've never been
much of a thinker.
151
00:06:34,695 --> 00:06:38,697
Or a... A doer
or a provider or...
152
00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:42,667
Pretty much anything
with "er" at the end.
153
00:06:42,669 --> 00:06:45,871
Maybe I've been asking all
these questions because
154
00:06:45,873 --> 00:06:48,006
The anniversary of charlie's
death is coming up.
155
00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:49,841
So?
So I was thinking
156
00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:52,677
It might be nice to do
something to commemorate it.
157
00:06:52,679 --> 00:06:56,782
Like what? Snort coke
off a hooker's butt?
158
00:06:57,884 --> 00:07:00,852
Uh, actually, uh,
uh, more like, uh,
159
00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:03,054
Make a...
A memorial collage.
160
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:06,391
(laughs) a what?
161
00:07:06,393 --> 00:07:07,793
A... A memorial collage.
162
00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:10,629
You know, a collection of
images celebrating his life.
163
00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:12,931
Uh, things like, uh,
his birth certificate,
164
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:14,866
Uh, family pictures,
death certificate,
165
00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:16,868
Uh, awards, sheet
music, diplomas,
166
00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:18,470
Death certificate, um...
167
00:07:18,472 --> 00:07:20,372
I don't know how much
I can help you.
168
00:07:20,374 --> 00:07:21,540
I-I've got his
birth certificate,
169
00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:22,874
A few baby pictures,
170
00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:25,143
The little hash pipe
he made in camp.
171
00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:27,446
No death certificate?
172
00:07:27,448 --> 00:07:28,713
No.
173
00:07:28,715 --> 00:07:29,981
I-I just thought you had it.
174
00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:31,049
Oh. Well, bye.
175
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,054
♪ Men. ♪
176
00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:39,424
I'm sorry. I can't find any
record of your brother's death.
177
00:07:39,426 --> 00:07:41,827
You sure?
Uh, newspapers, obituaries?
178
00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:43,562
No, I checked everything
on charlie harper...
179
00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:45,730
Both here and in France... and...
180
00:07:45,732 --> 00:07:49,434
I-I found a bunch
of weird self-shot sex videos,
181
00:07:49,436 --> 00:07:52,437
Including one featuring
what appears to be
182
00:07:52,439 --> 00:07:55,006
The usc men's water polo team?
183
00:07:56,242 --> 00:08:01,146
I also found this crazy rant
about a former employer.
184
00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:11,623
But there's nothing
about his death.
185
00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:13,124
How is that possible?
186
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:14,593
Did you ever see the body?
187
00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:16,862
There was no body.
The man was hit by a train.
188
00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:18,096
All that was left was a...
189
00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:20,098
A meat smoothie
and a couple of teeth.
190
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:22,467
Well, how do you know
he's really dead?
191
00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:24,469
Well, of course he's dead.
I have his ashes.
192
00:08:24,471 --> 00:08:26,605
How do you know
that they're his ashes?
193
00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:29,174
Well, what do you want me to do,
test them for herpes?
194
00:08:32,144 --> 00:08:34,012
♪ Men. ♪
195
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:37,315
♪ Twinkle, twinkle,
little star ♪
196
00:08:37,317 --> 00:08:40,886
♪ I always know
just where you are ♪
197
00:08:40,888 --> 00:08:44,155
♪ In a pit below my house
198
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:47,759
♪ you will always
be my spouse. ♪
199
00:08:51,130 --> 00:08:53,865
Oh, boy.
200
00:08:56,802 --> 00:08:58,136
(clicks tongue, sighs)
201
00:08:58,138 --> 00:09:00,272
Never put a window in a dungeon.
202
00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:03,475
♪ Men. ♪
203
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:09,481
♪ Men. ♪
204
00:09:10,583 --> 00:09:13,652
Yes, I am calling
about the $2.5 million
205
00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:16,221
In unclaimed royalties
for charlie harper.
206
00:09:16,223 --> 00:09:17,989
Uh, uh, good news.
207
00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:19,424
Uh, I have just received
208
00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:21,259
The death certificate
from France.
209
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:23,094
Uh, it's in french
and everything
210
00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:25,430
So you know it's real.
211
00:09:25,432 --> 00:09:27,499
Oh, oh, sure, I'll hold.
212
00:09:27,501 --> 00:09:30,502
Uh, "cause de décès."
213
00:09:30,504 --> 00:09:34,839
Uh... Uh, le...
214
00:09:34,841 --> 00:09:37,342
Train.
215
00:09:37,344 --> 00:09:39,678
Oh, yes, yes, I'm still here.
216
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:41,346
What?
217
00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:42,881
It's already been claimed?
218
00:09:42,883 --> 00:09:44,449
By whom?
219
00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:46,351
Was it an older red-headed woman
220
00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:48,820
Wearing a coat
made of dalmatians?
221
00:09:50,222 --> 00:09:52,257
What do you mean,
you can't tell me?
222
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:54,559
A... A numbered account
in the cayman islands?
223
00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:56,528
That makes no sense.
224
00:09:56,530 --> 00:09:59,731
Fedex just dropped off
a box addressed to charlie.
225
00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:02,000
Uh... Uh, uh,
I'll call you back.
226
00:10:03,302 --> 00:10:06,471
If that's a blow-up sex doll,
can I have it?
227
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:10,342
My grandkids need a pool toy.
228
00:10:13,212 --> 00:10:15,080
Cuban cigars?
229
00:10:15,082 --> 00:10:17,015
Charlie's favorite smokes.
230
00:10:18,384 --> 00:10:20,085
Single malt scotch?
231
00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:22,787
Charlie's favorite breakfast.
232
00:10:23,956 --> 00:10:25,490
What the hell?
233
00:10:25,492 --> 00:10:28,159
Looks the knife he used to
chase you around the house with.
234
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,464
Yeah, that's it.
235
00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:34,799
(cell phone beeps)
236
00:10:38,237 --> 00:10:41,773
"I'm coming home,
and you're going to pay."
237
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:43,508
That's got to be a wrong number.
238
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:45,543
You never pay for anything.
239
00:10:47,947 --> 00:10:49,614
♪ Men. ♪
240
00:10:49,616 --> 00:10:51,116
Walden!
Alan?
241
00:10:51,118 --> 00:10:53,084
Ms. Mcmartin, I'm sorry.
Uh, where's walden?
242
00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:55,320
Walden (muffled):
I'm a little busy, alan.
243
00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:56,688
Oh, okay.
244
00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:59,524
Uh, are-are you aware
she's reading cosmo?
245
00:10:59,526 --> 00:11:01,159
It's a how-to article.
246
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:03,294
Walden: Well, it's not
so much "how to,"
247
00:11:03,296 --> 00:11:05,597
As "how to do it better."
248
00:11:05,599 --> 00:11:07,198
Seriously?
249
00:11:08,367 --> 00:11:11,536
Hey. Even tiger woods
needs a swing coach.
250
00:11:11,538 --> 00:11:12,704
Listen, can you
251
00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:15,206
Just come back in,
like, what, 20 minutes?
252
00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:17,008
Eh...
253
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,277
No. This can't wait.
Look at this text.
254
00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:20,478
(sighs)
255
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:21,980
Okay, that can't be for you.
256
00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:23,782
You never pay for anything.
