1
00:00:02,318 --> 00:00:05,160
Charlie? Where's Charlie?

2
00:00:05,370 --> 00:00:06,868
Check the living room.

3
00:00:07,043 --> 00:00:09,885
- Charlie, guess what?
- Somebody call me?

4
00:00:10,095 --> 00:00:11,926
Not me.

5
00:00:14,234 --> 00:00:15,566
He's not in the living room.

6
00:00:15,781 --> 00:00:17,445
- Try his bedroom.
- Thanks.

7
00:00:17,621 --> 00:00:19,249
Charlie, you gotta see this.

8
00:00:19,711 --> 00:00:21,293
Are you sure nobody's calling me?

9
00:00:22,052 --> 00:00:23,384
Wouldn't I tell you?

10
00:00:26,317 --> 00:00:28,398
Berta, he's not in his room.

11
00:00:28,575 --> 00:00:31,536
- What?
- I said, he's not in his room.

12
00:00:32,003 --> 00:00:33,585
What?

13
00:00:35,139 --> 00:00:37,553
- Did you find him?
- He's not up there.

14
00:00:38,066 --> 00:00:40,610
- Try Jake's room.
- What'd he be doing in Jake's room?

15
00:00:40,825 --> 00:00:42,621
Hey, I'm just trying to help.

16
00:00:43,083 --> 00:00:46,210
I'm sorry. Charlie!

17
00:00:47,013 --> 00:00:48,809
I'm sure I heard something.

18
00:00:49,355 --> 00:00:51,733
I don't know what to tell you.

19
00:00:53,954 --> 00:00:56,665
I could do this all day.

20
00:01:10,803 --> 00:01:12,135
Charlie.

21
00:01:12,308 --> 00:01:13,640
Hey, Alan.

22
00:01:13,814 --> 00:01:16,775
- Didn't you hear me calling you?
- Oh, that was you.

23
00:01:16,991 --> 00:01:19,155
Of course it was me.
Who else would it be?

24
00:01:19,374 --> 00:01:21,003
Don't snap at me.

25
00:01:21,172 --> 00:01:23,217
I've been running all over
looking for you.

26
00:01:23,388 --> 00:01:24,720
Well, I was right here.

27
00:01:24,893 --> 00:01:27,521
I know that now.

28
00:01:27,904 --> 00:01:30,032
Hey, that's no reason
to have a hissy fit.

29
00:01:30,203 --> 00:01:33,295
Hissy fit? This is not a hissy fit.

30
00:01:33,841 --> 00:01:37,384
Say it higher, Alan. A couple of dogs
in the neighborhood didn't hear you.

31
00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:41,024
I'm all done. I'm going home now.

32
00:01:41,199 --> 00:01:42,531
- Thank you.
- Good night.

33
00:01:43,123 --> 00:01:45,251
Good night, my pets.

34
00:01:46,217 --> 00:01:48,975
Now that you've managed to find me,
what do you want?

35
00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:52,521
There was something I was excited
to show you, but now I don't want to.

36
00:01:52,697 --> 00:01:55,241
- I'm okay with that.
- So am I.

37
00:01:55,415 --> 00:01:57,079
Oh, come on. You gotta see this.

38
00:01:58,300 --> 00:02:00,344
All right. Fine.

39
00:02:01,059 --> 00:02:02,688
Hey. Wait a minute.

40
00:02:02,857 --> 00:02:04,735
Did Berta know you were out here?

41
00:02:04,906 --> 00:02:07,830
Very mature, Alan. Blame the maid.

42
00:02:12,599 --> 00:02:14,180
Oh, you bought a Porsche.

43
00:02:14,773 --> 00:02:18,197
"Porsche." What do you think?

44
00:02:19,957 --> 00:02:21,372
It's cute.

45
00:02:21,672 --> 00:02:23,003
What do you mean, cute?

46
00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:25,805
I mean, it looks like my car's
hot little girlfriend.

47
00:02:27,692 --> 00:02:31,319
Are you saying this is a chick car?
Because it isn't. It's a Porsche.

48
00:02:31,664 --> 00:02:33,210
Yeah. The cute little one.

49
00:02:33,922 --> 00:02:35,920
No, no, no. It's the sporty one.

50
00:02:37,142 --> 00:02:39,055
If your sport is girls' basketball.

51
00:02:39,525 --> 00:02:43,199
No, no, it's got the fuel injection,
and the rack and the pinion...

