1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,600 Good to be home, isn't it? Yeah. 2 00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:06,040 Yeah. Yeah. Hey... 3 00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:08,280 Oh, Dad, you don't need to do this every time you clean the sink. 4 00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:10,080 I know. I know. I just thought I would 5 00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:11,600 because I wanted to give you a... 6 00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:13,160 ..surprise! 7 00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:13,160 GEMMA GASPS 8 00:00:13,160 --> 00:00:16,800 Surprise! Happy baby shower! Oh, my God! Yeah. 9 00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:19,240 I did invite your mum but she sent some very unkind memes 10 00:00:19,240 --> 00:00:21,520 by way of reply so... Oh... 11 00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:24,600 Well, nothing's on fire, like the last party you organised. 12 00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:26,680 Oh, come here, mate. 13 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:27,960 You helped him with all this, right? 14 00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:29,440 Me? No. Oh, God! 15 00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:32,160 Hello! Look, look, look, look, look... 16 00:00:32,160 --> 00:00:33,400 Loads of pressies. Yeah. 17 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:34,920 Look, and here's Catherine. 18 00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:37,120 Dad, it looks like she's died. 19 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:41,680 So, yeah, Derek sorted out all the food. Aww! 20 00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:43,720 Roast beef dinner flavour. One of my favourites. 21 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:45,240 Oh, wow, that's actual baby food? 22 00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:47,680 Yeah. We're not just eating actual baby food, are we? 23 00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:50,240 What else are we going to eat at a baby shower? 24 00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:51,280 And there's... There's presents! 25 00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:53,160 Sit down, I'll get them for you. Oh... 26 00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:56,080 Sit down. Look, this one... This is, er... 27 00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:59,000 This is from Baris. Ooh! 28 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:02,360 Adult nappies. Yeah, and, er... 29 00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:03,440 And we're not Jewish. 30 00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:04,680 Well, neither is he! 31 00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:06,880 Adult nappies are really handy, post-birth. 32 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:10,320 From me... Ooh, what's this, then? 33 00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:16,200 A Tia Maria and two water damaged boxes of Calpol? 34 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:19,400 Found those under the sink, at work I thought, "Gemma'll like these." 35 00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:21,960 Could open it now? Wet the baby's head? 36 00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:24,800 The Tia Maria, not the Calpol. Although... 37 00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:27,720 ..cheeky cocktail? Erm... 38 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:29,480 I just got to, erm... 39 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:30,840 There you go, Gemma, love. 40 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:33,960 Oh, thanks, Winnie! 41 00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:36,880 Aww! What a lovely dog toy. 42 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:38,120 It's a baby toy. No. 43 00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:40,000 TOY SQUEAKS 44 00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:40,000 It's a dog toy. 45 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:41,880 No, baby toy. 46 00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:43,360 OK. 47 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:46,040 Few essentials. 48 00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:48,480 Boring but useful. 49 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:50,840 Babe, did you see the dog toy and the menorah? Don't... 50 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:54,160 I'm desperate for "boring but useful." 51 00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:55,200 No Xander, by the way? 52 00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:56,880 I don't think so. 53 00:01:56,880 --> 00:01:59,880 I did invite him, though. 54 00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:02,240 Don't think I've forgotten about your birthday tomorrow, king. 55 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:03,400 Don't make a fuss. 56 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:07,160 Malcolm, you and I need to have some fun before this baby comes along and 57 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:12,040 ruins all our lives, OK, which is why I have booked us an escape room. 58 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:16,200 I don't even know what that is. What?! Really? 59 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:19,000 Well, I bloody love them, so happy birthday. 60 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,760 Right, get out of the fucking way, Winnie. 61 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:25,280 What's this going to be, then? 62 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:32,200 It's a baby blanket. 63 00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:33,400 Oh, my God! 64 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:35,760 This is really lovely! 65 00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:37,480 Always bossing the pressies. 66 00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:40,120 Aww! Yeah. 67 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:44,480 Babe, check there's nothing weird in or on this. 68 00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:46,040 It's lovely, that. 69 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:47,280 Nope! 70 00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:50,880 So, two weeks to go, eh? 71 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:54,400 Yeah. And you've got all the basics covered? Cot? Yep. 72 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:57,760 Pram? Yep. Oil for massaging Gemma's perineum? 