1 00:00:12,356 --> 00:00:16,526 "Mudslide kills 600 religious pilgrims." 2 00:00:17,193 --> 00:00:20,821 And yet both my ex-wives live on. 3 00:00:26,241 --> 00:00:28,617 Ahem. Morning. 4 00:00:28,618 --> 00:00:31,117 - Morning. - Uh-oh. 5 00:00:31,287 --> 00:00:34,998 Tsk. Not again. Please, not again. Ugh. 6 00:00:35,164 --> 00:00:37,663 Thank God. 7 00:00:39,459 --> 00:00:41,626 Always in the last place you look, huh? 8 00:00:41,627 --> 00:00:43,378 Uh-huh. 9 00:00:43,379 --> 00:00:45,878 Have a nice day. 10 00:00:46,047 --> 00:00:48,547 You too. 11 00:00:51,009 --> 00:00:52,218 Phil, it's Charlie. 12 00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:54,344 Put me down for a grand on Detroit tonight. 13 00:00:54,345 --> 00:00:57,721 What's the line now? Well, excuse me. 14 00:00:57,722 --> 00:01:03,184 Don't you think if the gambler is awake, it behooves the bookie to be up as well? 15 00:01:03,185 --> 00:01:06,812 All right, well, call me when you get off the can. 16 00:01:06,813 --> 00:01:09,855 Are you aware that your sleepover buddy was packing heat? 17 00:01:09,856 --> 00:01:11,065 Oh, yeah. 18 00:01:11,066 --> 00:01:14,150 Any hotter and she'd have burned my pubes clean off. 19 00:01:14,151 --> 00:01:16,443 Charlie, a gun in the house? 20 00:01:16,444 --> 00:01:19,905 Relax, she's a cop. Or was a cop. 21 00:01:20,072 --> 00:01:22,574 Or is wanted by the cops. 22 00:01:23,409 --> 00:01:25,867 I know she mentioned cops. 23 00:01:25,868 --> 00:01:28,786 Unbelievable. So this was another one-night stand? 24 00:01:28,787 --> 00:01:32,080 Unless she comes back for her handcuffs, yeah. 25 00:01:32,081 --> 00:01:35,666 Boy, how much satisfaction can you get from that? 26 00:01:35,667 --> 00:01:38,085 Handcuffs? Not really my thing. 27 00:01:38,086 --> 00:01:39,836 But she probably did some stuff... 28 00:01:39,837 --> 00:01:43,088 ...that might not have been her first choice. 29 00:01:43,089 --> 00:01:46,007 No, I mean, how can you possibly get any satisfaction... 30 00:01:46,008 --> 00:01:48,259 ...from an endless series of one-night stands? 31 00:01:48,260 --> 00:01:51,010 As the words come out, I realize it's a stupid question. 32 00:01:51,011 --> 00:01:53,511 Forget I said it. 33 00:01:54,305 --> 00:01:56,805 She's married to a cop. 34 00:01:57,767 --> 00:01:59,684 I hate to see you wasting your life... 35 00:01:59,685 --> 00:02:02,435 ...having drunken sex with women you don't care about. 36 00:02:02,436 --> 00:02:05,730 Well, who asked you to move back in and watch? 37 00:02:05,731 --> 00:02:08,357 - You know who was good for you? - Don't go there, Alan. 38 00:02:08,358 --> 00:02:11,859 Mia. She was beautiful, she was smart, she got you to clean up your act. 39 00:02:11,860 --> 00:02:15,445 I'm telling you, letting her go was the stupidest thing you've ever done. 40 00:02:15,446 --> 00:02:16,947 You're going there, Alan. 41 00:02:16,948 --> 00:02:20,491 Just saying, you had this fantastic woman who was willing to marry you... 42 00:02:20,492 --> 00:02:22,700 ...and you just threw it away, and for what? 43 00:02:22,701 --> 00:02:25,200 Okay, you're there. 44 00:02:26,412 --> 00:02:29,705 You wanna know why I gave up Mia? I'll tell you why I gave up Mia. 45 00:02:29,706 --> 00:02:32,500 - I gave her up for you. - Oh, for me? 46 00:02:32,501 --> 00:02:34,959 Yeah, yeah, for you. She wanted you to move out... 47 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:37,878 ...so we'd have the house to ourselves, but I said, "No way. 48 00:02:37,879 --> 00:02:41,881 I am not throwing my brother out on the street." 