1 00:00:05,572 --> 00:00:08,200 - Look what Charlie and I found. - Look at this. 2 00:00:08,274 --> 00:00:11,732 Oh, God. Ahh! Get that away from me. It reeks. What is that? 3 00:00:11,811 --> 00:00:13,745 - Dude, this is our mail. - Look at that. 4 00:00:13,813 --> 00:00:16,373 - It was in the sewer. - What is our mail doing in the sewer? 5 00:00:16,449 --> 00:00:19,976 I threw it in there. You turkeys never open it, so I just started throwing it in the sewer. 6 00:00:20,053 --> 00:00:21,748 Why don't you just throw it into the trash? 7 00:00:21,821 --> 00:00:24,881 Because if I threw it in the trash, you would find it and then yell at me. 8 00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:27,984 Besides, I certainly never expected you guys to be rooting around in the sewer. 9 00:00:28,061 --> 00:00:31,462 Uh, yeah. That brings up another issue. What are you two doing in the sewer? 10 00:00:31,531 --> 00:00:33,396 - We always go in the sewer. - We hang out in the sewer. 11 00:00:34,434 --> 00:00:35,662 Why? 12 00:00:35,735 --> 00:00:37,760 Why? There's stuff down there. 13 00:00:37,837 --> 00:00:40,431 - Don't knock the sewer till you've tried the sewer. - You find shit down there. 14 00:00:40,507 --> 00:00:43,442 - But how are you so clean? - We take our clothes off so we don't get dirty. 15 00:00:43,510 --> 00:00:45,808 - You guys! - Hang on a second, Dee. We're getting into something. 16 00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,312 Anything could be down there. 17 00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:50,406 - Big stuff. - Rings, coins, nudity. That's part of the fun. 18 00:00:50,483 --> 00:00:53,611 The two of you are walking around in the sewers naked looking for rings and coins? 19 00:00:53,686 --> 00:00:55,950 You feel it with your feet. It's almost like clamming. 20 00:00:56,022 --> 00:00:58,718 - Okay, but, you guys - - Dee, knock it off. 21 00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:01,022 I wanna know why these two are rooting around in the sewer - 22 00:01:01,094 --> 00:01:02,493 My water just broke! 23 00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:05,497 - Drain could- What? - I'm having a baby. 24 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:13,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 25 00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:42,564 Out of my way. I've broken my water. 26 00:01:42,635 --> 00:01:44,728 There's a baby inside of me running out of water. Look out! 27 00:01:44,804 --> 00:01:46,738 Dennis, that was amazing. I've never seen anybody drive that fast. 28 00:01:46,806 --> 00:01:49,366 - You hit 120! 120! - I almost stewed my drawers. 29 00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:52,309 She was screaming in my ear. Probably screwed my transmission up. 30 00:01:52,378 --> 00:01:54,972 - Nice and easy. Here we go. - Oh, yes. This is my ride. 31 00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:58,313 - They've done this before. - Thank you. All done with you. You can go. 32 00:01:58,384 --> 00:02:02,184 Where's the guy? Should we call the guy? The guy who - 33 00:02:02,255 --> 00:02:03,813 Oh, no. That guy. There's no guy. 34 00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:06,017 - There's no guy? - There's no guy. It's complicated. 35 00:02:06,092 --> 00:02:09,220 There's gotta be a guy. We'll go get the guy. We'll get the dad. 36 00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:11,559 Why don't you guys do what you do best and don't care, okay? 37 00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:14,156 I got it from here. We can take it from here. Right, Michael? 38 00:02:14,234 --> 00:02:16,702 - Yeah. - Michael and I got it. Thanks, guys. 39 00:02:17,670 --> 00:02:19,399 All right. Kind of rude... 40 00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:21,997 but I guess if we're off the hook, let's head back to the bar. 41 00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:23,508 - Yeah. - Yeah. I could get blitzed. 42 00:02:23,576 --> 00:02:25,567 No. Wait. Stop, guys. This is not right. 43 00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:27,738 Something is not right here. This is very suspicious. 44 00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,372 - What? - There's no guy in the picture? 45 00:02:29,449 --> 00:02:31,644 - So what? - There's no dad in the picture. 46 00:02:31,718 --> 00:02:34,380 The brunt of the responsibility of this kid is gonna fall on us. 47 00:02:34,454 --> 00:02:35,921 We're gonna have to do everything. 48 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,752 - Ooh. - You're right. 49 00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:40,156 Dee is like the most irresponsible person on the planet. 50 00:02:40,226 --> 00:02:42,160 Look what she was doing with the mail, for Christ sakes. 51 00:02:42,228 --> 00:02:44,219 Oh, my God! We're gonna be in charge of the kid? 52 00:02:44,297 --> 00:02:46,231 This kid cannot become our responsibility. 