1
00:00:01,843 --> 00:00:02,710
I'm so pumped, dude.
2
00:00:02,778 --> 00:00:04,812
I hope I get to see at
least one ancient spirit.
3
00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:06,848
I think we should get
some chalk and some erasers,
4
00:00:06,916 --> 00:00:10,118
because that dust cloud, you know,
really shows the laser beam alarms.
5
00:00:10,185 --> 00:00:11,553
Oh!
Get a little dust cloud going.
6
00:00:11,620 --> 00:00:14,355
We got to spend a lot of
time in the Civil War section.
7
00:00:14,423 --> 00:00:16,057
No, we're not doing
the Civil War section, Frank.
8
00:00:16,125 --> 00:00:17,592
We are gonna hit up
Ancient Egypt though.
9
00:00:17,660 --> 00:00:18,459
I'm very excited about that.
10
00:00:18,527 --> 00:00:19,294
And we're sticking together.
11
00:00:19,361 --> 00:00:21,963
SWEET DEE: Just so I'm clear,
you guys don't actually think
12
00:00:22,031 --> 00:00:24,632
that things are going to come
alive because you're spending
13
00:00:24,700 --> 00:00:26,134
the night in a museum, right?
14
00:00:26,201 --> 00:00:28,369
I'm sorry, but we're
simply opening ourselves up to
15
00:00:28,437 --> 00:00:30,738
the possibility of an amazing
adventure this evening.
16
00:00:30,806 --> 00:00:32,073
Is there something wrong with that?
17
00:00:32,141 --> 00:00:34,275
Now, whether that means, uh,
Charlie running into his ancient
18
00:00:34,343 --> 00:00:37,984
spirits or us having to just, you know, run
away from security guards all night,
19
00:00:38,104 --> 00:00:39,563
It's gonna be a really really great time.
20
00:00:39,683 --> 00:00:41,772
It's certainly gonna be better
than sticking around alone all night,
21
00:00:41,892 --> 00:00:44,327
watching you eat sandwich
after sandwich after sandwich.
22
00:00:44,447 --> 00:00:45,987
What the hell is the matter with you?
23
00:00:46,226 --> 00:00:47,851
You've been stuffing your face for days.
24
00:00:47,971 --> 00:00:49,440
It's fatness, Frank.
Plain and simple.
25
00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:51,069
The person's becoming fat
in front of your eyes.
26
00:00:51,189 --> 00:00:53,639
I don't even know how to make
the bird jokes anymore,
27
00:00:53,759 --> 00:00:56,323
- like they don't apply.
- I'm not fat. I'm pregnant.
28
00:00:57,448 --> 00:00:59,319
I feel like you say that all the time now.
29
00:00:59,439 --> 00:01:01,546
You better do yourself a favor
and flush it out.
30
00:01:01,666 --> 00:01:04,292
Wait a second. You definitely
said that before. You're right.
31
00:01:04,412 --> 00:01:07,036
Yeah, and since we're all saying
things that we say all the time
32
00:01:07,156 --> 00:01:09,792
I'll reiterate. Dee, we don't care
about you or your body,
33
00:01:09,912 --> 00:01:12,758
or your baby, or that baby bird you're
probably carrying inside of you.
34
00:01:13,312 --> 00:01:14,297
Oh, really?
35
00:01:14,417 --> 00:01:15,634
Well you should give a shit,
36
00:01:15,754 --> 00:01:17,147
'cause one of you is the father.
37
00:01:19,412 --> 00:01:20,857
- What?
- W-What the hell you talking about?
38
00:01:20,977 --> 00:01:22,137
I'm talking about the Halloween party.
39
00:01:22,257 --> 00:01:23,579
One of you got me pregnant.
40
00:01:23,841 --> 00:01:27,777
But you know, since you guys don't care about
me or my body or my baby or whatever it was
41
00:01:27,897 --> 00:01:29,564
that you were saying, we
shouldn't talk about it.
42
00:01:29,684 --> 00:01:31,836
You guys are on your way to a
museum to spend the night.
43
00:01:31,956 --> 00:01:33,644
Hey, have a great time, guys.
44
00:01:37,429 --> 00:01:38,568
Oh, shit.
45
00:01:38,836 --> 00:01:49,008
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
46
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:57,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
47
00:02:12,130 --> 00:02:13,497
I mean, what is
she even talking about?
48
00:02:13,565 --> 00:02:15,132
Got her pregnant at
the Halloween party?
49
00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:15,833
What does that mean?
50
00:02:15,901 --> 00:02:17,501
I don't even remember
that party; I was wasted.
51
00:02:17,569 --> 00:02:18,402
Yeah, me, too.
52
00:02:18,470 --> 00:02:20,171
I-I browned out that evening.
53
00:02:20,238 --> 00:02:21,038
Browned out?
54
00:02:21,106 --> 00:02:22,206
What's browned out?
55
00:02:22,274 --> 00:02:25,576
Oh, it's when you drink so
much that everything goes brown.
56
00:02:25,577 --> 00:02:28,412
It's not as severe as a blackout,
'cause I remember bits and pieces.
57
00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:29,747
I like to call it browning out.
58
00:02:29,815 --> 00:02:31,515
Hmm, never
heard of that before.
59
00:02:31,583 --> 00:02:33,050
There's a good
reason for that, Frank.
60
00:02:33,118 --> 00:02:34,852
Because I think Mac just
made it up on the spot.
61
00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:35,386
I did.
62
00:02:35,453 --> 00:02:35,953
You did?
63
00:02:36,521 --> 00:02:38,055
That's a great term... browning out.
64
00:02:38,123 --> 00:02:38,656
You like it?
65
00:02:38,723 --> 00:02:39,256
I love it!
66
00:02:39,324 --> 00:02:39,757
Thank you.
67
00:02:39,825 --> 00:02:42,726
And I-I'm pretty sure at a certain
point, we all probably browned out.
68
00:02:42,794 --> 00:02:45,129
So I think our best chance at
figuring this out is for us to
69
00:02:45,197 --> 00:02:47,965
all put our browns together,
mash them together and try and
70
00:02:48,033 --> 00:02:49,767
figure out which one of
you two banged my sister.
