1 00:00:02,102 --> 00:00:04,036 Come on. Just one more race. 2 00:00:04,104 --> 00:00:06,334 - Every time we race, you lose. - You always lose. 3 00:00:06,406 --> 00:00:08,397 One more race, and then we'll go to the strip club. 4 00:00:08,475 --> 00:00:10,466 All right. Three, two, one. 5 00:00:15,782 --> 00:00:17,750 - Goddamn it! - What is wrong with you? 6 00:00:17,817 --> 00:00:20,650 - Super slow drinker over here. - Do you have, like, a little throat or something? 7 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:22,551 - Dennis. We gotta get out of here now. - Why? 8 00:00:22,622 --> 00:00:24,817 I just got off the phone with Dad. He wants to stop by and talk to us. 9 00:00:24,891 --> 00:00:27,519 - What does Dad want? - I don't know! Let's go before we have to deal with this! 10 00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:30,028 Let's get out of here before you guys get around your father. 11 00:00:30,096 --> 00:00:33,088 Let's just take care of one more... Don't... Don't be grabby. 12 00:00:33,166 --> 00:00:36,135 Okay. Dennis, I need to borrow $20. 13 00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:38,136 - What, dude? - Just give me some money, man. 14 00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:40,229 - How come you don't ever have any money? - Dee? Moneys? 15 00:00:40,306 --> 00:00:42,740 - No way. - What are you gonna do at the strip club with... 16 00:00:42,809 --> 00:00:44,936 - Will you just get in the car! - No, no! 17 00:00:45,011 --> 00:00:47,809 It sucks for me, 'cause you guys get all the girls and the attention! 18 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:50,475 My dad's gonna be here in a second! Will you get in the car! 19 00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:52,484 - No! I'm going home! I'm going home. - Oh! 20 00:00:52,552 --> 00:00:55,919 - Can we go? Please! - Yeah, we can go. We can go. 21 00:00:58,091 --> 00:01:00,150 - Dennis! - Oh, Jesus! 22 00:01:00,226 --> 00:01:04,026 Dennis, no! 23 00:01:04,097 --> 00:01:06,156 Dennis, you son of a bitch! 24 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:14,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 25 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:40,032 What the hell is wrong with you, Dad? 26 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,534 Why would you come sneaking around the bar in the middle of the night? 27 00:01:42,602 --> 00:01:45,230 You don't snoop and sneak and appear in front of cars and start yelling names! 28 00:01:45,305 --> 00:01:48,138 - No! - I had something very important to tell you. 29 00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:50,267 Really? What could be so important it couldn't wait till the morning? 30 00:01:50,343 --> 00:01:53,608 There's nothing more important than the fact that we just hit our friend with a car. 31 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:57,582 Oh, yeah? Try this on for size. Your mother's dead. 32 00:01:57,650 --> 00:01:59,777 - No. - What? 33 00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:02,219 Oh, my God! 34 00:02:02,288 --> 00:02:06,987 No, she's not dead. We're gettin' divorced though. 35 00:02:08,495 --> 00:02:09,519 - Why... - Why... 36 00:02:09,596 --> 00:02:11,063 - What... - What... 37 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,565 - Why would you say that she's dead? - That's a business tactic. 38 00:02:13,633 --> 00:02:17,091 You drop the bomb, then you soften the blow. You never tried this? 39 00:02:18,605 --> 00:02:22,006 - That is a terrible business tactic! - You are a horrible father. 40 00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:24,100 That's what I came to talk to you about. 41 00:02:24,177 --> 00:02:27,943 I hate the kind of person that your whore mother turned me into. 42 00:02:28,014 --> 00:02:30,915 The big house, the big car... I'm giving it all away. 43 00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:33,452 - Hmm? - Giving it away how? 44 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:37,616 For starters, I'm giving all my money to charity. Then I'm gonna hang out with you two. 45 00:02:37,690 --> 00:02:39,885 That's what this is all about... spending time with my kids. 46 00:02:39,959 --> 00:02:42,587 - Hold on a second. - I wanna be the father that I never was. 47 00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:44,596 - Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. - Getting to know them. 48 00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:46,529 - What did you say about the money? - Mm-hmm. 49 00:02:46,599 --> 00:02:50,057 - I'm giving it all away. - That is a very stupid thing to do. 50 00:02:50,136 --> 00:02:52,764 You're a very stupid, stupid man. Who are you gonna give it to? 51 00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:55,330 I don't know. Poor people. 