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Previously on Desperate housewives.
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We have some serious problems
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that are gonna require serious work.
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Lynette and Tom struggled
with their separation.
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Mike heard a confession...
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I killed Gaby's stepfather.
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Aah! Uhh!
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And me and the girls helped cover it up.
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That could change
his life with Susan forever.
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Bree showed Gaby the note...
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Let's say someone knows.
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I say until they tell us what they want,
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we just act like everything's normal.
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And decided she needed
to end her relationship
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with detective Vance.
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You know, Bree, I would
have done anything for you.
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You have made a very big mistake.
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It's often said that children learn
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their most important lessons
outside the classroom.
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They learn to find peaceful
ways to resolve conflict...
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to make smart choices about nutrition...
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to master the art of conversation.
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But for Gabrielle Solis,
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the art of morning drop-off...
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What's taking so long? Come on! Let's go!
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Was something she'd never learned.
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You slow down, push the kid out,
and drive off!
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Why is it so hard?!
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You realize I have to go
to this school, right?
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Oh, come on. I'm behind
the wheelchair kid?
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That's it, Juanita. Get out.
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I'm not allowed till
we get to the green zone
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and a volunteer opens the door.
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Remember what happened last week?
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Yeah, last week I made it
to my hot stone massage.
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Just keep your head down,
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pretend like you don't
speak english, and run.
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Hold it!
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Ohh.
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Hi, Dana. I didn't see you there.
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Looks like someone didn't learn her lesson
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the last two times
she broke the drop-off rules.
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Three strikes, Solis.
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You're out.
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Wh... Hey!
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I need that!
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Your drop-off privileges
have been revoked.
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From now on, you'll be
parking in the "B" lot
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- and walking Juanita to class.
- The "B" lot?
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That's, like, a mile away.
These don't walk.
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They do now.
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Oh, yeah? Well, who died
and made you boss?
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Margaret Frye. Cancer.
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Oh. Right. I still owe for those flowers.
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Oh, relax, Pam! You'll still
make it to weight watchers!
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Problem here, Dana?
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Oh, great. Now the pips are here.
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It's Solis again.
She's holding up traffic.
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Yeah, and I'm not moving till
you give me back my placard.
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Oh, Pam, eat a carrot!
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Tell you what.
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If you can take the placard
from me, you can keep it.
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You know what? I'm not a child.
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I'm not gonna give you the satisfaction...
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Oh!
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You know what, Dana?
Just because you're head of P.T.A.
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doesn't mean you get to make the laws!
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Oh, I have news for you.
Here at Oakridge, I am the law.
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Yes, some of our most important lessons
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are learned outside the class room.
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And when it came to school politics,
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Gabrielle's education was just beginning.
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When it came to her separation,
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Lynette Scavo was determined
to do everything by the book.
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She made sure her visitation days
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were evenly divided.
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She kept perfect records
of her household expenses.
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She found healthy ways
to relieve her stress.
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Yes, Lynette was confident
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her by-the-book approach
was the right one,
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sadly, not everyone was on the same page.
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Well, look who cleaned
out the sad-sack aisle
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at the bookstore.
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At least your divorce is good
for the publishing industry.
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We're not using the "D" word.
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It's a separation.
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Tom and I are going to
"Heal through counseling"
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so we can find "A road to reconnection"
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and if not,
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"Murder on the orient express."
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Penny, your dad's here!
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Explain something to me.
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If you're trying to win back your husband,
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why do you dress like you
sell oranges by the freeway?
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Hey. Sorry I'm late.
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I had to stop at the store,
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and it took longer than I expected.
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Because you tawt you taw a puddy tat?
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Ha ha.
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It's just a teeth whitener.
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Teeth whitening, huh?
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And unless sweat suits are
the new business casual,
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it looks like you're working out, too.
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I'm trying. It helps cheer me
up when the kids aren't around.
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- Daddy!
- Hey!
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Oh! Remember to get Parker at practice.
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- I love you. Have fun at your dad's.
- I love you. Bye.
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Drive safe.
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Hmm.
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I've got a new book title for you...
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"Your husband's banging somebody."
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What?
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Chapter one... white teeth.
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Chapter two... working out.
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Chapter three... the nasty.
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He's just trying to take
better care of himself.
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Oh, Lynette.
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I expect you to be naive about hair,
makeup, and fashion,
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but about this?
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Trust me. Tom has hooked up.
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He's not. He's not. If he was...
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dating someone,
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he would tell me.
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He would.
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Right?
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- That doesn't look too suspicious.
- Oh.
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I'm sorry. Just...
every time I check the mail,
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I'm afraid it's gonna be
another one of those letters.
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It's been three weeks.
Maybe we're out of the woods.
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Please don't say "Woods."
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I'm just saying, if someone
was trying to blackmail us,
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they're not very good at it,
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since they haven't asked
for money or anything.
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Well, what happened to them?
Did they just disappear?
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If we're lucky.
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Now that Chuck the cop
is out of your life,
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Susan's acting normal,
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I think we're in the clear.
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Oh, good. Here they are. Hmm.
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Oh, Danielle and Benjamin.
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Fun. What's the occasion?
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Her husband left her.
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Ugh. Okay. Well, I'd stay and say hi,
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but that would involve a lot
of listening and sad nodding.
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Oh, honey, I am so sorry
about you and Leo.
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Thanks, mom.
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Not that I didn't see it coming.
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That didn't take long.
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Neither did the marriage.
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So how are you holding up?
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My husband left me. It sucks.
