1
00:00:00,923 --> 00:00:02,860
Previously on
The Big Bang Theory...
2
00:00:02,924 --> 00:00:05,307
We were worried
about you.
3
00:00:05,309 --> 00:00:07,309
Don't be melodramatic.
4
00:00:07,311 --> 00:00:08,928
I'm just getting on a train
5
00:00:08,930 --> 00:00:11,096
and leaving forever.
6
00:00:11,098 --> 00:00:14,350
So a few things
don't go your way
7
00:00:14,352 --> 00:00:15,684
and your best
decision
8
00:00:15,686 --> 00:00:18,320
is to ride the
rails like a hobo?
9
00:00:18,322 --> 00:00:20,606
Leonard, I am overwhelmed.
10
00:00:20,608 --> 00:00:21,690
Everything
is changing,
11
00:00:21,692 --> 00:00:24,109
and it's simply too much.
12
00:00:24,111 --> 00:00:25,778
I need to get away and think.
13
00:00:25,780 --> 00:00:27,279
Sheldon...
14
00:00:27,281 --> 00:00:29,114
Yes?
15
00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:31,000
I'm gonna miss you.
16
00:00:31,002 --> 00:00:33,836
Of course you are.
17
00:00:35,372 --> 00:00:37,957
You just made
that easier.
18
00:00:41,928 --> 00:00:44,096
Excuse me.
19
00:00:46,917 --> 00:00:48,884
Is it at all possible
20
00:00:48,886 --> 00:00:51,136
that you're knitting
a pair of pants?
21
00:00:52,772 --> 00:00:55,057
Oh, well, no, you're
understandably terrified.
22
00:00:55,059 --> 00:00:57,693
But, you know,
allow me to explain.
23
00:00:57,695 --> 00:01:00,813
45 days ago, um,
I embarked on
24
00:01:00,815 --> 00:01:02,314
a railroad journey
of healing
25
00:01:02,316 --> 00:01:03,699
because my university
26
00:01:03,701 --> 00:01:05,317
was making me do
string theory,
27
00:01:05,319 --> 00:01:07,903
and my favorite comic
book store burned down,
28
00:01:07,905 --> 00:01:09,738
and when my roommate
got engaged,
29
00:01:09,740 --> 00:01:11,991
my girlfriend wanted
to move in with me,
30
00:01:11,993 --> 00:01:14,660
which was no doubt
a ploy just to see my--
31
00:01:14,662 --> 00:01:17,246
well, excuse my language,
but my bathing suit parts.
32
00:01:20,917 --> 00:01:22,885
Uh, sir, may I
use your phone?
33
00:01:22,887 --> 00:01:24,920
I don't think so.
Yeah, well,
34
00:01:24,922 --> 00:01:26,672
I understand that
I'm half naked,
35
00:01:26,674 --> 00:01:28,557
but there is
a reasonable explanation.
36
00:01:28,559 --> 00:01:31,176
While I slept
in my sleeper car,
37
00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:32,978
all my possessions were stolen.
38
00:01:32,980 --> 00:01:33,980
Now,
39
00:01:33,981 --> 00:01:35,648
typically,
I wear pajamas,
40
00:01:35,650 --> 00:01:39,518
but I recently adopted
a hobo lifestyle
41
00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:43,272
and pajamas are the
sleep-pants of the Man.
42
00:01:45,191 --> 00:01:48,243
I'll have you know,
Mahatma Gandhi wore no pants
43
00:01:48,245 --> 00:01:50,162
and a nation rallied behind him!
44
00:01:50,164 --> 00:01:52,147
My good man...
45
00:01:52,149 --> 00:01:53,499
Now, before you walk away...
46
00:01:53,501 --> 00:01:55,367
I know that I may
appear deranged,
47
00:01:55,369 --> 00:01:57,870
but I am, in fact,
a world-renowned physicist.
48
00:01:57,872 --> 00:02:01,290
Ask me the difference
between a boson and a fermion.
49
00:02:01,292 --> 00:02:02,508
Go ahead, ask!
50
00:02:05,128 --> 00:02:07,046
Bosons have integer spin,
51
00:02:07,048 --> 00:02:09,431
fermions have half-integer spin!
52
00:02:09,433 --> 00:02:10,716
My legs are getting cold!
53
00:02:10,718 --> 00:02:13,485
Why won't anybody help me?
54
00:02:13,487 --> 00:02:17,106
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
55
00:02:17,108 --> 00:02:20,442
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
56
00:02:20,444 --> 00:02:22,061
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
57
00:02:22,063 --> 00:02:24,613
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
58
00:02:24,615 --> 00:02:27,282
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
59
00:02:27,284 --> 00:02:29,952
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
60
00:02:29,954 --> 00:02:31,870
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
61
00:02:31,872 --> 00:02:32,719
♪ Bang! ♪
62
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:36,720
♪ The Big Bang Theory 8x01 ♪
The Locomotion Interruption
Original Air Date on September 22, 2014
63
00:02:36,721 --> 00:02:41,821
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
64
00:02:41,859 --> 00:02:43,677
(sniffs)
65
00:02:43,679 --> 00:02:44,679
Morning.
66
00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:46,213
Hi. Want to do
yoga with me?
