1 00:00:02,628 --> 00:00:04,957 I don't think you heard me. I wrote something. 2 00:00:05,226 --> 00:00:08,285 - Hank wrote a new book? Can I read it? - That's not appropriate. 3 00:00:08,808 --> 00:00:11,098 I gave it to Karen. She reads all my stuff first. 4 00:00:11,303 --> 00:00:13,254 - Is there a copy? - It's the only one. 5 00:00:13,420 --> 00:00:14,525 I can't read it. 6 00:00:14,665 --> 00:00:16,340 - Why not? - I can't go back. 7 00:00:16,515 --> 00:00:19,799 - I wanna go back where we were before. - I don't think that's possible. 8 00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:21,834 What the fuck? 9 00:00:22,471 --> 00:00:24,127 I'm getting a bad feeling here. 10 00:00:24,267 --> 00:00:27,845 I'm thinking you intend to give that to someone who might already be engaged. 11 00:00:28,075 --> 00:00:29,435 We had the sex, Karen. 12 00:00:29,648 --> 00:00:31,389 I don't love you anymore. 13 00:00:31,655 --> 00:00:33,823 I love Bill. I'm gonna marry Bill. 14 00:00:33,993 --> 00:00:35,691 Get the fuck out of the car, man! 15 00:00:37,228 --> 00:00:39,570 - Let me just grab this. - No! Get the fuck out! 16 00:00:41,379 --> 00:00:42,550 Shut the fuck up! 17 00:00:53,661 --> 00:00:57,851 Subtitles: swsub.com 18 00:00:58,464 --> 00:00:59,674 Kiss the tip! 19 00:01:17,817 --> 00:01:19,207 What up, butterbean? 20 00:01:19,393 --> 00:01:23,044 Hey, roomie. Top of the morning to you. How about this beautiful 21 00:01:23,301 --> 00:01:25,170 fucking weather we're having here. 22 00:01:25,310 --> 00:01:29,158 It looks like another sunny day in hell. What the fuck are you doing? 23 00:01:29,365 --> 00:01:32,061 Now that I'm gonna be competing for all this high-end pussy, 24 00:01:32,222 --> 00:01:35,132 I gotta try to get this body in to some kind of fighting shape. 25 00:01:35,303 --> 00:01:37,376 That is a fool's errand, my friend. 26 00:01:38,465 --> 00:01:40,423 - Don't be hating. - Take it from somebody 27 00:01:40,563 --> 00:01:43,932 who's been there. That shit is emptier than a Michael Bay joint. 28 00:01:44,205 --> 00:01:46,514 You're just over it now, all of a sudden? 29 00:01:47,067 --> 00:01:51,583 You know, new pussy may hold the promise of something better, 30 00:01:52,267 --> 00:01:53,966 but it sure as shit ain't love. 31 00:01:55,194 --> 00:01:58,576 Great. So I shuck off the old ball and chain, and you get thee to a nunnery. 32 00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:00,327 - Perfect timing. - And Marce? 33 00:02:00,491 --> 00:02:04,429 I know you miss the Marce, right? That sexy little smurf was good to you. 34 00:02:04,929 --> 00:02:07,653 The sexy little smurf cheated on me with my assistant. 35 00:02:07,905 --> 00:02:09,973 But you cheated on her with your assistant 36 00:02:10,261 --> 00:02:11,863 - first. - Point being? 37 00:02:12,123 --> 00:02:15,733 - Your shit's fucked up. - My shit's fucked up? What about yours? 38 00:02:15,899 --> 00:02:17,813 That goes without saying, but yours more. 39 00:02:17,953 --> 00:02:20,498 Good, this is what I like about having a roommate. 40 00:02:20,677 --> 00:02:24,068 We got the banter going. We got the petits bons mots. 41 00:02:27,496 --> 00:02:30,124 - What you got going on later? - I don't know... 42 00:02:30,264 --> 00:02:34,106 I thought I'd start the day with some dry toast and half a grapefruit, 43 00:02:34,319 --> 00:02:38,099 bust out the old computer, bang out 10 pages, maybe go for a run. 44 00:02:39,189 --> 00:02:41,463 Maybe I'll just jerk off and go back to bed. 45 00:02:41,725 --> 00:02:44,577 Wake me up when you come home. We'll grab a cocktail, alright? 46 00:02:44,774 --> 00:02:46,436 Have a good day at work, honey. 47 00:02:48,595 --> 00:02:51,992 I was thinking, later, me and you... We hit the gym. Tonight. 48 00:02:52,196 --> 00:02:55,524 Jesus, enough already. Just call your fucking wife. 49 00:02:55,670 --> 00:02:59,051 Do whatever you have to do. Beg, plead, cry. Get down on bended knee. 50 00:02:59,236 --> 00:03:01,462 'cause I'm telling you, no top-shelf pussy 51 00:03:01,627 --> 00:03:04,483 - can compete with a good woman's love. - Top shelf. 52 00:03:04,786 --> 00:03:06,060 Top shelf, baby. 53 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:08,701 Jesus. Alright. I'll go to the gym with you. 54 00:03:08,841 --> 00:03:11,590 But I'm not wearing any dolphin shorts or hanging any brain, 55 00:03:11,730 --> 00:03:13,026 so don't get your hopes up. 56 00:04:02,512 --> 00:04:04,478 You have a meeting with your friend's daughter. 