1 00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:09,353 Thanks, Mom. This is a perfect first job for him. 2 00:00:09,519 --> 00:00:10,519 First job? 3 00:00:10,671 --> 00:00:13,126 I think you're looking at the birth of a career. 4 00:00:17,424 --> 00:00:20,740 I was gonna have him put up fliers, but I didn't trust him with a staple gun. 5 00:00:21,168 --> 00:00:24,812 - How much are you paying him? - Obviously too much, look at him. 6 00:00:28,432 --> 00:00:32,141 For the record, I promised him $20 and a Playboy magazine. 7 00:00:32,303 --> 00:00:33,318 Playboy? 8 00:00:33,488 --> 00:00:37,863 Don't worry. I'll Magic Marker over the ta-tas and hoo-hoos. 9 00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:41,135 Oh, that's disturbing on so many levels. 10 00:00:50,064 --> 00:00:51,340 I should have hired a monkey. 11 00:00:52,463 --> 00:00:55,245 You mean a different monkey. 12 00:01:04,527 --> 00:01:06,731 So Little Jughead's earning a paycheck? 13 00:01:06,896 --> 00:01:10,311 Well, it's not really a paycheck, and he's not really earning it. 14 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:11,887 And we don't call him- 15 00:01:12,048 --> 00:01:14,088 I guess I gotta give you Jughead. 16 00:01:14,512 --> 00:01:15,919 I remember my first job. 17 00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:17,160 Slaughterhouse. 18 00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:19,848 Stripping out sheep intestines for the condom companies. 19 00:01:24,335 --> 00:01:26,724 Not as sexy as it sounds. 20 00:01:27,152 --> 00:01:28,559 I was a fluffer in a pet salon. 21 00:01:30,832 --> 00:01:32,206 You know, with a blow-dryer. 22 00:01:32,367 --> 00:01:34,440 Huh. I was going a completely different way. 23 00:01:37,935 --> 00:01:38,935 What are you doing? 24 00:01:39,087 --> 00:01:42,633 Thanks to Grandma, I'm reading an interview with Jimmy Kimmel. 25 00:01:43,759 --> 00:01:46,509 - Hey, Alan, you got any cash? - Yeah, why? 26 00:01:46,671 --> 00:01:48,711 - I need to borrow some. - What for? 27 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:50,505 What are you, my mother? 28 00:01:50,671 --> 00:01:52,973 Just give me a few bucks, save me a trip to the ATM. 29 00:01:53,135 --> 00:01:55,818 - When will I get it back? - I don't know. Tomorrow? 30 00:01:55,983 --> 00:01:58,023 Okay. How much do you need? 31 00:01:58,191 --> 00:01:59,369 Just a couple hundred. 32 00:02:00,975 --> 00:02:03,910 A couple hundred? Who carries around that kind of money? 33 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:06,927 Well, let's see. Strippers, bookies, prostitutes... 34 00:02:07,087 --> 00:02:10,054 and not entirely coincidentally, me. 35 00:02:10,671 --> 00:02:14,926 Well, I've only got, uh, 35- Uh, $38. 36 00:02:15,087 --> 00:02:18,436 That's it? That's your walking-around money? 37 00:02:18,607 --> 00:02:20,582 It's the perfect amount in case I get mugged. 38 00:02:20,752 --> 00:02:23,751 Not so little that my attacker would get angry and pistol-whip me... 39 00:02:23,919 --> 00:02:25,894 yet not so much that I would fight for it... 40 00:02:26,064 --> 00:02:28,617 and possibly get shot while wrestling for the gun. 41 00:02:31,631 --> 00:02:34,533 - So you got $38? - Yup. 42 00:02:34,704 --> 00:02:36,111 Just out of curiosity... 