52
00:02:43,371 --> 00:02:45,785
...and the leather thingy
to cover the hood.

53
00:02:46,298 --> 00:02:47,962
That's called a bra, Alan.

54
00:02:48,179 --> 00:02:50,891
Yeah, but it's made of leather.

55
00:02:51,942 --> 00:02:54,570
- All right. Whatever.
- It is not a chick car.

56
00:02:54,744 --> 00:02:57,918
The salesman showed me brochures
with pictures of guys driving it.

57
00:02:58,590 --> 00:03:00,885
Alan, if a monkey walked
into the dealership...

58
00:03:01,057 --> 00:03:03,815
...he'd have been shown
pictures of monkeys driving it.

59
00:03:04,694 --> 00:03:06,858
Monkeys can't drive a stick.

60
00:03:08,499 --> 00:03:12,126
Now, come on.
We'll go for a spin, pick up Jake.

61
00:03:12,471 --> 00:03:14,516
Where'd you get the money for this?

62
00:03:14,687 --> 00:03:15,721
Where'd you get it...

63
00:03:15,900 --> 00:03:19,027
...because they're not cheap.
- No, no, they are not.

64
00:03:22,547 --> 00:03:24,212
Where'd you get the money for this?

65
00:03:26,603 --> 00:03:28,434
The money. Where'd you get it?

66
00:03:28,610 --> 00:03:31,072
Oh, I got it from...

67
00:03:31,788 --> 00:03:35,081
- What?
- I got a loan from...

68
00:03:38,101 --> 00:03:40,229
Alan, where'd the money come from?

69
00:03:40,819 --> 00:03:43,030
I found it.

70
00:03:43,871 --> 00:03:46,249
- Alan?
- Mom.

71
00:03:46,421 --> 00:03:48,585
You traded your soul for a Porsche.

72
00:03:48,763 --> 00:03:52,984
I didn't trade my soul,
and it's "Porsche."

73
00:03:54,449 --> 00:03:56,030
Alan, why didn't you come to me?

74
00:03:56,205 --> 00:03:57,833
No, I already owe you so much.

75
00:03:58,003 --> 00:04:00,761
You won't let me pay rent
and you pay all the utilities.

76
00:04:00,971 --> 00:04:03,183
Keeping that in mind,
did you ever consider...

77
00:04:03,354 --> 00:04:06,066
...taking the money from Mom
and paying me back?

78
00:04:09,417 --> 00:04:11,248
No, not really.

79
00:04:11,842 --> 00:04:15,433
Come on. Let me show you
what this baby can do.

80
00:04:20,747 --> 00:04:24,457
Well, what do you know?
Monkeys can drive a stick.

81
00:04:27,855 --> 00:04:30,149
You know, the salesman was right.

82
00:04:30,322 --> 00:04:32,735
You really do feel special
in one of these things.

83
00:04:32,914 --> 00:04:36,006
Oh, yeah. Probably not a lot
of middle-aged, divorced guys...

84
00:04:36,175 --> 00:04:38,470
...driving around L.A. In a Porsche.

85
00:04:39,018 --> 00:04:41,182
"Porsche."

86
00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,654
Oh, wait, I forgot to show you
the best part.

87
00:04:48,718 --> 00:04:51,727
Alan, that's a NASCAR hat.

88
00:04:51,896 --> 00:04:54,024
Yeah, they were
out of the Porsche hats.

89
00:04:54,196 --> 00:04:57,454
I wanted something that said speed
and performance, so I got this.

90
00:04:57,624 --> 00:05:01,632
What you should be wearing
is a hat with a propeller on top.

91
00:05:02,265 --> 00:05:03,894
Come on, open her up.

92
00:05:04,063 --> 00:05:06,191
The first 1000 miles
is the break-in period.

93
00:05:06,362 --> 00:05:08,241
You're not supposed to go over 65.

94
00:05:08,411 --> 00:05:09,873
Well, then go 65.

95
00:05:10,042 --> 00:05:12,539
The speed limit is 60.
You want me to get a ticket?

96
00:05:12,718 --> 00:05:15,179
Alan, you're driving
an expensive red sports car.

97
00:05:15,352 --> 00:05:18,860
If you're not getting tickets and tail,
you might as well take the bus.

98
00:05:19,031 --> 00:05:21,575
Which, by the way, just passed us.

