1
00:00:04,314 --> 00:00:06,942
Man, I love German cars.
2
00:00:07,117 --> 00:00:09,176
If you keep your nose clean
and work hard...
3
00:00:09,353 --> 00:00:12,413
...someday you'll be able
to park them for a living.
4
00:00:13,657 --> 00:00:15,454
Excellent.
5
00:00:17,528 --> 00:00:19,996
Why is my ass getting hot?
6
00:00:20,564 --> 00:00:22,225
You turned on the seat warmer.
7
00:00:22,466 --> 00:00:26,061
Oh, good. I was afraid
I had another case of swamp ass.
8
00:00:26,837 --> 00:00:28,168
Another case?
9
00:00:28,372 --> 00:00:30,533
Yeah, it happens every year
around this time.
10
00:00:30,707 --> 00:00:33,005
Only thing that helps
is aloe vera and Vaseline.
11
00:00:33,544 --> 00:00:36,536
- I see.
- Half a tube of each, right in the crack.
12
00:00:37,881 --> 00:00:41,544
It's like squirting ketchup and mustard
into a hot dog bun.
13
00:00:43,053 --> 00:00:46,079
Then you, like,
mash the sides together.
14
00:00:46,256 --> 00:00:49,453
- Enough.
- Sorry.
15
00:00:49,893 --> 00:00:51,827
You hungry? I'm getting hungry.
16
00:00:53,230 --> 00:00:56,757
I may never eat again. Yellow light.
17
00:00:56,967 --> 00:00:59,333
- I'm slowing down.
- No, no, no. Gun it, gun it.
18
00:01:01,905 --> 00:01:03,770
Man, this thing is a rocket ship.
19
00:01:03,974 --> 00:01:06,534
Okay, okay, now you can slow down.
20
00:01:06,843 --> 00:01:08,936
[SIREN WAILING]
21
00:01:09,112 --> 00:01:11,046
Should I run for it?
22
00:01:11,214 --> 00:01:14,581
What are you, crazy? Pull over.
23
00:01:14,785 --> 00:01:17,276
You told me to run the light.
My dad's gonna kill me.
24
00:01:17,521 --> 00:01:19,386
Calm down, he's not gonna kill you.
25
00:01:19,590 --> 00:01:23,458
How can I calm down? I just got
my license and now I'm gonna lose it.
26
00:01:23,627 --> 00:01:26,095
All right, all right.
Switch places with me.
27
00:01:26,263 --> 00:01:28,493
- What?
- Just do it.
28
00:01:30,601 --> 00:01:33,934
- And give me your hat.
- You want my lucky hat?
29
00:01:34,137 --> 00:01:37,231
Yeah, I wanna share
in your good fortune.
30
00:01:43,380 --> 00:01:45,371
Good evening, officer.
31
00:01:45,649 --> 00:01:49,210
[SINGING "TWO AND A HALF MEN" THEME]
32
00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:19,043
Hey, where have you guys been?
33
00:02:19,616 --> 00:02:20,776
Van Nuys.
34
00:02:21,318 --> 00:02:24,754
- What were you doing in Van Nuys?
- That's where the jail is.
35
00:02:25,689 --> 00:02:28,317
- What?
- I got arrested.
36
00:02:28,525 --> 00:02:30,152
You're kidding. What for?
37
00:02:30,827 --> 00:02:33,159
Apparently, I ran a red light
at 64 miles an hour.
38
00:02:33,330 --> 00:02:35,457
And I was in the passenger seat.
39
00:02:37,034 --> 00:02:40,800
Yes, I was driving, therefore
you were in the passenger seat.
40
00:02:43,707 --> 00:02:47,006
Anyway, it turns out I had a couple
of unpaid parking tickets.
41
00:02:47,177 --> 00:02:50,874
- Seventeen.
- Thank you.
42
00:02:51,081 --> 00:02:53,072
They arrested you for unpaid tickets?
