1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,800 English Subtitles, renamed for "LP" WebDL release :) Two and a Half Men S03E13 - Humiliation is a Visual Medium - Web-DL [KoTuWa] 2 00:00:06,564 --> 00:00:08,941 - Charlie? - Yeah? 3 00:00:09,108 --> 00:00:11,235 We said we were gonna take things slow. 4 00:00:11,402 --> 00:00:14,739 We did say that. I guess we can't be trusted. 5 00:00:16,282 --> 00:00:19,076 - Charlie, talk to me. - All right. 6 00:00:19,243 --> 00:00:22,371 You know what I'm gonna do to you, you dirty, filthy girl? 7 00:00:23,080 --> 00:00:27,585 - No, not like that. - Wrong way? Am I a dirty, filthy boy? 8 00:00:28,085 --> 00:00:30,338 No, I wanna talk about us. 9 00:00:30,504 --> 00:00:32,965 We're a dirty, filthy couple. 10 00:00:34,008 --> 00:00:36,427 No, I wanna talk about our relationship. 11 00:00:37,511 --> 00:00:40,306 Well, that redirects the old blood flow. 12 00:00:42,558 --> 00:00:45,936 Okay, so what about it? 13 00:00:46,103 --> 00:00:50,358 - You know that I really care about you. - And I care about you too. 14 00:00:50,524 --> 00:00:51,776 All right, good talk. 15 00:00:51,942 --> 00:00:54,236 I just wanna make sure that if we do this... 16 00:00:54,403 --> 00:00:56,447 ...we're doing it for the right reasons. 17 00:00:56,614 --> 00:01:00,743 Well, not to be contrary, but the wrong reasons kick everything up a notch. 18 00:01:01,494 --> 00:01:02,828 I just wanna make sure... 19 00:01:02,995 --> 00:01:05,164 ...we give our relationship a chance to grow. 20 00:01:05,331 --> 00:01:08,626 - So you want to stop? - No, I really want you. 21 00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:15,758 Mia, all this starting and stopping is really not good for my transmission. 22 00:01:16,967 --> 00:01:19,845 I'm sorry. I'm just so confused. I... 23 00:01:20,012 --> 00:01:23,182 That's why you're gonna have to make this decision for both of us. 24 00:01:23,349 --> 00:01:26,018 Me? I have to make this decision? 25 00:01:26,185 --> 00:01:29,313 That's like asking the fat kid to guard the pie. 26 00:01:29,980 --> 00:01:31,273 I trust you, Charlie. 27 00:01:31,941 --> 00:01:33,692 Well, that is really low. 28 00:01:35,027 --> 00:01:38,614 - Okay, we'll wait. - Thank you. 29 00:01:38,781 --> 00:01:41,909 - So, what do we do now? - We could take a walk on the beach. 30 00:01:42,076 --> 00:01:43,410 No, seriously. 31 00:01:45,955 --> 00:01:49,333 Oh, yeah. Walk on the beach. Great. 32 00:01:49,959 --> 00:01:52,336 I've always been meaning to do that. 33 00:02:00,594 --> 00:02:01,845 Good morning, everyone. 34 00:02:02,012 --> 00:02:04,556 - Good morning. - Looks to be a beautiful day. 35 00:02:05,140 --> 00:02:07,851 Overcast, but that should burn off in a few hours... 36 00:02:08,018 --> 00:02:10,812 ...leaving us with a sun-dappled afternoon in paradise. 37 00:02:10,979 --> 00:02:14,775 You still drunk from last night or did you get a fresh buzz this morning? 38 00:02:15,484 --> 00:02:17,736 No, ma'am, I am quite simply high on life. 39 00:02:19,780 --> 00:02:21,573 Blotto. 40 00:02:22,115 --> 00:02:25,619 I am not drunk. Alan, guess what I did last night. 41 00:02:26,119 --> 00:02:28,246 - Jake. - I'm leaving. 