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Previously on
Two and a Half Men...
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Excuse me, do you know
the difference
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between "organic beef"
and "grass-fed beef"?
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She was totally hitting on you.
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You should ask her out.
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Hey, Zoey, you want
to on a date with me?!
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Sure!
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When I was in high school,
I met this girl named Bridget.
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You're still in love
with her, aren't you?
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See, look. No wedding ring.
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Hmm, I noticed
the bright white tan line.
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No worries. I gave it to Alan.
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Oh... very valuable.
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You seem like
a really sweet guy,
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but I think you're still kind
of married to your Bridget.
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Face it, you're not ready
to be dating yet.
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You want your ring back?
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Yeah.
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I don't need this anymore.
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You sure?
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I'm positive.
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My precious! My precious!
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My precious! My precious!
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My precious!
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Mind if I take this?
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Oh, uh, no--
somebody's sitting there.
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Well, where are they?
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They're not here yet.
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Well, I'm here
and I need a chair.
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No, uh...
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honestly, I have a girl coming.
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Well, when she gets here,
I'll give it back to her.
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See, I don't believe that.
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You calling me a liar?
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No, but I've been burnt before.
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I'm taking this chair.
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No, you're not.
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Yes, I am. Let go!
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You let go
of the chair.
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I had the chair before
you even came into the place.
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- It's mine now!
- It's my chair now!
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Walden, is everything all right?
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Ha! She's here.
Now back off!
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What was that all about?
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It was an attempt
at a chairjacking.
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Here, I get you a tea.
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Thank you.
I'm sorry I'm late.
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I'm trying to get my daughter
into Bellwood Academy.
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It's a nightmare.
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She tests well, but she did
not give a good interview.
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How old is
your daughter again?
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Five.
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And Bellwood Academy is a...?
Kindergarten.
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Wow, when I was five,
I got kicked out of preschool
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for biting my teacher.
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Why did you bite her?
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She tried to steal my chair.
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Yeah, you heard me! I bit her!
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She had to get a shot!
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Take it easy, okay?
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So I was rather surprised
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to hear from you.
What's up?
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I was thinking a lot about what
you said about not wanting
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to date me while I was
still, you know,
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emotionally attached
to my ex-wife.
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I said you were still
hopelessly in love with her.
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Potato, Po-tah-to.
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The point is you were right.
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I wasn't ready to start
dating, but I am now.
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A whole week later.
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I understand your skepticism.
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Which is why I want you to
witness what I'm about to do.
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These...
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are my final divorce papers.
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And once I sign them, my
marriage will be over forever.
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I was hoping that you
and I could start fresh.
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Nothing like starting off
a new relationship
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on the ashes of the old one.
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That's what I was thinking.
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Oh, uh, you got a pen?
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Uh, I don't think I do.
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Okay.
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Uh, does anybody got a pen
I can borrow?
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Anyone? Nobody?
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Excuse me.
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Do you got a pen?
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Sorry.
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It's unbelievable.
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Oh, man.
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Can I please borrow your pen?
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I'm sorry, someone's using it.
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Who?
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They're not here yet.
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I will give you a hundred
dollars to borrow that pen.
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♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪
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♪ Men, men, manly men, men, men ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
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♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
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♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ohh, ooh-ooh... ♪
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♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men ♪
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♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪
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♪ Ah. ♪
♪ Men. ♪
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Jolly good sunset, eh, what?
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Excuse me?
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I like the way you talk,
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so I thought
I'd give it a go.
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Well, no one says "jolly good"
unless they're appearing in
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a revival of Oliver.
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Right, right, right, right,
right, right.
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Please, sir,
may I have a kiss?
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Stop it!
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No, seriously, I want a kiss.
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All right.
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- Mm. So...
- Hmm?
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would you like to stay
for dinner tonight?
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Oh, I'd love to, but I have
to pick up my daughter.
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- Yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
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- How about dinner this weekend?
- Sure.
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Great.
You like Mexican food?
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I do.
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Ooh, terrific.
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So we'll go to Guadalajara.
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Oh, that a new
restaurant?
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No, it's an old city in Mexico.
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You want to go to
Mexico for dinner?
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Yep. We'll take my plane.
