1 00:00:00,811 --> 00:00:03,562 Oh, it's just so doggone thin. 2 00:00:03,675 --> 00:00:06,620 - Oh, it's incredibly thin. - Yeah, it's thin, sure, 3 00:00:06,705 --> 00:00:09,463 but I got to say, I don't care for it. 4 00:00:09,576 --> 00:00:11,801 Charlie, the thinner the TV, the better the TV. 5 00:00:11,914 --> 00:00:14,100 - That's just a straight-up fact. - Guys, guys, guys! 6 00:00:14,213 --> 00:00:16,224 Check it out. We got a review in the paper. 7 00:00:16,337 --> 00:00:18,157 No way! Is it a good review? 8 00:00:18,302 --> 00:00:21,530 "The first thing I noticed about Paddy's Pub is its charm". 9 00:00:21,643 --> 00:00:24,066 - All right, it's a good review. - That's a good start. 10 00:00:24,179 --> 00:00:26,167 - "It has none". - Uh-oh, are you serious? 11 00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:28,853 "There was an ominous feeling that you could get stabbed at 12 00:00:28,966 --> 00:00:31,536 - any moment". That's good, right? - How is that good? 13 00:00:31,649 --> 00:00:34,293 That's the exact type of atmosphere I've been trying to cultivate. 14 00:00:34,460 --> 00:00:36,986 But, while danger may linger, I'm the levelheaded bouncer that 15 00:00:37,099 --> 00:00:39,614 keeps violence in check, like Swayze in Roadhouse. I'm the cooler. 16 00:00:39,727 --> 00:00:41,699 In check? There have been many stabbings in here. 17 00:00:41,812 --> 00:00:44,276 - I feel unsafe here every single day. - Oh, very often. 18 00:00:44,389 --> 00:00:46,219 Well, stabbings have been down, though. 19 00:00:46,332 --> 00:00:47,390 Read some more. 20 00:00:47,503 --> 00:00:50,063 "When I ordered a glass of wine, not only did the surly 21 00:00:50,176 --> 00:00:52,803 white trash waitress refuse to make it, but she proceed to 22 00:00:52,916 --> 00:00:54,977 call me a word that I cannot print in this paper". 23 00:00:55,090 --> 00:00:56,816 - Surly? - "I was forced to listen to 24 00:00:56,929 --> 00:01:00,122 the three classless bores who call themselves the owners 25 00:01:00,235 --> 00:01:03,110 get drunk and yell over each other all night". 26 00:01:03,223 --> 00:01:05,863 Classless bores? I am not a classless bore. 27 00:01:05,976 --> 00:01:08,530 Well, I am not white trash. I am a kind and a generous 28 00:01:08,643 --> 00:01:09,978 and a good-natured lady. 29 00:01:10,091 --> 00:01:12,245 Well, I... I do seem to remember you calling a guy a faggot. 30 00:01:12,358 --> 00:01:14,434 Yeah, I absolutely called him a faggot, but he ordered chardonnay. 31 00:01:14,592 --> 00:01:15,419 What was I supposed to do? 32 00:01:15,454 --> 00:01:18,529 "Having reviewed every bar in Philadelphia, I hereby 33 00:01:18,642 --> 00:01:23,236 officially declare Paddy's Pub to be the worst bar in Philly". 34 00:01:27,624 --> 00:01:33,038 It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia 4x08 35 00:01:34,058 --> 00:01:39,563 Synchro : Criztian 36 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:47,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 37 00:02:03,361 --> 00:02:05,726 Hi. Are you Mr. Lyle Corman? 38 00:02:05,839 --> 00:02:08,557 - Yes, can I help you? - Good, nice to meet you. 39 00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:11,209 We're here from Paddy's Pub, and we have come down to give 40 00:02:11,322 --> 00:02:12,921 you the opportunity to give us another chance. 41 00:02:13,034 --> 00:02:14,979 Yeah, here's the thing. We felt that your first review was just a 42 00:02:15,092 --> 00:02:16,980 - tiny bit off base. - Yeah, as you can see, 43 00:02:17,091 --> 00:02:17,846 we're not white trash. 44 00:02:18,169 --> 00:02:20,490 Huh, really? Well, uh, then, in that case, 45 00:02:20,603 --> 00:02:23,245 can you ask your friend to put down that hammer, please? 46 00:02:23,379 --> 00:02:26,395 Uh, yeah, don't let the hammer throw you, Corman. 47 00:02:26,508 --> 00:02:28,711 We are classy, interesting people. 48 00:02:28,824 --> 00:02:31,027 Okay, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. 49 00:02:31,140 --> 00:02:32,878 Well, don't be rude. We just came to have a talk, so... 50 00:02:32,991 --> 00:02:34,946 This is a private... I'm gonna have to get security. 51 00:02:35,059 --> 00:02:36,979 Okay, we can play it that way, Corman. 52 00:02:37,092 --> 00:02:39,931 But you should know that we would have no problem suing you. 53 00:02:40,044 --> 00:02:41,627 Suing me? What are you gonna sue me for? 54 00:02:41,740 --> 00:02:44,192 Uh, libel, slander. There's two of the big dogs right there. 55 00:02:44,305 --> 00:02:47,028 It's only libel if what I write is false. 56 00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:50,704 You know what, buddy, we will jam your asshole up with so many lawyers, 57 00:02:50,817 --> 00:02:52,295 you won't know what to do with yourself. 