49 00:02:41,882 --> 00:02:44,381 Wow. 50 00:02:44,675 --> 00:02:48,274 - What a loving gesture. - Oh, bite me. 51 00:02:49,221 --> 00:02:50,596 And you know what you did? 52 00:02:50,597 --> 00:02:52,555 You married Kandi and moved out anyway. 53 00:02:52,556 --> 00:02:56,141 You wanna know why I let the best thing that ever happened to me get away? 54 00:02:56,142 --> 00:03:01,896 So the worst thing that could ever happen to me would have a place to live. 55 00:03:01,897 --> 00:03:03,939 Oh. 56 00:03:03,940 --> 00:03:06,440 "Oh." 57 00:03:06,484 --> 00:03:10,110 Well, I guess it all worked out for the best, huh? 58 00:03:10,111 --> 00:03:12,987 - How do you figure? - Well, think about it. 59 00:03:12,988 --> 00:03:14,572 If Mia had been living here... 60 00:03:14,573 --> 00:03:16,823 ...when Kandi kicked me out and I came back, heh... 61 00:03:16,824 --> 00:03:20,953 ...it would've been a very awkward situation. 62 00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:29,790 Oh! Aah! 63 00:03:33,962 --> 00:03:36,756 - Charlie? - Huh? 64 00:03:38,007 --> 00:03:40,926 Oh, yeah. Awkward. 65 00:03:50,515 --> 00:03:55,624 Phil, Phil, Phil, you're my bookie, not my psychiatrist. 66 00:03:55,644 --> 00:03:58,854 If I wanna bet every game in the country with money I don't have... 67 00:03:58,855 --> 00:04:01,354 ...that's my business. 68 00:04:03,150 --> 00:04:07,236 Thank you. Now let's talk boxing. 69 00:04:07,820 --> 00:04:11,739 Really? There's no fights anywhere tonight? 70 00:04:11,823 --> 00:04:16,117 Okay, well, how are you and your wife getting along? 71 00:04:16,118 --> 00:04:22,116 What? It would be a fair fight. She's got like 50 pounds on you. 72 00:04:22,205 --> 00:04:24,456 Hello? 73 00:04:24,457 --> 00:04:29,626 My luck. I gotta have a bookie who's afraid to fight out of his weight class. 74 00:04:29,627 --> 00:04:33,004 Aren't you worried that this betting might be turning into a problem? 75 00:04:33,005 --> 00:04:36,590 Alan, if you don't bet big, you can't cover your losses. 76 00:04:36,591 --> 00:04:38,508 And if you can't cover your losses... 77 00:04:38,509 --> 00:04:41,761 ...a large man with a tire iron puts your address into MapQuest. 78 00:04:41,762 --> 00:04:44,053 You have to sneak across the Mexican border... 79 00:04:44,054 --> 00:04:46,834 ...dressed in women's clothing. 80 00:04:47,682 --> 00:04:52,435 - Now, that's when you have a problem. - Well, you know best. 81 00:04:52,436 --> 00:04:55,145 You hungry? I- I made your favorite sandwich. 82 00:04:55,146 --> 00:04:58,616 Turkey, ham and pastrami. Heh, gooble. 83 00:05:02,319 --> 00:05:03,526 No, thanks. 84 00:05:03,527 --> 00:05:08,405 Okay, how about something sweet? Key-lime pie. Yummy, yummy. 85 00:05:08,406 --> 00:05:11,532 Look, Alan, I appreciate your sucking up... 86 00:05:11,533 --> 00:05:17,454 ...but you can't fill the gaping wound in my heart with deli meat. 87 00:05:17,455 --> 00:05:19,954 And pie. 88 00:05:20,498 --> 00:05:22,748 Yummy. 89 00:05:22,749 --> 00:05:24,584 Can't we just leave it alone? 90 00:05:24,585 --> 00:05:28,920 Can we not grind on and on about the stupidest thing I've ever done? 91 00:05:28,921 --> 00:05:30,754 Okay, okay, I'm sorry I said that. 92 00:05:30,755 --> 00:05:34,382 Giving up Mia was not the stupidest thing you've ever done. 93 00:05:34,383 --> 00:05:37,593 It wasn't as stupid as when you came back from Rio with that model. 