67
00:02:46,215 --> 00:02:47,898
Um, let me just have
some coffee first,
68
00:02:47,900 --> 00:02:50,033
and then I'll have
the strength to tell you
69
00:02:50,035 --> 00:02:52,369
how much I won't be doing that.
70
00:02:52,371 --> 00:02:55,255
(phone ringing)
71
00:02:55,257 --> 00:02:56,506
Hello?
72
00:02:56,508 --> 00:02:58,392
Hello, Leonard.
73
00:02:58,394 --> 00:03:01,345
Hey, buddy.
Good to hear your voice.
74
00:03:01,347 --> 00:03:02,846
Uh, I'm in Kingman, Arizona,
75
00:03:02,848 --> 00:03:06,350
and, uh, I need you
to come pick me up.
76
00:03:06,352 --> 00:03:08,218
I'd love to.
77
00:03:08,220 --> 00:03:10,887
I'm just about
to do yoga with Penny.
78
00:03:12,657 --> 00:03:14,608
Leonard, I'm at
the police station.
79
00:03:14,610 --> 00:03:15,610
I was robbed.
80
00:03:15,611 --> 00:03:17,194
Th-They took my phone,
81
00:03:17,196 --> 00:03:19,363
my wallet, my iPad, everything.
82
00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:20,564
Oh, my God, are you okay?
83
00:03:20,566 --> 00:03:21,566
No,
84
00:03:21,567 --> 00:03:22,649
I'm not okay.
85
00:03:22,651 --> 00:03:24,534
I-I'm wearing borrowed pants,
86
00:03:24,536 --> 00:03:26,620
I-I don't have I.D.,
87
00:03:26,622 --> 00:03:28,038
and one of the officers here
88
00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:30,540
won't stop calling me
Chicken Legs.
89
00:03:30,542 --> 00:03:31,875
Okay.
90
00:03:31,877 --> 00:03:33,126
Uh, I'll-I'll
come get you.
91
00:03:33,128 --> 00:03:34,077
What's the address?
92
00:03:34,079 --> 00:03:35,128
Hey, what's going on?
Oh.
93
00:03:35,130 --> 00:03:36,713
He got all of
his stuff stolen.
94
00:03:36,715 --> 00:03:37,998
Oh...
95
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,083
Okay...
96
00:03:40,085 --> 00:03:41,251
Sheldon, hang tight.
97
00:03:41,253 --> 00:03:42,919
Hey, do you want me
to bring anything?
98
00:03:42,921 --> 00:03:44,254
Oh, yes, please.
99
00:03:44,256 --> 00:03:45,422
A pair of pants.
100
00:03:45,424 --> 00:03:46,673
And my toothbrush.
101
00:03:46,675 --> 00:03:48,342
Yeah, and my mail.
102
00:03:48,344 --> 00:03:50,260
And a really good comeback
for Chicken Legs,
103
00:03:50,262 --> 00:03:52,346
because “I know you are,
but what am I?”
104
00:03:52,348 --> 00:03:55,015
was met with stony silence.
105
00:03:55,017 --> 00:03:56,900
I'll be there
as soon as I can.
106
00:03:56,902 --> 00:03:58,101
Is he okay?
107
00:03:58,103 --> 00:03:59,820
Yeah, he's fine, he's
just a little rattled.
108
00:03:59,822 --> 00:04:00,679
Oh...
109
00:04:00,703 --> 00:04:01,906
Feel like driving
to Arizona with me?
110
00:04:01,907 --> 00:04:03,240
I can't, I have
that job interview.
111
00:04:03,242 --> 00:04:04,608
Oh, right.
Besides,
112
00:04:04,610 --> 00:04:06,159
I don't need six hours of
“Your hair is different.
113
00:04:06,161 --> 00:04:07,444
“Why did you change your hair?
114
00:04:07,446 --> 00:04:09,946
I'm holding my breath
until your hair grows back.”
115
00:04:10,782 --> 00:04:12,499
All right, fine.
116
00:04:13,468 --> 00:04:14,868
Hey, can you
think of a reason
117
00:04:14,870 --> 00:04:16,249
I shouldn't invite
Amy to come with me?
118
00:04:16,274 --> 00:04:17,006
Nope.
119
00:04:17,006 --> 00:04:19,706
Come on, you didn't even try.
120
00:04:20,875 --> 00:04:22,959
Thanks for the lift.
121
00:04:22,961 --> 00:04:24,294
What's wrong
with your car?
122
00:04:24,296 --> 00:04:27,514
I'm having my windows untinted.
123
00:04:27,516 --> 00:04:29,349
Why?
124
00:04:29,351 --> 00:04:30,717
Got a hot girlfriend now.
125
00:04:30,719 --> 00:04:32,602
I want the haters to know.
126
00:04:32,604 --> 00:04:34,021
What are you talking about?
127
00:04:34,023 --> 00:04:35,639
No one's paying
attention to you.
128
00:04:35,641 --> 00:04:36,973
Wow.
129
00:04:36,975 --> 00:04:39,559
How's that Hater-Ade
taste, bro?
130
00:04:40,812 --> 00:04:42,479
Hey, this isn't
the way to work.
131
00:04:42,481 --> 00:04:45,565
I just want to pop in
and make sure Ma's okay.
132
00:04:45,567 --> 00:04:47,150
I thought Stuart
was looking after her.
