1
00:00:05,378 --> 00:00:06,868
- Morning.
- Oh, morning.

2
00:00:07,046 --> 00:00:08,070
What you doing?

3
00:00:08,248 --> 00:00:11,877
Saving a little money,
so Jake is brown-bagging it.

4
00:00:13,853 --> 00:00:15,946
Oh, who am I kidding?

5
00:00:24,531 --> 00:00:26,328
Breakfast of champions.

6
00:00:28,201 --> 00:00:30,169
Type-2 diabetes division.

7
00:00:32,539 --> 00:00:34,473
- Charlie still in bed?
- Uh-huh.

8
00:00:34,641 --> 00:00:36,006
Ow.

9
00:00:36,176 --> 00:00:38,542
- You all right?
- Yeah, just a little back pain.

10
00:00:38,745 --> 00:00:40,770
Oh, no.
Uh, would you like me to take a look?

11
00:00:40,980 --> 00:00:43,540
- Oh, it's okay.
- Chelsea, I'm a chiropractor.

12
00:00:43,716 --> 00:00:46,207
This is what I do.
Besides, you're like family now...

13
00:00:46,386 --> 00:00:49,048
...which entitles you
to my family and friends discount.

14
00:00:49,222 --> 00:00:52,851
- All right.
- You'll actually be the first one to use it.

15
00:00:53,026 --> 00:00:54,857
Now, I trust your insurance is up to date.

16
00:00:55,495 --> 00:00:57,292
Yeah, but I don't think
it covers chiropractic.

17
00:00:57,463 --> 00:01:01,627
Oh, of course not. Big insurance will pay
for an 80-year-old man to get a boner...

18
00:01:01,801 --> 00:01:03,701
...but God forbid his spine is erect.

19
00:01:06,806 --> 00:01:08,967
Now, how long have you been dealing
with this pain?

20
00:01:09,142 --> 00:01:11,167
- On and off since I'm a teenager.
- Aha.

21
00:01:11,344 --> 00:01:13,869
So would this be around the time
you started to develop?

22
00:01:14,047 --> 00:01:18,541
- What do you mean?
- Well, you know, as a woman.

23
00:01:19,052 --> 00:01:21,111
Boobies.

24
00:01:21,788 --> 00:01:23,551
- Oh, uh, yeah.
- Ah.

25
00:01:23,756 --> 00:01:26,657
I've always known that's a factor,
but what are you gonna do?

26
00:01:26,893 --> 00:01:29,885
Well, I would recommend
that you get two adjustments a week...

27
00:01:30,063 --> 00:01:31,758
...and ultrasound massage therapy.

28
00:01:31,965 --> 00:01:34,456
Plus, strengthening your upper traps
and rhomboids...

29
00:01:34,634 --> 00:01:36,795
...so they can support
the load on your pecs.

30
00:01:36,970 --> 00:01:39,165
Or in layman's terms...

31
00:01:39,339 --> 00:01:42,274
...reinforce the door
that holds up the knockers.

32
00:01:43,543 --> 00:01:45,807
You're staring at them, Alan.

33
00:01:45,979 --> 00:01:48,072
It's okay, I'm almost a doctor.

34
00:01:49,282 --> 00:01:51,546
Anyway, I've tried all that.
It didn't help.

35
00:01:51,751 --> 00:01:53,582
Well, there is one other option.

36
00:01:53,753 --> 00:01:55,778
- It's kind of a last resort.
- What's that?

37
00:01:55,955 --> 00:01:58,753
Have you considered
having breast-reduction surgery?

38
00:01:59,993 --> 00:02:01,961
Something's wrong.

39
00:02:32,492 --> 00:02:35,484
You see? They reshape the whole breast
so you can't even tell.

40
00:02:35,662 --> 00:02:38,426
- How long does it take to heal?
- It says just a few weeks.

41
00:02:38,598 --> 00:02:40,691
You can keep Charlie off them
for that long, can't you?

42
00:02:40,900 --> 00:02:44,358
I don't know.
Might have to get some loaners.

