1
00:00:02,794 --> 00:00:06,048
Hey, Jake, why don't you tell Grandma
about your spring break.

2
00:00:06,260 --> 00:00:08,172
- Bad idea.
- What?

3
00:00:08,348 --> 00:00:11,852
Nothing. I just saw that they're moving
the L.A. Gardening Exposition...

4
00:00:12,023 --> 00:00:17,155
...to the Convention Center,
which I think is a very bad idea.

5
00:00:17,369 --> 00:00:20,409
Thanks for the update.
Go ahead, Jake, tell Grandma.

6
00:00:20,626 --> 00:00:23,002
- It was really cool, l...
- Hang on a second, Jake.

7
00:00:23,174 --> 00:00:26,713
I'm not sure you understand
how serious this gardening thing is.

8
00:00:26,891 --> 00:00:29,432
It's a really bad idea.

9
00:00:29,647 --> 00:00:31,523
I get it. Bad idea.

10
00:00:31,735 --> 00:00:33,397
Go ahead, Jake.

11
00:00:34,408 --> 00:00:36,450
I went camping
with Grandma and Grandpa.

12
00:00:36,621 --> 00:00:38,913
We slept in a tent,
we cooked on an open fire.

13
00:00:39,085 --> 00:00:40,796
And we went hiking and saw a bear.

14
00:00:41,006 --> 00:00:44,214
You let him spend an entire vacation
with his other grandparents...

15
00:00:44,389 --> 00:00:46,183
...and I haven't had him for a night?

16
00:00:46,394 --> 00:00:48,722
Oh, bad idea.

17
00:01:15,878 --> 00:01:18,206
This is unfair and unacceptable.

18
00:01:18,384 --> 00:01:20,426
From the moment
that boy was born...

19
00:01:20,597 --> 00:01:23,305
...Judith's parents squeezed me out.
And you let them.

20
00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:25,147
Interesting point.

21
00:01:25,358 --> 00:01:27,270
Excuse me, Mom,
but when Jake was born...

22
00:01:27,446 --> 00:01:30,285
...Judith's mother stayed with us,
cooking and cleaning...

23
00:01:30,453 --> 00:01:33,374
...and taking care of him.
- Valid counterpoint.

24
00:01:33,585 --> 00:01:36,839
Exactly. She's a pushy, pushy woman.

25
00:01:37,051 --> 00:01:39,094
Personal opinion.

26
00:01:39,307 --> 00:01:41,183
No, no. You went on a cruise.

27
00:01:41,395 --> 00:01:43,556
But Judith was two days late.

28
00:01:43,733 --> 00:01:45,859
And I had nonrefundable reservations.

29
00:01:46,030 --> 00:01:48,821
Like it would have killed her
to get a C-section.

30
00:01:51,334 --> 00:01:54,042
Self-obsessed psychotic rant.

31
00:01:54,257 --> 00:01:57,547
- Mom, are you listening to yourself?
- Stupid question.

32
00:02:00,229 --> 00:02:02,225
Awkward silence.

33
00:02:03,069 --> 00:02:06,324
You wanna spend more time
with your grandson, he's right here.

34
00:02:06,494 --> 00:02:09,333
No. He goes to visit
his other grandparents.

35
00:02:09,501 --> 00:02:10,913
He should come to visit me.

36
00:02:11,129 --> 00:02:14,467
- So you wanna spend a week with him?
- A week?

37
00:02:15,514 --> 00:02:17,593
Alan, I do have a life.

38
00:02:18,647 --> 00:02:20,938
I'm confused.
What exactly do you want?

39
00:02:21,152 --> 00:02:25,369
The same quality time Jake spends
with his other grandparents.

40
00:02:25,537 --> 00:02:26,950
But, you know, less.

41
00:02:28,461 --> 00:02:31,799
I'll tell you what. Bring him
to my place around 6-ish tonight.

42
00:02:31,969 --> 00:02:34,297
I'll make him dinner,
we'll have a fun sleepover.

43
00:02:34,516 --> 00:02:37,093
- Gee, Mom, I don't know.
- Well, why not?

44
00:02:37,273 --> 00:02:41,490
Are you afraid one night with me
will irreparably damage him?