133
00:04:47,152 --> 00:04:50,704
He was, but now that her cast
is off, he moved out.
134
00:04:50,706 --> 00:04:52,205
And honestly, I'm kind of glad.
135
00:04:52,207 --> 00:04:53,657
It was getting a little weird.
136
00:04:53,659 --> 00:04:54,875
How so?
137
00:04:54,877 --> 00:04:56,076
I don't know,
they're...
138
00:04:56,078 --> 00:04:58,745
chummy.
139
00:04:58,747 --> 00:05:00,330
Like us?
140
00:05:00,332 --> 00:05:01,832
No, not like us.
141
00:05:01,834 --> 00:05:03,166
Creepy chummy,
142
00:05:03,168 --> 00:05:05,469
like you and your dog.
143
00:05:05,471 --> 00:05:09,056
She feeds him out
of her own mouth?
144
00:05:10,091 --> 00:05:12,259
I mean, he calls
her Debbie,
145
00:05:12,261 --> 00:05:14,428
she calls
him Stewie
146
00:05:14,430 --> 00:05:16,146
and they're all giggly
around each other.
147
00:05:16,148 --> 00:05:18,231
And believe me,
when food goes in that mouth,
148
00:05:18,233 --> 00:05:19,933
it does not come out.
149
00:05:19,935 --> 00:05:21,852
So are you worried
150
00:05:21,854 --> 00:05:24,604
because he's replacing you
as a son
151
00:05:24,606 --> 00:05:27,407
or are you worried because
he's becoming her lover?
152
00:05:27,409 --> 00:05:30,110
First of all, no one can
replace me as a son.
153
00:05:30,112 --> 00:05:31,661
I'm her little matzo ball.
154
00:05:31,663 --> 00:05:33,580
And secondly,
155
00:05:33,582 --> 00:05:35,198
my mother is well past
156
00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:37,784
having any kind of sex life.
157
00:05:37,786 --> 00:05:39,586
Okay, okay.
158
00:05:40,621 --> 00:05:43,206
Although many older women
lead vibrant, active...
159
00:05:43,208 --> 00:05:45,125
I said well past it!
160
00:05:47,712 --> 00:05:50,297
Excuse me,
Officer Hernandez?
161
00:05:50,299 --> 00:05:53,350
Any leads on the person
who stole my belongings?
162
00:05:53,352 --> 00:05:54,384
Not yet.
163
00:05:54,386 --> 00:05:55,552
Well, perhaps I can help.
164
00:05:55,554 --> 00:05:57,437
Sherlock Holmes
always says
165
00:05:57,439 --> 00:06:00,557
when you eliminate
the impossible,
166
00:06:00,559 --> 00:06:02,859
whatever remains,
however improbable,
167
00:06:02,861 --> 00:06:04,194
must be the truth.
168
00:06:04,196 --> 00:06:07,447
Now, have-have you
tried doing that?
169
00:06:07,449 --> 00:06:09,316
Nope.
170
00:06:09,318 --> 00:06:12,903
Well, maybe you should.
171
00:06:12,905 --> 00:06:15,739
Th-Th-There's lots of books
called “Sherlock Holmes”
172
00:06:15,741 --> 00:06:18,408
and there's no books
called “Officer Hernandez.”
173
00:06:24,699 --> 00:06:26,833
Thanks again
for coming.
174
00:06:26,835 --> 00:06:29,219
Six hours was gonna be
a long drive by myself.
175
00:06:29,221 --> 00:06:30,504
My pleasure.
176
00:06:30,506 --> 00:06:33,173
And I'm not angry at all
that my boyfriend
177
00:06:33,175 --> 00:06:35,342
was in trouble
and called you instead of me.
178
00:06:35,344 --> 00:06:36,560
I love that!
179
00:06:38,312 --> 00:06:42,732
Yeah, time's gonna fly by.
180
00:06:43,901 --> 00:06:46,903
I haven't been on a job
interview in years.
181
00:06:46,905 --> 00:06:47,988
I'm really nervous.
182
00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:49,072
Don't be.
183
00:06:49,074 --> 00:06:50,991
You are built for
pharmaceutical sales.
184
00:06:50,993 --> 00:06:53,777
You're cute,
you're flirty and...
185
00:06:53,779 --> 00:06:56,580
Started that like there
were gonna be three things.
186
00:06:57,698 --> 00:07:00,033
I don't have
any experience in sales.
187
00:07:00,035 --> 00:07:02,953
Unless you count the bikini
car wash I did in high school.
188
00:07:02,955 --> 00:07:05,705
But you already made me
take that off my résumé.
189
00:07:07,458 --> 00:07:09,376
This job is a lot
like being a waitress,
190
00:07:09,378 --> 00:07:10,877
except instead of
pushing the fish tacos
191
00:07:10,879 --> 00:07:12,128
'cause they're
about to go bad,
192
00:07:12,130 --> 00:07:14,214
you're just pushing
our antidepressants
193
00:07:14,216 --> 00:07:16,933
before the FDA finds out they
may cause rectal bleeding.
194
00:07:19,220 --> 00:07:20,203
They do?
195
00:07:20,205 --> 00:07:22,639
Maybe.
