1 00:00:01,691 --> 00:00:03,392 ♪ Men... ♪ 2 00:00:04,051 --> 00:00:06,886 I can't believe you've managed to stay in this house. 3 00:00:06,887 --> 00:00:10,056 You're like a human barnacle. 4 00:00:10,057 --> 00:00:11,524 Thanks, Mom. 5 00:00:11,525 --> 00:00:13,493 Oh, I wasn't putting you down, sweetheart. 6 00:00:13,494 --> 00:00:16,029 It's good that you have a skill. 7 00:00:16,030 --> 00:00:17,997 Did you come over for a reason, or just to insult me? 8 00:00:17,998 --> 00:00:20,867 The two aren't mutually exclusive. 9 00:00:20,868 --> 00:00:22,001 Mom. 10 00:00:22,002 --> 00:00:24,003 Charlie's bank contacted me. 11 00:00:24,004 --> 00:00:27,073 Seems he had a secret safe deposit box. 12 00:00:27,074 --> 00:00:30,043 I knew it! I knew he had to have something squirreled away. 13 00:00:30,166 --> 00:00:32,435 Naturally, I went right down there to check it out. 14 00:00:32,437 --> 00:00:34,220 So what was in it? Cash? Diamonds? Krugerrands? 15 00:00:34,222 --> 00:00:36,188 Want to wipe your mouth? You're drooling a little. 16 00:00:36,190 --> 00:00:37,607 Sorry. 17 00:00:37,609 --> 00:00:40,142 Actually, I was quite surprised about what was in there. 18 00:00:40,144 --> 00:00:42,612 - Oh, tell me, tell me! - I'll do better than that. 19 00:00:42,614 --> 00:00:44,146 Here. 20 00:00:44,148 --> 00:00:46,532 I'm pretty sure he wanted you to have this. 21 00:00:47,969 --> 00:00:49,201 Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy... 22 00:00:49,203 --> 00:00:51,103 I knew you'd look out for me, big bro. 23 00:00:51,105 --> 00:00:52,672 What the hell is this? 24 00:00:53,957 --> 00:00:55,207 Charlie's journal. 25 00:00:55,209 --> 00:00:56,375 Charlie kept a journal? 26 00:00:56,377 --> 00:00:58,944 Your brother was a very complex man. 27 00:00:58,946 --> 00:01:01,213 Perhaps he needed a safe place 28 00:01:01,215 --> 00:01:04,216 to express his deepest emotions and innermost thoughts, 29 00:01:04,218 --> 00:01:05,635 or some such nonsense. 30 00:01:07,170 --> 00:01:10,589 No. No cash, dear. Already checked. 31 00:01:11,558 --> 00:01:12,842 Of course not. 32 00:01:12,844 --> 00:01:14,810 Why leave cash to your impoverished brother 33 00:01:14,812 --> 00:01:18,064 when you can leave your alcohol-muddled thoughts? 34 00:01:18,066 --> 00:01:19,765 Yay. 35 00:01:19,767 --> 00:01:22,685 "To whom it may concern, 36 00:01:22,687 --> 00:01:25,554 "if you are reading this it means either my heart or lungs 37 00:01:25,556 --> 00:01:27,056 "finally gave out. 38 00:01:27,058 --> 00:01:29,058 "Or I rejected my new liver. 39 00:01:29,060 --> 00:01:33,228 "Or my brother wouldn't give me a piece of his. 40 00:01:33,230 --> 00:01:35,247 "Or I choked on my own vomit, 41 00:01:35,249 --> 00:01:37,199 "or somebody else's. 42 00:01:37,201 --> 00:01:39,585 Or some crazy chick pushed me in front of a bus..." 43 00:01:39,587 --> 00:01:41,403 Ooh, so close. 44 00:01:43,423 --> 00:01:47,743 Well, I hope reading it brings you some comfort and closure. 45 00:01:47,745 --> 00:01:50,514 Are you sure that's all that was in the safe deposit box? 46 00:01:50,515 --> 00:01:51,315 Yes. 47 00:01:51,340 --> 00:01:52,958 So my brother went out to the bank 48 00:01:53,051 --> 00:01:55,434 and rented a safe deposit box just for this journal? 