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Wa-cha! Hiyah!
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Male announcer: And now
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Dreamworks' Kung Fu Panda:
Legends of Awesomeness.
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[Grunts]
[gong rings]
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? Hear the legends
of the kung fu panda ?
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[Scatting]
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? Raised in a noodle shop ?
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? never seeking glory or fame ?
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? he climbed the mountaintop ?
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? and earned the Dragon Warrior name ?
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Ooh! Ahh! Yah!
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? kung fu panda ?
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[Scatting]
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? Master Shifu
saw the warrior blossom ?
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? and master the skills
of bodacious and awesome ?
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? kung fu panda ?
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[Scatting]
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? he lives and he trains and he fights ?
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? with the furious five ?
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? protect the valley,
something, something ?
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? something, something alive ?
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Ooh! Ahh! Uh!
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? kung fu panda ?
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? legends of awesomeness ?
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Sweet!
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[Somber music]
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sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
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[Tense music]
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[Groaning]
30
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- Open the door.
- Uh-oh. Ow.
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- Lame.
- Bian Zao. Open the door this instant.
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- I know what you're doing in...
- No, you don't.
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You're trying to master
your magical lightning powers.
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I am not.
I mean, lightning? Wha...
35
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[Stutters] Oh, come on.
I know all about it.
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Every time you use it,
you magnetize all my cogs.
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- So I magnetized your cogs. Go away.
- Nope.
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Now, come gaze in awe
at my latest masterwork
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- and praise my incredible brilliance.
- Like that has ever happened, ever.
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Then, we can have a
nice game of checkers.
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- Lame.
- Behold my latest unstoppable war machine!
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It has a mighty mechanical tentacle
to smite my foes,
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impalement protuberances to spear
those who stand against me,
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sound-amplifying flaps
to listen in on my enemies' plans,
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terrifying percussive columns
to pummel my nemeses.
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- It's an elephant.
- Whoa. Funny I never noticed that.
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Well, behold my battle elephant
of unreckonable malevolence...
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And you're gonna use it
to beat the Dragon Warrior
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and prove that machines
are superior to kung fu.
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[Cackling]
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Whatever. This time, I'm
bringing a scroll to read.
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[All screaming]
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[Groaning]
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Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha.
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Yah.
[Groaning]
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00:03:06,672 --> 00:03:10,647
Taotie, your clockwork toys
are no match for my skills.
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Also, this thing's
offensive to elephants.
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[Screams]
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Now, my son, deploy the trunk.
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I said now, while he's down!
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- Let me finish this page.
- Do it now.
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Now, now, now, now, now...
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Do what I tell you!
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Stop it.
You're not the boss of me, okay?
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I'm not gonna let you
tell me what to do anymore.
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[Gasps] Yes, you are.
Do you know why?
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Because if I don't tell you what to do,
you don't do anything at all.
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Look at you. What have
you done in your life?
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- Nothing.
- Huh?
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You're not entitled to an opinion,
not until you actually do something.
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[Groans]
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- I think you were a little hard on him.
- I was not.
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- The boy needs discipline.
- He needs guidance.
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Look at you, so smug with
your smug little smug-face.
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What? This...
This is my regular face.
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- And... And I'm just sayin' that...
- You know what?
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I can't even fight you
when you're like this.
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But I was about to...
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It's not always about you.
I have needs too.
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Hi.
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I've never done anything?
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I do stuff all the time,
all the time, like...
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like that one time I... stood by
that plank for a while.
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You there!
Halt now or be frozen.
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- Wha...?
- Give us your money, or...
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[Groaning]
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Oh.
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[Whistles]
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[Groans]
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- Hey. Your Taotie's kid, aren't you?
- Unfortunately.
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00:05:15,032 --> 00:05:19,807
Is he like the annoying-est dad ever?
He seems like he'd be lame.
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Yes!
Lame is exactly what he is!
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I know what you're
going through, bro.
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My dad is the biggest jerk of ever.
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One time, he grounded me
for calling broccoli a vegetable.
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- Technically, it's a flower.
- Gah-Ri. [Sighs]
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- You are on my last nerve.
- My dad once grounded me
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for calling his whirling cream-pot
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of disproportionate agony
"a big bag of bogus."
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[Laughs]
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[Sighs] Dads, huh?
Huh.
102
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So, um, where'd you get the
uncanny lightning powers?