196
00:07:23,808 --> 00:07:26,142
But like our lawyers say,
the world is full of things
197
00:07:26,144 --> 00:07:28,645
that can cause a
rectum to bleed.
198
00:07:30,147 --> 00:07:31,364
Anyway, I talked
you up to Dan.
199
00:07:31,366 --> 00:07:32,949
He's the guy who'll
be interviewing you.
200
00:07:32,951 --> 00:07:34,317
Oh, I really appreciate this.
201
00:07:34,319 --> 00:07:35,986
I just hope I'm not
in over my head.
202
00:07:35,988 --> 00:07:37,904
You'll be fine.
Just be yourself.
203
00:07:37,906 --> 00:07:39,539
I wish I felt more confident.
Penny,
204
00:07:39,541 --> 00:07:41,157
I wouldn't have put
you up for this job
205
00:07:41,159 --> 00:07:42,325
if I didn't think
you could handle it.
206
00:07:42,327 --> 00:07:44,694
Oh, thank you,
but maybe I should cancel.
207
00:07:44,696 --> 00:07:46,546
It's too late to cancel.
You're going.
208
00:07:46,548 --> 00:07:48,448
But I don't know anything
about pharmaceuticals.
209
00:07:48,450 --> 00:07:49,833
Oh, I understand.
210
00:07:49,835 --> 00:07:51,801
You want to do something
you're already good at.
211
00:07:51,803 --> 00:07:53,053
I know.
212
00:07:53,055 --> 00:07:54,721
Why don't I get
you a job at
213
00:07:54,723 --> 00:07:57,641
the Sitting Around All Day
Wearing Yoga Pants Factory?
214
00:08:01,596 --> 00:08:03,813
They're comfortable.
215
00:08:05,933 --> 00:08:09,352
Ma, I hope you're decent.
Raj is here!
216
00:08:09,354 --> 00:08:10,737
You just started seeing
naked women again,
217
00:08:10,739 --> 00:08:12,405
and I don't want you
to be confused
218
00:08:12,407 --> 00:08:13,857
about where the boobs should be.
219
00:08:15,026 --> 00:08:16,576
Oh, hey, guys.
220
00:08:16,578 --> 00:08:18,028
What are you
doing here?
221
00:08:18,030 --> 00:08:20,780
Uh... w-what are you doing here?
222
00:08:20,782 --> 00:08:21,948
I thought you moved out.
223
00:08:21,950 --> 00:08:23,867
Oh, yeah, I was going to,
224
00:08:23,869 --> 00:08:25,869
and then Debbie
and I got to talking
225
00:08:25,871 --> 00:08:27,454
over dinner
the other night.
226
00:08:27,456 --> 00:08:28,705
I didn't have anyplace to go,
227
00:08:28,707 --> 00:08:30,006
she likes having me around,
228
00:08:30,008 --> 00:08:32,759
so we both said, “Why leave?”
at the same time.
229
00:08:32,761 --> 00:08:33,960
(laughs)
230
00:08:33,962 --> 00:08:36,179
It was precious.
231
00:08:37,265 --> 00:08:39,633
It's not that precious.
232
00:08:39,635 --> 00:08:41,051
I'd like to
back you up,
233
00:08:41,053 --> 00:08:43,103
but it sounds like it
was pretty precious.
234
00:08:47,391 --> 00:08:50,560
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Stewie, I can't find my glasses!
235
00:08:50,562 --> 00:08:52,312
Be right there, Deb Deb!
236
00:08:54,031 --> 00:08:55,565
They're probably on her head.
237
00:08:56,901 --> 00:08:58,735
Or in her neck.
Listen.
238
00:08:59,987 --> 00:09:02,789
You staying here
seems like something
239
00:09:02,791 --> 00:09:04,908
she would've talked
to me about.
240
00:09:04,910 --> 00:09:07,577
Well, maybe if you called your
mother more often, you'd know.
241
00:09:11,132 --> 00:09:13,717
It wouldn't kill you
to pick up the phone.
242
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:21,074
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org
243
00:09:29,166 --> 00:09:31,034
Any word on my
stolen items?
244
00:09:31,036 --> 00:09:33,169
We're doing everything we can.
245
00:09:34,005 --> 00:09:35,672
You know, Sherlock Holmes
246
00:09:35,674 --> 00:09:37,907
liked to use cocaine
to sharpen his focus.
247
00:09:40,878 --> 00:09:44,381
But I'm sure those Cool Ranch
Doritos are doing the trick.
248
00:09:45,816 --> 00:09:47,017
Sheldon.
249
00:09:47,019 --> 00:09:48,618
(gasps)
Leonard!
250
00:09:48,620 --> 00:09:50,971
Oh, I'm so happy
to see you.
251
00:09:50,973 --> 00:09:53,089
Are you okay?
Oh, I'm fine.
252
00:09:53,091 --> 00:09:54,958
Why did you come?
253
00:09:56,427 --> 00:09:58,094
What do you mean,
why did I come?
254
00:09:58,096 --> 00:09:59,179
You're my boyfriend.
255
00:09:59,181 --> 00:10:00,880
I haven't seen you
in over a month.
256
00:10:00,882 --> 00:10:02,882
I just drove six hours
to help you out.
257
00:10:02,884 --> 00:10:04,467
Don't you have
anything to say besides,
258
00:10:04,469 --> 00:10:05,685
“Why did you come?”