57 00:04:04,657 --> 00:04:06,913 - She wants to be a writer. - Not in the mood. 58 00:04:07,176 --> 00:04:09,389 - Reschedule. - Okay, no problem. 59 00:04:10,572 --> 00:04:12,015 You got a minute, boss? 60 00:04:12,925 --> 00:04:16,847 "Boss,"? I thought you were moving on. When is your 2 weeks' notice up, anyway? 61 00:04:17,686 --> 00:04:21,979 That's what I wanted to talk to you about. Things have gotten a little weird. 62 00:04:23,204 --> 00:04:24,611 Oh, really? 63 00:04:24,906 --> 00:04:27,232 They weren't always a little weird? 64 00:04:27,580 --> 00:04:29,191 You didn't do anything wrong. 65 00:04:29,894 --> 00:04:32,085 I went after something I wanted. I started it. 66 00:04:32,305 --> 00:04:35,078 That's right. That's... You started it. 67 00:04:35,536 --> 00:04:38,511 And that's where free will comes in. Choices were made, boss. 68 00:04:40,211 --> 00:04:42,992 I get your point. So what's your choice? 69 00:04:43,356 --> 00:04:44,653 I want to stay. 70 00:04:44,793 --> 00:04:47,696 I want to learn from you. I want to be an agent. 71 00:04:47,836 --> 00:04:52,148 I see. So, first, you systematically destroy my marriage, 72 00:04:52,376 --> 00:04:54,816 and now you want me to help with your career. 73 00:04:55,020 --> 00:04:56,748 Well, fuck you 74 00:04:57,367 --> 00:04:58,659 and fuck off! 75 00:04:59,198 --> 00:05:03,423 OK, fair enough. I guess I'll just have to look elsewhere for career guidance. 76 00:05:03,774 --> 00:05:06,754 Maybe I'll start with H.R. I bet they'd love to help, 77 00:05:06,951 --> 00:05:09,961 especially when I told them what I went through on your desk. 78 00:05:10,225 --> 00:05:12,637 The spanking, the crawling on the floor, 79 00:05:13,089 --> 00:05:14,874 the sexual humiliation... 80 00:05:15,850 --> 00:05:18,068 Seems you've got the makings of an excellent agent. 81 00:05:18,542 --> 00:05:19,888 So where do I start? 82 00:05:20,693 --> 00:05:23,701 You start by going through that slush pile over there. 83 00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:27,068 Find me some great material. Something I can sell. 84 00:05:36,541 --> 00:05:38,007 You can't smoke in here. 85 00:05:38,501 --> 00:05:40,750 What are you gonna do, kick my ass? 86 00:05:43,420 --> 00:05:44,545 Hank, right? 87 00:05:44,889 --> 00:05:46,195 Yeah. Have we met? 88 00:05:46,370 --> 00:05:49,043 You gotta get in the ring. This is fucking exhilarating. 89 00:05:49,962 --> 00:05:51,323 I think I'm good. 90 00:05:53,024 --> 00:05:54,812 - Pussy. - Excuse me? 91 00:05:55,468 --> 00:05:57,770 You heard me. I called you a pussy. 92 00:05:58,426 --> 00:06:00,927 You afraid to get your ass handed to you by a woman? 93 00:06:01,439 --> 00:06:03,405 Actually, I'm in touch with that emotion. 94 00:06:03,557 --> 00:06:05,163 What are you doing later? 95 00:06:05,339 --> 00:06:07,317 Would you like to get a drink with two guys 96 00:06:07,456 --> 00:06:10,208 who'll work harder for your affection than you imagined possible? 97 00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:12,407 - Speak for yourself. - That depends. 98 00:06:12,677 --> 00:06:13,677 On what? 99 00:06:13,848 --> 00:06:17,631 On whether or not your buddy over here wants to get in the ring with me. 100 00:06:25,570 --> 00:06:28,219 Hi. I've got a meeting with Charlie Runkle. 101 00:06:30,726 --> 00:06:32,977 Mia. I'm so sorry. I know it's last-minute, 102 00:06:33,146 --> 00:06:35,336 but he had to reschedule. I tried to call you. 103 00:06:35,576 --> 00:06:38,478 But my phone died. Sorry, my bad. 104 00:06:42,417 --> 00:06:46,150 I'm sure Charlie would love to reschedule at your earliest convenience. 105 00:06:47,860 --> 00:06:49,034 Right. Fine. 106 00:06:49,296 --> 00:06:50,788 That's fine. Whatever. 107 00:06:50,993 --> 00:06:52,973 Is there anything I can help you with? 108 00:06:53,224 --> 00:06:55,118 - Are you an agent? - Not yet. 109 00:06:55,568 --> 00:06:57,184 But I will be soon. 110 00:06:57,655 --> 00:07:00,815 Well, I wrote this novel, and I was just wondering 111 00:07:00,975 --> 00:07:03,314 if Charlie would read it and give me some notes, 112 00:07:03,511 --> 00:07:06,539 - let me know if I'm on the right track. - How old are you? 113 00:07:06,679 --> 00:07:07,679 Sixteen. 