1
00:00:02,630 --> 00:00:03,914
I don't know why I avoided
2
00:00:03,916 --> 00:00:05,499
the Harry Potter books
for so long.
3
00:00:05,501 --> 00:00:06,917
These are great.
4
00:00:06,919 --> 00:00:08,886
I just started number six.
5
00:00:08,888 --> 00:00:10,304
That's a good one.
6
00:00:10,306 --> 00:00:12,005
Dumbledore dies in that one.
7
00:00:14,392 --> 00:00:17,811
Yeah, I know,
I didn't see it coming, either.
8
00:00:17,813 --> 00:00:20,264
Why would you say that?
9
00:00:20,266 --> 00:00:21,498
You brought up
the subject.
10
00:00:21,500 --> 00:00:23,834
I contributed an interesting
fact on that subject.
11
00:00:23,836 --> 00:00:25,853
It's called the art
of conversation.
12
00:00:25,855 --> 00:00:27,404
Okay, your turn.
13
00:00:28,890 --> 00:00:30,908
That was a huge spoiler.
14
00:00:30,910 --> 00:00:32,676
Good.
15
00:00:32,678 --> 00:00:35,195
What is wrong with you?
16
00:00:35,197 --> 00:00:37,748
If I did that, you'd bitch
about it for weeks.
17
00:00:37,750 --> 00:00:39,199
Oh, really, Leonard?
Are you going to have
18
00:00:39,201 --> 00:00:40,150
another one of your hissy fits?
19
00:00:40,152 --> 00:00:43,153
Hissy fits?
I have hissy fits?
20
00:00:43,155 --> 00:00:45,539
Yes, and I have a theory why.
21
00:00:45,541 --> 00:00:47,925
Because of
your lactose intolerance,
22
00:00:47,927 --> 00:00:49,593
you switched over to soy milk.
23
00:00:49,595 --> 00:00:51,145
Soy contains
24
00:00:51,147 --> 00:00:53,163
estrogen-mimicking compounds.
25
00:00:53,165 --> 00:00:55,432
I think your morning Cocoa Puffs
26
00:00:55,434 --> 00:00:58,552
are turning you
into a hysterical woman.
27
00:01:02,090 --> 00:01:04,024
You are unbelievable.
28
00:01:04,026 --> 00:01:06,059
I don't know why
I put up with you.
29
00:01:06,061 --> 00:01:08,178
You're controlling,
you're irritating...
30
00:01:08,180 --> 00:01:10,564
There you go again--
nag, nag, nag.
31
00:01:11,616 --> 00:01:13,567
You're only proving my point,
little lady.
32
00:01:13,569 --> 00:01:16,520
You know what?
Screw you, Sheldon.
33
00:01:16,522 --> 00:01:19,123
You are the most annoying person
I have ever met.
34
00:01:19,125 --> 00:01:20,524
What? I'm annoying?
35
00:01:20,526 --> 00:01:22,793
You criticize my behavior
all the time.
36
00:01:22,795 --> 00:01:25,329
"Sheldon, don't talk
about your bowel movements
37
00:01:25,331 --> 00:01:26,863
over breakfast."
38
00:01:28,032 --> 00:01:29,666
"Sheldon, when the president
of the university
39
00:01:29,668 --> 00:01:31,552
"is giving a eulogy
at a funeral,
40
00:01:31,554 --> 00:01:33,837
don't yawn
and point at your watch."
41
00:01:33,839 --> 00:01:35,973
"Sheldon,
don't throw away my shirts
42
00:01:35,975 --> 00:01:37,224
'cause you think they're ugly."
43
00:01:37,226 --> 00:01:38,509
You're impossible.
44
00:01:38,511 --> 00:01:39,876
That's it. I don't...
45
00:01:39,878 --> 00:01:41,645
I don't have to
put up with this.
46
00:01:41,647 --> 00:01:43,964
Actually, I have your signature
on a roommate agreement
47
00:01:43,966 --> 00:01:45,382
that says you do.
48
00:01:45,384 --> 00:01:46,883
Aw.
49
00:01:46,885 --> 00:01:49,520
Here's what I think
of your roommate agreement.
50
00:01:49,522 --> 00:01:50,988
(gasps)
51
00:01:53,041 --> 00:01:55,409
You pick that up right now.
No.
52
00:01:55,411 --> 00:01:57,828
Roommate agreement,
section 27, paragraph 5:
53
00:01:57,830 --> 00:01:59,780
The roommate agreement,
like the American flag,
54
00:01:59,782 --> 00:02:02,166
cannot touch the ground.
55
00:02:02,168 --> 00:02:04,401
I don't care.
56
00:02:04,403 --> 00:02:07,754
I don't have to do
anything you say because...
57
00:02:07,756 --> 00:02:10,707
I don't think I want
to live here anymore.
58
00:02:10,709 --> 00:02:11,975
Where are you going?
59
00:02:11,977 --> 00:02:14,578
To live with Penny and not you,
you crazy bastard.
60
00:02:14,580 --> 00:02:17,531
Crazy bastard?
Yes.
