1
00:00:03,391 --> 00:00:05,589
So, Marty, uh,
what are we celebrating?
2
00:00:05,709 --> 00:00:10,211
My prostate exam.
Doctor gave me a thumbs up.
3
00:00:11,048 --> 00:00:13,493
At least it felt like a thumb.
4
00:00:13,613 --> 00:00:15,620
Well, I'm glad to hear
you're in good health.
5
00:00:15,740 --> 00:00:20,086
Yes, he said I could live another ten years
if I give up alcohol.
6
00:00:20,206 --> 00:00:21,736
Yeah, but you're
drinking Scotch.
7
00:00:21,856 --> 00:00:25,434
He had a finger up my keister.
What, am I gonna argue?
8
00:00:26,407 --> 00:00:29,293
It's true; he never complains
when I put my...
9
00:00:29,825 --> 00:00:33,111
What is that, the horrifying
conversation alarm?
10
00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:36,994
I was hoping it was a truck
about to back over me.
11
00:00:37,114 --> 00:00:38,885
It's time for my pills.
12
00:00:38,587 --> 00:00:40,587
Evy, I think I left them
in the car.
13
00:00:40,589 --> 00:00:42,172
Would you get them?
Of course, dear.
14
00:00:41,899 --> 00:00:46,168
I think the keys are in my pocket.
You may have to root around for them.
15
00:00:46,288 --> 00:00:48,165
Really nice try.
16
00:00:48,285 --> 00:00:50,581
I-I got to remember that.
That's a good one.
17
00:00:51,147 --> 00:00:54,809
You actually have
to own something to have keys.
18
00:00:54,929 --> 00:00:57,949
Okay, let me tell you
why I'm really here.
19
00:00:58,426 --> 00:01:01,484
You know I have been dating
your mother for some time now.
20
00:01:01,604 --> 00:01:04,346
Uh, actually, she's not my mom.
Yeah, or mine.
21
00:01:04,886 --> 00:01:09,336
Well, you boys are a couple and she's
your daughter, so we're like family.
22
00:01:11,052 --> 00:01:13,242
No, we're-we're not married.
23
00:01:13,362 --> 00:01:14,939
Oh, but someday.
24
00:01:15,059 --> 00:01:18,059
No, no, we-we don't want
to get married.
25
00:01:18,179 --> 00:01:21,039
So why did you guys fight
so hard for it?
26
00:01:21,320 --> 00:01:23,150
Yeah, come on, Walden.
27
00:01:23,270 --> 00:01:26,145
You're here, you're queer,
get used to it.
28
00:01:26,265 --> 00:01:27,938
As I was saying,
29
00:01:28,058 --> 00:01:32,263
your mother is a beautiful,
warm, compassionate woman.
30
00:01:32,383 --> 00:01:34,547
Everyone's entitled
to their opinion.
31
00:01:35,029 --> 00:01:37,798
I would like to ask
for her hand in marriage.
32
00:01:37,918 --> 00:01:39,448
Aw. Wow.
What?
33
00:01:39,568 --> 00:01:41,223
So, what do you say?
34
00:01:41,343 --> 00:01:44,133
Can I make an honest woman
out of your mother?
35
00:01:44,253 --> 00:01:46,244
I doubt it.
36
00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:49,783
But you have my blessing.
37
00:01:49,903 --> 00:01:51,370
Mine, too.
Congratulations.
38
00:01:51,490 --> 00:01:54,608
Uh, wait, not-not so fast.
I have a question first.
39
00:01:54,728 --> 00:02:00,747
Would you allow her son to come and live with you if his
current living quarters were to, say,suddenly become a sauna?
40
00:02:01,797 --> 00:02:06,491
Any son of Evelyn's
always has a place in my home.
41
00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:09,638
Welcome to the family, Dad.
42
00:02:10,687 --> 00:02:12,256
Here are your pills, dear.
43
00:02:12,376 --> 00:02:15,883
Look at that, a hot chick
carrying a bag of drugs.
44
00:02:16,003 --> 00:02:19,396
It's like 1970 all over again.
45
00:02:20,420 --> 00:02:22,532
Let's start
with the muscle relaxers.
45
00:02:22,652 --> 00:02:24,979
One for you, two for me.
