1
00:00:03,636 --> 00:00:08,040
Hey lyndsey,
just calling to say good night.
2
00:00:08,042 --> 00:00:10,376
Oh, oh,
you're in bed already?
3
00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:14,747
So, uh,
what are you wearing?
4
00:00:14,749 --> 00:00:15,948
Really?
5
00:00:15,950 --> 00:00:17,349
What kind of sweat pants?
6
00:00:18,718 --> 00:00:22,621
Ooh,
big, old gray ones.
7
00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:26,258
Is it just me or are you
getting turned on, too?
8
00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:29,328
It's...J-j-just me?
9
00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:30,262
Well, that's fine.
10
00:00:30,264 --> 00:00:32,965
I do some of my best work alone.
11
00:00:32,967 --> 00:00:35,200
All right, all right,
go to sleep.
12
00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:36,235
I love you.
13
00:00:36,237 --> 00:00:37,369
Do you love...?
14
00:00:39,072 --> 00:00:40,639
I know she does.
15
00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:45,911
Oh, great.
16
00:00:45,913 --> 00:00:46,812
(sighs)
17
00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:51,350
(screams)
18
00:00:53,987 --> 00:00:55,421
Uh-oh, uh...
19
00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:57,523
(sighs)
20
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:00,793
Oh!
21
00:01:00,795 --> 00:01:03,095
Oh, no, no, no.
22
00:01:03,097 --> 00:01:05,130
No, I can't burn down
another house.
23
00:01:09,402 --> 00:01:12,871
(shrieking)
24
00:10:36,807 --> 00:10:38,274
Andy! Right here, I'm open!
25
00:10:38,308 --> 00:10:41,243
- Whoo!
- Dad, go long!
26
00:10:44,147 --> 00:10:46,240
- Yeah.
- Again!
27
00:10:46,283 --> 00:10:48,911
- Well done, son!
- Way to go, S.H.
28
00:10:48,952 --> 00:10:50,044
Thanks, Kev.
29
00:10:54,658 --> 00:10:58,025
- I'm sick of neighborhood watch.
- I'm bored.
30
00:10:58,061 --> 00:11:00,461
- Yeah, I'm bored, too. Let's go home.
- Yeah.
31
00:11:00,497 --> 00:11:03,466
Hey, I wanna cut off some of my hair and
see what you'd look like with a goatee.
32
00:11:04,301 --> 00:11:06,201
- Yeah.
- No, no. No goatee.
33
00:11:06,236 --> 00:11:09,637
Neighborhood watch. I know
what will make this more fun.
34
00:11:11,141 --> 00:11:14,076
- This does make it more fun.
- Yeah.
35
00:11:14,111 --> 00:11:17,842
God, I like Tom wine. You know,
I think his family has a vineyard.
36
00:11:17,881 --> 00:11:21,817
Hey, you guys. Tom's family
doesn't have the vineyard.
37
00:11:21,852 --> 00:11:23,786
He is the vineyard.
38
00:11:26,590 --> 00:11:28,683
We're drinking his feet!
39
00:11:29,426 --> 00:11:31,792
Let's pour it out.
40
00:11:33,163 --> 00:11:35,427
- It is pretty good, though.
- Alcohol is sterile.
41
00:11:36,066 --> 00:11:38,034
- To sweaty foot wine!
- Chin-chin.
42
00:11:38,068 --> 00:11:39,262
I'm with you.
43
00:11:39,303 --> 00:11:42,238
- Hmm...
- I wonder what else is going on.
44
00:11:42,506 --> 00:11:46,567
Check this out.
I thought Rick and Steve were brothers.
45
00:11:46,610 --> 00:11:51,138
Chad Shultz just opened a beer
during his intervention!
46
00:11:51,181 --> 00:11:53,775
Wow, the Goldsteins' fight
got sexual in a hurry.
47
00:11:53,817 --> 00:11:57,514
I know, it's like, "You're worthless,
I hate you, put a baby inside of me!"
48
00:11:57,554 --> 00:12:01,854
Neighborhood watch sucked,
but Wine and Spy rocks.
49
00:01:45,106 --> 00:01:48,474
♪ men, men, men, men,
manly men, men, men ♪
♪ ooh
50
00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:51,410
♪ men, men, men, men,
manly men ♪
♪ ooh
♪ ooh
51
00:01:51,412 --> 00:01:53,512
♪ ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ohh, ooh-ooh... ♪
52
00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:56,115
♪ men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪
53
00:01:56,117 --> 00:01:59,218
♪ ooh
♪ men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪
54
00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:02,955
♪ ah.