58 00:02:52,408 --> 00:02:55,468 I'll have you know, we have a team of lawyers on retainer just 59 00:02:55,581 --> 00:02:57,110 to deal with people like you. 60 00:02:57,220 --> 00:02:58,220 - Really? - Yeah. 61 00:02:58,328 --> 00:02:59,854 Well, check this out. 62 00:03:00,119 --> 00:03:02,460 - You're all out of time, bitch. - Boom. 63 00:03:02,818 --> 00:03:05,945 - You just got fazed. - This just in, Poo-Poo Pants. 64 00:03:06,058 --> 00:03:08,113 People don't read newspapers anymore. 65 00:03:09,862 --> 00:03:11,681 How's that for class? 66 00:03:18,628 --> 00:03:21,418 Nice, brand-new Blu-Ray DVD player, all hooked up. 67 00:03:21,531 --> 00:03:23,241 - Hey, all right. - Where are we gonna put it? 68 00:03:23,354 --> 00:03:24,924 We need like a flat surface. 69 00:03:25,037 --> 00:03:27,560 Here we go. You know what, we'll just... we'll dangle it. 70 00:03:27,673 --> 00:03:30,540 That looks better. We're not dangling anything. That's very white trash. 71 00:03:30,653 --> 00:03:32,542 What is the point of having all this expensive new status 72 00:03:32,655 --> 00:03:34,948 symbol stuff if we're just gonna make it look terrible? 73 00:03:35,061 --> 00:03:37,028 Hey, you guys want to see something? 74 00:03:37,141 --> 00:03:38,191 What? 75 00:03:40,336 --> 00:03:41,864 I did something. 76 00:03:43,897 --> 00:03:44,955 Holy shit. 77 00:03:45,068 --> 00:03:46,851 What? You kidnapped Corman? 78 00:03:46,964 --> 00:03:48,180 I don't really know what happened, okay? 79 00:03:48,293 --> 00:03:50,024 First, I was angry. Then, I was drinking. 80 00:03:50,137 --> 00:03:52,467 Next thing I know, I'm following this guy home and forcing him 81 00:03:52,580 --> 00:03:54,561 - into the trunk of his own car. - Jesus Christ, this is bad. 82 00:03:54,674 --> 00:03:56,053 - Really bad. - Don't panic. Don't panic. 83 00:03:56,166 --> 00:03:58,859 Relax, I drove him around in a circle for a while, okay, so 84 00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:00,973 he wouldn't know where he was or how far away he'd gone. 85 00:04:01,086 --> 00:04:03,096 But then you brought him back to a place where he's already been, 86 00:04:03,209 --> 00:04:04,861 and plus, he just heard everything you just said. 87 00:04:04,974 --> 00:04:07,747 Okay, maybe we can just release him, and that way, this won't be a kidnapping. 88 00:04:07,860 --> 00:04:09,208 First things first. Let's just get him out of the trunk; 89 00:04:09,321 --> 00:04:11,763 let's get him into the bar; and then let's figure out what we need to do. 90 00:04:11,876 --> 00:04:13,452 How are we gonna get him in the bar without anyone seeing him? 91 00:04:13,565 --> 00:04:15,408 Easy, we roll him up in a rug. 92 00:04:15,751 --> 00:04:17,997 - Where are we gonna get a rug? - We buy a big Oriental rug, 93 00:04:18,110 --> 00:04:19,454 and we roll him up in it. 94 00:04:19,579 --> 00:04:21,193 Do you have any idea how expensive rugs are, Charlie? 95 00:04:21,306 --> 00:04:23,232 - Yeah, especially Oriental rugs. - No, no rugs. 96 00:04:23,345 --> 00:04:25,330 Just get him out of the car and into the bar, Charlie. 97 00:04:25,443 --> 00:04:26,548 Help me get him out of the trunk. 98 00:04:26,661 --> 00:04:29,280 Okay, so we're... we're really sorry about this, Mr. Corman. 99 00:04:29,393 --> 00:04:30,721 Watch your head. 100 00:04:30,834 --> 00:04:32,484 You're gonna be okay. It's not a kidnapping, so... 101 00:04:32,597 --> 00:04:34,453 Oh, goddamn it. 102 00:04:34,604 --> 00:04:36,476 Okay, I think we're on the same page. 103 00:04:36,589 --> 00:04:38,043 - This is not a kidnapping. - No! 104 00:04:38,150 --> 00:04:39,150 No, okay, all right. 105 00:04:39,255 --> 00:04:40,797 But we do need to keep him here for a couple of hours 106 00:04:40,910 --> 00:04:42,203 - so he doesn't do anything irrational. - Just borrowing him. 107 00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:43,419 ...go to the police. 108 00:04:43,532 --> 00:04:45,390 That being said, let's take a few precautions here, okay? 109 00:04:45,503 --> 00:04:47,923 We need to cover our tracks. Why don't we shoot over to Corman's place 110 00:04:48,036 --> 00:04:49,715 and make sure that Charlie left without a trace. 111 00:04:49,828 --> 00:04:51,304 I'm pretty sure Charlie left with a trace. 112 00:04:51,460 --> 00:04:52,317 - He probably did. - That's a good idea. 113 00:04:52,352 --> 00:04:54,438 Okay, and I'll use my cooling abilities to smooth things over 114 00:04:54,551 --> 00:04:55,822 - with Corman, and then that... - Jesus Christ. 115 00:04:55,935 --> 00:04:57,912 Are you still going on and on about being a cooler? 116 00:04:58,025 --> 00:04:59,712 - Shut up. - The cooler thing isn't helping now. 117 00:04:59,825 --> 00:05:02,671 Just get into the bar, and make sure Charlie doesn't do anything stupid. 118 00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:05,106 Okay, but can we establish that I'm the cooler? 119 00:05:05,219 --> 00:05:06,630 - Oh, my God! - Get into the bar. 120 00:05:06,755 --> 00:05:07,769 We're surrounded by idiots. 