1 00:00:01,368 --> 00:00:03,002 Previously on... 2 00:00:03,004 --> 00:00:04,703 Tonight would be a great time 3 00:00:04,705 --> 00:00:07,072 To tell larry that you're not jeff strongman, 4 00:00:07,074 --> 00:00:08,207 That you're really alan harper. 5 00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:10,442 If you tell larry who you really are, 6 00:00:10,444 --> 00:00:13,078 Then he's gonna wonder why I didn't tell him. 7 00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:17,182 Will you do me the honor of becoming mrs. Alan harper? 8 00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:19,284 Who the hell is alan harper? 9 00:00:19,286 --> 00:00:22,588 Larry! Look! Boobs! 10 00:00:22,590 --> 00:00:24,523 ♪ men. ♪ 11 00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:27,693 We can go in the other room and you can play with them. Huh? 12 00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:30,262 Really? In the middle of the day? Mm-hmm. 13 00:00:31,297 --> 00:00:33,365 Wait a minute. Who's alan harper? 14 00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:36,068 Uh, I am gonna answer that, but before I do... 15 00:00:36,070 --> 00:00:37,636 What do you say, gretchie? 16 00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:39,204 Will you marry me? 17 00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:40,639 Yes. 18 00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:42,741 (laughs): Oh, my god! 19 00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:48,213 You've made me the-the happiest man in the world. 20 00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:50,182 Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. 21 00:00:50,184 --> 00:00:52,751 A-and for your question, larry, 22 00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:56,088 I just want to say that everything you've known about me 23 00:00:56,090 --> 00:00:57,389 Is a lie. 24 00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:59,324 My real name is alan. 25 00:00:59,326 --> 00:01:02,127 That's okay. My real name is lawrence. 26 00:01:02,129 --> 00:01:04,797 All right, this is gonna be a lot harder than I thought. 27 00:01:04,799 --> 00:01:06,698 Um, uh, lyndsey 28 00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:09,134 Is my ex-girlfriend. When you and she 29 00:01:09,136 --> 00:01:10,669 Got together, I made up a fake name 30 00:01:10,671 --> 00:01:13,138 So that I could meet you and stay close to lyndsey. 31 00:01:13,140 --> 00:01:14,840 But then it turns out I actually like you 32 00:01:14,842 --> 00:01:16,408 More than I like lyndsey. 33 00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:18,744 I like you more than lyndsey, too! 34 00:01:20,313 --> 00:01:22,214 What the hell is happening here?! 35 00:01:23,716 --> 00:01:25,684 So your name's not really jeff strongman, 36 00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:28,153 It's alan harper, and you used to date lyndsey? 37 00:01:28,155 --> 00:01:29,421 For four years. 38 00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:31,356 Did you know about this? 39 00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:35,260 Yes. He was my boyfriend. 40 00:01:35,262 --> 00:01:38,163 But-but I'm with you now, and only you. 41 00:01:38,165 --> 00:01:42,434 Oh, save it, jeff-- if that's even your real name. 42 00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:45,170 I think I made it pretty clear it's not, but o-okay. 43 00:01:45,172 --> 00:01:47,773 I told alan that I thought he should tell you the truth, 44 00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:49,441 Because I thought you deserved to know. 45 00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:51,243 How could you keep this from me? 46 00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:53,445 I would never lie to you. This is unbelievable! 47 00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:55,447 I never wanted any of this to happen. 48 00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:58,484 Well, it did-- and now I've lost my two best friends. 49 00:01:58,486 --> 00:02:01,553 And this time I'm not talking about your boobs. 50 00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:04,289 I don't want to see either one of you again. 51 00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,458 And I'm still not talking about your boobs! 52 00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,127 The wedding's off! 53 00:02:08,129 --> 00:02:09,461 Larry, wait! 54 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:10,762 Oh, god, see? 55 00:02:10,764 --> 00:02:13,332 This is exactly why I didn't want to tell him. 56 00:02:13,334 --> 00:02:15,334 Now both lyndsey and larry hate me, 57 00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:17,769 And I've ruined the lives of two wonderful people. 58 00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:20,873 I'll never forget the look on-- ooh, boobs. 59 00:02:20,875 --> 00:02:23,509 ♪ men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ 60 00:02:23,511 --> 00:02:26,645 ♪ ah. ♪ ♪ men. ♪ ♪ men. ♪ 61 00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:30,282 ♪ men. ♪ 62 00:02:30,284 --> 00:02:33,285 (like scarface): Say hello to my little friend. 