1 00:00:03,656 --> 00:00:08,777 Throws it into the corner off the middle, he's got a... 2 00:00:09,027 --> 00:00:10,441 Hello? 3 00:00:10,442 --> 00:00:13,607 Hold on. Are you in for a Suzanne? 4 00:00:14,898 --> 00:00:17,394 Kind of have to be. 5 00:00:17,646 --> 00:00:20,809 You didn't put your hand over the phone. 6 00:00:20,810 --> 00:00:23,058 Oh, right. 7 00:00:23,059 --> 00:00:25,555 Sorry, he's not here. 8 00:00:26,514 --> 00:00:28,054 Give me. Give me. 9 00:00:28,055 --> 00:00:30,719 Sorry about that. My brother's kid. 10 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:33,215 Yeah, dumb as a stump. 11 00:00:38,173 --> 00:00:40,669 Hi. 12 00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:46,707 Yeah. I'm not sure I have the right address. 13 00:00:46,708 --> 00:00:49,454 No, you got the right address. 14 00:00:51,330 --> 00:00:53,825 Charlie, it's for you. 15 00:00:54,828 --> 00:00:57,158 Who is it? 16 00:00:57,159 --> 00:00:59,654 Karma. 17 00:01:01,364 --> 00:01:05,727 - What? - Your chickens have come home to roost. 18 00:01:06,319 --> 00:01:08,276 Chickens? Karma? 19 00:01:08,277 --> 00:01:11,232 Alan, what the hell are you talking-? 20 00:01:11,233 --> 00:01:13,728 Oh. 21 00:01:14,271 --> 00:01:16,767 Charlie, it's for you. 22 00:01:44,500 --> 00:01:47,415 Hey. Great to see you... 23 00:01:48,456 --> 00:01:50,828 ...again. 24 00:01:50,829 --> 00:01:53,451 Yeah. I don't think we've met. 25 00:01:53,452 --> 00:01:55,325 - Really? - Really. 26 00:01:55,326 --> 00:01:59,447 Are you trying to give me a stroke? Is that what you're trying to do? 27 00:01:59,448 --> 00:02:00,821 Well, it's about time. 28 00:02:00,822 --> 00:02:04,985 Oh, hey, Mom. I got the cleaning stuff you wanted. 29 00:02:04,986 --> 00:02:08,315 Well, don't just stand there. Get in the kitchen and start using it. 30 00:02:08,316 --> 00:02:09,606 Fine. 31 00:02:09,607 --> 00:02:14,145 - Berta, aren't you gonna introduce us? - Oh, I'm sorry. Where are my manners? 32 00:02:14,146 --> 00:02:18,517 Charlie, Alan, I'd like you to meet my youngest daughter, Naomi. 33 00:02:18,518 --> 00:02:20,682 The light of my life. 34 00:02:20,683 --> 00:02:22,972 A little angel who swooped down from heaven... 35 00:02:22,973 --> 00:02:26,617 ...and landed on a married man's penis. 36 00:02:26,845 --> 00:02:29,051 - Mom. - And when she got knocked up... 37 00:02:29,052 --> 00:02:31,882 ...and lost her job, she had to come live with me. 38 00:02:31,883 --> 00:02:34,755 - They fired you for being pregnant? - Yep. Being pregnant. 39 00:02:34,756 --> 00:02:37,900 And stealing a few office supplies. 40 00:02:38,003 --> 00:02:41,293 Eight computers and a Xerox machine. 41 00:02:42,292 --> 00:02:44,289 Not all at once. 42 00:02:44,290 --> 00:02:49,911 So which one of you guys is the rich one who likes to party? 43 00:02:51,327 --> 00:02:52,992 Get to work. 44 00:02:52,993 --> 00:02:55,199 All right. 45 00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:58,155 When you're done in the kitchen, you can scrub the toilets. 46 00:02:58,156 --> 00:03:00,361 NAOMl: All right. 47 00:03:00,362 --> 00:03:02,943 If she spent more time on her knees than on her back... 48 00:03:02,944 --> 00:03:05,774 ...she wouldn't be in this situation. 49 00:03:05,775 --> 00:03:08,271 Not necessarily. 50 00:03:09,148 --> 00:03:12,020 Should she really be scrubbing toilets in her condition? 51 00:03:12,021 --> 00:03:15,559 Hey, when I was pregnant with her I worked right up until my water broke. 