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- Stole 'em.
- Oh, my gosh! I love stealing!
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00:05:55,072 --> 00:05:59,320
Remember when my dad was
auctioning off those mystic secrets?
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He had this machine that...
106
00:06:03,622 --> 00:06:06,517
Oh, right, you guys swiped them
out of that Yao guy's head.
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Uh, I was gonna tell the whole story.
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Don't gotta. I was there.
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Remember the whole thing.
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[Groans]
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[Cries]
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You and me should be buddies, guy.
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Ooh, and tomorrow's my birthday.
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You gotta come to my party.
It's gonna be so rad.
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- Okay, buddy, guy.
- Oh, wait.
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Um, we better clear
it with my boss first.
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He's way cool, though,
and you'll totally dig him.
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[Laughs]
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[Tense music]
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Bian Zao.
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You and I are gonna do
great things together.
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- We are?
- Oh, most definitely.
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With your power and your spunk,
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you're just who I need
to be my number one guy.
125
00:07:03,242 --> 00:07:06,344
But I thought I was your...
126
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That's cool. [Laughs]
He's, um, number one.
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- Whoo. [Laughs]
- That sounds great,
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anything that doesn't
involve my lame dad.
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I too dislike things that are lame.
130
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Wow, we've got so much
in common, it's scary.
131
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Say, do you know what would be fun?
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Using my lightning
powers to steal stuff?
133
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You read my mind, homey... boy.
134
00:07:37,507 --> 00:07:40,417
Do you have those
little ginger cakes I like?
135
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- Ginger fennel? Ginger mint?
- I don't know. The ones I like.
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[Screaming]
137
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All right, everybody.
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Give us your money,
and no one gets hurt.
139
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- Gah...
- Gah-Ri?
140
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No one else gets hurt.
141
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- Ginger cakes.
- Hey.
142
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It's a good thing I never leave home
without protection.
143
00:08:05,502 --> 00:08:10,277
- What? [Groans]
- Flying fists of flagrant fury!
144
00:08:10,312 --> 00:08:11,607
[Screams]
145
00:08:11,642 --> 00:08:14,367
[Groans]
146
00:08:14,377 --> 00:08:17,317
- Stop.
- Wha?
147
00:08:27,327 --> 00:08:30,097
Never done anything, huh?
148
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Well, here's something.
149
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See you at dinner, old man.
150
00:08:47,852 --> 00:08:52,517
Till then, I'll be hanging
out with my new buddy, Tong Fo.
151
00:08:52,552 --> 00:08:56,057
[Laughs]
And me. I'm his buddy too.
152
00:08:56,092 --> 00:08:59,727
We have matching buddy hats.
[Laughs]
153
00:09:01,667 --> 00:09:04,597
Tomorrow's my birthday.
154
00:09:07,437 --> 00:09:11,237
Looks like your boy's fallen in
with a bad crowd.
155
00:09:11,272 --> 00:09:14,437
This is all just so sad.
156
00:09:19,947 --> 00:09:23,047
[Stomping]
157
00:09:27,287 --> 00:09:31,657
[Knocks at door]
158
00:09:31,692 --> 00:09:33,617
[Groaning]
159
00:09:33,627 --> 00:09:35,897
- Taotie!
- Relax, legs.
160
00:09:35,932 --> 00:09:38,437
I just wanna talk to Po.
161
00:09:38,472 --> 00:09:42,667
- But the battle machine.
- What? I should walk up all those stairs?
162
00:09:42,702 --> 00:09:47,467
Come on, I have to see Po.
163
00:09:47,477 --> 00:09:50,417
- Magic lightning powers?
- Not important.
164
00:09:50,452 --> 00:09:52,677
The point is: Bian Zao is spending time
165
00:09:52,712 --> 00:09:55,437
with the Croc Bandits and Tong Fo.
166
00:09:55,447 --> 00:09:57,047
He won't listen to me anymore.
167
00:09:57,057 --> 00:10:00,657
- Maybe he'll listen to you.
- I don't know.
168
00:10:00,692 --> 00:10:03,457
Please, I know we've
had our disagreements.
169
00:10:03,492 --> 00:10:07,717
- You've tried to off me 16 times!
- Because we disagreed.
170
00:10:07,727 --> 00:10:12,137
But this is my son,
and Tong Fo is, well...