52 00:02:55,408 --> 00:02:57,603 - Poor people? - Poor people? 53 00:02:57,677 --> 00:02:59,702 What... What is your prob... Okay, where's Mom? 54 00:02:59,779 --> 00:03:03,977 Mom? She's on vacation banging one of the boys she hangs out with. 55 00:03:04,050 --> 00:03:08,510 - Dennis, your mother is a dirty, dirty whore. - Oh, goddamn it, Dad! 56 00:03:08,588 --> 00:03:10,579 First you force me to run over my friend Charlie. 57 00:03:10,657 --> 00:03:12,648 And then you start talking about Mom like she's dead. 58 00:03:12,725 --> 00:03:14,659 - Now you're saying she's a dirty whore? - The money. 59 00:03:14,727 --> 00:03:17,093 - You can't waltz back into our lives and be our dad again! - And the money. 60 00:03:17,163 --> 00:03:19,654 - It doesn't work that way. You can't just barge in! - And the money! 61 00:03:19,732 --> 00:03:23,532 And the money! My God, Dad! All of our money? 62 00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:35,278 Well, that was awkward. 63 00:03:35,348 --> 00:03:38,476 - Yes, it was. - Sort of a private conversation. 64 00:03:38,551 --> 00:03:41,520 - Very much a family type moment. - We didn't need to hear any of that. 65 00:03:41,588 --> 00:03:44,022 Not for our ears. 66 00:03:44,090 --> 00:03:46,923 Wanna go to the strip club? 67 00:03:46,993 --> 00:03:49,188 I don't know. 68 00:03:49,262 --> 00:03:53,494 I've been manically depressed for the past couple of years. 69 00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:57,662 I just feel like I need a serious change, or I'm gonna kill myself. 70 00:03:57,737 --> 00:04:00,331 So when you say you're giving your money away to poor people... 71 00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:03,569 do you mean, like, "Mexico" poor, or can it be, like, "me and Charlie" poor? 72 00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:08,574 - Well, I haven't given that much thought. - Put some thought into that one. 73 00:04:08,648 --> 00:04:10,582 - Consider that. - Yeah, man. Give that some thought. 74 00:04:10,650 --> 00:04:13,744 In the meantime, you wanna get shit-faced, bro. So I tell you what. 75 00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:16,118 Before we get crazy giving away our money here... 76 00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:18,248 what do you say we buy a couple of pitchers... 77 00:04:18,324 --> 00:04:21,691 maybe a few tequila shots, a few rounds of kamikazes. 78 00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:24,889 After that, we'll hit the town, we'll tie on a serious buzz. All right, bud? 79 00:04:24,964 --> 00:04:28,229 Oh, my God! You poor baby. What happened? 80 00:04:28,301 --> 00:04:32,260 Uh, my best friend ran me over with his car. 81 00:04:32,338 --> 00:04:34,272 Yeah. 82 00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:37,002 - Oh, my God! That's terrible! - Yeah, yeah. 83 00:04:37,076 --> 00:04:39,636 - Do you want a lap dance? - Oh... 84 00:04:39,712 --> 00:04:43,148 - I don't have any money. - Oh! 85 00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:45,150 I could give you one for free. 86 00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:48,119 Really? Okay. Okay. 87 00:04:48,187 --> 00:04:51,054 Oh, my God! You poor baby. What happened to you? 88 00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:54,582 - His friend ran him over with a car. - That is so sad. 89 00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:56,891 I know. I was gonna give him a free lap dance. 90 00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:58,897 - She totally was. - I'll join you! 91 00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:02,401 That's great! Do one of you girls wanna hook my boy up over here? 92 00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:05,369 - He's really down in the dumps. - Okay! 93 00:05:05,438 --> 00:05:07,633 - No, no, no. I don't... I don't... - Oh, come on, buddy! 94 00:05:07,707 --> 00:05:09,971 - You gotta do this, man! - Embrace it. Get in the spirit. 95 00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:11,977 This is gonna cheer you up. 96 00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:19,915 Well, maybe just one. 97 00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:23,820 All right, Frank! See? That's the spirit that beat theJapanese! 