1 00:00:01,552 --> 00:00:02,552 Oh, come on, Melissa. 2 00:00:02,704 --> 00:00:05,420 How long are you gonna keep punishing me for this? 3 00:00:05,584 --> 00:00:06,584 Okay, okay. 4 00:00:06,735 --> 00:00:11,624 Once again, uh, I did not technically have sex with your mother. 5 00:00:12,751 --> 00:00:14,377 You wanna catch me up? 6 00:00:14,544 --> 00:00:16,999 Well, you know Alan was nailing his receptionist, right? 7 00:00:17,168 --> 00:00:18,168 Yeah. 8 00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:20,491 Apparently, she caught him in bed with her mother. 9 00:00:20,656 --> 00:00:21,900 What do you know? 10 00:00:22,064 --> 00:00:25,708 I've been calling him that for years, and now he's up and done it. 11 00:00:26,223 --> 00:00:30,184 I was not responsible for my actions. I was stoned out of my mind. 12 00:00:30,991 --> 00:00:33,577 You know, that excuse has never once worked for me. 13 00:00:34,319 --> 00:00:36,905 Me neither, cops or boyfriends. 14 00:00:37,359 --> 00:00:38,359 No. Hey, hey, hey. 15 00:00:38,511 --> 00:00:40,682 Your mother put enough pot in that banana bread... 16 00:00:40,847 --> 00:00:43,946 to treat every case of glaucoma in the San Fernando Valley. 17 00:00:44,111 --> 00:00:46,893 I have a recipe for macaroons, very similar. 18 00:00:48,944 --> 00:00:51,278 I was so high, I didn't even know who she was. 19 00:00:51,439 --> 00:00:52,584 We were just colors. 20 00:00:54,192 --> 00:00:56,428 I was red, she was blue. 21 00:00:56,591 --> 00:00:58,085 We were trying to make purple. 22 00:00:59,216 --> 00:01:01,071 My phone's dead. Could I borrow your cell? 23 00:01:01,232 --> 00:01:03,436 - Sure, it's on the coffee table. - Thanks. 24 00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:06,283 So bottom line, I was drugged and molested by your mother... 25 00:01:06,447 --> 00:01:07,625 and I'm the bad guy. 26 00:01:08,943 --> 00:01:11,693 Man, how many times have I heard you make this phone call? 27 00:01:13,104 --> 00:01:15,013 Yeah, who'd have thought of the two of us... 28 00:01:15,183 --> 00:01:18,030 I'd be the one to end up in a healthy, stable relationship? 29 00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:23,055 Who is Rachel, and why is she sending you topless photos? 30 00:01:23,791 --> 00:01:26,093 - Uh... - Yeah, who'd have thought? 31 00:01:57,295 --> 00:02:01,092 You wanna explain to me why this woman is sending you naked pictures of herself? 32 00:02:01,263 --> 00:02:03,118 I'd love to explain it. 33 00:02:08,495 --> 00:02:12,456 - Go ahead. - I said I'd love to, I didn't say I could. 34 00:02:12,943 --> 00:02:16,172 - Are you sleeping with her? - No. No, of course not. 35 00:02:16,335 --> 00:02:17,448 Then why the pictures? 36 00:02:18,384 --> 00:02:23,719 Uh... Well, my best guess would be that, like a lot of girls... 37 00:02:23,888 --> 00:02:27,914 she wanted to show off her new boob job. 38 00:02:28,527 --> 00:02:30,350 That's your best guess? 39 00:02:31,247 --> 00:02:32,654 Well, you wouldn't understand... 40 00:02:32,815 --> 00:02:36,394 because clearly, God has blessed you with this great bounty. 41 00:02:36,559 --> 00:02:39,178 - Damn it, Charlie, I want to know- - Excuse me, I'm on the phone. 42 00:02:39,344 --> 00:02:44,297 - Shh. Alan's on the phone. - Don't shush me. Who is this Rachel? 43 00:02:44,463 --> 00:02:45,673 Nobody, really. 