259
00:10:06,687 --> 00:10:08,438
I do, but...
260
00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:10,140
I feel uncomfortable
saying it out loud
261
00:10:10,142 --> 00:10:11,891
in front of these
police officers.
262
00:10:13,394 --> 00:10:14,394
Fine.
263
00:10:14,396 --> 00:10:15,612
Whisper it.
264
00:10:20,317 --> 00:10:21,534
Shotgun.
265
00:10:34,262 --> 00:10:36,597
So, Sheldon, tell
us about your trip.
266
00:10:36,599 --> 00:10:38,015
Where'd you go?
267
00:10:38,017 --> 00:10:39,516
Where didn't I go?
268
00:10:39,518 --> 00:10:40,601
I went to New York,
269
00:10:40,603 --> 00:10:43,854
Chicago, Atlanta, Denver,
270
00:10:43,856 --> 00:10:45,322
Seattle.
271
00:10:45,324 --> 00:10:46,824
How were they?
272
00:10:46,826 --> 00:10:48,242
Oh, I have no idea.
273
00:10:48,244 --> 00:10:49,910
I never left
the train station.
274
00:10:51,413 --> 00:10:53,781
Hang on. You traveled
across the entire country
275
00:10:53,783 --> 00:10:55,666
and never left a train station?
276
00:10:55,668 --> 00:10:56,917
Why would I?
277
00:10:56,919 --> 00:10:58,869
That's where
all the cool trains are.
278
00:11:00,338 --> 00:11:02,706
I'm sorry, so you
never went outside?
279
00:11:02,708 --> 00:11:05,426
Or had a single
piece of fruit.
280
00:11:08,847 --> 00:11:09,880
So...
281
00:11:09,882 --> 00:11:11,015
why do you think
you'd make
282
00:11:11,017 --> 00:11:14,268
a good pharmaceutical sales rep?
283
00:11:14,270 --> 00:11:16,303
Well, I'm a people person.
Mm-hmm.
284
00:11:16,305 --> 00:11:17,471
People like me.
285
00:11:17,473 --> 00:11:19,690
Some of my favorite people
are people.
286
00:11:20,692 --> 00:11:22,610
I feel like I'm saying
“people” a lot.
287
00:11:22,612 --> 00:11:25,279
People, people, people, PE...
Okay, I'm done.
288
00:11:25,281 --> 00:11:26,730
You sure?
289
00:11:26,732 --> 00:11:27,898
People.
290
00:11:27,900 --> 00:11:29,867
Yes.
291
00:11:29,869 --> 00:11:31,735
Good!
292
00:11:31,737 --> 00:11:32,870
So, how do you feel
293
00:11:32,872 --> 00:11:34,905
your previous job experience
has prepared you
294
00:11:34,907 --> 00:11:36,824
for a career like this?
295
00:11:36,826 --> 00:11:39,960
Uh, well, as a waitress,
sales was a big part of my job.
296
00:11:39,962 --> 00:11:42,496
I mean, believe me, I convinced
a lot of very large customers,
297
00:11:42,498 --> 00:11:44,048
who should not be
eating cheesecake,
298
00:11:44,050 --> 00:11:45,966
to have more cheesecake.
299
00:11:45,968 --> 00:11:47,251
I mean,
300
00:11:47,253 --> 00:11:49,386
one of those chubsters
even had an insulin pump!
301
00:11:49,388 --> 00:11:52,089
Uh-huh!
302
00:11:53,174 --> 00:11:56,210
I have an insulin pump.
303
00:11:58,396 --> 00:12:00,597
People.
(quiet laugh)
304
00:12:03,184 --> 00:12:04,652
It's weird, right?
305
00:12:04,654 --> 00:12:08,105
A grown man in his 30s
living with my mother.
306
00:12:08,107 --> 00:12:09,440
That is weird.
307
00:12:09,442 --> 00:12:12,576
I thought he was, like, 45.
308
00:12:12,578 --> 00:12:14,611
Come on, you don't think
it's a little odd?
309
00:12:14,613 --> 00:12:16,747
I don't know!
I mean, she's lonely.
310
00:12:16,749 --> 00:12:18,115
He needs a place to stay.
311
00:12:18,117 --> 00:12:20,084
I doubt there's
any funny business going on.
312
00:12:20,086 --> 00:12:21,335
And even if there was,
313
00:12:21,337 --> 00:12:22,703
who cares?
They're both adults.
314
00:12:22,705 --> 00:12:24,288
“Who cares”?!
You wouldn't care
315
00:12:24,290 --> 00:12:26,256
if I slept with your mom?
316
00:12:26,258 --> 00:12:27,958
You know what?
You're my best friend,
317
00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:29,293
and she's in a bad marriage.
318
00:12:29,295 --> 00:12:31,378
I give you my blessing.
319
00:12:31,380 --> 00:12:33,630
This is stupid.
320
00:12:33,632 --> 00:12:36,967
I'm just gonna call my mother
and be honest with her.
321
00:12:36,969 --> 00:12:39,770
'Cause that's
what little matzo balls do.
322
00:12:41,890 --> 00:12:43,857
(line ringing)
323
00:12:43,859 --> 00:12:44,975
STUART:
This is Debbie!