43
00:02:53,483 --> 00:02:56,782
Well, there was also a bench warrant
when I didn't show up in court.
44
00:02:56,987 --> 00:03:00,354
How could you not show up in court?
Don't they send you a summons?
45
00:03:00,524 --> 00:03:03,652
Lots of them, but I threw them away.
46
00:03:05,362 --> 00:03:07,330
I thought they were for jury duty.
47
00:03:08,932 --> 00:03:11,833
When I didn't show up,
they suspended my license.
48
00:03:12,035 --> 00:03:14,868
And I was in the passenger seat.
49
00:03:15,672 --> 00:03:17,697
You were driving
with a suspended license?
50
00:03:18,041 --> 00:03:20,839
Only for a couple of years.
51
00:03:21,945 --> 00:03:24,880
My license was fine,
so when they took him to the station...
52
00:03:25,048 --> 00:03:26,538
...I followed in the Mercedes.
53
00:03:26,950 --> 00:03:30,113
By the way, I reset all your radio stations
to good stuff.
54
00:03:30,887 --> 00:03:32,514
I'd like to be alone now, Jake.
55
00:03:32,723 --> 00:03:35,351
Understandable.
You've been through a lot.
56
00:03:35,525 --> 00:03:37,789
If you need anyone
to drive you to the movies...
57
00:03:37,961 --> 00:03:40,327
...or the mall, or a strip club,
I'm available.
58
00:03:41,198 --> 00:03:43,860
- Appreciate it.
- You can relax in the passenger seat.
59
00:03:44,067 --> 00:03:45,762
Like I did earlier today.
60
00:03:45,969 --> 00:03:47,527
Get out.
61
00:03:50,073 --> 00:03:52,974
Listen, I am sorry
that you lost your license...
62
00:03:53,143 --> 00:03:55,543
...but I would be remiss
if I did not point out...
63
00:03:55,712 --> 00:03:57,873
...what a bad example
you're setting for Jake.
64
00:03:58,081 --> 00:04:01,380
- Not now, Alan.
- No, I think now is exactly the right time.
65
00:04:01,551 --> 00:04:03,041
That young man looks up to you.
66
00:04:03,220 --> 00:04:05,814
And when he sees you disregard
the rules of the road...
67
00:04:05,989 --> 00:04:08,389
...he's more likely to do it himself.
68
00:04:09,626 --> 00:04:12,925
You're right. You're right. I'm sorry.
69
00:04:13,430 --> 00:04:16,126
Are you really?
Or are you just saying the words?
70
00:04:20,737 --> 00:04:22,932
Don't walk away
when I am talking to you.
71
00:04:23,140 --> 00:04:25,131
- I'm gonna count to three.
- Oh, that's mature.
72
00:04:25,308 --> 00:04:26,366
CHARLIE:
Three.
73
00:04:26,543 --> 00:04:28,238
[HITTING NOISE, THEN ALAN SCREAMS]
74
00:04:29,312 --> 00:04:30,870
ALAN:
Where was one and two?
75
00:04:31,047 --> 00:04:32,514
[HITTING NOISES,
THEN ALAN SCREAMING]
76
00:04:39,256 --> 00:04:40,655
Hey.
77
00:04:40,824 --> 00:04:42,314
Hey.
78
00:04:43,994 --> 00:04:47,020
You know I was just trying to show
concern for my son.
79
00:04:47,264 --> 00:04:49,926
I do. And you know
I was just trying to cause...
80
00:04:50,100 --> 00:04:52,432
...severe nerve damage
to your shoulder.
81
00:04:53,336 --> 00:04:54,769
I do.
82
00:04:56,206 --> 00:04:58,868
You know, we should maybe come up
with some safe word...
83
00:04:59,042 --> 00:05:01,533
...like "pumpernickel."
84
00:05:01,778 --> 00:05:02,972
Sure, whatever.
