1 00:00:02,426 --> 00:00:04,260 Previously on Two and a Half Men: 2 00:00:04,261 --> 00:00:07,512 You were meant for each other. What could come between you? 3 00:00:07,513 --> 00:00:10,265 - My sister. - You got a sister? 4 00:00:10,266 --> 00:00:13,935 You know what, Herb? Judith can relax. I'm gonna check into a hotel. 5 00:00:13,936 --> 00:00:16,436 Myra, no, you don't have to do that. 6 00:00:16,437 --> 00:00:18,271 Yes, she does. 7 00:00:18,272 --> 00:00:20,523 Hey, wait. You don't have to stay at a hotel. 8 00:00:20,524 --> 00:00:23,442 - I got plenty of room at my place. - Yeah, I'll bet you do. 9 00:00:23,443 --> 00:00:24,777 No strings attached. 10 00:00:24,778 --> 00:00:28,112 Why can't I sleep in my bed? Aunt Myra's not there. 11 00:00:28,113 --> 00:00:34,992 I'm sure she will be. She's probably just getting something in the kitchen. 12 00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:42,707 That's not the kitchen. 13 00:01:00,264 --> 00:01:03,601 Thinking of chewing your arm off? 14 00:01:05,268 --> 00:01:08,562 What? No, no, no. Why would I do that? 15 00:01:08,563 --> 00:01:11,397 I don't know, maybe because you're not horny anymore... 16 00:01:11,398 --> 00:01:16,443 ...and you just remembered I'm staying through the weekend. 17 00:01:16,444 --> 00:01:21,572 Wow, you got all that from the twitching of my shoulder muscles? 18 00:01:21,573 --> 00:01:24,408 I have those muscles too, Charlie. 19 00:01:24,409 --> 00:01:26,908 Okay, good to know. 20 00:01:27,411 --> 00:01:32,372 Well, to be honest, I did have a momentary panic reflex... 21 00:01:32,373 --> 00:01:35,375 ...but it passed, and I'm actually happy you're here. 22 00:01:35,376 --> 00:01:36,917 You sound surprised. 23 00:01:36,918 --> 00:01:40,198 Surprised doesn't begin to cover it. 24 00:01:41,256 --> 00:01:46,259 Normally at this point in a relationship, I'm busy plotting the appropriate exit strategy. 25 00:01:46,260 --> 00:01:48,177 For example? 26 00:01:48,178 --> 00:01:50,012 Well... 27 00:01:50,013 --> 00:01:55,808 ...that would depend on whether I'm trying to get rid of you just for today or forever. 28 00:01:55,809 --> 00:01:57,727 Let's say today. 29 00:01:57,728 --> 00:02:02,480 Okay, today I have to see my dermatologist about a little rash. 30 00:02:02,481 --> 00:02:06,233 Oh, that's good. All right, what about forever? 31 00:02:06,234 --> 00:02:10,278 Turns out it wasn't a rash and they won't let me come home. 32 00:02:10,279 --> 00:02:12,697 - Impressive. - Thank you. 33 00:02:12,698 --> 00:02:15,197 I'm kind of a savant. 34 00:02:16,784 --> 00:02:18,910 Looks like you're good at two things. 35 00:02:18,911 --> 00:02:21,410 What's the other one? 36 00:02:25,208 --> 00:02:27,707 - Oh, right. - The piano. 37 00:02:36,884 --> 00:02:40,094 Okay, I just checked. No one slept in my bed all night. 38 00:02:40,095 --> 00:02:42,095 None of your business who slept where. 39 00:02:42,096 --> 00:02:45,599 Excuse me, but if who sleeps in my bed is not my business, then what is? 40 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:48,017 Let it go, Goldilocks. 41 00:02:48,018 --> 00:02:50,019 - Morning. - Morning. 42 00:02:50,020 --> 00:02:53,271 And how many times do you have to get up to go pee? 43 00:02:53,272 --> 00:02:56,552 - I wasn't counting. - I was. Four. 44 00:02:57,026 --> 00:02:59,776 - One was to get a glass of water. - There's your problem. 45 00:02:59,777 --> 00:03:02,277 Stop topping off the tank. 46 00:03:02,780 --> 00:03:05,781 - What's going on? - I had to sleep in Dad's room last night. 