73 00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,560 Oh, well, we haven't talked about that, 74 00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:02,320 but there's some Crisp 'N Dry in the cupboard if she needs it. 75 00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:04,600 Listen, what time's this escape room booked for? 76 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:06,720 Cos I'm having a wart removed in the morning - you know, 77 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,720 just as a birthday treat to myself. 78 00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:12,480 No idea. All I know is that they grab you off the street 79 00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:14,600 and bundle you into a van. 80 00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:18,480 What, like a kidnapping? Exactly...like a kidnapping. 81 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:20,680 It's themed on the film Taken. 82 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:23,240 Yeah, but what...? What if it's a real kidnapping 83 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:26,320 and I don't fight back cos I think it's the escape room thing. 84 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:28,760 Well, that, my friend,, is part of the thrill, isn't it? 85 00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:30,440 You might think it's the escape room guys, 86 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:32,680 whereas actually it's an old enemy who wants to rip out your heart 87 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:34,560 and shit in your chest cavity. 88 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:37,800 Thankfully I haven't got any old enemies who'd want to do that. 89 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,040 What about your ex-wife? 90 00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:41,920 Oh, fuck... 91 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:47,080 So which lucky tosser did you pick as your birth partner in the end? 92 00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:49,920 Malcolm? Oh, God, no, can you imagine? 93 00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:52,360 No-one wants their dad catching a glimpse of the business end. 94 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:53,680 Hmm... 95 00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:57,320 Oh, remind me, I need to pick up his birthday cake. 96 00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:00,440 Do you think he'd like me to jump out of it, semi-naked? 97 00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:02,160 Cake's about this big. 98 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:04,600 I could hide a boob in there? 99 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:06,360 Who IS going to be your birth partner? 100 00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:08,760 Cherry's the natural choice, but she's got the kids. 101 00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:12,080 I keep telling her, Winnie - pick me. Pick me! 102 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:13,840 I'd be amazing, Gemma. 103 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:17,800 I was once held hostage in an embassy and I thrived. 104 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:20,480 Absolutely thrived under those conditions. 105 00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:22,440 You can't make a diamond without intense pressure. 106 00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:26,600 Fine. If Cherry's not available, you can do it. 107 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,560 Look, Winnie, you might not see me for a while now. 108 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,360 I go on maternity leave on Monday. 109 00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:33,040 I've got a lovely 18-year-old boy coming in to cover. 110 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:35,240 Very keen to learn the ropes... 111 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:36,640 ..if you know what I mean? 112 00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:38,240 Good luck, Gemma, love. 113 00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:40,360 Thanks, Winnie. 114 00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:41,520 See you. 115 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,920 Rita... Mm? ..please don't groom your 18-year-old 116 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:48,200 apprentice into shagging you on a crate of toner. 117 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:52,040 LIQUID TRICKLES 118 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:55,240 What the fuck is that? 119 00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:58,040 I think my waters have broke. I'm not due for another two weeks. 120 00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:01,160 It's OK, Gemma. Yeah... I'm here. 121 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:03,360 I'm just going to get the... 122 00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:06,360 ..get the "cleaning in progress" sign so no-one slips on your... 123 00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:07,480 ..fluid. 124 00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:10,400 Rita?! 125 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:12,320 Where are you going? Rita?! 126 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:18,680 Oh, what a lovely job. 127 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:19,960 Oh... 128 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,000 Ooh... 129 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:24,600 Malcolm Moscrip? Eh? 130 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:26,080 You're about to be... 131 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:28,800 BOTH: ..taken. What?! Oh! 132 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:29,880 Oh, right, OK. 133 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:32,200 Before we go on, can I just double check my wife - 134 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:35,480 well, my ex-wife - Davina, she's not involved in this at all, is she? 135 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:37,600 There's no Davina on the booking form. 136 00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:39,120 Oh, thank goodness for that. 137 00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:40,880 Right. Well, crack on. 138 00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:43,320 OK, great. Well, give me your phone. Eh? Why? 139 00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:46,480 Because you're being... BOTH: ..taken. 140 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:47,640 Oh, right. 