171
00:10:12,172 --> 00:10:13,567
He's a bad dude.
172
00:10:13,602 --> 00:10:17,037
I don't want my boy to
turn into a common thug, Po.
173
00:10:17,072 --> 00:10:22,377
A scheming evil genius, sure, but this?
You've got to help me.
174
00:10:22,412 --> 00:10:24,947
I don't know where else to turn.
175
00:10:36,857 --> 00:10:38,827
There you are.
176
00:10:38,862 --> 00:10:41,327
Your father and I have
been worried sick about you.
177
00:10:41,362 --> 00:10:44,427
Po? What are you doing here?
178
00:10:44,437 --> 00:10:49,567
I want you to know that no matter
what, we care very much about you.
179
00:10:49,602 --> 00:10:53,077
Just tell him he can't hang out
with Tong Fo anymore.
180
00:10:53,112 --> 00:10:56,617
That's what this is about?
You're here to tell me what to do?
181
00:10:56,652 --> 00:10:59,987
No, no, no, we just
want to make suggestions,
182
00:11:00,022 --> 00:11:04,057
- mandatory suggestions.
- I don't need this.
183
00:11:04,092 --> 00:11:07,257
You listen to me, young man.
Tong Fo is not your friend.
184
00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:09,357
At least he doesn't boss me around.
185
00:11:09,392 --> 00:11:10,557
Don't you walk out!
186
00:11:10,592 --> 00:11:13,597
Don't you walk out that door, young man!
187
00:11:13,632 --> 00:11:17,095
I'm your father!
I own you!
188
00:11:20,567 --> 00:11:23,207
You own him?
189
00:11:23,242 --> 00:11:27,159
I mean, it's like my dad
thinks I'm just another
190
00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:31,077
one of his tools that he
can just use, like a tool.
191
00:11:31,112 --> 00:11:36,647
- Yeah. It's just so... lame.
- It's worse than lame. Oh.
192
00:11:36,657 --> 00:11:41,787
I just wish I could like show him
he can't control me.
193
00:11:41,822 --> 00:11:45,497
You have been wronged, chum,
terribly wronged.
194
00:11:45,532 --> 00:11:47,997
How fortunate that I am here to help,
195
00:11:48,032 --> 00:11:51,864
for I have in mind a way
to prove to your father
196
00:11:51,865 --> 00:11:55,697
once and for all that
you are no one's tool.
197
00:11:55,707 --> 00:11:57,237
Why are you whispering?
198
00:11:57,272 --> 00:12:01,131
Are you planning me a birthday surprise?
[Laughs mockingly]
199
00:12:07,377 --> 00:12:11,308
Yes.
These will do.
200
00:12:13,252 --> 00:12:16,217
For me? Oh, my gosh, you guys.
201
00:12:16,227 --> 00:12:19,727
This is such a surprise.
[Laughs] Wait.
202
00:12:19,762 --> 00:12:21,797
No, this is just Taotie's junk.
203
00:12:21,832 --> 00:12:24,737
There's no birthday
surprise, you imbecile.
204
00:12:24,772 --> 00:12:28,907
Sure there isn't.
Don't worry, boss.
205
00:12:28,942 --> 00:12:33,847
I promise I'll be really surprised,
like... [groans excitedly]
206
00:12:33,882 --> 00:12:37,777
Hey, do we need to crank
these things up or something?
207
00:12:37,812 --> 00:12:39,987
Not anymore.
208
00:12:40,022 --> 00:12:42,987
[Evil orchestration]
209
00:12:52,597 --> 00:12:57,737
Buddy, we're gonna make
your point very forcefully.
210
00:12:57,772 --> 00:13:01,407
We gotta get him away from Tong Fo,
and yelling isn't gonna do it.
211
00:13:01,442 --> 00:13:04,897
What should I say?
"Pretty please, don't ruin your life?"
212
00:13:04,907 --> 00:13:06,177
He wouldn't be acting out
213
00:13:06,212 --> 00:13:08,207
if you didn't let him
stay up till all hours.
214
00:13:08,242 --> 00:13:10,737
Hey, I'm the one who's
there day in and day out.
215
00:13:10,747 --> 00:13:12,647
You only see him when you feel like it.
216
00:13:12,682 --> 00:13:17,117
[Gasps] Enough.
Taotie, first, you need to stop talking.
