1
00:00:03,672 --> 00:00:06,424
I've been looking forward to this
all year:
2
00:00:06,591 --> 00:00:09,509
Giving you people the bird.
3
00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:11,593
Looks great, Berta.
What's your secret?
4
00:00:11,805 --> 00:00:15,008
I bought it pre-cooked
from the back of a truck.
5
00:00:15,642 --> 00:00:17,551
I don't know
that I'd trust the stuffing.
6
00:00:17,728 --> 00:00:19,767
[GLASS CLINKING]
7
00:00:20,230 --> 00:00:22,899
I'd like to make
a little Thanksgiving toast.
8
00:00:23,608 --> 00:00:25,233
You don't hear me say it often...
9
00:00:25,402 --> 00:00:27,893
but I really am thankful
for every one of you.
10
00:00:28,363 --> 00:00:31,317
I've never heard you say that.
You ever hear him say that?
11
00:00:31,491 --> 00:00:33,817
I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.
12
00:00:34,369 --> 00:00:36,907
Anyway, there comes a time
in a man's life...
13
00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:40,165
when he realizes there's nothing
more important than family.
14
00:00:40,667 --> 00:00:41,865
Is he dying?
15
00:00:42,586 --> 00:00:43,866
Probably just drunk.
16
00:00:45,339 --> 00:00:47,296
And you know why
family's so important?
17
00:00:47,507 --> 00:00:49,666
- Designated driver?
- Liver match?
18
00:00:49,885 --> 00:00:52,376
- Bail money?
- Prescription medication to steal?
19
00:00:54,431 --> 00:00:56,305
Would you please let me continue?
20
00:00:57,184 --> 00:00:59,935
Family is important
because no matter what happens...
21
00:01:00,103 --> 00:01:02,262
they are the people
who are there for you.
22
00:01:02,481 --> 00:01:04,520
Good times, bad times,
it doesn't matter.
23
00:01:04,691 --> 00:01:07,182
Blood is thicker than water.
24
00:01:07,361 --> 00:01:11,192
I just want you to know
that I love you all.
25
00:01:11,406 --> 00:01:12,569
[DOORBELL RINGS]
26
00:01:12,741 --> 00:01:14,484
I'll get that.
27
00:01:15,452 --> 00:01:18,025
Plowed.
28
00:01:18,914 --> 00:01:21,202
Hi, stranger.
29
00:01:21,666 --> 00:01:23,992
Courtney?
I thought you were in prison.
30
00:01:24,211 --> 00:01:26,038
I was, but I'm out.
31
00:01:26,213 --> 00:01:27,837
Wanna go to Vegas?
32
00:01:28,048 --> 00:01:31,251
You crazy? I'm in the middle
of Thanksgiving dinner with my family.
33
00:01:31,426 --> 00:01:33,964
Last time we were together
you kind of ripped me off.
34
00:01:34,179 --> 00:01:36,053
I haven't had sex in three years.
35
00:01:37,015 --> 00:01:38,557
Goodbye, everybody.
36
00:01:40,435 --> 00:01:43,436
[SINGING "TWO AND A HALF MEN"
THEME]
37
00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:10,588
COURTNEY & CHARLIE [SINGING]:
Viva Las Vegas
38
00:02:10,757 --> 00:02:11,788
Chucka, chucka, chucka
39
00:02:11,967 --> 00:02:13,342
Viva Las Vegas
40
00:02:13,510 --> 00:02:14,625
Chucka, chucka, chucka
41
00:02:14,845 --> 00:02:18,545
Viva, viva Las Vegas
42
00:02:18,724 --> 00:02:20,763
[COURTNEY & CHARLIE LAUGHING]
43
00:02:20,934 --> 00:02:22,974
Hey, Alan, guess where we've been.
44
00:02:23,145 --> 00:02:24,805
Las Vegas?
45
00:02:25,022 --> 00:02:26,682
Viva.
46
00:02:26,982 --> 00:02:28,393
I won $20,000.
47
00:02:28,567 --> 00:02:30,855
- And look what he bought me.
- Wow.