49 00:01:55,436 --> 00:01:56,585 It would appear so. 50 00:01:56,587 --> 00:01:58,070 That makes no sense. 51 00:01:58,072 --> 00:01:59,722 He intimated on many occasions 52 00:01:59,724 --> 00:02:02,108 that he had some cash stashed away for emergencies... 53 00:02:02,110 --> 00:02:05,728 you know, like getting a hooker after an earthquake. 54 00:02:05,730 --> 00:02:09,532 Sweetheart, you have to stop living in the past. 55 00:02:09,534 --> 00:02:11,367 What's done is done. 56 00:02:11,369 --> 00:02:13,252 Start looking forward. 57 00:02:13,254 --> 00:02:15,037 Yeah, I guess you're right. 58 00:02:15,039 --> 00:02:16,238 Is that a new watch? 59 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:18,124 No. 60 00:02:18,126 --> 00:02:20,843 You have your whole life ahead of you, 61 00:02:20,845 --> 00:02:24,847 and the fact is, you and I are all that's left of this family. 62 00:02:24,849 --> 00:02:26,766 Well... 63 00:02:26,768 --> 00:02:28,551 you, me and Jake. 64 00:02:28,553 --> 00:02:30,569 Hey, Grandma. 65 00:02:31,806 --> 00:02:35,024 Whoa. Thought that was coming out the other end. 66 00:02:37,477 --> 00:02:40,596 You're right. It's just you and me. 67 00:02:40,598 --> 00:02:42,097 That looks like a man's Cartier. 68 00:02:42,099 --> 00:02:43,432 It's a knock-off. 69 00:02:44,568 --> 00:02:46,786 My point is, with Charlie gone, 70 00:02:46,788 --> 00:02:49,572 you and I have to learn how to help and support 71 00:02:49,574 --> 00:02:51,657 one another no matter what. 72 00:02:52,909 --> 00:02:55,628 Gee, that would be great. 73 00:02:55,630 --> 00:02:58,297 You were always the good son. 74 00:02:59,416 --> 00:03:01,801 Now you're my only son. 75 00:03:03,003 --> 00:03:04,453 Oh, Mommy. 76 00:03:05,222 --> 00:03:07,423 Oh, Walden! How nice to see you! 77 00:03:11,478 --> 00:03:13,846 It's a miracle I'm not a transsexual 78 00:03:13,848 --> 00:03:16,465 on Dancing With the Stars. 79 00:03:16,467 --> 00:03:19,301 ♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ 80 00:03:19,303 --> 00:03:22,521 ♪ Men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪ 81 00:03:22,523 --> 00:03:25,741 ♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪ 82 00:03:25,743 --> 00:03:27,827 ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ohh, ooh-ooh... ♪ 83 00:03:27,829 --> 00:03:30,329 ♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ 84 00:03:30,331 --> 00:03:33,365 ♪ Ooh ♪ ♪ Men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ 85 00:03:33,367 --> 00:03:38,420 ♪ Ah. ♪ ♪ Men. ♪ 86 00:03:46,004 --> 00:03:48,455 I must tell you, Walden, it's so nice to finally 87 00:03:48,457 --> 00:03:49,640 see someone in this house 88 00:03:49,642 --> 00:03:52,593 who surfs for something other than porn. 89 00:03:52,595 --> 00:03:55,062 Yeah, I love the ocean. 90 00:03:55,064 --> 00:03:57,381 Just you alone with your thoughts. 91 00:03:57,383 --> 00:04:01,001 Time standing still, at peace with the entire universe. 92 00:04:01,003 --> 00:04:03,837 Plus, you can pee in it and nobody knows. 93 00:04:03,839 --> 00:04:05,505 Charming. 94 00:04:05,507 --> 00:04:07,641 Actually, I'm glad you stopped by. 95 00:04:07,643 --> 00:04:10,510 Um... Do you know a good interior designer? 96 00:04:10,512 --> 00:04:14,365 As a matter of fact, I know a great one. 97 00:04:17,018 --> 00:04:19,686 Evelyn Harper Interior Design. 