1 00:00:03,981 --> 00:00:06,483 Here we are. Be it ever so humble. 2 00:00:06,484 --> 00:00:08,983 Wow, this is some house. 3 00:00:08,985 --> 00:00:11,862 If you ever decide to sell, I want the listing. 4 00:00:11,863 --> 00:00:16,433 Well, you'd have to kill my mom for it, so sure. 5 00:00:18,953 --> 00:00:21,079 - Can I make you a drink? - Charlie... 6 00:00:21,080 --> 00:00:23,122 ...we both know I'm gonna sleep with you. 7 00:00:23,123 --> 00:00:25,875 You don't have to liquor me up. 8 00:00:25,876 --> 00:00:31,797 I've been doing this a long time. Trust me, you'll want a drink. 9 00:00:31,798 --> 00:00:34,174 Oh, hey. I didn't know you guys were home. 10 00:00:34,175 --> 00:00:37,010 - Lydia, this is my brother, Alan. - Alan, hi. 11 00:00:37,011 --> 00:00:40,346 - Hi. - So sorry to hear about your troubles. 12 00:00:40,347 --> 00:00:43,015 - Troubles? What troubles? - Oh, maybe I have it wrong. 13 00:00:43,016 --> 00:00:49,975 Charlie, didn't you tell me he was divorced, broke and living on your couch? 14 00:00:51,816 --> 00:00:55,356 I don't know what she's talking about. 15 00:00:55,361 --> 00:00:57,653 I am going through a bit of a rough patch... 16 00:00:57,654 --> 00:01:00,864 - ...but I try not to think about it much. - Oh, good for you. 17 00:01:00,865 --> 00:01:03,365 I'd be suicidal. 18 00:01:04,118 --> 00:01:07,027 You hear that? You have options. 19 00:01:07,913 --> 00:01:11,040 - Anyway, this is my nephew, Jake. - Hello, Jake. 20 00:01:11,041 --> 00:01:13,042 - Hi. - So, what grade are you in? 21 00:01:13,043 --> 00:01:15,835 - Seventh. - Well, don't you worry when other kids... 22 00:01:15,836 --> 00:01:20,016 ...make fun of you. You'll show them someday. 23 00:01:20,424 --> 00:01:24,394 - Nobody makes fun of me. - You're kidding. 24 00:01:24,677 --> 00:01:27,179 Why would anyone make fun of me? 25 00:01:27,180 --> 00:01:30,599 And this is my housekeeper, Berta. Berta, Lydia. 26 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:33,728 Choose your words carefully, slim. 27 00:01:34,561 --> 00:01:37,061 Slim? Why, thank you. 28 00:01:37,105 --> 00:01:39,190 I watch what I eat. 29 00:01:39,191 --> 00:01:41,691 Going in or coming out? 30 00:01:48,532 --> 00:01:50,867 Hey, uh, why don't we forget the drinks? 31 00:01:50,868 --> 00:01:53,410 - Go out on the deck. Enjoy the sunset. - All right. 32 00:01:53,411 --> 00:01:56,288 - Well, it was so nice to meet all of you. - Uh-huh. 33 00:01:56,289 --> 00:01:58,789 Yeah. - Sure. 34 00:01:59,667 --> 00:02:02,516 You didn't have to be so rude. 35 00:02:06,423 --> 00:02:09,703 You said they were laughing with me. 36 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:12,303 Hey, I got my own problems. 37 00:02:39,895 --> 00:02:42,396 Oh, Charlie. 38 00:02:42,730 --> 00:02:45,230 No need to thank me. 39 00:02:46,108 --> 00:02:48,608 I wasn't going to. 40 00:02:49,944 --> 00:02:51,528 Excuse me? 41 00:02:51,529 --> 00:02:55,115 It was very nice. It's just if I'd known you were gonna camp down there... 42 00:02:55,116 --> 00:03:00,369 ...I would have given you a lantern and some marshmallows. 43 00:03:00,370 --> 00:03:03,539 - Hey, I was just trying to be thorough. - You were showing off. 44 00:03:03,540 --> 00:03:08,752 No, no, if I were showing off, I'd have done it with no hands. 