1
00:00:03,914 --> 00:00:08,544
Yes, Judith, I did deduct $30
from your child-support check this month.

2
00:00:09,453 --> 00:00:12,320
Because I paid for Jake's haircut.

3
00:00:12,489 --> 00:00:16,255
Yes, it is usually $9, but he wanted
to go someplace without hobbyhorses.

4
00:00:18,595 --> 00:00:23,225
I know he's never gonna win
any beauty contests, but he is our son.

5
00:00:24,401 --> 00:00:27,234
Look, I've got a patient. I gotta go.

6
00:00:27,638 --> 00:00:29,765
Sorry you had to hear that.

7
00:00:30,073 --> 00:00:32,633
That's, uh... That's my ex-wife.

8
00:00:33,911 --> 00:00:35,208
Beyotch.

9
00:00:39,883 --> 00:00:43,046
- Hello, Mrs. Honeycutt. I'm Dr. Harper.
- Doctor.

10
00:00:43,220 --> 00:00:46,053
Okay, so you are having spasms
in your lower back?

11
00:00:46,223 --> 00:00:49,590
Yeah, it's awful.
Some days I can't even get out of bed.

12
00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:52,422
- Oh, I know how that is.
- You have back problems too?

13
00:00:53,397 --> 00:00:54,921
No.

14
00:00:55,098 --> 00:00:58,431
Why don't you lie face down?
We'll see if we can locate the problem.

15
00:00:58,602 --> 00:01:00,593
I've tried everything.

16
00:01:00,771 --> 00:01:05,299
Acupuncture, yoga, shiatsu.
Nothing seems to work.

17
00:01:05,475 --> 00:01:09,377
Not surprised. Those Eastern practices
are mostly hooey.

18
00:01:09,546 --> 00:01:13,915
Modern chiropractic, on the other hand,
is built on over 50 years of solid science.

19
00:01:14,084 --> 00:01:18,885
Okay, let's take a look
at what we've got here.

20
00:01:19,056 --> 00:01:22,389
- Okay. Now, is this too much pressure?
- No.

21
00:01:22,559 --> 00:01:25,027
- Okay, how about this?
- No.

22
00:01:25,195 --> 00:01:27,254
Okay. Now, is this
where the spasms occur?

23
00:01:27,431 --> 00:01:29,991
- A little lower.
- Okay.

24
00:01:30,167 --> 00:01:32,658
- Here?
- Ahh, lower.

25
00:01:32,836 --> 00:01:34,428
- Here?
- Aww! Oh.

26
00:01:34,605 --> 00:01:37,904
- Am I hurting you?
- No. God, no.

27
00:01:38,075 --> 00:01:39,872
[MOANS]

28
00:01:40,043 --> 00:01:43,137
Nobody's touched me like this
since my husband died.

29
00:01:44,181 --> 00:01:47,014
Oh, um, I'm so sorry. Um...
How long has it been since...

30
00:01:47,184 --> 00:01:48,242
[MOANS LOUDLY]

31
00:01:48,418 --> 00:01:49,510
That long, huh?

32
00:01:49,686 --> 00:01:51,916
[MOANING]

33
00:01:52,823 --> 00:01:55,223
Oh, my. It's, uh, pretty sensitive here.

34
00:01:55,425 --> 00:01:56,449
Harder.

35
00:01:57,427 --> 00:01:59,622
Oh. Okay, no problem. Um.

36
00:01:59,796 --> 00:02:02,822
So just out of curiosity,
how did you find me?

37
00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:05,161
A referral? My website?

38
00:02:05,335 --> 00:02:08,361
Or the flyers at the Mongolian barbecue
across the street?

39
00:02:08,538 --> 00:02:10,005
Shut up and rub.

40
00:02:10,707 --> 00:02:13,073
Uh, I'm not technically rubbing.

41
00:02:13,243 --> 00:02:15,837
- Whoa, Nelly.
HONEYCUTT: Oh! Don't stop.

42
00:02:16,013 --> 00:02:18,311
ALAN: I'm not stopping.
HONEYCUTT: Oh, spank me.