324
00:12:44,977 --> 00:12:46,310
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
And this is Stuart!
325
00:12:46,312 --> 00:12:49,980
BOTH:
Just kidding!
326
00:12:49,982 --> 00:12:52,950
STUART:
Leave a message!
327
00:12:52,952 --> 00:12:55,119
(beeps)
328
00:12:56,287 --> 00:12:59,373
(whispers):
This is the part where you talk.
329
00:13:01,743 --> 00:13:03,827
All right, let's say
a physician was prescribing
330
00:13:03,829 --> 00:13:06,246
one of our competitor's drugs.
331
00:13:06,248 --> 00:13:08,298
How would you convince them
to switch to ours?
332
00:13:12,921 --> 00:13:15,155
Um...
333
00:13:15,157 --> 00:13:16,890
any chance his car needs
334
00:13:16,892 --> 00:13:20,227
to be washed by a girl
in a bikini?
335
00:13:20,879 --> 00:13:23,230
(quietly):
No...
336
00:13:23,232 --> 00:13:25,566
Okay, I'm really sorry
for wasting your time.
337
00:13:25,568 --> 00:13:28,152
Don't worry about it.
Thanks for stopping by.
338
00:13:28,154 --> 00:13:30,354
Okay, thanks.
339
00:13:31,740 --> 00:13:34,658
Um, I'm sor...
Listen, could you do me a favor
340
00:13:34,660 --> 00:13:37,528
and not tell Bernadette
how badly I blew this interview?
341
00:13:37,530 --> 00:13:38,846
She'll get upset.
342
00:13:38,848 --> 00:13:42,616
And honestly I'm a...
a little terrified of her.
343
00:13:42,618 --> 00:13:46,086
Wait, wait.
You're scared of Bernadette?
344
00:13:46,088 --> 00:13:47,704
Yeah, kind of.
345
00:13:47,706 --> 00:13:51,208
I thought it was just me!
346
00:13:53,128 --> 00:13:54,678
E-Everyone thinks she's so nice
347
00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:58,015
with that squeaky little voice.
348
00:13:58,017 --> 00:13:59,900
I know, but she's
kind of a bully!
349
00:13:59,902 --> 00:14:01,969
(stammers)
She is!
350
00:14:01,971 --> 00:14:03,470
I-I didn't even want
to meet you,
351
00:14:03,472 --> 00:14:07,057
but, uh, I was too scared
to say no to her.
352
00:14:07,059 --> 00:14:08,692
Me, too!
353
00:14:08,694 --> 00:14:10,394
Yeah, yeah!
One-one time, I had...
354
00:14:10,396 --> 00:14:12,062
Oh! (laughs)
I had to tell her
355
00:14:12,064 --> 00:14:13,564
we were cutting
the-the research funding
356
00:14:13,566 --> 00:14:15,315
for one of the drugs
she was developing.
357
00:14:15,317 --> 00:14:16,567
What happened?
358
00:14:16,569 --> 00:14:18,152
I couldn't do it!
359
00:14:18,154 --> 00:14:20,237
She's still working on it!
(laughs)
360
00:14:20,239 --> 00:14:22,573
(laughing)
361
00:14:23,541 --> 00:14:24,708
Oh!
362
00:14:24,710 --> 00:14:26,577
We're not gonna tell her
about this, right?
363
00:14:26,579 --> 00:14:28,912
Oh, my God, no!
No, no...
364
00:14:30,081 --> 00:14:32,382
At the hot dog stand
in the Denver train station--
365
00:14:32,384 --> 00:14:34,051
Heinz ketchup.
366
00:14:34,053 --> 00:14:35,219
At the hot dog stand
367
00:14:35,221 --> 00:14:36,753
in the Salt Lake City
train station--
368
00:14:36,755 --> 00:14:38,172
Heinz ketchup.
369
00:14:38,174 --> 00:14:41,809
At the hot dog stand in the
Indianapolis train station...
370
00:14:43,144 --> 00:14:45,729
I don't care.
371
00:14:47,599 --> 00:14:49,266
Wrong! Hunt's!
372
00:14:50,685 --> 00:14:52,102
Hey, Amy!
What do you say?
373
00:14:52,104 --> 00:14:54,321
You ready to move on
to the mustard round?
374
00:14:54,323 --> 00:14:57,191
Have you not noticed that
I've been sitting back here
375
00:14:57,193 --> 00:14:59,693
quietly stewing for
the past two hours?
376
00:15:00,528 --> 00:15:02,996
I just thought
you were bad at the game.
377
00:15:04,249 --> 00:15:05,999
I'm mad at you!
378
00:15:06,868 --> 00:15:08,502
How could you just
go away like that
379
00:15:08,504 --> 00:15:09,703
without even
saying good-bye,
380
00:15:09,705 --> 00:15:12,122
and then call Leonard
for help instead of me?
381
00:15:14,843 --> 00:15:15,959
Amy?
382
00:15:15,961 --> 00:15:18,128
May I please have
a moment of privacy
383
00:15:18,130 --> 00:15:20,264
to speak with my roommate?
384
00:15:20,266 --> 00:15:23,517
We're in a moving car!
385
00:15:25,553 --> 00:15:26,970
What do you expect me to do?
386
00:15:26,972 --> 00:15:29,022
Stick my fingers in my ears?