98 00:04:19,688 --> 00:04:21,372 I thought you were a real estate agent. 99 00:04:21,374 --> 00:04:23,824 I am. I'm also a building inspector, 100 00:04:23,826 --> 00:04:26,961 mortgage broker, notary public and a bail bondsman. 101 00:04:27,629 --> 00:04:28,996 A bail bondsman? 102 00:04:28,998 --> 00:04:32,299 Admittedly, that business has slowed down since my son died. 103 00:04:32,301 --> 00:04:34,919 But getting back to your needs, 104 00:04:34,921 --> 00:04:37,888 what did you have in mind in terms of redecorating? 105 00:04:37,890 --> 00:04:39,373 I don't know. 106 00:04:39,375 --> 00:04:42,259 I just, I just want my home to reflect who I am. 107 00:04:42,261 --> 00:04:44,711 And who are you? 108 00:04:44,713 --> 00:04:48,715 I've got a buttload of money, but I'm a pretty simple guy. 109 00:04:48,717 --> 00:04:52,486 I... like people, but I don't entertain a lot. 110 00:04:52,488 --> 00:04:56,106 Oh, I'm not a neat freak, but I don't like clutter. 111 00:04:56,108 --> 00:04:58,558 Oh, you know, and the most important thing is, 112 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:00,727 I want the house to use green renewable energy, 113 00:05:00,729 --> 00:05:02,496 you know, like solar power and wind power... 114 00:05:02,498 --> 00:05:04,698 Unless Brookstone or somebody comes out with 115 00:05:04,700 --> 00:05:06,667 a home nuclear reactor, because, I mean, come on, 116 00:05:06,669 --> 00:05:07,901 who wouldn't want one of those? 117 00:05:07,903 --> 00:05:11,705 "A buttload of money"" 118 00:05:13,675 --> 00:05:15,092 You're in good hands. 119 00:05:19,214 --> 00:05:21,432 This journal is unbelievable. 120 00:05:21,434 --> 00:05:23,267 You aren't thinking of publishing it, are you? 121 00:05:23,269 --> 00:05:25,519 What? Of course not, why? 122 00:05:25,521 --> 00:05:28,973 Well, I'm shoppin' around my own Charlie memoir. 123 00:05:28,975 --> 00:05:32,259 It's called Man Whore. 124 00:05:32,261 --> 00:05:34,645 It's catchy. 125 00:05:34,647 --> 00:05:36,780 But there was more to Charlie than we thought. 126 00:05:36,782 --> 00:05:37,948 I mean, listen to this. 127 00:05:37,950 --> 00:05:41,402 "I just sent a girl home who told me she loved me 128 00:05:41,404 --> 00:05:43,320 "and I can't even remember her name. 129 00:05:43,322 --> 00:05:45,239 "What is wrong with me that I just have 130 00:05:45,241 --> 00:05:47,157 "anonymous drunken encounters night after night? 131 00:05:47,159 --> 00:05:48,909 "Do I drink to fill the loneliness, 132 00:05:48,911 --> 00:05:52,579 or to hide from the horror I've become?" 133 00:05:52,581 --> 00:05:55,382 You know, I feel awful that I lived with him for so long 134 00:05:55,384 --> 00:05:56,884 and I didn't recognize his pain. 135 00:05:58,386 --> 00:06:00,471 "I remember, her name is Rachel! 136 00:06:00,473 --> 00:06:02,673 "I feel better now. 137 00:06:04,943 --> 00:06:08,345 I'll reward myself with some cocaine and an Asian hooker." 138 00:06:11,232 --> 00:06:13,984 So remember, the key to balancing the equation 139 00:06:13,986 --> 00:06:16,020 is to place coefficients in front of each reactant 140 00:06:16,022 --> 00:06:18,355 and product so that all the atoms balance. 