1
00:00:01,404 --> 00:00:03,571
♪ Men. ♪

2
00:00:37,105 --> 00:00:39,890
Oh, dear!

3
00:00:41,344 --> 00:00:43,978
I'm sorry, did
I wake you up?

4
00:00:43,980 --> 00:00:45,396
What are you doing?

5
00:00:45,398 --> 00:00:49,784
I was trying to find
a nice way to wake you up.

6
00:00:49,786 --> 00:00:51,869
Well, kudos, you found one.

7
00:00:51,871 --> 00:00:55,156
Here. Merry day
before Christmas.

8
00:00:55,158 --> 00:00:57,491
I thought we agreed not
to exchange presents.

9
00:00:57,493 --> 00:01:01,045
Well, you gave me a pretty
nice present last night.

10
00:01:01,047 --> 00:01:02,413
Actually two.

11
00:01:02,415 --> 00:01:04,749
You're terrible.

12
00:01:04,751 --> 00:01:06,217
Open it.

13
00:01:10,589 --> 00:01:15,309
Dare I say it?
Key to your heart?

14
00:01:15,311 --> 00:01:17,228
Better. It's a key
to my house.

15
00:01:17,230 --> 00:01:21,315
Walden, I can't accept
a key to your house.

16
00:01:21,317 --> 00:01:23,484
It's a bit premature.

17
00:01:23,486 --> 00:01:25,770
Well, if anything in our
relationship's going to be premature,

18
00:01:25,772 --> 00:01:27,655
I prefer it to be
the house key.

19
00:01:27,657 --> 00:01:31,058
It's a very sweet gesture.

20
00:01:33,078 --> 00:01:34,445
Mistletoe.

21
00:01:36,164 --> 00:01:37,448
Oh, my!

22
00:01:37,450 --> 00:01:39,650
I've got to pick up my daughter
from her father's

23
00:01:39,652 --> 00:01:42,503
and I've got to get to the
airport to pick up my parents.

24
00:01:42,505 --> 00:01:44,338
Are you sure I can't
come with you?

25
00:01:44,340 --> 00:01:45,373
Positive.

26
00:01:45,375 --> 00:01:47,425
Why not?
We get along great.

27
00:01:47,427 --> 00:01:49,844
Your parents are in town,
my mom's coming to visit.

28
00:01:49,846 --> 00:01:51,128
It's Christmas.

29
00:01:51,130 --> 00:01:53,597
What better time for everybody
to get to know each other?

30
00:01:53,599 --> 00:01:56,100
Walden, we're still
getting to know each other.

31
00:01:56,102 --> 00:01:58,636
- I know you.
- Really?

32
00:01:58,638 --> 00:02:00,855
What color
are my eyes then?

33
00:02:00,857 --> 00:02:03,391
Brown. the left one's got a
little fleck of green in it.

34
00:02:03,393 --> 00:02:05,476
Damn.

35
00:02:05,478 --> 00:02:09,647
You say you're a size two,
but you're actually a size four.

36
00:02:09,649 --> 00:02:11,265
You run the water
in the bathroom

37
00:02:11,267 --> 00:02:14,785
to cover the sound
of you peeing.

38
00:02:14,787 --> 00:02:17,938
All right fine. Let me put it
another way.

39
00:02:17,940 --> 00:02:19,740
No families this year.

40
00:02:19,742 --> 00:02:22,877
And I am a size two.

41
00:02:23,712 --> 00:02:25,629
Merry Christmas.

42
00:02:26,448 --> 00:02:28,782
She took the key.

43
00:02:31,303 --> 00:02:33,787
Aw!

44
00:02:33,205 --> 00:02:35,890
♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪

45
00:02:35,892 --> 00:02:37,706
♪ Ah. ♪
♪ Men. ♪

46
00:02:43,673 --> 00:02:45,091
♪ Men. ♪

47
00:02:46,084 --> 00:02:47,767
When's your mom
getting in?

48
00:02:47,769 --> 00:02:49,102
Any time now.

49
00:02:49,104 --> 00:02:50,637
She's on her way
up from San Diego.

50
00:02:50,639 --> 00:02:52,639
Oh, hey, is Jake's room ready?

51
00:02:52,641 --> 00:02:53,974
I did what I could.

52
00:02:53,976 --> 00:02:56,359
It still has kind of
a teenage stink to it.

53
00:02:56,361 --> 00:02:59,229
Maybe I should put her
in Alan's room.

54
00:02:59,231 --> 00:03:01,865
Oh, no, that smells
like failure and foot powder.

55
00:03:03,067 --> 00:03:04,985
Is that mistletoe?

56
00:03:04,987 --> 00:03:06,069
Yes.

