1
00:00:02,247 --> 00:00:04,045
♪ Men. ♪
2
00:00:05,913 --> 00:00:07,183
Good morning.
3
00:00:07,185 --> 00:00:09,453
(mumbling):
Top of the morning to you, sir.
4
00:00:09,455 --> 00:00:11,486
Oh, God.
Did you have a stroke?
5
00:00:12,609 --> 00:00:13,935
Oh, no, no stroke.
6
00:00:13,937 --> 00:00:15,369
I'm bleaching my teeth.
7
00:00:15,371 --> 00:00:16,735
What?
8
00:00:17,768 --> 00:00:19,198
Sorry. I'm bleaching my teeth.
9
00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:21,292
Oh.
10
00:00:22,986 --> 00:00:24,250
And what are you up to?
11
00:00:24,252 --> 00:00:26,080
Nothing.
Just reading the news.
12
00:00:26,082 --> 00:00:28,909
Mmm. Me, too, old-school.
13
00:00:30,545 --> 00:00:32,680
Anything interesting
over there?
14
00:00:32,682 --> 00:00:34,650
Just reading an article
about how
15
00:00:34,652 --> 00:00:37,285
home teeth-whitening systems
might cause mouth cancer.
16
00:00:40,518 --> 00:00:43,386
Really?
No, of course not.
17
00:00:45,655 --> 00:00:47,421
Why are you even
bothering with that thing?
18
00:00:47,423 --> 00:00:51,015
Walden, I get rejected by women
for 100 different reasons.
19
00:00:51,017 --> 00:00:53,618
Whiter teeth would make it 99.
20
00:00:54,654 --> 00:00:56,120
(Skype ringing)
21
00:00:56,122 --> 00:00:57,621
Zoey?
22
00:00:57,623 --> 00:00:59,957
Oh. Hi, Ava.
23
00:00:59,959 --> 00:01:01,791
Good morning, Walden.
24
00:01:01,793 --> 00:01:04,860
What a great surprise.
What are you doing?
25
00:01:04,862 --> 00:01:07,596
I wanted to invite you
to my birthday party.
26
00:01:07,598 --> 00:01:10,399
That is so sweet.
27
00:01:11,402 --> 00:01:14,303
Uh, but I don't know if I can.
28
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Why not?
29
00:01:15,674 --> 00:01:17,074
Well...
30
00:01:18,110 --> 00:01:19,244
Oh, boy.
31
00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:20,545
Uh, is your mom there?
32
00:01:20,547 --> 00:01:22,113
She's taking a shower.
33
00:01:22,115 --> 00:01:23,248
Maybe, when she gets out,
34
00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:24,950
you could ask her
if I can come.
35
00:01:24,952 --> 00:01:27,653
Why? It's not her birthday.
36
00:01:27,655 --> 00:01:31,090
Oh, this is breaking my heart.
37
00:01:31,926 --> 00:01:33,460
Here's the thing, Ava.
38
00:01:33,462 --> 00:01:36,263
I'm not your mom's
boyfriend anymore.
39
00:01:36,265 --> 00:01:37,564
I know that.
40
00:01:37,566 --> 00:01:39,766
She's in the shower
with Peter.
41
00:01:44,070 --> 00:01:46,905
Kids say the darnedest things.
44
00:01:55,283 --> 00:01:57,350
and we'll figure
something out.
45
00:01:57,352 --> 00:01:59,318
Okay. I love you, Walden.
46
00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:00,686
I love you, too.
47
00:02:00,688 --> 00:02:02,722
Good-bye.
Bye.
48
00:02:07,227 --> 00:02:09,228
Damn it.
49
00:02:09,230 --> 00:02:12,765
I can't believe she's sleeping
with this guy already.
50
00:02:12,767 --> 00:02:14,467
Well, we don't know that.
51
00:02:14,469 --> 00:02:17,704
All we know is they're in
the shower together.
52
00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:20,206
You're not helping.
53
00:02:20,208 --> 00:02:21,741
Sorry.
54
00:02:21,743 --> 00:02:24,510
Hey, I know what
will cheer you up.
55
00:02:24,512 --> 00:02:26,512
A whiter smile.
56
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:28,548
I've got another bleaching tray.
57
00:02:28,550 --> 00:02:29,548
How about it?
58
00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:30,616
No.
59
00:02:30,618 --> 00:02:31,717
You sure?
60
00:02:31,719 --> 00:02:32,951
You know what they say.
61
00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:36,988
A million-dollar smile
gathers a lot of interest.
62
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:39,224
Who says that?
