1
00:00:05,007 --> 00:00:06,465
[MUMBLING]

2
00:00:06,842 --> 00:00:10,709
No, Charlie. It's mine.

3
00:00:10,887 --> 00:00:12,927
- What?
- Give it back.

4
00:00:13,098 --> 00:00:17,926
Ow. Mom, Charlie hit me.

5
00:00:18,478 --> 00:00:20,270
Oh, okay.

6
00:00:20,439 --> 00:00:23,558
Consuela, Charlie hit me.

7
00:00:23,734 --> 00:00:27,482
Ow. Mom, Consuela hit me.

8
00:00:27,696 --> 00:00:30,365
Oh, God, here we go again.

9
00:00:30,532 --> 00:00:33,450
ALAN:
I'll run away and then you'll be sorry.

10
00:00:33,618 --> 00:00:37,034
Ow. Mom, Charlie's
making me hit myself.

11
00:00:39,207 --> 00:00:40,239
[LYNDSEY SIGHS]

12
00:00:40,417 --> 00:00:42,326
Hey, what are you doing up?

13
00:00:42,502 --> 00:00:44,495
Your brother's
talking in his sleep again.

14
00:00:44,713 --> 00:00:45,911
No kidding. What about?

15
00:00:46,089 --> 00:00:49,126
Some childhood dream
about you making him hit himself.

16
00:00:49,301 --> 00:00:51,293
What childhood? That was last week.

17
00:00:52,804 --> 00:00:54,299
SportsCenter?

18
00:00:54,473 --> 00:00:57,177
Yeah, I'm making my picks
for tomorrow's games.

19
00:00:57,351 --> 00:01:00,268
Really, Charlie?
Taking the points against Georgetown?

20
00:01:00,854 --> 00:01:02,479
No?

21
00:01:02,647 --> 00:01:06,348
If you wanna throw your money away,
just get married without a prenup.

22
00:01:07,652 --> 00:01:08,981
You know something I don't?

23
00:01:09,154 --> 00:01:10,185
So far this year...

24
00:01:10,364 --> 00:01:13,151
Georgetown's covered the spread
eight times out of ten.

25
00:01:13,325 --> 00:01:17,073
- Wow. You bet college basketball?
- Only idiots bet college basketball.

26
00:01:18,830 --> 00:01:21,535
- No offense.
- How do you know this stuff?

27
00:01:21,750 --> 00:01:24,620
I worked for a sports book in Vegas.
I opened my business...

28
00:01:24,795 --> 00:01:27,582
in the back of a candle shop
in Sherman Oaks.

29
00:01:27,923 --> 00:01:29,915
I wondered how those
stayed in business.

30
00:01:30,092 --> 00:01:32,843
Yeah, so did the IRS.

31
00:01:33,470 --> 00:01:35,344
So they nailed you for running a book?

32
00:01:35,514 --> 00:01:38,717
No, a candle store that made
a quarter of a million dollars a year.

33
00:01:38,892 --> 00:01:41,181
Without selling one freaking candle.

34
00:01:43,188 --> 00:01:45,430
Okay, so no on Georgetown.

35
00:01:46,775 --> 00:01:48,020
Does Alan know about this?

36
00:01:48,193 --> 00:01:51,692
He knows about the candle store.
Let's keep the other part between us.

37
00:01:51,863 --> 00:01:55,149
Yeah, he's kind of prissy
about moral stuff like gambling.

38
00:01:55,325 --> 00:01:57,282
- Yeah, he is.
- And drinking.

39
00:01:57,452 --> 00:02:01,284
That's only because when he drinks,
he gets all weepy, then he pukes.

40
00:02:01,456 --> 00:02:04,243
- And whoring.
- He doesn't have a problem with that.

41
00:02:04,418 --> 00:02:07,087
He's just cheap and he likes to cuddle.

42
00:02:08,005 --> 00:02:11,089
Well, don't worry, your sordid
gambling past will be our secret.

43
00:02:11,299 --> 00:02:13,873
- I'm glad to know I can trust you.
- Of course, you can.

44
00:02:14,052 --> 00:02:17,089
Hey, I never told him
about your little soft-core film career.

45
00:02:17,305 --> 00:02:20,509
Oh, God.
You saw <i>Cinnamon's Buns?</i>

46
00:02:22,060 --> 00:02:23,804
Not all the way through.

47
00:02:26,565 --> 00:02:27,893
Though I am very familiar...