43
00:02:44,570 --> 00:02:45,594
Morning.

44
00:02:45,772 --> 00:02:47,103
- Morning.
- Morning.

45
00:02:47,273 --> 00:02:50,401
Oh, that is not good porn.

46
00:02:51,344 --> 00:02:55,110
It's not porn. It's a website
about breast-reduction surgery.

47
00:02:55,348 --> 00:02:57,612
Oh, Alan, you don't need surgery.

48
00:02:59,285 --> 00:03:01,981
A little exercise
will firm up those man-boobs.

49
00:03:02,622 --> 00:03:06,183
Don't be silly, Charlie. Alan suggested
it might be a solution for my back pain.

50
00:03:06,893 --> 00:03:10,522
Really? Alan made that suggestion?

51
00:03:11,264 --> 00:03:12,595
I just said it could help.

52
00:03:12,799 --> 00:03:15,495
I'll tell you what helps pain. Pain pills.

53
00:03:16,803 --> 00:03:19,203
In fact, I saw a guy on the news
with a nail in his head...

54
00:03:19,372 --> 00:03:21,533
...and thanks to pain pills,
he was laughing.

55
00:03:23,943 --> 00:03:25,604
What about addiction?

56
00:03:25,778 --> 00:03:28,906
It's the least of his problems.
He's got a nail in his head.

57
00:03:29,082 --> 00:03:30,743
- Charlie.
- Kidding, kidding.

58
00:03:30,917 --> 00:03:33,818
Look, I love your breasts
just the way they are.

59
00:03:34,020 --> 00:03:36,147
But if you're in pain,
you have my support...

60
00:03:36,322 --> 00:03:38,620
...to do whatever you have to do
to feel better.

61
00:03:38,791 --> 00:03:40,258
Really?

62
00:03:40,727 --> 00:03:42,456
So you'd be okay with this?

63
00:03:42,628 --> 00:03:45,961
Sweetie, come on. I'm sure if you knew
that the weight of my penis...

64
00:03:46,132 --> 00:03:48,396
...was causing me back problems...

65
00:03:48,568 --> 00:03:51,264
...you'd be okay with me
shaving off a few inches, right?

66
00:03:52,305 --> 00:03:54,398
I suppose.

67
00:03:54,607 --> 00:03:58,270
Of course I've learned to deal
with that pain, but that's my choice.

68
00:03:58,911 --> 00:04:00,674
Well, thank you for being so understanding.

69
00:04:00,847 --> 00:04:03,577
- You don't have to thank me. I love you.
- I love you too.

70
00:04:03,750 --> 00:04:05,945
I'm gonna go get ready for work.

71
00:04:06,152 --> 00:04:08,313
I'll be up in a minute.

72
00:04:09,422 --> 00:04:11,390
Charlie, I gotta say,
I think you handled that really...

73
00:04:11,557 --> 00:04:13,354
[SCREECHING]

74
00:04:20,500 --> 00:04:23,435
Are you out of your freaking mind?

75
00:04:23,636 --> 00:04:25,297
- My fingers.
- What are you doing...

76
00:04:25,471 --> 00:04:27,632
...sticking your nose
in my fiancée's breasts?

77
00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:30,502
- I was just trying to help.
- Let's make one thing clear.

78
00:04:30,676 --> 00:04:33,941
The only acceptable boob reduction
in this house is you moving out.

79
00:04:35,681 --> 00:04:39,845
Funny. Please, Charlie,
I make my living with my hands.

80
00:04:40,086 --> 00:04:42,145
Really? Somebody's paying you
to masturbate?

81
00:04:42,321 --> 00:04:44,186
[ALAN CHUCKLES]

82
00:04:49,729 --> 00:04:51,526
Also funny. Ha, ha.

83
00:04:51,697 --> 00:04:53,164
Don't I wish. Ha, ha.

84
00:04:53,332 --> 00:04:56,597
Now, please stop now.
I am duly chastised.

85
00:04:56,803 --> 00:04:58,634
Not good enough.