141 00:06:19,859 --> 00:06:22,576 I bet you shower every day. 142 00:06:24,312 --> 00:06:25,812 Jake, we're supposed to be studying 143 00:06:25,814 --> 00:06:26,914 for the chemistry mid-term. 144 00:06:26,916 --> 00:06:29,083 I'd rather study our chemistry. 145 00:06:29,085 --> 00:06:31,001 Lame. 146 00:06:31,003 --> 00:06:34,038 Really? I thought it was a "double intendo." 147 00:06:35,457 --> 00:06:37,007 Hey, guys. 148 00:06:37,009 --> 00:06:38,792 Whatcha studying? 149 00:06:38,794 --> 00:06:40,377 Chemistry. 150 00:06:40,379 --> 00:06:42,162 Cool. 151 00:06:42,164 --> 00:06:44,798 Looks like you two have a little chemistry. 152 00:06:46,018 --> 00:06:47,718 That's so clever. 153 00:06:50,522 --> 00:06:52,022 I'm Megan. 154 00:06:52,024 --> 00:06:54,391 Oh, hi, Megan. It's nice to meet you. I'm Walden. 155 00:06:54,393 --> 00:06:56,693 Oh, are you the Walden that bought the house? 156 00:06:56,695 --> 00:06:59,146 Yeah, how many Waldens have you met lately? 157 00:06:59,148 --> 00:07:01,681 That's... that's so funny. 158 00:07:01,683 --> 00:07:04,368 And I'm lame. 159 00:07:04,370 --> 00:07:06,686 Well, it was nice to meet you. 160 00:07:06,688 --> 00:07:09,856 I'll let you guys get back to your "chemistry." 161 00:07:09,858 --> 00:07:12,409 Bye, Walden! It was nice meeting you too. 162 00:07:14,028 --> 00:07:18,132 You know, if he hooks up with you, he goes to jail. 163 00:07:19,167 --> 00:07:21,218 I'd wait for him. 164 00:07:26,591 --> 00:07:30,928 "Peed blood again this morning. 165 00:07:30,930 --> 00:07:33,547 Should I be worried?" 166 00:07:34,048 --> 00:07:36,216 As it turns out, no. 167 00:07:42,273 --> 00:07:45,993 We have to get rid of Walden. 168 00:07:45,995 --> 00:07:48,895 - We do? - Oh yeah, he's gotta go. 169 00:07:48,897 --> 00:07:51,081 Does it occur to you that this is his house 170 00:07:51,083 --> 00:07:53,484 and if anybody goes, it's gonna be us? 171 00:07:53,486 --> 00:07:56,103 Actually, no. 172 00:07:56,105 --> 00:07:57,671 What's the problem? 173 00:07:57,673 --> 00:07:59,540 He's stealing my girlfriend. 174 00:07:59,542 --> 00:08:01,241 Wait, I thought she was your tutor. 175 00:08:01,243 --> 00:08:03,544 Think about it, Dad. Would I have asked for a tutor 176 00:08:03,546 --> 00:08:06,580 if I didn't have a... what do you call it, interior motive? 177 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:14,771 Go on. 178 00:08:14,773 --> 00:08:17,474 She's only interested in glomming onto Walden. 179 00:08:17,476 --> 00:08:19,092 Well, if it makes you feel any better, 180 00:08:19,094 --> 00:08:21,612 I think my own mother likes him more than she likes me. 181 00:08:21,614 --> 00:08:23,814 Why would that make me feel better? 182 00:08:25,650 --> 00:08:28,185 I honestly don't know. 183 00:08:30,189 --> 00:08:32,473 Is this what I have to look forward to in life? 184 00:08:32,475 --> 00:08:34,341 Always losing girls to smarter, better-looking men? 185 00:08:34,343 --> 00:08:35,876 Well, think of it this way: 186 00:08:35,878 --> 00:08:38,061 you're carrying on a proud family tradition. 187 00:08:42,383 --> 00:08:43,700 Hello, dear. 188 00:08:43,702 --> 00:08:45,052 What's all this? 189 00:08:45,054 --> 00:08:46,053 Oh, didn't you know? 190 00:08:46,055 --> 00:08:49,006 I'm helping young Thor redecorate. 191 00:08:49,008 --> 00:08:51,341 I hope that's all you're doing. 