44 00:02:45,839 --> 00:02:48,425 I used to go out with her way, way before you and I met... 45 00:02:48,592 --> 00:02:50,380 and I fell so deeply in love. 46 00:02:50,543 --> 00:02:53,358 Head over heels in love, puppy-dog love. Woof. 47 00:02:55,055 --> 00:02:56,055 Hang on, Melissa. 48 00:02:56,207 --> 00:02:58,662 I couldn't hear anything after "you son of a bitch." 49 00:02:59,056 --> 00:03:01,990 - Does this Rachel know you're engaged? - Um... 50 00:03:02,159 --> 00:03:05,193 Think long and hard before you start lying to me. 51 00:03:05,711 --> 00:03:07,784 I was. That's why I said, "Um..." 52 00:03:08,304 --> 00:03:10,246 - Charlie. - She doesn't know. 53 00:03:10,415 --> 00:03:11,725 Why not? 54 00:03:11,888 --> 00:03:15,303 Boy, you're gonna keep this flapjack on the griddle, aren't you? 55 00:03:20,303 --> 00:03:24,460 - Berta, would you give us a minute? - Oh, you're gonna need more than a minute. 56 00:03:26,319 --> 00:03:28,108 So long. I'm gonna miss you. 57 00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:31,725 What are you talking about? She's not going anywhere, are you? 58 00:03:31,887 --> 00:03:33,382 Where are you going? Chelsea. 59 00:03:34,511 --> 00:03:36,683 - Chelsea, wait. - Can't we just put this behind us? 60 00:03:36,848 --> 00:03:39,630 I swear, I'll never make out with your mother again. 61 00:03:40,848 --> 00:03:43,979 Let's face it, Charlie. We both knew you were gonna blow it eventually. 62 00:03:44,143 --> 00:03:47,110 I didn't. I had my suspicions, but I wasn't sure. 63 00:03:47,279 --> 00:03:49,548 I wish I could say the same. Goodbye. 64 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:53,221 - Oh, please don't leave. - Oh, please don't hang up. 65 00:03:53,391 --> 00:03:55,049 ALAN & CHARLIE: I love you. 66 00:03:56,751 --> 00:03:58,694 And I love you too. 67 00:04:04,143 --> 00:04:05,387 Sure you don't want a drink? 68 00:04:05,552 --> 00:04:09,578 No. When I'm depressed, alcohol just makes me feel worse. 69 00:04:09,744 --> 00:04:13,093 Yeah, see, the trick is to drink past that. 70 00:04:14,319 --> 00:04:17,221 It's not a sprint, it's a marathon. 71 00:04:18,351 --> 00:04:21,417 You ever think we're both doomed to grow old alone and unloved? 72 00:04:21,583 --> 00:04:24,649 A couple of pathetic bachelors with no one to talk to but each other? 73 00:04:26,127 --> 00:04:28,516 You ought to do ads for this stuff. 74 00:04:29,999 --> 00:04:32,552 So you gonna tell me what happened with Chelsea? 75 00:04:33,488 --> 00:04:35,342 I can show you. 76 00:04:36,111 --> 00:04:39,494 Chelsea found this on my phone. 77 00:04:39,663 --> 00:04:42,729 I ask you, is that worth breaking an engagement? 78 00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:50,949 It's worth breaking a spine. 79 00:04:52,079 --> 00:04:56,302 - Were you sleeping with this girl? - No, no. She just sent me a few pictures. 80 00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:58,351 Oh, well, then why did you keep them? 81 00:05:00,399 --> 00:05:02,341 All right, all right, all right. 82 00:05:02,511 --> 00:05:06,286 But you gotta understand the message that this sends to Chelsea. 83 00:05:06,447 --> 00:05:08,749 Other than, you know: 84 00:05:08,912 --> 00:05:10,318 "Got milk." 85 00:05:14,607 --> 00:05:17,160 - But I'm not cheating. - There are other forms of cheating. 86 00:05:17,327 --> 00:05:20,556 There's flirting, there's fantasizing about other women. 