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Galavant - 01x01
pilot
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There he is!
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No!
Galavant, help!
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Is everything all right... My Princess?
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Yes, My King.
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I should think so.
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In a few moments, we shall marry,
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and you will instantly become the richest,
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most powerful woman in the land.
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Yes, My King. Very exciting.
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And then... tonight...
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You will join me in my bed.
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Yes, My King.
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We're going to do it!
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Yes.
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We're not going to just sit
in bed and open gifts
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and talk about how much fun
the wedding was, okay?
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We're... doing... it.
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Yep.
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My lady.
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I mean, of course, we're
going to open some presents,
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- but then we're going to do it.
- Got it.
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Ohh!
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Ugh!
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Ohh! Aah!
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Aah!
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Hey, look! Oh, wow! It's him!
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I suggest you fall.
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Thanks!
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And so, on this glorious day,
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we celebrate the union
of our greatest king!
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So sorry to interrupt.
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My lady.
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All right, all right.
Hold on.
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00:03:50,166 --> 00:03:53,168
Now, Gareth and I could surely
fight all night to an even draw,
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if that's what you want.
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00:03:54,737 --> 00:03:56,738
Hell, you can even send
all your men to help him,
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if you so desire.
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But I'll fend them all off.
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'Cause here's the thing.
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I love her, Richard.
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00:04:08,784 --> 00:04:11,286
She's the first thing
I think of in the morning
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00:04:11,287 --> 00:04:13,922
and the last thing I think of in the eve.
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00:04:13,923 --> 00:04:16,157
And you can offer her great fame,
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00:04:16,158 --> 00:04:18,526
and you can offer her great fortune,
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but...
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Only I can offer her
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great love.
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And that is what she chooses.
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Actually...
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Hmm?
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I don't know. I've been thinking a lot about
it ever since he kidnapped me, and...
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I'm gonna go with the fame and fortune.
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- Yes!
- Seems like an easier life, you know?
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Oh, I'm really sorry, Gal.
I hope we can be friends.
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Mm.
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- Hold that thought, darling.
- Mm.
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Good night, sweet prince.
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Oh.
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Damn it, Gareth.
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Would you just do that for me, please?
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Night-night.
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Good morning... sir.
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I see we're getting
an early start this morning.
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Oh, what do you want, Sid?
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Sir... when you hired me
to be your squire,
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it was the most exciting thing
to ever happen to me.
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- Mm.
- Best squireship in the land.
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My parents completely plotzed.
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But ever since Madalena...
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- Don't say her name.
- Right.
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There's someone here to see you.
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She brings with her an opportunity.
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I would beg you to meet with her.
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- Sid, I'm not seeing anyone.
- And here she is... may I present
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the Princess Isabella Maria
Lucia "Elisabeeta"...
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- "Betta."
- ...Betta of Valencia.
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Well, that's a mouthful.
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Uh-huh.
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Sir Galavant,
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I have traveled long and far
to seek your favor.
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Four months ago, my peaceful
kingdom of Valencia...
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I'm sorry. What is that smell?
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That would be me.
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Four months ago,
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my peaceful kingdom of Valencia
fell under attack from a rival land.
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My people were taken captive.
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My entire family either killed
or imprisoned.
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Oh, that's terrible. That's just terrible.
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Still, you've got a nice way about you.
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I'm sure you'll land on your feet.
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Nice meeting you. Door's on the wall.
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Before being captured,
my father hid me in the cellar
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and handed me the priceless
Jewel of Valencia.
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I hid in that cellar for months
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as my family was slaughtered above me.
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I now offer you this priceless jewel,
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all that my country has left to offer.
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I throw myself at your mercy,
Sir Galavant!
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Please...
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Save my people.
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Sorry. I got distracted.
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00:07:04,293 --> 00:07:07,562
What did you say after I said, "nice
meeting you. Door's on the wall"?
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You're no hero. Who are you?
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Oh, I'm nobody, princess.
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- Yep.
- But you're...
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- No, I don't.
- But...
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- See ya!
- Wait!
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- Please!
- No.
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That man is an animal!
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W-wait, wait, wait, wait!
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Princess Isabella Maria Lucia
"Elisabeet... " Bet...
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Princess?
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Banana.
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Banana who?
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Banana.
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Banana who?
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Orange.
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Orange who?