48
00:02:28,066 --> 00:02:30,308
with the bakery-shop scene
in the middle.

49
00:02:31,945 --> 00:02:33,487
You know, with the frosting gun.

50
00:02:34,573 --> 00:02:38,273
I was 19. I needed the money.
They promised me it would be tasteful.

51
00:02:38,452 --> 00:02:40,160
It looked very tasteful.

52
00:02:41,038 --> 00:02:43,030
And delicious.

53
00:02:43,206 --> 00:02:45,033
Yum, yum.

54
00:02:45,834 --> 00:02:47,162
Glad to hear you enjoyed it.

55
00:02:47,336 --> 00:02:50,171
Yeah. I don't think
you were well-served by the screenplay.

56
00:02:50,339 --> 00:02:53,209
Screenplay? There was just
a greasy guy behind the camera:

57
00:02:53,383 --> 00:02:55,506
"Do this, do that, more frosting."

58
00:02:55,677 --> 00:02:57,884
[CHUCKLING]

59
00:02:58,638 --> 00:02:59,670
It's kind of weird.

60
00:02:59,848 --> 00:03:02,683
You and I have more in common
than you and my brother.

61
00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:06,395
All right, let's take something
off the table right away.

62
00:03:06,563 --> 00:03:08,141
- What's that?
- My ass.

63
00:03:08,982 --> 00:03:11,141
- That's not what I was getting at.
- Charlie...

64
00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:14,859
in spite of my past, I'm just
a nice little Valley soccer mom now.

65
00:03:15,030 --> 00:03:19,407
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Soccer mom?
Your kid's a babbling pothead.

66
00:03:19,576 --> 00:03:22,197
He played soccer when he was ten.
He scored two goals.

67
00:03:22,371 --> 00:03:24,244
- In one game?
- In one season. Shut up.

68
00:03:25,582 --> 00:03:27,990
The point is
I am way past guys like you.

69
00:03:28,168 --> 00:03:29,199
[SCOFFS]

70
00:03:29,378 --> 00:03:30,658
What do you mean, "guys like me"?

71
00:03:30,837 --> 00:03:34,372
Guys I'd have to dip in ammonia
before I'd let them anywhere near me.

72
00:03:34,549 --> 00:03:36,092
Oh, those guys.

73
00:03:37,928 --> 00:03:41,926
Long as we're being honest, I am happy
with the way things are between us.

74
00:03:42,099 --> 00:03:44,008
Besides, you're really good for Alan.

75
00:03:44,184 --> 00:03:45,559
- Thank you.
- Yeah, yeah, no.

76
00:03:45,727 --> 00:03:49,061
You're smart, you're strong,
you're self-sufficient...

77
00:03:49,231 --> 00:03:52,148
and he's, well, not.

78
00:03:52,317 --> 00:03:54,109
You underestimate your brother.

79
00:03:54,277 --> 00:03:56,685
It's not an estimate.
I already got the bill.

80
00:03:56,905 --> 00:03:59,657
You'll see. One of these days,
he's gonna surprise you.

81
00:03:59,825 --> 00:04:02,232
One of these days,
I'm gonna die of liver failure.

82
00:04:02,411 --> 00:04:04,202
Wanna lay odds which happens first?

83
00:04:04,371 --> 00:04:05,450
[LAUGHS]

84
00:04:05,622 --> 00:04:08,409
- Good night, Charlie.
- Good night.

85
00:04:10,168 --> 00:04:11,912
Ammonia?

86
00:04:12,087 --> 00:04:14,293
- Am I that skeevy?
LYNDSEY: Yes.

87
00:04:45,829 --> 00:04:47,656
- Morning.
- Good morning.

88
00:04:47,831 --> 00:04:50,239
- Lyndsey leave yet?
- No. Why?

89
00:04:50,459 --> 00:04:53,495
No reason. Just trying to keep track
of who's in my house.

90
00:04:53,670 --> 00:04:55,746
Don't worry, she's leaving very soon.

91
00:04:55,964 --> 00:04:58,882
I'm not worried.
Actually, I like having her around.

92
00:04:59,051 --> 00:05:00,213
You, not so much.

93
00:05:01,511 --> 00:05:03,504
Thank you.
That never ceases to be funny.

94
00:05:04,348 --> 00:05:06,839
Ah! Cinnamon buns.

95
00:05:12,731 --> 00:05:15,186
- How did you know?
- I bought them.