98 00:05:25,024 --> 00:05:27,424 God. Stupid Dad! Never gave me a goddamn thing. 99 00:05:27,493 --> 00:05:30,985 Give his shit to poor people. Poor people? 100 00:05:38,371 --> 00:05:40,305 Ooh! Ooh! 101 00:05:40,373 --> 00:05:42,170 Oh! Oh. 102 00:05:42,241 --> 00:05:45,472 Dee, you scared the shit out of me. What are you doing? 103 00:05:45,545 --> 00:05:49,106 Same thing you're doing, Dennis. I'm not letting Dad give all this shit to poor people. 104 00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:51,673 I got here first though. I'm taking the plasma TV and the fish tank. 105 00:05:51,751 --> 00:05:54,151 - How come you get to pick and choose? - It's not that. 106 00:05:54,220 --> 00:05:56,518 I'm a man and I'm strong. I can carry heavy things. 107 00:05:56,589 --> 00:05:59,524 You're a woman. You're weak, and you can't. 108 00:05:59,592 --> 00:06:02,493 - You're a woman and you're weak. - That doesn't make any sense. 109 00:06:02,562 --> 00:06:04,689 - You don't make any sense. - Great. I'll tell you what. 110 00:06:04,764 --> 00:06:08,291 Um, I'm gonna take all the stuff that I want and load it into my enormous S. U. V... 111 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:11,997 and you can grab some trinkets or whatever and throw it in your tiny little car. 112 00:06:12,071 --> 00:06:15,006 All right, look. We don't need to be doing this, okay? 113 00:06:15,074 --> 00:06:17,736 You're my brother. We're... We're in this thing together. 114 00:06:17,810 --> 00:06:19,744 We don't need to make this a competition. 115 00:06:19,812 --> 00:06:21,746 Yeah. 116 00:06:21,814 --> 00:06:26,478 You're right. A competition. That's a good idea. I'll make you a deal. 117 00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:29,180 Whatever your feeble little arms can carry out of here, you can keep. 118 00:06:29,255 --> 00:06:32,247 And the rest is mine. 119 00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:35,419 God, I hate you so bad! 120 00:06:35,495 --> 00:06:38,487 - Okay, you ready? - Yeah! 121 00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:42,022 On your mark! Get set! Go! 122 00:06:43,936 --> 00:06:45,870 - Go, go, go! - Go, horsey! 123 00:06:45,938 --> 00:06:47,838 Come on! Come on! 124 00:06:56,282 --> 00:06:59,080 No! Wait a second! Charlie, you hit me! 125 00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:01,017 - You hit me, Charlie! - So what? So what? 126 00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:03,385 - You are fast. - I was winning anyway. 127 00:07:03,456 --> 00:07:05,390 This one's too heavy! This one's too heavy! 128 00:07:05,458 --> 00:07:07,619 - You are freakishly fast! - Thanks. 129 00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:12,055 Charlie, you got any booze in here? 130 00:07:12,131 --> 00:07:15,532 Yeah, yeah. Check under my bed or under one of my pillows. 131 00:07:15,601 --> 00:07:17,967 Hey, guys, I can't thank you enough. 132 00:07:18,037 --> 00:07:20,699 I feel so much better. So much. 133 00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:23,674 Yeah, man. Hey, you look great. Make yourself at home. 134 00:07:23,743 --> 00:07:26,007 - Charlie, we gotta get him out of here. - What? Why, dude? 135 00:07:26,078 --> 00:07:28,012 Because there's two of them and three of us! 136 00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:30,014 Have a heart. The guy's going through a divorce. 137 00:07:30,082 --> 00:07:32,016 - Since when do you give a shit about people? - Well, you know. 138 00:07:32,084 --> 00:07:33,642 Maybe you should be the one that leaves, okay? 139 00:07:33,719 --> 00:07:35,653 Don't you roll away when I'm talking to you. 140 00:07:35,721 --> 00:07:37,746 - I am the reason the girls are here in the first place. - That is bullshit! 141 00:07:37,824 --> 00:07:41,419 - Do not ruin this! Do not ruin this for me! - I'm not ruining anything! 142 00:07:41,494 --> 00:07:44,292 Whoa! What are you guys fighting about? 143 00:07:44,363 --> 00:07:46,593 Nothing, man. We're just having a... 144 00:07:46,666 --> 00:07:49,829 Well, take it out in the hall. You're ruining the vibe. 145 00:07:49,902 --> 00:07:53,235 - Okay. We'll go out in the hall. Watch my... Watch my... - Shut up! 146 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:56,503 Easy. Easy! Your behavior is unbelievable, man. 147 00:07:56,576 --> 00:07:58,544 - All right. How are we gonna do this? - Okay. 148 00:07:58,611 --> 00:08:02,342 - Uh, let's flip a coin. The loser leaves. - Great. 