0
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,800
English Subtitles, renamed for "LP" WebDL release :)
Two and a Half Men S03E17 - The Unfortunate Little Schnauser - Web-DL [KoTuWa]

1
00:00:02,210 --> 00:00:05,046
So any thoughts on what
you'd like for dinner this weekend?

2
00:00:05,213 --> 00:00:08,382
You decide, honey.
I love everything you cook.

3
00:00:08,925 --> 00:00:10,426
All of a sudden I'm a woman...

4
00:00:10,593 --> 00:00:13,554
...because I cook and try to make
a nice home for you?

5
00:00:14,305 --> 00:00:16,015
Okay, I heard it too. Shut up.

6
00:00:16,766 --> 00:00:19,518
Ramming speed!

7
00:00:20,561 --> 00:00:22,396
- Jake.
- Leave him alone.

8
00:00:22,563 --> 00:00:26,484
With his grades, he might as well get
used to pushing shopping carts around.

9
00:00:27,193 --> 00:00:29,487
My son is gonna
end up working in a supermarket?

10
00:00:29,654 --> 00:00:32,240
No, I'm saying he's probably
gonna end up homeless.

11
00:00:33,741 --> 00:00:37,036
Well, as I live and breathe,
Charlie Harper.

12
00:00:39,705 --> 00:00:41,624
Oh, great. Archie.

13
00:00:42,124 --> 00:00:44,919
So how's the best jingle writer
in the business?

14
00:00:45,086 --> 00:00:47,213
Looks like he's put on a few pounds.

15
00:00:48,089 --> 00:00:49,298
This is my brother Alan.

16
00:00:49,465 --> 00:00:51,968
Alan, Archie Baldwin,
the king of the jingle writers.

17
00:00:52,134 --> 00:00:53,594
Well, I don't know about that.

18
00:00:53,761 --> 00:00:56,806
More like the ayatollah
of the jingle writers.

19
00:00:57,139 --> 00:00:59,266
The grand Pooh-Bah, if you will.

20
00:01:00,101 --> 00:01:01,894
Really?
What's that make you, Charlie?

21
00:01:02,061 --> 00:01:04,563
To be honest, a little nauseous.

22
00:01:04,730 --> 00:01:07,525
We should get together sometime.
Maybe collaborate.

23
00:01:07,692 --> 00:01:10,778
- I'd like that.
- Well, sure, there's no downside for you.

24
00:01:13,239 --> 00:01:15,866
What the hell, remind me about it
at the awards dinner.

25
00:01:16,033 --> 00:01:17,702
Oh, I'm not going to that.

26
00:01:17,868 --> 00:01:19,245
Why not? You're nominated.

27
00:01:19,412 --> 00:01:21,038
Wait, what are you nominated for?

28
00:01:21,205 --> 00:01:24,291
It's a silly advertising award.
Doesn't mean anything.

29
00:01:24,458 --> 00:01:28,295
Yeah, he's right. It's not about
the trophies, it's about the work.

30
00:01:28,462 --> 00:01:31,298
PS, my work has won seven trophies.

31
00:01:32,925 --> 00:01:35,511
Hey, one more, I'll have a menorah.

32
00:01:36,595 --> 00:01:39,140
Well, good luck, Archie.
But I think I'll pass.

33
00:01:39,306 --> 00:01:41,642
Oh, well, good for you.
Stay home and sulk.

34
00:01:42,059 --> 00:01:43,853
Nice meeting you.

35
00:01:44,019 --> 00:01:48,607
Okay, where do they keep
the extra-large condoms?

36
00:01:50,651 --> 00:01:52,528
Boy, he's a piece of work.

37
00:01:52,695 --> 00:01:54,864
He's a piece of something.

38
00:01:55,030 --> 00:01:57,533
How come you never
mentioned that whole award thing?

39
00:01:57,700 --> 00:01:59,452
I've been nominated plenty of times.

40
00:01:59,618 --> 00:02:02,496
- How many times have you won?
- What difference does it make?

41
00:02:02,663 --> 00:02:03,998
So never.

42
00:02:04,665 --> 00:02:06,000
Yes, Alan, never.

43
00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:09,003
But that guy Archie
has won like seven times.

44
00:02:09,170 --> 00:02:10,796
Yes, he has.