45
00:02:47,337 --> 00:02:48,667
- Yeah.
- A little.

46
00:02:49,258 --> 00:02:53,178
Excuse me. I didn't hear any complaints
when I was raising you two.

47
00:02:53,393 --> 00:02:57,692
The teenage drinking and constant
running away wasn't a slight tip-off?

48
00:02:57,903 --> 00:03:01,776
Oh, you were just
a little drama queen, Charlie.

49
00:03:01,954 --> 00:03:04,199
And let's not forget,
you always came back.

50
00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:07,589
Kind of hard to find steady work
when you're 9.

51
00:03:07,801 --> 00:03:10,474
Whatever. My place, 6-ish.

52
00:03:18,492 --> 00:03:22,958
Judith! I can't just leave him with you
without discussing it with his mother.

53
00:03:23,169 --> 00:03:26,507
Are you telling me you need to get
your ex-wife's approval...

54
00:03:26,677 --> 00:03:29,599
...to let your own son spend time
with your own mother?

55
00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:31,436
He had a really bad lawyer.

56
00:03:34,988 --> 00:03:38,575
You know what your problem is, Alan.
You let women walk all over you.

57
00:03:38,747 --> 00:03:40,908
You get that from your father.

58
00:03:42,589 --> 00:03:45,547
Well, nevertheless,
I still have to clear it with Judith.

59
00:03:45,763 --> 00:03:48,054
- Well, fine, call her.
- Right now?

60
00:03:48,853 --> 00:03:51,858
Well, why not?
Unless you'd rather I make the call.

61
00:04:03,428 --> 00:04:08,560
Probably not home. I'll just...
I'll leave a message.

62
00:04:11,029 --> 00:04:13,155
Yeah. Hi, Judith.

63
00:04:13,326 --> 00:04:15,903
Listen, it's Alan.
Call me back when you get a chance.

64
00:04:22,681 --> 00:04:28,561
Hello? Oh, hi, Judith,
you old call-screener, you.

65
00:04:29,112 --> 00:04:31,487
Listen, I just wanted
to run something past you.

66
00:04:31,701 --> 00:04:35,574
Jake was telling my mom about
the fun time he had with your parents...

67
00:04:35,752 --> 00:04:37,961
...and she thought that...

68
00:04:38,508 --> 00:04:41,347
What do you mean, "no"?
I haven't even asked yet.

69
00:04:42,267 --> 00:04:44,512
Oh, really?
Well, I've got news for you, lady.

70
00:04:44,689 --> 00:04:46,934
You can't say no,
she's his grandmother.

71
00:04:48,281 --> 00:04:50,609
Well, she may be that too...

72
00:04:50,787 --> 00:04:54,374
...but she's still his grandmother
and this is my weekend with him.

73
00:04:55,130 --> 00:04:57,042
Charlie and I turned out fine.

74
00:04:57,260 --> 00:04:59,421
We did too.

75
00:04:59,849 --> 00:05:02,260
Look, he's going, and that's that.

76
00:05:02,438 --> 00:05:03,815
All right then, goodbye.

77
00:05:04,777 --> 00:05:06,986
- It's settled. He'll be there at 6.
- Thank you.

78
00:05:08,577 --> 00:05:10,739
Of course, it is rather short notice.

79
00:05:10,958 --> 00:05:14,961
- Mom!
- Okay. Fine.

80
00:05:15,134 --> 00:05:17,545
But don't get used to this.

81
00:05:17,849 --> 00:05:20,177
I'm not your full-time babysitter.

82
00:05:25,157 --> 00:05:27,033
I played that wrong, didn't I?

83
00:05:27,203 --> 00:05:30,458
No, no. You called mom's bluff
and you stood up to your ex-wife.

84
00:05:30,628 --> 00:05:33,039
You maintained your self-respect,
I'm proud of you.

85
00:05:33,635 --> 00:05:36,176
- Yeah, but what about Jake?
- Oh, Jake.

86
00:05:36,349 --> 00:05:38,261
Jake's screwed.

87
00:05:41,904 --> 00:05:46,203
This has been the greatest day of
my life. Movies, laser tag, video arcade.

88
00:05:46,372 --> 00:05:49,377
Well, that's good.
I wanted today to be special.