192 00:08:51,343 --> 00:08:53,010 Whatever do you mean? 193 00:08:53,012 --> 00:08:54,961 He's tall, he's handsome, he's vulnerable, 194 00:08:54,963 --> 00:08:56,847 and you're old enough to be his ancestor. 195 00:08:57,982 --> 00:08:59,966 Relax, Alan. The only thing I want 196 00:08:59,968 --> 00:09:02,402 to pull out of that boy's pants is his wallet. 197 00:09:02,404 --> 00:09:03,770 You sure? 198 00:09:03,772 --> 00:09:07,024 Believe me, I have no ulterior motive. 199 00:09:07,026 --> 00:09:09,326 I believe that's "interior," Grandma. 200 00:09:10,912 --> 00:09:15,499 You really should get that boy a unicycle and some juggling pins. 201 00:09:15,501 --> 00:09:17,334 Evelyn, cool, you're here. Uh, could you come on up? 202 00:09:17,336 --> 00:09:19,503 There's some things I want you to do in my bedroom. 203 00:09:20,922 --> 00:09:23,840 Give the customer what he wants. 204 00:09:27,028 --> 00:09:30,180 Okay, to start with, 205 00:09:30,182 --> 00:09:33,333 I want grey Carrara marble counters, 206 00:09:33,335 --> 00:09:34,668 a steam shower... 207 00:09:34,670 --> 00:09:37,938 oh, and can we get one of those fancy Japanese toilets 208 00:09:37,940 --> 00:09:40,057 that sprays water and cleans your tushie? 209 00:09:40,059 --> 00:09:41,308 With your money you could afford 210 00:09:41,310 --> 00:09:43,727 an actual Japanese person to do it. 211 00:09:43,729 --> 00:09:46,480 See what you can find. 212 00:09:46,482 --> 00:09:49,650 Okay, in here, I would like to replace the bed frame, 213 00:09:49,652 --> 00:09:51,618 the curtains, the dresser, 214 00:09:51,620 --> 00:09:53,120 the end tables and the lamps. 215 00:09:53,122 --> 00:09:54,338 All right. 216 00:09:54,340 --> 00:09:56,423 What would you like to replace them with? 217 00:09:56,425 --> 00:09:58,175 Um... 218 00:09:58,177 --> 00:09:59,927 A cooler bed frame, 219 00:09:59,929 --> 00:10:01,962 cooler curtains, cooler dresser, 220 00:10:01,964 --> 00:10:04,715 cooler end tables and cooler lamps. 221 00:10:04,717 --> 00:10:08,051 "Cooler." I'm on it. 222 00:10:08,053 --> 00:10:10,203 Uh, now, would you like to repaint? 223 00:10:10,205 --> 00:10:11,972 Hey, can I have walls 224 00:10:11,974 --> 00:10:14,174 that change color depending on my mood? 225 00:10:14,176 --> 00:10:16,209 No. 226 00:10:16,211 --> 00:10:17,544 But we could paint them white 227 00:10:17,546 --> 00:10:19,879 and get you an industrial strength antidepressant. 228 00:10:19,881 --> 00:10:21,881 That will work too. 229 00:10:21,883 --> 00:10:23,600 Would you like to keep the camera? 230 00:10:23,602 --> 00:10:25,535 What camera? 231 00:10:28,706 --> 00:10:30,274 Aw... 232 00:10:30,276 --> 00:10:31,891 Awesome! 233 00:10:31,893 --> 00:10:34,728 I'm on TV. 234 00:10:34,730 --> 00:10:35,996 Hello! 235 00:10:35,998 --> 00:10:38,898 I am so keeping that. 236 00:10:38,900 --> 00:10:40,701 All right. Anything else? 237 00:10:40,703 --> 00:10:44,338 Can I have a Jacuzzi on the balcony? 238 00:10:44,340 --> 00:10:46,406 'Cause I'm single now, so I'm going to be 239 00:10:46,408 --> 00:10:50,243 having sex with a lot of women I haven't met yet. 240 00:10:50,245 --> 00:10:53,964 Oh... I just got an idea! 241 00:10:53,966 --> 00:10:58,802 Just out of curiosity, what kind of woman are you attracted to? 242 00:10:58,804 --> 00:11:00,754 There's my wife. 243 00:11:00,756 --> 00:11:03,089 Oh, and there's women who look like my wife. 244 00:11:03,091 --> 00:11:04,558 That's very romantic. 