61
00:02:17,533 --> 00:02:19,583
Leonard, wait.
What?
62
00:02:20,351 --> 00:02:22,186
Dobby the elf dies
in book seven.
63
00:02:26,774 --> 00:02:30,427
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
64
00:02:30,429 --> 00:02:34,231
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
65
00:02:34,233 --> 00:02:35,866
♪ The Earth began to cool
66
00:02:35,868 --> 00:02:38,285
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
67
00:02:38,287 --> 00:02:40,621
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
68
00:02:40,623 --> 00:02:43,073
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
69
00:02:43,075 --> 00:02:45,108
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
70
00:02:45,110 --> 00:02:46,944
♪ Bang! ♪
71
00:02:46,945 --> 00:02:50,945
♪ The Big Bang Theory 6x15 ♪
The Spoiler Alert Segmentation
Original Air Date on February 7, 2013
72
00:02:50,970 --> 00:02:55,970
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
73
00:02:56,482 --> 00:02:57,499
Here you go.
74
00:02:57,501 --> 00:02:59,167
Great. Come on in.
75
00:02:59,169 --> 00:03:00,485
What, you don't say thank you?
76
00:03:00,487 --> 00:03:01,787
It's my suitcase.
77
00:03:01,789 --> 00:03:04,289
I lent it to you two years ago.
78
00:03:04,291 --> 00:03:05,624
Well, then, I should tell you
79
00:03:05,626 --> 00:03:07,376
I broke the wheel
and the handle.
80
00:03:10,847 --> 00:03:13,181
So, is everyone
from Bernadette's company
81
00:03:13,183 --> 00:03:14,332
going to Vegas?
82
00:03:14,334 --> 00:03:17,219
No, just me, her
and a couple of the big wigs.
83
00:03:17,221 --> 00:03:18,854
It's part of a bonus she got.
84
00:03:18,856 --> 00:03:21,223
Cool. Did she discover
a cure for something?
85
00:03:21,225 --> 00:03:22,307
Not exactly.
86
00:03:22,309 --> 00:03:24,226
They spent a ton of
money developing this
87
00:03:24,228 --> 00:03:26,478
dandruff medication
that had the side effect
88
00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:28,480
of horrible anal leakage.
89
00:03:31,067 --> 00:03:33,285
Is there a good
anal leakage?
90
00:03:35,688 --> 00:03:37,873
Anyway, it was
Bernie's idea
91
00:03:37,875 --> 00:03:39,958
to rebrand the stuff as a
cure for constipation.
92
00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:41,209
(chuckles)
93
00:03:41,211 --> 00:03:43,628
Way to make lemonade.
94
00:03:43,630 --> 00:03:46,531
You know, from around the
corner where fudge is made.
95
00:03:49,252 --> 00:03:51,670
Hey, I got a favor to ask.
96
00:03:51,672 --> 00:03:53,422
Sure.
97
00:03:53,424 --> 00:03:55,424
My mom's been kind of
an emotional wreck
98
00:03:55,426 --> 00:03:58,427
since that dentist
she was dating dumped her.
99
00:03:58,429 --> 00:04:00,345
Dumped her?
What, did he use a forklift?
100
00:04:00,347 --> 00:04:01,596
(laughing)
101
00:04:04,216 --> 00:04:05,851
Sorry.
102
00:04:05,853 --> 00:04:08,437
There's nothing funny
about morbid obesity.
103
00:04:08,439 --> 00:04:10,055
She's huge. It was funny.
104
00:04:10,057 --> 00:04:11,106
(laughing)
105
00:04:11,108 --> 00:04:12,441
Anyway, I was
just hoping
106
00:04:12,443 --> 00:04:15,060
that maybe you could check in
on her tomorrow night
107
00:04:15,062 --> 00:04:17,079
and make sure she's doing okay.
108
00:04:17,081 --> 00:04:19,731
Dude, I'm a single man.
109
00:04:19,733 --> 00:04:22,918
Saturday night
is my party night.
110
00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:25,370
Really?
What do you got going on?
111
00:04:25,372 --> 00:04:27,622
I don't know,
maybe drive down to Hollywood,
112
00:04:27,624 --> 00:04:30,292
hit a few hot spots,
see if I can get lucky.
113
00:04:30,294 --> 00:04:32,377
Okay, tell me
if this sounds familiar.
114
00:04:32,379 --> 00:04:33,912
(clears throat)
115
00:04:33,914 --> 00:04:36,247
You pay $15 to park,
116
00:04:36,249 --> 00:04:37,849
you stand on the sidewalk
for an hour
117
00:04:37,851 --> 00:04:39,551
until you break down
and give the bouncer
118
00:04:39,553 --> 00:04:40,685
20 bucks to let you in.
119
00:04:40,687 --> 00:04:42,187
You push your
way to the bar,
120
00:04:42,189 --> 00:04:44,306
where you drink
an $18 cosmopolitan,
121
00:04:44,308 --> 00:04:46,424
then you stare at a pretty girl
122
00:04:46,426 --> 00:04:48,560
and imagine your perfect life
together.