52 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:19,174 Then I used the water to mop the floor. 53 00:03:19,724 --> 00:03:22,220 I exaggerate for effect. 54 00:03:25,095 --> 00:03:26,302 Wow. 55 00:03:26,303 --> 00:03:29,590 Yeah, and we think our family's screwed up. 56 00:03:29,591 --> 00:03:34,213 No, no, I meant, "Wow, Naomi is hot. " 57 00:03:36,378 --> 00:03:39,375 - What? - Come on. She's so ripe and luscious. 58 00:03:39,376 --> 00:03:45,081 I just wanna caress that taut, voluptuous belly and- You know. 59 00:03:51,243 --> 00:03:53,115 Who are you? 60 00:03:53,116 --> 00:03:56,072 Come on, you can't tell me you don't appreciate the beauty... 61 00:03:56,073 --> 00:03:58,278 ...of a woman in that condition. 62 00:03:58,279 --> 00:04:00,775 Okay, look, freako. 63 00:04:01,860 --> 00:04:05,148 I get the aesthetic appeal of a woman with the glow of motherhood... 64 00:04:05,149 --> 00:04:08,687 ...a new life growing inside of her, blah, blah, blah. 65 00:04:08,688 --> 00:04:11,394 But long story short, once there's a bun in the oven... 66 00:04:11,395 --> 00:04:14,475 ...I don't feel the need to butter it. 67 00:04:14,476 --> 00:04:17,972 Well, then you have missed out on one of the great sexual experiences... 68 00:04:17,973 --> 00:04:19,555 ...a man can have. 69 00:04:19,556 --> 00:04:22,051 There had to be one. 70 00:04:22,471 --> 00:04:24,384 When Judith was pregnant with Jake... 71 00:04:24,385 --> 00:04:26,883 ...I don't know if it was hormones or pheromones... 72 00:04:26,884 --> 00:04:29,381 ...but she just could not get enough of me. 73 00:04:29,382 --> 00:04:35,192 And ever since then, every time I see a pregnant woman, I just: 74 00:04:35,878 --> 00:04:38,541 Okay, seriously, you gotta stop that. 75 00:04:38,542 --> 00:04:41,706 I'm telling you, nine months of the hottest sex we've ever had. 76 00:04:41,707 --> 00:04:44,745 Even with the morning sickness and hemorrhoids. 77 00:04:44,746 --> 00:04:47,810 Maybe that explains Jake's grades. 78 00:04:47,910 --> 00:04:49,700 Morning sickness and hemorrhoids? 79 00:04:49,701 --> 00:04:53,744 No, the repeated blows to his unformed head. 80 00:04:56,737 --> 00:04:58,318 You are such an idiot. 81 00:04:58,319 --> 00:05:01,692 Experts agree that sex during pregnancy is not harmful to the baby. 82 00:05:01,693 --> 00:05:05,979 Experts shmecksperts. Tonight when you're sleeping I'm gonna come in... 83 00:05:05,980 --> 00:05:10,560 ...and start poking you in the ear with a hot dog. 84 00:05:10,561 --> 00:05:12,767 See how you like it. 85 00:05:12,768 --> 00:05:15,057 Okay, okay, clearly we have different opinions. 86 00:05:15,058 --> 00:05:19,600 All I know is, I find pregnant women very erotic. 87 00:05:21,178 --> 00:05:23,674 Oh, hey, buddy. 88 00:05:23,843 --> 00:05:26,590 - Hi. - How long have you been standing there? 89 00:05:26,591 --> 00:05:29,496 Long enough to be very confused. 90 00:05:31,670 --> 00:05:34,256 But we have hot dogs, right? 91 00:05:46,744 --> 00:05:51,316 - Excuse me? - Oh, it's just a little indigestion. 92 00:05:51,823 --> 00:05:54,778 So she's got you doing a little ironing, huh? 93 00:05:54,779 --> 00:06:01,767 Yeah. Boy, I can't wait to get this day over with and take a nice, hot bath. 94 00:06:07,062 --> 00:06:13,432 You know, we happen to have a Jacuzzi tub. It has those jets- 95 00:06:15,431 --> 00:06:17,804 I'm okay. I'm okay. 96 00:06:17,805 --> 00:06:20,552 - Are you sure? - Yeah, I'm fine. 97 00:06:20,553 --> 00:06:23,299 - You want me to run some water for you? - No, I couldn't. 98 00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:29,212 I gotta keep working or my mom will be all over me like hair on soap. 99 00:06:29,213 --> 00:06:32,127 Hm. You do paint a picture. 