1 00:00:01,663 --> 00:00:03,183 Previously on Two and a Half Men... 2 00:00:03,793 --> 00:00:05,334 I don't want to get a divorce. 3 00:00:05,334 --> 00:00:06,798 Why we got to get a divorce? 4 00:00:07,107 --> 00:00:08,304 Because I have grown up 5 00:00:08,304 --> 00:00:10,502 and you are still the same guy you were at 19. 6 00:00:10,502 --> 00:00:11,551 No, that is not true. 7 00:00:11,551 --> 00:00:12,900 I got a lot more money now. 8 00:00:12,900 --> 00:00:15,165 Not about what you have; it's about who you are. 9 00:00:15,165 --> 00:00:16,496 Oh. 10 00:00:16,496 --> 00:00:19,361 Well, I'm pretty much the same guy. 11 00:00:19,361 --> 00:00:20,526 Great news, Alan. 12 00:00:20,526 --> 00:00:23,490 Berta has agreed to be my live-in housekeeper. 13 00:00:23,490 --> 00:00:25,205 Yeah, he talked me into it. 14 00:00:25,205 --> 00:00:27,852 I wonder what his sweat tastes like. 15 00:00:28,526 --> 00:00:29,707 Time for me to go. 16 00:00:29,707 --> 00:00:31,172 Wait. 17 00:00:31,172 --> 00:00:32,537 Come here. 18 00:00:32,537 --> 00:00:34,019 Give us a hug good-bye. 19 00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:37,849 I'm taking your room, Zippy. 20 00:00:37,849 --> 00:00:39,814 You saved my butt back there. 21 00:00:39,814 --> 00:00:40,779 I owe you big time. 22 00:00:40,779 --> 00:00:42,012 If there is anything that you need, 23 00:00:42,012 --> 00:00:43,228 any way I can help you... 24 00:00:43,228 --> 00:00:46,275 Well, really uncomfortable living at my mom's. 25 00:00:46,275 --> 00:00:48,806 Um, do you think I could stay here for a few days 26 00:00:48,806 --> 00:00:50,170 till I find my own place? 27 00:00:50,170 --> 00:00:51,669 Yeah, no problem. 28 00:00:55,417 --> 00:00:57,631 I'm back. 29 00:00:57,631 --> 00:01:00,494 Hello, room. 30 00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,593 Did you miss me? 31 00:01:02,593 --> 00:01:04,241 Whoa! Whoa! 32 00:01:04,241 --> 00:01:06,256 What the hell are you doing here? 33 00:01:06,256 --> 00:01:08,703 I live here. What the hell are you doing here? 34 00:01:08,703 --> 00:01:10,751 Um, see, Berta's got my room now, so... 35 00:01:10,751 --> 00:01:11,984 - No. - Yes. 36 00:01:11,984 --> 00:01:13,299 - No. - It's just temporary. 37 00:01:13,299 --> 00:01:15,364 I'm not sleeping with my dad. 38 00:01:15,364 --> 00:01:17,196 What are we going to do, sleep on the same bed? 39 00:01:17,196 --> 00:01:19,077 No, I'll get the air mattress out of the garage. 40 00:01:19,077 --> 00:01:20,309 - That you'll sleep on. - No. 41 00:01:20,309 --> 00:01:22,075 - Yes. Yes! - No. 42 00:01:28,636 --> 00:01:30,933 ♪ Men. ♪ 43 00:01:32,916 --> 00:01:34,263 Good morning. 44 00:01:34,263 --> 00:01:35,346 Morning. 45 00:01:35,346 --> 00:01:36,478 Where you been? 46 00:01:36,478 --> 00:01:38,176 Little power walk on the beach. 47 00:01:38,176 --> 00:01:39,975 Got to tell you, Zip, 48 00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:41,939 I can see why your brother couldn't get you 49 00:01:41,939 --> 00:01:44,221 out of this house with the jaws of life. 50 00:01:45,087 --> 00:01:46,785 Malibu is the greatest place 51 00:01:46,785 --> 00:01:48,450 to wake up in the morning. 52 00:01:48,450 --> 00:01:50,798 I'm glad you're enjoying my room. 53 00:01:51,581 --> 00:01:53,795 Alan, I say this with love. 54 00:01:53,795 --> 00:01:55,743 It was never your room. 55 00:01:56,993 --> 00:01:58,624 Morning. 56 00:01:58,624 --> 00:02:01,104 Ah... did I miss our power walk? 57 00:02:01,104 --> 00:02:02,537 I tried to cuddle you awake, 58 00:02:02,537 --> 00:02:04,202 but you weren't interested. Oh. 59 00:02:06,117 --> 00:02:08,548 So, Alan, how's the house hunting coming? 60 00:02:08,548 --> 00:02:10,779 Oh, still looking. Uh, not a lot available. 61 00:02:10,779 --> 00:02:13,360 Maybe that's 'cause you're looking in the sports section. 62 00:02:15,092 --> 00:02:16,090 Well, don't worry. 