1
00:00:01,160 --> 00:00:03,880
No, I think your retainer is sexy.

2
00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:08,520
I do. You just gotta remember to clean it
after lunch.

3
00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:11,040
Hey, Jake,
how about you and me going out...?

4
00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:12,800
Okay, now I have a question for you.

5
00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:15,320
If I needed a lung
and your dad needed a lung...

6
00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:17,480
...who would you give your lung to?

7
00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:20,960
Well, now see,
I wouldn't have to think about it.

8
00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:24,360
Jake, I'm talking to you.
Don't give me the hand.

9
00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:26,720
Hang on. I'm talking to a girl.

10
00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:29,800
Sorry. Oh, no, that was nobody.

11
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:34,920
That's it. Time to get a new kid.

12
00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:37,200
Hey, Alan,
you wanna catch a movie tonight?

13
00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:39,640
Can't. I am taking a lady
to the Hollywood Bowl...

14
00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:43,200
...for a romantic evening under the stars
with Michael Bublé...

15
00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:45,400
<i>...and three runners-up
from American Idol.</i>

16
00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:49,320
What's in the bag, a noose?

17
00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:53,240
No, it's a picnic basket.
Fried chicken, bottle of merlot...

18
00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:56,000
...and my autograph hound
in case I get lucky.

19
00:00:57,119 --> 00:01:01,280
- Why don't you take Jake to the movies?
- No, I don't like him anymore.

20
00:01:01,919 --> 00:01:04,080
Okay, then why don't you take
one of your many...?

21
00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:06,520
Oh, let's call them girlfriends.

22
00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:08,160
Yeah, I could...

23
00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:10,600
...but, after the movie,
I bring them back here...

24
00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:12,800
...after I get them here,
I get them upstairs.

25
00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:16,240
After I get them upstairs,
I gotta get them to go home.

26
00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:19,479
It just doesn't seem
worth the effort anymore.

27
00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:22,759
It's possible you might enjoy your dates
if you went out with women...

28
00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:27,080
...who are capable of using their head
other than a place to rest their ankles.

29
00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:34,120
What are you saying?

30
00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:36,720
Too subtle?

31
00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:40,000
I'm saying you might have a better time
if you were seeing someone...

32
00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:44,200
...who had a fully formed personality
or was even remotely age-appropriate.

33
00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:47,160
- Define "age appropriate."
- Forty.

34
00:01:47,319 --> 00:01:48,840
Are you out of your mind?

35
00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:52,040
Come on, Charlie.
The woman I'm seeing now is 39.

36
00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:54,920
We have a wonderful time
because we have so much in common.

37
00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:56,919
We can talk, we can share,
we can laugh.

38
00:01:57,080 --> 00:02:01,960
Talking, sharing and laughing is fine
but what about her ears?

39
00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:06,120
- What about them?
- Ears never stop growing, Alan.

40
00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:09,480
And I like a nice, taut lobe.

41
00:02:10,359 --> 00:02:12,360
This conversation is over.

42
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:13,600
I will see you later.

43
00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:15,880
Why do you think old ladies
wear big earrings?

44
00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:19,640
To make their ears look smaller.

45
00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:23,399
Like I'm the only one who's noticed.

46
00:02:26,279 --> 00:02:28,120
<i>I'd like to make a toast to my wife.</i>

47
00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:31,160
<i>Darling, you've given me
the happiest 20 years of my life.</i>

48
00:02:31,599 --> 00:02:34,400
Why? Was she in a coma?

49
00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:37,960
<i>I can 't imagine living without you.
You complete me.</i>

50
00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:41,639
Bet she's got a set of ears on her.

51
00:02:42,599 --> 00:02:44,720
Oh, yeah.

52
00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:48,240
You could swat flies with those things.

53
00:03:03,559 --> 00:03:05,040
Hey, pal.

54
00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:07,679
It's just you and me tonight, huh?

55
00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:10,839
Yeah, I know how you feel.

56
00:03:11,399 --> 00:03:12,960
There's a lot of fish in the sea...

57
00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:16,000
...but after you catch them
and eat them, then what?

58
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:21,160
Damn straight. It's not worth the hassle.

