0
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,800
English Subtitles, renamed for "LP" WebDL release :)
Two and a Half Men S03E22 - Just Once With Aunt Sophie - Web-DL [KoTuWa]

1
00:00:03,669 --> 00:00:05,880
- Hey.
- Hey.

2
00:00:06,964 --> 00:00:09,634
So, what's going on in school?

3
00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:11,427
Nothing.

4
00:00:13,387 --> 00:00:16,641
Nothing? You just sit there all day
and stare at the wall?

5
00:00:16,807 --> 00:00:19,185
That's where the clock is.

6
00:00:23,522 --> 00:00:25,399
I got it.

7
00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:30,404
Well, I find it hard to believe
that you just watch the clock all day.

8
00:00:30,571 --> 00:00:33,199
Have you seen my report card?

9
00:00:36,327 --> 00:00:37,495
Jake, it's for you.

10
00:00:37,662 --> 00:00:39,372
- I'm busy.
- It's a girl.

11
00:00:39,538 --> 00:00:41,290
I don't care.

12
00:00:41,499 --> 00:00:42,917
Her name is Wendy Cho.

13
00:00:43,084 --> 00:00:46,003
Hold on, I'm coming.
Don't hang up.

14
00:00:46,170 --> 00:00:49,340
Hey. How's it going?

15
00:00:49,548 --> 00:00:52,134
Okay, that's something
we haven't seen before.

16
00:00:52,301 --> 00:00:56,097
Yeah, he only moves that fast
when he's got the squirts.

17
00:00:58,432 --> 00:01:01,519
Wendy Cho is the smartest girl.
I wonder why she's calling Jake.

18
00:01:01,686 --> 00:01:03,729
Maybe she lost a bet.

19
00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:06,023
Charlie, that's not nice.

20
00:01:06,190 --> 00:01:08,943
Well, kids are cruel.

21
00:01:09,694 --> 00:01:10,861
Jake is smitten with her.

22
00:01:11,028 --> 00:01:13,823
I hope he's not setting himself up
for disappointment.

23
00:01:13,990 --> 00:01:15,324
Hey, you know what they say.

24
00:01:15,491 --> 00:01:19,495
A man's reach must exceed his grasp,
or what's a penis for?

25
00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:22,373
Who says that?

26
00:01:22,540 --> 00:01:24,250
Okay, I might be paraphrasing.

27
00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:34,802
Okay, call you back. Bye.

28
00:01:41,100 --> 00:01:42,935
- Hey, Dad?
- Yeah, Jake?

29
00:01:43,144 --> 00:01:45,688
Wendy Cho is having
a party tomorrow night, can I go?

30
00:01:45,855 --> 00:01:48,274
Tomorrow?
A little last minute, isn't it?

31
00:01:48,441 --> 00:01:50,276
Well, she wasn't gonna invite me.

32
00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:52,820
Danny Palmer told Amy Sherlack
I didn't like her.

33
00:01:52,987 --> 00:01:56,449
But I told Peter Calahan
to tell Ellen Meisner that I kind of did.

34
00:01:58,534 --> 00:02:00,411
I see.

35
00:02:01,162 --> 00:02:02,997
You do?

36
00:02:04,999 --> 00:02:07,918
He lost me at Amy Sherlack.

37
00:02:08,586 --> 00:02:11,213
- Are her parents gonna be there?
- I guess.

38
00:02:11,422 --> 00:02:15,426
Let the fathers
who have girls worry about that.

39
00:02:16,886 --> 00:02:18,512
Shut up.

40
00:02:18,763 --> 00:02:20,848
All right, I'm gonna wanna meet
her parents.

41
00:02:21,015 --> 00:02:23,017
I don't see any reason
why you can't go.

42
00:02:23,184 --> 00:02:26,854
Cool. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna need
a new shirt, new pants and new shoes.

43
00:02:27,021 --> 00:02:28,939
What's wrong with the clothes
you've got?

44
00:02:29,106 --> 00:02:31,984
Are you kidding?
Everybody's already seen them.

45
00:02:32,151 --> 00:02:35,738
Yeah, but not
with all the latest food stains.

46
00:02:36,071 --> 00:02:37,990
I hear gravy's the new black.

47
00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:41,952
Fine, we'll go shopping tomorrow.

48
00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:43,662
How about a new haircut?

49
00:02:43,829 --> 00:02:45,164
What's wrong with my hair?

50
00:02:45,372 --> 00:02:48,751
Let's just say
everybody's already seen it.