53 00:02:46,299 --> 00:02:48,790 Look what this kid has ruined already. He's ruined my transmission. 54 00:02:48,868 --> 00:02:50,859 - Yeah. - He's ruined a perfectly good sewer conversation. 55 00:02:50,937 --> 00:02:53,098 - I still wanna get to the bottom of that one. - Right. 56 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:55,107 - We will. - God knows what he's gonna ruin in the future. 57 00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:56,972 He's going to ruin everything. 58 00:02:57,043 --> 00:02:59,637 - We gotta find the dad! We gotta find that dad. - You're right. 59 00:02:59,712 --> 00:03:01,771 - Let's find the dad. - It's the dad's responsibility. 60 00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:03,406 - Let's find the dad. - Yeah. Okay. 61 00:03:03,483 --> 00:03:05,110 I wonder if the dad even knows. 62 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:06,709 I'll bet she's embarrassed - 63 00:03:06,786 --> 00:03:09,584 too embarrassed to tell us because she's bedded some real stinkers. 64 00:03:09,656 --> 00:03:13,456 - She might not even know herself. - There's always overlap. 65 00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:16,825 Any multiple number of sperms could have gone up there and eaten the egg. 66 00:03:16,896 --> 00:03:19,421 - There could be so many dads. - No, sperm doesn't eat the egg. 67 00:03:19,499 --> 00:03:21,763 It doesn't eat the egg and grow strong and become a baby? 68 00:03:21,834 --> 00:03:24,268 Either way, she's pregnant and it's a guy, so let's get him. 69 00:03:24,337 --> 00:03:25,929 Why don't we just round up the usual suspects... 70 00:03:26,005 --> 00:03:27,563 and then we'll figure out how many of them - 71 00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:29,574 - Somebody's gotta stay here with her. - You think so? 72 00:03:29,642 --> 00:03:31,234 - You're right. Yeah. - You're right. Yeah. 73 00:03:31,311 --> 00:03:33,472 And it looks like it's gonna be you. 74 00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:36,515 - Why? What happened? - Well, mostly because we're all on this side. 75 00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:39,313 - You're over there. - Just 'cause you guys made it to one side before me? 76 00:03:39,385 --> 00:03:41,319 You didn't make it to this side on time. 77 00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:43,981 - Also, now we're backing out and you're stuck there. - I can back out. 78 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:47,322 - We'll find the dad. - You better find that dad. This is not fair. 79 00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:48,690 Keep your eye on her. 80 00:03:56,102 --> 00:03:58,502 What are you doing? What are you doing? Get down! 81 00:03:58,571 --> 00:04:00,505 I'm trying to make the TV go. 82 00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:02,507 You are standing on top of a rolling chair. 83 00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:04,873 You're gonna go flying through that window, for God sakes. Get down. 84 00:04:04,944 --> 00:04:06,969 - I'm serious. You get down, Dee. - All right, all right. 85 00:04:07,046 --> 00:04:10,641 - Oh, my- What are you thinking? - I'm trying to watch my stories. 86 00:04:10,717 --> 00:04:12,651 I have a very specific birth plan... 87 00:04:12,719 --> 00:04:15,153 and mostly it involves me watching my stories to relax... 88 00:04:15,221 --> 00:04:17,621 but I can't get this goddamn TV to do anything. 89 00:04:17,690 --> 00:04:20,215 What are you - Are you- Knock it off. 90 00:04:20,293 --> 00:04:21,817 - I'm mad at the - - Stop straining yourself. 91 00:04:21,894 --> 00:04:23,327 Go lie down. Lie down now. 92 00:04:23,396 --> 00:04:25,364 This is exactly what I was worried about, Dee. 93 00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:27,399 I am going to have to do everything... 94 00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:29,458 because you're an irresponsible person... 95 00:04:29,535 --> 00:04:32,868 who stands atop rolling chairs and chooses to go flying through windows. 96 00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:34,497 Have the baby first. 97 00:04:34,574 --> 00:04:37,099 Have the stupid baby. Then go flying through all the windows you like. 98 00:04:37,176 --> 00:04:38,666 Oh, my- Just lie there. 99 00:04:38,745 --> 00:04:41,373 Wait for the doctor. I will get your stories. 100 00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:45,042 God, this baby is becoming such an irritating thing to me. 101 00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:47,814 - Yeah. - God, what an irritating thing babies are. 102 00:04:47,887 --> 00:04:50,219 Oh, my goodness. I'm having to do everything. 103 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,554 I'll figure you out, you son of a bitch. 104 00:04:58,464 --> 00:05:01,331 Where is everybody? I thought this was supposed to be a party. 105 00:05:01,401 --> 00:05:02,698 They'll be here. You're early. 106 00:05:02,769 --> 00:05:04,361 Do you have anything to drink? 