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But you know how that feels.
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You just got dumped by that cop, right?
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Um...
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Actually, I am the one
who ended it with Chuck.
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He wanted to marry me, bought me a ring,
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but that's not important.
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This week...
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or weeks is about you.
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We are gonna make a plan to
put your life back together.
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A plan? Mom, this all just happened.
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Give me a few days to eat
ice cream and veg out.
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Of course, honey.
I promised you on your wedding day
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that I would be here when he left you.
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You know what?
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Maybe we'll just crash on Andrew's floor.
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What? That's so uncomfortable.
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Not as bad as staying here and
getting picked apart by you.
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I promise I won't criticize you.
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Besides, if you sleep on Andrew's floor,
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you'll need a tetanus shot.
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What? I said I wouldn't criticize you.
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I didn't say anything about your brother.
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Okay, I know that last night
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I said you could take
all the time you need
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to work through what
Carlos and I told you,
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but...
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while you're taking all the time you need,
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you think you could maybe...
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tell me that you still love me?
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I mean...
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if you still love me?
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There is nothing you could do
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that would make me stop loving you.
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Mike, it was so hard
to keep this from you,
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like, the hardest thing I've ever done.
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Well, at least I understand
why you've been so distant.
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And to be honest,
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I'm kind of relieved you
weren't having an affair.
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Well, now that you know,
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I just want everything
to go back to normal.
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Okay, but I hope you realize
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it might not be that easy.
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Take it from a guy who's
done things like this.
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They don't just disappear.
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Yeah, I know that.
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But I think if I focus on other stuff
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and move on with my life,
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it'll be okay.
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Great.
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And first step?
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I'm taking a painting
class at the college.
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It's being taught by Andre Zeller.
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Okay, that means nothing to you.
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It's like I'm taking a football class
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from Peyton Manning.
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Whoa.
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It's just what I need.
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I think it'll be a great way
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to take my mind off
everything that's happened.
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So I'm gonna get my portfolio together.
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Mr. Zeller has to approve
all his students.
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Not that I'm worried.
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Oh, and, Mike,
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from now on, I swear,
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no more secrets between us.
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Is that my school?
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The tiny, little building way down there?
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It would've been faster
if we just walked from home.
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Hey.
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First time in the "B" lot, huh?
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- Welcome.
- What are you in for?
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Practically nothing.
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I let my kid get out
of the car by herself.
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00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:36,800
- Ooh.
- Dana take your placard?
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00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:39,600
Yeah, but I'll get it
back in a day or two.
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Are you kidding?
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She'll have you in here
for the rest of the year.
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00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:46,240
What? She can't do that.
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Oh, you wanna bet?
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I took a cell phone
call in the green zone.
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That was two months ago.
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My kid had peanut butter
crackers in his lunchbox.
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I'm looking at four to six.
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This is crazy.
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No, this is Dana.
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Dana "The pain-a." Pfft!
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00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,000
Dana "You better not complain-a."
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00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:05,360
Dana "Power's driving me insane-a."
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00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:08,400
Oh, my god. Is this what
the "B" lot does to you?
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00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:11,320
That, four kids,
and the flask in her purse.
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Well, if everyone thinks
she's such a pain-a,
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how'd she get the job?
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It's an elected position.
We voted for her.
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00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:20,160
Well, not me. I don't vote.
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00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:22,720
All right, when's the next P.T.A. meeting?
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There's one thursday.
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00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:27,200
Okay. I say we band together,
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00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:30,320
storm that meeting, and go all
"Braveheart" on Dana's ass.
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00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:31,480
Who's with me?
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00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:35,160
You guys not seen "Braveheart"?
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I know it's an old reference,
but this is when you go, "Yeah!"
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00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:40,520
Yeah.
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Oh, god. Come on.
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00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:44,560
If every fed-up mom in
this "B" lot shows up,
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00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:46,880
we can break our shackles,
get our placards back.
257
00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:48,760
We can... oh! The movie "300."
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This is Sparta!
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00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:52,600
You've seen that, right?
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Yeah!
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00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:56,720
Okay. I'll see you ladies thursday.
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00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:05,000
Mm-hmm.
263
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,040
This is excellent work.
264
00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:10,760
Thank you, Mr. Zeller.
265
00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:12,800
Now I know what you're thinking...
266
00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:16,560
why does a professional
artist who can do this
267
00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:18,160
want to take a painting class?
268
00:12:18,560 --> 00:12:19,960
That is what I'm thinking.
269
00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:23,080
Well, mainly because I'm
a huge fan of your work.
270
00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:26,200
That series you did based
on Dante's "Inferno,"
271
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:28,920
the one with the guy chewing
the other guy's head off...
272
00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:31,240
I wish I could paint like that.
273
00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:32,440
You're very kind,
274
00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:34,880
but then again, look what
you've done with these bunnies.
275
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,520
Um, do you start with watercolor
276
00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:38,160
and then outline with rapidograph...
277
00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:40,200
Actually, it's the other way around.
278
00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:41,920
I have a very steady hand.
279
00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:43,200
Well, clearly.
280
00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:45,200
My compliments, Ms. Delfino.
281
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:46,960
Technically, this is very impressive.
282
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:48,720
Oh, thank you.
283
00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:50,720
So...
284
00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:53,200
obviously, I'm in.
285
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:55,760
No. Obviously, you're out.
286
00:12:58,120 --> 00:12:59,080
What?
287
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,360
Don't get me wrong.
You're a fine illustrator,
288
00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:03,080
but this isn't what I call art.