89
00:05:49,588 --> 00:05:54,256
- How come?
- Just because I love you.

90
00:05:54,474 --> 00:05:56,136
I love you too, Dad.

91
00:05:56,312 --> 00:05:58,936
You know how people say
you can't buy love?

92
00:05:59,110 --> 00:06:00,772
I think they're wrong.

93
00:06:02,325 --> 00:06:04,036
You hold on to that sentiment.

94
00:06:04,246 --> 00:06:07,121
What's the plan for tonight?
Is it gonna be special too?

95
00:06:07,337 --> 00:06:09,463
Oh, God, I can't watch this.

96
00:06:11,095 --> 00:06:13,637
- What?
- Nothing.

97
00:06:13,810 --> 00:06:15,805
Oh, hey, here's $20.

98
00:06:17,443 --> 00:06:18,987
Wow, thanks.

99
00:06:19,197 --> 00:06:23,746
- You're spending tonight at Grandma's.
- Great. Wait, what?

100
00:06:24,585 --> 00:06:26,129
You're gonna have lots of fun.

101
00:06:26,297 --> 00:06:29,005
- Right, Charlie?
- This is the first I'm hearing of it.

102
00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:33,522
I don't want to go to Grandma's.
Here, take your money.

103
00:06:34,733 --> 00:06:36,728
Come on, buddy.
She loves you very much.

104
00:06:36,905 --> 00:06:38,449
And it's just for one night.

105
00:06:38,909 --> 00:06:41,914
But we were having so much fun.

106
00:06:42,125 --> 00:06:45,379
Think it through, Jake.
Why were you having so much fun?

107
00:06:47,053 --> 00:06:49,927
- You tricked me.
- Attaboy.

108
00:06:50,603 --> 00:06:52,728
What did I ever do to you?

109
00:06:54,152 --> 00:06:55,946
It's not a punishment.

110
00:06:56,157 --> 00:06:57,986
It's not a prize.

111
00:06:58,663 --> 00:07:01,287
- I'm calling Mom.
- No. No, no calling Mom.

112
00:07:01,502 --> 00:07:03,961
I know my rights. I get one phone call.

113
00:07:05,011 --> 00:07:08,598
- I've already told your mother.
- She agreed?

114
00:07:09,312 --> 00:07:11,438
She knows about it.

115
00:07:11,609 --> 00:07:13,984
Uncle Charlie,
can you get me out of this?

116
00:07:14,156 --> 00:07:17,696
It depends. Are you willing to live
in Mexico for a few years?

117
00:07:19,753 --> 00:07:23,126
Jake, please. Do it as a favor
to your grandmother, who loves you.

118
00:07:23,678 --> 00:07:25,174
For me. For Uncle Charlie.

119
00:07:25,390 --> 00:07:28,811
But most of all, for me.

120
00:07:30,110 --> 00:07:31,772
What do I get?

121
00:07:32,323 --> 00:07:35,197
What do you mean?
I spent a fortune on you today.

122
00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:38,502
That was because you love me.
Now you need me.

123
00:07:39,882 --> 00:07:42,887
Oh, God, this is a great kid.

124
00:07:44,893 --> 00:07:46,354
Okay. What do you want?

125
00:07:46,564 --> 00:07:49,237
A motorized Razor scooter,
the new Dragon Ball Z game...

126
00:07:49,404 --> 00:07:52,860
...an iPod mini
and not to go to Grandma's.

127
00:07:53,789 --> 00:07:55,950
- I'll give you three out of four.
- Okay.

128
00:07:56,128 --> 00:07:58,289
Forget the iPod.

129
00:07:59,677 --> 00:08:04,392
- This is the worst day of my life.
- Come on.

130
00:08:04,605 --> 00:08:07,813
You're gonna eat your dinner,
watch some videos, play some games...

131
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:11,658
...and you're gonna go to bed and
we'll pick you up tomorrow. Promise.

132
00:08:11,872 --> 00:08:14,912
Your word means nothing to me.

133
00:08:15,129 --> 00:08:17,208
Hey, give your dad a break.
So he lied.

134
00:08:17,426 --> 00:08:22,260
You don't get the virgin to the volcano
by telling her you're gonna push her in.

135
00:08:22,981 --> 00:08:25,736
- Can't we just go home?
- No. Now, enough of this.

