1 00:00:01,589 --> 00:00:03,623 - So, Hank. - Meredith. 2 00:00:03,883 --> 00:00:05,651 - You're a writer. - A great writer. 3 00:00:05,847 --> 00:00:07,978 You know what the worst thing is? You're not writing. 4 00:00:08,125 --> 00:00:11,203 - Are you familiar with Hell-A Magazine? - Hell, no. 5 00:00:11,343 --> 00:00:13,842 They would like you to blog for them. 6 00:00:14,063 --> 00:00:15,175 Do you have a gun? 7 00:00:15,336 --> 00:00:18,193 You're out there sticking your dick in anything that moves. 8 00:00:19,315 --> 00:00:21,312 - My name is Hank. - I know. 9 00:00:26,131 --> 00:00:27,975 - Who did she go with? - Bill's daughter. 10 00:00:28,106 --> 00:00:29,317 I didn't know he had one. 11 00:00:29,439 --> 00:00:30,738 - How old is she? - 16. 12 00:00:30,910 --> 00:00:32,427 This is Mia, Bill's daughter. 13 00:00:32,567 --> 00:00:34,118 And this is Hank. 14 00:00:34,519 --> 00:00:36,772 - You two know each other? - No. 15 00:00:37,125 --> 00:00:38,325 - I need you, baby. - No. 16 00:00:39,245 --> 00:00:40,869 Hank, I'm getting married. 17 00:00:42,713 --> 00:00:44,826 Don't marry him. Marry me. 18 00:00:51,110 --> 00:00:52,228 I hate you. 19 00:00:53,575 --> 00:00:58,345 Subtitles : swsub.com (1.00) 20 00:01:10,166 --> 00:01:11,922 What are you thinking about? 21 00:01:13,052 --> 00:01:16,029 I'm thinking about how much I absolutely fucking loathe this city. 22 00:01:17,913 --> 00:01:21,618 Just as I was thinking about how much I absolutely love it. 23 00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:25,455 Meanwhile, I haven't written a goddamn word since we got here. 24 00:01:26,015 --> 00:01:27,248 You need to relax. 25 00:01:28,493 --> 00:01:30,251 I just miss New York, honey. 26 00:01:31,067 --> 00:01:35,048 You know, and I miss you, because you're still there, 27 00:01:35,308 --> 00:01:37,273 in that big, thick head of yours. 28 00:01:38,172 --> 00:01:39,534 Come back to us, Hank. 29 00:01:40,380 --> 00:01:41,779 Your girls miss you. 30 00:01:52,253 --> 00:01:53,441 Who are you talking to? 31 00:01:54,836 --> 00:01:55,902 Nobody. 32 00:01:56,162 --> 00:01:58,154 - Professional hazard. - What do you do? 33 00:01:59,683 --> 00:02:00,782 I'm a writer. 34 00:02:01,645 --> 00:02:02,951 Non practicing. 35 00:02:04,303 --> 00:02:05,745 I've got something you could read. 36 00:02:16,914 --> 00:02:18,717 I think you have potential. 37 00:03:23,393 --> 00:03:25,033 - Hank. - Bob. 38 00:03:25,413 --> 00:03:26,700 - Bill. - Really? 39 00:03:27,170 --> 00:03:29,731 - Becca doesn't want to see you. - You looking for a cock punch? 40 00:03:29,889 --> 00:03:31,910 - Let me talk to her. - Trust me, as the father 41 00:03:32,070 --> 00:03:33,174 of a teenage daughter, 42 00:03:33,315 --> 00:03:35,383 just give her some space. She'll come around. 43 00:03:36,384 --> 00:03:39,290 - You know something, Bill, is it? - Yep. Still Bill. 44 00:03:39,430 --> 00:03:41,766 Well, I appreciate the parenting advice, but maybe, 45 00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:44,705 just maybe, giving them too much space is not such a good idea. 46 00:03:44,846 --> 00:03:47,393 Maybe too much space is actually the root of the problem. 47 00:03:47,533 --> 00:03:49,474 Hank, please... My daughter is 16, 48 00:03:49,734 --> 00:03:52,560 and she's an angel. Clearly I'm doing something right. 49 00:03:52,820 --> 00:03:54,521 - You poor bastard. - Excuse me? 50 00:03:54,781 --> 00:03:56,030 - Homo says what? - What? 51 00:03:56,170 --> 00:03:57,296 Gotcha. 52 00:03:59,533 --> 00:04:01,043 What the fuck is that? 53 00:04:01,861 --> 00:04:03,838 You like it? I could've bought a car instead. 54 00:04:03,978 --> 00:04:05,571 I think you should still buy the car 55 00:04:05,735 --> 00:04:07,575 and then run over whoever created that turd. 56 00:04:08,268 --> 00:04:10,194 Everything okay here, boys? 57 00:04:10,671 --> 00:04:12,631 - It's all good. - It's all good? 58 00:04:12,819 --> 00:04:14,073 That's kind of a hip lingo. 