100 00:06:32,627 --> 00:06:35,208 But still, you shouldn't be working in your condition. 101 00:06:35,209 --> 00:06:39,413 Come on, just sit here. I'll finish it for you. 102 00:06:39,414 --> 00:06:41,909 - Really? - Yes, really. 103 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:44,616 Why, thank you. 104 00:06:46,284 --> 00:06:50,058 You're not doing a very good job anyway. 105 00:06:51,821 --> 00:06:53,528 Ooh. 106 00:06:53,529 --> 00:06:56,024 Hot. 107 00:06:56,860 --> 00:06:58,899 So you know what the baby is? 108 00:06:58,900 --> 00:07:01,406 Well, I'm hoping for human. 109 00:07:03,855 --> 00:07:06,269 - No, no, I meant boy or girl. - Oh, it's a girl. 110 00:07:06,270 --> 00:07:11,307 Oh, that's nice. I always wanted a girl. I mean, I love my son, but let's face it. 111 00:07:11,308 --> 00:07:14,014 Girls are so much smarter and more spiritual than boys. 112 00:07:14,015 --> 00:07:16,929 Plus, we got all the boobies. 113 00:07:18,261 --> 00:07:20,717 All the good ones anyway. 114 00:07:20,718 --> 00:07:25,463 Of course, right now mine feel like two big bags of wet sand. 115 00:07:25,464 --> 00:07:27,421 Nice. 116 00:07:27,422 --> 00:07:29,711 My back is killing me, my feet are swollen... 117 00:07:29,712 --> 00:07:34,014 ...and I'm passing gas like a NASCAR pit crew. 118 00:07:35,541 --> 00:07:38,526 Well, I think you look beautiful. 119 00:07:39,621 --> 00:07:42,117 Aren't you sweet. 120 00:07:42,577 --> 00:07:45,782 God, it feels like she's playing Hacky Sack in there. 121 00:07:45,783 --> 00:07:48,279 - Wanna feel? - Yes. 122 00:07:49,947 --> 00:07:52,903 Okay. Come on. 123 00:07:57,816 --> 00:08:00,311 What's going on here? 124 00:08:00,314 --> 00:08:03,561 Oh, hi. The baby was kicking and Naomi asked if I wanted to feel... 125 00:08:03,562 --> 00:08:06,392 ...and I said sure, which is when you walked in. That's it. 126 00:08:06,393 --> 00:08:09,058 - Okay. - Yes, it is. It is okay. 127 00:08:09,059 --> 00:08:13,096 Hey, you're having a new granddaughter. What a blessing, huh? 128 00:08:13,097 --> 00:08:18,717 Yeah. Sort of takes the sting out of this one being a gullible tramp. 129 00:08:18,718 --> 00:08:21,381 Now get off your rump roast and finish the ironing. 130 00:08:21,382 --> 00:08:23,422 Wait. Relax, Berta, I'll do the ironing. 131 00:08:23,423 --> 00:08:25,879 Why don't you just let Naomi take it easy? 132 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:28,877 Easy is the reason she's in this condition. 133 00:08:28,878 --> 00:08:32,041 - Now get to it. - All right. 134 00:08:33,499 --> 00:08:36,829 You know, if your back is really bothering you, I'm a chiropractor. 135 00:08:36,830 --> 00:08:38,369 Zippy. - Yes? 136 00:08:38,370 --> 00:08:40,866 - Conference. - Yes. 137 00:08:42,617 --> 00:08:48,168 Zippy is kind of an affectionate nickname. Because I'm quick. 138 00:08:51,112 --> 00:08:54,274 What are you doing? I'm trying to teach that girl responsibility. 139 00:08:54,275 --> 00:08:57,231 She's gonna be a single mother with no job skills. 140 00:08:57,232 --> 00:09:00,104 I want her to be able to support herself with some dignity. 141 00:09:00,105 --> 00:09:03,185 Please. What kind of dignity can a woman have ironing clothes... 142 00:09:03,186 --> 00:09:06,231 ...and cleaning strangers' toilets? 