141 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:48,680 Yeah, there you go. 142 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:51,360 Right, in the van. Right! Oh! 143 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:54,280 Ha-ha! Oh! 144 00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:57,680 Head... DEREK: Malcolm? ..hands. 145 00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:00,640 This is fun, isn't it, Derek? 146 00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:03,720 I think I've made a terrible mistake! 147 00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:05,200 Argh! 148 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:07,680 Rita? Is everything OK?! 149 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:09,600 I'm having a shit! 150 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:11,640 I'm having a baby! 151 00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:13,480 Look, a massive shit! Go away! 152 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:15,480 You know how sluggish my bowels get! 153 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:17,920 Right, so you don't want to be my birthing partner after all? 154 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:19,360 On reflection, no. 155 00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:21,040 What about "I thrive under pressure"? 156 00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:23,120 What about "I was taken hostage in an embassy"? 157 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:26,320 No-one comes out of anyone else's vagina during a siege, Gemma! 158 00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:28,840 SHE HYPERVENTILATES 159 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:31,760 BREATHING DEEPLY: Ooh... 160 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:35,280 Oh... 161 00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:38,920 Ooh... 162 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:41,800 Why are you closing early? 163 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,120 Gas leak. 164 00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:44,640 HE SNIFFS 165 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:46,360 I don't smell any gas. No, there's so much gas. 166 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:49,240 You better go, actually. I don't want you exploding everywhere. 167 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,800 Are you sure you're not in labour? I might be a bit in labour. 168 00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:54,400 Then why are you pretending not to be? 169 00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:57,640 I don't know! It's too early, I'm taking my dad out for dinner tonight. 170 00:06:57,640 --> 00:06:59,160 You are such a dickhead, Gemma! 171 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:02,840 Come on, I'll drive you to the hospital. OK. 172 00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:04,840 Watch your step. 173 00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:07,680 MALCOLM: Oh, what a great birthday treat, Derek, thank you. 174 00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:09,000 I don't... 175 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:10,720 I don't like it, Malcolm. 176 00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:17,240 Turns out I don't like being bundled into a van with a bag on my head. 177 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:19,520 Take your hood off, Malcolm. What? 178 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:20,720 I'm quite enjoying it, actually. 179 00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:23,360 Keep your hoods on. You'll spoil the magic. 180 00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:28,240 I told you to cuff them BEHIND their backs. 181 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:30,560 Dad, it's happening. 182 00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:32,640 I'm not ready. 183 00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:33,720 Happy birthday. 184 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:37,880 Hey, let's get you in. 185 00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:39,400 OK... 186 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:40,880 Do you need help with your legs? 187 00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:42,720 No, I'm fine. Right. 188 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:44,120 Argh! 189 00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:45,400 OK. 190 00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:53,680 OK. 191 00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:57,760 Gentlemen, welcome to your Taken themed escape room. 192 00:07:57,760 --> 00:08:01,360 You have been Taken and must solve the clues to release 193 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:04,640 yourself from this lock-up and save your daughter. 194 00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:07,360 Sorry. I don't want to sound like I'm not enjoying it, cos I am, 195 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:11,400 but wasn't it the daughter that got taken in Taken? 196 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:12,960 Eh? I mean, it wasn't... 197 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,960 It wasn't Liam Neeson who got taken, was it? 198 00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:16,480 It was his daughter, wasn't it? 199 00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:17,520 Yeah, Malcolm's right. 200 00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:19,320 Are we meant to be the daughter? 201 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:20,800 I knew it. 202 00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:22,040 I fucking knew it. 203 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:23,800 I said we should have done the Saw franchise. 204 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:25,040 No. No! OK. 205 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:28,640 You need to escape from the lock-up to save your daughter... 206 00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:30,160 ...who has been... 207 00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:33,520 ..Taken. Taken, yeah, but WE were the ones who got taken. 208 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:36,080 So are we AND our daughters both taken? 209 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:38,120 Yeah, it is a bit confusing, isn't it? 210 00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:41,160 Everyone says this, Warren! Everyone. 211 00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:44,640 We've literally not taken a single person who doesn't immediately say, 212 00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:47,200 "This makes no sense if you've seen the film Taken." 