71
00:02:49,835 --> 00:02:51,402
Okay, but let's not over use
the brown thing right in
72
00:02:51,469 --> 00:02:52,002
the beginning, you know.
73
00:02:52,070 --> 00:02:53,370
Yeah, but here's the thing.
74
00:02:53,438 --> 00:02:55,339
Once you throw a term like that
out and everybody likes it, it's
75
00:02:55,407 --> 00:02:55,973
pretty much fair game.
76
00:02:56,041 --> 00:02:58,042
- We can use it whenever...
- It's public domain at that point.
77
00:02:58,109 --> 00:02:59,210
It becomes public domain.
78
00:02:59,277 --> 00:03:01,345
Now we're just trying
to figure out who banged Dee.
79
00:03:01,413 --> 00:03:02,646
That's the important thing.
80
00:03:02,714 --> 00:03:04,615
Let's not focus too much on the
brown thing... Even though it's a
81
00:03:04,683 --> 00:03:05,683
term that I'm gonna use a lot.
82
00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:07,451
And I'm probably gonna
use it a lot right now.
83
00:03:07,519 --> 00:03:09,587
So here's what I remember
from my brown state.
84
00:03:09,654 --> 00:03:12,056
I remember we were all in
costume, and our costumes were
85
00:03:12,123 --> 00:03:14,491
pretty cool, except for yours.
86
00:03:14,559 --> 00:03:18,362
I was really pissed off at you, because
we agreed to go as Mario and Luigi.
87
00:03:18,430 --> 00:03:20,264
I held up my end of the bargain.
88
00:03:20,332 --> 00:03:23,868
And then you showed up wearing a
different costume at the last minute.
89
00:03:23,935 --> 00:03:24,902
Dude, what are you doing?
90
00:03:24,970 --> 00:03:26,103
Where's your Mario costume?
91
00:03:26,171 --> 00:03:28,038
No, I went with a sexier look.
92
00:03:28,106 --> 00:03:28,739
Sexy?
93
00:03:28,807 --> 00:03:31,197
Bro, we agreed on funny over sexy this
year,
94
00:03:31,317 --> 00:03:32,709
so we could disarm the ladies...
95
00:03:32,829 --> 00:03:34,151
You don't remember this conversation?
96
00:03:34,271 --> 00:03:35,347
Without my Mario...
97
00:03:35,467 --> 00:03:37,514
What am I? Like some weird
Italian plumber.
98
00:03:37,582 --> 00:03:38,782
I look like an asshole.
99
00:03:38,850 --> 00:03:39,483
What is that?
100
00:03:39,551 --> 00:03:40,384
What even is that?
101
00:03:40,452 --> 00:03:43,754
I'm that character from Lord
of the Rings, Viggio Morgenstein.
102
00:03:43,822 --> 00:03:45,890
Okay, that is not the
character's name, that's the
103
00:03:45,957 --> 00:03:47,791
actor's name, and you're not
even getting that right.
104
00:03:47,859 --> 00:03:50,461
You're totally, totally
boning me here, bro.
105
00:03:50,528 --> 00:03:51,095
You realize that?
106
00:03:51,162 --> 00:03:51,795
Yo, yo, yo!
107
00:03:51,863 --> 00:03:53,731
Look at the turnout for our partay.
108
00:03:53,798 --> 00:03:55,199
Fizz! Fizz!
109
00:03:55,267 --> 00:03:57,434
I vant to suck your blood!
110
00:03:57,502 --> 00:03:58,869
It's Tvilight time!
111
00:03:58,937 --> 00:04:00,471
Time for blood sucking.
112
00:04:01,673 --> 00:04:04,141
Yeah, dude, I'm doing a vampire
thing, 'cause chicks are all
113
00:04:04,209 --> 00:04:06,277
into vampires and stuff, you
know, 'cause of the stupid
114
00:04:06,344 --> 00:04:07,745
Twilight movie and all
that other crap.
115
00:04:07,812 --> 00:04:10,014
You know, so I'm like, what
if the waitress is into it?
116
00:04:10,081 --> 00:04:11,081
This is my best shot!
117
00:04:11,149 --> 00:04:12,950
You are dressed like
the Phantom of the Opera.
118
00:04:13,018 --> 00:04:13,717
He's not a vampire.
119
00:04:13,785 --> 00:04:14,885
He eats theater people.
120
00:04:14,953 --> 00:04:15,586
No, he doesn't.
121
00:04:15,654 --> 00:04:16,353
I think he might.
122
00:04:16,421 --> 00:04:16,987
He does.
123
00:04:17,055 --> 00:04:19,523
And I'm surprised you even
know who the Phantom of the Opera is.
124
00:04:19,591 --> 00:04:20,124
He might not.
125
00:04:20,191 --> 00:04:20,758
He doesn't.
126
00:04:20,825 --> 00:04:21,992
No, I don't, I don't.
127
00:04:22,060 --> 00:04:23,260
SWEET DEE: This party blows.
128
00:04:23,328 --> 00:04:24,094
There's no studs here.
129
00:04:24,162 --> 00:04:25,796
No beef in the freezer,
if you know what I mean.
130
00:04:25,864 --> 00:04:29,466
Dee, why in God's name would you
wear a costume with giant wings?
131
00:04:29,534 --> 00:04:30,434
SWEET DEE: I'm a sexy angel.
132
00:04:30,502 --> 00:04:33,304
Are we supposed to pretend like
you're not dressed like a giant bird?
133
00:04:33,371 --> 00:04:35,706
I mean, if you're gonna be
sexy, don't dress like a bird, Dee.
134
00:04:35,774 --> 00:04:38,409
SWEET DEE: I didn't dress like
a bird, I'm clearly an angel.
135
00:04:38,476 --> 00:04:38,909
No.
136
00:04:38,977 --> 00:04:40,978
SWEET DEE: Besides, did you
guys see that cooze over there,
137
00:04:41,046 --> 00:04:42,713
dressing like a peacock?
138
00:04:42,781 --> 00:04:44,014
Big, giant bird.
139
00:04:44,082 --> 00:04:45,115
Green bird.
140
00:04:47,652 --> 00:04:48,986
She wears it well.