114 00:07:07,885 --> 00:07:11,514 And you've written a novel. That's impressive. What's it about? 115 00:07:11,842 --> 00:07:14,201 A 16-year-old girl fucks a much older man 116 00:07:14,398 --> 00:07:17,080 and finds herself both spiritually and sexually awakened. 117 00:07:17,262 --> 00:07:20,352 It's Nabokov meets Judy Blume with lots of fucking and punching. 118 00:07:20,620 --> 00:07:21,890 What's it called? 119 00:07:22,495 --> 00:07:23,981 Fucking & Punching. 120 00:07:25,150 --> 00:07:27,645 - I'd be happy to read it. - You would? 121 00:07:28,235 --> 00:07:31,083 - Cool. - I'll give you a call when I'm done. 122 00:07:31,300 --> 00:07:33,499 And we could meet for coffee or something. 123 00:07:34,307 --> 00:07:38,138 You might want to read it now. You might not get another chance to. 124 00:07:38,598 --> 00:07:39,878 It's up to you. 125 00:07:40,147 --> 00:07:43,129 I'll be in here checking my e-mail. Enjoy. 126 00:07:50,761 --> 00:07:52,963 I'm sorry, I just can't place you. 127 00:07:54,850 --> 00:07:56,097 The Circle Bar... 128 00:07:57,028 --> 00:07:58,223 About a year ago. 129 00:08:00,493 --> 00:08:01,893 You bought me a drink 130 00:08:02,070 --> 00:08:04,037 and I spent the night in your apartment, 131 00:08:04,206 --> 00:08:05,470 doing things 132 00:08:05,742 --> 00:08:07,924 I haven't done with anyone since. 133 00:08:08,414 --> 00:08:09,978 You promised to call. 134 00:08:10,751 --> 00:08:11,849 You didn't. 135 00:08:12,116 --> 00:08:14,718 - Okay. That was low. - Sorry. 136 00:08:17,662 --> 00:08:19,733 Now I'm gonna have to deduct a point. 137 00:08:22,033 --> 00:08:23,365 You're starting to... 138 00:08:24,312 --> 00:08:25,772 ... look familiar. 139 00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:28,391 Let me make it up to you. 140 00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:31,675 Let me take you out to dinner sometime or maybe get a drink. 141 00:08:32,851 --> 00:08:35,620 Sure. After I beat the living shit out of you. 142 00:08:36,193 --> 00:08:38,864 Okay, now I'm thinking I should wear a cup to dinner. 143 00:08:49,858 --> 00:08:52,360 You really should've called her. She seemed angry. 144 00:08:52,521 --> 00:08:53,630 You think? 145 00:08:54,074 --> 00:08:55,623 Another Vodka-Cranberry. 146 00:08:56,167 --> 00:08:56,994 Fag. 147 00:08:57,640 --> 00:08:59,503 I can't drink like you, okay? 148 00:08:59,688 --> 00:09:02,126 I need something sweet to help the medicine go down. 149 00:09:02,291 --> 00:09:04,008 Faggoty fag fag fag. 150 00:09:05,848 --> 00:09:07,726 This is cool, us hanging out here. 151 00:09:07,949 --> 00:09:11,255 Just like... Raoul Duke and Dr. Gonzo, right? 152 00:09:11,434 --> 00:09:14,807 - Haven't done it since the salad days. - When you used me to get laid. 153 00:09:14,946 --> 00:09:16,796 Like when you used me to get published. 154 00:09:16,936 --> 00:09:19,722 - That worked, didn't it? - For you, maybe. Not so much for me. 155 00:09:19,862 --> 00:09:21,299 It worked for me. 156 00:09:21,572 --> 00:09:24,738 And I never really got to sow the wild oats the way I would've liked. 157 00:09:24,899 --> 00:09:26,526 I was always too busy working. 158 00:09:28,015 --> 00:09:29,957 And now you're haunted by it? 159 00:09:30,193 --> 00:09:31,436 It's a pretty drink. 160 00:09:31,630 --> 00:09:34,982 Most people go their whole life and never really find someone they love. 161 00:09:35,254 --> 00:09:37,541 They say they do because everybody's the star 162 00:09:37,681 --> 00:09:40,403 of their own little romantic comedy, but they're full of shit. 163 00:09:40,673 --> 00:09:43,452 You and me, we had women that loved us for who we were, 164 00:09:43,592 --> 00:09:46,765 really loved us for who we were, and we fucked it up. 165 00:09:47,288 --> 00:09:51,148 For what? Some stupid piece of ass we forgot about 10 minutes later? 166 00:09:51,304 --> 00:09:54,626 You're fun tonight. Just don't worry so much, all right? 167 00:09:54,853 --> 00:09:58,351 Everything's gonna work itself out. It's just a phase we're going through. 168 00:10:07,605 --> 00:10:09,551 Yeah. That's fantastic. 169 00:10:10,014 --> 00:10:11,766 Okay. See you there. 170 00:10:12,706 --> 00:10:14,984 That was Laura. From the gym. 171 00:10:15,145 --> 00:10:18,344 - Shit. I just peed myself. - Tap, tap, tap on the shoulder. 172 00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:21,348 - She wants to meet us at your place. - Ding. Round 2. 