213 00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:49,480 Well, what's your solution, Craig? 214 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:52,360 That we kidnap people's daughters so we can make the theme land? 215 00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:56,720 I just think we need to work a little harder on the world building. 216 00:08:57,920 --> 00:08:58,960 You've got three hours. 217 00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:00,120 Three hours!? 218 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:02,440 Your mate went for the deluxe package. 219 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:06,040 Technically it's cheaper, Malcolm. All right! 220 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:09,400 Erm... 221 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:10,800 ..where do we start? 222 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:14,160 GEMMA MOANS 223 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:15,920 XANDER: Whoa, your own room?! 224 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:17,000 I know. 48 hours ago, 225 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,800 she would have been on a trolley near the needle bins. 226 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:21,800 I can't have the baby today, it's my dad's birthday. 227 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:24,120 Oh, I don't think there's much we can do about that. 228 00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:25,640 There aren't some stitches you can put in, 229 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:28,320 some special glue? Baby comes when baby wants to come. 230 00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:29,960 OK. Nnngh... 231 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,720 Ooh... 232 00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:34,160 What the FUCK is that supposed to mean? 233 00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:37,720 I bet it's something to do with the light bulb. 234 00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:40,680 There's always a clue in the light bulb. 235 00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:44,960 Argh! it's so fucking hot. Fuck! 236 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:47,280 You fucking have a go, Malcolm. Fuck! 237 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:49,960 I don't think it is to do with the light bulb, you know? 238 00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:52,640 DEREK MAKES SPARRING NOISES 239 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,520 Right, listen, Malcolm. 240 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:59,320 Erm...there's...er...something I wanted to bring up. 241 00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:01,800 Something about Gemma. 242 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:03,480 Yeah. What about Gemma? 243 00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:07,240 Well, you know, she's going to have this baby soon isn't she and, er, 244 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,040 you know she's going to need someone to take care of her. 245 00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:10,440 Yeah, well, I'm going take care of her. 246 00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:13,160 Well, you're not going to be around forever, mate, OK? 247 00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:17,840 You know, someone with a good job who you know 248 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:19,880 and idolise a little bit. 249 00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:25,240 And, you know, someone you think of as a really sexy son. 250 00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:30,480 Which is why I would like your permission to ask Gemma... 251 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:31,600 ..to marry me. 252 00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:38,040 Er, aren't you still married to, like, someone else? 253 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:41,840 I'm sorry, Derek. 254 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:45,040 GEMMA GROANS 255 00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:47,160 I am never having sex again if this is what happens. 256 00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:49,640 What a stupid fucking stupid system, and stop breathing so loudly. 257 00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:51,440 Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Stop saying sorry. 258 00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:54,680 It's not your fault. No. I mean, I probably should apologise, though. 259 00:10:54,680 --> 00:10:58,040 For... For... For ghosting you, after Ben. 260 00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:00,000 I was ghosting YOU, buddy. 261 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:01,800 I was ghosting YOU, buddy. 262 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:04,080 I was ghosting the shit out of you. 263 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,920 XANDER CHUCKLES 264 00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:09,800 Cherry told me what happened. 265 00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:11,440 Have you heard from him at all? 266 00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:13,160 We're not talking about this now. 267 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:17,640 HE BREATHES DEEPLY 268 00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:20,040 I'm really glad you're here, though. 269 00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:23,960 Yeah? 270 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:26,760 Will you go and get me a milkshake and a bag of crisps? 271 00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:28,640 Yeah. 272 00:11:32,680 --> 00:11:34,480 I've done it! 273 00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:36,240 Oh, poo! 274 00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:38,600 Look, it's another maths clue. 275 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:39,800 Derek?! 276 00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:42,600 Look! 277 00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:48,120 The baby's heart rate is a little fast, 278 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:50,960 so we'll try giving you some more fluid. OK. 279 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:02,040 PHONE LINE RINGS 280 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:03,320 PHONE: Who the fuck are you? 281 00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:05,680 Er, Catherine gave me this number for emergencies. 