45 00:03:08,753 --> 00:03:12,297 So I can expect this kind of effort every time we get in bed? 46 00:03:12,298 --> 00:03:15,368 Well, maybe not during flu season. 47 00:03:16,177 --> 00:03:18,594 And it's important to have variety. 48 00:03:18,595 --> 00:03:20,554 I'm not gonna swing for the long ball. 49 00:03:20,555 --> 00:03:22,556 Once in a while I'll lay down a bunt- 50 00:03:22,557 --> 00:03:26,018 And how did you manage to turn this into a bad thing? 51 00:03:26,019 --> 00:03:28,060 It's not a bad thing. 52 00:03:28,061 --> 00:03:30,187 Thank you. 53 00:03:30,188 --> 00:03:33,774 Which is not to say if you were open to suggestion it couldn't be better. 54 00:03:33,775 --> 00:03:36,277 Oh, really. And how could it have been better? 55 00:03:36,278 --> 00:03:37,485 Ooh. 56 00:03:37,486 --> 00:03:41,990 - Looks like I pushed a button. - Yeah, well, looks like I didn't. 57 00:03:41,991 --> 00:03:44,325 Charlie. 58 00:03:44,326 --> 00:03:47,161 You can push an elevator button a hundred times... 59 00:03:47,162 --> 00:03:50,282 ...it still won't come any faster. 60 00:03:52,417 --> 00:03:56,002 Fine. Maybe next time I'll take the stairs. 61 00:03:56,003 --> 00:04:00,507 Oh, come on. Don't be like that. 62 00:04:01,633 --> 00:04:04,133 You were magnificent. 63 00:04:04,845 --> 00:04:07,344 Astonishing. 64 00:04:07,430 --> 00:04:10,310 You've ruined me for other men. 65 00:04:11,392 --> 00:04:13,894 There, was that so hard? 66 00:04:14,812 --> 00:04:18,397 - You boys and your little egos. - Okay, okay, stop. 67 00:04:18,398 --> 00:04:22,568 In this bed, we don't say "boys" and we don't say "little." 68 00:04:22,569 --> 00:04:24,527 Fine. 69 00:04:24,528 --> 00:04:28,698 - You want me to try again? - No, I'm a bit chafed. 70 00:04:28,699 --> 00:04:31,701 Let's make the next few minutes about pleasing you. 71 00:04:31,702 --> 00:04:34,035 A few minutes? That's all I get? 72 00:04:34,036 --> 00:04:38,956 Trust me, darling, with me that's all you can handle. 73 00:04:44,587 --> 00:04:46,547 - Hey, Dad? - Yeah? 74 00:04:46,548 --> 00:04:48,882 Do you like Uncle Charlie's new girlfriend? 75 00:04:48,883 --> 00:04:51,969 Well, I just met her the one time, so... 76 00:04:51,970 --> 00:04:54,469 No, not really. 77 00:04:54,888 --> 00:04:56,597 You know who she reminds me of? 78 00:04:56,598 --> 00:05:02,103 The girls at school who think they rule the world because they got their boobs. 79 00:05:02,104 --> 00:05:06,481 Well, I hate to tell you, buddy, but they kind of do. 80 00:05:06,482 --> 00:05:10,068 I don't get it. I wouldn't be mean if I had boobs. 81 00:05:10,069 --> 00:05:12,608 Well, that's very admirable. 82 00:05:24,248 --> 00:05:28,043 Hi there. I like you very much. 83 00:05:29,169 --> 00:05:31,169 Please don't do that. 84 00:05:31,170 --> 00:05:34,424 Do what? I'm just being nice. 85 00:05:34,924 --> 00:05:37,424 I'm serious. Cut it out. 86 00:05:38,469 --> 00:05:40,511 - Hey. - Hey. 87 00:05:40,512 --> 00:05:43,181 Hello, big boy. 88 00:05:46,434 --> 00:05:50,133 You really need to get him into a sport. 89 00:05:50,354 --> 00:05:53,274 I'll need a sports bra. 90 00:05:54,024 --> 00:05:56,524 I said quit it. 91 00:05:57,903 --> 00:06:03,115 - What are you watching? - I don't know, some Disney crap. 92 00:06:03,116 --> 00:06:04,783 Where's your girlfriend? 93 00:06:04,784 --> 00:06:07,284 Hey, my boob. 94 00:06:09,788 --> 00:06:13,999 - She had to go pick up her kids. - Probably from therapy. 