1
00:00:02,680 --> 00:00:04,581
[Birds chirping]
2
00:00:07,518 --> 00:00:09,686
What an easy journey this has been.
3
00:00:09,687 --> 00:00:11,621
So peaceful.
4
00:00:11,622 --> 00:00:14,357
Too peaceful.
5
00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:22,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
6
00:00:30,313 --> 00:00:32,347
[Men grunting, groaning]
7
00:00:50,946 --> 00:00:52,194
My hero!
8
00:00:55,851 --> 00:00:59,702
Madalena? But I'm coming to rescue you.
9
00:00:59,703 --> 00:01:01,015
I've missed you, Gal.
10
00:01:01,105 --> 00:01:03,273
I've missed you, too, darling.
11
00:01:03,941 --> 00:01:06,943
But I don't understand.
Why did you leave me for...
12
00:01:06,944 --> 00:01:08,311
King Richard: Who? Me?
13
00:01:08,312 --> 00:01:11,481
Mm, still stings, doesn't it, hero?
14
00:01:11,482 --> 00:01:13,650
Actually, I have a question.
15
00:01:13,651 --> 00:01:17,554
How can you be a hero
if you're not wearing any pants?
16
00:01:20,039 --> 00:01:21,439
[Laughs]
17
00:01:21,441 --> 00:01:23,393
Hero, my ass.
18
00:01:23,394 --> 00:01:24,894
You've lost it, Galavant.
19
00:01:24,895 --> 00:01:29,399
Now, if you'll excuse me,
we have to go get freaky.
20
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:30,867
[Smooches]
21
00:01:30,868 --> 00:01:32,802
N-o-o-o-o!
22
00:01:34,539 --> 00:01:36,794
You've been screaming
like a castrated hyena
23
00:01:36,796 --> 00:01:38,775
for the past 10 minutes. [Chuckles]
24
00:01:38,776 --> 00:01:41,077
Ah, my pants are on.
25
00:01:41,078 --> 00:01:42,779
My pants are definitely on.
26
00:01:43,875 --> 00:01:45,115
[Sighs]
27
00:01:45,116 --> 00:01:46,226
You've still got it.
28
00:01:47,284 --> 00:01:50,453
Okay, Gang. It's time to go.
29
00:01:50,751 --> 00:01:53,019
Adventure awaits.
30
00:01:55,826 --> 00:02:00,163
♪ I'm off on a hero's journey,
out where adventure lies ♪
31
00:02:00,164 --> 00:02:04,300
♪ On a quest the poets will sing about ♪
32
00:02:04,301 --> 00:02:06,469
♪ With destiny at your shoulder ♪
33
00:02:06,470 --> 00:02:08,304
♪ An ego of massive size ♪
34
00:02:08,305 --> 00:02:11,808
♪ And a face most chicks
have a thing about ♪
35
00:02:11,809 --> 00:02:14,277
[Tink!] ♪ And so what if
you're still hung over? ♪
36
00:02:14,278 --> 00:02:16,479
Right! ♪ So what if you smell like slop? ♪
37
00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:19,482
Yeah. ♪ So what if you've got
that pesky little muffin top? ♪
38
00:02:19,483 --> 00:02:20,683
Wait, now, hold...
39
00:02:20,684 --> 00:02:22,385
♪ You're off on a hero's journey ♪
40
00:02:22,386 --> 00:02:24,420
♪ A champion through and through ♪
41
00:02:24,421 --> 00:02:25,855
♪ More or less ♪
42
00:02:25,856 --> 00:02:30,193
♪ Doing what all the heroes do! ♪
43
00:02:30,194 --> 00:02:34,263
♪ And I ride to save my one true love ♪
44
00:02:34,264 --> 00:02:36,933
♪ Though she ripped your heart in two ♪
45
00:02:36,934 --> 00:02:38,534
♪ Not true ♪
♪ Pretty true ♪
♪ Very true ♪
46
00:02:38,535 --> 00:02:42,205
♪ To destroy the king
she was forced to wed ♪
47
00:02:42,206 --> 00:02:44,140
♪ More like "chose to wed" ♪
48
00:02:44,141 --> 00:02:46,709
♪ Not true ♪
♪ Kind of true ♪
♪ Got to say, sort of true ♪
49
00:02:46,710 --> 00:02:49,645
♪ And I ride to help the princess ♪
50
00:02:49,646 --> 00:02:53,950
♪ Who I've taken 'neath my wing ♪
51
00:02:53,951 --> 00:02:56,853
♪ If he finds out
I'm working for the king... ♪
52
00:02:56,854 --> 00:02:58,020
Wait. What was that?
53
00:02:58,021 --> 00:02:59,188
What? [Chuckles] Never mind.
54
00:02:59,189 --> 00:03:01,224
- Did you just say...
- ♪ Not a thing ♪
55
00:03:01,225 --> 00:03:04,360
- No, I'm pretty sure you just said...
