1
00:00:01,957 --> 00:00:04,059
Look, bro, I'm only gonna
be here for about ten minutes.
2
00:00:04,126 --> 00:00:04,893
I got to get my pump on.
3
00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:05,894
I have a very big day.
4
00:00:05,961 --> 00:00:06,895
I'm sorry.
5
00:00:06,962 --> 00:00:07,896
I can't let you in.
6
00:00:08,468 --> 00:00:11,384
I don't understand why you're
insisting on jamming me up here, bro.
7
00:00:11,416 --> 00:00:13,266
I'm not trying to jam you up.
8
00:00:13,649 --> 00:00:14,847
I just don't believe you.
9
00:00:15,403 --> 00:00:16,550
What is not to believe?
10
00:00:16,670 --> 00:00:18,406
I am absolutely Dennis Reynolds.
11
00:00:19,622 --> 00:00:20,957
This picture looks nothing like you.
12
00:00:21,202 --> 00:00:22,338
Well, thank you.
13
00:00:22,458 --> 00:00:24,853
Because I have actually packed
on about 15 or 20 pounds of
14
00:00:24,973 --> 00:00:27,075
solid bulk muscle since that
picture was taken, bro.
15
00:00:27,108 --> 00:00:28,853
It's actually a testament to your gym.
16
00:00:28,973 --> 00:00:31,486
I'm gonna need you to either buy
your own membership, or get out.
17
00:00:31,554 --> 00:00:32,997
Mac?
18
00:00:33,117 --> 00:00:33,841
Yeah.
19
00:00:34,183 --> 00:00:35,748
Hey, tranny.
20
00:00:36,085 --> 00:00:36,782
Carmen.
21
00:00:36,817 --> 00:00:37,865
- Yeah.
- Sorry.
22
00:00:37,940 --> 00:00:38,493
How you doing?
23
00:00:38,561 --> 00:00:39,709
Wow. You look great.
24
00:00:39,829 --> 00:00:41,275
Sweet camel toe.
25
00:00:41,496 --> 00:00:42,533
That's a good tuck job.
26
00:00:42,497 --> 00:00:43,469
You have it taped back there?
27
00:00:43,498 --> 00:00:44,913
No.
It's good.
28
00:00:45,033 --> 00:00:46,003
It's actually gone.
29
00:00:46,449 --> 00:00:47,967
I had the surgery.
30
00:00:48,087 --> 00:00:49,286
Get out.
31
00:00:49,406 --> 00:00:50,773
That's fantastic.
32
00:00:50,911 --> 00:00:52,461
I thought I was gonna get a phone call
33
00:00:52,480 --> 00:00:54,390
after the old snip snip,
'cause we talked about that, but...
34
00:00:54,510 --> 00:00:56,511
Either way, now that your
dick-less, I'm into it.
35
00:00:57,623 --> 00:00:59,020
What are you doing this afternoon?
36
00:00:59,140 --> 00:00:59,781
How's it going?
37
00:01:00,386 --> 00:01:06,294
Uh, it's going good, pal, but,
uh, the lady isn't interested.
38
00:01:06,414 --> 00:01:10,459
Uh, Mac, I would like you
to meet my husband, Nick.
39
00:01:11,411 --> 00:01:12,638
Husband?
40
00:01:13,007 --> 00:01:14,561
You're married.
41
00:01:16,161 --> 00:01:17,665
Great.
42
00:01:18,334 --> 00:01:28,517
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
43
00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:36,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
44
00:01:52,436 --> 00:01:53,796
Now, what
are you guys saying?
45
00:01:53,863 --> 00:01:54,563
They're good almonds, right?
46
00:01:54,631 --> 00:01:55,564
They are tasty.
47
00:01:55,632 --> 00:01:56,476
These almonds?
Yeah, they're fine.
48
00:01:56,596 --> 00:01:59,214
I found them in, like, in a
little pile in the alleyway.
49
00:01:59,334 --> 00:02:01,904
A squirrel must have piled them
up and then got hit by a car.
50
00:02:01,971 --> 00:02:02,738
Why? Why? Why? Why?
51
00:02:02,806 --> 00:02:04,573
Why did you feed us alley almonds?
52
00:02:04,641 --> 00:02:05,447
Why wouldn't you tell us that?
53
00:02:05,567 --> 00:02:06,660
No. They're perfectly good.
54
00:02:06,780 --> 00:02:09,859
I just... Guys. Guys, guys, I've
got news; I've got huge news.
55
00:02:09,979 --> 00:02:11,584
So I went down to the gym
this morning, right?
56
00:02:11,704 --> 00:02:14,401
I was all amped up, 'cause Charlie
and I found a bunch of nuts.
57
00:02:14,521 --> 00:02:16,366
I was so full of protein, okay?
58
00:02:16,486 --> 00:02:19,597
I went to get my pump on, but
I couldn't get my pump on.
59
00:02:19,897 --> 00:02:20,819
Now I know what you're thinking.
60
00:02:20,939 --> 00:02:22,831
Clearly, I did get my pump on,
but that's 'cause I just did a
61
00:02:22,868 --> 00:02:24,427
bunch of push-ups outside.
62
00:02:24,547 --> 00:02:25,455
Also, why I'm out of breath.
63
00:02:25,596 --> 00:02:27,080
What in God's name are
you talking about?
64
00:02:27,108 --> 00:02:27,831
Is this the big news?
65
00:02:28,156 --> 00:02:30,344
No. I ran into the tranny.
66
00:02:31,136 --> 00:02:34,488
She got her dick cut off,
and she married a dude.
67
00:02:34,994 --> 00:02:36,290
Oh, that's great.
68
00:02:36,458 --> 00:02:38,035
Congratulations to her.
69
00:02:38,092 --> 00:02:39,021
No, that is not great.
70
00:02:39,141 --> 00:02:39,700
No?
71
00:02:39,831 --> 00:02:41,005
That is a gay marriage.
72
00:02:41,115 --> 00:02:42,767
Uh, I got a question for you.
73
00:02:43,227 --> 00:02:44,786
One's a girl... One's a guy...
74
00:02:45,022 --> 00:02:46,449
- Yeah.