47
00:02:31,850 --> 00:02:34,555
I-I have to take these or...
48
00:02:36,300 --> 00:02:40,237
Marty, are you okay?
Quick, quick. P-Press the medic alert.
49
00:02:41,624 --> 00:02:43,564
What is this?
50
00:02:43,910 --> 00:02:45,516
This is a ring.
51
00:02:46,764 --> 00:02:50,445
I've fallen for you,
and I can't get up.
52
00:02:50,565 --> 00:02:52,043
What are you saying?
53
00:02:52,163 --> 00:02:53,465
Will you marry me?
54
00:02:53,585 --> 00:02:57,799
I can't believe this.
You are so romantic.
55
00:02:57,919 --> 00:03:00,511
Will I have to sign a prenup?
Of course not.
56
00:03:00,631 --> 00:03:02,372
Then yes,
57
00:03:02,492 --> 00:03:05,094
And I want your son
to be my best man.
58
00:03:05,214 --> 00:03:06,705
Oh, my God, really?
59
00:03:06,825 --> 00:03:09,379
Not you; pretty boy over there.
61
00:03:15,984 --> 00:03:20,634
Okay, but at the ceremony, I'm not gonna
root around in your pocket for the ring.
62
00:03:20,754 --> 00:03:23,262
And, Jennifer,
you'll be my maid of honor?
63
00:03:23,382 --> 00:03:25,478
Of course.
It's like I'm not even here.
64
00:03:25,778 --> 00:03:28,069
Sweet.
I love straight weddings.
65
00:03:28,189 --> 00:03:31,440
A bunch of drunk bridesmaids crying
because they don't have a man.
66
00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:33,692
It's like eating fish
in a barrel.
67
00:03:34,209 --> 00:03:36,461
So, where are we gonna have
the ceremony?
68
00:03:36,581 --> 00:03:39,106
Why don't we just have
it here at our place?
69
00:03:39,226 --> 00:03:43,246
Uh, maybe we should discuss this
before we offer up our place.
70
00:03:43,366 --> 00:03:48,212
Do what I do; just go along with it, and
later, take it out on him in the bedroom.
71
00:04:00,224 --> 00:04:02,586
Oh, Berta, uh,
can I try something out on you?
72
00:04:02,706 --> 00:04:04,990
There isn't enough
alcohol in the world.
73
00:04:05,573 --> 00:04:08,803
No, I'm writing a toast for my mother's
wedding.Uh, so far I've got, uh,
74
00:04:08,923 --> 00:04:12,350
Ladies and gentlemen, I am so pleased
to welcome Marty Pepper to our family.
75
00:04:12,470 --> 00:04:16,198
Uh, to know Marty is to love him.
He's a kind, sweet and generous man,
76
00:04:16,318 --> 00:04:19,816
which proves once and for all
that opposites really do attract.
77
00:04:19,936 --> 00:04:23,307
So, you're telling everyone
you're a son of a bitch.
78
00:04:23,729 --> 00:04:25,252
I like it.
79
00:04:26,561 --> 00:04:30,240
Hey, Alan, I need your help planning
this geriatric bachelor party.
80
00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:33,912
I started reaching out to the guys on
Marty's invite list, and so far I got dead,
81
00:04:34,032 --> 00:04:36,891
dead, coma, Florida.
82
00:04:37,616 --> 00:04:40,072
Hey, uh, where you thinking
about having this thing anyway?
83
00:04:40,192 --> 00:04:43,924
Well, at this point, either Boca
or the Hollywood Forever Cemetery.
84
00:04:44,232 --> 00:04:47,892
How about a strip club? I know a place
with a great all-you-can-eat buffet.
85
00:04:48,012 --> 00:04:52,069
Two things you never want to hear together.
- "Strip club" and "all-you-can-eat""
86
00:04:52,189 --> 00:04:53,808
Besides, Marty doesn't
want strippers.
87
00:04:53,928 --> 00:04:55,803
You can't have a bachelor party
without strippers.
88
00:04:55,923 --> 00:05:00,260
But more importantly, we can't let the last
naked woman this man sees be my mother.
89
00:05:01,504 --> 00:05:06,084
My granddaughters do a great two-for-one
show. I can get you a family discount.