57
00:03:06,071 --> 00:03:07,787
Well, bring it, Santa.

58
00:03:09,073 --> 00:03:11,908
Oh, merry Christmas to me.

59
00:03:11,910 --> 00:03:15,495
You know they make belt
buckles with mistletoe on 'em?

60
00:03:15,497 --> 00:03:16,997
You're kidding.

61
00:03:16,999 --> 00:03:18,248
Check your stocking.

62
00:03:20,285 --> 00:03:23,620
So, listen, uh, I want to give
you a nice Christmas bonus.

63
00:03:23,622 --> 00:03:25,305
What do you think
would make you happy?

64
00:03:25,307 --> 00:03:28,425
Check your damn stocking
and put on the buckle.

65
00:03:29,927 --> 00:03:32,762
How about three weeks pay and
another kiss on the cheek?

66
00:03:32,764 --> 00:03:34,431
Do I get to pick
the cheek?

67
00:03:35,766 --> 00:03:37,934
Merry Christmas.

68
00:03:38,802 --> 00:03:41,404
Merry Christmas.

69
00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:49,863
Hey, Mom, where are you?

70
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:54,334
Oh, okay,
that's about ten miles away...

71
00:03:54,336 --> 00:03:57,871
and it's rush hour,
so figure... three hours.

72
00:03:58,673 --> 00:04:01,341
Yeah, I can't wait
to see you, too.

73
00:04:01,343 --> 00:04:03,376
So I'm thinking that since

74
00:04:03,378 --> 00:04:05,378
this is our first Christmas
without Charlie,

75
00:04:05,380 --> 00:04:06,829
we should spend it together.

76
00:04:06,831 --> 00:04:11,167
Yes, Mom,
I'd rather get laid, too...

77
00:04:11,169 --> 00:04:13,603
but I think
family is more important.

78
00:04:13,605 --> 00:04:14,854
Hey, Mom.

79
00:04:14,856 --> 00:04:17,440
Yeah, I'm just driving
to Dad's.

80
00:04:17,442 --> 00:04:22,178
In 500 feet,
turn left.

81
00:04:22,180 --> 00:04:25,682
Yes, I'm seeing someone.

82
00:04:25,684 --> 00:04:27,651
No, you can't meet her.

83
00:04:27,653 --> 00:04:30,237
Because it's too soon.

84
00:04:30,239 --> 00:04:31,404
I don't know what it means.

85
00:04:31,406 --> 00:04:33,406
It's just
what she keeps telling me.

86
00:04:33,408 --> 00:04:34,908
Uh, Mom, y-you're breaking up.

87
00:04:34,910 --> 00:04:37,127
I-I'm sorry, what did you say?

88
00:04:37,962 --> 00:04:41,131
Y-Y-You want a tuna sandwich?

89
00:04:41,133 --> 00:04:45,368
Oh, oh, you're
in a two-man sandwich.

90
00:04:45,370 --> 00:04:50,307
Uh, well, I, I hope
they're using condiments.

91
00:04:50,309 --> 00:04:53,476
Uh, well, listen, I-I-I got
to go, I got another call.

92
00:04:53,478 --> 00:04:55,312
Dear Lord.

93
00:04:55,314 --> 00:04:56,680
Hello.

94
00:04:56,682 --> 00:04:58,565
Oh, Jake, merry Christmas.

95
00:04:58,567 --> 00:04:59,849
Hey, Dad,
I just wanted to call

96
00:04:59,851 --> 00:05:02,402
and tell you merry Christmas
and wish you happy holidays.

97
00:05:02,404 --> 00:05:04,387
No, no, Mom and Herb
are out to dinner.

98
00:05:04,389 --> 00:05:07,157
I'm just chilling
at the ski lodge.

99
00:05:07,159 --> 00:05:08,825
Room service.

100
00:05:08,827 --> 00:05:09,943
Oh, hang on.

101
00:05:09,945 --> 00:05:10,994
I ordered
a cheeseburger.

102
00:05:10,996 --> 00:05:12,195
Got to go, Dad.

103
00:05:12,197 --> 00:05:13,997
Yeah, I know
the tip's included.

104
00:05:13,999 --> 00:05:15,782
All right, bye.

105
00:05:15,784 --> 00:05:16,783
All right, now you call your mom

106
00:05:16,785 --> 00:05:18,702
and tell her
you're with your dad.

107
00:05:22,039 --> 00:05:25,908
Hey, Mom, I'm with your dad.

108
00:05:25,910 --> 00:05:27,010
No, no.

109
00:05:28,796 --> 00:05:30,847
♪ Men. ♪

110
00:05:30,849 --> 00:05:32,882
This is gonna be
the best Christmas ever.

111
00:05:32,884 --> 00:05:34,601
Yeah, swell.