45
00:02:11,922 --> 00:02:13,924
That's gotta sting.

46
00:02:14,759 --> 00:02:18,387
Hey, Alan, you ever been beaten
to death with a can of corn?

47
00:03:04,725 --> 00:03:06,852
Toe-Zene shouldn't be used
by pregnant women...

48
00:03:07,019 --> 00:03:09,980
...people with heart conditions
or taking SSI inhibitors.

49
00:03:14,776 --> 00:03:17,779
I don't know. This could be my year.

50
00:03:18,864 --> 00:03:22,284
- I really think it's your best work.
- Thanks.

51
00:03:22,451 --> 00:03:25,078
I know I said the same thing
about Mr. Herpes Lip Balm.

52
00:03:25,370 --> 00:03:26,413
Yeah.

53
00:03:26,580 --> 00:03:29,040
Just Like a Woman Natural Douche.

54
00:03:29,207 --> 00:03:32,085
And that hemorrhoid cream.
What was it called?

55
00:03:33,378 --> 00:03:35,380
Fire in the Hole.

56
00:03:36,965 --> 00:03:38,800
Yeah, that was good.

57
00:03:38,967 --> 00:03:42,429
But Toe-Zene is the one
that's finally gonna bring home the gold.

58
00:03:42,596 --> 00:03:45,432
- Thanks for your support, Rose.
- You're welcome.

59
00:03:45,599 --> 00:03:47,851
Now, can you do something for me?

60
00:03:49,770 --> 00:03:50,812
No.

61
00:03:52,189 --> 00:03:53,732
Oh, come on, Charlie.

62
00:03:54,357 --> 00:03:56,985
I want you to talk to my boyfriend.

63
00:03:57,152 --> 00:03:59,488
Why would I wanna talk
to your boyfriend?

64
00:03:59,654 --> 00:04:01,490
Because he's smothering me.

65
00:04:01,656 --> 00:04:05,243
And not in the good "can you move
your thigh off my face" kind of way.

66
00:04:07,913 --> 00:04:09,164
I need my space, Charlie.

67
00:04:09,331 --> 00:04:12,083
I wake up in the morning
and there he is staring at me.

68
00:04:12,250 --> 00:04:15,337
I have a bowl of soup
and there he is blowing on it for me.

69
00:04:15,504 --> 00:04:16,671
Even when we have sex...

70
00:04:16,838 --> 00:04:20,133
...I can feel his eyes
burning a hole in the back of my head.

71
00:04:21,718 --> 00:04:24,429
Oh, that's gonna keep me up at night.

72
00:04:25,263 --> 00:04:31,061
You need to explain to him that if you
love someone, you have to let them go.

73
00:04:31,228 --> 00:04:33,021
If they come back, they're yours.

74
00:04:33,188 --> 00:04:36,066
If they don't, then you stalk them.

75
00:04:36,525 --> 00:04:39,027
I really don't wanna get involved
in your love life.

76
00:04:39,194 --> 00:04:42,989
Well, if someone doesn't talk to him,
we're gonna have to break up.

77
00:04:43,657 --> 00:04:45,700
Do what you have to do.

78
00:04:45,867 --> 00:04:47,827
Oh, I get it.

79
00:04:47,994 --> 00:04:49,829
You want me to be single again.

80
00:04:52,832 --> 00:04:54,376
Get him over here.

81
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:56,795
Thank you.

82
00:04:56,962 --> 00:04:58,880
Was that so hard?

83
00:05:12,477 --> 00:05:15,146
I had no idea these awards
were so prestigious.

84
00:05:15,689 --> 00:05:18,191
They're meaningless crap.

85
00:05:18,525 --> 00:05:21,903
Come on. Look at this list
of past winners for best jingle.

86
00:05:22,070 --> 00:05:24,698
Barry Manilow, Randy Newman,
Kenny Loggins...

87
00:05:24,864 --> 00:05:29,327
...Archie Baldwin, Archie Baldwin
Archie Baldwin, Archie...

88
00:05:29,494 --> 00:05:30,745
What's your point?

89
00:05:30,912 --> 00:05:33,373
My point is
it's an honor just to be nominated.

90
00:05:33,540 --> 00:05:35,792
No, no, it's an honor to win.

91
00:05:35,959 --> 00:05:40,088
Being nominated
is just a soul-sucking waste of time.

