1
00:00:04,660 --> 00:00:08,646
Okay, salute the sun.
2
00:00:10,666 --> 00:00:12,867
Deep cleansing breath.
3
00:00:15,153 --> 00:00:17,789
Release your
negative energy.
4
00:00:17,791 --> 00:00:20,508
(grunts)
Oh, I'd better not.
5
00:00:20,510 --> 00:00:23,461
The only thing holding me
together is negative energy.
6
00:00:23,463 --> 00:00:25,630
And into downward dog.
7
00:00:26,949 --> 00:00:28,333
(grunts)
8
00:00:28,335 --> 00:00:29,918
Knees straight.
9
00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:31,669
Extend your hips.
10
00:00:31,671 --> 00:00:32,804
I'm trying, I'm trying.
11
00:00:32,806 --> 00:00:34,222
I can't...
I can't straighten my legs.
12
00:00:34,224 --> 00:00:35,706
(grunting)
All right.
13
00:00:35,708 --> 00:00:37,592
Let me just help
you out here.
14
00:00:39,378 --> 00:00:41,062
(Alan groaning)
That's it.
15
00:00:41,064 --> 00:00:42,480
That's it.
16
00:00:42,482 --> 00:00:44,933
Just let it go.
17
00:00:44,935 --> 00:00:47,018
Let it go.
18
00:00:47,020 --> 00:00:50,772
Shall I light some candles
and put on some music?
19
00:00:50,774 --> 00:00:53,775
We're doing yoga.
20
00:00:53,777 --> 00:00:57,112
It's none of my business--
just put a towel down.
21
00:00:57,114 --> 00:00:59,730
(doorbell rings)
Oh, Berta, that's the doorbell.
22
00:00:59,732 --> 00:01:02,500
Heard it--
not getting it.
23
00:01:02,502 --> 00:01:04,252
Yeah, I'll get it.
24
00:01:04,254 --> 00:01:05,837
I need a break anyway.
25
00:01:05,839 --> 00:01:07,405
It's only been five minutes.
26
00:01:07,407 --> 00:01:10,341
Uh, not the first time
I've heard that.
27
00:01:10,343 --> 00:01:11,426
Hey, Al.
28
00:01:11,428 --> 00:01:13,294
Oh, hey, Herb,
what brings you by?
29
00:01:13,296 --> 00:01:15,196
Oh, you, uh, left
your wallet at my house.
30
00:01:15,198 --> 00:01:16,931
(laughs) I didn't even
notice it was missing.
31
00:01:16,933 --> 00:01:19,350
Really? It's been over a week.
32
00:01:21,220 --> 00:01:24,472
Hard to notice something's
missing when you never use it.
33
00:01:25,357 --> 00:01:26,424
Well, thank you.
34
00:01:26,426 --> 00:01:27,525
Oh, no problem.
35
00:01:27,527 --> 00:01:29,760
Hey, I want to apologize
for my behavior lately.
36
00:01:29,762 --> 00:01:32,697
I've been in a real dark place
since Judith left.
37
00:01:32,699 --> 00:01:33,948
No apologies necessary.
38
00:01:33,950 --> 00:01:35,766
Uh, the important thing is
you're feeling better.
39
00:01:35,768 --> 00:01:37,435
Well, I'm not putting
her nightgown on a pillow
40
00:01:37,437 --> 00:01:39,687
and spooning it
anymore so, uh,
41
00:01:39,689 --> 00:01:41,789
yeah, coming out
of the darkness.
42
00:01:41,791 --> 00:01:44,242
Oh, God. Oh, God.
43
00:01:44,244 --> 00:01:45,326
(groaning)
44
00:01:45,328 --> 00:01:47,378
Wh-what is it?
Is it your back?
45
00:01:47,380 --> 00:01:48,997
No, it's my front.
46
00:01:48,999 --> 00:01:51,299
I need a Doctor.
Right here.
47
00:01:51,301 --> 00:01:52,783
No, a real doctor.
48
00:01:52,785 --> 00:01:53,885
Right here, right here.
49
00:01:53,887 --> 00:01:54,836
Where does it hurt?
50
00:01:54,838 --> 00:01:57,055
Uh, it's my balls.
Oh.
51
00:01:57,057 --> 00:01:59,624
I'm gonna have to stick
my hands down your pants.
52
00:01:59,626 --> 00:02:03,061
For once I'm glad I didn't
make it into medical school.
53
00:02:03,063 --> 00:02:05,013
Make it stop, make it stop.
54
00:02:05,015 --> 00:02:07,265
Ooh. A little swampy down here.
55
00:02:07,267 --> 00:02:10,351
I wasn't expecting company.
