1 00:00:04,486 --> 00:00:06,862 - I have a question. - Yeah? 2 00:00:06,863 --> 00:00:10,692 How smart do you have to be to have sex? 3 00:00:11,283 --> 00:00:14,383 - Well, actually- - Nah, nah, nah! 4 00:00:14,453 --> 00:00:16,454 - Can I, uh-? - Nah, nah, nah! 5 00:00:16,455 --> 00:00:18,789 - But I was- - Nah, nah, nah! 6 00:00:18,790 --> 00:00:21,699 - Oh, come on- - Nah, nah, nah! 7 00:00:25,421 --> 00:00:26,963 Why do you ask? 8 00:00:26,964 --> 00:00:29,674 - Well, Mom's boyfriend's a doctor. Yeah. 9 00:00:29,675 --> 00:00:31,842 And doctors are supposed to be smart, right? 10 00:00:31,843 --> 00:00:36,013 Not as smart as they think they are, but, uh, go ahead. 11 00:00:36,014 --> 00:00:38,223 Well, when I'm in bed I can hear them in bed. 12 00:00:38,224 --> 00:00:39,725 - Oh, God. - Oh, boy. 13 00:00:39,726 --> 00:00:42,225 Oh, goodie. 14 00:00:42,895 --> 00:00:47,815 And Mom's always telling him he doesn't know what he's doing. 15 00:00:47,816 --> 00:00:50,456 How much do I love this kid? 16 00:00:50,903 --> 00:00:54,487 Don't interrupt, Charlie. Go on, sweetheart. 17 00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:57,240 So I'm thinking sex must be a lot harder than I figured. 18 00:00:57,241 --> 00:01:00,994 I mean, she has to tell him the same thing every night. 19 00:01:00,995 --> 00:01:03,162 - Every night, you say? - Berta. 20 00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:07,503 You had a semi-annual subscription, didn't you? 21 00:01:07,584 --> 00:01:10,084 Come on, you guys. Please? 22 00:01:10,253 --> 00:01:12,922 Can't help you. - Sorry, no. 23 00:01:13,422 --> 00:01:17,008 Look, Jake, it's not that you have to be particularly smart to have sex. 24 00:01:17,009 --> 00:01:19,509 Yeah, look at your dad. 25 00:01:21,013 --> 00:01:23,512 Jinx, you owe me a Coke. 26 00:01:23,598 --> 00:01:24,848 Think of it this way. 27 00:01:24,849 --> 00:01:28,393 - Suppose you like banana cream pie. - I do like banana cream pie. 28 00:01:28,394 --> 00:01:31,304 - Well, good. - Do we have any? 29 00:01:31,355 --> 00:01:34,607 - No. - Well, then why did you bring it up? 30 00:01:34,608 --> 00:01:36,567 I was trying to tell you about sex. 31 00:01:36,568 --> 00:01:39,528 What does pie have to do with sex? 32 00:01:39,529 --> 00:01:41,905 - Can I jump in? - No, no, no! 33 00:01:41,906 --> 00:01:44,991 - How about me? - Excuse me, if I can't talk, you can't. 34 00:01:44,992 --> 00:01:47,492 Am I right, Alan? 35 00:01:47,786 --> 00:01:52,081 Anyway, if you don't tell me you like banana cream pie... 36 00:01:52,082 --> 00:01:56,793 - ...and I keep bringing something else- - But I just told you I like it. 37 00:01:56,794 --> 00:02:00,380 You wanna know what kind of pie your uncle Charlie likes? 38 00:02:00,381 --> 00:02:03,133 - Oh, come on, I wasn't- - Nah, nah, nah! 39 00:02:03,134 --> 00:02:06,733 - I'm guessing cherry. - Nah, nah, nah! 40 00:02:08,597 --> 00:02:10,389 Please, I've got this. 41 00:02:10,390 --> 00:02:13,476 You've got squat. 