112
00:05:34,603 --> 00:05:36,252
I got a great
new girlfriend.

113
00:05:36,254 --> 00:05:39,773
My girlfriend's got a
great new boyfriend.

114
00:05:39,775 --> 00:05:41,708
My mom is coming.

115
00:05:41,710 --> 00:05:44,894
So is mine.

116
00:05:46,747 --> 00:05:49,899
Wherever she is.

117
00:05:49,901 --> 00:05:51,117
Went to the Apple Store

118
00:05:51,119 --> 00:05:53,320
and bought myself
a bunch of cool presents.

119
00:05:53,322 --> 00:05:56,740
I went to the grocery store
and got myself an apple.

120
00:05:58,459 --> 00:06:01,661
Sounds like somebody's got
the holiday blues.

121
00:06:01,663 --> 00:06:02,829
Oh, little bit.

122
00:06:02,831 --> 00:06:04,664
My son's with his
mother and her husband,

123
00:06:04,666 --> 00:06:06,916
and this is my first Christmas
without Charlie.

124
00:06:06,918 --> 00:06:08,585
What would you two
normally do?

125
00:06:08,587 --> 00:06:10,587
Oh, we had kind of
a holiday tradition.

126
00:06:10,589 --> 00:06:13,122
Um, he would drink
a gallon of eggnog

127
00:06:13,124 --> 00:06:15,958
and then try to throw me
out of the house at gunpoint.

128
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:18,144
Good times.

129
00:06:19,246 --> 00:06:21,481
Well, you're not going
to spend this year alone.

130
00:06:21,483 --> 00:06:24,100
You're going to have Christmas
with me and my mom.

131
00:06:24,102 --> 00:06:25,985
Well, thank you,
that's very nice of you.

132
00:06:25,987 --> 00:06:27,604
You want to hear a funny idea?

133
00:06:27,606 --> 00:06:29,272
You and my mom
are about the same age.

134
00:06:29,274 --> 00:06:31,358
If you guys started dating
and got married,

135
00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:33,326
you'd be my new daddy.

136
00:06:33,328 --> 00:06:36,413
Wait, h-hold on,
I-I'm your mom's age?

137
00:06:36,415 --> 00:06:37,997
How old do you think I am?

138
00:06:37,999 --> 00:06:40,450
I don't know, what, like 60?

139
00:06:40,452 --> 00:06:43,036
I'm 44.

140
00:06:43,038 --> 00:06:44,954
Oh, well, you look older.

141
00:06:46,958 --> 00:06:48,908
Oh, there she is.

142
00:06:48,910 --> 00:06:49,926
That's it.

143
00:06:49,928 --> 00:06:52,379
Tomorrow I start moisturizing.

144
00:06:53,431 --> 00:06:55,998
- Mom.
- Baby.

145
00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,601
Eyeball, eyeball.

146
00:06:58,603 --> 00:07:00,220
Nose and mouth.

147
00:07:00,222 --> 00:07:01,271
I love you north.

148
00:07:01,273 --> 00:07:02,222
I love you south.

149
00:07:04,509 --> 00:07:06,509
Hey, Alan, meet
my mother Robin.

150
00:07:06,511 --> 00:07:07,811
Nice to meet you, Alan.

151
00:07:07,813 --> 00:07:08,945
Likewise.

152
00:07:08,947 --> 00:07:10,613
Mom, let me show
you my place.

153
00:07:10,615 --> 00:07:13,366
Check it out, I
got my own ocean.

154
00:07:13,368 --> 00:07:14,951
Well, it's not
completely mine.

155
00:07:14,953 --> 00:07:16,986
I have to share the
other side with Japan.

156
00:07:16,988 --> 00:07:18,571
It's very nice, dear.

157
00:07:18,573 --> 00:07:20,907
Yeah, I'm rich.

158
00:07:20,909 --> 00:07:25,194
Well... I know
what I want for Christmas.

159
00:07:25,996 --> 00:07:28,631
♪ Men. ♪

160
00:07:28,633 --> 00:07:31,334
So how long have you two
been living together?

161
00:07:31,336 --> 00:07:33,553
A couple
of months.

162
00:07:33,555 --> 00:07:36,172
I see.

163
00:07:36,174 --> 00:07:38,091
I'm sorry, I-I have to ask.

164
00:07:38,093 --> 00:07:40,460
Is this the woman
you don't want me to meet?

165
00:07:42,163 --> 00:07:44,013
What?

166
00:07:44,015 --> 00:07:45,047
No.

167
00:07:45,049 --> 00:07:46,433
No, Alan is just a friend.

168
00:07:46,435 --> 00:07:47,650
Tell her.