121 00:05:08,043 --> 00:05:11,034 Look, this really isn't necessary. You don't have to tape me... 122 00:05:11,147 --> 00:05:13,204 I'm sorry, man, but this is the situation we're in, and I 123 00:05:13,317 --> 00:05:14,770 just feel like this is the best thing to do here. 124 00:05:14,883 --> 00:05:17,296 Jesus Christ, dude, what are you doing? You can't tape him up like that. 125 00:05:17,409 --> 00:05:19,631 Come on, man. I mean, the guy gets my goat, man. 126 00:05:19,744 --> 00:05:22,289 He sits around all day. He judges people with his words 127 00:05:22,402 --> 00:05:25,326 and his fancy newspaper talk. It's bullshit! 128 00:05:25,439 --> 00:05:27,266 What is it that you people want? 129 00:05:27,889 --> 00:05:30,468 Well, I'll tell you, Mr. Fancy Pants Writer Man. 130 00:05:30,581 --> 00:05:33,326 I was thinking maybe you could write a new review, you know, 131 00:05:33,439 --> 00:05:36,631 and this time, maybe add a few less lies. 132 00:05:36,744 --> 00:05:40,311 How can I write a new review if I am taped to a chair? 133 00:05:40,424 --> 00:05:42,780 Come on, man. See, he's twisting everything I say around. 134 00:05:42,893 --> 00:05:44,129 He's making me look like an asshole. 135 00:05:44,242 --> 00:05:47,213 Okay, look, look. Nobody has to write anything against their will, okay? 136 00:05:47,326 --> 00:05:48,482 Thank you. 137 00:05:49,132 --> 00:05:50,872 I have to go to the bathroom. 138 00:05:51,297 --> 00:05:53,690 - I have to pee. - Okay, sidebar. 139 00:05:54,773 --> 00:05:56,245 How is he gonna pee if his hands are taped down? 140 00:05:56,358 --> 00:05:57,652 I don't care. Let him piss in his pants. 141 00:05:57,765 --> 00:05:59,924 No, he can't piss in his pants, Charlie! 142 00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:02,654 I don't know why you're so in love with this guy. 143 00:06:02,767 --> 00:06:05,169 I just don't want to get arrested for kidnapping. 144 00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:07,335 - If we just untie him for a second. - Not gonna work. 145 00:06:07,448 --> 00:06:08,953 I used the last of the tape. 146 00:06:09,157 --> 00:06:10,753 If you untie him, that tape's not gonna stick back up. 147 00:06:10,866 --> 00:06:12,278 Go down to the basement. See if there's any more tape. 148 00:06:12,391 --> 00:06:15,475 I'll take him to the bathroom. I'll defuse the situation. 149 00:06:15,621 --> 00:06:17,233 - Fine. - Play it cool. 150 00:06:17,346 --> 00:06:18,883 - Play it cool. - Play it cool. 151 00:06:20,653 --> 00:06:23,836 I'm sorry I yelled at you, Mr. Corman. 152 00:06:24,876 --> 00:06:26,350 I saw that! 153 00:06:26,463 --> 00:06:29,403 I saw that! I saw that! You're out of here, bro. 154 00:06:33,721 --> 00:06:35,124 What are you doing? 155 00:06:35,237 --> 00:06:37,580 What, I'm packing to make it look like Corman went on a vacation. 156 00:06:37,693 --> 00:06:39,620 Yeah, but you're all over the place. You just put in a tropical shirt, 157 00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:41,279 and now two heavy coats? I mean, 158 00:06:41,392 --> 00:06:43,897 is he going to Cancun or Canada? You gotta pay attention to the details. 159 00:06:44,010 --> 00:06:45,857 - This is how people get caught. - Ah, shit, you're right. 160 00:06:45,970 --> 00:06:47,341 I'm leaving a trace. Okay... no, no, no, no. 161 00:06:47,454 --> 00:06:50,515 He's probably under a lot of pressure with the deadlines from the newspaper. 162 00:06:50,628 --> 00:06:51,874 - He should relax. - Go someplace tropical? 163 00:06:51,987 --> 00:06:53,518 - Cancun then. Perfect. - Tropical. 164 00:06:53,631 --> 00:06:54,932 You know what I'll do? 165 00:06:55,045 --> 00:06:57,182 I will put an outgoing message on his answering machine. 166 00:06:57,295 --> 00:06:58,831 - That is good thinking, sis. - We're pretty good at this. 167 00:06:58,944 --> 00:07:00,915 We are pretty damn good at this. We're learning. 168 00:07:01,973 --> 00:07:03,626 Greeting one. 169 00:07:03,739 --> 00:07:06,002 Hi, this is Mehar. Sorry I missed your call. 170 00:07:06,115 --> 00:07:08,988 Please leave a message after the beep. Peace. 171 00:07:09,463 --> 00:07:11,478 That did not sound like Corman. 172 00:07:13,681 --> 00:07:15,417 Who are you people? 173 00:07:18,089 --> 00:07:19,947 - Friends with Corman. - Yeah. 174 00:07:20,060 --> 00:07:22,406 Mr. Corman lives across the hall. 175 00:07:22,991 --> 00:07:25,238 - Oh, does he? - Does he? 176 00:07:27,968 --> 00:07:30,792 Where is he? This is ridiculous. 177 00:07:30,905 --> 00:07:33,392 - I really have to pee. - I hear ya, bro. 178 00:07:33,505 --> 00:07:36,030 Now, back to the cooler conversation that we were having earlier. 179 00:07:36,143 --> 00:07:39,055 I feel like in your article, you missed an opportunity to mention 180 00:07:39,168 --> 00:07:40,908 my bouncing abilities. Okay? 181 00:07:41,021 --> 00:07:42,952 Now, it's really more about smarts than anything else. 182 00:07:43,065 --> 00:07:45,239 For example, if there was an altercation in this bathroom, 183 00:07:45,352 --> 00:07:47,522 I would blast in looking to neutralize, yeah? 184 00:07:47,635 --> 00:07:49,880 Now, I would check out my environment, and I would look to see 185 00:07:49,993 --> 00:07:52,576 if there's anything that I could use to my advantage. 