387
00:15:29,024 --> 00:15:30,691
Well, I was thinking
put your head out the window
388
00:15:30,693 --> 00:15:32,192
like a dog, but that'll work.
389
00:15:33,311 --> 00:15:35,112
Please? This'll be quick.
390
00:15:39,951 --> 00:15:41,568
Leonard?
391
00:15:41,570 --> 00:15:43,036
As soon as we get home,
392
00:15:43,038 --> 00:15:45,405
I want to have coitus with Amy.
393
00:15:52,664 --> 00:15:54,381
Okay, she can't hear.
394
00:15:57,335 --> 00:15:59,336
The reason I called you
395
00:15:59,338 --> 00:16:01,755
is because I didn't want Amy
396
00:16:01,757 --> 00:16:04,391
to know I couldn't make it
on my own.
397
00:16:04,393 --> 00:16:06,426
What's the big deal?
398
00:16:06,428 --> 00:16:08,896
Oh, of course it's
no big deal to you.
399
00:16:08,898 --> 00:16:11,398
You idolize me,
and nothing could ever knock me
400
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:13,600
off that pedestal you put me on.
401
00:16:13,602 --> 00:16:15,686
Well, yeah, it's true.
402
00:16:15,688 --> 00:16:17,571
You-you are a god to me.
403
00:16:18,773 --> 00:16:20,357
Can I stop now?
404
00:16:20,359 --> 00:16:23,193
Just tell her.
405
00:16:24,245 --> 00:16:26,580
I called Leonard because...
406
00:16:26,582 --> 00:16:28,582
I failed.
407
00:16:28,584 --> 00:16:31,919
And I didn't want you
to think less of me.
408
00:16:32,754 --> 00:16:34,922
You were worried about that?
409
00:16:36,257 --> 00:16:38,458
Yes.
410
00:16:40,511 --> 00:16:42,879
Sheldon...
411
00:16:42,881 --> 00:16:46,383
it's okay with me that
you're not perfect.
412
00:16:50,305 --> 00:16:53,807
Can I have one more moment
with Leonard?
413
00:16:53,809 --> 00:16:56,026
Sure.
414
00:17:03,067 --> 00:17:06,536
Amy just hurt my feelings.
I want to break up with her.
415
00:17:09,290 --> 00:17:12,042
Now, I never thought
I'd say this, but I'm
416
00:17:12,044 --> 00:17:15,245
kind of excited to see Sheldon.
417
00:17:15,247 --> 00:17:18,498
I never thought I'd say this,
but Penny got a job today.
418
00:17:19,384 --> 00:17:20,784
She did?
419
00:17:20,786 --> 00:17:22,252
Well, the only reason she got it
420
00:17:22,254 --> 00:17:25,222
is 'cause the guy
who interviewed her loves me.
421
00:17:25,224 --> 00:17:26,974
(knocking)
422
00:17:27,925 --> 00:17:30,093
(clears throat)
423
00:17:31,095 --> 00:17:33,263
What do you want?
424
00:17:33,265 --> 00:17:36,149
I, uh, kind of got the feeling
425
00:17:36,151 --> 00:17:39,102
you might not be okay with me
staying at your mom's.
426
00:17:39,104 --> 00:17:40,354
You're right, I'm not.
427
00:17:40,356 --> 00:17:41,738
I think it's weird.
428
00:17:41,740 --> 00:17:42,773
Howie?
429
00:17:42,775 --> 00:17:44,074
It is. He's a grown man.
430
00:17:44,076 --> 00:17:45,659
He's just gonna
live there rent-free?
431
00:17:45,661 --> 00:17:46,943
How is that gonna motivate him
432
00:17:46,945 --> 00:17:49,079
to get off his butt
and get a job?
433
00:17:49,081 --> 00:17:52,032
I mean, do you even have a plan?
434
00:17:52,034 --> 00:17:54,501
Hey, you're not my father, okay?
435
00:17:54,503 --> 00:17:56,620
And besides, your mother
and I were talking...
436
00:17:56,622 --> 00:17:58,789
“Your mother and I”?
You're not my father!
437
00:17:58,791 --> 00:17:59,956
I didn't say I was your father!
438
00:17:59,958 --> 00:18:01,008
Well, I didn't say
439
00:18:01,010 --> 00:18:02,709
I was your father!
Okay, calm down.
440
00:18:02,711 --> 00:18:04,678
You're not his father,
he's not your father!
441
00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:07,547
Nobody's anybody's father.
442
00:18:07,549 --> 00:18:09,266
I-I'm sorry
you don't like my life choices,
443
00:18:09,268 --> 00:18:10,634
but it's my life!
444
00:18:10,636 --> 00:18:12,936
Well, it's my house,
it's my rules!
445
00:18:12,938 --> 00:18:14,971
Oh-oh! Okay, Dad!
446
00:18:14,973 --> 00:18:17,607
If I mow the lawn,
can I have my allowance?
447
00:18:17,609 --> 00:18:19,693
Hey, don't you take that
sarcastic tone with him!
448
00:18:19,695 --> 00:18:21,061
I don't have
to listen to you!
449
00:18:21,063 --> 00:18:22,312
Don't talk to her like that!
450
00:18:22,314 --> 00:18:23,897
That is my mother... Wife!