85
00:05:04,347 --> 00:05:06,440
You know, until you get
your license back...
86
00:05:06,616 --> 00:05:09,483
...you can count on me to drive you
wherever you need to go.
87
00:05:09,653 --> 00:05:11,120
Thanks.
88
00:05:11,288 --> 00:05:13,882
You know, of course,
during the week I'm working.
89
00:05:14,057 --> 00:05:17,493
- I know.
- Monday nights I'm at the senior center.
90
00:05:18,028 --> 00:05:20,223
What are you doing
at the senior center?
91
00:05:20,430 --> 00:05:22,295
Free Pilates class. Pfft.
92
00:05:23,633 --> 00:05:25,328
They don't even check IDs.
93
00:05:27,637 --> 00:05:30,868
Tuesdays and Thursday nights
they have water aerobics.
94
00:05:31,041 --> 00:05:32,906
Wednesday is low-impact hip-hop...
95
00:05:33,076 --> 00:05:36,341
...and Friday is movie night.
96
00:05:36,813 --> 00:05:38,804
This week is Cocoon.
97
00:05:40,450 --> 00:05:42,350
Again.
98
00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:46,814
And of course on Saturday, you know,
I need to power down.
99
00:05:46,990 --> 00:05:50,585
And Saturday night, maybe a date.
100
00:05:51,761 --> 00:05:53,956
You're calling those magazines
dates now?
101
00:05:54,497 --> 00:05:56,761
[ALAN LAUGHING]
102
00:05:58,235 --> 00:05:59,463
[CLICKS TONGUE]
103
00:06:00,871 --> 00:06:03,863
But, hey, any other time you need a ride,
I'm your man.
104
00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:06,941
- Wonderful.
- Sunday is usually good.
105
00:06:07,110 --> 00:06:09,510
- Aha.
- Not this Sunday. I got a little thing.
106
00:06:09,713 --> 00:06:12,546
I know, but what does that
have to do with Sunday?
107
00:06:15,518 --> 00:06:19,420
Cute, cute. Actually, I've been meaning
to talk to you about this...
108
00:06:19,589 --> 00:06:22,558
...but, um, I was waiting for the right time.
109
00:06:22,893 --> 00:06:26,090
Are you moving out?
110
00:06:27,397 --> 00:06:31,026
Ha, ha, ha. No. But that never ceases
to be amusing.
111
00:06:32,602 --> 00:06:35,264
Anyhoo, turns out I was invited...
112
00:06:35,438 --> 00:06:38,430
...to Chelsea's birthday party.
- What?
113
00:06:38,608 --> 00:06:41,202
You know, when she was living here,
we were friends...
114
00:06:41,378 --> 00:06:44,939
...and we've remained friends.
- She invited you to her birthday party?
115
00:06:45,148 --> 00:06:48,413
- I won't go if you don't want me to.
- I don't want you to.
116
00:06:48,585 --> 00:06:51,611
Okay. Asked and answered,
done and done.
117
00:06:55,825 --> 00:06:57,725
I did buy her a lovely scarf.
118
00:07:00,163 --> 00:07:03,155
Will it support your weight
from a shower rod?
119
00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:05,097
[ALAN LAUGHS]
120
00:07:05,268 --> 00:07:07,031
Classic.
121
00:07:08,038 --> 00:07:10,836
Of course, it might be a little awkward
if I don't show.
122
00:07:11,074 --> 00:07:13,565
- Why is that?
- I volunteered to bring the ice.
123
00:07:13,977 --> 00:07:17,845
Is that why you've been filling
Ziploc bags with my ice cubes all week?
124
00:07:18,181 --> 00:07:20,809
It's exactly the same ice
as the kind you pay for...
125
00:07:20,984 --> 00:07:23,282
...sans the fancy polar bear label.
126
00:07:25,322 --> 00:07:28,917
I'm not gonna say this again.