43
00:02:19,716 --> 00:02:22,708
ALAN: I'm... I'm sorry?
HONEYCUTT: Spank my lonely ass!

44
00:02:22,886 --> 00:02:25,047
ALAN: What?
HONEYCUTT: Do it, bitch!

45
00:02:25,222 --> 00:02:26,246
[SPANKING]

46
00:02:26,423 --> 00:02:29,153
Yes, Dr. Harper! Yes!

47
00:02:29,993 --> 00:02:33,156
Oh, God, yes!

48
00:02:50,580 --> 00:02:52,707
Okay, let's take a look at the schedule.

49
00:02:52,883 --> 00:02:56,216
See what the rest
of the afternoon looks like.

50
00:02:56,386 --> 00:02:58,286
Oh, that's not too bad.

51
00:03:00,490 --> 00:03:03,186
So how are you liking
your first day at work here?

52
00:03:05,262 --> 00:03:06,729
Thank you, Dr. Harper.

53
00:03:06,897 --> 00:03:08,797
Uh, you are most welcome.

54
00:03:08,999 --> 00:03:12,628
And remember, alternating an ice pack
with a, uh, a heating pad...

55
00:03:12,803 --> 00:03:14,464
...is very helpful for spasming.

56
00:03:14,638 --> 00:03:17,732
- I'd like to make another appointment.
- Oh, sure, sure.

57
00:03:17,908 --> 00:03:20,069
What were you thinking?
Maybe next week or?

58
00:03:20,243 --> 00:03:21,870
- Tonight.
- To... Uh...

59
00:03:22,045 --> 00:03:24,946
Tonight? Oh, gloriosky.

60
00:03:25,649 --> 00:03:30,609
- Well, we, uh, we close up at 5...
- So I can expect you at my place at 9.

61
00:03:30,787 --> 00:03:33,915
Oh, gee, uh, I don't do house calls.

62
00:03:35,025 --> 00:03:37,289
Per se.

63
00:03:37,461 --> 00:03:39,554
See you at 9.

64
00:03:46,336 --> 00:03:49,464
Uh... Some patients pay in cash.

65
00:03:51,341 --> 00:03:54,936
Their insurance, uh,
won't cover chiropractic.

66
00:03:55,112 --> 00:03:58,275
Part of our ongoing healthcare crisis.

67
00:03:58,448 --> 00:03:59,813
Tragic, really.

68
00:04:02,719 --> 00:04:05,688
Uh, by the way,
you are doing one heck of a job.

69
00:04:07,958 --> 00:04:10,791
In fact, here's a little something for you.

70
00:04:10,961 --> 00:04:13,122
Just because your smile
lights up the place.

71
00:04:14,831 --> 00:04:17,561
You know what? Let's sweeten the pot.

72
00:04:18,001 --> 00:04:19,628
Um, can you give me 10 back?

73
00:04:21,438 --> 00:04:22,803
Not a problem.

74
00:04:22,973 --> 00:04:24,702
Can't put a price on a smile.

75
00:04:56,673 --> 00:04:58,402
- I like the new look.
- Thanks.

76
00:04:58,575 --> 00:05:00,440
It's fashion forward.

77
00:05:00,610 --> 00:05:01,668
What does that mean?

78
00:05:01,845 --> 00:05:04,405
I don't know.
It's what the guy who cut my hair said.

79
00:05:04,581 --> 00:05:07,243
He also said it was fun and fabulous.

80
00:05:07,417 --> 00:05:08,475
Really?

81
00:05:08,652 --> 00:05:11,177
Yeah. And he invited Dad to a party.

82
00:05:13,657 --> 00:05:15,352
I didn't go.

83
00:05:15,525 --> 00:05:16,958
It's just nice to be asked.

84
00:05:18,061 --> 00:05:21,553
So why'd you decide to abandon
your classic cereal-bowl coif?

85
00:05:22,165 --> 00:05:23,291
What's a coif?

86
00:05:23,466 --> 00:05:26,924
- You can't glean it from the context?
- What's "glean"?

87
00:05:27,437 --> 00:05:29,166
Why'd you change your freaking hair?