99
00:05:22,543 --> 00:05:25,837
I am going plenty fast,
thank you very much.

100
00:05:26,013 --> 00:05:27,677
Can we at least put the top down?

101
00:05:27,853 --> 00:05:31,361
No, I wanna trap the new-car smell in
as long as I can.

102
00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:34,076
Man, are you anal-retentive.

103
00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:38,304
You need a bumper sticker that reads,
"My other car is a puckered rectum."

104
00:05:39,393 --> 00:05:43,732
Oh, yeah. Like I'd desecrate this car
with a bumper sticker.

105
00:05:49,845 --> 00:05:52,176
God, I love that sound.

106
00:05:56,869 --> 00:05:59,247
Will you stop it?

107
00:06:12,841 --> 00:06:16,265
Jake, your dad's here.
Where's your car?

108
00:06:16,436 --> 00:06:18,934
Oh, my car? My car is...

109
00:06:21,203 --> 00:06:22,535
...right there.

110
00:06:22,708 --> 00:06:25,502
- You got a Porsche?
- "Porsche."

111
00:06:26,847 --> 00:06:30,271
I have to struggle to make ends meet,
and you can buy a Porsche?

112
00:06:33,077 --> 00:06:36,002
What are you talking about?
Your ends have not only met...

113
00:06:36,171 --> 00:06:38,882
...they've been to Hawaii
and remodeled the kitchen.

114
00:06:39,056 --> 00:06:41,767
Don't change the subject.
How can you afford a fancy car?

115
00:06:42,359 --> 00:06:44,690
Well, I can't afford it, really.

116
00:06:44,909 --> 00:06:46,573
Maybe I have to call my attorney.

117
00:06:46,749 --> 00:06:49,627
And re-examine our whole
alimony/child-support agreement.

118
00:06:49,801 --> 00:06:51,679
No, no, you don't.

119
00:06:52,937 --> 00:06:55,613
It wasn't very expensive.

120
00:06:56,867 --> 00:06:59,198
This is the girl version. Right, Charlie?

121
00:06:59,376 --> 00:07:03,716
Oh, yeah, yeah. You've gotta kiss it
before you can even stick the key in.

122
00:07:03,891 --> 00:07:07,483
Judith, you have nothing to worry about.
You've successfully sucked me dry.

123
00:07:07,654 --> 00:07:10,330
Absolutely. This guy's farting dust.

124
00:07:10,497 --> 00:07:12,959
Then where'd he get
the money for the car?

125
00:07:13,884 --> 00:07:15,382
He borrowed it from our mother.

126
00:07:15,556 --> 00:07:17,887
Give me a break.
Even Alan's not that stupid.

127
00:07:18,065 --> 00:07:19,646
Oh, but he is.

128
00:07:19,821 --> 00:07:22,282
I am. I swear to God.

129
00:07:24,420 --> 00:07:27,880
- Hey, cool car. Is it yours?
- Yeah.

130
00:07:29,563 --> 00:07:32,060
We're gonna have to talk
about my allowance.

131
00:07:34,914 --> 00:07:36,828
Okay, well, have a nice weekend.

132
00:07:37,423 --> 00:07:40,265
Wait a minute. That's a two-seater.
Where's he gonna sit?

133
00:07:45,367 --> 00:07:48,125
And you didn't believe
he was that stupid.

134
00:07:55,527 --> 00:07:58,285
We're going way over
the speed limit.

135
00:07:58,454 --> 00:08:02,508
Let me worry about that.
You just keep looking for cops.

136
00:08:09,826 --> 00:08:12,870
I don't usually take a cab.

137
00:08:13,296 --> 00:08:18,017
I drive a red Boxster.
You know, Porsche.

138
00:08:18,564 --> 00:08:21,026
- Those are very nice.
- Thank you.

139
00:08:21,198 --> 00:08:23,362
My sister has one.

140
00:08:29,017 --> 00:08:31,775
- Hey, Berta. You seen my brother?
- Did you check his room?

141
00:08:32,153 --> 00:08:33,734
Thanks.

142
00:08:34,619 --> 00:08:38,674
Sweetie, it is a beautiful car.
Congratulations.

143
00:08:38,842 --> 00:08:42,766
- Thanks, Mom. I'm really enjoying it.
- Well, your Aunt Sylvia loves hers.