- And how is that gay?
75
00:02:47,191 --> 00:02:50,521
Well, for starters, clearly, her
husband is a homosexual, okay?
76
00:02:51,085 --> 00:02:52,859
Why are you making that assumption?
77
00:02:52,860 --> 00:02:54,384
Because he's with a tranny?
78
00:02:54,437 --> 00:02:55,832
You were with the tranny.
What are you saying?
79
00:02:56,024 --> 00:02:59,026
No, Charlie, that is completely
different, and you know it.
80
00:02:59,117 --> 00:02:59,943
Yeah. No. He's right.
81
00:02:59,970 --> 00:03:02,026
That's different, 'cause this
new guy... if I'm hearing correctly...
82
00:03:02,069 --> 00:03:05,402
he waited until she got her
dick cut off before he banged her.
83
00:03:05,487 --> 00:03:06,197
But that means...
No.
84
00:03:06,492 --> 00:03:07,158
Wait.
85
00:03:07,224 --> 00:03:09,940
Look, who gives a shit if gays
want to be miserable like
86
00:03:10,060 --> 00:03:11,225
everybody else and get married?
87
00:03:11,272 --> 00:03:12,164
Let 'em do it.
88
00:03:12,375 --> 00:03:13,699
It's no skin off my ass.
89
00:03:13,765 --> 00:03:15,422
No. Marriage is a
wonderful thing.
90
00:03:15,488 --> 00:03:17,647
It's between two people who
decide they want to spend
91
00:03:17,685 --> 00:03:20,234
the rest of their lives together because
they love each other very much.
92
00:03:20,272 --> 00:03:22,431
I'm all for it, and I think
everyone should be entitled to it.
93
00:03:22,450 --> 00:03:25,357
Oh, oh, everybody up on their high
horse of marriage all of a sudden.
94
00:03:25,582 --> 00:03:27,780
Marriage is about procreation, okay?
95
00:03:27,900 --> 00:03:29,097
This is gay marriage.
96
00:03:29,702 --> 00:03:31,242
That's two dudes banging each other.
97
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:32,298
What do you get from that?
98
00:03:32,406 --> 00:03:33,730
Nothing. Nothing.
99
00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:35,584
Uh, that is a persuasive argument.
100
00:03:35,626 --> 00:03:39,250
You should take your powerful extension
cord argument straight to the Supreme Court.
101
00:03:39,370 --> 00:03:40,316
Mm-hmm.
They'll love it there.
102
00:03:40,369 --> 00:03:41,697
Run that right up the ladder, right?
103
00:03:41,732 --> 00:03:43,480
No. Run it up the ladder...
Mac, dude, look, I think
104
00:03:43,517 --> 00:03:45,817
you're just getting upset that
the tranny married some guy
105
00:03:45,937 --> 00:03:47,416
that's not you, and that's
what this is about.
106
00:03:47,435 --> 00:03:49,927
No, no, Charlie, this is
about the big man upstairs,
107
00:03:49,967 --> 00:03:51,327
- okay, getting boxed out.
- Oh, geez.
108
00:03:51,447 --> 00:03:55,039
It very clearly says in the bible
that gay marriage is wrong, okay?
109
00:03:55,159 --> 00:03:55,818
And I'm gonna show you.
110
00:03:55,847 --> 00:03:56,385
Where's our bible?
111
00:03:56,452 --> 00:03:57,386
Where's our bible?
112
00:03:57,453 --> 00:03:58,947
Where's our goddamn bible?
113
00:03:59,067 --> 00:04:00,502
- We don't have a bible in here.
- Yeah.
114
00:04:00,622 --> 00:04:01,563
Why don't we have a bible?
115
00:04:01,683 --> 00:04:02,474
We never have.
116
00:04:02,594 --> 00:04:03,516
It's a bar.
117
00:04:04,822 --> 00:04:06,333
Okay, I see what's happening here.
118
00:04:06,897 --> 00:04:08,823
All right, I don't have enough
facts to support my argument.
119
00:04:08,943 --> 00:04:09,522
Clearly.
120
00:04:09,642 --> 00:04:11,878
But I'm gonna find a bible,
and then I'm gonna come back,
121
00:04:11,915 --> 00:04:13,474
and I'm gonna school you
sons of bitches, okay?
122
00:04:13,594 --> 00:04:15,070
Because you guys are
trying to confuse me.
123
00:04:15,138 --> 00:04:17,375
You're trying to confuse me,
because that's what God's work...
124
00:04:21,641 --> 00:04:24,076
Uh... Oh, he's getting
himself all worked up, huh?
125
00:04:24,144 --> 00:04:25,247
Yeah. Very worked up.
126
00:04:25,367 --> 00:04:26,026
Very worked up.
127
00:04:26,052 --> 00:04:27,855
You know, I always thought
I'd be married by now.
128
00:04:29,163 --> 00:04:30,239
- What?
- What?
129
00:04:31,736 --> 00:04:32,497
Yeah. Well, I don't know.
130
00:04:32,534 --> 00:04:34,844
I... All that talk about marriage
and everything... it's got me
131
00:04:34,872 --> 00:04:37,933
thinking about myself and my
situation, and I guess I always
132
00:04:37,979 --> 00:04:39,220
thought I'd be married by now.
133
00:04:40,855 --> 00:04:43,071
What the shit are you talking about?
134
00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:45,573
Frank, I'm talking about
Maureen Ponderosa.
135
00:04:45,693 --> 00:04:48,768
Oh, my God, dude, don't
start in on this.
136
00:04:48,888 --> 00:04:51,462
Maureen Ponderosa was my
girlfriend in tenth grade, and
137
00:04:51,582 --> 00:04:52,973
we were so in love.
138
00:04:53,016 --> 00:04:54,950
You remember Maureen
Ponderosa, right, Charlie?
139
00:04:55,005 --> 00:04:56,884
I remember her dead tooth, dude.
140
00:04:57,004 --> 00:04:58,410
What? Dead tooth?
141
00:04:58,530 --> 00:05:00,851
- She didn't have a dead tooth.
- You guys remember her brother, Bill?
142
00:05:00,971 --> 00:05:02,095
Bill Ponderosa?