94 00:05:37,594 --> 00:05:43,623 You know, the one with the Adam's apple and the really big hands. 95 00:05:43,765 --> 00:05:46,975 You know, I'm gonna give you some space. 96 00:05:46,976 --> 00:05:49,475 Maybe go for a nice drive. 97 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:56,773 Forgot my keys. 98 00:05:56,774 --> 00:05:58,692 Ahh... Oh. Huh. 99 00:05:58,693 --> 00:06:01,277 You know, they must have slipped out of my pocket... 100 00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:03,778 ...and into the couch. 101 00:06:04,446 --> 00:06:06,946 Excuse me. Sorry. 102 00:06:10,535 --> 00:06:13,034 Sorry. 103 00:06:16,747 --> 00:06:21,042 Found some change. Ha-ha. Oh, look, look. 104 00:06:21,835 --> 00:06:24,634 Is that a quarter in your ear? 105 00:06:32,134 --> 00:06:34,636 Ta-da. 106 00:06:37,138 --> 00:06:39,637 Very impressive. 107 00:06:49,438 --> 00:06:54,858 Aaah! Yeah! Bab-em-stab-em-bab-em-bay-uh-dye 108 00:06:55,025 --> 00:07:00,294 - What is that? - Steven Tyler rented the house next door. 109 00:07:00,571 --> 00:07:05,408 The- The guy from Aerosmith? I lost my virginity to him. 110 00:07:05,409 --> 00:07:07,826 Well, you know, his music. 111 00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:10,326 Thanks, I was confused. 112 00:07:14,039 --> 00:07:19,038 He's apparently getting ready for a tour. So, what's-? 113 00:07:22,796 --> 00:07:24,505 in the box? 114 00:07:24,506 --> 00:07:26,548 I went out and picked you up something... 115 00:07:26,549 --> 00:07:29,675 ...I thought might put a smile on your face. 116 00:07:29,676 --> 00:07:31,468 Alan, the only thing in this box... 117 00:07:31,469 --> 00:07:33,844 ...that could possibly put a smile on my face... 118 00:07:33,845 --> 00:07:36,345 ...is your severed head. 119 00:07:39,100 --> 00:07:41,599 Good one. Zing! 120 00:07:42,894 --> 00:07:45,393 Go on, open it. 121 00:07:49,524 --> 00:07:51,941 - A hat? - A very expensive hat. 122 00:07:51,942 --> 00:07:53,818 Since when do I wear hats? 123 00:07:53,819 --> 00:07:57,111 Well, you don't, but I saw it and it seemed so you. 124 00:07:57,112 --> 00:08:00,782 You know, cool, rakish, yet forgiving. 125 00:08:01,950 --> 00:08:06,479 - Okay, fine, I forgive you. - Oh, thanks. Thanks. 126 00:08:06,870 --> 00:08:10,199 - Aren't you gonna try it on? - No. 127 00:08:11,081 --> 00:08:14,990 If you really forgave me, you'd try it on. 128 00:08:17,086 --> 00:08:19,585 Oh, yeah. That is you. 129 00:08:19,629 --> 00:08:23,714 Let's- Let's try tilting it a little bit here. Oh, baby. 130 00:08:23,715 --> 00:08:28,468 Ha-ha. You gotta see this. Come on inside. We'll take a look. 131 00:08:28,469 --> 00:08:30,968 Charlie, you coming? 132 00:08:36,809 --> 00:08:40,810 - What's going on? - You should leave, Alan. 133 00:08:40,811 --> 00:08:43,480 - Why? - Just trust me. 134 00:08:44,147 --> 00:08:46,646 All right. 135 00:09:06,330 --> 00:09:08,914 Hey, Tyler, take a pause for the cause. 136 00:09:08,915 --> 00:09:11,415 Oh, sorry, man. 137 00:09:11,501 --> 00:09:14,669 Thank you and good night. 