257
00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:26,117
I think, somehow, some way...
258
00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:28,219
(whispering):
Charlie is still alive.
259
00:11:28,221 --> 00:11:29,954
Okay, this is ridiculous.
260
00:11:29,956 --> 00:11:32,457
There's more.
A package came addressed to him.
261
00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:34,392
Oh, is it something
that vibrates?
262
00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:37,362
'Cause I could really
use some help with this.
263
00:11:38,564 --> 00:11:40,365
He ain't lying.
264
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:43,535
No. It's-it's-it's not sex toys.
265
00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:45,336
I am telling you,
charlie is coming back,
266
00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:46,905
And he is not happy with me.
267
00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:48,640
Well, at the moment,
neither am I.
268
00:11:48,642 --> 00:11:49,808
Should I go?
269
00:11:49,810 --> 00:11:51,509
No, no, no, no, no.
We're so close.
270
00:11:51,511 --> 00:11:53,411
Eh-eh...
271
00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:55,146
Walden, it's like you said.
272
00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:57,215
I mean, there was no proof
that charlie ever died.
273
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:58,717
All we have is rose's word.
274
00:11:58,719 --> 00:11:59,818
Who's rose?
275
00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:01,686
Oh, she's this
crazy millionairess
276
00:12:01,688 --> 00:12:03,021
That used to stalk charlie,
277
00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:04,522
And then he married her.
278
00:12:04,524 --> 00:12:06,224
And then she started
stalking me.
279
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,059
Why? Did you
sleep with her?
280
00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:11,996
Alan slept with her, too.
281
00:12:11,998 --> 00:12:13,665
Hey, after 12 years,
282
00:12:13,667 --> 00:12:15,400
Everybody's slept
with everybody.
283
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:18,002
Evelyn: Alan!
Alan, where are you?
284
00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:19,571
Uh, in here!
285
00:12:19,573 --> 00:12:21,506
Oh, for god sakes!
286
00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:23,408
That's my mother. Uh, oh,
walden slept with her, too.
287
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:25,910
Uh... You slept with my mom!
288
00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:28,346
No, that was just a handy
in a hotel bar.
289
00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:29,914
I am a gentleman.
290
00:12:31,217 --> 00:12:32,517
We need to talk.
291
00:12:32,519 --> 00:12:34,185
Oh. Who's this?
292
00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:37,589
Uh, this is my son's
social worker, ms. Mcmartin.
293
00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:39,691
And you're shtupping her.
How lovely.
294
00:12:39,693 --> 00:12:41,126
Uh, mom, don't be rude.
295
00:12:41,128 --> 00:12:42,861
Uh, and I shtupped her first.
296
00:12:42,863 --> 00:12:45,029
I really should go.
297
00:12:45,031 --> 00:12:46,531
Yeah. Uh, okay.
298
00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:48,233
Just remember
which step we're on.
299
00:12:48,235 --> 00:12:49,734
Number six:
300
00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:52,737
"finding the little man
in the canoe."
301
00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:54,739
I don't remember you
having any trouble...
302
00:12:54,741 --> 00:12:56,541
Okay, everybody stop!
303
00:12:56,543 --> 00:12:58,743
What are you doing here?
304
00:12:58,745 --> 00:13:01,780
I want to know why you sent
me this hateful e-mail.
305
00:13:03,048 --> 00:13:04,582
Uh, "dear mom:
306
00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:06,551
"you were always
a horrible mother
307
00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:08,219
"and a repulsive human being,
308
00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:09,988
"and I hope you rot in hell.
309
00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:11,656
"But before you do,
310
00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:14,225
I will have my revenge."
311
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:17,896
Okay, I don't disagree
with anything here...
312
00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:20,632
But I did not send that.
313
00:13:20,634 --> 00:13:24,269
Really? Who else would call
me "a horrible mother"?
314
00:13:24,271 --> 00:13:26,271
No, no, it's still ridiculous.
315
00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:27,438
What's ridiculous?
316
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,174
Alan has this crazy idea
317
00:13:29,176 --> 00:13:30,909
That charlie's still alive.
318
00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:32,443
But then who sent her
that e-mail?
319
00:13:32,445 --> 00:13:33,945
Who sent me this text?
320
00:13:33,947 --> 00:13:36,815
Where did the cigars, booze
and chasin' knife come from?
321
00:13:36,817 --> 00:13:38,583
Wait, what's a chasin' knife?
322
00:13:38,585 --> 00:13:39,651
Uh, it's a regular knife
323
00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:41,319
After two bottles
of scotch and some blow.
324
00:13:43,689 --> 00:13:45,290
Who else would have sent it?
325
00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:46,591
I don't know.
326
00:13:46,593 --> 00:13:48,927
Like, somebody that wants
to freak you out.
327
00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:51,029
Think about it: Who has
something to gain from this?
328
00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:53,097
Who else has a claim
on that money?
329
00:13:53,099 --> 00:13:54,098
What money?
330
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:55,466
No money.
There's no money.
331
00:13:55,468 --> 00:13:56,467
Alan, will you just tell her?
332
00:13:56,469 --> 00:13:58,336
(sighs)
333
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,939
I don't want to.
334
00:14:00,941 --> 00:14:02,440
Alan!
335
00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:06,611
Turns out, uh, there are
some unclaimed royalties,
336
00:14:06,613 --> 00:14:08,646
Uh, from charlie's recordings.
337
00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:10,281
How much?
338
00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:12,550
Uh, two and a half...
Thousand dollars.
339
00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:13,718
Alan!
340
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:15,687
Million.
341
00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:18,389
$2.5 million.
342
00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:21,459
Ah, the memorial collage.
343
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:23,962
That's why you wanted
the death certificate...
344
00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:25,964
So you could claim the money.
345
00:14:25,966 --> 00:14:28,166
You dirty rat bastard.
346
00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:29,534
What would you have done?
347
00:14:30,836 --> 00:14:33,471
We're wasting time here.
348
00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:36,140
Now, who else could have
a claim on the money?
349
00:14:36,142 --> 00:14:37,575
(ms. Mcmartin moaning)
350
00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:38,910
Ms. Mcmartin:
Oh, god!
351
00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:40,078
Ah, damn it.
352
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:42,113
She found the
little man without me.
353
00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:46,084
♪ Men. ♪
354
00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:48,820
Anyway, we were thinking
of putting together
355
00:14:48,822 --> 00:14:50,655
A sort of memorial collage...
356
00:14:50,657 --> 00:14:52,357
Oh, for god sakes,
will you just tell her?
357
00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:57,328
Um, some money owed to your
father has been discovered.
358
00:14:58,364 --> 00:15:00,031
Really? How much?
359
00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:01,399
Two and a half thousand.
360
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:04,836
Million.
It's $2.5 million.
361
00:15:04,838 --> 00:15:06,371
Why are you here?
362
00:15:06,373 --> 00:15:09,307
You know what? I've been asking
myself that since day one.
363
00:15:23,188 --> 00:15:25,123
Honestly, I forgot she was here.
364
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:27,125
Look, anyway,
365
00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:29,460
Somebody claimed it
and transferred it
366
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:31,262
Into a numbered account
in the caymans.
367
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:32,797
And you think it was me?