63
00:02:39,226 --> 00:02:42,593
It's the slogan on the box.
64
00:02:42,595 --> 00:02:44,495
At least I think it is.
65
00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:46,664
My Spanish is a little shaky.
66
00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:48,566
I'll pass.
67
00:02:48,568 --> 00:02:49,900
You sure?
68
00:02:49,902 --> 00:02:51,502
Might get your mind off of Zoey.
69
00:02:51,504 --> 00:02:53,138
My mind is not on Zoey.
70
00:02:53,140 --> 00:02:54,839
Okay, fine.
71
00:03:00,412 --> 00:03:02,513
You need to stop parking
your car in the garage.
72
00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:04,315
Really? How come?
73
00:03:04,317 --> 00:03:05,649
It's leaking oil.
74
00:03:05,651 --> 00:03:06,884
Oh, I don't think so.
75
00:03:06,886 --> 00:03:09,654
I haven't put oil in it
in two years.
76
00:03:09,656 --> 00:03:11,056
Well, it's leaking something.
77
00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:13,091
Well, why don't I just
put down some cardboard?
78
00:03:13,093 --> 00:03:14,426
Why don't you just
put it on the street?
79
00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:17,028
Oh, no, the salty sea air
is very corrosive.
80
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,864
It'll hurt the blue book value.
81
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:22,034
Alan, you drive a 13-year-old
Volvo station wagon
82
00:03:22,036 --> 00:03:24,536
with a quarter of a million
miles on it.
83
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:27,039
The blue book
has more value than your car.
84
00:03:27,908 --> 00:03:29,742
Well, okay, but I-I...
85
00:03:29,744 --> 00:03:31,543
No buts.
86
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:32,745
You put your car on the street
87
00:03:32,747 --> 00:03:34,513
or I'll put your ass
on the street.
88
00:03:39,619 --> 00:03:41,286
What a colossal douche.
89
00:03:41,288 --> 00:03:42,554
What?
90
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:45,123
Just moving my car, boss.
91
00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:47,926
♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪
92
00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:51,162
♪ Men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
93
00:03:51,164 --> 00:03:54,366
♪ Men, men, men, manly men ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
94
00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:56,501
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh... ♪
95
00:03:56,503 --> 00:03:59,003
♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪
96
00:03:59,005 --> 00:04:02,040
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪
97
00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:04,407
♪ Ah. ♪
♪ Men. ♪
98
00:04:04,408 --> 00:04:08,408
♪ Two and a Half Men 10x02 ♪
A Big Bag of Dog
Original Air Date on October 4, 2012
99
00:04:08,409 --> 00:04:12,409
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
100
00:04:14,435 --> 00:04:16,202
♪ Men. ♪
101
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Hey.
102
00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:23,481
Hey.
103
00:04:23,483 --> 00:04:25,116
I want to apologize
104
00:04:25,118 --> 00:04:26,884
for going off on you
this morning.
105
00:04:26,886 --> 00:04:28,419
No need.
106
00:04:28,421 --> 00:04:29,854
Really?
107
00:04:29,856 --> 00:04:31,288
Water under the bridge.
108
00:04:31,290 --> 00:04:34,892
Which, coincidentally,
is where I had to park my car.
109
00:04:34,894 --> 00:04:36,627
Well, I appreciate that.
110
00:04:36,629 --> 00:04:39,396
And, uh, just FYI,
pigeons nest under there.
111
00:04:39,398 --> 00:04:43,234
My car already looks like
it's covered in mashed potatoes.
112
00:04:43,236 --> 00:04:45,369
I'll get it washed for you.
113
00:04:45,371 --> 00:04:47,171
It'll need detailing.
114
00:04:47,173 --> 00:04:48,773
No problem.
115
00:04:48,775 --> 00:04:51,042
And oil.
116
00:04:52,211 --> 00:04:54,379
Sure.
117
00:04:55,915 --> 00:04:57,082
We good?
118
00:04:59,285 --> 00:05:01,219
Yeah, I suppose.
119
00:05:01,221 --> 00:05:03,755
Now, show me that
million-peso smile.
120
00:05:03,757 --> 00:05:06,191
Oh, no, I...
you can't really tell.
121
00:05:06,193 --> 00:05:07,726
Ah, come on.
122
00:05:10,196 --> 00:05:13,466
Wow. Nice.
123
00:05:13,468 --> 00:05:15,501
It's like
a movie star's smile.
124
00:05:15,503 --> 00:05:16,502
You think? You think?
125
00:05:16,504 --> 00:05:18,037
Yeah, they look
like little Chiclets.