59
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,960
My mistake.
Didn't know you had a date.

60
00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:30,640
If you two don't have plans, why don't
you fly to the Hollywood Bowl...

61
00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:33,240
...and take a crap on my brother?

62
00:03:40,216 --> 00:03:43,976
Really? I dreamt about you too.
What was your dream?

63
00:03:44,256 --> 00:03:46,616
We were on a train in a tunnel?

64
00:03:47,416 --> 00:03:49,456
Sounds kind of boring.

65
00:03:50,576 --> 00:03:52,096
It means what?

66
00:03:53,736 --> 00:03:56,016
Oh, hey, you're up early.

67
00:03:56,176 --> 00:03:58,056
No way.

68
00:03:58,216 --> 00:04:01,816
I am not just getting home.
I couldn't sleep so I went for a walk.

69
00:04:02,296 --> 00:04:05,136
Dad, a little privacy, please?

70
00:04:05,296 --> 00:04:08,016
Okay, I just didn't want you to get
the wrong idea.

71
00:04:08,256 --> 00:04:12,216
I'm confused. If I'm in the train,
how can I be the train?

72
00:04:17,616 --> 00:04:19,416
At least he's not the tunnel.

73
00:04:21,936 --> 00:04:23,416
Hi.

74
00:04:24,016 --> 00:04:25,936
I'm just getting in.

75
00:04:27,696 --> 00:04:28,976
Yeah, I can see that.

76
00:04:29,136 --> 00:04:31,216
Didn't get much sleep last night.

77
00:04:33,456 --> 00:04:37,176
- And yet I feel totally rested.
- Good for you.

78
00:04:38,096 --> 00:04:42,136
I mean, rested but spent.

79
00:04:43,096 --> 00:04:44,416
Gotcha.

80
00:04:44,576 --> 00:04:48,816
I mean, not so much spent
as happily depleted.

81
00:04:49,816 --> 00:04:52,735
- Joyously bereft of...
- I get it. You got laid.

82
00:04:54,336 --> 00:04:58,456
And Michael Bublé's autograph.

83
00:05:02,096 --> 00:05:03,975
Congratulations.

84
00:05:04,416 --> 00:05:07,176
So how was your evening?

85
00:05:18,256 --> 00:05:20,176
You know, I talked to Donna about you.

86
00:05:20,936 --> 00:05:22,856
- Donna?
- The woman I was with last night.

87
00:05:23,016 --> 00:05:26,936
Oh, yeah, yeah. You talk, you share,
you laugh. Kiss my ass.

88
00:05:28,056 --> 00:05:30,656
Anyway, turns out she has a friend
who's newly single.

89
00:05:30,816 --> 00:05:33,615
- And I suggested...
- A blind date?

90
00:05:33,776 --> 00:05:36,856
Forget it. Charlie Harper does not go
on blind dates.

91
00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:39,416
- He doesn't?
- No, he doesn't.

92
00:05:43,136 --> 00:05:44,975
Can't we ask him?

93
00:05:46,376 --> 00:05:48,496
Don't bother. I know what he'll say.

94
00:05:49,456 --> 00:05:52,136
Okay, but does he have to say it
in the third person?

95
00:05:52,976 --> 00:05:55,896
Look, I don't need anybody to get me
dates. I can get my own dates.

96
00:05:56,056 --> 00:05:59,456
But you were complaining that the
women you go out with don't fulfill you.

97
00:05:59,616 --> 00:06:02,296
Donna's friend is beautiful.
She's accomplished, she's smart.

98
00:06:02,456 --> 00:06:05,256
- How old is she?
- I think around 40.

99
00:06:05,415 --> 00:06:07,416
Hello.

100
00:06:11,016 --> 00:06:15,056
- Still with the ears?
- It's not just ears.

101
00:06:15,216 --> 00:06:17,416
Women that age have a lot of baggage.

102
00:06:17,576 --> 00:06:20,136
Right. And you've just got a carryon.

103
00:06:24,976 --> 00:06:27,215
Think about this.
What if I meet this woman?

104
00:06:27,375 --> 00:06:29,936
I like her, she likes me,
we get married and settle down?