88
00:05:29,339 --> 00:05:31,102
My new girlfriend wanted me to.

89
00:05:31,274 --> 00:05:34,266
If your girlfriend wanted you
to jump off a bridge, would you?

90
00:05:34,444 --> 00:05:37,379
If she put her tongue in my mouth
when she asked me, yeah.

91
00:05:38,982 --> 00:05:42,076
I can't blame you. I bought a woman
a car for the same reason.

92
00:05:42,586 --> 00:05:44,816
She put her tongue in your mouth?

93
00:05:45,355 --> 00:05:48,017
Sure, let's say "mouth."

94
00:05:48,592 --> 00:05:50,389
Can we get the check, please?

95
00:05:50,594 --> 00:05:53,222
Hey, why don't you let me get this one?

96
00:05:53,396 --> 00:05:55,626
Really? Not gonna go
for the world record?

97
00:05:55,799 --> 00:05:57,664
- What?
- One thousand six hundred...

98
00:05:57,834 --> 00:06:01,793
...and forty-seven meals in a row where
you haven't taken out your Velcro wallet.

99
00:06:02,339 --> 00:06:04,204
- You were counting?
- Am I close?

100
00:06:05,375 --> 00:06:08,173
Nevertheless, I'm paying.

101
00:06:09,646 --> 00:06:12,274
Smell that? The air coming out
of your father's wallet...

102
00:06:12,449 --> 00:06:14,815
...has been in there
since before you were born.

103
00:06:14,985 --> 00:06:16,179
Very funny.

104
00:06:16,987 --> 00:06:19,012
- Thank you.
- Wait, wait.

105
00:06:19,189 --> 00:06:21,123
Nobody is gonna believe this.

106
00:06:21,858 --> 00:06:23,985
For God's sake.

107
00:06:29,866 --> 00:06:31,993
Hey, isn't that Chelsea's friend Gail?

108
00:06:33,570 --> 00:06:34,662
CHARLIE:
Oh, yeah.

109
00:06:35,405 --> 00:06:37,737
- Wonder if I should say hello.
- I wouldn't mind.

110
00:06:37,908 --> 00:06:40,433
Finish paying the check, you weasel.

111
00:06:42,145 --> 00:06:44,943
As long as you got your wallet out,
I could use new sneaks.

112
00:06:45,315 --> 00:06:46,543
Hm. Oh.

113
00:06:46,716 --> 00:06:47,774
Sure.

114
00:06:49,052 --> 00:06:50,280
Are you dying?

115
00:06:53,356 --> 00:06:56,018
- Charlie.
- Oh, hi, Gail.

116
00:06:56,192 --> 00:06:57,250
[LAUGHS]

117
00:06:57,727 --> 00:06:59,661
- Great to see you.
- How have you been?

118
00:06:59,829 --> 00:07:01,160
Pretty good. You?

119
00:07:01,898 --> 00:07:03,422
Well, you know.

120
00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:05,864
Yeah, I'm sorry to hear
about you and Chelsea.

121
00:07:06,036 --> 00:07:07,230
Way it goes.

122
00:07:07,404 --> 00:07:10,601
Win some, lose some, start having
liquor delivered to your house...

123
00:07:10,774 --> 00:07:12,799
...so you don't have to put on pants.

124
00:07:12,976 --> 00:07:15,171
If it's any consolation,
I know how you feel.

125
00:07:15,345 --> 00:07:18,075
I'm still not over my breakup.

126
00:07:18,415 --> 00:07:21,543
But I'm not much of a drinker, so cheers.

127
00:07:22,886 --> 00:07:25,184
Have you, um... Have you seen Chelsea?

128
00:07:25,355 --> 00:07:27,880
Yeah. Actually, I had dinner
with her and...

129
00:07:28,058 --> 00:07:29,923
We had dinner just the other night.

130
00:07:30,093 --> 00:07:33,290
- Her and Brad?
- Yeah, come to think of it, he was there.

131
00:07:33,463 --> 00:07:36,227
- Sounds like they're an item now, eh?
- I guess.