51
00:02:48,959 --> 00:02:50,503
Okay, a new haircut.

52
00:02:52,505 --> 00:02:55,090
So this is your first party
with girls, huh?

53
00:02:55,841 --> 00:02:57,218
Maybe.

54
00:02:57,384 --> 00:02:59,428
Maybe? You're not sure?

55
00:02:59,595 --> 00:03:02,598
You got some cross-dressers
in sixth grade?

56
00:03:04,683 --> 00:03:07,811
Playing a little pin the tail
on the tranny?

57
00:03:09,146 --> 00:03:10,814
Shut up.

58
00:03:12,024 --> 00:03:14,276
Why does everyone
keep telling me to shut up?

59
00:03:14,443 --> 00:03:16,737
Because you're an insensitive dolt.

60
00:03:16,904 --> 00:03:18,781
That's no reason.

61
00:03:18,989 --> 00:03:21,242
This is a very delicate time
in a boy's life.

62
00:03:21,408 --> 00:03:24,245
I remember how nervous I was
about my first boy-girl party.

63
00:03:24,411 --> 00:03:27,206
Oh, right.
That was in college, wasn't it?

64
00:03:28,415 --> 00:03:30,251
Shut up.

65
00:03:31,043 --> 00:03:33,212
What's important now
is that we support Jake.

66
00:03:33,379 --> 00:03:34,755
Agreed.

67
00:03:34,922 --> 00:03:36,966
I'll kick in the wine coolers
and condoms.

68
00:03:37,132 --> 00:03:38,926
What are you gonna do?

69
00:03:40,219 --> 00:03:41,387
You're joking, right?

70
00:03:44,098 --> 00:03:45,724
Okay, let's say I'm joking.

71
00:03:47,434 --> 00:03:50,521
I appreciate your interest,
but this is a father-son moment.

72
00:03:50,688 --> 00:03:52,356
I've been looking forward to it...

73
00:03:52,523 --> 00:03:56,110
...since I saw the shadow of his little
dingus in the first sonogram.

74
00:03:57,611 --> 00:03:59,613
That's very touching.

75
00:03:59,822 --> 00:04:01,824
And more than a bit creepy.

76
00:04:01,991 --> 00:04:05,202
But still, I can't risk letting
you scar the kid forever.

77
00:04:05,744 --> 00:04:07,871
- What do you mean by that?
- Face it, Alan.

78
00:04:08,038 --> 00:04:09,707
What can you bring to the table...

79
00:04:09,873 --> 00:04:12,418
...other than a lifetime
of abject failure with women?

80
00:04:13,335 --> 00:04:15,671
It's not a lifetime yet.

81
00:04:15,879 --> 00:04:19,091
I, on the other hand,
have a wealth of experience to offer.

82
00:04:19,299 --> 00:04:23,137
He's 12. He doesn't need to know
how to choreograph a three-way.

83
00:04:23,303 --> 00:04:25,514
I'm not talking about that.

84
00:04:25,681 --> 00:04:27,391
I'm saving that for prom night.

85
00:04:28,976 --> 00:04:30,519
Oh, good.

86
00:04:30,686 --> 00:04:32,104
Let me give you an example.

87
00:04:32,271 --> 00:04:34,857
Jake's at the party.
All the boys are on one side...

88
00:04:35,024 --> 00:04:37,568
...all the girls are on the other.
What's he do?

89
00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:39,862
You see? You see? Right there.

90
00:04:40,029 --> 00:04:44,158
That "um" is the battle cry
of the chronic masturbator.

91
00:04:50,456 --> 00:04:52,416
Define chronic.

92
00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:57,212
The solution to the problem,
my hairy-palmed friend...

93
00:04:58,505 --> 00:05:01,592
...is to walk up to the prettiest girl
and ask her to dance.

94
00:05:01,759 --> 00:05:02,801
Why the prettiest?

95
00:05:02,968 --> 00:05:05,262
She's the one
all the other guys are afraid of.

96
00:05:05,429 --> 00:05:07,097
She'll be dying for some attention.

97
00:05:07,306 --> 00:05:09,600
What if Wendy Cho
isn't the prettiest girl?

98
00:05:09,767 --> 00:05:10,809
It doesn't matter.

99
00:05:10,976 --> 00:05:14,938
When she sees our boy dancing with
a hot chick, she'll be all over him.

100
00:05:17,691 --> 00:05:20,360
Of course, it's so obvious.

101
00:05:20,569 --> 00:05:24,239
Bet you're wishing you could
do over sixth grade now, huh?