59 00:04:14,549 --> 00:04:15,583 "It's all good. 60 00:04:15,963 --> 00:04:16,963 "It's all good." 61 00:04:17,307 --> 00:04:19,453 Yeah, that's what they say, the kids. 62 00:04:19,603 --> 00:04:20,672 I still hate you. 63 00:04:21,089 --> 00:04:22,122 Naturally. 64 00:04:22,275 --> 00:04:23,842 But I do want to see your movie. 65 00:04:25,228 --> 00:04:27,113 It's my book. It's not my movie. 66 00:04:27,340 --> 00:04:28,388 Not my problem. 67 00:04:28,648 --> 00:04:29,912 I like your movie. 68 00:04:30,074 --> 00:04:32,013 How is that even possible, honey? 69 00:04:32,441 --> 00:04:35,019 Because it proves you're not the asshole they say you are. 70 00:04:38,699 --> 00:04:40,150 Cursing will cost you. 71 00:04:45,501 --> 00:04:47,115 Now who says I'm an asshole? 72 00:04:47,322 --> 00:04:48,776 Can we swap nights this weekend? 73 00:04:48,935 --> 00:04:50,666 We're having some people over on Saturday, 74 00:04:50,820 --> 00:04:52,152 and I want Becca to be there. 75 00:04:52,338 --> 00:04:55,164 - Uncle Charlie and aunt Marcy. - Thank you, sweetie. 76 00:04:55,424 --> 00:04:57,458 - Dad should come. - They're his friends, too. 77 00:04:58,543 --> 00:05:01,880 And uncle Charlie's his agent. Maybe he has an offer for him. 78 00:05:02,923 --> 00:05:04,716 You're welcome to come, Hank. 79 00:05:05,429 --> 00:05:07,802 Absolutely. Bring a date. 80 00:05:10,940 --> 00:05:11,940 Ear buds. 81 00:05:14,828 --> 00:05:15,852 First of all, 82 00:05:16,065 --> 00:05:19,200 you could not handle me hitting it off with somebody right in front of you. 83 00:05:19,405 --> 00:05:21,983 You're right. It could be very painful. 84 00:05:22,153 --> 00:05:24,819 - But I think I'll get through it. - Okay, so I take this 85 00:05:25,079 --> 00:05:27,423 to mean the answer is no, you're not going to marry me. 86 00:05:27,563 --> 00:05:28,871 Hank, I'm standing right here. 87 00:05:29,104 --> 00:05:31,314 Did you ever stop and think that it might be nice 88 00:05:31,454 --> 00:05:33,337 for Becca to see us all get along for a change? 89 00:05:33,504 --> 00:05:34,846 Yes, and it might be nice 90 00:05:35,005 --> 00:05:37,553 if I could fellate myself while farting the white album, 91 00:05:37,709 --> 00:05:39,684 but I haven't been able to quite master that yet. 92 00:05:39,844 --> 00:05:41,563 - So... - Is he coming? 93 00:05:41,703 --> 00:05:42,853 Absolutely. 94 00:05:43,014 --> 00:05:45,089 What can I bring, Bob? Bill. 95 00:05:45,699 --> 00:05:47,383 Whatever the fuck; 96 00:05:47,643 --> 00:05:48,962 that's not a "fuck," Becca. 97 00:05:56,808 --> 00:06:00,443 Your assistant makes me want to touch myself in a bad place. 98 00:06:02,540 --> 00:06:05,401 That's nice. My assistant makes me want to hang myself. 99 00:06:05,661 --> 00:06:06,913 While masturbating? 100 00:06:07,246 --> 00:06:08,753 Are you retarded or something? 101 00:06:08,938 --> 00:06:12,738 Funky back tat on the small of the back. You know what that means. 102 00:06:13,169 --> 00:06:14,535 She likes it in the pooper. 103 00:06:16,113 --> 00:06:17,113 Really? 104 00:06:17,314 --> 00:06:19,616 I have no idea. I just wanted to say "pooper". I’ve found 105 00:06:19,763 --> 00:06:22,573 that the back tat is a watermark of the promiscuous, though. 106 00:06:22,864 --> 00:06:25,100 Still, she's the world's worst assistant. 107 00:06:25,643 --> 00:06:27,449 She drops calls, she loses manuscripts, 108 00:06:27,589 --> 00:06:29,634 she can't even get my fucking macchiato right. 109 00:06:30,377 --> 00:06:32,783 But she does seem to have a nipple ring. 110 00:06:32,923 --> 00:06:35,848 Quite possibly two. There is something very cool going on in that area. 111 00:06:37,833 --> 00:06:40,812 Enough about my assistant's nipples. You want to talk some business? 