42 00:02:28,413 --> 00:02:30,082 No, Jake can hear this. 43 00:02:30,248 --> 00:02:32,334 - Last night... - Wait, wait. Hang on, Charlie. 44 00:02:32,501 --> 00:02:35,629 You're about to tell us something that made you happy? 45 00:02:35,796 --> 00:02:36,922 - Yes. - Jake. 46 00:02:37,089 --> 00:02:38,131 I'm leaving. 47 00:02:38,298 --> 00:02:41,593 Jake, stay. I want to share this with my entire family. 48 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:42,886 Okay, I'm leaving. 49 00:02:43,053 --> 00:02:45,222 Berta, I consider you part of my family. 50 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:48,725 - Am I in your will? - No, but neither are the rest of them. 51 00:02:51,228 --> 00:02:52,604 Now listen. 52 00:02:52,771 --> 00:02:56,441 Last night, I, Charlie Harper, delayed gratification. 53 00:02:57,067 --> 00:03:00,028 What did you do, wait till she fell asleep? 54 00:03:02,948 --> 00:03:04,991 - Wait for what? - Jake. 55 00:03:05,158 --> 00:03:06,868 - I'm leaving. - Sit down. 56 00:03:07,869 --> 00:03:11,957 What happened last night is I may have started a meaningful relationship. 57 00:03:12,124 --> 00:03:16,461 Charlie, seriously, go sleep it off. You're embarrassing yourself. 58 00:03:18,130 --> 00:03:19,756 Come on, listen to me. 59 00:03:19,923 --> 00:03:22,843 - I think I might be in love with Mia. - Big deal. 60 00:03:23,009 --> 00:03:25,345 You've always been in love with you-a. 61 00:03:26,721 --> 00:03:29,099 - Very funny. - I thought so. Did you think so? 62 00:03:29,266 --> 00:03:30,976 - That was pretty good. - Yeah. 63 00:03:31,142 --> 00:03:34,396 He's 11. He still thinks "Milk Milk Lemonade" is funny. 64 00:03:34,563 --> 00:03:36,398 Oh, yeah. 65 00:03:37,107 --> 00:03:39,317 Hello? Grandmommy's here. 66 00:03:39,484 --> 00:03:41,862 Oh, great. Tell Mom what you told us, Charlie. 67 00:03:42,028 --> 00:03:43,071 No. 68 00:03:43,238 --> 00:03:45,156 - Tell me what? - Nothing. 69 00:03:45,323 --> 00:03:47,200 - Do you need a good lawyer? - No. 70 00:03:47,367 --> 00:03:48,910 - Discreet doctor? - No. 71 00:03:49,077 --> 00:03:51,079 - Knock-off Gucci handbag? - What? 72 00:03:51,246 --> 00:03:53,665 There's only so many ways I can help you, dear. 73 00:03:56,084 --> 00:04:00,171 It's no big deal. I've just been seeing this ballet dancer. She might be the one. 74 00:04:01,381 --> 00:04:02,883 Drunk? 75 00:04:04,092 --> 00:04:05,135 He says, "No." 76 00:04:05,302 --> 00:04:07,721 I think it might be one of those designer drugs. 77 00:04:07,888 --> 00:04:11,516 Charlie, what did you take? 78 00:04:13,226 --> 00:04:16,187 I'm serious. We've been seeing each other for over a month. 79 00:04:16,354 --> 00:04:20,108 We're waiting to sleep together until our relationship has a solid foundation. 80 00:04:20,275 --> 00:04:24,154 Well, we can rule out ecstasy. I mean, that's a powerful aphrodisiac. 81 00:04:26,072 --> 00:04:27,324 I've heard. 82 00:04:28,783 --> 00:04:32,787 Nowadays you're supposed to say "African American-disiac." 83 00:04:35,081 --> 00:04:36,625 - Jake. - You sure this time? 84 00:04:36,791 --> 00:04:39,461 - Yeah. - I'm leaving. 85 00:04:39,628 --> 00:04:42,547 Has it occurred to you that maybe I've finally matured? 86 00:04:42,714 --> 00:04:45,133 Maybe I'm ready to build something with a woman... 