63 00:02:16,090 --> 00:02:17,890 You can stay here as long as you need to. 64 00:02:17,890 --> 00:02:18,922 Aw! 65 00:02:18,922 --> 00:02:20,753 Oh, just a... a few more days. 66 00:02:20,753 --> 00:02:22,185 Maybe a week tops. 67 00:02:22,185 --> 00:02:22,934 Aw. 68 00:02:24,202 --> 00:02:26,931 Hey, uh, listen, Walden, um, while I am here, 69 00:02:26,931 --> 00:02:28,462 I was wondering how you would feel 70 00:02:28,462 --> 00:02:29,928 about me having an overnight guest. 71 00:02:29,928 --> 00:02:30,677 Aw. 72 00:02:32,843 --> 00:02:34,840 I thought you were the overnight guest. 73 00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:39,419 Your wit is only exceeded by your generosity. 74 00:02:39,419 --> 00:02:41,201 Um, the thing is, 75 00:02:41,201 --> 00:02:42,666 I'm having dinner tonight with this woman 76 00:02:42,666 --> 00:02:44,282 I used to be in a relationship with. 77 00:02:44,282 --> 00:02:46,579 And I don't know how things are going to play out, 78 00:02:46,579 --> 00:02:49,360 but if they go well, I'd like to bring her back here 79 00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:51,358 and, uh, you know... 80 00:02:51,358 --> 00:02:53,323 reconcile. 81 00:02:54,156 --> 00:02:55,687 Is she homeless, too? 82 00:02:55,687 --> 00:02:58,235 Oh, oh, no, no, it-it's just that she has a teenage son, 83 00:02:58,235 --> 00:03:02,265 and I'm not really keen on him hearing us, you know... 84 00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:04,229 reconcile. 85 00:03:04,229 --> 00:03:07,726 But it's okay for me to hear you? 86 00:03:07,726 --> 00:03:09,674 Oh, don't worry, we'll be quiet. 87 00:03:09,674 --> 00:03:11,056 And quick. 88 00:03:12,140 --> 00:03:14,636 It's true. That's why she calls me Zippy. 89 00:03:14,636 --> 00:03:16,551 I guess it's okay. 90 00:03:16,551 --> 00:03:19,531 I sure wish I could reconcile with Bridget. 91 00:03:19,531 --> 00:03:21,796 Oh, give her some time. 92 00:03:21,796 --> 00:03:23,911 Took Lyndsey months to forgive me. 93 00:03:23,911 --> 00:03:25,409 What'd she have to forgive you for? 94 00:03:25,409 --> 00:03:28,190 Oh... I, uh... I called her a slut 95 00:03:28,190 --> 00:03:31,154 because, uh, I thought she was sleeping with my brother, 96 00:03:31,154 --> 00:03:33,852 uh, and I, uh... I accidentally burned down her house. 97 00:03:34,735 --> 00:03:36,816 Well, not in that order. 98 00:03:36,816 --> 00:03:38,930 Anyway, thanks so much. 99 00:03:40,114 --> 00:03:42,727 He is going to move out at some point, right? 100 00:03:42,727 --> 00:03:45,191 You are so cute. 101 00:03:47,224 --> 00:03:50,019 ♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ 102 00:03:50,019 --> 00:03:53,300 ♪ Men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪ 103 00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:57,180 ♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪ 104 00:03:57,180 --> 00:03:58,961 ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh... ♪ 105 00:03:58,961 --> 00:04:01,492 ♪ Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ 106 00:04:01,492 --> 00:04:05,372 ♪ Ooh ♪ ♪ Men, men, men, manly men, men, men ♪ 107 00:04:05,372 --> 00:04:06,738 ♪ Ah. ♪ ♪ Men. ♪ 108 00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:17,704 ♪ Men ♪ 109 00:04:18,432 --> 00:04:20,181 I was so sorry to hear about your brother. 110 00:04:20,181 --> 00:04:21,746 Yeah, yeah, very sad. 111 00:04:21,746 --> 00:04:23,311 He fell in front of a train? 112 00:04:23,311 --> 00:04:26,225 Uh, fell, pushed, jumped. 113 00:04:26,225 --> 00:04:29,854 Whatever the verb, the end result was Charlie tartare. 114 00:04:31,272 --> 00:04:32,686 That's horrible. 115 00:04:32,686 --> 00:04:34,017 Yeah. 116 00:04:34,017 --> 00:04:36,165 And we had to sell the house in Malibu. 117 00:04:36,165 --> 00:04:37,181 So where are you living? 118 00:04:37,181 --> 00:04:38,680 The house in Malibu. 