95 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:17,211 - What's that supposed to mean? - We don't like her. 96 00:06:17,212 --> 00:06:19,711 - Who's we? - Me and Dad. 97 00:06:19,964 --> 00:06:25,514 No, no, I'd- That's not, uh- I mean, she seems, uh, really- 98 00:06:25,636 --> 00:06:28,135 No, we don't like her. 99 00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:32,641 She might be a bit outspoken but I happen to find that very attractive. 100 00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:35,895 She must be dynamite in the sack. 101 00:06:39,481 --> 00:06:43,691 - Where do you get this stuff from? - Cinemax. 102 00:06:45,362 --> 00:06:48,154 Well, not that my sex life is any of your business, but- 103 00:06:48,155 --> 00:06:51,658 It's not his business. It's nobody's business. 104 00:06:51,659 --> 00:06:53,660 So, uh, what does she do for a living? 105 00:06:53,661 --> 00:06:57,205 Besides being a stone-cold beyotch. 106 00:06:59,666 --> 00:07:02,166 HBO. 107 00:07:05,337 --> 00:07:09,017 - She sells real estate. - Oh, like Mom. 108 00:07:09,550 --> 00:07:11,926 No, not like Mom. 109 00:07:11,927 --> 00:07:17,097 Lydia sells high-end homes in Beverly Hills, and Mom sells high-end homes... 110 00:07:17,098 --> 00:07:19,598 ...mostly on the beach. 111 00:07:19,684 --> 00:07:22,352 - What are you getting so defensive about? - I'm not. 112 00:07:22,353 --> 00:07:25,772 Lydia sells homes on the beyotch. 113 00:07:33,029 --> 00:07:36,405 All right, all right, that's it. Go to bed. 114 00:07:36,406 --> 00:07:39,786 I wasn't mean before I got my boobs. 115 00:07:46,999 --> 00:07:51,099 Boy, puberty is gonna hit him like a shovel. 116 00:07:57,217 --> 00:07:59,551 - It's good to have you back. - Thank you, Bobby. 117 00:07:59,552 --> 00:08:01,387 We haven't seen your mother here. 118 00:08:01,388 --> 00:08:03,262 Maybe you just didn't recognize her. 119 00:08:03,263 --> 00:08:06,933 Like Satan, my mother can take many forms. 120 00:08:06,934 --> 00:08:10,054 - Good one. - I'm ready to order. 121 00:08:10,104 --> 00:08:15,065 Of course. Apologies for the frivolity. What would you like? 122 00:08:15,066 --> 00:08:17,651 - I'll have the seared ahi tuna fillet. - Hmm. Good choice. 123 00:08:17,652 --> 00:08:19,444 - Very rare. - That's how we serve it. 124 00:08:19,445 --> 00:08:21,195 Red in the middle, not pink. 125 00:08:21,196 --> 00:08:23,489 - Shall do. - If it's pink, don't bring it. 126 00:08:23,490 --> 00:08:26,075 Give it to someone who doesn't know what rare is. 127 00:08:26,076 --> 00:08:27,743 - Of course. - Know what? Forget it. 128 00:08:27,744 --> 00:08:30,244 You won't get it right. 129 00:08:30,246 --> 00:08:33,122 - Is your salmon fresh? - Flown in today. 130 00:08:33,123 --> 00:08:36,243 - What time? - I'll ask the chef. 131 00:08:36,627 --> 00:08:40,066 Many forms. I thought you were joking. 132 00:08:41,089 --> 00:08:43,215 You eat here regularly? 133 00:08:43,216 --> 00:08:45,425 Not anymore. 134 00:08:45,426 --> 00:08:48,637 So listen, uh, about this weekend. My ex is going to be out of town. 135 00:08:48,638 --> 00:08:51,347 - So I'll have the kids. - Whoa, Lydia... 136 00:08:51,348 --> 00:08:55,351 ...no one loves the little ones more than old Uncle Charlie. 