90
00:05:06,956 --> 00:05:11,352
No, no. We... No strippers.
We're just doing a nice steak dinner.
91
00:05:11,472 --> 00:05:13,908
Well, if there's not gonna be any
strippers, then I'm not going.
92
00:05:14,028 --> 00:05:16,023
you're not on the list.
93
00:05:17,659 --> 00:05:19,998
Okay, okay,
one more time.
94
00:05:20,118 --> 00:05:23,073
I want a nice filet,
medium-rare,
95
00:05:23,193 --> 00:05:28,443
and then you give it a nice sear, and
then you put it in the food processor,
96
00:05:28,563 --> 00:05:33,655
and you give it a pump three times on chop--boom,
boom, boom-- and two times on dice-- boom, boom.
97
00:05:34,519 --> 00:05:35,578
Thank you.
98
00:05:38,445 --> 00:05:42,121
Oh, uh, is, uh, this the party
or the bathroom?
99
00:05:42,768 --> 00:05:44,830
Here. Over here, Tim.
Oh. Yeah.
100
00:05:44,950 --> 00:05:46,021
Thank you.
101
00:05:46,141 --> 00:05:49,376
What's with the glasses?
You look like Bono.
102
00:05:49,496 --> 00:05:51,973
I was fortunate enough
to work with Bono.
103
00:05:52,093 --> 00:05:54,530
Yeah, and, uh, at the time,
he was married to Cher.
104
00:05:55,787 --> 00:06:00,869
I just got back from the eye doctor.
Boy, he robbed me blind.
105
00:06:00,989 --> 00:06:04,757
can only read the top
line of the eye chart.
106
00:06:04,877 --> 00:06:06,525
It says P.
107
00:06:06,645 --> 00:06:08,760
Then I have to.
108
00:06:09,281 --> 00:06:11,800
I-I'd like to, uh,
to propose a toast.
109
00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:15,488
Uh, first to Walden for putting all
this together at the last minute.
110
00:06:15,608 --> 00:06:19,880
Well, it was tough, but I managed to
get a table at 3:00 p.m. on a Thursday.
111
00:06:20,441 --> 00:06:23,694
To Walden and his wife Alan.
112
00:06:25,688 --> 00:06:27,822
That is one ugly woman.
113
00:06:30,310 --> 00:06:33,594
my mother and I have
had our ups and downs,
114
00:06:33,714 --> 00:06:36,871
but I love her,
and I want her to be happy.
115
00:06:36,991 --> 00:06:42,009
And you, Marty Pepper, make her happy,
which means I love you.
116
00:06:43,299 --> 00:06:45,534
I thought we said no broads.
117
00:06:46,744 --> 00:06:50,159
I had a gay friend
who was arrested for sodomy,
118
00:06:50,279 --> 00:06:53,372
and he had the charge reduced
to following too closely.
119
00:06:54,608 --> 00:06:59,269
Uh, anyway, um, I want to
wish you both the best. Cheers.
120
00:06:59,389 --> 00:07:03,306
Tim needs a drink.
No, no, no, no, uh, I'm driving.
121
00:07:04,496 --> 00:07:10,546
Marty, last time I saw you, we were in
a threesome with that cute little redhead.
122
00:07:10,666 --> 00:07:13,401
What ever happened to her?
I'm marrying her.
123
00:07:13,521 --> 00:07:16,147
Nice girl.
Hard worker.
124
00:07:18,287 --> 00:07:23,969
Well, I'd like to say on behalf of all of us,
getting married? What the hell are you doing, Marty?
125
00:07:24,089 --> 00:07:28,624
Why do you need seven wives?
You can barely get through nine holes of golf!
126
00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:31,427
She's a sweet kid,
127
00:07:31,547 --> 00:07:35,722
and I need a little warmth
and comfort at the end of the day.
128
00:07:35,842 --> 00:07:39,056
Have you ever considered
a nice piece of toast?
129
00:07:41,159 --> 00:07:43,705
Uh, well,
I would like to say something.
130
00:07:44,181 --> 00:07:47,018
Uh... I might be
in the minority here,
131
00:07:47,138 --> 00:07:48,846
but I still believe in love,
132
00:07:48,966 --> 00:07:51,455
and it's inspiring to know
133
00:07:51,575 --> 00:07:54,233
that even at your age,
you can still find it.