132
00:07:36,399 --> 00:07:37,889
You guess?

133
00:07:38,068 --> 00:07:40,764
What do you want?
They're in Mexico for the weekend.

134
00:07:41,304 --> 00:07:44,398
Mexico. Nice. I went there with her once.

135
00:07:44,574 --> 00:07:46,838
- I'm sorry.
- No, no, no. It's fine.

136
00:07:47,010 --> 00:07:50,571
We had a great time. In fact,
when we got back, I bought her a car.

137
00:07:51,481 --> 00:07:53,312
Yeah, she told me.

138
00:07:53,683 --> 00:07:55,150
Eww.

139
00:07:55,752 --> 00:07:58,084
Listen, I gotta go.

140
00:07:58,722 --> 00:08:00,155
But if you ever wanna talk...

141
00:08:00,724 --> 00:08:01,816
Oh, thank you.

142
00:08:01,992 --> 00:08:03,789
- Bye.
- Bye-bye.

143
00:08:04,294 --> 00:08:08,788
For the last time, I am not dying
and I'm not sick. Everything's fine.

144
00:08:08,965 --> 00:08:10,262
Okay, I got it.

145
00:08:10,433 --> 00:08:12,924
But you can understand
my skepticism, right?

146
00:08:20,110 --> 00:08:22,340
I really don't see
why I shouldn't ask her out.

147
00:08:22,512 --> 00:08:25,003
Seriously? The woman
is Chelsea's best friend.

148
00:08:25,648 --> 00:08:27,639
So? She's single. I'm single.

149
00:08:27,817 --> 00:08:31,776
She's lonely. I'm lonely.
She's gorgeous. I'm well above average.

150
00:08:32,756 --> 00:08:36,453
- I'm just saying it's a bad idea.
- I never said it wasn't a bad idea.

151
00:08:36,626 --> 00:08:38,821
I said, I don't know why I shouldn't do it.

152
00:08:40,964 --> 00:08:43,626
- What is that?
- It's a portable massage table.

153
00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:45,995
So you're giving rub-and-tugs
on the pier now?

154
00:08:46,770 --> 00:08:50,035
No. No, I am a licensed professional.

155
00:08:50,206 --> 00:08:54,302
And I will not stand here
and be accused of unethical behavior.

156
00:08:54,477 --> 00:08:58,208
I mean, just because you have
no moral compass doesn't mean I don't.

157
00:08:58,381 --> 00:09:00,406
And while, yes, that's a triple negative...

158
00:09:00,583 --> 00:09:04,679
...it, nevertheless, defines me as the man
for whom I am aiming to be.

159
00:09:05,822 --> 00:09:07,790
What the hell are you talking about?

160
00:09:07,957 --> 00:09:12,587
I am just trying to augment my income
by seeing clients in their homes...

161
00:09:12,796 --> 00:09:15,856
...thus, alleviating them
of the added stress of commuting.

162
00:09:16,032 --> 00:09:18,057
Not to mention speed bumps
and pot holes...

163
00:09:18,234 --> 00:09:20,498
...of which, as you know,
can jostle the spine.

164
00:09:24,107 --> 00:09:29,238
Wow, guy picks up one $30 check
and he has a brain aneurysm.

165
00:09:33,316 --> 00:09:36,308
[PHONE RINGING]

166
00:09:39,322 --> 00:09:40,949
Yeah?

167
00:09:41,591 --> 00:09:43,115
Chelsea?

168
00:09:43,326 --> 00:09:45,590
Hey, how are you?

169
00:09:45,762 --> 00:09:46,786
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

170
00:09:46,963 --> 00:09:50,592
Slow down. Slow down.
Why are you crying?

171
00:09:51,734 --> 00:09:55,329
Wait a minute, you're in Mexico?

172
00:09:55,705 --> 00:09:58,868
Why on Earth are you in Mexico?

173
00:09:59,042 --> 00:10:02,239
Oh, sure, Brad.

174
00:10:03,746 --> 00:10:07,978
Oh, sweetie,
I'm sorry it's not working out.