105
00:06:30,856 --> 00:06:34,375
We're both 40 now.
In 20 years, I'm gonna be 60.

106
00:06:34,536 --> 00:06:36,216
And do you know how old
she's gonna be?

107
00:06:38,576 --> 00:06:41,256
- Sixty?
- I rest my case.

108
00:06:47,576 --> 00:06:50,176
- That was nice, huh?
- I guess.

109
00:06:51,375 --> 00:06:54,255
My ear's still a little soggy.

110
00:06:54,616 --> 00:06:56,056
Sorry.

111
00:06:56,216 --> 00:07:00,216
So, Deedee, is that short for anything?

112
00:07:00,695 --> 00:07:03,455
- Like what?
- I don't know.

113
00:07:06,416 --> 00:07:08,056
No, it's just a nickname.

114
00:07:09,696 --> 00:07:12,656
- What's your real name?
- Sissy.

115
00:07:13,295 --> 00:07:14,935
Sissy, huh?

116
00:07:15,095 --> 00:07:17,776
I guess that means
you throw a ball like a girl.

117
00:07:17,936 --> 00:07:19,296
I am a girl.

118
00:07:21,415 --> 00:07:22,976
Right.

119
00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:27,695
- Is Charlie short for anything?
- Charles.

120
00:07:28,775 --> 00:07:30,615
That's not really shorter, is it?

121
00:07:34,056 --> 00:07:36,016
Excuse me.

122
00:07:36,936 --> 00:07:40,335
Why? Did you fart?

123
00:07:44,175 --> 00:07:46,055
No, you hang up first.

124
00:07:46,215 --> 00:07:47,656
Okay, on three.

125
00:07:47,816 --> 00:07:50,376
One, two, three.

126
00:07:50,536 --> 00:07:53,856
You didn't hang up, did you?
Me neither.

127
00:07:57,976 --> 00:08:00,136
Okay, set it up.

128
00:08:00,495 --> 00:08:01,936
What?

129
00:08:02,736 --> 00:08:05,255
The blind date with the old chick. I'm in.

130
00:08:08,496 --> 00:08:10,055
What?

131
00:08:13,535 --> 00:08:17,495
- Alan, let's go.
- Relax, we've got plenty of time.

132
00:08:17,655 --> 00:08:19,815
I just don't wanna be late.

133
00:08:19,975 --> 00:08:22,255
I can't believe it.
You're nervous about a date.

134
00:08:22,415 --> 00:08:25,855
Of course I'm nervous.
What am I gonna talk to her about?

135
00:08:26,015 --> 00:08:28,855
I haven't gone out with
a 40-year-old woman since high school.

136
00:08:32,335 --> 00:08:35,335
Charlie, that's the great thing about
seeing someone your own age.

137
00:08:35,496 --> 00:08:37,255
There's always something to talk about.

138
00:08:37,416 --> 00:08:39,695
What you've been through,
she's been through.

139
00:08:40,176 --> 00:08:42,695
Oh, I hardly think so.

140
00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:45,215
All right, point taken.
But she's a fascinating woman.

141
00:08:45,376 --> 00:08:48,735
She's a municipal court judge,
she teaches law at UCLA.

142
00:08:48,895 --> 00:08:50,456
Oh, man, you didn't tell me that.

143
00:08:50,616 --> 00:08:52,656
- Does that make a difference?
- Big difference.

144
00:08:52,816 --> 00:08:56,376
The smarter the girl, the harder it is
to blow smoke up her ass.

145
00:09:02,215 --> 00:09:03,936
You know, I'm already regretting this.

146
00:09:04,336 --> 00:09:06,295
And for good reason.
Let's just call it off.

147
00:09:06,455 --> 00:09:08,016
No, no, no, it's too late for that.

148
00:09:08,176 --> 00:09:11,135
Just relax and, I don't know,
be yourself.

149
00:09:11,296 --> 00:09:14,456
And by "yourself,"
I mean someone else entirely.

150
00:09:14,616 --> 00:09:15,696
Anything else?

151
00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:18,415
Well, as long we've opened
this particular can of worms...

152
00:09:18,576 --> 00:09:21,216
...you might wanna rethink
the bowling shirt.