134
00:07:54,353 --> 00:07:56,048
Now we have two broads.
135
00:07:57,550 --> 00:07:59,177
The kid is right.
136
00:07:59,297 --> 00:08:02,655
Nothing is more important
than love,
137
00:08:02,775 --> 00:08:05,821
except a good opening weekend.
138
00:08:06,378 --> 00:08:07,988
And salt.
139
00:08:08,951 --> 00:08:11,975
Damn it, I really miss salt.
140
00:08:12,573 --> 00:08:14,872
Okay, we're here because
we love this man.
141
00:08:14,992 --> 00:08:17,406
You know, not the way
you two love each other.
142
00:08:19,671 --> 00:08:21,760
But...
love, n-nonetheless.
143
00:08:23,925 --> 00:08:26,789
We're also here for the free
steak, am I right?
144
00:08:27,829 --> 00:08:28,785
Excuse me.
145
00:08:29,952 --> 00:08:31,122
Who is this kid?
146
00:08:31,242 --> 00:08:33,118
He's Evelyn's son.
147
00:08:33,238 --> 00:08:34,613
Who's Evelyn?
148
00:08:35,239 --> 00:08:37,283
The woman I'm marrying.
150
00:08:43,291 --> 00:08:45,771
Which one of you guys
is... Marty?
151
00:08:49,643 --> 00:08:51,801
I'm Sugar.
I'm Cinnamon.
152
00:08:51,921 --> 00:08:53,878
I'm rich!
I'm richer!
153
00:08:55,492 --> 00:08:58,399
Hey, I thought we said no strippers.
It's a bachelor party; loosen up.
154
00:08:58,519 --> 00:09:00,581
Hey, uh, Marty,
you up for a lap dance?
155
00:09:00,701 --> 00:09:03,123
I haven't been up
for a lap dance
156
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:05,676
since the
Reagan Administration.
157
00:09:05,796 --> 00:09:07,271
Governor Reagan's.
158
00:09:07,391 --> 00:09:09,448
I think I wrote that joke.
159
00:09:09,993 --> 00:09:11,068
Girls, give him something to remember.
Uh, they're the green ones.
160
00:09:11,188 --> 00:09:14,546
Uh, they're the green ones.
162
00:09:18,374 --> 00:09:22,286
so whether you're in the middle of a lap
dance or CPR, you got to get out of there.
163
00:09:26,645 --> 00:09:28,966
I want to find something
Marty will like.
164
00:09:29,086 --> 00:09:32,130
I wonder if they have
edible underwear for diabetics.
165
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:36,093
Well, they do have something called
I Can't Believe It's Not Body Butter.
166
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,476
Hey, you'd look good in these.
167
00:09:38,596 --> 00:09:40,662
No, dear,
Marty would look good in them.
168
00:09:42,326 --> 00:09:43,926
Oh, you guys are kinky.
169
00:09:44,247 --> 00:09:48,000
If we got any kinkier, we'd
upset the animal rights people.
170
00:09:50,229 --> 00:09:52,858
So, how about
you, Jennifer?
171
00:09:52,978 --> 00:09:55,925
Are there wedding bells in your future?
It is legal now.
172
00:09:56,045 --> 00:09:57,626
Oh, don't remind me.
173
00:09:57,746 --> 00:10:00,931
I used to have the perfect get-
out-of-relationship-free card.
174
00:10:01,051 --> 00:10:03,483
Oh, I'd love to marry you,
175
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:06,649
but darn all that prejudice
and intolerance.
176
00:10:06,769 --> 00:10:08,873
Bite me, Supreme Court.
177
00:10:08,993 --> 00:10:12,263
Well, you never know. I didn't expect to find
love this late in life,
178
00:10:12,383 --> 00:10:14,352
but there's just something
about Marty.
179
00:10:14,472 --> 00:10:17,761
Yeah, there's just
400 million things about Marty.
180
00:10:18,168 --> 00:10:22,343
Yes, but I would love him if he
was only worth 200 million.