186 00:07:52,838 --> 00:07:54,890 Like this pool cue. Here we go. 187 00:08:02,885 --> 00:08:05,461 Okay, normally, that wouldn't happen unless I wanted it to. 188 00:08:05,574 --> 00:08:08,250 'Cause I could fire it right in your chest. 'Cause I got skills to do that. 189 00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:10,042 Dude, there's like no tape anywhere. 190 00:08:10,155 --> 00:08:11,948 All I could scrounge up was a bandana. 191 00:08:12,148 --> 00:08:13,286 No, that's too small. 192 00:08:13,399 --> 00:08:15,376 Oh, I could wear it though! I should wear it. 193 00:08:15,489 --> 00:08:17,768 I know, but I found it, so I sort of feel like... 194 00:08:17,881 --> 00:08:20,176 No, I appreciate you looking for me and finding it for me. 195 00:08:20,289 --> 00:08:21,341 No, hang on a second. 196 00:08:21,454 --> 00:08:23,372 ...that got me to the point of me getting the bandana. 197 00:08:25,001 --> 00:08:27,065 Oh, you've got to be kidding me. 198 00:08:27,178 --> 00:08:30,616 Just please get me out of this bathroom before I vomit. 199 00:08:30,729 --> 00:08:33,004 It is absolutely disgusting. 200 00:08:33,589 --> 00:08:37,115 Well, excuse me, Mr. Man. 201 00:08:37,572 --> 00:08:39,523 But I happen to think this bathroom is pristine 202 00:08:39,636 --> 00:08:41,937 because I work very hard cleaning it. 203 00:08:42,050 --> 00:08:45,456 In fact it's so clean I would say you could eat out of these urinals. 204 00:08:45,569 --> 00:08:47,596 No, you absolutely could not eat out of these urinals. 205 00:08:47,709 --> 00:08:49,709 - Oh, really? What's this? - Charlie, don't. 206 00:08:49,822 --> 00:08:51,146 Char... Oh, my God, dude! 207 00:08:51,324 --> 00:08:53,267 Bro, I really... I just pissed in there, 208 00:08:53,380 --> 00:08:55,192 - like five minutes before you came in. - Don't say that. 209 00:08:55,305 --> 00:08:57,297 - Now you're gonna make me look bad. - Spit it out, man. You're gonna eat it? 210 00:08:57,410 --> 00:08:59,347 - You're still chewing it. - I have to prove a point! 211 00:08:59,547 --> 00:09:02,510 All right, all right. Just let me go to the bathroom. 212 00:09:02,623 --> 00:09:04,928 I will write the review. I'll do whatever you want. 213 00:09:05,041 --> 00:09:06,182 I promise. 214 00:09:06,295 --> 00:09:08,453 Well, now that wasn't so hard, was it? 215 00:09:08,566 --> 00:09:09,602 Great. Awesome. 216 00:09:09,715 --> 00:09:12,562 Well, I think that we're... we're in good shape then. 217 00:09:12,675 --> 00:09:14,346 How are we gonna do this? 218 00:09:14,459 --> 00:09:17,195 Well, I think one of us is gonna have to help his... 219 00:09:17,308 --> 00:09:18,580 Whoa, dude! I'm not touching his dick. 220 00:09:18,693 --> 00:09:20,043 Well, Charlie, you're the one that used all the tape. 221 00:09:20,156 --> 00:09:22,100 Well, I was comfortable with letting him piss in his pants. 222 00:09:22,213 --> 00:09:24,033 Well, all right, fine. Then compromise. 223 00:09:24,347 --> 00:09:27,497 We'll both do it. That way it's equally weird for both of us. 224 00:09:31,118 --> 00:09:33,799 No, no, no. Fine. Just-just untape me. 225 00:09:33,912 --> 00:09:35,485 Please. No. Oh, no. 226 00:09:35,598 --> 00:09:37,225 No! No! 227 00:09:42,086 --> 00:09:43,839 Can I bring something up? 228 00:09:44,090 --> 00:09:47,276 - Did he get a little bit hard on us? - Can we not talk about this? 229 00:09:47,389 --> 00:09:48,612 I just felt like you got a little bit... 230 00:09:48,725 --> 00:09:50,171 It was very weird. 231 00:09:50,284 --> 00:09:52,284 - Well, why did it move?! - Hey, guys! 232 00:09:53,244 --> 00:09:56,240 - We got a problem. - We did something. 233 00:09:58,547 --> 00:10:01,257 - Oh, man! - Oh, man! What happened, dude? 234 00:10:01,370 --> 00:10:03,480 Well, there was this a slight mix-up with the apartments. 235 00:10:03,593 --> 00:10:04,912 This is Corman's neighbor Mehar. 236 00:10:05,025 --> 00:10:06,514 What happened to doing this without a trace? 237 00:10:06,627 --> 00:10:09,111 Well, it-it's a long story, but the punch line is that 238 00:10:09,224 --> 00:10:11,297 - he starting asking questions... - I asked one question. 239 00:10:11,410 --> 00:10:12,774 - Shut up! - No, you asked a lot of questions. 240 00:10:12,887 --> 00:10:14,421 All right, well, let's not have him ask more questions. 241 00:10:14,534 --> 00:10:15,735 Let's just keep him in the trunk for now. 242 00:10:15,848 --> 00:10:18,529 You can't kidnap more people to cover up the original kidnapping. 243 00:10:18,642 --> 00:10:20,674 - It's a classic mistake. - I'm sorry... 244 00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:22,953 I didn't know there was a handbook on kidnapping. 