1
00:00:01,601 --> 00:00:02,935
No, seriously,
I think
2
00:00:02,936 --> 00:00:05,037
I've finally figured out
my problem with women.
3
00:00:05,038 --> 00:00:08,741
The capybara is the largest
member of the rodent family.
4
00:00:08,742 --> 00:00:11,177
What does that have to do
with me and women?
5
00:00:11,178 --> 00:00:12,678
Nothing.
It was a desperate attempt
6
00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:15,581
to introduce an alternate topic
of conversation.
7
00:00:15,582 --> 00:00:18,751
My problem is,
I don't project confidence.
8
00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:21,654
So I decided that
the next time I meet a woman
9
00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:23,723
I think is attractive,
rather than holding back
10
00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:25,524
and being cautious,
I'm going to assume
11
00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:27,059
the mantle of self-assurance.
12
00:00:27,060 --> 00:00:28,794
Oh, yeah?
What's that look like?
13
00:00:32,399 --> 00:00:34,633
Hi.
14
00:00:34,634 --> 00:00:37,369
I'm Leonard.
15
00:00:37,370 --> 00:00:39,271
And you are beautiful.
16
00:00:39,272 --> 00:00:42,608
You pop, sparkle
and buzz electric.
17
00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:44,677
I'm going to pick you up
at 8:00,
18
00:00:44,678 --> 00:00:48,781
show you a night
you will never forget.
19
00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:50,616
Where are we going?
20
00:00:55,355 --> 00:00:56,489
Good news.
21
00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:58,324
I made it
onto the team
22
00:00:58,325 --> 00:00:59,525
for the new Defense Department
23
00:00:59,526 --> 00:01:01,277
laser-equipped
surveillance satellite.
24
00:01:01,278 --> 00:01:03,162
Excuse me.
25
00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:05,064
If we're changing topics,
I believe I have first dibs
26
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:09,135
with capybara, a rodent
the size of a baby hippo.
27
00:01:09,136 --> 00:01:11,454
Congratulations,
Howard.
28
00:01:11,455 --> 00:01:12,705
Thanks.
29
00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:14,907
Listen, I have to get
a security clearance,
30
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:17,810
so you guys might be
hearing from the FBI.
31
00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:18,878
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
32
00:01:18,879 --> 00:01:20,579
I don't want to speak
to the FBI.
33
00:01:20,580 --> 00:01:21,881
Why not?
34
00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:24,717
I'm brown and I talk funny.
35
00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:27,102
They're just doing
a background check on me.
36
00:01:27,103 --> 00:01:28,487
It doesn't matter;
they'll find a reason
37
00:01:28,488 --> 00:01:30,890
to give me a one-way ticket
back to Gandhi-ville.
38
00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:32,091
By the way,
39
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:34,126
when I say that,
it's not offensive.
40
00:01:34,127 --> 00:01:36,195
Don't be ridiculous, Raj.
41
00:01:36,196 --> 00:01:37,496
You're here legally.
42
00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:39,131
Nobody cares.
Do you know how long it's been
43
00:01:39,132 --> 00:01:40,466
since I got through
airport security
44
00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:42,668
without being given
a colonoscopy?
45
00:01:43,703 --> 00:01:45,104
You know, I
try very hard
46
00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:47,807
to make our lunch hours
educational and informative,
47
00:01:47,808 --> 00:01:50,643
but your insistence on
talking about your own lives
48
00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:52,478
stymies me at
every turn.
49
00:01:52,479 --> 00:01:55,781
Fine, Sheldon, tell us
about your giant rodents.
50
00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:57,616
1No, you squandered
your time with me,
51
00:01:57,617 --> 00:01:59,468
and the moment
has now passed.
52
00:01:59,469 --> 00:02:01,170
Feast on your disappointment,
53
00:02:01,171 --> 00:02:03,722
much as the capybara
feasts on its own waste.
54
00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:09,929
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
55
00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:13,265
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
56
00:02:13,266 --> 00:02:14,900
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
57
00:02:14,901 --> 00:02:17,469
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
58
00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:20,105
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
59
00:02:20,106 --> 00:02:22,758
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
60
00:02:22,759 --> 00:02:24,660
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
61
00:02:24,661 --> 00:02:26,645
♪ Bang! ♪
62
00:02:26,845 --> 00:02:30,845
♪ The Big Bang Theory 4x07 ♪
The Apology Insufficiency
Original Air Date on November 4, 2010
63
00:02:31,045 --> 00:02:35,045
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
64
00:02:36,518 --> 00:02:39,020
Oh, Bella, don't you see?
65
00:02:39,021 --> 00:02:42,791
Edward's only pushing you away
because he loves you.
66
00:02:43,909 --> 00:02:44,959
Coming.
67
00:02:49,799 --> 00:02:51,599
Dr. Koothrappali?
68
00:02:53,719 --> 00:02:56,304
I'm Special Agent Page, FBI.