181
00:10:23,094 --> 00:10:24,243
You know,
182
00:10:24,608 --> 00:10:27,452
I was really touched when you asked
me to be your maid of honor.
183
00:10:27,572 --> 00:10:29,822
Well, you're the
daughter of my only son.
184
00:10:29,942 --> 00:10:31,405
Well, what about Alan?
185
00:10:31,525 --> 00:10:33,713
Don't spoil my day, dear.
186
00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:36,817
And having you with me is like
having Charlie around.
187
00:10:36,937 --> 00:10:39,357
This will be the only one of
my weddings without him.
188
00:10:39,477 --> 00:10:43,448
Well, except the first one, of course.
Oh, no, dear, he was there.
189
00:10:43,946 --> 00:10:46,420
It was the first time
we got drunk together.
190
00:10:49,605 --> 00:10:52,524
Where's Marty?
Nobody likes a stripper hog.
191
00:10:53,024 --> 00:10:56,655
Oh, speaking of hogs, I once did
a show with Miss Piggy.
192
00:10:56,775 --> 00:10:58,987
You know there's a
guy under there?
193
00:11:00,601 --> 00:11:02,191
You know, maybe we should go
check on him.
194
00:11:02,311 --> 00:11:04,077
I'm fine!
195
00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:08,470
Best present that I ever had in my
whole life. Thank you, Walden.
196
00:11:08,590 --> 00:11:10,759
Actually, the strippers
were my idea.
197
00:11:10,879 --> 00:11:13,975
Oh, well, then you tell your
mother the wedding is off.
198
00:11:14,095 --> 00:11:15,312
Tell her what?
199
00:11:15,432 --> 00:11:17,499
Okay.
200
00:11:17,961 --> 00:11:20,091
Wedding pool.
201
00:11:20,211 --> 00:11:22,754
I have
Misplaces teeth
202
00:11:22,874 --> 00:11:25,100
and can't recite the vows."
Uh-huh.
203
00:11:26,714 --> 00:11:28,785
I had, uh...
204
00:11:29,636 --> 00:11:33,210
Died during the lap dance.
205
00:11:34,905 --> 00:11:38,821
I had "This man's
name is Gary.
206
00:11:38,941 --> 00:11:43,995
If found, take him to 104
North Beverly Drive.
207
00:11:44,115 --> 00:11:46,376
Do not give him Scotch""
208
00:11:47,815 --> 00:11:51,641
Well, I have... Alan will
screw this up somehow.
209
00:11:51,761 --> 00:11:52,767
I win.
210
00:11:53,457 --> 00:11:56,647
Are you serious? You can't call off
the wedding. You're not thinking clearly.
211
00:11:56,767 --> 00:12:00,113
I have never been more clear
about anything in my life,
212
00:12:00,233 --> 00:12:02,603
except casting Ralph Macchio.
213
00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:04,924
Kid was a born star.
214
00:12:05,293 --> 00:12:07,776
Well, I think the party is over.
215
00:12:07,896 --> 00:12:14,372
Can somebody please drive me to, uh,
104 North Beverly Drive?
216
00:12:15,087 --> 00:12:16,538
I gotcha.
217
00:12:16,658 --> 00:12:20,847
Listen, maybe on the way home,
we can pick up some Scotch.
218
00:12:21,369 --> 00:12:23,295
Wait, wait, not so fast!
219
00:12:23,415 --> 00:12:25,538
I got a catheter.
220
00:12:30,804 --> 00:12:33,368
I can't believe Marty
called off the wedding.
221
00:12:33,488 --> 00:12:37,589
I can't believe I left a bachelor party
at 4:45 in the afternoon.
222
00:12:37,709 --> 00:12:40,269
My mom is gonna be
very upset with us.
223
00:12:40,389 --> 00:12:41,103
Us?
224
00:12:41,223 --> 00:12:44,695
You threw the bachelor party.
You hired strippers!
225
00:12:44,815 --> 00:12:46,776
That's why I said "us."
226
00:12:46,896 --> 00:12:50,642
it ultimately doesn't matter because in
your mother's eyes, it's all your fault.
227
00:12:50,762 --> 00:12:54,696
You're right. She has never forgiven me
for her prolapsed vagina.
