1
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Previously on:
2
00:00:03,265 --> 00:00:05,475
I know that I said that I wanted
to get rid of her
3
00:00:05,477 --> 00:00:07,563
and have you come back...
Oh, no!
4
00:00:07,570 --> 00:00:09,264
I'm just going to have
to make it work.
5
00:00:09,289 --> 00:00:10,771
No, no, no, no, no!
6
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I'm sorry!
7
00:00:11,874 --> 00:00:14,491
Okay, I'll figure something out.
8
00:00:14,493 --> 00:00:16,960
If nothing else,
I am a survivor.
9
00:00:22,592 --> 00:00:25,072
Doctor said you had
a little heart attack.
10
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Yeah, I remember now.
11
00:00:27,923 --> 00:00:30,123
Zoey's moving in...
12
00:00:30,125 --> 00:00:33,727
and I'm moving out...
13
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No...
14
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No... you're not moving out.
15
00:00:38,585 --> 00:00:39,330
I'm not?
16
00:00:39,355 --> 00:00:41,655
No, you can stay
as long as you want,
17
00:00:41,687 --> 00:00:43,270
as long as you need.
18
00:00:43,272 --> 00:00:46,573
Oh, that's... that's so good to hear.
19
00:00:48,283 --> 00:00:50,201
Really, you don't have
to carry my bags.
20
00:00:50,203 --> 00:00:51,986
Alan, you had
a heart attack, okay?
21
00:00:51,988 --> 00:00:53,237
You need to take it easy.
22
00:00:53,239 --> 00:00:54,789
Well, I appreciate it,
but I'm fine.
23
00:00:54,791 --> 00:00:57,608
Whoa, do not say that.
24
00:00:57,610 --> 00:00:58,826
Why not?
25
00:00:58,828 --> 00:01:00,611
Let me tell you
about my Grandma Abigail.
26
00:01:00,613 --> 00:01:03,014
When I was a kid,
she came to move in with us.
27
00:01:03,016 --> 00:01:05,199
And one day I said,
"How ya doing, Grandma""
28
00:01:05,201 --> 00:01:09,420
And she said, "Fine."
And then she dropped dead.
29
00:01:09,422 --> 00:01:10,555
You're kidding.
30
00:01:10,557 --> 00:01:13,391
No, face down in my Legos.
31
00:01:13,393 --> 00:01:15,960
Well, that's terrible.
32
00:01:15,962 --> 00:01:18,680
But I'm fine.
Do not say that!
33
00:01:18,682 --> 00:01:20,481
My Uncle Hal?
34
00:01:20,483 --> 00:01:22,767
When I was a kid, he used
to spend Thanksgivings us,
35
00:01:22,769 --> 00:01:24,185
and one year,
we're at dinner and...
36
00:01:24,187 --> 00:01:26,187
you know, like football
and turkey and the whole bit,
37
00:01:26,189 --> 00:01:28,072
and I said,
"How ya doing, Uncle Hal""
38
00:01:28,074 --> 00:01:29,223
And he said, "Fine""
39
00:01:29,225 --> 00:01:30,958
And then he went
to the bathroom,
40
00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:33,778
and he crapped out
his small intestines.
41
00:01:35,247 --> 00:01:37,098
Oh, oh... okay,
t-that's horrible,
42
00:01:37,100 --> 00:01:39,701
but I promise you,
I am fine.
43
00:01:39,703 --> 00:01:41,452
Surprise!
44
00:01:44,322 --> 00:01:47,324
I told you not to say it!
45
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♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪
46
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♪ Ah. ♪
♪ Men. ♪
47
00:01:57,418 --> 00:01:59,085
Oh, my God,
somebody call 911.
48
00:01:59,087 --> 00:02:00,587
Gotcha.
49
00:02:00,589 --> 00:02:02,622
Oh...
50
00:02:02,624 --> 00:02:06,760
Alan, don't you ever
do that to me again.
51
00:02:06,762 --> 00:02:08,478
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
52
00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:10,730
So all you guys came
just to welcome me back?
53
00:02:10,732 --> 00:02:13,049
Of course we did, darling.
We were worried about you.
54
00:02:13,051 --> 00:02:17,237
Yeah, I've been beside myself
with concern.
55
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I don't know what to say.
I'm really touched.
56
00:02:19,691 --> 00:02:21,274
Come here, Alan.
57
00:02:21,276 --> 00:02:23,193
Sit down.
I made you some tea.
58
00:02:23,195 --> 00:02:24,577
Wait, did you just
call me Alan?