43 00:02:36,272 --> 00:02:38,792 how much money would it take to wrestle a gun from a mugger? 44 00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:41,774 Assuming a small-to medium-sized mugger, at least 40. 45 00:02:43,823 --> 00:02:45,132 Fine. So give me the 38. 46 00:02:45,295 --> 00:02:46,637 - All of it? - Why not? 47 00:02:46,799 --> 00:02:50,411 - Then I've got nothing. - And you think $38 changes that? 48 00:02:51,407 --> 00:02:53,382 What if I decide to go out and have some fun? 49 00:02:53,552 --> 00:02:55,756 Thirty-eight dollars worth of fun? 50 00:02:56,495 --> 00:02:58,470 I wouldn't spend all of it. 51 00:02:59,471 --> 00:03:01,707 Okay. Okay, look. You're not going out to have fun. 52 00:03:01,871 --> 00:03:04,752 You never go out to have fun. Because you know why? You're not a fun guy. 53 00:03:05,903 --> 00:03:09,104 Oh, I am very much a fun guy. We just have very different definitions of "fun"... 54 00:03:09,264 --> 00:03:12,809 and mine doesn't include urinary-tract infections and dry heaving. 55 00:03:14,383 --> 00:03:16,838 Just give me the money, you big fruit. 56 00:03:17,327 --> 00:03:19,400 Thirty-eight dollars... 57 00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:23,367 If it had been 40, we'd be wrestling, my friend. 58 00:03:28,303 --> 00:03:30,158 ALAN: Hey, Charlie. 59 00:03:37,327 --> 00:03:38,887 You got my money? 60 00:03:42,031 --> 00:03:43,438 Charlie. 61 00:03:43,599 --> 00:03:44,974 I'm trying to sleep, Alan. 62 00:03:45,136 --> 00:03:47,557 I've gotta go to work and you said you'd have my money. 63 00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:50,280 - Oh, for God's sake. - You don't even have to get up... 64 00:03:50,448 --> 00:03:51,692 just tell me where it is. 65 00:03:51,856 --> 00:03:53,644 Well, the last I saw any of it... 66 00:03:53,807 --> 00:03:56,873 it was sandwiched between two of the loveliest man-made breasts... 67 00:03:57,039 --> 00:03:59,046 that ever smacked me in the eye. 68 00:03:59,215 --> 00:04:02,925 Oh, Charlie, you say the sweetest things. 69 00:04:03,471 --> 00:04:06,057 Oh, Ginger, this is my brother, Alan. Alan, Ginger. 70 00:04:06,479 --> 00:04:07,853 Hi. 71 00:04:08,015 --> 00:04:10,601 Hi. So bottom line, you don't have my money? 72 00:04:11,023 --> 00:04:12,365 - No. - The money you promised... 73 00:04:12,528 --> 00:04:13,608 to pay back today? 74 00:04:13,775 --> 00:04:16,296 - Today hasn't even started yet. - It started for me. 75 00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:18,885 That's only because you're on douchebag savings time. 76 00:04:20,079 --> 00:04:21,486 Can we please talk about this... 77 00:04:21,647 --> 00:04:25,641 when one of us doesn't have a warm, firm buttock nestled against his groin? 78 00:04:26,064 --> 00:04:27,525 Oh, dear Lord. 79 00:04:27,695 --> 00:04:29,102 So you'll get it by tonight? 80 00:04:29,263 --> 00:04:31,914 I'm hoping to get it as soon as you close the door. 81 00:04:35,408 --> 00:04:36,836 You really out of cash? 82 00:04:37,007 --> 00:04:39,942 Don't worry, I got hooker money. 83 00:04:49,008 --> 00:04:52,041 When you're hungry at school You need to know 84 00:04:52,207 --> 00:04:53,516 Paste, yes 85 00:04:53,679 --> 00:04:55,108 Boogers, no 86 00:05:00,335 --> 00:05:03,052 - Hey. - How was your day, darling? 