245 00:11:04,560 --> 00:11:06,226 Oh, and Ellen DeGeneres. 246 00:11:06,228 --> 00:11:07,527 I don't know what it is. 247 00:11:07,529 --> 00:11:09,112 Whether it's the slacks or the way she dances-- 248 00:11:09,114 --> 00:11:10,781 it's hot. 249 00:11:10,783 --> 00:11:13,033 ♪ Men. ♪ 250 00:11:17,181 --> 00:11:18,997 ♪ Men. ♪ 251 00:11:21,334 --> 00:11:22,768 You're up early. 252 00:11:22,770 --> 00:11:24,937 Charlie's journal-- I can't stop reading it. 253 00:11:24,939 --> 00:11:26,138 Listen to this. 254 00:11:26,140 --> 00:11:28,140 "My brother's kid showed up today. 255 00:11:28,142 --> 00:11:29,641 "He's kind of cute. 256 00:11:29,643 --> 00:11:31,760 "No way he's really Alan's kid. 257 00:11:33,463 --> 00:11:35,864 "And best of all, he's smart as a whip. 258 00:11:35,866 --> 00:11:39,067 I think he's got a very bright future." 259 00:11:39,069 --> 00:11:41,904 Oh, that just breaks my heart. 260 00:11:41,906 --> 00:11:43,038 Yeah. 261 00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:45,290 We were all so young and naive then. 262 00:11:45,292 --> 00:11:46,458 Hey. 263 00:11:46,460 --> 00:11:49,361 Hey. 264 00:11:55,885 --> 00:11:58,136 What? I took a huge dump. 265 00:12:01,541 --> 00:12:04,309 No way he's really my kid. 266 00:12:09,549 --> 00:12:11,149 You look very pretty today. 267 00:12:11,151 --> 00:12:13,418 Jake, I'm here to study. 268 00:12:13,420 --> 00:12:14,920 The test was yesterday. 269 00:12:14,922 --> 00:12:17,739 I already failed. 270 00:12:17,741 --> 00:12:18,840 Hey, guys. 271 00:12:18,842 --> 00:12:20,909 Hey, Walden. 272 00:12:20,911 --> 00:12:22,060 Here we go. 273 00:12:22,062 --> 00:12:26,164 Whoa, Megan, you look very pretty today. 274 00:12:26,166 --> 00:12:27,399 Thanks. 275 00:12:27,401 --> 00:12:29,001 You look pretty, too. 276 00:12:30,420 --> 00:12:32,070 Thank you. 277 00:12:32,072 --> 00:12:33,405 Where are you going? 278 00:12:33,407 --> 00:12:36,758 Oh, I am going furniture shopping with Jake's grandma. 279 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:38,961 Oh, I love furniture. 280 00:12:40,096 --> 00:12:43,081 And grandmas. 281 00:12:43,083 --> 00:12:44,416 Cool. 282 00:12:45,802 --> 00:12:47,135 See ya. 283 00:12:47,137 --> 00:12:49,754 See ya. 284 00:12:49,756 --> 00:12:51,106 Okay, Megan, 285 00:12:51,108 --> 00:12:52,307 I know what's going on here 286 00:12:52,309 --> 00:12:54,393 and I really don't appreciate... 287 00:12:56,596 --> 00:12:57,696 What's that about? 288 00:12:57,698 --> 00:12:59,865 I don't know. I'm just in the mood. 289 00:12:59,867 --> 00:13:01,066 Okay. 290 00:13:03,119 --> 00:13:04,603 Come on. 291 00:13:04,605 --> 00:13:06,121 Okay. 292 00:13:06,123 --> 00:13:07,155 Where are we going? 293 00:13:07,157 --> 00:13:08,457 To your room. 294 00:13:08,459 --> 00:13:10,659 Okay. 295 00:13:12,545 --> 00:13:15,947 Hello, gorgeous. 296 00:13:15,949 --> 00:13:17,966 Did you miss me? 297 00:13:17,968 --> 00:13:20,252 'Cause I sure missed you. 298 00:13:20,254 --> 00:13:23,505 Let me pull this thing out of you. 299 00:13:34,752 --> 00:13:37,686 Are you gonna turn your car off? 300 00:13:40,024 --> 00:13:42,807 I did. 301 00:13:44,661 --> 00:13:46,745 Might need service. 