1 00:00:04,251 --> 00:00:05,589 Hey. 2 00:00:05,590 --> 00:00:08,978 Hey, you're back early. How was your date? 3 00:00:08,979 --> 00:00:11,487 I hate electric cars. 4 00:00:12,159 --> 00:00:14,837 I don't like scented candles. 5 00:00:16,802 --> 00:00:19,814 - Once again, how was your date? - It was fine... 6 00:00:19,815 --> 00:00:26,257 ...till her estranged husband silently pulled into the driveway in his freaking Prius. 7 00:00:26,258 --> 00:00:30,973 If he hadn't stepped on the cat, I'd be dead now. 8 00:00:31,614 --> 00:00:33,328 - What are you doing? - Me? 9 00:00:33,329 --> 00:00:36,384 Uh, nothing. Just, uh, nothing. 10 00:00:38,643 --> 00:00:41,111 You were surfing for porn, weren't you? 11 00:00:41,112 --> 00:00:45,355 Uh... Uh, yes, okay. That's what I was doing. 12 00:00:45,421 --> 00:00:48,631 You caught me. I am so embarrassed. 13 00:00:50,275 --> 00:00:53,645 Well, you should be. It's disgusting. 14 00:00:55,295 --> 00:00:57,888 Come on, let's see what puts a chubby in your chinos. 15 00:00:57,889 --> 00:01:00,483 Oh, no, no, no. It's personal. 16 00:01:00,484 --> 00:01:03,955 - What are you into, grannies with trannies? - No. 17 00:01:03,956 --> 00:01:05,419 Chickens with strap-ons? 18 00:01:05,420 --> 00:01:08,660 Please, please don't, Charlie, plea- 19 00:01:11,027 --> 00:01:14,374 Oh, you pitiful freak. 20 00:01:15,378 --> 00:01:19,477 - What is wrong with you? - Nothing, I came upon it by accident. 21 00:01:19,478 --> 00:01:21,569 I am so ashamed. 22 00:01:21,570 --> 00:01:26,842 My own brother using an Internet dating service. 23 00:01:27,344 --> 00:01:30,444 I'm a man, Charlie. I have needs. 24 00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:43,326 Okay, name three contributions that the Roman Empire made to civilization. 25 00:01:43,327 --> 00:01:45,986 - Um, Roman numerals. - Good. 26 00:01:46,255 --> 00:01:48,763 - Aqueducts. - Terrific. 27 00:01:48,850 --> 00:01:50,774 Do you know what an aqueduct is? 28 00:01:50,775 --> 00:01:54,079 - Uh, something to do with water. - And? 29 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:56,588 A duck? 30 00:01:57,677 --> 00:01:59,476 - Morning. - Morning. 31 00:01:59,477 --> 00:02:02,531 - Morning, Charlie. - Morning, Rose. 32 00:02:02,532 --> 00:02:04,539 What's going on? 33 00:02:04,540 --> 00:02:09,265 She's helping Yertle the Turtle study for his test. 34 00:02:09,602 --> 00:02:11,191 Why didn't he ask me? 35 00:02:11,192 --> 00:02:15,876 Name three contributions the Roman Empire made to civilization. 36 00:02:15,877 --> 00:02:18,385 Orgies, wine and bulimia. 37 00:02:19,978 --> 00:02:22,948 Go ahead, ask me about the Greeks. 38 00:02:22,949 --> 00:02:25,459 Then who did invent aromatherapy? 39 00:02:25,460 --> 00:02:29,282 - Not the Romans. - But you see my logic. 40 00:02:30,313 --> 00:02:34,621 You know, I never did understand why you didn't give her more of a chance. 41 00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:40,270 She's pretty, smart, and amazingly patient with dumb guys. 42 00:02:40,940 --> 00:02:42,989 Are you talking about Jake or me? 43 00:02:42,990 --> 00:02:46,462 A smart guy wouldn't have to ask that question. 44 00:02:46,463 --> 00:02:50,687 Excuse me, but let's not forget this is a woman who stalked me... 45 00:02:50,688 --> 00:02:53,156 ...who spied on me, who snuck into my house... 