141
00:04:49,054 --> 00:04:49,853
Woof, woof.
142
00:04:49,921 --> 00:04:51,455
She wears it very well.
143
00:04:51,523 --> 00:04:53,824
She wears it so well, in fact,
that I have now pinpointed her
144
00:04:53,892 --> 00:04:55,159
as my prey for the evening.
145
00:04:55,226 --> 00:04:55,993
Yeah.
146
00:04:56,061 --> 00:04:58,028
She will be mine.
147
00:04:58,096 --> 00:05:00,698
As a matter of fact, I'm gonna go
get that process started right now.
148
00:05:00,765 --> 00:05:02,466
Out of my way, bird.
149
00:05:02,534 --> 00:05:04,639
This is all sounding right.
150
00:05:04,759 --> 00:05:07,785
- I remember this.
- Yeah? Does all this seem right to you?
151
00:05:07,905 --> 00:05:09,191
So it was later in the evening and
152
00:05:09,430 --> 00:05:10,675
and things have progressed quite a bit
153
00:05:10,795 --> 00:05:13,685
cause I remember we all got
pretty lit at this point. But...
154
00:05:14,107 --> 00:05:17,866
See, I distinctly remember being some kind
of a commotion at the other end of the bar.
155
00:05:18,105 --> 00:05:20,750
Leave us alone. Stop it!
156
00:05:20,870 --> 00:05:23,817
Now this lady sounded like she was
in a fair amount of distress, but...
157
00:05:24,084 --> 00:05:25,287
I didn't really give a shit.
158
00:05:25,407 --> 00:05:27,439
Cause despite looking
like a cartoon bricklayer
159
00:05:27,847 --> 00:05:32,398
I was started to get pretty close
to sealing the deal with the peacock lady.
160
00:05:32,518 --> 00:05:34,649
Look, dude.
You've been bugging me all night.
161
00:05:34,769 --> 00:05:37,473
OK, I think your costume's weird,
I think you're creepy,
162
00:05:37,593 --> 00:05:41,085
- and I just want you to leave me alone.
- Yeah.
163
00:05:41,549 --> 00:05:42,815
Yes...
164
00:05:43,638 --> 00:05:45,861
Dude, this costume is so sexy.
165
00:05:45,981 --> 00:05:47,802
- What?
- I can't believe it, man.
166
00:05:47,922 --> 00:05:49,599
***. She's like...
167
00:05:49,719 --> 00:05:52,901
"Oh, my God, you look so sexy.
I'm gonna sex you all up."
168
00:05:53,021 --> 00:05:54,232
"Oh, my goodness...
169
00:05:54,352 --> 00:05:55,419
Get your sex off me!"
170
00:05:55,487 --> 00:05:58,322
And then she gets all sexy with
me, 'cause I've, like, got the
171
00:05:58,390 --> 00:05:59,890
sexiest costume in the world!
172
00:05:59,958 --> 00:06:00,791
I hate it!
173
00:06:00,859 --> 00:06:03,093
So what-what... did you
want to get rid of that costume?
174
00:06:03,161 --> 00:06:04,628
Yes, I want to
get rid of the costume!
175
00:06:04,696 --> 00:06:06,363
You have any idea what
it's like to be this sexy?
176
00:06:06,431 --> 00:06:07,765
Uh, can I have
your costume, dude?
177
00:06:07,832 --> 00:06:09,033
Yeah, you can have it.
178
00:06:09,100 --> 00:06:09,533
Really?
179
00:06:09,601 --> 00:06:10,334
You'll switch costumes with me?
180
00:06:10,402 --> 00:06:10,834
Yeah!
181
00:06:10,902 --> 00:06:12,202
Let's switch, let's switch.
182
00:06:12,771 --> 00:06:13,470
Come on, let's go switch.
183
00:06:13,538 --> 00:06:14,571
You'll be okay, buddy.
184
00:06:14,639 --> 00:06:15,272
Yes, dude!
185
00:06:15,340 --> 00:06:16,340
It's all coming back to me now.
186
00:06:16,474 --> 00:06:18,876
You came over to me, we agreed
to switch costumes, you gave me
187
00:06:18,943 --> 00:06:23,981
your sexy, sexy costume, and I was able
to fell the seductive temptress finally.
188
00:06:24,049 --> 00:06:27,084
Oh, yeah, so I did have sex
with the peacock lady.
189
00:06:27,152 --> 00:06:28,285
Yeah, awesome.
190
00:06:28,353 --> 00:06:29,620
Ah, that's so awesome, dude.
191
00:06:29,687 --> 00:06:30,721
Well, mystery solved.
192
00:06:30,789 --> 00:06:33,123
I mean... awesome.
193
00:06:33,191 --> 00:06:34,725
That's not the mystery.
194
00:06:34,793 --> 00:06:35,993
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
195
00:06:36,061 --> 00:06:38,395
That you banged the peacock
chick is not the mystery.
196
00:06:38,463 --> 00:06:40,531
The Dee thing is the mystery.
197
00:06:40,598 --> 00:06:42,866
Right. Dee... somebody had sex
with Dee, and she got pregnant
198
00:06:42,934 --> 00:06:44,368
and... well, whatever, okay.
199
00:06:44,436 --> 00:06:47,971
Well, clearly, from that story, Charlie,
you're the one that banged her.
200
00:06:48,039 --> 00:06:50,274
That's why you were feeling so
much remorse and regret, and you
201
00:06:50,341 --> 00:06:51,942
had the tears coming out of your eye.
202
00:06:52,010 --> 00:06:55,012
I mean, who wouldn't feel that way
after banging... Ah, shit, dude.
203
00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:56,113
Oh, shit.
204
00:06:56,181 --> 00:06:58,649
'Cause the way you're telling
that story, it definitely sounds
205
00:06:58,716 --> 00:07:02,186
like that, 'cause I remember crying.
206
00:07:02,253 --> 00:07:03,387
No.
207
00:07:03,455 --> 00:07:04,855
Those were tears of joy.
208
00:07:04,923 --> 00:07:07,491
Yes, and it wasn't because
of Dee, obviously.
209
00:07:07,559 --> 00:07:08,692
Okay, I remember this now.
210
00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:09,693
I remember this, all right?