69
00:02:56,305 --> 00:02:57,472
May I come in?
70
00:02:59,258 --> 00:03:03,178
I'd like to talk to you
about Howard Wolowitz.
71
00:03:03,179 --> 00:03:04,679
Oh, thank you.
72
00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:05,764
All right.
73
00:03:05,765 --> 00:03:08,683
Well, how long
have you known Mr. Wolowitz?
74
00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:16,074
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org
75
00:03:30,322 --> 00:03:32,240
Rum cake?
76
00:03:32,241 --> 00:03:33,407
No, thanks.
77
00:03:33,408 --> 00:03:35,677
Now, about Mr.
Wolowitz...
78
00:03:35,678 --> 00:03:36,945
Seven years.
79
00:03:36,946 --> 00:03:39,013
I see.
80
00:03:40,833 --> 00:03:42,851
I'm in this country
legally, you know.
81
00:03:42,852 --> 00:03:45,553
I'm sure you are.
82
00:03:45,554 --> 00:03:49,190
Now, to your knowledge, has Mr.
Wolowitz ever committed a crime?
83
00:03:49,191 --> 00:03:50,424
Of course not.
84
00:03:50,425 --> 00:03:51,776
I'm here on an H-1B visa,
85
00:03:51,777 --> 00:03:53,862
which means I can't be
associated in any way
86
00:03:53,863 --> 00:03:55,396
with crime
or criminal activity.
87
00:03:55,397 --> 00:03:56,831
And I'm not.
88
00:03:56,832 --> 00:03:58,233
Good.
89
00:03:58,234 --> 00:03:59,767
To your knowledge,
does Mr. Wolowitz
90
00:03:59,768 --> 00:04:01,236
have any foreign
contacts?
91
00:04:01,237 --> 00:04:03,604
No, just me.
92
00:04:03,605 --> 00:04:05,206
Oh, there it is.
93
00:04:05,207 --> 00:04:07,158
Here comes a cavity search.
94
00:04:07,159 --> 00:04:08,993
Excuse me?
95
00:04:08,994 --> 00:04:10,745
Please don't send me back
to India; it's so crowded!
96
00:04:10,746 --> 00:04:13,781
It's like the whole country
is one endless Comic-Con,
97
00:04:13,782 --> 00:04:18,453
except everybody's wearing
the same costume: Indian Guy.
98
00:04:18,454 --> 00:04:20,672
Dr. Koothrappali, I'm not...
I love this country!
99
00:04:20,673 --> 00:04:23,124
The-the baseball,
the freedom,
100
00:04:23,125 --> 00:04:24,976
the rampant morbid obesity!
101
00:04:24,977 --> 00:04:27,145
From California
to the New York Island!
102
00:04:27,146 --> 00:04:28,313
I'm a real Yankee Doodle boy!
103
00:04:28,314 --> 00:04:30,265
Dr. Koothrappali,
please.
104
00:04:30,266 --> 00:04:32,667
♪ My country 'tis of thee... ♪
105
00:04:33,702 --> 00:04:34,969
♪ ...liberty ♪
106
00:04:35,771 --> 00:04:38,940
♪ It's really great. ♪
107
00:04:40,109 --> 00:04:42,810
So, when Howard said the FBI
would be contacting me,
108
00:04:42,811 --> 00:04:44,879
I was expecting Mulder.
109
00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:46,981
Glad to see I got Scully.
110
00:04:48,050 --> 00:04:48,983
Who?
111
00:04:48,984 --> 00:04:50,718
Mulder and Scully.
112
00:04:51,253 --> 00:04:52,487
X-Files.
113
00:04:53,122 --> 00:04:54,656
"The truth is out there."
114
00:04:54,657 --> 00:04:55,723
Never mind.
115
00:04:55,724 --> 00:04:58,760
Uh, so, what would you
like to know?
116
00:04:58,761 --> 00:05:02,463
You work with Mr. Wolowitz here
at the university, correct?
117
00:05:02,464 --> 00:05:04,799
Yes. Of course, we're in
different departments.
118
00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:07,001
He's an engineer and I'm
an experimental physicist.
119
00:05:07,002 --> 00:05:08,469
You know, one
of those guys
120
00:05:08,470 --> 00:05:11,039
who examines the building blocks
of creation
121
00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:15,109
and says,
"Hello, maker of the universe.
122
00:05:15,110 --> 00:05:17,579
"I see what you did there.
123
00:05:17,580 --> 00:05:19,280
Good one."
124
00:05:19,281 --> 00:05:20,915
Right.
125
00:05:20,916 --> 00:05:22,183
Now, how would you characterize
126
00:05:22,184 --> 00:05:24,252
your relationship
with Mr. Wolowitz?
127
00:05:24,253 --> 00:05:26,387
Good.
128
00:05:26,388 --> 00:05:29,023
It's a good
relationship.
129
00:05:29,024 --> 00:05:32,227
Of course, most of my
relationships are good.