149 00:08:02,415 --> 00:08:04,440 - Okay, get a coin. - I don't have a coin. 150 00:08:04,517 --> 00:08:06,712 - Why don't you... - Give me a coin. You have a coin? 151 00:08:06,786 --> 00:08:08,686 - Of course I don't have a coin. - All right. 152 00:08:08,754 --> 00:08:10,688 - Let's flip something else. - All right. Um... 153 00:08:10,756 --> 00:08:13,384 - Something in the hallway, like a feather. - Flip that, uh, piece of wood? 154 00:08:13,459 --> 00:08:15,518 - That's not gonna work. - What about something off the chair? 155 00:08:15,595 --> 00:08:17,529 Yeah. Maybe we'll just break something off the chair. 156 00:08:17,597 --> 00:08:20,122 Break something... Don't... Don't break it too much. 157 00:08:20,199 --> 00:08:22,030 - No, that's not gonna work. - It's a rental, dude. 158 00:08:22,101 --> 00:08:25,468 - You know what? Frank's got money. Let's ask him. - All right. 159 00:08:25,538 --> 00:08:28,598 - It's locked. - No. You gotta push it hard 'cause it sticks. 160 00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:31,040 - I'm telling you, it's locked. - Bang again! 161 00:08:31,110 --> 00:08:33,135 - Frank! - Frank, open the door, dude! 162 00:08:33,212 --> 00:08:35,146 - Hey. - Oh. 163 00:08:35,214 --> 00:08:37,444 You guys need to give me about 45 minutes in here, okay? 164 00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,451 Here. Hey, Charlie, here's five dollars. 165 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,783 Go down to Wawa, pick me up a couple of sodas. 166 00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:44,288 I got a feeling I'll be pretty thirsty after this. 167 00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,949 Yeah. Hey... 168 00:08:46,025 --> 00:08:48,425 Oh... 169 00:08:48,494 --> 00:08:52,331 Son of a bitch. 170 00:08:56,034 --> 00:08:57,968 Over the line. Over the line! 171 00:08:58,036 --> 00:09:02,302 - I'm... I'm on the line. - On the line is over the line. Get your foot on your side. 172 00:09:02,374 --> 00:09:04,103 Which side? This one? Is this the side? 173 00:09:04,176 --> 00:09:05,768 - No. - This the side you're talking about? 174 00:09:05,844 --> 00:09:08,711 Get... All right. You know what? Oh, what is this? 175 00:09:08,780 --> 00:09:10,714 Do you recognize this lamp? 176 00:09:10,782 --> 00:09:13,250 - Where'd you get that? - I think this is the lamp Dad got you in China. 177 00:09:13,318 --> 00:09:15,252 - Give it back to me. - As I recall, yeah. 178 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:17,254 - Give me my lamp back. - Must have gotten this out of your room. 179 00:09:17,322 --> 00:09:19,620 - Well, it's mine. - Let me put it on your side for you. 180 00:09:20,959 --> 00:09:24,224 - You s... - Oh, that is a shame. 181 00:09:24,296 --> 00:09:26,230 - No, that's fine. I don't care. - It slipped. 182 00:09:26,298 --> 00:09:28,766 Yeah. By the way, I wanted to show you something... 183 00:09:28,834 --> 00:09:30,802 my feeble little arms were able to carry. 184 00:09:30,869 --> 00:09:33,394 By all means. 185 00:09:34,473 --> 00:09:36,703 - Mr. Tibbs. - Oh, is that it? 186 00:09:36,775 --> 00:09:40,302 Is that Mr. Tib... Is that what they call you? They call you Mr. Tibbs? 187 00:09:40,379 --> 00:09:43,974 - What do they call you now? - Whatever. 188 00:09:44,049 --> 00:09:48,042 I don't care. 189 00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:50,645 Hey-o! 190 00:09:50,722 --> 00:09:52,656 What's up, bitches? 191 00:09:52,724 --> 00:09:56,023 - What? - Dennis, you would not believe how great this thing is. 192 00:09:56,094 --> 00:10:00,053 People give you free shit, and women treat you like a puppy they found out on the street. 193 00:10:00,132 --> 00:10:02,066 - Really? - Yeah. Dude, I was thinking. 194 00:10:02,134 --> 00:10:04,625 You pick up one of these bad boys, we head down to the mall. 195 00:10:04,703 --> 00:10:07,570 There's a ton of talent down there. We've been looking for a new angle. 196 00:10:07,639 --> 00:10:10,733 - That does sound like fun. - Yeah. Yeah, that'll work. 197 00:10:10,809 --> 00:10:14,438 Oh, I'm sorry, Dee. We're putting ourselves into the shoes of the unfortunate... 198 00:10:14,513 --> 00:10:16,538 see what their world's like, maybe gain a little perspective. 199 00:10:16,615 --> 00:10:20,051 - What do you do? - I don't take advantage of people. 200 00:10:20,118 --> 00:10:25,021 - Oh! - Look at Sweet Dee sitting on her cloud of judgment... 201 00:10:25,090 --> 00:10:28,025 handing down life lessons to all the sinners. 