1 00:00:06,704 --> 00:00:07,948 - Oh, hey, Alan. - Hey, Herb. 2 00:00:08,112 --> 00:00:10,119 Jake, your dad's here. 3 00:00:11,375 --> 00:00:13,514 - So how's it going? - All good. 4 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:14,890 Good. 5 00:00:15,056 --> 00:00:16,398 - You? - Good. 6 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:17,869 Well, good. 7 00:00:19,823 --> 00:00:21,995 Yeah, good. 8 00:00:24,015 --> 00:00:26,023 Good. 9 00:00:29,392 --> 00:00:31,464 Oh, I, uh- I see you've put in a new mailbox. 10 00:00:31,631 --> 00:00:33,573 Oh, yeah. The old one was pretty shoddy. 11 00:00:33,744 --> 00:00:35,980 Whoever put it in didn't anchor the pole correctly. 12 00:00:36,143 --> 00:00:37,998 That would be me. 13 00:00:38,511 --> 00:00:41,675 Oh, sorry. The mailman was complaining about the wiggle. 14 00:00:42,032 --> 00:00:43,526 Herb, the mailman's a pothead. 15 00:00:43,888 --> 00:00:46,343 Yeah, I know. I caught him eating my tomato plants. 16 00:00:46,512 --> 00:00:48,617 Anyway, I decided to replace the whole thing. 17 00:00:48,783 --> 00:00:51,304 Yeah, I see it, uh- It now says "The Melnicks." 18 00:00:51,824 --> 00:00:53,350 Well, I paid for the mailbox. 19 00:00:54,895 --> 00:00:56,783 I get my mail there. 20 00:00:56,943 --> 00:00:58,664 - My name's Melnick. - Yeah, yeah, I get it. 21 00:00:58,927 --> 00:01:00,488 What's it say on your mailbox? 22 00:01:00,655 --> 00:01:02,411 Charlie Harper. 23 00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:06,280 Jake! 24 00:01:06,832 --> 00:01:09,385 No need to yell, he's in the bathroom. 25 00:01:09,872 --> 00:01:10,886 Big surprise, eh? 26 00:01:11,055 --> 00:01:13,259 He's either shoveling it in or shooting it out. Ha, ha. 27 00:01:14,383 --> 00:01:16,139 Yeah, he's a regular Play-Doh Fun Factory. 28 00:01:17,423 --> 00:01:19,812 Just go make sure he hasn't fallen asleep in there again. 29 00:01:19,983 --> 00:01:21,477 Yes, dear. 30 00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:24,265 So how's everything? 31 00:01:24,783 --> 00:01:28,231 Fine. Uh, listen, Alan, I've been thinking, now that Jake's a teenager... 32 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:30,788 he'd benefit from spending some more time with his dad. 33 00:01:30,959 --> 00:01:32,585 Oh. Oh, that would be great. 34 00:01:32,752 --> 00:01:35,337 Nothing would make me happier than spending time with my son. 35 00:01:35,503 --> 00:01:37,030 - Good. - Ha, ha. 36 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:38,726 - Hey, Dad. - Oh, hey, buddy. 37 00:01:38,895 --> 00:01:40,106 All finished in the bathroom? 38 00:01:40,271 --> 00:01:42,060 For now. You should've seen the last one. 39 00:01:42,223 --> 00:01:43,947 It looked like a question mark. 40 00:01:46,608 --> 00:01:49,903 - Terrific. - And it came out of my colon, get it? 41 00:01:50,415 --> 00:01:52,139 - Hilarious. - Commas are easy. 42 00:01:52,304 --> 00:01:53,733 Go. 43 00:01:55,344 --> 00:01:58,311 Um, so, uh, what are we talking about here? 44 00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:00,302 An extra day or two every other week? 45 00:02:00,656 --> 00:02:02,478 I was thinking more a solid three months. 46 00:02:02,639 --> 00:02:03,686 In a row? 47 00:02:03,855 --> 00:02:05,416 Alan, how many sons do you have? 48 00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:06,696 As many as you do. 49 00:02:06,864 --> 00:02:09,733 - Look, do you want your kid or not? - Well, of course, but... 50 00:02:09,903 --> 00:02:12,750 Well, I'll have to clear it with Charlie and... 51 00:02:12,911 --> 00:02:15,497 - And there is the financial issue. - What financial issue? 