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Previously on...
Two and a Half Men...
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Great news, Alan.
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00:00:04,217 --> 00:00:05,834
Berta has agreed to be
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my live-in housekeeper.
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Yeah, he talked me into it.
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I wonder what his sweat
tastes like.
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Time for me to go.
(chuckles)
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Wait.
Come here.
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Give us a hug goodbye.
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I'm taking your room, Zippy.
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You saved my
butt back there.
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I owe you big-time.
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If there's anything
that you need,
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any way I can help you...
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Well, really uncomfortable
living at my mom's.
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Um, do you think I could
stay here for a few days
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while I find my own place?
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Yeah, no problem.
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I'm back.
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# Men. #
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00:00:44,497 --> 00:00:47,981
# When Alan comes marching
home again, hurrah, hurrah #
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# We'll give him a hearty
welcome then, hurrah, hurrah. #
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Hello, room.
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00:00:54,257 --> 00:00:55,739
Do you miss me?
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Whoa!
Whoa!
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What the hell are
you doing here?
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I live here.
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00:01:02,867 --> 00:01:04,334
What the hell
are you doing here?
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00:01:04,336 --> 00:01:06,285
Walden said I could stay
for a couple of days.
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You don't stay
anywhere for a couple of days.
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Besides, this is my room now.
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It was my room first.
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Walden!
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Why don't you just
take Jake's room?
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Why don't I just rip your arm
off and slap you silly with it?
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00:01:18,767 --> 00:01:19,932
Oh, hey.
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00:01:19,934 --> 00:01:20,850
What's going on?
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Did you tell him
he could stay here?
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Yeah, just for
a couple days.
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Okay, I've got to explain
something to you.
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This guy is like genital herpes.
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Once you got 'em,
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you got 'em for life.
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00:01:33,565 --> 00:01:36,115
Now, th-that's not very fair.
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How long did you tell
your brother you'd be here?
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You know what, I'll just
move over to Jake's room.
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00:01:40,905 --> 00:01:43,539
Good idea, go to Jake's room.
48
00:01:45,125 --> 00:01:47,710
Wait, why are we calling it
Jake's room?
49
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Herpes has a kid.
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Herpes Junior?
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00:01:55,253 --> 00:01:59,005
# Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men #
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00:01:59,007 --> 00:02:02,091
# Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men #
# Ooh #
53
00:02:02,093 --> 00:02:05,344
# Men, men, men, men, manly men #
# Ooh # # Ooh #
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# Ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh... #
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# Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men #
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# Ooh #
# Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men #
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# Ah. #
# Men. #
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# Men. #
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Hey. What you doing?
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00:02:29,663 --> 00:02:31,746
I'm building
a neural metric backend
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for a social media aggregator.
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If I nail it,
I can revolutionize
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the entire
online entertainment sector.
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Ooh. Neural metrics.
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Cool.
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You know, I buy
all my underwear online.
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Add to cart.
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(doorbell rings)
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Oh, no, no, no. Let
me get that, boss.
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"Add to cart."
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That's adorable.
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What are you
guys doing here?
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It's your weekend
to have custody of this.
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Hello.
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00:03:05,148 --> 00:03:07,815
Uh, Judith, I told
you I'm a guest here.
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I can't just bring my
kid over without asking.
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So ask. Bye.
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Uh, Judith, Judith.
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Wait, Judith!
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She left the car running, Dad.
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All right, all right.
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Uh, all right,
don't move.
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Don't-Don't come
in the house.
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Just stand
right here.
85
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But I really
have to...
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Okay, how am I gonna play this?
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Dishonestly.
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Hey, Walden...
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Good news. I just got
an e-mail from Bridget,
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we're going out
to dinner tonight.
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Oh, dating the ex.
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Always good news.
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Uh, hey, speaking of broken
families and good news, uh,
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do you remember
my son Jake?
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Uh, yeah.
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Nice kid with the big head?
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Mm.
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Yeah, I like him.
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Uh, and he
liked you, too.
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00:03:53,296 --> 00:03:56,414
Uh, so much so that he decided
to drop by and say hi.
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Where is he?
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00:03:58,635 --> 00:03:59,700
Oh, he's waiting outside.
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I told him you can't just
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come over
to someone's house unannounced.