87 00:04:45,300 --> 00:04:47,135 ...that isn't solely based on sex? 88 00:04:47,302 --> 00:04:48,803 - Has that occurred to you? - No. 89 00:04:48,970 --> 00:04:50,388 Berta? 90 00:04:50,555 --> 00:04:51,890 So it's not just me. 91 00:04:52,057 --> 00:04:54,517 You know, I can understand your skepticism. 92 00:04:54,684 --> 00:04:57,854 I've earned it. But this girl is different. 93 00:04:58,021 --> 00:05:00,231 And I'm gonna make it work. 94 00:05:01,483 --> 00:05:05,070 I give him another week before he's out on the beach, humping wet sand. 95 00:06:01,417 --> 00:06:03,002 - Hey. - Hey. 96 00:06:03,169 --> 00:06:04,629 How was your date? 97 00:06:10,385 --> 00:06:11,845 Fun. 98 00:06:12,846 --> 00:06:14,681 We went bowling. 99 00:06:15,431 --> 00:06:16,808 Still playing it slow? 100 00:06:19,477 --> 00:06:21,146 Ketchup slow. 101 00:06:22,730 --> 00:06:24,983 Glacier slow. 102 00:06:26,401 --> 00:06:29,320 Continental drift slow. 103 00:06:30,738 --> 00:06:32,949 - So slow? - I'm saying. 104 00:06:33,533 --> 00:06:34,659 Hey, listen. 105 00:06:34,826 --> 00:06:39,330 About this living without sex thing. I was hoping you can give me a little advice. 106 00:06:39,497 --> 00:06:42,834 Me? What would make you think of me? 107 00:06:43,668 --> 00:06:47,505 Well, I figure you get laid less often than a boil-covered dwarf, am I right? 108 00:06:48,673 --> 00:06:51,843 I don't have the actual statistics, but go on. 109 00:06:52,010 --> 00:06:54,804 Well, you must get really frustrated. 110 00:06:55,346 --> 00:06:57,724 I mean, how do you stop yourself from, you know... 111 00:06:57,891 --> 00:07:01,269 ...running a red light and then taunting the cop till he shoots you? 112 00:07:01,436 --> 00:07:02,770 Good question. 113 00:07:02,937 --> 00:07:06,357 I've found that the best thing to do is to focus on your career... 114 00:07:06,733 --> 00:07:10,028 ...get a hobby, become involved in community activities... 115 00:07:10,194 --> 00:07:13,072 ...and at the end of the day, if you have any energy left... 116 00:07:13,239 --> 00:07:14,407 ...find a quiet space... 117 00:07:14,574 --> 00:07:16,993 ...and yank it like a monkey in a mango tree. 118 00:07:19,495 --> 00:07:21,331 Interesting. 119 00:07:21,497 --> 00:07:23,499 What kind of hobbies are we talking about? 120 00:07:24,250 --> 00:07:28,046 Well, I tried collecting stamps, building model trains... 121 00:07:28,212 --> 00:07:31,883 ...but in the end, all roads led back up the mango tree. 122 00:07:34,135 --> 00:07:36,554 That's what I was afraid of. 123 00:07:38,806 --> 00:07:40,058 Hey, where are you going? 124 00:07:40,767 --> 00:07:43,269 I'm gonna go get in my car... 125 00:07:43,561 --> 00:07:46,981 ...run a red light and hope for a clean headshot. 126 00:07:52,654 --> 00:07:55,990 The great thing about this piece is that it fuses a classical score... 127 00:07:56,157 --> 00:07:58,576 ...with jazz choreography. 128 00:08:02,455 --> 00:08:05,792 On a counter programming note, the Lakers are playing Miami tonight. 129 00:08:05,958 --> 00:08:09,587 - Would you rather watch that? - No, no, this is fine. 130 00:08:09,754 --> 00:08:12,840 Of course, I don't have a $500 bet down on the ballet. 131 00:08:15,176 --> 00:08:19,555 - What channel? - No, seriously, this is... Channel 2. 