52 00:02:15,663 --> 00:02:18,979 If he's living with me, I should get a sizable break on the child support. 53 00:02:19,151 --> 00:02:21,769 - You're certainly entitled to your opinion. - Well, thank you. 54 00:02:30,479 --> 00:02:32,039 Wait a minute. 55 00:02:33,775 --> 00:02:35,531 Three months in a row? 56 00:02:35,695 --> 00:02:37,768 - Oh, come on, it'll be fun. - For who? 57 00:02:37,936 --> 00:02:40,750 All he does is eat, sleep, and clog up the toilets. 58 00:02:40,912 --> 00:02:43,148 - Shh. Let's talk about this later. - Oh, please. 59 00:02:43,311 --> 00:02:45,700 Chowderhead can't hear us. Right, chowderhead? 60 00:02:47,792 --> 00:02:49,930 - See? - Oh, just admit it. 61 00:02:50,095 --> 00:02:51,372 You love having him around. 62 00:02:51,536 --> 00:02:54,602 I love having him around because I always know he's leaving. 63 00:02:54,768 --> 00:02:57,932 Don't take the leaving part away from me, Alan. 64 00:02:58,096 --> 00:03:00,103 Let's just give it a chance, see how it works. 65 00:03:00,272 --> 00:03:03,086 That's what Poland said about the Germans. 66 00:03:03,311 --> 00:03:05,198 Been watching History Channel again? 67 00:03:05,359 --> 00:03:07,050 It's Nazi week. 68 00:03:07,215 --> 00:03:09,386 It's always Nazi week. 69 00:03:09,551 --> 00:03:12,592 Look, uh, tell you what, why don't I take you and Jake out to dinner tonight? 70 00:03:12,656 --> 00:03:14,728 Can we get chili burgers? 71 00:03:49,647 --> 00:03:50,989 Wow, this is fun, huh? 72 00:03:51,152 --> 00:03:54,381 The three Harper boys sitting round the campfire, putting on the feedbag. 73 00:03:54,767 --> 00:03:56,076 Yeah, bite me. 74 00:03:59,792 --> 00:04:00,792 So, numbnuts... 75 00:04:03,567 --> 00:04:05,739 any thoughts why your mom dumped you off on us? 76 00:04:05,904 --> 00:04:08,271 - Charlie. - Oh, like you're not curious. 77 00:04:08,432 --> 00:04:10,220 No. No, I am not curious. 78 00:04:10,383 --> 00:04:13,198 She thought it'd be a good idea to spend time with his father. 79 00:04:13,359 --> 00:04:17,036 And I'm trying to save girls a long ride home on the freeway. 80 00:04:19,344 --> 00:04:20,653 So, what's your theory, Alfalfa? 81 00:04:21,423 --> 00:04:24,023 You're pretending to be considerate so you can have sex with them. 82 00:04:28,463 --> 00:04:30,983 No, no. I mean, about your mother and Herb. 83 00:04:31,151 --> 00:04:33,224 Oh, well, they are fighting a lot. 84 00:04:33,392 --> 00:04:36,621 - They're fighting? - Yep, 31. 85 00:04:37,679 --> 00:04:38,825 Thirty-one? 86 00:04:39,471 --> 00:04:42,253 It's what you get when you add 24 and seven. 87 00:04:45,391 --> 00:04:47,780 You know, they're fighting all the time, 24/7. 88 00:04:47,951 --> 00:04:49,860 Thirty-one. 89 00:04:50,672 --> 00:04:53,257 - I'm not gonna make it three months, Alan. - You'll be fine. 90 00:04:53,423 --> 00:04:56,238 - They're fighting in front of you? - They don't think they are... 91 00:04:56,399 --> 00:04:59,050 because when I wear the headphones, I turn the music off. 92 00:05:00,495 --> 00:05:02,135 And you figured that out all by yourself? 93 00:05:02,223 --> 00:05:05,485 Hey, you may think I'm dumb, but you overestimate me. 94 00:05:07,344 --> 00:05:09,132 My mistake. 95 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:10,949 So, what are they arguing about? 