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I'll have you back
by midnight.
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So, hang on--
you-you don't own a pen,
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but you own a plane?
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Yeah, you can
always borrow a pen.
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Try to borrow a plane.
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- So...
- Mm?
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what do you say?
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Hmm... Let me see if
I can get a sitter.
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Oh!
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Yay!
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- Mm-hmm.
- You know, I think we should
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start making plans
for Christmas.
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We can go surfing in Fiji,
skiing in the Alps,
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making out in Malibu.
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Yes, now, Walden,
let's be very clear:
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You are a sweet and
wonderful guy,
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but you've just come out
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of a very long-term relationship,
- Sweet and wonderful.
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so you're clearly on
the rebound.
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Uh-huh. So?
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Yes. So I don't know
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if we should be making
Christmas plans just yet.
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- Okay.
- Hmm?
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Fine.
We'll slow things down.
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Good.
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Forget Christmas.
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Thank you.
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You'll be my Valentine,
though, right?
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Oh, my God.
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You're like no man
I've ever met.
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Mmm! A bit of an
odd bloke, eh, what?
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Oh, God, stop it.
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Nudge, nudge, wink, wink,
say no more.
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This is nice.
Like old times.
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How so?
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You and me, sitting
here, watching TV
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while the good-looking
owner of the house is
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out on the deck swapping
spit with a hot chick.
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Yeah, there is
a bit of deja vu.
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Not only that.
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It feels like it's
happened before.
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Yes, it does.
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Man, I've seen so much
crazy stuff in this house,
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I could write a book.
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That's a good idea.
Got a title?
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00:07:06,455 --> 00:07:08,104
Hmm...
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Maybe I can't
write a book.
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All right then, cheerio!
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00:07:13,195 --> 00:07:14,411
Cheerio?
175
00:07:14,413 --> 00:07:16,029
Means "good-bye"
in England.
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00:07:16,031 --> 00:07:17,163
Oh.
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00:07:17,165 --> 00:07:18,698
What do they have for
breakfast over there,
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a bowl of good-byes?
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00:07:21,852 --> 00:07:23,536
- 'Ello, lads.
- Well, hey.
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So, Zoey seems very nice.
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Yeah, the bird really tickles
my fancy.
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Help me out here.
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Is "fancy" the English
word for "nutsack"?
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00:07:36,550 --> 00:07:38,718
No, it means that I like her.
185
00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:40,470
I think this could get serious.
186
00:07:40,472 --> 00:07:42,522
Wow, you're moving pretty quick,
aren't you?
187
00:07:42,524 --> 00:07:44,357
That's what she said.
188
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What are you laughing at?
189
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He did a "That's what
she said" joke.
190
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Because that's what she said.
191
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Oh. That's not funny.
192
00:07:54,736 --> 00:07:57,070
She thinks I'm on the rebound.
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00:07:57,072 --> 00:07:58,438
Well, aren't you?
194
00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:00,156
You were with Bridget
for 15 years.
195
00:08:00,158 --> 00:08:02,575
That's over.
I signed the divorce papers.
196
00:08:02,577 --> 00:08:05,545
I'm ready to fall in love again.
197
00:08:05,547 --> 00:08:08,548
Please tell me you didn't
actually say that to her.
198
00:08:08,550 --> 00:08:09,632
Why?
199
00:08:09,634 --> 00:08:12,919
Dude, even I know that's wrong.
200
00:08:14,972 --> 00:08:17,257
Walden, you're young,
you're rich, you're handsome.
201
00:08:17,259 --> 00:08:19,059
If I was even one
of those things
202
00:08:19,061 --> 00:08:21,728
I would have screwed myself
to death years ago.
203
00:08:21,730 --> 00:08:23,796
Well, I want to be in
a relationship...
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00:08:23,798 --> 00:08:27,734
with romance and intimacy
and commitment.
205
00:08:27,736 --> 00:08:30,303
Oh, I get it. You're a chick.
206
00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:34,807
Jake, we're living in
his house.
207
00:08:34,809 --> 00:08:37,827
A very nice chick.
208
00:08:45,669 --> 00:08:49,038
This is absolutely
ridiculous.
209
00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:51,374
You don't have to wear the hat
if you don't want to.