63 00:02:33,287 --> 00:02:34,419 What is that? 64 00:02:34,421 --> 00:02:36,488 This is the most advanced 65 00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:39,391 Robotic artificial intelligence today. 66 00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:40,759 I call him wald-e. 67 00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:41,860 Get it? 68 00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:43,195 'cause I'm walden, 69 00:02:43,197 --> 00:02:44,496 And the movie wall-e? 70 00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:45,864 Wald-e? (chuckles) 71 00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:48,634 Say hello to my friend jenny. 72 00:02:48,636 --> 00:02:51,637 (robotic voice): Hello to my friend jenny. 73 00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:53,705 I programmed him to be funny. 74 00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:55,774 I beg to differ. 75 00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:57,509 You're just jealous 'cause you don't have 76 00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:58,810 An electronic friend to play with. 77 00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:00,779 Trust me, I have a whole drawer 78 00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:02,948 Of electronic friends I can play with. 79 00:03:02,950 --> 00:03:07,386 Then maybe we can have a zero-one-one-way. 80 00:03:07,388 --> 00:03:10,289 That's a three-way in binary. 81 00:03:10,291 --> 00:03:13,659 (laughs): Oh, wald-e, good times ahead. 82 00:03:13,661 --> 00:03:15,227 Hey. 83 00:03:15,229 --> 00:03:17,229 Oh. Hey, check out my new robot. 84 00:03:17,231 --> 00:03:20,666 I detect no sign of intelligent life. 85 00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:23,402 I'm not in the mood for this. Can you turn him off? 86 00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:25,571 Can you turn him off? 87 00:03:26,673 --> 00:03:29,441 I wish I could, wald-e, I wish I could. 88 00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:32,544 What's going on? Larry just texted me. 89 00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:34,646 He wants to see me. What do you think he wants? 90 00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:37,950 Given the fact you blew up his entire life, 91 00:03:37,952 --> 00:03:40,419 I'm guessing he either wants to kick your ass, 92 00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:43,922 Or rip your face off so you can watch him kick your ass. 93 00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:45,991 Oh, this is all my fault. 94 00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:47,626 I should have just been honest 95 00:03:47,628 --> 00:03:49,861 And told the truth right from the start-- lying is 96 00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:50,963 Never the answer. 97 00:03:50,965 --> 00:03:52,698 Ooh, I know, I'll tell him I'm sick. 98 00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:54,533 What's a trendy illness? 99 00:03:54,535 --> 00:03:55,934 Alan, you have to man up 100 00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:57,970 And face the consequences of your actions. 101 00:03:57,972 --> 00:03:59,404 (groans) maybe you're right. 102 00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:01,240 I at least owe him that much. 103 00:04:01,242 --> 00:04:03,575 I'll just go and... Hah-choo! 104 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:05,944 Oh! Oh. Oh. 105 00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:09,715 When people sneeze, they don't say, "hah-choo, 106 00:04:09,717 --> 00:04:11,483 Oh, ew, ooh." 107 00:04:11,485 --> 00:04:14,953 But when he beats me within an inch of my life, 108 00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:19,324 Okay, if it makes you feel better, I'll come with you. 109 00:04:19,326 --> 00:04:22,294 Jenny (scoffs): He only wants to go so when larry beats you up, 110 00:04:22,296 --> 00:04:23,762 He can say, "I told you so." 111 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,764 That is not true. 112 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:26,932 Even though I repeatedly 113 00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:29,735 Told him to stop lying about who he was, 114 00:04:29,737 --> 00:04:32,337 And deceiving the people around him, 115 00:04:32,339 --> 00:04:34,673 And eventually it would blow up in his face, 116 00:04:34,675 --> 00:04:37,576 I'm not going to say, "I told you so." 117 00:04:37,578 --> 00:04:38,744 Well, I appreciate that. 118 00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:41,013 I want to film larry kicking his ass 119 00:04:41,015 --> 00:04:43,649 And then say, "I told you so." 120 00:04:43,651 --> 00:04:45,017 ♪ men. ♪ 121 00:04:45,019 --> 00:04:46,485 Hey, alan. 122 00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:48,420 Oh, hey, hey, larry! 123 00:04:53,726 --> 00:04:55,327 I don't have a weapon. 124 00:04:55,329 --> 00:04:56,595 Hi. I'm walden, 125 00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:57,863 Alan's friend. 126 00:04:57,865 --> 00:04:59,765 Uh, just act like I'm not here, 127 00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:01,767 And punch like no one's watchin'. 128 00:05:01,769 --> 00:05:03,735 And... 129 00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:04,636 Action. 