368
00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:34,866
Would I be living
in a one-bedroom apartment
369
00:15:34,868 --> 00:15:36,567
If I had that kind of money?
370
00:15:36,569 --> 00:15:37,969
(door opens)
371
00:15:46,078 --> 00:15:47,211
I don't have my contacts in.
372
00:15:47,213 --> 00:15:48,573
Was that the same one
or different?
373
00:15:49,715 --> 00:15:51,215
(knock at door)
374
00:15:51,217 --> 00:15:52,483
Excuse me.
375
00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:54,552
Wow. You hang a penis
on that girl,
376
00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:56,220
And you've got charlie.
377
00:15:56,222 --> 00:15:58,056
(door opens)
378
00:15:58,058 --> 00:16:00,325
Thank you. Huh.
379
00:16:00,327 --> 00:16:01,726
Certified letter
from a law firm.
380
00:16:01,728 --> 00:16:03,962
Might mean traveling money.
Stand by.
381
00:16:05,064 --> 00:16:06,397
Oh, my god.
382
00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:07,665
What is it?
383
00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:09,934
Am I seeing that right?
That's a lot of zeroes.
384
00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:13,071
It's a cashier's check
for $100,000.
385
00:16:13,073 --> 00:16:14,272
(whimpers)
386
00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:15,606
Who's it from?
387
00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:17,675
I don't know.
Oh, but there's a note.
388
00:16:17,677 --> 00:16:19,644
It says,
"buy yourself something nice.
389
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,779
Sorry I wasn't there for you."
390
00:16:21,781 --> 00:16:23,147
I don't care who it's from.
391
00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:25,316
Apology accepted.
392
00:16:26,251 --> 00:16:28,519
Is the bathroom in here?
393
00:16:28,521 --> 00:16:31,155
♪ Men. ♪
394
00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:33,591
"Buy yourself something nice.
395
00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:35,593
"Sorry I broke your heart...
396
00:16:35,595 --> 00:16:37,695
"and banged your sister.
397
00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:41,666
As I write this, I realize those
two things might be related."
398
00:16:44,937 --> 00:16:47,005
Hmm. Screw my sister.
399
00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:49,507
♪ Men. ♪
400
00:16:50,943 --> 00:16:52,777
"Buy yourself something nice.
401
00:16:52,779 --> 00:16:55,713
"Sorry I shot you.
402
00:16:55,715 --> 00:16:58,783
I didn't know I was loaded."
403
00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:01,185
♪ men. ♪
404
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:03,321
"Buy yourself something nice.
405
00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:06,190
Tell your mom I'm sorry
I gave her chlamydia."
406
00:17:09,561 --> 00:17:11,329
♪ men. ♪
407
00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:13,398
"Sorry I never called.
408
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,700
Buy yourself a nice vagina."
409
00:17:17,002 --> 00:17:19,337
Aw.
410
00:17:19,339 --> 00:17:21,472
♪ Men. ♪
411
00:17:21,474 --> 00:17:24,042
Well, obviously jenny
didn't claim the royalties.
412
00:17:24,044 --> 00:17:25,810
Why would she send
a check to herself?
413
00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:27,845
Yeah, but you still
don't know it was charlie.
414
00:17:27,847 --> 00:17:29,647
Oh, who else is going to send
415
00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:32,683
An unemployed lesbian actress
$100,000?
416
00:17:32,685 --> 00:17:35,253
I don't know.
Ellen degeneres?
417
00:17:36,588 --> 00:17:38,589
I'm telling you,
charlie's alive.
418
00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:40,158
Rose:
Oh, good.
419
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:41,659
Then I don't have to tell you.
420
00:17:41,661 --> 00:17:44,929
♪ Men, men, men. ♪
421
00:17:49,668 --> 00:17:51,169
♪ Men. ♪
422
00:17:51,171 --> 00:17:53,004
Charlie is still alive?
423
00:17:53,006 --> 00:17:55,673
Yeah, kinda.
424
00:17:55,675 --> 00:17:57,175
What do you mean, "kinda"?
425
00:17:57,177 --> 00:17:59,243
'Cause she "kinda" drank when
she was pregnant with me,
426
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:01,512
And now I "kinda" can't do math.
427
00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:03,414
Berta:
Hey.
428
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:05,516
Hey.
What are you still doing here?
429
00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:08,252
Oh, I accidentally fell asleep
in zippy's room.
430
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:11,022
How do you accidentally
fall asleep?
431
00:18:11,024 --> 00:18:14,592
You accidentally wash down
your pain pills with scotch.
432
00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:19,797
What's fatal attraction
doing here?
433
00:18:21,366 --> 00:18:24,102
She says that charlie
is still alive.
434
00:18:24,104 --> 00:18:25,937
I knew it.
435
00:18:25,939 --> 00:18:27,038
Alan,
436
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:28,906
If you move out
437
00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:31,709
And charlie stays here
with walden,
438
00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:35,046
I believe that we can
keep this going
439
00:18:35,048 --> 00:18:37,348
For another five years.
440
00:18:39,551 --> 00:18:41,419
Yeah, I don't think so.
441
00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:43,955
Uh... So, uh...
442
00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:46,057
What exactly
happened to charlie?
443
00:18:46,059 --> 00:18:47,291
Yeah, start from the beginning.
444
00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:49,894
You mean from the pilot?
445
00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:52,563
No, uh, what happened to my
brother after you married him?
446
00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:53,731
Oh.
447
00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:56,000
Well, we had
a wonderful wedding,
448
00:18:56,002 --> 00:18:59,237
And then we flew to paris
for our honeymoon.
449
00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:02,640
We were so happy.
So animated.
450
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:06,577
(both sighing)
451
00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:09,747
We went up
on the eiffel tower...
452
00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:11,916
And went down
on the champs-elysées.
453
00:19:11,918 --> 00:19:13,751
(sighs)
454
00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:15,153
Ooh!
455
00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:17,755
Afterwards,
we celebrated our love
456
00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:21,025
With a romantic
candlelit dinner at the ritz.
457
00:19:22,494 --> 00:19:24,095
(vacuum cleaner whirring)
458
00:19:26,431 --> 00:19:28,966
(sighs, sniffs)
459
00:19:28,968 --> 00:19:31,969
Of course, I've always known
charlie was no saint,
460
00:19:31,971 --> 00:19:34,138
But I thought marriage
would change him.
461
00:19:34,140 --> 00:19:35,273
Huh?
462
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:37,608
I was wrong.
463
00:19:37,610 --> 00:19:39,310
So wrong.
464
00:19:39,312 --> 00:19:40,511
Huh?
465
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:42,180
Disturbingly wrong.
466
00:19:42,182 --> 00:19:43,948
(bleats)
467
00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:46,784
I ran from the room, determined
to never see him again.
468
00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:48,286
(bleating):
Charlie...
469
00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:50,955
He finally caught up with me
at the train station,
470
00:19:50,957 --> 00:19:52,557
But all I could
think about was...
471
00:19:52,559 --> 00:19:54,158
(train whistle blowing)
revenge.
472
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:57,728
But at the last second,
fate intervened.
473
00:19:59,698 --> 00:20:01,632
So I booked us a cruise home.
474
00:20:04,303 --> 00:20:07,471
We moved in to a brand-new
house in sherman oaks...