144
00:08:43,441 --> 00:08:44,904
Berta, have you seen Charlie?

145
00:08:45,072 --> 00:08:46,486
Look out on the deck.

146
00:08:50,967 --> 00:08:53,131
- I was looking for you.
- I was in the garage.

147
00:08:53,309 --> 00:08:55,603
- I was looking for you.
- I was looking for Alan.

148
00:08:55,775 --> 00:08:57,404
I was in the garage.

149
00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:00,869
Okay. Bye.

150
00:09:04,807 --> 00:09:07,518
Oh, sure. Blame the maid.

151
00:09:08,988 --> 00:09:12,947
Oh, Alan, before I forget,
I need to ask you for a little favor.

152
00:09:13,336 --> 00:09:15,048
Your soul, please.

153
00:09:15,510 --> 00:09:17,472
Charlie, for God's sake...

154
00:09:17,642 --> 00:09:20,186
Careful. I don't think
you're allowed to say "God"...

155
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,607
...without bursting into flames
or something.

156
00:09:23,119 --> 00:09:25,795
Shush with your antichrist humor.

157
00:09:25,963 --> 00:09:28,210
It's getting old.

158
00:09:28,388 --> 00:09:31,181
Alan, I'd like you to join me
for dinner tomorrow night.

159
00:09:31,356 --> 00:09:34,448
- Why?
- I'm dating a man I'd like you to meet.

160
00:09:35,119 --> 00:09:36,451
And?

161
00:09:36,666 --> 00:09:39,246
He has a lovely daughter about your age.

162
00:09:39,425 --> 00:09:41,589
Sayeth the serpent.

163
00:09:43,606 --> 00:09:47,198
No. Mom, please, please,
please, no blind dates.

164
00:09:47,369 --> 00:09:51,674
Why not? She's a sweet girl
and I think you might really hit it off.

165
00:09:51,885 --> 00:09:55,559
- Why can't Charlie go out with her?
- Hey, she didn't buy me a car.

166
00:09:56,484 --> 00:09:59,409
This has absolutely nothing
to do with the car.

167
00:09:59,620 --> 00:10:02,033
Besides, I want
to get closer to this man.

168
00:10:02,254 --> 00:10:04,667
Should the time come
when I want an ugly breakup...

169
00:10:04,846 --> 00:10:07,426
...I'll let you
take a crack at his daughter.

170
00:10:07,606 --> 00:10:09,401
I'm sorry, Mom. But I'd rather not.

171
00:10:09,571 --> 00:10:12,579
Alan, I bought you a car.

172
00:10:15,257 --> 00:10:17,933
I love the smell of brimstone
in the morning.

173
00:10:20,734 --> 00:10:22,696
Tomorrow night, 8:00, Le Pissoir.

174
00:10:23,912 --> 00:10:26,587
- I really appreciate this, darling.
- Sure.

175
00:10:26,755 --> 00:10:31,095
Oh, one more thing. She's been
through a rough patch lately...

176
00:10:31,270 --> 00:10:34,112
...so we won't be ordering alcohol.

177
00:10:34,281 --> 00:10:35,362
Bye-bye.

178
00:10:43,479 --> 00:10:45,060
No, really. She sounds great.

179
00:10:55,437 --> 00:10:58,398
Looks like my mom and your dad
are running a little late.

180
00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:01,114
Typical.

181
00:11:02,712 --> 00:11:06,005
Yeah. So you're in town
for the weekend. Where do you live?

182
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:08,562
Palm Springs.

183
00:11:08,732 --> 00:11:10,944
That's nice.
How long have you lived there?

184
00:11:12,244 --> 00:11:14,492
Forty-two days, so far.

185
00:11:15,631 --> 00:11:17,010
Forty-two days?

186
00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:20,771
Yeah. This is my first weekend pass.

187
00:11:24,035 --> 00:11:28,208
I was supposed to get one at 30,
but I bit a guy.

188
00:11:29,554 --> 00:11:32,348
- Would you like a cocktail?
- No, no, no cocktails. No.

189
00:11:32,522 --> 00:11:35,150
- No, that's all right. You can have one.
- No, I'm fine.

190
00:11:35,324 --> 00:11:37,487
- Oh, please. Go ahead.
- No. I don't think...

191
00:11:37,665 --> 00:11:40,839
Order a drink, damn it.
I wanna smell it.