47 00:03:05,782 --> 00:03:09,117 Uncle Charlie invited Aunt Myra to stay in my room but it turns out- 48 00:03:09,118 --> 00:03:10,869 Got it. 49 00:03:10,870 --> 00:03:12,871 Well, do you think it's fair? 50 00:03:12,872 --> 00:03:15,831 Nothing about your uncle Charlie's life is fair. 51 00:03:15,832 --> 00:03:18,458 Finish your breakfast. We'll get you fitted for a tux. 52 00:03:18,459 --> 00:03:21,586 - Why do I have to wear a tuxedo? - Your mother's getting married. 53 00:03:21,587 --> 00:03:24,838 - You're in the wedding party. - Why do I have to be in the party? 54 00:03:24,839 --> 00:03:28,133 Your mother still thinks you're cute. 55 00:03:28,134 --> 00:03:30,134 - Morning. - Morning. 56 00:03:30,135 --> 00:03:31,635 Everybody get a good sleep? 57 00:03:31,636 --> 00:03:33,137 - No. - No. 58 00:03:33,138 --> 00:03:36,013 So, Charlie, where's this house guest I'm hearing about? 59 00:03:36,014 --> 00:03:40,226 Uh, gee, I guess she's probably still asleep in Jake's room. 60 00:03:40,227 --> 00:03:43,145 Oh, please. You are such a liar. 61 00:03:43,146 --> 00:03:45,689 - What? - Forget it, Charlie. We know. 62 00:03:45,690 --> 00:03:48,191 - You do? - We do. 63 00:03:48,567 --> 00:03:51,943 Okay, well, I got a good night's sleep. 64 00:03:51,944 --> 00:03:56,124 Probably because Aunt Myra doesn't pee a lot. 65 00:03:57,824 --> 00:04:01,159 - Can I talk with you in private? - Oh, come on. It's no big deal. 66 00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:03,661 I was in the middle of flossing and suddenly there she is... 67 00:04:03,662 --> 00:04:06,942 - ...sitting on my bed- - Ah-ah-ah! 68 00:04:06,999 --> 00:04:09,332 He doesn't need to hear this. 69 00:04:09,333 --> 00:04:11,459 Fine. 70 00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:14,869 Like I didn't hear enough last night. 71 00:04:18,590 --> 00:04:20,550 Okay. Uh... 72 00:04:20,551 --> 00:04:27,180 Let me just start by saying I applaud the gusto with which you approach life. 73 00:04:27,181 --> 00:04:28,849 Thank you. 74 00:04:28,850 --> 00:04:30,599 That being said... 75 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:34,187 ...are you out of your freaking mind? 76 00:04:36,021 --> 00:04:39,357 - Beg pardon? - You just could not control yourself. 77 00:04:39,358 --> 00:04:43,026 A female's in the house, she must be mounted. 78 00:04:43,027 --> 00:04:46,529 No, it's not like that at all. And why do you even care? 79 00:04:46,530 --> 00:04:49,199 Why? You ask me why? 80 00:04:49,866 --> 00:04:52,365 Never mind. Not important. 81 00:04:52,535 --> 00:04:54,202 I will tell you why. 82 00:04:54,203 --> 00:04:57,788 Because every time you rut with any woman... 83 00:04:57,789 --> 00:05:00,916 ...even remotely connected to my life, I end up suffering. 84 00:05:00,917 --> 00:05:04,210 - Oh, that's ridiculous. - Ridiculous, you say? 85 00:05:04,211 --> 00:05:08,004 All right, all right, let's look at the record. 86 00:05:08,005 --> 00:05:11,258 - You slept with Judith's sister- - Well, yeah, but- 87 00:05:11,259 --> 00:05:13,758 at my wedding reception. 88 00:05:15,845 --> 00:05:18,137 All right, poor timing. 89 00:05:18,138 --> 00:05:21,891 You had more sex on my wedding day than I did. 90 00:05:21,892 --> 00:05:24,394 That part's not my fault. 91 00:05:24,852 --> 00:05:27,730 Okay, okay, let's jump ahead. 92 00:05:28,106 --> 00:05:30,439 When Judith was divorcing me... 93 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:34,067 ...who seduced and then abandoned my lawyer... 94 00:05:34,068 --> 00:05:36,402 ...causing her to take revenge on me? 95 00:05:36,403 --> 00:05:40,572 - Now, hold on, that chick was nuts. - I lost everything. 96 00:05:40,573 --> 00:05:45,992 Well, to be fair, you didn't have that much to begin with. 97 00:05:49,331 --> 00:05:51,206 And now... 98 00:05:51,207 --> 00:05:54,417 ...that Judith is finally getting remarried... 