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"Orange" you glad
I didn't say "banana" again?
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Whoa!
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Another wonderful routine, Jester.
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I'm not seeing it, baby.
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Perhaps his humor
flies over your head, then.
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Honestly, Gareth, I don't know
what she sees in him.
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No idea, My King.
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Well, I will go and compliment the Jester.
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And while I do, husband,
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perhaps you can make some progress
convincing the king and queen of Valencia
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- to tell you where their jewel is hidden.
- I've tried everything.
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Mm-hmm.
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Galavant would not stand for this.
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- What did you just say?
- I said,
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"Galavant would not have stood for this"!
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See, that's what I thought you said.
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I just wanted clarification. Thank you.
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Find me the jewel, would you, dear?
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Of course, darling.
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Jester, um...
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Join me in my chamber, would you?
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I'd love to learn a little more
about how you, uh... craft a joke.
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Ooh!
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She really gets a kick
out of that damn Jester.
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I don't know. Maybe it is all
going over my head.
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Oh, it's definitely going
over your head, sir.
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A midday snack, My King?
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00:10:06,107 --> 00:10:07,708
Come up here.
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What happened to the other chef?
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Looked just like you,
but... older, more wrinkly.
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My father?
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Right. What happened to him?
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- You had him killed, sir.
- Hmm?
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Your mutton was too rare.
155
00:10:26,894 --> 00:10:29,062
Well, that doesn't sound like me.
156
00:10:29,063 --> 00:10:31,064
You killed his father before him.
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00:10:31,065 --> 00:10:33,567
Your family has killed
the last four generations
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of chefs in my family.
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00:10:35,903 --> 00:10:38,371
It's not a great job, My King.
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I'm such a bully.
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I'm under a terrible amount of pressure.
You have to understand that.
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Oh, it's fine, My King.
Don't worry about it.
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Oh, Gareth, I try so hard to please her.
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I invade a kingdom for a jewel,
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I respect her vow of chastity,
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00:10:51,085 --> 00:10:53,753
and yet every day I have to hear it
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over and over again.
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Oh!
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Everybody sing!
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Well, that was ripping!
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00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:51,937
This is all very exciting, My King,
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00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,739
but Galavant still lives.
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00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:56,008
And he is still the greatest
warrior in five kingdoms.
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Fine. If I can't win her love,
I'll buy it.
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Bring me the king and queen of Valencia.
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00:13:00,847 --> 00:13:03,582
I'll find her that stupid jewel.
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00:13:06,915 --> 00:13:10,089
"'Orange' you glad
I didn't say 'banana' again?"
178
00:13:10,090 --> 00:13:11,423
Not funny at all, sir.
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00:13:18,030 --> 00:13:19,698
Tommy.
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00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:22,167
Tommy. Tommy!
181
00:13:22,168 --> 00:13:24,836
There appears to be a rather
large hole in my bucket,
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00:13:24,837 --> 00:13:27,205
and I would very much like you to fix it.
183
00:13:27,206 --> 00:13:29,340
Sorry, Gal. I'm gonna have to cut you off.
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00:13:29,341 --> 00:13:32,177
Tommy, come on. It's me.
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00:13:32,178 --> 00:13:33,745
It's Gal.
186
00:13:33,746 --> 00:13:37,081
Hey, Gal. Come on.
You're embarrassing yourself.
187
00:13:37,082 --> 00:13:38,950
I'm embarrassing yourself.
188
00:13:52,698 --> 00:13:53,865
Can I buy you a drink?
189
00:13:53,866 --> 00:13:55,066
No!
190
00:13:55,067 --> 00:13:57,101
Good. You can buy me one.
191
00:13:57,102 --> 00:13:58,303
Now, where were we?
192
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Two months ago, you were
imprisoned in a cellar.
193
00:14:00,072 --> 00:14:01,239
Then what happened?
194
00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:03,074
Ah, here we are.
195
00:14:03,075 --> 00:14:04,809
Regular spots, please.
Thank you very much.
196
00:14:04,810 --> 00:14:06,244
I believe you know where to stand.
197
00:14:06,245 --> 00:14:10,782
Now, let me ask you one question.
I've tried to be kind to you.
198
00:14:10,783 --> 00:14:12,250
Have I not?
199
00:14:12,251 --> 00:14:14,685
You pillaged our peaceful kingdom,
killed half our army.