132 00:08:21,724 --> 00:08:26,312 Charlie, you don't have to give up things that you like just because of me. 133 00:08:33,403 --> 00:08:36,572 Oh, okay, great. Good to know. 134 00:08:37,073 --> 00:08:40,701 Hey, as long as we're on that subject... 135 00:08:45,456 --> 00:08:47,458 ...there's something I wanna run past you. 136 00:08:47,625 --> 00:08:50,044 - Go ahead. - Let me just preface it by saying... 137 00:08:50,211 --> 00:08:52,004 ...that I am for holding off on sex... 138 00:08:52,171 --> 00:08:56,426 ...so our relationship can develop more, you know, deepness. 139 00:08:56,592 --> 00:08:58,302 I'm glad. I think it's working too. 140 00:08:58,469 --> 00:09:02,098 We were getting closer than we would, had we just jumped into bed together. 141 00:09:02,265 --> 00:09:04,934 Good. Sounds like we're on the same page. 142 00:09:05,393 --> 00:09:07,687 And just to make sure we don't jump the gun... 143 00:09:07,854 --> 00:09:09,814 ...I was thinking it'd be a good idea... 144 00:09:09,981 --> 00:09:14,777 ...if I had an outlet that, you know, took the pressure off. 145 00:09:15,278 --> 00:09:17,697 - An outlet? - Yeah, an outlet. 146 00:09:17,864 --> 00:09:20,032 Something casual, meaningless. 147 00:09:20,199 --> 00:09:23,119 If I work it right, it could even be anonymous. 148 00:09:26,289 --> 00:09:29,750 - You mean another woman? - Well, that would be my first choice. 149 00:09:32,211 --> 00:09:35,923 But for the purposes of this discussion, let's stay with the term, "Outlet." 150 00:09:36,090 --> 00:09:37,550 I don't care what you call it. 151 00:09:37,717 --> 00:09:40,678 You're asking for permission to have sex with another woman. 152 00:09:40,845 --> 00:09:45,141 Only because I care about you too much to whore around without permission. 153 00:09:45,308 --> 00:09:47,351 Are you crazy? 154 00:09:47,518 --> 00:09:50,021 I can't go back to the mango tree, Mia. 155 00:09:50,855 --> 00:09:51,898 What? 156 00:09:52,064 --> 00:09:56,652 Look, I think this is a mature, thoughtful suggestion. 157 00:09:56,819 --> 00:10:00,990 In fact, there are many cultures that embrace the whole outlet concept... 158 00:10:01,157 --> 00:10:03,451 ...as a way of strengthening and nurturing... 159 00:10:03,618 --> 00:10:05,828 ...the primary love relationship. 160 00:10:08,664 --> 00:10:12,710 - You can't dismiss entire cultures with: - I'm going home. 161 00:10:13,169 --> 00:10:15,838 Oh, come on, we're just talking here. 162 00:10:16,005 --> 00:10:20,760 I propose an idea, then we compromise. That's the cornerstone of a relationship. 163 00:10:20,927 --> 00:10:22,303 How are we gonna compromise? 164 00:10:22,470 --> 00:10:24,764 Are you gonna have sex with half a woman? 165 00:10:24,931 --> 00:10:26,849 Is that an option? 166 00:10:31,812 --> 00:10:33,648 What's going on? 167 00:10:33,940 --> 00:10:36,317 - We had our first fight. - Oh, what about? 168 00:10:36,484 --> 00:10:39,070 I suggested that as long as we weren't having sex... 169 00:10:39,236 --> 00:10:42,990 ...it'd be good for our relationship if I had sex with somebody else. 170 00:10:44,533 --> 00:10:46,744 And she didn't buy that? 171 00:10:46,911 --> 00:10:48,829 Wouldn't even discuss it. 172 00:10:50,247 --> 00:10:51,832 Women, huh? 173 00:10:53,334 --> 00:10:56,879 They say they wanna talk, but they don't wanna talk. 174 00:11:01,967 --> 00:11:03,927 What's the matter with Uncle Charlie? 