126
00:05:18,039 --> 00:05:20,105
Oh, thank you. Thank you.
Yeah.
127
00:05:20,107 --> 00:05:23,375
Hey, I'm really sorry
about the whole car thing.
128
00:05:24,411 --> 00:05:27,446
This breakup's got me
a little crazy.
129
00:05:27,448 --> 00:05:28,581
Oh, I understand.
130
00:05:28,583 --> 00:05:30,916
When my wife left me,
I had a lot of anger.
131
00:05:30,918 --> 00:05:32,218
Of course, I internalized it,
132
00:05:32,220 --> 00:05:34,520
which led to a lot
of hair in the sink
133
00:05:34,522 --> 00:05:36,356
and blood in the toilet.
134
00:05:36,358 --> 00:05:39,559
So you know what it's like
to love someone so much
135
00:05:39,561 --> 00:05:41,727
that your heart feels
like it's going to explode
136
00:05:41,729 --> 00:05:43,796
from your chest
with pure happiness.
137
00:05:43,798 --> 00:05:46,232
Oh, God, no. I was just pissed
off about losing the house.
138
00:05:47,201 --> 00:05:48,768
My point is that...
139
00:05:48,770 --> 00:05:50,169
that everybody has problems,
140
00:05:50,171 --> 00:05:52,805
but what's important
is how you deal with them.
141
00:05:52,807 --> 00:05:54,740
Here, let me
get that for you.
142
00:05:54,742 --> 00:05:56,475
See, the key is,
143
00:05:56,477 --> 00:05:58,644
you got to tap it
in the right spot.
144
00:05:59,946 --> 00:06:02,114
It's not...
Oh.
145
00:06:02,116 --> 00:06:03,750
It's okay. I-I got it.
No, no.
146
00:06:03,752 --> 00:06:05,819
I can get it.
147
00:06:05,821 --> 00:06:07,820
What the hell?
148
00:06:09,223 --> 00:06:10,790
Son of a bitch!
149
00:06:10,792 --> 00:06:12,224
It's fine.
Don't worry about it.
150
00:06:12,226 --> 00:06:13,392
No, it's not.
151
00:06:13,394 --> 00:06:15,160
I want ketchup,
and I can't have it.
152
00:06:15,162 --> 00:06:16,662
Calm down.
It's just a condiment.
153
00:06:16,664 --> 00:06:18,097
Choose me, damn it!
154
00:06:18,099 --> 00:06:19,698
Choose me!
155
00:06:19,700 --> 00:06:21,900
Okay, we're-we're not talking
about ketchup anymore, are we?
156
00:06:21,902 --> 00:06:23,135
What else would we...
157
00:06:23,137 --> 00:06:25,738
be talking about?
158
00:06:26,973 --> 00:06:28,841
Okay.
159
00:06:28,843 --> 00:06:31,343
Uh, here, let me
help you clean that up.
160
00:06:31,345 --> 00:06:33,078
Oh, no, no,
don't worry about it.
161
00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:34,013
You know what? Here.
162
00:06:34,015 --> 00:06:35,247
Give me your...
your shirt and pants,
163
00:06:35,249 --> 00:06:36,415
and I'll throw them
in the washer.
164
00:06:36,417 --> 00:06:37,583
Oh, that's not necessary,
actually.
165
00:06:37,585 --> 00:06:39,686
Give me your shirt and pants!
166
00:06:39,688 --> 00:06:41,187
Okay. Okay.
167
00:06:41,189 --> 00:06:44,257
Oh, uh, don't wash the
shirt with the pants,
168
00:06:44,259 --> 00:06:46,960
'cause it's off brand
and the colors tend to run.
169
00:06:46,962 --> 00:06:49,162
Oh, and, uh... and wash
the pants in cold water.
170
00:06:49,164 --> 00:06:51,398
Okay.
They shrink in warm water.
171
00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:53,433
Of course, that's funny
because, uh,
172
00:06:53,435 --> 00:06:54,701
I shrink in cold water.
173
00:06:54,703 --> 00:06:56,336
Just give me
your stupid clothes!
174
00:06:56,338 --> 00:06:57,771
Hey, here, here.
175
00:06:57,773 --> 00:06:59,906
Thank you.
176
00:07:02,676 --> 00:07:05,745
I am so back in the garage.
177
00:07:07,114 --> 00:07:08,982
(doorbell rings)
178
00:07:08,984 --> 00:07:10,984
Oh... (sighs)
179
00:07:10,986 --> 00:07:13,486
Perfect. Um...