228
00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:57,805
And I'm never gonna forgive you
for putting that picture in my head.
229
00:12:57,925 --> 00:13:00,544
It's not my fault my ears
got caught.
230
00:13:01,140 --> 00:13:03,261
She's gonna be crushed,
and it's all because of us.
231
00:13:03,381 --> 00:13:06,116
Will you stop saying that!
It's because of you!
232
00:13:06,236 --> 00:13:10,088
First you destroyed her vagina,
and now it's her dreams.
233
00:13:10,576 --> 00:13:11,460
Really?
234
00:13:11,580 --> 00:13:14,864
I thought, as partners, we shared the
burdens of life for better or for worse.
235
00:13:14,984 --> 00:13:16,890
Or were they just empty vows?
236
00:13:17,010 --> 00:13:19,264
We're not married!
237
00:13:19,384 --> 00:13:21,856
Oh, you don't have
to remind me of that.
238
00:13:22,180 --> 00:13:24,388
We're not gay!
239
00:13:24,508 --> 00:13:29,446
I can see why we have to tell other people that,
but we shouldn't have to tell each other!
240
00:13:32,216 --> 00:13:35,344
Oh, hey, Alan, look who's here.
Hello, boys.
241
00:13:35,464 --> 00:13:37,274
Hey, you want a drink?
242
00:13:37,394 --> 00:13:39,369
I know, stupid question.
243
00:13:39,870 --> 00:13:42,060
Hey, Mommy,
did you have fun shopping?
244
00:13:42,180 --> 00:13:43,496
What's wrong?
245
00:13:43,616 --> 00:13:44,710
What-what do you mean,
246
00:13:44,830 --> 00:13:48,869
You're using that same whiny voice you used
when you pooped your pants in ballet class.
247
00:13:48,989 --> 00:13:50,797
Good Lord.
I was a kid!
248
00:13:50,917 --> 00:13:52,599
You were 14.
249
00:13:53,572 --> 00:13:57,109
You finally had a bulge in your tights,
and it was on the wrong side.
250
00:13:57,229 --> 00:14:00,404
Okay, you know, I thought this
was gonna be difficult, but maybe not.
251
00:14:00,524 --> 00:14:03,112
Marty ran off
with a couple of strippers.
252
00:14:03,232 --> 00:14:04,596
Excuse me?
253
00:14:04,716 --> 00:14:07,979
Things got a little crazy
at the bachelor party.
254
00:14:08,099 --> 00:14:10,442
What happened?
Did he eat sugar?
255
00:14:10,562 --> 00:14:12,328
He may have.
256
00:14:16,332 --> 00:14:19,852
All right. Well, I guess he's having
one last little fling before the wedding.
257
00:14:20,348 --> 00:14:22,638
Um, y-yeah, about the wedding.
258
00:14:22,758 --> 00:14:26,363
There's that same
tutu-crapping voice again.
259
00:14:27,256 --> 00:14:28,935
He called it off.
260
00:14:29,372 --> 00:14:30,317
What?
261
00:14:31,266 --> 00:14:32,564
Sorry, Evelyn.
262
00:14:33,045 --> 00:14:37,825
But... the strippers have his medication,
and I think one of them has a nurse's outfit.
263
00:14:39,569 --> 00:14:43,478
You know, I-I think if you went over there and
talked to him, you might be able to change his mind.
264
00:14:43,598 --> 00:14:46,817
He may have even forgotten
he called off the wedding.
265
00:14:46,937 --> 00:14:50,363
No, if he doesn't want
to get married, that's fine.
266
00:14:51,066 --> 00:14:53,187
Are you okay? I mean,
is there anything we can do?
267
00:14:53,307 --> 00:14:54,845
I'm all right.
268
00:14:54,965 --> 00:14:57,990
You can't force someone
to love you.
269
00:14:59,747 --> 00:15:00,548
Excuse me.
270
00:15:03,288 --> 00:15:04,891
What did I miss?
271
00:15:05,573 --> 00:15:07,080
Well, the wedding's off,
272
00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:10,115
and Alan crapped his pants
in ballet class.
273
00:15:15,767 --> 00:15:19,456
If I inherit this place,
there's a guest room
with your name on it.