175 00:11:04,094 --> 00:11:06,722 He's down because he had a fight with his girlfriend. 176 00:11:07,306 --> 00:11:09,808 - That's too bad. - Hey, why don't you go talk to him. 177 00:11:09,975 --> 00:11:11,810 - Maybe you can cheer him up. - How? 178 00:11:11,977 --> 00:11:13,729 I don't know. Tell him a joke. 179 00:11:14,146 --> 00:11:15,689 Okay. 180 00:11:17,941 --> 00:11:20,652 Might as well just give him a bowl of Milky Ways. 181 00:11:20,819 --> 00:11:24,198 Hey, Uncle Charlie, what's green, has four legs... 182 00:11:24,364 --> 00:11:28,076 ...and would kill you if it fell out of a tree and landed on you? 183 00:11:28,744 --> 00:11:30,787 - What? - A pool table. 184 00:11:32,372 --> 00:11:35,876 It's funny because you wouldn't expect it to be in a tree. 185 00:11:40,297 --> 00:11:41,882 Nothing. 186 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:45,594 Okay, I'll talk to him. 187 00:11:45,761 --> 00:11:48,972 Hey, if you can work up a fart, ask him to pull your finger. 188 00:11:53,685 --> 00:11:56,104 - Hey. - Hey. 189 00:11:57,981 --> 00:12:02,569 - Still haven't heard from Mia? - She won't return my calls. 190 00:12:04,613 --> 00:12:07,616 You do realize that suggesting to have sex with other women... 191 00:12:07,783 --> 00:12:10,327 ...was a monumentally stupid thing to do. 192 00:12:11,787 --> 00:12:13,830 Yes, Alan, I realize it. 193 00:12:17,167 --> 00:12:20,212 The question now, is how do I apologize? 194 00:12:20,379 --> 00:12:22,464 You mean grovel. 195 00:12:22,714 --> 00:12:27,302 No, I mean apologize with my dignity and pride intact. 196 00:12:28,095 --> 00:12:32,265 Oh, you sad, naive fool. 197 00:12:33,767 --> 00:12:35,435 If marriage taught me anything... 198 00:12:35,602 --> 00:12:38,522 ...it's that there is no apologizing without groveling. 199 00:12:39,189 --> 00:12:42,442 - Mia and I aren't married. - Are you having sex? 200 00:12:43,402 --> 00:12:44,986 Continue. 201 00:12:45,153 --> 00:12:46,905 First of all, the phone's no good. 202 00:12:47,072 --> 00:12:50,909 You must grovel in person. Humiliation is a visual medium. 203 00:12:51,076 --> 00:12:53,286 - Okay. - Next, don't go empty-handed. 204 00:12:53,453 --> 00:12:57,624 But keep in mind that any gifts you offer may end up being thrown at your head. 205 00:12:57,791 --> 00:13:01,253 Flowers, lingerie, jewelry, all good. 206 00:13:01,420 --> 00:13:05,298 Picture frames, waffle irons, steak knives, not so much. 207 00:13:06,133 --> 00:13:08,218 You actually bought your wife a waffle iron? 208 00:13:08,385 --> 00:13:09,803 I was young. 209 00:13:10,220 --> 00:13:12,097 She liked waffles. 210 00:13:13,306 --> 00:13:16,768 Anyway, the most important thing is sincerity. 211 00:13:16,935 --> 00:13:18,437 - Sincerity? - Yes. 212 00:13:18,603 --> 00:13:21,565 You absolutely must be able to fake sincerity. 213 00:13:21,732 --> 00:13:23,650 You know what? I've underestimated you. 214 00:13:23,817 --> 00:13:26,987 You are far more deceitful than I've given you credit for. 215 00:13:27,154 --> 00:13:30,532 - Thank you. - No, I was faking sincerity. 