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♪ Men. ♪
2
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Morning.
3
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Oh, morning, lyndsey.
4
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Have you two officially met?
5
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We have, actually.
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Remember
when you were stalking alan
7
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And you followed him
to a restaurant
8
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To catch him with his whore?
9
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I was that whore!
10
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(laughing)
oh, my god.
11
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That was you?
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Yes. You know, I
remember thinking,
13
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"what is such a beautiful
woman doing with alan?"
14
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I thought the same thing
about you.
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"What are we doing with alan?"
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And here I was worried you two
would have nothing in common.
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Care for a mimosa?
Oh, no,
18
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Thanks, I'm recently sober.
I'm cutting down
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On the self-destructive choices
in my life.
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Morning.
21
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And she's down to one.
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Alan:
Oh!
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Oh, this is so uncomfortable.
What?
24
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Well, I'm about to have
breakfast with my current lover,
25
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My former lover, and my husband.
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Oh, my god,
I'm turning into my mother.
27
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Well, to be fair,
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Your mother slept
with a lot more women.
29
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Oh, hey, our, uh,
three-month anniversary
30
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Is on valentine's day.
What should we do?
31
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I don't know. I was thinking
we could get dressed up
32
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And put on some cologne
and get some flowers
33
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And go to a romantic dinner...
34
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Ooh, I like it.
35
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With our girlfriends.
36
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Our girlfriends?
But it's valentine's day.
37
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I can't believe I'm in a
relationship with a married man.
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Eh. By the third time,
you get used to it.
39
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Walden:
You know what,
40
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That's actually
a really good point.
41
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Since louis' adoption's final,
why are we still married?
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Uh, because we love each other.
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See? They always promise they're
gonna get out of their marriage,
44
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But they never do.
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Alan, I want a divorce.
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Wow. Just get right to it.
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Happy valentine's day to alan.
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Oh, come on.
This was never a real marriage.
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And these aren't
real tears, either.
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I'm a stone-hearted
bastard, too!
51
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You know what, walden,
you can keep him.
52
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(sighs) all right.
53
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I'll go get him
before I find him masturbating
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In a pool of his own tears.
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Been there.
Been there.
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♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪
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♪ Ah. ♪ men. ♪ men.
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♪ Men. ♪
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Can we make pancakes?
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Oh. You know, I'm sorry, buddy.
I can't right now.
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I'm k... I'm kind of busy.
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Y-you remember how I told you
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That alan and I aren't gonna
be married anymore?
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(sadly):
Yeah.
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Are you sad about the divorce?
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No. I'm sad about the pancakes.
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Hey. Oh, hey. Great.
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Uh, you know what, I'm working
on our divorce papers.
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I need you to sign right here.
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What about dividing our assets?
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Well, we both get what we had
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When we came into the marriage.
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So you get the house and the car
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And the billion dollars
and the private jet?
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Yep.
76
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And you'll get that shirt.
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You know what?
I'll go first.
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You know, this isn't easy
for me either.
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Does the beach house
and the private jet
80
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And the billion dollars
make it easier?
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Duh.
82
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But this is still the best
relationship I've ever been in.
83
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Hmm. It's funny.
84
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When judith and I got
divorced, she said,
85
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"if you don't leave,
I will kill you."
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I believed her.
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Here. Your turn.
88
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I can't. My hand
knows it's wrong.
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Your hand does a lot of things
it knows is wrong.
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Just sign it.
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(sighs)
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(sighs)
good-bye...
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Dr. Alan harper-schmidt.
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I hardly knew ye.
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Thank you. I really appreciate
you doing this whole thing.
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You know, in fact, I'd like to
get you a gift to say thank you.
97
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Well, that's very nice, but
I didn't do it for a gift.
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You're my best friend, and
I would walk through fire...
99
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What kind of a gift
are we talking about?
100
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Whatever you want.
101
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Don't worry about the cost.
You deserve it.
102
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Oh, wow.
103
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This is exciting.
104
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You're like a genie.
105
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What do I rub to make
my wish come true?
106
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I heard it.
107
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Oh. I-I already know
what my wish will be.
108
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You can't wish for more wishes.
109
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Damn it.
110
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So-so what are the limits?
111
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Are we talking
a trip to disneyland?
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More than that.
113
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Owning disneyland?
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Less than that.
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I really want to own disneyland.