♪ men.
♪ men.
55
00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:14,933
Morning.
56
00:02:14,935 --> 00:02:16,168
Hey.
57
00:02:16,170 --> 00:02:18,270
Sorry again about last night.
(awkward laugh)
58
00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:19,571
Sorry about what?
59
00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:21,673
The fact that
my date and I came home
60
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,509
Last night to find
a middle-aged man
61
00:02:23,511 --> 00:02:25,911
Spraying water
all over my kitchen
62
00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:28,780
In his tighty
not-so-whities?
63
00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:31,517
I was putting out a fire.
64
00:02:31,519 --> 00:02:33,585
I'm a hero.
65
00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:34,887
Really?
66
00:02:34,889 --> 00:02:36,588
'cause it looked like you were
posing for
67
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:38,557
The world's most disturbing
firemen calendar.
68
00:02:40,860 --> 00:02:41,660
Okay, okay, I get it.
69
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:43,195
You're a little upset.
70
00:02:43,197 --> 00:02:46,298
But I have something that will
make you feel better.
71
00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:48,033
♪ ta-da.
72
00:02:48,035 --> 00:02:50,035
I went out to the drugstore
73
00:02:50,037 --> 00:02:52,271
And bought you a new toaster
to replace the old one.
74
00:02:55,074 --> 00:02:56,909
The other one was better.
75
00:02:57,477 --> 00:02:59,211
Better?!
76
00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:01,446
This is the toastblaster deluxe.
77
00:03:01,448 --> 00:03:04,483
This is the best thing to happen
to sliced bread since...
78
00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:06,185
Sliced bread.
79
00:03:06,187 --> 00:03:08,687
But mine had glass walls,
80
00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:10,923
So you could watch the
toast turn tropical brown.
81
00:03:10,925 --> 00:03:13,392
It was like a... Little...
82
00:03:13,394 --> 00:03:15,861
Bread tanning booth.
83
00:03:17,997 --> 00:03:19,298
Well, check this out, you know.
84
00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:21,033
Light, dark.
85
00:03:21,035 --> 00:03:22,668
Dark...
86
00:03:22,670 --> 00:03:24,903
Light.
87
00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:28,307
Okay, that's, uh...
88
00:03:28,309 --> 00:03:29,675
That-that's supposed to happen.
89
00:03:29,677 --> 00:03:31,476
That's ac-- that's actually
a safety feature.
90
00:03:31,478 --> 00:03:33,378
You know,
common courtesy dictates
91
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,380
That if you're
gonna use my stuff
92
00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:36,715
And break my stuff,
93
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:37,916
That you replace my stuff
94
00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:40,185
With equally awesome stuff.
95
00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:42,688
This-this-this
is what would happen
96
00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:45,224
If my toaster took a crap.
97
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,527
What are you talking about?
98
00:03:48,529 --> 00:03:50,262
This is a
perfectly good toaster.
99
00:03:50,264 --> 00:03:52,598
Look, okay, you know what?
I'll prove it to you.
100
00:03:56,269 --> 00:03:57,970
Hope you're hungry.
101
00:03:57,972 --> 00:04:00,906
(loud buzzing)
102
00:04:02,141 --> 00:04:06,445
(loudly):
Listen to that baby purr!
103
00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:09,381
(loudly):
I hate you.
104
00:04:14,153 --> 00:04:16,154
Berta:
By the way,
105
00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:17,155
In case I forget.
106
00:04:17,157 --> 00:04:19,091
I might be a little
late on Monday.
107
00:04:19,093 --> 00:04:20,092
Oh, no problem.
108
00:04:20,094 --> 00:04:21,393
When should
I expect you?
109
00:04:21,395 --> 00:04:24,296
Wednesday.
110
00:04:24,298 --> 00:04:26,865
Should I dock you
for the time you miss?
111
00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:28,700
I wouldn't.
112
00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:32,971
(sighs)
113
00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:41,213
Here you go.
114
00:04:41,215 --> 00:04:42,814
What's this?
115
00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:44,783
I went to the store
and I asked them,
116
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:46,518
"what is the
stupidest thing I can buy?"
117
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:47,786
And they
gave me this toaster.