123
00:04:48,562 --> 00:04:49,861
Your children, grandchildren.
124
00:04:49,863 --> 00:04:51,613
Meanwhile, she leaves
with a guy who claims
125
00:04:51,615 --> 00:04:53,765
he wrote
Beverly Hills Chihuahua.
126
00:04:54,784 --> 00:04:56,651
Then you give up
on anyone ever loving you,
127
00:04:56,653 --> 00:04:58,103
go to Marie Callender's,
buy a pie
128
00:04:58,105 --> 00:05:01,873
and eat it in your car
in the parking lot.
129
00:05:02,809 --> 00:05:04,576
What time should I be
at your mother's?
130
00:05:04,578 --> 00:05:07,329
I told her around 7:00.
131
00:05:08,464 --> 00:05:10,999
I swear, that man is
the most egotistical,
132
00:05:11,001 --> 00:05:13,118
insufferable human
being I have ever met.
133
00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:15,921
Yeah, but you two make
such a cute couple.
134
00:05:17,807 --> 00:05:19,758
Like Burt and Ernie.
135
00:05:20,810 --> 00:05:24,729
You guys even teach me stuff
about words and numbers.
136
00:05:24,731 --> 00:05:26,731
Well, I've had it.
I am done.
137
00:05:26,733 --> 00:05:28,967
I can't... I can't live with him
for one more minute.
138
00:05:28,969 --> 00:05:30,852
Wow. Where are you going to go?
139
00:05:30,854 --> 00:05:33,121
I was thinking
here with you.
140
00:05:35,491 --> 00:05:37,442
Oh.
141
00:05:37,444 --> 00:05:39,477
That a problem?
142
00:05:39,479 --> 00:05:40,796
No, not at all.
143
00:05:40,798 --> 00:05:41,813
No, it's-it's great.
144
00:05:41,815 --> 00:05:43,081
It's terrific. I...
145
00:05:43,083 --> 00:05:45,650
You know, I just can't help
feel bad about Sheldon.
146
00:05:45,652 --> 00:05:46,651
I mean...
147
00:05:46,653 --> 00:05:49,037
how's he going to get by
without you?
148
00:05:49,039 --> 00:05:51,923
Ernie.
149
00:05:51,925 --> 00:05:53,708
He's got Amy now.
150
00:05:53,710 --> 00:05:56,161
Yeah, he does,
but it's not the same.
151
00:05:56,163 --> 00:05:57,429
Why?
152
00:05:58,381 --> 00:06:00,465
Um...
153
00:06:00,467 --> 00:06:02,017
Well, um, all right.
154
00:06:02,019 --> 00:06:04,352
You-you know how in Harry Potter
and the Half-Blood Prince,
155
00:06:04,354 --> 00:06:05,854
Ron didn't abandon Harry
just because
156
00:06:05,856 --> 00:06:07,556
Harry started
dating Ron's sister?
157
00:06:07,558 --> 00:06:10,592
Harry and Ginny
get together?
158
00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:16,531
Sorry.
Spoiler alert.
159
00:06:16,533 --> 00:06:19,517
My point is, as much
as I want to live with you,
160
00:06:19,519 --> 00:06:21,987
I can't do it knowing
how much Sheldon needs you.
161
00:06:21,989 --> 00:06:23,839
Please, the only
thing he needs me for
162
00:06:23,841 --> 00:06:25,407
is to be his whipping boy,
163
00:06:25,409 --> 00:06:27,709
his-his stooge, his doormat.
164
00:06:27,711 --> 00:06:30,528
Well, you know what they say:
if it ain't broke...
165
00:06:32,364 --> 00:06:33,832
Wow.
166
00:06:33,834 --> 00:06:36,418
It sounds to me like you don't
want us to live together.
167
00:06:36,420 --> 00:06:37,786
No. No, no, I do.
168
00:06:37,788 --> 00:06:39,204
I do. It's just...
169
00:06:39,206 --> 00:06:41,539
I mean, it's a really big step.
170
00:06:41,541 --> 00:06:42,540
Is it?
171
00:06:42,542 --> 00:06:43,708
We're together all the time.
172
00:06:43,710 --> 00:06:45,143
Financially,
it makes great sense.
173
00:06:45,145 --> 00:06:47,679
Can you think of one reason
why we shouldn't do this?
174
00:06:48,848 --> 00:06:51,516
Well... um...
175
00:06:51,518 --> 00:06:55,570
I'm just a little thirsty.
Yeah.
176
00:06:59,358 --> 00:07:01,776
I got nothing.
177
00:07:01,778 --> 00:07:03,328
Great. I'll go get my stuff.
178
00:07:03,330 --> 00:07:05,947
(laughs nervously)
Yeah.
179
00:07:07,867 --> 00:07:10,568
Okay, all right,
don't freak out.
180
00:07:10,570 --> 00:07:12,837
You can make this work.
181
00:07:12,839 --> 00:07:15,240
Oh, could you clear off
a shelf for me in the bathroom?
182
00:07:15,242 --> 00:07:17,676
I take a lot of medicine.