99 00:05:54,418 --> 00:05:58,170 ...and I can see the light at the end of the alimony tunnel... 100 00:05:58,171 --> 00:06:04,300 ...you decide, "Hey, why don't I start humping her new sister-in-law? " 101 00:06:04,301 --> 00:06:07,427 - That is not how it happened. - I don't care how it happened. 102 00:06:07,428 --> 00:06:11,431 I only care how it's gonna end. And it's gonna end badly for me. 103 00:06:11,432 --> 00:06:13,934 How? Explain how. 104 00:06:14,101 --> 00:06:15,518 I don't know yet. 105 00:06:15,519 --> 00:06:18,318 That's always part of the fun. 106 00:06:18,687 --> 00:06:24,186 Trying to guess how your penis is gonna bite me in the ass. 107 00:06:24,776 --> 00:06:26,860 Alan, you gotta believe me here. 108 00:06:26,861 --> 00:06:29,278 This is different. I really like Myra. 109 00:06:29,279 --> 00:06:31,779 Oh, you like all of them. 110 00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:35,116 And then you don't. 111 00:06:35,117 --> 00:06:37,160 What's gonna happen when you get tired... 112 00:06:37,161 --> 00:06:38,952 - ...of this poor gi-? Morning. 113 00:06:38,953 --> 00:06:40,621 - Morning. - Morning. 114 00:06:40,622 --> 00:06:42,873 Boy, I slept great. 115 00:06:42,874 --> 00:06:47,585 - Jake's bed is really comfortable. - Don't bother, he knows. 116 00:06:47,586 --> 00:06:50,505 Oh. Boy, I slept great. 117 00:06:50,671 --> 00:06:53,171 Charlie's a terrific lover. 118 00:06:54,966 --> 00:06:57,606 Oh, this one's gonna be bad. 119 00:07:00,846 --> 00:07:04,307 I don't understand why I can't have the blue tuxedo. 120 00:07:04,308 --> 00:07:06,475 You're going to your mother's wedding... 121 00:07:06,476 --> 00:07:09,186 ...not hosting a game show on Telemundo. 122 00:07:09,187 --> 00:07:13,736 This from a grown man wearing a green polo shirt. 123 00:07:16,734 --> 00:07:19,486 All the other men are gonna be wearing black tuxedos. 124 00:07:19,487 --> 00:07:22,738 If the other men were jumping off a bridge, would you want me to? 125 00:07:22,739 --> 00:07:24,907 If it'd keep your mother off my back, yes. 126 00:07:24,908 --> 00:07:28,159 - I'll get the jacket. - Thank you. 127 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,453 Listen, this is a very big day for your mother. 128 00:07:30,454 --> 00:07:33,914 It's important that you cooperate and make her proud of you. 129 00:07:33,915 --> 00:07:36,541 I'm her son. She has to be proud of me. 130 00:07:36,542 --> 00:07:38,709 You think so, huh? 131 00:07:38,710 --> 00:07:40,711 Have you met my mother? 132 00:07:40,712 --> 00:07:42,671 Oh, yeah. 133 00:07:42,672 --> 00:07:44,339 Let me explain something to you. 134 00:07:44,340 --> 00:07:48,134 A woman's wedding day is something she will remember for the rest of her life. 135 00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:52,679 If you screw it up, she will never forgive you, even if it was your brother's fault... 136 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:57,350 ...and there was nothing you could do to prevent it short of having him fixed. 137 00:07:57,351 --> 00:08:00,101 Don't worry, Dad. It'll be fine. 138 00:08:00,102 --> 00:08:03,672 - Thank you. - I don't have a brother. 139 00:08:05,523 --> 00:08:09,985 Hey, listen, we haven't really talked about what all this means. 140 00:08:09,986 --> 00:08:13,362 - What "what" means? - Well, the big changes that are happening. 141 00:08:13,363 --> 00:08:18,962 It's just a couple of hairs, Dad. It's not that big a deal. 142 00:08:21,620 --> 00:08:24,623 Not those changes. 