130
00:05:32,228 --> 00:05:35,396
Probably because
I exude confidence.
131
00:05:35,397 --> 00:05:37,765
People are drawn to that,
you know?
132
00:05:38,868 --> 00:05:41,436
Confidence, not exuding.
133
00:05:43,205 --> 00:05:46,090
Do you know of any groups
Mr. Wolowitz is a member of?
134
00:05:46,091 --> 00:05:47,091
You are beautiful,
135
00:05:47,092 --> 00:05:49,110
you know that?
136
00:05:49,879 --> 00:05:53,781
You pop, sparkle
and buzz electric.
137
00:05:54,884 --> 00:05:58,019
I'm going to pick you up
at 8:00,
138
00:05:58,020 --> 00:06:01,322
show you a night
you will never forget.
139
00:06:01,323 --> 00:06:03,324
Sounds great.
140
00:06:03,325 --> 00:06:06,027
Really?
141
00:06:06,028 --> 00:06:07,278
Yeah.
142
00:06:07,279 --> 00:06:11,032
Can my six-foot-two Navy SEAL
husband come with us?
143
00:06:11,033 --> 00:06:12,750
Is that...?
144
00:06:12,751 --> 00:06:15,570
Oh, my, I didn't see the ring
with my glasses off, so...
145
00:06:17,089 --> 00:06:18,790
Look at that,
I'm starting to exude.
146
00:06:23,078 --> 00:06:24,379
Want to get that?
147
00:06:24,380 --> 00:06:26,681
Not particularly.
148
00:06:26,682 --> 00:06:28,616
Could you get that?
149
00:06:28,617 --> 00:06:31,252
I suppose I could
if I were asked.
150
00:06:32,254 --> 00:06:34,222
Would you please get that?
151
00:06:34,223 --> 00:06:35,923
Of course.
152
00:06:37,693 --> 00:06:39,928
Why do you have to make things
so complicated?
153
00:06:41,931 --> 00:06:43,164
Dr. Cooper?
154
00:06:43,165 --> 00:06:44,098
Yes.
155
00:06:44,099 --> 00:06:45,900
I'm Special Agent Page, FBI.
156
00:06:48,604 --> 00:06:53,741
You say you're Special
Agent Page, FBI.
157
00:06:53,742 --> 00:06:54,676
Here's my I.D.
158
00:06:54,677 --> 00:06:56,628
And here is
159
00:06:56,629 --> 00:07:01,015
my Justice League
membership card.
160
00:07:02,484 --> 00:07:04,752
But that doesn't
prove I know Batman.
161
00:07:04,753 --> 00:07:09,524
I just want to ask you a few
questions about Howard Wolowitz.
162
00:07:09,525 --> 00:07:11,625
Oh. All right.
163
00:07:11,626 --> 00:07:14,395
I doubt anyone
would risk
164
00:07:14,396 --> 00:07:17,015
the stiff penalties for
impersonating a federal officer
165
00:07:17,016 --> 00:07:19,434
just to ask questions about
a minor league engineer
166
00:07:19,435 --> 00:07:21,235
with an unresolved
Oedipal complex.
167
00:07:23,022 --> 00:07:24,038
Thank you.
168
00:07:24,039 --> 00:07:27,442
For the record,
I truly support the FBI
169
00:07:27,443 --> 00:07:29,277
in the mission
which is expressed
170
00:07:29,278 --> 00:07:30,545
through their motto...?
171
00:07:30,546 --> 00:07:33,214
Fidelity, bravery, integrity.
172
00:07:33,215 --> 00:07:35,700
Correct. Now to business.
173
00:07:35,701 --> 00:07:40,221
18 years ago, I sent
the FBI Crime Lab samples
174
00:07:40,222 --> 00:07:42,824
from a bag of excrement
that had been lit on fire
175
00:07:42,825 --> 00:07:44,158
on my front porch...
176
00:07:45,894 --> 00:07:49,597
...for fingerprinting
and DNA analysis.
177
00:07:49,598 --> 00:07:51,599
Why haven't I heard back yet?
178
00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:56,170
Well, the FBI Crime Lab
does have a lot on its plate.
179
00:07:56,171 --> 00:07:58,106
That's of little comfort
to a nation
180
00:07:58,107 --> 00:08:01,409
attempting to scrape
burning feces off its shoes.
181
00:08:01,410 --> 00:08:04,579
Would you mind if we talked
about Mr. Wolowitz now?
182
00:08:04,580 --> 00:08:06,948
A little, but go on.
183
00:08:06,949 --> 00:08:08,066
Thank you.
184
00:08:08,067 --> 00:08:11,319
Would you characterize him
as responsible?
185
00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:15,223
I'm going to answer that
with a visual aid.
186
00:08:16,859 --> 00:08:18,993
This is my nine-disc complete
187
00:08:18,994 --> 00:08:21,662
Lord of the Rings trilogy
Blu-ray set.