- ♪ You're off on a hero's journey ♪
56
00:03:04,361 --> 00:03:06,195
♪ And this is my hero's vow ♪
57
00:03:06,196 --> 00:03:07,797
♪ I'll return ♪
58
00:03:07,798 --> 00:03:10,166
♪ Rising victorious ♪
59
00:03:10,167 --> 00:03:12,001
♪ And how ♪
60
00:03:12,002 --> 00:03:14,670
No, really. I mean how?
61
00:03:14,671 --> 00:03:19,008
♪ Nothing's gonna stop my journey ♪
62
00:03:19,009 --> 00:03:20,676
♪ His journey ♪
63
00:03:20,677 --> 00:03:22,845
♪ Off on a hero's journey! ♪
♪ N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ow! ♪
64
00:03:22,846 --> 00:03:24,847
♪ Off on a hero's journey! ♪
♪ N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ow! ♪
65
00:03:24,848 --> 00:03:26,515
♪ Off on a hero's journey! ♪
♪ N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ow! ♪
66
00:03:26,516 --> 00:03:28,684
♪ Off on a hero's journey! ♪
♪ N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ow! ♪
67
00:03:28,685 --> 00:03:30,853
♪ Off on a hero's journey! ♪
♪ N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ow! ♪
68
00:03:30,854 --> 00:03:32,521
♪ Off on a hero's journey! ♪
♪ N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ow! ♪
69
00:03:32,522 --> 00:03:34,857
[Inhales deeply]
70
00:03:34,858 --> 00:03:36,592
Holy [Bleep] I'm out of shape.
71
00:03:36,593 --> 00:03:38,260
Ohh, my tummy hurts.
72
00:03:38,261 --> 00:03:39,595
Whew!
73
00:03:39,596 --> 00:03:41,435
That was a long song.
74
00:03:41,437 --> 00:03:43,208
Galavant - 01x02
Joust Friends
75
00:03:43,210 --> 00:03:45,846
sync and correction by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com
76
00:03:45,848 --> 00:03:47,115
[Galavant groaning]
77
00:03:47,116 --> 00:03:49,183
Princess, can we swap horses?
78
00:03:49,184 --> 00:03:50,852
Yours looks so much softer.
79
00:03:50,853 --> 00:03:52,453
[Scoffs] What is wrong with you?
80
00:03:52,454 --> 00:03:54,489
All you've done since we've left
is complain.
81
00:03:54,490 --> 00:03:56,190
You're supposed to be a bloody hero.
82
00:03:56,191 --> 00:03:59,360
And I've got every intention
of being one, Princess.
83
00:03:59,361 --> 00:04:02,030
I'm gonna save Madalena,
I'm gonna get your kingdom back.
84
00:04:02,031 --> 00:04:04,274
There's gonna be
some pretty legendary hero-ing
85
00:04:04,276 --> 00:04:06,169
happening around here pretty damn soon.
86
00:04:07,803 --> 00:04:09,470
It's gonna be dark soon,
87
00:04:09,471 --> 00:04:11,305
and this road is gonna
be filled with bad guys
88
00:04:11,306 --> 00:04:13,274
who would like nothing more
than to have their way
89
00:04:13,275 --> 00:04:14,823
with your tight, brown body.
90
00:04:14,825 --> 00:04:16,110
[Gasps] How dare you!
91
00:04:16,111 --> 00:04:17,849
- I was talking to Sid.
- What?
92
00:04:17,851 --> 00:04:20,047
I say we find a tavern
and hunker down for the night.
93
00:04:20,048 --> 00:04:22,216
And how do you plan on
paying for anything, hmm?
94
00:04:22,217 --> 00:04:25,953
We have a priceless jewel we can't spend
and a 6-foot hero we can't eat.
95
00:04:25,954 --> 00:04:30,124
Or... "Joust! 1,000 shillings grand prize"!
96
00:04:30,125 --> 00:04:31,459
Cha-ching!
97
00:04:33,495 --> 00:04:36,097
King Richard: Hmm. Mm-mm.
98
00:04:36,098 --> 00:04:37,932
Mm-hmm.
99
00:04:37,933 --> 00:04:39,901
Catapult at the ready.
100
00:04:39,902 --> 00:04:41,769
[Imitates catapult firing] Catapult.
101
00:04:41,770 --> 00:04:44,138
[Laughing] Mmm!
102
00:04:44,139 --> 00:04:46,007
More, more. More?
103
00:04:46,008 --> 00:04:48,075
[Mumbling] Which... which?
This one, this one.
104
00:04:48,076 --> 00:04:49,677
Mm. Mm-hmm.
This one's coming on horseback.
105
00:04:49,678 --> 00:04:50,945
Oh. Here.
106
00:04:50,946 --> 00:04:52,446
[Clicking tongue] [Chuckles]
107
00:04:52,447 --> 00:04:54,067
Yay. Gareth: Chef!
108
00:04:54,069 --> 00:04:57,118
Why don't you let the king feed
himself in front of his wife?
109
00:04:57,119 --> 00:04:58,352
She's watching.