112 00:06:41,163 --> 00:06:44,556 - How's the new book coming? - Now, that's a hostile question. 113 00:06:45,046 --> 00:06:48,253 You have owed your publisher a book since Becca was breast-feeding. 114 00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:50,900 I remember because I used to like to watch Karen do that. 115 00:06:51,213 --> 00:06:52,657 Kiss my black ass. 116 00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:56,173 You need a fucking job. 117 00:06:56,829 --> 00:06:58,885 What? Okay. What do you got? 118 00:07:00,537 --> 00:07:01,563 Listen. 119 00:07:01,707 --> 00:07:03,233 - You hear that? - What? 120 00:07:03,373 --> 00:07:05,795 That's the sound of my phone not ringing for you. 121 00:07:06,175 --> 00:07:08,047 You have burned every bridge 122 00:07:08,307 --> 00:07:09,932 I built for you with my bare hands. 123 00:07:10,101 --> 00:07:12,472 - Except, of course Hell-A Magazine. - No, don't say it.... 124 00:07:12,645 --> 00:07:16,222 They want you to blog for them. Just take the fucking meeting already! 125 00:07:17,233 --> 00:07:18,808 Let's ask Dani California. 126 00:07:19,826 --> 00:07:21,732 Hell-A Magazine. Thoughts? 127 00:07:22,652 --> 00:07:24,473 You'd be perfect for them. 128 00:07:25,410 --> 00:07:27,495 Nipple ring? Two? 129 00:07:29,370 --> 00:07:30,629 Anywhere else? 130 00:07:32,434 --> 00:07:33,562 She's got a nose ring, too. 131 00:07:33,702 --> 00:07:35,919 - You know what that means. - She likes it in the nose? 132 00:07:36,127 --> 00:07:37,127 That is sick. 133 00:07:37,336 --> 00:07:40,618 Look around. L.A. needs you. 134 00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:42,248 Now more than ever. 135 00:07:42,834 --> 00:07:46,986 Your voice is a shotgun blast to all the pretentious fucks 136 00:07:47,185 --> 00:07:49,338 who pollute this once-great city of yours. 137 00:07:49,598 --> 00:07:52,759 Just so you know, it's not and never will be my city. 138 00:07:53,228 --> 00:07:55,503 Use the blog, Hank. 139 00:07:55,745 --> 00:07:57,313 Channel your rage. 140 00:08:00,296 --> 00:08:04,023 You're a dying breed. You're a real writer, a real man. 141 00:08:04,614 --> 00:08:07,203 You've got heart, balls, and swagger. 142 00:08:07,622 --> 00:08:09,523 Either way. 143 00:08:10,285 --> 00:08:12,573 Come over to the dark side, Hank. 144 00:08:13,072 --> 00:08:15,805 Join us at Hell-A Magazine. 145 00:08:16,273 --> 00:08:18,519 I appreciate the enthusiasm. I do. 146 00:08:18,659 --> 00:08:21,448 - But I don't have much to say. - Think about it. 147 00:08:22,882 --> 00:08:24,889 Where you going? I thought I was the real deal. 148 00:08:25,410 --> 00:08:27,293 It's a shame I'm in a relationship. 149 00:08:28,775 --> 00:08:30,470 Write me something, Hank. 150 00:08:35,089 --> 00:08:36,769 - Good night. - Good night. 151 00:08:47,031 --> 00:08:48,098 The airplane. 152 00:09:02,746 --> 00:09:05,277 - So, what do you think? - Very little of substance. 153 00:09:08,790 --> 00:09:09,919 My tits. 154 00:09:10,454 --> 00:09:11,462 Seriously. 155 00:09:14,056 --> 00:09:16,759 They seem pretty fucking groovy to me. 156 00:09:17,070 --> 00:09:19,387 - Think they're too small? - Too small for what? 157 00:09:19,564 --> 00:09:21,261 I want to make them bigger. 158 00:09:21,424 --> 00:09:25,162 They're absolutely almost perfect, in every conceivable titty way. 159 00:09:26,087 --> 00:09:27,491 What about my lips? 160 00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:31,043 Highly kissable. 161 00:09:33,560 --> 00:09:34,955 Not those lips. 162 00:09:36,312 --> 00:09:37,344 These. 163 00:09:44,624 --> 00:09:45,990 What about them? 164 00:09:46,363 --> 00:09:47,999 Do you think they're too floppy? 165 00:09:48,259 --> 00:09:50,168 - What? - Floppy? 166 00:09:51,433 --> 00:09:52,916 I think of getting them fixed. 