86
00:05:00,473 --> 00:05:02,532
- You need to be punished.
- What?

87
00:05:02,742 --> 00:05:05,643
- I'm giving you a time out.
- Ugh. What are you talking about?

88
00:05:05,845 --> 00:05:09,212
You've been very bad and you need
to think about what you've done.

89
00:05:09,382 --> 00:05:11,907
- Fine. You want me to go to my room?
- Not far enough.

90
00:05:12,151 --> 00:05:13,550
- Movies?
- Not long enough.

91
00:05:13,753 --> 00:05:17,314
What do you want me to do?
I can't afford to stay in a hotel.

92
00:05:17,490 --> 00:05:19,117
Here.

93
00:05:19,325 --> 00:05:21,816
That's enough for two nights
in a nice hotel...

94
00:05:22,028 --> 00:05:23,928
...or two months in an airport locker.

95
00:05:25,131 --> 00:05:28,692
- I don't want your money.
- Fine, go sleep in your car.

96
00:05:29,268 --> 00:05:30,496
Hold on.

97
00:05:32,505 --> 00:05:34,996
I'll just take a couple of bucks for gas,
that's it.

98
00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:43,041
And meals. I have to eat.

99
00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:49,915
Tips and incidentals.

100
00:05:57,864 --> 00:06:00,059
- That feel good?
- Mm.

101
00:06:00,666 --> 00:06:02,099
Flavored oils.

102
00:06:02,602 --> 00:06:06,470
This one's apple cinnamon.

103
00:06:06,672 --> 00:06:08,139
Nice.

104
00:06:08,307 --> 00:06:10,207
- Want a lick?
- No, thanks.

105
00:06:10,676 --> 00:06:13,474
You sure? Tastes kind of like oily pie.

106
00:06:14,814 --> 00:06:18,716
- I'll pass.
- Okay, more for me.

107
00:06:19,886 --> 00:06:21,478
You know, I appreciate this...

108
00:06:21,687 --> 00:06:24,281
...but I don't think
it's gonna solve my back problems.

109
00:06:24,457 --> 00:06:27,324
Well, not right away.
But if we do this enough, who knows?

110
00:06:27,493 --> 00:06:30,223
You might feel so much better,
you'll want bigger boobs.

111
00:06:31,264 --> 00:06:32,822
I don't think so, Charlie.

112
00:06:33,065 --> 00:06:35,659
Fair enough. I want them bigger,
you want them smaller.

113
00:06:35,835 --> 00:06:39,168
So we'll compromise
and leave them just the way they are.

114
00:06:39,338 --> 00:06:42,466
God, I love
that we can talk these things out.

115
00:06:42,642 --> 00:06:46,442
I made an appointment
for a consultation with a plastic surgeon.

116
00:06:46,612 --> 00:06:47,636
What?

117
00:06:47,813 --> 00:06:50,509
The more I think about it,
the more I think Alan's right.

118
00:06:50,716 --> 00:06:53,412
No, Alan's never right. Ask anybody.

119
00:06:53,586 --> 00:06:56,350
He's like an idiot savant
without the savant part.

120
00:06:56,589 --> 00:06:58,750
I'm hoping you'll come with me
for support.

121
00:06:58,925 --> 00:07:01,018
Hey, you can always count on me
for support.

122
00:07:01,227 --> 00:07:04,025
I love you for who you are,
not the size of your breasts.

123
00:07:04,864 --> 00:07:05,922
Thank you.

124
00:07:07,033 --> 00:07:09,365
Of course,
it goes both ways, you know.

125
00:07:09,535 --> 00:07:12,527
One of these days I'm gonna need you
to love me for who I am...

126
00:07:12,772 --> 00:07:14,797
...despite my old-man balls.

127
00:07:15,374 --> 00:07:19,105
- Old-man balls?
- They get long, baby.

128
00:07:20,646 --> 00:07:22,773
And don't throw away
your D-cup bras.

129
00:07:22,949 --> 00:07:25,611
We may be able to re-purpose them.