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Then the little mermaid
can't tell me,
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"pictures with children only."
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Okay, I-I know my parameters,
I just have to think about it.
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Can I have a wish?
120
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I'll give you a hint:
It's pancakes.
121
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You know what, fine,
I'll get you pancakes.
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That's how it's done.
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♪ Men. ♪
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I'm sorry, so, after living
in his guesthouse for free
125
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For four years,
your billionaire friend
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Is granting you a wish?
(scoffs)
127
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Just one.
(scoffs)
128
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This is so hard.
129
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Yeah. What do you get
for a guy who has... Nothing?
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No, I'm serious.
131
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This is a very
tricky negotiation.
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He'll-he'll hate me
if I ask for too much,
133
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But I'll hate myself
if I ask for too little.
134
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I mean...
135
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I'll hate myself either way,
but I could be hating myself
136
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While michael caine
is my butler for a day.
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(imitating michael caine): Shall I
bring the volvo round then, sir?
138
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Okay. What do you have so far,
besides michael caine?
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Well, right now there's
a range of things.
140
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A new computer, a real bed,
141
00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:57,356
Um, $10,000 to my
favorite charity...
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Wow, that's very generous.
143
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That was just in case
somebody else saw my list.
144
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Don't you think it should be
something that lasts
145
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For a while, something
that sets you up for the future?
146
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Uh, number five,
penis enlargement.
147
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Just promise me
you'll pick something practical.
148
00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:14,773
Right. Right. Practical.
Got to think practical.
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Hey, um, if you had
the right kind of saddle,
150
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Could you ride a giant panda?
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♪ Men. ♪
152
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Don't peek.
I want it to be a surprise.
153
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Please don't be a panda.
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Please don't be a panda.
155
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It's not a panda.
But that would be awesome.
156
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Can you ride a panda?
(scoffs)
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I wish. Apparently
it's animal cruelty.
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Peta ruins everything.
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Can I uncover my eyes?
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Uh, ooh, one second.
161
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Is he getting naked?
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If he was,
I'd be covering my eyes.
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Alan:
Okay, open your eyes.
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Wow.
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What do you think?
166
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I think he should've gotten
the penis enlargement.
167
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,721
This thing must
have cost a fortune.
168
00:07:02,723 --> 00:07:04,189
Oh, it's not as expensive
as you think.
169
00:07:04,191 --> 00:07:05,390
Plus, I traded in my volvo.
170
00:07:05,392 --> 00:07:08,326
Yeah, it paid for
his first tank of gas.
171
00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:11,730
You had one wish
and this is what you asked for?
172
00:07:11,732 --> 00:07:14,232
Yeah. Five people flipped me off
on the way home.
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It was awesome.
174
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Walden:
Oh, plus,
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00:07:17,404 --> 00:07:18,804
You won't have to
explain your relationship
176
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To your friends anymore.
They all ask, mmm.
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"What are you doing with
alan?" but nobody asks,
178
00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:24,242
"what are you doing with
the guy in the ferrari?"
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Berta:
Oh, wow.
180
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Sweet ride, walden.
181
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Finally a car
as pretty as you are.
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00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:32,317
It's actually mine.
183
00:07:32,319 --> 00:07:34,486
There is no god.
184
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Alan, we talked about this.
185
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I thought you were gonna get
something practical.
186
00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:40,392
I thought so, too.
187
00:07:40,394 --> 00:07:42,060
But michael caine is out
of the country shooting a movie,
188
00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:43,628
So here we are.
189
00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,497
Couldn't you have talked
some sense into him?
190
00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:46,965
I told him to get
whatever he wants.
191
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:49,634
Don't hate the genie,
hate the wish.
192
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:52,971
Right now I hate the idiot
who wasted it on a ferrari.
193
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:55,707
Lyndsey, w-wait, wait.
We can take it for a spin.
194
00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:57,542
I'll let you drive!
195
00:07:57,544 --> 00:07:59,744
Not a chance.
196
00:07:59,746 --> 00:08:01,446
What the hell? I really thought
she was gonna like it.
197
00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:02,747
I know. Me, too.
198
00:08:02,749 --> 00:08:05,250
Hey, berta, uh, if you had
one wish, what would you get?
199
00:08:05,252 --> 00:08:07,052
Have you signed the
divorce papers yet?
200
00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:09,120
I did.
Then I'm good.