282 00:12:05,680 --> 00:12:07,200 It's Gemma. Her sister. 283 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:09,640 Oh! Hundred quid, five minutes. 284 00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:11,240 Oi, shitface, it's your sister. 285 00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:17,160 Gemma! I told you to only use this number if there's an emergency. 286 00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:19,560 You're going to have to send her 100 quid in crypto currency. 287 00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:20,760 For a five-minute call?! 288 00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:22,560 Are you in hospital? 289 00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:24,320 Yeah. 290 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:27,040 I'm in labour and I can't get through to Dad, or even Mum. 291 00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:28,120 I mean, I... 292 00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:30,400 I really don't want to do this alone. 293 00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:32,800 There was summat I wanted to discuss with you, actually. 294 00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:34,960 I'm literally having a baby. That's why I called you. 295 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:37,520 Well, it's not coming out of you right this second, though, is it? 296 00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:40,120 No, no. You're correct. Go on. 297 00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:43,000 Am I a bad person? Cos I think I might be a bad person. 298 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:47,360 GEMMA CRIES OUT IN PAIN Oh! I mean, I don't know! Maybe? 299 00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:51,040 Just with the trial coming up, I'm starting to wonder 300 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:55,480 if I shouldn't have paid someone to push Gary off that fire escape. 301 00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:58,480 I think it might have been a bit selfish. 302 00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:02,280 I mean, it was a pretty terrible thing to do, Catherine! 303 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:03,880 He's fine now, though. 304 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:05,120 Really. 305 00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:08,280 He actually seems a lot happier since it happened. 306 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:11,880 If you know it was bad, and you're not going to do it again, 307 00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:13,280 then that's growth. 308 00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:16,400 Thanks, Gemma. 309 00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:18,560 BANGING ON DOOR 310 00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:18,560 Oh, shit! Screws! 311 00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:19,840 No, Cat! Don't go! 312 00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,280 PHONE DISCONNECTS 313 00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:22,640 Cat?! 314 00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:23,680 Fuckin' 'ell! 315 00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:32,160 Come on, mate. 316 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:35,200 You can ignore me all afternoon, we'll never get out of here. 317 00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:39,520 I'm not going to lie to you, Malcolm - 318 00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:41,640 this hasn't really gone as planned. 319 00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:44,360 I was going to ask your permission to marry Gemma, you'd say yes, 320 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:47,160 we'd bosh our way through the escape room, 321 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,640 and then onto the pub for your birthday drinks and... 322 00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:52,080 ..to toast me as your new son-in-law. 323 00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:53,120 I'm sorry, mate. 324 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:56,920 But, you know, even if I'd said yes, I've got a feeling that... 325 00:13:56,920 --> 00:14:00,600 ..Gemma, you know, she wouldn't go for it. Do you think? 326 00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:04,920 Yeah, you're right. 327 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:07,280 Screw her. Screw her. 328 00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:08,400 But also... 329 00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:13,280 ..she's the best thing in my life... 330 00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:14,520 ..and I love her very much. 331 00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:18,520 Whatever, mate. 332 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:20,720 You're being really boring now. 333 00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:24,880 Come on, let's solve this motherfucker - Derek style. 334 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:27,520 Yeah! 335 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:27,520 HE LAUGHS 336 00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:30,280 Check the files! It's always in the files. 337 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:33,760 What are you doing? Fucking maths?! 338 00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:35,560 Hey, look, I think I've got it. 339 00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:37,160 Stop wasting time. 340 00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:38,920 What?! That was the... 341 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:40,760 Let's go, come on. 342 00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:44,800 Why's it not in the files?! It's supposed to be here! 343 00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,840 There you go. Fuck, this is too hard! 344 00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:49,440 Oh, this is too hard, this is too hard. It's impossible. 345 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:50,920 What do we do now?! 346 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:53,280 I'll check the pillows, you keep fucking pedalling. 347 00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:56,720 Argh! Argh! 348 00:14:56,720 --> 00:15:00,000 I can't find it! Argh! 349 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,920 Malcolm, flip this! 350 00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:04,200 BOTH SHOUT AND COUGH 351 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,840 Oh, God! It's too hard! 352 00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:11,280 It's too hard! It's too hard, we give up! I don't feel well. 353 00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:16,160 BOTH COUGH AND SOB 354 00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:17,640 Please! 