183
00:07:18,511 --> 00:07:21,596
Oh, please let
some of it be Xanax.
184
00:07:25,051 --> 00:07:27,936
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Are you ready for dessert?
185
00:07:27,938 --> 00:07:29,971
(grunts)
186
00:07:29,973 --> 00:07:31,773
No, thank you, Mrs. Wolowitz.
187
00:07:31,775 --> 00:07:34,826
As it is, I'm going to have
to carry my stomach out of here
188
00:07:34,828 --> 00:07:37,428
like I'm a fireman
rescuing an infant.
189
00:07:39,265 --> 00:07:40,232
Oh, please.
190
00:07:40,234 --> 00:07:43,718
You're a tall glass
of brown water.
191
00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:45,120
Have dessert.
192
00:07:45,122 --> 00:07:46,821
Well, I-I really couldn't.
193
00:07:46,823 --> 00:07:49,074
But, uh, I've had a lovely time
eating your brisket
194
00:07:49,076 --> 00:07:51,576
and hearing about the things
you've had removed
195
00:07:51,578 --> 00:07:53,912
from your body over the years.
196
00:07:53,914 --> 00:07:57,115
Didn't know you could have
a cyst inside another cyst.
197
00:07:58,167 --> 00:08:00,936
The doctor said they were
like Russian nesting dolls.
198
00:08:00,938 --> 00:08:04,256
Well, if you have to go,
199
00:08:04,258 --> 00:08:07,592
how about I put a little
doggie bag together for you?
200
00:08:07,594 --> 00:08:09,761
That would be lovely.
Thank you.
201
00:08:09,763 --> 00:08:11,913
(Mrs. Wolowitz sobbing)
202
00:08:14,066 --> 00:08:16,217
Mrs. Wolowitz, uh...
203
00:08:16,219 --> 00:08:18,103
are you okay?
204
00:08:18,105 --> 00:08:19,271
Don't mind me.
205
00:08:19,273 --> 00:08:21,139
I just cry
when I'm lonely
206
00:08:21,141 --> 00:08:23,758
and have nothing
to live for.
207
00:08:28,714 --> 00:08:30,749
I, uh...
208
00:08:30,751 --> 00:08:33,084
I suppose I could stay
for some dessert.
209
00:08:33,086 --> 00:08:35,186
Great. You like
chocolate chip cheesecake?
210
00:08:35,188 --> 00:08:36,554
Sure.
211
00:08:36,556 --> 00:08:38,757
I'll make one.
212
00:08:41,260 --> 00:08:45,096
One vintage Mr. Mxyzptlk
action figure.
213
00:08:45,098 --> 00:08:46,464
That's Leonard's.
214
00:08:46,466 --> 00:08:49,267
Children's toy.
215
00:08:49,269 --> 00:08:52,604
One Star Trek:
The Next Generation phaser.
216
00:08:52,606 --> 00:08:53,972
That's Leonard's.
217
00:08:53,974 --> 00:08:57,058
Children's toy.
218
00:08:57,060 --> 00:09:01,313
One Game of Thrones collector's
edition Longclaw sword.
219
00:09:01,315 --> 00:09:04,199
Oh... Leonard and I
bought that together.
220
00:09:04,201 --> 00:09:07,369
That's a bit
of an ethical conundrum.
221
00:09:08,237 --> 00:09:10,872
Eh, I'll keep it.
222
00:09:10,874 --> 00:09:13,358
So, uh, what's your plan
moving forward?
223
00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:16,961
Uh, suppose I'll have to find
and cultivate a new roommate.
224
00:09:16,963 --> 00:09:18,880
What a task
that will be.
225
00:09:18,882 --> 00:09:22,550
Do you know how uncivilized
Leonard was when I took him in?
226
00:09:22,552 --> 00:09:24,235
No.
227
00:09:24,237 --> 00:09:28,423
Oh, it took me forever to get
him on a bathroom schedule.
228
00:09:28,425 --> 00:09:32,043
He would just go
whenever the mood struck him.
229
00:09:32,045 --> 00:09:33,878
Like a dog-boy.
230
00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:35,880
Exactly.
231
00:09:35,882 --> 00:09:37,515
What if you could
find a roommate
232
00:09:37,517 --> 00:09:39,267
who was a scientist
233
00:09:39,269 --> 00:09:42,103
and already familiar
and comfortable with your ways?
234
00:09:42,105 --> 00:09:43,671
That would be ideal.
235
00:09:43,673 --> 00:09:45,340
If a person like that existed,
236
00:09:45,342 --> 00:09:48,026
I would sign on,
no further questions asked.
237
00:09:48,861 --> 00:09:51,446
Great. Here I am!
238
00:09:56,535 --> 00:09:58,253
Wait.
239
00:09:58,255 --> 00:10:00,238
Here who is where?
240
00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:02,290
Me.
241
00:10:02,292 --> 00:10:05,093
Aren't I your
perfect roommate?
242
00:10:05,095 --> 00:10:07,078
Um...
243
00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:08,380
Think about it, Sheldon.