153
00:09:23,215 --> 00:09:24,535
- Why?
- Well, as I said...

154
00:09:24,695 --> 00:09:26,375
...she's a judge and a law professor.

155
00:09:26,536 --> 00:09:29,535
And, let's be honest, you don't bowl.

156
00:09:30,895 --> 00:09:32,176
All right, I'll go change.

157
00:09:32,335 --> 00:09:34,135
- And Charlie?
- Yeah?

158
00:09:34,295 --> 00:09:37,015
While you're at it, why don't we go
for the big-boy pants.

159
00:09:40,095 --> 00:09:41,575
Fine.

160
00:09:44,895 --> 00:09:47,536
- Oh, there they are.
- Hang on, hang on, hang on.

161
00:09:47,895 --> 00:09:49,055
Which one's mine?

162
00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:53,335
- The one on the right.
- Wow, she's 40?

163
00:09:53,935 --> 00:09:56,655
She has the ears of a 20-year-old.

164
00:09:58,776 --> 00:10:00,255
Come on.

165
00:10:01,055 --> 00:10:02,815
You think she had them done?

166
00:10:04,375 --> 00:10:06,935
Sorry we're late.
Charlie couldn't decide what to wear.

167
00:10:07,095 --> 00:10:09,175
Oh, I think he looks very nice.

168
00:10:09,336 --> 00:10:10,935
- Thank you.
- Charlie, this is Donna.

169
00:10:11,095 --> 00:10:12,655
- Hi, how are you?
- Hi.

170
00:10:12,815 --> 00:10:13,975
This is my friend, Linda.

171
00:10:14,335 --> 00:10:16,135
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you too.

172
00:10:16,295 --> 00:10:19,375
- I've heard a lot about you.
- And I've heard a lot about you too.

173
00:10:19,855 --> 00:10:22,415
And, I gotta say,
I am pleasantly surprised.

174
00:10:23,695 --> 00:10:25,096
Really? How so?

175
00:10:25,615 --> 00:10:29,295
Well, Alan tells me
you're a judge and a professor...

176
00:10:29,455 --> 00:10:33,456
...and, quite frankly,
I wasn't expecting someone so...

177
00:10:34,135 --> 00:10:36,216
So, what, Charlie?

178
00:10:38,015 --> 00:10:39,575
Yummy.

179
00:10:47,015 --> 00:10:48,855
That was wrong, wasn't it?

180
00:10:50,295 --> 00:10:51,976
Yes, that was wrong.

181
00:10:52,695 --> 00:10:56,215
What I meant was,
I was expecting you to be...

182
00:10:56,376 --> 00:10:59,135
...more, you know, dry.

183
00:11:00,335 --> 00:11:03,735
But you're not.
You're actually kind of moist.

184
00:11:08,655 --> 00:11:10,415
Oh, good Lord.

185
00:11:12,335 --> 00:11:15,695
You know what? You know what?
I think I'd like to start over.

186
00:11:15,856 --> 00:11:18,615
- Hi, I'm Charlie.
- Linda.

187
00:11:18,775 --> 00:11:20,055
Hi, Linda.

188
00:11:20,215 --> 00:11:22,775
I gotta tell you,
I have never met a judge before.

189
00:11:22,935 --> 00:11:24,575
You know, voluntarily.

190
00:11:33,335 --> 00:11:36,935
- Better?
- Anything's better than "moist."

191
00:11:41,975 --> 00:11:43,735
So how do you and Donna
know each other?

192
00:11:43,895 --> 00:11:45,735
Oh, well, we met in the church choir.

193
00:11:45,895 --> 00:11:47,895
We found our kids
were in the same preschool.

194
00:11:48,055 --> 00:11:51,175
Next thing, we're on the carnival
committee, doing the bake sale.

195
00:11:51,335 --> 00:11:54,015
Which reminds me, I'm supposed to be
snack mom next Tuesday.

196
00:11:54,175 --> 00:11:55,495
- Can you switch?
- No problem.

197
00:11:55,655 --> 00:11:57,335
Thanks.

198
00:12:02,616 --> 00:12:04,335
I got nothing.

199
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:07,775
Hey, hey. Why don't we order
some drinks?