289
00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:06,040
Excuse me, but my paintings
have been in dozens of books,
290
00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:07,680
some of them bestsellers.
291
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,960
Perhaps you've heard of
"Doctor porcupine"?
292
00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:13,640
He has a very prickly bedside manner.
293
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,200
Right. But see, when you say "Art,"
294
00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:18,200
you mean a hedgehog with a stethoscope,
295
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:20,360
and to me, art means
reaching down your throat,
296
00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:23,280
tearing your guts out,
and smearing it all over canvas.
297
00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:26,760
Anger, passion... that's what interests me.
298
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:28,160
Well, uh,
299
00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:31,040
"Doctor porcupine loses a
patient and kills a hooker"
300
00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:32,600
doesn't have the same ring to it.
301
00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:35,320
I'm looking for serious
students of the medium.
302
00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:37,440
You're a bored housewife
trying to kill time
303
00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:40,440
between spin class and driving
your kid to soccer practice.
304
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:41,680
Hey, that's not fair.
305
00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:44,840
Um, just because
I've done children's books
306
00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:46,640
doesn't mean I can't do anything else.
307
00:13:46,680 --> 00:13:49,000
Really? Do you have any work
308
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:50,560
that reflects what
I've been talking about?
309
00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:52,640
Of course I do.
310
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:55,200
I'll bring it in tomorrow.
311
00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:00,480
I would bring it in now,
but I have to pick up my son...
312
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:02,440
from prison.
313
00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:07,880
In 1985, musician Bob Geldof
314
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,760
organized a benefit concert
to fight famine in...
315
00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:11,760
There you are.
316
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:13,400
Though I don't know why I'm surprised.
317
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:15,320
It's where you've been
the last three days.
318
00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:17,200
Guatemala. It's Guatemala!
319
00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:19,200
- Ethiopia.
- Loser.
320
00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:22,760
Ethiopia is correct! Congratulations.
321
00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:24,760
Well, given that you won't be
322
00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:27,280
making your fortune off game shows,
323
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,280
perhaps it's time we had
that talk about your future.
324
00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:32,000
Mom, I'm still healing.
325
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,120
My marriage fell apart.
326
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:35,560
You, of all people,
should know how that feels.
327
00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:37,920
Yes, and I sat in that
same chair "Healing"
328
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:40,800
and eventually turned
into a raging alcoholic.
329
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:41,840
Oh, man.
330
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:43,600
Wine sounds really good right now.
331
00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:45,120
We should get a bottle.
332
00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:47,760
What, you can't even have a sip?
333
00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:49,920
No! Now you need to think about
334
00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:52,360
putting your life back together,
getting a job.
335
00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:54,400
You have a son to consider.
336
00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:56,360
Oh, jeez.
337
00:14:57,800 --> 00:14:59,200
I found you!
338
00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:02,160
Now go hide, and we'll play again!
339
00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:06,800
One, two, three...
340
00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:08,800
Okay, there is something
I've been thinking about doing.
341
00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:10,840
Oh. What job?
342
00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:13,080
Retail? Waitressing?
343
00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:15,400
Better. My own business.
344
00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:17,960
I designed this exercise equipment,
345
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:20,160
and I think I could
sell it on the internet.
346
00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:23,760
Danielle, what do you know
about starting a business?
347
00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:26,400
I already have the design,
and I wrote up a business plan.
348
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:27,640
I think it could really work.
349
00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:31,200
All I need is a little
seed money. Say $5,000?
350
00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:32,360
$5,000?
351
00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:33,680
Well, I need the supplies,
352
00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:35,640
and I have to rent a place to work out of.
353
00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:41,360
I will give you $500,
and you can use the test kitchen.
354
00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:43,000
Seriously?
355
00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:46,600
Mom, thank you so much.
This means a lot to me.
356
00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:48,800
Well, I am very proud of you.
And you know what?
357
00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:52,040
You are setting a wonderful
example for Benjamin.
358
00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:53,880
Oh, crap.
359
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:56,480
Ready or not, here I come!
360
00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:01,840
Hey. Sorry I'm late.
361
00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:03,040
I hope you don't mind If I have my lunch
362
00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:04,680
while we go over our schedules.
363
00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:05,880
That's lunch?
364
00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:07,000
Protein shake.
365
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:10,840
Just trying to stay, uh, lean and mean.
366
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:12,480
I did that once.
367
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:14,320
All I got was mean.
368
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:18,040
Hey, I had to move my meeting
to wednesday afternoon.
369
00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:18,960
Think you can pick up the kids?
370
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:21,280
I'll cover Penny's orthodontist on friday.
371
00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:24,480
Sure. And saturday,
Parker has that birthday.
372
00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:25,400
Since that's your day,
373
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:28,640
you can have him longer on sunday,
if you want.
374
00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:30,760
Great. Yeah. Okay.
375
00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:33,360
That is everything on my end. You?
376
00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:37,080
Um, I heard back from
that couples counselor.
377
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:40,000
She can squeeze us in thursday at 6:00.
378
00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:43,480
I mean, if you still
want to go to therapy.
379
00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:45,880
Absolutely.
380
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:46,920
Oh.
381
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:48,760
I can make thursday work.
382
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:51,480
Good. I'll book the appointment.
383
00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:54,640
Hello?
384
00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:57,040
Hey.
385
00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:01,520
Y... hey, can I call you back?
386
00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:06,240
Okay. O-okay. Hold-hold on a sec.
387
00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:08,600
Um, this is a work thing.