210
00:08:51,376 --> 00:08:54,677
It's not the hat.
Well, it's not totally the hat.
211
00:08:54,679 --> 00:08:58,465
It's the incredible
extravagance.
212
00:08:58,467 --> 00:09:01,434
You do realize I'm still not
ready to sleep with you, yes?
213
00:09:01,436 --> 00:09:03,002
Oh, I'm not trying
to have sex with you.
214
00:09:03,004 --> 00:09:05,271
Why not?
What's wrong with me?
215
00:09:05,273 --> 00:09:07,974
Nothing. Why? Do you want
to have sex with me?
216
00:09:07,976 --> 00:09:11,361
Yeah! No! No, it's too soon.
It's too soon.
217
00:09:11,363 --> 00:09:14,481
Well, is it too soon...
218
00:09:14,483 --> 00:09:16,232
for this?
219
00:09:16,234 --> 00:09:19,319
Oh, God, Walden,
what have you done?
220
00:09:25,376 --> 00:09:26,493
What do you think?
221
00:09:26,495 --> 00:09:29,045
I think you're out
of your bloody mind.
222
00:09:29,047 --> 00:09:30,380
I can't accept this.
223
00:09:30,382 --> 00:09:31,364
Why not?
224
00:09:31,366 --> 00:09:33,550
Because it's too much.
225
00:09:33,552 --> 00:09:35,218
It's crazy!
226
00:09:35,220 --> 00:09:37,470
What about getting a diamond
necklace for a girl
227
00:09:37,472 --> 00:09:38,588
you've haven't slept with yet
228
00:09:38,590 --> 00:09:40,056
while flying to Mexico
for dinner
229
00:09:40,058 --> 00:09:41,975
on your private jet is crazy?
230
00:09:43,010 --> 00:09:44,761
Okay, when I say it out loud
231
00:09:44,763 --> 00:09:46,179
it does sound a little crazy.
232
00:09:46,181 --> 00:09:48,731
Good thing I didn't get you
the matching tiara.
233
00:09:49,883 --> 00:09:52,685
Okay, uh, there might be
one other thing.
234
00:09:52,687 --> 00:09:55,155
Oh, God, you didn't buy me
a pony, did you?
235
00:09:55,157 --> 00:09:56,556
No. Why, do you want one?
236
00:09:56,558 --> 00:09:57,557
No, I don't.
237
00:09:57,559 --> 00:10:00,393
The thing is, I know some people
238
00:10:00,395 --> 00:10:02,162
on the board
of the private school
239
00:10:02,164 --> 00:10:04,364
you're trying to get
your daughter in,
240
00:10:04,366 --> 00:10:06,032
so I pulled some strings
and got her enrolled.
241
00:10:06,034 --> 00:10:09,702
Wait-- you got Ava
into Bellwood?
242
00:10:09,704 --> 00:10:12,705
But don't worry, one phone call
and she's out on her ass.
243
00:10:12,707 --> 00:10:14,574
No, don't do that!
244
00:10:14,576 --> 00:10:15,908
Walden, this is wonderful!
245
00:10:15,910 --> 00:10:17,910
You're not upset?
246
00:10:17,912 --> 00:10:20,547
No! No, no, no.
247
00:10:20,549 --> 00:10:22,549
What you did is brilliant.
248
00:10:22,551 --> 00:10:25,051
Mm!
Utterly brilliant.
249
00:10:25,053 --> 00:10:27,854
Mr. Schmidt, we'll be descending
250
00:10:27,856 --> 00:10:31,274
into Guadalajara in
a few minutes.
251
00:10:31,276 --> 00:10:33,726
Circle, circle!
252
00:10:33,728 --> 00:10:35,945
Excuse me?
253
00:10:35,947 --> 00:10:40,099
He's about to descend
into London.
254
00:10:42,987 --> 00:10:45,705
Hello, Heathrow!
255
00:10:45,707 --> 00:10:47,540
Oh, God, that is
not funny.
256
00:10:47,542 --> 00:10:51,327
What a lovely
landing strip.
257
00:10:51,329 --> 00:10:54,163
♪ Men. ♪
258
00:10:54,632 --> 00:10:56,583
- Morning.