217
00:13:17,152 --> 00:13:20,535
Second... actually, there is no second.
218
00:13:20,536 --> 00:13:22,227
Just stop talking.
219
00:13:22,262 --> 00:13:25,557
You wanna tell Bian Zao how to
live his life, and you can't.
220
00:13:25,592 --> 00:13:27,617
You have to let him find his own way.
221
00:13:27,627 --> 00:13:33,367
And Po, you...
wait, why are you even involved in this?
222
00:13:33,402 --> 00:13:36,467
More importantly, why am
I even involved in this?
223
00:13:36,502 --> 00:13:40,589
So you're saying just
let Bian Zao hang out with
224
00:13:40,590 --> 00:13:44,211
- Tong Fo and his hoodlums?
- For the time being, yes.
225
00:13:44,712 --> 00:13:45,837
- No, not gonna happen.
- Nope, not way.
226
00:13:45,847 --> 00:13:48,017
Not a chance.
What else you got?
227
00:13:48,052 --> 00:13:51,217
You asked my advice.
I gave it.
228
00:13:53,057 --> 00:13:55,157
Bian Zao is like this dough.
229
00:13:55,192 --> 00:13:58,657
If you handle it gently, all is well.
230
00:13:58,692 --> 00:14:03,387
But if you put too much pressure on it,
231
00:14:03,397 --> 00:14:05,567
you won't like what happens.
232
00:14:05,602 --> 00:14:09,507
Oh, man.
This was gonna be lunch.
233
00:14:09,542 --> 00:14:12,237
- We've got a problem.
- I know. My son.
234
00:14:12,272 --> 00:14:14,197
Exactly.
235
00:14:14,207 --> 00:14:16,577
[Munching]
236
00:14:16,612 --> 00:14:19,577
[Screaming]
237
00:14:19,612 --> 00:14:23,657
[Gasps] Wait.
A surprise party at the Jade Palace?
238
00:14:23,692 --> 00:14:27,157
It's gonna be a surprise, all right,
for my dad and Po.
239
00:14:27,192 --> 00:14:28,227
They're gonna see.
240
00:14:28,262 --> 00:14:32,157
They're gonna see that no one
is Bian Zao's boss.
241
00:14:37,097 --> 00:14:41,018
Clearly, he takes after
your side of the family.
242
00:14:45,137 --> 00:14:48,147
[Ominous music]
243
00:14:58,257 --> 00:15:02,927
Bian Zao, I forbid you
to hang out with these lowlifes.
244
00:15:02,962 --> 00:15:04,557
- Don't tell me what I...
- He doesn't take
245
00:15:04,592 --> 00:15:08,997
orders from you or anyone else.
Now, take him out.
246
00:15:09,032 --> 00:15:10,697
Forbid this.
247
00:15:10,732 --> 00:15:12,367
[Screams]
248
00:15:12,402 --> 00:15:14,354
Now!
249
00:15:16,642 --> 00:15:18,377
Whoa.
250
00:15:18,412 --> 00:15:21,233
Ow. [Groans]
251
00:15:26,047 --> 00:15:27,947
[Screams]
252
00:15:27,982 --> 00:15:29,247
How are we supposed
to fight these things
253
00:15:29,282 --> 00:15:32,787
- if we can't touch them?
- Use a weapon.
254
00:15:32,822 --> 00:15:36,797
[Groaning]
255
00:15:36,832 --> 00:15:39,294
Don't use a weapon.
[Groans]
256
00:15:41,432 --> 00:15:43,297
[Groans]
257
00:15:43,332 --> 00:15:45,699
Wah-tah!
258
00:15:45,700 --> 00:15:48,067
[Groans]
259
00:15:48,102 --> 00:15:50,177
[Screams]
260
00:15:50,212 --> 00:15:53,607
[Groans]
261
00:15:53,642 --> 00:15:55,477
[Groans]
262
00:15:55,512 --> 00:15:58,147
[Groans]
Happy birthday to me.
263
00:16:04,687 --> 00:16:05,717
[Groans]
264
00:16:05,752 --> 00:16:07,347
[Groans]
265
00:16:07,357 --> 00:16:08,727
Bian Zao.
266
00:16:08,762 --> 00:16:11,427
I know you didn't want
your dad bossing you around,
267
00:16:11,462 --> 00:16:15,497
but isn't that better than
Tong Fo bossing you around?