130
00:07:31,490 --> 00:07:32,923
[DOORBELL RINGS]

131
00:07:39,799 --> 00:07:41,824
- Hi, Mom.
EVELYN [OVER SPEAKERS]: <i>Oh, Alan.</i>

132
00:07:42,001 --> 00:07:45,164
<i>To what do I owe this unannounced</i>
<i>and inconvenient pleasure?</i>

133
00:07:46,706 --> 00:07:49,539
- I was just hoping to ask for a favor.
<i>- I see.</i>

134
00:07:52,778 --> 00:07:56,373
<i>Tell me that there's a severed head</i>
<i>in that bag and you want me to hide it.</i>

135
00:07:56,582 --> 00:07:58,914
Nope, just socks and underwear.

136
00:07:59,085 --> 00:08:01,315
<i>How many pair?</i>

137
00:08:02,922 --> 00:08:04,514
Come on, Mom, don't make me beg.

138
00:08:04,690 --> 00:08:05,782
[EVELYN SIGHS]

139
00:08:05,958 --> 00:08:08,222
<i>All right.</i>
<i>You know where the guestroom is.</i>

140
00:08:09,729 --> 00:08:12,562
Thank you. Uh, oh, uh,
I hope I'm not interrupting anything.

141
00:08:12,798 --> 00:08:15,699
<i>Not unless you wanna talk</i>
<i>to my gentleman friend.</i>

142
00:08:15,868 --> 00:08:18,701
<i>I was joking, Edgar, don't stop.</i>

143
00:08:20,439 --> 00:08:23,431
<i>- Good night, Alan.</i>
- Night, Mom.

144
00:08:26,379 --> 00:08:28,074
Edgar.

145
00:08:43,863 --> 00:08:45,558
Lord...

146
00:08:46,599 --> 00:08:48,533
...you've blessed me with a lot.

147
00:08:48,701 --> 00:08:50,635
More money
than I know what to do with...

148
00:08:50,836 --> 00:08:54,897
...a beautiful home,
and a surprisingly resilient liver.

149
00:08:55,441 --> 00:09:00,140
You have truly given unto me
with both hands...

150
00:09:00,613 --> 00:09:03,411
...which brings me to my request.

151
00:09:05,084 --> 00:09:07,279
Of all the gifts
you've bestowed upon me...

152
00:09:07,453 --> 00:09:09,751
...none are a greater testament
to your glory...

153
00:09:09,922 --> 00:09:12,652
...than Chelsea's heavenly breasts.

154
00:09:12,858 --> 00:09:15,486
I don't know why you couldn't
throw in a sturdy spine...

155
00:09:15,661 --> 00:09:20,291
...so she could tote those things around,
but who am I to question your methods?

156
00:09:20,466 --> 00:09:24,163
You probably know that she's thinking
about tampering with your great work...

157
00:09:24,370 --> 00:09:28,466
...and I was just hoping that you could,
you know, talk to her.

158
00:09:28,641 --> 00:09:31,303
Return her
to the path of righteousness.

159
00:09:31,477 --> 00:09:33,775
And bodaciousness.

160
00:09:34,613 --> 00:09:36,308
Amen.

161
00:09:37,950 --> 00:09:39,281
Oh, one more thing.

162
00:09:39,919 --> 00:09:41,580
Sorry we haven't talked recently...

163
00:09:41,754 --> 00:09:45,417
...but I had a little crisis of faith
after last year's Super Bowl.

164
00:09:45,591 --> 00:09:49,584
Water under the bridge.
I got healthy on the NBA finals.

165
00:09:50,629 --> 00:09:53,120
Nice work with Kobe, by the way.

166
00:09:53,299 --> 00:09:55,631
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

167
00:09:55,801 --> 00:09:58,463
Looks like somebody
missed their period again.

168
00:10:26,332 --> 00:10:28,027
So, uh, where's Edgar?

169
00:10:28,567 --> 00:10:30,034
Oh, he didn't stay the night.

170
00:10:30,836 --> 00:10:32,030
Kind of a booty call.