245 00:10:23,066 --> 00:10:24,626 - Help! - We gotta get him inside. 246 00:10:24,739 --> 00:10:26,717 - It's probably very hot in there. - There's another bit of an issue, 247 00:10:26,830 --> 00:10:28,429 which is that I locked the keys in the trunk just now. 248 00:10:28,510 --> 00:10:29,510 - What?! - Yeah. 249 00:10:29,599 --> 00:10:31,785 - Are you kidding me? - Well, I didn't want to bring that up. 250 00:10:31,898 --> 00:10:33,156 Goddamn it, Charlie! 251 00:10:33,269 --> 00:10:34,497 This is what we're gonna do. You guys 252 00:10:34,610 --> 00:10:36,023 deal with the situation out here. 253 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,086 Let's go talk to Corman. He's writing that new review. 254 00:10:38,199 --> 00:10:39,847 Okay, 'cause I don't want to see that man right now. 255 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:41,742 - We don't really want... - Because we had a whole thing. 256 00:10:41,855 --> 00:10:42,855 What happened? 257 00:10:42,941 --> 00:10:44,277 Something happened. None of your business. 258 00:10:44,390 --> 00:10:46,182 - Thank you very much. - We had a thing amongst the... 259 00:10:46,295 --> 00:10:49,348 - Let's just go inside. - Can you just... please. 260 00:10:50,244 --> 00:10:51,971 How long do you think we can hold that inside? 261 00:10:52,084 --> 00:10:54,849 It's burning me up inside. It's burning me up. 262 00:10:58,693 --> 00:11:00,919 There he is. Our little typer. 263 00:11:01,032 --> 00:11:03,699 - Type, type, typing away. - Don't mean to disturb ya. 264 00:11:03,812 --> 00:11:06,112 Oh, you're not disturbing me at all. It's great to see you two again. 265 00:11:06,225 --> 00:11:07,968 I get it. I get it. 266 00:11:08,081 --> 00:11:10,237 - You are too much, huh? - You're being a smart-aleck. 267 00:11:10,350 --> 00:11:12,245 - You are. - Glad your spirits are still up. 268 00:11:12,358 --> 00:11:15,010 Listen, we wanted to come in and just let you know we're sorry 269 00:11:15,123 --> 00:11:18,137 about this whole tie-up-and-hold-you-here thing. 270 00:11:18,250 --> 00:11:19,384 We didn't have anything to do with it. 271 00:11:19,497 --> 00:11:21,444 No, that wasn't us. That was somebody else's idea. 272 00:11:21,557 --> 00:11:22,758 - Not our idea. - You know what I'm saying? 273 00:11:22,871 --> 00:11:24,418 Now if there's anything though that we can do, 274 00:11:24,531 --> 00:11:26,960 - since we are in this situation... - Absolutely, together we are. 275 00:11:27,073 --> 00:11:28,989 - ...you want to let us know. - Anything at all. 276 00:11:29,102 --> 00:11:31,987 Yeah, how about, uh, letting me go. 277 00:11:32,202 --> 00:11:33,933 There he goes again. 278 00:11:35,392 --> 00:11:37,489 - I didn't know he was so funny. - I didn't know he was gonna... 279 00:11:37,602 --> 00:11:39,345 ...ask for food or something. 280 00:11:39,458 --> 00:11:40,990 Is there something else we can get you though? 281 00:11:41,103 --> 00:11:42,468 'Cause clearly, you know, we can't... 282 00:11:42,581 --> 00:11:45,371 All right, a glass of white wine, maybe a chardonnay. 283 00:11:45,484 --> 00:11:47,895 - Now you're talking. - You like white wine. I know that. 284 00:11:48,008 --> 00:11:51,414 Um, also, do you want me to bring you some lipstick with that? 285 00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:56,685 Boom! You got fazed again, Corman. 286 00:11:57,824 --> 00:12:00,716 You can't just tee her up and expect her not to take a swing at you, right? 287 00:12:00,829 --> 00:12:03,017 - Can't blame her for that one. - Can't blame her for that one. 288 00:12:03,130 --> 00:12:05,909 Hey, since you are writing a new review, uh, 289 00:12:06,022 --> 00:12:07,712 is there anything I can do to help you out with it? 290 00:12:07,825 --> 00:12:09,962 Uh, you want to fire a couple questions my way? 291 00:12:10,194 --> 00:12:12,999 - No, I think I'm fine. - Okay. Yeah, hey, no problem, man. 292 00:12:13,112 --> 00:12:14,113 I just want to... 293 00:12:14,226 --> 00:12:16,480 just want to make sure you got the total picture on me 294 00:12:16,593 --> 00:12:18,837 'cause I do drive a Range Rover. 295 00:12:20,351 --> 00:12:23,473 - Gas guzzler. - Well, not on the highway. Okay. 296 00:12:23,586 --> 00:12:25,721 Yeah, it's very classy vehicle, though. 297 00:12:25,834 --> 00:12:27,366 What do you want me to say? 298 00:12:27,766 --> 00:12:29,663 What do I want you to say? 299 00:12:29,776 --> 00:12:32,124 I don't know, "Dennis Reynolds, your car is awesome. 300 00:12:32,237 --> 00:12:34,173 Your flat screen TV... I took a look at it. 301 00:12:34,286 --> 00:12:37,133 It's very, very thin. It speaks volumes about you as a person". 302 00:12:37,246 --> 00:12:39,210 I don't know; give me something I can work with, Corman. 303 00:12:39,323 --> 00:12:40,992 All right, Dennis. 304 00:12:41,140 --> 00:12:43,527 Here's the deal. I didn't feel like opening up a bottle of wine 305 00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:44,753 so I brought you some scotch 306 00:12:44,896 --> 00:12:46,356 'cause I feel like that's what writers should drink. 