42 00:02:13,643 --> 00:02:17,729 At this rate, the kid's only gonna get a stiffy at Marie Callender's. 43 00:02:17,730 --> 00:02:20,649 Okay, okay, forget the pie. 44 00:02:20,816 --> 00:02:23,386 Uncle Charlie said "stiffy. " 45 00:02:25,278 --> 00:02:26,903 Yeah, I heard him. 46 00:02:26,904 --> 00:02:30,866 Point is, you don't have to worry about being smart enough to have sex, okay? 47 00:02:30,867 --> 00:02:33,367 Okay. 48 00:02:34,036 --> 00:02:40,291 In fact, there are times when brains and imagination are a distinct disadvantage. 49 00:02:40,292 --> 00:02:42,334 Like when you've been married for 12 years... 50 00:02:42,335 --> 00:02:46,296 ...and you're only allowed to do the same three things over and over again... 51 00:02:46,297 --> 00:02:49,507 ...in exactly the same way and exactly the same order... 52 00:02:49,508 --> 00:02:56,367 ...like you're some kind of unthinking machine or a trained freaking monkey. 53 00:02:57,515 --> 00:03:02,602 Okay, honestly, how much more damage could we have caused? 54 00:03:02,603 --> 00:03:06,024 I bet monkeys like banana cream pie. 55 00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:40,428 - Hi, honey. - Hi, Mom. 56 00:03:40,429 --> 00:03:44,159 - What's in the box? - Banana cream pie. 57 00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:47,727 You bought him a whole pie? 58 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:50,227 I bought him two pies. 59 00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:52,105 Why would you do that? 60 00:03:52,106 --> 00:03:54,232 It seemed easier than explaining to him... 61 00:03:54,233 --> 00:03:58,194 ...that his mother's fiancé isn't really a sexual moron. 62 00:03:58,195 --> 00:04:00,694 - Oh, hey, Alan. Herb. 63 00:04:00,822 --> 00:04:03,907 Uh, why is Jake eating pie in the bathroom? 64 00:04:03,908 --> 00:04:06,827 Not now. Not now. What are you talking about? 65 00:04:06,828 --> 00:04:09,547 Jake can hear you two in bed. 66 00:04:09,871 --> 00:04:12,582 Oh, God. Oh, God. 67 00:04:12,749 --> 00:04:15,294 He didn't hear that. 68 00:04:21,090 --> 00:04:24,218 Um, what did he say to you? 69 00:04:24,593 --> 00:04:27,262 Well, uh, basically, he's worried that when he grows up... 70 00:04:27,263 --> 00:04:29,763 ...he won't be smart enough to have sex. 71 00:04:29,764 --> 00:04:31,098 Why would he think that? 72 00:04:31,099 --> 00:04:37,979 He hears you giving Herb instructions like he's a blind guy in a minefield. 73 00:04:40,899 --> 00:04:43,067 You think that's funny? 74 00:04:43,068 --> 00:04:45,568 No. 75 00:04:48,448 --> 00:04:50,448 - Well, I will talk to him. - No, no. 76 00:04:50,449 --> 00:04:53,284 Trust me, talking only makes it worse. Charlie and I tried. 77 00:04:53,285 --> 00:04:55,996 - Great, Charlie knows about this? - That's not the point. 78 00:04:55,997 --> 00:04:58,206 The point is, you need to be a little less vocal. 79 00:04:58,207 --> 00:04:59,708 Maybe do what you did with me... 80 00:04:59,709 --> 00:05:02,084 ...and smack him on the head when he goes off course. 81 00:05:02,085 --> 00:05:04,585 She does that too. 82 00:05:05,922 --> 00:05:10,762 Well, um, thank you, Alan. I will take care of this. 83 00:05:14,763 --> 00:05:17,640 - I'm sorry to dump this on you. - Oh, that's okay. 84 00:05:17,641 --> 00:05:20,977 I mean, you know, I'm not judging. I've been in your position. 