87 00:05:20,719 --> 00:05:23,654 - Oh, come on. Fantasizing is not cheating. - To women it is. 88 00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:27,947 They don't like the idea that you're mentally replacing them with someone else. 89 00:05:28,559 --> 00:05:31,112 What if I'm mentally supplementing them with someone else? 90 00:05:32,175 --> 00:05:34,826 You know, like I'm making love to Chelsea, and in my mind... 91 00:05:34,991 --> 00:05:37,162 Rachel here is just helping out. 92 00:05:41,231 --> 00:05:44,079 She does look very helpful. 93 00:05:44,911 --> 00:05:48,010 Nevertheless, I can understand why Chelsea would take a dimmer view. 94 00:05:48,176 --> 00:05:49,899 Yeah, well, I think she overreacted. 95 00:05:50,063 --> 00:05:52,234 In fact, I think she owes me an apology. 96 00:05:52,399 --> 00:05:55,301 You're just gonna sit here and wait till she comes crawling back? 97 00:05:55,471 --> 00:05:57,381 Yes, I am. 98 00:05:57,551 --> 00:06:01,064 And then, because hell will long since have frozen over... 99 00:06:01,231 --> 00:06:02,954 we can go ice-skating. 100 00:06:03,567 --> 00:06:05,804 It's good that you have a plan. 101 00:06:06,768 --> 00:06:08,458 Now, if you will pardon me... 102 00:06:08,623 --> 00:06:10,827 I have to go pick up Jake at his mother's. 103 00:06:10,991 --> 00:06:13,991 Oh, good. Just what we need to brighten up our weekend. 104 00:06:14,159 --> 00:06:18,152 A large, sullen teenager with gas and questionable hygiene. 105 00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:21,061 There's nothing questionable about it. 106 00:06:28,175 --> 00:06:30,117 There we go. 107 00:06:30,287 --> 00:06:32,197 Over the hump. 108 00:06:35,439 --> 00:06:38,341 JUDITH: She's my mother, Herb. I want her here when I have the baby. 109 00:06:38,735 --> 00:06:41,670 Well, I don't need yet another woman in this house yelling at me... 110 00:06:41,839 --> 00:06:42,951 calling me an idiot. 111 00:06:43,119 --> 00:06:44,810 JUDITH: My mother doesn't yell, you idiot. 112 00:06:44,975 --> 00:06:47,080 I'm gonna let that pass because you're pregnant. 113 00:06:47,247 --> 00:06:49,287 JUDITH: Don't you dare blame this on hormones. 114 00:06:50,607 --> 00:06:53,291 What's my alternative, Judith? Accept the fact that I'm an idiot? 115 00:06:56,047 --> 00:06:58,567 - Oh, hey, Alan. - Is this a bad time? 116 00:06:59,151 --> 00:07:00,907 They're all bad. 117 00:07:01,935 --> 00:07:04,139 Seven and a half months of bad. 118 00:07:04,303 --> 00:07:07,435 JUDITH: Don't you walk away from me. - Oh, I'm sorry, I was answering the door. 119 00:07:07,599 --> 00:07:10,469 That's what we idiots do when we hear a doorbell. 120 00:07:10,959 --> 00:07:13,381 Hi, Dad. Bye, Mom. Good luck, Herb. 121 00:07:13,935 --> 00:07:16,804 Bye, Jake. Wish I was going with you. 122 00:07:23,055 --> 00:07:25,674 I knew it as soon as it came out of my mouth. 123 00:07:33,615 --> 00:07:35,655 I could get used to this. 124 00:07:36,303 --> 00:07:37,732 Don't. 125 00:07:40,175 --> 00:07:44,136 As far as Charlie's concerned, mi casa es mi casa. 126 00:07:45,231 --> 00:07:47,598 All right, I've ordered your pizza. I'm going home. 127 00:07:47,759 --> 00:07:49,286 Thanks, Berta. 128 00:07:50,223 --> 00:07:52,165 Ordering a pizza and going home. 129 00:07:52,335 --> 00:07:54,669 Two of the three things you want in a woman. 130 00:07:55,343 --> 00:07:57,732 And you wonder why Chelsea dumped you. 131 00:07:58,255 --> 00:07:59,881 I'll tell you what I wonder. 132 00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:02,349 I wonder how you could possibly get stoned enough... 