87 00:05:03,535 --> 00:05:07,332 Fine. Except I had to pay for lunch with my lucky Sacagawea dollar. 88 00:05:07,856 --> 00:05:09,765 What kind of lunch can you get for a dollar? 89 00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:11,145 Two gas station hot dogs... 90 00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:14,213 that were a year old if they were a day, thank you very much. 91 00:05:14,672 --> 00:05:17,988 Is Sacagawea the same Indian chick that's on the Land O' Lakes butter? 92 00:05:19,247 --> 00:05:20,808 I don't know. 93 00:05:20,975 --> 00:05:22,568 I hope so. 94 00:05:23,887 --> 00:05:25,032 I'd like to believe it is. 95 00:05:26,415 --> 00:05:29,066 Okay, Charlie. I'm leaving. 96 00:05:29,231 --> 00:05:31,118 Hang on. Let me pay you. 97 00:05:35,119 --> 00:05:36,119 There you go. 98 00:05:36,271 --> 00:05:38,410 You forget I paid for that pizza the other night? 99 00:05:38,576 --> 00:05:40,845 Oh, right. How much was that? 100 00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:45,676 Well, you got the garlic balls too, so say, 75 bucks. 101 00:05:47,439 --> 00:05:49,294 - You got change for a hundred? - Nope. 102 00:05:49,455 --> 00:05:52,488 - Okay, you'll pay me back. - Count on it. 103 00:05:56,143 --> 00:05:59,372 Wait, wait, wait. As long as you're doling it out, you got my 40 bucks? 104 00:05:59,535 --> 00:06:01,991 - Oh, sure. You got change for a hundred? - Nope. 105 00:06:02,159 --> 00:06:05,029 - Okay, I'll catch you later. - Wait. 106 00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:07,557 How come Berta can pay you back and I can't? 107 00:06:07,728 --> 00:06:10,378 Oh, grow up. She's not gonna pay me back. 108 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:12,170 Okay, then what about me? 109 00:06:12,591 --> 00:06:14,696 - What about you? - I want my $40. 110 00:06:15,215 --> 00:06:16,840 I only borrowed 38. 111 00:06:17,007 --> 00:06:19,560 Yeah, well, I find round numbers easier to remember. 112 00:06:19,727 --> 00:06:23,076 - You like round numbers, do you? - Yeah, I like round numbers. 113 00:06:23,247 --> 00:06:25,069 Okay, here's a round number for you. 114 00:06:25,231 --> 00:06:26,857 Zero. 115 00:06:27,536 --> 00:06:29,390 Nice, tight circular shape. 116 00:06:29,551 --> 00:06:32,007 Nothing gets in, nothing gets out. Sound familiar, Alan? 117 00:06:33,455 --> 00:06:34,796 Are you calling me anal? 118 00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:37,894 That's right. A-I-A-N. "Anal." 119 00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:41,767 Okay, okay, okay. So bottom line... 120 00:06:41,936 --> 00:06:44,205 you're not gonna pay me back. Is that correct? 121 00:06:44,367 --> 00:06:46,788 Well, truth be told, I was gonna pay you back... 122 00:06:46,959 --> 00:06:48,966 but your attitude irks me. 123 00:06:49,135 --> 00:06:51,339 - I irk you? - That's right. 124 00:06:51,503 --> 00:06:52,503 I find you irksome. 125 00:06:54,063 --> 00:06:56,616 You're a big, fat irk. 126 00:06:57,040 --> 00:07:00,520 Hey, hey. You borrow 38 dollars, you owe me 38 dollars. 127 00:07:00,687 --> 00:07:03,785 Yeah, well, you've been living in my Malibu beach house for six years. 128 00:07:03,951 --> 00:07:06,286 You owe me 1 million dollars. 