200
00:14:14,686 --> 00:14:15,753
But I haven't killed you.
201
00:14:15,754 --> 00:14:17,555
I mean, think about it.
202
00:14:17,556 --> 00:14:19,056
I've killed a massive amount
of people this week,
203
00:14:19,057 --> 00:14:21,759
but I haven't killed... kil...
204
00:14:21,761 --> 00:14:24,128
Gareth, I have a horribly scratchy throat.
205
00:14:24,129 --> 00:14:25,129
A bit of tea, please.
206
00:14:25,130 --> 00:14:26,297
Tea for the king!
207
00:14:26,298 --> 00:14:27,498
I'm not really a yeller.
208
00:14:27,499 --> 00:14:29,700
I've been fighting a bug
since the invasion.
209
00:14:29,701 --> 00:14:31,702
I swear, it's the plague.
It's not the plague.
210
00:14:31,703 --> 00:14:33,538
- Feel it, though... does that feel lumpy?
- No.
211
00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:36,707
- You didn't even feel it.
- We beg you to show mercy to our people,
212
00:14:36,708 --> 00:14:39,710
- good King Richard.
- We've done this.
213
00:14:39,711 --> 00:14:42,546
Look, here's the thing.
214
00:14:42,547 --> 00:14:45,883
My wife really wants that jewel of yours.
215
00:14:45,884 --> 00:14:49,387
Now, I know, at times,
she can come off as a bit, um...
216
00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:51,155
What's the word?
217
00:14:51,156 --> 00:14:52,323
- Evil.
- Cruel.
218
00:14:52,324 --> 00:14:53,447
No, that's not it. It's more...
219
00:14:53,448 --> 00:14:54,673
- Sadistic.
- Vicious.
220
00:14:54,675 --> 00:14:56,494
You know, I think you really
just have to get to know her.
221
00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:57,795
She can be a
222
00:14:57,796 --> 00:14:59,130
- Would you stop it, Gareth?!
- All right.
223
00:14:59,131 --> 00:15:00,965
How's about this?
224
00:15:00,966 --> 00:15:03,067
You tell me where the jewelry is,
225
00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:04,275
we'll pack up shop.
226
00:15:04,276 --> 00:15:06,103
We'll stop the pillaging and the killing,
227
00:15:06,104 --> 00:15:08,272
yada, yada, and everyone's happy.
228
00:15:08,273 --> 00:15:10,107
The Jewel of Valencia is priceless.
229
00:15:10,109 --> 00:15:11,208
I know. I know.
230
00:15:11,210 --> 00:15:13,377
It is a symbol of Valencia.
It has belonged not to us,
231
00:15:13,378 --> 00:15:15,113
but to our people for thousands of years.
232
00:15:15,114 --> 00:15:17,782
Totally understand. Totally empathize.
233
00:15:17,783 --> 00:15:19,617
- Can I have it?
- Never!
234
00:15:21,620 --> 00:15:24,789
This is so not how I wanted to do this!
235
00:15:24,790 --> 00:15:27,558
It is about to get very messy in here.
236
00:15:27,559 --> 00:15:30,294
Ooh, my tea! Thank you very much.
237
00:15:31,462 --> 00:15:33,631
Mm.
238
00:15:33,632 --> 00:15:35,600
Is there lemon in there?
239
00:15:36,829 --> 00:15:38,769
Yes... My King?
240
00:15:38,770 --> 00:15:41,706
Some unsqueezed lemons.
241
00:15:41,707 --> 00:15:45,376
Well, it's delightful. Just delightful.
242
00:15:46,712 --> 00:15:48,045
Kill the king, make her watch.
243
00:15:48,046 --> 00:15:49,547
No!
244
00:15:52,551 --> 00:15:55,252
Mmm.
245
00:15:55,253 --> 00:15:56,754
Mmm.
246
00:15:56,755 --> 00:15:59,256
Sid, fetch me a drink.
247
00:15:59,257 --> 00:16:03,260
When he tells me to fetch,
those are my favorite moments.
248
00:16:04,996 --> 00:16:06,664
Thanks again for the drink.
249
00:16:06,665 --> 00:16:07,765
Drinks.
250
00:16:08,632 --> 00:16:11,133
Right. Thanks again.