188
00:08:21,663 --> 00:08:23,798
Mr. Wolowitz borrowed it,
189
00:08:23,799 --> 00:08:26,718
damaged plastic retention
hub number three...
190
00:08:31,757 --> 00:08:34,592
...and then returned it to me,
hoping I wouldn't notice.
191
00:08:34,593 --> 00:08:38,346
Would you characterize that
as responsible?
192
00:08:38,347 --> 00:08:41,215
That's really not the sort of
thing we're interested in.
193
00:08:41,216 --> 00:08:44,519
You heard me say
Blu-ray, right?
194
00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:46,054
I did.
195
00:08:46,055 --> 00:08:47,255
Very well.
196
00:08:47,256 --> 00:08:48,556
Would you be interested
197
00:08:48,557 --> 00:08:51,893
in knowing that Mr. Wolowitz
once snuck onto
198
00:08:51,894 --> 00:08:54,896
my World of Warcraft account
and changed the name
199
00:08:54,897 --> 00:08:59,767
of a certain level-80 warlock
from Sheldor to Smeldor?
200
00:08:59,768 --> 00:09:01,335
I'm afraid not.
201
00:09:01,336 --> 00:09:03,538
Is there anything else?
202
00:09:03,539 --> 00:09:04,539
"Is there anything else?"
203
00:09:04,540 --> 00:09:05,706
Where would you like to start?
204
00:09:05,707 --> 00:09:07,442
He refuses to pay fines
205
00:09:07,443 --> 00:09:09,377
when he's overdue
with books I lend him.
206
00:09:09,378 --> 00:09:12,413
He crashed the Mars Rover while
attempting to impress a woman.
207
00:09:12,414 --> 00:09:13,948
He recommended that I go see
208
00:09:13,949 --> 00:09:16,551
the third Matrix movie
because it was, and I quote,
209
00:09:16,552 --> 00:09:19,971
"just as good
as the first one."
210
00:09:19,972 --> 00:09:23,424
If that's not irresponsible,
I don't know what is.
211
00:09:23,425 --> 00:09:25,359
The Mars Rover?
212
00:09:31,300 --> 00:09:32,867
Did I say Mars Rover?
213
00:09:32,868 --> 00:09:33,868
You did.
214
00:09:33,869 --> 00:09:36,204
That was actually
a poorly chosen example,
215
00:09:36,205 --> 00:09:38,940
as it had nothing
to do with me.
216
00:09:38,941 --> 00:09:41,609
Yes, well, let's talk
about it anyway.
217
00:09:41,610 --> 00:09:43,111
I don't want to.
218
00:09:43,946 --> 00:09:45,313
Not that my disinclination
219
00:09:45,314 --> 00:09:47,348
to discuss the topic
should be interpreted as
220
00:09:47,349 --> 00:09:49,917
evidence of Howard Wolowitz's
culpability in the destruction
221
00:09:49,918 --> 00:09:52,953
of government property
worth millions of dollars.
222
00:09:52,954 --> 00:09:54,222
Thank you, Dr. Cooper.
223
00:09:54,223 --> 00:09:55,823
I think I have all I need.
224
00:09:55,824 --> 00:09:57,592
Oh, good.
225
00:09:57,593 --> 00:09:59,310
I was afraid you were
going to fixate
226
00:09:59,311 --> 00:10:00,928
on that Mars Rover incident.
227
00:10:07,319 --> 00:10:08,803
Hey, buddies.
228
00:10:08,804 --> 00:10:10,021
Guess who didn't get
security clearance
229
00:10:10,022 --> 00:10:11,639
to work on
the giant space laser?
230
00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:13,441
What happened?
231
00:10:13,442 --> 00:10:15,610
Apparently, the background
interviews didn't go well.
232
00:10:15,611 --> 00:10:16,944
You guys wouldn't
know anything
233
00:10:16,945 --> 00:10:18,579
about that, would you?
234
00:10:20,315 --> 00:10:22,049
Well, actually,
I may have gotten
235
00:10:22,050 --> 00:10:24,252
a little tipsy
when I talked to her.
236
00:10:24,953 --> 00:10:25,987
And I may have
237
00:10:25,988 --> 00:10:27,755
hit on her a little bit.
238
00:10:27,756 --> 00:10:31,292
I may have thrown up
rum cake on her shoes.
239
00:10:31,293 --> 00:10:33,094
I see.
240
00:10:33,095 --> 00:10:35,963
Well, it's good to know, when
I need you guys, I can always
241
00:10:35,964 --> 00:10:38,866
count on you to step up
and ruin everything.
242
00:10:41,436 --> 00:10:43,104
I feel awful.
243
00:10:43,105 --> 00:10:44,004
Ah, me, too.
244
00:10:44,005 --> 00:10:45,039
To tell you the truth,
245
00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:46,440
I thought if anyone was going to
246
00:10:46,441 --> 00:10:47,975
screw things up for Howard,
it'd be Sheldon.
247
00:10:47,976 --> 00:10:52,813
Well, your expectations
have been subverted.