200
00:12:08,495 --> 00:12:09,855
- Just iced tea for me.
- Me too.

201
00:12:10,015 --> 00:12:13,175
- Charlie, you want iced tea?
- Why on Earth would I want iced tea?

202
00:12:15,615 --> 00:12:17,935
Because you don't drink alcohol
during the daytime.

203
00:12:18,735 --> 00:12:22,015
Oh, right, of course not.

204
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:23,615
Iced tea, rocks, water back.

205
00:12:24,975 --> 00:12:27,855
- Excuse me, miss?
- Yes, can I help...? Charlie?

206
00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:31,695
Oh, hey. Hi.

207
00:12:32,015 --> 00:12:35,255
- How come you never called me?
- Well...

208
00:12:38,615 --> 00:12:40,895
Funny story. Long story.

209
00:12:41,055 --> 00:12:42,255
Tell you later.

210
00:12:42,415 --> 00:12:45,535
- Can we get four iced teas, please?
- I'll be right back.

211
00:12:51,975 --> 00:12:56,495
- Old friend?
- Yeah, you know, church choir, bake sale.

212
00:12:58,895 --> 00:13:01,335
You may not wanna drink the iced tea.

213
00:13:06,495 --> 00:13:09,534
You know, Alan, I gotta hand it to you,
Linda is really something.

214
00:13:09,695 --> 00:13:11,495
Yeah, yeah. She's terrific.

215
00:13:11,655 --> 00:13:14,415
- But let me ask you something.
- Sure.

216
00:13:14,575 --> 00:13:18,495
What in God's name possessed you
to talk about pornography?

217
00:13:20,215 --> 00:13:22,935
- Hey, she started it.
- She wasn't talking about pornography.

218
00:13:23,095 --> 00:13:26,415
She was talking about constitutional law
and the First Amendment.

219
00:13:26,575 --> 00:13:30,335
- Which includes pornography.
- Yes, it does.

220
00:13:30,495 --> 00:13:34,055
But it does not include
your favorite actresses, top 10 DVDs...

221
00:13:34,215 --> 00:13:36,335
...or your beefs
about the bonus features.

222
00:13:37,295 --> 00:13:39,655
I just pointed out that the bloopers,
though funny...

223
00:13:39,815 --> 00:13:41,455
...are really more of a turnoff.

224
00:13:44,895 --> 00:13:47,535
Hello? Yeah, yeah. Hi, Donna.

225
00:13:47,695 --> 00:13:50,814
Charlie and I were just talking
about what a nice time we had.

226
00:13:51,455 --> 00:13:53,095
Okay, I'm sorry.

227
00:13:54,295 --> 00:13:55,535
I'm sorry.

228
00:13:56,695 --> 00:13:58,255
Ask her if Linda likes me.

229
00:13:58,415 --> 00:14:00,495
Hang on. You're kidding, right?

230
00:14:00,655 --> 00:14:02,575
Come on, chicks talk to each other.

231
00:14:04,415 --> 00:14:07,175
Donna, would you please tell my brother
what you just told me?

232
00:14:07,335 --> 00:14:08,535
Here.

233
00:14:09,535 --> 00:14:11,534
Hey, Donna. Talk to me.

234
00:14:14,575 --> 00:14:18,495
I see. Okay, well,
thanks for the heads up.

235
00:14:18,654 --> 00:14:20,375
Linda didn't like me.

236
00:14:21,055 --> 00:14:22,695
Go figure.

237
00:14:24,255 --> 00:14:26,815
I told her not to drink the iced tea.

238
00:14:30,935 --> 00:14:33,855
That's what I heard.
Danny Sholander likes Jennifer Denapoli.

239
00:14:34,455 --> 00:14:35,775
Hi.

240
00:14:38,935 --> 00:14:40,855
Really? He's gay?

241
00:14:41,014 --> 00:14:42,855
Does he know that?

242
00:14:43,775 --> 00:14:46,494
You gotta get me another crack at her.

243
00:14:46,655 --> 00:14:49,015
- What?
- I need to see her again.

244
00:14:49,175 --> 00:14:51,895
- See who?
- Linda. I can't let it end this way.