119 00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:40,212 Wait, what? 120 00:04:40,212 --> 00:04:41,461 Oh, it's actually a funny story. 121 00:04:41,461 --> 00:04:42,759 Um, the fellow who bought it 122 00:04:42,759 --> 00:04:44,175 is this incredibly rich Internet guy 123 00:04:44,175 --> 00:04:45,657 who's going through a bad divorce, 124 00:04:45,657 --> 00:04:47,172 and he's lonely, he needs a friend, 125 00:04:47,172 --> 00:04:49,670 so he asked me to stick around for a while. 126 00:04:51,503 --> 00:04:53,416 What's the funny part? 127 00:04:53,416 --> 00:04:55,864 He actually thinks I'm going to leave someday. 128 00:04:56,980 --> 00:04:59,278 So, uh, how's things? How's Eldridge? 129 00:04:59,278 --> 00:05:02,358 Let's not ruin the evening by talking about our children. 130 00:05:02,358 --> 00:05:03,989 Agreed. 131 00:05:05,106 --> 00:05:07,153 I have missed you. 132 00:05:07,153 --> 00:05:08,436 I've missed you, too. 133 00:05:08,436 --> 00:05:10,799 Can you ever forgive me for being such an idiot? 134 00:05:10,799 --> 00:05:11,932 Let's not ruin the evening 135 00:05:11,932 --> 00:05:13,813 by talking about what an idiot you were. 136 00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:15,978 Good idea. 137 00:05:15,978 --> 00:05:19,309 You know, I haven't slept with anybody since we broke up. 138 00:05:19,309 --> 00:05:20,924 How about you? 139 00:05:24,589 --> 00:05:25,836 You know what? 140 00:05:25,836 --> 00:05:28,450 Let's not ruin the evening by talking. 141 00:05:29,667 --> 00:05:31,913 ♪ Men. ♪ 142 00:05:33,381 --> 00:05:35,461 I got it. 143 00:05:38,958 --> 00:05:41,455 Hello, little girl. 144 00:05:42,405 --> 00:05:44,119 Hi, big daddy. You got everything? 145 00:05:44,119 --> 00:05:45,651 Hell, yeah. 146 00:05:45,651 --> 00:05:48,282 Beer, bucket of drumsticks 147 00:05:48,282 --> 00:05:50,613 and nine magic fingers. 148 00:05:51,730 --> 00:05:53,943 Let's go. 149 00:05:53,943 --> 00:05:55,609 Uh, Berta? 150 00:05:56,592 --> 00:05:57,607 What's going on? 151 00:05:57,607 --> 00:05:58,639 What's it look like? 152 00:05:58,639 --> 00:06:00,470 I'm going to get drunk, eat some chicken 153 00:06:00,470 --> 00:06:02,186 and rock this old man's world. 154 00:06:06,966 --> 00:06:09,245 I got ten fingers and a billion dollars, 155 00:06:09,245 --> 00:06:12,292 and this guy's getting more action than me. 156 00:06:18,538 --> 00:06:20,202 What now, Walden? 157 00:06:20,202 --> 00:06:22,699 Nothing. I just wanted to say hi. 158 00:06:22,699 --> 00:06:24,914 Sweetheart, listen to me. 159 00:06:24,914 --> 00:06:25,980 We're getting divorced. 160 00:06:25,980 --> 00:06:28,045 You need to get some friends, get a life. 161 00:06:28,045 --> 00:06:30,110 I don't want friends. I don't want a life. 162 00:06:30,110 --> 00:06:31,675 I just want you. 163 00:06:31,675 --> 00:06:33,439 What... what are you doing anyway? 164 00:06:33,439 --> 00:06:35,704 Why... why are those people wearing masks? 165 00:06:35,704 --> 00:06:40,101 I'm at a charity event for people without faces. 166 00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:42,764 Are you at an orgy? 167 00:06:42,764 --> 00:06:44,097 An orgy? 168 00:06:44,097 --> 00:06:45,079 Don't be ridiculous. 169 00:06:45,079 --> 00:06:46,844 What kind of charity has an orgy? 170 00:06:46,844 --> 00:06:47,842 Bye. 171 00:06:50,508 --> 00:06:52,372 You know, a real gentleman 172 00:06:52,372 --> 00:06:55,419 would've taken his poop before he came over. 173 00:07:05,927 --> 00:07:07,707 Hello! 174 00:07:08,874 --> 00:07:11,038 Oh, I'm sorry. I-I didn't know you were still up. 175 00:07:11,038 --> 00:07:13,536 You must be Walden. I'm Lyndsey. 176 00:07:13,536 --> 00:07:15,317 Oh. Hi. 177 00:07:15,317 --> 00:07:16,783 Okay, uh, everybody's met. 178 00:07:16,783 --> 00:07:18,564 Time to hit the old sackaroo. 