48
00:02:31,069 --> 00:02:32,100
Thirty grand.
49
00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,693
So you're down $10,000?
50
00:02:34,906 --> 00:02:38,572
I won a bundle at the roulette table
betting the color of her underwear.
51
00:02:41,038 --> 00:02:42,069
Red or black?
52
00:02:42,706 --> 00:02:44,449
Double zero.
53
00:02:48,879 --> 00:02:50,124
What color is that?
54
00:02:50,339 --> 00:02:52,130
Ass cheeks.
55
00:02:54,634 --> 00:02:55,963
Hey, what happened to your eye?
56
00:02:56,136 --> 00:02:57,167
- Oh, ha, ha.
- Ha, ha.
57
00:02:57,346 --> 00:02:59,385
Yeah, little accident.
58
00:02:59,556 --> 00:03:03,969
We were getting kind of frisky in the tub
and I fell face first onto a Jacuzzi nozzle.
59
00:03:04,978 --> 00:03:08,727
Me too, except it wasn't my face
and it wasn't an accident.
60
00:03:10,692 --> 00:03:12,768
Good news is we're both really clean.
61
00:03:12,944 --> 00:03:14,818
Inside and out.
62
00:03:14,988 --> 00:03:17,111
Shall we go upstairs
and get dirty again?
63
00:03:17,282 --> 00:03:19,239
- Right behind you.
- What else is new?
64
00:03:20,285 --> 00:03:22,527
- Um... Uh, Charlie?
CHARLIE: I'll be up in a minute.
65
00:03:22,704 --> 00:03:25,278
The trick is to keep it up.
66
00:03:28,001 --> 00:03:29,793
- What?
- I'm just a little concerned...
67
00:03:29,961 --> 00:03:31,919
Oh, I almost forgot.
68
00:03:32,089 --> 00:03:34,710
- I got you a little something.
- Oh, you didn't have to.
69
00:03:34,925 --> 00:03:36,585
Here you go.
70
00:03:42,349 --> 00:03:45,469
You can't just buy those.
You gotta have them specially made.
71
00:03:46,186 --> 00:03:48,179
Makes more sense
for me to be wearing it.
72
00:03:48,647 --> 00:03:51,352
- Charlie, hold on.
- Ahh. Now what?
73
00:03:51,566 --> 00:03:54,354
Do you think it's a good idea
to be starting back in with Courtney?
74
00:03:54,569 --> 00:03:58,021
- I just had the best three days of my life.
- Okay, but it just seems...
75
00:03:58,198 --> 00:04:01,365
Have you ever had a woman
give you Japanese rain goggles?
76
00:04:01,702 --> 00:04:03,196
I've never even heard of that.
77
00:04:03,412 --> 00:04:07,196
Neither had I until last night, and now
I don't know how I lived without them.
78
00:04:07,874 --> 00:04:10,365
[WHISPERS] I'm saying,
we're talking about a convicted felon...
79
00:04:10,544 --> 00:04:12,417
who seems to have
expensive tastes.
80
00:04:12,754 --> 00:04:13,917
Yeah, what's your point?
81
00:04:14,214 --> 00:04:16,337
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
You don't care about anything else...
82
00:04:16,508 --> 00:04:19,628
as long as you get to indulge
your depraved appetites?
83
00:04:21,930 --> 00:04:24,219
Still waiting for a point, Alan.
84
00:04:30,439 --> 00:04:32,312
Jake, wanna go to a movie?
85
00:04:32,482 --> 00:04:35,483
[BED THUMPING FROM ABOVE]
86
00:04:41,867 --> 00:04:43,444
Jake?
87
00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:49,071
What are you doing?
88
00:04:49,291 --> 00:04:51,330
Resting.
89
00:04:54,254 --> 00:04:56,827
I guess you're wondering
what's going on up there.
90
00:04:57,049 --> 00:04:59,041
Not really.
91
00:05:00,135 --> 00:05:05,130
Well, I just want you to know there's
more to it than what you're hearing now.
92
00:05:05,349 --> 00:05:08,136
I know.
They've been going at it all afternoon.