167 00:09:54,051 --> 00:09:56,183 Vaginal rejuvenation. You heard about it? 168 00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:58,093 Get them trimmed up a little. 169 00:09:58,281 --> 00:10:00,750 That way they don't look like day-old deli meat. 170 00:10:02,978 --> 00:10:06,649 I think I just lost my manhood. And got hungry at the same time. 171 00:10:08,221 --> 00:10:09,556 I can help you find that. 172 00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:11,613 You can try. 173 00:10:25,171 --> 00:10:28,048 - Hey, this is you. - I thought you recognized me. 174 00:10:28,189 --> 00:10:29,832 I'm not a big porn guy, actually. 175 00:10:30,613 --> 00:10:31,882 And who might that be? 176 00:10:32,678 --> 00:10:33,678 My daughter. 177 00:10:34,374 --> 00:10:36,589 Do you need to go... see to her? 178 00:10:36,849 --> 00:10:38,942 It's okay. She'll quiet down. Don't worry about it. 179 00:10:43,921 --> 00:10:45,032 Go be with your daughter. 180 00:10:47,860 --> 00:10:51,083 I'm gonna have to confiscate this thing for further study. 181 00:11:09,552 --> 00:11:10,552 Piece of shit! 182 00:11:15,703 --> 00:11:18,005 Hell-A Magazine blog number one. 183 00:11:18,540 --> 00:11:19,640 Hank hates you all. 184 00:11:20,909 --> 00:11:22,549 A few things I've learned in my travels 185 00:11:22,712 --> 00:11:25,087 through this crazy little thing called life. 186 00:11:25,470 --> 00:11:29,600 One: a morning of awkwardness is far better than a night of loneliness. 187 00:11:30,666 --> 00:11:33,520 Two: I probably won't go down in history, 188 00:11:33,774 --> 00:11:35,323 but I will go down on your sister. 189 00:11:35,963 --> 00:11:37,649 And three: while I'm down there, 190 00:11:38,097 --> 00:11:40,573 it might be nice to see a hint of pubis. 191 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:44,098 I'm not talking about a huge'70s playboy bush or anything, 192 00:11:44,218 --> 00:11:46,040 just something that reminds me 193 00:11:46,187 --> 00:11:48,368 that I'm performing cunnilingus on an adult. 194 00:11:49,838 --> 00:11:51,715 But I guess the larger question is, 195 00:11:51,924 --> 00:11:54,667 why is the city of angels so hell-bent 196 00:11:54,927 --> 00:11:56,878 on destroying its female population? 197 00:12:18,991 --> 00:12:20,735 Jesus H. Christ. 198 00:12:24,053 --> 00:12:25,236 Nope. 199 00:12:25,593 --> 00:12:27,033 Just little old me. 200 00:12:27,803 --> 00:12:28,868 Are you okay? 201 00:12:29,203 --> 00:12:30,536 You look a little pale. 202 00:12:31,183 --> 00:12:32,875 Are you gonna have a heart attack? 203 00:12:33,203 --> 00:12:34,415 You are getting on in years. 204 00:12:34,675 --> 00:12:37,960 Just because I'm older than you doesn't necessarily make me old. 205 00:12:38,220 --> 00:12:40,046 Well, I am 16, you know. 206 00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:43,437 - So I've been told. - What's the word for that again? 207 00:12:44,894 --> 00:12:46,636 It's statutory rape. 208 00:12:47,005 --> 00:12:48,262 That's two words. 209 00:12:48,793 --> 00:12:50,097 Hi, daddy. 210 00:12:50,934 --> 00:12:53,953 Honey, put some clothes on, okay? We have company. 211 00:12:54,653 --> 00:12:56,729 I'm sure it's nothing he hasn't seen before. 212 00:13:01,310 --> 00:13:03,333 - Thanks for coming. - Thanks for having me. 213 00:13:03,453 --> 00:13:04,528 It's my pleasure. 214 00:13:04,983 --> 00:13:06,530 The pleasure is all mine. 215 00:13:07,085 --> 00:13:08,400 I think this is... 216 00:13:09,957 --> 00:13:12,343 an important first step we're taking here. 217 00:13:13,051 --> 00:13:14,330 Really? What step is that? 218 00:13:14,715 --> 00:13:16,374 The one where I sit back and watch 219 00:13:16,634 --> 00:13:18,759 as you try to steal my family out from under me? 220 00:13:19,469 --> 00:13:20,755 It's not gonna happen. 221 00:13:21,489 --> 00:13:22,922 Game on, broheme. 