102
00:05:25,407 --> 00:05:28,243
- I could've danced with Heidi Winkler.
- Yeah, you could've.

103
00:05:28,410 --> 00:05:30,621
- Or Pam Talega.
- Yep.

104
00:05:30,788 --> 00:05:31,997
Or Mary Beth Hicks.

105
00:05:32,164 --> 00:05:34,333
Shoshana Wasserstein.

106
00:05:35,209 --> 00:05:37,002
I don't think so.

107
00:05:40,839 --> 00:05:42,800
Hey, can I get leather pants?

108
00:05:42,966 --> 00:05:44,551
- No.
- No.

109
00:05:44,718 --> 00:05:45,886
Why not?

110
00:05:46,053 --> 00:05:48,680
Because you need something
that lets the farts out.

111
00:05:53,936 --> 00:05:55,521
So...

112
00:05:55,687 --> 00:05:57,397
...Wendy Cho, huh?

113
00:05:57,564 --> 00:05:59,399
Real subtle, Alan.

114
00:05:59,608 --> 00:06:01,860
Charlie, it's a father-son thing.

115
00:06:02,027 --> 00:06:04,571
Yeah, so was pre-war Iraq.

116
00:06:06,490 --> 00:06:08,700
You wanna tell me about her?

117
00:06:08,867 --> 00:06:10,285
Not really.

118
00:06:10,452 --> 00:06:11,912
Is she in your class?

119
00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:15,666
Where else would I meet her?
At a bar?

120
00:06:16,875 --> 00:06:18,585
- My turn?
- No.

121
00:06:18,752 --> 00:06:21,838
I'm just curious
about what kind of person she is.

122
00:06:22,005 --> 00:06:26,593
What it is about her that you find,
I don't know, alluring.

123
00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:28,303
What?

124
00:06:29,137 --> 00:06:31,348
Your dad wants to know
if you think she's hot.

125
00:06:33,016 --> 00:06:34,601
It's personal.

126
00:06:34,768 --> 00:06:36,812
She's hot.

127
00:06:37,437 --> 00:06:39,064
Are you nervous about this party?

128
00:06:39,898 --> 00:06:42,025
I don't know. Maybe a little.

129
00:06:42,192 --> 00:06:44,152
- Okay, here's what you do.
- Charlie.

130
00:06:44,319 --> 00:06:47,406
Hey, hey, you had your shot.
"Alluring."

131
00:06:49,783 --> 00:06:51,868
- ls there gonna be dancing?
- I think so.

132
00:06:52,035 --> 00:06:53,829
Terrific. Do you know how to dance?

133
00:06:53,996 --> 00:06:55,455
Not exactly.

134
00:06:55,622 --> 00:06:57,124
Don't worry, it's easy to fake.

135
00:06:57,291 --> 00:06:58,458
The thing to remember is...

136
00:06:58,625 --> 00:07:01,169
...the more you move your arms,
the stupider you look.

137
00:07:01,545 --> 00:07:03,630
Oh, that is so not true.

138
00:07:03,797 --> 00:07:06,425
- Just keep it simple and you'll be fine.
- Okay.

139
00:07:06,591 --> 00:07:09,303
Besides, the critical time
is between dances.

140
00:07:09,469 --> 00:07:10,554
What do you mean?

141
00:07:10,721 --> 00:07:13,765
That's when you talk.
More precisely, you get her to talk.

142
00:07:13,932 --> 00:07:15,600
- About what?
- Doesn't matter.

143
00:07:15,767 --> 00:07:18,520
- You won't be listening anyway.
- Oh, Charlie.

144
00:07:18,687 --> 00:07:20,147
Just drive the car.

145
00:07:20,314 --> 00:07:22,607
Yeah, Dad, this is important.

146
00:07:22,774 --> 00:07:24,818
Keep in mind,
you're not looking to score.

147
00:07:24,985 --> 00:07:28,780
- You're getting into the batter's box.
- Wendy doesn't like sports.

148
00:07:30,157 --> 00:07:31,533
You're missing the point.

149
00:07:31,700 --> 00:07:32,909
She plays violin.

150
00:07:35,329 --> 00:07:36,788
Listen to me.

151
00:07:36,955 --> 00:07:38,707
Your goal for the party tonight...

152
00:07:38,874 --> 00:07:41,793
...is to convince Wendy
you're a mature, sophisticated guy...

153
00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:44,880
...who sees her not just as a woman
but as a complete human.

154
00:07:45,047 --> 00:07:46,089
Got it?

155
00:07:46,256 --> 00:07:47,591
- I think so.
- Good.