274
00:15:21,301 --> 00:15:23,997
Man, he bought this
with sitcom money.
275
00:15:24,617 --> 00:15:26,701
I am in the wrong business.
276
00:15:29,885 --> 00:15:30,943
May I help you?
277
00:15:31,063 --> 00:15:32,626
Uh, we're here
to see Marty.
278
00:15:32,746 --> 00:15:34,384
I'm sorry, Mr. Pepper is busy.
279
00:15:34,504 --> 00:15:39,612
Really? Uh, he doesn't have time
to visit with Ralph Macchio?
280
00:15:39,732 --> 00:15:43,461
A thousand apologies, Mr. Macchio.
Right this way.
281
00:15:44,083 --> 00:15:46,054
After you, Daniel-san.
282
00:15:52,229 --> 00:15:53,896
We're going to take a bath.
283
00:15:54,016 --> 00:15:56,604
You can start washing
each other.
284
00:15:57,505 --> 00:16:00,128
But save the dirty parts for me.
285
00:16:02,832 --> 00:16:03,926
Who's there?
286
00:16:04,046 --> 00:16:06,266
Uh, it's Alan and Walden.
287
00:16:06,386 --> 00:16:07,404
Who?
288
00:16:09,276 --> 00:16:12,054
Evelyn's gay son
and his boyfriend.
289
00:16:14,175 --> 00:16:15,802
All right, come on in.
290
00:16:17,195 --> 00:16:20,703
If you're here to change my mind,
forget it.
291
00:16:20,823 --> 00:16:24,151
But I-I thought you loved
my mother. I do,
292
00:16:24,271 --> 00:16:27,061
but I'm not ready
to settle down.
293
00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:29,848
Maybe when I get a little older.
294
00:16:30,402 --> 00:16:31,521
Marty, I don't
295
00:16:31,641 --> 00:16:34,757
say this unkindly,
296
00:16:35,210 --> 00:16:37,657
but if you get any older,
you'll be soil.
297
00:16:39,496 --> 00:16:42,831
Besides, you know my mother.
She'd sleep with you and the strippers.
298
00:16:42,951 --> 00:16:44,945
Oh, yeah,
she's a big whore.
299
00:16:45,666 --> 00:16:48,851
I'm not saying
she doesn't have her charms.
300
00:16:49,276 --> 00:16:50,922
So, what's the problem?
301
00:16:51,042 --> 00:16:55,189
The truth is, I'm a six-time
loser at marriage,
302
00:16:55,309 --> 00:16:57,857
and I don't want to go
for a seventh.
303
00:16:58,540 --> 00:16:59,858
I get it.
304
00:16:59,978 --> 00:17:02,180
You're-you're scared.
305
00:17:02,300 --> 00:17:04,602
But, you know,
in-in love,
306
00:17:04,722 --> 00:17:08,013
you have to take a leap
and hope for the best.
307
00:17:08,133 --> 00:17:10,181
That should be written
on a pillow--
308
00:17:10,301 --> 00:17:12,836
the pillow you can bite
when you and your buddy are...
309
00:17:12,956 --> 00:17:14,399
All right, all right.
310
00:17:18,170 --> 00:17:20,754
No, all-all I'm saying is
is that marriage
311
00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:23,745
can be a beautiful thing.
312
00:17:23,865 --> 00:17:26,698
So, why aren't you two married?
314
00:17:32,002 --> 00:17:34,123
This isn't what you think it is.
316
00:17:37,514 --> 00:17:40,139
but you understand me.
317
00:17:40,484 --> 00:17:41,791
You're right.
318
00:17:41,911 --> 00:17:45,620
He's right.
I-I don't want to
319
00:17:45,740 --> 00:17:50,163
end up alone and a-afraid of
commitment like Marty.
320
00:17:52,514 --> 00:17:53,377
Alan...
321
00:17:54,660 --> 00:17:57,543
...for the last
three years of my life,
322
00:17:57,663 --> 00:17:59,357
you have...
323
00:17:59,477 --> 00:18:01,111
always been there.
324
00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:02,699
Every day.
325
00:18:02,819 --> 00:18:06,050
When I wake up in the morning,
when I go to bed at night,
326
00:18:06,170 --> 00:18:07,433
there you are.