173 00:10:21,509 --> 00:10:23,708 No, I quit. No más. No más. 174 00:10:25,572 --> 00:10:27,450 - Are you finished yet? - Hold on. 175 00:10:27,941 --> 00:10:30,448 It's just a novella. Are you one of those people 176 00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:34,528 who move their lips when they read? 'Cause that can really slow you down. 177 00:10:35,626 --> 00:10:36,496 So...? 178 00:10:36,907 --> 00:10:38,264 Are you really 16? 179 00:10:38,545 --> 00:10:39,760 I'm really 16. 180 00:10:40,172 --> 00:10:41,854 Who are your influences? 181 00:10:42,377 --> 00:10:43,788 I don't know... 182 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:46,423 Chuck Palahniuk... 183 00:10:46,597 --> 00:10:47,686 Nick Cave... 184 00:10:48,275 --> 00:10:49,897 Anything Hank Moody... 185 00:10:50,864 --> 00:10:52,351 This is really good. 186 00:10:52,579 --> 00:10:54,490 Don't blow smoke up my snatch. 187 00:10:54,757 --> 00:10:56,416 - I'm not. - You really think 188 00:10:56,613 --> 00:10:59,223 - I've got something here? - I really do, yeah. 189 00:10:59,374 --> 00:11:00,231 Cool. 190 00:11:01,108 --> 00:11:02,572 Thanks for reading. 191 00:11:03,201 --> 00:11:04,590 Where are you going? 192 00:11:05,291 --> 00:11:07,381 You just confirmed what I already knew. 193 00:11:07,579 --> 00:11:11,405 Why waste it on a tired warhorse who cancels meetings at the last second? 194 00:11:11,581 --> 00:11:12,781 I can help you. 195 00:11:12,974 --> 00:11:15,130 Give me a break. You're just an assistant. 196 00:11:15,334 --> 00:11:16,996 For now, but not for long. 197 00:11:17,155 --> 00:11:20,540 Would you rather be with someone who's on their way up or on their way out? 198 00:11:29,817 --> 00:11:31,508 Oh, no. Look at this. 199 00:11:32,530 --> 00:11:34,585 - This is awkward. - For you, maybe. 200 00:11:35,458 --> 00:11:37,675 - What, no kiss? - I'm through with that. 201 00:11:37,872 --> 00:11:40,153 You want me, you know where to find me. 202 00:11:40,652 --> 00:11:42,671 You, on the other hand, little lady, 203 00:11:43,074 --> 00:11:45,177 have been a very naughty little smurf. 204 00:11:45,545 --> 00:11:47,132 Bi-curious, are we? 205 00:11:47,455 --> 00:11:50,473 Hey, he started it. Spanking his assistant. 206 00:11:50,745 --> 00:11:52,303 What happened to your face? 207 00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:57,492 - Kicked in the ass by karma. - I'm not a lesbian, by the way. 208 00:11:57,642 --> 00:11:59,562 Says the girl with her finger in the dyke. 209 00:11:59,705 --> 00:12:00,576 Nice. 210 00:12:03,236 --> 00:12:04,303 Witty. Clever. 211 00:12:04,443 --> 00:12:06,145 We're on a serious break here. 212 00:12:06,381 --> 00:12:08,427 You could do whatever the fuck you want. 213 00:12:08,606 --> 00:12:11,541 Get all the stank on your hang-low you could get. Go for broke. 214 00:12:11,798 --> 00:12:15,106 Don't think I won't do it. With this guy as my wingman, I can't fail. 215 00:12:15,393 --> 00:12:16,547 Sure you can. 216 00:12:16,802 --> 00:12:20,213 No. Do not underestimate your inability to attract women. 217 00:12:21,486 --> 00:12:22,903 Just keeping it real. 218 00:12:24,864 --> 00:12:28,188 I don't know about you, but I'm getting tired of these vagina haters. 219 00:12:28,372 --> 00:12:30,334 I enjoy the vagina. As much as you. 220 00:12:30,474 --> 00:12:33,399 Once upon a time, we would've all gone in here together. 221 00:12:33,539 --> 00:12:36,580 - All of us. To have a good time. - Step aside, asswipes. 222 00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:38,469 What the fuck happened to us? 223 00:12:38,667 --> 00:12:39,873 Good times. 224 00:12:40,684 --> 00:12:44,302 I have to ask. Why does she punch him in the face just as he's about to cum? 225 00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:46,842 You tell me. 226 00:12:47,677 --> 00:12:49,898 I think maybe she wants to wake him up. 227 00:12:50,330 --> 00:12:52,707 Or maybe she's trying to make sure he remembers her. 228 00:12:52,923 --> 00:12:55,039 Or maybe it's just really hot. 229 00:12:55,179 --> 00:12:57,600 Whatever happened to "just plain hot"? 230 00:12:58,946 --> 00:13:00,680 What do your parents make of this? 231 00:13:01,993 --> 00:13:04,549 Well, my dad doesn't pay much attention. 