192
00:11:43,602 --> 00:11:46,860
We're fine. Maybe just a fizzy water.

193
00:11:48,368 --> 00:11:49,783
So, what do you do?

194
00:11:51,839 --> 00:11:53,217
I'm a chiropractor.

195
00:11:53,427 --> 00:11:56,602
Really? Can you prescribe stuff?

196
00:11:57,358 --> 00:11:58,904
No.

197
00:12:04,298 --> 00:12:05,712
Did you hear that?

198
00:12:06,138 --> 00:12:09,646
- It's my phone.
- Oh, thank God.

199
00:12:11,699 --> 00:12:15,158
Hello? Oh, hey, Mom. Where are you?

200
00:12:15,336 --> 00:12:17,417
Yes, she's here.

201
00:12:17,594 --> 00:12:22,517
Yes, very sweet. Where are you?

202
00:12:24,451 --> 00:12:26,282
Trudy, Trudy, there's no smoking.

203
00:12:27,168 --> 00:12:31,306
Oh, that's just great.
Just jim-freaking-dandy.

204
00:12:33,064 --> 00:12:37,118
You guys are coming, right?
Well, what am I supposed to do?

205
00:12:39,544 --> 00:12:41,589
Yes, I know you bought me a car.

206
00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:45,641
All right, all right. All right. Goodbye.

207
00:12:47,781 --> 00:12:50,992
Apparently, your father mixed up
his heart pills with his Viagra...

208
00:12:51,167 --> 00:12:53,498
...and they didn't wanna
waste the opportunity.

209
00:12:54,011 --> 00:12:55,592
So he's not coming?

210
00:12:56,017 --> 00:12:57,896
Well...

211
00:12:59,697 --> 00:13:02,824
Perfect. Just perfect.

212
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:06,174
That son of a bitch
never cared about me.

213
00:13:06,345 --> 00:13:07,676
Trudy, Trudy...

214
00:13:08,644 --> 00:13:12,984
He'd rather spend the night
with some old hose bag.

215
00:13:15,501 --> 00:13:17,463
That old hose bag is my mother...

216
00:13:17,633 --> 00:13:20,309
...and there's still no smoking in here.
I'm sorry.

217
00:13:20,476 --> 00:13:23,687
Careful. I bit the last guy
who tried to touch me.

218
00:13:28,671 --> 00:13:32,809
Yeah, well, that doesn't mean
we can't have a nice meal.

219
00:13:33,270 --> 00:13:34,602
I'll call the waiter.

220
00:13:35,403 --> 00:13:39,362
Hello, hello.
Yeah, we're ready to order.

221
00:13:46,232 --> 00:13:49,525
Remind me to get some clean urine
from you before we go.

222
00:13:54,426 --> 00:13:57,220
- <i>Two hundred forty pounds...</i>
- What are you doing?

223
00:13:57,813 --> 00:13:59,477
Picking off the pepperonis.

224
00:14:00,071 --> 00:14:01,985
Then why'd you order it
with pepperonis?

225
00:14:02,370 --> 00:14:04,498
I like to stack them up
and eat them in bed.

226
00:14:08,475 --> 00:14:11,151
Hello? Hey, Mom.

227
00:14:11,318 --> 00:14:12,982
No, Dad's not here. He's on a date.

228
00:14:14,788 --> 00:14:17,416
Hang on. Uncle Charlie's talking to me.
Yeah?

229
00:14:17,589 --> 00:14:19,837
Don't tell your mom
your father's on a date.

230
00:14:20,014 --> 00:14:22,095
- It's none of her business.
- Okay.

231
00:14:22,272 --> 00:14:24,270
He's not on a date.

232
00:14:25,115 --> 00:14:27,493
Hang on. She wants to talk to you.

233
00:14:29,087 --> 00:14:31,215
Uncle Charlie's not here.

234
00:14:34,815 --> 00:14:36,444
Give me that.

235
00:14:36,697 --> 00:14:38,528
Hey, Judith. What's up?

236
00:14:38,745 --> 00:14:41,837
Well, he's not a bright kid.
What do you want from me?

237
00:14:44,055 --> 00:14:45,684
I don't know where Alan is.

238
00:14:45,853 --> 00:14:47,731
Would you like me
to give him a message?

239
00:14:47,902 --> 00:14:50,481
Because who knows?
Maybe this time I will.

240
00:14:52,752 --> 00:14:54,464
No message.