169
00:07:47,652 --> 00:07:50,720
<i>Butch and Sundance,
not Brokeback Mountain.</i>

170
00:07:50,722 --> 00:07:52,388
Okay, sorry.

171
00:07:52,390 --> 00:07:54,691
I-I mean, you have to admit,
it's a rather strange set-up--

172
00:07:54,693 --> 00:07:58,194
a 33-year-old man living
with a 60-year-old.

173
00:07:59,563 --> 00:08:01,564
I'm 44.

174
00:08:01,566 --> 00:08:03,566
Right, me, too.

175
00:08:05,169 --> 00:08:06,836
Alan helped me through
my break-up with Bridget,

176
00:08:06,838 --> 00:08:08,171
and then he needed
a place to stay,

177
00:08:08,173 --> 00:08:10,239
so I asked him
to stick around.

178
00:08:10,241 --> 00:08:12,241
Oh, that is so like you.

179
00:08:13,261 --> 00:08:15,044
When Walden was
a little boy,

180
00:08:15,046 --> 00:08:18,715
he used to bring home sick,
helpless animals all the time.

181
00:08:20,518 --> 00:08:24,020
God help me,
I can't take that as an insult.

182
00:08:24,022 --> 00:08:26,088
So, uh, what do you do, Robin?

183
00:08:26,090 --> 00:08:27,023
I'm a primatologist.

184
00:08:27,025 --> 00:08:28,925
I, I work mainly
with gorillas.

185
00:08:28,927 --> 00:08:32,729
Oh, oh, so I guess that makes
you the gorilla my dreams.

186
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:38,568
It was hysterical
when Bugs Bunny did it.

187
00:08:39,370 --> 00:08:41,488
And thanks
to the financial support

188
00:08:41,490 --> 00:08:42,872
of my brilliant son,
I have a private

189
00:08:42,874 --> 00:08:44,574
gorilla sanctuary in Temecula.

190
00:08:44,576 --> 00:08:45,325
Oh, no kidding?

191
00:08:45,327 --> 00:08:46,459
Yeah, we take
gorillas

192
00:08:46,461 --> 00:08:47,627
who were born
in captivity

193
00:08:47,629 --> 00:08:49,379
and those who have lost
their wild habitats

194
00:08:49,381 --> 00:08:51,280
and provide them
with a safe, stable,

195
00:08:51,282 --> 00:08:52,949
loving family
environment.

196
00:08:52,951 --> 00:08:54,951
Oh, that sounds wonderful.

197
00:08:54,953 --> 00:08:58,221
Does one have to be a gorilla
to apply for admittance?

198
00:08:58,223 --> 00:08:59,506
I'm afraid so.

199
00:08:59,508 --> 00:09:01,474
Story of my life.

200
00:09:01,476 --> 00:09:02,642
When I was little,
I always wanted

201
00:09:02,644 --> 00:09:03,843
to play with the gorillas.

202
00:09:03,845 --> 00:09:06,729
I even made up my own
imaginary gorilla friend.

203
00:09:06,731 --> 00:09:08,097
Remember Magilla, Mom?

204
00:09:08,099 --> 00:09:10,800
Hmm, yeah,
but he wasn't imaginary.

205
00:09:10,802 --> 00:09:12,769
What?

206
00:09:12,771 --> 00:09:14,470
Walden, Magilla lived
with us

207
00:09:14,472 --> 00:09:16,689
for the first four years
of your life.

208
00:09:17,525 --> 00:09:19,108
He was real?

209
00:09:20,444 --> 00:09:21,528
Yeah.

210
00:09:21,530 --> 00:09:22,979
Do you want
to see some pictures?

211
00:09:22,981 --> 00:09:27,149
Wait, w-w-wait,
Magilla was real?

212
00:09:27,151 --> 00:09:28,585
Very much so.

213
00:09:28,587 --> 00:09:30,703
Wait, you actually had
a gorilla living with you?

214
00:09:30,705 --> 00:09:33,840
Yep, I was doing experiments
to see if gorillas could learn

215
00:09:33,842 --> 00:09:35,375
as fast as human children, so

216
00:09:35,377 --> 00:09:37,927
I raised Magilla and Walden
together from birth.

217
00:09:37,929 --> 00:09:39,963
Wow.

218
00:09:39,965 --> 00:09:43,383
All we had was a schnauzer
and an Argentinean tennis pro.

219
00:09:45,236 --> 00:09:48,388
Uncle Javier.

220
00:09:49,306 --> 00:09:51,774
The tennis pro,
not the schnauzer.

221
00:09:51,776 --> 00:09:56,178
Hold on a second,
I was raised with a gorilla?

222
00:09:56,180 --> 00:09:58,815
Oh, well, just until
you started preschool.