Do not hang out with my ex-fiancée.
127
00:07:29,125 --> 00:07:31,787
I hear you. Loud and clear.
128
00:07:33,797 --> 00:07:37,096
It's just so rare I get to socialize
with people my own age.
129
00:07:37,300 --> 00:07:40,030
What, there's no free nookie night
at the senior center?
130
00:07:40,203 --> 00:07:41,830
[LAUGHING]
131
00:07:42,005 --> 00:07:43,404
[IMITATES GUNSHOT NOISE]
132
00:07:46,376 --> 00:07:49,777
Okay, what if I just go for cocktails
and skipped dinner?
133
00:07:51,381 --> 00:07:53,349
- Three.
- Three.
134
00:07:59,656 --> 00:08:01,453
- Alan, wake up.
- Pumpernickel!
135
00:08:04,227 --> 00:08:05,956
You gotta go to Chelsea's party.
136
00:08:06,663 --> 00:08:08,221
Uh... Okay.
137
00:08:08,398 --> 00:08:10,832
If you don't,
she's gonna know I told you not to.
138
00:08:11,334 --> 00:08:12,665
That's possible.
139
00:08:13,036 --> 00:08:16,597
It's a sure thing. She knows
you never pass up a free meal.
140
00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:18,867
That's not true.
141
00:08:19,042 --> 00:08:21,602
How many birthdays have you had
at Denny's this year?
142
00:08:23,046 --> 00:08:25,105
All right.
143
00:08:25,315 --> 00:08:26,873
So you gotta go to the party...
144
00:08:27,050 --> 00:08:29,348
...and let her know
I'm doing fine without her.
145
00:08:29,552 --> 00:08:31,383
- Okay.
- But you gotta be cool about it.
146
00:08:31,554 --> 00:08:32,987
You know, like in passing.
147
00:08:33,189 --> 00:08:35,054
Sure, sure. How's this?
148
00:08:35,225 --> 00:08:38,524
Hey, Chelsea, happy birthday.
Charlie's doing fine without you...
149
00:08:38,695 --> 00:08:43,189
...and never wanders around the house
in the middle of the night with a drink.
150
00:08:43,366 --> 00:08:44,492
- Alan?
- Yeah?
151
00:08:44,868 --> 00:08:46,836
You need teeth to say "pumpernickel."
152
00:08:48,538 --> 00:08:50,130
Got it.
153
00:08:59,416 --> 00:09:02,044
Oh. Alan, hi.
154
00:09:02,252 --> 00:09:05,187
I hope I'm not here early.
The invite said 8.
155
00:09:05,388 --> 00:09:09,017
And, uh, 8 it is.
156
00:09:09,192 --> 00:09:10,523
Come on in.
157
00:09:12,896 --> 00:09:14,921
Who is this?
158
00:09:15,098 --> 00:09:17,692
That's how you greet a guest?
"Who is this?"
159
00:09:18,268 --> 00:09:22,466
Okay. Who are you and what the hell
you doing here so freaking early?
160
00:09:22,672 --> 00:09:25,470
This is Alan, Charlie's brother.
161
00:09:25,875 --> 00:09:29,242
Oh. Alan, I'm Ed. Heard a lot about you.
162
00:09:29,446 --> 00:09:31,073
Heard a lot about you too.
163
00:09:31,247 --> 00:09:34,546
You know, you being in the Navy
with Tom...
164
00:09:34,751 --> 00:09:39,211
...and you guys keeping in touch
even though you were both married...
165
00:09:39,389 --> 00:09:41,789
...and now you're reunited. Heh, heh.
166
00:09:42,125 --> 00:09:43,922
Great song.
167
00:09:44,094 --> 00:09:47,427
[SINGING]
Reunited and it feels so good
168
00:09:51,301 --> 00:09:53,735
So where's the birthday girl?
169
00:09:53,903 --> 00:09:55,234
Taking a shower.