107 00:05:04,437 --> 00:05:06,598 The salt on the chips dries out my mouth. 108 00:05:06,673 --> 00:05:09,369 I'll poke around the fridge and see if there's anything. Where's the beer? 109 00:05:09,442 --> 00:05:11,842 - I forgot the beer. I'm sorry. - You didn't bring the beer? 110 00:05:11,911 --> 00:05:14,402 How are we supposed to know this is a party if there's no beer? 111 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:17,643 - I got wrapped up in the invitations. - A party with no beer. 112 00:05:17,717 --> 00:05:19,708 - We don't want them thinking it's an interrogation. 113 00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:21,515 Oh! Hey! 114 00:05:21,587 --> 00:05:24,112 Party! Party! All right! Hey! 115 00:05:24,190 --> 00:05:26,954 - Hey, Cricket. - Ooh. Where's the booze at? What's up, fellas? 116 00:05:27,026 --> 00:05:29,051 - Hey. - Who invited Cricket? 117 00:05:29,128 --> 00:05:31,756 I did, because I figured it's a wild card. 118 00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:33,628 That's a stone you can leave unturned. 119 00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:35,668 We don't have time for that bullshit. Let's just pick one and go. 120 00:05:35,735 --> 00:05:38,863 Hey, Bill? Could we talk to you for a sec? 121 00:05:38,938 --> 00:05:41,099 - Maybe, uh, in this - - Oh, yeah? Yeah. Let's do this. 122 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,608 A little guy time. Guy time. 123 00:05:43,676 --> 00:05:46,702 All right, let's turn it up. Whoo! 124 00:05:46,779 --> 00:05:49,441 Let's get weird, buddy. Let's get weird. 125 00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:52,382 - Thanks for coming to the party, Bill. - Thanks for having me, guys. 126 00:05:52,452 --> 00:05:55,580 It's good to get away from the wife and kids for a little bit- let the hair down. 127 00:05:55,655 --> 00:05:57,816 So you're still with your wife after all that shit with Dee? 128 00:05:57,890 --> 00:06:00,552 Yeah, well, I realized I was a sex addict. 129 00:06:00,626 --> 00:06:02,821 I went to therapy. She forgave me for it. 130 00:06:02,895 --> 00:06:05,227 Oh, you're a sex addict, huh? 131 00:06:05,298 --> 00:06:08,199 That's crazy to be one of those. 132 00:06:08,267 --> 00:06:10,667 - You don't mind if I write some of this down, do you? - For what? 133 00:06:10,737 --> 00:06:12,967 - Just keeping a log of the party. We like to do that. - Oh. 134 00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:15,064 A funny conversation pops up, you wanna remember it. 135 00:06:15,141 --> 00:06:18,838 No problem. Speaking of parties, you guys wanna do a little - 136 00:06:18,911 --> 00:06:22,005 - Is that coke? - Yeah. I picked up a couple grams on the way over. 137 00:06:22,081 --> 00:06:24,709 - Yeah, maybe a little bit later, we can all partake. - Hey! 138 00:06:24,784 --> 00:06:27,753 But for now we're just a bunch of guys hanging out in a room. 139 00:06:27,820 --> 00:06:30,448 - Right on. - You know, dudes. Let's talk about dude stuff. 140 00:06:30,523 --> 00:06:32,354 I like dude stuff. Like what? 141 00:06:32,425 --> 00:06:35,690 Oh, I don't know. What do guys talk about? Condoms. 142 00:06:35,762 --> 00:06:38,526 - Right. - I cannot stand the feel of a condom on my dick. 143 00:06:38,598 --> 00:06:41,032 - I hate condoms. Hate 'em, hate 'em, hate 'em, hate 'em. - Yeah. 144 00:06:41,100 --> 00:06:43,159 The three of us just don't use 'em. How about you? 145 00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,170 Me neither. I can't stand them. 146 00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:49,038 Well, that's interesting. A sex addict who doesn't like condoms. 147 00:06:49,108 --> 00:06:51,838 That's why I had a vasectomy, guys. 148 00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:53,674 You had a vasectomy? 149 00:06:53,746 --> 00:06:54,804 Yep. 150 00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:57,111 You just winked when you said that. 151 00:06:57,183 --> 00:06:59,743 Did you have a vasectomy or not? 152 00:06:59,819 --> 00:07:02,049 No. 153 00:07:02,121 --> 00:07:04,521 But that's what I would tell the ladies so I didn't have to wear a condom. 154 00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:06,615 Oh! 155 00:07:06,692 --> 00:07:09,126 - Okay. That is incredibly shady. - No, no, no, no, no, no. 156 00:07:09,195 --> 00:07:11,129 What a beautiful underhanded thing. 157 00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:12,528 - Yeah. - It's disgusting. 158 00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:15,362 - You guys wanna do a bump or what? - I'll have a bump. 159 00:07:18,004 --> 00:07:20,768 I don't understand why there's not a single room in this hospital... 160 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:22,569 - I don't know where - - That has a working television. 161 00:07:22,642 --> 00:07:24,200 I want that room now. 162 00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,745 I don't know where you think I'm gonna get it from. I don't have any. 163 00:07:26,813 --> 00:07:31,841 If you do not get my sister her stories and a new room as soon as possible... 