211
00:07:09,761 --> 00:07:11,695
Frank and Artemis were sitting
at the bar, and they were in
212
00:07:11,763 --> 00:07:13,697
the middle of some
kind of big argument.
213
00:07:13,765 --> 00:07:16,266
And I was with the McPoyle
brothers over at the jukebox,
214
00:07:16,334 --> 00:07:19,269
and I just finalized a
delicate truce with them.
215
00:07:19,337 --> 00:07:21,839
So, look, if you guys are
cool, then I'm totally cool.
216
00:07:21,906 --> 00:07:24,041
We're cool as cucumbers.
217
00:07:24,109 --> 00:07:25,109
Bump it.
218
00:07:25,176 --> 00:07:26,210
This time, I will bump it.
219
00:07:26,277 --> 00:07:27,344
The truce is on!
220
00:07:27,412 --> 00:07:29,680
We bumped fists, and Dee walked by.
221
00:07:29,747 --> 00:07:30,681
Oh, hey, Dee.
222
00:07:30,748 --> 00:07:31,682
Hey, Charlie.
223
00:07:31,749 --> 00:07:32,883
Great costume.
224
00:07:32,951 --> 00:07:34,051
Yeah, you, too.
225
00:07:34,119 --> 00:07:35,052
Thanks.
226
00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:36,186
Like the feathers.
227
00:07:36,254 --> 00:07:39,123
And just then, the waitress came in.
228
00:07:39,190 --> 00:07:45,246
Hey... I see you
received my invitation.
229
00:07:45,366 --> 00:07:48,105
Yeah, Charlie, I received all 100 of them.
230
00:07:48,225 --> 00:07:50,934
- Who's this jerk?
- This is my new boyfriend.
231
00:07:51,054 --> 00:07:52,369
He's here to protect me.
232
00:07:52,489 --> 00:07:55,404
Oh, this is the guy
you were telling me about.
233
00:07:55,524 --> 00:07:57,947
Hey. Hey. The lady's taken.
234
00:07:58,067 --> 00:08:00,156
- Get out of my face, bro.
- Oh, really?
235
00:08:00,276 --> 00:08:02,466
You want your ass kicked?
236
00:08:02,586 --> 00:08:03,620
OK, leave us alone.
237
00:08:03,740 --> 00:08:05,319
I have to defend her honor.
238
00:08:05,439 --> 00:08:07,738
- Please, stop it.
- Mac, get my back.
239
00:08:08,128 --> 00:08:10,379
Ohh!
240
00:08:10,499 --> 00:08:11,722
Oh, Goddamn it!
241
00:08:11,789 --> 00:08:14,124
I got milk all over me!
242
00:08:14,192 --> 00:08:18,587
That was insanely masculine.
243
00:08:19,898 --> 00:08:20,831
I made out with the waitress!
244
00:08:20,899 --> 00:08:21,832
That's amazing!
245
00:08:21,900 --> 00:08:23,834
Man, I got to call her, or I'm...
I'm out of here.
246
00:08:23,902 --> 00:08:24,835
Charlie, didn't happen.
247
00:08:24,903 --> 00:08:25,836
No?
248
00:08:25,904 --> 00:08:27,838
That's not the way it happened.
249
00:08:27,906 --> 00:08:28,839
No?
250
00:08:28,907 --> 00:08:31,842
No. You got parts of it right, but
you're leaving out some major things.
251
00:08:31,910 --> 00:08:34,878
Let me set the damn record straight.
252
00:08:34,946 --> 00:08:37,781
First of all, don't say
I went as Spider-Man.
253
00:08:37,849 --> 00:08:38,949
I didn't go as Spider-Man.
254
00:08:39,017 --> 00:08:40,517
I was Man-Spider.
255
00:08:40,585 --> 00:08:41,985
Totally different.
256
00:08:42,053 --> 00:08:44,922
Yes, I was having an argument
with Artemis, because a couple
257
00:08:44,989 --> 00:08:49,660
weeks before, we had some makeup sex in
a Dumpster out in the back of Wendy's.
258
00:08:50,962 --> 00:08:52,296
Yeah! Yeah!
259
00:08:52,363 --> 00:08:56,600
She incorporated a bun
in the lovemaking.
260
00:08:56,668 --> 00:09:00,237
She took the-the...
the dough and rolled it up into a ball,
261
00:09:00,305 --> 00:09:02,706
and then she...
And we were going berserk.
262
00:09:02,774 --> 00:09:05,475
She loves that kind of stuff, and I-I...
I admit I do, too.
263
00:09:05,543 --> 00:09:08,478
Frank, Frank, we don't need to
hear this part of the story.
264
00:09:08,546 --> 00:09:10,480
Okay? Can you just tell
us about Halloween?
265
00:09:10,548 --> 00:09:11,481
Stick to Halloween night.
266
00:09:11,549 --> 00:09:12,482
Okay.
267
00:09:12,550 --> 00:09:15,219
We were arguing because she
wanted another Dumpster hump and
268
00:09:15,286 --> 00:09:16,687
I wanted to stay at the party.
269
00:09:16,754 --> 00:09:17,955
So I walked away.
270
00:09:18,022 --> 00:09:19,957
That's when you were doing your thing.
271
00:09:20,024 --> 00:09:21,225
I'm gonna kick your ass, bro!
272
00:09:21,292 --> 00:09:22,292
Leave us alone.
273
00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:23,860
I have to defend your honor.
274
00:09:23,928 --> 00:09:25,295
Please stop!
275
00:09:25,363 --> 00:09:26,530
Mac, get my back, dude.
276
00:09:26,598 --> 00:09:28,098
I'm here, buddy.
277
00:09:29,567 --> 00:09:30,968
Goddamn it!
278
00:09:31,035 --> 00:09:33,437
I got milk all over me!
279
00:09:33,504 --> 00:09:36,773
You are insane.
280
00:09:36,841 --> 00:09:39,142
Insanely masculine.
281
00:09:39,210 --> 00:09:43,080
It was Artemis that took
advantage of you, because she
282
00:09:43,147 --> 00:09:45,182
was trying to make me jealous.