46 00:02:53,157 --> 00:02:56,043 ...to write her name and address in my underwear. 47 00:02:56,044 --> 00:03:00,311 Oh, boo-hoo. Somebody cares about Charlie. 48 00:03:00,479 --> 00:03:03,993 Nobody ever wrote their name in my underwear. 49 00:03:03,994 --> 00:03:07,796 Wait, once. The Department of Corrections. 50 00:03:08,554 --> 00:03:09,766 Good morning. 51 00:03:09,767 --> 00:03:11,230 Morning. - Hey. 52 00:03:11,231 --> 00:03:13,615 Oh, hey, guys. How's the homework coming? 53 00:03:13,616 --> 00:03:19,892 The three major buildings in ancient Rome were the Colosseum, the Forum and... 54 00:03:19,893 --> 00:03:22,501 - Circus. - ...Circus Circus. 55 00:03:23,867 --> 00:03:26,836 - We need a little more time. - Carry on. 56 00:03:26,837 --> 00:03:29,726 I know it's not Caesars Palace. 57 00:03:30,101 --> 00:03:32,819 Why don't you get him a real tutor? 58 00:03:32,820 --> 00:03:36,543 Are you kidding? She has advanced degrees in, like, three subjects. 59 00:03:36,544 --> 00:03:40,016 She loves him. He worships her. The only thing she asks in return is... 60 00:03:40,017 --> 00:03:42,820 ...to sit naked in your laundry hamper once in a while. 61 00:03:42,821 --> 00:03:44,953 And that's not a red flag for you? 62 00:03:44,954 --> 00:03:48,760 - You could do a lot worse than Rose. - I have done a lot worse. 63 00:03:48,761 --> 00:03:51,438 But that's not really a recommendation, now, is it? 64 00:03:51,439 --> 00:03:56,916 The second triumvirate was Augustus, Mark Antony and Lepidus. 65 00:03:56,920 --> 00:03:58,551 Very good. 66 00:03:58,552 --> 00:04:01,521 Okay. Well, that's it for today. 67 00:04:01,648 --> 00:04:04,493 - Wait a minute. - Oh, right. 68 00:04:05,246 --> 00:04:07,754 Open up. 69 00:04:10,602 --> 00:04:13,110 Mm, cookie. 70 00:04:14,075 --> 00:04:15,914 Hey, Charlie, you got a minute? 71 00:04:15,915 --> 00:04:18,467 I'd like to talk to you privately. 72 00:04:18,468 --> 00:04:20,224 Now is not a good time, Rose. 73 00:04:20,225 --> 00:04:21,814 Will you call me later? 74 00:04:21,815 --> 00:04:23,821 - Sure. - Promise? 75 00:04:23,822 --> 00:04:27,805 - Yeah. - Cross your heart and hope to die? 76 00:04:27,881 --> 00:04:31,252 - Yes. - Stick a needle in your eye? 77 00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:34,533 - Okay. - Boil in oil until you fry? 78 00:04:34,534 --> 00:04:37,336 Dear God, Rose, I will call you. 79 00:04:37,337 --> 00:04:39,845 Tootles. 80 00:04:42,315 --> 00:04:44,114 You're not gonna call her, are you? 81 00:04:44,115 --> 00:04:49,071 No, I think I'm gonna go with the needle in the eye. 82 00:05:08,298 --> 00:05:10,473 You didn't mention in your dating profile... 83 00:05:10,474 --> 00:05:12,942 ...you've got hair growing out of all your holes. 84 00:05:12,943 --> 00:05:14,950 Hey, what are you doing with my laptop? 85 00:05:14,951 --> 00:05:19,365 Just learning a little about you. Spinemaster278. 86 00:05:20,348 --> 00:05:24,238 I see you like smooth jazz, long walks on the beach and cuddling. 87 00:05:24,239 --> 00:05:25,703 - Give me that. - Hold on. 88 00:05:25,704 --> 00:05:27,669 This is my favorite part. 89 00:05:27,670 --> 00:05:32,815 "I love to spend quiet weekends puttering around my Malibu beach house." 