143 00:09:07,141 --> 00:09:09,597 I'll tell you what kind. 144 00:09:09,598 --> 00:09:12,386 The dignity of an honest buck for an honest day's labor. 145 00:09:12,387 --> 00:09:15,951 Hats off to the working gal. Excuse me. 146 00:09:28,251 --> 00:09:30,747 - Berta? - Go away. 147 00:09:32,748 --> 00:09:37,119 - I actually need to use the bathroom. - Well, I'm using this one. 148 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:41,074 - Are you okay? - Yeah, Charlie, I am just aces. 149 00:09:41,075 --> 00:09:45,156 All right. Would you like a magazine? 150 00:09:45,322 --> 00:09:47,818 Go away. 151 00:09:51,068 --> 00:09:53,564 Berta, I'm coming in. 152 00:09:53,608 --> 00:09:56,104 Is it okay if I come in? 153 00:10:00,853 --> 00:10:02,518 Hi. 154 00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:05,140 I didn't want you to see me like this. 155 00:10:05,141 --> 00:10:10,392 Yeah, well, it's better than the image I had in my mind. 156 00:10:10,971 --> 00:10:14,934 - What's wrong, Berta? - What do you think? 157 00:10:15,467 --> 00:10:18,839 - Your daughter? - I had such hopes for her. 158 00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:21,462 Of all of my girls, she was the smart one. 159 00:10:21,463 --> 00:10:23,959 She was the smart one? 160 00:10:25,460 --> 00:10:27,291 Go on. 161 00:10:27,292 --> 00:10:29,956 I really thought Naomi would make something of herself. 162 00:10:29,957 --> 00:10:32,579 You know, a career, a family... 163 00:10:32,580 --> 00:10:37,451 ...a house that wasn't just a horse trailer with a futon in it. 164 00:10:37,452 --> 00:10:39,616 Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. 165 00:10:39,617 --> 00:10:43,696 Who said anything about it being my fault, you nimrod? 166 00:10:43,697 --> 00:10:47,360 No, no, no, I'm- I'm- I'm just saying that you did the best you could. 167 00:10:47,361 --> 00:10:49,857 How the hell do you know? 168 00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:53,190 Actually, I don't. 169 00:10:53,357 --> 00:10:58,103 But I am something of an expert on where girls go wrong. 170 00:10:58,104 --> 00:11:02,600 And when they start sleeping around, it's usually a daddy thing. 171 00:11:02,601 --> 00:11:05,097 At least in my experience. 172 00:11:05,099 --> 00:11:08,013 - Thanks for trying to cheer me up, Charlie. - You're welcome. 173 00:11:08,014 --> 00:11:12,093 But you can stop now, because it ain't your forte. 174 00:11:12,094 --> 00:11:14,425 I'll tell you whose fault it is. 175 00:11:14,426 --> 00:11:17,006 - Ronald Wiedermeier. - Who? 176 00:11:17,173 --> 00:11:20,045 The sleaze ball who pollinated my little flower... 177 00:11:20,046 --> 00:11:23,668 ...then disappeared like cupcakes at a pot party. 178 00:11:23,669 --> 00:11:25,583 Damn that Ronald Niedermeier. 179 00:11:25,584 --> 00:11:27,998 - Wiedermeier. - Him too. 180 00:11:27,999 --> 00:11:30,663 I'll tell you, I'm not gonna let him get away with it. 181 00:11:30,664 --> 00:11:34,743 Good for you. Guys like that need to know there's consequences to their actions. 182 00:11:34,744 --> 00:11:37,449 They need to learn that women are people with feelings. 183 00:11:37,450 --> 00:11:39,906 They're not just vaginas that talk. 184 00:11:39,907 --> 00:11:42,403 Vaginas that talk? 185 00:11:42,696 --> 00:11:45,403 Damn that Ronald Wiedermeier. 186 00:11:45,945 --> 00:11:48,650 You may be a pig, but in this case you're right. 187 00:11:48,651 --> 00:11:51,106 Thank you. What did I say? 188 00:11:51,107 --> 00:11:54,354 We need to teach Mr. Wiedermeier a lesson. 