283
00:09:45,250 --> 00:09:49,586
After you broke free, you wandered off
muttering something about the costume
284
00:09:49,654 --> 00:09:50,854
being too sexy.
285
00:09:50,922 --> 00:09:52,022
Not from you!
286
00:09:52,090 --> 00:09:53,957
It's the stupid sexy costume.
287
00:09:54,025 --> 00:09:55,325
Oh, shit.
288
00:09:55,393 --> 00:09:58,929
Somebody please tell me Frank's
memory is not correct.
289
00:10:05,165 --> 00:10:06,900
Knock, knock, dick faces.
290
00:10:06,968 --> 00:10:09,235
Artie, thanks for coming so quick.
291
00:10:09,303 --> 00:10:12,238
Listen, we're trying to piece together
a night, and we need some guidance.
292
00:10:12,306 --> 00:10:13,373
I don't remember that night.
293
00:10:13,441 --> 00:10:15,375
I didn't tell you which night yet.
294
00:10:15,443 --> 00:10:17,477
I don't remember most evenings.
295
00:10:17,545 --> 00:10:19,579
You can try me, but I will
not promise you anything.
296
00:10:19,647 --> 00:10:20,580
Last Halloween.
297
00:10:20,648 --> 00:10:21,581
Oh, Halloween.
298
00:10:21,649 --> 00:10:22,582
Anything ring a bell?
299
00:10:22,650 --> 00:10:23,583
That was quite a night.
300
00:10:23,651 --> 00:10:26,319
I suppose I do recall a
few bits and pieces.
301
00:10:26,387 --> 00:10:27,454
What happened?
302
00:10:27,521 --> 00:10:28,455
Spill.
303
00:10:28,522 --> 00:10:30,924
Well, I was angry at you
because of an incident that
304
00:10:30,992 --> 00:10:34,060
happened a few weeks before where you and
I were in the Dumpster behind Wendy's.
305
00:10:34,128 --> 00:10:36,429
I incorporated a hamburger bun
in a way that he found very...
306
00:10:36,497 --> 00:10:38,379
This is not the part that we...
why does everybody think
307
00:10:38,499 --> 00:10:41,434
that we want to know about...Because
it's really interesting and innovative,
308
00:10:41,502 --> 00:10:43,436
and I thought maybe you'd
want some lessons.
309
00:10:43,504 --> 00:10:44,671
Did you make out with me?
310
00:10:44,739 --> 00:10:45,672
I sure did.
311
00:10:45,740 --> 00:10:46,773
And it worked like a charm.
312
00:10:46,841 --> 00:10:48,975
I had Frank all to myself for
a month straight after that.
313
00:10:49,043 --> 00:10:50,977
All right, let's get
back to Halloween.
314
00:10:51,045 --> 00:10:52,979
Anything else that
happened that night?
315
00:10:53,047 --> 00:10:54,581
Like Deandra getting pregnant?
316
00:10:54,648 --> 00:10:56,416
Oh, well, that makes sense.
317
00:10:56,484 --> 00:10:59,252
Mac slept with her at the party.
318
00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:00,620
What?
319
00:11:00,688 --> 00:11:01,688
What are you talking about?
320
00:11:01,756 --> 00:11:04,324
I'm talking about the sounds
of hot, passionate lovemaking
321
00:11:04,392 --> 00:11:07,861
that was coming from the bathroom that
I had heard with my own two ear balls.
322
00:11:07,928 --> 00:11:11,698
After the fight and the kiss,
Mac had blood all over his
323
00:11:11,766 --> 00:11:14,534
knuckles and went to the
bathroom to wash it off.
324
00:11:14,602 --> 00:11:17,103
Dee was incensed that her
costume was covered in milk, so
325
00:11:17,171 --> 00:11:20,273
she went to the bathroom
to clean herself up.
326
00:11:20,341 --> 00:11:21,608
But the line for the ladies'
327
00:11:21,675 --> 00:11:24,744
room was too long, so she
went to the men's room.
328
00:11:24,812 --> 00:11:27,480
Frank started to apologize to
me, and after a few minutes, we
329
00:11:27,548 --> 00:11:30,183
decided to have makeup
sex in the men's room.
330
00:11:30,251 --> 00:11:33,686
But the door was locked and I heard the
passionate, unmistakable sounds of
331
00:11:33,754 --> 00:11:35,455
lovemaking coming from inside.
332
00:11:35,523 --> 00:11:38,740
Mac was making love to Sweet Dee
in the bathroom, so Frank and I
333
00:11:38,860 --> 00:11:41,134
had to sneak outside to my station wagon
334
00:11:41,254 --> 00:11:42,823
where we gave each other handjobs.
335
00:11:44,365 --> 00:11:45,799
Well, there you have it.
336
00:11:45,866 --> 00:11:47,367
Mac's the dad.
337
00:11:47,435 --> 00:11:48,902
Mac's the dad!
338
00:11:48,969 --> 00:11:50,036
Do it with me.
339
00:11:50,104 --> 00:11:51,071
Mac's the dad!
340
00:11:51,138 --> 00:11:53,640
No, I'm not the...
I'm not the dad, okay, Charlie?
341
00:11:53,707 --> 00:11:55,175
Just trust me on that.
342
00:11:55,242 --> 00:11:57,210
Hey, all the evidence is
pointing towards you, pal.
343
00:11:57,278 --> 00:12:00,780
Yes, there were passionate
sounds of lovemaking coming from
344
00:12:00,848 --> 00:12:03,583
the bathroom, but it
wasn't me and Dee.
345
00:12:03,651 --> 00:12:04,617
Damn it.
346
00:12:04,685 --> 00:12:08,021
I was hoping I wouldn't have to admit
this, but I guess I have to tell you.
347
00:12:09,090 --> 00:12:10,290
Okay, here it goes.
348
00:12:10,357 --> 00:12:13,460
I was in the back of the bar
when the commotion began, and I
349
00:12:13,527 --> 00:12:15,028
heard Charlie cry out for help.
350
00:12:15,096 --> 00:12:17,464
He was about to get his ass
kicked by that giant dude.
351
00:12:17,531 --> 00:12:18,832
Mac, help me, please!
352
00:12:18,899 --> 00:12:19,833
I need you!