93
00:05:08,352 --> 00:05:09,383
No. What I mean is...
94
00:05:09,603 --> 00:05:12,094
A couple of times
I thought somebody was gonna die.
95
00:05:12,272 --> 00:05:13,731
What I'm trying to say is...
96
00:05:13,940 --> 00:05:16,514
I didn't know human beings
could make those sounds.
97
00:05:16,735 --> 00:05:18,359
Okay, what I'm saying is...
98
00:05:18,528 --> 00:05:21,529
there's more to a healthy,
fulfilling relationship than sex.
99
00:05:21,698 --> 00:05:25,233
CHARLIE: Oh, yeah, baby, right there.
That's what I'm talking about.
100
00:05:27,829 --> 00:05:32,954
Like, uh, mutual responsibility,
mutual respect.
101
00:05:33,502 --> 00:05:36,538
COURTNEY:
I'm a slut, I'm a dirty little slut.
102
00:05:39,341 --> 00:05:41,168
Taking care of each other.
103
00:05:41,385 --> 00:05:43,093
CHARLIE:
Now do the rain goggles.
104
00:05:46,056 --> 00:05:48,891
Sharing things.
105
00:05:52,604 --> 00:05:54,146
CHARLIE:
Arigato.
106
00:05:57,609 --> 00:05:59,068
- Dad?
- Yeah?
107
00:05:59,277 --> 00:06:00,653
Get out.
108
00:06:04,157 --> 00:06:05,865
Good talk.
109
00:06:10,706 --> 00:06:12,828
- Morning.
- Morning.
110
00:06:12,999 --> 00:06:16,665
Dean Martin and the Golddigger
keep you up again last night?
111
00:06:18,547 --> 00:06:19,827
He's lost his mind, Berta.
112
00:06:20,007 --> 00:06:22,248
All he does is have sex
and spend money on her.
113
00:06:22,467 --> 00:06:25,254
Sometimes he spends money on her
while he's having sex.
114
00:06:25,762 --> 00:06:26,794
How's that?
115
00:06:27,180 --> 00:06:28,343
I picked up the phone...
116
00:06:28,515 --> 00:06:31,635
and accidently overheard
a very disturbing call to QVC.
117
00:06:33,270 --> 00:06:35,179
Pearl necklace. I'll say no more.
118
00:06:36,314 --> 00:06:37,346
- Morning.
BERTA: Morning.
119
00:06:37,524 --> 00:06:39,849
ALAN: Morning.
- Nice shirt.
120
00:06:40,027 --> 00:06:41,734
It's not too subtle, is it?
121
00:06:50,829 --> 00:06:52,288
Something wrong with your arm?
122
00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:54,831
I'm not sure.
123
00:06:55,042 --> 00:06:57,663
I think I pinched a nerve last night
reaching around...
124
00:06:57,836 --> 00:06:59,959
trying to scratch Courtney's back.
125
00:07:00,172 --> 00:07:03,375
- Her back?
- Trying to be delicate here, Alan.
126
00:07:03,592 --> 00:07:05,668
And God knows we appreciate it.
127
00:07:06,970 --> 00:07:08,548
Good morning, everyone.
128
00:07:08,764 --> 00:07:10,222
BERTA & ALAN: Morning.
- Morning, baby.
129
00:07:10,390 --> 00:07:11,469
COURTNEY:
Hmm.
130
00:07:11,641 --> 00:07:13,301
- Car keys?
- Ah.
131
00:07:19,066 --> 00:07:20,726
Credit card?
132
00:07:22,861 --> 00:07:24,735
- Kiss? See you.
- Mwah.
133
00:07:25,739 --> 00:07:26,770
Have fun.
134
00:07:27,366 --> 00:07:28,397
"Have fun"?
135
00:07:28,575 --> 00:07:31,659
You gave her the keys to your Mercedes
and an unlimited credit card.
136
00:07:31,870 --> 00:07:34,028
Yeah, so? That's fun.
137
00:07:34,247 --> 00:07:35,872
Can't you see she's using you?