241
00:14:56,138 --> 00:14:58,052
How come it's a secret
Dad's on a date?

242
00:14:58,772 --> 00:15:02,863
It's not. It's just never a good idea to tell
women more than they need to know.

243
00:15:03,163 --> 00:15:04,577
How come?

244
00:15:04,751 --> 00:15:07,082
Because we love them
and want to protect them.

245
00:15:07,260 --> 00:15:09,138
A clueless woman is a happy woman.

246
00:15:15,747 --> 00:15:18,078
- Can I have your pepperonis?
- No.

247
00:15:22,897 --> 00:15:25,109
Batman!

248
00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:29,751
Come on. Come on, Trudy.
Come on. Come on.

249
00:15:29,921 --> 00:15:32,632
- Let's get you back to the Batcave...
- Oh, right.

250
00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:34,768
...or whatever cave
you crawled out of.

251
00:15:34,938 --> 00:15:39,909
Thank you, kind sir.
You are indeed a gentleman.

252
00:15:40,081 --> 00:15:43,624
Allow me to reward you.

253
00:15:48,819 --> 00:15:54,789
A salty! I shall now need a slice of lime
and a carafe of tequila.

254
00:15:55,467 --> 00:15:57,346
No, thank you. No, no, we're fine.

255
00:15:57,516 --> 00:16:00,274
Hey, come on, Trudy.
Let's take you home.

256
00:16:00,443 --> 00:16:04,402
Okay. But we'll have to be
really quiet...

257
00:16:04,582 --> 00:16:08,886
...because my roommate is detoxing,
so she's kind of a light sleeper.

258
00:16:10,017 --> 00:16:12,264
No, no, I meant home to your father.

259
00:16:12,442 --> 00:16:14,736
Oh, God.

260
00:16:14,909 --> 00:16:17,073
Daddy!

261
00:16:17,250 --> 00:16:23,018
Oh, I'm such a disappointment to you.

262
00:16:23,187 --> 00:16:27,659
Hey, your aftershave has alcohol in it.

263
00:16:37,110 --> 00:16:38,739
So why is Dad's car a chick car?

264
00:16:39,744 --> 00:16:42,503
It's not really. I was just saying that
to bust his chops.

265
00:16:44,594 --> 00:16:46,842
Chops are your nuts, right?

266
00:16:48,650 --> 00:16:50,148
Right.

267
00:16:50,531 --> 00:16:52,576
Mom said it's a midlife-crisis car.

268
00:16:53,416 --> 00:16:56,591
Well, she was bound to be right
about something eventually.

269
00:16:59,813 --> 00:17:01,442
What's a midlife crisis?

270
00:17:02,740 --> 00:17:06,367
Well, Jake, it's when a man
starts facing his own mortality...

271
00:17:06,545 --> 00:17:08,876
...and tries to recapture his youth.

272
00:17:09,806 --> 00:17:11,850
I've had one of those.

273
00:17:13,360 --> 00:17:15,024
Do tell.

274
00:17:16,370 --> 00:17:19,378
Life was so much simpler
when I was 6.

275
00:17:23,185 --> 00:17:25,063
Hello? Hey, Dad.

276
00:17:25,234 --> 00:17:27,731
Listen, don't worry
about your midlife crisis.

277
00:17:27,910 --> 00:17:30,918
They usually go away
over summer vacation.

278
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:35,304
He wants to talk to you.
Are you here?

279
00:17:37,401 --> 00:17:40,909
Yeah. Whoa, slow down.

280
00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:43,077
Well, how drunk is she?

281
00:17:44,383 --> 00:17:47,475
Really? Batman drunk?

282
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:52,148
Well, just dump her
with Mom and her father.

283
00:17:52,327 --> 00:17:53,741
Where are they?

284
00:17:55,086 --> 00:17:57,048
Viagra and a bad ticker.

285
00:17:57,219 --> 00:17:59,895
Mom loses more boyfriends that way.

286
00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:03,356
Alan, calm down, calm down.
Listen to me. Here's what you do:

287
00:18:03,532 --> 00:18:05,078
Take her to a club...

288
00:18:05,246 --> 00:18:08,457
...pin a warning note on her back
as a courtesy to the next guy...

289
00:18:08,633 --> 00:18:10,677
...and run like hell.

290
00:18:11,727 --> 00:18:15,187
Well, if you don't want my advice,
why'd you call me?