232 00:13:05,074 --> 00:13:08,459 I mean, he means well, you know, he just works... a lot. 233 00:13:09,549 --> 00:13:12,043 And my mom... she's gone. 234 00:13:12,735 --> 00:13:16,121 She got sick a few years back and... died. 235 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:19,903 Let me help you with this. 236 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:23,102 - Why? - Because I believe in your writing. 237 00:13:23,926 --> 00:13:27,358 This thing is gonna be huge. Can you imagine the headlines? 238 00:13:27,692 --> 00:13:31,651 "16-year-old girl writes smartest, sexiest book since "Lolita". 239 00:13:32,596 --> 00:13:34,215 It'll be made into a movie. 240 00:13:34,423 --> 00:13:36,900 Maybe Hank Moody could write the screenplay? 241 00:13:37,253 --> 00:13:38,078 Yeah. 242 00:13:38,946 --> 00:13:41,507 I can't figure out what happened to the poor guy. 243 00:13:41,662 --> 00:13:43,548 I mean, he was such a great writer. 244 00:13:52,439 --> 00:13:55,532 Let me let you in on a little secret, young lady. You... 245 00:13:55,728 --> 00:13:58,035 are much more talented than you think you are. 246 00:13:58,183 --> 00:14:01,039 You wanna be an actress? I could have you working in no time. 247 00:14:01,581 --> 00:14:04,042 - Really? So you'd take me on? - In a heartbeat. 248 00:14:04,357 --> 00:14:06,828 You're beautiful, you're smart, you're funny, 249 00:14:06,981 --> 00:14:09,138 and you can kick a man's ass no problem. 250 00:14:09,299 --> 00:14:11,679 - Got that right. - Oh, not in the face! 251 00:14:12,117 --> 00:14:12,940 Shit. 252 00:14:13,101 --> 00:14:15,692 OK, that's it for me. Good night and good luck. 253 00:14:15,862 --> 00:14:16,670 Wait. 254 00:14:16,989 --> 00:14:19,438 Not so fast. What about my goodnight kiss? 255 00:14:20,169 --> 00:14:21,170 Good night. 256 00:14:24,918 --> 00:14:25,932 Be careful. 257 00:14:38,104 --> 00:14:39,398 Remember me now? 258 00:14:39,711 --> 00:14:41,266 I don't care what you think. 259 00:14:41,427 --> 00:14:43,791 I just don't think the punishment fits the crime. 260 00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:46,232 I'm sorry that I don't remember you, 261 00:14:46,583 --> 00:14:49,015 I'm sorry that I didn't call you back. 262 00:14:49,313 --> 00:14:51,798 I just think that I had a very good reason. 263 00:14:52,842 --> 00:14:54,398 But you can't remember it? 264 00:14:54,793 --> 00:14:58,096 I'm gonna go to bed now. You have fun. You two have fun. 265 00:14:58,525 --> 00:14:59,715 There you go. 266 00:15:00,065 --> 00:15:01,924 Now, I want you guys to be safe, 267 00:15:02,616 --> 00:15:05,888 be responsible, use redundant forms of birth control, 268 00:15:06,316 --> 00:15:07,988 but mainly, just keep it down, 269 00:15:08,167 --> 00:15:11,469 because I'm gonna be back there trying to piss blood in peace. 270 00:15:11,836 --> 00:15:13,677 Carry on, my wayward sons. 271 00:15:16,412 --> 00:15:19,064 Do you know how hard it is to get a girl off? 272 00:15:19,231 --> 00:15:21,169 It is like disconnecting a bomb. 273 00:15:21,336 --> 00:15:23,897 I mean, there's all these wires and shit down there. 274 00:15:24,131 --> 00:15:27,298 Who knows which one you're supposed to cross or pull. 275 00:15:27,561 --> 00:15:29,199 Plus, the studies show 276 00:15:29,391 --> 00:15:32,864 that the female orgasm is, like, what, 99% mental. 277 00:15:33,037 --> 00:15:36,123 - Who has time for that? - Okay, so that's good. 278 00:15:36,283 --> 00:15:38,479 So you wanna go back to the 4-minute grunt-fest? 279 00:15:38,619 --> 00:15:40,129 Things like in, out, done. 280 00:15:41,537 --> 00:15:43,643 Give me a mouthful of cock any day. 281 00:15:43,935 --> 00:15:46,496 - Right. - Suck, gargle, spit 282 00:15:47,130 --> 00:15:50,885 works like a charm. I mean, call me old-fashioned, but... 283 00:15:51,353 --> 00:15:54,639 So, you're done with the lesbitarian experiment. 284 00:15:56,185 --> 00:15:58,567 The grass is always greener, you know? 285 00:15:58,912 --> 00:16:01,555 Isn't that how you ended up engaged to be buried? 286 00:16:02,743 --> 00:16:04,624 No Bill-bashing. You promised me. 287 00:16:04,764 --> 00:16:07,477 - Stay on the subject. - That is the subject. 288 00:16:07,703 --> 00:16:09,756 Married people bored out of their minds, 289 00:16:09,929 --> 00:16:11,379 looking for some strange. 290 00:16:11,539 --> 00:16:13,840 It never solves what was wrong in the first place. 291 00:16:14,043 --> 00:16:16,194 Like you're such a fucking expert. 