- Morning.
259
00:10:58,636 --> 00:11:01,504
Want to explain
the hat?
260
00:11:01,506 --> 00:11:03,306
It's not a hat, it's a sombrero.
261
00:11:03,308 --> 00:11:05,958
"Sombrero" is Spanish for "hat""
262
00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:07,727
Really?
Seems awfully complicated.
263
00:11:07,729 --> 00:11:09,629
Why don't they
just call it a hat?
264
00:11:12,466 --> 00:11:14,467
No, not worth it.
265
00:11:14,469 --> 00:11:16,402
- Morning.
- Morning.
266
00:11:16,404 --> 00:11:17,803
Cameron Diaz, señor.
267
00:11:20,190 --> 00:11:21,991
- Cameron Diaz?
- Choose your battles.
268
00:11:21,993 --> 00:11:23,943
Right.
269
00:11:23,945 --> 00:11:25,778
So, how'd it go last night?
270
00:11:25,780 --> 00:11:27,196
It was great.
271
00:11:27,198 --> 00:11:28,364
I think I'm falling in love.
272
00:11:28,366 --> 00:11:31,817
Oh, Walden, that's
muy grande chiquita.
273
00:11:32,953 --> 00:11:35,288
Hey, man...
274
00:11:35,290 --> 00:11:37,323
I really don't appreciate
you making fun of me.
275
00:11:37,325 --> 00:11:38,675
Sorry.
276
00:11:40,929 --> 00:11:44,013
I'll get it.
277
00:11:45,933 --> 00:11:47,850
Who knew he spoke Spanish?
278
00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:54,507
♪ Zoey, Zoey,
Zoey, Zoe, Zoey... ♪
279
00:11:54,509 --> 00:11:56,142
Bridget.
280
00:11:56,144 --> 00:11:58,061
I can't sign the divorce papers.
281
00:11:58,063 --> 00:12:00,229
I love you and I want you back.
282
00:12:02,149 --> 00:12:04,200
Oh, bollocks.
283
00:12:04,202 --> 00:12:05,851
♪ Men. ♪
284
00:12:09,768 --> 00:12:12,186
Wait... whoa, whoa,
wait, I...
285
00:12:12,188 --> 00:12:13,354
I don't understand.
286
00:12:13,356 --> 00:12:14,956
You're the one who
wanted the divorce.
287
00:12:14,958 --> 00:12:16,357
I know-- I thought
it's what I wanted,
288
00:12:16,359 --> 00:12:17,742
but when I saw your name
on the papers,
289
00:12:17,744 --> 00:12:19,844
I just, I couldn't sign.
290
00:12:19,846 --> 00:12:21,362
Ay, Chihuahua.
291
00:12:21,364 --> 00:12:22,763
Stop it.
292
00:12:22,765 --> 00:12:25,566
Sorry, it's the hat.
293
00:12:25,568 --> 00:12:28,202
Is everything okay?
You don't look happy.
294
00:12:28,204 --> 00:12:29,437
Yeah, no, yeah,
it's great.
295
00:12:29,439 --> 00:12:30,621
I just...
296
00:12:30,623 --> 00:12:32,195
What about that doctor
you were dating?
297
00:12:32,220 --> 00:12:33,108
Alex?
298
00:12:33,109 --> 00:12:35,576
I saw him.
He's a dreamboat.
299
00:12:35,578 --> 00:12:37,912
The truth is, he was
just a rebound thing.
300
00:12:37,914 --> 00:12:40,248
Yeah, but rebounds
work out sometimes.
301
00:12:40,250 --> 00:12:41,449
I mean, take Abe Lincoln.
302
00:12:41,451 --> 00:12:42,834
He met his wife on a rebound,
303
00:12:42,836 --> 00:12:45,253
and, and they had a
long-term relationship.
304
00:12:45,255 --> 00:12:47,121
Until, you know...
305
00:12:49,141 --> 00:12:52,427
Hm... I didn't know
Abe Lincoln killed himself.
306
00:12:54,263 --> 00:12:57,298
How many rebounds have you
had since we broke up?
307
00:12:57,300 --> 00:12:58,616
Well...
308
00:12:58,618 --> 00:12:59,884
It's a trap, don't answer.