59
00:02:24,579 --> 00:02:25,895
Well, that's your name,
isn't it?
60
00:02:25,897 --> 00:02:27,364
Yeah, but you always
call me Zippy.
61
00:02:27,366 --> 00:02:29,416
I know, but I've got
a little rule.
62
00:02:29,418 --> 00:02:32,585
I never make fun of someone who
could come back and haunt me.
63
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Sugar or honey?
64
00:02:36,007 --> 00:02:37,841
I thought we decided on Alan?
65
00:02:39,177 --> 00:02:39,909
Uh, honey, please.
66
00:02:39,911 --> 00:02:41,235
Hey, are you warm enough?
67
00:02:41,262 --> 00:02:42,208
Do you want me
to turn up the heat?
68
00:02:42,346 --> 00:02:43,797
I'm fine.
Don't say that...
69
00:02:43,799 --> 00:02:45,932
Okay, turn up the heat.
70
00:02:45,934 --> 00:02:48,551
Why don't you just lay down.
71
00:02:48,553 --> 00:02:49,302
Uh, no, really, I'm good.
I've been in bed for a week.
72
00:02:49,304 --> 00:02:50,854
Do it for me.
73
00:02:50,856 --> 00:02:52,522
Uh, okay, but let me
just point out
74
00:02:53,474 --> 00:02:54,607
that that never works
when I say that to you.
75
00:02:56,428 --> 00:02:58,228
Guess what. While you were
in the hospital,
76
00:02:58,249 --> 00:02:59,624
I aced all my final exams.
77
00:02:59,965 --> 00:03:01,115
Really?!
I don't believe it!
78
00:03:01,116 --> 00:03:04,451
I told you
he wouldn't buy it.
79
00:03:04,453 --> 00:03:06,403
Wait, wait, wait.
You lied to me?
80
00:03:07,455 --> 00:03:09,856
Uh, I told him to. I thought
the truth might kill you.
81
00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:12,792
But there is some real good news.
What's that?
82
00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:14,611
I found out for sure
I'm not gay.
83
00:03:15,212 --> 00:03:16,813
But why's that good news?
84
00:03:16,815 --> 00:03:19,165
It's mostly good news
for gay people.
85
00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:24,003
A-A-All right, look,
I appreciate
86
00:03:24,005 --> 00:03:26,089
all the trouble you're taking
to welcome me home,
87
00:03:27,291 --> 00:03:28,908
but if you don't mind, I'd just
like to go back to my room.
88
00:03:29,393 --> 00:03:30,693
Oh, you heard him.
89
00:03:30,745 --> 00:03:31,678
He wants to go to his room.
Here, Zoey.
90
00:03:32,062 --> 00:03:33,513
Take the tea.
91
00:03:33,515 --> 00:03:35,265
Walden, I can walk on my own.
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00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:37,934
That's what my
blind Aunt Shirley said.
93
00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:39,435
And then we went to Miami
94
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:40,653
on Christmas vacation,
95
00:03:40,655 --> 00:03:42,105
and then "blam""
96
00:03:42,106 --> 00:03:43,840
Greyhound came out of nowhere
and flattened her.
97
00:03:43,933 --> 00:03:44,733
She got hit by a bus?
98
00:03:45,484 --> 00:03:46,627
No, she wandered
onto the dog track
99
00:03:46,652 --> 00:03:47,875
in the middle
of the ninth race.
100
00:03:48,821 --> 00:03:50,655
Technically,
she came in third.
101
00:03:52,224 --> 00:03:54,960
Anyway, I got a little
♪ surprise for you. ♪
102
00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:57,279
Oh, Walden, you've already
done so much.
103
00:03:58,364 --> 00:03:59,781
I don't know what else
you could possibly...
104
00:04:01,834 --> 00:04:03,451
A real bed!
Yeah.
105
00:04:03,453 --> 00:04:05,870
It's not just a bed.
Get on it. Check it out.
106
00:04:06,572 --> 00:04:07,872
Oh, my golly.
107
00:04:07,874 --> 00:04:10,158
Ah...
Oo-ho-ho-ho!
108
00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:12,794
The bed is becoming tumescent.
109
00:04:12,796 --> 00:04:14,429
Yeah...!
110
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Pretty cool, uh?
111
00:04:16,049 --> 00:04:17,882
See, so you don't have
to exert yourself
112
00:04:18,269 --> 00:04:19,184
when you're getting
in and out.
113
00:04:19,185 --> 00:04:20,468
Ah! Oh,
114
00:04:20,470 --> 00:04:22,137
and what pray tell is that?