180
00:07:13,488 --> 00:07:14,787
(sighs)
181
00:07:14,789 --> 00:07:16,189
Coming!
182
00:07:16,191 --> 00:07:18,624
Uh... (groans)
183
00:07:18,626 --> 00:07:22,595
With any luck, it'll be
a door-to-door ketchup salesman.
184
00:07:27,867 --> 00:07:30,535
Oh, Robin.
185
00:07:30,537 --> 00:07:32,203
Hello, Alan.
186
00:07:32,205 --> 00:07:34,406
Sorry. Uh, come on in.
187
00:07:36,409 --> 00:07:37,843
Walden, your mom's here!
188
00:07:37,845 --> 00:07:40,379
WALDEN:
Be right there!
189
00:07:40,381 --> 00:07:41,814
So, nice to see you.
190
00:07:41,816 --> 00:07:45,185
Well, it's nice to see...
so much of you.
191
00:07:45,187 --> 00:07:47,953
Your son insisted
I take off my clothes
192
00:07:47,955 --> 00:07:49,922
after he soiled them.
193
00:07:51,324 --> 00:07:53,225
That sounded weird, didn't it?
194
00:07:54,060 --> 00:07:55,561
So, uh...
so, what brings you by?
195
00:07:55,563 --> 00:07:57,196
Walden's taking me to lunch.
196
00:07:57,198 --> 00:07:58,264
Oh, lovely.
197
00:07:58,266 --> 00:08:00,399
I enjoy the occasional lunch
with my mom.
198
00:08:00,401 --> 00:08:03,369
Really?
As one enjoys the occasional colonoscopy.
199
00:08:03,371 --> 00:08:05,371
(both chuckling)
200
00:08:05,373 --> 00:08:07,373
Walden!
201
00:08:07,375 --> 00:08:09,075
WALDEN:
Sorry.
202
00:08:09,077 --> 00:08:10,343
Let's go.
203
00:08:10,345 --> 00:08:11,677
I'll drive.
Okay.
204
00:08:11,679 --> 00:08:13,212
Oh, bon appétit.
205
00:08:13,214 --> 00:08:15,781
Bye.
Bye.
206
00:08:16,682 --> 00:08:19,184
Everything about that man
is disturbing.
207
00:08:21,354 --> 00:08:22,855
Nice to see you again.
208
00:08:22,857 --> 00:08:24,190
Oh, look.
209
00:08:24,192 --> 00:08:26,559
New yellow pages.
210
00:08:27,461 --> 00:08:29,795
Oh, man. (groans)
211
00:08:30,898 --> 00:08:32,732
Oh, boy.
212
00:08:32,734 --> 00:08:34,500
Uh, Berta!
Yeah?
213
00:08:34,502 --> 00:08:36,335
I'm locked out.
214
00:08:36,337 --> 00:08:37,970
Hang on.
215
00:08:37,972 --> 00:08:40,773
Hurry up! I don't have
any clothes on!
216
00:08:46,614 --> 00:08:48,581
Hello?
217
00:08:48,583 --> 00:08:50,049
Berta?
218
00:08:50,051 --> 00:08:52,785
Oh, come on!
219
00:08:54,655 --> 00:08:55,855
This is nice.
220
00:08:55,857 --> 00:08:57,089
You and I
haven't gone out
221
00:08:57,091 --> 00:08:58,958
for a bite to eat
in a long time.
222
00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:00,092
Yeah.
223
00:09:00,094 --> 00:09:02,094
It's a shame Zoey
couldn't join us.
224
00:09:02,096 --> 00:09:03,529
Mm-hmm.
225
00:09:03,531 --> 00:09:05,397
How's she doing?
226
00:09:06,232 --> 00:09:07,532
Fine.
227
00:09:07,534 --> 00:09:08,733
Good. I'm glad.
228
00:09:08,735 --> 00:09:09,934
She's a great gal.
229
00:09:09,936 --> 00:09:12,070
You don't want to let
that one get away.
230
00:09:13,205 --> 00:09:15,406
Right.
231
00:09:15,408 --> 00:09:17,642
How old is her daughter?
Eight?
232
00:09:17,644 --> 00:09:19,010
She's almost nine.
233
00:09:19,012 --> 00:09:20,478
When's her birthday?
234
00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:21,813
Few days.
235
00:09:21,815 --> 00:09:23,649
Oh, fun.
Is there going to be a party?
236
00:09:23,651 --> 00:09:25,617
Yeah.