85 00:05:20,978 --> 00:05:23,647 Well, she only likes the one. 86 00:05:26,482 --> 00:05:29,552 Yeah, yeah. Been there, done that. 87 00:05:29,860 --> 00:05:35,739 Or, ahh, more correctly, been there, told I was doing that wrong. 88 00:05:35,740 --> 00:05:41,078 Truth is, I kind of like the instructions. It takes out all the guesswork. 89 00:05:41,079 --> 00:05:43,663 - Sure, sure. - I tend to meander when I don't have... 90 00:05:43,664 --> 00:05:46,124 ...you know, a game plan. 91 00:05:46,125 --> 00:05:48,292 Well, that's never a problem with Judith. 92 00:05:48,293 --> 00:05:52,255 She's the, uh, Vince Lombardi of sexual intercourse. 93 00:05:52,256 --> 00:05:56,195 She did teach me to play through the pain. 94 00:05:57,134 --> 00:06:00,754 Yeah, tape it up and get back in there. 95 00:06:01,347 --> 00:06:02,597 Say goodbye, Herb. 96 00:06:02,598 --> 00:06:05,097 - Bye. - Bye. 97 00:06:13,524 --> 00:06:17,254 - Hey. - Hey, how did it go with Judith? 98 00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:20,071 It was the most awkward and uncomfortable conversation... 99 00:06:20,072 --> 00:06:22,031 ...I've had in my life. 100 00:06:22,032 --> 00:06:25,534 Huh. More awkward than when you were a kid and had to explain to Mom... 101 00:06:25,535 --> 00:06:30,831 ...why you were hiding a slab of raw liver in your sock drawer? 102 00:06:30,832 --> 00:06:33,166 Okay, the second most awkward. 103 00:06:33,167 --> 00:06:37,169 What about when she found the warm cantaloupe with a face drawn on it? 104 00:06:37,170 --> 00:06:39,880 All right, it was in the top five. 105 00:06:39,881 --> 00:06:43,550 I mean, it's just unnatural for a guy to have to tell his ex-wife... 106 00:06:43,551 --> 00:06:46,552 ...to pipe down while she's having sex with another man. 107 00:06:46,553 --> 00:06:52,343 I'll tell you what's unnatural. The look on that melon's face. 108 00:06:52,434 --> 00:06:55,293 Fruit should not look surprised. 109 00:07:05,154 --> 00:07:07,947 - You're the one who gave me that idea. - I was joking. 110 00:07:07,948 --> 00:07:11,534 You told me it's what the astronauts do. 111 00:07:11,535 --> 00:07:13,827 Oh, right. 112 00:07:13,828 --> 00:07:18,077 That's how I got you to pee in the Tang jar. 113 00:07:19,458 --> 00:07:26,457 And let's not forget how I convinced you Mom's douchebag was your air supply. 114 00:07:26,589 --> 00:07:31,779 Yeah, yeah, my breath smelled like vinegar for two weeks. 115 00:07:33,096 --> 00:07:36,598 Aw, those were innocent times. 116 00:07:40,444 --> 00:07:43,279 Oh, the kitchen appliances are a little outdated... 117 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:47,449 ...but you people can cook with your wristwatches now, can't you? 118 00:07:47,450 --> 00:07:51,579 You're funny. You're a funny firecracker. 119 00:07:52,246 --> 00:07:56,291 - Mom? - Oh, Charlie, say hello to Hiroshi Goto. 120 00:07:56,292 --> 00:07:57,916 - Hi. - Hello. 121 00:07:57,917 --> 00:08:00,957 Uh, Charlie is my number one son. 122 00:08:01,588 --> 00:08:04,089 Yeah, but she treats me like number two. 123 00:08:04,090 --> 00:08:06,341 Oh. 124 00:08:06,342 --> 00:08:08,968 - Mom, can I talk to you for a minute? - Of course, darling. 