179 00:07:18,564 --> 00:07:21,011 Don't be rude, Alan. 180 00:07:21,011 --> 00:07:24,109 So, I understand you're going through a tough divorce. 181 00:07:24,109 --> 00:07:25,690 Yeah, it's tough for me. 182 00:07:25,690 --> 00:07:29,055 She's breezing through it with naked, faceless people. 183 00:07:29,055 --> 00:07:31,769 Have you guys tried to work things out, go to therapy? 184 00:07:31,769 --> 00:07:33,450 I offered. She's not interested. 185 00:07:33,450 --> 00:07:35,049 Well, that's all you can do-- make the offer. 186 00:07:35,049 --> 00:07:36,547 Lyndsey? 187 00:07:36,547 --> 00:07:38,329 Hang on. 188 00:07:38,329 --> 00:07:40,260 So what, you're just sitting around 189 00:07:40,260 --> 00:07:42,176 feeling sorry for yourself? 190 00:07:42,176 --> 00:07:43,957 No. Sometimes I lay down. 191 00:07:43,957 --> 00:07:46,322 Sometimes I curl up in a ball. 192 00:07:46,322 --> 00:07:48,486 See, he's fine. 193 00:07:49,503 --> 00:07:51,451 Listen to me. 194 00:07:51,451 --> 00:07:53,332 We just met, we don't know each other, 195 00:07:53,332 --> 00:07:55,645 but you obviously have a lot going for you. 196 00:07:55,645 --> 00:07:57,361 You're tall, good-looking, 197 00:07:57,361 --> 00:07:58,743 very successful. 198 00:07:58,743 --> 00:08:01,474 Believe me, women settle for a lot less. 199 00:08:01,474 --> 00:08:03,323 And thank God for that. 200 00:08:04,406 --> 00:08:06,769 You need to get out there and find somebody 201 00:08:06,769 --> 00:08:08,967 who appreciates all that you have to offer. 202 00:08:08,967 --> 00:08:10,632 I don't want anybody else. 203 00:08:10,632 --> 00:08:13,296 That's just because you haven't found that special someone. 204 00:08:13,296 --> 00:08:16,643 Believe me, somewhere out there is the perfect girl for you. 205 00:08:16,643 --> 00:08:18,225 Who knows? 206 00:08:18,225 --> 00:08:21,172 She could be sitting right in front of you. 207 00:08:22,772 --> 00:08:24,586 Gee, I'd like to believe that. 208 00:08:24,586 --> 00:08:25,951 So would I. 209 00:08:27,284 --> 00:08:29,331 You know... you know, Lyndsey's right. 210 00:08:29,331 --> 00:08:31,247 You need to go out and find Ms. Right. 211 00:08:31,247 --> 00:08:33,828 I mean, in fact, you should get started immediately. 212 00:08:33,828 --> 00:08:34,993 Now? 213 00:08:34,993 --> 00:08:37,606 No, I was just gonna curl up in a ball. 214 00:08:37,606 --> 00:08:40,571 Oh, come on. There's a great, big, wide world out there 215 00:08:40,571 --> 00:08:42,902 full of beautiful, exciting, sexy people. 216 00:08:42,902 --> 00:08:44,817 Where am I going to find them, a bar? 217 00:08:44,817 --> 00:08:46,233 I am not going to a bar. 218 00:08:46,233 --> 00:08:47,265 Hey, if you're looking for honey, 219 00:08:47,265 --> 00:08:48,596 you got to go where the bees are. 220 00:08:49,597 --> 00:08:50,928 Forget it. 221 00:08:50,928 --> 00:08:52,943 I am not going to a bar. 222 00:08:52,943 --> 00:08:54,308 Hey, slick. 223 00:08:56,391 --> 00:08:58,388 Where do you keep the plunger? 224 00:09:00,704 --> 00:09:02,467 I am going to a bar. 225 00:09:08,213 --> 00:09:10,210 ♪ Men. ♪ 226 00:09:11,743 --> 00:09:13,124 Whoa. 227 00:09:13,124 --> 00:09:15,372 Hi-ho, Silver. 228 00:09:15,372 --> 00:09:17,237 I didn't hurt you, did I? 229 00:09:17,237 --> 00:09:20,418 A little, but I only need the one ball. 230 00:09:23,999 --> 00:09:27,111 Boy, you really seemed like a different woman. 231 00:09:27,111 --> 00:09:29,409 Well, you seemed like a different man. 232 00:09:30,693 --> 00:09:32,156 Hey, Alan? 233 00:09:32,156 --> 00:09:34,271 Speak of the devil. 234 00:09:34,271 --> 00:09:36,602 Hey. Am I interrupting? 235 00:09:36,602 --> 00:09:38,767 No. Come in. 236 00:09:39,850 --> 00:09:42,263 I just wanted to tell you that I found her. 237 00:09:42,263 --> 00:09:43,679 Found who? 238 00:09:43,679 --> 00:09:45,377 Ms. Right. 239 00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:46,976 Really? 