327
00:18:09,700 --> 00:18:14,710
So, nobody is more surprised to hear
this coming out of my mouth than me.
328
00:18:15,423 --> 00:18:17,238
This is not happening.
329
00:18:18,145 --> 00:18:19,647
Alan Harper...
330
00:18:20,679 --> 00:18:22,243
will you marry me?
331
00:18:23,047 --> 00:18:26,159
Yes! Yes!
A billion times, yes!
332
00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:29,798
Let's save something
for the honeymoon.
333
00:18:29,918 --> 00:18:31,794
Ibiza, it has to be Ibiza.
334
00:18:31,914 --> 00:18:33,508
You're right.
335
00:18:33,628 --> 00:18:37,031
Excluding my heart,
kidney and liver,
336
00:18:37,151 --> 00:18:39,964
I'm not a young man anymore.
337
00:18:41,598 --> 00:18:43,246
I'm gonna call your mother.
338
00:18:43,366 --> 00:18:46,357
Marty,
come find the ducky.
339
00:18:48,095 --> 00:18:50,391
We-we should probably go
break the news to them.
340
00:18:50,511 --> 00:18:53,056
Yeah, yeah, that'd probably be
the proper thing to do.
341
00:18:54,419 --> 00:18:57,716
Just so you know, this is not
happening when we're married.
342
00:19:04,962 --> 00:19:05,956
Marty,
343
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:09,573
I love you more than words
could ever say.
344
00:19:09,693 --> 00:19:12,597
From the moment
I took off my blindfold,
345
00:19:12,717 --> 00:19:16,444
turned around and saw you
behind me for the first time,
346
00:19:16,564 --> 00:19:20,556
I knew I'd never need
a safe word again.
347
00:19:21,117 --> 00:19:23,107
I wish I had
one of those right now.
348
00:19:23,227 --> 00:19:26,054
Which? The blindfold
or the safe word?
349
00:19:26,174 --> 00:19:27,044
Yes.
350
00:19:28,145 --> 00:19:31,561
Evelyn, I'm so happy
you're in my life.
351
00:19:31,681 --> 00:19:34,558
When I'm with you,
I feel like I'm 85 again.
352
00:19:34,678 --> 00:19:36,641
You're the perfect
girl for me.
353
00:19:36,761 --> 00:19:41,756
You make my heart skip a beat, and you
know how to use a defribrillator.
354
00:19:43,071 --> 00:19:44,674
I wrote that joke.
355
00:19:45,901 --> 00:19:48,551
Last night, I only got up
one time to pee.
356
00:19:50,270 --> 00:19:53,725
I peed a second time,
but I-I didn't get up.
357
00:19:56,468 --> 00:20:00,178
Ashes to ashes,
and dust to dust...
358
00:20:00,785 --> 00:20:03,300
Oh, I'm sorry.
I skipped a page there.
359
00:20:04,257 --> 00:20:06,366
you may now kiss the bride.
360
00:20:12,894 --> 00:20:15,928
Congratulations, Evelyn,
on a beautiful ceremony.
361
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:18,431
Yeah. Can't wait
for the next one.
362
00:20:19,934 --> 00:20:22,862
I just have to tell you,
I am a huge fan.
363
00:20:22,982 --> 00:20:23,805
Thank you very much.
364
00:20:23,925 --> 00:20:26,748
I lost my virginity
to one of your records.
365
00:20:26,868 --> 00:20:29,651
A-side and B-side,
if you know what I mean.
366
00:20:30,805 --> 00:20:33,489
Oh, I just became
a big fan of yours, baby.
367
00:20:35,574 --> 00:20:37,843
And I just want
to say one thing.
368
00:20:37,963 --> 00:20:41,664
None of this would've happened
without these two.
369
00:20:41,784 --> 00:20:44,012
And as my present to you,
370
00:20:44,132 --> 00:20:49,846
I've arranged for Tim to perform
one more wedding ceremony.
371
00:20:55,728 --> 00:20:57,223
Oh, my God.
372
00:20:57,343 --> 00:20:58,780
Oh, my God.
373
00:20:58,900 --> 00:21:00,417
Oh, my God.
374
00:21:00,700 --> 00:21:02,319
Oh, my God.