189 00:11:54,355 --> 00:11:56,727 - I don't think I said that. - Come on. 190 00:11:56,728 --> 00:12:01,400 No, really. I'm almost positive I didn't say that. 191 00:12:04,306 --> 00:12:07,102 You know, I still have to pee. 192 00:12:13,841 --> 00:12:15,964 Where the hell are we? 193 00:12:15,965 --> 00:12:18,460 It's called Rancho Pacoima. 194 00:12:19,628 --> 00:12:22,585 It's very brown. 195 00:12:22,751 --> 00:12:28,062 Yeah. Not much grows here except meth labs and cold sores. 196 00:12:28,789 --> 00:12:30,245 Just out of curiosity... 197 00:12:30,246 --> 00:12:33,326 ...what are we hoping to accomplish here with this Ronald guy? 198 00:12:33,327 --> 00:12:37,864 Well, in a perfect world he'd dump his wife and marry my little hosebag. 199 00:12:37,865 --> 00:12:41,195 But I'll settle for him stepping up and paying for his mistake. 200 00:12:41,196 --> 00:12:42,695 And if he declines? 201 00:12:42,696 --> 00:12:44,069 That's why I brought you. 202 00:12:44,070 --> 00:12:48,921 Me? All I could do at this point is pee on his rug. 203 00:12:49,066 --> 00:12:50,563 You still have to go? 204 00:12:50,564 --> 00:12:53,604 Well, yeah, it doesn't evaporate. 205 00:12:54,021 --> 00:12:55,851 Can't we pull over for a minute? 206 00:12:55,852 --> 00:12:58,350 In this neighborhood in a Mercedes? 207 00:12:58,351 --> 00:13:02,814 Sure, if you're partial to car theft and sodomy. 208 00:13:02,972 --> 00:13:06,469 - Take a left, right up here. - That's not a road. 209 00:13:06,470 --> 00:13:09,166 Well, not during rainy season. 210 00:13:14,381 --> 00:13:17,962 Oh, God. I think I hit a dog. 211 00:13:18,128 --> 00:13:20,251 Don't worry, it was just a rat. 212 00:13:20,252 --> 00:13:22,807 It's okay, he's getting up. 213 00:13:31,702 --> 00:13:35,532 - What's this stuff called again? - Vitamin E oil. 214 00:13:35,533 --> 00:13:38,028 It feels really good. 215 00:13:49,064 --> 00:13:50,688 Hi, Mom. I'm ready to go. 216 00:13:50,689 --> 00:13:55,351 - Where's your father? - He's in the den rubbing oil on Naomi. 217 00:13:55,352 --> 00:13:57,599 - Who's Naomi? - Berta's daughter. 218 00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:00,264 Your father's rubbing oil on a woman in front of you? 219 00:14:00,265 --> 00:14:03,959 No, I couldn't watch. It was too creepy. 220 00:14:04,221 --> 00:14:06,176 Well, we'll just see about that. 221 00:14:06,177 --> 00:14:10,756 Oh, and by the way, I found out why I get bad grades. It's all your fault. 222 00:14:10,757 --> 00:14:14,421 - Why is it my fault? - You know. 223 00:14:15,296 --> 00:14:17,791 NAOMl: Oh, yeah, Alan. 224 00:14:18,959 --> 00:14:21,455 Wait in the car. 225 00:14:22,499 --> 00:14:24,746 Alan, what do you think you're doing? 226 00:14:24,747 --> 00:14:26,995 Oh, hi. Naomi was worried about stretch marks. 227 00:14:26,996 --> 00:14:29,451 I was showing her how vitamin E can prevent them. 228 00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:31,824 Then you walked in and that's pretty much it. 229 00:14:31,825 --> 00:14:33,407 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 230 00:14:33,408 --> 00:14:37,154 Why don't you pull up your top and let her check out your belly? 231 00:14:37,155 --> 00:14:39,028 I will not. 232 00:14:39,029 --> 00:14:41,817 - So he rubbed this on you too? - Oh, he rubbed, all right. 233 00:14:41,818 --> 00:14:44,648 But it was only to satisfy his own twisted needs. 234 00:14:44,649 --> 00:14:47,230 Excuse me, you were the one who was constantly horny. 