237
00:09:25,619 --> 00:09:27,653
You know, for one
of your birthdays,
238
00:09:27,655 --> 00:09:29,321
I got you a bouncy castle.
239
00:09:29,323 --> 00:09:30,455
Do you remember?
240
00:09:30,457 --> 00:09:31,690
I do.
241
00:09:31,692 --> 00:09:34,125
You should get one of those
for Zoey's daughter.
242
00:09:34,127 --> 00:09:35,860
That's a good idea.
243
00:09:35,862 --> 00:09:37,929
Oh, and take
lots of pictures.
244
00:09:37,931 --> 00:09:41,366
Those are the moments
you remember forever.
245
00:09:43,270 --> 00:09:45,137
What... what's happening?
246
00:09:45,139 --> 00:09:46,538
We're out of gas.
247
00:09:46,540 --> 00:09:48,840
We just passed a station.
I'll be right back.
248
00:09:51,645 --> 00:09:54,380
This is an electric car.
249
00:09:57,618 --> 00:09:59,652
Hey.
250
00:09:59,654 --> 00:10:00,787
Hey.
251
00:10:00,789 --> 00:10:01,821
Hey, wait...
252
00:10:01,823 --> 00:10:03,490
Aren't you having
lunch with your mom?
253
00:10:03,492 --> 00:10:05,825
I was, but then she insisted
254
00:10:05,827 --> 00:10:08,027
on taking an interest
in my life.
255
00:10:08,029 --> 00:10:09,996
That bitch.
256
00:10:09,998 --> 00:10:12,098
What are you working on?
257
00:10:12,100 --> 00:10:14,434
Oh, the, uh...
the NASDAQ presentation.
258
00:10:14,436 --> 00:10:15,835
I could use a hand.
259
00:10:15,837 --> 00:10:16,936
Sure. Send it over.
260
00:10:16,938 --> 00:10:18,738
Okay, here.
Here it comes.
261
00:10:20,508 --> 00:10:22,142
Oh, how'd
the marriage proposal go?
262
00:10:22,144 --> 00:10:23,610
Went fine.
263
00:10:23,612 --> 00:10:25,012
How big of a rock
did you give her?
264
00:10:25,014 --> 00:10:26,814
Pretty big.
265
00:10:26,816 --> 00:10:29,884
She go under the table
to thank you?
266
00:10:29,886 --> 00:10:32,185
No, but you can.
267
00:10:34,922 --> 00:10:36,690
Wow, Walden!
268
00:10:36,692 --> 00:10:38,858
(chuckling):
Dude.
269
00:10:38,860 --> 00:10:40,226
When's the big day?
270
00:10:40,228 --> 00:10:41,327
Don't know.
271
00:10:41,329 --> 00:10:42,362
What do you mean,
you don't know?
272
00:10:42,364 --> 00:10:43,930
I mean we haven't
set a date yet!
273
00:10:43,932 --> 00:10:45,932
Whoa. Don't bite my head off,
man, okay?
274
00:10:45,934 --> 00:10:48,034
Just... wow.
275
00:10:51,605 --> 00:10:53,573
Oh, my God.
What?
276
00:10:53,575 --> 00:10:55,809
She shot you down, didn't she?
277
00:10:55,811 --> 00:10:58,111
Can we just focus
on the presentation?
278
00:10:58,113 --> 00:11:00,380
No, we can't! Listen, look,
279
00:11:00,382 --> 00:11:02,116
did she give you a reason?
280
00:11:02,118 --> 00:11:04,318
Billy, seriously, let it go.
281
00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:06,287
Was it, was it, was it
that you were,
282
00:11:06,289 --> 00:11:07,855
you were too pretty or too rich?
283
00:11:07,857 --> 00:11:11,192
Walden, Walden, this proves
that God exists,
284
00:11:11,194 --> 00:11:12,560
and he's a short fat guy
285
00:11:12,562 --> 00:11:15,396
that didn't get laid
in high school.
286
00:11:15,398 --> 00:11:17,799
Stop, please.
287
00:11:17,801 --> 00:11:19,534
Listen, listen, listen, okay,
288
00:11:19,536 --> 00:11:22,637
first Bridget divorces you,
and starts dating me.
289
00:11:22,639 --> 00:11:24,905
And I mean, like, right?
290
00:11:24,907 --> 00:11:27,908
Then, then you get dumped
by Mary Poppins.
291
00:11:27,910 --> 00:11:30,277
I mean, Walden,
you've gotta wonder,
292
00:11:30,279 --> 00:11:33,313
what is it about you
that drives women away?