137 00:08:55,352 --> 00:08:58,771 Don't you think it might be soon for me to meet your kids? 138 00:08:58,772 --> 00:09:00,688 I don't want you to meet them. 139 00:09:00,689 --> 00:09:03,942 - Why not? - I'm careful about who I expose them to. 140 00:09:03,943 --> 00:09:05,860 - What's that supposed to mean? - Please. 141 00:09:05,861 --> 00:09:08,779 Why can't I expose myself to your kids? 142 00:09:08,780 --> 00:09:11,740 I mean, why can't I meet your kids? 143 00:09:11,741 --> 00:09:16,745 - Please don't make me hurt your feelings. - You can't hurt my feelings. 144 00:09:16,746 --> 00:09:19,830 All right, fine. You're a professional boy toy. 145 00:09:19,831 --> 00:09:22,625 A perpetual adolescent leading a dissolute life. 146 00:09:22,626 --> 00:09:27,837 You may have your uses, but you're not the man I want around my children. 147 00:09:27,838 --> 00:09:29,297 Oh. 148 00:09:29,298 --> 00:09:32,759 What made you think that would hurt my feelings? 149 00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:36,471 Two o'clock. JetBlue from Vancouver. Would you like to find out the movie? 150 00:09:36,472 --> 00:09:40,411 Don't bother, I'll just have the capellini. 151 00:09:40,475 --> 00:09:43,727 And I'll have the pork chop with a baked potato. 152 00:09:43,728 --> 00:09:46,479 How about a little angioplasty for dessert? 153 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:48,522 I like a nice pork chop once in a while. 154 00:09:48,523 --> 00:09:50,816 Fine, I'm not gonna tell you how to eat. 155 00:09:50,817 --> 00:09:55,237 Really? Even if I chew slowly for your pleasure? 156 00:09:56,364 --> 00:09:59,824 Ahem. So yea or nay on the pork chop? 157 00:10:01,494 --> 00:10:04,996 I'll have the spinach and goat cheese salad. 158 00:10:04,997 --> 00:10:06,497 - Good choice. - Thank you. 159 00:10:06,498 --> 00:10:08,998 On the food. 160 00:10:14,588 --> 00:10:17,173 How many pieces of bacon are you gonna eat? 161 00:10:17,174 --> 00:10:21,404 My record's 14. I barfed but it still counts. 162 00:10:22,512 --> 00:10:26,222 Do you know what's gonna happen if you continue to eat like this? 163 00:10:26,223 --> 00:10:28,723 Yeah, I'm gonna barf. 164 00:10:29,977 --> 00:10:33,520 Alan, doesn't this poor child already have enough strikes against him? 165 00:10:33,521 --> 00:10:36,231 - He's fine, Mom. - All right. 166 00:10:36,232 --> 00:10:39,276 When Jerry Springer has to knock down a wall to get him out... 167 00:10:39,277 --> 00:10:41,787 ...don't come crying to me. 168 00:10:42,030 --> 00:10:45,198 That wasn't Jerry, that was Dr. Phil. 169 00:10:45,199 --> 00:10:49,702 I'm not saying it wasn't a turn-on, I just think you need to trim a fingernail. Oh. 170 00:10:49,703 --> 00:10:52,203 Hey, Mom. 171 00:10:52,663 --> 00:10:54,873 Uh, Mom, this is Lydia. Lydia, my mother. 172 00:10:54,874 --> 00:10:58,586 - Oh. Pleased to meet you. - Likewise. 173 00:11:03,465 --> 00:11:07,615 Boy, I'm glad I stopped coming to work high. 174 00:11:10,930 --> 00:11:13,181 So, Lydia, what do you do? 175 00:11:13,182 --> 00:11:15,682 I mean, besides my son. 176 00:11:18,020 --> 00:11:21,813 - I'm in real estate. - How interesting. So am I. 177 00:11:21,814 --> 00:11:27,235 Oh, yes. Evelyn Harper. I recognize you from your bus-bench ads. 178 00:11:27,236 --> 00:11:31,495 People all over town are sitting on your face. 179 00:11:33,658 --> 00:11:36,035 Well, dear, maybe someday if you work hard... 180 00:11:36,036 --> 00:11:39,925 ...people will be sitting on your face too. 181 00:11:41,623 --> 00:11:43,666 Thank you. When I get to be your age... 182 00:11:43,667 --> 00:11:47,003 ...I hope I won't be schlepping to open houses to make a buck. 183 00:11:47,004 --> 00:11:53,300 Mm-hm. Don't say "schlep," darling. You're a bit too vanilla to pull it off. 184 00:11:53,301 --> 00:11:57,262 So, Charlie, how long have you been seeing this lovely woman? 