223
00:09:58,817 --> 00:10:02,318
Now, look, here's you and
Magilla together in your crib.

224
00:10:06,423 --> 00:10:07,657
And here's

225
00:10:07,659 --> 00:10:10,109
the two of you
at your first birthday.

226
00:10:11,161 --> 00:10:13,062
Wait a minute,

227
00:10:13,064 --> 00:10:15,865
is that how I learned
sign language?

228
00:10:15,867 --> 00:10:18,167
I'm sorry, I don't have
any bananas.

229
00:10:18,169 --> 00:10:20,036
Look, there's
the two of you

230
00:10:20,038 --> 00:10:22,522
on the playground.

231
00:10:22,524 --> 00:10:23,806
Oh, your first
Halloween.

232
00:10:24,642 --> 00:10:26,659
You went as a gorilla,

233
00:10:26,661 --> 00:10:28,094
and Magilla went as a ghost.

234
00:10:31,115 --> 00:10:33,082
Whoa, whoa.

235
00:10:33,084 --> 00:10:35,735
Yeah, okay. Yeah, it's
starting to come back to me.

236
00:10:35,737 --> 00:10:36,986
Like, riding
tricycles together,

237
00:10:36,988 --> 00:10:39,221
and running...
running around the house.

238
00:10:39,223 --> 00:10:41,774
Or playing hide in the closet.

239
00:10:41,776 --> 00:10:44,661
Wait. Why were we always
hiding in the closet?

240
00:10:44,663 --> 00:10:47,530
Well, the Homeowners Association
didn't allow cats or dogs.

241
00:10:47,532 --> 00:10:49,782
What would they have said
about a gorilla?

242
00:10:49,784 --> 00:10:51,784
Yeah. I remember.

243
00:10:51,786 --> 00:10:53,703
You told me he was my brother.

244
00:10:53,705 --> 00:10:56,039
Well, in a sense, he was.

245
00:10:56,041 --> 00:10:58,207
And then one day, he was gone.

246
00:10:58,209 --> 00:11:00,242
Yeah.

247
00:11:00,244 --> 00:11:02,345
You said
he got sent back to the jungle.

248
00:11:02,347 --> 00:11:04,080
Well, sweetheart,
we didn't have any choice.

249
00:11:04,082 --> 00:11:05,798
He was getting too big.
He, uh...

250
00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:08,084
He tried
to kill a Jehovah's Witness.

251
00:11:09,987 --> 00:11:12,421
Now, Now, to be fair,
who among us hasn't...

252
00:11:12,423 --> 00:11:13,690
Not now, Alan.

253
00:11:15,425 --> 00:11:17,360
This is really starting
to freak me out.

254
00:11:17,362 --> 00:11:18,528
Well, sweetie,
I-I don't understand

255
00:11:18,530 --> 00:11:20,863
why you're making such
a big deal out of this.

256
00:11:20,865 --> 00:11:22,782
You're kidding, right?

257
00:11:22,784 --> 00:11:26,119
I-I just discovered
that my brother is a gorilla!

258
00:11:26,121 --> 00:11:28,488
That's-That's
kind of a big deal!

259
00:11:28,490 --> 00:11:30,206
Hey, my brother was a pig,
so, I mean...

260
00:11:30,208 --> 00:11:32,441
I said, not now, Alan!

261
00:11:33,494 --> 00:11:35,411
Walden, calm down.

262
00:11:35,413 --> 00:11:38,614
You do realize
that I spent my entire childhood

263
00:11:38,616 --> 00:11:39,966
worrying that if I misbehaved,

264
00:11:39,968 --> 00:11:42,669
I would get sent away
to the jungle like Magilla!

265
00:11:42,671 --> 00:11:45,271
One false move, Zimbabwe!

266
00:11:45,273 --> 00:11:47,289
Well, sweetheart, I...

267
00:11:47,291 --> 00:11:49,475
I never knew
that you felt like that.

268
00:11:49,477 --> 00:11:50,793
Of course you didn't.

269
00:11:50,795 --> 00:11:53,179
You were so busy
doing your experiment!

270
00:11:54,048 --> 00:11:56,149
Walden!

271
00:11:58,036 --> 00:12:00,186
Kids, huh?

272
00:12:00,188 --> 00:12:01,604
So, you seeing anybody?

273
00:12:01,606 --> 00:12:03,823
♪ Men. ♪

274
00:12:07,208 --> 00:12:08,958
♪ Men. ♪

275
00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:11,127
Walden, it's Mom.
Where are you?

276
00:12:11,129 --> 00:12:13,713
Please call me back
so we can talk about this.

277
00:12:13,715 --> 00:12:18,084
I had no idea he'd repressed
all those childhood memories.