201
00:08:10,957 --> 00:08:12,891
♪ Men. ♪
202
00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:14,626
Oh.
203
00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:16,695
Hey. Have you, uh,
heard from lyndsey?
204
00:08:16,697 --> 00:08:17,863
No.
205
00:08:17,865 --> 00:08:19,464
I even pulled out the big guns.
206
00:08:19,466 --> 00:08:22,868
I texted her a picture of
my penis with a sad face on it.
207
00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:25,871
Why would that work on her
208
00:08:25,873 --> 00:08:29,074
When it never worked on me?
209
00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:30,942
(door opens)
210
00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:32,110
Hey, walden.
211
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:35,947
Alan, why did you send me
your sad penis pic?
212
00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:37,782
I-I'm sorry.
That was for lyndsey.
213
00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:40,819
Come on, man!
214
00:08:40,821 --> 00:08:42,554
Grow up.
She's seen it in person.
215
00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:44,289
Yeah, and it was sad then, too.
216
00:08:44,291 --> 00:08:46,291
Yeah, well, that sad penis
217
00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:48,260
Is driving around
in a brand-new ferrari.
218
00:08:48,262 --> 00:08:51,563
Why can't you talk
like a person?
219
00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:54,366
Wait, so you used your wish
on a ferrari?
220
00:08:55,768 --> 00:08:57,402
And how did lyndsey feel
about that?
221
00:08:57,404 --> 00:08:59,070
Well, she hated it,
and I just don't know why.
222
00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:02,240
I-it was like our anniversary
lunch at hooters all over again.
223
00:09:02,242 --> 00:09:05,310
Don't you know anything
about women?
224
00:09:05,312 --> 00:09:07,979
Uh, you and I dated... I think
you know the answer to that.
225
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:11,516
You had the chance to do
something for you and lyndsey,
226
00:09:11,518 --> 00:09:14,019
And instead you did something
just for yourself.
227
00:09:14,021 --> 00:09:15,020
Walden:
You know what?
228
00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:16,321
This is my fault.
229
00:09:16,323 --> 00:09:18,390
I gave you too much power.
230
00:09:18,392 --> 00:09:21,026
You don't give a monkey a gun.
231
00:09:21,028 --> 00:09:25,330
Did we learn nothing
from planet of the apes?
232
00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:27,732
So how do I make this right
for lyndsey?
233
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:31,937
Oh. Maybe you could paint
a smiley face on her vagina.
234
00:09:33,606 --> 00:09:36,341
If she had one wish,
what would it be?
235
00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:37,776
To be married to him.
236
00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:39,444
Okay, that's probably true,
237
00:09:39,446 --> 00:09:41,980
But she can't have walden.
(chuckles)
238
00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:44,249
And make sure she knows that.
239
00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:46,384
But I think you might
be on the right track
240
00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:48,219
That she would
like a commitment.
241
00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:49,621
Wow... A commitment.
242
00:09:49,623 --> 00:09:51,222
(chuckles)
243
00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:54,225
For years, I-I felt
I should marry lyndsey,
244
00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:56,761
But, uh, it's never
the right time.
245
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:59,331
Maybe now is the right time.
246
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,267
I just...
247
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:05,704
Wish I had the money
for an engagement ring.
248
00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:09,708
I'm not getting you an
engagement ring and a ferrari.
249
00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:11,543
How 'bout a promise ring
and a beemer?
250
00:10:11,545 --> 00:10:13,812
♪ Men. ♪
251
00:10:17,216 --> 00:10:18,416
♪ Men. ♪
252
00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:19,784
Wow.
253
00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:22,821
I've never been to a high-end
jewelry store like this.
254
00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:25,323
Really? Where'd you get your
engagement ring for your ex-wife?
255
00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:27,492
Well, when I met judith,
I was working at a funeral home.
256
00:10:27,494 --> 00:10:28,660
I'll let you
figure out the rest.
257
00:10:28,662 --> 00:10:29,761
(clears throat)
258
00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:32,964
(lock buzzes)
259
00:10:33,933 --> 00:10:36,735
I don't think I belong here.
260
00:10:36,737 --> 00:10:38,436
You know, I-I feel
out of place.
261
00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:40,438
Just follow my lead,
and keep it classy.
262
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:42,774
Hi. Welcome to bj's.
263
00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:43,975
(muffled laughter)
264
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:46,878
I'm sorry.