96 00:05:11,119 --> 00:05:13,803 Well, she doesn't like his parents, he doesn't like her spending... 97 00:05:13,968 --> 00:05:16,139 - and something about sex. - What about sex? 98 00:05:17,615 --> 00:05:20,070 That's when I turn the music back on, you sick freak. 99 00:05:24,847 --> 00:05:27,269 - Sorry. - I mean, that's my mother. 100 00:05:28,175 --> 00:05:29,222 I said I'm sorry. 101 00:05:30,127 --> 00:05:31,786 Man, I'm not gonna make it three months. 102 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:36,302 Oh, great. Now he's got the moral high ground. 103 00:05:38,479 --> 00:05:40,584 Forget about that. The important thing is... 104 00:05:40,751 --> 00:05:42,987 Judith and Herb are having marital problems. 105 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:47,909 - Why does that make you happy? - Well, it's not happiness exactly. 106 00:05:48,079 --> 00:05:49,540 It's just that all these years... 107 00:05:49,711 --> 00:05:53,988 she's been blaming me for the failure of our marriage and now- 108 00:05:54,959 --> 00:05:57,512 Yeah, I guess "happiness" pretty much sums it up. 109 00:06:01,519 --> 00:06:03,853 Hey, what's this I hear about little Lord Skidmark... 110 00:06:04,015 --> 00:06:06,437 coming to live here full time? 111 00:06:07,279 --> 00:06:08,937 Oh, it's, uh, just for a few weeks. 112 00:06:09,103 --> 00:06:11,656 Uh, I'm sure if we all pull together, you'll hardly notice. 113 00:06:11,823 --> 00:06:13,579 Yeah, pull this. 114 00:06:15,471 --> 00:06:16,471 Charlie. 115 00:06:16,623 --> 00:06:19,437 You and me gotta have a conversation. 116 00:06:21,295 --> 00:06:23,302 Nice talking to you. 117 00:06:26,479 --> 00:06:27,479 Hey, Alan. 118 00:06:27,632 --> 00:06:30,217 - Oh, hey, Herb. - Judith asked me to drop this off for Jake. 119 00:06:30,383 --> 00:06:31,423 Oh, here, let me help you. 120 00:06:31,535 --> 00:06:33,193 Thanks. 121 00:06:34,351 --> 00:06:39,141 So, what have you two lovebirds got planned for the next few months? 122 00:06:40,079 --> 00:06:42,218 - Second honeymoon? - No, not exactly. 123 00:06:42,383 --> 00:06:45,766 Oh. Hard to believe you're coming up on your second anniversary. 124 00:06:45,935 --> 00:06:47,015 Yep, hard to believe. 125 00:06:47,183 --> 00:06:49,256 Two years. Ha, ha. 126 00:06:50,479 --> 00:06:52,683 Time flies when you're having fun, eh? 127 00:06:53,007 --> 00:06:54,414 I wouldn't know. 128 00:06:56,591 --> 00:06:58,413 - Hey, Herb. - Hey, Charlie. 129 00:06:58,767 --> 00:07:01,254 You ask him about his marriage going down the crapper? 130 00:07:05,423 --> 00:07:06,423 I was easing into it. 131 00:07:06,575 --> 00:07:08,463 So was I. 132 00:07:09,103 --> 00:07:10,216 What's the problem, Herb? 133 00:07:10,383 --> 00:07:12,804 Is it in the bedroom? It usually starts in the bedroom. 134 00:07:12,975 --> 00:07:15,692 That's still my mother, you sick freak. 135 00:07:16,527 --> 00:07:19,910 We usually wait till he puts on headphones before we discuss these things. 136 00:07:20,079 --> 00:07:22,730 Uh, gee, Herb, uh, something you should know about the headphones- 137 00:07:22,895 --> 00:07:25,066 Shh, shh. Don't spoil it. 138 00:07:26,159 --> 00:07:27,653 So, what's the deal? Is it sex? 139 00:07:27,823 --> 00:07:29,350 No. 140 00:07:29,999 --> 00:07:32,420 Well, yeah, but it's no big deal. 141 00:07:32,591 --> 00:07:34,828 I mean, every marriage has an ebb and flow to it. 142 00:07:34,991 --> 00:07:36,136 - Of course. - Sure, sure. 143 00:07:36,303 --> 00:07:39,434 Right now, Judith and I are kind of ebbing. 