171
00:10:33,239 --> 00:10:35,366
More like a dine and dash.

172
00:10:40,079 --> 00:10:42,411
What'd you do
to piss your brother off this time?

173
00:10:42,581 --> 00:10:45,072
Nothing. I just suggested
that Chelsea's back pain...

174
00:10:45,251 --> 00:10:47,879
...might benefit
from breast-reduction surgery.

175
00:10:48,387 --> 00:10:52,551
You suggested that Charlie's fiancée
get smaller breasts?

176
00:10:52,758 --> 00:10:54,248
Yeah.

177
00:10:54,427 --> 00:10:57,988
While you're at it,
why not try and reinstate prohibition?

178
00:10:58,964 --> 00:11:02,491
Well, anyway, Charlie and I have decided
to take a little break from each other.

179
00:11:02,668 --> 00:11:05,865
- So I'll only be here for a couple of days.
- Oh, Alan.

180
00:11:06,071 --> 00:11:08,130
I know, I'm a little old
to run home to Mom.

181
00:11:08,307 --> 00:11:11,504
Believe me, if I had money for a hotel,
I'd be there right now.

182
00:11:11,944 --> 00:11:14,936
Well, it's nice to know that my investment
in chiropractor school...

183
00:11:15,114 --> 00:11:16,672
...was pesos well spent.

184
00:11:17,583 --> 00:11:19,915
Hey, you know,
I think things are starting to look up.

185
00:11:20,085 --> 00:11:23,020
I feel like I'm at a real turning point
career-wise.

186
00:11:23,189 --> 00:11:26,317
- You're an eternal optimist, aren't you?
- Yes. Yes, I am.

187
00:11:27,393 --> 00:11:29,384
Oh, that just breaks my heart.

188
00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:38,200
So we'd make an incision here
and here...

189
00:11:38,370 --> 00:11:39,928
[CHARLIE GASPS]

190
00:11:41,106 --> 00:11:42,130
...and one more here.

191
00:11:42,308 --> 00:11:44,333
Oh, God.

192
00:11:45,678 --> 00:11:47,669
Then we would remove
some fatty tissue...

193
00:11:47,847 --> 00:11:50,179
...reshape your breast
and relocate the nipple.

194
00:11:50,816 --> 00:11:53,683
Oh, not the nipples.

195
00:11:54,353 --> 00:11:56,287
I thought
you were gonna be supportive.

196
00:11:56,489 --> 00:11:58,013
I am being supportive.

197
00:11:58,190 --> 00:12:02,024
I just didn't know we were gonna play
Mr. Potato Head with our boobs.

198
00:12:02,228 --> 00:12:04,992
They're not "our" boobs,
they're my breasts.

199
00:12:05,197 --> 00:12:08,189
Hey, if we were to dust them for prints,
who's suspect number one?

200
00:12:10,436 --> 00:12:12,734
I take it you're not entirely on board
with this.

201
00:12:12,938 --> 00:12:14,906
No, no, no. I'm trying.

202
00:12:15,074 --> 00:12:18,237
I mean, I don't want her to be in pain,
but come on, look at those babies.

203
00:12:18,444 --> 00:12:19,536
They're perfect.

204
00:12:20,079 --> 00:12:24,209
The only way you could improve on them
is if you can make them squirt money.

205
00:12:25,751 --> 00:12:27,912
Don't worry.
They'll be still be perfect when I'm done.

206
00:12:28,087 --> 00:12:30,521
Except your fiancée will be pain-free.

207
00:12:30,723 --> 00:12:33,385
Hey, hey, I'm not questioning
your abilities, doc.

208
00:12:33,559 --> 00:12:36,426
In fact, I've been a big fan
of your work for years.

209
00:12:36,595 --> 00:12:38,961
I mean, when you make them
freakishly huge.

210
00:12:39,164 --> 00:12:41,394
Really? You know my work?

211
00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:42,658
Oh, yeah.

212
00:12:42,835 --> 00:12:45,895
I have an honorary lifetime membership
at the Pussycat Palace.