92
00:05:40,463 --> 00:05:42,257
Why are you so sure
you're gonna lose?

93
00:05:42,424 --> 00:05:44,592
It doesn't matter
who wrote the best jingle...

94
00:05:44,759 --> 00:05:47,053
...it's about
who has the sexiest product.

95
00:05:47,220 --> 00:05:49,931
That's why the awards
always go to car and beer ads.

96
00:05:50,098 --> 00:05:52,726
Over-the-counter medications
just aren't hip enough.

97
00:05:54,477 --> 00:05:56,938
- That hardly seems fair.
- Tell me about it.

98
00:05:57,105 --> 00:06:00,984
Encourage people to get drunk
and drive fast, great, here's an award.

99
00:06:01,151 --> 00:06:04,487
Relieve the heartbreak
of vaginal itching?

100
00:06:06,197 --> 00:06:08,408
They don't even wanna
shake your hand.

101
00:06:09,909 --> 00:06:12,579
Well, win or lose,
you should still go to the ceremony.

102
00:06:12,746 --> 00:06:15,623
No, no, no. No. An awards
ceremony is like a Thai massage.

103
00:06:15,790 --> 00:06:19,627
If you don't know that there's gonna be
a happy ending, no point in lying down.

104
00:06:19,794 --> 00:06:22,756
You have a family who's proud
of your accomplishments...

105
00:06:22,922 --> 00:06:24,966
...and might like the chance
to share them.

106
00:06:25,133 --> 00:06:26,676
What family is that?

107
00:06:26,843 --> 00:06:29,262
Your family: Me, Jake, Mom.

108
00:06:29,429 --> 00:06:32,140
Whoa, do not tell Mom
about this nomination.

109
00:06:32,307 --> 00:06:34,142
- It's a good thing.
- Lt doesn't matter.

110
00:06:34,309 --> 00:06:36,936
If it's a good thing
she'll find a way to make it bad.

111
00:06:37,103 --> 00:06:39,606
- Okay, now you're just being ridiculous.
- Oh, really?

112
00:06:39,773 --> 00:06:41,232
Let's try a little experiment.

113
00:06:41,399 --> 00:06:43,735
I'll pretend I'm Mom,
you tell me something good.

114
00:06:44,527 --> 00:06:45,945
All right.

115
00:06:46,112 --> 00:06:48,573
Hey, Mom,
I have discovered a cure for cancer.

116
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:50,575
Very nice.

117
00:06:50,742 --> 00:06:54,537
Shame you couldn't do it in time
to save Uncle Walter's left testicle.

118
00:06:56,623 --> 00:06:58,082
Come on, give me another one.

119
00:06:58,583 --> 00:07:01,169
- No, I get the idea.
- No, no. No. Hit me.

120
00:07:01,336 --> 00:07:03,213
Okay.

121
00:07:03,630 --> 00:07:06,508
Gee, Mom,
it really is a beautiful day, huh?

122
00:07:06,674 --> 00:07:10,136
Try telling that
to Uncle Walter's one good nut.

123
00:07:12,305 --> 00:07:13,890
Okay.

124
00:07:14,057 --> 00:07:15,433
I adore my son.

125
00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:17,310
Somebody has to.

126
00:07:21,105 --> 00:07:23,358
- How about friendship?
- How about Judas?

127
00:07:23,525 --> 00:07:24,651
- Family.
- Manson.

128
00:07:24,818 --> 00:07:25,860
- Puppies.
- Rabies.

129
00:07:26,027 --> 00:07:27,403
- Love.
- Communicable disease.

130
00:07:27,570 --> 00:07:29,614
- You win.
- Quitter.

131
00:07:29,781 --> 00:07:31,616
- Leave me alone.
- You're already alone.

132
00:07:31,783 --> 00:07:34,202
Your wife threw you out, remember?

133
00:07:37,872 --> 00:07:40,667
Damn it, Gordon, get up there
and talk to Charlie.

134
00:07:40,833 --> 00:07:42,877
But I don't wanna talk to Charlie.

135
00:07:43,044 --> 00:07:45,046
Do you like having sex with me,
Gordon?

136
00:07:45,630 --> 00:07:47,006
Hey, Charlie.

137
00:07:47,173 --> 00:07:48,800
Hey, Gordon.