164 00:07:31,918 --> 00:07:36,321 then I will come down on this hospital like the hammer of Thor. 165 00:07:36,389 --> 00:07:39,916 The thunder of my vengeance will echo through these corridors... 166 00:07:39,992 --> 00:07:43,587 like the gust of a thousand winds! 167 00:07:43,663 --> 00:07:46,928 You know what? I don't have time for this. 168 00:07:46,999 --> 00:07:48,557 I ain't going to jail over you. 169 00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:50,864 I will beat your ass and think nothing of it. 170 00:07:50,937 --> 00:07:54,668 I'm not doing this with you today. I'm not! I'm not! 171 00:07:54,740 --> 00:07:57,709 What's the word on my stories? 172 00:07:57,777 --> 00:08:01,406 - Why are you not in bed? - I slipped out for a quick sandwich and a soda. 173 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:04,939 - You left the hospital? - Yeah. I was kind of hungry. Mostly I was just getting bored. 174 00:08:05,017 --> 00:08:07,178 Dee, get in your room. You're drive- I - 175 00:08:07,253 --> 00:08:09,187 It's so boring. There's nothing going on in there. 176 00:08:09,255 --> 00:08:11,621 You get in your room. Get in there. 177 00:08:11,691 --> 00:08:14,660 - Don't push me though, because I'm pregnant and I don't... Get in the bed. 178 00:08:14,727 --> 00:08:16,285 - Wait a sec. What's this? - I don't know. 179 00:08:16,362 --> 00:08:18,125 Why is there a strange man in my room? 180 00:08:18,197 --> 00:08:21,257 They probably slid this man in here thinking that you were never gonna use the room. 181 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:24,997 I don't want there to be a strange man laying in my room who looks dead. 182 00:08:25,071 --> 00:08:27,733 - Is he dead, Dennis? - I'm sure he's just sleeping. Get in bed. 183 00:08:27,807 --> 00:08:31,072 - I'm gonna scream in his face and see if he wakes up. - Do not scream in the man's face. 184 00:08:31,143 --> 00:08:34,544 I'll jiggle his ankle, and that will determine whether he's alive or not. 185 00:08:34,614 --> 00:08:37,481 Excuse me, sir. Are you - You're very cold. He's very cold. 186 00:08:37,550 --> 00:08:42,078 - Okay. Hey, you! Wake up right now if you're not dead! - All right, damn it, Dee. Stop. 187 00:08:42,154 --> 00:08:45,146 Oh, God. I think he's dead. I think he's dead, Dennis. He's definitely dead. 188 00:08:45,224 --> 00:08:50,423 Why would they put a dead old man with paper skin in my room when I'm trying to give birth? 189 00:08:50,496 --> 00:08:53,260 Because you weren't using the room, Dee, and the hospital's very full. 190 00:08:53,332 --> 00:08:55,266 This was not part of my birth plan. 191 00:08:55,334 --> 00:08:57,268 This was not part of my birth plan, sir. 192 00:08:57,336 --> 00:08:59,270 Get the nurse and get him out of here. 193 00:08:59,338 --> 00:09:02,068 Getting the nurse is not gonna do any good. That woman is stubborn as shit. 194 00:09:02,141 --> 00:09:04,541 - Well, do something 'cause this is upsetting me. - All right! All right! 195 00:09:04,610 --> 00:09:06,601 - It's upsetting the baby. - I hate all the responsibility that I have... 196 00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:08,237 that this baby is causing me. 197 00:09:08,314 --> 00:09:12,080 I will get this man out of your room. I will think of something awesome. 198 00:09:15,454 --> 00:09:19,515 So things got pretty hot and heavy with you and Dee back in the day, correct? 199 00:09:19,592 --> 00:09:22,618 - That was over a year ago? - Yeah. She wasn't very nice to me. 200 00:09:22,695 --> 00:09:25,721 What are we looking at? No contact with Dee after you dated. 201 00:09:25,798 --> 00:09:30,758 - What's the deal here, bud? - Well, no, she contacted me for a while... 202 00:09:30,836 --> 00:09:32,326 usually when she was drunk. 203 00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:34,965 - Drunken late-night booty calls? - Mm-hmm. 204 00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:37,532 No. She usually just yells at me... 205 00:09:37,610 --> 00:09:41,171 calls me names like army jerk, camo turkey. 206 00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:43,511 I know she's just drunk, so it's okay. 207 00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,517 Not okay. Not okay at all. 208 00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,985 - You gotta stand up for yourself, man. - So you haven't slept with her? 209 00:09:48,054 --> 00:09:50,215 Sometimes she tricks me. 210 00:09:50,289 --> 00:09:52,780 She tricks you? She tricks you how? 211 00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:58,693 To give her sex. 212 00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:03,627 She's a very manipulative person. 213 00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:08,305 I'm- I'm sorry. 