222 00:13:23,933 --> 00:13:25,247 Hey. You didn't have to do that. 223 00:13:25,387 --> 00:13:27,075 Well, I didn't. It's for me. 224 00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:29,233 Sorry about that. 225 00:13:30,027 --> 00:13:32,257 Hank, Sonja. 226 00:13:33,452 --> 00:13:34,866 - Sonja, Hank. - Hi. 227 00:13:35,006 --> 00:13:36,314 Uh, I love your writing. 228 00:13:36,454 --> 00:13:38,044 And I love you. 229 00:13:38,906 --> 00:13:41,963 I read your adaptation way back when Soderbergh was gonna do it. 230 00:13:42,103 --> 00:13:44,512 - I fucking loved it. - Hey, my salad days. 231 00:13:45,163 --> 00:13:46,980 You and I are gonna get along just fine. 232 00:13:47,247 --> 00:13:48,288 I'm sorry. Honey? 233 00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:50,743 - Can I borrow the missus for a moment? - Yeah. 234 00:13:50,886 --> 00:13:52,698 Can I talk to you? 235 00:13:52,968 --> 00:13:54,285 What the fuck are you doing? 236 00:13:55,118 --> 00:13:56,118 What do you mean? 237 00:13:56,258 --> 00:13:58,018 You're trying to set me up with this woman. 238 00:13:59,588 --> 00:14:02,790 I thought it'd be nice for you to have a play date with someone your own age. 239 00:14:02,930 --> 00:14:04,343 And if we get along swimmingly? 240 00:14:05,538 --> 00:14:06,637 Hankie. 241 00:14:06,815 --> 00:14:09,101 I had to leave you, remember? 242 00:14:09,392 --> 00:14:11,083 I'm not holding a torch here. 243 00:14:11,223 --> 00:14:13,382 And you need to get on with your life. 244 00:14:13,803 --> 00:14:16,851 And you need to get in touch with your emotions, woman. 245 00:14:21,574 --> 00:14:23,652 He says he's not used to dating. 246 00:14:33,891 --> 00:14:34,948 Nobody likes you. 247 00:14:35,088 --> 00:14:37,769 You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny. 248 00:14:38,229 --> 00:14:40,511 Now smile, you fucking douche. 249 00:15:09,063 --> 00:15:10,070 Dad? 250 00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:12,391 - Dad? - Yes. 251 00:15:12,667 --> 00:15:14,449 - Can I get a dog? - Absolutely. 252 00:15:14,710 --> 00:15:16,618 Yes. As long as it poops here. 253 00:15:17,087 --> 00:15:18,225 We'll talk about it. 254 00:15:20,526 --> 00:15:21,526 I'm sorry, Hank. 255 00:15:21,717 --> 00:15:23,252 - My apologies. - That's fine, Bill. 256 00:15:23,446 --> 00:15:24,497 She's very sweet. 257 00:15:24,762 --> 00:15:26,312 Well, I'd like to propose a toast. 258 00:15:27,584 --> 00:15:28,588 To friends... 259 00:15:30,642 --> 00:15:31,642 family... 260 00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:33,354 a new beginning... 261 00:15:34,146 --> 00:15:35,146 And a happy ending! 262 00:15:35,527 --> 00:15:36,535 Well said, honey. 263 00:15:36,675 --> 00:15:38,756 - I'll drink to that. - Cheers, cheers! 264 00:15:42,895 --> 00:15:44,522 So, how did you and Bill meet? 265 00:15:46,023 --> 00:15:48,117 I don't think this is the right setting for that... 266 00:15:48,257 --> 00:15:51,494 I think this is the perfect setting for that story. 267 00:15:52,342 --> 00:15:55,102 Bill hired Karen to redo his place... This place. 268 00:15:55,331 --> 00:15:58,383 And along the way, they talked Zen and the art of the mid-life crisis 269 00:15:58,523 --> 00:16:00,954 and... eventually 270 00:16:01,216 --> 00:16:02,902 fell head over heels in love. 271 00:16:03,383 --> 00:16:04,784 In Karen's case, heels over head. 272 00:16:05,523 --> 00:16:08,253 And Bill got another trophy for his mantel, and... 273 00:16:08,514 --> 00:16:11,257 Karen got to move into her own Barbie dream house. 274 00:16:13,053 --> 00:16:15,222 Talk about being the architect of your very own... 275 00:16:15,364 --> 00:16:16,613 Happy ending! 276 00:16:17,052 --> 00:16:19,927 - Got it. - That's a bit of an oversimplification. 