96
00:05:15,359 --> 00:05:18,858
Oh, right. Cinnamon buns.
Who doesn't love cinnamon buns?

97
00:05:19,029 --> 00:05:20,404
Ugh! Charlie.

98
00:05:20,572 --> 00:05:22,612
What, what?
Alan bought cinnamon buns.

99
00:05:22,783 --> 00:05:23,862
With frosting.

100
00:05:26,119 --> 00:05:27,779
Oh!

101
00:05:29,206 --> 00:05:30,201
Yum.

102
00:05:33,251 --> 00:05:35,244
All right, honey, I'll see you later.

103
00:05:35,420 --> 00:05:37,377
- I'll call you after work.
- See you.

104
00:05:37,547 --> 00:05:40,038
Hey, Lynds,
has your son picked a college yet?

105
00:05:40,217 --> 00:05:41,545
Uh, no. Why?

106
00:05:42,719 --> 00:05:44,130
Well, I was just wondering...

107
00:05:44,304 --> 00:05:46,427
if he were to choose between, say...

108
00:05:48,141 --> 00:05:50,217
North Carolina and Kentucky...

109
00:05:51,269 --> 00:05:53,227
which would you encourage him
to pick?

110
00:05:53,397 --> 00:05:55,223
As an out-of-state resident...

111
00:05:55,399 --> 00:05:58,565
Kentucky is two and a half times
more expensive.

112
00:05:59,903 --> 00:06:02,904
I'd still go with Kentucky.
It's a better school.

113
00:06:03,073 --> 00:06:05,564
Interesting. Well, I hope he gets in.

114
00:06:07,035 --> 00:06:10,238
- Thanks. Bye.
- Bye.

115
00:06:10,664 --> 00:06:12,740
- What was that all about?
- Hmm?

116
00:06:12,916 --> 00:06:15,407
Since when do you care
about her kid's education?

117
00:06:15,585 --> 00:06:18,752
Young people are our future, Alan.
I care about them all.

118
00:06:19,047 --> 00:06:20,839
The only young people
you care about...

119
00:06:21,049 --> 00:06:24,584
are sliding down a pole
to grab dollar bills out of your mouth.

120
00:06:25,637 --> 00:06:27,796
Those aren't dollar bills.
Those are twenties.

121
00:06:29,474 --> 00:06:31,633
- When did you become a cynic?
- When did you...

122
00:06:31,810 --> 00:06:35,345
become so interested in the comings
and goings of my girlfriend? Or her kid?

123
00:06:35,522 --> 00:06:37,349
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Chill.
- I will not chill.

124
00:06:37,566 --> 00:06:40,271
And what was all that about
liking having her around?

125
00:06:40,444 --> 00:06:44,358
- Nothing. I like having her around.
- Yeah, but around what?

126
00:06:44,573 --> 00:06:46,696
- Excuse me?
- I think when you say "around"...

127
00:06:46,867 --> 00:06:48,575
you mean "under."

128
00:06:49,703 --> 00:06:52,704
- Don't go down that road.
- Why shouldn't I go down that road?

129
00:06:52,873 --> 00:06:55,198
Is it slippery when wet?

130
00:06:55,375 --> 00:06:57,700
Are you out of your mind?
What's gotten into you?

131
00:06:57,878 --> 00:07:00,795
I think a better question
would be, what's gotten into you?

132
00:07:00,964 --> 00:07:03,171
I mean, who have you gotten into?

133
00:07:03,717 --> 00:07:05,840
Alan, Alan, listen to me very carefully.

134
00:07:06,011 --> 00:07:07,968
I have not had sex with your girlfriend.

135
00:07:08,138 --> 00:07:09,846
- Still in the planning stages.
- No.

136
00:07:10,015 --> 00:07:11,639
- But you want her.
- No.

137
00:07:11,808 --> 00:07:15,058
- Why not? What's wrong with her?
- Nothing. She's terrific.

138
00:07:15,228 --> 00:07:16,723
So you do want her.

139
00:07:16,897 --> 00:07:18,355
When it comes to Lyndsey...

140
00:07:18,523 --> 00:07:21,145
you have
absolutely nothing to worry about.

141
00:07:21,318 --> 00:07:23,690
Uh-huh. Uh-huh. That's what
you said about Wendy Freidman...

142
00:07:23,862 --> 00:07:25,653
and Kathy Bell
and Amy Driskell.

143
00:07:25,822 --> 00:07:28,859
- Who?
- They're all girls you stole from me.