309
00:12:59,886 --> 00:13:01,986
None that meant anything.
310
00:13:01,988 --> 00:13:03,137
Yes!
311
00:13:03,139 --> 00:13:04,638
I mean, I haven't
exactly been celibate.
312
00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:06,474
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
- But I haven't been a slut, either.
313
00:13:06,476 --> 00:13:07,825
Attaboy.
314
00:13:07,827 --> 00:13:11,079
Come on, let's go upstairs.
315
00:13:11,081 --> 00:13:13,331
- Really?
- Don't you want to?
316
00:13:13,333 --> 00:13:15,500
Well, yeah, I want to.
317
00:13:15,502 --> 00:13:18,453
I just, I-I...shouldn't
we be taking it slow?
318
00:13:18,455 --> 00:13:20,755
We've been married
for 15 years, Walden.
319
00:13:20,757 --> 00:13:21,973
Come on.
320
00:13:21,975 --> 00:13:24,092
Okay.
321
00:13:24,094 --> 00:13:26,327
- Hello.
- Hey.
322
00:13:26,329 --> 00:13:28,596
Hi.
323
00:13:28,598 --> 00:13:32,300
It's very weird that you
live with these people.
324
00:13:34,053 --> 00:13:36,604
So what's he gonna
do about Zoey?
325
00:13:36,606 --> 00:13:39,390
Well, unless I miss my guess,
326
00:13:39,392 --> 00:13:43,027
he's gonna lie to both of them
until it blows up in his face,
327
00:13:43,029 --> 00:13:45,063
and everyone gets
their feelings hurt,
328
00:13:45,065 --> 00:13:47,031
and he's left alone
and miserable.
329
00:13:47,033 --> 00:13:48,950
Wow. That sucks.
Isn't there a better way to
330
00:13:48,952 --> 00:13:51,786
date two women
at the same time?
331
00:13:51,788 --> 00:13:53,738
Aw, Jake...
332
00:13:53,740 --> 00:13:56,690
No.
333
00:13:56,692 --> 00:14:00,044
I want you so badly.
334
00:14:00,046 --> 00:14:02,413
Yeah, yep, I, uh...
335
00:14:02,415 --> 00:14:05,166
...want you too.
I was such a fool.
336
00:14:05,168 --> 00:14:07,201
I can't believe I let someone
as great as you get away.
337
00:14:07,203 --> 00:14:09,003
Wait, you said I was immature.
338
00:14:09,005 --> 00:14:11,539
You are, but that's
part of your charm.
339
00:14:11,541 --> 00:14:13,641
I love you, Walden.
340
00:14:13,643 --> 00:14:17,895
I love you, I love you,
I love you.
341
00:14:17,897 --> 00:14:19,897
That is awesome.
342
00:14:19,899 --> 00:14:20,848
Uh...
343
00:14:20,850 --> 00:14:23,851
Just... okay,
okay, well...
344
00:14:23,853 --> 00:14:26,154
Can we just hold on
for one second?
345
00:14:26,156 --> 00:14:28,906
- Where are you going?
- Uh, the bathroom.
346
00:14:28,908 --> 00:14:30,558
Why don't you just use that one?
347
00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:32,726
I'm a little pee shy.
348
00:14:32,728 --> 00:14:34,395
I don't want you to hear me.
349
00:14:34,397 --> 00:14:35,663
Since when?
350
00:14:35,665 --> 00:14:37,081
It's a new thing.
351
00:14:37,083 --> 00:14:38,583
People change, Bridget,
people grow.
352
00:14:39,901 --> 00:14:43,738
Do you think you and Mom
would ever get back together?
353
00:14:43,740 --> 00:14:46,907
Well, you know I will always
care for your mother.
354
00:14:46,909 --> 00:14:50,094
She's a terrific lady,
and a great mom,
355
00:14:50,096 --> 00:14:53,414
and no one can predict
the future...
356
00:14:53,416 --> 00:14:55,433
but no freakin' way.
357
00:14:55,435 --> 00:14:57,585
She said the same thing.
358
00:14:57,587 --> 00:15:01,088
But used a different word
than "freakin'."
359
00:15:01,090 --> 00:15:02,106
- Hey.