245
00:14:52,055 --> 00:14:55,615
- Let what end? It was a lunch.
- No, no, no. It was more than a lunch.

246
00:14:55,775 --> 00:14:59,855
It was a test. Is Charlie Harper capable
of stepping up to quality women?

247
00:15:00,015 --> 00:15:02,414
Oh, God, we're back to third person.

248
00:15:02,814 --> 00:15:06,015
Alan, I am tired of having
meaningless sex with hot pinheads.

249
00:15:06,175 --> 00:15:08,415
What a coincidence.
I'm tired of hearing about it.

250
00:15:09,615 --> 00:15:12,175
Linda's smart, Linda's sophisticated,
Linda's successful.

251
00:15:12,335 --> 00:15:15,735
- Linda doesn't like you.
- She will. I can make her.

252
00:15:15,895 --> 00:15:18,895
You just need to tell Donna to tell Linda
to give me another chance.

253
00:15:19,055 --> 00:15:21,575
Fine, I'll pass her a note
during study hall.

254
00:15:21,734 --> 00:15:24,655
Hey, hey, hey,
don't belittle my feelings.

255
00:15:24,815 --> 00:15:27,295
I'm in a very sensitive place
and I will kick your ass.

256
00:15:28,334 --> 00:15:32,055
Look. Come on, Charlie. So you
struck out with a woman. It happens.

257
00:15:32,215 --> 00:15:34,295
Believe me, it happens.

258
00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:38,734
When it does, the best thing to do
is to pick yourself up, dust yourself off...

259
00:15:38,894 --> 00:15:41,975
...and curse God for making you
the way you are.

260
00:15:42,454 --> 00:15:46,935
All right, forget it. I don't need you.
I'll call her myself.

261
00:15:52,734 --> 00:15:55,135
Sorry about the "curse God" stuff...

262
00:15:55,295 --> 00:15:58,015
...but we both know
I'm not your best work.

263
00:16:02,175 --> 00:16:05,214
Yeah, hi, can I speak
to Judge Linda Harris please?

264
00:16:05,374 --> 00:16:07,014
Charlie Harper.

265
00:16:07,534 --> 00:16:09,894
Yes, again.

266
00:16:10,815 --> 00:16:12,815
All right, fine,
put me through to voice mail.

267
00:16:12,975 --> 00:16:16,135
Banging a judge won't get you out
of jury duty. Believe me, I've tried.

268
00:16:17,215 --> 00:16:19,614
No, no, no. Quiet.

269
00:16:20,215 --> 00:16:22,614
Yeah, hi, Linda. It's Charlie again.

270
00:16:22,774 --> 00:16:25,335
I just want you to know
that this will be my last message.

271
00:16:25,695 --> 00:16:29,334
I figure three's a charm,
four is a restraining order.

272
00:16:30,014 --> 00:16:31,895
Look who I'm telling.

273
00:16:32,894 --> 00:16:35,374
Anyway, I know we didn't get off
on the right foot.

274
00:16:35,534 --> 00:16:39,455
I'm not used to spending time with
such a remarkable, accomplished woman.

275
00:16:39,614 --> 00:16:41,335
Keep shoveling.

276
00:16:44,574 --> 00:16:48,375
And it's true. I've lived
a certain kind of life up until now.

277
00:16:48,534 --> 00:16:52,414
I'm not saying that I'm proud of it,
but I'm not ashamed of it either.

278
00:16:52,575 --> 00:16:55,254
Why else would you have videotaped
most of it?

279
00:16:57,415 --> 00:16:59,414
I'm begging you.

280
00:17:01,135 --> 00:17:04,415
So if you wanna call me back,
call me back.

281
00:17:04,574 --> 00:17:07,695
If not, well, have a nice life.

282
00:17:07,855 --> 00:17:11,614
But it would be a nicer life
if you called me.

283
00:17:13,055 --> 00:17:16,895
Wow, I never thought
I'd see Charlie Harper on his knees.

284
00:17:17,054 --> 00:17:18,174
You know, figuratively.

285
00:17:22,655 --> 00:17:25,054
Can we please talk about me
in the first person?