133 00:08:02,511 --> 00:08:05,381 to stick your tongue in the mouth of a 60-year-old woman. 134 00:08:11,023 --> 00:08:12,233 Zing. 135 00:08:14,735 --> 00:08:18,532 Boy, I just love this male bonding, giving each other the old business. 136 00:08:19,151 --> 00:08:20,151 The old business? 137 00:08:20,303 --> 00:08:24,875 Yeah, you know, the needle, the zets, the razzmatazz. 138 00:08:25,487 --> 00:08:27,243 Herb, I gotta ask you something. 139 00:08:27,407 --> 00:08:30,342 Are there any other guys you hang out with? 140 00:08:30,511 --> 00:08:32,900 Oh, sure. I have my peeps. 141 00:08:33,071 --> 00:08:37,773 There's my water-polo league, the guys down at the model-train shop. 142 00:08:37,935 --> 00:08:41,994 Oh, and my barbershop quartet. Although I can't have them over anymore. 143 00:08:42,159 --> 00:08:43,369 Why not? 144 00:08:43,535 --> 00:08:46,383 Four-part harmony triggers Judith's migraines. 145 00:08:46,767 --> 00:08:48,971 Plus, mustaches creep her out. 146 00:08:49,135 --> 00:08:51,404 Not just mustaches, any facial hair whatsoever. 147 00:08:51,567 --> 00:08:53,607 - Right, except eyebrows. - Neatly trimmed. 148 00:08:53,775 --> 00:08:55,946 Right, the two-finger rule. 149 00:08:57,775 --> 00:09:02,532 Huh. Chelsea had a two-finger rule. Nothing to do with eyebrows though. 150 00:09:03,247 --> 00:09:04,808 All right, I'll see you later. 151 00:09:04,975 --> 00:09:07,015 - Where you going? - To the pier with Celeste. 152 00:09:07,183 --> 00:09:09,550 - Who's Celeste? - My girlfriend. She lives next door. 153 00:09:09,711 --> 00:09:12,810 - She pretty? - She's gorgeous and smart and popular. 154 00:09:12,975 --> 00:09:15,342 - No kidding. - We don't get it either. 155 00:09:18,095 --> 00:09:21,739 - Maybe she's punishing her father. - Let's hope so. 156 00:09:24,175 --> 00:09:27,591 I'm just the stepdad here, but shouldn't you tell him what time to be home? 157 00:09:27,759 --> 00:09:30,345 I don't have to. I know her father. 158 00:09:31,343 --> 00:09:33,067 Hey, Jake. 159 00:09:35,247 --> 00:09:36,490 Hello, sir. 160 00:09:38,222 --> 00:09:40,077 Celeste, Jake's here. 161 00:09:40,527 --> 00:09:41,527 So how have you been? 162 00:09:41,679 --> 00:09:45,705 We're walking to the pier, we're gonna play Skee-Ball, and we'll be back by 11. 163 00:09:46,671 --> 00:09:48,809 You're damn right you will. 164 00:09:56,687 --> 00:10:00,462 - Come on, it's freezing out here. - Shouldn't we put out the cigars? 165 00:10:01,583 --> 00:10:02,990 Why? 166 00:10:03,151 --> 00:10:05,802 Uh, because we're not allowed to smoke in the house? 167 00:10:07,951 --> 00:10:08,951 It's my house. 168 00:10:09,103 --> 00:10:11,972 We can smoke cigars, we can smoke salmon, whatever we want. 169 00:10:13,615 --> 00:10:14,793 Are you sure? 170 00:10:14,959 --> 00:10:17,544 Relax, no whiny broad is gonna nag at you. 171 00:10:17,711 --> 00:10:20,875 Herb, make sure you use an ashtray and a coaster. 172 00:10:23,567 --> 00:10:24,712 I stand corrected. 173 00:10:26,447 --> 00:10:27,723 Zing. 174 00:10:28,719 --> 00:10:29,831 Gotcha. 175 00:10:32,879 --> 00:10:35,334 Oh, this is gonna be a long night. 176 00:10:38,191 --> 00:10:39,849 - Hi, Charlie. - Oh, God. 177 00:10:40,015 --> 00:10:43,463 - What did the little knucklehead do? - Nothing. Jake said you were hanging out. 178 00:10:43,631 --> 00:10:45,671 - I thought you might want company. - Come on in. 179 00:10:45,839 --> 00:10:47,562 I baked snickerdoodles, if you're hungry. 