143
00:05:03,073 --> 00:05:04,829
Boy, that guy was like a walking cliché.
144
00:05:04,847 --> 00:05:06,451
He was hot, great buns.
145
00:05:06,571 --> 00:05:09,521
Yeah, and I remember, every time you
tried to talk to him, you'd (gags).
146
00:05:09,641 --> 00:05:10,732
I got a little gaggy.
147
00:05:10,769 --> 00:05:13,765
It's only 'cause he made me nervous,
but he was very handsome.
148
00:05:13,802 --> 00:05:16,188
What is it with you two
and the Ponderosas?
149
00:05:16,308 --> 00:05:17,756
I think I might call her up, actually.
150
00:05:21,998 --> 00:05:23,155
Charlie, not in the corner.
151
00:05:23,173 --> 00:05:25,305
Put 'em in the closet,
tuck 'em in the back.
152
00:05:25,425 --> 00:05:26,414
All right, Frank.
153
00:05:26,534 --> 00:05:28,001
Pick it up.
154
00:05:28,295 --> 00:05:29,149
There you go.
155
00:05:29,269 --> 00:05:30,157
Come on...
Oh!
156
00:05:30,277 --> 00:05:31,557
Not on the floor!
157
00:05:31,677 --> 00:05:32,314
Oh! Dude, my back.
158
00:05:32,434 --> 00:05:33,635
Charlie, look at this.
159
00:05:33,668 --> 00:05:35,953
I've been saving these for years.
What?
160
00:05:36,073 --> 00:05:37,814
I think I slipped a disk, man.
161
00:05:37,934 --> 00:05:40,267
Stand straight or something.
162
00:05:40,387 --> 00:05:42,185
Ugh! Frank, I got to go
see a chiropractor again.
163
00:05:42,305 --> 00:05:44,799
Oh, right, I just keep
paying medical bills, right?
164
00:05:44,919 --> 00:05:45,653
Is that it? Come on...
Come on.
165
00:05:45,773 --> 00:05:47,306
- I keep lugging pennies.
- You're in pain?
166
00:05:47,426 --> 00:05:48,954
Here, let me hit you
with a two-by-four.
167
00:05:49,074 --> 00:05:49,823
You won't feel anything.
168
00:05:49,943 --> 00:05:51,489
No. I don't want to
play that game anymore.
169
00:05:51,609 --> 00:05:52,483
All right, crack my back.
170
00:05:52,603 --> 00:05:54,079
All right, can you
crack my back, please?
171
00:05:54,199 --> 00:05:55,004
Crack your back.
172
00:05:55,124 --> 00:05:56,614
All right, come on, turn around.
173
00:05:56,734 --> 00:05:58,132
All right... Give me that.
You ready?
174
00:06:01,472 --> 00:06:03,180
Did you get my back?
175
00:06:03,300 --> 00:06:04,496
Oh, my back. Oh!
176
00:06:04,616 --> 00:06:06,120
I'll get you... Oh...
177
00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:07,219
Oh. Aah!
178
00:06:07,339 --> 00:06:08,787
I need it again.
179
00:06:12,044 --> 00:06:15,391
Oh! Oh!
180
00:06:15,511 --> 00:06:16,525
Charlie, don't touch me.
181
00:06:16,791 --> 00:06:19,025
- Don't touch me.
- All right, all right.
182
00:06:19,092 --> 00:06:20,726
This is gonna sound crazy.
183
00:06:20,794 --> 00:06:22,701
I just got an idea.
184
00:06:22,821 --> 00:06:25,841
If we do that domestic
partnership thing that gay guys
185
00:06:25,961 --> 00:06:29,159
can do, I can totally get
on your health insurance.
186
00:06:29,279 --> 00:06:31,103
You won't even have to pay
for the chiropractor.
187
00:06:32,533 --> 00:06:33,919
You proposing to me?
188
00:06:34,106 --> 00:06:35,221
Come on, man.
189
00:06:35,341 --> 00:06:37,926
No. I'm saying, we're
already friends, right?
190
00:06:38,886 --> 00:06:40,951
Let's be friends with benefits, right?
191
00:06:41,071 --> 00:06:42,039
Oh, yeah.
192
00:06:42,159 --> 00:06:43,762
You get your back fixed.
193
00:06:43,882 --> 00:06:45,151
What's in it for me?
194
00:06:45,188 --> 00:06:47,127
All right, man, there's got
to be a reason why all those
195
00:06:47,247 --> 00:06:48,202
couples want to do it, right?
196
00:06:48,322 --> 00:06:49,308
Uh, perks, right?
197
00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:51,689
We can at least look
into what goes into it?
198
00:06:52,193 --> 00:06:53,707
I really got to see a
chiropractor, man.
199
00:06:53,827 --> 00:06:54,883
All right, all right, look into it.
200
00:06:55,003 --> 00:06:56,767
I mean, you got to hit
me with the two-by-four.
201
00:06:56,887 --> 00:06:57,705
I got too much pain.
202
00:06:57,825 --> 00:06:58,839
- It's bad on me, too.
- It's bad.
203
00:06:58,959 --> 00:07:00,729
All right, I got you.
204
00:07:00,878 --> 00:07:02,015
Hit me good.
205
00:07:05,177 --> 00:07:06,105
Phew!
206
00:07:06,173 --> 00:07:07,106
I feel really nervous, Dee.
207
00:07:07,174 --> 00:07:09,447
I haven't seen Maureen in,
like, close to 15 years.
208
00:07:09,567 --> 00:07:11,274
- I was really in love with that girl, huh?
- Yeah.
209
00:07:11,394 --> 00:07:13,901
No girl has ever really had
this effect on me, so I don't
210
00:07:13,923 --> 00:07:15,440
know how to deal with it.
It's crazy.
211
00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:18,023
Yeah. I know what you mean. I feel a lot
of butterflies myself, you know.
212
00:07:18,143 --> 00:07:21,852
I mean it's like "I'm gonna
see Bill Ponderosa gahh.."
213
00:07:22,884 --> 00:07:23,976
Is that gonna happen? Relax.
214
00:07:24,096 --> 00:07:24,774
Maybe bubbly water.