118
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:48,954
Enjoy.
119
00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:51,056
You know,
you didn't have to do that.
120
00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:52,958
Ah, you made it pretty clear
that I did.
121
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:56,295
In fact, I forwent replacing
my cell phone to buy this.
122
00:04:56,297 --> 00:04:58,397
"forwent"?
123
00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:01,033
It's a word.
124
00:05:01,035 --> 00:05:02,167
Well, I appreciate it.
125
00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:03,602
Thank you.
126
00:05:03,604 --> 00:05:06,171
Uh, and you don't have to worry
about me ruining that one,
127
00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:07,572
Because
I will never use it.
128
00:05:07,574 --> 00:05:09,141
Okay, stop being ridiculous.
129
00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:10,208
(scoffing)
130
00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:11,677
You want to know what's
ridiculous?
131
00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:13,178
A glass toaster.
132
00:05:13,180 --> 00:05:13,979
What's next?
133
00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:15,047
A glass toilet,
134
00:05:15,049 --> 00:05:17,482
So you can wave good-bye
to the toast?
135
00:05:21,487 --> 00:05:23,689
How about a glass front door
136
00:05:23,691 --> 00:05:25,490
So I can wave good-bye to you?
137
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:28,493
Oh, please!
You would be lost without me.
138
00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:31,763
I would be
lost without you?
Yeah.
139
00:05:31,765 --> 00:05:35,967
Okay, the only thing that you've
brought into my life
140
00:05:35,969 --> 00:05:38,103
Is an oil-leaking volvo,
141
00:05:38,105 --> 00:05:40,639
A musty smell in
my guest room
142
00:05:40,641 --> 00:05:42,574
And the word "forwent."
143
00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:44,743
It is the past tense
of "forgo."
144
00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:46,111
Edify yourself, sir.
145
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:49,414
And have you noticed
146
00:05:49,416 --> 00:05:51,550
That all the people in your life
come and go,
147
00:05:51,552 --> 00:05:52,884
But I am the one constant?
148
00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:53,919
I am always here.
149
00:05:53,921 --> 00:05:55,554
Maybe the reason
they come and go
150
00:05:55,556 --> 00:05:58,090
Is because you are always here.
151
00:05:58,092 --> 00:05:59,991
When a woman dumps you,
who picks up the pieces?
152
00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:00,992
Alan harper.
153
00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:02,561
And who picks up the check?
154
00:06:02,563 --> 00:06:03,662
Walden schmidt.
155
00:06:03,664 --> 00:06:05,063
(scoffs)
of course, of course.
156
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:06,264
Pull out the money card.
157
00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:07,866
They're called credit cards.
158
00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,701
Edify yourself, sir.
159
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,169
Okay, if-if-if
this is how you think,
160
00:06:11,171 --> 00:06:13,004
Then I don't even know why
I'm living here.
161
00:06:13,006 --> 00:06:15,540
Oh, I do: Because it's free!
162
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:17,008
Okay, okay, maybe I should go.
163
00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:18,009
Maybe you should.
164
00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:18,844
Fine.
Fine.
165
00:06:18,846 --> 00:06:20,946
Okay.
Okay.
166
00:06:20,948 --> 00:06:22,047
I am not bluffing.
167
00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:23,181
Me neither.
168
00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:25,384
This is me
opening the door.
169
00:06:25,386 --> 00:06:27,252
This is me watching.
170
00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:28,553
This is me leaving forever.
171
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:31,289
This is me waving good-bye.
172
00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:37,129
And this is me homeless.
173
00:06:37,131 --> 00:06:39,030
♪ men... ♪
174
00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:40,465
You know what the problem is?
175
00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:42,567
Walden doesn't appreciate what
I bring to the party.
176
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:45,203
I've never seen you bring
anything to a party.
177
00:06:45,205 --> 00:06:47,873
Except a ziplock bag
to steal the shrimp.
178
00:06:47,875 --> 00:06:49,207
Whose side are you on?
179
00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:50,742
Yours, of course.
180
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,511
Listen, I know you're upset,
181
00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:54,780
But I'm sure you two
lovebirds will kiss and make up.
182
00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:56,081
No, not happening.
183
00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:58,150
He does not want me back,
and I'm not going back.
184
00:06:58,152 --> 00:06:58,950
You're not?
No.
185
00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:00,685
I have my self-respect.
186
00:07:01,654 --> 00:07:03,288
I do.