388
00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:09,840
Is there anything else you need from me?
389
00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:11,920
Uh, no.
390
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:13,320
Okay. Okay.
391
00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:17,120
- I will... see you thursday.
- Okay.
392
00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:22,760
Hey, sorry about that. I, uh, I was in...
393
00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:30,560
Let me get this straight, Jill.
394
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:32,320
For back to school night appetizers,
395
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:33,920
you're suggesting pretzels?
396
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:36,760
What are we, a public school?
397
00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:40,040
- Hey. Sorry.
- Hey.
398
00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:42,360
Did you guys know there was
an A.A. meeting in the gym?
399
00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:44,240
I sat through five
"I left my kid in the car"
400
00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:45,160
"while drinking" stories
401
00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:47,120
before I realized I was
in the wrong place.
402
00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:48,640
Doughnut?
403
00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:52,440
Gabrielle Solis.
404
00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:55,680
What brings you to your
first ever P.T.A. meeting?
405
00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:00,560
Same thing that brought
our founding fathers to...
406
00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:02,760
wherever they went
407
00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:05,200
when all that crap happened
with England... freedom.
408
00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:08,560
- Freedom?
- Yeah, that's right.
409
00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:10,960
Freedom to oppose an unjust ruler
410
00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:13,200
and her unjust placard-stealing ways.
411
00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:16,480
We are here to tell you your
reign of terror is over.
412
00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:17,800
Right, girls?
413
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:21,400
Guys, come on!
414
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:24,440
Melissa, have you forgotten about
415
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:26,800
the blood blister you got
hiking from the "B" lot?
416
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:29,720
And you... other woman,
417
00:18:30,120 --> 00:18:31,760
you were 20 minutes late to your manicure.
418
00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:33,120
Show 'em your hands.
419
00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:36,000
This can't go on.
420
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:39,000
She's right.
421
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:41,720
Yeah. Tell her, Gaby.
422
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:43,920
According to your sacred rule book,
423
00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:45,800
which, by the way, is a snore fest,
424
00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:48,880
a group of five parents can
seek a vote of no confidence
425
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:50,080
in a president.
426
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:55,920
So... I guess we'll be
taking that vote now.
427
00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:58,600
Melissa, Rachel...
428
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,880
You sure you want to do this?
429
00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:09,480
No. It's an obvious bribe.
430
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:11,800
- Well, it worked.
- Yeah.
431
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:13,400
What?
432
00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:22,240
Guess we won't be having
that vote after all.
433
00:19:22,360 --> 00:19:24,720
So what? What more can you do to me?
434
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:26,800
I already park in the "B" lot.
435
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:40,720
Nice, mom.
436
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:50,240
Hello!
437
00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:53,840
Mom. I, uh, I asked you
not to come in here.
438
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:55,320
I am not staying. I just thought
439
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:59,040
my little entrepreneurs
could use some lemonade.
440
00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:00,960
So...
441
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:04,080
This is it, the big internet start-up.
442
00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:05,720
Yes, and for your information,
443
00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:09,120
as soon as we put up the site,
they started selling like crazy.
444
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:11,120
Over 200 of 'em.
445
00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:13,680
Well, I stand corrected. Good for you.
446
00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:17,120
So how exactly does this
exercise equipment work?
447
00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:19,680
Uh uh well, it kind of incorporates pilates
448
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:21,440
and stretching.
449
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:24,240
It's really more for serious athletes.
450
00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:27,040
That might be another order.
I should get that.
451
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:29,280
But could you take Benjamin
to go get some lunch?
452
00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:31,280
Of course. Benjy.
453
00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:37,880
Hello. X-stasy sex swing.
454
00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:40,400
We put the swing back in your sex life.
455
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:42,600
Yes, it can support up to 300 pounds.
456
00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:44,240
And we guarantee maximum pleasure
457
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:46,640
for you and your partner.
458
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:50,280
Ready?
459
00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:53,800
Is this for me?
460
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:55,480
Unless you know another Penny Scavo
461
00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:58,080
with an incredibly generous mom.
462
00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:01,520
- Look, it even has a camera.
- Cool!
463
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:03,400
But my birthday was last month.
464
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:06,400
I know, but this way,
when you're at your dad's,
465
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:07,880
we can video chat,
466
00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:10,120
like, when you need help with homework
467
00:21:10,120 --> 00:21:11,800
or you've been having trouble with math.
468
00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:13,200
No, I haven't.
469
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:15,800
Well, you might. So... bring it.
470
00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:17,280
Okay?
471
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,800
Hey, sweetie. Long time no see.
472
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:29,400
Mom, you just dropped me off..
473
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:31,320
Really? It feels like forever.
474
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:34,000
The gum you gave me in
the car still has flavor.
475
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:35,560
Well, I miss you.
476
00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:37,480
Actually, since you called,
477
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:39,920
we're multiplying mixed fractions,
and I'm kind of...
478
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:41,560
I know what you mean.
Can you move your head?
479
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:44,320
Uh, sure.
480
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:46,720
So do I need a common denominator?
481
00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:48,160
Honey, the sun's creating a glare.
482
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:50,880
Would you mind turning
your screen just a scooch?
483
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:52,240
Okay.
484
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,280
Dad's new place looks nice.
485
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:57,360
Yeah, it is.
486
00:21:57,360 --> 00:22:00,040
Hey! You know what might be fun?
487
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:01,480
Why don't you give me a tour?
488
00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:05,480
Just turn your tablet
around and scan the room.
489
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:10,640
Oh, big-screen TV.