451
00:18:23,899 --> 00:18:25,816
My wife! I said my wife!
452
00:18:25,818 --> 00:18:27,484
You know what?
453
00:18:27,486 --> 00:18:28,869
This isn't getting us anywhere.
454
00:18:28,871 --> 00:18:31,571
When you're ready to apologize,
you know where to find me.
455
00:18:31,573 --> 00:18:33,824
Well, yeah, in my house!
456
00:18:33,826 --> 00:18:35,992
That's right, sucka!
457
00:18:38,996 --> 00:18:41,548
I wish I'd never
gone on that trip.
458
00:18:41,550 --> 00:18:44,167
I feel no better now
than when I left.
459
00:18:44,169 --> 00:18:45,669
But you still
accomplished something.
460
00:18:45,671 --> 00:18:47,387
Yeah. If you had
told anyone
461
00:18:47,389 --> 00:18:49,556
that you were going away
on a train by yourself
462
00:18:49,558 --> 00:18:52,175
across the country, do you
know what they would have said?
463
00:18:52,177 --> 00:18:54,177
That I couldn't do it?
Exactly.
464
00:18:54,179 --> 00:18:56,897
Right after they said, “Yay!”
465
00:18:58,182 --> 00:18:59,766
But you did do it.
466
00:18:59,768 --> 00:19:01,852
So what if it didn't
all go your way?
467
00:19:01,854 --> 00:19:04,154
That's what makes it
an adventure.
468
00:19:04,156 --> 00:19:06,156
That's a good point.
469
00:19:06,158 --> 00:19:09,776
Yeah, I'm a lot like
Gandalf the Grey.
470
00:19:09,778 --> 00:19:11,995
He fought the Balrog and emerged
471
00:19:11,997 --> 00:19:14,614
stronger than ever
as Gandalf the White.
472
00:19:14,616 --> 00:19:17,200
I was robbed
of my phone and pants,
473
00:19:17,202 --> 00:19:19,536
and I, too,
came back stronger.
474
00:19:19,538 --> 00:19:21,421
And whiter, too,
'cause I wasn't
475
00:19:21,423 --> 00:19:24,291
in direct sunlight
for six weeks.
476
00:19:24,293 --> 00:19:27,544
See? This trip
was good for you.
477
00:19:27,546 --> 00:19:29,096
Indeed.
478
00:19:29,098 --> 00:19:32,382
I was the world's
smartest caterpillar.
479
00:19:32,384 --> 00:19:36,219
And then after pupating
in our nation's railway system,
480
00:19:36,221 --> 00:19:37,721
I've burst forth
481
00:19:37,723 --> 00:19:40,941
as the world's
smartest butterfly.
482
00:19:41,893 --> 00:19:43,059
Butterfly could've
gotten himself
483
00:19:43,061 --> 00:19:45,612
home from Arizona.
484
00:19:47,031 --> 00:19:48,565
Yeah, I feel renewed.
485
00:19:48,567 --> 00:19:49,567
I'm ready
486
00:19:49,568 --> 00:19:50,700
to deal with any changes
487
00:19:50,702 --> 00:19:52,068
that come my way.
488
00:19:52,553 --> 00:19:54,404
Hey!
Hey!
489
00:19:54,406 --> 00:19:55,906
Look who's back!
490
00:19:55,908 --> 00:19:57,491
Your hair is different.
You changed your hair.
491
00:19:57,493 --> 00:19:59,976
I can't take this.
I'm out.
492
00:20:07,850 --> 00:20:09,901
Would you like to see pictures
from my trip?
493
00:20:09,903 --> 00:20:11,435
I thought your
phone got stolen.
494
00:20:11,437 --> 00:20:13,321
Yeah, it did,
but luckily all my photos
495
00:20:13,323 --> 00:20:15,423
got backed up to the Cloud.
496
00:20:15,425 --> 00:20:18,693
And you thought they
all had a silver lining.
497
00:20:18,695 --> 00:20:20,111
Here-- day one.
498
00:20:20,113 --> 00:20:21,462
Uh, this was the seat
499
00:20:21,464 --> 00:20:23,281
I was going to sit in but didn't
500
00:20:23,283 --> 00:20:26,033
because there were
cracker crumbs on it.
501
00:20:26,035 --> 00:20:29,387
As it was first class,
I suspect Ritz.
502
00:20:30,722 --> 00:20:33,908
This is the train bathroom.
503
00:20:33,910 --> 00:20:35,576
This is the Imodium I took
504
00:20:35,578 --> 00:20:38,312
so I would never have
to use the train bathroom.
505
00:20:38,314 --> 00:20:40,031
I cannot believe
506
00:20:40,033 --> 00:20:41,465
you traveled the
entire country
507
00:20:41,467 --> 00:20:42,934
and never left
the train station.
508
00:20:42,936 --> 00:20:44,886
I know.
You know, I almost died
509
00:20:44,888 --> 00:20:47,972
in a fire in Des Moines,
but I stayed put.
510
00:20:47,974 --> 00:20:49,640
FYI--
511
00:20:49,642 --> 00:20:51,409
that's when
the Imodium gave out.
512
00:20:51,411 --> 00:20:57,411
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
512
00:20:58,305 --> 00:21:58,843
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