187
00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:05,123
So where are you gonna live?
188
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:07,125
(chuckling): Where am I
going to live? You're cute.
189
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:08,527
(chuckling):
Thanks.
190
00:07:08,529 --> 00:07:09,628
So where are
you gonna live?
191
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:11,129
Seriously?
192
00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:13,198
Alan, I want
to live with you.
193
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:14,366
But when you move in,
194
00:07:14,368 --> 00:07:15,767
I want it to be
because I'm your first choice,
195
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,169
Not your last resort.
196
00:07:17,171 --> 00:07:19,571
You are my
first choice.
I'm your only choice.
197
00:07:19,573 --> 00:07:22,207
My one and only choice.
198
00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:24,176
Until walden asks
you to move back.
199
00:07:24,178 --> 00:07:25,577
Oh, please!
200
00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:27,846
I-I am offended that you could
even suggest such a thing.
201
00:07:27,848 --> 00:07:29,181
You are the woman I love;
202
00:07:29,183 --> 00:07:31,650
The woman I want to spend
the rest of my life with.
203
00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:33,952
Aw... You're right, sweetie.
204
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:37,022
I'm sorry. You can move in.
Oh, thank you.
205
00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:39,458
It'll be nice to
share the place with you.
Yeah, it's gonna be great.
206
00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:41,359
And we can split all the bills
right down the middle.
207
00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:42,461
Ah...
208
00:07:43,596 --> 00:07:46,765
Oh, come on,
you don't want my money.
209
00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:48,567
You're an
independent woman.
210
00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:50,268
Walk proud.
211
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:54,473
Walk over
to this door and let me back in.
212
00:07:54,475 --> 00:07:56,007
Herb:
Hey, alan.
213
00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:59,945
Oh, god! Herb!
214
00:07:59,947 --> 00:08:00,979
What-what are you doing?
215
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,113
Neighborhood watch.
216
00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:03,248
Oh, that's nice.
217
00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:04,316
I-I didn't even know
there was one.
218
00:08:04,318 --> 00:08:05,684
There isn't.
219
00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:07,819
So, uh, you and
lyndsey have a little tiff?
220
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:12,157
Oh, uh, not really a tiff,
as much as, uh...
221
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:14,092
Hey, are you
still rattling around
222
00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:15,794
In that big old
house all by yourself?
223
00:08:15,796 --> 00:08:18,029
Yeah, I don't think judith's
ever coming back.
224
00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:19,831
That's terrific...
225
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:22,234
...Ly sad.
226
00:08:22,236 --> 00:08:23,635
You know what?
227
00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:25,837
At a time like this, you-you
should not be alone.
228
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:28,106
Let's go over to your place
and have a few beers.
229
00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:29,875
You're a good friend, alan.
230
00:08:29,877 --> 00:08:31,543
What can I say?
I'm a giver.
231
00:08:31,545 --> 00:08:34,779
Say, do you still have
the hide-a-bed in the den?
232
00:08:34,781 --> 00:08:36,781
♪ men... ♪
233
00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:41,486
All right, I packed up
all zippy's stuff.
234
00:08:41,488 --> 00:08:43,321
It's sad.
235
00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:47,626
His entire life
fits into one duffel bag.
236
00:08:47,628 --> 00:08:50,996
What's even sadder
is it's my duffel bag.
237
00:08:50,998 --> 00:08:53,398
He's coming back;
you know that, right?
238
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:54,566
No, he's not.
239
00:08:54,568 --> 00:08:56,601
He is a human boomerang.
240
00:08:56,603 --> 00:08:59,471
He's going to circle around,
break a window,
241
00:08:59,473 --> 00:09:02,107
And land right on your couch.
242
00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:04,643
(doorbell rings)
243
00:09:11,584 --> 00:09:12,951
Open a window
in the kitchen,
244
00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:14,653
Maybe he'll just
go straight through.
245
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:19,391
Alan.
246
00:09:19,393 --> 00:09:20,825
Walden.
247
00:09:20,827 --> 00:09:23,194
Don't worry, I'm just here
to pick up my things
248
00:09:23,196 --> 00:09:24,396
And then I'll be on my way.
249
00:09:24,398 --> 00:09:26,331
Where you heading,
zippy, back to mommy's?
250
00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:28,099
Living with my mother--
251
00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:29,868
That's pretty pathetic,
isn't it?