307 00:12:46,391 --> 00:12:47,661 Hey, some top-shelf scotch. 308 00:12:47,774 --> 00:12:49,505 Uh, I don't drink scotch. 309 00:12:51,775 --> 00:12:53,651 Well, you don't have to be a dick about it. 310 00:12:53,764 --> 00:12:55,504 Got a real chip on her shoulder, this one. 311 00:12:55,617 --> 00:12:58,958 If I had to write an article about you, it would say that you're very negative. 312 00:12:59,071 --> 00:13:01,737 The headline might be: "Most negative man in the world 313 00:13:01,850 --> 00:13:04,977 calls other people white trash to make himself not feel so faggy". 314 00:13:05,256 --> 00:13:06,470 Faggy? 315 00:13:08,112 --> 00:13:11,608 You mind if I just took a quick peek at your new review there? 316 00:13:11,721 --> 00:13:13,392 - Uh, but I haven't... - That's okay. 317 00:13:13,539 --> 00:13:14,954 That's okay. I know you're not finished. 318 00:13:15,067 --> 00:13:18,483 I just want to see what direction we're headed in there, buddy. 319 00:13:19,529 --> 00:13:20,727 What's it say? 320 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:23,853 It's, uh, pretty heavy on the kidnapping aspect. 321 00:13:23,966 --> 00:13:25,238 It is? 322 00:13:27,279 --> 00:13:28,817 You jam in further though. 323 00:13:28,930 --> 00:13:30,748 This is... Unlock the bottom. 324 00:13:30,861 --> 00:13:32,633 I'm going for whatever's down there and, um, 325 00:13:32,746 --> 00:13:35,086 it won't catch on to anything is the problem, man. 326 00:13:35,199 --> 00:13:37,195 Damn it, dude. I feel like this should be easier! 327 00:13:37,308 --> 00:13:38,764 People break into cars all the time. 328 00:13:38,877 --> 00:13:40,269 You know, a piece of me wants to chalk this whole 329 00:13:40,382 --> 00:13:42,318 guy-in-the-trunk thing up to a loss right now, dude. 330 00:13:42,431 --> 00:13:44,729 We can't do that, bro. We gotta get him out of the car. 331 00:13:44,842 --> 00:13:46,302 Well, then why don't you just let me take the hammer 332 00:13:46,415 --> 00:13:48,226 and smash the window and we'll just pop the trunk. 333 00:13:48,339 --> 00:13:49,699 Charlie, if we're gonna smash the window, 334 00:13:49,812 --> 00:13:51,516 I would simply do it with a roundhouse kick. 335 00:13:51,629 --> 00:13:53,302 Oh, come on, you're not gonna be able to break this window 336 00:13:53,415 --> 00:13:55,779 with a roundhouse kick. Let's get serious here. 337 00:13:57,767 --> 00:14:01,297 Charlie, I've never been more serious about anything in my entire life. 338 00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:02,400 Help! 339 00:14:02,503 --> 00:14:05,427 Please let me out. I have to get home. I have a cat. 340 00:14:05,540 --> 00:14:08,439 Sir, we all have cats that we'd like to be playing with right now, okay? 341 00:14:08,552 --> 00:14:09,639 We're doing our very best. 342 00:14:09,752 --> 00:14:13,809 My cat is diabetic. She needs her insulin shot. Please! 343 00:14:13,922 --> 00:14:15,937 So we got to babysit a cat now? 344 00:14:16,050 --> 00:14:18,222 I can't have a dead cat's blood on my hands, man. 345 00:14:18,335 --> 00:14:20,137 - That's not good. - All right, 346 00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:22,642 Mac to the rescue. Let me just back up. 347 00:14:22,755 --> 00:14:24,075 I'm gonna roundhouse this. I'm gonna kick it, and then we can get it. 348 00:14:24,188 --> 00:14:25,355 Kick it, man. 349 00:14:25,468 --> 00:14:28,306 All right, but back up, 'cause I don't want the glass to shatter at your face. 350 00:14:28,419 --> 00:14:30,140 - All right, go. - Guard your eyes. 351 00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:35,859 - Oh, no! - Shit, dude! Shit! 352 00:14:36,329 --> 00:14:38,735 There is a slope in the ground, and I didn't... 353 00:14:38,848 --> 00:14:41,044 I wasn't, I wasn't calibrating that great. 354 00:14:41,157 --> 00:14:43,003 You just totally broke this mirror, bro. 355 00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:45,075 Well, it's the bullshit street. 356 00:14:45,188 --> 00:14:46,272 We gotta get that zoning people out here. 357 00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:47,882 I don't think it's the street, bro. 358 00:14:47,995 --> 00:14:50,192 Don't touch the window, all right? I'll do that when I get back. 359 00:14:50,305 --> 00:14:52,751 I gonna grab his cat with Dennis' car. I'll be back. 360 00:14:52,864 --> 00:14:55,067 Learn how to kick. Take one karate class 361 00:14:55,180 --> 00:14:57,092 if you're so into karate, you know? 362 00:14:58,563 --> 00:15:00,896 That is a really, really nice setup. 363 00:15:01,009 --> 00:15:04,264 Now, if he doesn't go for that, he's just a straight-up retard. 364 00:15:04,377 --> 00:15:06,256 - I mean, that's all there is to it. - Hey, buddy. 