130 00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:05,804 So, you, uh, you said 131 00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:06,838 You wanted to talk? 132 00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:08,640 No, no, no, louder. 133 00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:12,311 Louder. There's a lot of ambient noise in here. 134 00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:14,746 (loudly): So, so, you said you wanted to talk? 135 00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:17,983 (loudly): Yeah, I actually came here to tell you that I forgive you! 136 00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:19,518 No! Cut! Cut! 137 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,520 What's... Wait, wait, you forgive him? 138 00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:23,055 Yeah, I realized all this anger isn't good. 139 00:05:23,057 --> 00:05:24,589 I had to let it all go. 140 00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:26,658 No! 141 00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:28,393 He's not gonna learn his lesson 142 00:05:28,395 --> 00:05:30,395 If you forgive him. The only way he's gonna learn 143 00:05:30,397 --> 00:05:32,664 A lesson is through pain and suffering 144 00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:34,733 And possibly losing a tooth. 145 00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:36,835 No, no. He's gonna be my brother-in-law 146 00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,970 And make an honest woman out of gretchen. 147 00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:42,374 (chuckling): She's not gonna be an honest woman on our wedding night. 148 00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:44,943 That's the guy I know and love who's banging my sister. 149 00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:47,012 I do love banging your sister. 150 00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:51,783 No, the only banging I want to see is you banging his face! 151 00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:52,884 Oh, 152 00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:55,087 That didn't come out right. 153 00:05:55,089 --> 00:05:57,856 Gretchen is the most amazing woman I've ever met. 154 00:05:57,858 --> 00:06:00,459 I-I just have to scrape together enough money for the wedding. 155 00:06:00,461 --> 00:06:02,494 Oh, I know what you mean-- mine and lyndsey's 156 00:06:02,496 --> 00:06:03,862 Was costing me a fortune. 157 00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:06,698 I already paid for the flowers, the cake, the tux. 158 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,900 Too bad you can't just take his wedding. 159 00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:11,703 Or can I? 160 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:15,807 Well, why not? I mean, this cup says "peter" on it, 161 00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:18,009 But peter wasn't there to get it. 162 00:06:19,746 --> 00:06:21,713 I'm not gonna use it. Me and lyndsey are through, 163 00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:22,848 So you might as well. 164 00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:24,649 You can't mooch a wedding 165 00:06:24,651 --> 00:06:26,852 That you just destroyed. 166 00:06:26,854 --> 00:06:28,720 (laughs): I know. How great is that? 167 00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,589 Classic alan harper. 168 00:06:30,591 --> 00:06:32,457 Jeff strongman. 169 00:06:32,459 --> 00:06:34,726 Mm. I don't know how I didn't see through it sooner. 170 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,728 It's such an obviously made-up name. 171 00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:38,530 Yeah. Jeff. 172 00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:42,601 ♪ men. ♪ 173 00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:45,771 Mom, this is my fiancée, gretchen martin. 174 00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:48,507 It is so nice to finally meet you, evelyn. 175 00:06:48,509 --> 00:06:50,642 Oh, you, too, dear. 176 00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:52,611 How far along are you? 177 00:06:52,613 --> 00:06:54,613 What? Uh, my mother assumes that 178 00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:56,982 Since you agreed to marry me, you must be pregnant. 179 00:06:56,984 --> 00:06:58,750 (laughs): No, I'm not pregnant. 180 00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:01,119 Are you after my money? Of course not. 181 00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:04,523 ¿estas buscando trabajo en el mundo nuevo? 182 00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:05,824 What? 183 00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:07,759 Not looking for a green card, either. 184 00:07:08,628 --> 00:07:10,929 You must genuinely like alan. Yeah. 185 00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:13,532 This is uncharted territory for me. 186 00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:15,500 I know. She actually loves me for me. 187 00:07:15,502 --> 00:07:17,869 I mean, I had to pretend to be another person 188 00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:19,638 To make it all happen, but still. 