138 00:09:18,255 --> 00:09:20,754 - Hi, Charlie. - Rose. 139 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:25,679 How cool is it that Steven Tyler moved in next door? 140 00:09:26,261 --> 00:09:28,762 I lost my virginity to him. 141 00:09:28,763 --> 00:09:31,432 - You mean his music. - No. 142 00:09:33,808 --> 00:09:37,935 - Nice hat. - Thanks. Boy, you look like hell. 143 00:09:37,936 --> 00:09:41,938 Well, that's strange, because I feel like crap. 144 00:09:41,939 --> 00:09:45,848 How long do you think you can keep it up? 145 00:09:47,027 --> 00:09:49,444 What exactly are we talking about? 146 00:09:49,445 --> 00:09:51,945 The excessive drinking, the obsessive partying... 147 00:09:51,946 --> 00:09:53,739 ...the compulsive gambling. 148 00:09:53,740 --> 00:09:54,947 Oh. 149 00:09:54,948 --> 00:09:59,117 Hard to say. I try and take it one day at a time. 150 00:09:59,118 --> 00:10:03,203 You do realize this is all just an attempt to avoid feeling your feelings. 151 00:10:03,204 --> 00:10:07,790 Let me tell you something about feelings. Feelings are like your mother's breasts. 152 00:10:07,791 --> 00:10:11,543 You know where they are, but they're best left unfelt. 153 00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:12,836 Interesting analogy. 154 00:10:12,837 --> 00:10:16,881 May I point out that a mother's breasts are a source of nourishment and comfort? 155 00:10:16,882 --> 00:10:19,924 Yeah, well, my mother's breasts were a source of silicone... 156 00:10:19,925 --> 00:10:22,424 ...and Russian vodka. 157 00:10:22,552 --> 00:10:26,888 Not good for child-rearing, but she was a big hit at parties. 158 00:10:26,889 --> 00:10:29,973 Charlie, I know how much it hurt you to give up Mia. 159 00:10:29,974 --> 00:10:34,393 And I know you don't like that feeling, but the more you try to get rid of it... 160 00:10:34,394 --> 00:10:38,564 ...the more it's going to come back. 161 00:10:40,065 --> 00:10:41,565 Oh, yeah. 162 00:10:41,566 --> 00:10:45,151 Perfect fit, like somebody measured your head while you were asleep... 163 00:10:45,152 --> 00:10:50,631 ...so when your brother called, she could tell him the size. 164 00:10:56,161 --> 00:11:01,349 Hey, Uncle Charlie, guess where I'm finally growing hair. 165 00:11:01,998 --> 00:11:03,999 Come on, man, I'm eating. 166 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:07,119 Right here. I'm growing a 'stache. 167 00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:11,002 Oh, yeah, look at that. 168 00:11:11,921 --> 00:11:14,431 Hey, cool hat. Whose is it? 169 00:11:15,799 --> 00:11:17,925 Yours. 170 00:11:17,926 --> 00:11:22,455 - Really? - Yeah. It looks great with the 'stache. 171 00:11:23,513 --> 00:11:26,181 It just occurred to me that I've been feeling guilty... 172 00:11:26,182 --> 00:11:29,267 ...because you called off your wedding so I wouldn't move out. 173 00:11:29,268 --> 00:11:32,436 But then when I did move out, you didn't call her. 174 00:11:32,437 --> 00:11:33,645 Yeah? So? 175 00:11:33,646 --> 00:11:35,813 So you know why I think you didn't call her? 176 00:11:35,814 --> 00:11:39,607 You didn't call because the "I don't wanna throw my brother out" business... 177 00:11:39,608 --> 00:11:42,360 ...was a convenient excuse to get out of the marriage. 178 00:11:42,361 --> 00:11:44,778 - That's what you think? - Yes, that's what I think. 179 00:11:44,779 --> 00:11:46,946 - That's what you think? - You heard me. 180 00:11:46,947 --> 00:11:51,446 - That's what I think. - Yeah, well, think again. 181 00:11:51,617 --> 00:11:56,704 Admit it, I've been beating myself up, buying you pie and hats, for nothing. 