252
00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:31,703
No, for your information,
253
00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:33,271
I am living
with my ex-wife's ex-husband
254
00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:36,942
At my ex-house.
255
00:09:36,944 --> 00:09:39,077
Yeah, that's not pathetic.
256
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:41,513
I packed your things for you.
(clears throat)
257
00:09:41,515 --> 00:09:42,948
Oh.
258
00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:44,916
I presume this is everything?
259
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,518
You presume correct.
Hmm.
260
00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:48,153
Your clothes,
your toaster
261
00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:50,488
And your expired
mexican boner pills.
262
00:09:55,661 --> 00:09:58,063
Is it lonely up there, walden?
263
00:09:59,465 --> 00:10:03,301
Is it lonely
on your cloud of judgment?
264
00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:06,171
I don't know, maybe you could
leave, so I could find out.
265
00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:08,707
All right,
then, good-bye.
266
00:10:10,476 --> 00:10:12,444
Berta, are you crying?
267
00:10:12,446 --> 00:10:14,746
(crying):
I can't help it.
268
00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:16,915
I'm just so damn happy.
269
00:10:17,883 --> 00:10:20,352
♪ men... ♪
270
00:10:22,154 --> 00:10:23,555
♪ men... ♪
271
00:10:23,557 --> 00:10:25,590
Here you go.
272
00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:28,727
Two eggs over easy,
silver dollar pancakes,
273
00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:32,931
Apple wood smoked bacon
and whole grain toast.
274
00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:35,367
(chuckling):
This is delightful, alan.
275
00:10:35,369 --> 00:10:37,535
You really know
how to spoil your man.
276
00:10:38,971 --> 00:10:40,605
And you know
how to flatter yours.
277
00:10:41,741 --> 00:10:43,742
Wow, it seems
like just yesterday
278
00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:45,377
I was living
here with judith.
279
00:10:45,379 --> 00:10:46,544
Only difference now is,
280
00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:48,713
I actually have a
chance at getting laid.
281
00:10:48,715 --> 00:10:51,416
Well, if dinner's
as good as breakfast,
282
00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:52,817
You've got
more than a chance.
283
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:54,519
(laughing)
284
00:10:54,521 --> 00:10:55,520
Seriously,
I-I really appreciate
285
00:10:55,522 --> 00:10:56,788
You letting
me stay here.
286
00:10:56,790 --> 00:10:58,657
Ah, well, it's nice to
have someone around again.
287
00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:00,792
It's been a little
lonely since judith left.
288
00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:02,794
I found it lonely
even when judith was here.
289
00:11:02,796 --> 00:11:05,397
Mm... Yeah, I've
been watching tv alone
290
00:11:05,399 --> 00:11:07,399
And drinking alone.
291
00:11:07,401 --> 00:11:09,200
I even painted a
moustache on the bathroom mirror
292
00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:10,502
So I'd have
someone to talk to.
293
00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:13,405
R... Really?
294
00:11:13,407 --> 00:11:16,007
Yeah. I call him javier.
295
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:18,476
(latin accent):
Don't worry, herb,
you're better off.
296
00:11:18,478 --> 00:11:21,680
"yudith," she's a "beetch."
297
00:11:21,682 --> 00:11:24,149
Can't argue with javier.
298
00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:27,218
No, no, I wouldn't--
he's got a fiery latin temper.
299
00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:29,487
And a machete.
300
00:11:33,926 --> 00:11:36,194
Um, l-let me ask you something.
301
00:11:37,129 --> 00:11:38,830
Does herb have a machete?
302
00:11:44,003 --> 00:11:46,037
(footsteps approaching)
303
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,238
Morning.
304
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:48,740
Morning.
305
00:11:48,742 --> 00:11:51,409
Hey, berta, knock, knock.
306
00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:52,477
Who's there?
307
00:11:52,479 --> 00:11:53,511
Not alan.
308
00:11:53,513 --> 00:11:55,180
(laughing)
309
00:11:55,182 --> 00:11:57,182
Free at last, walden.
310
00:11:57,184 --> 00:11:59,451
Thank god almighty,
we're free at last.
311
00:11:59,453 --> 00:12:02,821
Yeah. Although it is
a little quieter around here.
312
00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:04,789
Get a dog-- then it
won't seem so weird
313
00:12:04,791 --> 00:12:06,624
When you catch him
trying to lick himself.