(both laugh)
265
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:49,781
(laughing):
Um, what does "bj" stand for?
266
00:10:49,783 --> 00:10:50,915
Bountiful jewels.
267
00:10:50,917 --> 00:10:53,652
Oh. You know, I...
I love your ads.
268
00:10:53,654 --> 00:10:57,255
Uh, uh, "want a
diamond, give a bj."
269
00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:58,657
Uh, uh, how about this one?
270
00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:00,525
If you're gonna
get down on your knees,
271
00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:02,293
You better be giving a bj.
272
00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:03,728
(both laughing)
273
00:11:03,730 --> 00:11:05,430
We've heard them all, sir.
274
00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:08,867
So, what can we do for you guys?
275
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:10,835
Uh, well,
to celebrate our divorce,
276
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:13,038
I'd like to get my ex-husband
an engagement ring
277
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:14,939
For his on-again,
off-again girlfriend.
278
00:11:14,941 --> 00:11:17,542
Oh, and I might need your card,
in case I propose
279
00:11:17,544 --> 00:11:19,544
To my girlfriend,
his ex-girlfriend,
280
00:11:19,546 --> 00:11:21,713
Our social worker.
281
00:11:23,249 --> 00:11:25,383
Also, do you validate?
282
00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:27,519
We do.
So, what kind of cut
283
00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:29,054
Were you thinking?
284
00:11:29,056 --> 00:11:33,124
Oh, well, a-a cushion cut
is très in vogue right now.
285
00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:35,260
Oh, on the other hand,
ever since I was a little boy,
286
00:11:35,262 --> 00:11:36,895
I had my heart set
on a princess cut.
287
00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:39,097
I think that she's asking
what lyndsey would like.
288
00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:42,467
Oh, uh, right, um,
uh, the bride, uh, lyndsey.
289
00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:45,236
Um, uh, well, you know,
she has very common taste,
290
00:11:45,238 --> 00:11:47,172
So, you know, probably round.
291
00:11:49,975 --> 00:11:52,077
Well, what do you think
of these?
292
00:11:52,079 --> 00:11:54,446
They are both a minimum
of four carats each.
293
00:11:54,448 --> 00:11:56,614
Oh, and, uh, how much are they?
294
00:11:56,616 --> 00:11:58,450
Oh, dear lord!
295
00:11:58,452 --> 00:12:01,786
I think I just dropped
four carats in my pants.
296
00:12:01,788 --> 00:12:03,488
Don't worry about the price.
297
00:12:03,490 --> 00:12:04,756
Just get what you want.
298
00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:06,591
Wow. Lyndsey is very lucky
299
00:12:06,593 --> 00:12:08,827
To have a man like you
in my life.
300
00:12:10,196 --> 00:12:12,363
So, do you
see anything you like?
301
00:12:12,365 --> 00:12:14,365
They all look good under
these showroom lights.
302
00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:16,000
I need something that looks good
303
00:12:16,002 --> 00:12:17,535
In a rent-controlled
apartment in van nuys.
304
00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:19,137
Then I suggest this one.
305
00:12:19,139 --> 00:12:20,338
It's flawless.
306
00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:23,374
Oh. Well,
I'll take it.
307
00:12:23,376 --> 00:12:25,143
It'll remind her of me.
308
00:12:25,145 --> 00:12:27,445
Why? Does the diamond
fart a lot?
309
00:12:29,014 --> 00:12:30,782
I'll just go wrap this up.
310
00:12:32,318 --> 00:12:34,652
Wow. Wow!
(laughs)
311
00:12:34,654 --> 00:12:36,721
It's really happening. Yeah.
312
00:12:36,723 --> 00:12:37,922
You're getting married.
313
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:40,358
I know. I know.
314
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,594
Pretty soon, I'll be
moving out of the house.
315
00:12:42,596 --> 00:12:44,028
(laughs)
I mean,
316
00:12:44,030 --> 00:12:45,330
I certainly wouldn't expect you
317
00:12:45,332 --> 00:12:47,665
To let lyndsey and I live
in your guest room.
318
00:12:47,667 --> 00:12:49,200
I mean,
that'-that'd be ridiculous.
319
00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:50,869
(laughing):
Wouldn't it?
320
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:52,137
(laughs)
321
00:12:52,139 --> 00:12:53,705
Wouldn't it?
322
00:12:53,707 --> 00:12:57,575
Hm... I have the house
all to myself.