490
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:13,480
There's a 9.0 on the predictability scale.
491
00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:17,800
Empty pizza box, dirty plate, dirty glass.
492
00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:20,520
It's nice he's kept
the same decorating scheme.
493
00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:22,160
My arms are getting tired.
494
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:25,080
Little longer. Think light thoughts.
495
00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:26,840
Stop. Go back.
496
00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:30,880
I want to see your dad's
new lovely... curtains.
497
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:33,680
Wow.
498
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:36,080
They're nice.
499
00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:38,360
But they seem a little young for him.
500
00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:42,160
Who is that?
501
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:43,400
That's Chloe.
502
00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:46,400
She lives in the building.
She's really nice.
503
00:22:47,360 --> 00:22:48,880
Apparently.
504
00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:53,280
So... is Chloe around a lot?
505
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:54,720
Sometimes.
506
00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:56,680
She teaches a Booty Burn Ballet class,
507
00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:58,880
so she's mostly at the fitness center.
508
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:02,080
Hey, Mom. Dad's got black toilets.
509
00:23:02,120 --> 00:23:03,280
You wanna see them?
510
00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:06,000
No, thanks. I've seen enough.
511
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,200
Okay. So when I multiply these fractions...
512
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,400
Okay, sweetie, I love you.
513
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:20,600
- Oh, that's different.
- Mm-hmm.
514
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:22,200
What does this mean to you?
515
00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:25,720
Loneliness, isolation,
516
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:29,800
not long ago, this tree
was lush and green,
517
00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:32,400
but now it's, uh, lost its leaves,
518
00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:34,720
and winter's ahead.
519
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,640
And it's just doing
what it can to survive.
520
00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:44,560
So let me guess... you're the tree.
521
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:49,760
Oh, okay.
522
00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:52,960
You're... mocking me again.
523
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:53,680
Well, good-bye.
524
00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:55,800
Hold on. We're having
an artistic dialogue here.
525
00:23:56,760 --> 00:23:58,680
I bet your night went
something like this...
526
00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:00,080
You went home and asked yourself,
527
00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:03,640
"How do I prove to Andre
Zeller that I'm deep?"
528
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:06,400
So you dug down through the cupcakes
529
00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:07,480
and the throw pillows
530
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:11,320
and the once-a-week sex of
your life to your very core,
531
00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:13,760
and you found this sad little tree.
532
00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:16,280
"And it's so profound"
533
00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:18,400
"because the tree's lonely, just like I am"
534
00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:20,400
"now that 'oprah's' off the air."
535
00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:24,640
How dare you.
536
00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:27,080
You don't know anything about me.
537
00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:29,400
What's to know? You're shallow,
538
00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:31,160
and your work is shallow, and god bless,
539
00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:33,520
because if I had your life,
I'd be painting bunnies, too.
540
00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:35,160
You want everything to be nice and pretty.
541
00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:37,040
You're afraid of ugly.
542
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:39,600
You-you think I'm afraid of ugly?
543
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:45,400
You want ugly?
544
00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:47,600
There.
545
00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:49,560
There's some ugly for you.
546
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:51,160
You want passion?
547
00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:53,440
Well, here you go. There's passion.
548
00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:55,120
Passion all over the place.
549
00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:58,400
You know, I am not some
shallow soccer mom.
550
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:00,120
I have done things that you can't believe.
551
00:25:00,120 --> 00:25:01,880
I have anger!
552
00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:04,040
And I have pain!
553
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:08,720
I have secrets in me that I wish...
554
00:25:09,360 --> 00:25:11,720
I could get rid of, and I can't!
555
00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:18,200
It's fine. You know, you...
you've made your mind up about me.
556
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:21,480
So screw your class, screw your medium.
557
00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:23,440
Screw you!
558
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:01,560
Ah, there you are.
559
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:03,880
Hey, do you have a recipe for...
560
00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:07,280
Oh. Congratulations.
561
00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:08,760
For what?
562
00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:11,560
Well, I didn't know you and
Chuck were back together.
563
00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:12,920
We're not.
564
00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:16,200
Well, then why are you
wearing a sex swing?
565
00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:17,760
A what?
566
00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:22,320
Oh, no. This is, uh,
Danielle's new business.
567
00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:25,600
She's making exercise equipment.
568
00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:26,880
Uh, yeah,
569
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:31,000
for a very specific kind of exercise.
570
00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:35,720
Sex swing?
571
00:26:36,360 --> 00:26:38,600
I've never even heard of such a thing.
572
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:46,880
Now don't try this one
if you get dizzy easily.
573
00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:48,120
Mom?
574
00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:50,640
Exercise equipment?
575
00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:53,920
When I get out of this,
you are in so much trouble!
576
00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:56,000
I'll write you a check later.
577
00:26:56,800 --> 00:26:58,600
A sex swing in my test kitchen?
578
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:02,040
Do you realize I used to make
people wear hairnets in here?
579
00:27:02,360 --> 00:27:05,520
Danielle, I am very disappointed in you.
580
00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:07,080
Gosh, where have I heard that before?
581
00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:09,800
Oh, don't you try to
turn this around on me!
582
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:11,480
For the first time in my life,
583
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:14,640
I found something that
I'm good at and that's successful,
584
00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:16,600
and that's still not good enough for you!
585
00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:19,520
You just live to judge me.
586
00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:21,480
Danielle.
587
00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:23,200
Danielle, where are you going?!
588
00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:28,240
No, I'm telling you. It was bad.