170
00:09:55,438 --> 00:09:58,100
Women, huh? Always running late.
Heh, heh.
171
00:09:58,274 --> 00:09:59,571
Bet you don't miss that.
172
00:09:59,742 --> 00:10:01,334
[ALAN LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
173
00:10:01,578 --> 00:10:03,205
I bought the ice.
174
00:10:03,379 --> 00:10:04,505
Oh!
175
00:10:06,216 --> 00:10:09,583
I guess the bottom got wet.
You know how that is.
176
00:10:09,786 --> 00:10:12,778
Because it happens to everybody,
not because you're gay.
177
00:10:13,656 --> 00:10:16,318
And I thought you were exaggerating.
178
00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:20,254
And remember, lookie, no touchee.
179
00:10:27,837 --> 00:10:30,806
- What's that?
- A birthday present for Chelsea.
180
00:10:31,007 --> 00:10:32,634
But you guys broke up.
181
00:10:32,809 --> 00:10:35,107
Yeah, well, I bought it
a couple of months ago.
182
00:10:35,311 --> 00:10:38,337
- Why?
- I thought that's when her birthday was.
183
00:10:40,283 --> 00:10:43,184
Turns out I confused it
with St. Patrick's Day.
184
00:10:43,887 --> 00:10:45,047
Are those real diamonds?
185
00:10:45,788 --> 00:10:47,619
- Yep.
- Burn.
186
00:10:48,958 --> 00:10:49,982
What?
187
00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:52,890
You could have saved a lot of money
with Cuban zirconium.
188
00:10:54,864 --> 00:10:56,661
"Cuban" zirconium?
189
00:10:57,333 --> 00:11:00,461
Yeah. Girls can't tell because
it's just as sparkly as a diamond...
190
00:11:00,637 --> 00:11:03,299
...and it's cheap
because it's from Cuba.
191
00:11:06,643 --> 00:11:08,167
Good Lord, you're an idiot.
192
00:11:09,145 --> 00:11:12,581
I'm not the one who wasted money on
a bracelet for a girl who dumped me.
193
00:11:12,815 --> 00:11:15,716
It's not a waste.
I'm still gonna give it to her.
194
00:11:19,155 --> 00:11:22,181
In fact, come on,
you're driving me to Chelsea's.
195
00:11:22,358 --> 00:11:24,417
Did it occur to you
that I might have plans?
196
00:11:25,361 --> 00:11:27,522
Oh, I'm sorry. Do you have plans?
197
00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:29,527
No, but there's a principle involved.
198
00:11:31,334 --> 00:11:34,394
I'm just saying, there's a right way
and there's a wrong way.
199
00:11:40,410 --> 00:11:41,707
You need any condoms?
200
00:11:41,878 --> 00:11:44,073
- No. Do you?
- No. I got a buttload.
201
00:11:45,748 --> 00:11:49,707
A buttload, huh? You may need to read
the instructions more carefully.
202
00:11:50,587 --> 00:11:51,952
I don't get it.
203
00:11:53,489 --> 00:11:57,323
Wait, wait, wait.
Have you used any of them yet?
204
00:11:57,560 --> 00:11:59,824
- Yeah, sure.
- For sex?
205
00:12:00,563 --> 00:12:02,030
Oh. Um...
206
00:12:02,198 --> 00:12:04,223
No. For water balloons.
207
00:12:05,068 --> 00:12:08,902
Well, keep a few in reserve
because you're not really breeding stock.
208
00:12:10,473 --> 00:12:14,239
- So, what are you looking for?
- A birthday card for Chelsea.
209
00:12:14,410 --> 00:12:15,900
Good idea.
210
00:12:17,680 --> 00:12:20,740
Ha. Look at this one.
It says, "I got you a birthday package."
211
00:12:20,917 --> 00:12:25,217
On the inside, it's a naked fat guy with
a hole for you to pop your finger through.