185 00:11:57,263 --> 00:11:58,472 Uh... 186 00:11:58,473 --> 00:12:01,348 - How long has it been, sweetie? - Are you telling me... 187 00:12:01,349 --> 00:12:04,059 - ...you don't remember when we met? - The way he drinks? 188 00:12:04,060 --> 00:12:07,855 There's a good chance he doesn't remember coming down the stairs. 189 00:12:07,856 --> 00:12:12,358 - Did his father drink? - What choice did he have? 190 00:12:12,359 --> 00:12:17,019 - Charlie, don't be snide. - And stand up straight. 191 00:12:18,156 --> 00:12:20,490 This is so weird. 192 00:12:20,491 --> 00:12:22,659 - Well, I really must run. - Oh, me too. 193 00:12:22,660 --> 00:12:24,786 - Can I walk you out? - Oh, how nice. 194 00:12:24,787 --> 00:12:29,165 Are you sure you don't want to stay and finish putting on your makeup? 195 00:12:29,166 --> 00:12:32,084 That's okay, I'm done. Would you like to borrow some? 196 00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:36,584 No, thanks. I'm allergic to the drugstore brands. 197 00:12:46,681 --> 00:12:48,473 What? 198 00:12:48,474 --> 00:12:50,974 And they call you slow. 199 00:12:52,562 --> 00:12:55,355 - You're kidding, right? You don't see it? - See what? 200 00:12:55,356 --> 00:12:57,773 - Lydia and Mom? - What about them? 201 00:12:57,774 --> 00:13:01,444 Come on, Charlie. The only difference between those two broads... 202 00:13:01,445 --> 00:13:03,946 - ...is you came out of one and- - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 203 00:13:03,947 --> 00:13:06,446 Hold it. Hold it. 204 00:13:11,996 --> 00:13:17,365 - You think Lydia's like Mom? - No. We think Lydia is Mom. 205 00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:20,461 Okay. Okay, you guys are nuts. 206 00:13:20,628 --> 00:13:23,128 This conversation is over. 207 00:13:25,465 --> 00:13:27,965 Who calls me slow? 208 00:13:32,889 --> 00:13:37,183 I'll tell you. There's a lot of women in this town who work in real estate. 209 00:13:37,184 --> 00:13:39,060 I thought this conversation was over. 210 00:13:39,061 --> 00:13:42,313 They all wear the suits and the designer bags. It's like a uniform. 211 00:13:42,314 --> 00:13:44,648 They could be firemen. 212 00:13:44,649 --> 00:13:49,069 And Mom's Lexus is a two-door while Lydia's Lexus is a four-door. 213 00:13:49,070 --> 00:13:52,072 - Worlds apart. - It is worlds apart. 214 00:13:52,073 --> 00:13:56,075 The two-door is a selfish car. The four-door is a family car. 215 00:13:56,076 --> 00:14:00,037 And you know why Lydia has a family car? Because Lydia has children. 216 00:14:00,038 --> 00:14:02,537 Unlike our mother. 217 00:14:03,207 --> 00:14:05,083 Shut up. 218 00:14:05,084 --> 00:14:06,710 Charlie, it's okay. 219 00:14:06,711 --> 00:14:10,505 You've been working out your maternal issues by having sex with other women. 220 00:14:10,506 --> 00:14:13,507 All you're doing now is cutting out the middleman. 