302 00:13:46,747 --> 00:13:49,331 Sadly, that's where I just came from. 303 00:13:53,487 --> 00:13:56,371 You know what's great about my electric car? 304 00:13:56,373 --> 00:13:57,789 What? 305 00:13:58,759 --> 00:14:00,092 I just turned it on. 306 00:14:00,094 --> 00:14:01,860 Sweet. 307 00:14:01,862 --> 00:14:03,528 So where you headed? 308 00:14:03,530 --> 00:14:05,213 Um, I'm going to pick up your mom. 309 00:14:05,215 --> 00:14:06,548 We're going furniture shopping. 310 00:14:06,550 --> 00:14:08,500 Okay, well, just a little heads up 311 00:14:08,502 --> 00:14:11,503 before you journey to the caves of Mordor. 312 00:14:11,505 --> 00:14:13,271 My mother has what you might call 313 00:14:13,273 --> 00:14:15,724 a, uh, proclivity for younger men. 314 00:14:15,726 --> 00:14:17,008 You mean she's like a cougar? 315 00:14:17,010 --> 00:14:19,010 No, she's not "like a cougar"" 316 00:14:19,012 --> 00:14:20,395 she's the mother of all cougars. 317 00:14:20,397 --> 00:14:23,348 So kind of an uber-cougar? 318 00:14:23,350 --> 00:14:25,567 A super duper uber-cougar. 319 00:14:25,569 --> 00:14:27,202 You think a bit of better butter 320 00:14:27,204 --> 00:14:29,404 would make her bitter batter better? 321 00:14:29,406 --> 00:14:31,440 What? 322 00:14:31,442 --> 00:14:33,659 I just like saying that. 323 00:14:33,661 --> 00:14:35,010 Walden, I'm serious here. 324 00:14:35,012 --> 00:14:36,578 Don't worry. 325 00:14:36,580 --> 00:14:38,213 I'm not going to hook up with your mom. 326 00:14:38,215 --> 00:14:40,699 Yeah, if I had a dime for every time I heard that, 327 00:14:40,701 --> 00:14:42,884 I'd have $3.60. 328 00:14:44,003 --> 00:14:46,088 And I know that doesn't sound like a lot, 329 00:14:46,090 --> 00:14:48,507 but it is 36 times. 330 00:14:48,509 --> 00:14:51,460 That's a very weird thing to keep track of. 331 00:14:51,462 --> 00:14:53,395 I got a lot of free time. 332 00:14:53,397 --> 00:14:56,848 Trust me, nothing's going to happen. 333 00:14:56,850 --> 00:14:59,718 Okay. But try not to hurt her feelings. 334 00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:01,903 I mean, she may be a rapacious sexual predator, 335 00:15:01,905 --> 00:15:04,272 but she breaks just like a little girl. 336 00:15:04,274 --> 00:15:05,607 Understood. 337 00:15:05,609 --> 00:15:07,726 Oh, hey, check it out. 338 00:15:07,728 --> 00:15:09,828 I got voice control. 339 00:15:09,830 --> 00:15:11,413 Lights on. 340 00:15:13,399 --> 00:15:15,000 Radio on. 341 00:15:17,738 --> 00:15:19,421 Back up. 342 00:15:21,924 --> 00:15:23,925 Bye! 343 00:15:30,883 --> 00:15:34,753 Well, you may not be pretty or expensive, 344 00:15:34,755 --> 00:15:37,355 but you get me where I want to go. 345 00:15:41,944 --> 00:15:43,812 Thank you for walking me to my door. 346 00:15:43,814 --> 00:15:45,697 You don't meet many gentlemen nowadays. 347 00:15:45,699 --> 00:15:46,782 You're welcome. 348 00:15:46,784 --> 00:15:47,916 Is that a camera? 349 00:15:47,918 --> 00:15:49,868 Hello! 350 00:15:49,870 --> 00:15:52,904 Would you like to come in for a drink before you go? 351 00:15:52,906 --> 00:15:55,657 I don't know, I should probably get going. 352 00:15:55,659 --> 00:15:56,708 What's your hurry? 353 00:15:56,710 --> 00:15:58,326 I just think that 354 00:15:58,328 --> 00:16:00,328 we should keep our relationship business 355 00:16:00,330 --> 00:16:03,498 and not "biznass." 