277 00:16:20,234 --> 00:16:22,498 - But I'm not surprised. - Floor is all yours, Bill. 278 00:16:22,778 --> 00:16:24,724 - I'll pass. - That doesn't surprise me. 279 00:16:25,619 --> 00:16:27,035 How did you and Karen meet? 280 00:16:27,298 --> 00:16:29,542 - Some other time, sweetie. - Mia, I don't think... 281 00:16:29,735 --> 00:16:31,693 What? I'm curious. Come on! 282 00:16:31,955 --> 00:16:33,561 Karen's not a big fan of memory lane. 283 00:16:33,832 --> 00:16:35,072 - I'll tell it. - Rebecca. 284 00:16:36,167 --> 00:16:39,084 Mom was going to art school and playing bass in this downtown noise band. 285 00:16:40,101 --> 00:16:42,195 Dad had just published his first novel. 286 00:16:42,673 --> 00:16:44,759 They met cute at... What was it called again? 287 00:16:45,059 --> 00:16:46,729 - CBGB's. - Right. 288 00:16:46,869 --> 00:16:48,577 He thought she was pretentious, 289 00:16:48,727 --> 00:16:51,403 and she thought he was way too pleased with himself. 290 00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:53,168 But they had sex anyway. 291 00:16:53,976 --> 00:16:55,985 In the morning, he made her breakfast, 292 00:16:56,267 --> 00:16:58,369 and she talked about her plan to move to Seattle 293 00:16:58,509 --> 00:16:59,846 so she could stalk and marry... 294 00:17:00,127 --> 00:17:01,470 Chris Cornell. 295 00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:02,860 Right. 296 00:17:03,283 --> 00:17:04,907 But then she read dad's writing. 297 00:17:05,803 --> 00:17:06,910 And that was it. 298 00:17:08,289 --> 00:17:10,054 Nine months later, I was born. 299 00:17:11,110 --> 00:17:12,998 They never got married, of course. 300 00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,843 But they stayed together a long time. 301 00:17:17,460 --> 00:17:19,572 A lot longer than most people do. 302 00:17:25,957 --> 00:17:28,735 Oh, my boyfriend's here. I got to go. Bye, daddy. 303 00:17:32,727 --> 00:17:33,796 Good night! 304 00:17:34,059 --> 00:17:36,126 - Bye, honey. So long. - I wish I could tell 305 00:17:36,266 --> 00:17:38,508 an interesting story about me and my ex, 306 00:17:38,648 --> 00:17:41,771 but it's really just L.A. cliché number 4b. 307 00:17:41,930 --> 00:17:43,433 He was sleeping with his assistant. 308 00:17:43,610 --> 00:17:45,850 Oh, shit. That happens. 309 00:17:46,112 --> 00:17:47,959 - His name was Ted. - Your husband? 310 00:17:48,225 --> 00:17:49,304 His assistant. 311 00:17:51,694 --> 00:17:53,358 - Could be worse. - Really? How so? 312 00:17:53,620 --> 00:17:56,015 Well, instead of finding out that your husband was gay, 313 00:17:56,155 --> 00:17:58,772 you could've found out that he was a... 314 00:18:00,841 --> 00:18:03,189 scientologist or something like that. 315 00:18:04,414 --> 00:18:06,175 I'm a scientologist, Hank. 316 00:18:09,312 --> 00:18:10,476 Or a Nazi. 317 00:18:12,346 --> 00:18:13,653 Or Al Qaeda. 318 00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:16,548 - Keep trying. - See, this is what I love 319 00:18:16,849 --> 00:18:19,676 - about L.A. is the diversity. - My bet you do. 320 00:18:21,539 --> 00:18:22,732 The Eagles! 321 00:18:24,540 --> 00:18:26,051 Eagles of Death Metal. 322 00:18:26,277 --> 00:18:28,107 Cool. Right on. 323 00:18:28,589 --> 00:18:30,524 I liked having you here tonight. 324 00:18:30,711 --> 00:18:33,190 Well, I liked being here tonight. 325 00:18:33,657 --> 00:18:34,669 Bullshit. 326 00:18:34,858 --> 00:18:37,236 Oh, it's a pleasure doing business with you. 327 00:18:39,714 --> 00:18:41,656 I hate to burst your bubble, sweetie, but... 328 00:18:41,796 --> 00:18:44,167 that movie has nothing to do with your old man. 329 00:18:44,479 --> 00:18:48,271 Of course it does. Your novel, while very much an exercise in nihilism, 330 00:18:48,682 --> 00:18:50,438 is firmly rooted in romanticism. 331 00:18:51,108 --> 00:18:52,347 You read the novel? 