268
00:16:15,532 --> 00:16:16,767
I am not.
269
00:16:16,802 --> 00:16:18,537
- You are too.
- Am not.
270
00:16:18,572 --> 00:16:19,897
- Are too.
- Am not!
271
00:16:19,932 --> 00:16:20,997
- You are too.
- Am not.
272
00:16:21,007 --> 00:16:23,975
Yes, you are!
[Groans]
273
00:16:25,177 --> 00:16:26,207
[Sighs]
274
00:16:26,242 --> 00:16:31,047
You know, it wounds me
that you would suggest this.
275
00:16:31,082 --> 00:16:34,877
Bian Zao knows that I'm
his friend, not his boss.
276
00:16:34,887 --> 00:16:38,157
Isn't that correct, buddy?
277
00:16:38,692 --> 00:16:40,787
I don't know. Maybe Po's right.
278
00:16:40,822 --> 00:16:42,687
No, he's not!
He's wrong!
279
00:16:42,722 --> 00:16:44,547
Now take him out, do you hear me?!
280
00:16:44,557 --> 00:16:49,705
You take orders from me.
I own you!
281
00:16:53,837 --> 00:16:56,567
[Screams]
282
00:16:56,602 --> 00:16:58,097
Didn't need that guy, anyway.
283
00:16:58,107 --> 00:17:01,147
Hey, crocs. You work for me now.
284
00:17:01,182 --> 00:17:03,207
- Um...
- Sure thing.
285
00:17:03,242 --> 00:17:04,707
Sounds good.
286
00:17:04,717 --> 00:17:08,207
Now, I have my father's machines,
an army of crocs,
287
00:17:08,217 --> 00:17:10,257
and mystical lightning powers.
288
00:17:10,292 --> 00:17:11,987
If I can't wipe out the Jade Palace
289
00:17:12,022 --> 00:17:14,757
with all this, I'm just not trying.
290
00:17:14,792 --> 00:17:16,527
[Groans]
291
00:17:16,562 --> 00:17:18,957
Son...
292
00:17:21,627 --> 00:17:23,867
[Groans]
293
00:17:23,902 --> 00:17:27,837
[Groans]
294
00:17:27,872 --> 00:17:29,907
[Sighs] The water.
295
00:17:29,942 --> 00:17:32,837
Bian Zao, you can't do this.
296
00:17:35,977 --> 00:17:38,517
[Screams]
297
00:17:38,552 --> 00:17:40,047
[Groans]
298
00:17:40,082 --> 00:17:42,017
Don't tell me what I can't do.
299
00:17:42,052 --> 00:17:45,517
[Groans] So much hurt.
300
00:17:45,552 --> 00:17:48,817
Son, you have to
give up this nonsense.
301
00:17:48,827 --> 00:17:52,197
Nonsense?
I learned it by watching you, Dad.
302
00:17:52,232 --> 00:17:57,097
I'm proving machines are
superior to kung fu. Look!
303
00:17:57,132 --> 00:17:58,437
[Groaning]
304
00:17:58,472 --> 00:17:59,837
Ooh.
305
00:17:59,872 --> 00:18:01,467
Ow.
306
00:18:01,502 --> 00:18:02,767
[Groans]
307
00:18:02,802 --> 00:18:06,177
I'm doing exactly what you've been
trying to do for years.
308
00:18:06,212 --> 00:18:09,447
Why would you have a problem with that?
309
00:18:09,482 --> 00:18:14,097
Because... you're doing it without me.
310
00:18:15,287 --> 00:18:17,587
Look, I don't care about Tong Fo.
311
00:18:17,622 --> 00:18:21,087
The truth is I miss you.
312
00:18:21,122 --> 00:18:23,227
I don't feel like doing anything.
313
00:18:23,262 --> 00:18:27,867
I don't even want to fight Po.
314
00:18:27,902 --> 00:18:29,027
[Groans]
315
00:18:29,062 --> 00:18:32,787
It's just no fun without you.
316
00:18:32,797 --> 00:18:33,927
[Cries]
317
00:18:33,937 --> 00:18:35,837
I miss you too, Dad.
318
00:18:35,872 --> 00:18:39,877
Without you around,
I don't know who to call "lame."
319
00:18:39,912 --> 00:18:45,065
Whoo! Yeah!