240 00:09:46,976 --> 00:09:50,538 At a bar at... 12:30 on a Wednesday night? 241 00:09:51,672 --> 00:09:54,252 Is she on a leash? 242 00:09:55,086 --> 00:09:56,716 Woof. 243 00:09:58,532 --> 00:10:00,996 ♪ Men. ♪ 244 00:10:03,819 --> 00:10:05,272 ♪ Men. ♪ 245 00:10:12,018 --> 00:10:14,393 Isn't that the girl who almost married your brother? 246 00:10:14,393 --> 00:10:15,758 Yep. 247 00:10:15,758 --> 00:10:17,306 Didn't she go to jail 248 00:10:17,306 --> 00:10:19,221 for being some kind of con artist? 249 00:10:19,221 --> 00:10:20,320 Yep. 250 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:21,718 Doesn't it strike you 251 00:10:21,718 --> 00:10:23,083 as an amazing coincidence 252 00:10:23,083 --> 00:10:24,882 that she just ran into Walden? 253 00:10:24,882 --> 00:10:26,780 Nope. 254 00:10:26,780 --> 00:10:28,878 You have to warn him before he gets in too deep. 255 00:10:32,210 --> 00:10:34,406 Sounds like he's already in too deep. 256 00:10:38,404 --> 00:10:40,201 Who's my hungry boy? 257 00:10:40,201 --> 00:10:40,950 Me. 258 00:10:42,451 --> 00:10:44,730 Who's my naughty boy? 259 00:10:44,730 --> 00:10:45,478 Me. 260 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,759 Who's going to get their bottom spanked after breakfast? 261 00:10:49,759 --> 00:10:50,908 You. 262 00:10:52,775 --> 00:10:55,521 You are so smart. 263 00:10:55,521 --> 00:10:56,852 Open. 264 00:10:59,301 --> 00:11:01,681 Sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt. 265 00:11:01,681 --> 00:11:03,729 No, wait, Alan, come back. 266 00:11:03,729 --> 00:11:05,144 We're just having breakfast. 267 00:11:05,144 --> 00:11:07,842 Scrambled eggs and tongue. Nice. 268 00:11:07,842 --> 00:11:09,974 Hey, Alan, I want to thank you. 269 00:11:09,974 --> 00:11:11,972 If you hadn't made me go out last night, 270 00:11:11,972 --> 00:11:13,537 I would have never met Courtney. 271 00:11:13,537 --> 00:11:15,968 You're welcome, but I have a feeling one way or another 272 00:11:15,968 --> 00:11:17,716 she would have found you. 273 00:11:20,498 --> 00:11:22,545 Oh, wait, hey, you know what would be fun? 274 00:11:22,545 --> 00:11:25,658 Whatever it is, I'll do it. 275 00:11:25,658 --> 00:11:27,074 You are something else. 276 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:32,902 No, Walden, what would be fun? 277 00:11:32,902 --> 00:11:34,234 Oh, right. 278 00:11:34,234 --> 00:11:36,482 What I was gonna say is, why don't you and Lyndsey 279 00:11:36,482 --> 00:11:38,347 and me and Courtney all go out for dinner? 280 00:11:38,347 --> 00:11:40,228 Oh, gee, I'd have to check with Lyndsey. 281 00:11:40,228 --> 00:11:41,977 Oh, come on, man, like a big fancy dinner. 282 00:11:41,977 --> 00:11:43,176 It's sort of short notice. 283 00:11:43,176 --> 00:11:46,190 My treat. We'll be there. 284 00:11:46,190 --> 00:11:48,504 Alan, do you want to watch me and Walden having sex? 285 00:11:48,504 --> 00:11:50,019 No, not particularly. 286 00:11:50,019 --> 00:11:52,334 Then you'd better get out quick. 287 00:11:55,249 --> 00:11:58,045 Hot diggity, that feels good! 288 00:12:02,209 --> 00:12:07,703 I can't believe she's using I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. 289 00:12:07,703 --> 00:12:09,784 ♪ Men. ♪ 290 00:12:10,585 --> 00:12:12,198 Hello? Dad? 291 00:12:15,313 --> 00:12:17,144 Oh, yay. 292 00:12:17,944 --> 00:12:19,991 Hey, Courtney. 293 00:12:19,991 --> 00:12:22,273 Jake, it's so good to see you. 294 00:12:22,273 --> 00:12:23,355 You, too. 295 00:12:23,355 --> 00:12:24,603 Oh, you've grown. 296 00:12:24,603 --> 00:12:26,801 No, that's just my cell phone. 297 00:12:27,968 --> 00:12:30,298 Jake, what are you doing here? 298 00:12:30,298 --> 00:12:31,980 I just, uh... 299 00:12:33,646 --> 00:12:35,311 came by to... 300 00:12:37,126 --> 00:12:38,991 What? 301 00:12:40,507 --> 00:12:42,670 Look, could you do me a favor and give us some privacy? 