244
00:10:08,382 --> 00:10:09,514
I'm not a stranger,
245
00:10:09,516 --> 00:10:11,132
we're intellectually
compatible,
246
00:10:11,134 --> 00:10:13,251
I'm willing to chauffeur
you around town,
247
00:10:13,253 --> 00:10:14,519
and your personality quirks,
248
00:10:14,521 --> 00:10:16,471
which others find abhorrent
or rage-inducing,
249
00:10:16,473 --> 00:10:18,223
I find cute as a button.
250
00:10:19,442 --> 00:10:21,359
What do you think?
251
00:10:27,149 --> 00:10:29,284
Um...
252
00:10:29,286 --> 00:10:32,570
Tell me one reason why this
isn't a fantastic idea.
253
00:10:32,572 --> 00:10:35,273
Um...
254
00:10:35,275 --> 00:10:37,325
See? You can't.
255
00:10:37,327 --> 00:10:38,793
I'm gonna go see
if Leonard's room
256
00:10:38,795 --> 00:10:41,212
is big enough for my water bed.
257
00:10:43,615 --> 00:10:46,000
Um...
258
00:10:47,103 --> 00:10:50,288
Good buddy Leonard.
Good buddy Leonard.
259
00:10:50,290 --> 00:10:53,475
Good buddy Leonard.
260
00:10:54,310 --> 00:10:55,727
What do you want?
261
00:10:55,729 --> 00:10:58,263
Hey, good buddy.
262
00:10:58,265 --> 00:10:59,347
So, uh, I was
263
00:10:59,349 --> 00:11:00,932
just talking to Amy,
264
00:11:00,934 --> 00:11:02,267
and she made me realize
265
00:11:02,269 --> 00:11:04,686
that this little dust-up
between you and me
266
00:11:04,688 --> 00:11:06,271
is much ado about nothing.
267
00:11:06,273 --> 00:11:07,522
Is that so?
268
00:11:07,524 --> 00:11:08,639
Yes.
269
00:11:08,641 --> 00:11:10,658
All is forgiven,
so come back home.
270
00:11:10,660 --> 00:11:12,944
I'll make you
some soy hot chocolate,
271
00:11:12,946 --> 00:11:15,413
and then I'll you tell you
about our exciting new
272
00:11:15,415 --> 00:11:18,082
devil-may-care bathroom policy.
273
00:11:21,504 --> 00:11:23,154
Cut to the chase, Sheldon.
274
00:11:23,156 --> 00:11:25,840
Okay. Amy's decided
she wants to move in with me,
275
00:11:25,842 --> 00:11:28,676
so I need you to come back home,
you lovable scamp.
276
00:11:30,162 --> 00:11:32,714
That's a lot of product.
277
00:11:32,716 --> 00:11:33,831
Hey.
278
00:11:33,833 --> 00:11:35,216
What's going on?
Oh, get this:
279
00:11:35,218 --> 00:11:36,634
Suddenly, Sheldon
wants me back
280
00:11:36,636 --> 00:11:39,170
because Amy wants
to move in with him.
281
00:11:39,172 --> 00:11:41,172
Really? Interesting.
282
00:11:41,174 --> 00:11:43,975
Well, too late, pal.
I'm not going anywhere.
283
00:11:43,977 --> 00:11:46,277
Penny and I are very happy
living together.
284
00:11:46,279 --> 00:11:47,445
Isn't that right?
285
00:11:47,447 --> 00:11:48,646
It's like the happiness
286
00:11:48,648 --> 00:11:51,316
won't ever leave
the apartment.
287
00:11:51,318 --> 00:11:52,484
Leonard, please.
288
00:11:52,486 --> 00:11:54,736
You know Amy moving in
marks a level of intimacy
289
00:11:54,738 --> 00:11:56,687
our relationship
isn't ready for.
290
00:11:56,689 --> 00:11:59,073
Yes! That is a real thing.
291
00:11:59,075 --> 00:12:01,192
And it doesn't mean you
don't care about each other;
292
00:12:01,194 --> 00:12:03,161
it just means things
are moving at a pace
293
00:12:03,163 --> 00:12:05,196
you're not comfortable with,
and that's fine.
294
00:12:05,198 --> 00:12:07,131
Well, if he doesn't
want to live with her,
295
00:12:07,133 --> 00:12:09,000
then he should
tell her how he feels.
296
00:12:09,002 --> 00:12:10,919
Well, maybe he doesn't
know how to say it
297
00:12:10,921 --> 00:12:12,086
without hurting
her feelings.
298
00:12:12,088 --> 00:12:13,137
Feelings?
299
00:12:13,139 --> 00:12:15,640
What am I, a hippie
at a love-in? No.
300
00:12:15,642 --> 00:12:17,041
The problem is,
301
00:12:17,043 --> 00:12:18,760
she laid out a series
of logical arguments
302
00:12:18,762 --> 00:12:19,844
that I couldn't refute.
303
00:12:19,846 --> 00:12:21,145
That is the worst,
isn't it?
304
00:12:21,147 --> 00:12:22,713
Yes.