212
00:12:25,655 --> 00:12:27,782
- Mm, no.
- Are you sure?
213
00:12:27,957 --> 00:12:30,289
He really likes you.
214
00:12:36,966 --> 00:12:38,661
Here we go.
215
00:12:39,302 --> 00:12:42,499
"Wishing you the dreams of your heart,
all the love in the world...
216
00:12:42,672 --> 00:12:45,334
...and the beautiful day
you deserve for being special."
217
00:12:45,541 --> 00:12:47,270
That's not funny.
218
00:12:47,944 --> 00:12:49,434
It's not supposed to be funny.
219
00:12:49,612 --> 00:12:51,978
Yeah, well, mission accomplished.
220
00:12:53,816 --> 00:12:58,116
Ha. Look at this one. It's an old lady with
banana boobs and a dog looking at her.
221
00:12:58,288 --> 00:13:00,620
Inside it says,
"How many were in your litter?"
222
00:13:01,057 --> 00:13:02,615
That's not a birthday card.
223
00:13:02,825 --> 00:13:05,385
It could be.
Write "happy birthday" inside.
224
00:13:06,696 --> 00:13:08,459
I need a real birthday card.
225
00:13:08,831 --> 00:13:10,264
Okay.
226
00:13:11,467 --> 00:13:13,560
Here's one with a puppy on it.
227
00:13:14,404 --> 00:13:17,339
"For someone very special
on her birthday.
228
00:13:17,507 --> 00:13:20,965
Each day is a beautiful gift to enjoy."
That's pretty good.
229
00:13:21,177 --> 00:13:22,735
And then you could cut a hole...
230
00:13:22,912 --> 00:13:25,847
...and pop your pinkie through
and give that dog a bone.
231
00:13:29,085 --> 00:13:31,849
I can't help you
if you're not gonna work with me.
232
00:13:36,292 --> 00:13:38,317
I'm really glad you came, Alan.
233
00:13:38,528 --> 00:13:42,089
How could I not? We're friends.
234
00:13:42,332 --> 00:13:45,233
I know, but I was afraid
it might be uncomfortable for you.
235
00:13:45,401 --> 00:13:47,562
No, no, don't be silly.
236
00:13:48,237 --> 00:13:51,832
So that's it?
No dinner, just finger foods?
237
00:13:52,842 --> 00:13:54,673
- Sorry.
- Oh, no, it's fine.
238
00:13:54,844 --> 00:13:57,711
I can never have enough
prosciutto and melon.
239
00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:00,348
Hey, that'd be a good name
for a singing act.
240
00:14:00,550 --> 00:14:02,541
Prosciutto and Melon. Heh, heh.
241
00:14:02,719 --> 00:14:07,452
Ladies and gentlemen, the song stylings
of Prosciutto and Melon.
242
00:14:07,623 --> 00:14:09,955
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
243
00:14:10,126 --> 00:14:13,425
There's an open mike night
at the senior center. I'm gonna use that.
244
00:14:14,364 --> 00:14:16,355
Terrific.
245
00:14:16,699 --> 00:14:18,428
- So how's he doing?
- Who?
246
00:14:18,835 --> 00:14:21,099
- Alan.
- Oh, Charlie?
247
00:14:21,270 --> 00:14:22,897
He's doing fine. Just fine.
248
00:14:23,106 --> 00:14:25,131
Good, good.
249
00:14:25,775 --> 00:14:28,437
In fact, he told me to tell you
happy birthday.
250
00:14:28,611 --> 00:14:30,579
Oh, that's nice. Tell him I said thanks.
251
00:14:30,780 --> 00:14:34,045
I will. And I'm sure
he'd say, you're welcome.
252
00:14:38,154 --> 00:14:42,147
So how are you doing?
And it's me asking, not Charlie.
253
00:14:42,358 --> 00:14:45,885
I'm sure he'd be interested. Not that
I'd tell him, unless you want me to.