475
00:20:07,473 --> 00:20:09,907
The good part,
south of the boulevard...
476
00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:11,976
Where we could live
as a happy couple.
477
00:20:11,978 --> 00:20:13,477
Walden:
Wait a minute.
478
00:20:13,479 --> 00:20:15,580
You bought a house
with a dungeon?
479
00:20:15,582 --> 00:20:17,181
And a pit?
480
00:20:17,183 --> 00:20:18,482
Of course not.
481
00:20:18,484 --> 00:20:19,917
I had it remodeled.
482
00:20:19,919 --> 00:20:22,386
The permit process
was just a nightmare.
483
00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:24,055
Next time, use my pit guy.
484
00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:25,489
He's the best.
485
00:20:25,491 --> 00:20:27,658
Continue.
486
00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:29,493
Rose:
For the next four years,
487
00:20:29,495 --> 00:20:32,029
We were the happiest
we'd ever been.
488
00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:34,165
I'd feed him...
489
00:20:34,167 --> 00:20:35,499
Bathe him...
490
00:20:35,501 --> 00:20:38,169
And, of course,
there was endless
491
00:20:38,171 --> 00:20:40,238
Magical lovemaking.
492
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:44,842
Then, a few days ago,
the unthinkable happened.
493
00:20:44,844 --> 00:20:46,510
Somehow, he managed
to make a rope
494
00:20:46,512 --> 00:20:48,746
Out of his bowling shirts
and ran away,
495
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:51,249
Disappearing into the darkness.
496
00:20:52,517 --> 00:20:53,851
(cartoony music playing)
497
00:20:53,853 --> 00:20:56,254
Th-th-th-that's all, folks.
498
00:20:57,456 --> 00:20:59,490
♪ Men. ♪
499
00:21:02,928 --> 00:21:04,028
♪ Men. ♪
500
00:21:04,030 --> 00:21:05,229
Charlie escaped?
501
00:21:05,231 --> 00:21:06,597
Uh, no.
502
00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:08,032
Prisoners escape.
503
00:21:08,034 --> 00:21:10,668
Lovers run away because
they're afraid of commitment.
504
00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:13,904
Any-who, I just thought
I should tell you.
505
00:21:13,906 --> 00:21:18,376
You know, in case he drops by
and guts you all like fish.
506
00:21:18,378 --> 00:21:20,778
Why me? He doesn't
even know me.
507
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:22,947
Oh, I told him all about you...
508
00:21:22,949 --> 00:21:24,982
How you're richer than him,
prettier than him,
509
00:21:24,984 --> 00:21:26,884
And moved into his house
and carried on
510
00:21:26,886 --> 00:21:28,552
Like he never existed.
511
00:21:29,554 --> 00:21:31,522
Thank you.
512
00:21:32,424 --> 00:21:33,791
Hold on, rose.
513
00:21:33,793 --> 00:21:37,061
If charlie is alive,
who's in the urn?
514
00:21:37,063 --> 00:21:39,063
Oh. That's billy.
515
00:21:39,065 --> 00:21:40,765
Who's billy?
516
00:21:40,767 --> 00:21:42,233
The bisexual goat
517
00:21:42,235 --> 00:21:44,735
Who gave his life
that your son might live.
518
00:21:46,438 --> 00:21:48,806
So... So, what are we
supposed to do now?
519
00:21:48,808 --> 00:21:50,074
Wait a second.
520
00:21:50,076 --> 00:21:52,910
Are we really not gonna
talk about the fact
521
00:21:52,912 --> 00:21:55,279
That charlie was having
sex with a goat?
522
00:21:55,281 --> 00:21:57,114
Well, you didn't know charlie.
523
00:21:57,116 --> 00:21:59,917
It would have been weirder
if he hadn't.
524
00:21:59,919 --> 00:22:01,919
Well, now that
you're all caught up,
525
00:22:01,921 --> 00:22:03,621
I'll say my good-byes.
526
00:22:03,623 --> 00:22:04,622
You're leaving?
527
00:22:04,624 --> 00:22:05,790
Um, yeah.
528
00:22:05,792 --> 00:22:07,491
I'm not gonna stick around
to find out
529
00:22:07,493 --> 00:22:10,428
What he's going to do to me just
because I loved him too much.
530
00:22:10,430 --> 00:22:12,163
Toodles.
531
00:22:16,034 --> 00:22:18,336
Nah. That's just stupid.
532
00:22:21,773 --> 00:22:24,208
No... No, no, no, no,
this is ridiculous.
533
00:22:24,210 --> 00:22:26,143
He's not gonna hurt anybody.
534
00:22:26,145 --> 00:22:28,145
Oh, of course not.
535
00:22:28,147 --> 00:22:30,147
Rose, wait up.
536
00:22:30,149 --> 00:22:31,949
What, you're...
You're leaving, too?
537
00:22:31,951 --> 00:22:34,218
Alan, your brother
wasn't very pleasant
538
00:22:34,220 --> 00:22:35,786
If he missed his morning coffee.
539
00:22:35,788 --> 00:22:37,555
How do you think
he's going to be
540
00:22:37,557 --> 00:22:39,457
After four years in a pit?
541
00:22:39,459 --> 00:22:41,292
So you're just gonna bail?
542
00:22:41,294 --> 00:22:43,527
Uh... Yep.
543
00:22:44,830 --> 00:22:46,330
Berta, good-bye.
544
00:22:46,332 --> 00:22:49,033
I never really cared for you.
545
00:22:50,235 --> 00:22:52,069
Right back at you, red.
546
00:22:52,071 --> 00:22:54,105
Walden...
547
00:22:55,507 --> 00:22:57,742
I loved you like a son.
548
00:22:59,010 --> 00:23:01,545
Alan...
549
00:23:01,547 --> 00:23:03,948
Good luck.
550
00:23:06,752 --> 00:23:09,153
Well, I-I guess
we should go, too.
551
00:23:09,155 --> 00:23:10,354
Hold on.
552
00:23:10,356 --> 00:23:11,822
We're not really gonna run
553
00:23:11,824 --> 00:23:13,924
'cause of some
crazy woman's story
554
00:23:13,926 --> 00:23:16,227
And some vague text threats.
555
00:23:16,229 --> 00:23:17,728
(cell phone chimes)
556
00:23:21,166 --> 00:23:23,000
Okay, this one's
a little more specific.
557
00:23:23,002 --> 00:23:24,935
What does it say?
558
00:23:24,937 --> 00:23:28,205
"You despicable troll.
559
00:23:28,207 --> 00:23:31,342
"You thought you could
replace my ninja awesomeness,
560
00:23:31,344 --> 00:23:33,043
"you lame clown?
561
00:23:33,045 --> 00:23:37,181
"I will deploy my army of
assassins to destroy you.
562
00:23:37,183 --> 00:23:39,350
"I will bring my
bayonets of truth
563
00:23:39,352 --> 00:23:42,186
"to the hexagon of death,
564
00:23:42,188 --> 00:23:47,291
"where I will carve my initials
into your reptilian skull
565
00:23:47,293 --> 00:23:50,194
And cover you in
tiger's blood."
566
00:23:55,033 --> 00:23:58,569
Hard to believe he wrote
children's songs, isn't it?
567
00:23:58,571 --> 00:24:00,037
Yeah, we're gonna
need some help.