323
00:12:57,577 --> 00:12:59,677
I hadn't thought about that.
324
00:13:00,713 --> 00:13:02,714
All:
Yay!
325
00:13:02,716 --> 00:13:04,749
Thank you.
326
00:13:04,751 --> 00:13:07,152
Well, we should
do this more often.
327
00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:08,686
We never get together anymore.
328
00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:10,755
Oh, we wouldn't miss
your 50th birthday,
329
00:13:10,757 --> 00:13:12,991
Here in the year 2030.
330
00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:14,626
Why are you telling
us what year it is?
331
00:13:14,628 --> 00:13:16,661
I don't know. I was just
providing some context,
332
00:13:16,663 --> 00:13:19,531
In case people
missed the subtitle.
333
00:13:19,533 --> 00:13:21,566
Well, I really appreciate
you all being here.
334
00:13:21,568 --> 00:13:24,669
And, louis, I'm glad you could
take time away from college.
335
00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:26,104
I wouldn't miss it, dad.
336
00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:27,505
Although, today is the big game
337
00:13:27,507 --> 00:13:29,474
Between jupiter state
and moon university.
338
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:31,276
Go... Craters!
339
00:13:31,278 --> 00:13:35,513
Wow. Things sure are different
in the year 2030.
340
00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:37,782
Yeah. Lots of things
are different.
341
00:13:39,251 --> 00:13:41,619
(sputters)
342
00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:42,921
Berta:
All right.
343
00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:44,689
I'm out of here.
What?!
344
00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:45,990
No. You're leaving?
345
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:48,026
Yeah. I want to get home
346
00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:51,396
And watch the series finale
of the big bang theory.
347
00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:55,266
Matthew mcconaughey
is guest starring.
348
00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:58,736
I didn't know president
mcconaughey could act.
349
00:13:58,738 --> 00:14:00,205
We should really get going, too.
Yeah.
350
00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:03,741
Oh, no! No. Come on,
stay, guys. The-the...
351
00:14:03,743 --> 00:14:06,110
Wait, wait. Why don't you...
Why don't you stay the weekend?
352
00:14:06,112 --> 00:14:07,412
I've have all these extra rooms.
353
00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:10,148
God, walden, I am a
successful businessman.
354
00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:13,218
I don't need to live in
your house for free anymore.
355
00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:16,054
I live in lyndsey's
house for free now.
356
00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:17,789
Bye, guys.
Happy birthday.
357
00:14:17,791 --> 00:14:21,559
Well, I guess it's
just you and me.
358
00:14:21,561 --> 00:14:23,127
And louis.
359
00:14:23,129 --> 00:14:24,362
Walden:
Oh, yeah, but
360
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:25,430
He's just a hologram.
361
00:14:25,432 --> 00:14:26,798
I've got to go.
362
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:28,560
(echoing): It's pancake day
in the cafeteria.
363
00:14:31,103 --> 00:14:34,072
Now it's really just
you and me. Hmm.
364
00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:35,874
You want some cake?
365
00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:39,777
Hey, babe. Ready to go?
366
00:14:39,779 --> 00:14:41,412
I sure am.
367
00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:42,881
Rain check on the cake?
368
00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:45,216
How the hell did you not age?
369
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:46,784
I'm michael freakin' bolton.
370
00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:48,853
(laughs)
371
00:14:48,855 --> 00:14:50,488
And thanks for introducing us.
Mm.
372
00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:51,990
Get out of my house, bolton.
373
00:14:51,992 --> 00:14:53,858
Bye, walden.
374
00:14:53,860 --> 00:14:56,561
Yeah, bye, walden.
375
00:14:56,563 --> 00:15:00,832
♪ When a man steals a woman.
376
00:15:00,834 --> 00:15:02,400
Wait, no!
No, no, no, don't leave!
377
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:03,701
I don't want to be alone!
378
00:15:04,603 --> 00:15:06,337
I don't want to be alone.
379
00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:08,006
Oh, walden,
what-what are you talking about?
380
00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:11,242
No. You can't leave me.
381
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:12,477
I'll give you anything you want.
382
00:15:12,479 --> 00:15:13,778
You can sleep in
the master bedroom,
383
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:15,380
And I'll sleep on the futon.
384
00:15:15,382 --> 00:15:16,848
Just, you can't marry lyndsey!
385
00:15:16,850 --> 00:15:18,650
Wait...