215
00:07:24,894 --> 00:07:26,300
Maybe if you get me some bubbly water.
216
00:07:26,420 --> 00:07:27,535
Slow down and get...
Here we go.
217
00:07:27,655 --> 00:07:29,981
- Dennis!
- Hey, Maureen! Wow.
218
00:07:30,101 --> 00:07:31,443
Look at you. You look amazing!
219
00:07:31,563 --> 00:07:32,760
You look amazing.
220
00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:33,644
Oh.
221
00:07:33,764 --> 00:07:35,045
Who's this?
Is this your husband?
222
00:07:35,165 --> 00:07:36,729
- Oh. This is Bill.
- Hey, guys.
223
00:07:36,849 --> 00:07:39,879
Bill? No. Wow.
224
00:07:41,331 --> 00:07:42,765
Wow, right?
225
00:07:42,885 --> 00:07:45,090
I would not have guessed that was you.
226
00:07:45,210 --> 00:07:46,584
Yeah, I gained a little weight.
227
00:07:46,704 --> 00:07:47,690
Did you now?
228
00:07:47,810 --> 00:07:51,849
Oh, well, no, it's hardly
noticeable, hardly noticeable.
229
00:07:51,969 --> 00:07:53,146
I do notice the ring, though.
230
00:07:53,168 --> 00:07:54,826
Oh, good for you.
You got married. That's good.
231
00:07:54,844 --> 00:07:55,607
Yeah. Yeah, ten years now.
232
00:07:55,659 --> 00:07:57,833
Yeah, she's amazing.
So are my two kids.
233
00:07:57,953 --> 00:07:58,729
Oh.
234
00:07:58,849 --> 00:08:00,452
Huh? Want to see little...
No, no, no, no, no, no, I don't.
235
00:08:00,572 --> 00:08:01,686
I don't really.
236
00:08:01,806 --> 00:08:03,156
I mean, it's great, but
you know what I mean.
237
00:08:03,276 --> 00:08:05,117
Nobody really wants to see that.
238
00:08:05,475 --> 00:08:08,954
Goddamn, this has been a really
fun walk down memory lane.
239
00:08:09,074 --> 00:08:12,834
Uh, Maureen, great to see you,
and, Bill, take care of yourself
240
00:08:12,954 --> 00:08:15,439
or whatever... people say.
241
00:08:15,559 --> 00:08:16,377
Okay. Excuse me?
242
00:08:16,497 --> 00:08:17,316
All right.
243
00:08:18,245 --> 00:08:21,364
Well, uh, yeah, well, this is
has got to be a little awkward
244
00:08:21,484 --> 00:08:22,120
for you now, Bill, right?
245
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:26,318
'Cause you're here, and we're
sort of having a... you know,
246
00:08:26,375 --> 00:08:28,135
probably gonna have a little
sit-down breakfast, and now
247
00:08:28,319 --> 00:08:31,213
you're a bit of a third wheel, kind of
wormed your way into our situation.
248
00:08:31,332 --> 00:08:32,103
Yeah. Not really.
249
00:08:32,191 --> 00:08:34,497
You know, I just came
to catch up, so... No.
250
00:08:34,983 --> 00:08:37,154
But I can leave you
guys alone, I guess.
251
00:08:37,325 --> 00:08:38,979
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, that would be great.
252
00:08:39,099 --> 00:08:40,266
Hey, take care of yourself.
253
00:08:40,333 --> 00:08:41,500
It was good to see you.
254
00:08:41,568 --> 00:08:42,847
- Yeah. I got to pick up the kids.
- Sure, pick up the kids, yeah.
255
00:08:42,967 --> 00:08:43,827
Bye, Bill.
256
00:08:46,068 --> 00:08:47,278
- Uh...Hey, you want to sit down?
- Yeah.
257
00:08:47,398 --> 00:08:49,172
Great. Hey, God, man.
258
00:08:49,292 --> 00:08:50,452
Maureen Ponderosa.
259
00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:52,731
I can't even believe those words
are coming out of my mouth.
260
00:08:52,851 --> 00:08:53,711
I know.
261
00:08:53,831 --> 00:08:54,901
God, look at you.
262
00:08:55,377 --> 00:08:56,316
Look at you.
263
00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:59,312
You look great. You're still quite a catch.
You look just like you did in high school.
264
00:08:59,432 --> 00:09:00,292
Oh.
265
00:09:00,412 --> 00:09:01,878
Hey, do you remember all the
good times that we used to have
266
00:09:01,998 --> 00:09:04,174
in the back of your dad's
Datsun behind this place?
267
00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:05,182
Oh, man.
268
00:09:05,302 --> 00:09:07,640
So much romance. Mm.
269
00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:09,194
Hey, how is your dad?
270
00:09:09,314 --> 00:09:10,805
Dad died last year.
271
00:09:11,561 --> 00:09:13,040
- Did he die?
- Yeah.
272
00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:14,972
Oh, that's... that's too bad.
273
00:09:15,092 --> 00:09:16,471
It happens, you know.
274
00:09:16,591 --> 00:09:18,070
He was getting up there, right?
275
00:09:18,138 --> 00:09:20,219
- I mean, it was probably
natural causes, or... - Suicide.
276
00:09:20,339 --> 00:09:22,447
- Sui... Suicide?
- Car exhaust, yeah.
277
00:09:22,567 --> 00:09:25,304
I had to break the window
of the Datsun, so...
278
00:09:25,424 --> 00:09:27,151
Oh, yeah, it was one of those.
279
00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:29,544
- One of those, huh?
- His eyes were so yellow.
280
00:09:29,664 --> 00:09:30,510
Okay.
281
00:09:32,106 --> 00:09:35,316
Maureen Ponderosa...
282
00:09:35,436 --> 00:09:37,331
Yeah.. Yeah...
283
00:09:37,332 --> 00:09:41,332
Dennis Reynolds and Maureen Ponderosa
back together again at last.
284
00:09:47,679 --> 00:09:48,531
Hey, Carmen.
285
00:09:49,264 --> 00:09:51,180
Carmen, hey, I want to
show you something.