216 00:13:30,699 --> 00:13:32,868 Oh, it's very good. 217 00:13:33,285 --> 00:13:35,787 But all kidding aside, I really appreciate your help. 218 00:13:35,954 --> 00:13:38,748 - Well, you're welcome. - Got you again. 219 00:13:38,915 --> 00:13:40,542 That's... That was good. 220 00:13:40,709 --> 00:13:43,211 - Oh, hey, can you do me a favor? - What's that? 221 00:13:43,378 --> 00:13:45,130 Pull my finger. 222 00:13:45,297 --> 00:13:47,507 - You're bluffing. - Try me? 223 00:13:51,261 --> 00:13:53,555 Wait, give me another chance. 224 00:13:53,722 --> 00:13:55,307 I though I had one. 225 00:14:07,152 --> 00:14:09,529 - Hi. - Hi. 226 00:14:09,779 --> 00:14:12,574 - These are for you. - You didn't have to do that. 227 00:14:12,741 --> 00:14:15,243 Really? My brother said I did. 228 00:14:16,578 --> 00:14:17,954 Well, thank him for me. 229 00:14:18,580 --> 00:14:20,123 Come on in. 230 00:14:20,290 --> 00:14:22,501 I just want you to know how sorry I am. 231 00:14:22,667 --> 00:14:25,170 Actually, I think I owe you an apology. 232 00:14:25,337 --> 00:14:28,215 - You do? - Yeah, these are for you. 233 00:14:28,381 --> 00:14:30,800 You didn't have to do that. 234 00:14:31,676 --> 00:14:33,678 I shouldn't have gotten so angry with you. 235 00:14:33,845 --> 00:14:37,766 Not to say that your "outlet" idea wasn't incredibly juvenile, selfish, moronic... 236 00:14:38,391 --> 00:14:39,935 I accept your apology. 237 00:14:41,686 --> 00:14:44,397 The point is, is that I really don't have any right... 238 00:14:44,564 --> 00:14:46,733 ...to object to you sleeping with other women. 239 00:14:46,900 --> 00:14:49,527 We don't have a commitment. You're free to do whatever. 240 00:14:49,986 --> 00:14:53,573 Thanks. That's great. Very mature. 241 00:14:53,823 --> 00:14:55,951 - So everything's okay now? - No, you ass. 242 00:14:58,703 --> 00:15:01,289 If we keep seeing each other, I want a commitment. 243 00:15:01,456 --> 00:15:03,250 - Commitment? - Yes, a commitment. 244 00:15:03,416 --> 00:15:04,918 Does that mean we can have sex? 245 00:15:05,085 --> 00:15:08,088 Is that the only reason you'd be willing to make a commitment? 246 00:15:08,338 --> 00:15:10,465 It's in the top two. 247 00:15:11,424 --> 00:15:14,803 Well, I think sex should wait until we get our relationship on track. 248 00:15:15,762 --> 00:15:18,473 Okay, okay. Let me make sure I understand this. 249 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:22,143 You want me to make a commitment that I will not have sex with anyone... 250 00:15:22,310 --> 00:15:24,646 ...at the same time I'm not having sex with you? 251 00:15:24,813 --> 00:15:26,314 Yes. 252 00:15:27,816 --> 00:15:30,360 All right, let's come at this from another angle. 253 00:15:33,321 --> 00:15:36,825 We're gonna be sexually exclusive, but without the sex? 254 00:15:36,992 --> 00:15:39,369 Well, I suppose you could look at it that way. 255 00:15:46,334 --> 00:15:48,461 So bottom line... 256 00:15:50,922 --> 00:15:53,717 ...no sex for Charlie... 257 00:15:55,468 --> 00:15:58,054 ...with you or anyone else for the foreseeable future. 258 00:15:58,221 --> 00:16:00,056 Correct. 259 00:16:02,183 --> 00:16:03,977 Are you insane? 