138
00:07:36,249 --> 00:07:39,037
You should have seen
the way she used me last night.
139
00:07:39,211 --> 00:07:40,705
In fact, you can.
140
00:07:40,879 --> 00:07:42,872
Oh, no, no.
141
00:07:44,675 --> 00:07:46,714
No, I don't...
142
00:07:48,220 --> 00:07:50,675
I just don't wanna see you
get played by her again.
143
00:07:50,889 --> 00:07:52,514
Relax, I know what I'm doing.
144
00:07:52,724 --> 00:07:55,394
I'm having fun, she's having fun,
nobody's getting hurt.
145
00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:58,182
You have a black eye and a dead arm.
146
00:07:59,398 --> 00:08:02,731
Obviously, we have different definitions
of fun.
147
00:08:04,653 --> 00:08:05,684
[SIGHS]
148
00:08:05,862 --> 00:08:07,060
What is wrong with him?
149
00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:10,234
Classic case of vajayjay fever.
150
00:08:11,743 --> 00:08:15,408
Colorfully put. I'm just surprised
to see Charlie fall for it.
151
00:08:15,622 --> 00:08:17,449
Sooner or later, all men fall for it.
152
00:08:17,624 --> 00:08:20,459
How do you think I got my condo
in Palm Springs?
153
00:08:22,421 --> 00:08:24,081
You have a condo in Palm Springs?
154
00:08:24,297 --> 00:08:26,835
No, figure of speech.
Don't try to stop by.
155
00:08:33,557 --> 00:08:36,474
You caught me at a bad time, darling,
I was just going out.
156
00:08:36,643 --> 00:08:40,095
- Well, I'm sorry, but I have a problem.
- Just the one?
157
00:08:40,272 --> 00:08:41,980
It's about Charlie.
158
00:08:42,149 --> 00:08:45,233
Sweetheart, you have been
sponging off him for eight years.
159
00:08:45,402 --> 00:08:47,276
You've got to expect a little abuse.
160
00:08:48,572 --> 00:08:51,359
No, it's not that.
I'm worried about Charlie and Courtney.
161
00:08:51,533 --> 00:08:53,656
I really think
she's taking advantage of him.
162
00:08:53,827 --> 00:08:55,784
Uh-huh. What are you worried about?
163
00:08:55,996 --> 00:08:58,487
Well, I just said,
Charlie could lose everything.
164
00:08:58,707 --> 00:09:01,412
Oh, I see.
Well, I understand your concern.
165
00:09:01,626 --> 00:09:04,497
- Thank you.
- It's not like you could move in here.
166
00:09:05,213 --> 00:09:07,539
Oh, no, no,
I'm not just worried about me...
167
00:09:07,758 --> 00:09:10,249
Wait, you used to beg me
to move in with Jake.
168
00:09:10,469 --> 00:09:13,802
That's when Jake was cute
and I still had a bit of hope left for you.
169
00:09:14,806 --> 00:09:17,891
- Okay, well, anyway...
- Alan, your brother is a grown man.
170
00:09:18,060 --> 00:09:19,969
I'm sure he can take care of himself.
171
00:09:20,187 --> 00:09:23,104
I'm not sure. You should see
the way she's sucking him dry.
172
00:09:23,315 --> 00:09:24,809
I should hope so.
173
00:09:27,778 --> 00:09:29,604
- Mom.
- Alan.
174
00:09:29,780 --> 00:09:31,238
There's not much you can do...
175
00:09:31,406 --> 00:09:35,321
when a grasping, greedy woman
sinks her claws into a vulnerable man.
176
00:09:35,827 --> 00:09:37,784
Marty, I'm leaving.
177
00:09:37,954 --> 00:09:39,614
Come kiss me goodbye.
178
00:09:40,665 --> 00:09:44,165
Come here, hot stuff.
Give me some tongue.
179
00:09:44,961 --> 00:09:47,001
Marty, my son Alan is here.
180
00:09:47,214 --> 00:09:48,838
- You've met Alan.
- The fruit bowl?
181
00:09:49,007 --> 00:09:51,047
No tongue for you.