291
00:18:16,117 --> 00:18:17,531
Okay, how about this:

292
00:18:17,706 --> 00:18:20,500
Put the top down
and let the night air sober her up.

293
00:18:23,016 --> 00:18:25,513
What's plan B?

294
00:18:32,465 --> 00:18:34,462
How come you don't have
a date tonight?

295
00:18:34,639 --> 00:18:36,517
I decided I'd rather hang out with you.

296
00:18:36,688 --> 00:18:38,435
- Really?
- No.

297
00:18:39,949 --> 00:18:41,827
You're saying that to bust my chops.

298
00:18:42,541 --> 00:18:44,087
No.

299
00:18:46,388 --> 00:18:48,635
- Hey.
- Hey.

300
00:18:48,813 --> 00:18:50,894
- How was your date?
- Oh, lots of fun.

301
00:18:51,112 --> 00:18:53,740
- Think you'll marry her?
- Doubtful. Charlie?

302
00:18:56,464 --> 00:18:59,044
What happened?
You take her to a club and ditch her?

303
00:18:59,223 --> 00:19:00,805
- No, I couldn't do that.
- Why not?

304
00:19:00,979 --> 00:19:02,692
Well, it's cheesy and immoral...

305
00:19:02,861 --> 00:19:06,203
...and I'm really not comfortable
having some valet touch my car.

306
00:19:06,916 --> 00:19:08,878
- So where is she?
- In the garage.

307
00:19:09,049 --> 00:19:10,845
- Oh, Alan.
- Well, she passed out.

308
00:19:11,014 --> 00:19:14,022
- I figured I'd let her sleep it off.
- You left her in your car?

309
00:19:14,191 --> 00:19:15,773
Why not?

310
00:19:30,832 --> 00:19:32,960
Well, at least she left
the garage door open.

311
00:19:40,114 --> 00:19:43,241
It's a red Porsche Boxster
with dealer plates.

312
00:19:44,504 --> 00:19:48,345
"Porsche."
Yeah, about an hour ago.

313
00:19:48,518 --> 00:19:51,312
Hey, Dad, check it out.
Your car's on TV.

314
00:19:56,713 --> 00:19:58,794
I'll call you back.

315
00:19:59,054 --> 00:20:02,265
- <i>chase so far. The suspect was</i>
<i>first spotted in Malibu...</i>

316
00:20:02,441 --> 00:20:04,105
<i>... on the Pacific Coast Highway...</i>

317
00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:06,824
<i>... and is now southbound</i>
<i>on the 405 freeway.</i>

318
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:08,502
Oh, God!

319
00:20:08,712 --> 00:20:12,304
Don't worry. I've watched
hundreds of these. They never make it.

320
00:20:12,475 --> 00:20:16,233
- <i>she just ran over the nail strips</i>
<i>that the Highway Patrol laid out.</i>

321
00:20:16,656 --> 00:20:18,903
Oh, man, look at the sparks.

322
00:20:19,374 --> 00:20:22,001
That's because
she's riding on rims, Jake.

323
00:20:22,175 --> 00:20:25,017
You gotta like
how your car handles without tires.

324
00:20:25,645 --> 00:20:27,393
Oh, God!

325
00:20:27,569 --> 00:20:29,281
<i>Whoa, that was a close call.</i>

326
00:20:29,450 --> 00:20:33,672
<i>She sideswiped that SUV</i>
<i>and kept right on going.</i>

327
00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:36,052
What's that dragging
alongside Dad's car?

328
00:20:36,223 --> 00:20:38,554
I think that's the door.

329
00:20:38,983 --> 00:20:42,157
- Cool.
- Oh, God!

330
00:20:42,328 --> 00:20:45,336
<i>Dale, this is Trish in the studio.</i>
<i>Can you see the suspect?</i>

331
00:20:45,505 --> 00:20:47,003
<i>How do you know it's a woman?</i>

332
00:20:47,178 --> 00:20:49,675
<i>Well, Trish, we actually</i>
<i>don 't know it's a woman...</i>

333
00:20:49,853 --> 00:20:53,861
<i>... but thought it was a safe bet</i>
<i>based on the type of car.</i>

334
00:20:54,076 --> 00:20:57,370
It's not a chick car.

335
00:20:57,881 --> 00:21:01,092
Relax, Dad.
He's just busting your chops.