286
00:09:51,281 --> 00:09:53,303
Oh. Hey, Mac.
287
00:09:53,423 --> 00:09:54,445
- Yeah.
- What's going on here?
288
00:09:54,565 --> 00:09:57,023
Oh, good. I'm glad you're here, too, okay,
'cause this pertains to both of you guys.
289
00:09:57,143 --> 00:09:59,922
I'm about to do you guys a huge solid.
290
00:10:00,230 --> 00:10:01,443
Ready?
291
00:10:01,511 --> 00:10:06,023
"Men with men committing
indecent acts... " sex in the but",
292
00:10:06,143 --> 00:10:09,100
... will receive the due
penalty for their perversion."
293
00:10:10,732 --> 00:10:11,579
Word of the Lord.
294
00:10:11,699 --> 00:10:13,810
Okay, what is it you're
trying to say, Mac?
295
00:10:13,930 --> 00:10:16,513
I'm saying that in the eyes of
the Lord, your marriage is an
296
00:10:16,633 --> 00:10:19,261
abomination, and if you don't get
a divorce, you're going to hell.
297
00:10:19,328 --> 00:10:21,263
I love people tripping all the time.
298
00:10:21,330 --> 00:10:22,264
Can I see that for a second?
299
00:10:22,331 --> 00:10:24,114
Yeah, but I'm not tripping, okay?
It's all right there.
300
00:10:24,234 --> 00:10:25,164
Oh, no.
301
00:10:25,284 --> 00:10:26,102
Yeah, just... it's gonna take
you a little while to flip
302
00:10:26,222 --> 00:10:27,680
through it, 'cause that
book is long as shit.
303
00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:29,010
Oh, yeah, I like this one.
304
00:10:29,130 --> 00:10:29,794
Yeah.
305
00:10:29,914 --> 00:10:30,956
Exodus 21, verses 20, 21.
306
00:10:31,076 --> 00:10:32,049
Mm.
307
00:10:32,169 --> 00:10:35,400
"When a man strikes his slave
with a rod so hard that the
308
00:10:35,421 --> 00:10:37,468
slave dies, he shall be punished.
309
00:10:38,070 --> 00:10:41,998
If, however, the slave survives
for a day or two, he is not to
310
00:10:42,118 --> 00:10:43,849
be punished, for the
slave is his property."
311
00:10:43,969 --> 00:10:45,753
That's-That's not what I'm
talking about, though.
312
00:10:45,873 --> 00:10:47,477
That's a different...
That's not my thing.
313
00:10:47,597 --> 00:10:50,319
Well, so you're saying you're gonna
whoop my black ass with a rod
314
00:10:50,340 --> 00:10:51,496
as long as you like it,
315
00:10:51,616 --> 00:10:54,113
As long as I get up after
a day or two we are good?
316
00:10:54,364 --> 00:10:55,296
That's what you're telling me?
317
00:10:55,416 --> 00:10:59,744
No, I wouldn't whoop on you with anything,
whether you were my slave or not.
318
00:10:59,864 --> 00:11:04,401
It's just... That doesn't really pertain anyway,
because that section is not from the same time.
319
00:11:04,521 --> 00:11:07,015
Oh, oh, really? Well, what time
is your section from, Mac?
320
00:11:07,309 --> 00:11:09,255
Look, I came here to
help you guys, okay?
321
00:11:09,375 --> 00:11:11,711
And as a gay man, there's certain things
you need to know about the afterlife.
322
00:11:11,831 --> 00:11:13,461
I'm not a gay man.
323
00:11:13,581 --> 00:11:15,002
Yes, you are.
324
00:11:15,122 --> 00:11:16,283
You're banging a dude.
325
00:11:16,403 --> 00:11:19,658
Look, if anything, you're the one
that had sex with me when I was a man.
326
00:11:20,876 --> 00:11:22,714
Oh, that's it... you're gay.
327
00:11:22,834 --> 00:11:25,094
No, no, no, no, no, no, no...
He's gay.
328
00:11:25,214 --> 00:11:28,800
If this is about you and
me, then just say that.
329
00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:31,293
I'm never going to admit that, Carmen.
330
00:11:31,413 --> 00:11:34,410
But come on, I mean... him?
331
00:11:34,774 --> 00:11:36,791
What do you see in this guy?
332
00:11:36,911 --> 00:11:39,370
I mean, look at my
body compared to his.
333
00:11:39,490 --> 00:11:41,190
I'm a hard body.
You're a hard body.
334
00:11:41,310 --> 00:11:42,447
We could be hard bodies together.
335
00:11:42,495 --> 00:11:44,042
Not hard body and...
336
00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:47,628
I thought we established that there was
going to be a phone call after the procedure.
337
00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:49,967
And then you had the procedure,
and I never got that call.
338
00:11:50,087 --> 00:11:53,150
Instead you called this soft
body and you gay married him.
339
00:11:53,270 --> 00:11:56,465
And now you're calling me gay,
telling me I'm tripping and
340
00:11:56,585 --> 00:11:59,807
trying to confuse me with
your liberal Biblisisms.
341
00:12:00,325 --> 00:12:03,813
Man, my guess is is you've been
confused for a very long time.
342
00:12:10,557 --> 00:12:11,789
All right, take it easy.
343
00:12:11,909 --> 00:12:13,469
Oh, oh, oh.
344
00:12:13,589 --> 00:12:14,575
Thank you very much.
345
00:12:15,191 --> 00:12:18,690
All right, dude, okay, I admit this is more
paperwork than I expected, all right?
346
00:12:18,810 --> 00:12:20,496
But that's... Frank that's
because this domestic
347
00:12:20,616 --> 00:12:22,756
partnership thing is
really worth doing, dude.
348
00:12:22,876 --> 00:12:24,730
There's a lot of perks in
these bad boys, you know?
349
00:12:24,850 --> 00:12:26,607
There's a lot of jelly in
these doughnuts here, Frank.
350
00:12:26,727 --> 00:12:29,891
But, Charlie, you still haven't told me how
this shit is going to be good for me. Me.
351
00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:31,076
It's all in here.
352
00:12:31,535 --> 00:12:32,998
All right, okay, all right,
think about this for a second.