144 00:07:39,599 --> 00:07:41,126 A lot. 145 00:07:41,391 --> 00:07:43,082 Thirty-one. 146 00:07:45,167 --> 00:07:47,884 Right, 31. 147 00:07:48,623 --> 00:07:50,958 I don't know what's happening. We can't communicate. 148 00:07:51,119 --> 00:07:54,250 She constantly finds fault with me. I don't know what to do. 149 00:07:54,607 --> 00:07:55,817 I'll tell you what to do. 150 00:07:55,983 --> 00:07:59,725 What my testicle-challenged brother should've done. 151 00:07:59,887 --> 00:08:03,116 She starts complaining, put your foot down. Let her know who's in charge. 152 00:08:03,279 --> 00:08:05,865 And no matter what, do not let her use sex as a weapon. 153 00:08:06,031 --> 00:08:09,293 Let her know if she won't satisfy your needs, there's plenty of women. 154 00:08:09,455 --> 00:08:11,975 - Really? - Why would I lie? 155 00:08:13,903 --> 00:08:16,488 Women like Judith respond to strength and confidence. 156 00:08:16,655 --> 00:08:19,590 Not, well, that. 157 00:08:21,743 --> 00:08:23,499 Yeah, you make a compelling case. 158 00:08:23,663 --> 00:08:25,932 Damn right, I do. Now go claim what's yours. 159 00:08:26,479 --> 00:08:28,617 I believe I will. Thanks, Charlie. 160 00:08:30,319 --> 00:08:32,326 I'm here for you, big guy. 161 00:08:33,839 --> 00:08:34,839 Why did you do that? 162 00:08:35,855 --> 00:08:37,765 I get bored. 163 00:08:44,495 --> 00:08:46,251 CHARLIE: Hey. - Hey. 164 00:08:49,167 --> 00:08:51,338 - Why aren't you in school? - I'm sick. 165 00:08:51,855 --> 00:08:53,284 Sick? 166 00:08:54,063 --> 00:08:56,484 Relax, I'm just faking to get out of a Math test. 167 00:08:57,679 --> 00:09:00,646 Oh, okay, good. You scared me. 168 00:09:00,943 --> 00:09:02,153 What's with the staple gun? 169 00:09:02,319 --> 00:09:04,774 Oh, the sole is coming off my shoe. 170 00:09:06,287 --> 00:09:07,287 Ah. 171 00:09:07,919 --> 00:09:09,544 You might wanna take it off first. 172 00:09:11,279 --> 00:09:12,556 Good call. 173 00:09:19,215 --> 00:09:20,215 Morning. 174 00:09:21,455 --> 00:09:22,535 It's none of my business... 175 00:09:22,639 --> 00:09:26,054 but that's one kid that can't afford to miss a single day at school. 176 00:09:29,327 --> 00:09:32,229 Yeah, like school's gonna make a difference. 177 00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:35,655 Ow! Crap! 178 00:09:36,463 --> 00:09:39,430 I stapled my fingers together. 179 00:09:40,559 --> 00:09:41,769 You got a point. 180 00:09:47,919 --> 00:09:49,545 Come on, honey, blow. 181 00:09:56,271 --> 00:09:58,758 - What's he got? - A cold, I think. 182 00:09:58,927 --> 00:10:00,269 Why didn't you leave him home? 183 00:10:01,775 --> 00:10:03,301 That way, we all don't get sick. 184 00:10:05,903 --> 00:10:09,252 That's why you always take your shoes to a qualified, professional cobbler. 185 00:10:10,703 --> 00:10:13,289 You know what's good? Apple cobbler. 186 00:10:13,935 --> 00:10:15,528 What's the damage, doc? 187 00:10:15,695 --> 00:10:17,582 Will he play the violin again? 188 00:10:17,743 --> 00:10:20,426 He'll be fine. You might wanna keep him away from staple guns. 189 00:10:20,591 --> 00:10:22,860 - Right. - Also nail guns, glue guns. 190 00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:25,227 Pretty much anything with "gun" in it. 191 00:10:25,935 --> 00:10:27,909 Got it. Thanks, Herb. 192 00:10:29,167 --> 00:10:31,174 Hey, uh, Charlie, can I talk to you for a sec? 193 00:10:31,343 --> 00:10:33,383 - You wait for me in the car. - Give me the keys. 194 00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:35,209 I'm not giving you the keys. 195 00:10:35,375 --> 00:10:38,374 - Then how am I gonna wait in the car? - Wait by the car. 196 00:10:38,543 --> 00:10:41,227 I don't have sunscreen on. I'm very fair-skinned. 