You can't ask that of me.
386
00:15:18,652 --> 00:15:20,084
I'll give you the house!
387
00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:22,020
What's your return policy?
388
00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:23,588
You can't give back a bj.
389
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:26,991
Oh, god...
I'm gonna die alone!
390
00:15:26,993 --> 00:15:28,226
Well, walden, relax.
391
00:15:28,228 --> 00:15:29,527
No, I can't relax.
392
00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:31,496
I have seen the future!
393
00:15:31,498 --> 00:15:33,498
Ms. Mcmartin has
beautiful new boobs,
394
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:35,533
But I don't get the boobs.
395
00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:36,935
Bolton gets the boobs.
396
00:15:36,937 --> 00:15:40,505
And louis... he won't come
home from moon college!
397
00:15:40,507 --> 00:15:42,040
Oh, calm down.
Calm down, walden.
398
00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:44,208
Now, I want you
to take a deep breath
399
00:15:44,210 --> 00:15:46,744
And tell me every detail
about ms. Mcmartin's boobs.
400
00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:48,813
I can't breathe.
401
00:15:48,815 --> 00:15:50,114
I need air.
402
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:51,382
(high-pitched gasping)
403
00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:52,717
Everything is spinning!
404
00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:56,020
My whole world is coming apart!
405
00:15:56,022 --> 00:15:57,822
Could you please buzz me out?
406
00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:00,591
(lock buzzing)
407
00:16:00,593 --> 00:16:03,127
♪ men. ♪
408
00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:05,763
Hey, hey, don't
beat yourself up about this.
409
00:16:05,765 --> 00:16:08,866
I mean, everybody freaks out
a little bit every now and then.
410
00:16:08,868 --> 00:16:11,536
I mean, it's like...
It's like when I, uh, lost louis
411
00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:13,137
For two hours at the mall.
412
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:14,539
What?
413
00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:17,175
Uh, he found a wetzel's pretzel
in the trash.
414
00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:18,543
It was fine.
415
00:16:18,545 --> 00:16:21,112
I'm sorry
I caused a scene back there.
416
00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:23,314
Everything hit me all at once,
417
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,917
And I had this terrifying vision
of the future,
418
00:16:25,919 --> 00:16:28,453
Where I-I ended up all alone
in this house.
419
00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:30,922
Terrifying?
Next to my mother dying,
420
00:16:30,924 --> 00:16:34,625
Being alone in this house
is my favorite dream.
421
00:16:34,627 --> 00:16:38,930
Oh, it's just, when I think
about the rest of my life,
422
00:16:38,932 --> 00:16:40,965
You're the one constant.
423
00:16:40,967 --> 00:16:42,834
And I know
424
00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:45,103
I joke a lot
about you moving out,
425
00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:47,772
But the only thing...
Worse than...
426
00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:50,174
You staying is you leaving.
427
00:16:53,645 --> 00:16:55,146
Don't you think I'm scared, too?
428
00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:56,547
I mean,
429
00:16:56,549 --> 00:16:58,583
I'm trading you
for someone ten years older
430
00:16:58,585 --> 00:17:00,718
And a billion dollars poorer.
431
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,721
Don't put it that way
in the proposal.
432
00:17:03,723 --> 00:17:05,790
Good call. See?
433
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:07,658
I'm always gonna need you.
434
00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:09,794
And look, it's not like
I'm leaving tomorrow.
435
00:17:09,796 --> 00:17:12,296
Plus, even after lyndsey
and I are married,
436
00:17:12,298 --> 00:17:13,765
We're still gonna
see each other.
437
00:17:13,767 --> 00:17:14,799
You mean it?
438
00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:16,300
Of course.
439
00:17:16,302 --> 00:17:18,369
I gotta do something
while lyndsey's at work.
440
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:19,937
♪ Men. ♪
441
00:17:19,939 --> 00:17:22,140
Thank you both
for inviting me to dinner.
442
00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:24,075
Well, we just wanted
to cheer you up.
443
00:17:24,077 --> 00:17:26,844
I'm really fine. I'm pretty used
to alan disappointing me.
444
00:17:26,846 --> 00:17:28,813
That's alan.
He disappoints us,
445
00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:31,115
Then he redeems himself,
only to disappoint us again.
446
00:17:31,117 --> 00:17:32,116
Yeah.