568
00:24:00,039 --> 00:24:01,939
Yeah, we're gonna need
a lot of help.
569
00:24:01,941 --> 00:24:03,974
Here, try these.
570
00:24:03,976 --> 00:24:05,943
They won't keep him
from hurting you,
571
00:24:05,945 --> 00:24:08,546
But they will keep you
from feeling it.
572
00:24:10,148 --> 00:24:12,116
♪ Men. ♪
573
00:24:12,118 --> 00:24:14,051
Uh, thank you for
meeting with us
574
00:24:14,053 --> 00:24:15,886
On such short
notice, lieutenant.
575
00:24:15,888 --> 00:24:17,655
Anything for you, my friend.
576
00:24:17,657 --> 00:24:19,089
How can I help?
577
00:24:19,091 --> 00:24:20,658
♪ Men. ♪
578
00:24:24,062 --> 00:24:25,296
♪ Men. ♪
579
00:24:25,298 --> 00:24:27,898
So, uh, that's about it,
uh, uh, lieutenant...
580
00:24:27,900 --> 00:24:29,500
Wagner.
Uh, wagner.
581
00:24:29,502 --> 00:24:31,302
No, not wagner; wagner.
582
00:24:31,304 --> 00:24:35,239
Uh, w-a-g-n-e-r.
Wagner.
583
00:24:35,241 --> 00:24:37,975
"Vhatever."
584
00:24:40,679 --> 00:24:43,614
All right, now, let me see
if I got this straight.
585
00:24:43,616 --> 00:24:47,284
12 years ago,
your wife kicked you out,
586
00:24:47,286 --> 00:24:50,521
And then you and your dumb son
moved in with your brother.
587
00:24:51,957 --> 00:24:54,425
Uh, uh, he wasn't dumb
at the beginning.
588
00:24:54,427 --> 00:24:57,161
Uh, he got dumb later on.
589
00:24:57,163 --> 00:24:58,262
What happened?
590
00:24:58,264 --> 00:25:01,098
Uh, well, turned out
it was funnier.
591
00:25:01,100 --> 00:25:02,466
All right.
592
00:25:02,468 --> 00:25:04,301
So your brother then
let you stay there
593
00:25:04,303 --> 00:25:06,203
Eight and a half years
rent-free,
594
00:25:06,205 --> 00:25:08,272
Even though you claim
that he never liked you.
595
00:25:08,274 --> 00:25:12,109
Ah. Ah, you're not the only one
to point out the illogic.
596
00:25:13,445 --> 00:25:17,114
And this brother of yours
supposedly died in paris
597
00:25:17,116 --> 00:25:19,016
Under mysterious circumstances.
598
00:25:19,018 --> 00:25:20,384
It wasn't all that mysterious.
599
00:25:20,386 --> 00:25:22,286
I mean, he was taking
a lot of drugs
600
00:25:22,288 --> 00:25:24,688
And pissed off almost everybody.
601
00:25:25,724 --> 00:25:28,125
And then you tried
to drown yourself,
602
00:25:28,127 --> 00:25:31,629
But you changed your mind
because the water was too cold.
603
00:25:34,132 --> 00:25:37,134
And then you got into his house
and offered to buy it.
604
00:25:37,136 --> 00:25:40,971
It seemed like a good
idea at the time.
605
00:25:40,973 --> 00:25:45,843
And then you let him and his son
stay there for four more years.
606
00:25:45,845 --> 00:25:47,144
Right.
607
00:25:47,146 --> 00:25:48,212
Rent-free.
608
00:25:49,247 --> 00:25:50,915
Well, when you say it like that,
609
00:25:50,917 --> 00:25:52,983
It sounds ridiculous.
610
00:25:53,852 --> 00:25:55,252
And then your dead brother's
611
00:25:55,254 --> 00:25:57,421
Previously unknown
lesbian daughter shows up,
612
00:25:57,423 --> 00:25:59,223
And then you let her move in.
613
00:25:59,225 --> 00:26:01,959
(chuckles) you can't
write this stuff, huh?
614
00:26:03,194 --> 00:26:05,930
And then the two of you
got married to each other.
615
00:26:07,832 --> 00:26:09,833
Yes.
616
00:26:09,835 --> 00:26:10,901
But you're not gay.
617
00:26:10,903 --> 00:26:12,903
Well, I'm not.
618
00:26:13,838 --> 00:26:16,273
And then you adopted
a black child.
619
00:26:16,275 --> 00:26:18,709
Ah, ah, he's, uh...
He's more eurasian.
620
00:26:18,711 --> 00:26:20,311
Uh...
621
00:26:21,746 --> 00:26:24,281
Oh, what a sweetie pie.
622
00:26:26,418 --> 00:26:28,252
And the two of you
are now divorced?
623
00:26:28,254 --> 00:26:29,119
Mmm.
624
00:26:29,121 --> 00:26:30,120
But you're living together.
625
00:26:30,122 --> 00:26:33,157
If I leave,
the whole thing falls apart.
626
00:26:34,125 --> 00:26:35,593
Yeah, of course.
627
00:26:35,595 --> 00:26:38,729
Uh, and now the woman
who stalked your brother
628
00:26:38,731 --> 00:26:40,264
And then married him
629
00:26:40,266 --> 00:26:42,266
All of a sudden shows up
and she says
630
00:26:42,268 --> 00:26:45,069
That he's not dead after all,
that she has been keeping him
631
00:26:45,071 --> 00:26:47,471
In a dungeon pit
in the san fernando valley.
632
00:26:47,473 --> 00:26:48,739
Ah, uh, sherman oaks.
633
00:26:48,741 --> 00:26:51,942
Uh, but the good part...
Uh, south of the boulevard.
634
00:26:53,378 --> 00:26:54,645
And then he escaped,
635
00:26:54,647 --> 00:26:56,580
And he sent you cigars
and whiskey.
636
00:26:56,582 --> 00:26:58,616
Oh, and don't forget
the chasin' knife.
637
00:26:58,618 --> 00:27:00,084
Oh, and the threatening text.
638
00:27:00,086 --> 00:27:01,585
He said, uh, "I'm coming home,
639
00:27:01,587 --> 00:27:03,153
And you're gonna pay."
640
00:27:03,155 --> 00:27:04,755
I'm confused.
641
00:27:04,757 --> 00:27:07,791
'Cause you said he doesn't pay
for anything.
642
00:27:10,462 --> 00:27:11,829
I think the point is,
643
00:27:11,831 --> 00:27:14,098
Is that we need you
to find him becau...
644
00:27:14,100 --> 00:27:16,834
This guy has some
serious rage issues.
645
00:27:16,836 --> 00:27:19,436
Has he tried anger management?
646
00:27:19,438 --> 00:27:21,739
Yeah, but it didn't work.
647
00:27:24,509 --> 00:27:26,510
Okay.
648
00:27:26,512 --> 00:27:29,513
Well, I have
this inscription now,
649
00:27:29,515 --> 00:27:33,183
And so if we find him,
I'll let you know.
650
00:27:33,185 --> 00:27:34,251
Uh, well...
Thank you.
651
00:27:34,253 --> 00:27:35,753
Uh, really appreciate it.
652
00:27:35,755 --> 00:27:37,021
No problem.