314
00:12:07,827 --> 00:12:09,327
Hey, berta?
Yeah?
315
00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:11,396
What do you think about
turning alan's room
316
00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:12,797
Into a home gym?
317
00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:15,266
Well, I was thinking about
trying to grow pot in there,
318
00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:16,634
But okay.
319
00:12:16,636 --> 00:12:18,303
Hey, berta?
320
00:12:18,305 --> 00:12:19,204
Yeah?
321
00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:21,172
What's going on with you?
322
00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:22,574
What do you mean?
323
00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:24,375
I don't know. Like...
324
00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:26,144
How's your family?
325
00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:28,146
Incarcerated.
(laughs)
326
00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:30,348
That's funny.
327
00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:32,050
Okay. Good talk.
328
00:12:32,052 --> 00:12:34,052
Hey... Berta?
329
00:12:34,054 --> 00:12:35,320
Yeah?
330
00:12:35,322 --> 00:12:36,321
Knock, knock.
331
00:12:36,323 --> 00:12:37,756
Who's there?
332
00:12:37,758 --> 00:12:39,390
It's walden. Let me in.
333
00:12:42,228 --> 00:12:44,429
What are your hopes?
What are your dreams?
334
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:46,865
I'm just hoping to get
out of this conversation.
335
00:12:46,867 --> 00:12:48,199
(chuckles)
336
00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:49,868
You're... You're
on fire today.
337
00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:51,169
Yeah.
338
00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:52,504
Hey, berta?
339
00:12:52,506 --> 00:12:55,740
Oh, for the love of god, what?
340
00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:56,841
I like your vest.
341
00:12:58,310 --> 00:12:59,944
Thanks.
342
00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:02,647
Where'd you get it, like,
the vest store or something?
343
00:13:04,083 --> 00:13:06,718
Thank god I'm high.
344
00:13:15,661 --> 00:13:17,162
Easy, easy.
345
00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:19,998
Sound the horn, let
the townfolk know you're coming.
346
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:22,167
(train whistle blows)
347
00:13:22,169 --> 00:13:26,104
The 9:04 from pemberton,
now arriving on track one.
348
00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:27,839
Right on time.
349
00:13:27,841 --> 00:13:30,208
I-I had no idea
this was so much fun.
350
00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:31,209
I know.
351
00:13:31,211 --> 00:13:32,944
(gasps)
look, alan...
352
00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:35,446
The mcdougal boy's
coming home from college.
353
00:13:36,682 --> 00:13:38,683
What a reunion this will be.
354
00:13:38,685 --> 00:13:40,718
Welcome home, jimmy!
355
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:43,454
Wow, you've, uh, created
your own little world here.
356
00:13:43,456 --> 00:13:45,323
Oh, yeah,
and this world's perfect.
357
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,392
Well... Almost perfect.
358
00:13:48,294 --> 00:13:49,527
Jimmy's brother bobby
359
00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:51,996
Got a little too close
to the tracks one night.
360
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:54,833
Him and his friends were playing
chicken with a freight train.
361
00:13:56,435 --> 00:13:59,737
They found his letterman jacket
three towns away.
362
00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:01,573
Oh, no.
Yeah.
363
00:14:01,575 --> 00:14:03,408
Engineer stan never got over it.
364
00:14:03,410 --> 00:14:05,243
He stopped talking to helen.
365
00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:07,612
He just sits in his room
and paints.
366
00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:13,451
Huh. That's, uh...
That's disturbing.
367
00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:16,154
On a couple of levels.
368
00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:18,056
You know it's
so nice having you.
369
00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:21,459
I don't know why, but train
enthusiasts tend to be loners.
370
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:24,062
Yeah. It's a mystery.
371
00:14:24,064 --> 00:14:25,930
(phone rings)
372
00:14:25,932 --> 00:14:27,232
Hello?
373
00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:29,767
Hey, herb. It's walden.
374
00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:31,436
Oh. Hey, hold on a sec.
375
00:14:31,438 --> 00:14:33,238
Uh, I got to take this;
it's the office.
376
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,273
No problem. I was thinking
of heading over to the bar car
377
00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:37,342
To pick us up a couple
of frosty brews. You want one?
378
00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:38,843
Oh, make mine a root beer.
379
00:14:38,845 --> 00:14:40,478
This town's seen enough tragedy.