292 00:16:16,488 --> 00:16:20,400 I'm gonna tell you one thing. That lying, cheating little cocksucker 293 00:16:20,694 --> 00:16:22,672 is not moving back into my house 294 00:16:22,854 --> 00:16:25,876 until I see some real fucking remorse-itude, okay? 295 00:16:26,451 --> 00:16:28,704 I want tears. I want jewelry. 296 00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:31,049 Hank never bought me any jewelry. 297 00:16:31,215 --> 00:16:34,091 Not then, no. But he bought you that ring, didn't he? 298 00:16:34,688 --> 00:16:35,687 What ring? 299 00:16:36,615 --> 00:16:37,445 Fuck. 300 00:16:39,065 --> 00:16:41,103 I spoiled the fucking surprise, didn't I? 301 00:16:41,246 --> 00:16:43,042 - What fucking surprise? - Shit. 302 00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:45,667 I'm getting married. Why would Hank buy me a ring? 303 00:16:45,845 --> 00:16:47,048 I don't know. 304 00:16:47,369 --> 00:16:48,817 Charlie mentioned that... 305 00:16:48,958 --> 00:16:51,482 he was on some kind of roll, he got a bonus from the movie, 306 00:16:51,643 --> 00:16:54,549 and then he went and blew it on some antique ring. 307 00:16:54,878 --> 00:16:57,329 Don't tell me that. What, for me? 308 00:16:58,133 --> 00:16:59,423 Of course for you. 309 00:16:59,564 --> 00:17:02,574 That's the kind of bling you like, right? Dead people's jewelry? 310 00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:07,041 Wait. What kind of ring did Bill get you, again? 311 00:17:07,566 --> 00:17:08,962 That's right. None. 312 00:17:09,141 --> 00:17:10,660 It's on order, okay? 313 00:17:11,162 --> 00:17:12,814 It's very special. 314 00:17:13,113 --> 00:17:14,791 It's a Canadian diamond. 315 00:17:16,741 --> 00:17:19,573 Are they good with the diamonds, the Canadians? 316 00:17:19,756 --> 00:17:21,579 I thought just the bacon. 317 00:17:25,687 --> 00:17:28,304 - I need a favor. - And I need some sleep. Go away. 318 00:17:28,580 --> 00:17:31,256 - I'm getting close out here. - Close to what? 319 00:17:31,535 --> 00:17:32,892 Sealing the deal. 320 00:17:33,174 --> 00:17:34,485 With lady Tyson? 321 00:17:34,993 --> 00:17:38,372 - Good luck. Keep your hands up, though. - Here's the thing, okay? 322 00:17:38,573 --> 00:17:40,374 She seems amenable to the naughty, OK? 323 00:17:40,573 --> 00:17:43,165 But she seems even more amenable if you're part of it. 324 00:17:43,448 --> 00:17:45,546 I think she's got kind of a thing for you. 325 00:17:45,700 --> 00:17:48,503 No, I'm not going for that. I've already given that girl 326 00:17:48,644 --> 00:17:50,509 enough of my precious bodily fluids. 327 00:17:50,701 --> 00:17:53,651 Hey, Hank, I think you need to take one for the team here. 328 00:17:53,846 --> 00:17:55,223 What team is that? 329 00:17:55,454 --> 00:17:57,912 The team of you and me, buddy, alright? 330 00:17:58,053 --> 00:18:00,531 My wife is out there trolling for snatch, OK? 331 00:18:00,735 --> 00:18:03,164 Meanwhile, I've stumbled onto some high-class, 332 00:18:03,337 --> 00:18:05,327 once-in-a-lifetime fantasy shit here. 333 00:18:05,467 --> 00:18:08,064 This kind of thing doesn't happen for me every day. 334 00:18:08,336 --> 00:18:10,277 No, I am aware, and I feel your pain. 335 00:18:10,429 --> 00:18:12,416 But there's no way I'm gonna take a chance 336 00:18:12,595 --> 00:18:15,533 of crossing swords with you over some poor girl's "vajanus." 337 00:18:15,725 --> 00:18:17,578 Alright. That's cool. I get it. 338 00:18:17,804 --> 00:18:20,010 I'll go out there and give it my best shot. 339 00:18:20,250 --> 00:18:22,719 If it doesn't happen, another time, right? 340 00:18:22,873 --> 00:18:25,212 If not then, there's always call girls, 341 00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:28,991 interactive porn, plastic vaginas. Thanks, buddy. I feel much better now. 342 00:18:29,172 --> 00:18:30,821 Fuck it, Charlie. Okay. 343 00:18:31,361 --> 00:18:32,887 Okay. I'll do it. 344 00:18:34,676 --> 00:18:36,309 First, let's set some guidelines. 345 00:18:36,514 --> 00:18:39,109 Excellent idea! Excellent. What? What are you thinking? 