182
00:09:52,928 --> 00:09:54,588
Cupcake, I need your credit card.
183
00:09:55,597 --> 00:09:56,676
The usual place.
184
00:09:57,557 --> 00:09:59,550
Oh, you bad boy.
185
00:10:01,561 --> 00:10:03,020
Dig a little deeper.
186
00:10:05,232 --> 00:10:06,774
There's a hole in this pocket.
187
00:10:06,942 --> 00:10:09,184
Ha, ha. Keep going.
188
00:10:09,361 --> 00:10:10,641
Surprise.
189
00:10:13,156 --> 00:10:14,188
[MARTY LAUGHS]
190
00:10:14,366 --> 00:10:16,857
Well, how nice for you,
but I got to run.
191
00:10:17,035 --> 00:10:20,487
Oh, damn, I worked on it all morning.
192
00:10:21,206 --> 00:10:24,041
You know what? I'll just go.
Nice to see you, Mr. Pepper.
193
00:10:24,251 --> 00:10:25,828
Mr. Pepper was my father.
194
00:10:26,003 --> 00:10:28,458
Just call me
"the guy banging your mother."
195
00:10:31,633 --> 00:10:34,207
I think I'll stick with Mr. Pepper.
Bye, Mom.
196
00:10:34,428 --> 00:10:36,005
Bye, dear.
197
00:10:36,722 --> 00:10:38,928
Anything you need before I go?
198
00:10:39,099 --> 00:10:40,379
Yes. Uh...
199
00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:42,926
Check my pocket again.
200
00:10:50,193 --> 00:10:51,225
Hey, boys.
201
00:10:51,403 --> 00:10:53,111
- Hi.
- Hi.
202
00:10:53,447 --> 00:10:54,609
What's all this stuff?
203
00:10:54,781 --> 00:10:57,699
Okay, here's the red one.
204
00:10:57,868 --> 00:10:59,944
What do you guys think?
205
00:11:03,915 --> 00:11:05,291
Oh...
206
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:08,502
The yellow one's better, right?
207
00:11:08,712 --> 00:11:10,918
I'm not sure.
What do you think, Eldridge?
208
00:11:11,089 --> 00:11:14,339
I think we need to see
the yellow one again.
209
00:11:14,551 --> 00:11:17,042
Okay, okay, guys, guys,
I'd like to talk to Courtney.
210
00:11:17,220 --> 00:11:19,343
JAKE: Go ahead.
- Pretend we're not here.
211
00:11:19,848 --> 00:11:21,805
Okay, let me put it another way.
212
00:11:21,975 --> 00:11:23,635
Get out.
213
00:11:24,061 --> 00:11:25,259
- Bye, Courtney.
- Bye.
214
00:11:25,479 --> 00:11:27,804
- Bye, fellas.
- Thanks again for inviting me over.
215
00:11:27,981 --> 00:11:29,440
Was I lying?
216
00:11:32,152 --> 00:11:34,524
So, what do you want to talk about?
217
00:11:34,696 --> 00:11:36,274
Uh, well, the thing is...
218
00:11:36,490 --> 00:11:38,613
Are my boobs even?
219
00:11:40,869 --> 00:11:42,612
Even, what?
220
00:11:42,829 --> 00:11:45,403
Well, I just wanna make sure
one's not popping out...
221
00:11:45,582 --> 00:11:46,780
more than the other.
222
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:51,080
Oh, no, no.
They're both, uh, popping just...
223
00:11:54,591 --> 00:11:56,050
Fine.
224
00:11:56,218 --> 00:11:57,380
- Great.
- Hmm.
225
00:11:57,552 --> 00:12:00,222
- So?
- Huh?
226
00:12:01,682 --> 00:12:03,140
What do you wanna talk about?
227
00:12:03,350 --> 00:12:05,841
Oh, yeah.
I wanted to talk about Charlie.
228
00:12:06,019 --> 00:12:07,050
What about him?
229
00:12:07,270 --> 00:12:08,681
I don't know if you're aware...
230
00:12:08,855 --> 00:12:12,022
but he went through a bad break-up,
and he may not look like it...