355 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:19,840 Get us out! 356 00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:22,640 Oh, this is horrible. 357 00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:24,440 It's going to get a fuck of a lot worse. 358 00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:27,080 Hey! What? She knows. 359 00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:28,960 GEMMA INHALES That's right, babe. Suck it up. 360 00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:32,360 That really does take the edge off, doesn't it? 361 00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:34,760 Listen, I can't stay long - the kids are waiting in a taxi 362 00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:36,520 and I've got about eight minutes before one of them 363 00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:38,880 smashes a window, so... Honestly, it's fine. 364 00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:41,960 I think it's going to be pretty plain sailing from here on out. 365 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:46,040 I wonder what it's like to be really flat? 366 00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:50,320 You know, like when people get slid under doors 367 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:52,000 because they're so flat? 368 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:58,760 You know like when they're really flat and they slide under doors? 369 00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:00,480 God, I love gas and air. 370 00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:01,520 Give us a toke on that. 371 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:02,560 Oh, Cherry, Cherry... 372 00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:04,600 INHALES 373 00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:07,320 Ugh... Oh, it's so good. 374 00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:11,720 Hm! 375 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:12,800 Gem. 376 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:13,840 Listen to me. 377 00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:20,000 Take all the drugs that you can, even if you don't need them. 378 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:23,120 Hospital-grade heroin is amazing. 379 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:26,840 Sometimes I dream about getting into a little car accident 380 00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:29,080 just so I can have the bed rest and the morphine. 381 00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:30,120 Mmm... 382 00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:32,360 Good luck, mate. 383 00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:36,040 Here you are, get your lips round that. 384 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:37,080 Thank you. 385 00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:44,000 Don't you dare leave her side or I will break both your kneecaps. 386 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:47,440 Let me know when she's had it. 387 00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:52,000 Cherry... 388 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:53,040 You're flat. 389 00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:57,680 Slide under the door, but don't tell anyone. 390 00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:59,440 All right, phones back, lads. 391 00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:00,960 Why'd you make it that hard? 392 00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:02,840 I don't think it is that hard, is it? 393 00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:04,680 Takes all the fun out of it, you make it that hard. 394 00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:08,080 Gemma's having her baby. 395 00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:09,720 My daughter is having her baby! 396 00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:10,800 Today? Rude. 397 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:12,880 Yeah, she was calling a lot. 398 00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:15,840 Yeah, well, at least she hasn't, been Taken, am I right? Ha. 399 00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:18,120 Take me to the hospital. Can you drive me to the hospital? 400 00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,600 We're not a taxi service, mate. 401 00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:23,360 Listen, you drive my best friend to the hospital... 402 00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:29,560 ..or I will find you and I WILL kill you. 403 00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:30,680 Jesus. 404 00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:31,760 Joke. 405 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,680 But I will leave you a scathing review, so... 406 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:35,920 All right, you two, follow me. 407 00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:36,960 Thanks. 408 00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:43,320 I'll tidy up then, shall I? 409 00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:50,120 Uhh... 410 00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:51,560 You can go if you want. 411 00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:52,600 Get some food. 412 00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:55,040 No. 413 00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:57,640 I nabbed a bit of dry toast that the midwife 414 00:17:57,640 --> 00:18:01,080 shouted at me for stealing, so I'm all good. 415 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,120 BABY'S HEARTBEAT ON MONITOR 416 00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:07,880 Look, I'm not going anywhere. 417 00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:12,480 Unless you want me to leave. 418 00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:14,000 No. I want you here with me. 419 00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:18,680 God, I bet I look awful. 420 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:19,720 No. 421 00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:23,040 I've never seen you look so beautiful. 422 00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:28,040 And you always look beautiful. 