214 00:10:08,374 --> 00:10:10,399 Are you guys mad at me? 215 00:10:10,476 --> 00:10:13,001 - No, man, we're not mad - - No. 216 00:10:13,079 --> 00:10:16,014 - I mean- You know. - Okay. 217 00:10:16,082 --> 00:10:18,380 - Get a grip, but - - Okay. 218 00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:21,682 - There's a room full of dudes out there, so you might wanna... Yeah. 219 00:10:21,754 --> 00:10:23,813 stop crying before you come back out to the party. 220 00:10:23,889 --> 00:10:27,757 Pull it together, because you're a soldier and you should be tougher. 221 00:10:27,827 --> 00:10:29,385 Let's go. 222 00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:32,329 - Thanks, guys. This is the guy that's defending our country? 223 00:10:32,398 --> 00:10:34,559 - Well, he's definitely a candidate. - Oh, boys. 224 00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:36,898 - The keg has arrived. - Hey, Frank. 225 00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:40,564 This power outlet is gonna explode, and you're gonna have to deal with that. 226 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:44,007 - Duncan, go with it, baby. - Yeah, let's go for it. 227 00:10:45,277 --> 00:10:48,269 Yo, Frank, we gonna set it off, bitch. 228 00:10:48,347 --> 00:10:50,076 What are your bridge friends doing here? 229 00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:52,617 You gotta give it the illusion of a party. 230 00:10:52,685 --> 00:10:54,778 It's gotta be a guy's night, that's why. 231 00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:58,449 - Are you high on blow? - Whatever Duncan gave me. 232 00:10:58,524 --> 00:11:01,357 - You don't even know what you're high on? - No. Hey! 233 00:11:01,427 --> 00:11:04,362 Yo, Charlie Chuckles, what's crackin', sunshine? Yeah. 234 00:11:04,430 --> 00:11:06,796 - Hey. L'il Kev. - Hey, L'il Kev. 235 00:11:06,866 --> 00:11:09,130 And your beer. 236 00:11:09,201 --> 00:11:11,226 Ah. I'll talk to you guys later. 237 00:11:11,303 --> 00:11:13,237 Okay. Okay. 238 00:11:13,305 --> 00:11:14,704 What is L'il Kev doing here? 239 00:11:14,774 --> 00:11:16,799 You gotta throw out a big net... 240 00:11:16,876 --> 00:11:18,935 to catch the fish that she was banging. 241 00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:21,445 - Oh. Oh! - Oh! 242 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:24,210 - Party! - It's a party, yo. 243 00:11:24,283 --> 00:11:26,843 Is that the busboy from the Korean restaurant? 244 00:11:26,919 --> 00:11:28,944 Yeah, yeah. She banged him. 245 00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:37,323 Are you sure we're not taking this Weekend at Bernie's thing too far? 246 00:11:37,396 --> 00:11:40,661 - I'm worried the sunglasses are ridiculous. - The sunglasses lighten the mood. 247 00:11:40,733 --> 00:11:42,758 Make the whole thing feel like a fun, fun romp. 248 00:11:42,835 --> 00:11:44,769 - Hi. - Hi, ladies. Hi. Yeah. 249 00:11:44,837 --> 00:11:46,532 - Good afternoon. - Without the sunglasses... 250 00:11:46,605 --> 00:11:48,038 Weekend at Bernie's would have been very dark. 251 00:11:48,107 --> 00:11:49,597 - Yeah. Strange movie. - Strange tale. 252 00:11:49,675 --> 00:11:51,404 Hey there, Mr. Craig. 253 00:11:53,245 --> 00:11:55,076 Okay. 254 00:11:55,147 --> 00:11:58,378 - The waving thing's awesome, that's true. - It's pretty sweet, right? 255 00:11:58,451 --> 00:11:59,884 What's our plan here? 256 00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:02,819 Are we just gonna throw him in the trash or find a laundry chute... 257 00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:04,480 - Fire him down that? - What? No. 258 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,991 I'm gonna drop him in one of these rooms if I can find an empty one. 259 00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:09,323 But that way, somebody could find him and put him back in my room. 260 00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:12,523 That's a good point. Maybe we can stuff him in a drawer or jam him in a closet. 261 00:12:12,598 --> 00:12:15,499 - That'll buy us some time, right? - Mm-mmm. Makes me feel like I have to touch him. 262 00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:18,196 I don't wanna touch him at all. Why don't we just put him in the trash? 263 00:12:18,270 --> 00:12:20,204 Please don't put me in the trash. 264 00:12:20,272 --> 00:12:22,365 - Oh! - Oh, are you alive? 265 00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:23,874 - Oh, my goodness. - Whoa. 266 00:12:23,943 --> 00:12:26,776 What is going on here? What are you doing with Mr. Craig? 267 00:12:26,846 --> 00:12:28,609 They're trying to put me in the trash. 268 00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:30,512 - Don't- No. - You know what? 269 00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:33,609 I refuse to share a room with an old man who likes to pretend to be dead. 270 00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:36,553 - He's a liar. - You are not allowed to move the patients. 