251
00:16:11,283 --> 00:16:14,271
My father used to tell stories of you,
252
00:16:14,272 --> 00:16:16,507
- of your skill in battle...
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
253
00:16:16,508 --> 00:16:18,704
Your heroism, of your goodness.
254
00:16:21,361 --> 00:16:22,780
What happened to you?
255
00:16:22,781 --> 00:16:24,915
I mean... eh.
256
00:16:26,952 --> 00:16:29,286
Oh, come on. I've come a long way.
257
00:16:29,287 --> 00:16:31,789
Surely I deserve some kind of backstory.
258
00:16:36,361 --> 00:16:39,196
All right.
259
00:16:39,197 --> 00:16:42,533
My parents were people of
massive, massive appetites.
260
00:16:42,534 --> 00:16:45,035
They loved everything... they
loved food. They loved drink.
261
00:16:45,036 --> 00:16:47,304
But most of all, they loved each other.
262
00:16:47,305 --> 00:16:50,140
Ironically, they also hated each other.
263
00:16:50,141 --> 00:16:53,143
And they
fought violently every day.
264
00:16:53,144 --> 00:16:55,512
Didn't have time for much else, in fact.
265
00:16:55,513 --> 00:16:58,515
So... at the age of 8, I swore off love.
266
00:16:59,951 --> 00:17:02,319
Devoted myself to doing
something better with my life
267
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:04,488
than wasting it on love.
268
00:17:04,489 --> 00:17:07,824
So I read, I trained, I learned languages.
269
00:17:07,825 --> 00:17:09,826
All the time other young men
chasing spent chasing girls,
270
00:17:09,827 --> 00:17:12,704
I spent that time bettering myself.
271
00:17:13,556 --> 00:17:15,866
But I come from a long family of lovers.
272
00:17:15,867 --> 00:17:18,368
You can't fight genetics.
273
00:17:18,369 --> 00:17:21,505
So when it inevitably happened...
274
00:17:21,506 --> 00:17:23,506
- When I fell...
- You fell hard.
275
00:17:23,508 --> 00:17:24,808
I fell hard.
276
00:17:24,809 --> 00:17:25,976
And her?
277
00:17:28,479 --> 00:17:30,013
She fell softer...
278
00:17:30,014 --> 00:17:32,082
As it turns out.
279
00:17:36,254 --> 00:17:38,588
Look, I'd love to help. Really, I would.
280
00:17:38,589 --> 00:17:40,090
But I'm...
281
00:17:40,091 --> 00:17:42,359
I'm sort of out of the whole
"damsel in distress" business
282
00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:43,827
at the moment, so...
283
00:17:43,828 --> 00:17:46,563
I listened from below
as he ordered my parents to their death.
284
00:17:46,564 --> 00:17:48,365
And after coming all this way,
285
00:17:48,366 --> 00:17:50,367
your advice is for me
to just turn a blind eye
286
00:17:50,368 --> 00:17:52,536
and watch king Richard destroy my kingdom
287
00:17:52,537 --> 00:17:54,538
and everyone I've ever loved?
288
00:17:55,047 --> 00:17:56,113
What?
289
00:17:58,748 --> 00:18:00,577
Did you just say...
290
00:18:00,578 --> 00:18:02,145
"King Richard"?
291
00:18:04,343 --> 00:18:05,343
Oh, come here!
292
00:18:05,344 --> 00:18:06,849
- Isabella.
- Father!
293
00:18:07,513 --> 00:18:09,514
Ah!
294
00:18:10,038 --> 00:18:12,779
Maybe this is what we're looking for.
295
00:18:15,187 --> 00:18:16,754
Ooh, sweet!
296
00:18:16,755 --> 00:18:18,089
Any luck on the Jewel, Richard?
297
00:18:18,716 --> 00:18:19,824
Well, actually, my dear...
298
00:18:19,825 --> 00:18:21,793
I know. I know. You're working on it.
299
00:18:21,794 --> 00:18:23,594
Well, why don't you stop working on it,
300
00:18:23,595 --> 00:18:28,099
start acting like Galavant,
and do something already?
301
00:18:30,376 --> 00:18:32,277
Will do, My Queen.
302
00:18:34,907 --> 00:18:39,177
I swear, if I have to hear
the name Galavant one more time.
303
00:18:39,178 --> 00:18:42,180
If only there was some way that I could...