144
00:07:29,034 --> 00:07:30,991
What? I never stole anybody from you.

145
00:07:31,161 --> 00:07:33,866
Ha, ha. Wendy Freidman, sixth grade,
Halloween party.

146
00:07:34,039 --> 00:07:38,250
I went to get her punch, when I came
back, you were bobbing for her apples.

147
00:07:38,627 --> 00:07:41,248
- Innocent fun.
- Ha! Kathy Bell, ninth grade.

148
00:07:41,421 --> 00:07:43,912
I brought her home.
I went to the bathroom.

149
00:07:44,132 --> 00:07:46,374
When I come back,
you were teaching her French.

150
00:07:47,177 --> 00:07:48,755
Harmless horseplay.

151
00:07:48,929 --> 00:07:50,672
Amy Driskell, sophomore year.

152
00:07:50,847 --> 00:07:53,054
First girl
who let me get to second base.

153
00:07:53,225 --> 00:07:54,505
All right, her I nailed.

154
00:07:55,435 --> 00:07:57,344
Wait, wait. Wait. You nailed her?

155
00:07:57,521 --> 00:07:59,846
Everybody nailed her.
That was her thing.

156
00:08:00,524 --> 00:08:03,228
It took me six months
just to touch her right boob.

157
00:08:03,402 --> 00:08:07,102
- You missed the signals, didn't you?
- What signals?

158
00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:09,569
In my case,
taking off her sweater and saying:

159
00:08:09,741 --> 00:08:12,861
"Quick, do me before Alan gets back
from his trumpet lesson."

160
00:08:17,207 --> 00:08:19,579
Clarinet.
I didn't have the lip for trumpet.

161
00:08:19,751 --> 00:08:22,456
Apparently, you didn't have
the lip for Amy either.

162
00:08:24,297 --> 00:08:27,085
But all that was a long time ago.
You're with Lyndsey now.

163
00:08:27,259 --> 00:08:30,877
What's important is that I wish you both
a long and happy life together.

164
00:08:31,054 --> 00:08:32,963
- Really?
- From the bottom of my heart.

165
00:08:34,725 --> 00:08:38,769
- Okay. Thank you.
- You're welcome.

166
00:08:41,314 --> 00:08:43,307
Though, I'd still like you to move out.

167
00:08:44,568 --> 00:08:46,560
Got it.

168
00:08:48,238 --> 00:08:49,898
- Soon.
- Right.

169
00:08:54,244 --> 00:08:55,619
No, I guess that's about it.

170
00:08:57,914 --> 00:08:59,409
Amy Driskell.

171
00:08:59,583 --> 00:09:02,952
"No, Alan,
I'm saving myself for Jesus."

172
00:09:05,922 --> 00:09:06,918
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

173
00:09:07,090 --> 00:09:08,501
Come on in.

174
00:09:08,759 --> 00:09:10,419
Hey.

175
00:09:10,594 --> 00:09:14,212
- Wow! The place looks great.
- Doesn't it?

176
00:09:15,098 --> 00:09:19,226
Even better than before I accidentally
almost burned it to the ground.

177
00:09:19,978 --> 00:09:21,307
Yeah.

178
00:09:21,813 --> 00:09:22,845
You're welcome.

179
00:09:23,857 --> 00:09:25,766
Come here.
I wanna give you something.

180
00:09:26,151 --> 00:09:29,187
Oh, heh.
Fooling around? On the new couch?

181
00:09:29,363 --> 00:09:32,648
Get your mind out of the gutter.
I haven't Scotchgarded yet.

182
00:09:33,617 --> 00:09:34,648
Here.

183
00:09:35,369 --> 00:09:37,491
- A house key?
- Uh-huh.

184
00:09:37,662 --> 00:09:38,943
For this house?

185
00:09:39,122 --> 00:09:41,115
Maybe we're not ready
to move in together...

186
00:09:41,291 --> 00:09:44,245
I want you to feel like you can come
and go without checking in with me.

187
00:09:44,419 --> 00:09:46,791
Wow. Thank you.

188
00:09:46,963 --> 00:09:50,297
In a lot of ways,
this isn't just the key to your house...

189
00:09:50,467 --> 00:09:52,045
it's the key to your heart.

190
00:09:53,345 --> 00:09:54,756
Don't gay it up.

191
00:09:57,057 --> 00:10:00,307
Listen, I'm thinking of having
a housewarming party next Saturday.