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00:04:02,038 --> 00:04:04,172
Why not?
I do it all the time.
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Yeah, but you're a
handsome billionaire.
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People are always
happy to see you.
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I also told him there was
no way he could sleep over.
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Why not?
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You wouldn't mind?
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00:04:12,866 --> 00:04:14,148
Why would I mind?
112
00:04:14,150 --> 00:04:17,769
(urine sloshing)
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(zipper closing)
Hey.
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No reason.
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He's a great kid.
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# Men. #
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Okay, you need to keep in mind
that it's not like the old days.
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I am a guest here.
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You mean like the old days
when you were a guest here?
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00:04:31,584 --> 00:04:32,750
I was not a guest.
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Right, 'cause guests
eventually leave.
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Charlie was my brother;
he loved having me here.
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Wow. Denial isn't just
a river in South America.
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Africa.
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What about it?
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Never mind.
127
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Just-Just behave yourself
while you're here.
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00:04:48,468 --> 00:04:50,384
Fine. Can I have
some privacy now?
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00:04:50,386 --> 00:04:52,436
Oh, well, that actually
leads me to another thing.
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Um, see, Berta's got
my room now, so...
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No!
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Yes.
No!
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It's just temporary.
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I'm not sleeping with my dad!
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When you go to college,
you'll have a roommate.
136
00:05:00,446 --> 00:05:01,813
Yeah, but it won't be you.
137
00:05:01,815 --> 00:05:04,115
Come on, it'll be just like
that time we went camping.
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I was ten and it was
the worst weekend of my life.
139
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Hey, I didn't enjoy it either,
140
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but it's a father-son memory
we'll share forever!
141
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What are we gonna do,
sleep on the same bed?
142
00:05:12,792 --> 00:05:14,709
No, I'll get the air
mattress out of the garage.
143
00:05:14,711 --> 00:05:15,493
That you'll sleep on.
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00:05:15,495 --> 00:05:17,495
No! No!
Yes! Yes!
145
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All right, all right!
Forget about it.
146
00:05:18,932 --> 00:05:20,581
Look, okay, I will
pack up our stuff
147
00:05:20,583 --> 00:05:22,216
and we will go back
to Grandma's.
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Fine.
149
00:05:30,008 --> 00:05:31,142
(scoffs)
150
00:05:31,144 --> 00:05:32,459
Fine.
151
00:05:45,941 --> 00:05:47,775
Okay.
152
00:05:47,777 --> 00:05:50,828
Don't come crying to me when
she starts driving you crazy.
153
00:05:50,830 --> 00:05:52,830
I won't.
154
00:05:52,832 --> 00:05:54,165
And remember, at Grandma's,
155
00:05:54,167 --> 00:05:56,150
you got to pee sitting down
so there's no splatter.
156
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I'll manage,
and that's how you pee anyway.
157
00:06:06,378 --> 00:06:08,012
I'm not bluffing, Jake.
158
00:06:08,014 --> 00:06:09,380
I believe you.
159
00:06:11,233 --> 00:06:13,768
All right, I'll sleep
on the stupid air mattress!
160
00:06:13,770 --> 00:06:16,020
Good.
161
00:06:17,773 --> 00:06:19,640
Three more seconds
and I would've folded.
162
00:06:19,642 --> 00:06:22,059
Damn!
163
00:06:22,061 --> 00:06:24,862
# Men. #
164
00:06:24,864 --> 00:06:28,132
So, where do you want to go
to dinner tonight?
165
00:06:30,953 --> 00:06:32,153
What do you mean?
166
00:06:32,155 --> 00:06:34,488
You always pick the restaurant.
167
00:06:34,490 --> 00:06:37,658
Well, who says the man's
supposed to pick the restaurant?
168
00:06:37,660 --> 00:06:41,028
Well, that's a stupid rule.
169
00:06:42,864 --> 00:06:46,884
Okay, yeah,
I'll-I'll pick a restaurant.
170
00:06:46,886 --> 00:06:48,469
Okay, bye.
171
00:06:48,471 --> 00:06:51,255
Hey, Jake, do you know
a romantic restaurant
172
00:06:51,257 --> 00:06:53,140
I can take a girl to dinner?