90 00:05:32,816 --> 00:05:34,488 Educate me, Alan. 91 00:05:34,489 --> 00:05:37,040 To what Malibu beach house are you referring? 92 00:05:37,041 --> 00:05:40,681 - I was gonna tell you about that. - Do you have one that I don't know about? 93 00:05:40,682 --> 00:05:42,187 - No, no. - Because if you do... 94 00:05:42,188 --> 00:05:44,362 ...one of us should be living there. 95 00:05:44,363 --> 00:05:47,249 - Are you gonna let me explain or not? - What's to explain? 96 00:05:47,250 --> 00:05:51,769 You have a Malibu beach house and you're the "chiropractor to the stars." 97 00:05:51,770 --> 00:05:55,953 Okay, what do you want me to call myself, chiropractor to fat people in the Valley? 98 00:05:55,954 --> 00:05:59,634 - Everybody exaggerates on these things. - Okay, I can understand that. 99 00:05:59,635 --> 00:06:01,851 You're probably not gonna get responses to: 100 00:06:01,852 --> 00:06:05,952 "Bushy-nosed cheapskate enjoys long walks to a free meal." 101 00:06:05,953 --> 00:06:08,461 Exactly. 102 00:06:08,631 --> 00:06:11,852 - Hey, you're going out tonight, aren't you? - Why? 103 00:06:11,853 --> 00:06:14,780 Well, I met a woman on this dating site and she's here... 104 00:06:14,781 --> 00:06:17,332 ...and it would be good if you weren't. 105 00:06:17,333 --> 00:06:19,424 You're throwing me out of my own house? 106 00:06:19,425 --> 00:06:23,943 Ah, well, no, if you read the profile, it's my house. 107 00:06:23,944 --> 00:06:26,452 See? 108 00:06:27,249 --> 00:06:29,382 Coming. Be right there. Please play along. 109 00:06:29,383 --> 00:06:36,365 - You're gonna play along, right? - Guess we'll find out together, won't we? 110 00:06:40,721 --> 00:06:42,436 Alan, hi. 111 00:06:42,437 --> 00:06:47,372 Beverly, it's so great to finally meet you in person. 112 00:06:50,260 --> 00:06:52,687 Hi. 113 00:06:52,688 --> 00:06:54,695 Hello. 114 00:06:54,696 --> 00:06:57,122 Oh, uh, this is Charlie. 115 00:06:57,123 --> 00:06:59,751 Oh, right, your poor brother. 116 00:07:01,558 --> 00:07:04,445 Hi, Charlie. How are you? 117 00:07:08,252 --> 00:07:10,760 Mm. You smell nice. 118 00:07:10,971 --> 00:07:13,815 Okay, okay, come on in. Ha, ha. 119 00:07:13,816 --> 00:07:17,372 Oh, my. What a beautiful home. 120 00:07:17,791 --> 00:07:20,299 Thank you. 121 00:07:21,013 --> 00:07:24,485 I encourage him to think of this place as his own. 122 00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:30,033 Yeah, that way, I don't feel like such a worthless parasite. 123 00:07:30,511 --> 00:07:32,852 Charlie, weren't you going out tonight? 124 00:07:32,853 --> 00:07:37,758 Gee, I'd love to, but you know me, flat broke again. 125 00:07:38,376 --> 00:07:41,639 Oh, well, I suppose I could float you a few bucks. 126 00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:45,572 - What do you need? - Four hundred dollars. 127 00:07:45,782 --> 00:07:47,454 Okay, okay. 128 00:07:47,455 --> 00:07:50,969 You know, I'll just give you everything I have. 129 00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:54,066 That's- 31, 32. -$33. 130 00:07:54,233 --> 00:07:57,263 What about the secret compartment? 131 00:07:57,581 --> 00:08:00,089 Oh, right. Ha. 132 00:08:02,099 --> 00:08:05,907 That would be $133. 133 00:08:06,869 --> 00:08:09,127 And I don't expect to see you again tonight. 