110
00:04:58,353 --> 00:04:59,954
Mm.
111
00:04:59,955 --> 00:05:02,923
Open your drawbridge!
Here comes the cannonball!
112
00:05:02,924 --> 00:05:04,458
[Imitates fuse hissing]
113
00:05:04,459 --> 00:05:05,493
[Laughing]
114
00:05:05,494 --> 00:05:07,495
Ohh! Ew!
115
00:05:07,496 --> 00:05:09,497
There's fat on this piece.
I don't like it.
116
00:05:09,498 --> 00:05:10,598
Take it out.
117
00:05:10,599 --> 00:05:11,799
All right. All right.
118
00:05:12,425 --> 00:05:14,393
Right. Okay. Well... [clears throat]
119
00:05:14,395 --> 00:05:16,026
That's going to do it for me.
120
00:05:16,028 --> 00:05:17,724
But, darling, you've barely touched
your roast peacock.
121
00:05:17,725 --> 00:05:21,175
Chef, be a doll and shove a few more
cannonballs down my husband's throat.
122
00:05:21,176 --> 00:05:22,610
I'm growing weary of his voice.
123
00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:27,648
Never start a marriage with a kidnapping.
124
00:05:27,649 --> 00:05:29,683
Both of you promise me that right now.
125
00:05:29,684 --> 00:05:30,951
- Yeah, we promise, My King.
- Rock-solid advice, My King.
126
00:05:30,952 --> 00:05:32,620
Still, it's fine.
127
00:05:32,621 --> 00:05:36,824
I'm sure once I kill Galavant in front
of her, she'll change her tune.
128
00:05:39,224 --> 00:05:40,661
What's with the awkward silence?
129
00:05:40,662 --> 00:05:41,662
Uh, it's...
130
00:05:41,663 --> 00:05:42,730
- What?
- No, it's nothing.
131
00:05:42,731 --> 00:05:43,831
Speak.
132
00:05:43,832 --> 00:05:46,000
Well, um, I just think...
133
00:05:46,001 --> 00:05:48,869
And I say this very respectfully, Sire...
134
00:05:48,870 --> 00:05:49,970
You got to man up.
135
00:05:49,971 --> 00:05:51,872
You got to butch up for her a little bit.
136
00:05:51,873 --> 00:05:53,907
- Me?
- Yeah!
137
00:05:53,908 --> 00:05:55,242
[Laughing] I'm sorry, Gareth.
138
00:05:55,243 --> 00:05:57,745
I am Mr. Butch!
139
00:05:57,746 --> 00:05:58,746
Oh, poop!
140
00:05:58,747 --> 00:06:01,014
I got gravy on my tummy flowers.
141
00:06:01,015 --> 00:06:03,016
[Gasps]
142
00:06:03,017 --> 00:06:04,351
Oh, my God. You're right.
143
00:06:04,352 --> 00:06:06,186
Come with me, Sire.
144
00:06:07,935 --> 00:06:10,023
Holy cow! This is your room?!
145
00:06:10,024 --> 00:06:12,826
[Sniffs] What's that smell?
146
00:06:12,827 --> 00:06:14,595
Testosterone.
147
00:06:14,596 --> 00:06:16,263
[Sniffs] Mmm. Musky.
148
00:06:16,264 --> 00:06:19,433
Look, if you want your wife
to respect you,
149
00:06:19,434 --> 00:06:21,134
you've got to earn her respect.
150
00:06:21,135 --> 00:06:22,436
You need to man up.
151
00:06:22,437 --> 00:06:24,371
[Sighs] I wouldn't even know
where to begin.
152
00:06:24,372 --> 00:06:25,672
Well, it just so happens
153
00:06:25,673 --> 00:06:28,242
you're talking to the professor
in the art of manhood.
154
00:06:28,243 --> 00:06:32,546
- And I'm gonna give you a makeover.
- Gareth, I cannot thank you enough.
155
00:06:32,547 --> 00:06:34,414
Come here, you!
156
00:06:34,415 --> 00:06:37,084
Hey, I've only ever hugged
one man in my life,
157
00:06:37,085 --> 00:06:39,465
and it was the day my father died.
158
00:06:39,467 --> 00:06:40,500
[Sighs]
159
00:06:41,692 --> 00:06:45,459
I squeezed that rotten bastard to death.
160
00:06:45,460 --> 00:06:48,362
Right. We'll hug later. Good talk.
161
00:06:48,363 --> 00:06:50,364
[Horses neighing]
162
00:06:50,365 --> 00:06:52,199
[Scoffs] This is a terrible idea.
163
00:06:52,201 --> 00:06:55,570
May I present a late entry to the joust,
164
00:06:55,570 --> 00:06:56,703
- the Lord of the Sword...
- Sid.
165
00:06:56,704 --> 00:06:58,638
This is Galavant. He wants to joust.