# Check out the birthday boy #
320
00:18:45,382 --> 00:18:47,887
Although there are
some excellent candidates.
321
00:18:47,922 --> 00:18:53,487
Son, if I promise not to try
to control you, do you think
322
00:18:53,522 --> 00:18:59,497
maybe you and I could...
beat Po senseless together?
323
00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:06,697
Sure thing, Dad.
324
00:19:06,732 --> 00:19:07,697
[Sniffles]
325
00:19:07,707 --> 00:19:10,807
It's just so great to see
the two of you reunited.
326
00:19:10,842 --> 00:19:13,907
[Cries]
327
00:19:13,942 --> 00:19:18,447
- Let's get him!
- And now, not so great.
328
00:19:18,482 --> 00:19:19,717
Sorry, bud.
329
00:19:19,752 --> 00:19:21,217
[Groans]
330
00:19:21,252 --> 00:19:24,317
Commandeering the vehicle.
331
00:19:24,352 --> 00:19:26,517
You know, this has been
a really emotional day,
332
00:19:26,552 --> 00:19:29,477
so maybe we should just
all chill out a little
333
00:19:29,487 --> 00:19:32,517
before we do anything we might regret?
334
00:19:32,527 --> 00:19:35,448
Whoa, oh!
335
00:19:35,483 --> 00:19:37,888
Look at him jump.
[Laughs]
336
00:19:39,502 --> 00:19:40,507
[Groans]
337
00:19:40,542 --> 00:19:43,267
Water!
338
00:19:43,302 --> 00:19:46,127
I'm real happy that you
guys have worked things out.
339
00:19:46,137 --> 00:19:49,067
It just makes it harder to do this!
340
00:19:53,717 --> 00:19:58,324
- To do what?
- Give it a minute.
341
00:19:59,852 --> 00:20:03,387
- Seriously, what?
- It just... I mean...
342
00:20:03,422 --> 00:20:06,817
didn't time that very well.
Aw, dang.
343
00:20:06,827 --> 00:20:09,567
Lame.
Let's take him out, Dad.
344
00:20:09,602 --> 00:20:11,267
You said it, son.
345
00:20:11,302 --> 00:20:14,267
[Tense music]
346
00:20:31,187 --> 00:20:33,757
Wha?
347
00:20:33,792 --> 00:20:38,557
[Both groaning]
348
00:20:38,592 --> 00:20:41,717
[Groans]
349
00:20:41,727 --> 00:20:46,067
[Loud explosion]
350
00:20:46,102 --> 00:20:50,067
[Groaning]
351
00:20:50,102 --> 00:20:51,997
Well, guys, I just thought
352
00:20:52,007 --> 00:20:55,007
of another father-son
activity for you two.
353
00:20:55,042 --> 00:20:56,547
[Thud]
[Groans]
354
00:20:56,582 --> 00:20:57,747
Ow.
355
00:20:57,782 --> 00:21:01,087
I believe he was
going to say "prison."
356
00:21:01,122 --> 00:21:02,147
- Yeah.
- I think so.
357
00:21:02,182 --> 00:21:04,818
That sounds about right.
358
00:21:05,817 --> 00:21:08,177
[Groans]
359
00:21:08,187 --> 00:21:11,117
Well, at least, I'll get a little
time to myself in here.
360
00:21:11,127 --> 00:21:15,627
[Laughs] Aw.
Bian Zao. Hey!
361
00:21:15,662 --> 00:21:17,387
It's Gah-Ri's birthday.
362
00:21:17,397 --> 00:21:18,437
[Party horn blowing]
363
00:21:18,472 --> 00:21:25,037
Bian Zao, you and I got
something to discuss, chum.
364
00:21:25,072 --> 00:21:27,407
You lay one finger on my son,
365
00:21:27,442 --> 00:21:29,977
and I will devote my life
to making you regret it.
366
00:21:30,012 --> 00:21:33,177
Understood?
367
00:21:33,212 --> 00:21:37,077
Understood.
368
00:21:37,087 --> 00:21:40,087
- Thanks, Dad.
- You're welcome, son.
369
00:21:40,122 --> 00:21:44,327
Now, how about a nice game of checkers?
370
00:21:44,362 --> 00:21:49,197
- Lame.
- Yes, it is, son. Yes, it is.
371
00:21:49,398 --> 00:21:52,198
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