56
00:02:10,353 --> 00:02:12,187
Oh, oh, I see.
57
00:02:12,189 --> 00:02:13,905
You've got a twist
in your spermatic chord.
58
00:02:13,907 --> 00:02:15,607
(groans)
I'm gonna have to perform
59
00:02:15,609 --> 00:02:18,276
a manual detorsion
on your testes.
60
00:02:18,278 --> 00:02:19,410
What does that mean?
61
00:02:19,412 --> 00:02:21,079
Your nuts are in a knot--
I need to untie them.
62
00:02:21,081 --> 00:02:23,331
No, no, no.
63
00:02:23,333 --> 00:02:25,200
Look, it's either that or your
blood supply'll be cut off.
64
00:02:25,202 --> 00:02:26,451
You might lose a testicle.
65
00:02:26,453 --> 00:02:28,536
Go, man, go.
66
00:02:28,538 --> 00:02:31,656
Uh, remember, rigthy tighty,
lefty loosey.
67
00:02:31,658 --> 00:02:33,925
This reminds me of the summers
of my youth.
68
00:02:33,927 --> 00:02:35,793
I used to pick peaches on my...
69
00:02:35,795 --> 00:02:37,128
Will you just do it?!
70
00:02:37,130 --> 00:02:38,263
(grunts)
71
00:02:38,265 --> 00:02:39,497
(moans)
72
00:02:39,499 --> 00:02:41,599
Ah, that feels good.
73
00:02:41,601 --> 00:02:44,652
Ah, I love you, Herb.
74
00:02:44,654 --> 00:02:46,671
We're gonna need a code word
75
00:02:46,673 --> 00:02:50,358
so I stop walking
in on this stuff.
76
00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:54,360
10x19
Big Episode: Someone Stole a Spoon
77
00:02:54,370 --> 00:02:57,370
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by lost0ne
www.addic7ed.com
78
00:02:59,827 --> 00:03:02,112
Got the ice.
It's crushed.
79
00:03:02,114 --> 00:03:04,281
Kind of like your balls.
80
00:03:04,283 --> 00:03:06,850
That is the worst pain
I've ever experienced.
81
00:03:06,852 --> 00:03:09,252
Says the only guy in this room
who wasn't married to Judith.
82
00:03:09,254 --> 00:03:11,288
(laughing)
83
00:03:14,709 --> 00:03:16,376
There you go.
Whoa!
84
00:03:16,378 --> 00:03:19,212
And just like that,
I'm a grower, not a shower.
85
00:03:19,214 --> 00:03:21,965
I know it's uncomfortable but
you need to ice the soreness
86
00:03:21,967 --> 00:03:23,350
for 20 minutes
every couple hours
87
00:03:23,352 --> 00:03:24,634
and avoid sudden movements.
88
00:03:24,636 --> 00:03:26,736
How did this happen?
89
00:03:26,738 --> 00:03:29,389
Well, imagine your testicles
90
00:03:29,391 --> 00:03:31,892
hanging like wind chimes.
91
00:03:31,894 --> 00:03:35,445
Most days they sway gently and
you hear a beautiful melody.
92
00:03:36,731 --> 00:03:39,332
Other days the wind kicks up
and, uh, they get twisted
93
00:03:39,334 --> 00:03:42,586
and it sounds like a washing
machine full of cowbells.
94
00:03:42,588 --> 00:03:44,070
Am I gonna be okay?
95
00:03:44,072 --> 00:03:45,789
Oh, yeah, don't worry,
but just to make sure
96
00:03:45,791 --> 00:03:47,023
you should stop by
my office tomorrow.
97
00:03:47,025 --> 00:03:48,408
We'll do an ultrasound.
98
00:03:48,410 --> 00:03:51,411
Why do you need an ultrasound
in a pediatrician's office?
99
00:03:51,413 --> 00:03:53,546
Well, when a kid swallows
a Matchbox car,
100
00:03:53,548 --> 00:03:55,582
you need to know whether it's
gonna drive out on its own
101
00:03:55,584 --> 00:03:57,167
or has to be airlifted.
102
00:04:05,343 --> 00:04:07,093
Well, good news.
103
00:04:07,095 --> 00:04:09,012
Everything looks
completely normal.
104
00:04:09,014 --> 00:04:10,513
And speaking as a medical
professional,
105
00:04:10,515 --> 00:04:12,899
your junk is extraordinary.
106
00:04:12,901 --> 00:04:15,018
Uh, thank you.
107
00:04:15,020 --> 00:04:16,186
I didn't know whether
to examine it
108
00:04:16,188 --> 00:04:18,321
or feed it a peanut.