302 00:12:42,670 --> 00:12:44,784 Yeah, sure. Can I have a good-bye hug? 303 00:12:44,784 --> 00:12:46,500 Jake, go. 304 00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:48,415 Way to block me, Dad. 305 00:12:49,832 --> 00:12:52,911 So, Courtney. 306 00:12:52,911 --> 00:12:54,709 So, Alan. 307 00:12:54,709 --> 00:12:56,157 Where's Walden? 308 00:12:56,157 --> 00:12:57,789 He's upstairs taking a nap. 309 00:12:57,789 --> 00:12:58,988 Recharge the batteries? 310 00:12:58,988 --> 00:13:00,620 The batteries are fine. 311 00:13:00,620 --> 00:13:03,268 It's the flashlight that needs a rest. 312 00:13:03,268 --> 00:13:05,233 What can I do for you? 313 00:13:05,233 --> 00:13:08,230 I want you to leave Walden alone. 314 00:13:08,230 --> 00:13:10,144 He's not ready for someone like you. 315 00:13:10,144 --> 00:13:12,110 Someone like me? 316 00:13:12,110 --> 00:13:14,474 What ever do you mean? 317 00:13:14,474 --> 00:13:16,605 Someone who's creating a lifestyle 318 00:13:16,605 --> 00:13:17,688 from finding wealthy men 319 00:13:17,688 --> 00:13:19,769 and sponging off them as much as they can. 320 00:13:19,769 --> 00:13:23,383 Gee, Alan, that sounds a lot like you. 321 00:13:23,383 --> 00:13:25,880 What ever do you mean? 322 00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:27,412 Eight years living off your brother, 323 00:13:27,412 --> 00:13:28,577 sleeping on his fold-out couch. 324 00:13:28,577 --> 00:13:31,092 Oh, leave it to you to spin it so I look bad. 325 00:13:31,092 --> 00:13:33,006 See you at dinner, Alan. 326 00:13:33,006 --> 00:13:38,001 Oh, I will see you at dinner all right, young lady. 327 00:13:42,698 --> 00:13:45,196 ♪ Men. ♪ 328 00:13:46,561 --> 00:13:48,609 Ugh, gristle. 329 00:13:48,609 --> 00:13:51,856 Aw, here honey, let me cut that fat away for you. 330 00:13:51,856 --> 00:13:53,787 Thank you. 331 00:13:54,604 --> 00:13:58,400 Bit of a fatty piece here myself. 332 00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:01,231 Yeah, so? 333 00:14:02,513 --> 00:14:04,011 Oh, you got a little schmutz. 334 00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:06,309 Thank you. 335 00:14:06,309 --> 00:14:09,539 So, looks like you two guys hit it off pretty quick. 336 00:14:09,539 --> 00:14:11,137 What's the point of going slow? 337 00:14:11,137 --> 00:14:12,503 When it's right, it's right. 338 00:14:12,503 --> 00:14:14,335 - And it is right, right? - Right. 339 00:14:14,335 --> 00:14:17,799 Hey, I finished my beans. Can I have dessert? 340 00:14:17,799 --> 00:14:19,496 I am dessert. 341 00:14:19,496 --> 00:14:20,961 Thank you. 342 00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:23,692 Hey. 343 00:14:23,692 --> 00:14:25,191 - Hmm? - You know what would be cool? 344 00:14:25,191 --> 00:14:27,239 What? Move in with me. 345 00:14:28,023 --> 00:14:30,986 Whoa, slow down, Walden. 346 00:14:30,986 --> 00:14:33,899 Yeah, slow down, Walden. You just met her last night. 347 00:14:33,899 --> 00:14:36,514 Yeah, but I want to be with her all the time. 348 00:14:36,514 --> 00:14:40,394 Oh, baby, that is so sweet, but is there even room for me? 349 00:14:40,394 --> 00:14:43,524 What about Alan? 350 00:14:43,524 --> 00:14:46,139 Yeah, what about Alan? 351 00:14:46,139 --> 00:14:48,304 But he's moving out, right? 352 00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:49,022 Right. 353 00:14:51,186 --> 00:14:53,048 I don't know. I'm not really the kind of girl 354 00:14:53,048 --> 00:14:55,096 who just moves in with a guy after one night. 355 00:14:55,096 --> 00:14:56,495 Please. 356 00:14:56,495 --> 00:14:57,844 Okay. 357 00:15:01,491 --> 00:15:05,486 Well, I guess I need to find a new place to live. 358 00:15:05,486 --> 00:15:08,151 Yeah, good luck with that. 359 00:15:10,983 --> 00:15:13,413 ♪ Men. ♪ 360 00:15:14,263 --> 00:15:15,661 Morning, Alan. 361 00:15:15,661 --> 00:15:17,659 Morning. 