138
00:07:48,967 --> 00:07:50,885
- What's going on?
- Oh, not much.

139
00:07:51,052 --> 00:07:55,557
I was just passing by,
thought I'd see how you were doing.

140
00:07:56,391 --> 00:07:57,725
I'm doing fine.

141
00:07:57,892 --> 00:07:59,435
Good.

142
00:07:59,978 --> 00:08:01,771
Good.

143
00:08:04,482 --> 00:08:05,525
Nice shirt.

144
00:08:06,526 --> 00:08:07,777
Right back at you.

145
00:08:10,572 --> 00:08:12,282
So...

146
00:08:12,448 --> 00:08:16,160
...Rose says I have to talk to you
or I can't have sex with her anymore.

147
00:08:16,369 --> 00:08:19,122
I see. You sure you're making
the right choice?

148
00:08:19,622 --> 00:08:21,207
Call me crazy.

149
00:08:21,416 --> 00:08:24,711
Well, crazy's the price of admission
for that ride.

150
00:08:25,336 --> 00:08:27,255
Okay, come here, sit down.

151
00:08:28,172 --> 00:08:30,508
- You want a beer?
- Oh, no, thank you.

152
00:08:30,717 --> 00:08:32,593
I'm a really mean drunk.

153
00:08:33,636 --> 00:08:35,513
I sensed that.

154
00:08:36,389 --> 00:08:39,309
Anyway, the thing you need
to understand about Rose...

155
00:08:39,475 --> 00:08:42,812
...about any woman really, is
that they want what they can't have.

156
00:08:42,979 --> 00:08:44,439
But Rose can have me.

157
00:08:44,605 --> 00:08:45,815
Trust me on this, Gordon.

158
00:08:45,982 --> 00:08:48,318
You play it cool, keep your distance,
be aloof...

159
00:08:48,484 --> 00:08:50,862
...you'll have to call the cops
to get rid of her.

160
00:08:51,029 --> 00:08:53,364
- You really think so?
- No, I know so.

161
00:08:54,032 --> 00:08:56,576
But they won't come right away.

162
00:08:57,118 --> 00:09:00,663
She'll still have time to hot-glue
her high school graduation picture...

163
00:09:00,830 --> 00:09:03,291
...to your freshly shaved ass.

164
00:09:11,924 --> 00:09:14,427
Hey, Mom, here's some good news.

165
00:09:14,594 --> 00:09:16,429
It seems with medical breakthroughs...

166
00:09:16,596 --> 00:09:19,807
...the average life span
will soon be 100 years.

167
00:09:19,974 --> 00:09:22,852
Wonderful. More time to be ignored
by your children.

168
00:09:25,980 --> 00:09:27,565
Amazing.

169
00:09:28,858 --> 00:09:31,194
Morning, Mom.
You're looking very pretty today.

170
00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:34,280
That's nice, because inside I'm dead.

171
00:09:37,992 --> 00:09:39,535
When you're right, you're right.

172
00:09:39,702 --> 00:09:41,370
Charlie, I need a favor.

173
00:09:41,537 --> 00:09:45,666
Yeah, well, I need a healthy liver,
and there's a long waiting list for both.

174
00:09:46,209 --> 00:09:48,544
I've got a client coming into town
next Saturday.

175
00:09:48,711 --> 00:09:52,507
- And he's bringing his lovely daughter.
- And by lovely she means dog-like.

176
00:09:53,883 --> 00:09:57,720
All right, she may not be a beauty queen,
but she does have a terrific figure.

177
00:09:57,887 --> 00:10:00,056
I'm guessing six nipples.

178
00:10:04,102 --> 00:10:07,396
Anyhow, I was hoping you could show
her a good time. No big deal.

179
00:10:07,563 --> 00:10:09,357
You don't have to take her to dinner.

180
00:10:09,524 --> 00:10:12,527
Go to the beach and throw a stick
till she gets tired.

181
00:10:14,028 --> 00:10:18,449
Gee, Mom, as much as I'd love to
service the unfortunate little Schnauser...

182
00:10:18,616 --> 00:10:20,910
- ...I'm busy next Saturday.
- What are you doing?

183
00:10:21,702 --> 00:10:24,497
I... I've... I've got a... I've got a thing.