365 00:15:06,369 --> 00:15:08,478 Oh, hey, pal. Oh, check out this new setup, man. 366 00:15:08,591 --> 00:15:09,870 This is going to be our golden ticket, man. 367 00:15:09,983 --> 00:15:11,365 This is really going to get us somewhere. 368 00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:13,850 Hey, man, do you see any hypodermic needles laying around? 369 00:15:13,963 --> 00:15:16,426 - What the hell is that? - Mehar's cat. Diabetic. 370 00:15:16,539 --> 00:15:19,286 Now a diabetic cat is in play? Jesus, we can't catch a break. 371 00:15:19,399 --> 00:15:21,409 - I know, tell me about it. - Nice and easy now. 372 00:15:21,522 --> 00:15:24,060 Jesus Christ, Charlie! You broke the window? 373 00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:26,320 Dude, the guy had to take a dump. What was I supposed to do? 374 00:15:26,433 --> 00:15:27,793 Wait, he's all tied up. How did you...? 375 00:15:27,906 --> 00:15:30,191 Let's not talk about how it happened, okay? It just happened. 376 00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:32,121 - Give him his cat. - Dude, your cat's freaking out! 377 00:15:32,234 --> 00:15:33,643 That's not my cat. 378 00:15:33,756 --> 00:15:36,255 - No, Dee. - What the hell you doin', Dee? 379 00:15:36,368 --> 00:15:37,591 What's Mehar doing here? 380 00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:40,543 - What are you doing with my cat?! - Your cat?! 381 00:15:40,610 --> 00:15:43,864 - Yes! What is going on? - Mr. Corman, why are they doing this? 382 00:15:43,977 --> 00:15:45,710 No, no, no. Get out of here! 383 00:15:45,981 --> 00:15:47,343 Give him his cat and get him back in the office. 384 00:15:47,456 --> 00:15:50,270 Jesus Christ, oh, this is bad. This is bad, man. 385 00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:51,895 This is really bad. You guys, this is bad. 386 00:15:52,008 --> 00:15:55,043 What are we gonna do? We gotta come up with a plan fast! 387 00:15:55,156 --> 00:15:56,456 Go it! Ready? 388 00:15:56,569 --> 00:15:57,993 Here's the plan. I've been thinking about this. 389 00:15:58,106 --> 00:16:00,879 Okay, we give them amnesia. It's so easy, here how you do it. 390 00:16:00,992 --> 00:16:02,547 You smash them both over the head with a bottle. 391 00:16:02,660 --> 00:16:04,064 They go down like a ton of bricks, okay? 392 00:16:04,177 --> 00:16:05,814 Then we drag them back to their apartments, 393 00:16:05,933 --> 00:16:07,011 we put them in their beds, you know? 394 00:16:07,131 --> 00:16:09,453 We set their clocks back. We get yesterday's newspaper. 395 00:16:09,566 --> 00:16:11,017 We put it on their front doorstep. 396 00:16:11,130 --> 00:16:13,733 They wake up thinking it was all a dream. 397 00:16:13,846 --> 00:16:15,099 - That's so goddamn stupid! - What?! 398 00:16:15,212 --> 00:16:16,757 It's so stupid. Mac, please tell me you got something. 399 00:16:16,870 --> 00:16:18,960 - I say... we bribe them. - A bribe. 400 00:16:19,073 --> 00:16:20,236 - We bribe them. - A good, old-fashioned bribe. 401 00:16:20,349 --> 00:16:22,152 No, that's not gonna work, you know why? 402 00:16:22,265 --> 00:16:24,536 Corman's not gonna go for that. He's, like, made of stone or something. 403 00:16:24,649 --> 00:16:26,266 Oh, Mehar! Let's bribe Mehar. 404 00:16:26,379 --> 00:16:28,465 - He'd go for it. - Yeah, Mehar could work. 405 00:16:28,578 --> 00:16:31,477 But I did notice that the kidnapping has rubbed him the wrong way. 406 00:16:31,590 --> 00:16:34,313 So whatever we bribe him with, it's got to be worth a lot of money. 407 00:16:34,426 --> 00:16:37,377 Yeah, he's gonna want something good for sure. For sure. 408 00:16:43,928 --> 00:16:45,493 Jesus Christ, no. 409 00:16:45,907 --> 00:16:48,620 Hey, thanks a lot for taking home Corman's cat. 410 00:16:48,733 --> 00:16:51,198 And good luck with your sick cat. 411 00:16:56,306 --> 00:16:58,206 Goddamn it, this is bullshit. 412 00:16:59,187 --> 00:17:01,130 All right, let's go talk to Corman. 413 00:17:04,544 --> 00:17:05,861 Hold on there, Corman. 414 00:17:05,974 --> 00:17:07,815 - Where are you going, buddy? - Where are you going? 415 00:17:07,928 --> 00:17:09,309 You're not going very fast. 416 00:17:09,422 --> 00:17:11,450 You're just wasting a lot of energy. Stop. 417 00:17:12,904 --> 00:17:15,444 Okay, all right. Listen, man, we got a proposal for you, okay? 418 00:17:15,557 --> 00:17:18,162 Yeah, now we are willing to not force you to write that review 419 00:17:18,275 --> 00:17:20,589 if you are willing to step up, do the right thing and 420 00:17:20,764 --> 00:17:22,665 - not tell anybody that this happened. - I don't care. 421 00:17:22,778 --> 00:17:25,212 Whatever it takes to get me out of this bar 422 00:17:25,325 --> 00:17:27,686 - away from you people. - My man. 423 00:17:27,799 --> 00:17:29,686 That is the attitude we were waiting for the whole time. 424 00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:31,275 That's right, man. Where's this guy been? 425 00:17:31,388 --> 00:17:32,730 Now, let's talk about the elephant in the room. 426 00:17:32,843 --> 00:17:34,551 Let's talk about the pressing charges. 