653
00:27:37,023 --> 00:27:38,922
Now, if I can, uh,
654
00:27:38,924 --> 00:27:40,691
Offer you a word of advice...
655
00:27:40,693 --> 00:27:41,859
Mm-hmm?
656
00:27:41,861 --> 00:27:43,694
I would consider
wrapping this whole thing up.
657
00:27:43,696 --> 00:27:45,095
Uh, what do you mean?
658
00:27:45,097 --> 00:27:47,264
I mean the whole
living arrangement.
659
00:27:47,266 --> 00:27:49,800
The kids, the girls,
the beach house.
660
00:27:49,802 --> 00:27:53,904
I mean, this whole thing
has been going on way too long.
661
00:27:54,873 --> 00:27:57,775
Yeah, a lot of people
been saying that.
662
00:27:57,777 --> 00:28:00,177
Haters gonna hate.
663
00:28:02,647 --> 00:28:04,448
♪ Men. ♪
664
00:28:04,450 --> 00:28:06,717
We should get out of town
for a couple of days.
665
00:28:06,719 --> 00:28:08,452
You know, go to a nice resort,
666
00:28:08,454 --> 00:28:10,387
Uh, get some facials,
mani-pedis.
667
00:28:10,389 --> 00:28:11,955
You know, a guys' weekend.
668
00:28:11,957 --> 00:28:13,824
No... We're not going anywhere.
669
00:28:13,826 --> 00:28:15,959
We got a state-of-the-art
security system.
670
00:28:15,961 --> 00:28:19,196
Nobody gets in
unless we let them in.
671
00:28:20,165 --> 00:28:22,399
(both screaming)
672
00:28:24,202 --> 00:28:27,304
What the hell?
673
00:28:27,306 --> 00:28:29,173
"We got a state-of-the-art
security system.
674
00:28:29,175 --> 00:28:31,208
No one gets in unless
we let them in."
675
00:28:31,210 --> 00:28:32,242
Shut up.
No, you shut up.
676
00:28:32,244 --> 00:28:34,211
Hey.
(both scream)
677
00:28:41,553 --> 00:28:43,187
Jake? Oh, my god. Oh, my god!
678
00:28:43,189 --> 00:28:44,421
Oh, my god.
679
00:28:44,423 --> 00:28:45,522
(laughing)
680
00:28:45,524 --> 00:28:47,191
Hey!
681
00:28:47,193 --> 00:28:48,392
What are you doing here?
682
00:28:48,394 --> 00:28:50,094
Yeah, I thought
you were in the army.
683
00:28:50,096 --> 00:28:51,495
Come on. Look at me.
684
00:28:51,497 --> 00:28:54,031
Do I look like someone
who's in the army?
685
00:28:54,033 --> 00:28:55,399
Not on our side.
686
00:28:57,068 --> 00:28:59,670
Come in.
687
00:28:59,672 --> 00:29:02,706
Hey. These are pretty cool.
Where'd you get them? Target?
688
00:29:02,708 --> 00:29:04,174
(laughs)
689
00:29:04,176 --> 00:29:05,876
You get it? 'cause of the...
There's the circles...
690
00:29:05,878 --> 00:29:07,945
Yeah, no, no, I got it.
I got it. No.
691
00:29:07,947 --> 00:29:09,246
Here's the thing.
692
00:29:09,248 --> 00:29:10,914
It turns out that
your uncle charlie
693
00:29:10,916 --> 00:29:12,349
Might still be alive.
694
00:29:12,351 --> 00:29:13,684
Oh.
695
00:29:13,686 --> 00:29:16,954
That would explain why
I got a check for $250,000
696
00:29:16,956 --> 00:29:19,423
And a note that said,
"I'm alive."
697
00:29:20,458 --> 00:29:22,626
You have $250,000?
698
00:29:22,628 --> 00:29:24,928
Not anymore. I stopped in
in vegas on the way here.
699
00:29:24,930 --> 00:29:27,231
Oh, god. How much
do you have left?
700
00:29:27,233 --> 00:29:29,266
Two and a half million.
701
00:29:29,268 --> 00:29:30,868
(whimpers)
702
00:29:30,870 --> 00:29:32,269
Oh!
703
00:29:32,271 --> 00:29:35,272
You won $2.5 million?
704
00:29:35,274 --> 00:29:36,874
Oh, yeah.
It's not that hard.
705
00:29:36,876 --> 00:29:40,144
I kept playing craps
because, you know, "crap."
706
00:29:41,646 --> 00:29:43,814
Oh, and I kept
betting on come, because...
707
00:29:43,816 --> 00:29:46,650
(laughing)
708
00:29:46,652 --> 00:29:50,888
Wow. That's... Amazing
that you made so much money
709
00:29:50,890 --> 00:29:53,056
With such stupid jokes.
710
00:29:59,964 --> 00:30:01,031
Taterhead!
711
00:30:02,667 --> 00:30:04,067
Hey, berta.
712
00:30:04,069 --> 00:30:05,969
Oh, look at you!
713
00:30:05,971 --> 00:30:07,738
You look like a grown man.
714
00:30:07,740 --> 00:30:09,807
Really? Which one?
715
00:30:09,809 --> 00:30:11,975
I've missed you.
716
00:30:11,977 --> 00:30:13,644
Berta, what are you
still doing here?
717
00:30:13,646 --> 00:30:15,045
No idea.
718
00:30:16,748 --> 00:30:18,682
By the way, you're out of pot.
719
00:30:20,418 --> 00:30:22,319
Where'd these things come from?
Target?
720
00:30:22,321 --> 00:30:23,320
Jake:
Ah.
721
00:30:23,322 --> 00:30:24,454
Too late.
722
00:30:24,456 --> 00:30:26,089
I already did that joke.
Ah...
723
00:30:26,091 --> 00:30:27,324
No, somebody left them here.
724
00:30:27,326 --> 00:30:28,592
You didn't hear anything?
725
00:30:28,594 --> 00:30:29,993
I heard colors.
726
00:30:29,995 --> 00:30:31,929
No, I-I am telling you,
727
00:30:31,931 --> 00:30:34,431
Charlie is planning
on killing us all.
728
00:30:34,433 --> 00:30:36,300
Okay. It was good
to see you guys.
729
00:30:36,302 --> 00:30:38,302
Wait, th-that's it?
You're leaving?
730
00:30:38,304 --> 00:30:40,671
Oh, nothing personal...
I just got to get back to japan
731
00:30:40,673 --> 00:30:42,773
And tell my wife and kids
that we're rich.
732
00:30:42,775 --> 00:30:44,441
You're...
You're married?
733
00:30:44,443 --> 00:30:45,776
Yeah. Didn't I mention that?
734
00:30:45,778 --> 00:30:46,777
No.
735
00:30:46,779 --> 00:30:48,712
Wh-wh-wh-whoa.
You have kids?
736
00:30:48,714 --> 00:30:49,947
Well, they're hers.
737
00:30:49,949 --> 00:30:51,281
She's a dancer.
738
00:30:51,283 --> 00:30:53,150
Uh, let me guess...
A pole dancer?
739
00:30:53,152 --> 00:30:55,185
No, she's japanese.
740
00:31:02,827 --> 00:31:05,028
Well, see you.