332 00:18:53,565 --> 00:18:55,007 Jesus fuck. 333 00:19:01,881 --> 00:19:03,974 You shouldn't take the Lord's name in vain. 334 00:19:04,303 --> 00:19:06,641 - Where'd you get that old chestnut? - Bill. 335 00:19:07,099 --> 00:19:08,851 I was wearing my Cradle of Filth t-shirt. 336 00:19:09,501 --> 00:19:11,453 The one with "Jesus was a C-word" on the back. 337 00:19:12,024 --> 00:19:13,417 That's my girl. 338 00:19:15,079 --> 00:19:16,600 But I do pray sometimes. 339 00:19:17,314 --> 00:19:18,317 Sort of. 340 00:19:18,655 --> 00:19:20,025 What do you pray for? 341 00:19:20,863 --> 00:19:23,924 That you and mom work out your shit and we move back to New York. 342 00:19:26,967 --> 00:19:29,793 No, honey. You don't owe me anything for that one. 343 00:19:32,168 --> 00:19:33,886 Dad? 344 00:19:34,074 --> 00:19:35,398 Are you okay? 345 00:19:42,418 --> 00:19:43,909 But I'm working on it. 346 00:19:46,387 --> 00:19:47,692 Can I get a dog? 347 00:19:49,630 --> 00:19:50,967 Oh, you're good. 348 00:19:51,609 --> 00:19:52,910 You're good. 349 00:20:01,550 --> 00:20:02,790 Son-ja. 350 00:20:03,272 --> 00:20:05,091 Hey, look, I'm sorry about before... 351 00:20:05,316 --> 00:20:08,268 What I said. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about half the time. 352 00:20:08,408 --> 00:20:10,969 - Ask anybody. They'll tell you. - No worries. No worries. 353 00:20:13,128 --> 00:20:15,334 You want to... You want to get fucked up? 354 00:20:23,522 --> 00:20:24,940 Why are you so smiley? 355 00:20:25,156 --> 00:20:28,050 There's nothing quite like getting stoned on the very bed 356 00:20:28,315 --> 00:20:31,099 that your ex-domestic partner shares with her fiancé? 357 00:20:32,695 --> 00:20:34,271 It's the little things. 358 00:20:36,962 --> 00:20:38,289 Could you do me a favor? 359 00:20:38,684 --> 00:20:39,839 Absolutely. 360 00:20:46,122 --> 00:20:47,164 Tell me what you think. 361 00:20:52,471 --> 00:20:53,480 Honestly? 362 00:20:54,494 --> 00:20:55,790 Yeah. Honestly. 363 00:20:56,459 --> 00:20:58,502 I'm, forty-something years old. 364 00:20:59,229 --> 00:21:01,794 I don't have time to play games. I need to know the truth. 365 00:21:07,145 --> 00:21:09,079 Your breasts are obviously real. 366 00:21:10,836 --> 00:21:13,042 And, um, you have... 367 00:21:13,418 --> 00:21:15,164 an abundance of pubic hair, 368 00:21:15,916 --> 00:21:16,936 which is really nice. 369 00:21:18,557 --> 00:21:19,668 And, um... 370 00:21:19,992 --> 00:21:22,252 there's no evidence of vaginal rejuvenation. 371 00:21:24,325 --> 00:21:26,809 I'd say aside from the fact that you worship a space alien, 372 00:21:26,949 --> 00:21:30,959 you just might be the most beautiful woman I've seen in a long long time... 373 00:21:33,401 --> 00:21:34,424 Thank you. 374 00:21:35,382 --> 00:21:36,621 It's my pleasure. 375 00:21:39,598 --> 00:21:41,185 Would you do mean other favor? 376 00:21:43,091 --> 00:21:44,228 Would you fuck me? 377 00:21:45,164 --> 00:21:47,788 My husband recently left me for a guy named Ted, 378 00:21:48,291 --> 00:21:50,284 and right now all I wanna do is get fucked stupid 379 00:21:50,414 --> 00:21:51,917 by a guy who actually likes women. 380 00:21:52,822 --> 00:21:53,978 If that's okay with you. 381 00:21:55,232 --> 00:21:57,042 I'd be lying if I said I never wondered 382 00:21:57,362 --> 00:21:59,426 what it might be like to violate a scientologist. 383 00:22:02,415 --> 00:22:05,194 You must be looking like Art Garfunkel down there lately. 384 00:22:06,691 --> 00:22:08,443 Oh, my god. You're obsessed. 385 00:22:09,786 --> 00:22:11,992 You haven't been in for a wax in months. 386 00:22:12,172 --> 00:22:14,909 So either you're taking your lady business elsewhere 387 00:22:15,049 --> 00:22:17,290 or you're sporting a ginormous hippie bush. 388 00:22:17,430 --> 00:22:20,343 You know what? I hate that shit. I just came to keep you in business. 389 00:22:22,999 --> 00:22:25,923 And I just want you to be happy and hair-free. 390 00:22:26,303 --> 00:22:28,613 Well, I am happy. 