248
00:10:52,814 --> 00:10:54,515
Aha.
249
00:11:01,865 --> 00:11:03,800
What are you doing up?
250
00:11:03,801 --> 00:11:05,968
Sleep eludes me, Leonard.
251
00:11:05,969 --> 00:11:07,353
Really?
252
00:11:07,354 --> 00:11:09,856
Maybe sleep has met you before.
253
00:11:09,857 --> 00:11:11,407
Mockery?
254
00:11:11,408 --> 00:11:13,226
That's all you have to offer?
255
00:11:13,227 --> 00:11:14,544
I'm sorry. Why can't you sleep?
256
00:11:14,545 --> 00:11:15,945
Who knows?
257
00:11:15,946 --> 00:11:18,347
I haven't watched
any scary movies recently.
258
00:11:18,348 --> 00:11:21,017
I'm no longer obsessing
over why the predicted mass
259
00:11:21,018 --> 00:11:22,985
of the quantum vacuum
has little effect
260
00:11:22,986 --> 00:11:25,021
on the expansion
of the universe.
261
00:11:25,022 --> 00:11:28,741
And it's been weeks since I took
that accidental sip of Red Bull.
262
00:11:28,742 --> 00:11:32,061
Did something happen today
that's bothering you?
263
00:11:32,062 --> 00:11:33,396
Well, I did mention
264
00:11:33,397 --> 00:11:36,199
the Mars Rover incident
to that FBI agent
265
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,935
and probably cost Howard
his security clearance.
266
00:11:38,936 --> 00:11:42,038
What?
But why should that keep me up?
267
00:11:42,039 --> 00:11:44,173
Because you feel guilty?
268
00:11:44,174 --> 00:11:46,008
Interesting.
269
00:11:46,009 --> 00:11:50,646
So you're saying my insomnia is
caused by a guilty conscience.
270
00:11:50,647 --> 00:11:52,348
Actually,
you don't have insomnia.
271
00:11:52,349 --> 00:11:53,716
You're sleeping now.
272
00:11:53,717 --> 00:11:54,851
Excuse me?
273
00:11:54,852 --> 00:11:56,953
You're having
a guilt-ridden dream.
274
00:11:56,954 --> 00:11:59,622
Do you have any evidence
to support that hypothesis?
275
00:11:59,623 --> 00:12:02,358
How about that Gorn
sitting on the couch?
276
00:12:06,113 --> 00:12:08,865
That seems fairly conclusive.
277
00:12:08,866 --> 00:12:12,335
No, Gorn, no.
278
00:12:12,336 --> 00:12:15,154
That's where I sit.
279
00:12:16,273 --> 00:12:19,575
Thank you for agreeing
to see me, Agent Page.
280
00:12:19,576 --> 00:12:23,579
Thank you for filing a complaint
with my superior, Dr. Cooper.
281
00:12:23,580 --> 00:12:25,598
I understand
you want to recant
282
00:12:25,599 --> 00:12:28,117
your statement
about Howard Wolowitz.
283
00:12:28,118 --> 00:12:30,620
Yes.
Was your statement untrue?
284
00:12:30,621 --> 00:12:32,488
No.
285
00:12:32,489 --> 00:12:35,691
Then I'm afraid
you can't withdraw it.
286
00:12:35,692 --> 00:12:40,012
I'm sorry. I don't recall
you saying "no backsies."
287
00:12:40,898 --> 00:12:42,698
Is there anything else?
288
00:12:42,699 --> 00:12:45,401
Yes. I'd like to offer
a laudatory statement
289
00:12:45,402 --> 00:12:47,503
about Howard's many excellent
qualities that I believe
290
00:12:47,504 --> 00:12:49,272
will tip the scales
back in his favor.
291
00:12:50,540 --> 00:12:52,074
"Howard Joel Wolowitz.
292
00:12:52,075 --> 00:12:55,111
"H is for honesty,
of which he has much.
293
00:12:55,112 --> 00:12:56,646
"O's for outstanding,
294
00:12:56,647 --> 00:12:58,481
"which he is such.
295
00:12:58,482 --> 00:13:01,083
"W's for witty,
he's quick with a joke.
296
00:13:01,084 --> 00:13:03,336
A's for artistic, his ability...
" I'm sorry.
297
00:13:03,337 --> 00:13:06,355
Dr. Cooper, this matter
is already closed.
298
00:13:06,356 --> 00:13:09,525
But I still have
"rd Joel Wolowitz" left to go.
299
00:13:09,526 --> 00:13:10,876
It's closed.
300
00:13:12,846 --> 00:13:14,430
I don't understand
why you people
301
00:13:14,431 --> 00:13:16,032
are picking on my
friend, Howard,
302
00:13:16,033 --> 00:13:18,267
when there are much more serious
security threats to pursue.