166
00:06:58,639 --> 00:07:01,475
Sir Galavant? An honor. [Chuckles]
167
00:07:01,476 --> 00:07:03,443
I'll just need 100 shillings
for your entry fee,
168
00:07:03,444 --> 00:07:04,745
and we'll get you signed in.
169
00:07:04,746 --> 00:07:07,314
Jean: Well, who do we have here?
170
00:07:09,984 --> 00:07:11,485
Hello, Jean Hamm.
171
00:07:11,486 --> 00:07:15,455
If it isn't Galavant.
Long time, no see, old friend.
172
00:07:15,456 --> 00:07:16,823
Nice beard.
173
00:07:16,824 --> 00:07:18,525
I'm talking about her, of course,
174
00:07:18,526 --> 00:07:20,393
but the facial hair is nice, as well.
175
00:07:20,394 --> 00:07:22,395
Sir Galavant wishes to enter the joust.
176
00:07:22,396 --> 00:07:23,897
Oh, yes. That would have been a hoot.
177
00:07:23,898 --> 00:07:26,333
But, unfortunately,
we don't have the 100 shillings.
178
00:07:26,334 --> 00:07:29,803
Ohh, times that tough since
Madalena see'd-ya-later, huh, Gal?
179
00:07:29,804 --> 00:07:33,106
[Exhales sharply] Can't even
scrape together an entry fee?
180
00:07:33,107 --> 00:07:35,342
W-we got more than a pesky entry fee.
181
00:07:35,343 --> 00:07:38,678
I offer forth the priceless
Jewel of Valencia as collateral.
182
00:07:38,679 --> 00:07:39,913
Absolutely not!
183
00:07:39,914 --> 00:07:42,082
The Jewel of Valencia is not collateral.
184
00:07:42,083 --> 00:07:44,985
It is the cornerstone of My Kingdom.
Wars have been waged over it.
185
00:07:44,986 --> 00:07:47,854
So I'll put it in the same
ballpark as the rooster, then?
186
00:07:47,855 --> 00:07:49,255
- Yeah. I think that sounds... yeah.
- Yeah?
187
00:07:49,256 --> 00:07:51,491
Sir Galavant will fight the first match.
188
00:07:54,962 --> 00:07:56,296
I can tell you want to bail.
189
00:07:56,297 --> 00:07:58,544
I'll give you five seconds to bail.
190
00:07:59,837 --> 00:08:01,004
I don't want to bail.
191
00:08:01,427 --> 00:08:03,583
- I do.
- You do?
192
00:08:03,585 --> 00:08:05,705
[Chuckling] Oh, yes, I want to bail...
193
00:08:05,706 --> 00:08:08,274
Your mama out of jail when she
gets arrested for prostitution.
194
00:08:08,275 --> 00:08:10,443
You know what, Jean? It's... it's 1256.
195
00:08:10,444 --> 00:08:12,111
Mm. The "your mama" jokes,
they're getting really old.
196
00:08:12,112 --> 00:08:13,613
Hmm, so is your mama.
197
00:08:13,614 --> 00:08:15,648
Seriously, Jean.
It's getting really worn out.
198
00:08:15,649 --> 00:08:16,950
- So is...
- Don't.
199
00:08:21,388 --> 00:08:22,722
Your mama!
200
00:08:22,723 --> 00:08:25,391
[Sighs]
201
00:08:25,392 --> 00:08:27,627
Well, hello, there!
202
00:08:30,564 --> 00:08:33,066
Does this strap
go on the front or the back?
203
00:08:33,067 --> 00:08:34,834
I have no idea.
I haven't worn these in years.
204
00:08:34,835 --> 00:08:35,902
It goes like...
205
00:08:35,903 --> 00:08:37,670
Ow! Hold on.
206
00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:41,574
Yeah, um, feel the need to check in,
207
00:08:41,575 --> 00:08:44,744
'cause, remember, everyone I
love dies if we lose that jewel,
208
00:08:44,745 --> 00:08:47,380
so you definitely got this, right?
209
00:08:47,381 --> 00:08:50,349
Yes. I've got this.
210
00:08:50,350 --> 00:08:52,919
Oh, good God. Do I have to do everything?
211
00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:54,320
[Sighs]
212
00:08:54,321 --> 00:08:57,090
Galavant is the greatest hero
of our entire kingdom.
213
00:08:57,091 --> 00:08:58,524
[Armor clattering]
214
00:08:58,525 --> 00:09:01,627
He will not participate in
a joust like some common knight.
215
00:09:01,628 --> 00:09:04,464
This is a man who slays dragons.
216
00:09:04,465 --> 00:09:05,898
He is the lord of the...
217
00:09:05,899 --> 00:09:08,868
- Sword.
- Lo... no, sorry. I can't.
218
00:09:08,869 --> 00:09:10,336
Fair enough.
219
00:09:10,337 --> 00:09:12,872
Sir Galavant, we will advance
you to the final on merit.
220
00:09:12,873 --> 00:09:14,874
[Applause] Does everyone agree?