304
00:18:43,341 --> 00:18:44,248
Ah.
305
00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:45,716
She's a pretty young thing,
isn't she, Gareth?
306
00:18:45,718 --> 00:18:48,755
- A bit plump for my liking.
- Plump?
307
00:18:48,756 --> 00:18:50,354
The girl is 100 pounds soaking wet.
308
00:18:50,355 --> 00:18:54,365
I know, but I like skinny.
Like, really unhealthy skinny.
309
00:18:56,528 --> 00:18:58,296
You love your parents, don't you, my dear?
310
00:18:58,297 --> 00:18:59,730
Leave my parents be.
311
00:18:59,731 --> 00:19:02,366
Leave them be, or so help me,
I will kill you myself.
312
00:19:02,367 --> 00:19:03,634
And spunky.
313
00:19:03,635 --> 00:19:05,036
Ha! More like "chunky"!
314
00:19:05,037 --> 00:19:06,070
Just stop it, Gareth!
315
00:19:06,071 --> 00:19:08,105
I am trying to do something here!
316
00:19:08,106 --> 00:19:10,441
Fine. If we can't beat
Galavant on his turf,
317
00:19:10,442 --> 00:19:12,143
we'll bring him to our own.
318
00:19:12,144 --> 00:19:13,978
If you want your parents to live,
319
00:19:13,979 --> 00:19:15,646
you will travel to find Galavant.
320
00:19:15,647 --> 00:19:19,650
You tell him that I, king Richard,
have invaded your kingdom.
321
00:19:19,651 --> 00:19:21,652
Offer to pay him with the jewel.
322
00:19:21,653 --> 00:19:26,657
When that doesn't work,
I want you to tell him this...
323
00:19:26,658 --> 00:19:28,292
I feel like you should be
writing this down.
324
00:19:28,294 --> 00:19:30,629
- I will remember it.
- It's a bit long.
325
00:19:30,629 --> 00:19:32,933
I'd really just be more
comfortable if you wrote it down.
326
00:19:32,935 --> 00:19:35,261
- I will remember it.
- Like a steel trap.
327
00:19:35,263 --> 00:19:38,238
- Always had a wonderful memory, this one.
- Fine.
328
00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:40,337
You tell him that king Richard is a...
329
00:19:40,338 --> 00:19:42,506
Is a cruel and vicious man.
330
00:19:42,507 --> 00:19:44,408
Four months I hid in that cellar.
331
00:19:44,409 --> 00:19:46,410
He and his queen slept right above me.
332
00:19:46,411 --> 00:19:49,747
And you tell him that every night,
333
00:19:49,747 --> 00:19:51,080
you would listen while
he screamed at his queen...
334
00:19:51,082 --> 00:19:54,418
Screamed at his queen,
and each night I would be left
335
00:19:54,419 --> 00:19:56,987
with only the sobs of that poor woman.
336
00:19:56,988 --> 00:20:00,491
Every night, she would cry out,
"I made the wrong choice.
337
00:20:00,492 --> 00:20:04,300
I'm so sorry, Gals. I'm so sorry."
338
00:20:04,302 --> 00:20:06,710
She must have left some maidens back home.
339
00:20:06,712 --> 00:20:08,312
Never knew what she meant.
340
00:20:08,314 --> 00:20:10,215
"I'm so sorry, Gals."
341
00:20:12,396 --> 00:20:14,605
I love you, Gal.
342
00:20:15,427 --> 00:20:17,107
"I'm so sorry, Gal."
343
00:20:17,638 --> 00:20:20,802
She was saying, "I'm so sorry, Gal."
344
00:20:22,810 --> 00:20:25,282
We leave tomorrow at sunrise.
345
00:20:25,283 --> 00:20:29,019
Pack lightly.
There's a long journey ahead.
346
00:21:09,593 --> 00:21:11,928
Oh, for God's sake, Jester!
347
00:21:11,929 --> 00:21:14,330
Stop with the singing
and get back to what you're good at.
348
00:21:14,331 --> 00:21:16,404
- Knock, knock.
- Not that.
349
00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:20,007
- Whoo-hoo-hoo!
- Oh, Jester!
350
00:21:20,008 --> 00:21:22,008
sync and correction by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com
351
00:21:23,305 --> 00:22:23,199
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