271 00:12:36,622 --> 00:12:37,611 - Ooh! - What? What? 272 00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:39,817 - Oh, Dennis. Oh, my God. - What? 273 00:12:39,892 --> 00:12:41,792 - I think I'm having this baby. - Doctor! 274 00:12:41,861 --> 00:12:45,490 Oh! It doesn't feel good. This sucks. This sucks a bag of dicks. 275 00:12:45,564 --> 00:12:47,259 - Oh, I'm sure. - Oh, man! Oh! 276 00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:49,631 - Help my sister. - Wait, wait, wait. Don't leave me. 277 00:12:49,702 --> 00:12:50,964 - I don't like it. - No, I'm coming. 278 00:12:51,036 --> 00:12:52,867 - We got you from here. We got you. - I'm coming with you. 279 00:12:52,938 --> 00:12:54,530 You ain't going nowhere. 280 00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:57,235 Get your narrow ass back in that waiting room before I knock you in there. 281 00:12:57,309 --> 00:12:59,641 You have done enough today. 282 00:12:59,712 --> 00:13:03,876 Crazy-ass white boy steadily dressing up folk and talking about Thor. 283 00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:06,713 I bet I earned this. I got you. 284 00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:10,620 Wow. This whole thing's really setting in now. 285 00:13:10,689 --> 00:13:13,249 Yeah, it's really sinking in, man. 286 00:13:13,325 --> 00:13:15,316 We're gonna have a baby. This is really cool. 287 00:13:15,394 --> 00:13:17,089 Please don't throw me in the trash. 288 00:13:17,163 --> 00:13:19,757 No one's putting you in the trash. Stop saying that. Will you stop? 289 00:13:19,832 --> 00:13:23,700 # Everybody's talking all this stuff about me # 290 00:13:23,769 --> 00:13:26,704 - Man, I used to have some jean shorts like that too. 291 00:13:26,772 --> 00:13:28,899 I slept in them shits, man. 292 00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:31,943 Eventually, I blew the crotch out of them things. 293 00:13:32,011 --> 00:13:35,538 But you can't wear 'em every day and expect for 'em to hold up. 294 00:13:35,614 --> 00:13:37,775 That was some nice-ass denim too. 295 00:13:37,850 --> 00:13:39,545 I miss them shorts. 296 00:13:39,618 --> 00:13:42,587 But you gotta take 'em off every now and then. 297 00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:45,590 You gotta take 'em off, son. 298 00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,751 Why are you having sex with her? 299 00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:51,627 Well, she gets drunk and calls me a cardio-jerk or a workout turkey. 300 00:13:51,697 --> 00:13:53,722 And after a while, I just kind of cave in. 301 00:13:53,799 --> 00:13:56,290 Wow. You just - I gotta try that with someone. 302 00:13:56,368 --> 00:13:57,733 - Thanks, Rex. - Thank you. 303 00:13:57,803 --> 00:13:59,236 - Enjoy the party. - Thanks, Rex. 304 00:13:59,305 --> 00:14:01,432 She's just berating these guys into having sex with her. 305 00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:04,806 Yeah, and she is slammin' ass all over town. She's getting way more action than us. 306 00:14:04,877 --> 00:14:08,040 She's stuck on her curse words. "Jerk" and "turkey" are all that she's using. 307 00:14:08,113 --> 00:14:10,479 Well, clearly they're working for her, 'cause Rex is a quality lay. 308 00:14:10,549 --> 00:14:13,313 Yeah, Re - Well, he's not fit to be a father though. 309 00:14:13,385 --> 00:14:17,549 A father? None of these guys are fit to be fathers. They're animals. 310 00:14:17,623 --> 00:14:19,989 Even if we do figure out who it is... 311 00:14:20,059 --> 00:14:22,653 how are we gonna trust this baby with one of these monkeys? 312 00:14:22,728 --> 00:14:24,719 They're animals. They got no self-control. 313 00:14:24,797 --> 00:14:27,630 It takes discipline to raise a kid, you know? 314 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:30,726 - You gotta set rules. You gotta set ground rules. - Set some boundaries. 315 00:14:30,803 --> 00:14:33,670 Like don't have 'em doing cocaine. 316 00:14:33,739 --> 00:14:36,970 - Get them off the Internet. - The Internet's a very, very dangerous place. 317 00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:39,567 Kids spend all their time on the Internet. "Hi. Who are you? 318 00:14:39,645 --> 00:14:41,613 There's your penis and there's your butt." 319 00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:45,081 - You gotta learn from some books. - You don't want 'em reading too many books. 320 00:14:45,150 --> 00:14:47,277 - You don't want 'em to be a nerd. - You don't want 'em to be a nerd. 321 00:14:47,353 --> 00:14:50,015 - I'm not raising a nerd, bro. - If it's a nerd, I'm gonna bash his head in. 322 00:14:50,089 --> 00:14:52,182 - Nerds get nowhere in life. - Oh, my God. Is he a nerd? 323 00:14:52,258 --> 00:14:54,249 I could bash some nerds right now. 324 00:14:54,326 --> 00:14:57,295 Right after this we should probably bash nerds. I gotta get it out of my system. 325 00:14:57,363 --> 00:14:59,126 Bash some nerds. 