136
00:08:25,904 --> 00:08:29,609
- I am the adult and you are the child.
- And this is the volcano.

137
00:08:29,830 --> 00:08:33,168
Now, you're gonna go in there
and you're gonna have a nice evening.

138
00:08:33,338 --> 00:08:35,748
- Do we understand each other?
- Yes.

139
00:08:36,428 --> 00:08:39,136
Thank you. Now, ring the bell.

140
00:08:46,368 --> 00:08:49,823
So exactly what time are you...? Hey!

141
00:08:58,103 --> 00:09:00,811
We've done a terrible thing.

142
00:09:01,694 --> 00:09:07,325
Yeah. If only there was a magical liquid
that could erase bad memories.

143
00:09:10,673 --> 00:09:12,752
I am absolutely racked with guilt.

144
00:09:12,928 --> 00:09:14,555
Alan, don't beat yourself up.

145
00:09:14,724 --> 00:09:20,070
You're a good dad who, in a moment
of weakness, betrayed his only son.

146
00:09:20,738 --> 00:09:22,567
Come on, he's not in any real danger.

147
00:09:22,784 --> 00:09:24,863
Not physically,
but you know as well I do...

148
00:09:25,039 --> 00:09:29,588
...that Mom has the ability
to say things that stick with you.

149
00:09:30,051 --> 00:09:33,139
Yeah, forever and ever.

150
00:09:33,308 --> 00:09:36,598
My favorite was, " They must have
mixed you up with another baby...

151
00:09:36,775 --> 00:09:40,112
...because I could never have given birth
to such a hateful child."

152
00:09:40,700 --> 00:09:43,409
Who writes that on
a fifth-grader's birthday card?

153
00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:47,249
How about, " It's no wonder
your father stays at work.

154
00:09:47,424 --> 00:09:50,049
If I could get out of here,
I would too."

155
00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:54,432
Did I ever tell you about the time
I wrote my first jingle?

156
00:09:55,066 --> 00:09:58,939
Pepsi. I invited Mom over to watch
the prime-time network debut.

157
00:09:59,577 --> 00:10:03,414
For 30 seconds, 20 million people
were listening to my music.

158
00:10:03,586 --> 00:10:05,628
And at the end,
Mom turned to me and said:

159
00:10:05,799 --> 00:10:08,009
"You couldn't get Coke to hire you?"

160
00:10:08,932 --> 00:10:10,843
- Nice. But I can top it.
- Go.

161
00:10:11,020 --> 00:10:13,644
It's the day of my wedding.
She's sitting there crying.

162
00:10:13,818 --> 00:10:15,777
And I think it's because she's happy.

163
00:10:15,948 --> 00:10:18,905
Turns out it was because she was,
and I quote:

164
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:23,463
"So relieved you finally found
someone who could love you."

165
00:10:26,054 --> 00:10:29,225
- We gotta go get Jake.
- You're right. Come on.

166
00:10:29,395 --> 00:10:31,224
Great game, ladies.

167
00:10:36,870 --> 00:10:38,201
- He'll be fine.
- Who?

168
00:10:38,374 --> 00:10:40,500
- Jake.
- Oh, yeah. He'll be fine.

169
00:10:40,713 --> 00:10:42,125
- Who?
- Jake.

170
00:10:42,300 --> 00:10:44,045
He'll be fine.

171
00:10:54,828 --> 00:10:56,490
I thought we'd eat Japanese-style.

172
00:10:57,209 --> 00:11:00,048
Good Lord, are you picking your nose?

173
00:11:00,257 --> 00:11:01,837
I had to. There was stuff in it.

174
00:11:02,053 --> 00:11:04,345
And where were you planning
to put it?

175
00:11:04,559 --> 00:11:07,350
I really didn't have a plan.

176
00:11:07,983 --> 00:11:10,560
Don't you dare wipe that
on my furniture.

177
00:11:10,781 --> 00:11:14,155
And not on your clothes either.

178
00:11:15,918 --> 00:11:19,256
- What are you doing now?
- Putting it back.

179
00:11:20,721 --> 00:11:23,928
Here, just wipe your hands.

180
00:11:24,104 --> 00:11:27,061
- Why?
- Because we're going to eat dinner.