293
00:11:35,116 --> 00:11:37,183
Billy, this is your last chance,
dude.
294
00:11:37,185 --> 00:11:39,252
Okay, I'm changing the subject.
295
00:11:39,254 --> 00:11:41,554
Changing the
subject, okay?
296
00:11:41,556 --> 00:11:44,124
I banged your ex-wife
in the shower this morning.
297
00:11:45,260 --> 00:11:48,095
(Walden yells)
298
00:11:48,097 --> 00:11:49,463
(thud)
299
00:11:54,635 --> 00:11:56,468
♪ Men. ♪
300
00:11:56,470 --> 00:11:58,070
(knocking on door)
301
00:11:58,072 --> 00:12:00,572
Go away!
302
00:12:00,902 --> 00:12:03,569
Did you say come in?
303
00:12:03,571 --> 00:12:06,005
What do you want, Alan?
304
00:12:06,007 --> 00:12:08,307
Oh, I'm just checking in.
305
00:12:08,309 --> 00:12:10,341
You know, you've been hiding out
up here
306
00:12:10,343 --> 00:12:11,876
for quite a few days now.
307
00:12:11,878 --> 00:12:14,112
Yeah, I'm busy.
308
00:12:14,114 --> 00:12:17,215
I can, I can
see that.
309
00:12:17,217 --> 00:12:18,517
So, what do you
got here?
310
00:12:18,519 --> 00:12:22,287
Is this Versailles or
an Indian casino?
311
00:12:22,289 --> 00:12:27,447
No, it's a dream house.
312
00:12:27,449 --> 00:12:29,048
if we would have gotten married.
313
00:12:29,050 --> 00:12:31,551
Sure, that's not weird.
314
00:12:31,553 --> 00:12:35,254
Um... Oh, oh, uh, you
been smoking some pot?
315
00:12:35,256 --> 00:12:36,588
No.
316
00:12:36,590 --> 00:12:39,056
What a shame.
Would've explained a lot.
317
00:12:39,058 --> 00:12:40,491
Um...
318
00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:43,194
listen, buddy, maybe it's
time to take a break.
319
00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:46,364
No, I gotta finish the roof
before the rainy season.
320
00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:52,003
Oh, there's weather
in Legoland? Um...
321
00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:54,805
Oh, by the way, I brought you
your own tooth-whitening kit.
322
00:12:54,807 --> 00:12:57,975
You know, in case you ever feel
like smiling again.
323
00:12:57,977 --> 00:13:00,744
"As seen on Telemundo."
324
00:13:00,746 --> 00:13:02,779
Put it in the Zoey room.
325
00:13:02,781 --> 00:13:03,847
What?
326
00:13:03,849 --> 00:13:05,348
The Zoey room.
327
00:13:05,350 --> 00:13:08,218
All rightie.
(chuckles)
328
00:13:14,425 --> 00:13:16,426
Oh, boy.
329
00:13:16,428 --> 00:13:20,097
You can almost see
the yellow police tape.
330
00:13:24,035 --> 00:13:27,872
On the plus side,
my teeth look fantastic.
331
00:13:27,874 --> 00:13:30,174
♪ Men. ♪
332
00:13:30,176 --> 00:13:32,077
Thank you all
for coming.
333
00:13:32,079 --> 00:13:33,645
I know you're
all as concerned
334
00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:35,347
about Walden as I am.
335
00:13:35,349 --> 00:13:36,848
You know what I'm concerned
about?
336
00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:40,352
I'm concerned with the tooth
he knocked out of my head,
337
00:13:40,354 --> 00:13:41,553
all right?
338
00:13:41,555 --> 00:13:43,756
I smoked crack
for three and a half years--
339
00:13:43,758 --> 00:13:45,791
I didn't lose tooth one.
340
00:13:45,793 --> 00:13:47,460
Then golden boy gets dumped,
341
00:13:47,462 --> 00:13:50,896
I look like an extra
on Hillbilly Handfishin', huh?
342
00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:55,334
I'd just like to point out,
343
00:13:55,336 --> 00:13:58,571
that Walden is not the first
rich and handsome guy
344
00:13:58,573 --> 00:14:01,341
to snap his bean
up in that room.
345
00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:04,877
Thank you, Berta.
346
00:14:04,879 --> 00:14:08,114
I'm just saying
maybe the house is haunted.
347
00:14:09,917 --> 00:14:12,718
Maybe it's plagued
by a negative entity
348
00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:14,320
who just won't leave.
349
00:14:14,322 --> 00:14:17,624
Hey, you're not gonna hang this
on me.