231
00:12:12,192 --> 00:12:14,268
but he's in a vulnerable place now.
232
00:12:14,486 --> 00:12:16,811
And you think
I'm taking advantage of him?
233
00:12:16,988 --> 00:12:18,613
Well, aren't you?
234
00:12:18,824 --> 00:12:20,816
Look,
I know what you must think of me.
235
00:12:20,992 --> 00:12:24,159
Based on some of the stupid things
I've done, I don't blame you...
236
00:12:24,329 --> 00:12:27,496
but, Alan, I've changed.
237
00:12:28,750 --> 00:12:29,995
What about all this stuff?
238
00:12:30,210 --> 00:12:32,499
He likes buying me things.
Makes him happy.
239
00:12:32,713 --> 00:12:36,662
Believe me, the money is fun
but it's Charlie I care about.
240
00:12:37,342 --> 00:12:39,964
- Really?
- Really.
241
00:12:41,263 --> 00:12:43,932
Okay, then.
Thank you, I feel better now.
242
00:12:44,641 --> 00:12:46,349
[DOORBELL RINGS]
243
00:12:50,564 --> 00:12:52,603
Hey, beautiful, you ready to go?
244
00:12:53,066 --> 00:12:55,522
COURTNEY:
Yeah, let me just grab my purse.
245
00:12:56,319 --> 00:13:00,187
Oh. Alan, James. James, Alan.
246
00:13:00,407 --> 00:13:02,364
- Hey.
- Hey.
247
00:13:03,493 --> 00:13:04,691
He's my brother.
248
00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:09,747
He was adopted.
249
00:13:11,918 --> 00:13:14,326
Yeah, I remain skeptical.
250
00:13:22,220 --> 00:13:24,343
ALAN: Charlie?
- In here.
251
00:13:27,017 --> 00:13:29,508
- What happened to your foot?
- Broke my toe.
252
00:13:29,728 --> 00:13:31,685
- Oh, jeez.
- Serves me right.
253
00:13:31,855 --> 00:13:35,224
Trying to walk around in Courtney's
high heels with one good arm.
254
00:13:35,442 --> 00:13:37,518
Why were you wearing her shoes?
255
00:13:37,694 --> 00:13:39,901
Because they matched
her underwear. Duh.
256
00:13:40,155 --> 00:13:41,614
Okay.
257
00:13:41,782 --> 00:13:43,027
Whatever.
258
00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:45,691
I thought you might wanna know
that Courtney left...
259
00:13:45,869 --> 00:13:48,158
with a handsome,
young African-American fellow.
260
00:13:48,538 --> 00:13:49,949
Yeah, her brother James.
261
00:13:50,207 --> 00:13:51,286
And you're buying that?
262
00:13:51,541 --> 00:13:54,032
People have a hard time
believing you're my brother.
263
00:13:54,211 --> 00:13:57,165
Including me, by the way, and Mom.
264
00:13:57,589 --> 00:13:59,463
All right, I'm just gonna say this.
265
00:13:59,675 --> 00:14:02,248
I don't think you should trust Courtney.
She's trouble.
266
00:14:02,427 --> 00:14:04,883
Well, yeah, she's trouble,
that's why I love her.
267
00:14:05,097 --> 00:14:06,377
You love her?
268
00:14:06,556 --> 00:14:07,967
Of course I love her.
269
00:14:08,183 --> 00:14:10,389
Courtney is the woman
I'm meant to be with.
270
00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:12,968
Everything in my life up till now,
all the women...
271
00:14:13,188 --> 00:14:14,931
they've been leading me to her.
272
00:14:15,190 --> 00:14:19,235
I would've guessed they were leading
you more to a clinic, but go ahead.
273
00:14:19,611 --> 00:14:21,900
Remember how down I was
when Chelsea dumped me?
274
00:14:22,072 --> 00:14:23,317
And when Rose got married?
275
00:14:23,490 --> 00:14:26,693
All of that was necessary
in order for me to get back to Courtney.
276
00:14:26,910 --> 00:14:30,326
It was also necessary for Courtney
to make early parole.
