1 00:00:04,911 --> 00:00:06,984 He can type 80 words a minute with his thumb... 2 00:00:07,152 --> 00:00:09,737 but he can't pee without hitting the shower curtain. 3 00:00:09,903 --> 00:00:14,311 Well, fortunately, typing is a job skill and peeing is not. 4 00:00:14,927 --> 00:00:17,611 Oh, dude, WTF? 5 00:00:21,295 --> 00:00:23,302 - Oh, jeez. - What? 6 00:00:23,471 --> 00:00:25,260 That woman over there, we used to go out. 7 00:00:27,824 --> 00:00:29,679 Did it not end well? 8 00:00:30,735 --> 00:00:32,077 Hey, it went fine for me. 9 00:00:33,232 --> 00:00:34,606 Although, in retrospect... 10 00:00:34,767 --> 00:00:38,477 I guess I could've handled our parting, uh, with a little more tact and sensitivity... 11 00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:41,226 and a little less, you know, banging her best friend. 12 00:00:41,968 --> 00:00:43,047 Oh, God. 13 00:00:43,215 --> 00:00:45,866 Hey, the friend was a double-jointed sex freak with daddy issues. 14 00:00:46,031 --> 00:00:47,526 What was I supposed to do? 15 00:00:47,887 --> 00:00:51,597 - You're right, your hands were tied. - That too. 16 00:00:52,175 --> 00:00:53,899 So how long ago was this? 17 00:00:54,288 --> 00:00:56,776 Her or the friend? Because there was a brief overlap. 18 00:00:56,943 --> 00:00:58,404 Let's go with her. 19 00:00:58,767 --> 00:01:02,062 - I don't know, eight, nine years. - Hmm, so maybe she's over it. 20 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:12,422 Or maybe not. 21 00:01:37,807 --> 00:01:40,677 Here's the plan. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. You count to 10... 22 00:01:40,848 --> 00:01:44,109 then scream like a girl and start giving Jake the Heimlich maneuver. 23 00:01:44,272 --> 00:01:45,287 Don't be ridiculous. 24 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:47,975 - Charlie? - Hi. 25 00:01:50,159 --> 00:01:53,607 Okay. If she reaches into her purse, I'm using numbnuts as a human shield. 26 00:01:54,799 --> 00:01:58,377 - Hey. Chrissy, long time. - I know. 27 00:01:58,544 --> 00:02:01,805 - Yep, long, long time. CHRISSY: Yeah. 28 00:02:01,968 --> 00:02:06,059 - Time is a great healer, isn't it? - Of some things. 29 00:02:07,055 --> 00:02:09,925 - Hey, congratulations on your new career. - Thank you. 30 00:02:10,096 --> 00:02:13,740 It's hard to believe Charlie Harper is a children's singing star. 31 00:02:13,903 --> 00:02:18,376 Well, you know how much I love kid... Yep, long, long time. 32 00:02:20,143 --> 00:02:22,697 Uh, looks like your little guy enjoys music. 33 00:02:22,864 --> 00:02:25,962 Oh, yeah, he loves it. He's actually quite the piano player too. 34 00:02:26,127 --> 00:02:28,266 Piano? You, uh-? You hear that, Charlie? 35 00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:33,261 - Young man plays piano just like you. - Lots of kids play piano. 36 00:02:33,423 --> 00:02:34,830 So you still living in Westwood? 37 00:02:34,991 --> 00:02:37,741 Yeah. We just drove down to spend the day at the beach. 38 00:02:37,903 --> 00:02:39,332 Oh, sure, the beach. Heh. 39 00:02:39,503 --> 00:02:41,959 Nice place to visit, but you wouldn't wanna live there. 40 00:02:42,128 --> 00:02:44,845 - Actually, I do live there. It's not that bad. - Right. 41 00:02:45,008 --> 00:02:47,375 Well, we should get going. It was nice seeing you. 42 00:02:47,535 --> 00:02:49,259 - Nice to see you too. - Come on, Chuck. 43 00:02:55,023 --> 00:02:57,706 - Chuck. - I heard it. Ahem. 44 00:02:58,192 --> 00:02:59,402 Lots of kids named Chuck. 