423 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,640 Baby's heart rate hasn't settled, Gemma, 424 00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:34,400 so it's time to discuss other options. 425 00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:40,240 Oh, come on. 426 00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:47,080 I saw three of mine slide into this world. 427 00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:49,400 Absolutely fucking disgusting. 428 00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:53,200 I mean, really offensive. 429 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:56,280 It's blood and shit just everywhere. 430 00:18:57,640 --> 00:19:00,360 She was screaming, I was screaming. 431 00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:03,480 The doctor was screaming. 432 00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:04,680 "Argh! 433 00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:06,800 "What the fuck is that? Argh!" 434 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,320 SIGHS 435 00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:11,320 CLEARS THROAT AND SNIFFS 436 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:14,680 "Out of ten, how would you rate your escape room experience?" 437 00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:16,640 I just remember popping out for a Walnut Whip 438 00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:20,440 and when I came back, Davina was watching Neighbours with the baby. 439 00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:22,640 Both times! 440 00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:22,640 LAUGHS 441 00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:25,320 "Too fucking hard out of ten." 442 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:26,400 That's how I'd rate it. 443 00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:32,640 Go rescue your daughter! 444 00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:34,040 Stop saying the cool...! 445 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:35,360 I get the cool sign-off line! 446 00:19:35,360 --> 00:19:36,400 Malcolm! 447 00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:37,440 What? 448 00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:38,480 I just... 449 00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:41,880 Just don't fuck it up, big guy, all right? 450 00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:43,280 Yeah. Thanks. Mm. 451 00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:45,720 Yeah. 452 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:47,160 Yeah, OK. Thanks. 453 00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:55,840 Xander! 454 00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:57,480 Is she OK? I got messages. 455 00:19:57,480 --> 00:19:58,840 Gemma's being prepped for surgery. 456 00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:00,040 She needs a C-section. 457 00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:02,440 Only one birthing partner can go in. 458 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:03,600 I'm her father. 459 00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:04,720 You know, I'm Gemma's father. 460 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:06,080 I'm not the baby's father, you know. 461 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:07,320 I'm just a friend. Yeah. 462 00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:09,000 I mean, the father's not around, so... 463 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,800 Which one of you is going in with her? 464 00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:13,920 Well, he's all dressed for it, isn't he? 465 00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:15,760 No, I think you sh... Dad? 466 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,040 Gem... 467 00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:21,080 Gemma! 468 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:25,920 Where have you been? Oh... 469 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:28,640 Some men took my phone off me. 470 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:31,120 Who did? Oh, it doesn't matter. 471 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:34,440 So you'll feel a tugging sensation. 472 00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:37,240 But there won't be any pain, I promise. 473 00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:40,320 Oh, God, that's really weird and gross. 474 00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:42,560 Would you like me to talk you through what's happening? 475 00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:43,600 No. 476 00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:46,360 Talk to me about literally anything other than what's happening. 477 00:20:46,360 --> 00:20:48,160 Didn't you say you'd just had your floors done? 478 00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:51,320 Err, yeah, we had, er, damp proofing and a concrete pour. 479 00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:53,520 God, that feels really weird. 480 00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:54,920 Tell me about the screed. 481 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,080 This stool is bit low, isn't it? 482 00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:57,240 Can it go any higher? 483 00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:59,280 Or I could stand up, couldn't I? 484 00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:01,800 Oh, shit, sorry. Should I touch that or is it contaminated? 485 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:03,520 Dad... I don't know. Don't look over the curtain. 486 00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:04,680 What? Oh... 487 00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:05,720 Ohh... 488 00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:09,640 Nearly there, Gemma. 489 00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:11,640 The surgeon's just cutting through the sac. 490 00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:13,160 You know what? I think that curtain should be higher. 491 00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:14,400 I'm going to write to someone about that. 492 00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:16,040 Unless there's, like, a suggestion box 493 00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:17,680 or something like that, you know? 494 00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:20,320 Are you ready to meet your baby, Gemma? 495 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:22,800 Should be good now. OK. And another clamp... 