143 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:28,333 The wedding. You're gonna have a stepdad in your life. 144 00:08:28,334 --> 00:08:31,794 - So? - Is there anything you wanna talk about? 145 00:08:31,795 --> 00:08:33,712 Do you have any questions? 146 00:08:33,713 --> 00:08:36,213 - Just one. - Yeah, buddy? 147 00:08:36,215 --> 00:08:39,304 Why can't I wear the blue tuxedo? 148 00:08:42,095 --> 00:08:45,084 Jake, your dinner's getting cold. 149 00:08:45,139 --> 00:08:47,640 So, what did you guys do today? 150 00:08:47,641 --> 00:08:49,683 We went on the Universal Studios Tour... 151 00:08:49,684 --> 00:08:52,561 ...and then Charlie took me to the Hollywood Wax Museum. 152 00:08:52,562 --> 00:08:54,896 You're kidding? I thought you hate that stuff. 153 00:08:54,897 --> 00:08:56,397 What gave you that idea? 154 00:08:56,398 --> 00:08:59,190 Whenever I ask if you to go someplace like that, you say: 155 00:08:59,191 --> 00:09:01,651 "I hate that touristy stuff." 156 00:09:01,652 --> 00:09:03,987 - Well, this is different. - How? 157 00:09:03,988 --> 00:09:06,487 I enjoy her company. 158 00:09:07,073 --> 00:09:11,200 And it's my first trip to L.A., so I wanna do all the traditional stuff. 159 00:09:11,201 --> 00:09:17,664 Tomorrow we're gonna sit in rush-hour traffic and give other drivers the finger. 160 00:09:17,665 --> 00:09:20,165 Good evening. 161 00:09:22,085 --> 00:09:24,587 - Why are you wearing that? - You said I look great. 162 00:09:24,588 --> 00:09:27,422 I don't want you messing it up before your mom's wedding. 163 00:09:27,423 --> 00:09:28,798 I won't mess it up. 164 00:09:28,799 --> 00:09:31,758 Alan, you gotta admit he lends a bit of class to the place. 165 00:09:31,759 --> 00:09:34,259 Thank you, my good man. 166 00:09:35,263 --> 00:09:39,765 Hey, speaking of the wedding, Charlie, I have a favor I'd like to ask. 167 00:09:39,766 --> 00:09:42,767 - Sure. - I have to be there and I was thinking... 168 00:09:42,768 --> 00:09:49,057 ...that the only way it is gonna be any fun is if you come with me. 169 00:09:56,030 --> 00:10:00,549 You want me to be your date at Judith's wedding? 170 00:10:02,285 --> 00:10:04,618 Yeah. 171 00:10:04,619 --> 00:10:08,399 We'll have some laughs. What do you say? 172 00:10:11,876 --> 00:10:14,375 I'm laughing already. 173 00:10:15,795 --> 00:10:18,295 Uh-oh. 174 00:10:33,727 --> 00:10:37,729 Well, that's too bad, Herb. You tell Judith if she wants me to be a bridesmaid... 175 00:10:37,730 --> 00:10:40,064 ...and wear that brown satin turd of a dress... 176 00:10:40,065 --> 00:10:45,861 ...then I am entitled to bring whoever I want as a date and I want Charlie. 177 00:10:45,862 --> 00:10:47,945 Okay, bye. 178 00:10:47,946 --> 00:10:50,446 See? No problem. 179 00:11:04,126 --> 00:11:06,626 Hi, Judith. 180 00:11:09,714 --> 00:11:12,214 Problem. 181 00:11:12,925 --> 00:11:14,675 Here's your suit. 182 00:11:14,676 --> 00:11:15,926 Thanks, Berta. 183 00:11:15,927 --> 00:11:20,471 The dry cleaners found $46 and a condom in the breast pocket. 184 00:11:20,472 --> 00:11:22,972 Here's the condom. 185 00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:27,227 Again, thanks. 186 00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:29,312 Can I give you some free advice? 187 00:11:29,313 --> 00:11:32,274 Free? I'm already down $46. 188 00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:36,276 What is it you say about going to a wedding with a woman you sleep with? 189 00:11:36,277 --> 00:11:37,568 This is different. 190 00:11:37,569 --> 00:11:41,029 You say, and I quote, "Better I should light myself on fire... 191 00:11:41,030 --> 00:11:43,860 ...and run through a meth lab." 192 00:11:45,284 --> 00:11:47,743 Oh, well, that's just a figure of speech. 