45 00:02:59,568 --> 00:03:03,626 - It's a nickname for Charles, isn't it? - So are Chaz, Chad, Chick, and Charlie. 46 00:03:03,791 --> 00:03:05,101 - What's your point? - No point. 47 00:03:05,263 --> 00:03:10,119 It's just that you haven't seen that woman in nine years, and little Chuck is, uh... 48 00:03:10,287 --> 00:03:12,490 Well, how old do you suppose little Chuck is? 49 00:03:12,656 --> 00:03:14,183 What difference does it make? 50 00:03:14,352 --> 00:03:17,548 Well, I'd say little Chuck is, uh, hmm... 51 00:03:18,223 --> 00:03:22,696 7 or 8 years old, give or take nine months. 52 00:03:23,631 --> 00:03:25,638 What? I don't know what you're talking about. 53 00:03:25,807 --> 00:03:27,880 - You don't? - Okay, I choose not to. 54 00:03:28,656 --> 00:03:30,215 Oh, crap. Quick, Dad, we gotta go home. 55 00:03:30,383 --> 00:03:32,009 - Why? What's wrong? - My battery died. 56 00:03:33,167 --> 00:03:36,364 Oh, no, wait. I just turned it off by accident. 57 00:03:37,008 --> 00:03:39,692 This wouldn't happen if I had a Smartphone. 58 00:03:40,559 --> 00:03:42,185 Do I even need to say it? 59 00:03:45,519 --> 00:03:48,814 So is it just me or did that kid kind of look like Uncle Charlie? 60 00:03:55,407 --> 00:03:57,578 - Hey. - Hey. 61 00:04:08,591 --> 00:04:09,591 Shut up, Alan. 62 00:04:14,255 --> 00:04:15,302 It's not funny. 63 00:04:15,471 --> 00:04:18,154 Well, maybe not funny, ha, ha, but certainly funny: 64 00:04:20,783 --> 00:04:23,401 - That boy was nothing like me. - He doesn't have ear hair... 65 00:04:23,567 --> 00:04:26,502 and whiskey breath, but I'm guessing he'll grow into that. 66 00:04:26,672 --> 00:04:27,672 What's going on? 67 00:04:27,823 --> 00:04:30,409 Well, it would appear that the old sperminator here... 68 00:04:31,471 --> 00:04:32,813 has fathered a child. 69 00:04:32,975 --> 00:04:35,016 - I did not. - How can you be so sure? 70 00:04:35,184 --> 00:04:39,340 Because I never play in the rain without a slicker and galoshes. 71 00:04:40,399 --> 00:04:42,538 I'm confused. Where do the galoshes go? 72 00:04:43,983 --> 00:04:46,983 It's just a figure of speech. Everything that needs to be covered... 73 00:04:47,151 --> 00:04:50,567 is covered, when, you know, covering is appropriate. 74 00:04:50,734 --> 00:04:54,030 I didn't ask for your life story. I was just confused about the galoshes. 75 00:04:55,023 --> 00:04:57,925 You know, Charlie, even condoms are only 98-percent effective. 76 00:04:58,096 --> 00:04:59,983 - That's not true. - The hell it isn't. 77 00:05:01,455 --> 00:05:04,040 - Haven't you ever read the package? - Who reads the package? 78 00:05:04,207 --> 00:05:05,484 It's not like a cereal box. 79 00:05:06,767 --> 00:05:08,906 You don't read it while you're eating. 80 00:05:10,031 --> 00:05:11,031 Yikes. 81 00:05:11,823 --> 00:05:15,139 You haven't seen the woman in nine years, and she's got an 8-year-old. 82 00:05:15,311 --> 00:05:17,482 So? You showed up at my door with a 10-year-old... 83 00:05:17,648 --> 00:05:20,069 and I hadn't seen you in 11 years. 84 00:05:20,847 --> 00:05:22,756 Does that mean Taterhead is our love child? 85 00:05:23,312 --> 00:05:26,443 Yeah, fine, stay in denial. There's no way little Chuck is your son. 86 00:05:26,607 --> 00:05:28,035 - Chuck? - Hey, hey. 87 00:05:28,207 --> 00:05:30,542 Lots of kids are named Chuck, play the piano... 88 00:05:30,703 --> 00:05:32,328 and look disturbingly like me. 89 00:05:34,832 --> 00:05:36,294 He's right. 