427 00:17:34,664 --> 00:17:36,809 Yeah, we're gonna need you to sign something. 428 00:17:36,922 --> 00:17:39,173 - Fine. Whatever it takes. - I can't believe you guys 429 00:17:39,286 --> 00:17:41,256 are gonna try and cut a deal with this weasel. 430 00:17:41,369 --> 00:17:42,564 The guy's a liar! 431 00:17:42,677 --> 00:17:46,060 He lied to us, man. He said he was going to write a review, he didn't do that. 432 00:17:46,173 --> 00:17:48,233 I touch his dick. Mac, we touched his dick. 433 00:17:48,346 --> 00:17:49,584 Now is not the time to talk about that. 434 00:17:49,697 --> 00:17:52,098 - Why were you guys touching his dick? - There wasn't enough tape and... 435 00:17:52,211 --> 00:17:54,807 - So you touched his dick?! - Move past it. Let's plow through it. 436 00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:57,628 Okay, Mr. Corman, why don't you just go ahead and sign this. 437 00:17:57,741 --> 00:18:00,716 And then I'll fill in the blanks later. Then that way, we'll have a confession, 438 00:18:00,829 --> 00:18:02,992 it'll be great. And there you go. 439 00:18:03,105 --> 00:18:06,698 Okay, now, let me just get this tape off you, and you could be on your way. 440 00:18:06,811 --> 00:18:09,134 Now, we won't charge you for the duct tape. 441 00:18:10,270 --> 00:18:11,783 That was a joke. 442 00:18:12,977 --> 00:18:14,427 Shit, bro! What are you doing, dude?! 443 00:18:14,540 --> 00:18:16,367 I really don't like this guy. 444 00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:18,393 - You're an idiot! - Well, we'll see who's the idiot 445 00:18:18,506 --> 00:18:20,675 when he wakes up tomorrow and doesn't remember a thing. 446 00:18:20,788 --> 00:18:22,654 I don't think that's how it works, Charlie. 447 00:18:22,767 --> 00:18:24,611 - It's definitely not how it works, man. - Oh, my God! 448 00:18:24,724 --> 00:18:26,559 We may as well embrace the amnesia angle, because we have 449 00:18:26,723 --> 00:18:27,930 - no other options at this point. - Well, now! 450 00:18:27,991 --> 00:18:30,504 Okay, I'll go get yesterday's newspaper. 451 00:18:31,909 --> 00:18:33,392 Okay, you guys ready? 452 00:18:33,618 --> 00:18:35,893 One, two, three. 453 00:18:36,357 --> 00:18:39,522 And I'll take... 454 00:18:39,635 --> 00:18:43,516 With me the memories 455 00:18:44,361 --> 00:18:46,946 To be my sunshine 456 00:18:47,059 --> 00:18:50,271 After the rain 457 00:18:50,833 --> 00:18:54,042 It's so hard 458 00:18:54,155 --> 00:18:57,076 To say good-bye 459 00:18:57,537 --> 00:19:01,617 To yesterday... 460 00:19:05,805 --> 00:19:07,404 I ran out. I ran out of breath. 461 00:19:07,517 --> 00:19:08,795 Check it out. 462 00:19:08,908 --> 00:19:10,174 What you got there, Ernie? 463 00:19:10,287 --> 00:19:12,463 Oh, it's a new review by Corman. 464 00:19:14,118 --> 00:19:16,211 "I woke up in my neighbor's bed with a head wound, 465 00:19:16,324 --> 00:19:19,336 yesterday's paper, and an empty bottle of sleeping pills, 466 00:19:19,449 --> 00:19:22,648 and my nightmare in that putrid, shithole of a bar, Paddy's Pub, 467 00:19:22,761 --> 00:19:24,821 finally, mercifully came to an end. 468 00:19:24,934 --> 00:19:26,529 The owners all deserve to rot in jail, 469 00:19:26,642 --> 00:19:28,420 though having to spend every day with each other 470 00:19:28,533 --> 00:19:32,163 in that violent establishment is a decidedly great punishment. 471 00:19:32,276 --> 00:19:34,260 That is why I decided to not press charges 472 00:19:34,373 --> 00:19:37,548 leaving 'em to live in the hell on earth that they've created for themselves 473 00:19:37,661 --> 00:19:41,395 for the rest of their pathetic and miserable lives. 474 00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:46,593 - Really cold what he's been writing. - It's wrotten there. 475 00:19:46,706 --> 00:19:48,561 - Not a good review. - No, it's not a good review. 476 00:19:48,674 --> 00:19:50,754 Right for the throw. 477 00:19:50,867 --> 00:19:52,444 At least, he didn't mention our names. 478 00:19:54,028 --> 00:19:56,463 No charges, no names. 479 00:19:57,249 --> 00:19:59,296 I don't know why, but I'm a little irritated that 480 00:19:59,438 --> 00:20:01,301 - he didn't mention our names. - I feel like he'd to mentien our names. 481 00:20:01,336 --> 00:20:03,221 I increadibly annoid that he didn't mention our names. 482 00:20:03,334 --> 00:20:04,751 I whish I can live with this but I can't. 483 00:20:04,932 --> 00:20:06,068 It's a history about us! 484 00:20:06,155 --> 00:20:08,475 - I feel like we go talk to him, again. - We should talk to him. 485 00:20:10,961 --> 00:20:14,254 - We're capable of being civils, right ? - Let's just, you know... 486 00:20:14,367 --> 00:20:16,575 Communication is the key, it make sens. 487 00:20:16,688 --> 00:20:18,692 Uh, my hammer again. 488 00:20:19,305 --> 00:20:25,644 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org