173
00:06:55,761 --> 00:06:57,428
How about Souplantation?
174
00:06:59,948 --> 00:07:01,666
Is it good?
175
00:07:01,668 --> 00:07:02,733
Are you kidding?
176
00:07:02,735 --> 00:07:04,685
All-you-can-eat salad,
soup, pasta.
177
00:07:04,687 --> 00:07:06,220
I am in.
178
00:07:08,907 --> 00:07:09,774
Dude.
179
00:07:09,776 --> 00:07:10,825
What?
180
00:07:10,827 --> 00:07:11,859
That's my sandwich.
181
00:07:11,861 --> 00:07:14,829
It's delicious.
182
00:07:14,831 --> 00:07:17,031
(sighs)
183
00:07:19,084 --> 00:07:21,002
So what's your deal?
184
00:07:21,004 --> 00:07:23,421
Huh?
185
00:07:25,341 --> 00:07:28,742
I'm 17. I don't think
I have a deal yet.
186
00:07:28,744 --> 00:07:29,927
Ah, come on.
187
00:07:29,929 --> 00:07:31,212
Everybody's got a deal.
188
00:07:31,214 --> 00:07:33,297
Your deal is you got no deal.
189
00:07:33,299 --> 00:07:35,433
Cool.
190
00:07:35,435 --> 00:07:37,852
I'm a man without a deal.
191
00:07:37,854 --> 00:07:41,188
What are you, like, a high
school senior or something?
192
00:07:41,190 --> 00:07:43,474
Well, I should be,
but they got this dumb rule
193
00:07:43,476 --> 00:07:45,643
that you have to pass
every single course.
194
00:07:47,029 --> 00:07:49,613
I think five out of seven
is plenty, don't you?
195
00:07:49,615 --> 00:07:51,065
Heck yeah.
196
00:07:51,067 --> 00:07:53,617
In eighth grade,
I flunked all my courses.
197
00:07:53,619 --> 00:07:54,535
Really?
198
00:07:54,537 --> 00:07:55,653
Yeah.
199
00:07:55,655 --> 00:07:57,038
My mom had me evaluated.
200
00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:58,289
Turns out, I was just bored
201
00:07:58,291 --> 00:08:00,491
'cause I was too smart
for all the classes.
202
00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:04,378
Huh. Maybe that's my problem.
203
00:08:06,948 --> 00:08:09,133
I'm too freakin' smart.
204
00:08:10,335 --> 00:08:11,302
Ow!
205
00:08:11,304 --> 00:08:12,553
I'm sorry.
206
00:08:12,555 --> 00:08:15,089
I just think we need
to establish some boundaries.
207
00:08:15,091 --> 00:08:18,392
Hey, don't make hitting
your deal.
208
00:08:20,295 --> 00:08:21,979
# Men. #
209
00:08:21,981 --> 00:08:23,630
(wheezing)
210
00:08:23,632 --> 00:08:27,301
(blowing)
211
00:08:29,137 --> 00:08:30,404
Hey, Dad?
212
00:08:30,406 --> 00:08:31,689
Hang on.
213
00:08:31,691 --> 00:08:33,807
(panting)
214
00:08:33,809 --> 00:08:34,825
(groans)
215
00:08:34,827 --> 00:08:37,695
Didn't you used to have
a bicycle pump?
216
00:08:37,697 --> 00:08:40,664
Yeah, and I also
used to have my own room.
217
00:08:41,433 --> 00:08:43,150
What do you
want, Jake?
218
00:08:43,152 --> 00:08:45,319
Okay, so you know how
you're worried that 'cause I get
219
00:08:45,321 --> 00:08:47,455
bad grades in high school
that I'm not gonna be able
220
00:08:47,457 --> 00:08:49,790
to get into college and then
find a job to support myself?
221
00:08:49,792 --> 00:08:53,127
That pretty much
sums it up, yeah.
222
00:08:53,129 --> 00:08:57,264
Well, it turns out, I get
bad grades 'cause I'm too smart.
223
00:09:02,154 --> 00:09:03,670
Too smart?
224
00:09:03,672 --> 00:09:04,838
Yeah.
225
00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:06,006
So I'm gonna forget college,
226
00:09:06,008 --> 00:09:08,275
drop out of high school
and start my own business.