286
00:17:25,614 --> 00:17:27,415
What's this broad got that's so special?

287
00:17:27,934 --> 00:17:31,135
- A brain.
- What are you gonna do with a brain?

288
00:17:32,375 --> 00:17:34,175
It doesn't matter. She'll never call me.

289
00:17:34,334 --> 00:17:36,335
Oh, don't talk like that.

290
00:17:36,495 --> 00:17:38,655
Because she's smart and successful
doesn't mean...

291
00:17:38,815 --> 00:17:41,575
...she's not damaged enough
to go out with you.

292
00:17:43,335 --> 00:17:45,054
Thanks, Berta. That means a lot.

293
00:17:52,415 --> 00:17:54,254
Hello?

294
00:17:54,814 --> 00:17:57,175
No, Jake's not here.
Try him at his mom's house.

295
00:18:00,414 --> 00:18:03,534
- Where you going?
- I don't know.

296
00:18:03,694 --> 00:18:07,134
Someplace where the bottles are full
and the women are empty.

297
00:18:07,735 --> 00:18:11,175
<i>And skies are not cloudy all day</i>

298
00:18:14,294 --> 00:18:17,854
Fifty-dollar fine, time served.
Call the next case.

299
00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:20,814
Case number 1217-07.

300
00:18:20,974 --> 00:18:24,654
Charles Harper, charged with drunk
and disorderly, resisting arrest.

301
00:18:25,214 --> 00:18:26,894
Charlie?

302
00:18:27,775 --> 00:18:30,454
Oh, hey.

303
00:18:30,815 --> 00:18:32,374
Small world, huh?

304
00:18:34,014 --> 00:18:35,615
Approach the bench, please.

305
00:18:36,654 --> 00:18:38,895
Excuse me. I think this is personal.

306
00:18:42,694 --> 00:18:46,334
Please tell me you did not get yourself
arrested just so you could see me.

307
00:18:50,535 --> 00:18:52,534
You got me.

308
00:18:52,694 --> 00:18:55,055
Charlie, what am I going to do with you?

309
00:18:55,775 --> 00:19:00,815
Have dinner with me. Otherwise,
we're looking at a crime spree here.

310
00:19:02,254 --> 00:19:04,694
All right, one dinner.

311
00:19:04,854 --> 00:19:06,735
- Now step back.
- Yes, ma'am.

312
00:19:08,734 --> 00:19:10,894
- How do you plead?
- Guilty, Your Honor.

313
00:19:11,054 --> 00:19:12,495
- Is this a first offense?
- Yes.

314
00:19:12,654 --> 00:19:15,614
- All right, $500 fine.
- Five hundred dollars? Last time...

315
00:19:15,775 --> 00:19:17,934
- Last time?
- Thank you, Your Honor.

316
00:19:18,974 --> 00:19:22,574
- Next case.
- Case number 1217-08.

317
00:19:22,734 --> 00:19:26,895
- Heidi Jones, charged with solicitation.
- Hey, Charlie.

318
00:19:35,079 --> 00:19:37,799
- Thanks for picking me up, Alan.
- Where's your car?

319
00:19:38,959 --> 00:19:42,239
- Good question.
- Oh, Charlie...

320
00:19:42,399 --> 00:19:46,479
Yeah, we just got my uncle out of jail.
It was cool. I saw a real pimp.

321
00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:50,759
- Well, I hope you learned a lesson here.
- I sure did.

322
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:53,680
- What was that lesson?
- Lf a woman won't return your calls...

323
00:19:53,839 --> 00:19:57,240
...get drunk, get arrested,
then lie through your teeth.

324
00:19:57,399 --> 00:19:59,079
That's it? That's what you learned?

325
00:19:59,239 --> 00:20:04,439
Well, also, if your cellmate wants your
bologna sandwich, just give it to him.

326
00:20:05,679 --> 00:20:08,200
Okay, I'll be your pimp
if you'll be my beyotch.

327
00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:11,760
- Jake, that's enough with the phone.
- Nobody. What were you saying?

328
00:20:13,479 --> 00:20:15,119
Hey.

329
00:20:15,919 --> 00:20:18,159
I'd have kept the phone
and tossed the kid.