156
00:07:48,383 --> 00:07:50,177
I'm not going.

157
00:07:51,803 --> 00:07:53,680
Hey, hey, not only are you
gonna go...

158
00:07:53,847 --> 00:07:56,808
...it'll be a night you'll remember
for the rest of your life.

159
00:07:56,975 --> 00:07:58,894
That's what I'm afraid of.

160
00:08:04,775 --> 00:08:07,277
Oh, oh, this is nice.

161
00:08:07,444 --> 00:08:10,906
Yeah, sure, if he's doing
the other kids' taxes.

162
00:08:11,573 --> 00:08:13,116
It's a timeless style.

163
00:08:13,283 --> 00:08:16,411
No, it just seems timeless
when you're not getting laid.

164
00:08:17,621 --> 00:08:18,955
Put it back.

165
00:08:19,122 --> 00:08:20,624
This is cool.

166
00:08:20,791 --> 00:08:22,125
Yeah. Just one question.

167
00:08:22,292 --> 00:08:24,836
Is your Wendy Cho
a voodoo priestess?

168
00:08:26,129 --> 00:08:28,673
No, I think she's Chinese.

169
00:08:28,882 --> 00:08:30,884
Put it back.

170
00:08:31,259 --> 00:08:34,513
There's something to be said for
letting him make his own choices.

171
00:08:34,679 --> 00:08:36,681
Oh, that's a bunch of crap.
He's an idiot.

172
00:08:38,642 --> 00:08:42,103
If we let him, he'd go to that party
in a Viking helmet and a cape.

173
00:08:45,148 --> 00:08:46,525
Here we go.

174
00:08:49,528 --> 00:08:51,363
Don't even think about it.

175
00:08:51,571 --> 00:08:55,408
What? It says, "I've got a little money,
but I'm not a corporate drone."

176
00:08:55,575 --> 00:08:58,870
No, it says, "I'm pushing 40
and I can't deal with it."

177
00:09:01,873 --> 00:09:04,376
All right, maybe the kid needs
his own look.

178
00:09:04,584 --> 00:09:05,877
Jake, come here.

179
00:09:06,086 --> 00:09:08,046
- What?
- Just stand there.

180
00:09:08,630 --> 00:09:11,466
Let's try and visualize
what your personal style might be.

181
00:09:11,675 --> 00:09:13,718
Okay.

182
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:23,019
Maybe we should start
with the haircut.

183
00:09:26,231 --> 00:09:29,901
Oh, my, has Mommy been trimming
your hair with her teeth?

184
00:09:30,068 --> 00:09:34,281
Not to worry, Ricky loves a challenge.

185
00:09:34,447 --> 00:09:39,077
I'm guessing Ricky also
loves pretending he's a taffy apple.

186
00:09:39,578 --> 00:09:41,955
Wanna take him to your guy
with the shaky hands...

187
00:09:42,122 --> 00:09:43,915
...and a signed picture
of Desi Arnaz?

188
00:09:44,082 --> 00:09:46,084
Desi Arnaz had beautiful hair.

189
00:09:46,251 --> 00:09:49,671
So, Charles, do we have a game plan
or shall I just follow my muse?

190
00:09:49,838 --> 00:09:52,799
- Can I get a Mohawk?
- No.

191
00:09:52,966 --> 00:09:55,051
We should go
for something young and hip.

192
00:09:55,218 --> 00:09:57,304
- Like your hairstyle?
- Sure, why not?

193
00:09:57,470 --> 00:09:59,431
You'd have to kill me.

194
00:10:00,223 --> 00:10:02,392
Just tighten it up a little.
Nothing extreme.

195
00:10:02,559 --> 00:10:05,061
- Can you make it purple?
- No.

196
00:10:05,228 --> 00:10:06,271
Oh, man.

197
00:10:06,438 --> 00:10:09,899
Relax. Ricky knows what he's doing.
He's been cutting my hair for years.

198
00:10:10,066 --> 00:10:11,818
What if I don't wanna look like you?

199
00:10:12,527 --> 00:10:14,779
- What's wrong with the way I look?
- Nothing.

200
00:10:14,946 --> 00:10:17,449
If you're a statue in front
of a Big Boy restaurant.

201
00:10:18,825 --> 00:10:21,119
- Are you freaking kidding me?
- Charlie.

202
00:10:21,828 --> 00:10:25,081
- The kid should be so lucky.
- We'll wait over here.

203
00:10:25,290 --> 00:10:29,169
I'm buying the little wise-ass a $75
haircut and he's taking shots at me?