134 00:08:09,128 --> 00:08:11,636 Thanks, bro. 135 00:08:11,848 --> 00:08:15,128 Be nice to him. He's all I've got. 136 00:08:17,203 --> 00:08:19,336 - Sorry about that. - I understand. 137 00:08:19,337 --> 00:08:22,683 I have a sister who's a crack whore. 138 00:08:22,684 --> 00:08:25,486 Really? Maybe we can introduce them. 139 00:08:25,487 --> 00:08:29,169 For $133, we can introduce them twice. 140 00:08:29,922 --> 00:08:32,430 Terrific. 141 00:08:34,022 --> 00:08:37,313 - Well, here we are. - We sure are. 142 00:08:38,291 --> 00:08:41,971 I guess you've noticed I'm a little taller than 5'9". 143 00:08:41,972 --> 00:08:45,988 Well, yeah, but everybody fudges a little on those dating profiles. 144 00:08:45,989 --> 00:08:48,750 - How tall are you? - 5' 13". 145 00:08:57,202 --> 00:08:59,209 Leanne, tell me something. 146 00:08:59,210 --> 00:09:02,388 Is it just me or is the crowd in here getting younger? 147 00:09:02,389 --> 00:09:05,275 No, the crowd's the same age it's always been. 148 00:09:05,276 --> 00:09:08,246 You, on the other hand, are not. 149 00:09:08,499 --> 00:09:11,092 I'm not old. Forty is the new 30, right? 150 00:09:11,093 --> 00:09:14,483 Ha-ha-ha. Not the way you live, pal. 151 00:09:14,942 --> 00:09:19,376 Yeah, well, guess what. Not tipping is the new tipping. 152 00:09:19,377 --> 00:09:22,426 I gotta do more drinking at home. 153 00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:26,154 You didn't call. 154 00:09:26,155 --> 00:09:28,664 - Did you follow me here? - Please. 155 00:09:28,665 --> 00:09:32,011 If you're not home and you're not on a date, where else would you be? 156 00:09:32,012 --> 00:09:34,771 And, yes, I followed you here. 157 00:09:34,815 --> 00:09:37,325 There's something I need to tell you. 158 00:09:37,326 --> 00:09:40,629 - What can I get you? - Grain alcohol, please. 159 00:09:40,630 --> 00:09:42,722 We don't have grain alcohol. 160 00:09:42,723 --> 00:09:45,231 Okay, uh, just a Sprite. 161 00:09:47,576 --> 00:09:49,207 What do you want, Rose? 162 00:09:49,208 --> 00:09:53,517 I don't want anything. I just have some news to share with you. 163 00:09:53,518 --> 00:09:54,939 Is this CNN kind of news... 164 00:09:54,940 --> 00:09:58,830 ...or something you heard from a friendly blue jay with a top hat and a cane? 165 00:09:58,831 --> 00:10:00,797 If you recall, that was a crow... 166 00:10:00,798 --> 00:10:03,809 ...and he was wearing a derby and safety goggles. 167 00:10:03,810 --> 00:10:07,826 And I've admitted that was a medication issue. 168 00:10:07,827 --> 00:10:10,336 Fine, whatever. What's the news? 169 00:10:10,337 --> 00:10:13,767 Well, my family has business interests in London... 170 00:10:13,768 --> 00:10:15,942 ...and I'm gonna move there and take a job. 171 00:10:15,943 --> 00:10:20,335 Oh, terrific. So will you be running the chocolate factory? 172 00:10:20,336 --> 00:10:22,302 Did the Oompa-Loompas drop the ball? 173 00:10:22,303 --> 00:10:25,858 - Charlie. - Little bastards went union, didn't they? 174 00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:30,084 Oh, I'm gonna miss that good-natured cynicism. 175 00:10:30,085 --> 00:10:32,803 You're probably wondering why I decided to leave. 176 00:10:32,804 --> 00:10:36,360 Actually, I was wondering what possessed them to remake that movie. 