353
00:12:33,118 --> 00:12:35,182
Now you're definitely going
to have another massive heart attack
354
00:12:35,302 --> 00:12:36,709
or stroke in the
next few years, right?
355
00:12:36,829 --> 00:12:37,475
Definitely.
356
00:12:37,595 --> 00:12:39,897
All right, well, what's going to happen
when you go on life support, dude?
357
00:12:40,017 --> 00:12:42,613
Dennis and Dee are going to pull
the plug on you so fast,
358
00:12:42,733 --> 00:12:43,509
your head is going to spin.
359
00:12:43,629 --> 00:12:46,169
But think about this, Frank, you
know who's not going to do that?
360
00:12:46,450 --> 00:12:48,645
This guy right here.
361
00:12:48,765 --> 00:12:51,726
This thing... this is so much
complicated stuff, Charlie.
362
00:12:51,846 --> 00:12:52,918
Look who it is?
363
00:12:53,038 --> 00:12:54,836
Guys, you remember Maureen
Ponderosa, right?
364
00:12:54,956 --> 00:12:56,153
Charlie!
365
00:12:56,273 --> 00:12:58,834
Hey, Maureen, how are you?
366
00:12:58,954 --> 00:13:00,819
Dead tooth.
Let me see the dead tooth.
367
00:13:00,939 --> 00:13:02,093
What's he talking about?
368
00:13:02,213 --> 00:13:04,558
Oh, he's, uh...
Pipe down, Frank, pipe down.
369
00:13:04,678 --> 00:13:06,250
So listen, guys, we just got married.
370
00:13:06,370 --> 00:13:07,552
- What?
- Yeah.
371
00:13:07,672 --> 00:13:09,806
Yeah, we're married. Maureen
and I got married.
372
00:13:09,926 --> 00:13:11,122
What is wrong with you?
373
00:13:11,242 --> 00:13:13,494
It's not what's wrong with
me, Frank, it's what's right with me,
374
00:13:13,532 --> 00:13:16,557
and that's this little piece of paper
right here that we just signed.
375
00:13:16,677 --> 00:13:19,053
It's our marriage certificate.
Now we're married. Boom.
376
00:13:19,093 --> 00:13:19,810
Hold on a second.
377
00:13:19,846 --> 00:13:21,521
You just had to sign a
little piece of paper.
378
00:13:21,641 --> 00:13:24,433
They gave Frank and I, like, a
million forms for our marriage.
379
00:13:24,553 --> 00:13:26,302
You guys are trying to
get married too, huh?
380
00:13:26,422 --> 00:13:27,352
That's weird.
381
00:13:27,472 --> 00:13:28,598
Uh-huh, yeah.
382
00:13:28,718 --> 00:13:29,733
Well, we're out of here.
383
00:13:29,853 --> 00:13:31,413
So, good luck.
384
00:13:31,533 --> 00:13:34,269
Oh, my God, what is
the matter with him?
385
00:13:34,389 --> 00:13:35,250
Did you smell her breath?
386
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:36,054
Are you kidding me?
387
00:13:36,104 --> 00:13:38,662
It smelled like she was nibbling
on little pieces of shit.
388
00:13:40,874 --> 00:13:42,092
Wait a second, wait a second.
389
00:13:42,212 --> 00:13:44,091
Dennis, you're married?
390
00:13:44,309 --> 00:13:45,305
Yes, man, I'm married.
391
00:13:45,355 --> 00:13:46,130
I'm a married man.
392
00:13:46,173 --> 00:13:47,262
Yes, she's actually here, dude.
393
00:13:47,305 --> 00:13:48,505
It's awesome.
She's in the bathroom.
394
00:13:48,625 --> 00:13:49,555
She's brushing her teeth.
395
00:13:49,675 --> 00:13:51,922
Yeah, she must have eaten
something a little bit sinister.
396
00:13:52,042 --> 00:13:53,369
Must have been the Funyuns
or something, I don't know.
397
00:13:53,489 --> 00:13:54,363
Whatever, it doesn't matter.
398
00:13:54,483 --> 00:13:57,677
Anyway, the point is, I am having, this
is crazy, but I'm having feelings again.
399
00:13:57,797 --> 00:14:00,058
Like-like some kind of
14-year-old kid or something.
400
00:14:00,178 --> 00:14:01,659
You remember feelings, right?
401
00:14:02,485 --> 00:14:05,076
Yeah. I have feelings every
single day of my life.
402
00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:07,792
Do you? Are you saying
you don't have feelings?
403
00:14:08,646 --> 00:14:10,158
Well, I'm saying I built up a shell.
404
00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:11,582
A shell around myself.
405
00:14:11,702 --> 00:14:14,914
A cold, calculated, heartless
shell that couldn't be broken by
406
00:14:15,034 --> 00:14:16,021
anything but marriage.
407
00:14:16,141 --> 00:14:19,406
And that's what she did, dude... she
broke that shell with marriage.
408
00:14:19,910 --> 00:14:21,955
In a good way, if I'm being unclear.
409
00:14:22,504 --> 00:14:25,192
And that brings me,
actually, to my next point.
410
00:14:25,312 --> 00:14:28,272
I need you to move out...
like now, like right away.
411
00:14:28,847 --> 00:14:29,974
What?!
412
00:14:30,094 --> 00:14:32,129
Why do I have to move out?
It's my apartment, too.
413
00:14:32,165 --> 00:14:33,886
Uh, actually, you know what, Mac?
414
00:14:34,006 --> 00:14:37,584
Turns out it's not your apartment, because
you never signed the lease, if you recall.
415
00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:39,425
'Cause your credit was so bad.
416
00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:40,323
Oh.
417
00:14:40,443 --> 00:14:42,787
Well, what am I going to
do with all my stuff?
418
00:14:42,907 --> 00:14:44,762
You know what, believe it or
not, I've been doing some inventory...
419
00:14:44,808 --> 00:14:48,824
and it turns out you don't actually
own anything in this apartment.
420
00:14:48,944 --> 00:14:51,785
- That can't be true.
- It's shockingly true.
421
00:14:51,905 --> 00:14:54,936
Yeah, yeah, every single
thing in here is mine.