- Hey.
360
00:15:02,108 --> 00:15:03,891
Hey.
361
00:15:03,893 --> 00:15:05,226
Everything all right?
362
00:15:05,228 --> 00:15:07,061
Uh, no. As Zoey would say,
363
00:15:07,063 --> 00:15:09,113
I'm in a bit of a sticky wicket.
364
00:15:09,115 --> 00:15:11,098
You mean you were
in a sticky wicket,
365
00:15:11,100 --> 00:15:13,601
then you finished up and
came down here for a snack.
366
00:15:13,603 --> 00:15:17,972
No, no, I-I have a conundrum.
367
00:15:17,974 --> 00:15:19,290
Then you should've worn it.
368
00:15:19,292 --> 00:15:22,627
Might've avoided the stickiness,
you know, wicket-wise.
369
00:15:24,129 --> 00:15:25,925
Okay, I'm just going
to talk to you.
370
00:15:25,950 --> 00:15:27,049
Please.
371
00:15:27,050 --> 00:15:29,217
I've been dreaming about getting
back together with Bridget
372
00:15:29,219 --> 00:15:33,621
for months now, but since
I met Zoey, I'm not so sure.
373
00:15:33,623 --> 00:15:35,439
- It is a pickle.
- What's a pickle?
374
00:15:35,441 --> 00:15:37,892
Shh.
375
00:15:37,894 --> 00:15:39,293
What does your heart tell you?
376
00:15:39,295 --> 00:15:42,180
My heart tells me that
377
00:15:42,182 --> 00:15:44,815
Bridget is the past,
and Zoey is the future.
378
00:15:44,817 --> 00:15:46,734
Oh, I get it.
You're trying to figure out
379
00:15:46,736 --> 00:15:47,985
which one gets your pickle.
380
00:15:49,104 --> 00:15:50,655
Essentially, yes.
381
00:15:50,657 --> 00:15:53,741
Well, then, I say
follow your heart.
382
00:15:53,743 --> 00:15:55,076
I say follow your pickle.
383
00:15:56,912 --> 00:15:58,579
Try to ignore him.
384
00:15:58,581 --> 00:16:01,415
I've been with Bridget
for 15 years.
385
00:16:01,417 --> 00:16:02,833
That's tough to
just walk away from.
386
00:16:02,835 --> 00:16:04,652
But as you said yourself,
Bridget's the past.
387
00:16:04,654 --> 00:16:06,504
Yeah, but if I get
back together with her,
388
00:16:06,506 --> 00:16:08,206
I don't have to
give up $600 million
389
00:16:08,208 --> 00:16:09,290
in a divorce settlement.
390
00:16:09,292 --> 00:16:11,125
The future's overrated.
Go with Bridget.
391
00:16:11,127 --> 00:16:13,377
I mean, it does make sense,
right? All I'd have to do
392
00:16:13,379 --> 00:16:14,929
is sell this place
and move back in with her.
393
00:16:14,931 --> 00:16:16,547
You can't live your
life in the past.
394
00:16:16,549 --> 00:16:18,516
- Go with Zoey.
- You think?
395
00:16:18,518 --> 00:16:20,518
I do. And I don't have
a horse in this race.
396
00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:22,169
No, you're right.
397
00:16:22,171 --> 00:16:23,521
Zoey it is.
398
00:16:23,523 --> 00:16:25,005
Thank you, Alan.
399
00:16:25,007 --> 00:16:26,357
Cheerios!
400
00:16:28,944 --> 00:16:31,479
You have no shame, do you?
401
00:16:31,481 --> 00:16:33,064
Shame, no.
402
00:16:33,066 --> 00:16:35,199
Malibu beach house, yes.
403
00:16:38,687 --> 00:16:41,405
Welcome back.
404
00:16:41,407 --> 00:16:43,991
Oh, boy.
405
00:16:46,128 --> 00:16:48,028
Bridget, I can't remember--
406
00:16:48,030 --> 00:16:50,831
do you like your Band-Aids
taken off quick or slow?
407
00:16:50,833 --> 00:16:52,466
I don't understand.
408
00:16:52,468 --> 00:16:54,835
Let's just go with quick.