115
00:04:23,189 --> 00:04:26,858
That is a 46" high-definition
plasma screen TV,
116
00:04:26,860 --> 00:04:29,444
complete with a deluxe sports
satellite package
117
00:04:29,446 --> 00:04:31,863
Nice! No movies?
118
00:04:33,482 --> 00:04:35,533
No, we could switch it
to a movie package.
119
00:04:36,018 --> 00:04:37,652
Or you could add it.
120
00:04:38,454 --> 00:04:40,238
Oh, okay, we'll add it.
121
00:04:40,823 --> 00:04:41,706
And don't forget
the adult channels.
122
00:04:42,925 --> 00:04:44,159
No problem.
123
00:04:44,161 --> 00:04:45,577
You have to ask
for them specifically.
124
00:04:46,162 --> 00:04:46,911
Otherwise they block them.
125
00:04:46,913 --> 00:04:48,330
Right.
126
00:04:48,332 --> 00:04:51,032
Hey, why don't you take
a nap until dinner?
127
00:04:51,634 --> 00:04:52,500
I'm not tired.
128
00:04:52,502 --> 00:04:54,085
That's what my
cousin Earl said
129
00:04:55,338 --> 00:04:56,254
right before he fell asleep
with a cigarette in his hand.
130
00:04:56,756 --> 00:04:57,539
Set his bed on fire?
131
00:04:58,074 --> 00:04:59,074
No, his fireworks stand.
132
00:05:00,242 --> 00:05:02,594
I was standing across the street
yelling at him to wake up
133
00:05:03,846 --> 00:05:06,547
when the first rocket went off,
followed by 800 Roman candles.
134
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:11,719
It was horrifying and really
cool at the same time.
135
00:05:11,721 --> 00:05:13,688
Okay, I'll take a nap.
136
00:05:13,690 --> 00:05:14,889
Good, good, good,
you just...
137
00:05:15,608 --> 00:05:16,608
I don't want you
to do anything.
138
00:05:16,609 --> 00:05:17,668
Just relax
and get better.
139
00:05:17,910 --> 00:05:19,193
That's a nice thought, Walden,
140
00:05:19,195 --> 00:05:20,028
but I got a lot of work to do.
141
00:05:20,029 --> 00:05:21,032
I got bills to pay.
142
00:05:21,197 --> 00:05:22,247
No, don't worry about the bills.
143
00:05:22,248 --> 00:05:23,322
I'll take care of everything.
144
00:05:24,066 --> 00:05:25,552
Walden, I can't let you
just take care of everything.
145
00:05:25,768 --> 00:05:28,070
Listen, I made a promise to
myself when I was 11 years old
146
00:05:28,337 --> 00:05:30,555
and salmonella decimated
my father's entire side
147
00:05:30,706 --> 00:05:32,360
of the family
at the annual Easter egg hunt.
148
00:05:32,708 --> 00:05:34,092
Nobody else dies on my watch.
149
00:05:37,596 --> 00:05:40,882
Poor guy,
living with all that guilt.
150
00:05:42,518 --> 00:05:44,719
I can exploit that.
151
00:05:46,389 --> 00:05:47,889
How come you're not coming over?
152
00:05:48,391 --> 00:05:49,590
I can't. I have Ava.
153
00:05:50,059 --> 00:05:51,211
Why don't you come over here?
154
00:05:51,427 --> 00:05:52,477
I can't. I have Alan.
155
00:05:52,479 --> 00:05:54,279
Oh, for God's sake.
156
00:05:54,281 --> 00:05:56,431
Well, he had
a heart attack, Zoey.
157
00:05:56,832 --> 00:05:57,499
Oh, bollocks.
158
00:05:57,501 --> 00:05:59,434
He's going to outlive us all.
159
00:06:00,619 --> 00:06:02,370
A week after nuclear Armageddon,
the world will be populated
160
00:06:03,272 --> 00:06:05,490
by nothing but cockroaches
and Alan Harper.
161
00:06:05,492 --> 00:06:09,327
Wow, that is a side of you
that is not attractive.
162
00:06:09,962 --> 00:06:11,069
It's the lawyer side of me.
163
00:06:11,113 --> 00:06:12,414
Yeah, yuck.
164
00:06:12,416 --> 00:06:15,616
Look, I see these kind
of scam artists all the time
165
00:06:16,585 --> 00:06:18,119
and I don't want
you being taken advantage of.
166
00:06:18,954 --> 00:06:20,255
I am just taking care
of my friend.