227
00:09:08,277 --> 00:09:11,395
Hold on, hold on.
228
00:09:11,397 --> 00:09:13,447
You're too smart?
229
00:09:13,449 --> 00:09:15,616
Yep. Walden and me
have that in common.
230
00:09:15,618 --> 00:09:19,120
Walden and I
have that in common.
231
00:09:19,122 --> 00:09:23,207
No offense, Dad, but I don't
think you're that smart.
232
00:09:24,993 --> 00:09:28,546
So, you're saying you want
to drop out of high school?
233
00:09:28,548 --> 00:09:29,580
Why not?
234
00:09:29,582 --> 00:09:30,998
Did you know that Walden made
235
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,533
his first million
before he was 19?
236
00:09:32,535 --> 00:09:35,052
How many zeros
in a million, Jake?
237
00:09:35,054 --> 00:09:37,922
M- I-L-L-I-O-N.
238
00:09:39,641 --> 00:09:41,142
One.
239
00:09:43,895 --> 00:09:46,880
Okay, okay, Jake,
listen carefully.
240
00:09:46,882 --> 00:09:49,016
You are not
dropping out of high school.
241
00:09:49,018 --> 00:09:49,733
But...
242
00:09:49,735 --> 00:09:50,935
No, you're not a genius,
243
00:09:50,937 --> 00:09:52,770
you're not a prodigy.
244
00:09:53,797 --> 00:09:54,484
Nice.
245
00:09:54,519 --> 00:09:56,657
My own father
doesn't think I'm special.
246
00:09:56,659 --> 00:09:57,992
Oh.
247
00:09:57,994 --> 00:09:59,360
(chuckles)
248
00:09:59,362 --> 00:10:00,411
On the contrary.
249
00:10:00,413 --> 00:10:04,248
Your father thinks
you're very special.
250
00:10:06,234 --> 00:10:08,953
Of course, I'm the dummy
sleeping on the floor.
251
00:10:09,805 --> 00:10:12,406
(mattress farting, hissing)
252
00:10:14,176 --> 00:10:16,410
# Men. #
253
00:10:21,077 --> 00:10:22,678
# Men. #
254
00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:24,046
(knocking)
255
00:10:24,118 --> 00:10:25,450
Come in.
256
00:10:25,452 --> 00:10:26,485
Got a minute?
257
00:10:26,487 --> 00:10:27,819
Sure.
258
00:10:27,821 --> 00:10:31,123
Hey, I'm getting dressed
for my dinner with Bridget.
259
00:10:31,125 --> 00:10:32,374
How do I look?
260
00:10:32,376 --> 00:10:34,826
Your face should be
on gay money.
261
00:10:34,828 --> 00:10:36,678
Listen, um...
262
00:10:38,431 --> 00:10:41,466
You say something to my son
about quitting high school
263
00:10:41,468 --> 00:10:42,667
and starting a business?
264
00:10:42,669 --> 00:10:44,937
Oh, yeah, I told him
that's what I did.
265
00:10:44,939 --> 00:10:47,973
Hey, what do you think
about a hat?
266
00:10:47,975 --> 00:10:49,641
The only reason
to wear a hat on date
267
00:10:49,643 --> 00:10:50,842
is if you're hiding a bald spot.
268
00:10:50,844 --> 00:10:52,277
Oh.
269
00:10:54,063 --> 00:10:55,697
For your next date.
270
00:10:58,517 --> 00:11:00,369
Thank you.
271
00:11:00,371 --> 00:11:02,520
So you really quit high school?
272
00:11:02,522 --> 00:11:03,655
Mmm, no.
273
00:11:03,657 --> 00:11:05,207
I skipped high school.
274
00:11:05,209 --> 00:11:06,458
I quit MIT.
275
00:11:06,460 --> 00:11:08,460
Oh, okay. See, there's
the misunderstanding.
276
00:11:08,462 --> 00:11:11,747
Jake has a hard time
spelling MIT.
277
00:11:11,749 --> 00:11:14,466
Oh. Well, then, he really
shouldn't quit school.
278
00:11:14,468 --> 00:11:16,718
Hey, check it out.