175
00:10:08,218 --> 00:10:13,053
Well, I love you and I miss you too.
When are you gonna be back?

176
00:10:13,256 --> 00:10:17,386
Okay. Okay, I'll see you tomorrow.
I can't wait.

177
00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:19,858
All right. Bye-bye, sweetie.

178
00:10:22,599 --> 00:10:24,260
[CHUCKLES]

179
00:10:24,434 --> 00:10:26,459
GAIL:
I hope that smile is for me.

180
00:10:30,974 --> 00:10:32,202
Uh...

181
00:10:32,375 --> 00:10:34,809
Who else would it be for?

182
00:10:42,485 --> 00:10:44,350
You ready for round two?

183
00:10:44,521 --> 00:10:46,216
Well, um...

184
00:10:46,823 --> 00:10:48,484
...yes and no.

185
00:10:50,126 --> 00:10:52,822
- Is something wrong?
- Yeah.

186
00:10:52,996 --> 00:10:55,931
While you were in the bathroom,
uh, Chelsea called.

187
00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:58,497
Really?

188
00:10:58,668 --> 00:11:02,263
Apparently, things didn't go well
in Mexico and she's coming home.

189
00:11:02,438 --> 00:11:03,700
Oh, that's a shame.

190
00:11:03,873 --> 00:11:05,534
Yeah.

191
00:11:06,009 --> 00:11:07,442
Anyway, she wants to see me.

192
00:11:07,644 --> 00:11:10,272
Said she loves me and misses me.

193
00:11:11,281 --> 00:11:13,841
So one call and you're just
gonna go running back?

194
00:11:14,417 --> 00:11:16,749
Uh, yeah.

195
00:11:19,556 --> 00:11:21,285
Well, heh.

196
00:11:21,624 --> 00:11:23,353
This is awkward.

197
00:11:23,893 --> 00:11:25,793
Come on, you know how I feel about her.

198
00:11:26,930 --> 00:11:28,488
I do.

199
00:11:28,765 --> 00:11:30,289
So we should probably keep...

200
00:11:30,466 --> 00:11:33,026
...what happened tonight
just between us, right?

201
00:11:33,937 --> 00:11:36,030
Mum's the word. Zip the lip.

202
00:11:36,206 --> 00:11:38,731
Lx-nay on the oggy-day yle-stay?

203
00:11:40,376 --> 00:11:41,673
Of course.

204
00:11:44,547 --> 00:11:45,673
You know...

205
00:11:47,250 --> 00:11:50,811
...we could just pretend that you didn't
get the phone call for, like...

206
00:11:50,987 --> 00:11:52,318
...another hour.

207
00:11:53,122 --> 00:11:54,282
We could, couldn't we?

208
00:11:56,092 --> 00:11:59,721
But wouldn't that be wrong?

209
00:12:00,563 --> 00:12:02,588
I won't tell if you don't.

210
00:12:03,833 --> 00:12:08,065
Ugh, I'm sorry, Gail.
I can't justify it to myself.

211
00:12:08,238 --> 00:12:09,899
Okay.

212
00:12:10,073 --> 00:12:12,598
Well, can I at least kiss you good night?

213
00:12:12,775 --> 00:12:13,901
Sure.

214
00:12:23,987 --> 00:12:26,751
On the other hand,
there's no arguing with a boner.

215
00:12:32,028 --> 00:12:36,829
Let's see,
when Gail came over, it was 11:00 here...

216
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:38,797
...and midnight in Cabo.

217
00:12:39,736 --> 00:12:43,797
When Chelsea called,
it was midnight here and 1:00 in Cabo.

218
00:12:43,973 --> 00:12:50,139
So when I did Gail at 12:10,
Chelsea technically hadn't called yet.

219
00:12:51,648 --> 00:12:54,481
Not my best work, but I can live with it.

220
00:12:57,353 --> 00:12:59,947
- Hey.
- Hey.

221
00:13:06,029 --> 00:13:07,792
Tough night, Bunky?

222
00:13:07,964 --> 00:13:10,057
I'm a whore, Charlie.

223
00:13:10,700 --> 00:13:12,327
Oh, don't be so hard on yourself.