167
00:06:21,390 --> 00:06:24,225
No, you are providing food,
shelter, and satellite TV
168
00:06:24,227 --> 00:06:25,977
to a cockroach.
169
00:06:25,979 --> 00:06:28,346
Hello, anybody?
170
00:06:28,348 --> 00:06:30,932
Getting kind of hungry
in here.
171
00:06:30,934 --> 00:06:33,518
Uh, B-Berta, Alan's hungry.
172
00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:34,969
Is his dinner ready yet?
173
00:06:35,471 --> 00:06:36,321
Coming up.
174
00:06:36,323 --> 00:06:38,106
Really?
175
00:06:38,108 --> 00:06:39,574
He gets room service?
176
00:06:39,576 --> 00:06:41,609
Did I ever tell you
about my Aunt Phyllis?
177
00:06:42,979 --> 00:06:46,420
When I was a kid she took me
on a trip to New York,
178
00:06:46,665 --> 00:06:48,150
and we were staying
at the Waldorf-Astoria,
179
00:06:48,167 --> 00:06:49,788
and she didn't want
to wait for room service,
180
00:06:49,818 --> 00:06:51,285
so she headed down
to the restaurant
181
00:06:51,754 --> 00:06:55,089
and she fell 24 stories
down an empty elevator shaft.
182
00:06:56,292 --> 00:06:59,327
We never got to see Cats.
183
00:06:59,329 --> 00:07:02,714
So you're afraid Alan is going
to fall into an elevator shaft?
184
00:07:03,766 --> 00:07:05,934
Don't poke at it, Zoey.
The wound is still fresh.
185
00:07:12,058 --> 00:07:13,224
Come in.
186
00:07:15,144 --> 00:07:17,512
Did my little buddy save
room for dessert?
187
00:07:18,013 --> 00:07:19,147
I sure did, Skipper.
188
00:07:19,149 --> 00:07:20,899
Good, 'cause I made
your favorite.
189
00:07:21,433 --> 00:07:22,183
Peach cobbler?
Yep.
190
00:07:22,185 --> 00:07:23,351
Warm with ice cream?
191
00:07:23,852 --> 00:07:25,453
I'll be right back.
192
00:07:25,455 --> 00:07:27,071
I'm not going anywhere.
193
00:07:28,358 --> 00:07:33,294
Okay, let's see
what's on those adult channels.
194
00:07:33,296 --> 00:07:34,746
Avatart.
195
00:07:34,748 --> 00:07:37,749
Oh, in 3D.
196
00:07:39,885 --> 00:07:40,668
Oh, to be continued.
197
00:07:41,254 --> 00:07:42,420
Come in.
198
00:07:43,872 --> 00:07:45,089
Hey, you.
199
00:07:45,091 --> 00:07:47,542
Judith, what a,
what a nice surprise.
200
00:07:48,043 --> 00:07:48,876
How are you feeling?
201
00:07:49,545 --> 00:07:51,062
Not bad, all things considered.
202
00:07:51,064 --> 00:07:52,514
Oh, you're so brave.
203
00:07:52,516 --> 00:07:55,233
Now, listen, there's something
we need to talk about.
204
00:07:56,218 --> 00:07:58,223
Look, I know the child support
checks are late,
205
00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:00,054
but, but please allow me
to get back to my job.
206
00:08:01,825 --> 00:08:04,409
Er?
207
00:08:04,411 --> 00:08:06,561
Forget the
child support.
208
00:08:06,563 --> 00:08:08,613
Er?
209
00:08:08,615 --> 00:08:09,831
You just get better.
210
00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:11,916
I can manage fine
without your money.
211
00:08:12,251 --> 00:08:13,201
All right.
212
00:08:13,203 --> 00:08:15,537
I always suspected as much,
but thank you.
213
00:08:16,539 --> 00:08:18,254
And Herb and I have the
condo in Palm Springs,
214
00:08:18,291 --> 00:08:19,712
so you're certainly
welcome to use it
215
00:08:19,842 --> 00:08:20,708
while you're
recuperating.
216
00:08:20,710 --> 00:08:22,577
How can you afford
a condo in Palm Springs?
217
00:08:22,931 --> 00:08:24,981
We made a judgment call
with Jake's college fund.
218
00:08:25,548 --> 00:08:28,082
Anyway, you're
welcome to use it.
219
00:08:28,084 --> 00:08:30,218
Wow, thank you,
th-that's very generous.
220
00:08:30,220 --> 00:08:33,855
Well, look, I know we've
obviously had our differences.
221
00:08:33,857 --> 00:08:35,557
We have.