303
00:13:18,268 --> 00:13:20,369
For instance,
when I first met Leonard,
304
00:13:20,370 --> 00:13:22,204
he was on the verge
of giving away
305
00:13:22,205 --> 00:13:24,173
rocket secrets
to a North Korean spy,
306
00:13:24,174 --> 00:13:27,076
and not one agent
ever investigated that.
307
00:13:27,911 --> 00:13:29,578
This is Leonard Hofstadter?
308
00:13:30,447 --> 00:13:32,448
No, it's a different Leonard.
309
00:13:32,449 --> 00:13:33,699
He's...
310
00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:34,867
Chinese, red hair, six fingers.
311
00:13:34,868 --> 00:13:36,285
Good-bye.
312
00:13:39,122 --> 00:13:40,957
Raj.
313
00:13:40,958 --> 00:13:42,591
Have you seen Howard?
314
00:13:42,592 --> 00:13:44,627
I think he's eating lunch.
315
00:13:44,628 --> 00:13:47,129
Uh, Sheldon, I want you
to meet Neil deGrasse Tyson
316
00:13:47,130 --> 00:13:49,198
from the Hayden Planetarium
in New York.
317
00:13:49,199 --> 00:13:51,233
I'm quite familiar
with Dr. Tyson.
318
00:13:51,234 --> 00:13:53,803
He's responsible
for the demotion of Pluto
319
00:13:53,804 --> 00:13:55,604
from planetary status.
320
00:13:55,605 --> 00:13:57,273
I liked Pluto.
321
00:13:58,208 --> 00:14:00,876
Ergo I do not like you.
322
00:14:00,877 --> 00:14:02,411
But I actually
didn't demote Pluto.
323
00:14:02,412 --> 00:14:03,579
That was a vote
324
00:14:03,580 --> 00:14:05,214
of the International
Astronomical Union.
325
00:14:05,215 --> 00:14:07,383
If "ifs" and "buts"
were candy and nuts,
326
00:14:07,384 --> 00:14:09,218
we'd all have a merry Christmas.
327
00:14:10,153 --> 00:14:12,438
Think about that, Dr. Tyson.
328
00:14:13,924 --> 00:14:16,258
Is that the guy you
were telling me about?
329
00:14:16,259 --> 00:14:18,560
Oh, yeah.
330
00:14:19,613 --> 00:14:21,497
Howard.
331
00:14:21,498 --> 00:14:23,065
The person at fault for you
332
00:14:23,066 --> 00:14:25,334
not getting
a security clearance is me.
333
00:14:25,335 --> 00:14:27,069
You?
334
00:14:27,070 --> 00:14:29,338
Yes, but before you get upset,
I want you to know
335
00:14:29,339 --> 00:14:32,141
I went to the FBI
and retracted my statement.
336
00:14:32,142 --> 00:14:33,976
And they were okay with that?
337
00:14:33,977 --> 00:14:36,912
No. If anything,
I made it worse.
338
00:14:38,048 --> 00:14:40,816
In any case, I have
been riddled with guilt,
339
00:14:40,817 --> 00:14:43,419
which is causing
Gorn-infested REM sleep.
340
00:14:43,420 --> 00:14:47,156
So, I'm here now
to say I'm sorry.
341
00:14:47,157 --> 00:14:48,657
Are you kidding me?
342
00:14:48,658 --> 00:14:51,327
You've set my career back
at least two years,
343
00:14:51,328 --> 00:14:53,763
and you think you can make it
right with "I'm sorry"?
344
00:14:53,764 --> 00:14:55,231
Yes.
345
00:14:56,366 --> 00:14:57,700
I followed the social protocol.
346
00:14:57,701 --> 00:15:00,636
I attempted to right the wrong,
and when I failed to do so,
347
00:15:00,637 --> 00:15:02,238
I delivered a heartfelt apology.
348
00:15:02,239 --> 00:15:03,439
Now you say,
349
00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:04,740
"Apology accepted,"
350
00:15:04,741 --> 00:15:08,377
and I will offer you
a one-time-only high five.
351
00:15:09,663 --> 00:15:11,714
Your apology is not accepted.
352
00:15:11,715 --> 00:15:12,832
You're tricking me.
353
00:15:12,833 --> 00:15:14,050
It really is, isn't it?
354
00:15:14,051 --> 00:15:16,385
Leave me alone, Sheldon.
355
00:15:18,688 --> 00:15:21,157
Dr. Cooper, I just
wanted you to know
356
00:15:21,158 --> 00:15:24,060
I'm sorry for the role I
played in the Pluto matter.
357
00:15:24,061 --> 00:15:25,761
Oh, shut up.
358
00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:32,101
Sheldon?
359
00:15:32,102 --> 00:15:34,136
Hello.
360
00:15:34,137 --> 00:15:35,137
What are you doing here?
361
00:15:35,138 --> 00:15:37,540
I have troubles, Penny.
362
00:15:37,541 --> 00:15:39,141
I've come to pour them out
363
00:15:39,142 --> 00:15:41,677
to the sympathetic ear
of the local barkeep.