193 00:11:47,744 --> 00:11:50,454 Come on, Charlie, what are you doing with this girl? 194 00:11:50,455 --> 00:11:53,498 - What do you mean? - I mean, she's a nice kid. 195 00:11:53,499 --> 00:11:55,041 You're gonna break her heart. 196 00:11:55,042 --> 00:11:57,626 - You don't know that. - I know you. 197 00:11:57,627 --> 00:12:01,130 Myra's not one of your Handi Wipes in high heels you can throw out... 198 00:12:01,131 --> 00:12:04,132 ...after you wipe your Handi. 199 00:12:05,968 --> 00:12:08,260 You don't know what you're talking about... 200 00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:11,263 ...because this relationship is not based on sex. 201 00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:13,138 Not based on sex? 202 00:12:13,139 --> 00:12:16,892 Well, unless she sweats bourbon and farts hundred-dollar bills... 203 00:12:16,893 --> 00:12:20,770 ...what exactly is gonna keep you together? 204 00:12:20,771 --> 00:12:23,271 Oh, crap. 205 00:12:29,111 --> 00:12:30,486 No, you listen to me. 206 00:12:30,487 --> 00:12:33,739 If Myra wants to bring Charlie to the wedding, that's her business. 207 00:12:33,740 --> 00:12:38,785 No, I will not intervene and you're just gonna have to live with it. Goodbye. 208 00:12:38,786 --> 00:12:43,625 - I changed my mind. I'm not going. - Oh, thank God. 209 00:12:44,832 --> 00:12:46,666 Judith, great news. 210 00:12:46,667 --> 00:12:49,167 I talked him out of it. 211 00:12:50,295 --> 00:12:52,794 - Hey. - Hey. 212 00:12:53,005 --> 00:12:55,924 - What you doing? - Grading tests. 213 00:12:55,925 --> 00:12:58,634 - Tenth-grade economics? - Uh-huh. 214 00:12:58,635 --> 00:13:00,135 - Ask me a question. - Okay. 215 00:13:00,136 --> 00:13:02,845 The functions and implications of monetary policy are- 216 00:13:02,846 --> 00:13:04,806 Never mind. 217 00:13:04,807 --> 00:13:06,641 You sure? I grade on a curve. 218 00:13:06,642 --> 00:13:11,019 That's all right. I'm stupid on a straight line. 219 00:13:11,020 --> 00:13:13,145 Listen... 220 00:13:13,146 --> 00:13:15,646 ...about the wedding. 221 00:13:15,982 --> 00:13:18,567 I don't think I should go. 222 00:13:18,734 --> 00:13:20,652 Okay. 223 00:13:20,653 --> 00:13:24,488 I'm just concerned that maybe we should slow things down a bit. 224 00:13:24,489 --> 00:13:26,114 What things? 225 00:13:26,115 --> 00:13:28,951 You know, things. 226 00:13:29,701 --> 00:13:31,327 I mean... 227 00:13:31,328 --> 00:13:33,954 ...you don't know me that well... 228 00:13:33,955 --> 00:13:38,083 ...and I'm afraid that I might hurt you without meaning to. 229 00:13:38,084 --> 00:13:42,393 - Don't worry about it. - Okay, good. I won't. 230 00:13:47,716 --> 00:13:50,592 Exactly what is it I'm not worrying about? 231 00:13:50,593 --> 00:13:53,221 - Hurting me. - Right. 232 00:13:55,555 --> 00:13:57,890 Why am I not worrying about that? 233 00:13:57,891 --> 00:14:00,184 I'm a big girl, Charlie. 234 00:14:00,185 --> 00:14:02,774 Some might even say a woman. 235 00:14:06,023 --> 00:14:09,272 I wanna go to the wedding with you. 236 00:14:10,234 --> 00:14:12,818 Don't worry about Jake. I'll get him there in time. 237 00:14:12,819 --> 00:14:15,071 Well, you are very welcome. 238 00:14:15,072 --> 00:14:16,822 Best of luck to you and Herb. 239 00:14:16,823 --> 00:14:20,392 - Bye-bye. - I'm going to the wedding. 240 00:14:25,580 --> 00:14:27,498 What is this, candle wax? 241 00:14:27,499 --> 00:14:30,333 How do you get candle wax on the seat of your pants? 242 00:14:30,334 --> 00:14:32,418 - I don't know. - You don't know? 243 00:14:32,419 --> 00:14:35,908 Okay, I might have lit a couple farts. 