305
00:12:22,715 --> 00:12:24,933
I'm sorry, Sheldon.
I can't help you.
306
00:12:24,935 --> 00:12:26,100
Oh, spoiler alert:
307
00:12:26,102 --> 00:12:28,570
This door's about
to slam in your face.
308
00:12:29,738 --> 00:12:31,072
Oh, there you are.
309
00:12:31,991 --> 00:12:34,959
When do I get a key
to our apartment?
310
00:12:36,779 --> 00:12:38,997
Um...
311
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:46,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
312
00:12:47,529 --> 00:12:49,696
(phone ringing)
313
00:12:55,519 --> 00:12:56,653
Hello?
314
00:12:56,655 --> 00:12:58,838
Hey. How'd it go last night
with my mom?
315
00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:00,757
Okay, I guess.
316
00:13:00,759 --> 00:13:02,075
What time did you leave?
317
00:13:02,077 --> 00:13:04,210
(yawns)
318
00:13:04,212 --> 00:13:07,530
Actually, I'm still here.
319
00:13:07,532 --> 00:13:10,199
What? You spent the night?
320
00:13:10,201 --> 00:13:12,018
Yeah. Uh...
321
00:13:12,020 --> 00:13:16,039
after dinner, we watched
a rerun of Rockford Files,
322
00:13:16,041 --> 00:13:17,641
and then she opened a bottle
323
00:13:17,643 --> 00:13:20,209
of, uh, cream sherry,
and the next thing I know,
324
00:13:20,211 --> 00:13:23,513
she was tucking me
into your bed.
325
00:13:23,515 --> 00:13:26,399
You wore my pajamas?
326
00:13:26,401 --> 00:13:27,550
Mm-hmm.
327
00:13:27,552 --> 00:13:29,402
How do you sleep
in these things?
328
00:13:29,404 --> 00:13:31,237
Silk pajamas on satin sheets?
329
00:13:31,239 --> 00:13:34,274
I slid out of the bed,
like, three times.
330
00:13:34,276 --> 00:13:36,660
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Rajesh!
331
00:13:36,662 --> 00:13:37,794
You up?
332
00:13:37,796 --> 00:13:39,079
You ready for breakfast?
333
00:13:39,081 --> 00:13:41,031
Oh, boy. Breakfast.
334
00:13:41,899 --> 00:13:43,083
Okay, Raj, listen to me.
335
00:13:43,085 --> 00:13:44,567
You need to get out of there.
336
00:13:44,569 --> 00:13:49,706
But I have a cream sherry
hangover and I smell blintzes.
337
00:13:49,708 --> 00:13:52,425
If you don't leave now,
she'll use food and guilt
338
00:13:52,427 --> 00:13:54,594
to keep you there
for the rest of your life.
339
00:13:54,596 --> 00:13:56,429
Oh, Howard, stop.
340
00:13:56,431 --> 00:13:57,630
Trust me, you're not Jewish.
341
00:13:57,632 --> 00:13:58,882
That's how they get you.
342
00:13:58,884 --> 00:14:01,468
You're being silly.
343
00:14:01,470 --> 00:14:03,520
I can leave whenever I want.
344
00:14:03,522 --> 00:14:05,755
Oh, really? Where are
your clothes and your shoes?
345
00:14:05,757 --> 00:14:08,291
They're on the chair,
right over...
346
00:14:09,694 --> 00:14:12,462
Oy vey.
347
00:14:16,617 --> 00:14:18,718
Hello, home wrecker.
348
00:14:21,405 --> 00:14:22,989
What did I do?
349
00:14:22,991 --> 00:14:24,758
You gave Leonard
somewhere to go.
350
00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:28,144
Thanks to you, Amy's out buying
his and hers bath towels.
351
00:14:28,146 --> 00:14:30,213
Like I'd ever dry myself
with something
352
00:14:30,215 --> 00:14:32,465
that has a possessive pronoun
on it.
353
00:14:32,467 --> 00:14:34,134
Okay.
354
00:14:34,136 --> 00:14:37,120
Listen, the truth is
355
00:14:37,122 --> 00:14:38,505
I don't want him living with me.
356
00:14:38,507 --> 00:14:40,090
Great. Kick him out.
357
00:14:40,092 --> 00:14:42,308
Break his heart.
Everybody wins.
358
00:14:42,310 --> 00:14:43,977
No, I don't want
to break his heart.
359
00:14:43,979 --> 00:14:45,261
I love him.
360
00:14:45,263 --> 00:14:46,730
This is just happening too fast.
361
00:14:46,732 --> 00:14:47,964
You think this is fast?
362
00:14:47,966 --> 00:14:49,182
It's just a matter of time
363
00:14:49,184 --> 00:14:51,634
before I see Amy's leg stubble
in my shower.
364
00:14:51,636 --> 00:14:53,403
Yeah, and I've seen those legs.
365
00:14:53,405 --> 00:14:56,523
You might want
to get some Drano.
366
00:14:56,525 --> 00:14:58,108
Hold on.