496 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:23,840 Here she is. 497 00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:26,040 BABY CRIES 498 00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:26,040 She's a girl! 499 00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:32,760 Oh, my God, Gem. 500 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:35,120 Isn't she clever? You're so clever. 501 00:21:35,120 --> 00:21:36,920 The baby's fine. She's gorgeous. 502 00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:39,400 You're such a clever girl. She's perfect. 503 00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:40,440 Just like you. 504 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:45,000 Isn't she clever? 505 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:45,000 SOBS 506 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,520 Oh, God. Congratulations, Gemma. 507 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:54,320 Oh, she's gorgeous, Gem. 508 00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:56,440 Oh, there you go, Grandad. 509 00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:58,360 Oh, my God. 510 00:21:58,360 --> 00:21:59,560 Hello, little one. 511 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:02,640 Oh, she's perfect. 512 00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:06,840 Look at you, little one. 513 00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:12,840 Gorgeous. Hello, I'm your grandad. BP's dropping... 514 00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:13,880 Someone call the registrar. 515 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:15,440 I can't stop the bleeding. What? 516 00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:16,720 Need clamps. What's happening? 517 00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:19,320 What? It's going to be fine. What's going on? 518 00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:21,440 Sorry, Grandad. I can't find the source of the bleeding. 519 00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:23,000 Gem? She's still bleeding. 520 00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:26,600 I'll just be outside. You're going to be all right, OK? 521 00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:28,440 You'll be all right. Five litre blood loss... 522 00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:30,880 Dad! It's OK, my love, it's OK. 523 00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:31,960 Still bleeding. 524 00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:34,080 I can't see anything. 525 00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:35,120 Hello. 526 00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:38,800 Hey. 527 00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:42,200 Hey. 528 00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:45,200 All right. 529 00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:54,480 BABY GRIZZLES 530 00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:54,480 Shh... 531 00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:57,680 She's going to be OK. 532 00:22:58,920 --> 00:22:59,960 Hey. 533 00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:02,720 Isn't she? 534 00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:03,760 Hey. 535 00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:08,880 Gemma's fine. 536 00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:11,600 She lost a lot of blood, but she's fine. 537 00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:14,760 She's OK? She's in recovery. 538 00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:16,320 We'll bring her back soon. 539 00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:18,040 All right. 540 00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:19,080 Thank you. 541 00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:31,440 Do you hear that? 542 00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:34,840 We're going to be all right. 543 00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:51,000 BABY WHIMPERS 544 00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:02,240 Shh... Come on, come on. 545 00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:03,440 Grandad's here. 546 00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:04,840 Come on. That's it. 547 00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:06,000 Come on. 548 00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:07,040 Good girl. 549 00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:11,040 All right, I've got her. 550 00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:12,320 You go back to sleep, babes. 551 00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:17,240 I've thought of a name. 552 00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:19,080 Have you? What? 553 00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:20,480 Sadie. 554 00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:21,760 Oh, Sadie! 555 00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:23,200 I love that! 556 00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:25,640 Hello, Sadie. 557 00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:28,440 Hey? 558 00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:30,360 You're a much nicer birthday present 559 00:24:30,360 --> 00:24:34,720 than being stuck in a storage unit with your Uncle Derek, aren't you? 560 00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:36,560 What the hell have you been doing today? 561 00:24:38,120 --> 00:24:39,200 I'll tell you later. 562 00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:42,880 There's a visitor for you, Gemma. 563 00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:46,520 Oh, could you tell them to come back tomorrow? 564 00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:48,480 Oh, she's been quite insistent. 565 00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:53,280 Mum! 566 00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:58,120 It's OK, Gemma, love. 567 00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:00,720 I'm here now. 568 00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:04,480 Davina! 569 00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:06,200 Malcolm. 570 00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:07,800 What are you doing? 571 00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:11,280 Gemma doesn't want the baby catching something 572 00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:14,120 from your dirty, great warehouse hands. 573 00:25:14,120 --> 00:25:15,240 No, I'm sorry. 574 00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:17,000 I'm so sorry. 575 00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:19,880 I'm sorry... 576 00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:26,440 Hiya, Mum. 577 00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:29,600 Hiya, sweetheart.