222
00:08:35,559 --> 00:08:37,976
And I haven't always
been very nice to you.
223
00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:40,595
I just figured
you didn't like me.
224
00:08:40,597 --> 00:08:43,106
Alan, we were married
for 12 years.
225
00:08:43,265 --> 00:08:44,683
You're the father
of my son.
226
00:08:44,883 --> 00:08:46,003
Just because I couldn't
stay married to you
227
00:08:46,004 --> 00:08:47,538
doesn't mean I
stopped loving you.
228
00:08:47,769 --> 00:08:49,370
Gee, it sure felt
that way.
229
00:08:49,372 --> 00:08:51,239
Oh, I'm sorry
for that.
230
00:08:51,241 --> 00:08:53,941
You just get
well, okay?
231
00:08:53,943 --> 00:08:55,710
Okay.
232
00:09:00,499 --> 00:09:03,501
A house in Malibu,
no child support,
233
00:09:03,503 --> 00:09:06,087
free condo in Palm Springs.
234
00:09:06,089 --> 00:09:09,140
Why would anyone want
to eliminate heart disease?
235
00:09:13,229 --> 00:09:15,396
Don't worry,
you lovely blue ladies,
236
00:09:16,148 --> 00:09:17,652
as soon
as my right hand is free,
237
00:09:17,850 --> 00:09:20,068
I'll be giving you
my full attention.
238
00:09:21,354 --> 00:09:22,353
Rats.
239
00:09:22,355 --> 00:09:23,605
Uh...
240
00:09:25,275 --> 00:09:26,641
Come in.
241
00:09:27,493 --> 00:09:29,494
How's my man?
242
00:09:29,496 --> 00:09:32,163
Oh, you know, okay
243
00:09:32,165 --> 00:09:35,650
for a guy who recently stared
into the jaws of death.
244
00:09:36,151 --> 00:09:37,266
That's why I'm here.
245
00:09:37,518 --> 00:09:38,736
I want to help
with your recovery.
246
00:09:39,061 --> 00:09:40,722
Really, what'd
you have in mind?
247
00:09:40,822 --> 00:09:41,656
I-I'm not supposed
to exert myself.
248
00:09:42,592 --> 00:09:45,293
Don't worry, you don't have
to do a thing.
249
00:09:46,178 --> 00:09:47,995
Just lie back
and I'll do all the work.
250
00:09:48,263 --> 00:09:48,680
Really?
251
00:09:48,682 --> 00:09:50,048
Hmm.
Okay.
252
00:09:50,050 --> 00:09:51,633
Uh, let me put
my cobbler down.
253
00:09:52,167 --> 00:09:53,501
No, no, no,
keep it.
254
00:09:53,503 --> 00:09:54,435
You sure?
255
00:09:54,437 --> 00:09:56,504
Absolutely.
256
00:09:56,506 --> 00:09:58,940
It'd be rude for
me to eat alone.
257
00:10:02,194 --> 00:10:04,178
All righty then.
258
00:10:06,181 --> 00:10:08,650
You got any porn
on this thing?
259
00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:10,618
Uh, gee, I,
I don't know.
260
00:10:12,956 --> 00:10:14,455
Why don't you check?
261
00:10:14,457 --> 00:10:15,856
Shake things up a bit.
262
00:10:16,408 --> 00:10:17,992
Oh, gosh,
well, I, yeah,
263
00:10:17,994 --> 00:10:20,328
I guess I, I guess I,
I-I could do that.
264
00:10:22,298 --> 00:10:25,967
Oh, look,
there's some now.
265
00:10:25,969 --> 00:10:27,885
How fortuitous.
266
00:10:27,887 --> 00:10:32,507
Now, just relax and
enjoy your cobbler.
267
00:10:32,509 --> 00:10:34,642
Right back at you.
268
00:10:38,398 --> 00:10:42,067
This is the best day
of my entire life.
269
00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:49,682
♪ Men. ♪
270
00:10:51,719 --> 00:10:54,337
All right, Mr. Harper.
271
00:10:58,692 --> 00:11:00,392
Well, I've got
some good news.
272
00:11:00,777 --> 00:11:01,560
Let me have it.
273
00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:04,163
I'm banging my receptionist.
274
00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:06,899
I'm sorry.
275
00:11:06,901 --> 00:11:09,468
I... I never get tired
of that one.
276
00:11:09,516 --> 00:11:11,460
That-that's funny,
but, uh, what about me?
277
00:11:11,906 --> 00:11:13,422
No, you don't have
a chance with her.
278
00:11:14,675 --> 00:11:16,509
She likes rich guys.