260 00:16:04,352 --> 00:16:07,522 If you care about us, it should be something that you wanna do. 261 00:16:07,689 --> 00:16:09,441 What are you giving up? 262 00:16:09,607 --> 00:16:11,985 - The same thing. - You wanna sleep with other guys? 263 00:16:12,152 --> 00:16:14,696 - Of course not. - Then you're giving up nothing. 264 00:16:16,990 --> 00:16:20,994 Tell you what, I'll give up sex. You give up, I don't know, a kidney. 265 00:16:21,911 --> 00:16:23,705 Come on, don't be stupid. 266 00:16:23,872 --> 00:16:27,417 - Okay, okay, dancing. - Dancing's my life, Charlie. 267 00:16:28,001 --> 00:16:30,044 Now we have a level playing field. 268 00:16:31,045 --> 00:16:33,089 You know what, maybe you should just go. 269 00:16:33,256 --> 00:16:36,676 Right, why stay here when I can just as easily not have sex with you... 270 00:16:36,843 --> 00:16:38,344 ...in the comfort of my home? 271 00:16:38,511 --> 00:16:39,763 Oh, go to hell. 272 00:16:43,683 --> 00:16:47,061 See? That's why you didn't get a waffle iron. 273 00:16:54,736 --> 00:16:56,237 Hey, how did it go with Mia? 274 00:16:56,404 --> 00:16:59,157 - Great. We broke up. - How is that great? 275 00:16:59,324 --> 00:17:01,367 Now I can go back to being who I really am. 276 00:17:01,951 --> 00:17:03,077 And who's that? 277 00:17:03,244 --> 00:17:05,747 Somebody who doesn't care who he really is. 278 00:17:06,289 --> 00:17:07,540 Someone who just has fun. 279 00:17:07,999 --> 00:17:10,627 I see. Someone who spends his life in a drunken haze... 280 00:17:10,793 --> 00:17:13,004 ...having meaningless sex with strangers. 281 00:17:13,171 --> 00:17:15,590 If you knew who I am, why'd you ask? 282 00:17:16,925 --> 00:17:20,470 Hurry, Charlie. I'm starting to sober up. 283 00:17:21,304 --> 00:17:23,139 Well, we can't have that. 284 00:17:24,015 --> 00:17:27,810 No. You might find out who she is. 285 00:17:31,064 --> 00:17:33,233 - Here you go. - Good. 286 00:17:33,399 --> 00:17:38,488 Boy, I haven't been this drunk since I took my SATs. 287 00:17:39,197 --> 00:17:40,865 Doesn't seem to have held you back. 288 00:17:41,032 --> 00:17:44,827 No, just one year. Sixth grade. 289 00:17:48,081 --> 00:17:51,834 Charlie? You okay? 290 00:17:52,001 --> 00:17:54,754 Yeah, I just got a lot on my mind. 291 00:17:55,630 --> 00:17:58,049 Do you wanna look at my boobs? 292 00:18:00,218 --> 00:18:02,512 - No, thanks. - Are you sure? 293 00:18:02,679 --> 00:18:05,098 It always cheers me up. 294 00:18:10,019 --> 00:18:12,146 Oh, Mia. Hi. 295 00:18:12,313 --> 00:18:14,148 Is Charlie here? 296 00:18:14,315 --> 00:18:17,277 - Tickle, tickle. - Cut it out. 297 00:18:23,491 --> 00:18:26,619 That was great, do it again. 298 00:18:29,414 --> 00:18:31,082 Alan, don't you think it's time... 299 00:18:31,249 --> 00:18:33,167 ...you kept your girlfriend company? 300 00:18:33,334 --> 00:18:36,337 - My what? - Thanks for playing along. 301 00:18:36,504 --> 00:18:42,427 Oh, yes, my... My girlfriend. Yes, excuse me. Coming, pookie. 302 00:18:45,805 --> 00:18:49,809 - Well, this is an awkward moment. - You are such a schmuck. 303 00:18:50,643 --> 00:18:52,770 Okay, the ice is broken. 304 00:18:52,937 --> 00:18:54,439 - Goodbye, Charlie. - Oh, come on. 305 00:18:54,605 --> 00:18:57,525 We don't have a commitment. We don't have a relationship. 306 00:18:57,692 --> 00:18:59,861 You know, you're right. Go back to your bimbo. 