741
00:31:07,565 --> 00:31:09,633
All right, all right, we-we
got to close these shades.
742
00:31:09,635 --> 00:31:11,902
Anybody on the beach will
have a clear shot at us.
743
00:31:11,904 --> 00:31:13,070
Right.
744
00:31:13,072 --> 00:31:14,938
Do this...
745
00:31:18,009 --> 00:31:21,311
Man, it sucks to be you guys.
746
00:31:22,647 --> 00:31:24,414
♪ Men. ♪
747
00:31:24,416 --> 00:31:25,849
(phone ringing)
748
00:31:25,851 --> 00:31:27,317
Hello?
749
00:31:27,319 --> 00:31:28,685
Judith, it's me.
750
00:31:28,687 --> 00:31:29,987
Oh, hey, alan.
751
00:31:29,989 --> 00:31:31,488
Isn't it wonderful about jake?
752
00:31:31,490 --> 00:31:32,756
Uh, yeah, wonderful.
Listen...
753
00:31:32,758 --> 00:31:34,524
Did he give you $100,000, too?
754
00:31:34,526 --> 00:31:36,159
He gave you $100,000?
755
00:31:36,161 --> 00:31:37,895
No. What do you want?
756
00:31:38,830 --> 00:31:40,731
Uh, uh, okay, long story short...
757
00:31:40,733 --> 00:31:43,834
It turns out my brother is alive
and he's out for revenge.
758
00:31:43,836 --> 00:31:45,502
Revenge? For what?
759
00:31:45,504 --> 00:31:47,838
Well, he didn't think
I could go on without him.
760
00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:49,172
He thought I was more of
761
00:31:49,174 --> 00:31:50,908
A supporting character
in his life,
762
00:31:50,910 --> 00:31:53,410
But it turns out
I-I was sort of a co-lead.
763
00:31:53,412 --> 00:31:56,280
Um, a-anyway,
I just wanted you to know
764
00:31:56,282 --> 00:31:58,582
That if anything
were to happen to me,
765
00:31:58,584 --> 00:32:00,584
You were the love of my life.
766
00:32:00,586 --> 00:32:02,719
Oh, alan, that is so sweet.
767
00:32:02,721 --> 00:32:05,522
Hang on, honey.
I'm getting another call.
768
00:32:14,799 --> 00:32:16,600
She's not coming back.
769
00:32:16,602 --> 00:32:18,368
♪ Men. ♪
770
00:32:18,370 --> 00:32:19,970
(phone ringing)
771
00:32:19,972 --> 00:32:21,305
Hello?
772
00:32:21,307 --> 00:32:22,773
Bridget, hi.
773
00:32:22,775 --> 00:32:24,207
It's walden.
774
00:32:24,209 --> 00:32:26,109
Hey, walden. What's up?
775
00:32:26,111 --> 00:32:28,912
I can't go into detail,
but I just...
776
00:32:28,914 --> 00:32:32,115
I wanted to say that I wish
I'd been a better husband.
777
00:32:32,117 --> 00:32:33,450
(chuckles softly)
778
00:32:33,452 --> 00:32:35,552
Well, thank you.
779
00:32:35,554 --> 00:32:38,055
And I just want to say that...
780
00:32:38,057 --> 00:32:40,057
I'm having sex with john stamos.
781
00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:43,560
I'm not lying.
782
00:32:43,562 --> 00:32:45,429
(snaps fingers)
783
00:32:45,431 --> 00:32:47,631
Go for stamos.
784
00:32:47,633 --> 00:32:49,833
Stamos, you're just
a handsome guy
785
00:32:49,835 --> 00:32:51,902
Who got lucky on a sitcom.
786
00:32:51,904 --> 00:32:54,338
Listen, um, I'm just gonna
set the phone down
787
00:32:54,340 --> 00:32:56,907
So you can listen to me
shish-kebab your old lady, okay?
788
00:32:56,909 --> 00:32:58,075
Bye-bye.
789
00:32:58,077 --> 00:33:00,077
♪ Men. ♪
790
00:33:00,079 --> 00:33:01,411
(photographers clamoring)
791
00:33:01,413 --> 00:33:04,247
(phone ringing)
hold on, fellas.
792
00:33:04,249 --> 00:33:06,083
Hello.
793
00:33:06,085 --> 00:33:07,584
Uh, kandi, it's alan.
794
00:33:07,586 --> 00:33:09,753
Oh, hi, alan!
795
00:33:09,755 --> 00:33:11,288
I just wanted you to know that,
796
00:33:11,290 --> 00:33:13,423
Even though we were only married
for a short time,
797
00:33:13,425 --> 00:33:15,759
You were the love of my life.
798
00:33:15,761 --> 00:33:17,461
Oh, how sweet.
799
00:33:17,463 --> 00:33:20,931
And you were the first guy
I had tushy sex with.
800
00:33:20,933 --> 00:33:22,933
You guys didn't hear that.
801
00:33:22,935 --> 00:33:24,034
♪ Men. ♪
802
00:33:24,036 --> 00:33:25,268
(phone ringing)
803
00:33:25,270 --> 00:33:26,470
Hello.
804
00:33:26,472 --> 00:33:27,938
Zoey.
805
00:33:27,940 --> 00:33:30,107
Hi. It's walden.
806
00:33:30,109 --> 00:33:31,975
Oh, walden.
807
00:33:31,977 --> 00:33:34,277
How are you, darling?
808
00:33:34,279 --> 00:33:36,113
Uh, not so good.
809
00:33:36,115 --> 00:33:37,981
Uh... That's why I'm calling.
810
00:33:37,983 --> 00:33:40,717
I... I just wanted
to tell you that...
811
00:33:40,719 --> 00:33:43,453
I've been thinking
about you lately, and...
812
00:33:43,455 --> 00:33:45,822
I'm sorry about
the way things ended.
813
00:33:45,824 --> 00:33:48,725
Oh, well...
Water under the bridge.
814
00:33:48,727 --> 00:33:50,527
Listen, I'd love to chat,
815
00:33:50,529 --> 00:33:52,362
But I'm in the middle
of a coronation.
816
00:33:55,533 --> 00:33:57,634
Of a what?
817
00:33:57,636 --> 00:33:59,202
A coronation.
818
00:33:59,204 --> 00:34:01,171
I married king rupert
of moldavia,
819
00:34:01,173 --> 00:34:04,174
And I'm being
crowned queen, so...
820
00:34:04,176 --> 00:34:07,177
You're the queen of moldavia?
821
00:34:07,179 --> 00:34:08,745
What can I say?
822
00:34:08,747 --> 00:34:10,347
Thank you, jdate.
823
00:34:10,349 --> 00:34:12,649
(sighs) shalom.
824
00:34:15,253 --> 00:34:17,487
Darling, you still breathing?
825
00:34:17,489 --> 00:34:19,089
♪ Men. ♪
826
00:34:19,091 --> 00:34:20,390
Hello?
827
00:34:20,392 --> 00:34:21,758
Lyndsey, it's alan.
828
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:22,993
Hi, alan.
829
00:34:22,995 --> 00:34:24,261
I was just showing off
830
00:34:24,263 --> 00:34:25,903
The beautiful engagement ring
you gave me.