221
00:09:14,875 --> 00:09:16,709
Fine by me. [Chuckles]
222
00:09:16,710 --> 00:09:17,677
[Sighs]
223
00:09:19,413 --> 00:09:21,747
I just got you one more night to find it.
224
00:09:21,748 --> 00:09:24,183
We are not losing that jewel!
225
00:09:24,184 --> 00:09:25,918
And your armor's on backwards!
226
00:09:25,919 --> 00:09:27,520
[Sighs]
227
00:09:34,263 --> 00:09:36,973
[Grunts, groans]
228
00:09:36,974 --> 00:09:40,294
I need you to win this joust, and you're
in no condition to do that. Do you agree?
229
00:09:40,296 --> 00:09:41,236
I do not.
230
00:09:42,312 --> 00:09:43,346
[Clears throat]
231
00:09:43,347 --> 00:09:45,348
[Laughs]
232
00:09:45,349 --> 00:09:46,682
What... you're gonna train me?
233
00:09:46,683 --> 00:09:49,418
- Mm.
- [Sighs]
234
00:09:50,220 --> 00:09:52,221
Okay.
235
00:09:52,223 --> 00:09:55,191
My father is a man's man
who never got a male heir,
236
00:09:55,192 --> 00:09:59,228
so from time to time, I humored him
and let him treat me as one.
237
00:09:59,229 --> 00:10:01,564
You should stretch.
238
00:10:01,565 --> 00:10:04,233
Oh, please. Heroes don't stretch.
239
00:10:04,234 --> 00:10:07,203
Mm-hmm. Pick up your sword.
240
00:10:10,708 --> 00:10:11,874
[Sighs]
241
00:10:11,875 --> 00:10:13,109
Uh...
242
00:10:13,110 --> 00:10:15,344
Is this your way
of building my confidence?
243
00:10:15,345 --> 00:10:17,914
You're just gonna humiliate me
all day long or...
244
00:10:17,915 --> 00:10:20,083
[Sighs] You're out of
practice, out of shape.
245
00:10:20,084 --> 00:10:22,251
- It's all right to admit that you're afraid.
- [Chuckles]
246
00:10:22,252 --> 00:10:25,521
You're not gonna annoy me
into doing this, Princess.
247
00:10:25,522 --> 00:10:27,523
Galavant!
248
00:10:27,524 --> 00:10:29,058
[Sighs]
249
00:10:29,059 --> 00:10:31,594
She knocked me down, Princess.
Is that what you want to hear?
250
00:10:31,595 --> 00:10:34,764
Yeah, she took the legs
right out from under me.
251
00:10:34,765 --> 00:10:36,399
So, yeah. Yeah, I'm afraid.
252
00:10:37,312 --> 00:10:40,536
I'm afraid of what happens
the next time I get knocked down.
253
00:10:40,537 --> 00:10:42,872
[Sighs]
254
00:10:42,873 --> 00:10:45,041
Any man can get knocked down.
255
00:10:45,042 --> 00:10:48,211
The hero is the man who gets back up.
256
00:10:48,212 --> 00:10:52,048
Now... pick up your sword.
257
00:10:52,049 --> 00:10:53,950
["Stand up" plays]
258
00:11:13,937 --> 00:11:15,337
[Grunts]
259
00:11:16,006 --> 00:11:18,107
[Sighs]
260
00:11:18,108 --> 00:11:19,942
Ha!
261
00:11:21,411 --> 00:11:24,413
Ha!
262
00:11:24,414 --> 00:11:25,581
Ha!
263
00:11:25,582 --> 00:11:27,416
I don't see how this is helping.
264
00:11:30,921 --> 00:11:32,154
15...
265
00:11:32,155 --> 00:11:33,656
♪ There comes a time in every tale ♪
266
00:11:33,657 --> 00:11:34,633
16...
267
00:11:34,635 --> 00:11:37,692
♪ When the hero must prevail ♪
268
00:11:37,694 --> 00:11:39,228
♪ Gonna be an epic fail ♪
269
00:11:39,229 --> 00:11:43,165
- 34, 35, 36...
- ♪ Unless you show some pluck ♪
270
00:11:43,166 --> 00:11:47,536
♪ Once the training sequence starts ♪
271
00:11:47,537 --> 00:11:50,706
- ♪ You gotta grow some manly parts ♪
- Aah!
272
00:11:50,707 --> 00:11:53,609
♪ I'm talking big ones...
Off the charts... ♪
273
00:11:53,610 --> 00:11:56,745
♪ Or else the plot will suck ♪
274
00:11:56,746 --> 00:11:58,113
♪ So stand up! ♪
275
00:11:58,114 --> 00:12:00,149
♪ And go for glory ♪
276
00:12:00,150 --> 00:12:01,383
♪ Stand up! ♪
277
00:12:01,384 --> 00:12:03,419
♪ Or there is no story ♪
278
00:12:03,420 --> 00:12:04,787
♪ Stand up!
279
00:12:04,788 --> 00:12:07,890
♪ Don't let your legend suck ♪
280
00:12:07,891 --> 00:12:10,793
Damn.