279
00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:18,303
My socks match my sneakers.
280
00:11:18,305 --> 00:11:20,872
But your sneakers
don't match each other.
281
00:11:20,874 --> 00:11:23,892
Oh...
282
00:11:25,061 --> 00:11:27,095
Bridget used to pick out
all my outfits.
283
00:11:27,097 --> 00:11:28,680
I can see why you miss her.
284
00:11:28,682 --> 00:11:31,383
Well, uh, thank you for
clearing the Jake stuff up.
285
00:11:31,385 --> 00:11:32,434
Yeah, no problem.
286
00:11:32,436 --> 00:11:34,102
Uh, and, uh, going forward,
287
00:11:34,104 --> 00:11:36,554
keep in mind that kids like him
are looking for role models,
288
00:11:36,556 --> 00:11:38,223
so you have to be careful
around them.
289
00:11:38,225 --> 00:11:40,142
Yeah, sure.
Although, truth to tell,
290
00:11:40,144 --> 00:11:42,778
unless he sees you passed out
in a pool of vomit
291
00:11:42,780 --> 00:11:44,997
with a tattooed prostitute,
you're going to be
292
00:11:44,999 --> 00:11:47,082
an improvement
in the role model department.
293
00:11:47,084 --> 00:11:49,952
Hey, Alan?
Yeah?
294
00:11:49,954 --> 00:11:52,570
You got a lot of experience
with women, right?
295
00:11:57,961 --> 00:12:00,578
A lot? (chuckles)
I don't know.
296
00:12:00,580 --> 00:12:04,299
You know, I've, uh, been
around the block a few times.
297
00:12:04,301 --> 00:12:07,436
Did a little dance,
made a little love,
298
00:12:07,438 --> 00:12:10,105
got down tonight
on several occasions.
299
00:12:11,674 --> 00:12:13,025
Um, why do you ask?
300
00:12:14,110 --> 00:12:17,312
What can I do to convince
Bridget to take me back?
301
00:12:18,147 --> 00:12:19,431
Oh.
302
00:12:19,433 --> 00:12:21,149
(sighs)
303
00:12:21,151 --> 00:12:24,403
Walden, Walden,
Walden, Walden.
304
00:12:24,405 --> 00:12:25,937
Come sit.
305
00:12:25,939 --> 00:12:28,290
Really? I got to sit?
306
00:12:38,134 --> 00:12:42,137
A woman's heart is a deep
and mysterious place,
307
00:12:42,139 --> 00:12:44,289
almost impossible
to reach.
308
00:12:44,291 --> 00:12:46,341
Much like the G-spot.
309
00:12:47,727 --> 00:12:51,463
Although at least we know
the heart, in fact, exists.
310
00:12:51,465 --> 00:12:53,015
Okay, is that it?
Can I stand up now?
311
00:12:53,017 --> 00:12:54,399
Oh, no. H-hang on.
Hang on.
312
00:12:54,401 --> 00:12:57,302
When that heart closes
itself to a man--
313
00:12:57,304 --> 00:12:59,938
and in my experience,
it inevitably does--
314
00:12:59,940 --> 00:13:04,076
the only way to reopen it
is to allow time to pass.
315
00:13:04,078 --> 00:13:06,478
That way, the
woman can reflect
316
00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:08,664
on how much she
misses her man.
317
00:13:09,499 --> 00:13:10,699
And that's worked
for you?
318
00:13:10,701 --> 00:13:12,984
Oh, yeah.
319
00:13:12,986 --> 00:13:15,704
There are quite a
few ladies out there
320
00:13:15,706 --> 00:13:19,091
currently reflecting on how
much they miss Alan Harper.
321
00:13:19,093 --> 00:13:21,043
Good luck.
322
00:13:23,496 --> 00:13:26,515
Should've asked the kid.
323
00:13:26,517 --> 00:13:28,350
# Men. #
324
00:13:28,352 --> 00:13:29,768
Unbelievable.
325
00:13:29,770 --> 00:13:30,952
You don't like it.
326
00:13:30,954 --> 00:13:32,721
No, no, I blame myself.
327
00:13:32,723 --> 00:13:35,257
I trusted you to make
a simple dinner reservation.