125 00:08:08,969 --> 00:08:12,263 Uh, Hiroshi, why don't you go enjoy the view from the deck. 126 00:08:12,264 --> 00:08:14,765 There's pretty girls playing volleyball out on the beach. 127 00:08:14,766 --> 00:08:17,561 Oh, I like volleyball. 128 00:08:19,937 --> 00:08:21,438 Here's what you need to know. 129 00:08:21,439 --> 00:08:23,940 He's filthy rich and looking for a house on the beach... 130 00:08:23,941 --> 00:08:26,276 ...and I have nothing to show him. 131 00:08:26,277 --> 00:08:28,403 So you're selling him my house? 132 00:08:28,404 --> 00:08:31,447 Don't worry, I told him you were going through an ugly divorce. 133 00:08:31,448 --> 00:08:34,783 But before we close escrow, you'll reconcile with Cheryl... 134 00:08:34,784 --> 00:08:36,493 ...and back out of the sale. 135 00:08:36,494 --> 00:08:38,993 Who's Cheryl? 136 00:08:39,079 --> 00:08:42,290 She is a sweet, selfless girl who worked nights... 137 00:08:42,291 --> 00:08:47,920 ...to put you through law school while you were sleeping with her sister. 138 00:08:47,921 --> 00:08:51,298 I have to string Mr. Goto along until I have something to show him... 139 00:08:51,299 --> 00:08:52,799 ...that actually is for sale. 140 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:55,428 Oh, I understand. 141 00:08:55,595 --> 00:08:58,471 It's called a bait and switch, and it's a felony. 142 00:08:58,472 --> 00:09:03,058 Oh, well, look at you taking the moral high ground. 143 00:09:03,059 --> 00:09:07,104 And with nary a bottle nor a whore in sight. 144 00:09:07,105 --> 00:09:09,022 Bravo. 145 00:09:09,023 --> 00:09:12,442 Excuse me, why is there an Asian man on the deck? 146 00:09:12,443 --> 00:09:14,986 - Mom's selling my house. - Why? 147 00:09:14,987 --> 00:09:17,321 Marital problems. 148 00:09:17,322 --> 00:09:19,822 You cheating bastard. 149 00:09:20,825 --> 00:09:25,375 - Do I have to find another place to live? - Yes. 150 00:09:25,496 --> 00:09:28,957 Don't worry, sweetheart. Mommy's just running a little scam. 151 00:09:28,958 --> 00:09:32,126 But feel free to find another place to live. 152 00:09:32,127 --> 00:09:34,920 Anyway, what's new? How's my grandson? 153 00:09:34,921 --> 00:09:40,211 - Oh, he's fine. - Come on, Alan, tell her about the pie. 154 00:09:40,510 --> 00:09:43,219 - What pie? - There's no pie. 155 00:09:43,220 --> 00:09:47,300 - Jake overheard his mother- - Nah, nah, nah! 156 00:09:47,307 --> 00:09:48,516 It's nothing. 157 00:09:48,517 --> 00:09:52,686 I just had to have a rather embarrassing conversation with Judith yesterday. 158 00:09:52,687 --> 00:09:55,313 More embarrassing than when you were 11 years old... 159 00:09:55,314 --> 00:10:00,024 ...and I caught you with the dog and peanut butter? 160 00:10:00,236 --> 00:10:02,735 You went and did that too? 161 00:10:02,863 --> 00:10:06,991 You told me it's what the cowboys did on a cattle drive. 162 00:10:06,992 --> 00:10:09,492 And I didn't have a cow. 163 00:10:10,870 --> 00:10:17,479 - Is that why you got rid of our dog? - I couldn't look at him anymore. 164 00:10:18,252 --> 00:10:19,669 Can we move on, please? 