189 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:21,907 Oh, that is some ring you bought her. 190 00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:24,509 Oh, actually, that's the ring my ex-husband got me. 191 00:07:24,511 --> 00:07:28,079 But I still had it-- I figured why make alan buy another one? 192 00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:30,182 My god, you've found your soul mate. 193 00:07:30,184 --> 00:07:33,051 I know. Our honeymoon is at her cousin's time-share. 194 00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:35,687 He can't use it, 'cause he had a heart attack. 195 00:07:35,689 --> 00:07:37,489 We're so blessed. 196 00:07:37,491 --> 00:07:39,458 Speaking of blessings, 197 00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:42,160 I just want to thank you for raising such a caring, 198 00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:44,596 Thoughtful, intelligent son. 199 00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:46,631 (chuckling) 200 00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,233 Oh, you're serious. 201 00:07:49,869 --> 00:07:51,603 So, when's the big day? 202 00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:53,071 Oh, uh, it's next Saturday. 203 00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:55,941 We're just gonna have a small affair here at the house. 204 00:07:55,943 --> 00:07:57,843 We're trying to keep costs down. 205 00:07:57,845 --> 00:07:59,077 Are your parents coming? 206 00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:01,046 Oh, no, my parents have passed away. 207 00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:03,615 Again, we're so blessed. 208 00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:07,219 So, where are you planning on living after you marry? 209 00:08:07,221 --> 00:08:09,087 Oh, we're not in a rush to go anywhere. 210 00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:10,989 I mean, beach house, no rent... 211 00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:14,826 Don't be ridiculous-- you need your own place. 212 00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,962 Well, that's easier said than done, mom. 213 00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:20,165 How about for your wedding if I give you a down payment 214 00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:23,235 Towards your own... Oh, I love you, mom! 215 00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:28,073 I won't go that far, but thank you. 216 00:08:28,075 --> 00:08:29,841 ♪ men. ♪ 217 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,910 (doorbell rings) 218 00:08:33,946 --> 00:08:35,247 Walden. 219 00:08:35,249 --> 00:08:37,549 Oh, don't worry, alan's not with me. 220 00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:38,950 Wow, it's amazing 221 00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:41,152 How infrequently I actually get to say that. 222 00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:42,854 What's up? 223 00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:46,024 I just wanted to make sure you're okay. 224 00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,893 That's sweet, but I'm fine. 225 00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:50,795 When I get dumped, I usually end up sobbing in a bathtub, 226 00:08:50,797 --> 00:08:52,597 Listening to michael bublé. 227 00:08:52,599 --> 00:08:54,799 I call it my "bublé bath." 228 00:08:55,735 --> 00:08:58,003 You sure you're all right? Yeah. 229 00:08:58,005 --> 00:08:59,704 I was about to marry larry, 230 00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:01,740 A guy who once called venetian blind cleaners 231 00:09:01,742 --> 00:09:03,875 Because he wanted to help handicapped italians. 232 00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:05,310 Look, if alan 233 00:09:05,312 --> 00:09:07,279 And gretchen are supposed to be together, 234 00:09:07,281 --> 00:09:09,080 I wish them the best. 235 00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:12,551 If you need anything, don't hesitate to call me. (laughs) 236 00:09:12,553 --> 00:09:14,019 Thanks. Okay. 237 00:09:14,021 --> 00:09:15,687 (laughs) 238 00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:23,595 Siri, remind me to draw a bublé bath tonight. 239 00:09:26,966 --> 00:09:29,167 Mm, what's that, larry? 240 00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:33,238 You forgive me and you still want to marry me? 241 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,040 Oh, alan... 242 00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:38,710 You never stopped loving me and you want to marry me, too? 243 00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:42,914 I am the luckiest woman in the world. 244 00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:45,850 (laughing) 245 00:09:45,852 --> 00:09:48,687 (sobbing) 246 00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:51,056 (laughing) 247 00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:52,924 (sobbing) 248 00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:55,060 ♪ men. ♪ 249 00:09:56,062 --> 00:09:59,297 ♪ men. ♪ 250 00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:01,299 Everybody, freeze. 