589
00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:30,440
Andre probably called the looney bin,
590
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:33,080
and they're on their way here
right now with a butterfly net.
591
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:34,320
It's okay, babe.
592
00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:37,360
No, it's not. I just ran out of there.
593
00:27:37,360 --> 00:27:39,760
I-I-I forgot my portfolio.
594
00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:42,560
I don't know what the hell came over me.
595
00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:44,720
Susan...
596
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:46,720
I know how badly you want
597
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:48,640
what happened in the woods to go away,
598
00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:50,800
but I have to tell you the truth.
599
00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:52,640
It's not going to.
600
00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:54,440
It's part of you.
601
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:57,400
No. N... mnh.
602
00:27:57,760 --> 00:27:59,480
I-I don't want it to be.
603
00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:00,680
I don't want it to be either,
604
00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:03,360
just like I don't want
my dark stuff to be part of me,
605
00:28:03,360 --> 00:28:04,840
but it is.
606
00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:08,320
Mike, please. Please stop saying this.
607
00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:09,960
I'm trying to protect you.
608
00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:15,760
If you can accept this as part of you,
609
00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:18,840
maybe you can figure out
how to live with it.
610
00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:22,000
But if you don't,
611
00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:25,920
that's when it jumps out without warning.
612
00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:29,240
And trust me,
613
00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:32,440
that's a bad way to live.
614
00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:40,480
So...
615
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:44,120
things are never gonna
be the way they were?
616
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:46,760
Things...
617
00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:48,560
are how they are.
618
00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:55,080
You okay?
619
00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:57,320
Mommy, will you check my math worksheet?
620
00:28:57,320 --> 00:28:58,760
It's really hard.
621
00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:02,960
Sure. Sure, honey.
622
00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:23,320
In case you're wondering how I got here,
623
00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:26,480
the U.P.S. man heard
my cries and cut me down.
624
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:28,960
Suffice it to say, we're FedEx people now.
625
00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:32,880
Look, I know you think
that I am judgmental.
626
00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:34,280
Think?
627
00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:36,320
"Danielle, you should've gone to college."
628
00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:38,480
"Danielle, you dress like a streetwalker."
629
00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:41,360
"Danielle, I knew
your marriage wouldn't last."
630
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:42,880
Yeah, a little bit.
631
00:29:43,800 --> 00:29:45,960
What I was going to say is you're right.
632
00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:48,880
Why are you admitting this?
633
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:50,880
Because I thought about what you said,
634
00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:52,920
and I realize I am far from perfect.
635
00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:55,200
I have no right to be so critical.
636
00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:57,720
Okay, now you're freaking me out.
637
00:29:58,240 --> 00:29:59,680
Did something happen?
638
00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:04,880
Just know that a certain recent... event
639
00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:08,280
made me aware that I am
in no position to judge you
640
00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:10,000
or anyone else.
641
00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:12,120
What are you talking about?
642
00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:14,640
It doesn't matter.
643
00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:15,800
The point is...
644
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:19,560
can you forgive me?
645
00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:22,360
Wow.
646
00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:25,640
That's, like, the first
time you've ever said that.
647
00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:29,800
Thank you. And...
648
00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:32,160
yes, I forgive you.
649
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,440
And to prove that I am sincere,
650
00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:37,200
I would like to invest in your business
651
00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:38,280
and support you in making
652
00:30:38,280 --> 00:30:42,640
those disgusting-ly happy swings.
653
00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:44,840
You mean like a silent partner?
654
00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:46,880
A silent, invisible,
655
00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:49,320
and completely untraceable partner
656
00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:52,760
who supports you from far, far away.
657
00:30:54,280 --> 00:30:55,640
I love you, sweetie.
658
00:30:56,280 --> 00:30:57,600
I love you, too.
659
00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:03,720
Now... go pack up your sex factory,
660
00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:05,760
and I will bake us some cookies.
661
00:31:11,480 --> 00:31:14,080
You're about to paint
a hundred bad paintings,
662
00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:15,480
so let's get those out of the way
663
00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:18,040
so you can start painting the good ones.
664
00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:21,520
What are you doing?
665
00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:24,360
Uh, I forgot my portfolio.
666
00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:26,720
Sit down.
667
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:28,400
Excuse me?
668
00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:30,160
Sit down. You're late.
669
00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:36,280
Does that mean you're
letting me join the class?
670
00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:37,440
For now.
671
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:41,040
But that woman who showed up
yesterday... the crazy one...
672
00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:43,480
she better be here every single day.
673
00:31:46,480 --> 00:31:48,280
I-I don't know if I like that woman.
674
00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:49,800
She scares me.
675
00:31:50,840 --> 00:31:51,760
Good.
676
00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:55,880
Okay, I want you to start
677
00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:58,720
by forgetting everything
you heard about brush technique.
678
00:31:58,720 --> 00:31:59,680
I've seen your painting.
679
00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:01,560
Either you heard it wrong,
680
00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:03,400
or it was wrong.
681
00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:10,800
Hey. Are you ready for our walk?
682
00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:11,880
Actually, change of plans.
683
00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:14,280
I thought we'd go to that
booty burn ballet class
684
00:32:14,280 --> 00:32:16,720
- at the fitness center.
- What's going on?
685
00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:19,640
Nothing. Can't a woman
just wanna burn her booty?
686
00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:22,680
Fine. I think you're right
about Tom seeing someone.
687
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:24,520
She's an aerobics teacher.
688
00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:27,600
Of course she is. Cliche much?
689
00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:29,960
So I'm thinking,
I'll go to her class, and I'll...