182 00:11:56,705 --> 00:11:59,204 There's pie? 183 00:12:02,875 --> 00:12:06,544 There was. Berta ate it. And why is he wearing your hat? 184 00:12:06,545 --> 00:12:10,130 - I gave it to him. - I bought this hat for you. 185 00:12:10,131 --> 00:12:14,425 - And I gave it to Jake. - You can't commit to anything, can you? 186 00:12:14,426 --> 00:12:17,260 - It's just a hat. - It's not just a hat, it's a symbol. 187 00:12:17,261 --> 00:12:19,761 - Of what? - Of... 188 00:12:19,847 --> 00:12:21,054 Okay, it's just a hat. 189 00:12:21,055 --> 00:12:22,597 But the point is... 190 00:12:22,598 --> 00:12:26,183 ...you have nobody to blame for your miserable existence but yourself. 191 00:12:26,184 --> 00:12:28,143 Drink, gamble and hump all you want. 192 00:12:28,144 --> 00:12:30,311 One day you're gonna have to face that fact. 193 00:12:30,312 --> 00:12:32,856 Drink, gamble and hump. 194 00:12:35,275 --> 00:12:38,359 Yeah, well, I don't have to face anything I don't wanna face. 195 00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:40,944 And I don't have to feel anything I don't wanna feel. 196 00:12:40,945 --> 00:12:44,094 That includes Mom's vodka knockers. 197 00:12:45,073 --> 00:12:49,172 Who is this Vod Kanockers that you speak of? 198 00:12:51,495 --> 00:12:53,662 Eat your dinner. 199 00:12:53,663 --> 00:12:58,542 The name's Kanockers, Vod Kanockers. 200 00:13:13,928 --> 00:13:16,930 - Charlie? - Shh. 201 00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:20,849 - You okay? - Just dandy. 202 00:13:21,016 --> 00:13:23,851 Would you close the blinds? 203 00:13:24,018 --> 00:13:27,270 Come on. Let's get you inside. 204 00:13:27,437 --> 00:13:32,315 - It looks like you had a tough night. - No, the night was great. 205 00:13:32,316 --> 00:13:35,565 It's the morning that's killing me. 206 00:13:36,861 --> 00:13:39,360 - Hey, Alan? - What? 207 00:13:39,780 --> 00:13:41,614 You were right. 208 00:13:41,615 --> 00:13:44,825 I can't keep running away from my feelings. 209 00:13:44,826 --> 00:13:49,619 - Well, I'm glad you realize that. - You're a wonderful brother. 210 00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:52,706 And this is a beautiful hat. 211 00:13:55,959 --> 00:13:58,458 Thank you. 212 00:14:05,382 --> 00:14:08,549 - Charlie, are you okay? - I'm fine. 213 00:14:08,550 --> 00:14:11,050 The hat's not so good. 214 00:14:21,644 --> 00:14:25,003 Hey, Berta, wanna see my armpit hair? 215 00:14:25,396 --> 00:14:27,905 Only if you wanna see mine. 216 00:14:30,651 --> 00:14:33,150 - Hey. - Hey. 217 00:14:35,654 --> 00:14:39,157 - You know that's my juice. - I know. 218 00:14:39,323 --> 00:14:44,242 - You could at least ask. - You could at least pay rent. 219 00:14:44,243 --> 00:14:46,743 Touché. 220 00:14:50,332 --> 00:14:53,750 If that's a bookie or a woman, you know what to say. 221 00:14:53,751 --> 00:14:57,962 Harper residence. Sorry, he's dead. 222 00:14:59,254 --> 00:15:00,546 Interesting. 223 00:15:00,547 --> 00:15:04,841 No one ever calls back to find out where to send flowers. 224 00:15:04,842 --> 00:15:07,341 Touché. 225 00:15:07,844 --> 00:15:11,971 How's it feel to go a whole week without booze, broads or betting? 226 00:15:11,972 --> 00:15:14,139 It's actually kind of a relief. 227 00:15:14,140 --> 00:15:17,601 I never realized how much effort it took to avoid feeling anything. 228 00:15:17,602 --> 00:15:22,729 - Yeah? What are you feeling now? - So far, mostly nausea and boredom. 