177 00:10:36,361 --> 00:10:39,081 Gene Wilder was perfect. 178 00:10:39,248 --> 00:10:42,929 I'm leaving because I'm not getting any younger... 179 00:10:42,930 --> 00:10:46,946 ...and our relationship isn't really progressing along the path I'd hoped for. 180 00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:51,461 Rose, there is no relationship. There is no path. 181 00:10:52,344 --> 00:10:54,852 How very Zen of you. 182 00:10:58,912 --> 00:11:01,671 I'll always love you, Charlie. 183 00:11:01,883 --> 00:11:04,902 But this is best for both of us. 184 00:11:05,105 --> 00:11:07,237 Yeah, right. 185 00:11:07,238 --> 00:11:12,049 Okay, well, have a good trip. Say hi to the Queen... 186 00:11:12,050 --> 00:11:14,016 ...of Hearts. 187 00:11:14,017 --> 00:11:17,447 - Is your friend leaving? - No, no, she never leaves. 188 00:11:17,448 --> 00:11:21,086 She's probably climbing into the trunk of my car as we speak. 189 00:11:21,087 --> 00:11:23,973 Maybe you should follow me home to make sure I'm safe. 190 00:11:23,974 --> 00:11:26,484 I don't think my husband would approve. 191 00:11:26,485 --> 00:11:28,157 When did you get married? 192 00:11:28,158 --> 00:11:30,751 Shortly after the last time I woke up in your bed... 193 00:11:30,752 --> 00:11:34,203 ...with cab fare taped to my forehead. 194 00:11:35,563 --> 00:11:40,375 I suddenly realized how empty and soulless my life had become. 195 00:11:40,376 --> 00:11:43,265 Thank you for that, by the way. 196 00:11:43,722 --> 00:11:46,230 Happy to help. 197 00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:52,717 How are you doing tonight? 198 00:11:52,718 --> 00:11:57,543 Oh, gee, I'm sorry, sir. I don't have daddy issues. 199 00:12:03,847 --> 00:12:06,608 And then a week before we were gonna get married... 200 00:12:06,609 --> 00:12:09,536 ...he announces that he's leaving me for the wedding planner. 201 00:12:09,537 --> 00:12:13,051 - Ouch. - I was heartsick. I really cared for him. 202 00:12:13,052 --> 00:12:15,645 Of course. Why else would you agree to marry him? 203 00:12:15,646 --> 00:12:18,323 No, I mean the wedding planner. 204 00:12:18,324 --> 00:12:19,828 Ouch. 205 00:12:19,829 --> 00:12:22,967 Well, we all have one or two heartbreaks in our life. 206 00:12:22,968 --> 00:12:24,808 - Eight. - Excuse me? 207 00:12:24,809 --> 00:12:26,607 I've been dumped eight times. 208 00:12:26,608 --> 00:12:32,171 Married, married, gay, parole violation, gay and married, deported... 209 00:12:32,172 --> 00:12:36,648 ...returned to the priesthood, and woman in a man's body. 210 00:12:36,649 --> 00:12:37,862 Whoa. 211 00:12:37,863 --> 00:12:40,540 - And yet you haven't given up. - Of course not. 212 00:12:40,541 --> 00:12:46,899 I may have to kiss a lot of frogs, but eventually I'll find my prince. 213 00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:48,949 Ribbit? 214 00:12:48,950 --> 00:12:52,882 - I knew it. You're gay. - Oh, no, no, no. I'm not gay. 215 00:12:52,883 --> 00:12:55,518 Whatever it is, I don't have time or strength to deal. 216 00:12:55,519 --> 00:12:57,233 Beverly, wait, wait. 217 00:12:57,234 --> 00:13:00,163 Okay, you know my loser brother? 218 00:13:00,372 --> 00:13:02,714 - I'm him. - What? 219 00:13:02,715 --> 00:13:04,304 This is Charlie's house. 