165 00:10:19,670 --> 00:10:21,504 I'm sorry, dear. Now, what about Jake? 166 00:10:21,505 --> 00:10:23,839 I loved that dog. 167 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:27,552 Well, not as much as your brother did. 168 00:10:28,177 --> 00:10:31,179 But go ahead, Alan. What did you have to talk to Judith about? 169 00:10:31,180 --> 00:10:32,430 Nothing. Forget it. 170 00:10:32,431 --> 00:10:34,557 Oh, come on, Alan. 171 00:10:34,558 --> 00:10:36,934 The dog whisperer here got all bent out of shape... 172 00:10:36,935 --> 00:10:39,770 ...because Jake heard his mother going at it with her boyfriend. 173 00:10:39,771 --> 00:10:41,689 That's it? He just heard them? 174 00:10:41,690 --> 00:10:45,024 - That's not enough to traumatize him? - Absolutely not. 175 00:10:45,025 --> 00:10:48,403 - See, Alan, I told you. - Well, you would know, Charlie. 176 00:10:48,404 --> 00:10:50,488 What do you mean? 177 00:10:50,489 --> 00:10:53,449 - You don't remember? - Remember what? 178 00:10:53,450 --> 00:10:55,742 Nothing. 179 00:10:55,743 --> 00:10:57,369 I like it. 180 00:10:57,370 --> 00:10:59,246 Of course you do. 181 00:10:59,247 --> 00:11:01,164 Let me show you the master suite. 182 00:11:01,165 --> 00:11:03,250 That's where she caught him. 183 00:11:03,251 --> 00:11:05,750 Ah, cheating bastard. 184 00:11:08,255 --> 00:11:09,880 What am I supposed to remember? 185 00:11:09,881 --> 00:11:15,460 I was the only one that gave that dog any kind of attention. 186 00:11:19,682 --> 00:11:22,182 No. 187 00:11:29,607 --> 00:11:32,107 I remember. 188 00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,250 Charlie? 189 00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:52,126 Yeah. 190 00:11:52,127 --> 00:11:54,087 What are you doing? 191 00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:56,587 Drinking. 192 00:11:56,798 --> 00:11:59,634 Why are you doing it here? 193 00:11:59,801 --> 00:12:02,553 I can't be alone right now. 194 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:04,263 Okay. 195 00:12:04,264 --> 00:12:06,763 What's going on? 196 00:12:07,349 --> 00:12:09,935 I remembered, Alan. 197 00:12:10,811 --> 00:12:12,853 Remembered what? 198 00:12:12,854 --> 00:12:14,855 I was 8 years old. 199 00:12:14,856 --> 00:12:17,148 It was late at night. 200 00:12:17,149 --> 00:12:20,860 I must've had a bad dream or something because I walked into Mom's room... 201 00:12:20,861 --> 00:12:23,321 ...and I saw them. 202 00:12:23,322 --> 00:12:25,740 Saw who? 203 00:12:25,741 --> 00:12:28,240 Mom and some guy. 204 00:12:28,284 --> 00:12:33,789 They didn't hear me at first, because the waterbed was making sloshing noises. 205 00:12:33,790 --> 00:12:37,000 At least I hope it was the waterbed. 206 00:12:37,001 --> 00:12:38,584 Oh, yeah. 207 00:12:38,585 --> 00:12:42,004 Mom's waterbed. Remember how we used to bounce up and down on it... 208 00:12:42,005 --> 00:12:46,842 - ...playing lumberjack and doing the-? - Forget the bed. The bed's not important. 209 00:12:46,843 --> 00:12:49,342 Sorry. 210 00:12:49,929 --> 00:12:51,846 Anyway... 211 00:12:51,847 --> 00:12:54,599 ...at some point they realized I was standing there... 212 00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:56,518 ...and the guy said to me: 213 00:12:56,519 --> 00:13:00,270 "Don't worry, Speed Racer. I'm not hurting your mom. " 214 00:13:00,271 --> 00:13:02,606 Speed Racer? 