346 00:18:39,301 --> 00:18:40,179 First, 347 00:18:40,909 --> 00:18:43,639 I don't want to see your cock anywhere near me. 348 00:18:45,492 --> 00:18:47,494 Why would I want my cock anywhere near you? 349 00:18:47,646 --> 00:18:50,130 Why would you wanna be involved in a threesome with me? 350 00:18:50,291 --> 00:18:52,801 - I don't. My client does. - This client doesn't. 351 00:18:53,131 --> 00:18:55,993 That client, the new client. Do you want to do this? 352 00:18:56,351 --> 00:19:00,198 No. But I will. For you. Anything for you, my love. 353 00:19:02,439 --> 00:19:05,313 - Go agent the deal. I'll freshen up. - I need to... 354 00:19:05,591 --> 00:19:07,968 Go make it so. Make it so. 355 00:19:13,045 --> 00:19:15,234 Alright. I'm good. Bring it on. 356 00:19:19,854 --> 00:19:22,444 I should get going. I have to get up for work in the morning. 357 00:19:22,724 --> 00:19:26,002 Think about what I said. I'd love to work with you on this. 358 00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:27,647 Well... 359 00:19:32,547 --> 00:19:33,607 Here you go. 360 00:19:36,079 --> 00:19:37,474 Make shit happen. 361 00:19:38,433 --> 00:19:39,706 Oh, I will. 362 00:19:43,020 --> 00:19:44,128 Let's do it. 363 00:19:50,135 --> 00:19:53,366 - Okay, where to, bitch? - Totally up to you, slunt. 364 00:19:55,552 --> 00:19:56,821 God, I miss you. 365 00:19:57,071 --> 00:19:58,880 - I fucking miss you! - I miss you. 366 00:19:59,112 --> 00:20:00,971 - I miss you. - I love you. 367 00:20:02,818 --> 00:20:05,052 I miss all of us. 368 00:20:05,554 --> 00:20:08,039 Me and you and Hank and Charlie. 369 00:20:09,101 --> 00:20:12,106 That first year you guys were out here, that was magic. 370 00:20:13,362 --> 00:20:17,773 The drinking, the dinners, the movies, the smoking, the "X." 371 00:20:18,665 --> 00:20:22,617 That time we almost did swap but Charlie got hives. 372 00:20:23,909 --> 00:20:25,018 Good times. 373 00:20:27,363 --> 00:20:28,362 You know, 374 00:20:28,810 --> 00:20:31,158 morsel, it can be like that again. 375 00:20:31,972 --> 00:20:33,912 No offense, sweetie, but I don't want 376 00:20:34,126 --> 00:20:36,739 - to do that kind of stuff with Bill. - Why not? 377 00:20:37,008 --> 00:20:40,831 I don't know. He just kind of makes my labia shrivel. 378 00:20:41,097 --> 00:20:43,099 Thank you for that nice image. 379 00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:44,856 I'm sorry. I just... 380 00:20:46,636 --> 00:20:48,382 I miss my fucking life. 381 00:20:48,615 --> 00:20:52,464 I know it's incredibly anti-feminist of me to admit it, 382 00:20:53,496 --> 00:20:56,798 but I miss... that sexy little bulldog. 383 00:20:59,684 --> 00:21:00,810 I fucked up. 384 00:21:01,436 --> 00:21:02,641 He fucked up! 385 00:21:02,854 --> 00:21:05,813 I just... I wanna go back to the way things were. 386 00:21:12,260 --> 00:21:13,673 Marsupial... 387 00:21:14,031 --> 00:21:15,174 Karenina... 388 00:21:18,131 --> 00:21:20,295 Did he really buy me a ring? 389 00:21:23,327 --> 00:21:25,453 This comes as a shock to you? 390 00:21:26,069 --> 00:21:29,813 Look, I know Hank can be a douchebag on wheels sometimes, 391 00:21:30,140 --> 00:21:32,385 but he loves the shit out of you. 392 00:21:33,222 --> 00:21:36,384 His sun rises and sets on you, baby. 393 00:21:44,375 --> 00:21:45,359 Dear? 394 00:21:46,968 --> 00:21:47,825 Honey? 395 00:21:48,614 --> 00:21:51,636 - Could I get a sip of that? - Working hard, huh? 396 00:21:56,467 --> 00:21:59,148 Wouldn't want to get any germs on you, huh? 397 00:21:59,416 --> 00:22:00,990 You're hardly working. 398 00:22:17,873 --> 00:22:21,036 You know what? Come on up, come on up. 399 00:22:21,363 --> 00:22:22,363 Come here. 400 00:22:22,756 --> 00:22:23,756 Listen, 401 00:22:24,514 --> 00:22:28,000 I think if it hasn't happened yet, I don't think it's gonna happen. 402 00:22:28,226 --> 00:22:30,620 And, I apologize, but I just think I'd be 403 00:22:30,781 --> 00:22:33,659 shooting puffs of smoke right now, anyway, so... 404 00:22:33,891 --> 00:22:34,897 Maybe... 405 00:22:35,272 --> 00:22:36,560 Maybe that's it. 406 00:22:37,954 --> 00:22:38,902 No más. 407 00:22:40,206 --> 00:22:41,761 You've got work to do. 408 00:22:41,993 --> 00:22:44,603 What the client wants, the client gets. 409 00:22:45,202 --> 00:22:46,524 Not this client. 410 00:23:02,270 --> 00:23:05,977 - Maybe they're still out. - The music's on, the cars are here. 411 00:23:06,513 --> 00:23:08,247 They just don't hear us. 412 00:23:32,478 --> 00:23:33,568 Holy shit. 413 00:23:43,067 --> 00:23:44,355 It's all clear. 414 00:23:52,436 --> 00:23:53,791 Shit! Heads up! 415 00:23:54,937 --> 00:23:57,449 I just remembered why I didn't call her back. 416 00:24:03,668 --> 00:24:05,063 Dude, she's gonna blow. 417 00:24:31,536 --> 00:24:34,343 Baby, come on. Hey. We were taking a break! 