221 00:14:13,508 --> 00:14:16,008 Oh, that is just sick. 222 00:14:17,095 --> 00:14:19,764 My point exactly. 223 00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:23,139 Stupid idiot. 224 00:14:23,559 --> 00:14:25,726 He's just jealous. 225 00:14:25,727 --> 00:14:28,767 Lydia's smart and funny and sexy. 226 00:14:28,856 --> 00:14:31,355 Way sexier than Mom. 227 00:14:31,399 --> 00:14:33,108 Not that I think Mom is sexy. 228 00:14:33,109 --> 00:14:35,944 New thought, new thought, new thought. 229 00:14:35,945 --> 00:14:40,281 Oh, Charlie, if you could get rid of disturbing thoughts that easily... 230 00:14:40,282 --> 00:14:45,202 ...I wouldn't be making a quilt out of your old underwear. 231 00:14:45,203 --> 00:14:46,787 Hi, Rose. 232 00:14:46,788 --> 00:14:49,377 I brought you a little gift. 233 00:14:49,623 --> 00:14:51,290 Oedipus Rex? 234 00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:54,794 It's about a guy who sleeps with his mother and then pokes his eyes out. 235 00:14:54,795 --> 00:14:59,506 I'm giving away the ending because you might be blind by the time you get to it. 236 00:14:59,507 --> 00:15:02,300 Where do you get this stuff? You've never seen Lydia. 237 00:15:02,301 --> 00:15:05,391 No, you've never seen me see her. 238 00:15:05,638 --> 00:15:08,931 Lydia is nothing like my mother. Why would I get involved... 239 00:15:08,932 --> 00:15:12,309 ...with a woman who even resembles the monster who bore me? 240 00:15:12,310 --> 00:15:15,855 Oh, are you gonna love this book. 241 00:15:18,232 --> 00:15:22,492 - Here. Mom wants to talk to you. - Oh, great. 242 00:15:22,569 --> 00:15:24,153 Hi, Mom. 243 00:15:24,154 --> 00:15:27,156 Oh, Lydia. Very funny. 244 00:15:27,824 --> 00:15:30,660 - I thought so. - I liked it. 245 00:15:31,869 --> 00:15:35,122 So, what's up? You still coming over tomorrow? 246 00:15:35,123 --> 00:15:37,415 I thought your ex had the kids. 247 00:15:37,416 --> 00:15:40,709 Okay, well, why don't you bring them over? 248 00:15:40,710 --> 00:15:44,755 Oh, please, how could I possibly embarrass you? 249 00:15:44,756 --> 00:15:48,795 No, no, no. I only do that when I'm drunk. 250 00:15:49,426 --> 00:15:52,971 Look, I swear I'll be on my best behavior. 251 00:15:52,972 --> 00:15:57,041 Great, I'll see you then, Mom- Of the year. 252 00:15:57,809 --> 00:16:00,436 Well, in my book you are. 253 00:16:01,896 --> 00:16:06,395 One word and everybody gets their eyes poked out. 254 00:16:09,194 --> 00:16:11,612 Why do I have to play with kids I don't know? 255 00:16:11,613 --> 00:16:17,283 Because Lydia's bringing them over and I didn't have time to rent a clown. 256 00:16:17,284 --> 00:16:20,724 - Are they boys or girls? - Beats me. 257 00:16:20,871 --> 00:16:23,872 - How old are they? - Not a clue. 258 00:16:23,873 --> 00:16:25,707 Sounds like fun. 259 00:16:25,708 --> 00:16:28,710 Hey, they're kids, you're a kid, how tough could it be? 260 00:16:28,711 --> 00:16:32,281 I mean, we're not breeding pandas here. 261 00:16:33,215 --> 00:16:37,343 All right. But if they're boys, just don't call them little dudes, okay? 262 00:16:37,344 --> 00:16:39,762 - Why not? - There was this guy Mom used to date. 263 00:16:39,763 --> 00:16:45,392 And every time he'd see me, he'd call me "Little Dude." He was an idiot. 