215 00:13:02,607 --> 00:13:04,733 Remember I had the Speed Racer pajamas? 216 00:13:04,734 --> 00:13:07,027 Oh, yeah, yeah, our Christmas pajamas. 217 00:13:07,028 --> 00:13:11,864 Yeah, you got Speed Racer and I got Laverne & Shirley. 218 00:13:11,865 --> 00:13:16,160 - So typical. I- - This is not about you, Alan. 219 00:13:16,161 --> 00:13:19,871 This is about a horrible moment in my life that I completely repressed. 220 00:13:19,872 --> 00:13:23,812 Mom and the man with the big red mustache. 221 00:13:24,377 --> 00:13:26,378 Oh, God. 222 00:13:26,379 --> 00:13:31,568 I just realized why Yosemite Sam always made me nauseous. 223 00:13:32,717 --> 00:13:37,763 - And I'll tell you the worst part. - Worse than Laverne & Shirley pajamas? 224 00:13:37,764 --> 00:13:41,724 - Alan. - I am amazed I'm not a raging queen. 225 00:13:41,725 --> 00:13:44,225 We all are. 226 00:13:47,564 --> 00:13:50,815 Anyway, the next morning, I asked Mom what happened... 227 00:13:50,816 --> 00:13:53,568 ...and she said she didn't know what I was talking about. 228 00:13:53,569 --> 00:13:55,070 And when I kept asking... 229 00:13:55,071 --> 00:13:57,572 - ...she threw a shoe at my head. - Oh, yeah. 230 00:13:57,573 --> 00:14:00,867 Yeah, the 4-inch heels. Oh, she was deadly accurate with those. 231 00:14:00,868 --> 00:14:05,245 She could knock a melon out of your hands from clear across the room. 232 00:14:05,246 --> 00:14:08,999 Will you get your mind out of the produce section? I've got a problem here. 233 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:13,252 Come on, Charlie, it happened years ago and you turned out- 234 00:14:13,253 --> 00:14:15,088 Yeah, you got a problem. 235 00:14:15,089 --> 00:14:17,215 Thank you. 236 00:14:17,216 --> 00:14:19,801 I gotta tell you, it does help me feel better about Jake. 237 00:14:19,802 --> 00:14:22,219 I mean, you know, he didn't see anything... 238 00:14:22,220 --> 00:14:25,388 ...and at least we haven't been lying to him about having sex. 239 00:14:25,389 --> 00:14:30,389 No, no, you just taught him to associate sex with pie. 240 00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:36,482 Hey, at least I didn't talk him into putting crotchless panties on a Butterball turkey. 241 00:14:36,483 --> 00:14:38,108 Oh, right. 242 00:14:38,109 --> 00:14:40,820 Best Thanksgiving ever. 243 00:14:41,905 --> 00:14:47,724 You told me it's how the Pilgrims got through the harsh winter. 244 00:14:51,330 --> 00:14:53,413 HERB He's gotta be asleep by now. 245 00:14:53,414 --> 00:14:55,373 JUDITH He could wake up. 246 00:14:55,374 --> 00:14:57,167 So we'll be quiet. 247 00:14:57,168 --> 00:14:58,960 JUDITH: I can't be quiet. 248 00:14:58,961 --> 00:15:01,296 Come on, please? 249 00:15:01,297 --> 00:15:03,796 Oh, all right. 250 00:15:05,967 --> 00:15:08,970 No, no, not that way. 251 00:15:09,137 --> 00:15:11,555 Slow down. 252 00:15:11,556 --> 00:15:14,055 I'm still awake. 253 00:15:16,894 --> 00:15:21,154 - Are you happy? - I may never be happy again. 254 00:15:21,357 --> 00:15:24,150 Mm, pie. 255 00:15:30,156 --> 00:15:34,992 Rose, did you ever suddenly remember something you blocked out years ago? 256 00:15:34,993 --> 00:15:36,994 You mean like a repressed memory? 