90 00:05:36,463 --> 00:05:39,659 In fact, I'm surprised we're not up to our asses in them. 91 00:05:46,927 --> 00:05:49,382 - Hey, Russell? - I'm busy. 92 00:05:49,551 --> 00:05:51,210 I got a question about these condoms. 93 00:05:51,375 --> 00:05:55,238 Look, I told you, Charlie, I'm giving you the best bulk rate I can. 94 00:05:55,406 --> 00:05:57,000 I know, but that's not what I was- 95 00:05:57,168 --> 00:05:59,306 There's no way I can compete with the chain stores. 96 00:05:59,471 --> 00:06:02,188 - I understand. - So I make it up in personal service. 97 00:06:02,351 --> 00:06:05,003 - I'm sure you do. - I'm not gonna unroll the damn things... 98 00:06:05,167 --> 00:06:08,331 and put them on for you, but short of that, I've got your back. 99 00:06:09,455 --> 00:06:12,455 And I appreciate it. But that's not what I was asking about. 100 00:06:12,624 --> 00:06:15,144 Charlie, times are tough. People don't get their drugs... 101 00:06:15,311 --> 00:06:18,856 from their neighborhood pharmacist anymore. They go on the Internet. 102 00:06:19,023 --> 00:06:20,910 - I know. - Yeah, sure, trust your mailman... 103 00:06:21,071 --> 00:06:24,170 with your heart medicine and stool softeners. 104 00:06:24,335 --> 00:06:27,183 Russell, have you been hitting the free samples again? 105 00:06:27,343 --> 00:06:29,230 What are you, a cop? 106 00:06:29,391 --> 00:06:31,530 No. I'm just a little concerned about you. 107 00:06:31,695 --> 00:06:34,150 Well, if you're so concerned, help me out a little bit. 108 00:06:34,319 --> 00:06:37,930 Why don't you buy some reading glasses or a neck brace once in a while? 109 00:06:38,096 --> 00:06:41,063 - Sure, whatever. - A bag of Skittles, for God's sake. 110 00:06:41,230 --> 00:06:43,948 You know, because my margin on condoms is bubkes. 111 00:06:45,615 --> 00:06:49,391 Yeah. Well, speaking of condoms, I just wanna know... 112 00:06:49,551 --> 00:06:52,333 if somebody could get pregnant even if you were wearing a condom. 113 00:06:52,496 --> 00:06:54,568 Have you been talking to the Wetzel's pretzels lady? 114 00:06:54,735 --> 00:06:57,931 Because I just gave her a ride home, that's it. 115 00:06:58,095 --> 00:07:01,576 No, no, no. I mean in general. What are the odds that a condom wouldn't work? 116 00:07:01,743 --> 00:07:05,355 Well, there are a number of things to factor in. 117 00:07:07,151 --> 00:07:08,151 Ah. 118 00:07:08,303 --> 00:07:10,824 - Oh, cough syrup? - I don't have a cough. 119 00:07:10,990 --> 00:07:12,420 Neither do I. 120 00:07:15,471 --> 00:07:19,464 Anyway, condoms. Whenever you're dealing with a manufactured product... 121 00:07:19,630 --> 00:07:22,052 there's always gonna be flaws in the process. 122 00:07:22,222 --> 00:07:25,965 Yeah, but aren't they supposed to be tested before they go out, or in? 123 00:07:26,127 --> 00:07:29,259 - Well, sure, but they don't test every one. - They don't? 124 00:07:29,423 --> 00:07:32,293 Masturbating's looking better and better, huh? 125 00:07:35,471 --> 00:07:37,838 Okay. Okay, so bottom line, what you're saying is... 126 00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:41,709 even if I'm wearing a condom, there's a chance I could get someone pregnant? 127 00:07:44,111 --> 00:07:46,533 Did you miss eighth-grade health class, Charlie? 128 00:07:46,703 --> 00:07:48,329 Oh, come on, who went to health class? 129 00:07:48,495 --> 00:07:51,310 Well, amongst others, a certain self-medicating pharmacist... 