220 00:13:04,305 --> 00:13:09,211 Uh, after my divorce, I was broke and he took me in. 221 00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:13,007 And I'm not the chiropractor to the stars. 222 00:13:13,008 --> 00:13:16,479 I mostly handle slip-and-fall insurance claims. 223 00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:19,031 - That's all? - What do you mean, that's all? 224 00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:24,262 I mean, married, married, gay, parole violation. Alan, you're a catch. 225 00:13:24,263 --> 00:13:25,559 - I am? - Come on. 226 00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:29,366 You're single, you're straight, and you're a genetic male. 227 00:13:29,367 --> 00:13:31,500 So I guess the bar's not that high. 228 00:13:31,501 --> 00:13:33,843 Have you done much online dating? 229 00:13:33,844 --> 00:13:37,357 You cleared it with a penis and a job. 230 00:13:37,358 --> 00:13:43,537 And just to put your mind at ease, I plan on keeping both of them. 231 00:13:45,684 --> 00:13:47,650 Berta, you wanna hear something cool? 232 00:13:47,651 --> 00:13:50,579 "The ancient Romans had a place called a vomitorium... 233 00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:54,721 ...where people could eat as much as they wanted, puke, and then eat some more." 234 00:13:54,722 --> 00:13:57,229 Oh, just like the Sizzler. 235 00:13:58,613 --> 00:14:01,723 - Hey, morning, buddy. - You suck. 236 00:14:02,044 --> 00:14:06,310 Whoa. Has the little prince not taken his morning poop yet? 237 00:14:06,311 --> 00:14:08,737 It's your fault that Rose is moving away. 238 00:14:08,738 --> 00:14:10,536 Oh, did she tell you that? 239 00:14:10,537 --> 00:14:12,545 Jake, she's not going anywhere. 240 00:14:12,546 --> 00:14:14,929 This is one of her games to mess with my head. 241 00:14:14,930 --> 00:14:16,812 Berta, tell him. 242 00:14:16,813 --> 00:14:19,323 Jake, honey... 243 00:14:19,490 --> 00:14:21,875 ...your Uncle Charlie sucks. 244 00:14:21,876 --> 00:14:25,138 - Come on, you don't- - If you weren't such a self-centered pud... 245 00:14:25,139 --> 00:14:28,108 ...you'd realize what an angel she is and never let her go. 246 00:14:28,109 --> 00:14:30,201 Okay, first of all, she's not an angel. 247 00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:32,125 Second of all, she's not leaving... 248 00:14:32,126 --> 00:14:35,388 ...and third and perhaps most important, pud? 249 00:14:35,389 --> 00:14:37,774 I cleaned it up for the kid. 250 00:14:37,775 --> 00:14:42,753 Love is lovelier The ninth or tenth time around 251 00:14:43,465 --> 00:14:45,973 Morning, everybody. 252 00:14:46,267 --> 00:14:49,112 - What's going on? - Rose is moving to London. 253 00:14:49,113 --> 00:14:53,463 - She is? Why? - Because Uncle Charlie's a pud. 254 00:14:53,464 --> 00:14:57,146 - A pud? - I cleaned it up for myself. 255 00:14:57,481 --> 00:15:00,370 Hey, Dad, can we go to Sizzler? 256 00:15:04,217 --> 00:15:07,229 - This is nice, huh? - Yeah. 257 00:15:07,397 --> 00:15:11,914 - Listen, can I tell you a little secret? - Well, sure. 258 00:15:11,915 --> 00:15:13,756 It's kind of embarrassing. 259 00:15:13,757 --> 00:15:17,479 - Hey, you can tell me anything. - All right. 260 00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:21,037 Well, before I came over tonight... 