278
00:12:18,086 --> 00:12:19,469
Well, apparently,

279
00:12:19,471 --> 00:12:21,871
losing what he thought was
his sibling was very traumatic.

280
00:12:21,873 --> 00:12:25,308
I'm wondering if maybe I have
to rethink his Christmas gift.

281
00:12:25,310 --> 00:12:27,043
Why? What did you get him?

282
00:12:27,045 --> 00:12:29,545
A bathrobe.

283
00:12:29,547 --> 00:12:31,314
Yeah, not a good idea.

284
00:12:31,316 --> 00:12:33,049
And I can't even return it.

285
00:12:33,051 --> 00:12:35,718
It's slightly irregular.

286
00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:38,221
You must think
I'm a terrible mother.

287
00:12:38,223 --> 00:12:41,891
Well, let's compare
mothering techniques.

288
00:12:41,893 --> 00:12:43,943
Um, did you tell him
that Disneyland burned down

289
00:12:43,945 --> 00:12:45,528
to avoid having
to take him there

290
00:12:45,530 --> 00:12:47,163
for his sixth, seventh
and eighth birthdays?

291
00:12:47,165 --> 00:12:48,364
No.

292
00:12:48,366 --> 00:12:50,066
Did you tell him
to walk it off

293
00:12:50,068 --> 00:12:51,234
after his appendix burst?

294
00:12:51,236 --> 00:12:52,902
No.

295
00:12:52,904 --> 00:12:54,921
Did you tell me
the only reason you got pregnant

296
00:12:54,923 --> 00:12:56,789
was because you didn't want
to smear your lipstick?

297
00:12:56,791 --> 00:13:00,093
Of course not!

298
00:13:00,095 --> 00:13:01,678
Then, far as I'm concerned,

299
00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:04,247
you're Mother
of the Freakin' Year. Hmm.

300
00:13:04,249 --> 00:13:06,216
Mm. Although I did store
Walden's embryo

301
00:13:06,218 --> 00:13:08,635
in a cryogenic chamber until
Magilla's mother got pregnant

302
00:13:08,637 --> 00:13:11,087
so they could be born
at the same time.

303
00:13:11,089 --> 00:13:13,857
Okay, flag on the play.

304
00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:15,391
You did what?

305
00:13:15,393 --> 00:13:17,443
I needed my child
and the gorilla

306
00:13:17,445 --> 00:13:20,146
to be born at the same time
for the experiment to be valid.

307
00:13:20,148 --> 00:13:21,948
And your husband
was okay with this?

308
00:13:21,950 --> 00:13:24,067
It was for science.

309
00:13:24,069 --> 00:13:26,269
And I may not have told him.

310
00:13:26,271 --> 00:13:29,405
Okay, well, well, after all
that time and energy,

311
00:13:29,407 --> 00:13:30,823
what did you learn?

312
00:13:30,825 --> 00:13:33,793
My son is smarter
than a gorilla.

313
00:13:33,795 --> 00:13:36,779
Mine's not.

314
00:13:36,781 --> 00:13:40,300
♪ Men. ♪

315
00:13:46,924 --> 00:13:48,975
Oh, Walden,
what are you doing here?

316
00:13:48,977 --> 00:13:51,794
My brother is a gorilla,
and she sent him away.

317
00:13:51,796 --> 00:13:55,765
<i>I'm sorry. Is that some sort
of American Christmas Carol?</i>

318
00:13:55,767 --> 00:13:57,934
No. It's a succinct summation

319
00:13:57,936 --> 00:14:01,354
of my seminal years
with a simian sibling.

320
00:14:01,356 --> 00:14:03,540
Are you drunk?

321
00:14:03,542 --> 00:14:06,159
I ought to be.
I've taken the necessary steps.

322
00:14:07,278 --> 00:14:09,412
Sweetie, this isn't
a very good time.

323
00:14:09,414 --> 00:14:10,780
You're telling me.

324
00:14:10,782 --> 00:14:12,365
My mother is a mad scientist,

325
00:14:12,367 --> 00:14:14,918
and I spent the first four years
of my life

326
00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:18,121
flinging poop with my brother...
the gorilla.

327
00:14:18,123 --> 00:14:20,256
Hello!

328
00:14:20,258 --> 00:14:22,125
Mummy and Daddy,

329
00:14:22,127 --> 00:14:24,510
this is the fellow
I was telling you about.

330
00:14:24,512 --> 00:14:25,795
How do you do?

331
00:14:25,797 --> 00:14:28,998
Wing Commander Edward
Hyde-Tottingham, R.A.F. retired.

332
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:30,633
This is my wife Sharon.

333
00:14:30,635 --> 00:14:31,884
Hello.