356 00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:06,951 Oh, my goodness, do you think I'm hitting on you? 357 00:16:08,004 --> 00:16:11,757 W-Well, Alan did say that you're an uber-cougar. 358 00:16:11,759 --> 00:16:13,975 An uber-cougar? 359 00:16:13,977 --> 00:16:16,478 A super duper uber-cougar. 360 00:16:19,016 --> 00:16:20,849 Oh, my Lord. 361 00:16:20,851 --> 00:16:23,068 Now, you listen to me, young man. 362 00:16:23,070 --> 00:16:26,071 My son has some serious issues. 363 00:16:26,073 --> 00:16:28,190 And he tends to imagine things. 364 00:16:28,192 --> 00:16:33,028 Believe me, I have no carnal designs on you whatsoever. 365 00:16:33,030 --> 00:16:34,696 Really? 366 00:16:34,698 --> 00:16:38,667 For God's sake, Walden, I'm old enough to be your mother. 367 00:16:38,669 --> 00:16:41,986 Assuming a teenage pregnancy of course. 368 00:16:41,988 --> 00:16:44,289 Okay, sure. 369 00:16:44,291 --> 00:16:46,491 I'll have a drink. 370 00:16:59,172 --> 00:17:01,356 Are you going to tell Alan? 371 00:17:03,776 --> 00:17:07,512 I'm going to tell everyone. 372 00:17:07,514 --> 00:17:09,731 ♪ Men. ♪ 373 00:17:13,356 --> 00:17:15,356 ♪ Men. ♪ 374 00:17:15,382 --> 00:17:18,117 "Alan moved in with his girlfriend yesterday. 375 00:17:18,119 --> 00:17:21,871 "How stupid is she? 376 00:17:21,873 --> 00:17:23,456 "Oh, well, doesn't matter. 377 00:17:23,458 --> 00:17:25,491 "Like a nonspecific urinary infection, 378 00:17:25,493 --> 00:17:29,378 "I'm sure he'll be back before long. 379 00:17:29,380 --> 00:17:31,464 "Truth be told, I actually kind of miss 380 00:17:31,466 --> 00:17:33,749 "the jug-eared freeloader. 381 00:17:33,751 --> 00:17:36,002 How stupid am I?" 382 00:17:37,888 --> 00:17:40,623 I don't believe it. 383 00:17:40,625 --> 00:17:43,259 He loved me. 384 00:17:43,261 --> 00:17:45,461 My brother loved me. 385 00:17:48,348 --> 00:17:49,632 "Speaking of stupid, 386 00:17:49,634 --> 00:17:51,984 "today I bought a $100,000 Cartier watch. 387 00:17:51,986 --> 00:17:53,419 "But I'm afraid to wear it, 388 00:17:53,421 --> 00:17:55,771 so I'm gonna keep it in my safe deposit box." 389 00:17:55,773 --> 00:17:58,441 Son of a bitch! 390 00:17:58,443 --> 00:18:00,943 That was, that was great. 391 00:18:03,313 --> 00:18:04,330 Just-Just great. 392 00:18:04,332 --> 00:18:06,582 Thank you so much. 393 00:18:11,505 --> 00:18:12,905 Hey. 394 00:18:12,907 --> 00:18:14,941 Hey. How'd it go with my mom? 395 00:18:14,943 --> 00:18:17,493 Fine, fine. 396 00:18:17,495 --> 00:18:19,795 Just shopped for furniture. 397 00:18:20,881 --> 00:18:24,767 Rugs, chairs and tables. 398 00:18:24,769 --> 00:18:26,519 Nice. 399 00:18:26,521 --> 00:18:29,138 Armoires, ottomans, 400 00:18:29,140 --> 00:18:31,107 curtains, recliners, 401 00:18:31,109 --> 00:18:33,543 love seats, throw pillows. 402 00:18:33,545 --> 00:18:35,728 Okay, good night. 403 00:18:37,564 --> 00:18:40,283 Oh, yeah, she did him. 404 00:18:40,285 --> 00:18:42,368 Bye. Thanks again! 405 00:18:42,370 --> 00:18:43,903 Hey, dude, how you doing? 406 00:18:43,905 --> 00:18:44,737 Fantastic. 407 00:18:44,739 --> 00:18:46,906 I love you, man. 408 00:18:49,626 --> 00:18:51,238 Thanks. 409 00:18:52,854 --> 00:18:54,590 What an affectionate family.