213
00:12:46,105 --> 00:12:47,504
They named a pole after me.

214
00:12:49,141 --> 00:12:51,609
Uh-huh. You know,
maybe it would help...

215
00:12:51,777 --> 00:12:55,110
...if you had a better sense
of the end result.

216
00:12:55,281 --> 00:12:56,873
Yeah.

217
00:12:57,082 --> 00:13:00,108
This is Chelsea now.

218
00:13:05,024 --> 00:13:06,889
That's about right.

219
00:13:07,726 --> 00:13:09,751
And this is the size
I'm recommending.

220
00:13:09,929 --> 00:13:11,726
Mm.

221
00:13:11,897 --> 00:13:14,798
- Got the one that goes with this?
- Sure.

222
00:13:22,007 --> 00:13:23,474
[GRUNTING]

223
00:13:29,048 --> 00:13:31,016
No. What else you got?

224
00:13:34,820 --> 00:13:37,812
- I, uh... I made you a cup of tea.
- Oh, thank you, dear.

225
00:13:38,023 --> 00:13:39,047
What you doing?

226
00:13:39,224 --> 00:13:41,886
Just finishing up
some escrow paperwork.

227
00:13:42,061 --> 00:13:46,464
Inspector found no termite damage.

228
00:13:46,632 --> 00:13:49,100
Sign here, sweetie,
where it says "inspector."

229
00:13:51,236 --> 00:13:53,670
- Is that legal?
- Oh, don't worry about it.

230
00:13:53,839 --> 00:13:57,138
There are no termites.
The mold killed them.

231
00:13:57,743 --> 00:14:00,234
I guess you have to cut corners
with the real-estate market.

232
00:14:00,446 --> 00:14:02,311
True that.

233
00:14:03,349 --> 00:14:06,443
- Initial here, here, and here.
- More termite stuff?

234
00:14:06,619 --> 00:14:08,678
The less you know the better, dear.

235
00:14:08,854 --> 00:14:11,482
Listen, I was thinking
when we're finished with this...

236
00:14:11,657 --> 00:14:14,353
...we'd run over to Rodeo Drive
and do a little clothes shopping.

237
00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:16,460
Oh, Rodeo Drive, that sounds fun.

238
00:14:16,629 --> 00:14:19,154
Do they have a Sears
or Kmart over there?

239
00:14:19,665 --> 00:14:22,190
Oh, don't worry about it.
It's my treat.

240
00:14:22,434 --> 00:14:23,765
No, no, no. I'm a grown man.

241
00:14:23,936 --> 00:14:26,200
I can't have my mom
buying me shirts, slacks...

242
00:14:26,372 --> 00:14:29,170
...boxer-briefs
and possibly dress shoes.

243
00:14:29,375 --> 00:14:30,467
You're my son, Alan.

244
00:14:30,643 --> 00:14:33,043
I want nothing more
than to see you happy.

245
00:14:33,212 --> 00:14:35,976
And not dressed
like an unemployed lesbian.

246
00:14:38,684 --> 00:14:41,118
Give me your thumb.

247
00:14:43,155 --> 00:14:44,679
Never been arrested, have you?

248
00:14:50,462 --> 00:14:52,191
Berta, these fish sticks are great.

249
00:14:53,032 --> 00:14:56,695
Thank you. My secret is
I take them out of the freezer.

250
00:14:57,636 --> 00:14:58,864
Well, kudos.

251
00:15:03,976 --> 00:15:05,102
Hey, where's my dad?

252
00:15:06,045 --> 00:15:07,137
[SIGHS]

253
00:15:07,312 --> 00:15:10,213
- Damn it.
- Pay up.

254
00:15:12,985 --> 00:15:15,351
Thought for sure he'd stay oblivious
until Monday.

255
00:15:16,555 --> 00:15:18,819
Well, obliviously you were wrong.

256
00:15:21,727 --> 00:15:24,491
- Charlie, can I talk to you for a minute?
- What's up?

257
00:15:24,663 --> 00:15:25,755
Let's talk upstairs.