281
00:12:10,794 --> 00:12:15,130
♪ Now you're lookin' pumped and cut ♪
282
00:12:15,131 --> 00:12:18,367
♪ And it's time to check your gut ♪
283
00:12:18,368 --> 00:12:21,136
♪ Gotta kick your rival's butt ♪
284
00:12:21,137 --> 00:12:22,738
♪ It all ends here, if not ♪
285
00:12:22,739 --> 00:12:24,406
Aw.
286
00:12:24,407 --> 00:12:26,909
- [Laughs]
- ♪ Soon the battle will begin ♪
287
00:12:26,910 --> 00:12:27,910
Ha.
288
00:12:27,911 --> 00:12:31,346
♪ And you better be all in ♪
289
00:12:31,347 --> 00:12:34,082
♪ 'Cause if you don't fight and win ♪
290
00:12:34,083 --> 00:12:37,319
♪ There really is no plot ♪
291
00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:39,121
♪ So stand up! ♪
292
00:12:39,122 --> 00:12:40,455
I think you're ready.
293
00:12:40,456 --> 00:12:41,523
♪ Stand up! ♪
294
00:12:41,524 --> 00:12:42,791
And if I'm not?
295
00:12:42,792 --> 00:12:44,026
♪ Or there is no story ♪
296
00:12:44,027 --> 00:12:45,027
♪ Stand up! ♪
297
00:12:45,028 --> 00:12:47,195
Let me worry about that.
298
00:12:47,196 --> 00:12:50,465
♪ Stand up now! ♪
299
00:12:54,404 --> 00:12:55,904
Want some company?
300
00:12:57,219 --> 00:12:59,408
Well...
301
00:12:59,409 --> 00:13:00,442
Hello, there.
302
00:13:00,443 --> 00:13:01,777
Hi.
303
00:13:01,778 --> 00:13:03,345
Can I interest you in a drink?
304
00:13:03,346 --> 00:13:05,180
No, no. Big joust coming up.
305
00:13:05,181 --> 00:13:07,916
Mm, rumor has it
that you like a good warm-up.
306
00:13:07,917 --> 00:13:09,451
Well, hello...
307
00:13:09,452 --> 00:13:11,520
"Hello, there." Yes, yes, yes.
Let's proceed.
308
00:13:11,521 --> 00:13:13,855
Cheers. [Chuckles]
309
00:13:13,856 --> 00:13:16,358
Mm! Mnh. What is this?
310
00:13:16,359 --> 00:13:19,928
Oh [Sighs] absinthe. It's not strong.
311
00:13:19,929 --> 00:13:21,963
- But you are.
- Oh.
312
00:13:21,964 --> 00:13:22,964
[Giggles]
313
00:13:22,965 --> 00:13:24,399
- Open wide!
- [Chuckles]
314
00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:25,567
- Oh?
- Like your mama.
315
00:13:25,568 --> 00:13:27,202
Hmm? Come again?
316
00:13:27,203 --> 00:13:28,403
- Uh, nothing.
- [Chuckles] Mm-hmm.
317
00:13:28,404 --> 00:13:30,972
Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup!
All the way. Mm-mmm.
318
00:13:30,973 --> 00:13:34,459
- We are going all the way tonight.
- Mm-mm-mmm!
319
00:13:34,461 --> 00:13:36,344
Richard, could we please
just eat separately?
320
00:13:36,345 --> 00:13:39,547
I don't know if I can stomach
another display of...
321
00:13:39,548 --> 00:13:41,316
- What's going on?
- Sit down.
322
00:13:42,383 --> 00:13:46,195
- Richard, what kind of lame attempt is...
- I said "sit," woman.
323
00:13:47,432 --> 00:13:48,532
That's better.
324
00:13:53,242 --> 00:13:56,231
- Wine?
- Oh, I'm not sure if I...
325
00:13:57,400 --> 00:13:59,934
I'll be drinking an ale...
326
00:13:59,935 --> 00:14:01,736
From the bottle.
327
00:14:02,385 --> 00:14:03,752
[Gulping]
328
00:14:06,274 --> 00:14:08,602
[Belches]
329
00:14:09,866 --> 00:14:13,296
Yeah, I burped. Do you whiff it?
330
00:14:15,584 --> 00:14:16,651
[Thud]
331
00:14:23,453 --> 00:14:26,288
Ladies and gentlemen,
332
00:14:26,289 --> 00:14:29,925
it is time for your main event!
333
00:14:29,926 --> 00:14:33,462
[Cheers and applause]
One joust for all the marbles!
334
00:14:33,463 --> 00:14:36,665
Also, a rooster. And a jewel.
335
00:14:36,666 --> 00:14:38,601
[Applause]
336
00:14:38,602 --> 00:14:42,738
Our first finalist, Sir Jean Hamm!
337
00:14:42,739 --> 00:14:44,740
[Cheers and applause]
338
00:14:44,741 --> 00:14:46,809
Hello, there!