328
00:13:35,259 --> 00:13:37,559
Uh, don't blame me;
blame Jake.
329
00:13:37,561 --> 00:13:38,894
Who's Jake?
330
00:13:38,896 --> 00:13:41,563
He's some kid without a deal.
331
00:13:42,665 --> 00:13:44,449
Besides, does it matter
where we eat
332
00:13:44,451 --> 00:13:46,284
as long as we're
with each other?
333
00:13:46,286 --> 00:13:48,453
(loud clinking)
334
00:13:49,372 --> 00:13:50,789
I got to pee!
335
00:13:50,791 --> 00:13:53,875
Okay, bon appétit.
336
00:13:53,877 --> 00:13:57,129
I got to pee!
337
00:13:57,131 --> 00:13:59,631
Don't you move.
338
00:14:03,436 --> 00:14:04,669
Hello!
339
00:14:04,671 --> 00:14:06,138
(laughs)
340
00:14:07,390 --> 00:14:08,706
She's cute.
341
00:14:08,708 --> 00:14:10,542
You know, it's not too late.
342
00:14:10,544 --> 00:14:11,893
We could still have a kid.
343
00:14:11,895 --> 00:14:13,061
We already do.
344
00:14:13,063 --> 00:14:14,396
I'm looking at him.
345
00:14:14,398 --> 00:14:16,714
Oh, come on.
That's not fair.
346
00:14:16,716 --> 00:14:17,983
Ah, hot soup!
347
00:14:17,985 --> 00:14:20,552
Hot soup. (groans)
348
00:14:21,988 --> 00:14:24,022
Thank you.
Look, Walden,
349
00:14:24,024 --> 00:14:25,407
I agreed to have dinner with you
350
00:14:25,409 --> 00:14:27,325
because I care about you,
but I just...
351
00:14:27,327 --> 00:14:29,077
Are we going to have sex later?
352
00:14:29,079 --> 00:14:30,495
(sighs)
Let me finish.
353
00:14:30,497 --> 00:14:31,830
But no.
354
00:14:31,832 --> 00:14:33,731
Aw.
355
00:14:33,733 --> 00:14:36,034
The thing is,
even though I care about you,
356
00:14:36,036 --> 00:14:37,869
this marriage is over.
357
00:14:37,871 --> 00:14:39,454
I don't want to get
a divorce.
358
00:14:39,456 --> 00:14:41,506
Why do we got to get a divorce?
359
00:14:41,508 --> 00:14:42,624
Because I have grown up
360
00:14:42,626 --> 00:14:44,926
and you are still the same guy
you were at 19.
361
00:14:44,928 --> 00:14:45,961
No, that is not true.
362
00:14:45,963 --> 00:14:47,095
I got a lot more money now.
363
00:14:47,097 --> 00:14:48,346
Money isn't the point.
364
00:14:48,348 --> 00:14:49,931
I got lawyers,
I got accountants,
365
00:14:49,933 --> 00:14:51,749
I got my own
charitable foundation.
366
00:14:51,751 --> 00:14:54,186
It's not about what you have;
it's about who you are.
367
00:14:54,188 --> 00:14:55,353
Oh.
368
00:14:55,355 --> 00:14:57,606
Well, I'm pretty much
the same guy.
369
00:14:57,608 --> 00:15:00,392
What I want, what I need,
is a partner in life.
370
00:15:00,394 --> 00:15:03,945
A grown-up, mature,
responsible adult.
371
00:15:03,947 --> 00:15:05,313
What, and you don't think
that's me?
372
00:15:05,315 --> 00:15:06,764
No, I don't.
373
00:15:09,285 --> 00:15:10,768
And you don't think
I can change?
374
00:15:10,770 --> 00:15:12,070
No, I don't.
But what if I can?
375
00:15:12,072 --> 00:15:13,121
But you can't.
Can, too.
376
00:15:13,123 --> 00:15:14,656
Just eat your dinner.
377
00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:18,577
Ugh.
378
00:15:18,579 --> 00:15:19,795
This blows.
379
00:15:19,797 --> 00:15:21,379
I know, but it's something
380
00:15:21,381 --> 00:15:23,632
we're both just going
to have to accept.
381
00:15:25,218 --> 00:15:27,285
How's your beach house?