254
00:14:46,062 --> 00:14:50,226
Do you want me to? Tell me how you're
doing first and then we can decide.
255
00:14:51,401 --> 00:14:55,735
- I'm doing fine, Alan.
- Good, good. So's Charlie. Heh, heh.
256
00:14:55,905 --> 00:14:57,338
Can we change the subject?
257
00:14:57,507 --> 00:15:00,135
You're the one who brought it up,
but sure.
258
00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:07,272
You ever think about
your dad and Ed having sex?
259
00:15:09,652 --> 00:15:12,917
"Happy birthday, thinking of you."
260
00:15:13,623 --> 00:15:14,783
What's wrong with it?
261
00:15:14,991 --> 00:15:17,323
It's, what do you call it? Redumbnent.
262
00:15:18,628 --> 00:15:19,788
"Redumbnent"?
263
00:15:19,996 --> 00:15:23,329
Yeah. You got her a present
and you got her a birthday card.
264
00:15:23,499 --> 00:15:28,095
You're obviously thinking of her. Saying
you're thinking of her is redumbnent.
265
00:15:28,504 --> 00:15:33,271
So if you act like a moron, saying
you're a moron would be redumbnent.
266
00:15:33,476 --> 00:15:34,602
Now you're getting it.
267
00:15:35,411 --> 00:15:39,006
Oh, buddy, you really shouldn't be
walking around without a helmet.
268
00:15:39,615 --> 00:15:42,641
- Wait here, I'll be right back.
- Why can't I go with you?
269
00:15:42,819 --> 00:15:45,845
Because I'm just gonna give Chelsea
the bracelet and leave.
270
00:15:46,022 --> 00:15:50,652
Bring me back a piece of cake.
Corner with a flower would be nice.
271
00:16:14,383 --> 00:16:17,784
- What the hell are you doing?
- Uh...
272
00:16:17,954 --> 00:16:19,888
Checking for leaks?
273
00:16:22,258 --> 00:16:23,850
Listen...
274
00:16:25,962 --> 00:16:28,556
...I need you to go up
and give Chelsea the present.
275
00:16:28,731 --> 00:16:29,993
Why? Did you wuss out?
276
00:16:30,366 --> 00:16:32,834
No, no.
I just don't wanna make a scene.
277
00:16:33,035 --> 00:16:34,662
Here, wuss, wuss, wuss.
278
00:16:34,871 --> 00:16:35,997
Wuss, wuss, wuss.
279
00:16:36,472 --> 00:16:38,770
Wuss, wuss.
280
00:16:40,343 --> 00:16:42,868
Just take the bracelet,
ring the doorbell, say:
281
00:16:43,045 --> 00:16:45,707
"Happy birthday. This is from
Uncle Charlie," and leave.
282
00:16:45,882 --> 00:16:47,110
Can I get a piece of cake?
283
00:16:47,350 --> 00:16:48,908
Fine. Grab a piece of cake.
284
00:16:49,118 --> 00:16:51,382
If they haven't cut the cake,
can I hang out?
285
00:16:51,787 --> 00:16:53,846
No. I'm not gonna sit here
waiting for you.
286
00:16:54,056 --> 00:16:57,184
You don't really have a choice.
You're not allowed to drive.
287
00:16:57,927 --> 00:16:59,019
What are you saying?
288
00:16:59,228 --> 00:17:03,096
Well, at the risk of being redumbnent,
I'm saying I'll be having cake.
289
00:17:06,269 --> 00:17:09,602
I can't believe I'm being blackmailed
by Forrest Gump.
290
00:17:10,506 --> 00:17:12,599
Should I tell her
you're waiting out here?
291
00:17:12,775 --> 00:17:14,242
No. Are you nuts?
292
00:17:14,443 --> 00:17:17,606
I was thinking it'd be a good way
to get a second piece of cake.