380
00:14:43,949 --> 00:14:44,949
(door closes)
381
00:14:44,951 --> 00:14:46,017
Hey, what's up?
382
00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:47,318
Is alan there?
383
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:49,587
Uh, actually, no,
I haven't seen him all day.
384
00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:51,155
I was really hoping
to talk to him.
385
00:14:51,157 --> 00:14:53,858
You can't talk
to a person that's not here.
386
00:14:53,860 --> 00:14:56,227
Unless you draw a mustache
on the mirror.
387
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,762
What?
388
00:14:57,764 --> 00:14:59,264
Is there a message
I can give him?
389
00:14:59,266 --> 00:15:01,165
Yeah, just tell him
I think I overreacted,
390
00:15:01,167 --> 00:15:02,834
And have him give me a call.
391
00:15:03,435 --> 00:15:05,203
Done and done. Bye-bye.
392
00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:07,238
Everything okay at the office?
393
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,540
Uh, actually, it,
uh, it wasn't work.
394
00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:10,508
No?
395
00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:11,609
It was the, uh,
396
00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:12,810
President of the railroad.
397
00:15:12,812 --> 00:15:14,646
He asked me to give you this.
398
00:15:16,248 --> 00:15:17,882
Congratulations, conductor alan!
399
00:15:17,884 --> 00:15:19,284
Oh, my god! Thank you!
400
00:15:19,286 --> 00:15:20,551
Now, let's get
that coal car unloaded
401
00:15:20,553 --> 00:15:22,520
And head over to the diner.
402
00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:24,555
Take a look at the new waitress.
Ooh!
403
00:15:24,557 --> 00:15:25,590
Word around town is,
404
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:27,392
(whispers):
She goes all the way.
405
00:15:35,734 --> 00:15:37,702
(computer beeping)
406
00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:39,070
Hey, jake!
407
00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:40,138
Walden.
408
00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:42,640
How are you?
What's going on, buddy?
409
00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:45,410
Not much.
Is my dad there?
410
00:15:45,412 --> 00:15:48,112
No. He actually moved out.
411
00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:50,748
(laughing):
Good one!
412
00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:51,916
No, I'm-I'm serious.
413
00:15:51,918 --> 00:15:54,285
We got in a fight,
and he left.
414
00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:57,221
My dad left that house?
415
00:15:57,223 --> 00:16:00,558
Yeah. We got in a fight, 'cause
he bought a cheap toaster.
416
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:01,960
W-wait, wait.
417
00:16:01,962 --> 00:16:05,296
And he bought something?
418
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:09,067
Yeah. And I didn't show
any appreciation for it.
419
00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:11,903
He bought something
with his own money?
420
00:16:11,905 --> 00:16:14,539
I know. I shouldn't
have screamed at him.
421
00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:17,575
I-I should have
thrown him a parade.
422
00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:21,045
Wait a second,
am I being punk'd?
423
00:16:22,314 --> 00:16:24,315
Hey, you know, I got an idea.
424
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,884
Um, you know, just 'cause your
dad doesn't live here anymore
425
00:16:26,886 --> 00:16:29,721
Doesn't mean that you couldn't
come stay for a couple of days.
426
00:16:29,723 --> 00:16:31,089
And do what?
427
00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:33,758
I don't know,
like hang out, do guy stuff.
428
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:36,327
We could go to a bar
and get drunk.
429
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:38,830
Mm, I'm only 19; I can't drink.
430
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:41,165
Well, fine,
we could just get high.
431
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:44,902
Dude, just call my dad and tell
him you want him to come back.
432
00:16:44,904 --> 00:16:46,904
What if he says no?
433
00:16:46,906 --> 00:16:48,706
(snickers, laughs)
434
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,909
Oh, you're serious.
435
00:16:51,911 --> 00:16:53,978
He's not gonna say no.
436
00:16:53,980 --> 00:16:56,080
Where has he even been living?
437
00:16:56,082 --> 00:16:58,583
He moved into you guys's
old house with herb.
438
00:16:58,585 --> 00:17:00,918
Wow. If there was
a freeloaders hall of fame,
439
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:02,920
My dad would be living in it.
440
00:17:04,289 --> 00:17:06,824
For free.
441
00:17:08,627 --> 00:17:10,695
(doorbell rings)
442
00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:18,603
Hi, herb.
443
00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:20,972
Walden. What are
you doing here?
444
00:17:20,974 --> 00:17:22,206
I came to talk to alan.