192
00:10:00,477 --> 00:10:03,893
- Great. What can I do?
- You can help me with the guest list.

193
00:10:04,064 --> 00:10:06,519
What would you say
about inviting Judith and Herb?

194
00:10:06,692 --> 00:10:08,518
- My ex?
- They live across the street...

195
00:10:08,694 --> 00:10:10,354
Herb is always so sweet to me.

196
00:10:10,529 --> 00:10:14,147
Every time Herb looks at you
he's pretending you're wet and naked.

197
00:10:14,533 --> 00:10:17,984
All right, fine, I won't invite them.
Probably just upset Judith anyway.

198
00:10:18,161 --> 00:10:19,869
Yeah, you're right.

199
00:10:20,038 --> 00:10:22,197
You know what? Let's invite them.

200
00:10:22,374 --> 00:10:24,580
- Take the high road.
- All right.

201
00:10:24,793 --> 00:10:27,366
- What about Berta?
- Oh, no, I don't think so.

202
00:10:27,546 --> 00:10:29,206
- Why not?
- She's kind of mean to me.

203
00:10:29,381 --> 00:10:32,382
Honey, that's just
because she doesn't like you.

204
00:10:33,719 --> 00:10:34,798
Fine. Berta.

205
00:10:35,345 --> 00:10:37,338
- And Jake.
- Oh, of course. Great.

206
00:10:37,514 --> 00:10:40,349
- And Charlie.
- There it is.

207
00:10:40,517 --> 00:10:41,715
- There what is?
- Charlie.

208
00:10:41,893 --> 00:10:44,100
Why do you want Charlie
to come to your party?

209
00:10:44,312 --> 00:10:46,519
Why? When this place burned,
he took us in.

210
00:10:46,690 --> 00:10:50,023
He took me in seven years ago,
I don't feel the need to invite him.

211
00:10:50,193 --> 00:10:53,562
Oh, come on, he's a great guy.
I really like him.

212
00:10:53,739 --> 00:10:56,526
- Of course. All the women like Charlie.
- All the women?

213
00:10:56,700 --> 00:10:59,535
Wendy Freidman, Kathy Bell,
Amy Driskell.

214
00:10:59,703 --> 00:11:02,870
- Who?
- And now Lyndsey MacElroy.

215
00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:05,365
Oh, please.
Charlie and I are just friends.

216
00:11:05,542 --> 00:11:08,543
No, no. My brother does not
befriend women, he befouls them.

217
00:11:10,047 --> 00:11:11,873
Are you saying you don't trust me?

218
00:11:12,049 --> 00:11:15,382
No. I don't trust Charlie.
For him, you're unexplored territory.

219
00:11:15,552 --> 00:11:18,387
At some point,
he's gonna try and plant his flag in you.

220
00:11:19,431 --> 00:11:21,887
And when I say "flag," I mean his:

221
00:11:23,268 --> 00:11:24,643
Flag.

222
00:11:26,146 --> 00:11:28,222
Okay. You're out of your mind.

223
00:11:28,398 --> 00:11:31,068
I do not want you
hanging out with my brother.

224
00:11:31,234 --> 00:11:33,227
You can be courteous to him.
Like, "Hey.

225
00:11:33,403 --> 00:11:35,111
You've got some vomit on your shoe."

226
00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:37,901
Or "Hey, Charlie,
do you need me to move my car...

227
00:11:38,075 --> 00:11:40,566
so your hooker
can park her pink Camaro?"

228
00:11:41,286 --> 00:11:43,113
Do you realize how insulting this is?

229
00:11:43,288 --> 00:11:46,075
You don't get to tell me
who I can be friends with.

230
00:11:46,249 --> 00:11:48,622
It's just Charlie.
I gave you Herb and Berta.

231
00:11:48,794 --> 00:11:52,957
- You know what, I made a mistake.
- Well, I forgive you.

232
00:11:53,757 --> 00:11:55,999
- Give me my key back.
- What?

233
00:11:56,176 --> 00:11:58,252
- Give it to me.
- How can I come and go?

234
00:11:58,428 --> 00:12:01,098
You could forget coming.
You're just gonna be going.

235
00:12:01,264 --> 00:12:02,972
We were doing so good.

236
00:12:03,141 --> 00:12:05,763
We were.
Then you started talking and spoiled it.

237
00:12:05,936 --> 00:12:08,178
Wait. Okay, okay. Just to clarify.

238
00:12:08,397 --> 00:12:11,896
You're not as angry with me now as you
were when I burned down your house.