180 00:10:49,647 --> 00:10:52,942 - You baked snickerdoodles? - Yeah. Why's that funny? 181 00:10:55,567 --> 00:10:57,061 It's not. 182 00:10:58,223 --> 00:10:59,946 You know Alan, and this is Herb. 183 00:11:00,111 --> 00:11:01,256 - Hi. - Hi. 184 00:11:01,423 --> 00:11:03,627 Make yourself comfortable. Something to drink? 185 00:11:03,791 --> 00:11:06,125 I wouldn't say no to an appletini. 186 00:11:06,927 --> 00:11:09,894 An appletini? Ha, ha. My brother drinks appletinis. 187 00:11:10,799 --> 00:11:12,708 Why is that funny? 188 00:11:13,166 --> 00:11:14,628 It's not. 189 00:11:15,471 --> 00:11:17,675 One appletini, coming up. 190 00:11:18,223 --> 00:11:20,678 He can get away with it. You can't. 191 00:11:22,158 --> 00:11:23,882 So how do you know Charlie and Alan? 192 00:11:24,047 --> 00:11:28,138 - Oh, I'm married to Alan's ex-wife. - No kidding. And you hang out? 193 00:11:28,303 --> 00:11:29,579 - Yeah. - Sure. 194 00:11:30,542 --> 00:11:34,219 Wow. I couldn't be friends with the man who's putting it to my ex. 195 00:11:38,767 --> 00:11:41,866 Well, to be fair, there hasn't been a lot of putting lately. 196 00:11:44,751 --> 00:11:47,718 And after the baby's born, there will be even less. 197 00:11:48,078 --> 00:11:49,834 How's that possible? 198 00:11:49,998 --> 00:11:52,365 Not only will she not let you touch her... 199 00:11:52,526 --> 00:11:54,982 she'll interrupt you while you're touching yourself. 200 00:12:02,191 --> 00:12:03,598 Oh? 201 00:12:04,207 --> 00:12:06,214 I had to start showering at the Y. 202 00:12:08,719 --> 00:12:11,654 - Okay, one appletini. - Thank you. 203 00:12:12,367 --> 00:12:15,750 - What are you guys talking about? - Masturbating at the YMCA. 204 00:12:20,815 --> 00:12:23,401 Really? Just talk, right? 205 00:12:23,567 --> 00:12:25,803 Yeah, but the night is young. 206 00:12:26,799 --> 00:12:28,489 So, Jerome... 207 00:12:28,654 --> 00:12:31,916 solve one of the great mysteries of life for us. 208 00:12:33,327 --> 00:12:35,236 What does your daughter see in Jake? 209 00:12:35,726 --> 00:12:38,988 You know, I've been asking myself the same thing. 210 00:12:39,151 --> 00:12:40,842 Maybe she's punishing me. 211 00:12:42,959 --> 00:12:45,926 - No offense. - None taken. 212 00:12:46,319 --> 00:12:48,206 We're way ahead of you. 213 00:12:49,007 --> 00:12:51,495 You know, my wife and I are having a girl. Any advice? 214 00:12:52,015 --> 00:12:55,909 Yeah. Before your daughter starts dating, um, bulk up. 215 00:12:58,543 --> 00:13:00,103 Okay. 216 00:13:01,839 --> 00:13:04,457 Boy, remember when we first started dating? 217 00:13:04,622 --> 00:13:07,240 Yup. Eighth grade, Louise Miller. 218 00:13:07,406 --> 00:13:09,261 Oh, ninth grade, Maxine Chernakoff. 219 00:13:09,422 --> 00:13:11,626 Sixth grade, Mrs. Terapotta. 220 00:13:17,423 --> 00:13:19,844 It wasn't actually a date. 221 00:13:20,015 --> 00:13:22,382 Nowadays, she'd probably go to jail. 222 00:13:22,862 --> 00:13:24,291 So, what about you, Herb? 223 00:13:24,655 --> 00:13:27,557 - What about me, what? - Your first date. Junior high? High school? 224 00:13:27,727 --> 00:13:31,403 Oh, college, freshman year. I was kind of a geek in high school. 225 00:13:31,567 --> 00:13:33,093 Hard to believe. 226 00:13:33,678 --> 00:13:35,620 No, really. They called me Big Bird. 227 00:13:38,638 --> 00:13:40,133 So, what happened in college? 228 00:13:40,527 --> 00:13:43,723 I stopped wearing yellow shirts and lowered my standards. 