409
00:16:54,837 --> 00:16:57,371
I don't think it's a good
idea to sleep with you,
410
00:16:57,373 --> 00:16:58,589
since I started
seeing someone new
411
00:16:58,591 --> 00:17:00,508
and I think she might
be the real deal.
412
00:17:00,510 --> 00:17:03,010
Not that you weren't
the real deal,
413
00:17:03,012 --> 00:17:04,378
you're just the ex-real deal,
414
00:17:04,380 --> 00:17:07,047
and she's the next real deal.
415
00:17:08,267 --> 00:17:10,818
Anyway, I'd like for you you to
sign the divorce papers,
416
00:17:10,820 --> 00:17:13,404
so we can both go meet
people we like better.
417
00:17:14,690 --> 00:17:17,241
- What?
- Friends?
418
00:17:18,410 --> 00:17:20,695
- I am so humiliated!
- I'm sorry!
419
00:17:20,697 --> 00:17:23,281
I can't believe you waited till
I was half naked in your bed
420
00:17:23,283 --> 00:17:24,832
to tell me you were
seeing someone else!
421
00:17:24,834 --> 00:17:27,835
Kind of hard to bring up while
you're taking off my pants.
422
00:17:29,171 --> 00:17:30,588
And by the way,
you look sensational.
423
00:17:30,590 --> 00:17:32,072
The Pilates is
really paying off.
424
00:17:32,074 --> 00:17:34,592
Go to hell,
you son of a bitch!
425
00:17:34,594 --> 00:17:36,093
How about an "attaboy" for not
426
00:17:36,095 --> 00:17:38,296
having sex with you out of
respect for the other woman
427
00:17:38,298 --> 00:17:39,380
I'm falling in love with?
428
00:17:39,382 --> 00:17:40,598
Drop dead!
429
00:17:45,971 --> 00:17:47,888
How many times have
we seen this movie?
430
00:17:47,890 --> 00:17:49,256
Too many to count.
431
00:17:49,258 --> 00:17:51,475
Maybe it's the house.
432
00:17:51,477 --> 00:17:53,361
- What do you mean?
- I think it's haunted.
433
00:17:53,363 --> 00:17:56,981
Like, built on an angry
woman burial ground.
434
00:17:56,983 --> 00:17:59,433
Certainly can't be the fault
of the men who live in it.
435
00:17:59,435 --> 00:18:01,202
Sometimes at night,
if I'm really quiet,
436
00:18:01,204 --> 00:18:03,471
I think I can hear
them bitching.
437
00:18:08,493 --> 00:18:10,795
That didn't go as well
as I'd hoped.
438
00:18:10,797 --> 00:18:12,129
I wouldn't worry about it.
439
00:18:12,131 --> 00:18:14,215
She doesn't look like
the type to carry a grudge.
440
00:18:23,425 --> 00:18:26,627
But I don't know her
like you do.
441
00:18:27,012 --> 00:18:29,230
Haunted...
442
00:18:30,065 --> 00:18:32,850
♪ Men. ♪
443
00:18:35,261 --> 00:18:37,045
♪ Men. ♪
444
00:18:37,047 --> 00:18:40,548
So the madam
of the brothel opens the door
445
00:18:40,550 --> 00:18:44,936
and there's a man on the stoop
with no arms and no legs.
446
00:18:44,938 --> 00:18:48,356
And she says, "What do you think
you're going to do here?"
447
00:18:48,358 --> 00:18:51,893
And he says,
"I rang the bell, didn't I?"
448
00:18:53,613 --> 00:18:55,780
You're terrible.
449
00:18:59,101 --> 00:19:01,736
Did he break your heart?
450
00:19:04,439 --> 00:19:05,456
Who are you?
451
00:19:05,458 --> 00:19:06,941
That doesn't matter.
452
00:19:06,943 --> 00:19:10,378
Do you want him back, or
do you want him to suffer?
453
00:19:12,281 --> 00:19:13,748
I don't know.
454
00:19:13,750 --> 00:19:15,416
That's all right.
455
00:19:15,418 --> 00:19:17,585
Oftentimes,
they're the same thing.
456
00:19:19,271 --> 00:19:21,589
Come with me,
and I'll teach you.