109
00:04:20,191 --> 00:04:21,274
Okay, I'm gonna...
110
00:04:21,276 --> 00:04:23,526
I'm gonna put my clothes on now.
111
00:04:23,528 --> 00:04:25,445
You should avoid strenuous
activity and I'd, uh,
112
00:04:25,447 --> 00:04:27,280
like to schedule a follow-up
in a couple weeks.
113
00:04:27,282 --> 00:04:28,832
Sounds good.
114
00:04:28,834 --> 00:04:30,200
Hey, while you're here, uh,
115
00:04:30,202 --> 00:04:32,118
can I ask you
a little personal advice?
116
00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:34,871
You had my hands down my pants
on two separate occasions.
117
00:04:34,873 --> 00:04:37,674
If you were a woman, I'd be
meeting your parents now.
118
00:04:37,676 --> 00:04:39,459
Well, you've been dumped
a lot, right?
119
00:04:39,461 --> 00:04:40,543
No.
120
00:04:40,545 --> 00:04:42,512
I mean, what's "a lot"?
I...
121
00:04:42,514 --> 00:04:43,579
Yes, I have.
122
00:04:43,581 --> 00:04:45,899
How did you get over
your wife leaving you?
123
00:04:45,901 --> 00:04:47,267
(laughs)
124
00:04:48,386 --> 00:04:50,136
You know the five stages
of grief?
125
00:04:50,138 --> 00:04:51,271
Sure.
126
00:04:51,273 --> 00:04:53,189
They left out
the three best ones--
127
00:04:53,191 --> 00:04:56,810
pot, one-night stands
and buying a beach house.
128
00:04:56,812 --> 00:04:59,262
I don't know,
I'm not sure that's me.
129
00:04:59,264 --> 00:05:01,431
You can't just sit around
feeling sorry for yourself.
130
00:05:01,433 --> 00:05:03,650
(sighs)
I'm getting so good at it.
131
00:05:03,652 --> 00:05:04,934
Well, it gets better.
132
00:05:04,936 --> 00:05:06,953
You just got to get out there
and meet somebody new.
133
00:05:06,955 --> 00:05:09,823
It's tough-- Judith and I were
together a long time.
134
00:05:09,825 --> 00:05:10,940
I get it.
135
00:05:10,942 --> 00:05:12,625
She was your world.
136
00:05:12,627 --> 00:05:14,210
But trust me.
137
00:05:14,212 --> 00:05:15,945
You will meet
someone else to spend
138
00:05:15,947 --> 00:05:17,113
the rest of your life with.
139
00:05:17,115 --> 00:05:18,798
In my case it was Alan.
140
00:05:20,384 --> 00:05:22,552
Yeah, I'm surrounded
by sick kids all day.
141
00:05:22,554 --> 00:05:23,586
Where am I gonna
meet someone?
142
00:05:23,588 --> 00:05:24,921
You just got
to keep your heart
143
00:05:24,923 --> 00:05:27,090
and your eyes open.
144
00:05:29,393 --> 00:05:31,127
(whispers)
Who are they?
145
00:05:31,129 --> 00:05:33,179
Oh, they're
pharmaceutical reps.
146
00:05:33,181 --> 00:05:35,231
They come by and give
away free drugs.
147
00:05:36,734 --> 00:05:40,687
Yeah, where are you
gonna meet someone?
148
00:05:44,358 --> 00:05:47,977
Okay, I got a good feeling
about this one.
149
00:05:51,699 --> 00:05:53,450
This is my house.
150
00:05:54,668 --> 00:05:57,003
Okay, Mr. Driver,
we're good.
151
00:05:57,005 --> 00:05:59,089
Bye-bye.
152
00:05:59,091 --> 00:06:01,591
Ladies, I must warn you
153
00:06:01,593 --> 00:06:03,793
that once you cross
this threshold
154
00:06:03,795 --> 00:06:05,845
you waive your
right to sobriety,
155
00:06:05,847 --> 00:06:07,680
chastity,
156
00:06:07,682 --> 00:06:10,100
dignity,
157
00:06:10,102 --> 00:06:12,001
and a couple other "ity-ties."
158
00:06:12,003 --> 00:06:13,970
Waived.
Yeah, me, too.
159
00:06:13,972 --> 00:06:16,773
(imitates an explosion)
160
00:06:16,775 --> 00:06:18,441
Oh, wow.
161
00:06:18,443 --> 00:06:19,893
This is so cool.
162
00:06:19,895 --> 00:06:21,861
Oh, my God, I can't believe
this is happening.
163
00:06:21,863 --> 00:06:24,364
Oh, it's happening.