197 00:10:41,551 --> 00:10:43,656 Then wait under the car. 198 00:10:47,119 --> 00:10:48,119 What's up? 199 00:10:48,271 --> 00:10:51,020 Well, uh, you remember that advice you gave me about Judith? 200 00:10:51,375 --> 00:10:55,499 Oh, gee, Herb, that wasn't so much advice as, you know, social satire. 201 00:10:56,015 --> 00:10:57,259 Well, it worked out great. 202 00:10:57,423 --> 00:11:00,238 Really? She bought that king-of-the-castle crap? 203 00:11:00,399 --> 00:11:02,308 No, no. She kicked my ass out. 204 00:11:03,023 --> 00:11:06,984 The thing is, talking to you and seeing how you live I'm convinced I'm better off single. 205 00:11:07,150 --> 00:11:08,525 - Is that so? - Oh, yeah. 206 00:11:08,687 --> 00:11:12,549 I mean, uh, why chew on one chicken wing when you can eat from the whole bucket? 207 00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:16,588 Just so there's no confusion, chicken wings are...? 208 00:11:16,750 --> 00:11:19,652 Women, Charlie. I was offering up a metaphor. 209 00:11:20,590 --> 00:11:23,012 And you went with wings rather than breasts and thighs? 210 00:11:24,078 --> 00:11:26,184 Oh, that is better. 211 00:11:26,895 --> 00:11:28,056 Anyway, I was thinking, uh... 212 00:11:28,143 --> 00:11:31,459 maybe you and I could go out some time and, uh, get a party pack. 213 00:11:32,783 --> 00:11:35,914 Sex with strange women. Uh, I was extending the metaphor. 214 00:11:36,431 --> 00:11:38,406 Of course. Sure, let's do that sometime. 215 00:11:38,575 --> 00:11:40,583 Thanks again for sewing up the kid. 216 00:11:40,750 --> 00:11:42,179 So, uh, what color you like? 217 00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:44,012 Excuse me? 218 00:11:46,095 --> 00:11:49,194 Oh, I was thinking Asian but I'll take the green. 219 00:11:58,799 --> 00:12:00,392 - Hey, Dad. - Oh, hey. 220 00:12:00,558 --> 00:12:01,835 - How are you feeling? - Fine. 221 00:12:01,999 --> 00:12:03,941 Throat's not sore anymore? 222 00:12:04,431 --> 00:12:06,700 Ahem. Oh, yeah, a little. 223 00:12:08,399 --> 00:12:11,660 - What happened to your fingers? - Oh, I stapled them together. 224 00:12:14,319 --> 00:12:15,366 Ah. 225 00:12:16,463 --> 00:12:18,121 Hey, hey. 226 00:12:18,287 --> 00:12:21,037 We do not leave our shoes on the- 227 00:12:25,967 --> 00:12:27,756 What the hell? 228 00:12:30,863 --> 00:12:33,514 We need to get rid of the staple gun. 229 00:12:33,999 --> 00:12:38,821 Alan, staple guns don't staple shoes to coffee tables, idiots do. 230 00:12:40,687 --> 00:12:42,726 Why are you taking your temperature? 231 00:12:42,895 --> 00:12:46,212 I think some little snot locker gave me smallpox. 232 00:12:49,518 --> 00:12:52,071 Oh, man. Leave me alone. 233 00:12:53,102 --> 00:12:55,557 Is that Mom? You think maybe I might wanna talk to her? 234 00:12:56,238 --> 00:12:58,475 - Do you? - Of course not, it's the principle. 235 00:12:59,982 --> 00:13:01,543 Well, that wasn't Mom. It was Herb. 236 00:13:01,711 --> 00:13:02,711 Why is Herb calling? 237 00:13:03,631 --> 00:13:06,565 Since Judith threw him out, he wants me to help him pick up women. 