204
00:10:29,336 --> 00:10:31,504
You said it,
he has to find his own look.

205
00:10:31,671 --> 00:10:34,341
Yeah, let him find it
on somebody else's MasterCard.

206
00:10:34,507 --> 00:10:37,010
- Look at his point of view.
- What's his point of view?

207
00:10:37,177 --> 00:10:40,930
Well, put overalls on you and you do
kind of look like the Big Boy.

208
00:10:41,890 --> 00:10:43,933
Stand like this for me.

209
00:10:46,019 --> 00:10:47,562
Shut up.

210
00:10:48,730 --> 00:10:52,650
By the way,
did you have the talk with him?

211
00:10:52,817 --> 00:10:55,695
Oh, sure.
I mean, well, we've had a talk.

212
00:10:55,862 --> 00:10:58,823
Covered the basics.
He knows where babies come from.

213
00:10:58,990 --> 00:11:01,076
- How they got there.
- That's all?

214
00:11:01,242 --> 00:11:02,952
He's going to this party clueless...

215
00:11:03,119 --> 00:11:05,455
...about how much fun he can have
between "Hi"...

216
00:11:05,622 --> 00:11:07,999
...and "What do you mean,
you missed your period?"

217
00:11:08,166 --> 00:11:10,919
It's a kids' party.
Pizza, soft drinks, a little dancing.

218
00:11:11,086 --> 00:11:13,505
Oh, really? You know
what I was doing at his age?

219
00:11:13,671 --> 00:11:15,548
- I don't wanna hear it.
- You sure?

220
00:11:15,715 --> 00:11:17,717
It involves Shoshana Wasserstein.

221
00:11:18,968 --> 00:11:20,887
You danced
with Shoshana Wasserstein?

222
00:11:21,054 --> 00:11:23,181
Actually, that's one thing
we didn't do.

223
00:11:25,141 --> 00:11:27,477
Nevertheless, I'm Jake's father.

224
00:11:27,644 --> 00:11:30,355
I believe childhood
should be a time of innocence.

225
00:11:30,522 --> 00:11:33,066
I agree. Childhood should be
a time of innocence.

226
00:11:33,233 --> 00:11:35,068
And Bambi's mother shouldn't die.

227
00:11:35,235 --> 00:11:38,738
Lap dances should be complimentary
after the fifth cocktail.

228
00:11:39,572 --> 00:11:42,075
But that's not the world we live in.

229
00:11:42,242 --> 00:11:44,494
This party tonight
is the initial round...

230
00:11:44,661 --> 00:11:47,247
...in a lifelong process
of sexual elimination.

231
00:11:47,413 --> 00:11:50,333
- Oh, really?
- Think of it as musical chairs.

232
00:11:50,500 --> 00:11:53,169
But when the music stops,
the guys who have a clue...

233
00:11:53,336 --> 00:11:56,339
...are sitting on a woman
instead of a chair.

234
00:11:57,173 --> 00:12:01,094
The guys who have no clue,
they'll spend their teenage years...

235
00:12:01,261 --> 00:12:05,056
Well, I certainly don't need
to tell Dungeon Master Alan.

236
00:12:10,311 --> 00:12:12,814
Come on, Jake,
we're gonna be late for the party.

237
00:12:14,315 --> 00:12:15,984
I'm ready.

238
00:12:18,069 --> 00:12:20,321
- It's very nice.
- Yeah, I think we're good.

239
00:12:20,488 --> 00:12:22,156
Turn around.

240
00:12:24,826 --> 00:12:27,287
You're supposed to take
the price tag off.

241
00:12:27,453 --> 00:12:31,040
But you said it was good
to be seen in expensive clothes.

242
00:12:31,249 --> 00:12:34,210
You still want him
to learn from his mistakes?

243
00:12:34,377 --> 00:12:35,503
Fine. Can we go now?

244
00:12:35,670 --> 00:12:36,713
Hang on.

245
00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:38,548
Let's see the dance moves.

246
00:12:44,345 --> 00:12:47,473
Don't stare at your shoes,
eyes on the girl at all times.

247
00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:50,059
Pretend you care.

248
00:12:51,936 --> 00:12:53,271
Good. Good. Good. Now...

249
00:12:53,438 --> 00:12:56,566
...how do you stand when you know
Wendy's looking at you?

250
00:12:58,735 --> 00:13:01,988
That's it. A little head bob.

251
00:13:03,364 --> 00:13:05,074
Show me the sleepy eyes.