130 00:07:51,470 --> 00:07:53,511 who pays alimony to three different women... 131 00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:56,778 but not one penny in child support. 132 00:07:57,743 --> 00:08:01,059 All right. All right. For future reference, what about lambskin? 133 00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:02,278 Are they more effective? 134 00:08:02,767 --> 00:08:05,735 Well, um, less so than your latex product. 135 00:08:05,904 --> 00:08:07,692 Now, I had to stop wearing them myself... 136 00:08:07,855 --> 00:08:10,986 because something about the smell made my cat go berserk, ha, ha. 137 00:08:11,152 --> 00:08:14,664 - It's kind of a cute story. She was- - I don't wanna hear it. 138 00:08:14,831 --> 00:08:16,937 Not a cat person, huh? 139 00:08:17,103 --> 00:08:19,143 I'm not either anymore. 140 00:08:21,264 --> 00:08:23,303 All right, well, thanks, Russell. I'll see you. 141 00:08:23,471 --> 00:08:27,529 That's it? You're not gonna buy anything? I mean, we got some Wiffle-ball bats. 142 00:08:27,695 --> 00:08:30,793 Maybe your little bastard would like a Wiffle-ball bat. 143 00:08:32,784 --> 00:08:35,238 Childproof cap. 144 00:08:40,623 --> 00:08:42,924 - Hey. - Hey. 145 00:08:44,111 --> 00:08:45,670 Are you all right? 146 00:08:45,999 --> 00:08:49,381 - No, I am not. - What's going on? 147 00:08:50,415 --> 00:08:55,237 Alan, I have always conducted my sex life according to three simple principles. 148 00:08:55,407 --> 00:08:58,090 One: If at all possible, ladies first. 149 00:09:00,303 --> 00:09:03,620 Two: It's easier to be forgiven than ask permission. 150 00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:07,915 And third and most important: 151 00:09:08,079 --> 00:09:10,151 The 10 seconds it takes to put on a condom... 152 00:09:10,319 --> 00:09:14,029 beats the hell out of the 10 years you have to pretend to like soccer. 153 00:09:14,863 --> 00:09:16,489 Except when they don't work. 154 00:09:16,655 --> 00:09:20,267 Stupid tiny disclaimer on the side of the box. 155 00:09:21,199 --> 00:09:24,515 They should put it in big letters right on the reservoir tip. 156 00:09:24,687 --> 00:09:27,054 "Do you feel lucky, dumb-ass?" 157 00:09:27,503 --> 00:09:30,732 Yeah, that'd do it. So, uh, what's your next move? 158 00:09:31,662 --> 00:09:35,688 Well, you'd think if Chrissy had my child and decided not to tell me... 159 00:09:35,855 --> 00:09:39,716 I'd just send her a little card: "Thanks for being a good sport," or something. 160 00:09:40,175 --> 00:09:43,023 I'm not sure Hallmark has a "deadbeat dad" section. 161 00:09:43,182 --> 00:09:47,078 It doesn't matter. For some reason, I wanna know the truth. 162 00:09:47,247 --> 00:09:49,134 If I have a kid, I need to know about it. 163 00:09:49,295 --> 00:09:52,873 Of course you do. Being a father is the greatest joy there is. 164 00:09:53,039 --> 00:09:55,242 Hey, Dad, where's the plunger? 165 00:09:56,431 --> 00:09:59,594 - Uh, laundry room. - Thanks. I over-wiped. 166 00:10:02,222 --> 00:10:04,459 No such thing, my son. 167 00:10:05,487 --> 00:10:08,007 - Where was I? - The joys of fatherhood. 168 00:10:08,175 --> 00:10:09,702 Right. 169 00:10:11,471 --> 00:10:13,892 What? There was a time when he didn't wipe at all. 170 00:10:15,791 --> 00:10:17,896 Hey, I'm gonna need a mop too. 171 00:10:18,895 --> 00:10:20,838 Excuse me. Father-son moment. 172 00:11:20,431 --> 00:11:21,740 Daddy's home! 173 00:11:29,390 --> 00:11:31,245 Hurry, hurry. 