831
00:34:28,199 --> 00:34:30,734
Great. Listen,
I-I just wanted you to know
832
00:34:30,736 --> 00:34:33,203
That if anything
were to happen to me,
833
00:34:33,205 --> 00:34:35,205
You were the love of my life.
834
00:34:35,207 --> 00:34:36,840
Oh, baby.
835
00:34:36,842 --> 00:34:38,842
You're the love of my life.
836
00:34:38,844 --> 00:34:40,243
(quietly):
So, how much?
837
00:34:42,180 --> 00:34:43,947
♪ Men. ♪
838
00:34:43,949 --> 00:34:45,949
Okay, I will say
it one more time.
839
00:34:45,951 --> 00:34:47,684
Resort hotel
till the cops find him.
840
00:34:47,686 --> 00:34:49,886
We can be in vegas in two hours.
841
00:34:49,888 --> 00:34:52,289
Styx is playing mandalay bay.
842
00:34:52,291 --> 00:34:54,624
No, if I let charlie
drive me out of this house,
843
00:34:54,626 --> 00:34:56,860
I reward his bad behavior.
844
00:34:56,862 --> 00:34:59,796
Yeah. That's only supposed
to happen in show business.
845
00:34:59,798 --> 00:35:00,931
Which we are not in.
846
00:35:00,933 --> 00:35:04,468
Not anymore.
847
00:35:04,470 --> 00:35:06,736
(cell phone ringing)
848
00:35:06,738 --> 00:35:09,206
Oh. Hello?
849
00:35:09,208 --> 00:35:11,308
Valden?
Walden.
850
00:35:11,310 --> 00:35:13,443
That's what I said.
851
00:35:13,445 --> 00:35:15,479
Look, I have good news.
852
00:35:15,481 --> 00:35:16,713
We found your boy.
853
00:35:16,715 --> 00:35:17,881
They found charlie.
854
00:35:17,883 --> 00:35:19,149
Are-are they sure?
855
00:35:19,151 --> 00:35:21,051
Uh, uh, are...
Are you sure it's him?
856
00:35:21,053 --> 00:35:23,053
Well, he matches
the description.
857
00:35:23,055 --> 00:35:25,388
Bowling shirt, cargo shorts,
858
00:35:25,390 --> 00:35:27,524
And he's babbling away
incoherently.
859
00:35:28,493 --> 00:35:29,493
That sounds like him.
860
00:35:29,495 --> 00:35:30,494
Wh-where'd you find him?
861
00:35:30,496 --> 00:35:31,795
In a trashed hotel room
862
00:35:31,797 --> 00:35:33,463
With a hooker in the closet.
863
00:35:33,465 --> 00:35:35,165
That's absolutely him.
864
00:35:35,167 --> 00:35:36,733
Oh, my...
Thank you so much.
865
00:35:36,735 --> 00:35:38,502
This is a huge relief.
866
00:35:38,504 --> 00:35:39,836
Oh, you're welcome.
867
00:35:39,838 --> 00:35:41,238
Uh, see you in the gym.
868
00:35:41,240 --> 00:35:43,507
Okay. Hasta la vista.
869
00:35:43,509 --> 00:35:46,576
I'm telling you,
I'm not charlie harper.
870
00:35:46,578 --> 00:35:47,811
Then who are you?
871
00:35:47,813 --> 00:35:50,013
My name is christian slater.
872
00:35:50,015 --> 00:35:51,915
I'm an actor, all right?
873
00:35:51,917 --> 00:35:54,351
I was in a bar, and this guy
hands me a drink.
874
00:35:54,353 --> 00:35:56,620
Next thing I know,
I wake up in a hotel room
875
00:35:56,622 --> 00:35:57,787
Dressed like a 12-year-old,
876
00:35:57,789 --> 00:35:59,990
With a screaming woman
in the closet.
877
00:35:59,992 --> 00:36:01,158
Yeah, right.
878
00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:02,993
And I'm the governor
of california.
879
00:36:04,328 --> 00:36:06,630
That bitch stole my watch.
880
00:36:06,632 --> 00:36:09,099
♪ Men. ♪
881
00:36:13,137 --> 00:36:15,605
♪ Men. ♪
882
00:36:15,607 --> 00:36:17,274
What do you think
charlie will do
883
00:36:17,276 --> 00:36:18,642
When he gets out of jail?
884
00:36:18,644 --> 00:36:21,545
Well, if the past
is any indication,
885
00:36:21,547 --> 00:36:25,282
He'll sober up and reflect
on his past mistakes,
886
00:36:25,284 --> 00:36:26,883
Apologize to everyone,
887
00:36:26,885 --> 00:36:28,852
And then do something
even worse.
888
00:36:30,555 --> 00:36:32,455
See, I'm not so pessimistic.
889
00:36:32,457 --> 00:36:34,758
I'm hoping someday
he and I can be buddies.
890
00:36:37,862 --> 00:36:39,930
(all laughing)
891
00:36:41,365 --> 00:36:44,000
Good one.
892
00:36:44,002 --> 00:36:45,335
By the way,
893
00:36:45,337 --> 00:36:47,737
When this cigar is done,
so am I.
894
00:36:47,739 --> 00:36:49,472
Yeah, you calling it a day?
895
00:36:49,474 --> 00:36:51,208
Calling it a career.
896
00:36:51,210 --> 00:36:52,309
You're quitting?
897
00:36:52,311 --> 00:36:54,311
I didn't want to rub
your nose in it,
898
00:36:54,313 --> 00:36:56,246
But charlie sent me
a big-ass check,
899
00:36:56,248 --> 00:36:57,714
So I'm out of here.
900
00:36:57,716 --> 00:36:59,049
Where you gonna go?
901
00:36:59,051 --> 00:37:00,350
Don't know.
902
00:37:00,352 --> 00:37:01,985
Somewhere the sun is bright,
903
00:37:01,987 --> 00:37:05,121
The pot is strong
and the men are stupid.
904
00:37:06,190 --> 00:37:07,791
That's here.
905
00:37:10,094 --> 00:37:11,828
You're right.
906
00:37:11,830 --> 00:37:13,430
I'm staying.
907
00:37:15,233 --> 00:37:16,600
(helicopter whirring overhead)
908
00:37:16,602 --> 00:37:17,767
Wow.
909
00:37:17,769 --> 00:37:19,636
Look at that.
910
00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:25,709
Someone's having a piano
delivered by helicopter.
911
00:37:25,711 --> 00:37:27,877
Mmm. That's the kind
of extravagant thing
912
00:37:27,879 --> 00:37:29,446
Charlie would do.
913
00:37:29,448 --> 00:37:32,015
Oh, uh, he had a baby grand
just like that.
914
00:37:32,017 --> 00:37:33,650
It's coming right this way.
915
00:37:35,286 --> 00:37:37,887
You don't think
that it's possible
916
00:37:37,889 --> 00:37:40,624
That the cops got
the wrong guy, do you?
917
00:37:42,460 --> 00:37:44,594
Nah.
Nah.
918
00:37:52,103 --> 00:37:53,536
(rings doorbell)
919
00:37:53,538 --> 00:37:55,105
(helicopter whirring overhead)
920
00:38:05,816 --> 00:38:13,816
Winning.
921
00:38:15,494 --> 00:38:18,528
♪ Men, men, men. ♪