258
00:15:26,732 --> 00:15:28,222
Sure.

259
00:15:31,937 --> 00:15:33,871
Here's your cut.

260
00:15:38,444 --> 00:15:40,537
No, you didn't do anything wrong.

261
00:15:40,713 --> 00:15:43,648
Oh, cool. So, what's up?

262
00:15:43,849 --> 00:15:45,146
You want a quickie?

263
00:15:45,684 --> 00:15:47,276
No.

264
00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:51,019
I just got a call from the plastic surgeon
and they had a cancellation...

265
00:15:51,190 --> 00:15:53,750
...so they can squeeze me in
tomorrow morning.

266
00:15:53,926 --> 00:15:56,918
Tomorrow? But that's so soon.

267
00:15:57,162 --> 00:15:58,390
Why put it off?

268
00:15:59,198 --> 00:16:03,066
Well, I was hoping we'd have time
to go away for a few days.

269
00:16:03,235 --> 00:16:07,171
You know, one last fling,
just the four of us.

270
00:16:08,273 --> 00:16:09,934
You've flung them plenty, Charlie.

271
00:16:10,175 --> 00:16:12,575
Oh, come on.
Just give me some more time.

272
00:16:12,778 --> 00:16:15,246
- Time for what?
- Time to talk you out of this.

273
00:16:15,447 --> 00:16:18,746
- You said you were gonna support me.
- Yeah, but when do I get my support?

274
00:16:18,951 --> 00:16:21,943
- What are you talking about?
- This decision affects both of us.

275
00:16:22,121 --> 00:16:24,783
- I should get a vote.
- You're not the one in pain.

276
00:16:25,257 --> 00:16:27,589
Then why does it hurt so much?

277
00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:29,523
[CHARLIE SOBBING]

278
00:16:31,764 --> 00:16:34,790
Oh, you're just making it worse.

279
00:16:37,703 --> 00:16:40,501
I love my new silk jammies, Mom.

280
00:16:40,739 --> 00:16:43,299
It's like wearing a baby seal.

281
00:16:46,645 --> 00:16:49,136
Well, I'm glad you like them, dear.

282
00:16:49,314 --> 00:16:54,274
Oh, and I thought tomorrow
I could take you to my hairstylist...

283
00:16:54,453 --> 00:16:56,751
...get you one of those
hip new spiky looks.

284
00:16:56,955 --> 00:16:58,183
Oh, that sounds like fun.

285
00:16:58,357 --> 00:17:02,225
Although I'm only two haircuts away
from a free one at the barber college.

286
00:17:02,427 --> 00:17:05,828
Oh, nonsense.
You deserve to be pampered a little bit.

287
00:17:05,998 --> 00:17:09,331
- I kind of do, don't I?
- Yes, you do.

288
00:17:09,501 --> 00:17:12,698
I just have to be careful
not to make you too attractive.

289
00:17:12,871 --> 00:17:15,465
I don't wanna lose my fella
to another gal.

290
00:17:15,641 --> 00:17:17,438
[ALAN CHUCKLES]

291
00:17:17,609 --> 00:17:19,941
Your fella. Ha, ha. Funny.

292
00:17:20,145 --> 00:17:24,980
Well, I'm serious.
You'll always be my fella.

293
00:17:25,184 --> 00:17:29,985
And I'll always be your best gal, right?

294
00:17:33,158 --> 00:17:34,887
Okay.

295
00:17:35,994 --> 00:17:40,158
And I've been thinking,
this is a big house...

296
00:17:40,332 --> 00:17:44,564
...and you and I
are clearly not the marrying kind...

297
00:17:46,171 --> 00:17:48,162
...so why don't you just move in?

298
00:17:50,008 --> 00:17:51,976
- Here?
- Sure.

299
00:17:52,144 --> 00:17:53,577
Why not?

300
00:17:53,779 --> 00:17:57,875
Can't you see
how you and me are meant to be?

301
00:18:00,085 --> 00:18:04,021
Well, we're meant to be
mother and son.