326 00:14:59,198 --> 00:15:00,790 - Absolutely. - Get bowed up. 327 00:15:00,866 --> 00:15:04,029 - You gotta teach him how to beat nerds up. - He's gotta be beating nerds up. 328 00:15:04,103 --> 00:15:05,536 These are good ideas for raising a kid. 329 00:15:05,604 --> 00:15:07,094 We have a lot of ideas about raising a kid. 330 00:15:07,172 --> 00:15:10,005 We are men who can be great dads. We have great opinions. 331 00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:12,009 And that's all that parenting is - 332 00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:13,510 pretending you know what you're talking about... 333 00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:15,308 and then jamming it down a kid's throat. 334 00:15:15,381 --> 00:15:16,973 Oh, my God. That's what we're gonna do. 335 00:15:17,049 --> 00:15:18,983 When I see that baby, dude, we're gonna run towards it. 336 00:15:19,051 --> 00:15:21,781 - I'm gonna grab it. I'm gonna pick him up. - And jam shit down his throat! 337 00:15:21,854 --> 00:15:23,788 - Dude. - Dude, we're gonna be the dad. 338 00:15:23,856 --> 00:15:26,347 - We're so much better dads than these guys. - Yeah, look at this. 339 00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:30,327 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! 340 00:15:30,396 --> 00:15:32,455 Oh! 341 00:15:37,903 --> 00:15:41,498 I can't wait to tell him. This is so exciting. There he is. 342 00:15:41,573 --> 00:15:44,474 Hey, Dennis, Dennis. We have news. We have wonderful news. 343 00:15:44,543 --> 00:15:48,309 Charlie and I have decided that we are going to be the father of this child. 344 00:15:48,380 --> 00:15:50,075 Dude, we did a complete 180. 345 00:15:50,149 --> 00:15:52,140 You guys, I did a 180 too. I totally did. 346 00:15:52,217 --> 00:15:54,845 I was all pissy this morning about having to be at the hospital. 347 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:58,981 Then I realized I've been firing on all cylinders because of this baby thing. 348 00:15:59,058 --> 00:16:02,186 Dude, I did this Weekend at Bernie's operation earlier... 349 00:16:02,261 --> 00:16:04,229 that would have blown you guys' minds - it was very effective. 350 00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:07,265 Then I busted out this sweet Thor line on this lady because she was pissing me off. 351 00:16:07,333 --> 00:16:10,928 It was, like, boom! I really hit her with it. And I never reference the Nordic gods. 352 00:16:11,003 --> 00:16:13,597 - I don't understand what your point is. - What are you talking about? 353 00:16:13,672 --> 00:16:15,503 I'm saying I wanna be the dad too. I'm totally into it. 354 00:16:15,574 --> 00:16:17,838 - Okay. - That steps on our thing a little bit, but - 355 00:16:17,910 --> 00:16:21,641 - 'Cause we were doing the... Maybe instead of doing a My Two Dads type thing... 356 00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:25,206 we could fold in another dad and do a Three Men and a Baby type situation. 357 00:16:25,284 --> 00:16:27,582 - That's what it is. I like that. - An equally effective movie. 358 00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:30,053 - A great movie. - Did we miss it? Did we miss it? 359 00:16:30,122 --> 00:16:32,716 No. It was - What's going on? Who are all these people? 360 00:16:32,791 --> 00:16:35,817 I couldn't decide who the dad was, so I brought everybody. 361 00:16:35,894 --> 00:16:39,295 You didn't try and decide who the dad was. You just got high. 362 00:16:39,365 --> 00:16:41,925 Well, the interrogation did turn into a coke party. 363 00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:44,026 But they all promised to have blood tests. 364 00:16:44,103 --> 00:16:47,766 If this kid is mine, I'm gonna blow my brains out. 365 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,741 Oh, he got zooted, man. He took an eight-ball to the dome. 366 00:16:50,809 --> 00:16:54,802 No, no, Frank. Dude, get these guys out of here, all right? 367 00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:57,314 - We're gonna be the father of the baby now. - We're gonna be the fathers. 368 00:16:57,383 --> 00:16:59,943 - It has been decided, so sayeth Thor. - Thor said it. 369 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,213 - The who? - Thor. 370 00:17:01,286 --> 00:17:02,981 - Who Thor? - Is that your Greek God reference? 371 00:17:03,055 --> 00:17:04,522 - He's a Nordic God. - Nordic God. 372 00:17:04,590 --> 00:17:06,990 I said something else earlier that sounded a lot cooler than that. 373 00:17:07,059 --> 00:17:08,583 That one didn't really work. 374 00:17:08,660 --> 00:17:11,026 Guys, here she comes. She's coming. 375 00:17:11,096 --> 00:17:13,564 How do we make it a big moment? I wanna make it a big moment. 376 00:17:13,632 --> 00:17:15,566 With music. Duncan, play something special. 377 00:17:15,634 --> 00:17:17,659 - Frank, I got the perfect thing. - Okay, great. 