307 00:19:00,028 --> 00:19:02,155 Hey, hey, hey. She's not a bimbo. 308 00:19:07,702 --> 00:19:10,204 I'm not saying she's a brain surgeon. 309 00:19:10,371 --> 00:19:13,041 No, wait, Mia. At least tell me why you came. 310 00:19:13,833 --> 00:19:16,669 You wanna know why? I came because after I cooled down... 311 00:19:16,836 --> 00:19:19,464 ...I started to miss you and I wanted to make love. 312 00:19:19,964 --> 00:19:22,759 - That's great. It's wonderful. - And it's not gonna happen. 313 00:19:23,301 --> 00:19:24,969 Why? Because of that bimbo? 314 00:19:25,887 --> 00:19:27,847 Let me tell you something. 315 00:19:28,347 --> 00:19:32,351 The entire time I was fooling around with her, I was thinking of you. 316 00:19:32,518 --> 00:19:34,520 Oh, swell. 317 00:19:34,687 --> 00:19:36,105 You know what I mean. 318 00:19:36,272 --> 00:19:39,108 I would trade a hundred of her for one of you. 319 00:19:39,692 --> 00:19:41,402 You're ready to make a commitment? 320 00:19:41,569 --> 00:19:43,112 Yes. 321 00:19:43,446 --> 00:19:45,782 Maybe you want some time to think about it? 322 00:19:45,948 --> 00:19:48,034 How could that help? 323 00:19:48,201 --> 00:19:50,912 Look, I don't wanna be with anybody but you... 324 00:19:51,078 --> 00:19:53,164 ...so I might as well be committed. 325 00:19:54,081 --> 00:19:55,541 Yes, you should. 326 00:19:59,629 --> 00:20:03,216 - You wanna go upstairs? - Not right now. 327 00:20:03,382 --> 00:20:06,427 Oh, please don't tell me you've got somebody in your room. 328 00:20:06,594 --> 00:20:09,305 No, no, no. 329 00:20:09,472 --> 00:20:11,015 No. 330 00:20:11,974 --> 00:20:14,018 If we're gonna do this commitment thing... 331 00:20:14,185 --> 00:20:17,271 ...the first time should be really special. 332 00:20:17,605 --> 00:20:18,856 What have you got in mind? 333 00:20:19,023 --> 00:20:21,067 Well, you know. Candles, music... 334 00:20:21,234 --> 00:20:24,320 ...and maybe not having the girl I was trying to rebound with... 335 00:20:24,487 --> 00:20:27,281 ...dancing half naked on the deck with my idiot brother. 336 00:20:27,782 --> 00:20:30,451 - Are you sure? - Oh, yeah. He's an idiot. 337 00:20:31,953 --> 00:20:33,996 Call me later. 338 00:20:39,710 --> 00:20:43,256 Well, back to the mango tree. 339 00:20:54,225 --> 00:20:55,476 What is this? 340 00:20:55,643 --> 00:20:57,895 A healthy cereal that won't rot your teeth. 341 00:20:58,062 --> 00:21:00,439 You got that right, because I'm not eating it. 342 00:21:01,274 --> 00:21:02,608 That's all you're getting. 343 00:21:03,692 --> 00:21:04,985 - Morning. - Morning. 344 00:21:05,152 --> 00:21:07,279 - Morning. - Ls he in a better mood today? 345 00:21:07,488 --> 00:21:08,906 Yeah. 346 00:21:09,072 --> 00:21:12,326 Uncle Charlie, I got another joke for you. 347 00:21:16,455 --> 00:21:18,081 - Okay. - There's two muffins... 348 00:21:18,248 --> 00:21:20,876 ...sitting side by side in a muffin tin in the oven. 349 00:21:21,043 --> 00:21:23,462 One muffin says, "Boy, it's hot in here." 350 00:21:23,629 --> 00:21:27,049 And the other one says, "Holy crap, a talking muffin." 351 00:21:30,636 --> 00:21:34,264 I just don't think he knows what's funny. 352 00:21:57,955 --> 00:22:00,040 Subtitles by SDI Media Group 353 00:22:00,207 --> 00:22:02,292 [ENGLISH]