422
00:14:55,056 --> 00:14:57,390
For instance, that shirt that
you're wearing right now.
423
00:14:57,510 --> 00:14:58,608
That was my shirt.
424
00:14:58,728 --> 00:15:00,751
And then I got tired of it, I
threw it in the trash and then
425
00:15:00,871 --> 00:15:03,469
you fished it out of the trash
and you cut the sleeves off it,
426
00:15:03,522 --> 00:15:06,508
as you are want to do, 'cause
that's your thing, but whatever.
427
00:15:06,628 --> 00:15:09,365
Also, listen, I don't want to
rush you on this either, but I
428
00:15:09,485 --> 00:15:12,356
did have to drop you from my
cell phone's family plan.
429
00:15:12,476 --> 00:15:14,849
Oh, and I'm going to need you to
stop using my name at the gym.
430
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:16,734
Because I'm getting a lot of
phone calls about that and
431
00:15:16,768 --> 00:15:18,145
that's a little embarrassing.
432
00:15:18,173 --> 00:15:19,477
- Can I say something?
- Yeah, totally.
433
00:15:25,235 --> 00:15:26,969
Oh, there we go.
434
00:15:27,037 --> 00:15:28,171
Oh, hey.
435
00:15:28,291 --> 00:15:29,635
Hey, how you doing?
436
00:15:29,755 --> 00:15:30,511
Hey, hey, hey.
437
00:15:30,631 --> 00:15:31,407
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
438
00:15:31,475 --> 00:15:32,642
- Hey. You got a minute?
- No.
439
00:15:32,678 --> 00:15:34,227
- Got a question. Got a minute?
- Quick question.
440
00:15:34,246 --> 00:15:36,152
Yeah, I'm kind of in the
middle of something right now.
441
00:15:36,272 --> 00:15:37,127
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
442
00:15:38,199 --> 00:15:39,003
That's easy.
443
00:15:39,123 --> 00:15:39,882
Okay, no problem.
444
00:15:39,950 --> 00:15:40,906
That's better.
445
00:15:41,026 --> 00:15:42,849
Why do you people keep
bothering me at the gym?
446
00:15:42,918 --> 00:15:44,458
I'm so sorry.
It's going to be a quick question.
447
00:15:44,516 --> 00:15:45,827
- Charlie... you remember me, right?
- Yeah.
448
00:15:45,885 --> 00:15:48,157
- Frank.
- No, I don't remember you.
449
00:15:48,225 --> 00:15:50,993
Look, my friend and I, we're
trying to get, like, a gay
450
00:15:51,061 --> 00:15:54,030
marriage situation going on and he's
all tripped up about some issue.
451
00:15:54,097 --> 00:15:55,598
And now he's uncomfortable
talking to me.
452
00:15:55,666 --> 00:15:57,856
I figured you're a expert,
so we could talk to you.
453
00:15:57,976 --> 00:15:59,720
All right, fine.
Jut go ahead... what?
454
00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:00,868
Good. Go.
455
00:16:00,988 --> 00:16:03,487
Charlie and I... we're
going to get married.
456
00:16:03,607 --> 00:16:04,481
Mm-hmm.
457
00:16:04,601 --> 00:16:08,686
Who would be the man and who would
be the woman in that situation?
458
00:16:09,414 --> 00:16:10,947
Neither of you would be the woman.
459
00:16:11,067 --> 00:16:12,499
You're both men.
460
00:16:13,269 --> 00:16:14,347
Are you kidding me?
461
00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:16,796
Is this what you've been
upset about the whole time?
462
00:16:16,861 --> 00:16:18,187
Which one of us is
going to be the woman?
463
00:16:18,255 --> 00:16:18,954
Yeah.
464
00:16:19,022 --> 00:16:21,290
I'm not going to get my dick
cut off and sold to China.
465
00:16:21,358 --> 00:16:24,126
Spend the rest of my life on
a treadmill like this guy.
466
00:16:24,246 --> 00:16:26,109
What are you...?
What?!
467
00:16:26,229 --> 00:16:27,745
I don't want to be the woman, Charlie.
468
00:16:27,865 --> 00:16:29,753
And I don't want to
see you be the woman.
469
00:16:29,873 --> 00:16:32,170
Neither of us would
be the woman, dude.
470
00:16:32,290 --> 00:16:33,588
We would both be men.
471
00:16:33,708 --> 00:16:36,578
We'd be two cool straight
dudes married together.
472
00:16:37,292 --> 00:16:40,309
Oh. I never thought
of it that way.
473
00:16:40,377 --> 00:16:43,647
Two dudes getting married...
that doesn't seem very gay.
474
00:16:43,767 --> 00:16:47,301
Yeah, right?
It's not... Yeah, right, yeah, okay.
475
00:16:47,421 --> 00:16:49,785
You know what, let's not argue on
this or think about it too much.
476
00:16:49,853 --> 00:16:50,453
No.
477
00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:52,628
Two cool married... dudes.
478
00:16:52,749 --> 00:16:53,648
Not gay.
479
00:16:53,688 --> 00:16:54,423
I'm down with that.
480
00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:55,074
- All right.
- Excuse me.
481
00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:56,692
- Bump it, bump it, bump it.
- Gay dudes married.
482
00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:57,359
Two gay dudes married.
483
00:16:57,427 --> 00:16:59,328
Is my role in this done now?
484
00:16:59,396 --> 00:17:01,698
Uh, any more questions?
485
00:17:01,818 --> 00:17:03,624
No. I think I got it.
486
00:17:03,744 --> 00:17:05,501
Hey, did they really
sell your dick to China?
487
00:17:07,274 --> 00:17:09,508
No. I can tell by your stare
the answer is no.
488
00:17:09,628 --> 00:17:11,417
I told you, Frank. That's crazy.
489
00:17:17,740 --> 00:17:19,325
Dee, hey, we got to talk.
490
00:17:19,651 --> 00:17:22,297
Wait. You can't just come barging in
here like that. What are you doing?
491
00:17:22,352 --> 00:17:24,745
Okay, look, it takes a big
man to admit defeat,
492
00:17:24,865 --> 00:17:26,929
but you were right, I was wrong.