353
00:12:19,900 --> 00:12:21,835
There was no time for
an ocular pat-down.
354
00:12:21,902 --> 00:12:23,736
Not in my bar, bro.
355
00:12:23,804 --> 00:12:26,906
I secured the area,
and I retained order.
356
00:12:26,974 --> 00:12:28,007
Like I always do.
357
00:12:28,075 --> 00:12:29,943
Everybody chill.
358
00:12:30,010 --> 00:12:31,711
It's cool now.
359
00:12:35,015 --> 00:12:37,517
I had a tremendous amount of
douche bag blood all over my
360
00:12:37,585 --> 00:12:40,053
knuckles, so I went to the
bathroom to clean it off.
361
00:12:40,121 --> 00:12:41,387
That's when Dee came in.
362
00:12:41,455 --> 00:12:42,388
Oh, hey, Dee.
363
00:12:44,391 --> 00:12:47,560
Look, I do not give a shit about
your problems, Dee, okay?
364
00:12:47,628 --> 00:12:49,562
I'm still pumped up from that
ass-whupping I just handed out.
365
00:12:49,630 --> 00:12:50,597
Did you see that?
366
00:12:51,699 --> 00:12:53,133
I don't give a shit, Dee, okay?
367
00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:55,135
I don't know how you're going to
get all that milk off of you.
368
00:12:56,203 --> 00:12:57,137
What is that supposed to mean?
369
00:12:58,205 --> 00:12:59,139
Okay, you know what?
370
00:12:59,206 --> 00:13:00,140
Shoo. Shoo.
371
00:13:00,207 --> 00:13:01,141
Get out of here.
372
00:13:01,208 --> 00:13:02,142
Shoo. Shoo!
373
00:13:02,209 --> 00:13:03,143
Get out of here.
374
00:13:03,210 --> 00:13:04,144
Shoo. Shoo. Shoo.
375
00:13:04,211 --> 00:13:05,145
Come on. Get out.
376
00:13:05,212 --> 00:13:06,146
Get out.
377
00:13:06,213 --> 00:13:07,447
Oh, so annoying.
378
00:13:07,515 --> 00:13:08,615
Whoa!
379
00:13:08,682 --> 00:13:11,217
Margaret, what are you doing here?
380
00:13:11,285 --> 00:13:13,052
God, that is so gross.
381
00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:14,120
You're always doing that.
382
00:13:14,188 --> 00:13:16,122
Are you trying to tell me something?
383
00:13:16,190 --> 00:13:17,123
Ugh.
384
00:13:17,191 --> 00:13:20,860
Is that, like, a sexual thing?
385
00:13:20,928 --> 00:13:23,596
All right, let's do this.
386
00:13:25,399 --> 00:13:26,499
Hold on a second.
387
00:13:26,567 --> 00:13:30,336
So, are you telling us that you had
sex with Margaret McPoyle that night?
388
00:13:30,404 --> 00:13:31,504
Yes.
389
00:13:32,573 --> 00:13:33,506
Yeah.
390
00:13:33,574 --> 00:13:36,509
Well, you know, we got to go confront
the McPoyles about this now.
391
00:13:36,577 --> 00:13:38,511
Yeah, we got to confirm
this whole story.
392
00:13:38,579 --> 00:13:40,513
The only consistent part about
every single one of these
393
00:13:40,581 --> 00:13:42,515
stories is that the McPoyles
were there and they were
394
00:13:42,583 --> 00:13:44,538
drinking milk, which means they
were stone-cold sober that night.
395
00:13:44,658 --> 00:13:45,944
They could probably confirm the truth.
396
00:13:46,338 --> 00:13:48,421
Ah, shit.
397
00:13:54,461 --> 00:13:58,614
Last Halloween, huh?
And Dee's pregnant, huh?
398
00:14:00,442 --> 00:14:02,368
I remember that night well.
399
00:14:02,436 --> 00:14:04,771
As do I. Quite well.
400
00:14:04,838 --> 00:14:07,373
You were all very, very, very drunk.
401
00:14:07,441 --> 00:14:08,274
Quite drunk.
402
00:14:08,342 --> 00:14:09,409
You should feel shame.
403
00:14:09,476 --> 00:14:11,010
Okay, don't give us your
judgements, all right?
404
00:14:11,078 --> 00:14:12,679
Can you please just tell
us what you remember?
405
00:14:12,746 --> 00:14:13,446
Tell us what happened.
406
00:14:13,514 --> 00:14:16,950
Well, we just finished accepting
Charles's terrible, terrible truce.
407
00:14:17,017 --> 00:14:18,418
That's like the whole truce.
408
00:14:18,485 --> 00:14:20,186
You know, that's all there is to it.
409
00:14:20,254 --> 00:14:23,423
And if you guys are cool with it,
then I'll be perfectly cool with it.
410
00:14:23,490 --> 00:14:24,257
Whatever.
411
00:14:24,325 --> 00:14:25,091
Just get out of our face.
412
00:14:25,159 --> 00:14:25,992
Your breath is awful.
413
00:14:26,060 --> 00:14:26,693
Really?
414
00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:27,360
Yeah.
415
00:14:27,428 --> 00:14:28,494
All right, well, bump it?
416
00:14:28,562 --> 00:14:29,762
What about this one?
417
00:14:29,830 --> 00:14:30,964
Do you bump?
418
00:14:31,031 --> 00:14:32,265
That's cool.
419
00:14:32,333 --> 00:14:34,534
Cool guys.
420
00:14:34,602 --> 00:14:36,769
Good truce, good truce,
good truce, good truce.
421
00:14:36,837 --> 00:14:37,870
Ah, hey, Dee.
422
00:14:37,938 --> 00:14:39,072
Shut up.
423
00:14:39,139 --> 00:14:41,174
Yep, yep.
424
00:14:41,242 --> 00:14:43,309
Uh, hello, hello, hello, hello.
425
00:14:43,377 --> 00:14:46,946
I see you received my invitation.
426
00:14:47,014 --> 00:14:48,348
Sorry, do I know you?
427
00:14:48,415 --> 00:14:49,415
Who's this jerk?
428
00:14:49,483 --> 00:14:51,251
Uh, this is my boyfriend.