277
00:14:30,580 --> 00:14:32,787
Exactly, this was meant to happen.
278
00:14:32,958 --> 00:14:35,912
Don't you see it, Alan?
Courtney is the kind of woman I need.
279
00:14:36,086 --> 00:14:38,921
She's non-judgmental,
free-spirited, open-minded...
280
00:14:39,131 --> 00:14:40,673
- Double-jointed?
- Triple.
281
00:14:40,841 --> 00:14:43,296
And she can pick up a dime
with her butt cheeks.
282
00:14:45,429 --> 00:14:48,762
Just do me a favor and take it slow.
283
00:14:48,932 --> 00:14:52,597
Give it time before you do
something stupid that you can't undo.
284
00:14:52,769 --> 00:14:54,347
Don't worry, I won't.
285
00:14:54,604 --> 00:14:55,933
Good.
286
00:14:56,148 --> 00:14:57,939
Oh, guess what.
287
00:14:58,442 --> 00:15:00,351
While we were in Vegas, I got a tattoo.
288
00:15:00,610 --> 00:15:03,362
Oh, please don't tell me
you got her name put on you.
289
00:15:03,613 --> 00:15:04,812
Look.
290
00:15:06,825 --> 00:15:08,236
"Get out of my house."
291
00:15:10,537 --> 00:15:13,953
The tattoo is temporary,
but the sentiment is forever.
292
00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:19,249
You're kidding?
Now he's broken his toe?
293
00:15:19,463 --> 00:15:22,464
This relationship goes on longer,
he's gonna run out of parts.
294
00:15:22,632 --> 00:15:24,292
Don't be such a sourpuss.
295
00:15:24,468 --> 00:15:27,634
Courtney's a terrific girl
and Charlie's happy as a clam.
296
00:15:27,804 --> 00:15:30,342
Wait a second,
you never liked Courtney.
297
00:15:30,515 --> 00:15:32,638
People change. People grow.
298
00:15:32,809 --> 00:15:36,309
People buy expensive gifts
for the housekeeper.
299
00:15:37,564 --> 00:15:41,644
- She bought you that?
- And the purse and the sunglasses.
300
00:15:41,818 --> 00:15:43,229
Ciao, bello.
301
00:15:43,904 --> 00:15:45,647
COURTNEY:
That's it, I am out of here.
302
00:15:45,822 --> 00:15:46,902
CHARLIE:
Fine by me.
303
00:15:47,157 --> 00:15:49,197
You're nothing but a selfish
son of a bitch.
304
00:15:49,368 --> 00:15:51,859
- And you're a gold digger.
- Oh. Go to hell.
305
00:15:52,079 --> 00:15:55,744
I'd meet you there
but they don't take credit cards.
306
00:15:59,169 --> 00:16:00,544
Problem?
307
00:16:00,796 --> 00:16:02,338
She was trying to use me, Alan.
308
00:16:02,547 --> 00:16:04,505
Really? I'm stunned.
309
00:16:06,176 --> 00:16:08,169
I still like her.
310
00:16:12,349 --> 00:16:14,176
You know what she wanted me to do?
311
00:16:14,351 --> 00:16:16,889
She actually found something
you didn't want to do?
312
00:16:17,104 --> 00:16:19,677
She wanted me to give her money
to pay her brother's rent.
313
00:16:19,856 --> 00:16:23,557
I said, hey, I've already got one brother
leeching off me, right?
314
00:16:24,528 --> 00:16:26,022
Right.
315
00:16:26,321 --> 00:16:30,105
This one doesn't have a job. At least
you pretend to be a chiropractor.
316
00:16:30,325 --> 00:16:32,199
Well, I have my pride.
317
00:16:32,411 --> 00:16:35,032
That's it for me.
No more meaningful relationships.
318
00:16:35,205 --> 00:16:37,530
I'm gonna stick with the honesty
and integrity...
319
00:16:37,708 --> 00:16:40,245
of the traditional
hooker-john arrangement.
320
00:16:41,128 --> 00:16:43,204
Sometimes the old ways are best.