251 00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:03,001 What the hell? 252 00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:05,870 Berta, I know where you hide your pot. 253 00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:09,240 Wald-e! 254 00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:10,942 No...! 255 00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:14,045 Now, that's how you deal with a dea drone. 256 00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:15,614 No! 257 00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:17,215 It's my robot! 258 00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:19,217 I was playing a joke. 259 00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:20,652 Oh. 260 00:10:20,654 --> 00:10:22,220 It was funny. 261 00:10:23,923 --> 00:10:26,091 Oh... Oh... 262 00:10:26,093 --> 00:10:28,093 Don't worry, little ro-buddy. 263 00:10:28,095 --> 00:10:30,228 We'll get you on life support. 264 00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:33,365 Or tech support. Oh, he would've loved that joke. 265 00:10:33,367 --> 00:10:36,101 I lost the head of one of my toys once. 266 00:10:36,103 --> 00:10:39,638 Of course, I had to go to the emergency room to get it out. 267 00:10:41,007 --> 00:10:44,409 Um, listen, I know this may not be an opportune moment, 268 00:10:44,411 --> 00:10:48,813 But, um, I was wondering, would you do me the honor of... 269 00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:53,084 Of course. I would have been hurt if you didn't ask. 270 00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:54,386 Oh, thanks, thanks. Great, man. 271 00:10:54,388 --> 00:10:56,121 Uh, oh, and better get your speech ready 272 00:10:56,123 --> 00:10:57,255 For the rehearsal dinner. 273 00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:58,857 I'm taking everybody to souplantation. 274 00:10:58,859 --> 00:11:00,792 Fingers crossed we all end up at the same table. 275 00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:02,227 Come on, come on, come on. We... 276 00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:05,397 Well, I would love to, but I can't affo... 277 00:11:05,399 --> 00:11:06,331 I'll pay for it. 278 00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:07,332 Great. We've got reservations 279 00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:08,700 At 7:30 at la dolce. 280 00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,403 ♪ men. ♪ 281 00:11:11,405 --> 00:11:13,872 (clinking) 282 00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:16,841 I would like to make a toast to the bride and groom. 283 00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:19,811 Um, I don't look at this 284 00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:21,746 As losing a friend 285 00:11:21,748 --> 00:11:24,416 So much as gaining a guest room. 286 00:11:24,418 --> 00:11:25,884 (chuckles) 287 00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:28,820 I don't see this as losing a friend either. 288 00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:32,891 Anyway, uh, to the happy couple. 289 00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:34,092 Uh, alan, 290 00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:36,161 You're like a brother to me. 291 00:11:36,163 --> 00:11:38,730 And, gretchen, you... 292 00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:42,934 Have a smile that lights up those around you 293 00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:45,904 And a heart big enough to let them all in. 294 00:11:45,906 --> 00:11:47,005 So... 295 00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:48,406 Cheers. 296 00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:50,909 That was so sweet. 297 00:11:50,911 --> 00:11:52,310 Is he gay? 298 00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:55,447 If he was, you think I'd be with you right now? 299 00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:58,116 ♪ men. ♪ 300 00:11:58,118 --> 00:11:59,851 (knocking) 301 00:11:59,853 --> 00:12:01,186 Um, occupied. 302 00:12:01,188 --> 00:12:02,721 (rattling) 303 00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:04,989 Ocupado. 304 00:12:04,991 --> 00:12:06,791 (rattling) 305 00:12:06,793 --> 00:12:10,061 S-sprechen sie poopin. 306 00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,930 Alan. 307 00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:13,798 Lyndsey?! 308 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:15,100 I need to talk to you. 309 00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:17,802 You scared the crap out of me. Literally. 310 00:12:17,804 --> 00:12:19,070 This'll just take a sec. 311 00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:22,107 My whole family's here in the restaurant. 312 00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:24,809 I'm here to say yes. 313 00:12:24,811 --> 00:12:26,244 To what? 314 00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:28,246 Your proposal. 