493
00:17:27,173 --> 00:17:29,281
Everybody should be able to get
married to whoever they want.
494
00:17:29,401 --> 00:17:31,074
Which got me thinking
about you and me.
495
00:17:31,580 --> 00:17:33,996
Oh, no, I'm not going to marry you,
if that's where this is headed.
496
00:17:34,064 --> 00:17:35,064
What?
497
00:17:35,785 --> 00:17:37,600
Dee, I would rather
get shot in the face.
498
00:17:37,948 --> 00:17:39,335
Okay, then what are you doing here?
499
00:17:39,402 --> 00:17:40,269
I'm glad you asked.
500
00:17:40,337 --> 00:17:41,337
I'm moving in.
501
00:17:41,404 --> 00:17:43,594
Also I need to get on your gym
membership,
502
00:17:43,714 --> 00:17:46,375
because I got to get back in there ASAP
before I lose this pump.
503
00:17:46,812 --> 00:17:48,450
What's with the beers?
Are you carbo loading?
504
00:17:49,112 --> 00:17:49,945
No. (gagging)
505
00:17:50,013 --> 00:17:51,531
Oh. What are you doing?
506
00:17:51,651 --> 00:17:52,511
Are you going to throw up?
507
00:17:52,631 --> 00:17:53,949
No...
Then why are you gagging?
508
00:17:54,017 --> 00:17:56,252
Oh, that... Because, Dee,
that triggers my gag reflex
509
00:17:56,319 --> 00:17:58,420
too, and then I feel like
I'm going to throw up.
510
00:17:58,488 --> 00:17:59,255
It's fine.
511
00:17:59,322 --> 00:18:00,890
I had some bad spaghetti.
512
00:18:03,026 --> 00:18:06,762
Dee, look, the point is... the
reason I came over here is
513
00:18:06,830 --> 00:18:09,199
because you were totally right
about this marriage thing, okay?
514
00:18:09,319 --> 00:18:11,710
It is a special bond between
two people in love.
515
00:18:12,116 --> 00:18:13,302
And everybody deserves...
516
00:18:13,370 --> 00:18:14,069
...that right.
517
00:18:14,137 --> 00:18:17,773
Look, I'm thinking that...
I got to throw up. I'm gonna throw up.
518
00:18:17,841 --> 00:18:20,109
No, no, no, no, not in there.
519
00:18:20,503 --> 00:18:25,138
Oh, sorry. Uh...
Wait. I know you.
520
00:18:27,356 --> 00:18:28,617
Bill Ponderosa.
521
00:18:35,330 --> 00:18:37,206
Where are you going?
522
00:18:37,861 --> 00:18:40,896
Hey, Maureen Ponder...
Hey.
523
00:18:40,964 --> 00:18:43,265
I was just going to go
meet up with the guys.
524
00:18:43,333 --> 00:18:45,267
But I thought we were going
to watch a movie tonight.
525
00:18:45,335 --> 00:18:47,009
Watch a movie... yes, we were.
526
00:18:47,129 --> 00:18:50,139
Yeah, you know what... but I feel the
need to reconnect with the guys.
527
00:18:50,207 --> 00:18:52,631
So... But you know what, you
can watch a movie without me.
528
00:18:52,751 --> 00:18:54,157
- What?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
529
00:18:54,277 --> 00:18:57,246
Dude, we have so many
great, great movies here.
530
00:18:57,314 --> 00:18:59,548
Got a lot of action films
which is very, very exciting.
531
00:18:59,616 --> 00:19:01,689
Got all the Lethal Weapon
movies, which is cool.
532
00:19:01,809 --> 00:19:04,422
Including the one that I made
with the guys... Lethal Weapon 5.
533
00:19:04,542 --> 00:19:06,470
Yes. Amazing film, truly, truly.
534
00:19:06,590 --> 00:19:08,624
Although it gets a little
confusing halfway through
535
00:19:08,692 --> 00:19:10,693
because Mac and I decided
to switch parts.
536
00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:12,828
He wanted to play Murtaugh
for some reason.
537
00:19:12,896 --> 00:19:14,006
Yeah, and I'm not going to lie.
538
00:19:14,126 --> 00:19:15,931
His use of blackface I found
a bit regrettable, but...
539
00:19:15,999 --> 00:19:18,535
Come on, it's our first
night as a married couple.
540
00:19:18,787 --> 00:19:20,469
I want to spend it
with my husband.
541
00:19:20,537 --> 00:19:22,232
Oh, yeah.
542
00:19:22,947 --> 00:19:26,422
I see that you're wearing
another one of those kitty cat
543
00:19:26,542 --> 00:19:28,984
sweatshirts that you seem so fond of.
544
00:19:29,104 --> 00:19:32,347
And you glued some jewels and
some flowers and things to it.
545
00:19:32,356 --> 00:19:33,415
- Uh-huh.
- Interesting.
546
00:19:33,483 --> 00:19:35,251
I like to be comfy and current.
547
00:19:35,318 --> 00:19:37,043
Yeah, yeah.
548
00:19:37,163 --> 00:19:38,731
I did not remember
that about you.
549
00:19:38,851 --> 00:19:41,156
You don't remember a
lot of things, silly.
550
00:19:42,021 --> 00:19:42,867
Yeah.
551
00:19:42,987 --> 00:19:44,848
Now you get yourself
on that couch.
552
00:19:44,968 --> 00:19:46,435
I'm gonna go make
us fish sticks.
553
00:19:46,555 --> 00:19:49,346
Uh, I don't... I don't think
we have any fish sticks.
554
00:19:49,466 --> 00:19:50,866
I bought some.
555
00:19:50,934 --> 00:19:54,103
- Yeah. I don't particularly like
fish sticks, but... - Dennis.
556
00:19:54,170 --> 00:19:57,547
- Hmm?
- Hey, I love you.
557
00:20:04,214 --> 00:20:07,182
Uh, I love you.
558
00:20:18,387 --> 00:20:19,871
Yeah.
559
00:20:19,991 --> 00:20:25,265
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www.addic7ed.com
560
00:20:26,305 --> 00:20:32,837
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