Okay.
164
00:06:24,366 --> 00:06:25,698
What's the plan--
are we, uh,
165
00:06:25,700 --> 00:06:26,733
are we two twosomes?
166
00:06:26,735 --> 00:06:28,818
Or a foursome?
167
00:06:28,820 --> 00:06:30,186
Or do you want
to have a threesome
168
00:06:30,188 --> 00:06:31,154
with them while I watch?
169
00:06:31,156 --> 00:06:32,705
'Cause I'm fine with that.
170
00:06:32,707 --> 00:06:34,541
I'm not.
171
00:06:34,543 --> 00:06:37,744
Oh, okay, I'll just
take the tall one.
172
00:06:38,796 --> 00:06:40,797
Which one's the tall one?
173
00:06:41,799 --> 00:06:43,716
I got this.
174
00:06:43,718 --> 00:06:45,919
Okay, ladies.
175
00:06:45,921 --> 00:06:47,870
Alcohol is this way.
176
00:06:47,872 --> 00:06:50,590
We don't want anyone sobering up
and thinking things through.
177
00:06:51,642 --> 00:06:53,760
Hey, Alan!
178
00:06:53,762 --> 00:06:57,180
Hey, uh, uh,
who are your friends?
179
00:06:57,182 --> 00:06:59,265
Oh, this is Plaxitril
180
00:06:59,267 --> 00:07:00,716
and she sells Kristen.
181
00:07:00,718 --> 00:07:02,685
No, no, no, I'm Kristen.
182
00:07:02,687 --> 00:07:04,270
I sell Plaxitril.
183
00:07:04,272 --> 00:07:07,390
I'm pretty sure it's
the other way around.
184
00:07:07,392 --> 00:07:09,659
ALAN:
It's, uh,
185
00:07:09,661 --> 00:07:11,778
it's nice to meet you, Kristen.
186
00:07:11,780 --> 00:07:13,913
Oh, and this is Morgan.
187
00:07:13,915 --> 00:07:17,117
I sell boner pills
and baby laxatives.
188
00:07:18,536 --> 00:07:20,253
And I'm Herb.
Hi, Herb.
189
00:07:20,255 --> 00:07:21,955
Yes, I am.
190
00:07:21,957 --> 00:07:22,956
WALDEN:
Okay.
191
00:07:22,958 --> 00:07:24,707
Salt, check, uh...
192
00:07:24,709 --> 00:07:25,925
(yells)
193
00:07:25,927 --> 00:07:28,244
Limes, check.
194
00:07:28,246 --> 00:07:30,263
Tequila, check.
195
00:07:30,265 --> 00:07:31,764
Two gorgeous ladies.
196
00:07:31,766 --> 00:07:33,383
Check.
Check.
197
00:07:33,385 --> 00:07:36,386
The doctor's ready
to administer some shots.
198
00:07:36,388 --> 00:07:38,555
Some body shots.
(squeals)
199
00:07:38,557 --> 00:07:39,772
(women giggling)
200
00:07:50,818 --> 00:07:51,901
Well...
201
00:07:51,903 --> 00:07:54,904
I guess I am
gonna masturbate tonight.
202
00:07:58,867 --> 00:08:01,935
MORGAN: Hey, did I tell you
that I was a gymnast?
203
00:08:01,937 --> 00:08:03,859
WALDEN:
You're kidding.
204
00:08:03,860 --> 00:08:04,383
MORGAN: (laughs)
Nope.
205
00:08:04,384 --> 00:08:07,018
I was an alternate
for the Olympic team.
206
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:08,737
I can totally put both
207
00:08:08,739 --> 00:08:11,807
of my legs behind
my head. Watch.
208
00:08:13,070 --> 00:08:17,042
WALDEN AND HERB:
U.S.A.!
209
00:08:17,892 --> 00:08:20,103
KRISTEN:
I can't do that, but I can put
210
00:08:20,104 --> 00:08:22,221
my entire fist in my mouth.
211
00:08:22,223 --> 00:08:24,724
Check it out.
212
00:08:24,726 --> 00:08:27,243
WALDEN:
Beautiful and talented.
213
00:08:27,245 --> 00:08:29,478
KRISTEN: (muffled)
Thank you.
214
00:08:31,315 --> 00:08:34,867
Yup, definitely masturbating.
215
00:08:39,356 --> 00:08:41,874
Hey, Alan!
216
00:08:41,876 --> 00:08:45,027
Hey, uh, you guys having fun?
217
00:08:45,029 --> 00:08:47,663
Yeah, I was just getting
more tequila.
218
00:08:47,665 --> 00:08:49,165
How are you?