279
00:11:18,262 --> 00:11:20,630
All right,
back to your, uh, heart.
280
00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:21,914
It's looking good.
281
00:11:21,916 --> 00:11:23,466
Uh, are you sure?
282
00:11:23,468 --> 00:11:25,518
Tests show you've had no damage.
283
00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:27,219
Your cholesterol looks normal.
284
00:11:27,221 --> 00:11:29,272
It's like the heart attack
never even happened.
285
00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:30,690
Oh.
286
00:11:30,692 --> 00:11:33,976
And you're not happy about that?
287
00:11:33,978 --> 00:11:35,394
No, I-I am.
288
00:11:35,396 --> 00:11:38,364
Um, uh, is this confidential,
what we're saying?
289
00:11:38,366 --> 00:11:40,432
Think of me as a priest.
290
00:11:41,535 --> 00:11:43,602
Except, when I touch your nuts,
it's strictly business.
291
00:11:44,905 --> 00:11:47,707
Okay, uh... uh, uh, here it is.
292
00:11:47,709 --> 00:11:49,959
Um, ever since the heart attack,
293
00:11:49,961 --> 00:11:52,628
uh, my life
has actually gotten better.
294
00:11:52,630 --> 00:11:54,220
Uh, my girlfriend,
my ex-wife,
295
00:11:54,221 --> 00:11:55,750
even my mother
have all been showering me
296
00:11:55,751 --> 00:11:56,810
with love and attention.
297
00:11:56,877 --> 00:11:58,795
Well, they were afraid
they were losing you.
298
00:11:58,988 --> 00:12:01,091
Have you ever had oral sex
and peach cobbler?
299
00:12:03,307 --> 00:12:05,124
At the same time?
300
00:12:07,144 --> 00:12:09,312
Can't say that I have.
301
00:12:09,314 --> 00:12:10,396
Well, I have.
302
00:12:10,410 --> 00:12:12,194
And once my girlfriend
finds out that I'm healthy,
303
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,362
I'm back to sucking Life Savers
and humping my pillow.
304
00:12:16,353 --> 00:12:19,772
Well, as your doctor,
all I can tell you
305
00:12:19,774 --> 00:12:21,157
is you're
perfectly healthy.
306
00:12:21,159 --> 00:12:22,608
Can I get a second opinion?
307
00:12:23,143 --> 00:12:24,243
Yes, you're ugly, too.
308
00:12:27,197 --> 00:12:28,447
I joke.
309
00:12:28,449 --> 00:12:31,150
Uh, again, as your doctor,
310
00:12:31,152 --> 00:12:34,036
I have to tell you
you're in great shape.
311
00:12:34,338 --> 00:12:35,921
But, uh...
312
00:12:35,923 --> 00:12:38,708
as a guy who's banging
his receptionist,
313
00:12:38,710 --> 00:12:40,676
two pharmaceutical reps
314
00:12:40,678 --> 00:12:44,630
and, uh, on occasion,
his bloated, rich wife,
315
00:12:44,632 --> 00:12:46,682
let me add:
316
00:12:46,684 --> 00:12:48,367
Don't be a schmuck.
317
00:12:48,369 --> 00:12:50,669
Lie your ass off.
318
00:12:51,455 --> 00:12:53,272
Thanks, Doc.
That's good advice.
319
00:12:57,361 --> 00:12:59,195
Hmm.
320
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:03,983
Jeanine, hi.
321
00:13:03,985 --> 00:13:06,569
Uh, listen, could you
run down to the deli
322
00:13:07,204 --> 00:13:08,738
and pick up a peach cobbler
323
00:13:08,740 --> 00:13:11,457
and meet me in exam room 2.
324
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:19,965
How'd it go?
325
00:13:19,967 --> 00:13:21,000
Good news?
326
00:13:21,002 --> 00:13:23,085
It's bad, Mom.
327
00:13:23,087 --> 00:13:24,837
It's real bad.
Oh.
328
00:13:24,839 --> 00:13:27,890
Darling, I am so sorry.
329
00:13:27,892 --> 00:13:30,559
Hey, I know what
would cheer you up.
330
00:13:30,877 --> 00:13:32,812
So do I.
331
00:13:32,814 --> 00:13:35,231
No, I was thinking
I could take you shopping.
332
00:13:35,599 --> 00:13:36,399
Come on, now.
333
00:13:36,401 --> 00:13:37,495
There must be something
I can get you
334
00:13:37,496 --> 00:13:39,235
that would turn
that frown upside down.