181
00:11:27,236 --> 00:11:29,861
And you've been rooting around
in your nostril.

182
00:11:30,076 --> 00:11:32,784
It's okay. I don't eat with my hands.
I use a fork.

183
00:11:33,208 --> 00:11:36,248
- Wipe your hands.
- Okay.

184
00:11:36,758 --> 00:11:38,634
Thank you.

185
00:11:39,138 --> 00:11:41,846
Has your mother or father
ever taken you out for sushi?

186
00:11:42,020 --> 00:11:43,849
No. I don't like raw fish.

187
00:11:44,024 --> 00:11:46,945
- Well, have you ever had it?
- No.

188
00:11:47,115 --> 00:11:48,777
How do you know you don't like it?

189
00:11:49,244 --> 00:11:51,573
It's an educated guess.

190
00:11:51,792 --> 00:11:54,631
Well, why don't you just try it.

191
00:11:54,799 --> 00:11:57,839
Let's start with the tuna, shall we?
There you go.

192
00:11:58,015 --> 00:11:59,475
That's not tuna.

193
00:12:00,103 --> 00:12:01,302
Oh, yes, it is.

194
00:12:01,523 --> 00:12:03,732
I've had tuna.

195
00:12:04,947 --> 00:12:07,108
Jake, it's tuna.

196
00:12:07,286 --> 00:12:09,614
Now, why don't you just take
a little bite. Here.

197
00:12:10,167 --> 00:12:11,878
Dip it in the soy sauce first.

198
00:12:12,088 --> 00:12:14,583
There you go. Have a bite.

199
00:12:15,095 --> 00:12:17,768
You know, there's a girl at school,
Elizabeth Kurzner...

200
00:12:17,935 --> 00:12:20,608
...and her mom ate a bunch of sushi,
and it had worms.

201
00:12:20,775 --> 00:12:23,352
And they grew in her
and crawled out of her eyes.

202
00:12:24,575 --> 00:12:27,580
- Oh, no, they didn't.
- How do you know?

203
00:12:29,796 --> 00:12:34,013
- Just take a little bite.
- Okay.

204
00:12:37,104 --> 00:12:41,273
- Jake!
- It's gross. It tastes like worms.

205
00:12:41,447 --> 00:12:43,858
Jake, stop spitting on my rug.

206
00:12:44,037 --> 00:12:46,875
- Where do you want me to spit?
- Don't spit at all.

207
00:12:47,043 --> 00:12:49,253
- I gotta get the taste out.
- Have some ginger.

208
00:12:51,136 --> 00:12:53,345
- No, Jake, that's wasabi.
- What?

209
00:12:53,517 --> 00:12:55,975
Are you trying to kill me?

210
00:12:56,189 --> 00:12:58,268
No, Jake, don't.
That's an expensive pillow.

211
00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,654
Let... Give me that!

212
00:13:06,881 --> 00:13:08,757
Okay, here.

213
00:13:10,347 --> 00:13:11,677
I've just gotta ask.

214
00:13:11,850 --> 00:13:16,483
Playing volleyball on the beach every day,
don't you worry about melanoma?

215
00:13:17,112 --> 00:13:19,488
Alan, walk with me.

216
00:13:20,077 --> 00:13:21,989
Be right back.

217
00:13:22,541 --> 00:13:25,000
- What?
- Listen closely:

218
00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:30,173
No man has ever gotten into a woman's
pants chitchatting about skin cancer.

219
00:13:30,393 --> 00:13:32,684
You can't possibly know that.

220
00:13:34,569 --> 00:13:36,363
Nevertheless.

221
00:13:40,082 --> 00:13:43,787
Let's steer the conversation away
from tumors, okay?

222
00:13:44,007 --> 00:13:49,471
- Okay. So which one do you like?
- One?

223
00:13:51,984 --> 00:13:55,939
God, in his infinite wisdom, has given us
a big box of assorted chocolates...

224
00:13:56,118 --> 00:13:58,410
...and you're just gonna try one?

225
00:13:58,582 --> 00:14:02,716
So are you thinking, like, two?

226
00:14:02,926 --> 00:14:05,467
I was thinking, like, nine.