184
00:10:24,664 --> 00:10:27,667
Don't lie. You've got nothing,
you just don't want to help me.

185
00:10:27,834 --> 00:10:30,336
No, no, no. No, I swear, I have plans.

186
00:10:30,503 --> 00:10:34,340
I'm going to this awards ceremony.

187
00:10:34,507 --> 00:10:36,050
You never go to these things.

188
00:10:36,217 --> 00:10:37,969
Yeah, well, this year's different.

189
00:10:38,135 --> 00:10:41,889
Your client's daughter will just have
to hump somebody else's leg.

190
00:10:44,475 --> 00:10:46,936
I told you I could get him to go.

191
00:10:58,655 --> 00:11:00,199
This is really boring.

192
00:11:00,699 --> 00:11:02,618
Just keep it to yourself, Jake.

193
00:11:02,785 --> 00:11:04,953
I just don't understand
why I had to come.

194
00:11:05,579 --> 00:11:07,581
You're here to support
your Uncle Charlie.

195
00:11:07,748 --> 00:11:10,584
The same way he supported you
at your Christmas pageant.

196
00:11:10,751 --> 00:11:13,837
The one where you stood
in back picking lint off your antlers...

197
00:11:14,004 --> 00:11:17,174
...while the rest of the class recited
"The Night Before Kwanzaa."

198
00:11:18,217 --> 00:11:19,968
Oh, yeah.

199
00:11:20,552 --> 00:11:22,429
- Uncle Charlie?
- What?

200
00:11:22,596 --> 00:11:25,182
Now you have to come
to my Easter pageant.

201
00:11:27,226 --> 00:11:30,437
- This event isn't televised, is it?
- No.

202
00:11:30,938 --> 00:11:33,482
Well, I guess they only show
the important awards.

203
00:11:36,985 --> 00:11:40,739
Congratulations, you've just been elected
tonight's designated driver.

204
00:11:44,034 --> 00:11:45,536
Come on, just ignore her.

205
00:11:46,078 --> 00:11:50,499
Ignore her? It'd be easier to ignore
blood in my urine.

206
00:11:50,707 --> 00:11:54,545
Well, well, well,
look who decided to be a good sport.

207
00:11:54,711 --> 00:11:56,296
Speaking of blood in my urine.

208
00:11:56,463 --> 00:11:58,090
Hey, Archie.

209
00:11:58,257 --> 00:11:59,967
Hey, I wanna tell you people...

210
00:12:00,133 --> 00:12:02,302
...this man has been a real inspiration
to me.

211
00:12:02,469 --> 00:12:04,179
- Oh, come on.
- No, no, I mean it.

212
00:12:04,346 --> 00:12:08,058
When I'm struggling to write a jingle
and I feel like I'm not measuring up...

213
00:12:08,225 --> 00:12:11,728
...I ask myself,
"How would Charlie Harper write this?"

214
00:12:11,895 --> 00:12:15,566
And the answer always makes me feel
better about my own work.

215
00:12:17,150 --> 00:12:20,112
Charlie, aren't you going
to introduce me?

216
00:12:20,571 --> 00:12:22,573
Mom, Archie. Archie, Mom.

217
00:12:22,739 --> 00:12:24,575
You're Charlie's mother?

218
00:12:24,741 --> 00:12:28,078
Oh, a teenage pregnancy, no doubt.

219
00:12:30,163 --> 00:12:32,082
How brave of you to keep him.

220
00:12:33,917 --> 00:12:35,419
Well, aren't you adorable.

221
00:12:36,211 --> 00:12:39,423
Mom. Archie is nominated
in the same category as Charlie.

222
00:12:39,590 --> 00:12:43,260
Oh, well, I'll be rooting for you,
Archie.

223
00:12:45,262 --> 00:12:47,973
- Okay, then, thanks for stopping by.
- Good luck.

224
00:12:48,140 --> 00:12:50,350
- You deserve it this year.
- Thanks.

225
00:12:50,517 --> 00:12:52,477
I mean, how many times
can they snub you?

226
00:12:53,061 --> 00:12:55,856
- I don't really keep track.
- Seven.

227
00:12:57,649 --> 00:13:00,527
Seven years in a row.

228
00:13:00,736 --> 00:13:01,778
If you say so.

229
00:13:02,487 --> 00:13:04,656
Hey, stick around after the ceremony.