429
00:14:51,318 --> 00:14:52,185
What the hell?!
430
00:14:52,253 --> 00:14:53,253
Whoa. Time out, buddy.
431
00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:54,254
What's going on here?
432
00:14:54,321 --> 00:14:55,788
The lady's taken, buddy.
433
00:14:55,856 --> 00:14:57,290
Who are you?
434
00:14:57,358 --> 00:14:59,125
You want to get your ass kicked?
435
00:14:59,193 --> 00:15:00,026
Leave us alone!
436
00:15:00,094 --> 00:15:02,228
I have to defend your honor!
437
00:15:02,296 --> 00:15:05,064
Mac, get my back!
438
00:15:07,568 --> 00:15:10,937
Goddamnit!
I got milk all over me!
439
00:15:11,005 --> 00:15:12,939
Viggio Morgenstein!
440
00:15:14,499 --> 00:15:16,175
Hey.
441
00:15:16,243 --> 00:15:19,646
I'm insanely high on mescaline.
442
00:15:19,713 --> 00:15:22,682
Are you telling me that
wasn't even the waitress?
443
00:15:22,750 --> 00:15:24,117
Not at all.
444
00:15:24,184 --> 00:15:26,886
After the fight, Mac went to
the bathroom to wash that poor
445
00:15:26,954 --> 00:15:28,788
girl's blood off his hands.
446
00:15:28,856 --> 00:15:30,657
And Dee followed.
447
00:15:30,724 --> 00:15:35,094
They were only in there a short moment
together before Dee came back out.
448
00:15:35,162 --> 00:15:37,664
Mac kicked her out of the
bathroom so he could make sweet
449
00:15:37,731 --> 00:15:39,966
love to Margaret in private.
450
00:15:40,034 --> 00:15:43,436
I heard you gave quite a
performance, Macwell.
451
00:15:46,740 --> 00:15:49,075
Mm...
452
00:15:49,143 --> 00:15:55,315
Mm... mmm...
Okay, that's enough, all right?
453
00:15:55,382 --> 00:15:56,516
God, that's your sister.
454
00:15:56,583 --> 00:15:57,884
Yeah.
455
00:15:57,951 --> 00:15:59,860
You know what, just move past it.
Just tell the story, please.
456
00:16:00,354 --> 00:16:01,688
She's still expecting a call.
457
00:16:01,755 --> 00:16:02,955
That's not going to happen.
458
00:16:03,023 --> 00:16:04,157
So just move past it, all right?
459
00:16:04,224 --> 00:16:06,559
You will call her!
460
00:16:06,627 --> 00:16:09,262
Jesus, man, I'm sorry.
461
00:16:09,330 --> 00:16:11,130
Fine, I'll call her.
462
00:16:11,198 --> 00:16:12,292
As I was saying...
463
00:16:12,412 --> 00:16:14,542
Dee came out of the bathroom
in quite a rage.
464
00:16:15,119 --> 00:16:16,681
Stupid costume.
465
00:16:16,801 --> 00:16:18,425
Everybody calling me a bird.
466
00:16:19,039 --> 00:16:21,407
She accosted the girl you
were all ogling that evening.
467
00:16:21,475 --> 00:16:24,143
Hey, you, everybody thinks
you're so hot, huh?
468
00:16:24,211 --> 00:16:25,445
You big hot bird.
469
00:16:25,512 --> 00:16:28,214
Well, I tell you what... you
take it off and switch with me.
470
00:16:28,282 --> 00:16:30,016
What are you talking about?
471
00:16:30,084 --> 00:16:31,284
Me, mine... this is mine now.
472
00:16:31,352 --> 00:16:32,151
Switch it.
473
00:16:32,219 --> 00:16:33,286
Uh, I don't think so.
474
00:16:33,354 --> 00:16:34,787
"Oh, I don't think so."
475
00:16:34,855 --> 00:16:36,055
I didn't ask you, okay?
476
00:16:36,123 --> 00:16:40,360
Listen, all right, number one,
it's a win-win for both of us.
477
00:16:40,427 --> 00:16:43,329
That weird plumber... he's going to leave
you alone for the rest of the night.
478
00:16:43,397 --> 00:16:44,364
That's good, right?
479
00:16:44,431 --> 00:16:46,399
And then the second great thing
for you is I'm not going to beat
480
00:16:46,467 --> 00:16:48,568
the shit out of you, so let's go.
481
00:16:48,635 --> 00:16:52,004
Dee came out of the bathroom in her
new costume feeling quite saucy.
482
00:16:52,072 --> 00:16:53,306
Call me a bird all night.
483
00:16:53,374 --> 00:16:55,041
Making fun, saying names.
484
00:16:55,109 --> 00:16:58,678
Well, let's see who's
sexy now, dickwads.
485
00:16:58,746 --> 00:17:00,279
'Cause I look good.
486
00:17:00,347 --> 00:17:05,017
Dee was clearly on a warpath to prove
to one of you that she was indeed sexy.
487
00:17:05,085 --> 00:17:08,020
And the best way to do that was
to trick one of you two into
488
00:17:08,088 --> 00:17:10,189
making love to her.
489
00:17:10,257 --> 00:17:12,925
Knowing that Charlie was the
weakest and by the far the most
490
00:17:12,993 --> 00:17:16,496
vulnerable, she assumed he would be
the easiest to take advantage of.
491
00:17:16,563 --> 00:17:21,167
And so she took Charlie into the back
office and had her way with him.
492
00:17:23,604 --> 00:17:25,738
You should see the look on your face.
493
00:17:25,806 --> 00:17:27,573
It's good enough to eat.
494
00:17:27,641 --> 00:17:28,875
No. Hold on a second.
495
00:17:28,942 --> 00:17:30,109
That wasn't me.
496
00:17:30,177 --> 00:17:31,043
What?
497
00:17:31,111 --> 00:17:31,878
That wasn't me.
498
00:17:31,945 --> 00:17:32,812
I switched costumes with Dennis.
499
00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:34,547
That was Dennis.
500
00:17:34,615 --> 00:17:38,618
So Dennis thought Deandra
was the peacock chick?
501
00:17:38,685 --> 00:17:43,356
And Dee thought that
Dennis was Charlie?