315 00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:29,814 I want to be your wife. 316 00:12:29,816 --> 00:12:32,984 I am yours forever and ever and ever. 317 00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:35,520 I am crazy for you. 318 00:12:35,522 --> 00:12:38,123 Oh, I don't doubt that. 319 00:12:38,125 --> 00:12:39,491 You know you still want me. 320 00:12:39,493 --> 00:12:41,359 Fate has brought us here together. 321 00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:43,361 Uh, actually, my lactose intolerance 322 00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:45,830 Has brought us here together. 323 00:12:45,832 --> 00:12:48,533 Whatever. It was meant to be. 324 00:12:48,535 --> 00:12:49,901 Um, lyndsey, lyndsey, 325 00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:52,370 A-as romantic as this moment is, 326 00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:55,907 Um, uh, I-I'm in love with gretchen. 327 00:12:56,876 --> 00:13:00,879 (crying): What happened to me? 328 00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:02,881 I was the prize. 329 00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:05,884 Men were fighting over me. 330 00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:09,888 Am I not hot anymore? 331 00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:11,856 (snorting sniffle) 332 00:13:11,858 --> 00:13:13,958 Oh, I'm gonna need that. 333 00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:18,897 Here. 334 00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:22,033 They're sanitized for your protection. 335 00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:23,568 (blowing nose loudly) 336 00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:25,570 Look, I-I still care about you and... 337 00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:27,305 Oh, stop it. 338 00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:29,574 I don't want your pity. 339 00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:33,378 I'm gonna get out of here while I still have my dignity. 340 00:13:39,385 --> 00:13:41,019 Oh, great. 341 00:13:41,021 --> 00:13:44,289 Now everyone at the table's gonna know I was pooping. 342 00:13:44,291 --> 00:13:47,559 ♪ men. ♪ 343 00:13:47,561 --> 00:13:49,294 Hey, alan, 344 00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:52,096 I have a little surprise for your big day. 345 00:13:52,098 --> 00:13:54,165 Oh! Cash or check? 346 00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,334 I brought jake to the wedding. 347 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:58,336 My son. Yes. Yes. 348 00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,338 Yes, that's-that's way better than cash. 349 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:03,208 Um, uh, where is he? 350 00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:05,944 Hi, dad. 351 00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,979 Pull my finger. 352 00:14:09,215 --> 00:14:10,548 (digital fart sound) 353 00:14:11,917 --> 00:14:14,919 Classic robot jake. 354 00:14:14,921 --> 00:14:16,521 Alan, can I see you a second? 355 00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:18,189 Oh, did you see jake came to the wedding? 356 00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:21,192 Sure, of course. Hello, jake. 357 00:14:26,465 --> 00:14:28,466 Hey, larry. 358 00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:30,134 Hey. 359 00:14:30,136 --> 00:14:32,470 You're looking... Pretty pensive. 360 00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:35,607 Oh, thanks, it's a rental. 361 00:14:35,609 --> 00:14:39,010 You look pretty pensive, too. 362 00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:40,945 Actually... 363 00:14:40,947 --> 00:14:42,647 Thank you. 364 00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:47,218 Uh, hey, I just wanted to say that it's, um.... 365 00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:49,420 It's pretty big of you to forgive alan the way you did. 366 00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:51,389 I mean, 367 00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,925 After hearing that he was still sleeping with lyndsey 368 00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:55,660 When you two were dating... 369 00:14:56,629 --> 00:14:59,364 ...Is apparently something you're hearing 370 00:14:59,366 --> 00:15:01,332 For the first time right now. 371 00:15:01,334 --> 00:15:03,334 Are you freakin' kidding me? They were cheating?! 372 00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:04,435 I'll kill him! 373 00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:05,603 Larry, larry, 374 00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:07,505 I'm sorry. For what? 375 00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:09,574 This. 376 00:15:14,113 --> 00:15:16,481 Okay, let's get this show on the road! 377 00:15:16,483 --> 00:15:18,616 Whoa, whoa, whoa. What-what's the rush? 378 00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:20,451 Oh, uh, I accidentally told larry 379 00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:22,353 That you and lyndsey were cheating on him, 380 00:15:22,355 --> 00:15:25,156 So he wanted to kill you so I pushed him off the deck. 381 00:15:25,158 --> 00:15:27,158 Let's go! Showtime! Chop, chop! Come on! 382 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:29,627 ("bridal chorus" playing) 383 00:15:31,563 --> 00:15:33,231 Walden: Oh, 384 00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:36,200 Wow, so pensive. 