238 00:13:06,735 --> 00:13:09,157 Wait, back up, back up, back up, back up, back up, back up. 239 00:13:09,711 --> 00:13:11,915 Wait, Judith threw Herb out? When? 240 00:13:12,462 --> 00:13:14,601 I don't know. Apparently, about a week ago. 241 00:13:15,407 --> 00:13:16,421 Oh, my God. 242 00:13:16,591 --> 00:13:18,631 That's terrible. 243 00:13:18,863 --> 00:13:20,750 Judith must be devastated. 244 00:13:26,447 --> 00:13:27,876 - Alan? - Yeah? 245 00:13:28,047 --> 00:13:29,705 You got a little evil on your face. 246 00:13:32,014 --> 00:13:33,924 - Other side. - Oh. 247 00:13:39,375 --> 00:13:41,961 Oh, Judith, that's terrible. 248 00:13:42,126 --> 00:13:44,647 You must be devastated. 249 00:13:47,822 --> 00:13:50,277 You must be devastated. 250 00:13:51,599 --> 00:13:52,599 Oh. 251 00:13:52,719 --> 00:13:54,760 - What're you doing here? - Oh, sorry to bother you. 252 00:13:54,798 --> 00:13:57,897 Apparently, uh, Jake left his Social Studies book, so here I am. 253 00:13:58,063 --> 00:13:59,918 I think I saw it in the bathroom. 254 00:14:00,366 --> 00:14:02,189 Why? Was he out of toilet paper? 255 00:14:06,126 --> 00:14:08,232 Wouldn't it be great if he could learn that way? 256 00:14:08,398 --> 00:14:11,246 You know, uh, "ass-mosis." Heh. 257 00:14:12,463 --> 00:14:14,830 JUDITH: What? - Nothing. 258 00:14:15,599 --> 00:14:17,257 Is Herb around? 259 00:14:17,423 --> 00:14:18,423 Uh, no. 260 00:14:18,542 --> 00:14:21,641 - Oh, oh, too bad. - Why? 261 00:14:22,223 --> 00:14:25,223 Oh, no reason. I just, uh, enjoy seeing the big galoot. 262 00:14:25,391 --> 00:14:27,627 Well, the galoot is not here. 263 00:14:27,790 --> 00:14:29,929 Oh. Well, uh... 264 00:14:30,734 --> 00:14:33,385 - Tell him I said hi. - I will. 265 00:14:38,575 --> 00:14:40,647 Herb moved out. 266 00:14:40,815 --> 00:14:43,815 Our marriage is over. 267 00:14:44,526 --> 00:14:46,763 Oh, Judith, that's terrible. 268 00:14:51,502 --> 00:14:54,055 You must be devastated. 269 00:15:04,270 --> 00:15:06,343 What exactly do you have in mind? 270 00:15:06,511 --> 00:15:09,194 - Give me your hand. - Okay. 271 00:15:09,359 --> 00:15:10,635 Do I feel warm to you? 272 00:15:12,239 --> 00:15:13,646 Dude. 273 00:15:13,807 --> 00:15:15,083 Aw, crap. 274 00:15:15,246 --> 00:15:19,108 So, uh, you fishing here, or can I throw my bobber in the water? 275 00:15:21,519 --> 00:15:23,177 Bye. 276 00:15:25,871 --> 00:15:29,166 - How'd you know I was here? - I tried calling. Your phone must be broken. 277 00:15:29,327 --> 00:15:31,302 I went by your house. Jake said you went out. 278 00:15:31,470 --> 00:15:34,253 All I had to do was punch "liquor" into the in-dash navigation. 279 00:15:34,415 --> 00:15:36,716 And three stops later, voilà. 280 00:15:37,199 --> 00:15:38,955 So, uh, they biting tonight? 281 00:15:39,119 --> 00:15:41,934 Okay, okay. First of all, can we stop with the fish talk? 282 00:15:42,095 --> 00:15:44,462 Believe me, it's not gonna lead any place good. 283 00:15:44,975 --> 00:15:46,022 Back to the chickens? 284 00:15:46,414 --> 00:15:48,236 If we must. 285 00:15:48,398 --> 00:15:50,024 I'll have what he's having. 286 00:15:50,191 --> 00:15:53,006 I'm having a tall pain in the ass. 287 00:15:53,167 --> 00:15:55,916 Sounds good. Does that have rum in it? 288 00:15:57,551 --> 00:16:00,780 How did this happen? How did I blow another marriage? 289 00:16:00,943 --> 00:16:02,634 Oh, sweetie, you can't blame yourself. 290 00:16:02,798 --> 00:16:04,838 Although you are the common denominator. 291 00:16:05,903 --> 00:16:09,481 Alan, I'm 40 years old. How am I ever gonna start over again? 