239
00:12:13,944 --> 00:12:16,898
Okay, we'll talk
after you've gained some perspective.

240
00:12:26,581 --> 00:12:29,286
Jake, Berta, let's go.
Party train's leaving.

241
00:12:31,003 --> 00:12:32,497
That what you're wearing?

242
00:12:32,671 --> 00:12:34,663
- I'm not going.
- Well, why not?

243
00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:39,502
- She and I had a little argument.
- That's too bad. Jake, Berta, let's go.

244
00:12:40,887 --> 00:12:43,723
Charlie, if you do
what I think you're gonna do...

245
00:12:43,890 --> 00:12:46,512
I swear to God,
I will never speak to you again.

246
00:12:46,685 --> 00:12:47,883
Really?

247
00:12:48,061 --> 00:12:51,062
Then by all means, tell me exactly
what you think I'm gonna do.

248
00:12:51,815 --> 00:12:53,558
You know what I'm talking about.

249
00:12:54,192 --> 00:12:57,229
All right, I'm gonna
run this down for you one last time.

250
00:12:57,404 --> 00:12:59,064
I have no interest in Lyndsey...

251
00:12:59,239 --> 00:13:02,240
and she has even less interest in me.
- I don't believe you.

252
00:13:02,409 --> 00:13:04,900
You're right.
I'm going to your girlfriend's house.

253
00:13:05,078 --> 00:13:07,367
- I'm gonna do her on the couch.
- No, you won't.

254
00:13:07,539 --> 00:13:10,077
- Why not?
- Couch isn't Scotchgarded yet.

255
00:13:12,627 --> 00:13:14,667
You remember
to get the housewarming gift?

256
00:13:14,838 --> 00:13:17,294
Jake's got it. Jake.

257
00:13:22,304 --> 00:13:24,510
- Very funny.
- We thought so. Ha.

258
00:13:25,974 --> 00:13:28,216
- How come you're not dressed?
- He and Lyndsey had a fight.

259
00:13:28,393 --> 00:13:31,063
Oh. That sucks. See you.

260
00:13:32,314 --> 00:13:35,481
- So you're just gonna sit here all night?
- Oh, I'll be fine.

261
00:13:35,650 --> 00:13:38,188
Oh, I'm sure you will,
but if you get bored...

262
00:13:38,362 --> 00:13:41,565
there's a load of laundry in the dryer
you could fluff and fold.

263
00:13:42,366 --> 00:13:46,066
- So you want me to do your job?
- Somebody has to.

264
00:13:48,455 --> 00:13:51,076
Well, I guess
there's nothing left to say except...

265
00:13:51,249 --> 00:13:53,372
you're an idiot.

266
00:13:55,087 --> 00:13:59,962
I may be an idiot, but at least
I'm home by myself reading <i>Moby Dick.</i>

267
00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:03,753
Upside-down.

268
00:14:06,431 --> 00:14:07,973
[DRYER BUZZES]

269
00:14:09,351 --> 00:14:11,178
Might as well.

270
00:14:13,647 --> 00:14:15,889
Maybe she'll like me better.

271
00:14:18,985 --> 00:14:21,108
Where's Eldridge?
He lives here, right?

272
00:14:21,279 --> 00:14:23,853
- Yeah. He's hiding in his room.
- How come?

273
00:14:24,032 --> 00:14:27,650
He gets really paranoid
when he's "highding" in his room.

274
00:14:27,828 --> 00:14:29,986
I just came to get him these snacks.
Bye.

275
00:14:30,914 --> 00:14:32,408
Amateurs.

276
00:14:34,710 --> 00:14:36,619
- Nice party.
- Thanks.

277
00:14:36,795 --> 00:14:38,503
So give me the lay of the land.

278
00:14:38,672 --> 00:14:40,629
You mean
who in this land can you lay?

279
00:14:41,633 --> 00:14:42,878
If you will.

280
00:14:43,051 --> 00:14:46,218
All right. Hot redhead by the bar.
That's Wanda.

281
00:14:46,430 --> 00:14:48,339
Recently came out
of a terrible marriage.

282
00:14:48,515 --> 00:14:49,974
Nice, nice.

283
00:14:50,142 --> 00:14:51,173
What else you got?

284
00:14:51,351 --> 00:14:53,391
Pretty blond on the couch.
That's Terry.

285
00:14:53,562 --> 00:14:56,313
She divorced her husband
to be a lesbian.