229 00:15:22,730 --> 00:15:25,230 Touché. 230 00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:29,650 - You don't know what that means? - Not a clue. 231 00:15:29,651 --> 00:15:33,070 Hey, if girls with big boobs work at Hooters... 232 00:15:33,071 --> 00:15:37,169 ...where do girls with only one leg work at? 233 00:15:38,366 --> 00:15:40,865 IHOP. 234 00:15:49,875 --> 00:15:52,374 That's just cruel. 235 00:15:52,668 --> 00:15:55,338 Actually, it's kind of funny. 236 00:15:55,379 --> 00:15:58,881 Yeah, because they got one leg. They have to hop. 237 00:15:58,882 --> 00:16:01,381 Right, IHOP. 238 00:16:02,718 --> 00:16:07,377 Tipping your waitress takes on a whole new meaning. 239 00:16:08,388 --> 00:16:11,932 - It's not that funny. - I know. 240 00:16:12,099 --> 00:16:16,938 - Then why are you laughing so much? - I don't know. 241 00:16:17,562 --> 00:16:21,272 Dad, something's wrong with Uncle Charlie. 242 00:16:21,273 --> 00:16:22,481 What's going on? 243 00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:27,930 Hey, Jake, tell your dad how one-legged girls work at IHOP. 244 00:16:30,946 --> 00:16:33,741 Oh, no. I gave away the joke. 245 00:16:35,658 --> 00:16:38,158 I'm so sorry, Jake. 246 00:16:39,369 --> 00:16:41,872 I've ruined everything. 247 00:16:43,414 --> 00:16:45,248 Is he okay? 248 00:16:45,249 --> 00:16:47,916 He's fine. His feelings are coming to the surface. 249 00:16:47,917 --> 00:16:50,426 Oh, like when Mom gets PMS. 250 00:16:51,670 --> 00:16:53,171 Well, kind of. 251 00:16:53,172 --> 00:16:57,960 Hang on, Uncle Charlie, I'll get you some chocolate. 252 00:17:02,261 --> 00:17:06,096 - What's he making out there? - A lanyard. 253 00:17:06,097 --> 00:17:07,848 He's got a lot of free time now... 254 00:17:07,849 --> 00:17:10,266 ...so I gave him one of Jake's old hobby kits. 255 00:17:10,267 --> 00:17:12,643 You know, so he'd have something to do. 256 00:17:12,644 --> 00:17:18,313 I'm surprised he's not making a vagina out of macaroni and bottle caps. 257 00:17:18,314 --> 00:17:21,442 Over, loop around... 258 00:17:21,608 --> 00:17:25,778 ...around the block and then downtown. 259 00:17:31,783 --> 00:17:36,911 Over, over, loop around... 260 00:17:37,078 --> 00:17:39,831 ...around the block and then- 261 00:17:39,997 --> 00:17:43,624 Yo, dude, some of us are trying to do crafts here. 262 00:17:43,625 --> 00:17:47,793 - What? - Can you lay off the harmonica playing? 263 00:17:47,794 --> 00:17:51,338 Hey, a lot of people pay to see me play harmonica. 264 00:17:51,339 --> 00:17:55,841 They pay to hear you sing. They tolerate the harmonica. 265 00:17:55,842 --> 00:17:58,802 Sorry I don't measure up to your musical standards... 266 00:17:58,803 --> 00:18:01,053 ...you lame-ass jingle writer. 267 00:18:01,054 --> 00:18:03,638 Let's see how you play harmonica out your other end. 268 00:18:03,639 --> 00:18:05,765 No, no, no, let's slow down here. Come on. 269 00:18:05,766 --> 00:18:08,642 Let's see what you got, jingle balls. 270 00:18:08,643 --> 00:18:11,602 I'm gonna rip off your big lips and use them to kiss my ass. 271 00:18:11,603 --> 00:18:14,980 Charlie, please, you know your emotions are a little bit frayed now. 272 00:18:14,981 --> 00:18:17,481 Right, right, okay. Okay. 273 00:18:18,608 --> 00:18:21,108 I'm better. 274 00:18:21,486 --> 00:18:22,986 - That's it. - No, Charlie. 