335
00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:42,238
Well, uh, remember
when I was a kid
336
00:13:42,256 --> 00:13:43,590
how I always wanted
to be a cowboy?
337
00:13:45,275 --> 00:13:47,392
I'm not going to buy you
a horse, Alan.
338
00:13:47,778 --> 00:13:48,778
Of course not.
339
00:13:48,780 --> 00:13:52,081
Guess I'll just have to be
a cowboy in Heaven.
340
00:13:55,952 --> 00:13:57,402
Are your eyes closed?
341
00:13:57,904 --> 00:13:59,505
Yep, they're closed.
342
00:14:06,963 --> 00:14:08,747
Open.
343
00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:15,688
You must be kidding me.
344
00:14:15,690 --> 00:14:18,545
It's the safest way for Alan
to get up and down the stairs.
345
00:14:18,645 --> 00:14:20,967
Why does he have to get
up and down the stairs?
346
00:14:22,279 --> 00:14:23,946
So he can use my whirlpool tub.
347
00:14:23,948 --> 00:14:25,397
Oh, dear Lord.
348
00:14:25,399 --> 00:14:26,899
He needs it for his circulation.
349
00:14:26,964 --> 00:14:28,625
He said he's starting
to get bed sores.
350
00:14:28,718 --> 00:14:31,183
Then you tell him
to get out of bed.
351
00:14:31,352 --> 00:14:33,571
You don't build him
his own private escalator.
352
00:14:42,129 --> 00:14:44,264
Howdy, pardner.
353
00:14:46,533 --> 00:14:48,801
Ma'am.
354
00:14:48,803 --> 00:14:50,036
Wow.
355
00:14:50,038 --> 00:14:51,221
You look great.
356
00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:53,273
Just checking it
off my bucket list.
357
00:14:53,807 --> 00:14:54,924
What'd the doctor say?
358
00:14:54,926 --> 00:14:56,426
It's not good.
359
00:14:57,228 --> 00:14:59,596
I might have to have
a transplant.
360
00:15:01,148 --> 00:15:03,066
I'm sorry.
361
00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:04,984
Let's just hope that somewhere
362
00:15:04,986 --> 00:15:06,436
there's a baboon
with a healthy heart
363
00:15:06,487 --> 00:15:08,169
riding a motorcycle
without a helmet.
364
00:15:10,858 --> 00:15:12,558
For God's sake.
365
00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:14,527
Excuse me.
I'm going to take a whirlpool
366
00:15:15,162 --> 00:15:16,195
until my masseuse gets here.
367
00:15:16,714 --> 00:15:18,331
You got him a masseuse?
368
00:15:18,333 --> 00:15:20,783
It helps prevent blood clots.
369
00:15:20,785 --> 00:15:23,586
Yeah.
370
00:15:27,758 --> 00:15:30,043
My Uncle Fred
had a blood clot in his leg,
371
00:15:30,123 --> 00:15:31,053
and when I was little,
he took me
372
00:15:31,213 --> 00:15:33,661
to the Santa Monica Pier,
and we went on the Tilt-A-Whirl,
373
00:15:33,687 --> 00:15:36,736
and the centrifugal force
shot the clot into his brain.
374
00:15:38,385 --> 00:15:40,703
It was the worst birthday ever.
375
00:15:40,705 --> 00:15:43,806
He's seen a lot
of tragedy, Zoey.
376
00:15:43,808 --> 00:15:45,808
Be nice to him.
377
00:15:53,150 --> 00:15:55,118
Mmm.
378
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:57,070
Too hard?
379
00:15:57,072 --> 00:15:59,438
Nah, dig in.
I like it rough.
380
00:16:00,273 --> 00:16:01,991
Brought your
banana smoothie.
381
00:16:01,993 --> 00:16:03,409
Oh, thank you, Zoey.
382
00:16:03,411 --> 00:16:04,944
Um, would you mind
383
00:16:04,946 --> 00:16:07,446
sticking the straw
in my donut hole?
384
00:16:08,448 --> 00:16:10,550
Oh, I would love to.
385
00:16:10,552 --> 00:16:12,284
Mmm.
386
00:16:12,286 --> 00:16:14,837
Tasty.
387
00:16:18,142 --> 00:16:21,460
I want you to listen
to me very carefully.
388
00:16:21,462 --> 00:16:24,180
You may have everyone
else around here fooled,
389
00:16:24,965 --> 00:16:27,299
but I know you're
full of crap.
390
00:16:27,301 --> 00:16:28,685
Beg pardon?