202 00:10:28,093 --> 00:10:31,392 Come on, Mac. Let's go get crippled. 203 00:10:36,201 --> 00:10:38,135 Charlie. 204 00:10:38,203 --> 00:10:41,001 - Charlie, buddy, buddy, buddy. Charlie. - Oh, my God, I'm cold. 205 00:10:41,072 --> 00:10:46,032 - We gotta talk, Charlie. - Uh... Oh, yeah, Frank. We have to talk. 206 00:10:46,111 --> 00:10:48,579 Last night was one of the greatest nights of my whole life. 207 00:10:48,647 --> 00:10:52,378 - I'm sure it was. - I used to live like this in squalor and filth... 208 00:10:52,451 --> 00:10:55,545 always trying to get over on people, scamming my way through situations. 209 00:10:55,620 --> 00:10:59,056 - Wow! I don't care! - I wanna live like you again, Charlie. 210 00:10:59,124 --> 00:11:02,890 I wanna be pathetic and desperate and ugly and hopeless. 211 00:11:02,961 --> 00:11:05,293 - I am not ugly. - This is the change I've been looking for. 212 00:11:05,363 --> 00:11:07,297 - I wanna move in with you. - Are you out... 213 00:11:07,365 --> 00:11:10,596 Are you out of your damn mind, dude? You made me sleep out in the hall. 214 00:11:10,669 --> 00:11:13,103 You ignored my cries for help in the middle of the night. 215 00:11:13,171 --> 00:11:15,901 - I'll pay for your rent for six months. - Twelve. 216 00:11:15,974 --> 00:11:16,668 - Six. - Ten. 217 00:11:16,741 --> 00:11:17,400 - Six. - Nine. 218 00:11:17,476 --> 00:11:18,170 - Six. - Ten. 219 00:11:18,243 --> 00:11:19,175 - Six. - Twelve. 220 00:11:19,244 --> 00:11:20,006 - Four. - Six. 221 00:11:20,078 --> 00:11:22,012 - Deal. - All right. 222 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:24,071 - No more sleeping out in the hall though. - I can't promise that. 223 00:11:24,149 --> 00:11:25,980 - Let's get ready. - All right. Where are you taking me? 224 00:11:26,051 --> 00:11:28,281 - We're going back to the strip club. - All right. Strip club... 225 00:11:28,353 --> 00:11:30,787 - Dude! My legs! - Hold on a second. 226 00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:33,450 This is going to be like shooting fish in a barrel for us. 227 00:11:33,525 --> 00:11:35,993 It's gonna be awesome. What's your backstory? 228 00:11:36,061 --> 00:11:39,724 - What do you mean? - Bro, your backstory. How'd your legs get crippled? 229 00:11:39,798 --> 00:11:42,494 - I don't know. - All right, check mine out. I had polio. Okay? 230 00:11:42,567 --> 00:11:44,967 That's why I'm rocking the F. D. R. Look with the blanket and everything. 231 00:11:45,036 --> 00:11:48,665 See, I got a problem. My legs are really muscular and athletic. 232 00:11:48,740 --> 00:11:50,901 So nobody's gonna believe that they're dead. Okay? 233 00:11:50,976 --> 00:11:53,171 This way, with the blanket, everyone will assume that underneath... 234 00:11:53,245 --> 00:11:55,179 my legs are withered and useless. 235 00:11:55,247 --> 00:11:58,307 - Huh. That's a good idea. - Bro, it's brilliant. 236 00:11:58,383 --> 00:12:00,317 Yeah. I have polio too. 237 00:12:00,385 --> 00:12:03,013 You can't have polio. That's my disease. You gotta pick your own disease. 238 00:12:03,088 --> 00:12:05,716 - Yeah, but I want polio. - Well, you can't have it. 239 00:12:05,790 --> 00:12:07,724 What the hell is this? 240 00:12:09,528 --> 00:12:11,462 Are you sure you're okay? 241 00:12:11,530 --> 00:12:14,522 It's really important that I do this myself. 242 00:12:14,599 --> 00:12:17,796 You are so brave. 243 00:12:25,277 --> 00:12:28,542 I got it! All by myself, I did it. 244 00:12:28,613 --> 00:12:31,081 Yeah, you did. That's awesome. 245 00:12:36,321 --> 00:12:38,255 Goddamn it. 246 00:12:38,323 --> 00:12:41,417 What are we gonna do now? We can't go back in there. Everybody's desensitized. 247 00:12:41,493 --> 00:12:43,518 All right, look. We'll go down to Crate and Barrel. 248 00:12:43,595 --> 00:12:46,655 - Maybe we can find some cougars or something. - Hey, guys! 249 00:12:46,731 --> 00:12:49,393 Shit! What do we do? What do we do? 250 00:12:49,467 --> 00:12:51,492 - Uh, okay. Just play it cool, man. - Play it cool. 251 00:12:51,570 --> 00:12:54,038 Play it cool. 252 00:12:54,105 --> 00:12:55,367 - Hey. - Hey. 253 00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:57,305 - How's it going? - I have polio. 254 00:12:57,375 --> 00:12:59,104 Oh. 255 00:13:00,478 --> 00:13:04,346 Uh... Okay. 256 00:13:06,051 --> 00:13:10,647 - And I have polio... - He has polio too. 257 00:13:14,292 --> 00:13:17,420 Mm-hmm. 258 00:13:17,495 --> 00:13:20,362 All right. Um... 259 00:13:36,047 --> 00:13:39,380 - So if you wanna shower, you gotta shower in the bar. - Shower in the bar? 260 00:13:39,451 --> 00:13:41,385 - Yeah. Shower in the sink. - In the sink? 261 00:13:41,453 --> 00:13:44,820 Yeah. You never showered in a sink bef... Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh... 262 00:13:44,889 --> 00:13:46,823 - What? - Oh, my God! 263 00:13:46,891 --> 00:13:48,722 - Do you see that? - What? 264 00:13:48,793 --> 00:13:52,957 I got a good idea. I think I know how we can really up our game at the strip club. 265 00:13:53,031 --> 00:13:54,965 How? 266 00:13:55,033 --> 00:13:59,402 Who gets more respect and admiration in this country than war heroes? 267 00:13:59,471 --> 00:14:01,632 - Athletes. - Yeah, that's true. 268 00:14:01,706 --> 00:14:03,640 - But after that. - Rock stars. 269 00:14:03,708 --> 00:14:05,835 - Yeah, also true. But after that, Frank. - Actors. 270 00:14:05,910 --> 00:14:07,502 - Yeah... Right. - Models. 271 00:14:07,579 --> 00:14:09,012 - Yes. Look... - Rich people. 272 00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:11,310 Okay, look, look, look! If you just buy me this costume... 273 00:14:11,383 --> 00:14:15,012 I'm gonna show these ladies a war hero they can't take their eyes off of. 274 00:14:15,086 --> 00:14:17,020 I don't think this costume's gonna work. 275 00:14:17,088 --> 00:14:19,249 No, this costume... The chicks are gonna go crazy over this. 276 00:14:19,324 --> 00:14:21,588 Maybe you should let me do all the talking. 277 00:14:21,660 --> 00:14:23,594 - It's gonna be like fish in a barrel. I got it covered. - Okay. 278 00:14:23,662 --> 00:14:26,096 - Just watch... watch and learn. - Oh, look at you, sweetie. 279 00:14:26,164 --> 00:14:28,223 What happened? 280 00:14:28,299 --> 00:14:30,767 Viet-goddamn-nam's what happened! 281 00:14:30,835 --> 00:14:33,099 Go get me a beer, bitch! 282 00:14:33,171 --> 00:14:35,731 - Excuse me. - What are you doing? What are you doing? 283 00:14:35,807 --> 00:14:38,037 - Hey, that was working. - Let me do the talking. 284 00:14:38,109 --> 00:14:41,044 - I'll take it from here. - Did you just box me in? 285 00:14:43,381 --> 00:14:47,147 You don't do that to a guy, Frank. You don't box in a vet! 286 00:14:47,218 --> 00:14:49,982 - You don't stick a vet in the corner, Frank! - Sorry about that. 287 00:14:50,055 --> 00:14:51,989 He's a little loosey-goosey upstairs. 288 00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:55,993 I try to get him out as much as possible. It's very difficult. 289 00:14:56,061 --> 00:14:59,656 - Is he your... - Boy. He's my poor little crippled boy. 290 00:14:59,731 --> 00:15:01,790 - Oh, that's so sad. - Mmm. 291 00:15:01,866 --> 00:15:04,733 I didn't fight no damn war so I could be boxed in... 292 00:15:04,803 --> 00:15:08,170 by some square commie-ass piece of shit! 293 00:15:08,239 --> 00:15:10,207 Well, I feel awful. 294 00:15:10,275 --> 00:15:12,835 Well, that's what happens when you meet an actual crippled person. 295 00:15:12,911 --> 00:15:14,845 - Brings you down. - Yeah, disabled. 296 00:15:14,913 --> 00:15:16,847 Whatever, dude. Crippled, disabled... I don't care, man! 297 00:15:16,915 --> 00:15:19,042 - I just wanna get out of here. This whole thing's ruined. - I know! 298 00:15:19,117 --> 00:15:21,312 We should, because, you know, you weren't pulling it off anyway. 299 00:15:21,386 --> 00:15:25,049 Hold on a second. Don't pull that shit with me, okay? 300 00:15:25,123 --> 00:15:27,819 - I didn't ruin this. You ruined this. - How did I ruin it? 301 00:15:27,892 --> 00:15:30,360 I had a good polio backstory that the chicks were gonna totally dig... 302 00:15:30,428 --> 00:15:32,919 - Nobody cares about polio or backstories or... - You know what? 303 00:15:32,997 --> 00:15:35,431 - I bet you a million dollars if I had talked to a girl... - For God's sakes! 304 00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:37,968 - About my withered legs, then... - A million dollars? 305 00:15:38,036 --> 00:15:40,869 All right. What are we doing? What are we doing? 306 00:15:40,939 --> 00:15:45,774 I think that there's only one true way to settle this like gentlemen. 307 00:15:47,278 --> 00:15:49,508 You're dead! 308 00:15:50,982 --> 00:15:53,712 Hey! 309 00:15:58,923 --> 00:16:00,857 No! No! 310 00:16:00,925 --> 00:16:03,416 - Oh, yeah, baby! - You cheated! You cheated! 311 00:16:03,495 --> 00:16:05,087 Oh, yeah! Whoo! 312 00:16:05,163 --> 00:16:07,222 - You suck! - All you do is cheat! 313 00:16:07,298 --> 00:16:09,664 How do you feel about that, huh? 314 00:16:09,734 --> 00:16:11,759 - How do you feel about that? - What are you doing? 315 00:16:11,836 --> 00:16:14,202 You're just a sore loser! 