445
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,674
Oh.
Sorry, he's not home.
446
00:17:23,676 --> 00:17:25,376
I'll tell him
you stopped by.
Alan: Who's at the door?
447
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:27,045
Nobody! Go back
in the train room!
448
00:17:28,313 --> 00:17:29,213
Alan?
449
00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:30,982
Walden?
450
00:17:30,984 --> 00:17:32,984
What's, uh,
what's going on?
451
00:17:32,986 --> 00:17:34,619
I wanted to say that I'm sorry.
452
00:17:34,621 --> 00:17:36,220
Really?
Yes.
453
00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:37,422
Super. Hatchet buried.
454
00:17:37,424 --> 00:17:38,523
We'll have you over
for thanksgiving.
455
00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:40,458
Hold on.
456
00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:44,495
I never meant to make you
feel unwelcome in my home.
457
00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:47,331
Well, alan has
a new place now.
458
00:17:47,333 --> 00:17:49,400
A place where
he's appreciated.
459
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:51,335
A place where
he feels safe.
460
00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:55,106
A place where he can cry
himself to sleep at night
461
00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:57,942
Without the fear
of being mocked.
462
00:17:57,944 --> 00:17:59,777
Y-you heard that?
463
00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:01,612
There's still
a baby monitor in there.
464
00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:04,582
So you also heard...
465
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,884
Let it go, alan.
466
00:18:08,887 --> 00:18:10,421
I appreciate you, too.
467
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,924
Th-that's why I've been leaving
messages with herb for days.
468
00:18:12,926 --> 00:18:14,158
What?!
469
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:15,393
You haven't gotten them?
470
00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:20,264
Herb...
I'm sorry.
471
00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:21,966
I just wanted a friend.
472
00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:24,836
You know, one who
wasn't trapped in a mirror.
473
00:18:26,472 --> 00:18:28,306
Oh, herb.
474
00:18:28,308 --> 00:18:29,640
I brought you something.
475
00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:31,275
You did?
476
00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:34,278
You don't happen to
have a toaster, do you?
477
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:35,847
I have a toaster.
478
00:18:35,849 --> 00:18:39,050
I also have a...
A guest room with
a king-size bed
479
00:18:39,052 --> 00:18:41,385
And a new 42-inch
flat-screen tv.
480
00:18:41,387 --> 00:18:42,453
There's no tv in there.
481
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:44,055
There could be.
482
00:18:44,057 --> 00:18:46,724
Really?
483
00:18:46,726 --> 00:18:48,659
Your turn.
484
00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:50,962
I'm not gonna
try to buy you.
485
00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:53,231
I mean, you're either
my friend or you're not.
486
00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:55,967
I have no such qualms--
I'll throw in a blu-ray player.
487
00:18:55,969 --> 00:18:58,469
Wow.
Okay, all right,
I'm out of here.
488
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,104
No, no, wait, wait, wait.
489
00:19:00,106 --> 00:19:02,840
(sighs)
herb...
490
00:19:02,842 --> 00:19:06,244
I-I can't thank you enough
for taking me in,
491
00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:07,845
But...
492
00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:09,480
As you can see...
493
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:11,315
Walden needs me.
494
00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:13,618
I wouldn't
go that far.
Shh...
495
00:19:14,953 --> 00:19:17,588
Let me, uh,
let me get my things.
496
00:19:20,125 --> 00:19:21,759
(sighs)
497
00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:24,495
What is it
about that little guy?
498
00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:27,398
What is it about us
that we're fighting over him?
499
00:19:34,239 --> 00:19:36,307
(funky, sultry music
playing on tv)
500
00:19:38,277 --> 00:19:39,510
Ooh.
501
00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:41,245
What do we have here?
502
00:19:41,247 --> 00:19:45,383
Uh-oh, she's being called
into the boss's office.
503
00:19:45,385 --> 00:19:48,853
Looks like somebody blew
the johnson account.
504
00:20:03,502 --> 00:20:05,369
Walden:
Really, alan?
505
00:20:06,805 --> 00:20:09,874
Oh, hey, hey! I, uh, I thought
you were still sleeping.
506
00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:13,578
It's 8:00 in the morning!
507
00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:16,214
So?
508
00:20:26,625 --> 00:20:28,459
Hey, herb. It's walden.
509
00:20:28,461 --> 00:20:31,662
How would you feel
about shared custody?