321
00:16:44,047 --> 00:16:46,206
Glad you came to your senses
about Courtney...
322
00:16:46,383 --> 00:16:49,052
and I just wanna say,
I'm always here for you.
323
00:16:49,219 --> 00:16:50,713
- Never doubted that.
- Thank you.
324
00:16:50,929 --> 00:16:52,838
Wasn't a compliment.
325
00:16:55,225 --> 00:16:58,392
My point was,
I think you've made the right decision.
326
00:16:58,562 --> 00:17:00,720
- I have, haven't I?
- Of course you have.
327
00:17:00,897 --> 00:17:03,471
I mean, for God's sake,
look what she did to you. Heh.
328
00:17:03,734 --> 00:17:05,560
Yeah.
329
00:17:08,905 --> 00:17:10,779
Oh, my God.
330
00:17:11,116 --> 00:17:12,147
I gotta get her back.
331
00:17:12,409 --> 00:17:13,488
- Charlie?
- No...
332
00:17:13,744 --> 00:17:14,942
Charlie?
333
00:17:16,079 --> 00:17:17,360
Oh, God.
334
00:17:20,584 --> 00:17:21,782
Are you okay?
335
00:17:22,002 --> 00:17:23,247
CHARLIE:
I'm not sure.
336
00:17:23,420 --> 00:17:24,700
[CHARLIE GROANS]
337
00:17:26,631 --> 00:17:28,423
How bad is it?
338
00:17:30,886 --> 00:17:32,000
It's fine.
339
00:17:33,972 --> 00:17:35,003
[VOMITS]
340
00:17:36,099 --> 00:17:38,769
I ain't cleaning that up.
341
00:17:45,484 --> 00:17:47,891
You're a very lucky guy, Charlie.
342
00:17:48,111 --> 00:17:51,196
I ran through a plate-glass window
and you puked in my piano.
343
00:17:51,365 --> 00:17:53,238
How is that lucky?
344
00:17:53,450 --> 00:17:56,949
You could have bled to death and
I could've vomited on my suede shoes.
345
00:17:58,622 --> 00:18:00,116
Those are my shoes.
346
00:18:00,791 --> 00:18:02,867
Which is why you're lucky.
347
00:18:04,336 --> 00:18:05,367
Hey, Alan.
348
00:18:06,463 --> 00:18:09,630
At the moment, I'm not in your house.
349
00:18:10,008 --> 00:18:12,131
I'm going to look at this
as a wake-up call.
350
00:18:12,302 --> 00:18:13,333
Good, good.
351
00:18:13,512 --> 00:18:15,670
- Courtney is bad news.
- I've been telling you.
352
00:18:15,889 --> 00:18:17,716
You were right, I was blind.
353
00:18:17,933 --> 00:18:21,183
Hard to see the truth when
you're wearing Japanese rain goggles.
354
00:18:22,521 --> 00:18:24,181
I Googled the goggles.
355
00:18:24,356 --> 00:18:26,147
COURTNEY:
Charlie?
356
00:18:29,152 --> 00:18:31,228
Courtney. What are you doing here?
357
00:18:31,905 --> 00:18:34,396
I went back to apologize,
there was blood everywhere.
358
00:18:34,574 --> 00:18:37,410
I tried every hospital trying to find you.
Are you all right?
359
00:18:37,661 --> 00:18:38,823
Not really.
360
00:18:39,079 --> 00:18:42,530
Um, Courtney,
I think Charlie has something to tell you.
361
00:18:43,792 --> 00:18:45,370
What?
362
00:18:45,836 --> 00:18:46,867
Go ahead, Charlie.
363
00:18:51,216 --> 00:18:52,379
I love you, Courtney.
364
00:18:54,052 --> 00:18:55,250
I love you too.
365
00:18:56,263 --> 00:18:58,220
Ow, ow, ow. Don't stop.
366
00:18:58,390 --> 00:19:00,632
Ow, ow, ow.
367
00:19:00,809 --> 00:19:01,924
Don't stop.
368
00:19:29,087 --> 00:19:31,080
[English - US - SDH]