219
00:08:49,167 --> 00:08:53,135
I'm good.
Just watching Downton Abbey.
220
00:08:53,137 --> 00:08:54,587
Big episode.
221
00:08:54,589 --> 00:08:57,173
Someone stole a spoon.
222
00:08:57,975 --> 00:09:01,093
MORGAN: Walden,
get the video camera!
223
00:09:01,095 --> 00:09:03,012
Aw, good idea.
224
00:09:03,014 --> 00:09:06,632
There's gonna be a video.
225
00:09:10,621 --> 00:09:12,188
HERB:
Hey, Alan?
226
00:09:12,190 --> 00:09:13,606
Do you got any Crisco?
227
00:09:15,892 --> 00:09:17,243
Um...
228
00:09:17,245 --> 00:09:19,946
Uh, there's some olive oil
by the stove.
229
00:09:19,948 --> 00:09:22,198
That'll work.
230
00:09:29,306 --> 00:09:31,007
Have you seen my bra?
231
00:09:31,009 --> 00:09:33,259
Uh, uh, no.
232
00:09:33,261 --> 00:09:36,012
Your son hid it somewhere.
233
00:09:36,014 --> 00:09:37,630
I'm sorry, my son?
234
00:09:37,632 --> 00:09:40,099
Yeah, Walden.
235
00:09:44,571 --> 00:09:47,473
Hey, Alan.
236
00:09:48,758 --> 00:09:51,527
Have you seen Plaxitril?
237
00:09:53,430 --> 00:09:56,065
(giggles)
238
00:09:58,485 --> 00:10:00,820
♪ Men. ♪
239
00:10:02,605 --> 00:10:04,757
(low groan)
240
00:10:06,259 --> 00:10:07,393
Morning.
241
00:10:07,395 --> 00:10:09,962
Hey, what's that for?
242
00:10:09,964 --> 00:10:13,833
You can't carry a toilet bowl.
243
00:10:14,801 --> 00:10:16,719
Are you drunk or hungover?
244
00:10:16,721 --> 00:10:19,422
Yes.
245
00:10:19,424 --> 00:10:22,391
What happened last night?
246
00:10:22,393 --> 00:10:25,678
A lot of gray areas.
247
00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:28,630
There was tequila.
248
00:10:28,632 --> 00:10:30,816
(gags)
249
00:10:31,985 --> 00:10:35,404
A walk on the beach.
250
00:10:35,406 --> 00:10:36,972
And then
the coast guard escorted
251
00:10:36,974 --> 00:10:39,442
our boat back to shore.
252
00:10:39,444 --> 00:10:42,244
Wait, your boat?
253
00:10:42,246 --> 00:10:44,646
Well, not technically.
254
00:10:44,648 --> 00:10:46,866
I commandeered it.
255
00:10:47,817 --> 00:10:49,585
Apparently Plaxitril has
256
00:10:49,587 --> 00:10:52,171
a pirate side effect.
257
00:10:53,390 --> 00:10:55,574
Top of the morning to you.
258
00:10:56,760 --> 00:10:59,045
How are you in such a good mood?
259
00:10:59,047 --> 00:11:02,681
Three pills, two pukes
and a poo and I'm good to go.
260
00:11:04,634 --> 00:11:06,252
You know what? You were right.
261
00:11:06,254 --> 00:11:08,554
I can't sit around
feeling sorry for myself.
262
00:11:08,556 --> 00:11:10,523
Last night was a revelation
for me.
263
00:11:10,525 --> 00:11:12,558
I have never felt so alive.
264
00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:13,809
Which is ironic,
because I believe
265
00:11:13,811 --> 00:11:16,228
for a few minutes last night
I was legally dead.
266
00:11:17,164 --> 00:11:19,815
Now who wants a Bloody Mary?
267
00:11:21,368 --> 00:11:23,903
I'll have one.
(chuckles)
268
00:11:23,905 --> 00:11:26,455
Don't judge me.
You stole a boat.
269
00:11:27,624 --> 00:11:29,858
Attaboy. How about you, Walden?
270
00:11:29,860 --> 00:11:32,711
I don't think I can have
any more alcohol.
271
00:11:32,713 --> 00:11:35,414
(mocking) I don't think I can have
any more alcohol.
272
00:11:36,333 --> 00:11:38,501
Man up. I didn't fix those nuts
273
00:11:38,503 --> 00:11:40,553
so you could grow a vagina.
274
00:11:42,973 --> 00:11:44,507
All right, I'll have one.
275
00:11:44,509 --> 00:11:45,808
Attagirl.
276
00:11:49,429 --> 00:11:52,348
(loud thumping music
playing in house)
277
00:11:59,489 --> 00:12:00,889
Alan?