286
00:14:56,481 --> 00:14:58,141
How's that working out for Terry?

287
00:14:58,316 --> 00:15:00,475
See the dirty look
she's giving Wanda?

288
00:15:01,987 --> 00:15:04,478
Oh. I think I see an opening.

289
00:15:04,656 --> 00:15:06,031
And by that you mean?

290
00:15:06,199 --> 00:15:08,073
I wasn't being subtle.
I see an opening.

291
00:15:08,243 --> 00:15:10,236
[LAUGHING]

292
00:15:12,664 --> 00:15:13,660
I knew it.

293
00:15:15,250 --> 00:15:18,370
Anything good in my life,
you have to take it away.

294
00:15:19,046 --> 00:15:21,334
"Oh, Charlie,
you're so funny and so clever."

295
00:15:21,965 --> 00:15:22,996
"Why don't I lean...

296
00:15:23,175 --> 00:15:25,666
so you can look down my dress
and see my boobies?"

297
00:15:25,844 --> 00:15:28,513
[AS CHARLIE]
"Why, thank you. I believe I will."

298
00:15:28,972 --> 00:15:30,881
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
"So do you wanna have sex now...

299
00:15:31,058 --> 00:15:32,682
or wait until after the party?"

300
00:15:32,851 --> 00:15:35,259
[AS CHARLIE] "You don't mind
I'm carrying most, if not all...

301
00:15:35,437 --> 00:15:37,726
communicable diseases
known to man?"

302
00:15:37,898 --> 00:15:40,056
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
"No. That's part of your charm."

303
00:15:40,233 --> 00:15:42,392
"Come, take me on the couch."

304
00:15:42,569 --> 00:15:44,858
[AS CHARLIE]
"Are you sure? It's not Scotchgarded."

305
00:15:45,030 --> 00:15:48,031
"No matter.
We'll Scotchgard it with our love."

306
00:15:55,999 --> 00:15:57,410
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Hello, Mr. Skunk.

307
00:15:59,711 --> 00:16:02,285
Don't be alarmed. I was just leaving.

308
00:16:03,215 --> 00:16:06,299
There's certainly no reason
to feel threatened.

309
00:16:07,594 --> 00:16:10,215
Good skunk. Nice skunk.

310
00:16:10,389 --> 00:16:12,381
[GAGGING]

311
00:16:15,602 --> 00:16:17,808
Bad skunk.

312
00:16:19,731 --> 00:16:22,816
Ahh! Oh, God, Oh, God.

313
00:16:22,984 --> 00:16:24,728
[GAGGING]

314
00:16:28,949 --> 00:16:31,570
Oh, God. Oh, God.

315
00:16:33,829 --> 00:16:35,620
HERB:
Who's out there?

316
00:16:36,540 --> 00:16:38,532
- Alan?
- Oh. Hey, Herb.

317
00:16:38,709 --> 00:16:41,413
Oh! Oh, wow!

318
00:16:41,586 --> 00:16:44,504
Hope you don't mind.
I got skunked.

319
00:16:44,673 --> 00:16:46,250
You sure did.

320
00:16:46,842 --> 00:16:48,669
How come
you're not at Lyndsey's party?

321
00:16:48,844 --> 00:16:51,845
I wanted to, but Judith came down
with a sudden migraine.

322
00:16:52,055 --> 00:16:54,095
And by "migraine,"
I mean "bitch fit."

323
00:16:55,350 --> 00:16:57,142
- Got it.
- How about you?

324
00:16:57,728 --> 00:17:00,100
Lyndsey and I had
kind of a falling out.

325
00:17:00,272 --> 00:17:02,941
Because you showed up
smelling like a skunk?

326
00:17:03,108 --> 00:17:06,940
- No, no. It's a long story.
- I got time.

327
00:17:07,612 --> 00:17:10,981
I think she's fooling around
with Charlie behind my back.

328
00:17:11,158 --> 00:17:13,649
Charlie? That lucky duck.

329
00:17:14,202 --> 00:17:17,618
- What?
- I said, that son of a bitch.

330
00:17:18,373 --> 00:17:19,452
Story of my life.

331
00:17:19,624 --> 00:17:22,709
Wendy Freidman, Kathy Bell,
Amy Driskell.

332
00:17:22,878 --> 00:17:25,962
Amy Driskell? I lost my virginity
to Amy Driskell.

333
00:17:28,133 --> 00:17:30,968
- You're kidding.
- Never even had to ask.