227
00:14:05,891 --> 00:14:08,349
- But we'll see what happens.
- You're not serious.

228
00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:10,818
His will be done.

229
00:14:13,909 --> 00:14:15,453
What else do we have to eat?

230
00:14:15,663 --> 00:14:18,917
You mean other than the $50 worth
of sushi in my carpet?

231
00:14:19,296 --> 00:14:20,958
Yeah.

232
00:14:23,932 --> 00:14:27,103
- I don't suppose you'd eat squab.
- No.

233
00:14:28,108 --> 00:14:30,150
- Do you even know what it is?
- No.

234
00:14:30,322 --> 00:14:34,455
But it sounds pretty creepy. "Squab."

235
00:14:34,665 --> 00:14:37,076
Well, what would you eat?

236
00:14:37,254 --> 00:14:40,508
Pretty much anything,
except sushi and squab.

237
00:14:40,679 --> 00:14:42,223
Squab, squab.

238
00:14:42,391 --> 00:14:44,552
Squab, squab, squab,
squab, squab, squab...

239
00:14:44,730 --> 00:14:47,306
- Stop it.
- Sorry.

240
00:14:48,238 --> 00:14:49,948
Squab.

241
00:14:53,667 --> 00:14:55,377
Would you eat spaghetti?

242
00:14:55,588 --> 00:14:57,464
- I love spaghetti.
- Great.

243
00:14:57,634 --> 00:15:00,307
Would you prefer vermicelli or linguine?

244
00:15:01,059 --> 00:15:02,888
Spaghetti.

245
00:15:04,065 --> 00:15:07,688
All right. What would you like on it?

246
00:15:07,866 --> 00:15:12,700
Puttanesca, Bolognese, Milanese,
olive oil with truffles?

247
00:15:13,295 --> 00:15:15,207
How about squab?

248
00:15:17,095 --> 00:15:19,090
I'm just kidding. Ketchup.

249
00:15:19,810 --> 00:15:22,185
- Of course.
- And sliced-up hot dogs.

250
00:15:22,900 --> 00:15:26,190
Unbelievable.
My grandson is a hillbilly.

251
00:15:31,712 --> 00:15:35,667
You know, I'm thinking we should
move this party over to my place.

252
00:15:35,888 --> 00:15:37,930
But we've been playing
volleyball all day.

253
00:15:38,102 --> 00:15:39,646
We're all sweaty and sticky.

254
00:15:40,190 --> 00:15:43,148
No problem.
<i>Mi</i> shower <i>es su</i> shower.

255
00:15:43,823 --> 00:15:47,493
- What?
- I have a shower.

256
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:52,167
- Good. You live alone?
- Pretty much.

257
00:15:52,343 --> 00:15:56,048
My brother stays with me and he's got
a kid, but he's at his grandmother's.

258
00:15:56,268 --> 00:15:58,394
Oh, that is so sweet.

259
00:15:58,607 --> 00:16:00,353
Yeah, well, we're sweet people.

260
00:16:01,656 --> 00:16:05,195
I was raised by my grandma.
I called her Nana.

261
00:16:05,915 --> 00:16:07,709
- Is that so?
- Yeah.

262
00:16:07,878 --> 00:16:11,133
I was raised by my grandma.
I called her Nana.

263
00:16:14,101 --> 00:16:17,308
Oh, yeah.
She was a big influence on me.

264
00:16:17,484 --> 00:16:20,488
She raised me. I called her Nana.

265
00:16:25,210 --> 00:16:28,499
Oh, Jake, what have we done to you?

266
00:16:29,636 --> 00:16:32,974
Dinner, such as it is, is served.

267
00:16:33,144 --> 00:16:36,648
Jake? Where are you?
Come into the dining room!

268
00:16:37,362 --> 00:16:39,524
Squab!

269
00:16:53,232 --> 00:16:56,486
Alan. Alan, I'm worried about the kid.

270
00:16:57,032 --> 00:16:58,909
What kid?

271
00:17:00,123 --> 00:17:03,247
Your kid. Our kid. I think we should
go to Mom's and get him.

272
00:17:03,422 --> 00:17:06,760
Oh, come on, he's fine.
And it's just for one night.

273
00:17:06,930 --> 00:17:10,553
Which, by the way, is rapidly becoming
one of the best nights of my life.