385 00:15:37,336 --> 00:15:38,536 Where's my brother? 386 00:15:38,538 --> 00:15:39,704 Oh. 387 00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:40,972 Uh, 388 00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:43,608 He was overcome with emotion. 389 00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:46,344 So he hit the beach. 390 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:50,481 Oh, by the way, if you trip on your dress 391 00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:54,052 And accidentally flash us, just go with it. 392 00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:57,155 A-all right, honey, you look beautiful, 393 00:15:57,157 --> 00:15:58,323 But let's move it along, please. 394 00:15:59,658 --> 00:16:02,660 Uh, jenny, hit it. (clears throat) 395 00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:05,396 "daughters, mothers, sisters, we gather here, 396 00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:08,399 Safe from the patriarchy and the oppression of its penises..." 397 00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:10,134 Oh, I really should've revised this 398 00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:15,173 Um, wh-why don't we, uh, skip to the vows that you guys wrote? 399 00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:17,275 All right. Um... (clears throat) 400 00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:22,013 I, gretchen, do swear to honor and cherish you. 401 00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:24,649 You asked me to go down the road of life with you, 402 00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,284 And I am answering. 403 00:16:26,286 --> 00:16:28,419 I will go down. 404 00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:31,622 That's what she said. 405 00:16:31,624 --> 00:16:34,359 And I, alan, do swear to honor, 406 00:16:34,361 --> 00:16:36,361 Cherish and stand behind you 407 00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:38,062 Whether things are easy 408 00:16:38,064 --> 00:16:39,597 Or things are hard. 409 00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:42,600 (crying): That's what he said. 410 00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:44,602 Alan, do you take gretchen to be your... 411 00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:46,137 Lyndsey: I object! 412 00:16:48,474 --> 00:16:49,374 Lyndsey? 413 00:16:52,044 --> 00:16:53,544 Lyndsey, lyndsey, you can't be here. 414 00:16:53,546 --> 00:16:55,413 Aren't I a pretty, pretty bride, alan? 415 00:16:55,415 --> 00:16:57,081 Yes. 416 00:16:57,083 --> 00:16:59,350 You look insanely beautiful. 417 00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:00,418 Uh, now let's turn you around 418 00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:01,786 And get you in a cab. How 'bout... 419 00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:03,755 No! 420 00:17:04,556 --> 00:17:07,158 This was supposed to be my day! 421 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:08,426 My wedding! 422 00:17:08,428 --> 00:17:10,428 My groom! 423 00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:13,097 My f... Wait. 424 00:17:13,099 --> 00:17:14,799 Those are my flowers. 425 00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:18,669 (gasps) that's my food! 426 00:17:18,671 --> 00:17:21,406 Those are my linens. 427 00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:25,276 (gasps) that's my... 428 00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:27,712 I think she was gonna say "cake"! 429 00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:35,119 I always liked her. 430 00:17:35,121 --> 00:17:38,122 So, uh... So where were we? 431 00:17:38,124 --> 00:17:39,590 Gretchen? 432 00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:40,792 Derek? 433 00:17:40,794 --> 00:17:41,626 Who's this guy? 434 00:17:43,195 --> 00:17:44,462 He's my ex-husband. 435 00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:47,065 (laughing): Oh, come on! 436 00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:48,699 What are you doing here? 437 00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:52,270 Some crazy lady called and said you were getting married. 438 00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:53,371 Well, actually, 439 00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:54,639 What she said was, 440 00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:56,474 "gretchen, pretty, pretty bride" 441 00:17:56,476 --> 00:17:59,644 Followed by two minutes of intense vomiting. 442 00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:01,312 Pretty sure that was her. 443 00:18:01,314 --> 00:18:04,415 Boo-ya! 444 00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:06,150 Gretchen, I know I made some horrible mistakes. 445 00:18:06,152 --> 00:18:07,819 I drank too much, I wrecked your truck, 446 00:18:07,821 --> 00:18:10,288 I cheated on you with your best friend. 447 00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:12,256 In your truck. While I was drunk. 