350
00:14:19,493 --> 00:14:22,295
It's my hope that if we
share our concerns with Walden
351
00:14:22,297 --> 00:14:23,496
with a unified voice,
352
00:14:23,498 --> 00:14:25,631
we might be able
to get through to him.
353
00:14:25,633 --> 00:14:27,266
Like an intervention?
354
00:14:27,268 --> 00:14:28,734
Oh, those suck.
355
00:14:28,736 --> 00:14:32,138
They're like, they're like
judgmental surprise parties.
356
00:14:32,140 --> 00:14:35,608
They're, like, "Surprise,
you're a loser."
357
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,678
I don't need an intervention.
358
00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:40,846
I'm fine.
359
00:14:40,848 --> 00:14:42,381
Sweetie, we're worried
about you.
360
00:14:42,383 --> 00:14:45,884
You don't have to worry anymore.
I'm done with Zoey.
361
00:14:45,886 --> 00:14:48,954
Please tell me that's not her
in the bag.
362
00:14:51,791 --> 00:14:55,394
No, it's the Legos
and the pictures.
363
00:14:55,396 --> 00:14:56,795
Oh, good.
364
00:14:56,797 --> 00:15:00,632
This breakup hit me a lot harder
than I thought.
365
00:15:00,634 --> 00:15:03,002
(dog barks in distance)
366
00:15:03,004 --> 00:15:05,605
Well, anyway,
I-I want to apologize
367
00:15:05,607 --> 00:15:08,709
for the way
that I've been acting.
368
00:15:08,711 --> 00:15:11,412
Um, I think I went
a little off the rails.
369
00:15:11,414 --> 00:15:14,848
A little?
I had perfect teeth.
370
00:15:15,817 --> 00:15:18,819
I just whitened mine.
371
00:15:18,821 --> 00:15:22,156
Yeah, now you're good-looking.
372
00:15:24,059 --> 00:15:27,394
Anyway, I appreciate you all
being worried about me.
373
00:15:27,396 --> 00:15:28,929
(dog barks)
374
00:15:31,366 --> 00:15:34,434
But I-I really think
I've turned the corner.
375
00:15:34,436 --> 00:15:35,635
(dog barks)
376
00:15:35,637 --> 00:15:37,604
What is with that dog?!
377
00:15:37,606 --> 00:15:39,072
Honey, don't worry
about the dog.
378
00:15:39,074 --> 00:15:40,606
You were saying?
379
00:15:42,376 --> 00:15:46,980
I... Yes, I was saying that
lately I've been really sad,
380
00:15:46,982 --> 00:15:50,250
and I didn't know how to deal
with it, so I got angry.
381
00:15:50,252 --> 00:15:54,121
But I think now I know how to
process those feelings, so I...
382
00:15:54,123 --> 00:15:55,489
(dog barks)
383
00:15:55,491 --> 00:15:57,592
Damn it!
384
00:15:57,594 --> 00:15:59,494
Walden!
385
00:15:59,895 --> 00:16:02,030
(dog barking)
386
00:16:02,032 --> 00:16:04,133
(barking stops)
387
00:16:04,135 --> 00:16:06,736
Oh, God, what has he done?
388
00:16:06,738 --> 00:16:09,940
Sounds like he killed a dog?
389
00:16:12,443 --> 00:16:14,278
♪ Men. ♪
390
00:16:15,713 --> 00:16:18,014
Okay, problem solved.
391
00:16:18,016 --> 00:16:20,216
You stole a dog?
392
00:16:20,218 --> 00:16:23,253
No, I bought him.
He's real smart. Watch this.
393
00:16:23,255 --> 00:16:25,898
Sit. Sit.
394
00:16:25,900 --> 00:16:27,633
Sit.
395
00:16:28,502 --> 00:16:30,069
Okay, stand up.
396
00:16:32,172 --> 00:16:35,941
What a good dog.
397
00:16:35,943 --> 00:16:37,810
♪ Men. ♪
398
00:16:39,479 --> 00:16:40,513
Hey.
399
00:16:40,515 --> 00:16:43,081
Whoa, that is a big bag
of dog food.
400
00:16:43,083 --> 00:16:46,285
Well, he's a big bag of dog.
401
00:16:46,287 --> 00:16:49,422
You sure taking on
a pet is a good idea?
402
00:16:49,424 --> 00:16:51,691
Yeah, I think it'll
help me a lot, you know?
403
00:16:51,693 --> 00:16:53,393
Just unconditional love
from an animal
404
00:16:53,395 --> 00:16:55,161
that'll never leave me.