302
00:18:04,189 --> 00:18:05,850
That's a given.

303
00:18:06,024 --> 00:18:08,857
It's how we're living.

304
00:18:10,062 --> 00:18:13,054
- Very clever.
- Ha, ha.

305
00:18:14,433 --> 00:18:19,427
Of course,
there is a certain financial imbalance.

306
00:18:20,072 --> 00:18:22,563
But I'm sure
that we can come up with a plan...

307
00:18:22,741 --> 00:18:24,402
...that meets both of our needs.

308
00:18:24,610 --> 00:18:29,172
- Plan? There's a plan?
- Of course there's a plan.

309
00:18:30,682 --> 00:18:34,015
I mean,
I'm a vibrant woman now, Alan...

310
00:18:34,186 --> 00:18:37,622
...but there will come a time when
I won't be able to fend for myself...

311
00:18:37,823 --> 00:18:42,055
...and I don't wanna pay some stranger
to dress me and feed me...

312
00:18:42,227 --> 00:18:45,560
...and carry me to the bath,
soap up a washcloth...

313
00:18:45,731 --> 00:18:48,894
...and give me a good
thorough cleaning.

314
00:18:49,635 --> 00:18:52,331
Thanks, Mom, I'll call you.

315
00:18:54,373 --> 00:18:56,967
That should keep him away
for a while.

316
00:19:01,413 --> 00:19:03,313
[CHARLIE SOBBING]

317
00:19:05,417 --> 00:19:08,284
- Are you sure you're gonna be okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

318
00:19:10,455 --> 00:19:13,424
- Would you do me a little favor?
- What?

319
00:19:13,959 --> 00:19:15,950
Go like this:

320
00:19:17,930 --> 00:19:19,329
For old times' sake.

321
00:19:20,465 --> 00:19:21,489
NURSE:
Chelsea?

322
00:19:21,700 --> 00:19:23,725
- We're ready for you.
- Oh, God, this is it.

323
00:19:25,170 --> 00:19:26,569
Take a deep breath, Charlie.

324
00:19:27,306 --> 00:19:29,171
I will if you will.

325
00:19:29,374 --> 00:19:31,934
It's still gonna be me,
just a little smaller.

326
00:19:32,144 --> 00:19:33,406
I know.

327
00:19:33,578 --> 00:19:36,877
I guess the good news is it'll draw
more attention to your backside.

328
00:19:37,382 --> 00:19:39,043
What?

329
00:19:40,185 --> 00:19:44,212
You know, with your breasts smaller, the
eye will naturally go to your ample tush.

330
00:19:44,456 --> 00:19:48,859
- Are you saying my ass is too big?
- No, no, no. I love your ass.

331
00:19:49,027 --> 00:19:51,894
I'm saying with smaller boobs,
more people will notice it.

332
00:19:52,097 --> 00:19:54,657
Are you insane?
I don't want people noticing my ass.

333
00:19:54,866 --> 00:19:56,766
Hey, hey, hey.
Don't kill the messenger.

334
00:19:56,969 --> 00:19:58,596
It's the first law of landscaping.

335
00:19:58,770 --> 00:20:01,898
If you trim down the tree,
the backyard looks bigger. Am I right?

336
00:20:02,774 --> 00:20:04,173
Damn you, Charlie Harper.

337
00:20:04,376 --> 00:20:06,537
- What?
- Tell the doctor I changed my mind.

338
00:20:07,179 --> 00:20:09,238
- What did I say? Where are you going?
- Home.

339
00:20:09,481 --> 00:20:11,449
- What about your back pain?
- I'll live with it.

340
00:20:11,616 --> 00:20:13,777
- Are you sure?
- I live with you, don't I?

341
00:20:14,286 --> 00:20:15,412
Come on.

342
00:20:16,254 --> 00:20:17,915
Well, how about that?

343
00:20:20,258 --> 00:20:23,421
Thank you, Lord.
You speaketh through me.

344
00:20:50,555 --> 00:20:52,546
[ENGLISH - US - SDH]