316 00:16:16,608 --> 00:16:18,542 What's going on down there? 317 00:16:18,610 --> 00:16:21,738 Those two guys are pretending to be disabled and kicking each other's asses. 318 00:16:24,215 --> 00:16:27,184 What a bunch of scumbags. 319 00:16:39,230 --> 00:16:41,630 - Being handicapped sucks, dude. - Oh, yeah, man. It's too much work. 320 00:16:41,699 --> 00:16:44,133 - There's, like, nothing to show for it, man. - There's no advantages. 321 00:16:44,202 --> 00:16:46,136 - Oh, look at this guy. Hey. - Another homeless guy? 322 00:16:46,204 --> 00:16:47,671 - Hey, buddy. - Hey, pal, wake up. 323 00:16:47,739 --> 00:16:49,673 - Hey. - Charlie? 324 00:16:49,741 --> 00:16:51,675 - What the hell are you doing? - What time is it? 325 00:16:51,743 --> 00:16:53,677 - Why are you dressed like that, dude? - Yeah. 326 00:16:53,745 --> 00:16:55,679 What is going on? Why are you sleeping out here? 327 00:16:55,747 --> 00:16:59,205 Because I can't sleep in there! I can't get onto the stupid curb! 328 00:16:59,284 --> 00:17:00,842 Why would you wanna sleep in there? 329 00:17:00,919 --> 00:17:02,887 Your dad keeps swooping in, taking my chicks... 330 00:17:02,954 --> 00:17:06,253 and locking me out of my apartment! 331 00:17:06,324 --> 00:17:09,418 Okay. Well, we were gonna go inside and get drunk. You wanna come with us? 332 00:17:09,494 --> 00:17:11,928 No. Look at me. I got a whole thing going on, man. 333 00:17:11,996 --> 00:17:14,226 - What... Really? - Yeah. I'm going to the strip... Don't touch that. 334 00:17:14,299 --> 00:17:18,668 - I'm going to the strip club. I'm gonna get some girls... - With this? 335 00:17:18,736 --> 00:17:22,194 I mean... Yeah, with this! I mean, the whole thing is... This is good as gold. 336 00:17:22,273 --> 00:17:24,673 Frank keeps coming in. He swoops in, he takes my chicks. 337 00:17:24,742 --> 00:17:27,210 He doesn't care about me. What kind of a guy does that? 338 00:17:27,278 --> 00:17:31,078 Who comes into someone's apartment and just kicks him out? 339 00:17:31,149 --> 00:17:33,583 Like I'm a piece of crap. Like I belong on the street. 340 00:17:33,651 --> 00:17:36,017 Like I'm some kind of piece of dirt. That's bullshit, man! 341 00:17:36,087 --> 00:17:38,180 War hero coming through. 342 00:17:38,256 --> 00:17:42,124 How you doing? War hero. So... kind of a big deal. 343 00:17:42,193 --> 00:17:44,889 I'm a war hero. How do you... Hey, how you doin'? 344 00:17:44,963 --> 00:17:47,454 I'm a war hero. So I'll catch up with you. 345 00:17:47,532 --> 00:17:49,762 All right. Okay. All right. 346 00:17:49,834 --> 00:17:52,564 Hey, war hero. So... 347 00:17:52,637 --> 00:17:57,540 All right. All right. Maybe hit the gym a little bit. What the hell? 348 00:17:57,609 --> 00:17:59,702 Yeah! 349 00:18:02,447 --> 00:18:04,745 No! 350 00:18:04,816 --> 00:18:07,614 No! No! 351 00:18:07,685 --> 00:18:10,552 Charlie! Hey, this is my roommate, Charlie. 352 00:18:10,622 --> 00:18:12,556 - Girls, say hello to Charlie. - No! 353 00:18:12,624 --> 00:18:15,559 - Hi, Charlie! - No! No! 354 00:18:15,627 --> 00:18:18,118 No! No! No! 355 00:18:18,196 --> 00:18:21,757 No, Frank! Come here! Come here! 356 00:18:25,603 --> 00:18:27,730 - What... What is this shit? - Well, it's just... 357 00:18:27,805 --> 00:18:29,739 I rigged it up. It's like... 358 00:18:29,807 --> 00:18:31,934 I'm really using my hands, but they don't know it. 359 00:18:32,010 --> 00:18:35,070 No, Frank! What are you doing with the strippers? You're stealing my thing! 360 00:18:35,146 --> 00:18:38,274 What? Well, I figured, you know, I'd cut out the middleman. 361 00:18:38,349 --> 00:18:40,283 This way, everybody wins. 362 00:18:40,351 --> 00:18:42,410 I don't win. 363 00:18:42,487 --> 00:18:44,682 The other thing I figured out is the only thing... 364 00:18:44,756 --> 00:18:48,920 that attracts the attention of strippers more than pity is money. 365 00:18:48,993 --> 00:18:50,927 And I brought a shitload of that. 366 00:18:50,995 --> 00:18:54,431 - What... Charlie! - I'm gonna kill you! 367 00:18:54,499 --> 00:18:56,694 - You're totally blowing up my scene here, man! - Are you crazy? 368 00:18:56,768 --> 00:18:58,793 This is the best thing that ever happened to me, and you're ruining it! 369 00:18:58,870 --> 00:19:01,737 - It's a win-win situation. - No! You come to my apartment! You lock me out! 370 00:19:01,806 --> 00:19:03,671 Take all my girls! It's not a win-win situation! 371 00:19:03,741 --> 00:19:05,971 - My thumb's on your neck. - Why can't you just give me this? 372 00:19:06,044 --> 00:19:08,035 - I'm gonna kill you. - This guy's a walker! 