235 00:14:47,231 --> 00:14:49,062 And you sure took advantage of it. 236 00:14:49,063 --> 00:14:55,058 Hey, when the bar is only open nine months a decade, you drink till you puke. 237 00:14:55,059 --> 00:14:57,432 And then you keep drinking. 238 00:14:57,433 --> 00:14:59,928 Ha-ha. That's funny. 239 00:15:01,762 --> 00:15:04,258 Hey, buddy. 240 00:15:04,469 --> 00:15:08,465 You're turning into quite the little ninja, aren't you? 241 00:15:08,466 --> 00:15:11,629 - There's just one thing I don't understand. - What's that, honey? 242 00:15:11,630 --> 00:15:14,877 If you have sex with a pregnant lady, wouldn't she have twins? 243 00:15:14,878 --> 00:15:16,127 No. 244 00:15:16,128 --> 00:15:20,301 Otherwise, I'd be having a whole damn litter. 245 00:15:29,992 --> 00:15:34,364 A lot of cold medicine. Guy must have allergies or something. 246 00:15:34,365 --> 00:15:37,609 You don't watch 60 Minutes, do you? 247 00:15:47,313 --> 00:15:49,144 What? 248 00:15:49,145 --> 00:15:51,641 - You Ronald? - No. 249 00:15:52,435 --> 00:15:54,849 Ronald, who is it? 250 00:15:54,850 --> 00:15:58,843 Damn it, Darlene. We're incognito, remember? 251 00:16:00,429 --> 00:16:02,468 - You cops? - Yeah. 252 00:16:02,469 --> 00:16:04,975 I'm Scully, this is Mulder. 253 00:16:06,049 --> 00:16:08,256 Listen, can I use your bathroom? 254 00:16:08,257 --> 00:16:12,087 No, no. It's not functioning correctly. 255 00:16:12,254 --> 00:16:14,876 We use the Chevron up the block. 256 00:16:14,877 --> 00:16:17,373 - Bye. - No bye-bye. 257 00:16:17,708 --> 00:16:20,539 Ronald, this is the deal. You knocked up my little girl. 258 00:16:20,540 --> 00:16:22,662 I wanna know what you're gonna do about it. 259 00:16:22,663 --> 00:16:25,576 - Well, that depends. - On what? 260 00:16:25,577 --> 00:16:28,616 - Who's your little girl? - Naomi. 261 00:16:28,617 --> 00:16:33,498 Naomi. Oh, I haven't seen Naomi in a real long time. 262 00:16:33,530 --> 00:16:35,902 About eight, nine months? 263 00:16:35,903 --> 00:16:38,568 Yeah, that sounds right. 264 00:16:38,735 --> 00:16:40,191 Ew. 265 00:16:40,192 --> 00:16:44,438 Ronald? What's going on? - Nothing, sweet cheeks. 266 00:16:44,439 --> 00:16:46,020 Okay, look. 267 00:16:46,021 --> 00:16:49,810 I'd like to keep this away from the missus. She's a little volatile. 268 00:16:49,811 --> 00:16:53,099 Hasn't slept really well. 269 00:16:53,266 --> 00:16:56,263 You got a coffee can or a milk jug, I could go around back? 270 00:16:56,264 --> 00:16:58,595 No, no, it's a real mess back there. 271 00:16:58,596 --> 00:17:01,091 Uh-oh. 272 00:17:02,384 --> 00:17:07,136 Damn it, Darlene. I told you not to smoke in there. 273 00:17:08,005 --> 00:17:11,753 Well, I don't have to pee anymore. 274 00:17:16,957 --> 00:17:18,747 Uh. 275 00:17:18,748 --> 00:17:21,244 That feels so good. 276 00:17:26,825 --> 00:17:29,072 - Sorry. - No, no, no, don't be silly. 277 00:17:29,073 --> 00:17:30,904 It's a natural bodily function. 278 00:17:30,905 --> 00:17:34,153 The baby is pressing down on the intestines and- 279 00:17:34,154 --> 00:17:36,650 Oh, dear Lord. 280 00:17:37,484 --> 00:17:39,566 I'm sorry. 281 00:17:39,567 --> 00:17:41,897 - Oh, no, no. No, it's all right. - Okay. 282 00:17:41,898 --> 00:17:44,311 I'm used to it. When my wife was pregnant- 283 00:17:44,312 --> 00:17:47,108 Oh, that's got some hang time. 284 00:17:49,101 --> 00:17:51,974 You are so sweet, Alan. 285 00:17:52,307 --> 00:17:54,388 How come I've never met a man like you? 286 00:17:54,389 --> 00:18:00,379 Well, speaking on behalf of men like me, we don't get out a lot. 287 00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:11,083 Sorry. 