224
00:13:12,502 --> 00:13:14,629
Jake needed a haircut,
and you had no money.

225
00:13:14,804 --> 00:13:16,169
What? No. No.

226
00:13:16,906 --> 00:13:19,568
I took money to give a woman pleasure.

227
00:13:20,643 --> 00:13:22,702
Wait a minute. You...

228
00:13:22,879 --> 00:13:24,403
...gave a woman pleasure?

229
00:13:25,081 --> 00:13:28,175
Oh, you have no idea
what powerful orgasms these hands...

230
00:13:28,351 --> 00:13:29,841
...are capable of delivering.

231
00:13:30,019 --> 00:13:32,920
No, I've always known that.
I just find it hard to believe...

232
00:13:33,089 --> 00:13:35,284
...they could give them to other people.

233
00:13:37,193 --> 00:13:41,220
Yeah, well, maybe this'll convince you.

234
00:13:43,566 --> 00:13:45,557
- A woman gave you this?
- Uh-huh.

235
00:13:45,735 --> 00:13:49,671
Right before she told me she was done
with me and I could show myself out.

236
00:13:49,839 --> 00:13:52,808
Sounds like a dream date to me.
So, what's the problem?

237
00:13:53,309 --> 00:13:54,606
How do I live with myself?

238
00:13:54,811 --> 00:13:56,802
How did you live with yourself before?

239
00:13:56,979 --> 00:13:58,947
By thinking I was better than you.

240
00:13:59,115 --> 00:14:02,084
Now, after all these years,
I've descended to your level.

241
00:14:02,251 --> 00:14:03,377
Oh, no, no, no.

242
00:14:03,553 --> 00:14:05,578
I may have done
some questionable things...

243
00:14:05,755 --> 00:14:08,815
...but I have never taken money for it.

244
00:14:08,991 --> 00:14:11,585
That's not to say it wasn't offered.

245
00:14:11,761 --> 00:14:13,626
And deservedly so.

246
00:14:13,830 --> 00:14:15,127
Fine, I'm worse than you.

247
00:14:15,331 --> 00:14:17,595
That's all I'm saying.

248
00:14:17,767 --> 00:14:21,225
Well, I am going to take a shower
and try to wash the cheapness off me.

249
00:14:21,404 --> 00:14:23,838
Better take some steel wool
and a cheese grater.

250
00:14:25,708 --> 00:14:27,141
Hey, Alan.

251
00:14:27,577 --> 00:14:29,511
Oh. Gail.

252
00:14:30,213 --> 00:14:31,976
Hi.

253
00:14:32,215 --> 00:14:34,376
Don't judge me, <i>Pretty Woman.</i>

254
00:14:37,420 --> 00:14:40,548
- Uh, Charlie, I better get going.
- Right. Right.

255
00:14:40,723 --> 00:14:42,350
So, uh, you and I are okay?

256
00:14:42,525 --> 00:14:44,425
Yeah. I'm just sorry it has to end.

257
00:14:44,594 --> 00:14:46,994
- Yeah, me too.
- Chelsea's a lucky girl.

258
00:14:47,163 --> 00:14:50,257
You think so? You should tell her.
I mean, don't tell her.

259
00:14:51,367 --> 00:14:54,495
- Bye.
- Bye-bye.

260
00:14:57,173 --> 00:14:58,435
Thank you, Charlie.

261
00:14:59,242 --> 00:15:00,971
- For what?
- Proving once again...

262
00:15:01,144 --> 00:15:03,442
...that I am better than you.

263
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:08,678
Hey. Hey. I'm just a rascal.
You are a male prostitute.

264
00:15:12,522 --> 00:15:14,581
That is a terribly hurtful thing to say.

265
00:15:23,900 --> 00:15:27,392
So there we are in this beautiful
hotel room overlooking the ocean...

266
00:15:27,570 --> 00:15:31,404
...and he's on the phone with his mother,
trying to help her download music.

267
00:15:31,574 --> 00:15:33,838
- You're kidding.
- And I just sat there thinking:

268
00:15:34,010 --> 00:15:38,174
"Charlie would never do this. Charlie
hates his mother with a blind passion."