261 00:15:22,124 --> 00:15:25,254 ...I put a toothbrush in my purse. 262 00:15:25,262 --> 00:15:29,989 What's so embarrassing about that? I don't go anywhere without floss. 263 00:15:29,990 --> 00:15:33,043 In fact, sometimes I'll snap off 18 inches... 264 00:15:33,044 --> 00:15:37,185 ...and tuck it in my pocket in case, you know, I have a stubborn- Oh. 265 00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:39,570 You mean, you and me? 266 00:15:39,571 --> 00:15:42,248 - Tonight? - Unless you don't want to. 267 00:15:42,249 --> 00:15:44,005 Want to? 268 00:15:44,006 --> 00:15:46,514 I'm almost done. 269 00:15:47,981 --> 00:15:50,616 You know, Alan, I've been thinking about it. 270 00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:54,339 Rose crossed the line when she told Jake that crap about her moving away. 271 00:15:54,340 --> 00:15:57,268 - Uh, yeah, listen- - I mean, kids take that stuff seriously. 272 00:15:57,269 --> 00:15:59,402 - I know- - It's one thing to screw with me. 273 00:15:59,403 --> 00:16:02,164 - It's another thing to screw with a child. - No argument. 274 00:16:02,165 --> 00:16:04,967 But this is a conversation you need to have with her. 275 00:16:04,968 --> 00:16:09,151 You're right. I'm gonna settle this right now. 276 00:16:09,152 --> 00:16:13,024 Rose? Climb up here! I wanna talk to you! 277 00:16:13,461 --> 00:16:15,970 Are you sure you're the loser brother? 278 00:16:15,971 --> 00:16:19,025 That's always been the consensus. Excuse me. 279 00:16:19,026 --> 00:16:23,334 Come on, Rose, you crazy bitch! I know you're out there! 280 00:16:23,335 --> 00:16:26,682 - Uh, uh, Charlie? - Do you want me to beg you to stay? 281 00:16:26,683 --> 00:16:27,937 I hate to interrupt... 282 00:16:27,938 --> 00:16:31,660 ...but I'm making some real headway in there and you're ruining the mood. 283 00:16:31,661 --> 00:16:33,166 Not now, Alan. 284 00:16:33,167 --> 00:16:35,886 I'm not gonna beg you because you're not going anywhere. 285 00:16:35,887 --> 00:16:38,439 I know and you know you're not leaving. 286 00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:41,074 That lovely lady in there brought her toothbrush... 287 00:16:41,075 --> 00:16:42,915 ...because I have a penis and a job. 288 00:16:42,916 --> 00:16:45,424 Rose! 289 00:16:45,510 --> 00:16:47,434 How is she gonna brush your job? 290 00:16:47,435 --> 00:16:53,124 - No, you don't understand. - I don't have time for this, Alan. 291 00:16:53,125 --> 00:16:58,312 - Charlie, are you okay? - Yeah, I just can't find my damn stalker. 292 00:16:58,313 --> 00:17:00,363 He can't find his stalker? 293 00:17:00,364 --> 00:17:03,919 They're usually in the last place you look. 294 00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:05,634 But enough about him. 295 00:17:05,635 --> 00:17:08,061 If you will accompany me to the boudoir... 296 00:17:08,062 --> 00:17:12,538 ...I will convert an ordinary pull-out couch into a magic carpet for two. 297 00:17:12,539 --> 00:17:14,713 Are you sure you're not gay? 298 00:17:14,714 --> 00:17:20,763 I'm literate and urbane. You're not the first one to be confused. 299 00:17:26,430 --> 00:17:28,937 Right address. 300 00:17:32,245 --> 00:17:35,615 Oh, Charlie, you came to say goodbye. 301 00:17:36,387 --> 00:17:38,143 Unbelievable. 