288 00:18:11,376 --> 00:18:13,872 I'm not. 289 00:18:18,871 --> 00:18:21,702 You know, these sweatpants are really comfortable. 290 00:18:21,703 --> 00:18:24,208 That's because they're dry. 291 00:18:24,867 --> 00:18:26,199 Boy, what a deal. 292 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:29,738 - What did you call that place again? - A swap meet. 293 00:18:29,739 --> 00:18:32,235 Swap meet. 294 00:18:33,111 --> 00:18:36,816 Well, aside from the exploding meth lab and peeing myself... 295 00:18:36,817 --> 00:18:38,772 ...this was a fun little trip. 296 00:18:38,773 --> 00:18:41,271 I got the sweatpants, a bag of tube socks... 297 00:18:41,272 --> 00:18:45,019 ...four DVDs and a corn dog all for 8 bucks. 298 00:18:45,020 --> 00:18:48,682 Just a hint. The corn dog will last longer than the socks. 299 00:18:48,683 --> 00:18:51,848 NAOMl: Oh, God. Oh, it's too big. 300 00:18:51,889 --> 00:18:56,178 - What the hell? - Alan, you sick freak. 301 00:18:58,135 --> 00:18:59,591 Naomi. 302 00:18:59,592 --> 00:19:02,839 - Oh, hi. She's having a baby. Damn. 303 00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:05,504 It's all right, honey. Mommy's here. 304 00:19:05,505 --> 00:19:07,336 Oh. 305 00:19:07,337 --> 00:19:09,501 What? You never saw an angry one before? 306 00:19:09,502 --> 00:19:14,783 - Out of the way, Zippy. - It's okay, I'm a chiropractor. 307 00:19:16,455 --> 00:19:17,953 You got it. 308 00:19:17,954 --> 00:19:21,867 It's okay, honey, that's it, now. Take a big deep breath and push. 309 00:19:21,868 --> 00:19:26,489 Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on, hold on. Let me put down some tube socks. 310 00:19:26,490 --> 00:19:31,111 Ignore him. Come on. Breathe. Breathe. Now, push. 311 00:19:35,816 --> 00:19:38,312 Push. 312 00:19:43,020 --> 00:19:45,850 Now, you listen up, Brittany Pam. 313 00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:47,765 You're my last chance. 314 00:19:47,766 --> 00:19:51,471 You're gonna go to college, you're gonna make something of yourself. 315 00:19:51,472 --> 00:19:56,259 No getting knocked up by some greasy tweaker from Rancho Pacoima. 316 00:19:56,260 --> 00:19:58,175 Oh, gee, Mom, about that. 317 00:19:58,176 --> 00:20:02,921 I've kind of been counting back the weeks and Ronald can't be the daddy. 318 00:20:02,922 --> 00:20:04,461 What? 319 00:20:04,462 --> 00:20:07,459 Yeah, see, he was in a burn unit at the time. 320 00:20:07,460 --> 00:20:11,707 He wanted to, but his skin just kept sliding off. 321 00:20:11,708 --> 00:20:15,163 Oh, God, here comes the corn dog. 322 00:20:15,788 --> 00:20:17,411 So who is the father? 323 00:20:17,412 --> 00:20:21,116 - Well, I got it narrowed down. - Oh, dear Lord. 324 00:20:21,117 --> 00:20:25,740 I'll know for sure if she starts speaking Spanish. 325 00:20:26,780 --> 00:20:29,901 But we just shook down Ronald for $5000. 326 00:20:29,902 --> 00:20:35,663 We? You were hiding behind the car pulling off your wet undies. 327 00:20:35,732 --> 00:20:40,703 Make yourself comfortable. The doctor will be right in. 328 00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:45,806 Come on, freako. 329 00:20:45,807 --> 00:20:48,303 You are absolutely radiant. 330 00:20:50,055 --> 00:20:51,511 Best of luck. 331 00:20:51,512 --> 00:20:54,686 - Thanks. - Sorry about your couch. 332 00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:57,924 Good news, honey. I got you $4000.