502
00:17:49,830 --> 00:17:55,301
So Dee thinks that I'm the dad,
but, Dennis, you're the dad.
503
00:17:55,369 --> 00:17:58,070
Delightful.
504
00:17:58,138 --> 00:18:00,640
Oh, shit, I'm gonna be sick.
505
00:18:00,707 --> 00:18:01,841
Go, do it.
506
00:18:01,909 --> 00:18:04,444
Feel it. Let it out.
507
00:18:04,511 --> 00:18:06,546
Let's just get... let's
just get out of here.
508
00:18:07,414 --> 00:18:09,348
Don't flush.
509
00:18:10,972 --> 00:18:12,005
Dee!
510
00:18:12,073 --> 00:18:12,940
Deandra!
511
00:18:13,007 --> 00:18:13,807
Dee! Dee!
512
00:18:13,875 --> 00:18:14,889
Deandra!
513
00:18:15,009 --> 00:18:15,642
Yeah!
514
00:18:15,710 --> 00:18:16,509
This is bad.
515
00:18:16,577 --> 00:18:17,925
This is real bad.
516
00:18:18,045 --> 00:18:20,379
You thought you had sex with
Charlie, but it was Dennis
517
00:18:20,447 --> 00:18:22,315
that you went into the back room with.
518
00:18:22,382 --> 00:18:23,516
See?
519
00:18:23,584 --> 00:18:24,650
I had sex with you.
520
00:18:24,718 --> 00:18:26,519
It was sex with me,
it was sex with me.
521
00:18:26,587 --> 00:18:28,487
He threw up the whole
way over here, Dee.
522
00:18:28,555 --> 00:18:30,389
Dennis is the father of that baby.
523
00:18:30,457 --> 00:18:35,576
We got to get you and that monster
that's in your gut down to Mexico ASAP.
524
00:18:35,696 --> 00:18:36,596
Are you kidding me?
525
00:18:36,663 --> 00:18:38,397
I did not have sex with Dennis.
526
00:18:38,465 --> 00:18:39,565
Yes, you did.
527
00:18:39,633 --> 00:18:43,369
All right, look, look, you went
into the back office with him, not me.
528
00:18:43,437 --> 00:18:45,938
You thought it was me because
you wanted sex from me.
529
00:18:46,006 --> 00:18:47,807
But you got sex from Dennis.
530
00:18:47,875 --> 00:18:49,742
Okay, you're saying that
because I went into the back
531
00:18:49,810 --> 00:18:52,311
office alone with Dennis, that
I must have had sex with him?
532
00:18:52,379 --> 00:18:53,913
Gross.
533
00:18:53,981 --> 00:18:55,815
No, that did not happen.
534
00:18:55,883 --> 00:18:58,251
And you guys have been obsessing
about this all night long?
535
00:18:58,318 --> 00:18:59,385
Yes.
536
00:18:59,453 --> 00:19:00,186
Yeah?
537
00:19:00,254 --> 00:19:00,887
Of course.
538
00:19:00,954 --> 00:19:02,588
We were running around trying to
figure out who the father is.
539
00:19:02,656 --> 00:19:04,323
If it's not Dennis, who it is?
540
00:19:04,391 --> 00:19:05,725
It's none of you.
541
00:19:05,792 --> 00:19:06,559
Huh?
542
00:19:06,627 --> 00:19:08,261
No, none of you are the father.
543
00:19:08,328 --> 00:19:09,996
I just told you that because
you were making fun of me for
544
00:19:10,063 --> 00:19:11,831
eating the sandwich, and I
thought it would upset you and
545
00:19:11,899 --> 00:19:13,666
get you going and it did, it worked.
546
00:19:13,734 --> 00:19:15,902
You guys have been obsessing
about this all night.
547
00:19:15,969 --> 00:19:20,373
So, wait, are you absolutely
sure that you and I did not have
548
00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:22,575
sex, and that that's not my...?
549
00:19:22,643 --> 00:19:24,076
Uh, yeah.
550
00:19:26,046 --> 00:19:28,714
Oh!
551
00:19:28,815 --> 00:19:30,650
Whew!
552
00:19:30,717 --> 00:19:35,087
Yeah, but I'll tell you what, I'm not
going to tell you who the father is.
553
00:19:35,155 --> 00:19:36,589
Who gives a shit.
554
00:19:36,657 --> 00:19:38,591
You all give a shit, you just said so.
555
00:19:38,659 --> 00:19:39,525
You were up all night.
556
00:19:39,593 --> 00:19:41,127
You were... you were thinking
about it all night long.
557
00:19:41,194 --> 00:19:43,204
Yeah, but that was before,
when you said it was one of us.
558
00:19:43,245 --> 00:19:44,681
But if it's not one of us, I mean...
559
00:19:44,801 --> 00:19:45,757
Who cares?
560
00:19:45,877 --> 00:19:48,142
Who cares, right?
Yeah, we don't care.
561
00:19:55,751 --> 00:19:58,280
- This close...
- ...man, I really dodged the bullet on that.
562
00:20:00,314 --> 00:20:01,981
Hey, what about the museum?
563
00:20:02,049 --> 00:20:03,015
Yes.
564
00:20:03,083 --> 00:20:03,783
Boom.
565
00:20:03,850 --> 00:20:04,650
Yes, there's still time.
566
00:20:04,718 --> 00:20:05,751
Okay, Dee, we're out of here.
567
00:20:05,819 --> 00:20:06,953
You look like a turkey.
568
00:20:07,020 --> 00:20:10,423
Yeah. Also I would say, I would
say you look like an-an ostrich.
569
00:20:10,490 --> 00:20:10,990
Yes!
570
00:20:11,058 --> 00:20:11,624
Right?
571
00:20:11,692 --> 00:20:13,793
You know, I was... I want to
call her an emu, but I want to
572
00:20:13,860 --> 00:20:19,231
save it for, you know...
You are big, fat, flightless bird.
573
00:20:20,267 --> 00:20:25,004
Those are all... Those are all...
Just sort of a general... Whatever.
574
00:20:25,072 --> 00:20:29,760
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575
00:20:30,305 --> 00:20:36,506
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