269
00:15:38,981 --> 00:15:41,472
Remember when you used to think
that was a bad thing?

270
00:15:42,118 --> 00:15:44,052
And when Brad's not on the phone...

271
00:15:44,220 --> 00:15:46,848
...he's telling me how much
I remind him of his mother.

272
00:15:47,023 --> 00:15:48,820
I hope not while you were in bed.

273
00:15:48,991 --> 00:15:51,516
Because that would reflect badly
on everybody.

274
00:15:51,694 --> 00:15:52,854
You don't wanna know.

275
00:15:53,429 --> 00:15:56,421
There's nothing to know.
You went to Mexico with another man...

276
00:15:56,599 --> 00:16:00,126
...he talked about his mother in bed,
and you didn't have sex with him.

277
00:16:00,303 --> 00:16:02,703
- Charlie...
- That's what happened. End of story.

278
00:16:02,872 --> 00:16:04,396
[LAUGHING]

279
00:16:05,074 --> 00:16:07,133
I should never have let you go.

280
00:16:07,310 --> 00:16:09,835
Well, sometimes you can't appreciate
what you've got...

281
00:16:10,012 --> 00:16:13,539
...until you go to Mexico
and don't have sex with a mama's boy.

282
00:16:15,051 --> 00:16:17,747
I'm sorry about Brad.
I know that hurt you.

283
00:16:18,454 --> 00:16:21,890
Water under the bridge.
What you did, what I did, doesn't matter.

284
00:16:22,058 --> 00:16:24,891
- What did you do?
- Doesn't matter.

285
00:16:25,528 --> 00:16:27,052
Charlie, no secrets.

286
00:16:27,230 --> 00:16:28,891
Please, can't I just have one?

287
00:16:29,065 --> 00:16:32,000
Whatever it is, it doesn't matter.
We were separated.

288
00:16:33,903 --> 00:16:36,337
All right, here goes.

289
00:16:36,506 --> 00:16:39,100
I was having pizza
with Alan and Jake the other day.

290
00:16:39,275 --> 00:16:42,676
By the way, Jake got a new haircut.
It's just fabulous.

291
00:16:43,379 --> 00:16:47,213
Okay, well, you'll never guess
who was there getting takeout.

292
00:16:48,584 --> 00:16:50,108
Your old buddy Gail.

293
00:16:51,254 --> 00:16:52,516
Oh, my God, you didn't.

294
00:16:53,022 --> 00:16:55,286
I didn't say I did, but good guess.

295
00:16:57,593 --> 00:16:59,720
- I don't believe you.
- What?

296
00:16:59,896 --> 00:17:01,887
We were separated. You were in Mexico.

297
00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:03,361
But she's my best friend.

298
00:17:03,533 --> 00:17:06,366
Yeah, well, I'd have to say
the jury's still out on that.

299
00:17:07,236 --> 00:17:08,362
You are such a pig.

300
00:17:08,971 --> 00:17:11,132
A... A... A pig who hates his mother.

301
00:17:11,307 --> 00:17:12,501
Go to hell.

302
00:17:13,242 --> 00:17:18,043
Oh, come on. It was 1:00 in Cabo.

303
00:17:18,881 --> 00:17:20,405
[HONEYCUTT MOANS]

304
00:17:20,583 --> 00:17:22,778
Lower.

305
00:17:22,952 --> 00:17:24,783
How about here?

306
00:17:24,954 --> 00:17:31,120
Oh, yeah. That's how Mommy likes it.

307
00:17:32,128 --> 00:17:34,528
Okay, you know what? I'm sorry.
I can't do this.

308
00:17:35,064 --> 00:17:37,760
- What's wrong?
- I am a professional.

309
00:17:37,934 --> 00:17:41,392
I studied chiropractic
for three years in Guadalajara.

310
00:17:41,571 --> 00:17:43,937
That was with almost
no Spanish language skills...

311
00:17:44,106 --> 00:17:46,631
...and a family of parasites
living in my colon.