174 00:11:41,935 --> 00:11:44,455 - Hey, Jake? - Don't worry, it's all cleaned up. 175 00:11:44,942 --> 00:11:48,008 - Not why I'm here. I- - You can hardly smell it at all anymore. 176 00:11:48,399 --> 00:11:50,057 Don't kid yourself. 177 00:11:50,223 --> 00:11:52,165 Although, I may owe you a toilet. 178 00:11:52,526 --> 00:11:54,861 I'll put it on your tab. 179 00:11:55,022 --> 00:11:56,933 Now, I wanna ask you a question. 180 00:11:57,103 --> 00:11:59,786 Crumb cake, a Frappuccino and a burrito supreme. 181 00:11:59,950 --> 00:12:01,292 That's not the question. 182 00:12:01,455 --> 00:12:04,302 Oh, yeah, and a tangerine. That's what killed me. 183 00:12:06,030 --> 00:12:07,031 Are you done? 184 00:12:07,182 --> 00:12:09,768 I hope so, because the toilet won't flush anymore. 185 00:12:12,175 --> 00:12:16,005 What I wanted to ask you is, do you think I've been a good role model? 186 00:12:16,175 --> 00:12:18,182 Are you kidding? You drink, you gamble. 187 00:12:18,351 --> 00:12:20,718 You have different women here practically every night. 188 00:12:20,878 --> 00:12:23,213 You're the best role model a guy could want. 189 00:12:23,854 --> 00:12:26,702 - You think so? - Yeah. They should put your face on money. 190 00:12:28,463 --> 00:12:30,666 Well, thanks, buddy. I appreciate it. 191 00:12:30,830 --> 00:12:32,773 Oh, hey, one more question. 192 00:12:32,943 --> 00:12:35,812 - How would you feel about having a cousin? - I've got a cousin. 193 00:12:35,982 --> 00:12:39,049 - I mean, another cousin. - What do I need another cousin for? 194 00:12:39,630 --> 00:12:41,453 Ahh, forget it. 195 00:12:41,615 --> 00:12:44,582 What I need is a Smartphone and a new toilet. 196 00:12:47,023 --> 00:12:48,649 Cousin. 197 00:13:07,663 --> 00:13:09,353 - Charlie. - Hi. 198 00:13:09,519 --> 00:13:10,567 What are you doing here? 199 00:13:11,183 --> 00:13:14,532 Well, I was in the neighborhood. I thought I'd stop by and say hello... 200 00:13:15,279 --> 00:13:16,806 and bring you this. 201 00:13:17,934 --> 00:13:20,553 - A Wiffle-ball bat? - That's for Chuck. 202 00:13:20,718 --> 00:13:24,548 I got you an eyeglass repair kit and some malted milk balls. 203 00:13:26,096 --> 00:13:28,616 - Thanks. - I know it's not much of a gift. 204 00:13:28,783 --> 00:13:32,427 But the guy that usually sells roses at the freeway on-ramp switched to oranges... 205 00:13:32,591 --> 00:13:35,788 and I didn't know if you liked oranges. So, anyway, is Chuck my kid? 206 00:13:37,455 --> 00:13:39,692 - What difference does it make? - All the difference. 207 00:13:39,854 --> 00:13:41,316 - How? - Well, for starters... 208 00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:45,797 I'm gonna write a scathing letter to a certain manufacturer of latex products. 209 00:13:47,407 --> 00:13:50,855 But more importantly, if I'm his dad, he should know. 210 00:13:51,023 --> 00:13:52,103 He's already got a dad. 211 00:13:52,270 --> 00:13:54,059 - Oh, really? - Yes. 212 00:13:54,223 --> 00:13:57,835 We may not live together anymore, and he may not have your kind of money... 213 00:13:57,998 --> 00:14:01,228 but he's a good dad, and he loves Chuck very much. 214 00:14:01,390 --> 00:14:03,529 So you're just raising him on your own? 215 00:14:03,695 --> 00:14:05,702 Charlie, you don't have to worry about him. 216 00:14:05,871 --> 00:14:08,805 He's gotten along fine without you for eight years, and so have I. 217 00:14:08,975 --> 00:14:10,568 Wait, Chrissy- 218 00:14:12,686 --> 00:14:14,693 I didn't know. 219 00:14:19,630 --> 00:14:22,947 Boy, you miss one health class... 