367
00:14:58,110 --> 00:15:00,026
If you don't want
to live with Leonard,
368
00:15:00,028 --> 00:15:01,310
why don't you just tell him?
369
00:15:01,312 --> 00:15:02,662
Well, you know how he is.
370
00:15:02,664 --> 00:15:04,164
He's sensitive and emotional.
371
00:15:04,166 --> 00:15:08,201
That's because he drinks
too much soy milk.
372
00:15:08,203 --> 00:15:09,836
Well, I don't know
what else we can do
373
00:15:09,838 --> 00:15:11,037
but tell them the truth.
374
00:15:11,039 --> 00:15:12,756
I suppose there's no choice
375
00:15:12,758 --> 00:15:15,592
but to face the crying,
angry accusations
376
00:15:15,594 --> 00:15:17,644
and the high-pitched wails
of despair.
377
00:15:17,646 --> 00:15:18,945
Yeah.
378
00:15:18,947 --> 00:15:21,881
And who knows
how Amy will react.
379
00:15:25,302 --> 00:15:27,003
Here's some more ice.
380
00:15:27,005 --> 00:15:28,805
Oh, thanks.
381
00:15:28,807 --> 00:15:30,690
What were we thinking?
382
00:15:30,692 --> 00:15:34,227
We should have just done it
the regular way.
383
00:15:34,229 --> 00:15:36,512
Those Chinese acrobats
in Cirque du Soleil
384
00:15:36,514 --> 00:15:39,115
made it look so easy.
385
00:15:39,117 --> 00:15:41,985
Honestly,
if I could bend that far,
386
00:15:41,987 --> 00:15:44,821
what would I need with you?
387
00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:49,659
If you could bend that far,
you'd be doing us both a favor.
388
00:15:52,163 --> 00:15:54,330
(phone ringing)
389
00:15:57,168 --> 00:15:58,751
Hey, Raj. What's up?
390
00:15:58,753 --> 00:15:59,869
You were right!
391
00:15:59,871 --> 00:16:02,172
I can't get out of here!
392
00:16:02,174 --> 00:16:04,257
You're still
at my mother's?
393
00:16:04,259 --> 00:16:05,374
I'm trapped.
394
00:16:05,376 --> 00:16:07,477
My clothes have been
in the laundry all day,
395
00:16:07,479 --> 00:16:08,945
and she hid my keys.
396
00:16:08,947 --> 00:16:10,897
I think they might be
in her bra,
397
00:16:10,899 --> 00:16:13,349
because she jingles
when she walks.
398
00:16:13,351 --> 00:16:14,884
What do I do?
399
00:16:14,886 --> 00:16:16,603
Hey, you wanted a woman
in your life.
400
00:16:16,605 --> 00:16:18,571
Now you got one.
401
00:16:18,573 --> 00:16:20,440
Come on, Howard, help me.
402
00:16:20,442 --> 00:16:23,893
MRS. WOLOWITZ: Rajesh, tatellah,
I ran you a bath.
403
00:16:23,895 --> 00:16:26,663
Oh, my God.
404
00:16:26,665 --> 00:16:30,617
She's not gonna bathe me,
is she?
405
00:16:32,136 --> 00:16:35,371
Gee, I wish I could tell you no.
406
00:16:38,959 --> 00:16:41,427
All right, well,
thanks again for helping me out.
407
00:16:41,429 --> 00:16:43,379
But, Howard...
408
00:16:43,381 --> 00:16:45,431
Should we go back
and rescue him?
409
00:16:45,433 --> 00:16:46,633
It's too late.
410
00:16:46,635 --> 00:16:48,417
We'll see him
at his Bar Mitzvah.
411
00:16:50,688 --> 00:16:52,255
Here you go.
412
00:16:52,257 --> 00:16:55,308
I picked up the Chinese food
just the way Leonard used to.
413
00:16:55,310 --> 00:16:57,310
Is it kung pao chicken?
Yes.
414
00:16:57,312 --> 00:16:59,229
Brown rice, not white rice?
Yes.
415
00:16:59,231 --> 00:17:00,780
Spicy mustard
from the Korean deli?
416
00:17:00,782 --> 00:17:02,282
Yes. I did good, right?
417
00:17:02,284 --> 00:17:04,767
(sadly):
Yes.
418
00:17:05,619 --> 00:17:07,436
Amy,
419
00:17:07,438 --> 00:17:10,273
are you worried
that us living together
420
00:17:10,275 --> 00:17:12,959
will take the mystery
out of our relationship?
421
00:17:12,961 --> 00:17:13,960
No.
422
00:17:13,962 --> 00:17:16,296
Yeah, why would you?
423
00:17:16,298 --> 00:17:18,298
Oh, and, uh, check this out.
424
00:17:18,300 --> 00:17:19,666
I took the liberty of scripting
425
00:17:19,668 --> 00:17:21,968
a new outgoing voice mail
message for both of us.
426
00:17:26,340 --> 00:17:28,174
"Hello. This is Sheldon."
427
00:17:28,176 --> 00:17:29,392
"And this is Amy."
428
00:17:29,394 --> 00:17:31,060
"We're not home right now."