339
00:14:48,390 --> 00:14:50,525
[Retching]
340
00:14:53,917 --> 00:14:55,117
[Crowd murmuring]
341
00:14:55,118 --> 00:15:00,089
And introducing Mr. Cheekbones himself,
342
00:15:00,090 --> 00:15:02,358
Sir Galavant!
343
00:15:02,359 --> 00:15:03,844
[Cheers and applause]
344
00:15:08,431 --> 00:15:11,800
We've trained for this.
You're ready for this.
345
00:15:11,801 --> 00:15:14,703
You're a hero, and heroes get back up.
346
00:15:14,704 --> 00:15:18,540
These are all inspiring and valid points.
347
00:15:18,542 --> 00:15:21,004
- Just one minor problem.
- What's that?
348
00:15:21,006 --> 00:15:22,670
- I can't move.
- Come again?
349
00:15:22,672 --> 00:15:25,647
I literally... I can't move my arms or legs.
I think we trained too hard.
350
00:15:25,648 --> 00:15:28,617
- You're not serious.
- No? Watch this.
351
00:15:28,618 --> 00:15:30,953
[Armor creaking]
352
00:15:30,954 --> 00:15:32,621
[Panting]
353
00:15:32,622 --> 00:15:34,156
That's my full range of motion.
354
00:15:34,157 --> 00:15:36,125
- Well, that's not good.
- I know it's not good!
355
00:15:36,126 --> 00:15:38,460
- How did you get on the horse?
- I slept on the horse.
356
00:15:38,461 --> 00:15:39,862
[Sighs]
357
00:15:39,863 --> 00:15:41,697
[Horn blows]
358
00:15:41,698 --> 00:15:44,566
[Cheers and applause]
359
00:15:45,969 --> 00:15:47,402
[Groans]
360
00:15:47,403 --> 00:15:48,837
[Grunts]
361
00:15:56,045 --> 00:15:57,913
[Cheers and applause stop]
362
00:16:20,336 --> 00:16:22,537
[Both groan]
363
00:16:22,538 --> 00:16:24,406
[Crowd murmuring]
364
00:16:28,244 --> 00:16:29,745
[Groans]
365
00:16:29,746 --> 00:16:31,079
I think my ribs are broken.
366
00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:32,280
Okay. Well...
367
00:16:33,828 --> 00:16:36,051
First one to his feet is the winner?
368
00:16:36,052 --> 00:16:37,586
Are you serious?
369
00:16:39,222 --> 00:16:42,224
[Both grunting]
370
00:16:52,235 --> 00:16:53,668
Get up.
371
00:16:56,739 --> 00:16:57,806
Aah!
372
00:17:06,215 --> 00:17:07,549
Galavant wins!
373
00:17:07,550 --> 00:17:09,050
What? Hey, no! No! [Screams]
374
00:17:09,051 --> 00:17:10,719
[Both panting]
375
00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:12,387
[Groans] Are you okay?
376
00:17:12,388 --> 00:17:13,888
I won.
377
00:17:13,889 --> 00:17:15,457
I know. [Chuckles]
378
00:17:16,492 --> 00:17:18,493
I feel... [chuckles]
379
00:17:18,494 --> 00:17:20,996
Like I'm back to my old self again.
380
00:17:20,997 --> 00:17:23,320
King dick's not gonna know what hit him.
381
00:17:24,945 --> 00:17:26,166
Listen...
382
00:17:26,168 --> 00:17:28,503
- I have something to confess.
- What?
383
00:17:28,504 --> 00:17:30,004
So, are we keeping the rooster
or eating the rooster?
384
00:17:30,005 --> 00:17:31,603
'Cause I'm not naming him
if we're eating him.
385
00:17:31,605 --> 00:17:33,906
We're eating the rooster.
386
00:17:34,643 --> 00:17:36,745
[Rooster clucks] Yes.
387
00:17:46,719 --> 00:17:49,190
I love watching you eat.
388
00:17:49,191 --> 00:17:50,859
I'm rather finicky myself, but you...
389
00:17:50,860 --> 00:17:52,694
You... you don't think about it.
390
00:17:52,695 --> 00:17:54,414
You just... eat.
391
00:17:55,789 --> 00:17:58,700
I had a pet goat growing up... Jenny.
392
00:17:58,701 --> 00:17:59,801
Aww.
393
00:17:59,802 --> 00:18:02,070
When I was 8, my parents ran out of food,
394
00:18:02,071 --> 00:18:03,805
- so they made me go outside and kill her.
- Hmm?
395
00:18:03,806 --> 00:18:08,142
I had to skin Jenny,
cook Jenny, and eat Jenny.
396
00:18:08,143 --> 00:18:09,644
After that, I guess I just tried
397
00:18:09,645 --> 00:18:11,612
not to think too much
about what I was eating anymore.
398
00:18:11,613 --> 00:18:13,514
And, well...