278
00:12:00,891 --> 00:12:03,526
Wha...?
279
00:12:05,328 --> 00:12:07,696
What time is it?
280
00:12:15,905 --> 00:12:17,790
6:30.
281
00:12:17,792 --> 00:12:21,877
Is the sun going up or dow
282
00:12:28,935 --> 00:12:30,970
Not a clue.
283
00:12:36,476 --> 00:12:37,776
(groans)
284
00:12:37,778 --> 00:12:39,778
What the hell?
285
00:12:40,730 --> 00:12:43,199
♪
286
00:12:46,369 --> 00:12:49,021
Hey! Look who finally woke up.
287
00:12:49,023 --> 00:12:50,289
What's going on?
288
00:12:50,291 --> 00:12:52,074
We're having a party.
289
00:12:52,076 --> 00:12:54,627
How?!
290
00:12:54,629 --> 00:12:56,662
Well, Morgan and Kristen
came over.
291
00:12:56,664 --> 00:12:58,047
I sent out
a couple tweets.
292
00:12:58,049 --> 00:13:00,216
I posted a couple
pictures on Instagram.
293
00:13:00,218 --> 00:13:02,218
Bing-bang-boom, here we are.
294
00:13:02,220 --> 00:13:05,421
I chat on AOL a lot.
295
00:13:07,174 --> 00:13:09,558
Okay, I think we need
to shut this down.
296
00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:12,061
Yeah, yeah, we're fried.
297
00:13:12,063 --> 00:13:13,896
Oh, here, these'll fix you up.
298
00:13:13,898 --> 00:13:16,815
Are you a pharmaceutical
rep, too?
299
00:13:16,817 --> 00:13:18,717
No. I'm a junior
at Pepperdine.
300
00:13:20,637 --> 00:13:23,972
Pepperdine's
a good school.
301
00:13:39,702 --> 00:13:43,789
Wow. This looks like
Charlie Sheen's house.
302
00:13:48,183 --> 00:13:49,850
Alan.
303
00:13:51,819 --> 00:13:53,937
Alan, wake up.
304
00:13:53,939 --> 00:13:56,190
(bottles clattering)
305
00:13:56,192 --> 00:13:59,610
Pepperdine is not a good school.
306
00:13:59,612 --> 00:14:02,446
Why am I face down
307
00:14:02,448 --> 00:14:05,398
on the back of the sofa
in my underwear?
308
00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:09,169
Because I was kind enough
to put underwear on you.
309
00:14:12,707 --> 00:14:15,092
How did this happen?
310
00:14:16,594 --> 00:14:18,679
Herb.
311
00:14:18,681 --> 00:14:21,081
Oh, that guy's out of control.
312
00:14:21,083 --> 00:14:23,634
(groans)
This house is a mess.
313
00:14:23,636 --> 00:14:26,303
Maybe I should I just cut
my losses and sell it.
314
00:14:26,305 --> 00:14:29,489
Don't even joke like that.
315
00:14:32,227 --> 00:14:34,177
Oh, Berta,
thank God you're here.
316
00:14:34,179 --> 00:14:36,697
Aw, hell no.
317
00:14:38,816 --> 00:14:40,784
♪ Men. ♪
318
00:14:48,876 --> 00:14:51,678
Th-This was
a very good idea.
319
00:14:53,381 --> 00:14:57,467
Yeah. It's like an adult
diaper for your mouth.
320
00:14:59,621 --> 00:15:03,674
Uh! Wow. Swimming in the ocean
is the best cure for a hangover.
321
00:15:03,676 --> 00:15:07,311
Well, that
and pharmaceutical cocaine.
322
00:15:07,313 --> 00:15:10,447
Time to have the talk?
323
00:15:10,449 --> 00:15:12,649
Yeah.
324
00:15:12,651 --> 00:15:14,935
Hey, Herb,
you got a sec?
325
00:15:14,937 --> 00:15:16,687
Sure.
326
00:15:18,072 --> 00:15:20,824
You're gonna have
to come to us.
327
00:15:23,194 --> 00:15:25,195
What's up?
328
00:15:37,992 --> 00:15:40,677
Alan has something
he wants to tell you.
329
00:15:44,599 --> 00:15:46,166
You know, you know, Herb,
330
00:15:46,168 --> 00:15:48,685
we-we, we think
you're a lot of fun.
331
00:15:51,139 --> 00:15:53,840
Yeah, the last few weeks
have been a blast.
332
00:15:53,842 --> 00:15:55,058
It's been two days.
333
00:15:55,060 --> 00:15:56,843
Oh, good Lord.