274
00:17:12,317 --> 00:17:15,691
And grind, and grind.
And step and step and turn.

275
00:17:15,867 --> 00:17:18,112
Alan. Alan, please.

276
00:17:18,331 --> 00:17:20,326
Hey, if you're worried,
why don't you call.

277
00:17:20,503 --> 00:17:24,292
And grind, and grind.
And grind and grind and grind.

278
00:17:24,512 --> 00:17:27,351
- What's her number?
- You don't have her on speed dial?

279
00:17:27,561 --> 00:17:31,230
Hey, if I can't eat it, bang it
or bet on it, it's not in my phone.

280
00:17:33,700 --> 00:17:35,493
It's ringing.

281
00:17:35,704 --> 00:17:40,123
And grind, and grind.
And I'm a lucky boy.

282
00:17:41,843 --> 00:17:43,256
Hello? Mom?

283
00:17:43,472 --> 00:17:45,681
I can't talk to you now, Charlie.

284
00:17:45,852 --> 00:17:49,142
Get that out of your mouth.
Are you an animal?

285
00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:52,694
Mom? Hello? Hello?

286
00:17:52,910 --> 00:17:57,412
And grind, and grind.
And step and step and...

287
00:18:00,177 --> 00:18:01,638
You don't understand, Charlie.

288
00:18:01,847 --> 00:18:05,981
It was a women's volleyball team
and I could've been the volleyball.

289
00:18:06,191 --> 00:18:09,861
- Get your priorities straight, will you?
- I've got my priorities straight.

290
00:18:10,075 --> 00:18:13,282
I've had a kid for 11 years,
but I've never had group sex.

291
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:17,005
Alan, you didn't miss anything.
It's an overrated male fantasy.

292
00:18:17,216 --> 00:18:20,304
- Really?
- No, are you kidding?

293
00:18:26,445 --> 00:18:28,441
He'd better be scarred for life.

294
00:18:33,461 --> 00:18:36,716
- Mom?
- Oh, hello, boys.

295
00:18:37,512 --> 00:18:39,508
What happened? Where's Jake?

296
00:18:39,726 --> 00:18:41,103
I sent him up to take a bath.

297
00:18:41,271 --> 00:18:43,516
He had hot dogs
and spaghetti in his hair.

298
00:18:44,904 --> 00:18:47,909
Why would he have hot dogs
and spaghetti in his hair?

299
00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:50,448
Because he wouldn't eat squab.

300
00:18:52,380 --> 00:18:54,256
Squab.

301
00:18:55,094 --> 00:18:58,468
- What are you guys doing here?
- We wanted to see how things were.

302
00:18:59,062 --> 00:19:01,770
- They're okay.
- See, he's fine.

303
00:19:01,943 --> 00:19:04,354
- Let's go back to the bar.
- And take me with you.

304
00:19:10,713 --> 00:19:13,042
- Jake?
- Yeah?

305
00:19:16,811 --> 00:19:19,305
Did you turn the water off
in the bathtub?

306
00:19:33,975 --> 00:19:36,220
- Say goodbye to Grandma.
- Goodbye, Grandma.

307
00:19:36,439 --> 00:19:37,983
Night, Mom.

308
00:19:43,580 --> 00:19:48,332
You realize that in one night,
he did what we couldn't do in a lifetime.

309
00:19:49,093 --> 00:19:51,053
He broke her.

310
00:19:51,599 --> 00:19:54,769
He chewed her up and spit her out.

311
00:19:54,981 --> 00:19:57,191
It was a beautiful thing.

312
00:19:57,947 --> 00:19:59,692
I'm gonna be truthful here, Alan.

313
00:19:59,868 --> 00:20:02,706
I always thought your kid
was a little bit of a simpleton.

314
00:20:04,169 --> 00:20:05,546
Me too.

315
00:20:05,756 --> 00:20:09,545
But clearly, he is the chosen one.

316
00:20:10,517 --> 00:20:11,847
Hey, guys, check it out.

317
00:20:12,020 --> 00:20:13,137
Pull my finger.

318
00:20:13,315 --> 00:20:14,895
Okay.

319
00:20:18,243 --> 00:20:21,082
And they shall call him Jake.