244 00:14:38,590 --> 00:14:43,385 - I'm ready. Myra's ready. Is he ready? - Does he look ready? 245 00:14:43,386 --> 00:14:46,387 Well, he's not wearing any pants. 246 00:14:46,388 --> 00:14:49,058 That's ready for some things. 247 00:14:49,932 --> 00:14:51,975 Just go ahead. I'll get him there. 248 00:14:51,976 --> 00:14:54,476 Okay. 249 00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:58,771 What is that? 250 00:15:00,357 --> 00:15:02,857 Pudding. 251 00:15:21,666 --> 00:15:24,960 You know what? I just realized something. 252 00:15:24,961 --> 00:15:28,500 I am two for two at Judith's weddings. 253 00:15:28,631 --> 00:15:32,466 What a coincidence. I'm two for two at Herb's weddings. 254 00:15:32,467 --> 00:15:33,884 Huh. 255 00:15:33,885 --> 00:15:39,784 Okay, what about funerals? Can you beat a three-way in a hearse? 256 00:15:39,890 --> 00:15:41,098 No. 257 00:15:41,099 --> 00:15:43,433 You have to think about it? 258 00:15:43,434 --> 00:15:45,934 It's a gray area. 259 00:15:46,812 --> 00:15:48,937 Where have you been? I was looking for you. 260 00:15:48,938 --> 00:15:54,177 - We were having sex in the coatroom. - Ha, ha. Good one. 261 00:15:54,693 --> 00:15:56,694 One of my groomsmen got food poisoning. 262 00:15:56,695 --> 00:15:58,654 Walk down the aisle with Uncle Fred. 263 00:15:58,655 --> 00:16:01,573 Uncle Fred? Is that the only man left? 264 00:16:01,574 --> 00:16:03,033 Well, there's cousin Trudy. 265 00:16:03,034 --> 00:16:06,118 She's pre-op, but she's wearing a very nice tux. 266 00:16:06,119 --> 00:16:08,203 Why can't I just walk down the aisle with Charlie? 267 00:16:08,204 --> 00:16:11,789 Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm just an innocent bystander at this shindig. 268 00:16:11,790 --> 00:16:16,376 Oh, picture the look on Judith's face when she sees you at the altar. 269 00:16:16,377 --> 00:16:18,462 I'm in. 270 00:16:18,463 --> 00:16:20,962 Oh, God. 271 00:16:22,799 --> 00:16:25,343 - Herb. Herb. - Oh, hi. 272 00:16:25,510 --> 00:16:28,636 Thanks for bringing him down. Oh, you look very handsome, Jake. 273 00:16:28,637 --> 00:16:31,055 I know. It's the tux. 274 00:16:31,056 --> 00:16:34,683 Okay, well, congratulations. I wish you both a lot of happiness. 275 00:16:34,684 --> 00:16:37,184 - Thanks. - Don't make the same mistakes I did. 276 00:16:37,185 --> 00:16:39,604 I won't. She wrote them down for me. 277 00:16:39,605 --> 00:16:41,147 Good. 278 00:16:41,148 --> 00:16:44,537 - All right, buddy, have fun. - Okay. 279 00:16:45,776 --> 00:16:48,895 Oh, remember that tux is a rental. 280 00:16:50,030 --> 00:16:51,488 Excuse me. 281 00:16:51,489 --> 00:16:53,531 Are you Judith's ex-husband? 282 00:16:53,532 --> 00:16:56,701 Yeah, I was just dropping off our son. I'm sorry, do I know you? 283 00:16:56,702 --> 00:16:59,201 Oh, no. Not really. It's- 284 00:16:59,245 --> 00:17:02,164 Herb and I were engaged before he met Judith, so- 285 00:17:02,165 --> 00:17:05,457 - And you're coming to his wedding? - Yeah, we're still friends. 286 00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:08,670 Well, how very California of you. 287 00:17:09,712 --> 00:17:12,672 Yeah. Well, I wish him the best. 288 00:17:13,048 --> 00:17:15,549 I have to tell you, based on first impressions... 289 00:17:15,550 --> 00:17:18,719 ...I'm not sure that Judith is trading up. 290 00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:20,386 Oh, thank you. 291 00:17:20,387 --> 00:17:22,346 And having just met you... 292 00:17:22,347 --> 00:17:28,486 ...I feel safe in saying that Herb's not getting an upgrade either. 293 00:17:37,025 --> 00:17:39,525 Oh, man. 294 00:17:48,785 --> 00:17:50,744 - Nice dress. - Bite me. 295 00:17:50,745 --> 00:17:53,998 Okay. Meet me in the coatroom. 