378 00:17:17,736 --> 00:17:21,263 - Why do they have the - - I don't know. 379 00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:52,128 # Pray God you can cope # 380 00:17:52,204 --> 00:17:55,230 # I'll stand outside # 381 00:17:55,307 --> 00:17:57,639 # This woman's work # 382 00:17:57,709 --> 00:18:00,542 # This woman's world # 383 00:18:00,612 --> 00:18:04,810 # Ooh, it's hard on the man # 384 00:18:04,883 --> 00:18:08,444 # Now his part is over # 385 00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:11,819 # Now starts the craft # 386 00:18:12,357 --> 00:18:17,693 # Of the father # 387 00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:21,665 # I know you have a little life in you yet # 388 00:18:21,733 --> 00:18:23,166 # I know you have a lot # 389 00:18:23,235 --> 00:18:25,465 Carmen? What are you doing here? 390 00:18:25,537 --> 00:18:28,199 - I'm here to get my baby. - What? 391 00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:30,969 Oh, yeah. The tranny's the dad. 392 00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:32,977 Yeah! 393 00:18:33,045 --> 00:18:36,412 - You had sex with the tranny? - No. I was their surrogate. 394 00:18:36,482 --> 00:18:38,848 We used her sperm and a donor egg... 395 00:18:38,917 --> 00:18:41,215 and then they just kind of - right up there and - 396 00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:44,278 We had a difficult time finding a surrogate, but Dee was a miracle to us. 397 00:18:44,356 --> 00:18:47,018 I can't have kids of my own, and Carmen always wanted a baby. 398 00:18:47,092 --> 00:18:50,186 Yeah, yeah. Great, great. Miracle for you. How wonderful. Dee, you tricked us? 399 00:18:50,262 --> 00:18:53,425 - How did I trick you? - We were getting all pumped up about being this baby's dad. 400 00:18:53,499 --> 00:18:54,989 We were all keyed up for nothing. 401 00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:57,160 If we knew you were doing this stupid surrogate thing again... 402 00:18:57,236 --> 00:18:59,227 we would have just completely ignored your pregnancy. 403 00:18:59,304 --> 00:19:01,329 You did ignore my pregnancy. 404 00:19:01,406 --> 00:19:03,567 This has been a huge disappointment for us. 405 00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:06,008 - Why? - We were gonna be great dads. 406 00:19:06,078 --> 00:19:07,636 We were gonna impose our will on the kid. 407 00:19:07,713 --> 00:19:09,772 We had a Three Men and a Baby thing going on. 408 00:19:09,848 --> 00:19:11,907 - Okay, I'm sorry. - I have to admit... 409 00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:13,679 this whole thing might be for the best. 410 00:19:13,752 --> 00:19:16,949 Those two are gonna make great parents, much better parents than any of us would. 411 00:19:17,022 --> 00:19:20,719 - Don't you think? - Yeah. I guess. 412 00:19:20,792 --> 00:19:23,784 - A baby would've screwed up our chemistry. - It might've. Yeah. 413 00:19:23,862 --> 00:19:26,330 We got a good thing going. Why blow it with a baby? 414 00:19:26,398 --> 00:19:29,629 That being said, don't get knocked up anymore, Dee. It's getting old. 415 00:19:29,701 --> 00:19:31,396 Oh, yeah. I didn't enjoy any of it. 416 00:19:31,470 --> 00:19:33,870 So, what I'm confused on is... 417 00:19:33,939 --> 00:19:37,568 the mother is the father and the father is black... 418 00:19:37,643 --> 00:19:40,009 - And the baby's not black, so - - It's all been explained. 419 00:19:40,078 --> 00:19:42,069 - Yeah. - I'll talk you through it later. 420 00:19:42,147 --> 00:19:44,206 Then what is your deal? Do we pop you back in there? 421 00:19:44,283 --> 00:19:46,274 Are you done having babies? What's going on? 422 00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:48,717 Can you take me to go get a beer? I need a beer. 423 00:19:48,787 --> 00:19:51,255 I could go for a beer. You guys wanna go back to the bar? 424 00:19:51,323 --> 00:19:53,052 - Yeah! - Hey, you guys. 425 00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:55,821 Let's bring the party back to the bar. Bring the music. Let's go. 426 00:19:55,894 --> 00:19:58,260 - What the hell's happening back there? - A few buddies came along. 427 00:19:58,330 --> 00:20:00,798 - Don't worry about it, Dee. - Oh! Let's party in the sewer. 428 00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:03,164 - Oh, yeah, Charlie. - I'm not going into a sewer. 429 00:20:03,235 --> 00:20:04,759 What is your obsession with the sewer these days? 430 00:20:04,836 --> 00:20:06,497 - You find great stuff down there. - Like what? 431 00:20:06,572 --> 00:20:08,631 - Like sewage. - Ha-ha! Good one, Dee. 432 00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:10,675 She's back, baby. She's back. 433 00:20:10,742 --> 00:20:12,676 Supposing it's storming and a guy loses his ring... 434 00:20:12,744 --> 00:20:14,405 - Is this the ring story again? - And it goes into the gutter? 435 00:20:14,479 --> 00:20:17,812 You gotta come up with something else, Frank. You can't keep using the same - 436 00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:21,375 Like, give me some crack. You know what I'm sayin', dawg? 437 00:20:21,453 --> 00:20:22,511 We'll get more. 438 00:20:23,305 --> 00:20:29,277 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org