293
00:17:17,780 --> 00:17:19,213
Get out of here.
294
00:17:21,551 --> 00:17:24,452
Run, Forrest, run.
295
00:17:25,321 --> 00:17:28,449
What if I meet a cute girl up there?
Would you mind walking home?
296
00:17:28,624 --> 00:17:31,923
Jake, I swear to God,
do not make me get out of this car.
297
00:17:32,128 --> 00:17:34,961
Excuse me, let's not forget
who's doing who a favor here.
298
00:17:37,967 --> 00:17:39,457
Go.
299
00:17:39,669 --> 00:17:41,432
Yes, sir.
300
00:17:45,908 --> 00:17:48,138
"Extra large"? Pfft.
301
00:17:48,311 --> 00:17:51,838
Yeah, maybe if he wears it
as a lucky hat.
302
00:17:54,650 --> 00:17:57,983
So, what about the blond?
Is she single?
303
00:17:58,154 --> 00:18:00,418
Yeah. She's a little crazy.
304
00:18:00,590 --> 00:18:04,686
Not a deal breaker. The well-adjusted
ones generally won't come near me.
305
00:18:05,695 --> 00:18:06,753
Hey, Dad.
306
00:18:07,930 --> 00:18:09,363
What are you doing here?
307
00:18:09,599 --> 00:18:12,159
Uncle Charlie wanted me to give
Chelsea this present.
308
00:18:12,368 --> 00:18:15,064
Here. So have you cut the cake yet?
309
00:18:16,973 --> 00:18:19,134
- No.
- We haven't sung "Happy Birthday" yet.
310
00:18:19,308 --> 00:18:20,502
Oh.
311
00:18:20,676 --> 00:18:24,772
[SINGING]
Happy birthday to you
312
00:18:25,314 --> 00:18:28,806
ALL [SINGING]:
Happy birthday to you
313
00:18:29,652 --> 00:18:34,453
Happy birthday dear Chelsea
314
00:18:35,291 --> 00:18:39,489
Happy birthday to you
315
00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:46,625
Thank you. Thank you for coming.
316
00:18:46,802 --> 00:18:49,396
Excuse me, I need to get some air.
317
00:18:51,007 --> 00:18:54,340
Wasn't me. I always claim them,
you know that.
318
00:18:54,543 --> 00:18:56,238
Come on, Skipper.
319
00:18:59,815 --> 00:19:00,839
So where's the cake?
320
00:19:09,792 --> 00:19:11,987
[RADIO PLAYING HEAVY METAL]
321
00:19:13,329 --> 00:19:16,059
[RADIO PLAY HEAVY METAL
ON ANOTHER CHANNEL]
322
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:19,363
[RADIO TURNS OFF]
323
00:19:25,741 --> 00:19:27,368
Ah, jeez.
324
00:19:37,820 --> 00:19:39,811
[CRASH]
325
00:19:42,291 --> 00:19:43,849
[SIREN WAILS]
326
00:19:44,894 --> 00:19:48,660
Oh, this is not gonna end well.
327
00:19:54,070 --> 00:19:55,367
Charlie?
328
00:19:56,305 --> 00:20:00,264
Hey, Chels. Happy birthday.
329
00:20:09,085 --> 00:20:12,213
Uncle Charlie's gonna pay me
to drive him back and forth to work?
330
00:20:12,388 --> 00:20:14,049
Oh, that's nice.
331
00:20:14,223 --> 00:20:16,054
CHARLIE:
I'm ready.
332
00:20:22,364 --> 00:20:25,265
I get to drive his car twice a day
for three to six months...
333
00:20:25,434 --> 00:20:28,767
...depending on good behavior.
CHARLIE: Move it, numb nuts.
334
00:20:29,238 --> 00:20:31,433
Smart money's on six.
335
00:20:59,001 --> 00:21:00,992
[ENGLISH - US - SDH]