252
00:13:08,161 --> 00:13:10,038
I said sleepy, not brain-dead.

253
00:13:13,124 --> 00:13:14,167
All right.

254
00:13:14,876 --> 00:13:17,670
- Who's the man? Who's the man?
- I'm the man. I'm the man.

255
00:13:17,837 --> 00:13:19,297
Okay, let's go get them.

256
00:13:29,682 --> 00:13:32,185
- Alan.
- I'm coming.

257
00:13:33,353 --> 00:13:35,772
2138...

258
00:13:35,938 --> 00:13:37,857
...2136...

259
00:13:38,024 --> 00:13:40,860
Try the house with the balloons
tied to the mailbox.

260
00:13:41,069 --> 00:13:43,404
Oh, right.

261
00:13:45,156 --> 00:13:47,992
Okay, let's go.

262
00:13:48,201 --> 00:13:50,703
Where are you going?

263
00:13:51,579 --> 00:13:54,791
I wanna meet her parents, say hello,
find out when to pick you up.

264
00:13:54,957 --> 00:13:56,918
Alan, you take one step out this car...

265
00:13:57,085 --> 00:13:59,796
...I will beat your brains out
with a tire iron.

266
00:14:00,505 --> 00:14:02,382
Thank you, Uncle Charlie.

267
00:14:03,925 --> 00:14:05,093
Have fun.

268
00:14:05,259 --> 00:14:07,470
Call my cell when you want me
to pick you...

269
00:14:07,637 --> 00:14:09,347
Up.

270
00:14:11,682 --> 00:14:13,393
There he goes.

271
00:14:13,559 --> 00:14:17,605
My son is attending
his first boy-girl party.

272
00:14:23,528 --> 00:14:25,029
Who's that opening the door?

273
00:14:25,196 --> 00:14:27,406
Oh, oh, that's Wendy Cho.

274
00:14:27,573 --> 00:14:29,992
Oh, good, she's cute.
The kid's got taste.

275
00:14:30,159 --> 00:14:32,036
But she's like a foot taller than him.

276
00:14:32,203 --> 00:14:33,246
That's all right.

277
00:14:33,412 --> 00:14:36,249
When they slow dance,
his head will be perfectly positioned.

278
00:14:36,415 --> 00:14:38,334
Oh, get your mind out of the gutter.

279
00:14:38,543 --> 00:14:41,671
Right, like you never copped
a feel with your ear?

280
00:14:41,838 --> 00:14:43,673
No.

281
00:14:44,841 --> 00:14:47,218
Okay, once with Aunt Sophie.

282
00:14:47,969 --> 00:14:49,679
But that was an accident.

283
00:14:49,887 --> 00:14:51,389
You know what I'm talking about.

284
00:14:51,556 --> 00:14:53,516
Oh, yeah.

285
00:14:56,477 --> 00:14:57,937
Here you go.

286
00:14:58,104 --> 00:14:59,814
Thank you.

287
00:15:00,439 --> 00:15:02,483
Oh, looks good.

288
00:15:03,776 --> 00:15:05,778
She's pretty, huh?

289
00:15:07,321 --> 00:15:08,573
Yeah, I guess.

290
00:15:09,282 --> 00:15:10,908
What's the matter with you?

291
00:15:11,075 --> 00:15:13,661
What if I sent him out there
too soon?

292
00:15:13,828 --> 00:15:15,079
What if he's not ready?

293
00:15:15,246 --> 00:15:17,623
Don't beat yourself,
you did everything you could.

294
00:15:17,790 --> 00:15:21,252
There just wasn't enough time,
damn it.

295
00:15:21,419 --> 00:15:24,005
It's out of our hands.
We let nature take its course.

296
00:15:24,171 --> 00:15:29,051
Sounds good, unfortunately nature
keeps telling him to scratch his ass.

297
00:15:31,345 --> 00:15:33,806
- It's Jake.
- God, I knew it. Give me that.

298
00:15:33,973 --> 00:15:35,766
No, no, no, I got it.

299
00:15:35,933 --> 00:15:37,226
Hey, what's up, buddy?

300
00:15:37,977 --> 00:15:39,186
He wants to come home.

301
00:15:39,353 --> 00:15:40,688
Why? He just got there.

302
00:15:40,855 --> 00:15:42,899
Why? You just got there.

303
00:15:43,858 --> 00:15:45,484
He says it's personal.

304
00:15:46,027 --> 00:15:47,570
Give me that.

305
00:15:47,737 --> 00:15:51,616
Jake, Jake, I'm gonna
talk you through this.