129 00:07:06,991 --> 00:07:08,071 A million dollars? 130 00:07:08,559 --> 00:07:11,593 That's a one followed by six tight little sphincters. 131 00:07:23,983 --> 00:07:24,983 Wow. 132 00:07:25,103 --> 00:07:28,332 - You look tired. - Yesterday, I had a quarter tank of gas. 133 00:07:28,495 --> 00:07:32,521 Today, I drive a mile into Topanga Canyon, and bang, empty. 134 00:07:32,687 --> 00:07:33,687 Huh. 135 00:07:34,031 --> 00:07:35,624 There's no cell coverage up there. 136 00:07:35,791 --> 00:07:38,093 So I had to hump back to the beach to call Triple A. 137 00:07:38,255 --> 00:07:39,816 - Oh, that's a shame. - Shame, my ass. 138 00:07:39,983 --> 00:07:42,700 How the hell did a quarter tank of gas disappear overnight? 139 00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:44,292 It's a mystery. 140 00:07:48,367 --> 00:07:49,367 Wait a minute. 141 00:07:49,967 --> 00:07:51,723 I smell gasoline. 142 00:07:52,399 --> 00:07:53,676 Really? 143 00:07:54,063 --> 00:07:55,241 I don't smell anything. 144 00:08:06,671 --> 00:08:09,485 You have gas on your breath. You siphoned my tank. 145 00:08:09,647 --> 00:08:11,557 Ah, oh, please. 146 00:08:11,727 --> 00:08:14,061 You think I stuck a rubber hose down your gas tank... 147 00:08:14,223 --> 00:08:17,158 sucked on it until the gas ran out of your tank and into mine... 148 00:08:17,327 --> 00:08:19,531 thereby compensating me for the $38 you owe me? 149 00:08:22,351 --> 00:08:24,009 That's preposterous. 150 00:08:24,783 --> 00:08:27,882 Yeah. Yeah, you're right. 151 00:08:28,047 --> 00:08:30,021 What was I thinking? 152 00:08:37,839 --> 00:08:39,017 What are you doing? 153 00:08:39,503 --> 00:08:41,740 Do me a favor. Say... 154 00:08:42,543 --> 00:08:44,452 "preposterous" again. 155 00:08:45,071 --> 00:08:47,372 Hey, you're crazy. 156 00:08:47,951 --> 00:08:49,445 Get that away from me! 157 00:08:49,615 --> 00:08:52,398 Oh, come on. Come on. 158 00:08:52,815 --> 00:08:55,815 Just for grins, say, "Help me. My head's on fire." 159 00:08:56,335 --> 00:09:00,394 All right, all right. I sucked the gas out of your car. Now, turn that off. 160 00:09:03,311 --> 00:09:06,158 Okay, fine. Well played. You got your money back. 161 00:09:06,735 --> 00:09:07,735 Uh. 162 00:09:07,855 --> 00:09:11,685 Actually, uh, at 473.9 cents a gallon... 163 00:09:12,431 --> 00:09:15,497 you had only $13 and 22 cents worth in your tank. 164 00:09:15,663 --> 00:09:17,802 So you still owe me 24.78. 165 00:09:24,719 --> 00:09:26,574 - Get out. - What? 166 00:09:26,735 --> 00:09:28,808 Get out of my house. 167 00:09:28,975 --> 00:09:30,285 You know what? I just might. 168 00:09:30,447 --> 00:09:32,716 No, no, no. "Might" implies you have a choice. 169 00:09:32,879 --> 00:09:36,043 Oh, so you're gonna throw me out over 24 dollars and 78 cents? 170 00:09:36,207 --> 00:09:39,556 No, I'm throwing you out because you're a cheap, gas-sucking, flammable irk. 171 00:09:41,231 --> 00:09:42,889 I am not cheap. 172 00:09:43,311 --> 00:09:44,904 Leaving. 173 00:09:50,735 --> 00:09:52,906 Ow, ow! Hot, hot. 174 00:09:55,983 --> 00:09:58,317 It's no one's fault, Jake. These things just happen. 175 00:09:58,479 --> 00:10:01,294 I don't know, they seem to happen to you a lot. 176 00:10:03,439 --> 00:10:05,413 Oh. Hey, guys. What are you doing here? 177 00:10:05,583 --> 00:10:07,339 Dad pissed off Uncle Charlie again. 