364
00:15:41,678 --> 00:15:43,946
You know, they have
a really nice bar
365
00:15:43,947 --> 00:15:45,815
over at the Olive Garden.
366
00:15:45,816 --> 00:15:47,950
I don't like the Olive Garden.
367
00:15:47,951 --> 00:15:50,386
They treat me like family.
368
00:15:52,022 --> 00:15:54,123
Okay, Sheldon.
What can I get you?
369
00:15:54,124 --> 00:15:55,391
Alcohol.
370
00:15:55,392 --> 00:15:57,693
Could you be
a little more specific?
371
00:15:57,694 --> 00:15:59,361
Ethyl alcohol.
372
00:15:59,362 --> 00:16:01,564
40 milliliters.
373
00:16:01,565 --> 00:16:03,966
I'm sorry, honey.
I don't know milliliters.
374
00:16:03,967 --> 00:16:06,735
Ah. Blame President James
"Jimmy" Carter.
375
00:16:06,736 --> 00:16:09,872
He started America on a path
to the metric system
376
00:16:09,873 --> 00:16:11,574
but then just gave up.
377
00:16:11,575 --> 00:16:14,643
He wonders why he
was a one-term president.
378
00:16:14,644 --> 00:16:17,179
Would you say that's
about 40 milliliters?
379
00:16:17,180 --> 00:16:19,415
More or less.
Great.
380
00:16:20,851 --> 00:16:22,518
Now, where were we?
381
00:16:22,519 --> 00:16:25,621
I believe you were about
to ask me to choose a cocktail.
382
00:16:25,622 --> 00:16:28,991
Fortunately, thanks
to computer-savvy alcoholics,
383
00:16:28,992 --> 00:16:31,293
there's an app for that.
384
00:16:31,294 --> 00:16:32,561
Let's see.
385
00:16:32,562 --> 00:16:34,930
Harvey Wallbanger. Eh.
386
00:16:34,931 --> 00:16:37,466
Sex on the Beach.
I hardly think so.
387
00:16:38,468 --> 00:16:39,802
Rob Roy,
388
00:16:39,803 --> 00:16:41,570
Silk Slipper, Mad Hatter.
389
00:16:41,571 --> 00:16:43,205
Ooh!
390
00:16:43,206 --> 00:16:45,741
I'll have a Rosewater Ricky.
391
00:16:45,742 --> 00:16:46,976
A what?
You'll need pitted,
392
00:16:46,977 --> 00:16:49,745
brandied cherries, gin,
rosewater,
393
00:16:49,746 --> 00:16:53,215
Angostura bitters
and overproofed rum.
394
00:16:53,216 --> 00:16:55,317
Now, first, dust
the cherries with sugar,
395
00:16:55,318 --> 00:16:58,254
then spray them with a mixture
of rum and bitters.
396
00:16:58,255 --> 00:16:59,788
Then ignite the rum,
caramel...
397
00:16:59,789 --> 00:17:02,458
Here you go-- one
Rosewater Ricky.
398
00:17:02,459 --> 00:17:04,160
That's not how it looks
in the picture.
399
00:17:04,161 --> 00:17:06,962
Oh, yeah, you know, every
bartender makes it differently.
400
00:17:06,963 --> 00:17:08,531
Why don't you
give it a try.
401
00:17:08,532 --> 00:17:10,499
All right.
402
00:17:12,085 --> 00:17:14,537
To the metric system.
403
00:17:24,981 --> 00:17:27,516
I can't taste the cherries.
404
00:17:29,419 --> 00:17:31,921
All right.
Sheldon, what's on your mind?
405
00:17:31,922 --> 00:17:35,758
I wronged Howard,
and he won't accept my apology.
406
00:17:35,759 --> 00:17:36,926
Oh, right, that.
407
00:17:36,927 --> 00:17:39,094
Yes, Leonard told me.
Sorry, honey.
408
00:17:39,095 --> 00:17:42,264
Penny, you face failure
on a daily basis.
409
00:17:43,733 --> 00:17:45,434
How do you cope?
410
00:17:45,435 --> 00:17:47,536
I drink.
411
00:17:48,605 --> 00:17:50,956
To drinking.
412
00:17:53,777 --> 00:17:56,111
Nope.
413
00:17:58,915 --> 00:18:00,382
Oh, if only there were some way
414
00:18:00,383 --> 00:18:02,184
to force Howard
to accept my apology
415
00:18:02,185 --> 00:18:05,254
so I could escape
this miasma of guilt.
416
00:18:05,255 --> 00:18:06,855
You know, sometimes
stuff just happens,
417
00:18:06,856 --> 00:18:08,591
and there's nothing
you can do about it.
418
00:18:08,592 --> 00:18:09,892
For example, Lisa Peterson
419
00:18:09,893 --> 00:18:11,727
hasn't talked to me
since the 11th grade,
420
00:18:11,728 --> 00:18:13,729
because no matter how
much you apologize,
421
00:18:13,730 --> 00:18:17,399
you can't go back and
un-dry-hump someone's boyfriend.