448 00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:13,658 Which is why I wrecked it. 449 00:18:13,660 --> 00:18:15,827 Lose your dog and you got a country song. (chuckles) 450 00:18:15,829 --> 00:18:18,429 I wouldn't know. I'm more into hip-hop. 451 00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,765 I miss you, baby. I want you back. 452 00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:21,799 Alan: Hey, derek, 453 00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:23,101 If you want her back, 454 00:18:23,103 --> 00:18:24,769 You're gonna have to go through me. 455 00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:26,137 Fine by me. 456 00:18:26,139 --> 00:18:27,705 And him. 457 00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:30,641 Look, seeing you in that white dress right before 458 00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:33,544 I beat up two goobers reminds me of our wedding. 459 00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:36,147 But this time the cake's not in the shape of dale jr., 460 00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:37,782 Which is a huge oversight. 461 00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:42,153 Derek... 462 00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:44,122 You're not actually considering this, are you? 463 00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:45,456 I don't know. I'm so confused. 464 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,725 I mean, derek and I have so much history together. 465 00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:49,694 This is really hard. 466 00:18:49,696 --> 00:18:50,828 That's what she said. 467 00:18:50,830 --> 00:18:53,297 (gasps) 468 00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:56,200 That's what they say. 469 00:18:56,202 --> 00:18:59,504 I'm sorry, alan. I-I at least have to talk to him. 470 00:19:00,907 --> 00:19:04,775 It's times like this a son needs his mother. 471 00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:07,345 I'm gonna slip out the back. 472 00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:10,214 Serves you right, you bastard. 473 00:19:10,216 --> 00:19:12,216 I mean, I love you. 474 00:19:12,218 --> 00:19:15,887 Let's work this out. 475 00:19:15,889 --> 00:19:18,356 Best wedding ever! 476 00:19:18,358 --> 00:19:20,625 Yep! And I got the whole thing on... 477 00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:24,395 Aw, crap, I had it on photo. 478 00:19:25,364 --> 00:19:27,465 ♪ men. ♪ 479 00:19:29,935 --> 00:19:31,669 How you doing? 480 00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,838 I've had better days. 481 00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,641 Hey, I'm sorry, buddy. 482 00:19:36,643 --> 00:19:39,844 Later, I'll run you a bublé bath. 483 00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:42,513 (chuckles) thanks. 484 00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:44,248 Gretchen called. 485 00:19:44,250 --> 00:19:45,783 She said it's not over. 486 00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:48,186 She's just sorting things out. 487 00:19:48,188 --> 00:19:49,954 Oh, buddy. 488 00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:53,357 "sorting things out" is just people's way 489 00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:55,760 Of not giving you bad news. 490 00:19:57,529 --> 00:19:59,430 So I take it your... 491 00:19:59,432 --> 00:20:03,367 Mom's not gonna give you the money for your own place? 492 00:20:04,336 --> 00:20:07,471 I'm just sorting things out. 493 00:20:07,473 --> 00:20:09,740 You know what? 494 00:20:09,742 --> 00:20:12,376 I didn't really want you to leave anyway. 495 00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:14,445 Aw. Thanks. 496 00:20:15,581 --> 00:20:17,582 Can you believe it? 497 00:20:17,584 --> 00:20:20,718 We're still together, three years later. 498 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,286 I know. 499 00:20:22,288 --> 00:20:25,690 I thought for sure it was over when charlie died. 500 00:20:25,692 --> 00:20:27,758 Thank god I showed up. 501 00:20:30,762 --> 00:20:32,964 You're telling me. Hmm. 502 00:20:32,966 --> 00:20:34,966 I... You know, I've been so busy lately. 503 00:20:34,968 --> 00:20:36,701 I-I really miss hanging out with you. 504 00:20:36,703 --> 00:20:39,403 Yeah. Me, too. You know, we should pick a night 505 00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:41,672 Where we just always get together. 506 00:20:41,674 --> 00:20:44,875 No matter what's going on, once a week, we just do this. 507 00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:46,711 Okay, I like it. I like it. 508 00:20:46,713 --> 00:20:48,980 How 'bout, uh, here every Thursday night? 509 00:20:48,982 --> 00:20:50,348 9:00. 510 00:20:50,350 --> 00:20:51,015 It's a date. 511 00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:52,750 Uh, don't call it a date. 512 00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:55,486 Just call it... Two men hanging out. 513 00:20:55,488 --> 00:20:56,988 Robot: Hey. 514 00:20:56,990 --> 00:20:58,923 What about me? 515 00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:01,592 Okay, fine. Two and a half men.