334
00:17:31,303 --> 00:17:32,334
[GROANING]

335
00:17:32,512 --> 00:17:34,470
Our first date.

336
00:17:34,639 --> 00:17:37,344
Never got out of the driveway.

337
00:17:37,517 --> 00:17:39,309
We weren't even in a car.

338
00:17:40,354 --> 00:17:43,687
You know what's good for getting rid
of skunk smell? Tomato juice.

339
00:17:43,857 --> 00:17:46,015
- Great. You got any?
- No.

340
00:17:47,361 --> 00:17:49,483
- We might have some V8.
- Think that'll work?

341
00:17:49,654 --> 00:17:52,146
Well, it sure doesn't
taste like tomato juice...

342
00:17:52,324 --> 00:17:55,609
but you couldn't possibly
smell any worse. Hang on.

343
00:17:56,912 --> 00:17:59,485
What else could go wrong?

344
00:17:59,664 --> 00:18:01,704
Of course.

345
00:18:01,875 --> 00:18:04,247
I'm standing in dog crap.

346
00:18:06,505 --> 00:18:10,834
I can't tell you how happy it makes me
to bring two friends back together.

347
00:18:15,430 --> 00:18:19,345
- Any better?
- Not really.

348
00:18:19,518 --> 00:18:21,178
Well, that's all the V8.

349
00:18:22,020 --> 00:18:24,179
- Wanna try some ketchup?
- Why not?

350
00:18:28,735 --> 00:18:30,942
I found this in one of my son's shoes.

351
00:18:33,198 --> 00:18:35,867
Oh, yeah.
I can get you better than this.

352
00:18:36,993 --> 00:18:38,701
That's what I was hoping.

353
00:18:38,870 --> 00:18:40,495
Lyndsey.

354
00:18:42,958 --> 00:18:45,200
Alan? What the hell are you...?

355
00:18:45,377 --> 00:18:48,046
- Whoa!
- Where is he?

356
00:18:48,213 --> 00:18:50,786
Where is who? What is that smell?

357
00:18:50,966 --> 00:18:52,875
Skunk, dog crap and ketchup.

358
00:18:54,011 --> 00:18:57,960
And don't try to change the subject.
Where's my brother?

359
00:18:58,140 --> 00:19:00,631
He left about 20 minutes ago
with two women.

360
00:19:01,727 --> 00:19:04,218
- Really?
- Really.

361
00:19:05,022 --> 00:19:06,397
So you and he aren't?

362
00:19:06,565 --> 00:19:09,731
That's what I've been telling you,
you smelly fool.

363
00:19:10,944 --> 00:19:12,319
Wow.

364
00:19:13,155 --> 00:19:16,274
Guess we had nothing to fight about.
Ha, ha.

365
00:19:16,992 --> 00:19:18,451
Hug?

366
00:19:23,165 --> 00:19:25,323
I'll call you.

367
00:19:33,467 --> 00:19:35,210
You don't scare me.

368
00:19:35,385 --> 00:19:37,342
You already shot your load.

369
00:19:41,224 --> 00:19:45,388
Although I suppose
you could be a different skunk.

370
00:19:53,862 --> 00:19:55,819
So all I'm saying is,
given my history...

371
00:19:55,989 --> 00:19:57,946
Alan's paranoia
is not uncalled for.

372
00:19:58,116 --> 00:20:00,607
No, no, this wasn't paranoia.
This was insanity.

373
00:20:00,786 --> 00:20:03,573
- I know, I know...
- The man was covered in ketchup.

374
00:20:04,414 --> 00:20:08,163
To be fair, there was a time in your life
when you were covered in frosting.

375
00:20:09,169 --> 00:20:12,503
It's not the same thing.
I was putting myself through college.

376
00:20:13,131 --> 00:20:16,666
Look, all I know
is that Alan really loves you.

377
00:20:16,843 --> 00:20:18,717
If you repeat this, I will deny it.

378
00:20:18,887 --> 00:20:21,212
My brother is the most
decent human being I know.

379
00:20:21,390 --> 00:20:23,797
Can't you just give him
one more chance?

380
00:20:25,143 --> 00:20:28,061
- Well, I suppose...
- I knew it.

381
00:20:30,941 --> 00:20:35,519
You bastard. You slut.

382
00:20:40,450 --> 00:20:42,242
So, what do you say?

383
00:21:11,648 --> 00:21:13,724
[English - US - SDH]