391 00:22:29,120 --> 00:22:30,739 Thank you very much. 392 00:22:33,211 --> 00:22:34,805 Are you sure you're not making 393 00:22:35,067 --> 00:22:37,557 a deal with the devil that your ass can't cash? 394 00:22:37,998 --> 00:22:39,598 What does that even mean? 395 00:22:42,187 --> 00:22:43,239 What? 396 00:22:45,843 --> 00:22:46,989 What? 397 00:22:47,299 --> 00:22:49,796 Are you totally serious about marrying this guy? 398 00:22:50,101 --> 00:22:51,989 Yes. Why? 399 00:22:52,647 --> 00:22:54,675 I love him. He loves me. 400 00:22:54,835 --> 00:22:56,159 He's great with Becca. 401 00:22:56,510 --> 00:22:57,788 I mean, what else is there? 402 00:22:58,258 --> 00:22:59,404 What about Hank? 403 00:23:00,146 --> 00:23:01,507 What about him? 404 00:23:02,114 --> 00:23:05,062 He loves you. He's trying to get his shit together. 405 00:23:05,431 --> 00:23:07,650 He has been trying to get his shit together 406 00:23:07,790 --> 00:23:09,515 since the day we first met. 407 00:23:11,304 --> 00:23:14,930 And the sex with Bill? Is it good? 408 00:23:17,644 --> 00:23:19,531 Yeah. It's different, you know? 409 00:23:21,742 --> 00:23:22,794 Come on. 410 00:23:25,048 --> 00:23:26,462 I want to show you my house. 411 00:23:26,602 --> 00:23:28,034 Oh, my God. 412 00:23:29,478 --> 00:23:31,356 My house is my art. 413 00:23:34,455 --> 00:23:37,446 I don't think Tom and Katie would approve of what we're doing right now. 414 00:23:37,586 --> 00:23:39,131 Oh, God. Shut up and fuck me already. 415 00:23:39,271 --> 00:23:40,460 Are you clear yet? 416 00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:42,713 Shut up and fuck me. 417 00:23:43,447 --> 00:23:45,559 You are one kinky thetan. 418 00:23:55,614 --> 00:23:56,619 Are you okay? 419 00:24:08,428 --> 00:24:09,433 Right. 420 00:24:22,801 --> 00:24:23,829 Oh, god. 421 00:24:33,837 --> 00:24:36,067 - My painting. - It's all good. 422 00:24:36,615 --> 00:24:37,803 We got it under control. 423 00:24:41,980 --> 00:24:43,182 It's all good. 424 00:24:45,693 --> 00:24:47,890 Okay. We're so high! 425 00:24:48,030 --> 00:24:49,486 I don't know what happened. 426 00:25:03,503 --> 00:25:04,836 You look like ass. 427 00:25:06,819 --> 00:25:08,210 Did we just have sex? 428 00:25:13,012 --> 00:25:14,251 What do you want from me? 429 00:25:15,059 --> 00:25:16,317 Isn't it obvious? 430 00:25:19,624 --> 00:25:23,117 What happened the other night will never, ever happen again. 431 00:25:25,063 --> 00:25:26,378 And why is that? 432 00:25:26,741 --> 00:25:28,676 Because it's sick and wrong. 433 00:25:29,855 --> 00:25:32,432 Well, maybe I'm in the minority here, 434 00:25:32,572 --> 00:25:35,104 but I just don't think there's anything sick 435 00:25:35,244 --> 00:25:38,713 and wrong about a little fucking and punching between consenting adults. 436 00:25:39,052 --> 00:25:41,062 You're not an adult, for one. 437 00:25:42,616 --> 00:25:44,128 You dirty old man. 438 00:25:46,713 --> 00:25:48,459 Well, I guess I'll just have to... 439 00:25:48,694 --> 00:25:51,257 get out my vibrator and read your blog. 440 00:25:51,655 --> 00:25:53,773 That's cool. Then it won't be a total waste of time. 441 00:25:55,610 --> 00:25:56,962 I thought it was cool. 442 00:25:57,610 --> 00:25:58,899 I was like, "Hey... 443 00:25:59,579 --> 00:26:00,997 "I totally fucked that guy." 444 00:26:05,508 --> 00:26:07,836 - Must be weird, though. - What? 445 00:26:08,341 --> 00:26:11,027 Becoming the employee of a man you so clearly hate. 446 00:26:12,049 --> 00:26:13,458 What are you talking about? 447 00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:16,546 My father... 448 00:26:16,958 --> 00:26:18,583 He owns Hell-A Magazine. 449 00:26:19,585 --> 00:26:20,693 Mia, is that you? 450 00:26:22,258 --> 00:26:23,547 Coming, daddy. 451 00:26:38,291 --> 00:26:39,781 Always a pleasure.