220 00:14:26,127 --> 00:14:31,974 - So, Jake, how do you like high school? - I'm in eighth grade. 221 00:14:32,142 --> 00:14:33,997 Oh, I see. 222 00:14:35,087 --> 00:14:36,712 When do you start high school? 223 00:14:36,879 --> 00:14:39,847 Hard to say. Eighth grade's really kicking my ass. 224 00:14:40,015 --> 00:14:43,724 - Jake, language. - Yeah, language, math. 225 00:14:43,887 --> 00:14:47,684 - Science, history, phys ed. - Yeah, I understand, dear. 226 00:14:47,855 --> 00:14:50,025 Can't even find my locker. 227 00:14:51,567 --> 00:14:54,022 All right, I talked to her. You owe me 5 bucks. 228 00:14:59,694 --> 00:15:01,418 He's a good wiper, and I love him. 229 00:15:02,350 --> 00:15:05,284 Hey, Alan, I just spoke-Aw, jeez. 230 00:15:06,895 --> 00:15:08,073 Good to see you too, dear. 231 00:15:08,238 --> 00:15:10,410 - What's going on, Mom? - Nothing. 232 00:15:10,575 --> 00:15:14,950 I merely stop in to see my two sons and my one and only grandchild. 233 00:15:15,119 --> 00:15:16,119 Well, it's- 234 00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:21,607 So, Mom, you're looking good. 235 00:15:22,030 --> 00:15:25,129 Did you have something snipped or tucked or sucked? 236 00:15:25,710 --> 00:15:28,710 Just eyes and tush, but nice of you to notice. 237 00:15:28,878 --> 00:15:31,627 Hey, Charlie, did you ever find out if that kid is yours? 238 00:15:36,399 --> 00:15:39,466 - Thanks a lot, Berta. - Oh, dear, have I spoken out of turn? 239 00:15:44,623 --> 00:15:46,149 - Kid? - Yeah. 240 00:15:46,318 --> 00:15:50,890 Well, it-It turns out that there are flaws in every manufacturing process... 241 00:15:51,055 --> 00:15:53,925 and that includes your everyday latex products. 242 00:15:54,095 --> 00:15:56,712 I see. And how far along is the young lady? 243 00:15:57,583 --> 00:15:59,043 Oh, about eight years. 244 00:15:59,214 --> 00:16:02,859 Eight years, and she's just suing you now? 245 00:16:03,983 --> 00:16:07,595 She's not suing me. She doesn't wanna have anything to do with me. 246 00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:10,344 Lucky you. If I were her, I'd have owned half this house... 247 00:16:10,510 --> 00:16:12,550 before the pee stick dried. 248 00:16:14,383 --> 00:16:17,896 Yeah, real lucky. I've got an 8-year-old son, and I'll never get to spend time with him. 249 00:16:18,062 --> 00:16:20,812 Oh, sweetheart, take it from me... 250 00:16:20,975 --> 00:16:24,552 spending time with one's children is greatly overrated. 251 00:16:26,798 --> 00:16:28,228 Oh, come on, face facts. 252 00:16:28,398 --> 00:16:31,049 Some people are meant to be parents, and some people aren't. 253 00:16:31,215 --> 00:16:33,866 You have a perfect example of that right in front of you. 254 00:16:34,030 --> 00:16:35,819 You certainly do. 255 00:16:37,710 --> 00:16:39,947 Yeah, well, I think I'd be a great dad. 256 00:16:40,111 --> 00:16:43,372 Well, easy for you to say now that you've dodged the bullet. 257 00:16:45,422 --> 00:16:48,172 You're right, talk is cheap. 258 00:16:50,606 --> 00:16:53,454 Remind me to speak to him about putting this house in my name... 259 00:16:53,615 --> 00:16:57,389 so it can never fall into the hands of some money-hungry, manipulative bitch. 260 00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:00,238 That isn't related to him. 261 00:17:11,310 --> 00:17:12,652 What do you want now, Charlie? 