257 00:15:36,995 --> 00:15:40,164 Yeah, you ever had a repressed memory? 258 00:15:40,165 --> 00:15:42,665 I forget. 259 00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:49,797 Get it? Little psychology humor. Freud was the first one to use it. 260 00:15:49,798 --> 00:15:53,158 - Ha. - It's much funnier in German. 261 00:16:00,475 --> 00:16:03,385 So, what memory did you repress? 262 00:16:04,353 --> 00:16:06,312 When I was 8... 263 00:16:06,313 --> 00:16:09,774 - ...I walked in on my mother having sex. - Interesting. 264 00:16:09,775 --> 00:16:15,085 Interesting? How about devastating, horrifying, traumatizing? 265 00:16:15,197 --> 00:16:16,571 Wow. 266 00:16:16,572 --> 00:16:19,199 What, was she, like, blindfolded and tied to a bed... 267 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:23,369 ...while two guys slapped her butt with Ping-Pong paddles? 268 00:16:23,370 --> 00:16:25,538 No. 269 00:16:25,539 --> 00:16:27,080 Hmm. 270 00:16:27,081 --> 00:16:30,709 Was she riding around on a goat while an albino midget dripped honey- 271 00:16:30,710 --> 00:16:32,711 No, no. 272 00:16:32,712 --> 00:16:34,296 No. 273 00:16:34,297 --> 00:16:37,548 It was just sex. One mother, one man. 274 00:16:37,549 --> 00:16:40,049 Boring. 275 00:16:40,427 --> 00:16:43,721 Oh, come on, Charlie. It's not an uncommon occurrence. 276 00:16:43,722 --> 00:16:46,849 I myself have walked in on many people having sex. 277 00:16:46,850 --> 00:16:49,100 Accidentally? 278 00:16:49,101 --> 00:16:54,647 Point is, you've recovered the memory and now you can get on with your life. 279 00:16:54,648 --> 00:16:57,148 No, I can't. 280 00:16:58,568 --> 00:17:01,278 What if it's not the only repressed memory? 281 00:17:01,279 --> 00:17:05,574 What else is lying just below the surface ready to burst into my consciousness? 282 00:17:05,575 --> 00:17:07,659 Am I gonna wake up remembering my mother... 283 00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:10,745 ...in the shower with my uncle Donald? 284 00:17:10,746 --> 00:17:14,749 Who I suddenly realize wasn't really my uncle. 285 00:17:14,750 --> 00:17:17,418 Sounds like you don't have to worry anymore. 286 00:17:17,419 --> 00:17:20,218 Oh, God, it's all coming back. 287 00:17:20,337 --> 00:17:22,797 Uncle Donald, Uncle Steve. 288 00:17:22,798 --> 00:17:25,426 Uncle Jorge. 289 00:17:26,427 --> 00:17:29,136 I bet I wasn't related to any of those guys. 290 00:17:29,137 --> 00:17:31,388 This is all good, Charlie. Keep going. 291 00:17:31,389 --> 00:17:33,889 - Oh, boy. - What? 292 00:17:34,350 --> 00:17:37,102 Not only was Aunt Wendy not my aunt... 293 00:17:37,103 --> 00:17:41,122 ...but there was no snake bite on her boob. 294 00:17:44,860 --> 00:17:46,527 Oh, hey, what are you doing here? 295 00:17:46,528 --> 00:17:51,865 Uh, well, we were hoping that- Actually I was hoping that, ahh, maybe- 296 00:17:51,866 --> 00:17:55,910 He wants me to stay here tonight so he and Mom can have sex. 297 00:17:55,911 --> 00:17:59,289 Oh, Jake, I'm sure that's not the reason, right, Herb? 298 00:17:59,290 --> 00:18:01,789 No, that's pretty much it. 299 00:18:02,625 --> 00:18:04,543 Excuse me. 300 00:18:04,544 --> 00:18:05,794 Where are you going? 