422
00:18:18,235 --> 00:18:19,635
I see.
423
00:18:19,636 --> 00:18:22,805
You're saying I'm facing
Starfleet Academy's
424
00:18:22,806 --> 00:18:26,175
unwinnable command scenario:
the Kobayashi Maru.
425
00:18:26,176 --> 00:18:27,343
Exactly.
426
00:18:27,344 --> 00:18:28,611
Sometimes you can't win.
427
00:18:28,612 --> 00:18:31,113
Captain Kirk won.
428
00:18:31,948 --> 00:18:34,483
Kirk cheated.
429
00:18:35,318 --> 00:18:37,586
Impressive that you know that.
430
00:18:38,488 --> 00:18:39,722
It's hard to believe
431
00:18:39,723 --> 00:18:41,523
I'm actually having
this conversation with you.
432
00:18:41,524 --> 00:18:43,325
Right there with you.
433
00:18:44,527 --> 00:18:50,366
Kirk beat the Kobayashi Maru
by reprogramming the simulator.
434
00:18:50,367 --> 00:18:52,468
That's it.
What?
435
00:18:52,469 --> 00:18:54,870
I'll reprogram Howard.
What...?
436
00:18:54,871 --> 00:18:57,806
Sheldon, you can't
reprogram people.
437
00:18:57,807 --> 00:19:00,776
No, you can't reprogram people.
438
00:19:01,711 --> 00:19:04,280
To James Tiberius Kirk.
439
00:19:14,274 --> 00:19:15,958
Hello, all.
440
00:19:15,959 --> 00:19:18,160
- Hello.
- Hey.
441
00:19:18,161 --> 00:19:21,063
Howard, you're feeling better
about me today, aren't you?
442
00:19:21,064 --> 00:19:22,531
Not really.
443
00:19:22,532 --> 00:19:24,400
Yes, you are.
444
00:19:24,401 --> 00:19:26,969
I'm using
neurolinguistic programming
445
00:19:26,970 --> 00:19:29,338
to modify your thought patterns.
446
00:19:29,339 --> 00:19:31,073
Oh.
447
00:19:31,074 --> 00:19:33,142
Go away, Sheldon.
448
00:19:33,143 --> 00:19:36,428
There's a $9.95 e-book
down the drain.
449
00:19:36,429 --> 00:19:37,563
What's in the bag?
450
00:19:37,564 --> 00:19:38,731
It's for Howard.
451
00:19:38,732 --> 00:19:41,900
Oh. Sheldon, you can't
fix this with gifts.
452
00:19:41,901 --> 00:19:43,068
Nevertheless, I've hurt you,
453
00:19:43,069 --> 00:19:45,287
and whether you
forgive me or not,
454
00:19:45,288 --> 00:19:47,323
I want you to
have this.
455
00:19:49,109 --> 00:19:50,893
You're giving me
a couch cushion?
456
00:19:50,894 --> 00:19:52,261
No.
457
00:19:52,262 --> 00:19:54,063
The cushion is merely symbolic.
458
00:19:54,064 --> 00:19:57,099
I'm giving you my spot
on the couch.
459
00:19:59,369 --> 00:20:01,003
But you love that spot.
460
00:20:01,004 --> 00:20:03,539
No. I love my mother.
461
00:20:03,540 --> 00:20:07,576
My feelings for my spot
are much greater.
462
00:20:08,645 --> 00:20:10,646
It is the singular location
in space
463
00:20:10,647 --> 00:20:13,582
around which revolves
my entire universe.
464
00:20:14,451 --> 00:20:16,251
And now it's yours.
465
00:20:17,387 --> 00:20:20,189
Oh, my God, dude.
Now you have to forgive him.
466
00:20:21,024 --> 00:20:22,725
All right.
467
00:20:22,726 --> 00:20:24,860
Apology accepted.
468
00:20:24,861 --> 00:20:26,862
High five.
469
00:20:26,863 --> 00:20:28,864
Not too hard.
470
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:31,800
Thank you.
471
00:20:31,801 --> 00:20:35,454
I haven't cried like this
since Toy Story 3.
472
00:20:44,974 --> 00:20:46,141
I got to tell you,
473
00:20:46,142 --> 00:20:48,510
Sheldon, I understand why
you chose this spot.
474
00:20:48,511 --> 00:20:51,396
I mean, the temperature is
good, but there's no draft.
475
00:20:51,397 --> 00:20:53,899
I can see the television,
but I can still talk to...
476
00:20:53,900 --> 00:20:56,585
I changed my mind.
Get out of my spot.
477
00:20:57,687 --> 00:20:59,555
How long?
478
00:20:59,556 --> 00:21:00,856
94 seconds.
479
00:21:00,857 --> 00:21:04,259
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
479
00:21:05,305 --> 00:22:05,785
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