418 00:24:34,593 --> 00:24:38,084 I was just getting some stank on my hang-low, like you said. 419 00:24:38,329 --> 00:24:40,735 - Don't go away mad. - I'm not mad. 420 00:24:40,946 --> 00:24:43,375 You're just absolutely fucking disgusting. 421 00:24:43,524 --> 00:24:45,880 I admit it wasn't the most pleasant scene to walk in on, 422 00:24:46,045 --> 00:24:48,708 - but nobody asked you in on it. - You're right. 423 00:24:48,869 --> 00:24:51,065 That's why I'm getting the fuck out of here. 424 00:24:51,208 --> 00:24:53,007 You don't owe me an apology. 425 00:24:53,147 --> 00:24:56,233 You can't have it both ways. You can't tell me to fuck off, 426 00:24:56,376 --> 00:24:59,096 then wander back into my life whenever you feel like it. 427 00:24:59,257 --> 00:25:02,109 Believe me, I will not make the same mistake again. 428 00:25:02,755 --> 00:25:04,470 Well, why did you come? 429 00:25:04,684 --> 00:25:07,694 Because you bought me a ring, you fucking asshole. 430 00:25:07,904 --> 00:25:11,325 - I did. - Yes. I mean, you went into a store 431 00:25:11,518 --> 00:25:14,496 and you looked around, and then you picked out a ring... 432 00:25:14,682 --> 00:25:16,527 And then you bought it for me. 433 00:25:17,278 --> 00:25:18,279 I did. 434 00:25:19,892 --> 00:25:22,029 But you never bought me a ring. Ever. 435 00:25:22,345 --> 00:25:24,210 Why didn't you give it to me? 436 00:25:24,424 --> 00:25:27,481 You told me you were gonna marry Bill and I should respect that. 437 00:25:27,660 --> 00:25:28,947 Right. Yes. 438 00:25:29,566 --> 00:25:31,602 That never stopped you before. 439 00:25:32,053 --> 00:25:34,163 Would you have wanted me to give it to you? 440 00:25:34,359 --> 00:25:36,487 Would that have made a difference? 441 00:25:36,715 --> 00:25:40,486 Are you questioning things? Are you having doubts? 442 00:25:41,171 --> 00:25:43,342 I question everything. It's very healthy. 443 00:25:43,494 --> 00:25:46,283 It is, but if you are questioning things and having doubts, 444 00:25:46,442 --> 00:25:49,034 maybe you shouldn't just rush into the wedding. 445 00:25:49,249 --> 00:25:51,856 Maybe you should postpone it. What's the rush? 446 00:25:52,035 --> 00:25:53,473 I can't do that. 447 00:25:53,821 --> 00:25:57,886 I never said that you had to choose between me and William the Conqueror. 448 00:25:58,159 --> 00:26:00,707 I just think you can't run off and marry a guy 449 00:26:00,916 --> 00:26:03,256 after making sweet love to yours truly. 450 00:26:03,605 --> 00:26:06,296 It just wouldn't be chaste, young lady. 451 00:26:06,564 --> 00:26:09,365 Says the guy who's hosting orgies and is standing 452 00:26:09,508 --> 00:26:12,208 - in the street in a skirt. - It was hardly an orgy. 453 00:26:12,357 --> 00:26:15,051 I wasn't even into it. I did it to get Charlie laid. 454 00:26:15,246 --> 00:26:17,953 I forgot you're such a humanitarian, right? 455 00:26:18,158 --> 00:26:20,577 I did buy you a ring, and I would show you, 456 00:26:20,717 --> 00:26:23,311 but I gave it to a homeless woman after you blew me off. 457 00:26:23,472 --> 00:26:25,808 True story. It was a very nice ring. Beautiful, 458 00:26:26,005 --> 00:26:27,965 elegant and understated, much like you. 459 00:26:28,128 --> 00:26:31,401 I would have loved to get down on bended knee and slip it on your finger. 460 00:26:31,634 --> 00:26:32,642 Stop it. 461 00:26:33,102 --> 00:26:34,711 But buying it was a mistake. 462 00:26:34,925 --> 00:26:37,736 Because it's not about the ring. It was never about the ring. 463 00:26:37,896 --> 00:26:40,388 It's not about marriage. It's not about the wedding 464 00:26:40,531 --> 00:26:43,416 it's not about me, it's not about Bill, it's not about Becca... 465 00:26:43,603 --> 00:26:45,175 It's about you, Karen. 466 00:26:56,124 --> 00:26:58,359 Good night, champ. Come again. 467 00:26:59,266 --> 00:27:00,669 So to speak. You know... 468 00:27:02,377 --> 00:27:04,290 - Good night. - Good night, 469 00:27:04,701 --> 00:27:05,701 Karen. 470 00:27:12,125 --> 00:27:14,069 Yo. Runkulus maximus. 471 00:27:19,158 --> 00:27:20,281 Look at you. 472 00:27:21,113 --> 00:27:22,898 Isn't it good to be free? 473 00:27:26,061 --> 00:27:27,884 No women weighing us down. 474 00:27:30,530 --> 00:27:32,317 Ain't life fucking grand?