334
00:15:58,113 --> 00:16:01,081
I guess what we're saying
is maybe it's time
335
00:16:01,083 --> 00:16:02,733
to get back to our
regular lives.
336
00:16:03,035 --> 00:16:05,619
My regular life sucks.
337
00:16:05,621 --> 00:16:07,654
No, it doesn't.
338
00:16:07,656 --> 00:16:10,490
You're-you're just upset
because Judith left you.
339
00:16:10,492 --> 00:16:13,026
Yeah. And I haven't thought
about her at all
340
00:16:13,028 --> 00:16:16,963
the last two days. Or weeks.
Whichever we agreed is real.
341
00:16:16,965 --> 00:16:18,632
And-and that's great,
but, you know, we just...
342
00:16:18,634 --> 00:16:22,369
we have to slow down
a bit.
343
00:16:22,371 --> 00:16:23,720
Yeah, just take a break.
344
00:16:23,722 --> 00:16:25,138
You know, get
back to normal.
345
00:16:25,140 --> 00:16:28,825
You know, sleep,
eat, bathe.
346
00:16:28,827 --> 00:16:32,545
Pass a field
sobriety test.
347
00:16:32,547 --> 00:16:35,248
Wait. Are you kicking me out?
348
00:16:35,250 --> 00:16:37,984
Oh, no...
Uh, uh...
349
00:16:37,986 --> 00:16:40,987
No, we're not kicking
you out so much as...
350
00:16:41,906 --> 00:16:44,991
Yeah, we're
kicking you out.
351
00:16:44,993 --> 00:16:47,077
I see.
352
00:16:47,079 --> 00:16:48,561
I mean,
it's nothing personal.
353
00:16:48,563 --> 00:16:50,747
Just, you know, sometimes...
354
00:16:51,699 --> 00:16:54,167
Yes, it's personal.
355
00:16:54,169 --> 00:16:57,404
Well, say no more.
356
00:16:57,406 --> 00:16:59,256
I know when it's time to go.
357
00:16:59,258 --> 00:17:01,925
I'm-I'm sorry, Herb.
358
00:17:01,927 --> 00:17:03,960
I said say no more!
359
00:17:10,551 --> 00:17:14,037
Oh, hey.
I got new trash cans.
360
00:17:14,039 --> 00:17:16,456
They're wicker.
361
00:17:16,458 --> 00:17:18,174
What's the problem?
362
00:17:18,176 --> 00:17:20,010
You can't puke in wicker.
363
00:17:20,978 --> 00:17:23,630
It's like using a mesh condom.
364
00:17:24,465 --> 00:17:26,766
All the important stuff
gets through.
365
00:17:26,768 --> 00:17:29,819
Fine. I'll return them.
Of course, I'll need
366
00:17:29,821 --> 00:17:33,306
to hold onto your credit card
for a few more days.
367
00:17:35,242 --> 00:17:36,743
Of course you will.
368
00:17:36,745 --> 00:17:39,362
Hey, you haven't talked
to Herb lately, have you?
369
00:17:39,364 --> 00:17:41,431
No. I texted him
a couple days ago,
370
00:17:41,433 --> 00:17:43,166
but he never responded.
371
00:17:43,168 --> 00:17:45,619
Hmm. I called him,
invited him over for dinner
372
00:17:45,621 --> 00:17:47,087
and I never heard back.
373
00:17:47,089 --> 00:17:48,321
Hmm.
374
00:17:48,323 --> 00:17:49,556
You think he's okay, right?
375
00:17:49,558 --> 00:17:50,874
Yeah. Why wouldn't he be?
376
00:17:50,876 --> 00:17:52,492
Exactly.
377
00:17:52,494 --> 00:17:54,160
I mean, you know,
other than the fact
378
00:17:54,162 --> 00:17:56,713
that his marriage
just fell apart.
379
00:17:56,715 --> 00:17:58,598
And the last time we saw him
380
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:00,500
he was counteracting
pharmaceutical cocaine
381
00:18:00,502 --> 00:18:04,003
by snorting cat tranquilizers.
382
00:18:04,005 --> 00:18:07,340
And then we go kick him out.
383
00:18:07,342 --> 00:18:09,192
Oh, my God, we killed Herb.
384
00:18:09,194 --> 00:18:13,647
No, no, that's not true.
385
00:18:13,649 --> 00:18:15,181
You killed Herb.
386
00:18:22,073 --> 00:18:24,457
It's pretty cool that
you can track somebody
387
00:18:24,459 --> 00:18:26,359
from their credit card.
388
00:18:26,361 --> 00:18:29,129
Yeah. I'd track you
if you ever used yours.