391
00:16:28,687 --> 00:16:30,186
What you do with
your family
392
00:16:30,289 --> 00:16:31,522
and your girlfriend
is your business,
393
00:16:31,821 --> 00:16:34,767
but I want you to stop
taking advantage of Walden.
394
00:16:34,867 --> 00:16:36,315
I-I don't know
what you're talking about.
395
00:16:36,316 --> 00:16:38,364
You know exactly what
I'm talking about.
396
00:16:38,365 --> 00:16:39,903
I-I'm sorry. I really
don't know what you're...
397
00:16:39,908 --> 00:16:41,659
You've been warned.
398
00:16:45,619 --> 00:16:47,704
Well, thanks for the...
the smoothie, Zoey.
399
00:16:50,792 --> 00:16:52,959
That bitch has got to go.
400
00:16:58,882 --> 00:17:00,299
How about that?
401
00:17:00,301 --> 00:17:02,835
Stars really are just like us.
402
00:17:04,054 --> 00:17:05,855
Alan.
Oh!
403
00:17:07,107 --> 00:17:08,274
Oh, my.
404
00:17:08,276 --> 00:17:09,475
Careful.
405
00:17:09,477 --> 00:17:11,861
You don't want
to give me a heart attack.
406
00:17:12,396 --> 00:17:13,296
We need to talk to you.
407
00:17:13,697 --> 00:17:15,114
Oh, yeah, sure.
408
00:17:17,618 --> 00:17:19,285
I'll be right back.
409
00:17:19,287 --> 00:17:22,205
Um, think I left
the tub running, so...
410
00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:23,856
Stop.
411
00:17:25,075 --> 00:17:28,360
Now, get out of that chair
and get down here.
412
00:17:29,196 --> 00:17:30,529
Okay.
413
00:17:30,531 --> 00:17:33,082
The queen has spoken.
414
00:17:37,955 --> 00:17:41,641
My legs are still
a little al dente.
415
00:17:43,394 --> 00:17:45,395
So...
416
00:17:45,397 --> 00:17:47,313
what up?
417
00:17:48,548 --> 00:17:51,067
I'll tell you "what up."
418
00:17:51,069 --> 00:17:53,886
I asked one of the private
investigators for my law firm
419
00:17:54,521 --> 00:17:55,938
to follow you for a few days.
420
00:17:56,223 --> 00:17:57,607
Really?
421
00:17:57,609 --> 00:18:00,493
Uh, uh, wh-which days
in particular?
422
00:18:00,495 --> 00:18:01,511
Well,
423
00:18:01,513 --> 00:18:03,579
this is from last Monday,
424
00:18:03,581 --> 00:18:04,947
when you said you were going
425
00:18:05,783 --> 00:18:07,783
for a therapeutic walk
on the beach.
426
00:18:36,814 --> 00:18:38,764
Okay. Okay.
427
00:18:38,766 --> 00:18:40,099
Yeah, yeah, you know...
428
00:18:40,101 --> 00:18:42,401
I can see
429
00:18:42,403 --> 00:18:43,953
how this looks,
430
00:18:43,955 --> 00:18:45,488
um,
431
00:18:45,490 --> 00:18:47,439
but, you know, actually,
432
00:18:47,441 --> 00:18:49,375
there is a-a-a very...
433
00:18:49,377 --> 00:18:52,611
a very simple, uh,
uh, explanation.
434
00:19:02,789 --> 00:19:04,623
Okay.
435
00:19:04,625 --> 00:19:06,392
Well...
436
00:19:06,394 --> 00:19:08,261
we got cobbler
in the kitchen.
437
00:19:17,971 --> 00:19:20,323
911?
438
00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:21,741
Anybody?
439
00:19:21,743 --> 00:19:23,609
♪ Men. ♪
440
00:19:49,452 --> 00:19:51,654
How long do you plan
on lying there?
441
00:19:52,205 --> 00:19:54,373
Until the shame passes.
442
00:19:55,208 --> 00:19:56,509
So a while?
443
00:19:56,511 --> 00:19:57,877
Oh, yeah.
444
00:19:57,879 --> 00:19:59,778
All right.
445
00:19:59,780 --> 00:20:02,381
Well...
446
00:20:02,383 --> 00:20:03,999
sleep well.
447
00:20:04,001 --> 00:20:06,335
Thanks. You, too.
448
00:20:08,955 --> 00:20:12,341
♪ Memories ♪
449
00:20:12,343 --> 00:20:17,462
♪ Light the corners of my mind ♪
450
00:20:17,464 --> 00:20:26,751
♪ Misty watercolored memories
of the way we were... ♪