178 00:10:09,167 --> 00:10:11,622 Uh, sorry to show up unannounced like this. 179 00:10:11,791 --> 00:10:13,700 Oh, no problem. It's always good to see you. 180 00:10:13,871 --> 00:10:15,562 JUDITH: He got kicked out again? 181 00:10:16,847 --> 00:10:19,814 - Damn it, Alan. What did you do now? - Oh, I didn't do anything. 182 00:10:19,983 --> 00:10:22,350 But I'm not gonna be staying at Charlie's anymore... 183 00:10:22,511 --> 00:10:24,966 so I thought I should bring Jake's stuff back here... 184 00:10:25,135 --> 00:10:27,469 - until I find a place of my own. - Fine. Good luck. 185 00:10:27,631 --> 00:10:31,461 Uh, but it's nobody's fault. I just think it's time for me to move on. 186 00:10:31,630 --> 00:10:33,223 Okay. Good night. 187 00:10:33,391 --> 00:10:37,003 But FYI, Charlie's a thief, a liar, and I suspect something of a firebug. 188 00:10:37,167 --> 00:10:40,233 Really? Hmm. He always struck me as a straight-shooter. 189 00:10:40,399 --> 00:10:44,392 A little loosey-goosey with the liquor and the ladies, but all in all a good fella. 190 00:10:46,030 --> 00:10:48,452 In what universe is Charlie Harper a good fella? 191 00:10:49,391 --> 00:10:52,326 Well, I certainly don't know him as well as you do... 192 00:10:52,495 --> 00:10:54,503 so I'll just shut my pie hole. 193 00:10:55,535 --> 00:10:58,666 Uh, anyway, uh, here's the rest of Jake's stuff. 194 00:10:58,831 --> 00:11:01,733 Uh, I'll get you my new address as soon as I have one. 195 00:11:02,159 --> 00:11:03,159 - You do that. - Okay. 196 00:11:03,310 --> 00:11:06,093 - So where are you gonna stay till then? - Pie hole, Herb. 197 00:11:06,831 --> 00:11:07,831 Oh, I don't know. 198 00:11:07,951 --> 00:11:09,592 Uh, things are a little tight right now... 199 00:11:09,647 --> 00:11:11,851 so a hotel isn't really an option, you know. 200 00:11:12,015 --> 00:11:14,502 Maybe the-The Y for a couple of days, you know? 201 00:11:14,671 --> 00:11:16,078 Uh, but we'll see. 202 00:11:16,239 --> 00:11:18,344 I could, uh, sleep in my office. 203 00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:19,511 Uh... 204 00:11:19,630 --> 00:11:20,645 Or in the car. 205 00:11:20,815 --> 00:11:23,946 - Oh, you can't do that. - Pie hole, pie hole, pie hole. 206 00:11:24,111 --> 00:11:26,664 Come on, Judith, you can't expect the man to sleep in his car. 207 00:11:26,831 --> 00:11:29,067 You're good people. Just let me get a few things. 208 00:11:30,351 --> 00:11:33,449 It'll be fine. He's not the kind of guy who will overstay his welcome. 209 00:11:33,615 --> 00:11:36,201 He's been at his brother's for six years. 210 00:11:36,367 --> 00:11:39,628 Uh, Herb, would you mind giving me a hand with the Nordic Track? It's... 211 00:11:39,790 --> 00:11:41,645 Oh, sure. 212 00:11:44,175 --> 00:11:45,801 Love you. 213 00:11:51,855 --> 00:11:53,743 - Hey, Charlie. - Oh, hey, Herb. What's up? 214 00:11:53,903 --> 00:11:55,691 I came to pick up some stuff for Alan. 215 00:11:55,855 --> 00:11:58,092 - For Alan? - Yeah, he's staying with Judith and I... 216 00:11:58,255 --> 00:11:59,913 till he gets back on his feet. 217 00:12:00,079 --> 00:12:01,999 Gee, Herb, I hate to be the bearer of bad news... 218 00:12:03,182 --> 00:12:06,502 but I've been waiting six years for that khaki-wearing weasel to get on his feet. 219 00:12:06,574 --> 00:12:07,818 Yeah, Judith mentioned that. 220 00:12:07,982 --> 00:12:10,317 Using a lot of the same words, interestingly enough. 