389
00:18:32,366 --> 00:18:35,085
Alan, Walden, what are you
doing here?
390
00:18:35,087 --> 00:18:37,203
We were worried
about you.
391
00:18:37,205 --> 00:18:39,673
No need. Me and the girls were
just about to eat.
392
00:18:39,675 --> 00:18:40,873
Lobster?
393
00:18:40,875 --> 00:18:43,893
No.
394
00:18:43,895 --> 00:18:45,979
You're still partying with
the pharmaceutical reps?
395
00:18:45,981 --> 00:18:49,733
They bailed. These chicks came
with the room.
396
00:18:49,735 --> 00:18:52,402
Okay, Herb, it's time
for the party to end.
397
00:18:52,404 --> 00:18:56,573
We're way past partying.
Welcome to the freak show!
398
00:18:56,575 --> 00:18:59,058
You're right about that!
399
00:18:59,060 --> 00:19:00,276
Herb, you need help.
400
00:19:00,278 --> 00:19:02,996
No, no, I don't.
All I need is more Plaxitril
401
00:19:02,998 --> 00:19:04,897
and possibly a hepatitis test.
402
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:08,451
So long.
403
00:19:13,257 --> 00:19:15,258
And we were worried.
404
00:19:25,469 --> 00:19:29,139
Well, if it isn't
Mr. and Mrs. Buzzkill.
405
00:19:30,474 --> 00:19:31,758
You're the Mrs.
406
00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:34,811
Why are you wearing
a diaper?
407
00:19:34,813 --> 00:19:37,147
Saves time.
408
00:19:37,149 --> 00:19:39,265
All right,
enough is enough, Herb.
409
00:19:39,267 --> 00:19:41,401
It's time to put your life
back together.
410
00:19:41,403 --> 00:19:42,819
You need to go home.
411
00:19:42,821 --> 00:19:44,287
(snorts)
I don't think so.
412
00:19:44,289 --> 00:19:46,990
You see, out there,
I'm just Herb,
413
00:19:46,992 --> 00:19:50,109
but here in room 204 at the
Budget Motor Inn I'm God.
414
00:19:50,111 --> 00:19:53,379
And nobody tells God
what to do. Nobody!
415
00:19:54,832 --> 00:19:56,049
Judith?
416
00:19:56,051 --> 00:19:57,717
Cut the crap, Herb.
Let's go.
417
00:19:58,452 --> 00:20:00,136
Okay.
418
00:20:00,138 --> 00:20:02,555
I missed you.
Shut up!
419
00:20:05,626 --> 00:20:08,011
You think we did
the right thing?
420
00:20:08,013 --> 00:20:10,129
Oh, definitely.
If he would have kept this up,
421
00:20:10,131 --> 00:20:11,314
he wouldn't have lasted a week.
422
00:20:11,316 --> 00:20:14,818
True. Now he'll only be dead
on the inside.
423
00:20:14,820 --> 00:20:16,636
(sheep bleating)
424
00:20:16,638 --> 00:20:18,488
Walk, walk, walk.
425
00:20:18,490 --> 00:20:20,106
Was that sheep
wearing lipstick?
426
00:20:20,108 --> 00:20:21,941
Don't look back.
427
00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:30,504
♪ Men. ♪
428
00:20:26,936 --> 00:20:28,603
Well, everything
still looks fine.
429
00:20:29,284 --> 00:20:30,399
No more follow-ups?
430
00:20:30,401 --> 00:20:32,818
Nope. Dumbo's good to go.
431
00:20:32,820 --> 00:20:34,787
(grunts)
432
00:20:34,789 --> 00:20:36,706
So how are things with you?
433
00:20:36,708 --> 00:20:38,107
Oh, could not be better.
434
00:20:38,109 --> 00:20:40,192
I really appreciate what
you and Alan did for me.
435
00:20:40,194 --> 00:20:41,210
That's what friends are for.
436
00:20:41,212 --> 00:20:43,412
Plus, Judith and I
are back together.
437
00:20:43,414 --> 00:20:45,548
I'm a happy man, Walden.
Nice.
438
00:20:45,550 --> 00:20:47,049
(knocking)
Come in.
439
00:20:47,051 --> 00:20:50,202
Dr. Melnick? Here's that chart
you asked for.
440
00:20:50,204 --> 00:20:51,537
Thank you.
441
00:20:52,923 --> 00:20:55,191
Isn't that the girl
from Pepper...
442
00:20:55,193 --> 00:20:57,460
Shh. Shh, shh,
shh, shh.
443
00:21:04,595 --> 00:21:14,595
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by lost0ne
www.addic7ed.com