262 00:17:12,814 --> 00:17:15,716 Look, I can see why you might not think of me as father material. 263 00:17:15,887 --> 00:17:19,236 And clearly you've done a great job raising Chuck on your own. 264 00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:23,302 I'd just like, if you'd let me, to help out a little bit. 265 00:17:25,038 --> 00:17:26,038 Oh. 266 00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:30,407 - This is more than a little bit. - Hey, eight years is a long time. 267 00:17:31,215 --> 00:17:32,491 What do you want out of this? 268 00:17:32,655 --> 00:17:34,728 I just wanna know that he's taken care of. 269 00:17:34,894 --> 00:17:37,196 And I plan on sending you a check every month. 270 00:17:38,254 --> 00:17:39,662 I don't know what to say. 271 00:17:39,822 --> 00:17:42,189 You don't have to worry about me interfering. 272 00:17:42,351 --> 00:17:45,831 Although, there's a couple things you should know for when he gets older. 273 00:17:45,999 --> 00:17:46,999 Like what? 274 00:17:48,111 --> 00:17:50,532 Well, you're gonna wanna lock the liquor cabinet. 275 00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:56,265 But don't forget that mouthwash can also pack a pretty good buzz. 276 00:17:56,431 --> 00:17:59,911 So be on guard for suspiciously minty breath. 277 00:18:00,399 --> 00:18:03,333 Oh, and if his school nurse is at all attractive... 278 00:18:03,502 --> 00:18:06,120 you can expect the occasional "hernia." 279 00:18:07,759 --> 00:18:10,180 - Thanks for the heads-up. - You're welcome. 280 00:18:12,015 --> 00:18:13,673 So, uh... 281 00:18:15,566 --> 00:18:17,224 good luck. 282 00:18:18,862 --> 00:18:20,488 You're gonna need it. 283 00:18:34,510 --> 00:18:36,714 Oh, hey. 284 00:18:36,878 --> 00:18:39,334 Jeremy, your mom's here. 285 00:18:41,198 --> 00:18:42,725 - Hey, Mom. - Hi, honey. 286 00:18:42,895 --> 00:18:46,375 - Hey, where'd you get that shirt? - Oh, I got it for him. I hope that's okay. 287 00:18:46,927 --> 00:18:50,855 I love it. He looks like a little ladies' man. 288 00:18:51,023 --> 00:18:53,412 So, uh, is this time next week okay for you? 289 00:18:53,583 --> 00:18:59,278 Actually, I think my babysitting days are behind me. Ciao. 290 00:19:04,334 --> 00:19:07,018 I'm really glad you're accepting responsibility, Charlie. 291 00:19:07,183 --> 00:19:08,841 - Thank you. - It's a great feeling... 292 00:19:09,006 --> 00:19:11,625 knowing you're taking care of your own kid. 293 00:19:12,239 --> 00:19:14,279 - Oh, hey, Mr. Harper. - Hey, Clive. How's it going? 294 00:19:14,415 --> 00:19:17,764 Great. All right, Mrs. Melnick, that should hold you for a while. 295 00:19:17,934 --> 00:19:19,276 - Hey, dude. - Hey, dude. 296 00:19:21,550 --> 00:19:23,372 Thanks, Clive. You're the best. 297 00:19:23,534 --> 00:19:24,614 Come on in, honey. 298 00:19:24,781 --> 00:19:27,018 - Thanks, Alan. - Bye, buddy. 299 00:19:27,695 --> 00:19:28,709 Who was that guy? 300 00:19:28,878 --> 00:19:31,479 Oh, that's Clive, the exterminator. He's been coming here forever. 301 00:19:31,599 --> 00:19:33,541 - Oh, hey, Alan. - Hmm? 302 00:19:33,710 --> 00:19:36,907 - Has it ever occurred to you-? - Hey, Mr. Harper. 303 00:19:37,967 --> 00:19:38,966 Hey, Craig. 304 00:19:42,830 --> 00:19:44,521 Has what ever occurred to me? 305 00:19:45,198 --> 00:19:46,310 Nothing. 306 00:19:46,478 --> 00:19:49,380 Hey, Mr. H. Long time no see.