229 00:13:44,527 --> 00:13:46,949 Okay, okay, here's one. 230 00:13:47,118 --> 00:13:50,533 First sexual experience that was not traditional intercourse. 231 00:13:51,055 --> 00:13:54,055 - What are we talking about here? - You know what I'm talking about. 232 00:13:54,223 --> 00:13:55,597 Boy Scouts. 233 00:14:07,119 --> 00:14:08,493 What? 234 00:14:08,654 --> 00:14:11,110 Oh. Zing. 235 00:14:13,679 --> 00:14:17,541 Alan, when did you first take your oral exams? 236 00:14:18,094 --> 00:14:20,298 I don't think I should say. 237 00:14:20,462 --> 00:14:21,640 - Why not? - I just don't. 238 00:14:21,807 --> 00:14:25,068 - Come on, we're all friends. Who was it? - Your wife. 239 00:14:26,734 --> 00:14:28,839 So your first time doing that was with Judith? 240 00:14:30,830 --> 00:14:32,521 Hey, me too. 241 00:14:35,183 --> 00:14:36,262 Me too. 242 00:14:40,719 --> 00:14:42,181 Just kidding. Zing. Zing. 243 00:14:45,999 --> 00:14:49,348 What is "zing"? Is that some type of white-guy slang? 244 00:14:49,615 --> 00:14:50,615 Quite possibly. 245 00:14:50,767 --> 00:14:54,542 My barbershop quartet does a killer version of "Zing! Went the Strings of My Heart." 246 00:14:54,703 --> 00:14:56,841 Real showstopper. 247 00:14:57,487 --> 00:14:59,112 Kind of like that story. 248 00:15:00,238 --> 00:15:01,515 Zing. 249 00:15:03,087 --> 00:15:04,199 Did I get that one right? 250 00:15:07,502 --> 00:15:08,680 Oh, good. Finally. 251 00:15:08,847 --> 00:15:10,440 - Hookers? - Pizza. 252 00:15:10,607 --> 00:15:13,160 Oh. That's nice too. 253 00:15:14,542 --> 00:15:17,390 - Hey, Mr. Harper. - Oh, hey, Gordon. It's been a long time. 254 00:15:17,551 --> 00:15:19,973 - Yeah, two years. - So, what you been up to? 255 00:15:20,142 --> 00:15:21,669 Well, I finished night school... 256 00:15:21,839 --> 00:15:24,588 got my business degree, met an amazing girl, got married... 257 00:15:24,750 --> 00:15:28,744 landed a great job as a stockbroker, the company went under, my wife left me, uh... 258 00:15:28,911 --> 00:15:30,766 and that will be 28.50. 259 00:15:34,094 --> 00:15:36,429 Oh, man, I'm sorry. 260 00:15:36,591 --> 00:15:38,533 - You want a drink? - Why stop now? 261 00:15:40,623 --> 00:15:42,149 Come on in. 262 00:15:45,806 --> 00:15:47,628 Hey, everybody, this is Gordon. 263 00:15:47,790 --> 00:15:49,733 - His wife left him. - Hey, Gordon. 264 00:15:49,902 --> 00:15:52,684 - Welcome to the Losers' Lounge. - Heh, heh. Glad to be here. 265 00:15:52,847 --> 00:15:56,043 The topic of discussion is first nontraditional sexual experience. 266 00:15:56,207 --> 00:15:57,734 Bible camp. 267 00:15:59,758 --> 00:16:03,304 - Where you guys want me to put these? - Oh, here, let me move the snickerdoodles. 268 00:16:03,727 --> 00:16:05,352 Oh, snickerdoodles. 269 00:16:06,030 --> 00:16:07,591 - You don't like them? - No, no, I do. 270 00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:11,752 It's just that my wife used to call me her little snickerdoodle. Heh, heh. 271 00:16:11,919 --> 00:16:14,602 - You're kidding. - Well, no, not all of me. 272 00:16:14,766 --> 00:16:16,457 It was her little nickname for my, uh... 273 00:16:19,566 --> 00:16:22,665 Oh, that is a terrible name for a penis. 274 00:16:23,695 --> 00:16:27,110 - Oh, yeah? What did your wife call yours? - Mr. Roundtree. 275 00:16:34,414 --> 00:16:35,876 Richard Roundtree? 276 00:16:37,102 --> 00:16:38,695 The guy who played Shaft? 277 00:16:38,862 --> 00:16:40,869 - Oh, right. - Oh, yes. 278 00:16:41,038 --> 00:16:43,427 That's way better than "snickerdoodle." 