382
00:15:27,287 --> 00:15:29,471
It's okay.
383
00:15:30,506 --> 00:15:31,840
But I miss you.
384
00:15:31,842 --> 00:15:33,842
I miss you, too, sometimes.
385
00:15:33,844 --> 00:15:34,810
Really?
386
00:15:34,812 --> 00:15:36,895
Walden, we were together
for 15 years.
387
00:15:36,897 --> 00:15:39,147
Those feelings
don't just go away.
388
00:15:40,817 --> 00:15:42,484
(laughing)
389
00:15:42,486 --> 00:15:45,654
Hey, be cool.
390
00:15:46,772 --> 00:15:49,974
So, uh, you really still have
feelings for me?
391
00:15:49,976 --> 00:15:52,360
Of course I do.
Oh.
392
00:15:52,362 --> 00:15:53,645
(laughing)
393
00:15:53,647 --> 00:15:55,113
Hey.
394
00:15:55,115 --> 00:15:57,666
Big girls don't throw food.
395
00:15:59,252 --> 00:16:01,586
Trust me, I can change.
396
00:16:01,588 --> 00:16:03,154
I really can.
397
00:16:04,090 --> 00:16:05,257
(laughs)
398
00:16:05,259 --> 00:16:06,341
All right, that's it.
Eat lettuce!
399
00:16:06,343 --> 00:16:09,044
Walden!
What? She started it.
400
00:16:09,046 --> 00:16:10,178
Whoa! No pasta.
401
00:16:10,180 --> 00:16:11,630
I call no pasta.
402
00:16:11,632 --> 00:16:14,249
(laughing)
403
00:16:14,251 --> 00:16:15,667
Oh, it is on!
404
00:16:16,519 --> 00:16:17,769
Oh, yeah.
405
00:16:17,771 --> 00:16:19,554
And she got some...
Here it comes.
406
00:16:19,556 --> 00:16:20,889
Here it comes.
Here it comes.
407
00:16:20,891 --> 00:16:21,973
(whooping)
408
00:16:21,975 --> 00:16:23,942
# Men. #
409
00:16:23,944 --> 00:16:25,644
(doorbell rings)
410
00:16:25,646 --> 00:16:27,362
Berta, can you
get the door?
411
00:16:27,364 --> 00:16:29,814
I'm off the clock, Zippy.
412
00:16:29,816 --> 00:16:31,650
What clock?
You're a live-in.
413
00:16:31,652 --> 00:16:33,952
And I'm livin'.
414
00:16:39,292 --> 00:16:42,511
You know you took
the wrong brother, right?
415
00:16:44,196 --> 00:16:45,580
Judith, what are
you doing here?
416
00:16:45,582 --> 00:16:47,169
Why did you tell Jake
he could quit school?
417
00:16:47,217 --> 00:16:48,169
I didn't.
418
00:16:48,194 --> 00:16:49,465
Well, then, where
did he get the idea?
419
00:16:49,469 --> 00:16:51,419
Walden. He told him
about how when he quit
420
00:16:51,421 --> 00:16:52,870
he made hundreds of
millions of dollars,
421
00:16:52,872 --> 00:16:54,806
and now Jake thinks
he can do it, too.
422
00:16:54,808 --> 00:16:56,391
Terrific.
And I thought your brother
423
00:16:56,393 --> 00:16:57,893
was a horrible influence.
424
00:16:57,895 --> 00:16:59,594
Don't speak ill
of the dead.
425
00:16:59,596 --> 00:17:02,180
But you're right-- he was
a terrible human being.
426
00:17:02,182 --> 00:17:04,933
Hey, who's at
the... Whoops!
427
00:17:04,935 --> 00:17:07,652
You come back
here, young man!
428
00:17:08,654 --> 00:17:10,238
He's not coming back, is he?
429
00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:12,073
I wouldn't.
430
00:17:13,058 --> 00:17:14,492
Hey.
431
00:17:14,494 --> 00:17:16,778
Walden, I want a word with you.
432
00:17:16,780 --> 00:17:18,747
Walden, you remember
Judith. Bye.
433
00:17:21,250 --> 00:17:22,584
You're Alan's ex, right?