221 00:12:10,479 --> 00:12:14,024 He wanted to avoid having a scene, so he asked if I'd pick up some of his stuff. 222 00:12:14,191 --> 00:12:17,388 - And you agreed? - I had to get out of there, Charlie. 223 00:12:18,287 --> 00:12:19,749 Okay, okay, fine. What do you need? 224 00:12:19,919 --> 00:12:22,374 Oh, quite a few things, actually. He gave me a list. 225 00:12:22,542 --> 00:12:26,405 Well, let him stay there long enough, he'll give you a bleeding ulcer. 226 00:12:26,575 --> 00:12:28,615 Judith said that too. 227 00:12:29,262 --> 00:12:30,342 Anyway, uh... 228 00:12:30,511 --> 00:12:32,551 "Melatonin, a mouth guard-" 229 00:12:32,719 --> 00:12:36,843 I guess he grinds his teeth at night. I myself have restless leg syndrome. 230 00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:39,625 But just the left leg, right leg sleeps like a baby. 231 00:12:39,791 --> 00:12:40,805 What else, Herb? 232 00:12:41,230 --> 00:12:43,467 Well, I also got apnea and I tend to drool a lot. 233 00:12:46,127 --> 00:12:48,516 - The list, Herb. - Oh, right, yeah. 234 00:12:48,687 --> 00:12:49,734 Let's see, uh... 235 00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:51,310 "A shower cap, a loofa mitt." 236 00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:53,893 And some sort of little stool that elevates his feet... 237 00:12:54,062 --> 00:12:56,517 - while he's sitting on the toilet. - What? 238 00:12:56,687 --> 00:12:58,924 Yeah, when the morning coffee doesn't do the job... 239 00:12:59,087 --> 00:13:02,981 having his feet up gives him that extra leverage for a successful bowel movement. 240 00:13:03,695 --> 00:13:05,800 - You're kidding. - No. Look. 241 00:13:05,967 --> 00:13:08,203 "For a successful BM." 242 00:13:08,622 --> 00:13:10,378 That would mean "bowel movement." 243 00:13:11,535 --> 00:13:14,317 Okay, fine. Uh, guest bedroom's right down there. 244 00:13:14,478 --> 00:13:15,478 Oh. 245 00:13:15,631 --> 00:13:18,217 Hey, I just made a pitcher of margaritas. You want one? 246 00:13:18,383 --> 00:13:22,441 Gee, I'll have to pass. Judith's waiting for me to get back, and she gets really steamed- 247 00:13:22,607 --> 00:13:25,477 - Salt or no salt? You got it. - Salt. Okay. 248 00:13:32,462 --> 00:13:34,699 This is so weird. 249 00:13:35,342 --> 00:13:38,659 It's just for a couple of days, Jake. Don't make a federal case. 250 00:13:39,023 --> 00:13:40,932 This is probably gonna affect my schoolwork. 251 00:13:41,102 --> 00:13:43,720 How? It's not like your grades could get any lower. 252 00:13:43,886 --> 00:13:46,123 That's good, Alan. Undermine his self-esteem. 253 00:13:46,287 --> 00:13:48,676 You see what I have to live with on weekends? 254 00:13:48,846 --> 00:13:51,018 Nobody's talking to you. 255 00:13:53,263 --> 00:13:54,888 Where is he gonna sleep? 256 00:13:55,054 --> 00:13:56,745 I'm not a he, I'm your father. 257 00:13:57,167 --> 00:14:00,069 How'd you get to be my father if you're not a he? 258 00:14:01,647 --> 00:14:02,923 We'll make up the couch. 