447
00:17:32,118 --> 00:17:34,318
It's the great circle of alan.
448
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:37,021
Hello, lyndsey.
449
00:17:37,023 --> 00:17:39,023
Alan!
450
00:17:39,025 --> 00:17:41,025
Why are you dressed
like the waiters?
451
00:17:42,461 --> 00:17:44,629
That's an unfortunate
coincidence.
452
00:17:46,131 --> 00:17:48,599
I didn't know the restaurant
was gonna be this nice.
453
00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:50,101
What's going on?
454
00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:52,603
Hold that thought
until you hear this.
455
00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:56,140
Um, everybody, this is scott.
456
00:17:56,142 --> 00:17:58,242
Uh, he is available for lessons
457
00:17:58,244 --> 00:18:00,978
At the valley west
community college.
458
00:18:00,980 --> 00:18:03,514
Uh, please inquire
after the performance.
459
00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:05,550
There you go, paid in full.
Now play.
460
00:18:05,552 --> 00:18:08,286
(playing romantic melody)
461
00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:11,255
Lyndsey ruth anne mcelroy...
462
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:12,256
What are you doing?
463
00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:14,258
The right thing for once.
464
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:15,793
I've been in a lot
of relationships...
465
00:18:15,795 --> 00:18:18,596
Oh, three of whom
are at this table.
466
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:22,366
But none of them even
come close to what we have.
467
00:18:22,368 --> 00:18:26,104
From the moment I met you,
I knew you were too good for me.
468
00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:28,106
Oh, that's so sweet.
469
00:18:28,108 --> 00:18:29,941
And so true.
470
00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:34,946
Walden asked me to pick anything
in the world that I wanted,
471
00:18:34,948 --> 00:18:36,948
And I pick you.
472
00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:38,049
Ah.
473
00:18:38,051 --> 00:18:40,118
Will you marry me?
474
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:43,721
That is the nicest thing
anyone's ever said to me,
475
00:18:43,723 --> 00:18:46,624
But I hope you didn't do
anything as silly as waste
476
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,559
Your wish on ring...
(gasps)
477
00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:51,062
I'm a princess!
I'm a pretty, pretty princess!
478
00:18:51,064 --> 00:18:52,497
(yells)
is that a yes?
479
00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:53,998
Yes!
Ah! (laughs)
480
00:18:55,601 --> 00:18:58,336
That is so sweet.
481
00:18:58,338 --> 00:19:00,638
It's so beautiful.
So moving.
482
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,707
So... Romantic.
483
00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:04,909
In fact... Ms. Mcmartin,
484
00:19:04,911 --> 00:19:06,711
Will you...?
No.
485
00:19:06,713 --> 00:19:07,879
Right, it's too soon.
486
00:19:07,881 --> 00:19:09,480
Don't leave me.
487
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:10,715
I'm so happy.
488
00:19:10,717 --> 00:19:12,216
This is really a new beginning.
489
00:19:12,218 --> 00:19:15,453
It is. We get our own place,
our own things, new jobs...
490
00:19:15,455 --> 00:19:16,888
Oh, perfect.
491
00:19:16,890 --> 00:19:18,356
Started the day with a ferrari,
492
00:19:18,358 --> 00:19:21,526
Ended it with a wife and a job.
493
00:19:21,528 --> 00:19:23,461
♪ Men. ♪
494
00:19:26,932 --> 00:19:28,933
♪ Men. ♪
495
00:19:28,935 --> 00:19:30,501
Thanks again
for the engagement ring.
496
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,336
Thanks for being
such a great friend.
497
00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:33,905
Oh, please.
498
00:19:33,907 --> 00:19:35,973
You gave me a new lease on life.
499
00:19:35,975 --> 00:19:40,111
I mean, after we lost charlie,
I thought we were done. We?
500
00:19:40,113 --> 00:19:43,848
Well, you know, me,
uh, berta, jake,
501
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:45,850
My mom, lyndsey,
502
00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:49,420
All the crazy characters who've
walked into this amazing house.
503
00:19:49,422 --> 00:19:52,823
Yeah, it's been a pretty
wacky last four years, huh?
504
00:19:52,825 --> 00:19:54,158
Yeah. (laughs)
505
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:55,393
Had a lot of laughs.
506
00:19:55,395 --> 00:19:58,829
Imagine how weird
it would be without the laughs.
507
00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:21,586
♪ Men. ♪