434
00:17:22,586 --> 00:17:24,452
Yes, and Jake's mother.
435
00:17:24,454 --> 00:17:26,037
And you and I need
to discuss how...
436
00:17:26,039 --> 00:17:27,422
I just had dinner
with my ex.
437
00:17:27,424 --> 00:17:28,740
Well, that's very
nice. Anyway...
438
00:17:28,742 --> 00:17:30,342
She's not my ex yet,
but she's going to be.
439
00:17:30,344 --> 00:17:31,593
I'm sorry.
440
00:17:31,595 --> 00:17:34,429
She hates me,
but I'm still in love with her.
441
00:17:34,431 --> 00:17:37,299
Well, I'm sure you'll find
somebody else.
442
00:17:38,718 --> 00:17:42,253
Since we were teenagers,
she's been the only one.
443
00:17:42,255 --> 00:17:44,105
You were high school
sweethearts?
444
00:17:44,107 --> 00:17:46,308
Yeah.
445
00:17:49,145 --> 00:17:51,363
That is so romantic.
446
00:17:55,985 --> 00:17:59,120
And I blew it again tonight.
447
00:17:59,122 --> 00:18:00,605
Oh. Hey, come on now.
448
00:18:00,607 --> 00:18:02,073
It... it'll be okay.
449
00:18:02,075 --> 00:18:04,793
No, it'll never be okay.
450
00:18:06,128 --> 00:18:08,129
She's my soul mate.
451
00:18:08,131 --> 00:18:11,583
Oh, you poor,
sweet man.
452
00:18:12,918 --> 00:18:16,421
Who smells like ranch dressing
and fettuccine alfredo.
453
00:18:17,306 --> 00:18:19,341
Have you ever loved
anyone like that?
454
00:18:20,676 --> 00:18:22,477
No.
455
00:18:22,479 --> 00:18:25,013
Don't, 'cause it
hurts too much.
456
00:18:25,015 --> 00:18:27,315
Oh, I wish there was
something I could do.
457
00:18:27,317 --> 00:18:29,234
Like what?
458
00:18:41,547 --> 00:18:43,698
Oh, yeah,
I'm so quitting high school.
459
00:18:43,700 --> 00:18:45,950
# Men. #
460
00:18:49,362 --> 00:18:50,428
# Men. #
461
00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:51,996
For the last time, Jake,
462
00:18:51,998 --> 00:18:53,948
you're not dropping out
of high school.
463
00:18:53,950 --> 00:18:56,384
What if I can convince Mom
to let me?
464
00:18:56,386 --> 00:18:57,919
(laughs) Sure.
465
00:18:57,921 --> 00:19:01,389
If your mother says it's okay,
you can have my blessing.
466
00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:04,458
Cool.
467
00:19:04,460 --> 00:19:07,428
And while I'm at it,
I'll buy you a car.
468
00:19:08,308 --> 00:19:10,693
Oh, no, no, a space ship.
469
00:19:11,234 --> 00:19:13,014
Car's fine.
470
00:19:13,015 --> 00:19:14,181
Good night, Jake.
471
00:19:14,183 --> 00:19:15,449
Good night, Dad.
472
00:19:16,684 --> 00:19:18,485
(passing gas)
473
00:19:18,487 --> 00:19:20,654
That...
that was the air mattress.
474
00:19:20,656 --> 00:19:22,389
Okay.
475
00:19:23,691 --> 00:19:25,993
(passing gas)
476
00:19:27,061 --> 00:19:28,962
That was me.
477
00:19:29,797 --> 00:19:32,649
(panting)
478
00:19:32,651 --> 00:19:34,651
Holy moly.
479
00:19:34,653 --> 00:19:36,787
What got into
you tonight?
480
00:19:36,789 --> 00:19:39,756
You know,
besides moi.
481
00:19:41,009 --> 00:19:42,459
Shh. Don't talk.
482
00:19:42,461 --> 00:19:44,094
Okay.
483
00:19:44,096 --> 00:19:46,346
(sighs)
484
00:19:47,486 --> 00:19:49,486
How would you feel
about growing a beard?
485
00:19:50,932 --> 00:19:52,382
Wouldn't that
scratch your face?
486
00:19:54,203 --> 00:19:55,535
Yeah.