259 00:14:04,206 --> 00:14:05,286 What about the guest room? 260 00:14:05,455 --> 00:14:07,910 That's not a guest room anymore, it's Herb's train room. 261 00:14:08,079 --> 00:14:10,894 - His what? - He's a model-train aficionado. 262 00:14:12,334 --> 00:14:15,400 - Aficionado? - He works hard. He deserves a hobby. 263 00:14:15,822 --> 00:14:18,278 Sometimes he lets me wear the hat. 264 00:14:19,631 --> 00:14:22,500 I begged you for years to let me turn that into a game room. 265 00:14:22,671 --> 00:14:25,354 - Bumper pool, Ping-Pong, something. - Well, this is different. 266 00:14:25,518 --> 00:14:27,885 - How? - Herb can play with his trains alone. 267 00:14:29,358 --> 00:14:31,530 I'm sure he does plenty of stuff in there alone. 268 00:14:32,783 --> 00:14:34,790 - Excuse me? - Nothing. 269 00:14:35,567 --> 00:14:36,582 I got it. 270 00:14:44,143 --> 00:14:46,281 This is so beautiful. 271 00:14:46,798 --> 00:14:47,798 Yup. 272 00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:50,117 Can I confess something, Charlie? 273 00:14:50,575 --> 00:14:51,575 What's that? 274 00:14:51,727 --> 00:14:54,662 I sometimes wonder about the road not taken. 275 00:14:54,830 --> 00:14:56,107 Which road is that? 276 00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:58,180 Your road, Charlie. 277 00:14:58,351 --> 00:14:59,693 Oh. 278 00:14:59,855 --> 00:15:01,764 It's a good road, Herb. 279 00:15:01,935 --> 00:15:04,684 So it's not a matter of "the grass always seems greener"? 280 00:15:04,847 --> 00:15:08,010 No, no. No, the grass is pretty freaking green over here. 281 00:15:09,582 --> 00:15:11,044 Damn. 282 00:15:14,799 --> 00:15:16,359 Oops. That's me. 283 00:15:16,527 --> 00:15:17,704 I would hope so. 284 00:15:18,287 --> 00:15:20,294 It's the road taken. 285 00:15:21,262 --> 00:15:22,789 - You're not gonna answer it? - No. 286 00:15:22,959 --> 00:15:27,661 - Judith will just harsh my mellow. - Yeah. She's a mellow harsher. 287 00:15:27,822 --> 00:15:28,902 But I love her. 288 00:15:29,615 --> 00:15:30,924 That's nice. 289 00:15:31,087 --> 00:15:34,600 You know, in the boudoir, we're very simpatico. 290 00:15:35,439 --> 00:15:36,781 Glad to hear it. 291 00:15:36,943 --> 00:15:38,437 On top of everything else... 292 00:15:38,607 --> 00:15:41,705 she actually let me put my train set in her back room. 293 00:16:04,750 --> 00:16:07,084 Damn cran-apple juice. 294 00:16:09,423 --> 00:16:11,626 I should start wearing a diaper. 295 00:17:00,334 --> 00:17:03,912 - It's about time you got home. - Mmm. 296 00:17:06,094 --> 00:17:08,942 Is that an apology I'm feeling? 297 00:17:19,055 --> 00:17:20,055 Oopsie. 298 00:17:23,822 --> 00:17:26,375 - Where's my husband? - Sleeping on the deck. 299 00:17:26,543 --> 00:17:29,161 - What? Why? - He's drunk. 300 00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:30,760 Herb's not a drinker. 301 00:17:31,214 --> 00:17:32,970 No argument there. 302 00:17:33,134 --> 00:17:34,727 All right, here's how it's gonna go. 303 00:17:34,894 --> 00:17:38,506 I am taking him home with me, and you are taking back your brother. 304 00:17:38,863 --> 00:17:40,619 How about this? 305 00:17:41,487 --> 00:17:45,000 You and Alan patch things up and I keep Stretch out there. 