296 00:17:54,164 --> 00:17:57,458 Listen, after the reception, can you take me to the airport? 297 00:17:57,459 --> 00:17:59,876 - You're flying home tonight? - Yeah. 298 00:17:59,877 --> 00:18:03,254 - I thought we had something going here. - We did. Now I'm going home. 299 00:18:03,255 --> 00:18:05,798 Okay. Maybe I can come visit you sometime. 300 00:18:05,799 --> 00:18:08,551 I don't think my boyfriend would like that very much. 301 00:18:08,552 --> 00:18:09,884 You got a boyfriend? 302 00:18:09,885 --> 00:18:14,674 - He's more like a fiancé. - You're getting married? 303 00:18:22,980 --> 00:18:25,188 Why didn't you tell me you were engaged? 304 00:18:25,189 --> 00:18:27,232 I thought it'd be awkward. 305 00:18:27,233 --> 00:18:29,733 Awkward? 306 00:18:42,036 --> 00:18:44,536 You may be seated. 307 00:18:50,085 --> 00:18:53,044 Mm. Oh. We really shouldn't be doing this. 308 00:18:53,045 --> 00:18:56,297 - Why not? They broke our hearts. - Yeah, but I'm kind of over it. 309 00:18:56,298 --> 00:18:58,797 I'm not. 310 00:18:58,967 --> 00:19:02,302 Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Maybe we can go out for coffee first. 311 00:19:02,303 --> 00:19:04,802 Or a movie. 312 00:19:05,472 --> 00:19:09,849 Alan, this is gonna happen with you or without you. 313 00:19:09,850 --> 00:19:11,559 With me or- 314 00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:13,144 How does that work? 315 00:19:13,145 --> 00:19:16,772 The institution of marriage is not one to enter lightly. 316 00:19:16,773 --> 00:19:22,832 So we pause at this time to consider the depth of that commitment. 317 00:19:22,986 --> 00:19:26,030 Oh, Alan Harper, you animal. 318 00:19:26,447 --> 00:19:29,699 I can't believe Judith let you go. 319 00:19:29,866 --> 00:19:32,702 Oh, God, Alan Harper. Oh, God. 320 00:19:32,869 --> 00:19:38,666 Oh, don't stop, Alan Harper. Please don't stop. 321 00:19:38,833 --> 00:19:42,852 Oh, Alan Harper. I feel like a woman again. 322 00:19:45,505 --> 00:19:49,254 I'm Alan Harper, and I'm not having sex. 323 00:19:57,555 --> 00:20:00,055 - Hey. - Hey. 324 00:20:00,141 --> 00:20:02,640 How was the reception? 325 00:20:04,228 --> 00:20:07,587 Kind of a letdown after the ceremony. 326 00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:14,652 But you'll be happy to know your little outburst is already on YouTube. 327 00:20:14,653 --> 00:20:17,153 Damn camera phones. 328 00:20:17,864 --> 00:20:20,983 - Boy, is Mom mad at you. - Yeah. 329 00:20:21,367 --> 00:20:26,119 She might start her second marriage the same way as the first. 330 00:20:26,120 --> 00:20:27,871 So, ahem... 331 00:20:27,872 --> 00:20:29,705 ...drinking in the dark, eh? 332 00:20:29,706 --> 00:20:32,506 It wasn't dark when I started. 333 00:20:34,044 --> 00:20:37,712 - Did you get Myra to the airport? - Yep. 334 00:20:37,713 --> 00:20:39,214 And you know what? 335 00:20:39,215 --> 00:20:41,006 I'll never see her again. 336 00:20:41,007 --> 00:20:44,885 I was just a meaningless fling to that girl. 337 00:20:44,886 --> 00:20:50,388 Huh. I'll bet this is that whole karma thing people talk about. 338 00:20:50,389 --> 00:20:52,889 Could be. 339 00:20:53,601 --> 00:20:56,101 You know that feeling you get when... 340 00:20:56,102 --> 00:20:58,395 ...somebody's gone from your life... 341 00:20:58,396 --> 00:21:01,065 ...and you suddenly realize that you miss them? 342 00:21:01,066 --> 00:21:03,565 Yeah? 343 00:21:03,776 --> 00:21:06,276 I don't care for it. 344 00:21:06,861 --> 00:21:09,196 Hey, you know what always cheers me up? 345 00:21:09,197 --> 00:21:11,697 Pigs in a blanket.