373 00:19:08,112 --> 00:19:10,706 But I love the guy, all right? 374 00:19:10,782 --> 00:19:14,343 He's family, you know? I mean, we've been through a lot together. 375 00:19:14,419 --> 00:19:18,947 Okay? So, you know, is it wrong for me to love him? I don't know. 376 00:19:19,023 --> 00:19:22,220 If I have to listen to you talk about this stupid... 377 00:19:22,293 --> 00:19:24,454 goddamned stuffed elephant anymore... 378 00:19:24,529 --> 00:19:26,463 I'm going to punch you in the head. 379 00:19:26,531 --> 00:19:32,026 Hey! Mr. Tibbs was not just some stupid stuffed element... elephant, okay? 380 00:19:32,103 --> 00:19:36,039 - He was like a companion. - Strip club! 381 00:19:36,107 --> 00:19:38,473 - All right. Let's go... - Strip club! 382 00:19:38,543 --> 00:19:41,171 Yeah. Let's go to the strip club. 383 00:19:41,245 --> 00:19:43,236 You're driving. 384 00:19:46,818 --> 00:19:48,752 All right. 385 00:19:48,820 --> 00:19:53,723 You know, I didn't realize that somebody in your condition could have so much energy. 386 00:19:53,791 --> 00:19:56,157 - Well, you gotta live, right? - God! 387 00:19:56,227 --> 00:19:58,889 You know, you... you are an amazing person. 388 00:19:58,963 --> 00:20:02,023 I'm scoring in there, and you come in there and blow everything! 389 00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:04,933 - You shouldn't even be in there! - You get your hands off my blow tube! 390 00:20:05,003 --> 00:20:07,403 Go get your goddamn car and give me a ride home! 391 00:20:07,472 --> 00:20:10,066 - I'll give you a ride home! - Hey! 392 00:20:10,141 --> 00:20:12,701 Ow, my legs! 393 00:20:12,777 --> 00:20:15,712 Oh, my legs! Frank, what are you doing? 394 00:20:15,780 --> 00:20:17,748 - Hey, Dad! - My broken legs! 395 00:20:17,815 --> 00:20:19,840 Why are you beating up a homeless person? 396 00:20:19,917 --> 00:20:22,078 What the hell's with the crutches? 397 00:20:22,153 --> 00:20:24,144 It's kind of a... It's kind of a long story. 398 00:20:24,222 --> 00:20:26,213 - I can't really go into it right now. - Oh, yeah? 399 00:20:26,290 --> 00:20:29,225 - Whether you like it or not... Here! How about that? - Hey! Give... 400 00:20:29,293 --> 00:20:31,727 Whoo! That's right! We're going to the strip club! 401 00:20:31,796 --> 00:20:35,994 I'm gonna steal Charlie's girls at the strip club! 402 00:20:36,067 --> 00:20:39,230 I'm gonna buy you a lap dance. I'm gonna buy myself a lap dance. 403 00:20:39,303 --> 00:20:41,794 I'm gonna buy everybody at the whole strip club a lap dance. 404 00:20:41,873 --> 00:20:46,367 - Whoa! Are you people all pretending to be handicapped? - Mind your own business. 405 00:20:46,444 --> 00:20:47,934 - Give me the crutches back. Dad! - No! 406 00:20:51,983 --> 00:20:54,076 - Who's acting like a child? You just stole my stuff! - You are acting like a child! 407 00:20:54,152 --> 00:20:55,949 - Oh! Whoo! - Whoo, baby! 408 00:20:56,020 --> 00:20:58,147 - I'm gonna count to three. If you don't put those god... - You don't get the crutches. 409 00:21:01,125 --> 00:21:02,251 - 1,002... - Here's the crutches. 410 00:21:02,326 --> 00:21:03,452 - Give me the... - You can't have 'em! 411 00:21:05,663 --> 00:21:07,255 Oh, shit! 412 00:21:09,634 --> 00:21:11,568 Paging Dr. Lyon. 413 00:21:11,636 --> 00:21:13,433 Dr. Lyon, please report to the emergency room. 414 00:21:13,504 --> 00:21:15,768 We are so lucky that nobody got killed. 415 00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:17,774 - Oh, my God. - Well, yeah. 416 00:21:17,842 --> 00:21:19,776 Actually, Dennis is lucky that nobody got killed... 417 00:21:19,844 --> 00:21:21,402 since he's the guy that just about killed everybody. 418 00:21:21,479 --> 00:21:24,812 - You know what? Maybe you killed somebody. - How does that make sense? 419 00:21:24,882 --> 00:21:27,442 - Maybe you did kill somebody! - Maybe you standing in front of a driving car... 420 00:21:27,518 --> 00:21:30,783 - Yeah, well, driving a vehicle... - Shut up! 421 00:21:30,855 --> 00:21:32,789 Will you shut up, for crying out loud! 422 00:21:32,857 --> 00:21:37,624 Don't youse ever stop fighting and just shut the hell up? 423 00:21:43,401 --> 00:21:46,097 - Now, who wants ice cream? - I do. 424 00:21:46,170 --> 00:21:49,230 - Really, Dad? - Enjoy a nice ice cream... 425 00:21:49,307 --> 00:21:54,074 and just thank goodness that nobody important got seriously hurt. 426 00:22:00,518 --> 00:22:02,918 What a bunch of assholes. 427 00:22:03,305 --> 00:22:09,788 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from OpenSubtitles.org