334
00:14:31,886 --> 00:14:33,269
Nice to meet you.

335
00:14:33,271 --> 00:14:34,804
Let me ask you something, Shary.

336
00:14:36,223 --> 00:14:37,857
Would you have raised
your daughter

337
00:14:37,859 --> 00:14:39,675
with a jungle beast
in an effort

338
00:14:39,677 --> 00:14:42,195
to satisfy
your scientific curiosity?

339
00:14:42,197 --> 00:14:46,399
Well... I really couldn't say.

340
00:14:46,401 --> 00:14:49,902
I have cross-bred orchids.

341
00:14:49,904 --> 00:14:50,954
Yes. They're lovely.

342
00:14:52,374 --> 00:14:54,190
As are you, my darling.

343
00:14:54,192 --> 00:14:56,042
Walden, I don't understand.

344
00:14:56,044 --> 00:14:57,877
Did something happen
with your mother?

345
00:14:57,879 --> 00:14:59,412
Oh, yeah, something happened.

346
00:14:59,414 --> 00:15:01,714
My entire life is a lie.

347
00:15:01,716 --> 00:15:05,301
You know why I try so hard
to please you sexually?

348
00:15:05,303 --> 00:15:06,869
Because

349
00:15:06,871 --> 00:15:09,372
I'm afraid if I don't
give you multiple orgasms,

350
00:15:09,374 --> 00:15:14,560
that you'll banish
me to Central Africa.

351
00:15:14,562 --> 00:15:16,763
What?!

352
00:15:16,765 --> 00:15:21,550
The Commander and I have often
traveled to Africa on safari.

353
00:15:21,552 --> 00:15:22,935
Is that so?

354
00:15:22,937 --> 00:15:24,437
Oh, yes.

355
00:15:24,439 --> 00:15:27,991
Though I can't say
I've ever had multiple orgasms.

356
00:15:29,410 --> 00:15:31,577
Lucky if I get the one.

357
00:15:35,699 --> 00:15:38,668
♪ Men. ♪

358
00:15:38,670 --> 00:15:40,720
Come on, Walden,
call me back.

359
00:15:40,722 --> 00:15:42,889
I'm worried sick.

360
00:15:42,891 --> 00:15:45,958
He always disappears
like this when he's upset.

361
00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:48,428
As a child, he'd climb
into a tree to sulk,

362
00:15:48,430 --> 00:15:50,246
and when I'd try
to get him down,

363
00:15:50,248 --> 00:15:52,215
he'd beat his chest
and bellow at me.

364
00:15:52,217 --> 00:15:54,133
Remind you of anybody?

365
00:15:54,135 --> 00:15:57,086
Yeah. His father.

366
00:15:59,474 --> 00:16:01,474
Hello?

367
00:16:01,476 --> 00:16:02,758
Oh, uh, hi, Zoey.

368
00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:05,561
Walden's not here.

369
00:16:05,563 --> 00:16:06,779
Really?

370
00:16:06,781 --> 00:16:09,482
Okay, well, well, thanks
for letting me know.

371
00:16:09,484 --> 00:16:10,733
What's going on?

372
00:16:10,735 --> 00:16:12,719
Apparently, your son got drunk

373
00:16:12,721 --> 00:16:14,570
and climbed up
onto his girlfriend's roof.

374
00:16:14,572 --> 00:16:15,604
He, what?

375
00:16:15,606 --> 00:16:17,240
Still early. We could
catch a movie.

376
00:16:17,242 --> 00:16:19,625
Are you out of your mind?
We have to go get him.

377
00:16:19,627 --> 00:16:22,328
Oh, oh, absolutely, sure. I was
just about to suggest that.

378
00:16:22,330 --> 00:16:23,830
Are you on Facebook?

379
00:16:23,832 --> 00:16:26,049
Maybe I could give
you a poke sometime.

380
00:16:26,051 --> 00:16:29,552
♪ Men. ♪

381
00:16:39,731 --> 00:16:42,432
Uh... Walden?

382
00:16:42,434 --> 00:16:43,816
What are you doing here?

383
00:16:45,854 --> 00:16:48,688
Well... to be perfectly honest,

384
00:16:48,690 --> 00:16:51,941
I'm trying
to impress your mother.

385
00:16:51,943 --> 00:16:54,610
Why? She used me
as a guinea pig.

386
00:16:54,612 --> 00:16:56,446
Yeah, well,
my mother once left me

387
00:16:56,448 --> 00:16:58,164
at summer camp
till Thanksgiving.

388
00:16:58,166 --> 00:16:59,999
So?

389
00:17:00,001 --> 00:17:02,452
So, we can't keep
blaming our parents

390
00:17:02,454 --> 00:17:04,153
for how our lives turned out.