230
00:13:04,823 --> 00:13:06,658
If I win, I'll let you hold my trophy.

231
00:13:09,286 --> 00:13:12,456
Not to mention the little statue
they give me.

232
00:13:17,336 --> 00:13:19,588
Isn't the little statue the trophy?

233
00:13:20,255 --> 00:13:22,174
Just eat your chicken.

234
00:13:23,342 --> 00:13:25,677
Before we present
the Jingle of the Year Award...

235
00:13:25,844 --> 00:13:27,679
...we have a special treat.

236
00:13:27,846 --> 00:13:30,766
Please tell me
they're gonna pass out guns.

237
00:13:30,932 --> 00:13:33,894
Our very own seven-time
award winner...

238
00:13:34,061 --> 00:13:36,563
...here to perform
his own nominated tune...

239
00:13:36,730 --> 00:13:40,400
...composed especially for the United
Nations Save-an-Orphan program...

240
00:13:40,567 --> 00:13:43,445
Oh, God, not orphans.

241
00:13:43,612 --> 00:13:45,155
Archie Baldwin.

242
00:13:45,697 --> 00:13:47,908
Oh, goodie.

243
00:13:50,786 --> 00:13:53,705
This is for all the orphans out there.

244
00:13:58,377 --> 00:14:02,756
There's no tree at Christmastime

245
00:14:02,923 --> 00:14:06,551
No pumpkin Hallow's Eve

246
00:14:07,177 --> 00:14:11,640
No candles on the birthday cake

247
00:14:11,807 --> 00:14:16,853
No reason to believe

248
00:14:17,020 --> 00:14:22,401
He works all day in a cold, dark mine

249
00:14:22,567 --> 00:14:26,154
His little lungs filled with soot

250
00:14:27,447 --> 00:14:30,909
Her mommy's Kim Jong's concubine

251
00:14:31,076 --> 00:14:35,497
Her dad was killed
By the Tonton Macoutes

252
00:14:35,664 --> 00:14:38,125
Save the orphans

253
00:14:40,627 --> 00:14:43,797
Save the orphans

254
00:14:47,342 --> 00:14:49,177
Don't do it for me

255
00:14:49,344 --> 00:14:51,388
Don't do it for you

256
00:14:51,972 --> 00:14:54,683
Do it for little Kim Sung

257
00:14:54,850 --> 00:14:56,226
And Abu

258
00:14:56,893 --> 00:15:00,063
Yeah, save the orphans

259
00:15:00,605 --> 00:15:02,399
Come on, everybody.

260
00:15:02,566 --> 00:15:05,652
Save the orphans

261
00:15:05,819 --> 00:15:07,821
They' re tax-deductible.

262
00:15:07,988 --> 00:15:10,407
Save the orphans

263
00:15:10,574 --> 00:15:12,701
Get them while they' re still cute.

264
00:15:12,868 --> 00:15:14,661
Save the orphans

265
00:15:14,828 --> 00:15:17,247
Get them young,
teach them your tongue.

266
00:15:17,497 --> 00:15:19,499
Save the orphans

267
00:15:19,666 --> 00:15:22,043
Woody Allen can't marry them all.

268
00:15:22,210 --> 00:15:24,254
Save the orphans

269
00:15:24,421 --> 00:15:26,756
Some of them
don't even have parents.

270
00:15:27,173 --> 00:15:29,175
Save the orphans

271
00:15:29,342 --> 00:15:32,053
Get two, get one free.

272
00:15:32,429 --> 00:15:34,890
Save the orphans

273
00:15:35,056 --> 00:15:37,058
Use them as bait for scholarships.

274
00:15:37,225 --> 00:15:39,352
Save the orphans

275
00:15:39,519 --> 00:15:42,022
Save the orphans

276
00:15:44,399 --> 00:15:47,402
Save the orphans

277
00:15:47,569 --> 00:15:49,362
Enough.

278
00:15:50,238 --> 00:15:51,823
Come on. It's catchy.

279
00:15:51,990 --> 00:15:54,367
So is diphtheria.

280
00:15:55,118 --> 00:15:57,454
How come you don't get
a runner-up trophy?

281
00:15:57,621 --> 00:15:58,788
Because I don't.

282
00:15:59,164 --> 00:16:01,875
At school everybody gets a trophy
just for participating.