405
00:16:55,163 --> 00:16:59,100
I thought that's what I was for,
but okay.
406
00:16:59,102 --> 00:17:00,368
Check it out.
407
00:17:00,370 --> 00:17:03,071
I got him a chew toy with big,
white teeth just like yours.
408
00:17:03,073 --> 00:17:04,339
Grr!
409
00:17:04,341 --> 00:17:06,508
Yeah, that is cute.
410
00:17:06,510 --> 00:17:09,745
Come here. Let me show
you something else that's cute.
411
00:17:18,988 --> 00:17:23,024
I might want to
get a trainer.
412
00:17:23,026 --> 00:17:24,159
Way ahead of you.
413
00:17:24,161 --> 00:17:26,428
I got a number
for you to call.
414
00:17:26,430 --> 00:17:28,830
Great.
415
00:17:28,832 --> 00:17:30,866
What did I do with my phone?
416
00:17:30,868 --> 00:17:34,736
Oh, here. Why don't I call you
so you can find it?
417
00:17:34,738 --> 00:17:37,372
You're number one
on my speed dial, by the way.
418
00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:42,477
(muffled ringtone plays)
419
00:17:50,186 --> 00:17:52,787
Wonder how many bars
he gets in there.
420
00:17:53,823 --> 00:17:56,358
♪ Men. ♪
421
00:17:58,394 --> 00:18:00,061
(children talking)
422
00:18:00,063 --> 00:18:02,898
Ooh, Walden,
you came to my party!
423
00:18:02,900 --> 00:18:04,332
I did.
424
00:18:04,334 --> 00:18:06,201
And I brought you a present.
425
00:18:06,203 --> 00:18:08,737
(whistles)
426
00:18:11,274 --> 00:18:13,341
Oh, boy! Is he mine?!
427
00:18:13,343 --> 00:18:15,010
He sure is.
428
00:18:15,012 --> 00:18:16,278
Oh, thank you.
429
00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:17,379
What's his name?
430
00:18:17,381 --> 00:18:19,281
He doesn't have one.
It's up to you.
431
00:18:19,283 --> 00:18:21,049
You can name him
whatever you want.
432
00:18:21,051 --> 00:18:23,485
I'm gonna call him Walden.
433
00:18:23,487 --> 00:18:26,321
It's perfect.
434
00:18:26,323 --> 00:18:27,856
What's going on?
Walden?
435
00:18:27,858 --> 00:18:31,293
Look, Mummy! Walden got me a dog
for my birthday!
436
00:18:31,295 --> 00:18:33,162
What?!
437
00:18:33,164 --> 00:18:34,797
I love you, Walden!
438
00:18:34,799 --> 00:18:37,399
You're gonna be hearing that
a lot.
439
00:18:38,268 --> 00:18:39,969
Happy birthday, Ava.
440
00:18:39,971 --> 00:18:41,804
Wait, wait, Walden,
come back here!
441
00:18:41,806 --> 00:18:44,873
I can't.
I wasn't invited.
442
00:18:44,875 --> 00:18:48,143
Uh-oh. Walden
took a big poop.
443
00:18:48,145 --> 00:18:51,013
♪ Men. ♪
444
00:18:52,721 --> 00:18:53,921
♪ Men. ♪
445
00:18:53,923 --> 00:18:55,256
Oh, hey.
How you doing?
446
00:18:55,258 --> 00:18:59,260
I've never felt better
in my whole life.
447
00:18:59,262 --> 00:19:01,062
Good for you.
You think you got
448
00:19:01,064 --> 00:19:02,997
the whole Zoey thing
in your rearview mirror?
449
00:19:02,999 --> 00:19:04,666
I do.
450
00:19:04,668 --> 00:19:06,301
Attaboy.
451
00:19:06,303 --> 00:19:08,570
Hey, where's Dogzilla?
452
00:19:11,941 --> 00:19:16,478
What? Did you whiten
your teeth?
453
00:19:17,747 --> 00:19:21,817
Nope. I did a bad, bad thing.
454
00:19:23,386 --> 00:19:25,487
Oh, no, no!
455
00:19:25,489 --> 00:19:27,957
My Louboutins!
456
00:19:27,959 --> 00:19:30,292
Ugh!
457
00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:34,930
Walden is taking this
stupid, bloody dog back.
458
00:19:35,599 --> 00:19:37,900
(sighs)
459
00:19:37,902 --> 00:19:39,769
(muffled ringtone playing)
460
00:19:39,771 --> 00:19:43,771
== sync, corrected by elderman ==