292 00:16:09,647 --> 00:16:13,225 I know, I know. And soon you're gonna be 41. 293 00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:17,419 Do you have any idea what it's like to date when all the men your age... 294 00:16:17,582 --> 00:16:20,070 are only interested in 25-year-old hard bodies? 295 00:16:20,239 --> 00:16:22,246 Well, you can't blame us. 296 00:16:24,110 --> 00:16:26,445 Well, of course you can't compete hard body to hard body... 297 00:16:26,607 --> 00:16:28,679 but you're still a very desirable woman. 298 00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:30,629 You think so? 299 00:16:30,799 --> 00:16:32,708 Well, of course I do. 300 00:16:33,391 --> 00:16:36,457 For your age, you're a very de- 301 00:16:43,535 --> 00:16:45,291 Hey, Charlie, I got a question for you. 302 00:16:45,455 --> 00:16:46,455 Yeah? 303 00:16:46,606 --> 00:16:49,421 The hotel I'm staying in has pay-per-view adult movies. 304 00:16:49,582 --> 00:16:50,695 Uh-huh. 305 00:16:50,863 --> 00:16:53,164 What ever happened to pubic hair? 306 00:16:54,799 --> 00:16:57,701 Gone the way of the dodo bird, my friend. 307 00:16:58,095 --> 00:17:02,219 I mean, I can understand it with the ladies, but what's the deal with the fellas? 308 00:17:02,383 --> 00:17:06,060 It's like with an ugly house, a little shrubbery helps the curb appeal. 309 00:17:08,430 --> 00:17:10,602 I don't have an answer for you, Herb. 310 00:17:11,246 --> 00:17:13,002 What about you? You trim the old hedges? 311 00:17:13,166 --> 00:17:15,621 Yeah, they're shaped like Disney characters. 312 00:17:16,495 --> 00:17:18,055 Two more vodka tonics. 313 00:17:18,670 --> 00:17:20,525 Cock-a-doodle-doo. 314 00:17:22,095 --> 00:17:24,102 - Hello. - Hello. 315 00:17:24,271 --> 00:17:26,311 Allow me to introduce myself. Dr. Herbert Melnick. 316 00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:29,162 - Ooh, a doctor. - Dr. Charlie Harper. 317 00:17:29,327 --> 00:17:31,182 Wow, two doctors. 318 00:17:31,822 --> 00:17:33,994 Maybe we should let them examine us. 319 00:17:36,239 --> 00:17:38,824 In the interest of full disclosure I should let you know... 320 00:17:38,990 --> 00:17:42,765 I'm new to the dating world and still have all my original pubic hair. 321 00:17:47,151 --> 00:17:49,540 Oh, Alan, why did I ever let you go? 322 00:17:50,991 --> 00:17:54,602 Well, if I recall, it was something about me sucking the life out of you. 323 00:17:54,766 --> 00:17:55,911 Oh. 324 00:17:56,078 --> 00:17:59,427 Oh, I was wrong. I was so wrong. 325 00:17:59,598 --> 00:18:02,118 You're a good man and I'm never gonna let you go again. 326 00:18:04,718 --> 00:18:06,213 Never? 327 00:18:06,926 --> 00:18:08,071 Never. 328 00:18:09,487 --> 00:18:11,275 Never ever? 329 00:18:37,646 --> 00:18:38,988 Morning. 330 00:18:39,278 --> 00:18:40,839 Morning. 331 00:18:56,110 --> 00:18:58,282 What was Herb doing here? 332 00:18:58,447 --> 00:19:00,170 Oh, he, uh- 333 00:19:09,775 --> 00:19:11,749 He shaved his pubes, and passed out in your room. 334 00:19:15,406 --> 00:19:17,773 You might wanna change the blade in your razor. 335 00:19:20,879 --> 00:19:22,504 Thank you. 336 00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:25,037 Where were you all night? 337 00:19:25,646 --> 00:19:28,581 I was in "Never Ever" land. 338 00:19:44,527 --> 00:19:47,942 Um, do I wanna know? 339 00:19:48,623 --> 00:19:51,306 I took away the staple gun but he found the superglue.