362 00:15:17,659 --> 00:15:18,924 Where's your little girlfriend? 363 00:15:18,924 --> 00:15:21,022 She couldn't sleep, so she went home. 364 00:15:21,022 --> 00:15:22,355 What was the problem? 365 00:15:22,355 --> 00:15:24,186 I think it was hearing the third 366 00:15:24,186 --> 00:15:27,017 "Hot diggity, that feels good!" 367 00:15:27,017 --> 00:15:30,731 Oh, yeah, number three was a well-timed ice cube. 368 00:15:35,793 --> 00:15:38,839 You think you've beaten me, don't you? 369 00:15:38,839 --> 00:15:40,471 Alan, it was never a contest. 370 00:15:40,471 --> 00:15:43,635 Of the two of us, only I can bring the "diggity." 371 00:15:45,302 --> 00:15:48,613 Don't be so sure of yourself. 372 00:15:48,613 --> 00:15:50,379 I may have a final card to play. 373 00:15:50,379 --> 00:15:52,493 Well, unless that card is a vagina in your pocket, 374 00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:54,208 I'm not particularly worried. 375 00:15:59,937 --> 00:16:01,752 Oh, thanks for coming, Bridget. 376 00:16:01,752 --> 00:16:03,383 Well, you said Walden was in trouble. 377 00:16:03,383 --> 00:16:06,930 Hi, I'm the trouble Walden's been in. Repeatedly. 378 00:16:06,930 --> 00:16:10,260 Uh, Courtney, this is Walden's wife Bridget. 379 00:16:10,260 --> 00:16:13,607 Bridget, this is the "lad"" I was telling you about. 380 00:16:13,607 --> 00:16:15,754 Bridget? 381 00:16:15,754 --> 00:16:18,303 What are you doing here? 382 00:16:18,303 --> 00:16:20,134 Well, Alan called and told me 383 00:16:20,134 --> 00:16:21,799 that you were doing something stupid. 384 00:16:21,799 --> 00:16:24,097 And I just met her. 385 00:16:24,097 --> 00:16:26,545 She's just sorry 386 00:16:26,545 --> 00:16:28,210 she threw you out, but it's too late now, 387 00:16:28,210 --> 00:16:30,790 - isn't it, baby? - Really? 388 00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:32,090 You're sorry you threw me out? 389 00:16:32,090 --> 00:16:34,205 Who cares? Come upstairs. 390 00:16:34,205 --> 00:16:36,418 Walden, just because I can't live with you anymore, 391 00:16:36,418 --> 00:16:38,234 doesn't mean that I want you 392 00:16:38,234 --> 00:16:41,114 to be taken to the cleaners by Botox Barbie here. 393 00:16:41,114 --> 00:16:44,411 Don't listen to her. Come upstairs. 394 00:16:44,411 --> 00:16:47,492 Walden, if you go with her, I will never talk to you again. 395 00:16:47,492 --> 00:16:50,323 Why don't both you broads hold out a treat and whistle 396 00:16:50,323 --> 00:16:52,604 and we'll see which one he goes to. 397 00:16:56,151 --> 00:16:58,515 Boy, this is a toughie. 398 00:17:00,813 --> 00:17:05,475 I really love having a life with you. 399 00:17:05,475 --> 00:17:07,723 Sharing my hopes 400 00:17:07,723 --> 00:17:10,803 and dreams. 401 00:17:10,803 --> 00:17:15,000 But I also really love 402 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,863 burying my head in your breasts and going. 403 00:17:19,496 --> 00:17:22,876 Honey, it's not about the sex. 404 00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:25,523 It's not about your money. 405 00:17:25,523 --> 00:17:27,488 I want to be with you. 406 00:17:27,488 --> 00:17:29,486 I want to take care of you. 407 00:17:29,486 --> 00:17:33,666 Oh, that's a good answer. 408 00:17:33,666 --> 00:17:35,397 Bridget? 409 00:17:37,197 --> 00:17:39,093 We have a winner! 410 00:17:39,093 --> 00:17:43,057 Courtney, do you think that your deep feelings for my husband 411 00:17:43,057 --> 00:17:45,005 can in any way be affected 412 00:17:45,005 --> 00:17:46,886 by a cashier's check for $50,000? 413 00:17:46,886 --> 00:17:49,334 $50,000? 414 00:17:49,334 --> 00:17:52,432 You actually think that you can buy me off? 415 00:17:52,432 --> 00:17:54,596 Your real name is Sylvia Fishman and you're wanted 416 00:17:54,596 --> 00:17:57,044 in three states for fraud, forgery and money laundering. 