306
00:15:51,824 --> 00:15:54,619
Just pipe down and listen.

307
00:15:54,785 --> 00:15:57,330
Finish your cookie later.

308
00:15:59,123 --> 00:16:02,084
Where's Wendy Cho right now?

309
00:16:02,376 --> 00:16:04,337
How many girls is she talking to?

310
00:16:04,503 --> 00:16:07,423
Okay, okay,
you gotta split her from the herd.

311
00:16:09,216 --> 00:16:11,636
Walk over and say
you have something to ask her.

312
00:16:11,802 --> 00:16:15,431
Then take her hand
and lead her away from her friends.

313
00:16:16,098 --> 00:16:18,267
Okay, then put the cookie down first.

314
00:16:20,645 --> 00:16:24,482
Now, when you have some privacy,
I want you to look her in the eye...

315
00:16:24,649 --> 00:16:28,569
...and say you were lying.
You just wanted to be alone with her.

316
00:16:29,028 --> 00:16:31,405
It will too work.

317
00:16:31,572 --> 00:16:33,824
All right, call me back.

318
00:16:34,992 --> 00:16:37,119
God, I just wish I could be there
with him.

319
00:16:37,286 --> 00:16:39,455
- Me too.
- Thanks.

320
00:16:41,874 --> 00:16:43,626
Ready for a refill?

321
00:16:43,793 --> 00:16:45,503
Sure.

322
00:16:46,128 --> 00:16:47,797
Are you okay?

323
00:16:47,963 --> 00:16:50,883
Yeah, I'm fine.
I'm just worried about my nephew.

324
00:16:51,050 --> 00:16:52,885
He's at his first boy-girl party.

325
00:16:53,052 --> 00:16:55,304
Oh, that's adorable.

326
00:16:55,471 --> 00:16:56,931
He's my son.

327
00:17:00,976 --> 00:17:03,354
- How old is he?
- Twelve.

328
00:17:03,521 --> 00:17:05,272
Kid's the apple of my eye.

329
00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:07,691
You're so sweet.

330
00:17:07,858 --> 00:17:11,695
Excuse me, officially,
it's my apple and my eye.

331
00:17:13,155 --> 00:17:14,615
Okay.

332
00:17:16,534 --> 00:17:17,618
Connie.

333
00:17:17,785 --> 00:17:20,746
- Charlie.
- Would you like some pie, Charlie?

334
00:17:20,913 --> 00:17:22,248
It's on the house.

335
00:17:22,415 --> 00:17:24,458
Your house or mine?

336
00:17:24,625 --> 00:17:27,336
You're awful. Mine.

337
00:17:28,170 --> 00:17:30,381
Un-freaking-believable.

338
00:17:32,633 --> 00:17:35,761
Look, Connie, I'm kind of tied up
tonight with my nephew.

339
00:17:35,928 --> 00:17:37,847
Why not write your number
on the bill?

340
00:17:38,472 --> 00:17:40,307
Already did.

341
00:17:44,478 --> 00:17:45,855
What?

342
00:17:46,397 --> 00:17:49,316
- He's my son.
- But I know how to use him.

343
00:17:53,487 --> 00:17:54,655
Oh, it's Jake.

344
00:18:01,203 --> 00:18:02,788
Talk to me.

345
00:18:02,955 --> 00:18:04,623
No, you're the man.

346
00:18:04,790 --> 00:18:06,041
You're the man.

347
00:18:06,667 --> 00:18:08,169
Great. Keep me posted.

348
00:18:08,377 --> 00:18:09,587
Who's the man?

349
00:18:09,753 --> 00:18:11,213
Right.

350
00:18:15,092 --> 00:18:16,552
What? What?

351
00:18:17,887 --> 00:18:19,889
It's going well.

352
00:18:24,435 --> 00:18:28,105
He's gonna be one of the last
to leave. That's a good sign.

353
00:18:28,564 --> 00:18:29,732
Yeah.

354
00:18:29,899 --> 00:18:33,569
You tend to lose track of time
when you're in a closet with a girl.

355
00:18:35,154 --> 00:18:37,489
I just wish I could've
covered kissing with him.

356
00:18:37,656 --> 00:18:40,784
Please, God, don't let him pucker.

357
00:18:42,912 --> 00:18:45,164
- What's wrong?
- Oh, it's nothing.

358
00:18:45,331 --> 00:18:47,583
Don't worry, Wendy will know
what to do.

359
00:18:47,750 --> 00:18:50,294
She's probably been practicing
with her girlfriends.