283
00:16:02,667 --> 00:16:06,379
Well, Jake, that's the difference
between school and life.

284
00:16:06,546 --> 00:16:11,635
In life all you get for participating is pain,
loneliness and death.

285
00:16:13,345 --> 00:16:15,680
Better luck next year, Charlie.

286
00:16:15,847 --> 00:16:18,224
Good night, boys.

287
00:16:23,938 --> 00:16:26,107
Oh, yeah, I forgot.

288
00:16:26,274 --> 00:16:29,486
There's also crushing humiliation.

289
00:16:31,488 --> 00:16:34,574
Well, in sixth grade, you get a trophy.

290
00:16:41,790 --> 00:16:44,459
Hey, can I get you anything?

291
00:16:45,752 --> 00:16:49,005
A length of rope and a rickety stool?

292
00:16:50,131 --> 00:16:54,052
Charlie, it's understandable that you
might be a little blue right now...

293
00:16:54,219 --> 00:16:56,096
...but that will pass.

294
00:16:56,888 --> 00:16:59,057
Get out of here, Alan.

295
00:16:59,224 --> 00:17:04,270
You know, I often find that
when things look darkest...

296
00:17:04,854 --> 00:17:06,606
...it really helps to share your...

297
00:17:06,773 --> 00:17:09,651
I swear, I will drop-kick you
over that railing.

298
00:17:10,985 --> 00:17:12,445
Alrighty.

299
00:17:13,029 --> 00:17:14,864
Pleasant dreams.

300
00:17:15,907 --> 00:17:18,827
You don't dream in a blackout,
you moron.

301
00:17:20,412 --> 00:17:23,623
- Hey, Charlie.
- Oh, God.

302
00:17:23,790 --> 00:17:27,544
- How did it go tonight?
- Let me put it this way:

303
00:17:27,710 --> 00:17:30,797
What the advertising community
did to me earlier this evening...

304
00:17:30,964 --> 00:17:33,508
...Archie Baldwin is now doing
to my mother.

305
00:17:34,426 --> 00:17:36,928
He's not acknowledging
her wonderful talent?

306
00:17:37,637 --> 00:17:40,723
- Just leave it alone, Rose.
- Sorry.

307
00:17:41,724 --> 00:17:43,351
Have you seen Gordon?

308
00:17:43,518 --> 00:17:45,311
Not since I talked to him.

309
00:17:45,478 --> 00:17:47,605
And by the way,
thanks for that opportunity.

310
00:17:48,064 --> 00:17:51,860
I've always wanted to bond
with a pasty kid who dresses like me.

311
00:17:52,318 --> 00:17:56,698
Well, I don't know what you said to him,
but he's been acting very strange lately.

312
00:17:57,490 --> 00:17:59,242
Lately?

313
00:17:59,409 --> 00:18:01,744
I keep calling,
but he doesn't pick up the phone.

314
00:18:01,911 --> 00:18:04,539
And when I leave a message,
he doesn't call back.

315
00:18:05,206 --> 00:18:07,542
I thought you wanted him to stop
being so clingy.

316
00:18:07,709 --> 00:18:09,502
I thought I did too.

317
00:18:09,669 --> 00:18:11,963
Now I miss his cute little face
peeking at me...

318
00:18:12,130 --> 00:18:16,134
...while I'm washing my hair, shaving my
legs, soaping up my breasts...

319
00:18:16,301 --> 00:18:20,430
...which you no doubt remember
are extremely firm and perky.

320
00:18:21,097 --> 00:18:23,558
So he spies on you in the shower?

321
00:18:24,225 --> 00:18:26,352
No, that would be weird.

322
00:18:29,272 --> 00:18:31,232
Why is love so complicated?

323
00:18:31,774 --> 00:18:33,359
I don't know, Rose.

324
00:18:33,526 --> 00:18:35,320
Stuff happens.

325
00:18:35,862 --> 00:18:40,241
Oh, Charlie, you always know
the right thing to say.

326
00:18:42,702 --> 00:18:44,370
This is a fine kettle of fish.

327
00:18:45,204 --> 00:18:48,458
Oh, why can't I just black out
in peace?

328
00:18:48,625 --> 00:18:51,210
"Be aloof," you said,
"play hard to get."