302 00:17:38,144 --> 00:17:40,821 You're gonna play this all the way out to the end. 303 00:17:40,822 --> 00:17:45,884 - Play what out? - All right, fine. We'll do it your way. 304 00:17:45,885 --> 00:17:48,939 Rose, you're a terrific woman. 305 00:17:49,399 --> 00:17:54,921 I'm an idiot for not seeing it and I really don't want you to leave. 306 00:17:54,922 --> 00:17:58,436 - Really? - Yeah. Here, look. 307 00:18:02,662 --> 00:18:03,874 Wow. 308 00:18:03,875 --> 00:18:06,383 - See? - Oh, yeah. 309 00:18:08,310 --> 00:18:09,899 Well, that's my cab. 310 00:18:09,900 --> 00:18:11,364 - Goodbye. - Wait, wait. 311 00:18:11,365 --> 00:18:14,376 - Wait, what the hell are you doing? - I'm leaving. 312 00:18:14,377 --> 00:18:17,807 Don't you understand? You can drop the act. 313 00:18:17,808 --> 00:18:20,444 I give up. I surrender. 314 00:18:20,611 --> 00:18:23,289 You win, Rose. I'm yours. 315 00:18:23,875 --> 00:18:26,803 Oh, Charlie, that's so sweet. 316 00:18:26,971 --> 00:18:29,982 But I know you. You're just having a little panic attack... 317 00:18:29,983 --> 00:18:32,827 ...because you're getting old and nobody loves you. 318 00:18:32,828 --> 00:18:34,794 See, you get me. 319 00:18:34,795 --> 00:18:38,106 I do, which is why I have to leave. 320 00:18:42,368 --> 00:18:44,876 Goodbye, Charlie. 321 00:18:45,255 --> 00:18:47,596 Oh. 322 00:18:47,597 --> 00:18:50,105 I almost forgot. 323 00:18:50,275 --> 00:18:53,114 I thought you should have this. 324 00:18:53,246 --> 00:18:56,246 It's our first restraining order. 325 00:18:57,639 --> 00:19:00,719 Look how shaky your signature was. 326 00:19:01,488 --> 00:19:03,996 You were so spooked. 327 00:19:07,681 --> 00:19:09,019 Oh. 328 00:19:09,020 --> 00:19:11,528 Got a plane to catch. 329 00:19:13,370 --> 00:19:15,503 Oh, come on, Rose. 330 00:19:15,504 --> 00:19:18,012 Stop it. 331 00:19:20,023 --> 00:19:23,578 All right, fine. Take your little cab ride. 332 00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:26,087 See you tomorrow. 333 00:19:49,771 --> 00:19:52,279 Okay. 334 00:19:52,365 --> 00:19:54,873 Maybe not tomorrow. 335 00:20:07,427 --> 00:20:09,935 Oh, damn. 336 00:20:16,673 --> 00:20:19,058 - Hey, Charlie. - Oh, hi. 337 00:20:19,059 --> 00:20:20,648 - Where's Alan? - In the bedroom. 338 00:20:20,649 --> 00:20:23,535 - I have to get up early for work. - Right, well. 339 00:20:23,536 --> 00:20:25,794 - See you. - Bye. 340 00:20:25,795 --> 00:20:28,303 Hey, Beverly? 341 00:20:29,058 --> 00:20:34,162 I'm really glad you and Alan got together. It's nice. 342 00:20:34,330 --> 00:20:36,003 Thank you. 343 00:20:36,004 --> 00:20:41,191 I hope things work out for you and your stalker. 344 00:20:41,694 --> 00:20:45,501 Her name is Rose. Like the flower. 345 00:20:46,212 --> 00:20:47,969 Okey-dokey. 346 00:20:47,970 --> 00:20:51,358 See, it's on our restraining order. 347 00:20:52,362 --> 00:20:54,870 Uh-huh. Good night now. 348 00:21:05,501 --> 00:21:09,265 - Hey, Alan? Uh, I'm not decent. 349 00:21:11,944 --> 00:21:15,583 - Rose is really gone. What? 350 00:21:16,713 --> 00:21:19,224 I said, Rose is gone. 351 00:21:19,559 --> 00:21:22,067 And I feel awful. 352 00:21:22,947 --> 00:21:25,546 Maybe I made a huge mistake. 353 00:21:32,361 --> 00:21:36,001 Well, we all make mistakes.