312
00:17:46,809 --> 00:17:51,803
And I did not go through all of that
to become some sort of G-spot Johnny.

313
00:17:51,981 --> 00:17:54,074
Is that what you think you are?

314
00:17:54,250 --> 00:17:57,185
Well, you're giving me money
and I'm giving you...

315
00:17:57,353 --> 00:18:00,186
...what I'm giving you.
It just makes me feel cheap.

316
00:18:00,356 --> 00:18:02,449
It's too much
like a business transaction.

317
00:18:02,625 --> 00:18:03,649
Exactly.

318
00:18:03,826 --> 00:18:05,350
How about we forget the money...

319
00:18:05,561 --> 00:18:08,997
...and I'll show you something
I learned in Guadalajara?

320
00:18:09,966 --> 00:18:11,593
What?

321
00:18:13,703 --> 00:18:16,695
[ALAN SINGING IN SPANISH]

322
00:18:22,979 --> 00:18:24,571
[DOORBELL RINGS]

323
00:18:27,850 --> 00:18:30,318
Oh, hey. Hi.

324
00:18:30,486 --> 00:18:32,886
I'm sorry. I overreacted.

325
00:18:33,856 --> 00:18:35,221
Yeah, you kind of did.

326
00:18:35,725 --> 00:18:40,162
You're both single, you're both adults,
and you and I were separated.

327
00:18:40,329 --> 00:18:43,594
Plus, you were honest with me,
so I'm willing to put it behind us.

328
00:18:43,766 --> 00:18:47,031
Oh, thank you. Thank you.
I love you so much.

329
00:18:47,203 --> 00:18:48,465
I love you too.

330
00:18:50,473 --> 00:18:54,204
Why don't I take you out for a nice lunch
and we'll catch up?

331
00:18:54,377 --> 00:18:55,537
You wanna go out?

332
00:18:56,145 --> 00:18:58,978
I'm a little hungry.
Aren't you a little hungry?

333
00:18:59,248 --> 00:19:00,681
Gail's upstairs, isn't she?

334
00:19:02,351 --> 00:19:06,219
Once again, we were separated
and I was vulnerable.

335
00:19:06,756 --> 00:19:11,250
Just so we're on the same page, are we
together or am I allowed to go upstairs?

336
00:19:13,362 --> 00:19:14,829
Damn.

337
00:19:22,505 --> 00:19:25,440
Oh, how much madder could she get?

338
00:19:29,845 --> 00:19:33,110
Okay, well, I think we're making good
progress with the back spasms.

339
00:19:33,282 --> 00:19:36,274
- Thank you. I'll see you on Wednesday.
- Looking forward to it.

340
00:19:36,452 --> 00:19:37,783
- And Mrs. Honeycutt?
- Yes?

341
00:19:38,354 --> 00:19:41,380
If it's okay, I'd like to go back
to our original arrangement.

342
00:19:41,557 --> 00:19:43,457
But you said it made you feel cheap.

343
00:19:43,626 --> 00:19:46,390
What can I say? Turns out I am cheap.

344
00:19:46,996 --> 00:19:48,258
Your call. Bye-bye.

345
00:19:49,131 --> 00:19:51,099
Bye.

346
00:19:58,274 --> 00:20:01,437
Ha, have I told you lately
that you are doing a great job?

347
00:20:01,610 --> 00:20:04,636
Ha-ha-ha.
Because you are doing a great job.

348
00:20:06,649 --> 00:20:10,244
In fact, I am gonna make you
employee of the month.

349
00:20:11,954 --> 00:20:14,149
I want an adjustment.

350
00:20:16,759 --> 00:20:18,989
Uh, I'm sorry.
Are you having back problems?

351
00:20:19,161 --> 00:20:22,824
No, I want an adjustment
like you give her.

352
00:20:26,202 --> 00:20:28,796
Oh, gee, I don't think
that would be appropriate.

353
00:20:28,971 --> 00:20:32,907
All right,
then I want a raise and dental insurance.

354
00:20:33,809 --> 00:20:35,140
Hop on the table.

355
00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:19,511
[ENGLISH - US - SDH]