329
00:18:51,377 --> 00:18:54,380
You just wanted me out of your way
so you could make your move.

330
00:18:54,547 --> 00:18:55,590
You caught me, Gordon.

331
00:18:55,757 --> 00:18:57,926
Now, do the right thing and kill me.

332
00:19:00,094 --> 00:19:02,430
Oh, Charlie, is this true?

333
00:19:02,597 --> 00:19:05,725
Is this part of some devious plan
to win me back?

334
00:19:06,351 --> 00:19:09,270
You heard her, Gordon. Kill me.

335
00:19:09,437 --> 00:19:13,066
Rose, you wanted him out of your hair.
I got him out of your hair.

336
00:19:13,650 --> 00:19:17,445
- You wanted to get rid of me?
- No, I just need some space.

337
00:19:17,654 --> 00:19:20,156
You want space?
I'll give you all the space you want.

338
00:19:20,323 --> 00:19:22,450
- Fine.
- Ln fact, I'll leave right now.

339
00:19:22,617 --> 00:19:25,244
Well, great.
I'll just stay here with Charlie.

340
00:19:26,412 --> 00:19:27,997
Nobody leaves.

341
00:19:28,164 --> 00:19:30,208
Nobody stays.

342
00:19:30,875 --> 00:19:33,294
Rose, get off me.

343
00:19:35,463 --> 00:19:38,049
Okay, now, everybody
listen carefully...

344
00:19:38,216 --> 00:19:42,053
...because I'm pretty sure
I'm only gonna be able to say this once.

345
00:19:42,512 --> 00:19:44,097
Rose, think about it.

346
00:19:44,263 --> 00:19:47,266
Where are you gonna find a guy
who loves you as much as Gordon?

347
00:19:47,892 --> 00:19:52,897
And, Gordon, where are you gonna find
a girl, period.

348
00:19:54,524 --> 00:19:55,775
The man makes sense, Rose.

349
00:19:56,734 --> 00:19:58,403
You're damn right I make sense.

350
00:19:58,569 --> 00:20:01,864
If you kids don't patch things up,
you know what's gonna happen?

351
00:20:02,031 --> 00:20:05,368
You're gonna wind up old,
miserable and alone.

352
00:20:06,202 --> 00:20:07,578
He's right, Gordon.

353
00:20:07,745 --> 00:20:10,123
Look what happened to him.

354
00:20:10,915 --> 00:20:11,999
I love you, Rose.

355
00:20:12,667 --> 00:20:13,918
I love you too.

356
00:20:16,129 --> 00:20:18,506
Oh, good, a happy ending.

357
00:20:18,673 --> 00:20:20,174
Now, get the hell off my deck.

358
00:20:21,300 --> 00:20:23,553
- Come on, Lambchop, let's go home.
- Hold on.

359
00:20:24,220 --> 00:20:26,973
Climbing over the rail
is ridiculous and juvenile.

360
00:20:27,140 --> 00:20:30,143
From now on, I wanna take the stairs.

361
00:20:31,060 --> 00:20:32,895
Do you like having sex with me,
Gordon?

362
00:20:33,521 --> 00:20:35,356
Call me crazy.

363
00:20:41,487 --> 00:20:43,781
And the real winner tonight...

364
00:20:43,948 --> 00:20:45,700
...is Charlie Harper.

365
00:20:45,867 --> 00:20:47,326
A man with a heart so big...

366
00:20:47,493 --> 00:20:51,539
...that he'd step outside of his own
misery to help two people in need.

367
00:20:51,706 --> 00:20:52,915
Alan, I'm warning you.

368
00:20:53,082 --> 00:20:55,460
I know you don't wanna hear this.
Let me tell you.

369
00:20:55,626 --> 00:20:59,213
The Archie Baldwins of this world
are soon forgotten.

370
00:20:59,380 --> 00:21:02,592
It's people like you, people
who are selfless and generous...

371
00:21:02,758 --> 00:21:04,093
...who will live on forever.

372
00:21:04,802 --> 00:21:06,429
Last chance.

373
00:21:07,263 --> 00:21:11,642
Oh, please, that grumpy-Gus routine
does not... Good night.

374
00:21:39,045 --> 00:21:41,130
Subtitles by
SDI Media Group

375
00:21:41,297 --> 00:21:43,382
[ENGLISH]