301 00:18:05,795 --> 00:18:11,883 To tell Mom that her indiscriminate bed-hopping has scarred me for life. 302 00:18:11,884 --> 00:18:14,384 Jury's still out on me. 303 00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:26,104 What do you want? 304 00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:27,689 We need to talk. 305 00:18:27,690 --> 00:18:31,150 You should have called first. I'm a little under the weather. 306 00:18:31,151 --> 00:18:35,028 Well, I'm not feeling so great myself. I've started remembering things. 307 00:18:35,029 --> 00:18:39,908 Well, call the poor girls, apologize and stop drinking so much. 308 00:18:39,909 --> 00:18:42,326 No, I'm remembering things about you. 309 00:18:42,327 --> 00:18:44,827 Things from my childhood. 310 00:18:46,290 --> 00:18:48,624 Wait, what are you doing? 311 00:18:48,625 --> 00:18:51,961 You can't even look at me, can you? 312 00:18:52,837 --> 00:18:55,005 I don't care what you think you remember. 313 00:18:55,006 --> 00:18:58,675 I was a terrific mother who loved you even though you were a horrible boy. 314 00:18:58,676 --> 00:19:01,176 Now go away. 315 00:19:02,470 --> 00:19:05,015 Mom, this is important. 316 00:19:06,266 --> 00:19:08,766 Mom? 317 00:19:09,144 --> 00:19:13,147 You ruined Yosemite Sam for me. 318 00:19:17,818 --> 00:19:20,318 Dagnabbit, this isn't over. 319 00:19:30,830 --> 00:19:32,706 Oh, God. 320 00:19:32,707 --> 00:19:34,081 Charlie. 321 00:19:34,082 --> 00:19:38,712 Don't worry, slugger. I'm not hurting your mother. 322 00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:41,879 Whoa! 323 00:19:44,576 --> 00:19:48,203 - I gotta go if I'm gonna catch my bus. - Good night, Berta. 324 00:19:48,204 --> 00:19:50,456 Hey, Dad, guess what I found in Mom's bedroom. 325 00:19:50,457 --> 00:19:53,387 You know what, I'll take a cab. 326 00:19:53,752 --> 00:19:56,294 An empty can of whipped cream. 327 00:19:56,295 --> 00:19:58,964 Whipped cream. No kidding. 328 00:19:59,131 --> 00:20:00,673 And you know what I'm thinking? 329 00:20:00,674 --> 00:20:04,773 - I know what I'm thinking. - Nah, nah, nah! 330 00:20:05,052 --> 00:20:06,428 What? 331 00:20:06,429 --> 00:20:11,349 Either whipped cream has to do with sex, or Mom hides pie in her nightstand too. 332 00:20:11,350 --> 00:20:12,809 Hey, a gal can do both. 333 00:20:12,810 --> 00:20:15,269 Nah, nah, nah! 334 00:20:15,270 --> 00:20:16,770 Hey. 335 00:20:16,771 --> 00:20:20,774 - Hey, what happened to you? - What are you talking about? 336 00:20:20,775 --> 00:20:23,777 - I thought you went to Mom's. - No. 337 00:20:23,778 --> 00:20:25,362 Then where were you? 338 00:20:25,363 --> 00:20:28,156 - I don't remember. - What do you mean? 339 00:20:28,157 --> 00:20:32,411 It's called a repressed memory. Now drop it. 340 00:20:38,583 --> 00:20:44,463 Any one of you lily-livered, bowlegged varmints care to slap leather with me? 341 00:20:44,464 --> 00:20:47,798 I'm the hootingest, tootingest, shootingest... 342 00:20:47,799 --> 00:20:50,739 ...bobtailed wildcat in the West. 343 00:20:51,386 --> 00:20:57,891 I'm the fastest gun north, south, east and west of the Pecos.