264 00:16:45,393 --> 00:16:48,853 Okay. Okay, that's good stuff. What else you got? 265 00:16:48,854 --> 00:16:52,773 No lame magic tricks, no head rubbing and please, no high-fives. 266 00:16:52,774 --> 00:16:55,359 - Got it. - And don't ask who wants ice cream. 267 00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:58,320 - Everybody wants ice cream. - I understand. 268 00:16:58,321 --> 00:17:01,532 Even lactose-intolerant kids want ice cream. 269 00:17:01,533 --> 00:17:04,325 - Makes sense. - Whatever you do, don't try to pretend... 270 00:17:04,326 --> 00:17:08,037 ...you're not sleeping with their mom. We're not stupid. 271 00:17:08,038 --> 00:17:10,915 So if I do this stuff, her kids will like me? 272 00:17:10,916 --> 00:17:12,457 - No. - Why not? 273 00:17:12,458 --> 00:17:14,958 You're doing their mom. 274 00:17:20,924 --> 00:17:25,134 Hello, Lydia. Hey, little dudes. Give me five. 275 00:17:27,931 --> 00:17:31,432 All right. That's what I'm talking about. 276 00:17:31,433 --> 00:17:35,313 Don't worry, he's not the one I'm dating. 277 00:17:36,271 --> 00:17:38,606 - There they are. Welcome. - Hello, Charlie. 278 00:17:38,607 --> 00:17:40,649 These are my sons, Andy and Joey. 279 00:17:40,650 --> 00:17:43,720 - Nice to meet you guys. - Wrong. 280 00:17:46,656 --> 00:17:49,114 Shake hands with him, darlings. 281 00:17:49,115 --> 00:17:50,699 Hi. 282 00:17:50,700 --> 00:17:52,076 - Hey. - Ugh. Not like that. 283 00:17:52,077 --> 00:17:55,120 - Shake hands like a man. - I am. 284 00:17:55,121 --> 00:17:58,498 - Do you always have to embarrass me? - Ha-ha-ha. 285 00:17:58,499 --> 00:18:03,049 What are you laughing at? You're no prize either. 286 00:18:09,300 --> 00:18:11,800 Oh... 287 00:18:12,303 --> 00:18:14,095 What? 288 00:18:14,096 --> 00:18:16,139 Nothing. 289 00:18:16,140 --> 00:18:18,639 Excuse me. 290 00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:47,459 Hey, who wants ice cream? 291 00:18:54,307 --> 00:18:56,140 Sorbet, not ice cream. 292 00:18:56,141 --> 00:19:00,269 You don't want to turn into a big tub of goo like your father. 293 00:19:00,270 --> 00:19:02,146 And those are expensive new shirts. 294 00:19:02,147 --> 00:19:06,696 If you stain them, don't even bother coming back. 295 00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:16,419 - What now? - Oh, nothing. Nothing. 296 00:19:16,576 --> 00:19:23,083 I was just thinking about mothers and kids and crying. 297 00:19:24,541 --> 00:19:27,294 So much crying. 298 00:19:28,504 --> 00:19:32,256 - Well, what do you think of my boys? - Oh, they're terrific. 299 00:19:32,257 --> 00:19:37,206 And the way you interact with them is so unbelievable. 300 00:19:37,845 --> 00:19:44,099 Thank you. The older one has a chance. The younger one I'm afraid is a lost cause. 301 00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:47,227 Anyway, we have the house to ourselves. 302 00:19:47,228 --> 00:19:50,023 You feel like going upstairs? 303 00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:54,234 Uh... Yeah, that's a interesting idea. 304 00:19:54,401 --> 00:19:56,861 What's the matter, Charlie? 305 00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:59,405 It's kind of hard to explain. 306 00:19:59,406 --> 00:20:05,725 Well, why don't we go get naked and see if that loosens your tongue? 307 00:20:07,622 --> 00:20:10,122 I got my nails done. 308 00:20:15,629 --> 00:20:19,169 Oh, why not? I'm going to hell anyway.