391
00:17:04,155 --> 00:17:06,322
Oh! Oh!

392
00:17:09,611 --> 00:17:11,394
Be careful.
If you fall, you'll die.

393
00:17:11,396 --> 00:17:14,514
Thank you.

394
00:17:14,516 --> 00:17:16,182
Did you forgive your mother?

395
00:17:16,184 --> 00:17:18,518
No, never,

396
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:20,836
but I'm a small, petty man.

397
00:17:20,838 --> 00:17:23,523
You, however,
have accomplished great things

398
00:17:23,525 --> 00:17:26,976
and have the capacity
to accomplish even more.

399
00:17:26,978 --> 00:17:28,978
What about Magilla?

400
00:17:28,980 --> 00:17:32,031
I loved him,
and she just sent him away.

401
00:17:32,033 --> 00:17:34,901
Yeah. That's rough.

402
00:17:34,903 --> 00:17:38,037
But I know what it's like
to lose a brother.

403
00:17:39,356 --> 00:17:42,742
Who, by the way, also tried
to kill a Jehovah's Witness.

404
00:17:43,911 --> 00:17:45,194
He was hung over,

405
00:17:45,196 --> 00:17:47,363
and they just kept ringing
that damn doorbell.

406
00:17:49,367 --> 00:17:51,501
This is the LAPD.

407
00:17:51,503 --> 00:17:53,719
Please get off of the roof!

408
00:17:55,222 --> 00:17:56,756
Go away! Leave me alone!

409
00:17:56,758 --> 00:17:59,041
Don't wave your arms
at the aircraft.

410
00:17:59,043 --> 00:18:01,310
That never ends well.

411
00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:05,097
Get out of here!

412
00:18:05,099 --> 00:18:06,432
It's all right!

413
00:18:06,434 --> 00:18:09,602
It's just a mother issue!

414
00:18:09,604 --> 00:18:13,573
Walden, you come down
from there right now!

415
00:18:13,575 --> 00:18:15,274
Oh, excuse me?

416
00:18:15,276 --> 00:18:16,943
Are you Walden's mum?

417
00:18:16,945 --> 00:18:18,995
Yes. Are-Are you Zoey?

418
00:18:18,997 --> 00:18:21,397
- I am.
- It's so nice to meet you.

419
00:18:21,399 --> 00:18:23,032
Likewise. These
are my parents.

420
00:18:23,034 --> 00:18:25,501
Wing Commander
Edward Hyde-Tottingham.

421
00:18:25,503 --> 00:18:26,752
This is my
wife Sharon.

422
00:18:26,754 --> 00:18:28,120
Lovely to meet you.

423
00:18:30,074 --> 00:18:32,008
Your son's a charming
young man.

424
00:18:32,010 --> 00:18:34,343
Yes, charming.

425
00:18:34,345 --> 00:18:35,595
Thank you.

426
00:18:35,597 --> 00:18:38,548
Thinks he's the brother
of a monkey.

427
00:18:38,550 --> 00:18:40,516
What's all that about?

428
00:18:50,394 --> 00:18:52,761
I think
that's my dad up there.

429
00:18:52,763 --> 00:18:55,264
I think you're right.

430
00:18:55,266 --> 00:18:57,116
Want to get some
frozen yogurt?

431
00:18:57,118 --> 00:18:58,784
Totally.

432
00:18:58,786 --> 00:19:01,037
♪ Men. ♪

433
00:19:05,452 --> 00:19:06,819
♪ Men. ♪

434
00:19:06,821 --> 00:19:08,688
Walden, I hope
you understand, honey,

435
00:19:08,690 --> 00:19:10,823
I never meant to hurt you.

436
00:19:10,825 --> 00:19:12,909
I know.

437
00:19:12,911 --> 00:19:15,028
This is the best
Christmas gift ever.

438
00:19:15,030 --> 00:19:16,829
Oh, I'm so glad.

439
00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:24,337
See you in a few.

440
00:19:29,993 --> 00:19:32,095
You really are
a terrific mom.

441
00:19:32,097 --> 00:19:33,930
Oh, thanks.

442
00:19:33,932 --> 00:19:35,598
And woman.

443
00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:37,850
Give it a rest, Alan.

444
00:19:47,811 --> 00:19:49,112
Magilla?

445
00:20:30,187 --> 00:20:32,989
That's the most beautiful
thing I've ever seen.

446
00:20:32,991 --> 00:20:35,108
Yeah.

447
00:20:35,110 --> 00:20:37,360
What's the Taser for?

448
00:20:37,362 --> 00:20:40,363
That's a 400-pound gorilla.

449
00:20:40,365 --> 00:20:44,033
This really could have
gone either way.