306 00:17:45,166 --> 00:17:47,054 I've grown kind of fond of the big lug. 307 00:17:47,470 --> 00:17:49,226 Charlie, I'm in no mood. 308 00:17:49,646 --> 00:17:51,533 - That's not what I heard. - What? 309 00:17:54,702 --> 00:17:56,807 I don't have time for this. Alan, get in here! 310 00:17:56,974 --> 00:17:59,876 No. - Do not make me come get you. 311 00:18:02,638 --> 00:18:05,802 Now, apologize to your brother. 312 00:18:07,694 --> 00:18:09,255 Do it. 313 00:18:12,623 --> 00:18:14,663 I'm sorry I made such a big deal of everything. 314 00:18:14,830 --> 00:18:16,237 And? 315 00:18:17,519 --> 00:18:20,585 And you-You can keep the 24 dollars and 78 cents. 316 00:18:20,751 --> 00:18:23,882 - This was all about $24? - Plus he tried to set me on fire. 317 00:18:24,047 --> 00:18:26,567 After he sucked my gas. 318 00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:29,576 Hey, baby. When did you arrive on the scene? 319 00:18:30,222 --> 00:18:31,531 Just get in the car. 320 00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:33,483 Look, a poop stool. 321 00:18:34,191 --> 00:18:36,296 Um, I'm-I'm-I'm gonna need that. 322 00:18:39,438 --> 00:18:42,122 Well, you can pop a blood vessel if you push too hard. 323 00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:43,716 Words to live by. Mm-hm. 324 00:18:43,887 --> 00:18:45,643 Herb, car. 325 00:18:45,807 --> 00:18:47,050 - Bye, Charlie. - Bye, Herb. 326 00:18:47,214 --> 00:18:48,392 - Bye, Alan. - Bye, Herb. 327 00:18:48,558 --> 00:18:51,853 - This was fun. Let's do it again. - Now. 328 00:18:56,271 --> 00:18:57,391 Kind of like old times, huh? 329 00:18:58,862 --> 00:19:01,317 Judith kicking me out and you taking me in? 330 00:19:03,790 --> 00:19:05,896 You are taking me in, aren't you? 331 00:19:06,575 --> 00:19:08,331 Give me one good reason why I should. 332 00:19:09,326 --> 00:19:13,003 Uh, well, we-We're- We're family. 333 00:19:13,166 --> 00:19:15,238 Uh, brothers. 334 00:19:15,406 --> 00:19:18,702 We share blood and-And- And history. 335 00:19:18,863 --> 00:19:21,284 We have a bond that unites us forever. 336 00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:24,197 No, what else you got? 337 00:19:25,518 --> 00:19:27,209 Okay, uh... 338 00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:29,292 what about my French toast? You like that. 339 00:19:29,710 --> 00:19:32,907 You know, uh, thick and fluffy with cinnamon... 340 00:19:33,070 --> 00:19:34,859 and powdered sugar? 341 00:19:35,374 --> 00:19:36,935 Mmm. 342 00:19:38,350 --> 00:19:40,173 - All right, you can stay. - Really? 343 00:19:40,335 --> 00:19:41,709 No. 344 00:19:46,703 --> 00:19:48,743 Very funny. Ha, ha. 345 00:19:49,327 --> 00:19:50,701 Charlie? 346 00:19:55,630 --> 00:19:58,347 You changed the locks? 347 00:19:58,831 --> 00:20:01,067 I was only gone for six hours! 348 00:20:01,998 --> 00:20:03,373 Charlie? 349 00:20:08,718 --> 00:20:10,693 Oh, crap. 350 00:20:16,559 --> 00:20:19,177 Here you go. Black, two sugars. 351 00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:21,197 Double glazed. 352 00:20:21,359 --> 00:20:23,912 - Thank you. - No, thank you. 353 00:20:24,655 --> 00:20:26,510 I can't believe Grandma fired me. 354 00:20:26,671 --> 00:20:29,420 Well, buddy, the labor market's very competitive these days. 355 00:20:29,582 --> 00:20:32,899 There's always somebody brighter and better willing to work for less.