417 00:17:57,044 --> 00:18:00,141 Bye, Walden. It was fun. 418 00:18:01,674 --> 00:18:03,654 Aw, darn. 419 00:18:03,654 --> 00:18:06,535 I was really looking forward to more diggity. 420 00:18:06,535 --> 00:18:08,916 If Bridget will write me a check like that, 421 00:18:08,916 --> 00:18:10,781 I'll diggity your brains out. 422 00:18:13,346 --> 00:18:15,660 I'll diggity you for free. 423 00:18:15,660 --> 00:18:18,291 ♪ Men. ♪ 424 00:18:21,016 --> 00:18:23,012 ♪ Men. ♪ 425 00:18:24,366 --> 00:18:26,380 How you doing? 426 00:18:27,025 --> 00:18:30,020 Let this be a warning to you, Alan. 427 00:18:30,020 --> 00:18:31,691 There are women out there that will be nice to you 428 00:18:31,691 --> 00:18:33,920 just to get to your money. 429 00:18:34,848 --> 00:18:35,900 Thanks. 430 00:18:35,900 --> 00:18:39,896 But that's not very high on my list of concerns. 431 00:18:39,896 --> 00:18:41,978 I just feel so stupid. 432 00:18:41,978 --> 00:18:44,691 Oh, hey. Don't sell yourself short. 433 00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:47,755 I'm sure she was also attracted to your chiseled good looks, 434 00:18:47,755 --> 00:18:50,419 youthful stamina and freakishly large penis. 435 00:18:50,419 --> 00:18:53,716 Thanks. That makes me feel better. 436 00:18:53,716 --> 00:18:57,929 I'm glad, 'cause it makes me feel like hanging myself. 437 00:18:57,929 --> 00:19:01,575 So how'd you leave things with Bridget? 438 00:19:01,575 --> 00:19:03,041 Pretty much the same place. 439 00:19:03,041 --> 00:19:04,739 She still wants a divorce. 440 00:19:04,739 --> 00:19:06,255 Oh, I'm sorry. 441 00:19:06,255 --> 00:19:07,903 But she obviously still cares about you. 442 00:19:07,903 --> 00:19:09,785 I mean, a lot of people would have used 443 00:19:09,785 --> 00:19:11,001 the money she gave Courtney for-- 444 00:19:11,001 --> 00:19:15,063 I don't know-- medical insurance, a new car, 445 00:19:15,063 --> 00:19:19,159 maybe a college prep tutor for their idiot son. 446 00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:21,690 You can have all those things, Alan. 447 00:19:21,690 --> 00:19:23,055 I can? 448 00:19:23,055 --> 00:19:24,720 Sure. You just have to make more money. 449 00:19:25,554 --> 00:19:27,318 Right. 450 00:19:27,318 --> 00:19:28,850 Duh. 451 00:19:30,983 --> 00:19:32,713 Hey, thanks for calling Bridget. 452 00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:33,878 Oh, no problem. 453 00:19:33,878 --> 00:19:35,510 No, you really had my back. 454 00:19:35,510 --> 00:19:37,176 Oh, that's what friends do. 455 00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:38,874 Well, I want you to know that you have 456 00:19:38,874 --> 00:19:40,306 a home here as long as you want. 457 00:19:40,306 --> 00:19:42,038 Really? 458 00:19:42,038 --> 00:19:44,036 Because I am looking for a place. 459 00:19:44,036 --> 00:19:45,717 No, I want... I want you to stay. 460 00:19:45,717 --> 00:19:47,549 I like having somebody here I can trust. 461 00:19:47,549 --> 00:19:49,714 Well, if it's what you want. 462 00:19:49,714 --> 00:19:51,879 Ah, son of a bitch. 463 00:19:51,879 --> 00:19:53,644 I knew you'd find a way 464 00:19:53,644 --> 00:19:55,592 to weasel your way back in. 465 00:19:55,592 --> 00:19:57,740 I'm out of here. 466 00:19:58,540 --> 00:19:59,988 Well, you're not quitting, are you? 467 00:19:59,988 --> 00:20:01,353 Nah, I'm moving back home. 468 00:20:01,353 --> 00:20:02,719 I'll see you Monday. 469 00:20:02,719 --> 00:20:03,717 Wow. 470 00:20:04,518 --> 00:20:06,906 Looks like I get to take my old room back, huh? 471 00:20:07,401 --> 00:20:08,589 Hey, whatever you want, buddy. 472 00:20:08,589 --> 00:20:11,568 Just make sure the nine-fingered man is gone. 473 00:20:14,284 --> 00:20:15,948 How about that? 474 00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:18,779 For once, things actually work out well for old Alan.