360
00:18:50,461 --> 00:18:53,213
Man, chicks are so lucky.

361
00:18:53,422 --> 00:18:57,551
It's not the kissing.
It's this whole thing.

362
00:18:57,718 --> 00:19:00,471
I'm sorry if I interfered
with the father-son deal, but...

363
00:19:00,638 --> 00:19:03,057
No, no, no,
you've done a great job.

364
00:19:03,223 --> 00:19:05,059
Jake's really lucky to have you.

365
00:19:05,267 --> 00:19:06,393
So, what's the problem?

366
00:19:08,938 --> 00:19:10,606
I guess I'm a little jealous.

367
00:19:10,814 --> 00:19:12,816
- Of what?
- Charlie...

368
00:19:12,983 --> 00:19:15,402
...do you have any idea
what it would've meant...

369
00:19:15,569 --> 00:19:18,781
...to have you take me under your wing
the way you have with Jake?

370
00:19:18,948 --> 00:19:20,950
Oh, here we go.

371
00:19:21,116 --> 00:19:23,118
Dad was gone, there was no one
to teach me.

372
00:19:23,285 --> 00:19:25,579
You know how I found out
about French kissing?

373
00:19:25,746 --> 00:19:28,582
Mom sliced a plum in half
and stuck her tongue in it.

374
00:19:29,458 --> 00:19:32,586
You could have taken
that secret to the grave.

375
00:19:32,753 --> 00:19:34,421
And that's not all she showed me.

376
00:19:34,588 --> 00:19:38,217
To this day, I can't eat plums,
dried apricots or bananas.

377
00:19:39,468 --> 00:19:41,970
All right, all right, I'm sorry.

378
00:19:43,389 --> 00:19:48,686
Look, I was young, I was selfish,
I should have been there for you.

379
00:19:50,104 --> 00:19:52,940
You know, it's not too late.

380
00:19:54,108 --> 00:19:56,527
That's a real nice idea, buddy.

381
00:19:56,694 --> 00:19:58,529
But I'm afraid it is.

382
00:20:00,531 --> 00:20:02,783
- Hey.
- Hey.

383
00:20:04,660 --> 00:20:06,370
Well, how'd it go?

384
00:20:06,537 --> 00:20:07,621
Okay.

385
00:20:07,788 --> 00:20:11,083
- Just okay?
- Alan, leave it alone.

386
00:20:11,291 --> 00:20:13,168
All right.

387
00:20:14,086 --> 00:20:17,131
- So, Jake, congratulations.
- For what?

388
00:20:17,297 --> 00:20:19,383
You got lipstick all over your mouth.

389
00:20:19,550 --> 00:20:20,592
Oh, man.

390
00:20:20,759 --> 00:20:23,178
Relax, I was bluffing.

391
00:20:25,013 --> 00:20:27,766
But congratulations.

392
00:20:27,933 --> 00:20:29,852
Thanks.

393
00:20:35,875 --> 00:20:38,252
Well, it was touch-and-go there
for a while.

394
00:20:38,419 --> 00:20:41,047
But I think Jake's off
to a good start with the ladies.

395
00:20:41,213 --> 00:20:42,840
Yeah, listen, Charlie.

396
00:20:43,007 --> 00:20:45,509
Don't take this the wrong way...

397
00:20:45,676 --> 00:20:50,181
...but I really don't want Jake
to grow up like you.

398
00:20:50,890 --> 00:20:54,226
Alan, how could I possibly
take that the wrong way?

399
00:20:54,435 --> 00:20:57,354
No, I mean,
I don't want him to be a player.

400
00:20:57,521 --> 00:21:01,150
I want him to value women and
cherish his relationships with them.

401
00:21:01,317 --> 00:21:05,863
Hey, I value women,
I cherish my relationships with them.

402
00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:08,532
But I take your point.

403
00:21:11,285 --> 00:21:13,746
Hey, Dad, how old
do you have to be to get married?

404
00:21:13,913 --> 00:21:16,165
I guess 18. Why?

405
00:21:16,332 --> 00:21:18,918
Just wondering how long
Wendy and I have to wait.

406
00:21:20,544 --> 00:21:22,588
One kiss
and he's ready to marry the girl.

407
00:21:23,839 --> 00:21:25,007
So?

408
00:21:25,174 --> 00:21:28,052
So you don't have to worry.
He's definitely your son.

409
00:21:57,289 --> 00:21:59,375
Subtitles by
SDI Media Group

410
00:21:59,542 --> 00:22:01,627
[ENGLISH]