690
00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:32,200
Actually, I-I don't know
what the hell I'm thinking.
691
00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:33,840
You're thinking you
wanna spy on this woman
692
00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:35,960
and see what she's like,
then key her car on the way out.
693
00:32:35,960 --> 00:32:37,640
It's perfectly natural.
694
00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:39,720
So I'm not crazy?
I shouldn't just be direct
695
00:32:39,720 --> 00:32:41,560
and ask Tom if he's seeing someone?
696
00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:42,840
Why? So he can lie to you
697
00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:44,840
through his unnaturally white teeth?
698
00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:46,520
Okay, then.
699
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:47,560
I guess we're going.
700
00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:50,120
Yeah. Uh, booty burn ballet...
701
00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:51,240
think we can do this?
702
00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:53,200
Oh, please. How hard can it be?
703
00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:57,000
Am I the only one about to pass out?
704
00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:59,680
No. I keep seeing my dead grandfather
705
00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:00,480
at the end of the tunnel,
706
00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:03,200
saying "Come toward the light."
707
00:33:03,240 --> 00:33:06,880
Keep going, ladies.
Keep your eyes on the thighs!
708
00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:09,320
Did she just use a civil
rights rallying cry
709
00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:11,520
to get us to lose ass fat?
710
00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:12,960
First time, huh?
711
00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:15,080
Oh, what gave me away?
712
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:17,600
The fact that this was
light blue when I came in?
713
00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:19,440
Well, the good news is
714
00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:21,680
if you have a heart attack, I'm a doctor.
715
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:24,400
The bad news is if you have one, I'm not.
716
00:33:24,440 --> 00:33:26,840
Okay, so if I die,
717
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:29,240
please put me ass up in the coffin.
718
00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:31,600
I'd hate for all this work to go to waste.
719
00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:33,720
On your feet, ladies.
720
00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:36,840
Okay, we've checked out the competition.
721
00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:37,960
Can we go now?
722
00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:39,000
No.
723
00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:40,480
I want to talk to her.
724
00:33:40,480 --> 00:33:42,000
Okay, everybody,
725
00:33:42,040 --> 00:33:44,080
time to work those quads.
726
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:47,920
I don't know who I hate
more right now... you or her.
727
00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:49,240
50 lunges!
728
00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:51,720
Jump towards your skinny, skinny future.
729
00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:53,440
And we have a winner.
730
00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:00,120
Hi. It's Mrs. Solis.
731
00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:02,120
Can you tell Sean I'm running
about 20 minutes late
732
00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:04,160
for my brow-waxing appointment?
733
00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:07,680
What? You can't hold it for me?
734
00:34:07,680 --> 00:34:10,080
But I've got caterpillars over my eyes.
735
00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:13,240
Fine. I'll be there in five minutes.
736
00:34:13,240 --> 00:34:15,480
Juanita, get back in the car.
737
00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:18,400
We're going drop-off.
738
00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:28,920
Gaby, what are you doin'?
739
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:31,120
You can't be in the carpool
lane without a placard.
740
00:34:31,120 --> 00:34:33,840
Don't give a crap. It's time
somebody taught Dana a lesson.
741
00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:36,320
We need to break
the back of our oppressor.
742
00:34:45,160 --> 00:34:46,880
Mobilize the cones!
743
00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:55,800
Get out, sweetie. Go. Go. Go, go, go!
744
00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:10,840
I'm never gonna get that eyebrow wax.
745
00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:20,680
Again, Dana, I am so sorry.
746
00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:24,000
On the upside, that cast is so slimming.
747
00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:25,880
It's like a hard spanx.
748
00:35:26,640 --> 00:35:29,680
Gaby, there's a reason I asked to see you.
749
00:35:29,800 --> 00:35:32,040
You wanted to give me my placard back.
750
00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:35,840
No. Could you hand me those painkillers?
751
00:35:38,480 --> 00:35:39,360
I just wanted to bring you up to date
752
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:41,400
on some school-related news.
753
00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:42,720
Given my condition,
754
00:35:42,720 --> 00:35:44,960
they've informed me
that I'm no longer able
755
00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:47,440
to carry out my duties
as P.T.A. president.
756
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:49,720
That's a bummer.
757
00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:51,600
Yes, it is.
758
00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:56,640
The bylaws state I'm to
appoint an acting president,
759
00:35:56,640 --> 00:35:58,160
and I've made my decision.
760
00:35:59,960 --> 00:36:00,960
Me?
761
00:36:02,120 --> 00:36:03,440
Wait. You hate me.
762
00:36:03,640 --> 00:36:04,560
Very perceptive.
763
00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:06,800
That'll serve you well
as P.T.A. president.
764
00:36:07,760 --> 00:36:09,480
W... okay, wait.
765
00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:11,040
Why are you doing this?
766
00:36:11,400 --> 00:36:14,240
Let me tell you what I was
like before I took this job.
767
00:36:14,240 --> 00:36:15,480
I was fun.
768
00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:17,320
I drank at school functions.
769
00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:19,440
My boob fell out at the holiday party.
770
00:36:19,720 --> 00:36:21,520
I still had a husband.
771
00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:24,400
So what turned you into this?
772
00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:26,440
The job did. Mm-hmm.
773
00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:28,840
And it's gonna do the same to you.
774
00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:30,400
Yeah, no time for manicures
775
00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:33,200
'cause you'll be planning the winter gala.
776
00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:35,320
No more seeing your husband
777
00:36:35,320 --> 00:36:37,640
because you'll be
organizing the bake sale.