275 00:18:22,987 --> 00:18:25,363 Charlie, wait. Charlie, don't do this. 276 00:18:25,364 --> 00:18:28,983 Come on, Tyler. You want a piece of me? 277 00:18:30,701 --> 00:18:37,180 Well, the dude may look like a lady, but you fight like a little girl. 278 00:18:37,498 --> 00:18:40,207 Did it ever occur to you to help me out? 279 00:18:40,208 --> 00:18:43,042 Yeah, but once you were cowering under his picnic table... 280 00:18:43,043 --> 00:18:45,294 ...I figured the worst was over. 281 00:18:45,295 --> 00:18:48,880 Though quick thinking, squirting that bottle of sun block at him. 282 00:18:48,881 --> 00:18:52,049 I was hoping it would get in his eyes and blind him. 283 00:18:52,050 --> 00:18:54,342 All you did was keep him from getting a burn... 284 00:18:54,343 --> 00:18:56,678 ...while he beat the crap out of you. 285 00:18:56,679 --> 00:18:59,179 Please, Alan, I'm begging you. 286 00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:01,973 Okay. It's not right to kick a man when he's down. 287 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:04,474 Thanks. 288 00:19:05,518 --> 00:19:10,357 Too bad Steven Tyler didn't feel that way, huh? Heh. 289 00:19:12,898 --> 00:19:15,398 You were right about Mia. 290 00:19:15,692 --> 00:19:18,193 I got cold feet, so I used you as an excuse... 291 00:19:18,194 --> 00:19:20,693 ...to call off the wedding. 292 00:19:23,864 --> 00:19:28,158 I am so proud of you, Charlie. This is a real breakthrough. 293 00:19:28,159 --> 00:19:32,078 And doesn't it feel liberating to finally hear yourself admit the truth? 294 00:19:32,079 --> 00:19:34,579 Well, I feel something. 295 00:19:34,623 --> 00:19:37,207 But since I'm also hearing a high-pitched whistle... 296 00:19:37,208 --> 00:19:40,197 ...it might just be a concussion. 297 00:19:49,676 --> 00:19:53,915 - What are you making? - A needlepoint sampler. 298 00:19:54,054 --> 00:19:57,472 - No kidding. - I find it very calming. 299 00:19:57,473 --> 00:20:00,382 And the message helps center me. 300 00:20:00,892 --> 00:20:03,643 - "God bless Vicodin"? - Mm-hm. 301 00:20:03,644 --> 00:20:08,123 - Pretty good, huh? - You spelled "Vicodin" wrong. 302 00:20:10,857 --> 00:20:15,616 That's the great thing about Vicodin. I don't care. 303 00:20:16,820 --> 00:20:19,319 Hey, is Charlie here? 304 00:20:27,536 --> 00:20:30,415 Uh... Who may I say is calling? 305 00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:33,706 It's okay, Alan. 306 00:20:33,707 --> 00:20:36,958 - Hey, Chazz, thanks for the gift. - You're welcome. 307 00:20:36,959 --> 00:20:40,029 - So no hard feelings? - No. You? 308 00:20:40,087 --> 00:20:41,879 Why would I have hard feelings? 309 00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:46,769 I'm still picking pieces of your ass out of my boot. 310 00:20:46,842 --> 00:20:49,341 Good one. 311 00:20:49,385 --> 00:20:53,763 - Okay, well, good luck with the tour. - Thanks a lot, man. 312 00:20:53,764 --> 00:20:56,383 Who's the sponsor? Metamucil? 313 00:20:57,141 --> 00:21:00,400 - What was that? - Nothing, nothing. 314 00:21:04,563 --> 00:21:07,565 I just wanna say I'm a huge fan. 315 00:21:07,566 --> 00:21:10,233 - I lost my virginity to you. Heh-heh. - Really? 316 00:21:10,234 --> 00:21:15,782 Well, you know, there's a lot of the '70s I don't remember. 317 00:21:23,076 --> 00:21:25,995 - Isn't that the hat I got you? - Yeah. 318 00:21:25,996 --> 00:21:28,495 The hat you threw up in? 319 00:21:28,748 --> 00:21:33,043 I had it cleaned. But I'll always know.