399
00:18:13,515 --> 00:18:16,017
I made damn well sure
I wouldn't be in a position
400
00:18:16,018 --> 00:18:17,518
where I'd have to eat
my favorite pet again.
401
00:18:17,519 --> 00:18:18,986
[Chuckles]
402
00:18:18,987 --> 00:18:22,223
I never had a single meal with my parents.
403
00:18:22,224 --> 00:18:23,891
Too busy ruling.
404
00:18:23,892 --> 00:18:26,894
No, I had an old servant, name of Pearl.
405
00:18:26,895 --> 00:18:28,729
She served me every meal.
406
00:18:28,730 --> 00:18:30,461
She made it fun, made a game of it.
407
00:18:30,463 --> 00:18:32,931
Only person who ever loved me, old pearly.
408
00:18:33,368 --> 00:18:35,303
This is fun, right?!
409
00:18:35,304 --> 00:18:39,740
You and I talking, listening, sharing,
learning about one another.
410
00:18:39,741 --> 00:18:42,143
Yeah. I guess.
411
00:18:42,144 --> 00:18:43,844
["Maybe You're Not
the Worst Thing Ever" plays]
412
00:18:46,081 --> 00:18:50,985
♪ You're frigid and demanding,
I shudder at your call ♪
413
00:18:50,986 --> 00:18:56,557
♪ Whenever you come near me,
my flesh begins to crawl ♪
414
00:18:56,558 --> 00:18:59,060
♪ But sometimes there are moments ♪
415
00:18:59,061 --> 00:19:02,063
♪ I'm not repelled at all ♪
416
00:19:02,064 --> 00:19:07,234
♪ Maybe you're not the worst thing ever ♪
417
00:19:07,235 --> 00:19:12,406
♪ You're utterly disgusting,
I loathe your manly stink ♪
418
00:19:12,407 --> 00:19:17,411
♪ I see your mouth start moving,
and, God, I need a drink ♪
419
00:19:17,412 --> 00:19:22,917
♪ And then from out of nowhere,
I'll look at you and think ♪
420
00:19:22,918 --> 00:19:27,254
♪ Maybe you're not the worst thing ever ♪
421
00:19:27,255 --> 00:19:29,790
♪ You're worse than crabs ♪
422
00:19:29,791 --> 00:19:32,293
♪ Worse than scurvy ♪
423
00:19:32,294 --> 00:19:35,195
- ♪ Worse than lice or plague ♪
- ♪ But truth be told ♪
424
00:19:35,196 --> 00:19:37,865
All: ♪ you're growing on me
just like mold ♪
425
00:19:37,866 --> 00:19:40,200
♪ Ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh ♪
426
00:19:40,201 --> 00:19:42,202
♪ And though you're so annoying ♪
427
00:19:42,203 --> 00:19:45,205
♪ So easy to despise ♪
428
00:19:45,206 --> 00:19:47,541
♪ I know there's something scary ♪
429
00:19:47,542 --> 00:19:50,044
♪ Behind your cold, dead eyes ♪
430
00:19:50,045 --> 00:19:52,413
♪ And though I'll never like you ♪
431
00:19:52,414 --> 00:19:54,982
♪ It's nice to realize ♪
432
00:19:54,983 --> 00:19:59,753
♪ Maybe I shouldn't quite say "never" ♪
433
00:20:03,892 --> 00:20:06,894
♪ Maybe you're not ♪
434
00:20:06,895 --> 00:20:13,133
♪ The worst thing ever ♪
435
00:20:13,134 --> 00:20:14,635
There was a moment tonight.
436
00:20:14,636 --> 00:20:16,803
It was a fleeting moment, but I saw it.
437
00:20:16,804 --> 00:20:20,007
You realized you could grow to love me.
438
00:20:20,008 --> 00:20:23,343
Oh, would you please stop
putting me in this position?
439
00:20:23,344 --> 00:20:26,159
Don't make me
always have to be the bad guy.
440
00:20:26,161 --> 00:20:28,562
Well, I, for one, am willing
to put in the work in this relationship.
441
00:20:28,564 --> 00:20:30,850
You'll see. I'm going to wear you down.
442
00:20:30,852 --> 00:20:34,073
You're going to grow to love me
just like Pearl did.
443
00:20:36,891 --> 00:20:40,060
[Sighs]
444
00:20:40,061 --> 00:20:42,229
You're unlovable, Richard.
445
00:20:42,230 --> 00:20:45,832
Pearl only loved you because
your parents paid her to.
446
00:20:49,574 --> 00:20:52,261
I told you not to make me the bad guy.
447
00:20:56,510 --> 00:21:00,180
[Gasps] I need a hug!
448
00:21:00,181 --> 00:21:01,915
[Sobbing]
449
00:21:05,620 --> 00:21:08,284
Ohh, that's better.
450
00:21:13,807 --> 00:21:16,565
Its a little tight. Seriously.
451
00:21:18,260 --> 00:21:21,781
sync and correction by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com
451
00:21:22,305 --> 00:22:22,309
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org