778
00:36:37,640 --> 00:36:38,880
And no more friends,
779
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:41,880
because you'll always be
hitting them up for something.
780
00:36:43,440 --> 00:36:45,880
Well, as attractive as your
little revenge fantasy sounds,
781
00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:47,160
I'm gonna pass.
782
00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:50,840
Then I guess I'm gonna have
to go ahead and press charges.
783
00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:54,360
What are you talking about?
It was an accident.
784
00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:56,440
I have witnesses
785
00:36:56,440 --> 00:36:59,640
who heard you say you were
going to break my back.
786
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:02,600
And I do have a broken back.
787
00:37:10,720 --> 00:37:12,320
So the winter gala...
788
00:37:13,240 --> 00:37:14,720
it's in the winter, right?
789
00:37:17,160 --> 00:37:18,600
That's interesting. Interesting.
790
00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:20,600
So really, you have three careers.
791
00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:23,160
You're a aerobics instructor,
aromatherapist,
792
00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:24,960
and a lingerie model.
793
00:37:24,960 --> 00:37:28,200
Well, lingerie modeling is
more of a hobby than a career.
794
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:29,960
Oh. But when god gives you these...
795
00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:31,280
Right.
796
00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:33,200
Are you sure god gave you those?
797
00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:34,960
I'm just kidding.
798
00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:37,120
I'm just kidding.
It's nice talking to you, Chloe.
799
00:37:38,040 --> 00:37:38,640
Ready to go?
800
00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:39,600
Yes.
801
00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:40,080
So?
802
00:37:40,080 --> 00:37:43,120
Well, obviously, I'm not thrilled.
Look at her.
803
00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:44,520
But it could be worse.
804
00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:45,760
How?
805
00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:46,920
She could look like that
806
00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:49,280
and have a single thought in her head.
807
00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:51,160
I mean, there's no way Tom's
ever gonna get serious
808
00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:52,440
about a woman like that, right?
809
00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:55,040
- Yeah. She's just a fling.
- Mm.
810
00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:56,520
A palate cleanser.
811
00:37:56,520 --> 00:37:58,720
The sorbet you eat between courses.
812
00:37:58,760 --> 00:38:00,680
I'm really sorry I said that.
813
00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:03,560
I give the whole thing three weeks.
814
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:04,800
Lynette?
815
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:11,440
Hey! Tom. What's-what's going on?
816
00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:13,600
- I'll meet you at the car.
- Okay.
817
00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:17,080
Wh-what are you doing here?
818
00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:20,360
I know.
819
00:38:21,240 --> 00:38:22,160
Know what?
820
00:38:23,240 --> 00:38:24,120
Wh...
821
00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:26,920
Okay.
822
00:38:27,480 --> 00:38:29,640
We just had dinner a couple of times.
823
00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:31,280
There's nothing going on.
824
00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:34,200
Whatever.
825
00:38:36,160 --> 00:38:39,120
So this is how you're gonna be
spending your free time now,
826
00:38:39,120 --> 00:38:40,440
spying on me?
827
00:38:40,440 --> 00:38:42,040
Well, that's a brilliant strategy, Tom.
828
00:38:42,040 --> 00:38:43,160
Act like I'm the one in the wrong.
829
00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:45,400
You're the one dating the underwear model.
830
00:38:45,400 --> 00:38:47,120
What are you talking about?
831
00:38:50,360 --> 00:38:52,280
Chloe? I'm not dating Chloe.
832
00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:54,640
Jeez, Lynette, give me a little credit.
833
00:38:54,640 --> 00:38:57,040
Then you have you been having
dinner with? Why are you here?
834
00:38:57,040 --> 00:39:00,120
I am picking up Jane, Chloe's mom.
835
00:39:06,720 --> 00:39:09,960
Like I said, it's just
a couple of dinners and coffee.
836
00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:11,760
Oh, it's coffee now?
837
00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:14,200
God, Tom, when were you
gonna tell me this?
838
00:39:14,680 --> 00:39:17,120
Thursday, in counseling.
839
00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:20,920
You ready to go?
840
00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:22,400
Yeah.
841
00:39:23,680 --> 00:39:25,760
Lynette, we'll talk about
this thursday, right?
842
00:39:26,320 --> 00:39:27,600
What's the point?
843
00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:35,480
Yes, we often learn
our most important lessons
844
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:37,640
outside the classroom...
845
00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:43,920
The painful truth about
the state of a relationship...
846
00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:50,040
the ugly cost of challenging authority...
847
00:39:51,680 --> 00:39:56,160
the sad fact that life's
colors aren't always rosy...
848
00:39:58,520 --> 00:39:59,720
Then there are those
849
00:39:59,720 --> 00:40:03,560
who refuse to accept
these important lessons.
850
00:40:04,320 --> 00:40:06,920
They simply wait for the chance
851
00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:10,000
to teach a lesson of their own.
852
00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:15,480
Don't tell me you're still
stewing about that redhead.
853
00:40:17,080 --> 00:40:18,840
Well, I'm not a big fan of getting led on
854
00:40:18,840 --> 00:40:21,960
and humiliated, so, yeah, I'm not...
855
00:40:22,480 --> 00:40:24,280
Don't think I'm letting
go of this one yet.
856
00:40:24,280 --> 00:40:25,480
Suit yourself.
857
00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:28,360
I got some missing person
reports here for you.
858
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:30,720
Just toss 'em over there.
859
00:40:39,160 --> 00:40:42,560
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