429
00:17:31,062 --> 00:17:34,347
"'Cause we out
dropping science, son."
430
00:17:39,370 --> 00:17:41,704
BOTH:
"Leave a message."
431
00:17:43,941 --> 00:17:45,158
Beep.
432
00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:47,610
(laughs)
433
00:17:47,612 --> 00:17:50,163
You can't live here.
434
00:17:50,165 --> 00:17:52,015
What?
435
00:17:52,017 --> 00:17:53,333
Why?
436
00:17:53,335 --> 00:17:54,584
Is it the message?
437
00:17:54,586 --> 00:17:57,253
I only used urban slang
to sound tough
438
00:17:57,255 --> 00:17:59,205
so people wouldn't break in.
No.
439
00:17:59,207 --> 00:18:01,257
It's not the message.
440
00:18:01,259 --> 00:18:02,658
Well, what is it, then?
441
00:18:02,660 --> 00:18:04,510
I did everything
just the way you like it.
442
00:18:04,512 --> 00:18:07,330
You did.
Then what the hell, Sheldon?!
443
00:18:08,949 --> 00:18:11,667
We have been going out
for over two years,
444
00:18:11,669 --> 00:18:14,103
and I have been nothing
but patient with you!
445
00:18:14,105 --> 00:18:16,139
I watch your dopey
space movies.
446
00:18:16,141 --> 00:18:18,308
I signed your
ridiculous contract.
447
00:18:18,310 --> 00:18:20,143
I even stopped wearing lip gloss
'cause you said
448
00:18:20,145 --> 00:18:22,178
it made my mouth look
too slippery.
449
00:18:23,063 --> 00:18:25,181
I am the best
girlfriend
450
00:18:25,183 --> 00:18:26,566
you're ever
gonna have.
451
00:18:26,568 --> 00:18:29,569
You give me one good reason
why I can't live here.
452
00:18:30,404 --> 00:18:32,538
It's Penny's fault.
453
00:18:32,540 --> 00:18:33,957
What?
454
00:18:33,959 --> 00:18:35,358
She doesn't want
to live with Leonard,
455
00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:36,993
so he has to come
live here again.
456
00:18:36,995 --> 00:18:38,378
She's the snake in our garden.
457
00:18:39,630 --> 00:18:42,382
She's the reason
we can't be happy.
458
00:18:45,202 --> 00:18:46,252
Hey, Ames.
Yeah.
459
00:18:46,254 --> 00:18:47,553
"Hey, Ames," nothing.
460
00:18:47,555 --> 00:18:49,722
I was all set to move in
with Sheldon, and now I hear
461
00:18:49,724 --> 00:18:51,507
I can't 'cause you don't want
to live with Leonard.
462
00:18:51,509 --> 00:18:53,376
LEONARD:
What?
463
00:18:54,728 --> 00:18:57,981
Sheldon, what did you say?
I said the truth.
464
00:18:57,983 --> 00:19:00,216
You don't want to live with
Leonard, and you know it.
465
00:19:00,218 --> 00:19:01,589
Since when don't you want
to live with me?
466
00:19:01,614 --> 00:19:02,719
Oh, don't get all huffy.
467
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:04,053
You're the one who
decided to move in
468
00:19:04,055 --> 00:19:05,438
without even asking
me if I was ready.
469
00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:07,073
Yeah, I think we should talk
about that.
470
00:19:07,908 --> 00:19:09,742
And since you love
the truth so much,
471
00:19:09,744 --> 00:19:12,245
why don't you tell Amy you
don't want to live with her
472
00:19:12,247 --> 00:19:13,696
instead of
blaming it on me?
473
00:19:13,698 --> 00:19:16,399
I thought we were talking
about the other thing.
474
00:19:17,234 --> 00:19:18,618
You're a coward.
475
00:19:18,620 --> 00:19:22,255
Well, the evidence
does support that.
476
00:19:23,791 --> 00:19:25,741
Come on, Amy,
let's go drink wine
477
00:19:25,743 --> 00:19:28,211
and talk about what jerks
our boyfriends are.
478
00:19:28,213 --> 00:19:29,679
You know what would show them?
479
00:19:29,681 --> 00:19:31,547
I should move in here with you.
480
00:19:34,601 --> 00:19:36,769
Um...
481
00:19:39,106 --> 00:19:41,307
(door closes)
482
00:19:47,398 --> 00:19:48,698
Do you want to...
483
00:19:48,700 --> 00:19:50,766
catch up on some Walking Dead?
484
00:19:50,768 --> 00:19:52,952
Okay.
485
00:19:54,271 --> 00:19:56,739
Have you seen the one
where Lori dies?
486
00:20:01,845 --> 00:20:03,996
No.
487
00:20:04,832 --> 00:20:06,282
Or maybe she doesn't.
488
00:20:06,284 --> 00:20:08,000
Let's find out.
489
00:20:24,283 --> 00:20:26,418
MRS. WOLOWITZ: Where you going?
No!
490
00:20:26,420 --> 00:20:31,420
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
490
00:20:32,305 --> 00:21:32,946
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