279 00:16:44,559 --> 00:16:47,210 Judith calls mine "that thing." 280 00:16:47,791 --> 00:16:50,344 As in "Get that thing away from me"? 281 00:16:51,246 --> 00:16:53,963 - Yeah, how did you know? - Just a guess. 282 00:16:56,846 --> 00:16:58,635 Okay, I'm out of here. 283 00:16:59,118 --> 00:17:00,328 Where you going? 284 00:17:00,494 --> 00:17:04,073 Someplace where I'm not knee-deep in pathetic, penis-naming, sad sacks. 285 00:17:06,479 --> 00:17:07,689 No offense. 286 00:17:07,855 --> 00:17:09,927 - None taken. - None taken. 287 00:17:10,606 --> 00:17:12,101 Let's go, King Snake. 288 00:17:26,031 --> 00:17:28,267 - What do you want? - Just listen. 289 00:17:29,550 --> 00:17:31,917 Rachel? Hey, it's Charlie. 290 00:17:32,078 --> 00:17:34,599 Look, about the pictures you sent me- 291 00:17:34,767 --> 00:17:36,676 No, no. No, they were very nice. 292 00:17:38,478 --> 00:17:40,453 Yeah, real artsy. 293 00:17:41,743 --> 00:17:44,198 But the thing is, I'm kind of engaged now. 294 00:17:46,126 --> 00:17:50,599 I am definitely engaged now, so you shouldn't send me any more. 295 00:17:51,855 --> 00:17:54,124 Doesn't matter who asked for them. 296 00:17:55,951 --> 00:17:58,602 The point is, I am no longer interested in anyone's boobs... 297 00:17:58,767 --> 00:18:00,141 other than my fiancée's. 298 00:18:01,518 --> 00:18:04,104 No, I'm not gonna send you a picture of hers. 299 00:18:05,774 --> 00:18:07,400 Right? 300 00:18:08,335 --> 00:18:09,415 No. 301 00:18:10,574 --> 00:18:13,356 - Okay, take care. - Thank you, Charlie. 302 00:18:14,127 --> 00:18:16,777 I just want you to know how much you mean to me. 303 00:18:16,942 --> 00:18:18,535 Did you delete the pictures? 304 00:18:19,343 --> 00:18:23,304 Um, I guess there's a case to be made for that. 305 00:18:27,086 --> 00:18:30,086 - What are you doing? Press delete. - Hang on. 306 00:18:30,255 --> 00:18:31,749 I'm imprinting them in my memory. 307 00:18:33,614 --> 00:18:36,778 Delete, delete, delete. Look, I'm deleting. 308 00:18:39,151 --> 00:18:41,006 GORDON & HERB Zing! Dear, when you smiled at me 309 00:18:41,167 --> 00:18:42,760 - Zing! - I heard a melody 310 00:18:42,927 --> 00:18:44,836 - Zing! - It haunted me from the start 311 00:18:45,198 --> 00:18:46,540 - The start - The start 312 00:18:46,702 --> 00:18:48,328 Zing! - Something inside of me 313 00:18:48,495 --> 00:18:50,120 Zing! - Started a symphony 314 00:18:50,286 --> 00:18:51,977 Zing! Went the strings of my heart 315 00:18:53,582 --> 00:18:55,273 Zing! 'Twas like a breath of spring 316 00:18:55,438 --> 00:18:56,780 Zing! I heard a robin sing 317 00:18:57,198 --> 00:18:58,540 Zing! About a nest set apart 318 00:18:58,703 --> 00:19:00,645 No wonder they're all alone. 319 00:19:00,815 --> 00:19:02,407 Zing! All nature seemed to be 320 00:19:02,574 --> 00:19:04,233 Zing! - In perfect harmony 321 00:19:04,398 --> 00:19:07,846 Zing! Went the strings of my heart 322 00:19:18,062 --> 00:19:20,713 Who is the man that would risk his neck 323 00:19:20,879 --> 00:19:22,253 For his brother man? 324 00:19:22,414 --> 00:19:23,414 Shaft 325 00:19:23,567 --> 00:19:24,843 Right on 326 00:19:25,006 --> 00:19:27,690 - I heard this cat Shaft is one bad mother- - Shut your mouth 327 00:19:27,855 --> 00:19:29,895 - I'm talking about Shaft - Then we can dig it 328 00:19:30,287 --> 00:19:32,043 He's a complicated man 329 00:19:32,366 --> 00:19:34,635 No, I can't do this. 330 00:19:35,150 --> 00:19:37,517 She has to take me back.